Fat Chance Podcast - THE MYSTERY OF D.B. COOPER Ep. 109

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

The Boys are back together and with technical issues AGAIN! Jack had a big boy burfday over the weekend! Judd pitches the next Hollywood Blockbuster. Michael is buying stilts... SPONSORED BY: @DrinkWisconsinbly **Stop by the corner bar of the Deer District for not only the fastest, but the best Old Fashioned in Milwaukee!** PATREON!!!! patreon.com/fatchancestudios CHECK OUT THE NEW FAT CHANCE SHORTS CHANNEL!!! @FatChanceShorts https://youtube.com/@FatChanceShorts?si=wCjiBc0ddHEYk_bs Get your Chewzie TODAY! @TheChewzie https://www.thechewzie.com Check Out The Crew: Michael Cuske - @michaelcuske on everything Judd Reminger - @juddremingerscomedy7298 @juddreminger on all other socials Jack Cerasoli - @jackthedragon1 or @jack_c_comedy

um jack will do this without complaining what is it oral that's where i went you see anything up there no we have We have Spy on Stilts. We have Blind Caddy. We got... Spy on Stilts is so good. Blind Caddy, Spy on Stilts. What else? I have a bunch of actual real movies that I want to pitch. I want to pitch a D.B. Cooper movie.

You guys know the D.B. Cooper thing? Yeah, from Without a Panel? Well, that's... No, no. But an actual movie about what happened. I have no idea. What happened on the plane? Well, alright.

So I'm going to butcher this. And I'll make it as quick as possible. But DB Cooper boarded a plane with a briefcase. And this is back when you can do that. And just got on this plane. And told the wait staff that he was he has a bomb in his suitcase and for them to radio tell her tell him that he wants the fbi to meet them at this airport with this money parachutes these types of parachutes and we'll be at this airport and they're like okay but he's a bunch of hostages so that's all they cared about

so they landed the plane way before they should have in like portland or something it was coming from like oregon and they uh they they had a fly they were gonna fly over to LA and they they're like okay we'll give you this you let the let the hostages go and he let the hostage go all right yeah keep talking and uh they they put the other money on his butt and they're like okay well all the hostages are out here. The crew and everyone's good. What they did not know that he took the pilots

off the guy and put it on one of the civilians and let him go. So they thought the pilots were out. They thought everyone was out. And then the plane took off. With him and the pilots on. And then they're like, okay, well, we know, we can track them, so they just met him at the next airport

and literally they had guns blazing at the... But it was just the two pilots. And the two pilots were there. He was no longer there. And at some point, and the parachutes were gone. And at some point, he jumped out with the money. Never to be found, right? Never to the money. Never to be found, right?

Never to be found, even though some of his money has been found. It was on an embankment, which there's some speculation of how it got there, because people think it was planted. Oh. I think I have 40 minutes of equipment. DB!

I think that would be a sick movie. That would be. Dumb boy. We can be the pilots and DB I think that would be a sick movie that's what I'm saying dumb boy we can be the pilots and Cressy can be DB I'm Stiltz everything's on Stiltz how many movies can we recreate

just do all Marvel movies I'm Stiltz Captain America is just like weirdly running I also wanted to be on a camera a little bit like this

and you just see oh man does anyone I want to drink this old fashioned should we make them all at the same time

sure I bet we can I bet we can do that I think we should start at the same time? Sure. I bet we can. I bet we can do that. I think we should start at the same time. So three, two, one. I think I won. Of course, you were always a little fast. Fastest of the draw?

Slow and stilts though. Slow and stilts win the race. Oh, that's the worst pun you made. You were going to make it if I didn't. I never. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it.

I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make made? You were going to make it if I didn't. I never. Everyone got their things recording. We can only hope.

I sure hope so. Like my camera? Mine needs to be blue, right? Mine's got to be green, I think. Well, yeah, I think we, mine's orange. I hope you recorded all the unstilt stuff. I don't want us to forget it. You're really not that.

Wouldn't that be funny? DB on stilts, brought to you by Drink Wisconsinably. It'd be such a fucking funny movie. There's just old fashions everywhere. Like that's what he asked for? He had no money.

He had one billion dollars worth of brand new old fashions. He obviously can't jump with it all in his backpack. So he's just launching him out the window. People are just catching it going, that was fast. The weirdest product. It's so stupid. They're like, and we've never seen him again.

It's so stupid. But we have found some of his dreams. He has a sack full of them and just instantly falls. This would be, in a movie, interesting product placement. It'd be so specific. Like, okay, someone from there. Someone knows someone. It's a very niche drink.

Who would play you in a movie? Dinklage, maybe? Dinklage maybe Dinklage No he's too smart He acts too smart I think Zac Efron probably Zac Efron's short Yeah short king What about

Maybe like a Dylan O'Brien He seems Just like a normal white guy. Yeah. Maze Runner. Elijah Wood. Yeah. Who would play you?

I'm an enigma. I don't know. Who has a good mustache? Oh, Henry Cavill? Yeah, but he wouldn't play me. He'd be so much. He'd be like, wait, wait, wait. Honestly?

Who really did Jack? Yeah, yeah. Matthew McConaughey would adapt to the role for him. McConaughey would do pretty well. McConaughey would do pretty well. Any basically red-headed, somewhat red-headed guy would be probably fine, I think. I don't think anyone,

I don't need to call anyone out specific. I'm pretty standard looking. I'm old with long hair though. So I'm seeing the Matthew McConaughey. Bradley Cooper of Star is Born. Jen tells me how much that role reminds her of me. All the time. You're singing on stage?

No. His character. Did you save her and have this? Yeah. Have you seen Star is Born? No. So basically he's like. Does you save her and have this? Yeah. Have you seen A Star Is Born? No. So basically, he's like this. Does that make her Lady Gaga?

She's Lady Gaga. She thinks that. Well, she doesn't think she's Lady Gaga. She thinks I'm Bradley Cooper in A Star Is Born. And basically, he's a rock star, super popular. Everyone loves him. Eventually, falls under the limelight, all right? Severe drug addict and alcoholic.

Wait, she thinks this is gonna work out gets gets so drunk when she wins i think her grammy he walks on stage just pissed drunk because he's falling out of the limelight pisses himself live tv just right next to her he embarrasses her there's a lot more in between here i'm kind of skipping through it i think but then he kills himself and jen goes this guy reminded me so much like you and i haven't seen the movie before and i'm like oh let's watch it and i'm like watching like yeah this is kind of fun and i'm like oh he's got a problem and then he dies and i go this is it this is what this is the only movie that you ever said made you like reminded me you of me you do look like brand Bradley Cooper in the silver mines playbook right now

Key points peas himself kind of look like him if you think he might be able to play you Those aren't the key points in the movie. I don't think but I think that's what I drink a lot and I pee a lot I Just can't do it when she's on live TV and I think I'll be okay. I don't know. When is she going to be on live TV? Never. She doesn't have any talent. I'm just kidding. She's very talented. She makes some great baked goods.

I got really frustrated today because she came home from work and I was already home. It just started drizzling. She's like, should we take the dogs to the dog park? No one's there. I go, I can tell you why. She's like, should we take the dogs to the dog park? No one's there. And I go, I can tell you why. She's like, we'll just go. We'll just go really quick.

Anyway, she comes over and we're close. Takes her a little bit to change and do it really close. By the time we go out, it's pouring. And as we're getting in the car, lightning. And I go, maybe we shouldn't do it to us. We're already too far gone. We're in our driveway. That's it.

We're in our driveway. How far it. We're in our driveway. How far is the dog park? It's like right across the street. Yeah, it's right on the other side. We start going through. The dogs are running, having a good time. Somewhere we lose Brew's leash. So I then, all of them are safe in the car.

I am braving the wilderness with lightning and rain in Adidas shoes. Just getting soaked. Looking for a dark green leash in grass. Nighttime. I was so pissed the whole time. Does the story end with you finding? No, she eventually called me. She goes, I'll just come back tomorrow. And I was like,

motherfucker. I came back so wet. And your shoes are outside my shoes are outside cause and she brought her shoes inside and I was bringing my shoes and she goes no just leave them out

and I go well yours are in here she goes do you want to put them in a trash bag and I was like no we'll leave them outside and now they're ruined forever

no they'll be fine no they're looking pretty white they look nice they'll clean up they'll clean up they'll clean up dry off I mean they might freeze over

it's gonna get cold again who would play you in a movie um I don't know They'll clean up. Dry off. It might freeze over. It's going to get cold again tonight. Who would play you in a movie? I don't know. Maybe the dad from Step Brothers. Maybe. That'd be ridiculous. That'd be so funny if we were in

a movie. We made a movie about us. The dad from Step Brothers. But Zach Efron's the best ever. But Zach Efron's on stilts. It's just so stupid. I gotta practice.

You know, you first gotta get stilts as a person. That's the easiest part. Getting stilts is by far

the easiest step of the process of being known as stilt guy. Hard work with beginning on the stilts is by far the easiest step of the process of being known as stilt guy honestly you would get booked so much if you're the comedian on the job site there's people that pay with like stilts on like construction stilts it's so funny watching them try to get get up and like up and down with them yeah that you would like big stilts like at mardi gras stilts, like at Mardi Gras stilts. Like giant ones. How do you stand up

on those? How do you stand up on those? I think you have to run. You run with them. You kind of leap. Oh, like pole vaulting? You have to learn how to pole vault. I think it's like a wakeboarding situation. You're laying down and someone just grabs a rope and starts pulling you up.

It's gotta be. Hold on guys, let me get my stilts on. You have to start running. you're laying down and someone just grabs a rope and starts pulling you up. Yeah. It's gotta be. Could you imagine if it was like, hold on guys, let me get my stilts on. You have to start running and then you... You just fall down.

I think you lean up against a wall and you just slowly slide. Just slowly go down. That's so worst. Or what you do if it's Mardi Gras, you just walk up

to the nearest shirtless lady giving out beads and be like, hey, I'm gonna get off here. And, you just walk up to the nearest shirtless lady giving out beads. You're like, hey, I'm going to get off here. You grab onto the railing. Whoa! And someone else, and then they just unclip you from the railing. You just got to find a high ledge and just sit down there and take them off. And then you get off on the second floor.

Get off on the second floor. Don't take those. I need those. You're just running on the stairs. Yeah. It's like unicycling. Have you seen people unicycle? That's ridiculous.

Yeah. It's not a talent I think I'd ever want to try and learn. It's such a circus talent. You only see it at the circus. You're like, oh, that's kind of cool for like three seconds. Then people that do it normally. Think about how many times you have to get bruised to be good at unicycling. How many times you have to hurt yourself.

How many times your parents probably hurt them. They're like, this is what I want to do with the rest of my life. It's like, shit. We made a weird one. But it's never just unicycling. Like, someone's like, I really got into unicycling. And all of a sudden, they're pulling out bowls and they're putting them on their head. Like, look how many I can balance.

It's like. Once you do unicycling, that's it. That's the goal. And eventually, like, I need to learn something's like once you do unicycling that's it that's the goal and eventually like i need to learn something else to do well unicycling is a gateway drug to juggling is what it is it's also very funny that like imagine if you took the unicycle away and started putting bowls on it look at this hey man just clean them he's like dude you guys wanna play the game want to play the game? Time to play the game. We have to make the intro Triple H's theme song from WWE.

It's all about the game and how you play it. And then the rest of it, I don't know the words, but it's like, you take it. That's what it sounds like. We're not even getting copyright

from that. No, no worries. I can do a shitty cover of it. Oh, that wasn't funny? no worries. I can do a shitty cover of it. Oh, that wasn't funny. I'm saying I can record a shitty cover of it and we can use it every time.

Well, I think you can only use so much of it. Even if you were singing it. It's like 15 seconds. I know I can only use six seconds of the intro song before it's copyrighted,

but we use certain music that they don't care if we use it. You can use the royalty free website that I sent you. I know, but the one I've been using forever, for the last year, is all... Someone knock on the door? No, the dogs are overplaying. They're like, you can use it, you just credit them.

I just automatically credit them. I'm like, fine, we're not... Yeah, I think it's when you get monetary. Yeah. But, today's game is called You Don't Know Jack. Yes. Someone had a birthday very recently. I did have a birthday. I did have a birthday.

Big boy, Paul Simon. Our fellow companion, Jack. So, I made a quiz all about Jack and Jane. You can play along, but you're going to go second. I'm going to have Kuski answer it first, because if you do know the answer, you'll be... The birthday boy. ...giving it out. All right.

Yeah. All right. And some of these you will not know. Some of these you probably will know. Do we have 27 of them? I made 20. I know G put 27 of them. G's probably made 27 of them.

Yeah. And some of them are repetitive, so... I like when he's up. I like when he's up. I like when he sleeps. There's a couple where I was like, you ran out of stuff to say here. But a majority of them were good. Yeah, they're all very good.

And some of them are in the quiz. So it's going to be fun. Oh, yes. By the way, one of you bought a single thing of mine and I'm a little upset. I've had some interest in that little cat stool. My tush has been on it.

A little tush? Someone was interested in the cat sign, life is better with a cat. Life would be better with that fucking sign. So, we upped the price now. Oh, jeez. Now it's going to sell. To prove these idiots wrong. It's worth something.

Two fifty. Alright, here we go. Number one question. Redheads make up what percentage of the world's population? Seth.

Thirteen. Two percent. Wow. Two percent. God. You're a minority. I am. You are a minority.

And also, you could say it. Redheads are more likely to be what? Ask me. That's a weird one. I know where my mind went right away. I can't say it. Say it.

No. Say it. Intellectually better than the rest of us. Bleed out. Left-handed. Oh, I knew that. I thought it was bleed out for sure. We bleed a lot. Brad's bleed a lot.

Oil paintings take how long to dry? Pesky. 36 hours. That's a weird response. That means I'm off by seven hours. Oh, no. I'll give it to you if you did that.

I think it's longer than that. Oil painting is because they like to scrape it off and put it on and stuff. I'd say a couple weeks, two weeks. That's correct, two weeks. He knows Jack. Jack, how often do you oil paint? Never. I've never oil painted. Jack can shotgun a beer quicker than a what?

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, I saw this one. I saw this one. I forget what it was. Was it a fart? Is it a fart? I think it was a sneeze.

It's a sneeze. Damn it. Should we try it? All I can do is shotgun these. All I can do is shotgun these. I don't have any canned beers. We'll let you shotgun them. We'll let you, yeah. Do you want to do one? I'll do that, yeah. We can test it. I wish I had my secret knife. We'll do it after because I do have another.

Yeah, keep going. All right. The longest recorded tattoo session was how long? Oh. Like, consecutive? Consecutive. 10 days.

36 hours. 50 hours. Oh. The longest. I was really going for it. Oh. The longest. I was really going for it. Yeah. Yeah. I think like.

I think you'd run out of places. But like even. Like what do you consider consecutive? Because at 10 hours. You know that guy took a break. And had like a french fry or something. Like. Yeah.

You have to take breaks. Because like. If we're counting food breaks. It wasn't really 50. There's no way he was doing 50 hours straight. Yeah. No. But it took.

I mean. But I'm sure that like. Yeah. It breaks. But within time time frames because my arm took 16 hours and that was 10 hours and then six hours the next day yeah so you could tattoo for a long amount of time but i think like health wise you can't do it i think like legitimately they're like you're gonna die if you go yeah like poisoning or something like that yeah i think you I think you're losing a lot of blood and plasma. Yeah. Interesting.

All right. Redheads have a lower risk of what? Ooh. Say big penises. We do have a low risk of those. Men on stilts have a lower risk of big penises. They have a lower risk of male pattern baldness. Jack?

Blood clots. Prostate cancer. That was my third guess. That's a good win. The hair thing, they actually have less hair than... I wonder if Jack's lovely mane. Yeah. Jack's got a lovely mane.

I don't have any hair, though, anywhere else. Yeah, that's... Here I do. Here I don't know but yeah Jack's got a lovely mane I don't have any hair though anywhere else here I do here I don't you got a lot on your legs it just blends in it's hard to see yeah I look sick

you have blonde body hair my nipple hair is black I get blonde I get blonde and red in the beard you look like two twin spiders they do look like that

that's so fucking stupid they do look like that though I's so fucking stupid. They do look like that though. I get really long nipple hairs. Yeah. You just want to shave them, dude. Really long. I get like the double ones and just rip it off. You pluck your nipple hairs?

Oh, that's kind of... Sometimes if I see one really long, I'm like, all right, it's gone. That's why. I've never seen one with puffy nips. That's why. I don't have puffy nips. I have puffy nips. Sometimes at weddings, I put band-aids on my nipples.

From dancing? Really? No, just so that people can see my nipples from my white shirt. I'm probably going to do it at my wedding. Are you guys undershirt people under your white dress shirt? Of course you are. I get sweaty, so I don't. I can't.

That was the thing growing up, is that you always got an undershirt on. I hate the look of it. You can't have like a, you gotta have a quality white shirt or dress shirt so you don't see that t-shirt line right there. But I think most people's dress shirts, you see the white t-shirt right there. I'm like, you look like you're going to your middle school dance.

That's exactly, why are you a, I don't sweat that much. So it's like I can just do that for like, I can do quality shirts. So I don't look like I'm going to my middle school dance. I just, I also like I can do quality shirts so I don't have to look like I'm wearing my middle school pants I just

I also like are you always buttoned up then because if it's down here and then you see the white v-neck I do a v-neck oh you do a v-neck

okay I forgot about you I'm sorry I haven't had a v-neck in a while Jack is the kindest what

to everyone he meets soul stranger damn it it's an s-word Jack is the kindest what to everyone he meets? Soul. Stranger. Damn it. It's an S word. Americans spend how much on tattoos? Is that just a question?

You, you, you. I was going to say, you didn't write that down. I was like, shit. What if that's not right? They just... On average? On say a year, but I didn't write that down. So I was like, shit, what if that's not right? They just... On average? On average a year?

There's a lot of shitty tattoos. I'm going to say $400 a year. No, like grand scheming. Oh, forever? Yeah, like remember the... Not like a person like child support payments in indiana america spent as much how much on tattoos quick question before i give you my answer are we the highest spenders on tattoos in the world

or is there a different country that spends more than the stat i saw only had america The stat I saw only had America. Only had America. I'm going to say $2 million. $15 million. It is $1.65 million. Oh, that's cool. I actually thought when I said $2 million it would be low.

That's what I thought too. An average tattoo is probably $60. For the other little ones, yeah. I would say I've never spent more than $100 on a tattoo mine are all very small we can tell this traces back to the

9th century and is actually older than paper what? I said hepatitis older than paper sorry I forgot we were talking about Jack What? I said hepatitis. Older than paper. He said hepatitis to Jack. Sorry, I forgot we were talking about Jack. Dang it.

I'm an outed. Just a fact. Honey, grab my stilts. Alright, trace back to the 9th century. Yes. It was actually older than paper. This has to do with Jack? Yes. Redheads.

No. It's older than paper? It's gotta be like painting figurines. Painting miniatures is correct. No way. Yeah, I'm a man of the world. Well, Jack has an appreciation for two things what are they oh fuck

was this on his list yeah two things what do you have an appreciation for I don't know what that part is probably family and friends probably family and friends

I would say that's a good guess you probably would want to do it's not family and friends it's like food and trying new things incorrect kinda kinda yeah cooking and trying new things. Incorrect.

Kind of. Cooking and trying new things. Cooking and... I don't know. A good cappuccino and croissant. Oh, I do like those. Yes. I do like a good cappuccino.

How often do you have a cappuccino and a croissant probably if it's a good weekend we have at least one cappuccino and a croissant it's really good what is the world's record for shotgunning a beer oh probably something silly

probably .8 seconds 1.4 2.78 oh which is why like i was trying to find this out and i've seen people delete them quicker you have to fact check that way yeah i think yeah the fact check brian typed in shotgun i think i should have typed in just chugging the beer. Yeah. Okay. But anyways. Jack will do this without complaining. What is it? Oro. That's where I went to.

Munchin. Is it cooking? Something related to that. It's something to chores. What is it? Feeding her sourd it's something to chores what is it? feeding her sourdough starter yes nope it's running errands oh I do love running errands

it's my alone time you just like alone time I do I like I like grocery shopping a lot that's fun I love doing that and I let the grocery store speak to me like

the donuts are the only thing that fucking yeah you like to steal I'm free yeah no it is fun like we're like hey i don't know what i want to eat this week like but i know i need groceries just go in and be like all right what kind of trips your trigger like oh you know what i'm doing mexican this week or maybe i'll do greek just kind of figure it out now sometimes it goes overboard i'm like i'm gonna do mexican this day i'll do greek this day and then i got way too much food

i'm like oh this is gonna go yeah then you have like five thousand dollars you can't go to the grocery store hungry but i think a minor plan is good and then oh earbuds they're on like a podcast of music it's great time i'll take my sweet time and i don't care if i'm in the grocery for like 30 minutes yeah it's a good time i like In 1912, what happened on roller skates that is now in a shrine of the National Museum of Roller Skates? 1912? In 1912, what happened on roller skates?

Were we in a war? That was 1812. What's the movie? What war was that? The War of 1812. 1912, something happened at a roller derby that is now in a Hall of Fame. This happened on roller skates for the first time ever. And it's in the Hall of Fame.

Yep, these roller skates are enshrined in the National Roller Skate. Someone went cross country on roller skates. That's a good answer and you know it. That's a good answer, and you know it. That's a very good answer. But that's not it. Jack, do you want to try? That's a shit answer, being first or last. I don't even know what would be so cool.

The reason I bring this up is because you might want to do it. A marriage! On roller skates? If you are on roller skates. Were they moving? I don't know that's like husky on stilts

if you if you come down the aisle on roller skates and then she comes down and it's here comes the bride

but she goes so fast it's just here comes the and it just that's it but if you're standing on the beach in sand

in roller blades shirtless your tuxedo t-shirtshirt, whatever you're wearing. That'd be ridiculous. So I'm on stilts, you're on rollerblades. Are you just floating in water or what's going on? I think I'm a bit efficient. On a floatie in the water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like one of the ones with the animal flamingo. You're using it to hold your clipboard? That'd be a great wedding picture if I was in your party. It's just you, me on stilts. Judd's officiating. We're going to play a game.

It's called I Do. Where is the National Museum of Roller Skates? Columbus, Ohio. That's a really good guess. It's just because the other one's in Canton. That was a good guess. Somewhere in Pennsylvania.

It's along the lines of what Jack said. It's in Ohio? No. But it's like pretty much the Ohio of another state. Pittsburgh. It is Lincoln, Nebraska. I was just saying Lincoln. The mic will make that up.

I was just saying Lincoln. It has to be. Let's just go closer. Alright, every time Jack goes to Target, he asks for this. Oh, yeah, this is true. You should know this. We've talked about decorating.

Oh, is it a Wonder Ball? No. But that's what he said. It is? Legos. But in the last episode, it was just you and I talking Every time we go to Target, I ask for a Wonderball.

I'm wrong. I'm wrong. You are wrong. Because that was part of Genevieve's list. On what website did Jack join and call himself an inspiring comedian? Oh, probably jacksecomedy.com. It cannot be a website he made for himself.

It's not. What website did he join? Is it Twitch? It's called Backstage.com. Oh yeah, it was on that. Did I say Inspire? It's his picture. Yeah, that's it.

Where was that? Backstage.com. Did I say that too many times? I don't know where that was. Is that a pool in the back? There's a Blue Moon, not made in Wisconsin, umbrella and a porta potty. I don't know where that was, though. But yeah, I was looking for gigs down there.

Did I say inspiring or aspiring? Did you get any gigs? I said inspiring? No. It's inspiring, comedian. No, I don't think so. Well, because you're supposed to pay for it, and I did not want to pay for it. It was like, I'm not...

You're paying for the possibility to get gigs, and to pay for those gigs are $20, and the subscription was like $50. So I made that. I made my bio. Never used it. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. All right, keep them coming.

All right. That's a good, that's a good deep dive. Friend of the pod, Selena Gomez, ate what for her 21st birthday? What does this have to do with Jack? Friend of the pod.

Yeah, birthday. Friend of the pod. Yeah. Wish you for a 21st birthday. But he didn't. have to do with Jack? Friend of the pod. Yeah. Birthday. Yeah. Was she for her 21st birthday? I can't ask. Who's going to say it louder?

What did she eat for her 21st birthday? Um, I bet she had a cookie cake. Probably 27 cherry bombs. Jack in the Box. Oh. Oh, okay. You can't be

upset at the answer, alright? Wah, wah. Alright, what has Jack chosen to, that makes people proud? I don't know. What has Jack chosen that makes people proud?

Life of solitude. What's solitude? What makes people proud? This is definitely off her list, right? Yes. Yeah. It was on backstage.com. I don't know.

What? A life of podcasting and comedy. I don't know. The people he surrounds himself with. Oh. So, kind of right?

Kind of right. Cusky on stilts? Jet on a pool floaty? I wouldn't fit in this room. Actually, I might fit in this room on stilts. Not standing up, no, but this way you could for sure The old fashioned date backs to

What date 1873 1912 1880 That was really good Out of 10 What is Jack's ranking on backstage.com

under comedy it's a zero it's one it's one 2.4 it's one because I have to rank myself yeah

bump him everybody go to backstage.com find Jack Sarasoli I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure you rate yourself and then you rate yourself a 1

yeah well I'm not a fucking 5 You're a 1 on everything Yeah I didn't know I haven't done anything Improv, stand up, just comedy What was it out of 5? Like 5 stars or out of 10? I think it was 5

Oh that would have rated you lower Oh buddy Half a star? It would have been like what 0.5 you know what you're scum i am on my birthday of all days it's not your birthday anymore and that's how you play you don't know jack i don't know myself either well i just could have went i could have went down the entire list. Of backstage?

Of just like, Oh, Jennifer. Jennifer Houston. Yeah, what was everything she said? It was impressive. There was 27 of them. Didn't you say you have to do that every year with her? Like, so you have to say when she turned... 27 things that I learned about my...

I learned, but she changed it, so... Did you tell her 27 things you learned? No, she didn't ask. She did so many good things. Do you think you could give us five things you've learned in the last year? I've learned how to make sourdough. Okay, that's one. That's a big one.

Take some dough. Take some dough. This is a double chocolate loaf. Not a lot of sugar. Some cocoa powder. It looks like chocolate chips. Yeah, dark chocolate chips. I'm not going to lie to you. It it's pretty damn good it's pretty chocolatey you know what they love on the pot is when we eat little Mike's

absolutely though just put your feet up and we might make someone come I didn't learn how to do a lot more home projects. That was one. We painted this room. Yeah, well, that's painting. It turned out okay. What else? This is hard. Learning things is hard. Hearing things that you learned.

Or remembering, I mean. How about either give me three more things you learned or three things you are proud you did or enjoyed doing this year, last year? All right, well, sourdough, handy stuff. Proud we bought the house. That's huge. That's big. probably bought the house that's huge that's big um not proud we got two dogs but it's happy that we got two dogs there you go so that's a good one um and then that hasn't happened yet but it's

happening soon but we're gonna get married in two months so that's pretty crazy isn't that wild yeah that's insane we were talking about it the other day it's like it is wild that you are getting that we're approaching the age where we are the age now where most of my friends are tying the knot getting engaged and it's weird more problem than our silver no actually probably sour because because legitimately i've been engaged for almost two years now so it's not as like it is exciting it's not it's not as like fresh right it's not as fresh but we were looking at how many days until the wedding i think yesterday we were like holy shit i feel like we should be more panicked we're definitely gonna be forgetting stuff we definitely forgot one thing you get to a point where you're already living together, you already have two dogs,

you've been living together for a while. She knows I paint miniatures. She knows you paint. It's not like you're springing something on her. That'd be a fun way to be like in your bowels. You're like, you're loving me through painting miniatures. Like what? Are you painting the miniatures on top of the cake?

I've thought about doing that. But I don't know if we're even doing cake. We might be doing something like... Because we're doing like a buffet thing. Like a booze fountain? Yeah, something like that. Then we're going to do like some breakfast buffet thing. I don't know.

But I've thought about doing that. But also that's a lot of pressure to like paint something and make it look like her. And if I say it doesn't look like you, it's a poor paint job. But could you just do like a standard like bride and groom instead? But just say, hey, I painted these. Yeah, all I would need to do is make it red, red hair. And then be like, all right, we're fine.

But then I just make mine like super shredded and like handsome. Just hers is like not at all detailed. Mine look like shredded. That's all they have in the store. Elliot Greenpaint loves her. Sorry. I wasted all my fruit.

She's walking down the aisle all the friends and family are saying witch, witch. That'll be a fun wedding. I wish we could go. My birthday wish when I was blowing out candles was that I don't get sunburned

on the wedding day. Well, are you going to start using the tanning key? Yes, I do. I need to know where I'm going, though. It's not that far. It's like a 12-minute drive from here. I was thinking maybe I'd go tomorrow before we meet. Yeah. I mean, when are you going to work? It's on the way.

Probably 5, yeah. Yeah, big day tomorrow. Big day tomorrow. We ready. Are we tomorrow. We ready. Are we ready? We ready. Should we? We could announce we decided the golf outing today.

Oh, yeah. Go ahead. This is kind of cool for me because this is full circle now with us three. This is a full. Literally, like, the reason we started doing this together is because of a stupid fucking golf outing. And you guys reluctantly agreed to just do this for... I thought you were moving, and now we're here a year later. We thought we had a real good outing.

Yeah, I was thinking about it today when I was doing something down here. I was setting up, and I go, I remember when I was telling G-Spot that this was going to be, you know, a couple of weeks thing. And then we were like, oh, we'll do it a little bit after. And Kashi's moving anyway. So once he moves, we'll probably stop.

And then it's still here. We have taken over the basement. I was thinking about that. I think he's going to move it. I think he's going to move it. I am. Every time I'm here, I just drop another. Yeah, no one's spoken here.

There's signs here. Yeah, I'm not selling it. This was in my room. Yeah, I know. This has been above my bed since I was six. But no, we... Because you speak to the pussy. You're not the only one who does it without complaining.

I wanted that to go in silence just for like a good minute. No. We're happy this man engaged in oral sex. But yeah, I'm surprised. I was thinking about that too. I was like, well, I was going to move. I think if I did move and we stopped doing it consistently, I don't think we have a sponsorship.

I don't think we do a lot of things. But I told you we have another sponsorship we have the another sponsorship coming which would be kind of fun but yeah maybe we can all come to Deer Treks in Ocomawoc Wisconsin August 24th it's an all-day event which I'm excited for and so there's no 8 a.m shotgun start you don't need to be up at the ass crack at dawn you can wake up you can show up and just golf at noon if you want or you come early have a drink with us hang out with the dw people but they're gonna yeah yeah yeah it's gonna be black we have we have details to iron out still he's getting a little ahead of his yeah stilts yeah i am if we you know a pair of stilts he has to wear it i have to wear them With a really long putter.

Or a short one. That could be a challenge. Kusty golfs on stilts. But I'm excited. I think after golfing it yesterday, that place was... I mean, I think it's perfect for us. And then having the course for the entire day is a game changer.

And not being pressured to get in and out. Still, it's still first come, first serve. So make sure you get in as quick as it gets launched. Which I'm hoping we can actually really release the details the next week and a half. Yeah, we will. I'm gonna look out for more details. I don't like not having the computer and knowing how long we've been doing this. Oh, I can tell you. I don't look on the camera. We do this for seven minutes?

We're doing it for 41 minutes. Wow. Seven. I was going to say seven. How much do Americans spend on tattoos? Seven. Seven. Seven.

That's a one-star Milwaukee comedian right there. Hire this man. I didn't want to take it too seriously. Did you get any gigs? No, I didn't. I legitimately made my account, hit sign up, and it was behind a paywall. I want to put on a show just so I can book you through backstage. You better give me some good stars.

How did you even find that website? Like, yo, this is what's going to get me booked. No, I was just like

looking for other things to do and I was like, oh, there was like, you could do like a game show host thing. There was like a bunch

of just like little things that you could send like auditions into and I was like, oh, this would be kind of fun like Chicago area just to like kind of

get my feet wet and then like legitimately behind the paywall and I was like, I'm not paying for this. i don't like the job boards now when i'm because i'm applying to a lot more new jobs it's like hey do you want to apply to all these remote jobs pay us 25 bucks a month just to look at them it's like yeah i feel like

i can just go to the other sites and find them for free i don't like that. It's weird. Everything is now just trying to make their buck off of seeing. Everything's subscription model now. Yep. By the way, speaking of subscription models, our Canva account, I know this was a long time ago and I replied to you, but I gave Jack the login, I gave you the login. Literally the next day, there's a project that just says, Kusky smells like farts.

Great bet. That's a project just says kuski smells like farts but i wanted to ask because i looked at the i look at it almost every day um i'm like maybe he's gonna change to like michael smells like roses um but are you canceling a page or something it said it was a a page or a project created by you. It was like, guys, gaming geek or whatever show. You made something that was canceled. Are you making an announcement that the show you haven't done in two years is canceled? No, I don't think so. I'll pull it up. I'm like, oh, I think he's just going to announce that.

Or he's going to start doing his gaming show again. Would you do the gaming show again would you do it again? it's so much fucking work just for me to be like I'm going to game for four hours one night and then like go in and edit it to make it clippable

and sell it to Jen that I'm going to be like hey I'm going to play video games for four hours tonight but it's for business. You're done with this? You're like, I got a game, babe. Yeah, it's like I already put myself in a dungeon in paint and go to

matches and stuff. It's like if I had another thing like that, it would be... I do want to talk about the match. Yes. Yeah, we can talk about the match. You lost to Frappuccino Man. I did not lose to Frappuccino Man. He lost to the guy that beat me. Yeah, we could talk about the match. You lost to Frappuccino, man. I did not lose to Frappuccino, man. He lost to the guy that beat me. Alright, so you

show up to these matches. There's only this second one I've done in person. Okay. So I'm like new to it.

And it's Dungeons and Dragons-esque? It's like... Or is it the Warhammer stuff? It's like the Warhammer stuff. So it's like...

Yeah, you said it so confidently. And then he looks at me right away and goes, I don't know what the fuck he's doing. So basically, you get points and every tray of people are worth points. And depending on how good they are, they're worth more points. So typically you play 40-point games. And so you could take... These guys with are, they're worth more points. So typically you play 40-point games. And so you could take these guys with swords and they're six points.

And then if you want to put someone like, for this one's based off Game of Thrones, so if I wanted to put the mountain on, that's another two points. And so then eventually you get to your 40 points and that's the people you play with. Oh, so you can only have 40 points for the players. It's like when you see on Instagram, like, hey, you have $100 to make a team.

Yep. What quarterback? Patrick Mahomes, $15. Yeah, okay. That's what it's like. And then you play six turns, and there's a bunch of different game modes. And then you play against each other, and then you get points for killing or, like, doing objectives. And then you cap out at 10

points or if all your guys die and so i was playing i play as this group the lannisters and they're like very low on like the best rating right now and the people i was playing are like really good because they just they heal and they do so much damage it's ridiculous it's under i've never beaten the player that plays like how do you do damage is it just dice rolling yeah so like depends on what you're doing but if you're you can charge them and if you you get like charge bonuses so you re-roll if you get any misses and or if you're just sitting there and attacking then you just roll depending on the amount of characters you have on your board. So if there's 12 in each tray, and if you lose four, then you roll less dice every time.

And then if you only have one row, then you roll less dice than that. And you hit on like a three up. For example, if you roll threes, it counts as a hit. I didn't follow any of that. Okay, so it's really hard to explain. I tried to explain it to Jen. It took forever, and that's why she's like, just go to the store and see if people will play with you

because I'm not going to learn this to play. But it's really easy once I have... It's hard to explain without showing you guys anything. Do you LARP it? Do you, like, when you get hit, you go, oh! No, I go, fuck you. Ah! You LARP it? Do you like when you get hit and you go, oh! No, I go, fuck you. Imagine, imagine. Ah!

My dragon! I'm sure there are people who do like fall out of their chair like, I've been hit! Anyways, but the reason we call Frappuccino gay is because

Jack sent us a picture of him playing on his birthday he was playing and the only thing I could see is someone with a huge Frappuccino that sucked down all the way. What kind of Frappuccino is it? I wonder if I can zoom in on it. He goes, no, I got my ass kicked. But he also had the most nerdy sentence. Oh, yeah.

He's like, yeah, I got my ass kicked. I got these new characters. I really need to work on the synergies with them. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I got my ass kicked. I got these new characters. Really need to work on the synergies with them. Yeah. It's like, it's like when you, it's like when the box got deemed. They got to figure out

how the team works together. So that's what it was. And I, cause I got a bunch of new stuff for my birthday. My lady went and chopped it and splurged on me. Not splurged,

splurged. So, so the stuff that you get, you don't use all of them. You pick and choose which ones. Yeah, you build like a team. It's like draft day. Can you use...

I feel like to anyone who's watching this that understands it, you sound like jackasses. But if you're playing the game you're playing, whatever, D&D, Warhammer, there's a theme right away. Correct? Yeah, this one's a Game of Thrones theme. Can you have like Jaime Lannister and

Jon Snow on the same team? No. Why not? Because it's Lannister versus Stark or Night's Watch at that point. But then if the Lannisters are already a shit team, are you ever going to win? They come up with rule changes.

So a new rule change came out, like, two weeks ago. And so they update cards and stuff, and, like, points. And then they, like, release different people that you can use. So, like, there's always, like... Yeah, when they did the rule change, where you're like, fuck.

No, this one was good. It's not that great yet, but a bunch of other really overpowered groups kind of got settled down a little bit. Have you ever thought about buying into House Targaryen? No, because those are actually pretty tough to play. And I like Lannisters because I wanted to paint them my way. I like the characters, and so that's what I just chose with them. If I lose, I lose, but they're also fun to play just because they're like sneaky

so I get to like if someone wants to do something I can like play a card and be like nope you can't do that a lot of this is complete gibberish to me yeah

I have never seen Game of Thrones okay so you haven't wow that really doesn't help that doesn't help you at all so I don't know anything

have you seen Braveheart with Mel Gibson no but I have seen passion the crazy we've seen the okay so that's the same thing I was playing the Bears yes and I'm the Bears right now yeah oh and the teams the people are playing were the Lions no but but Lions had a good chance of making it further than the Packers did, and then they eventually lost to the 49ers, and there's definitely 49ers.

I'm definitely the Bears. Or the Chiefs. The Chiefs right now are like the wildling people. They're the best. Do they cost more to buy those figurines? No, it's just the people that make the game, they're trying to buy those figurines no it's just all the game like the people that make the game they're trying to consistently balance it all the time so some things get super strong some things get like a month from

now Lannister's might be stronger than yeah I think people have to figure out how to play it and then there'll be like a new update it's like okay this is where did you get like a news you get like a new they like say the new season released and you don't get any you basically just download the new rule set of like cards and then you just print them off

and you play with them it's just like it's like a deck of Yu-Gi-Oh cards but like the values are constantly changing would you hate me and Kosti Kosti being there

if you guys like didn't make fun of it because I don't want to be rude to those people like I wouldn't I wouldn't hate it I don't think you would but I feel like if you guys if you guys didn't make fun of it because I don't want to be rude to those people, I wouldn't hate it. I don't think you would. But I feel like if you guys would go there,

and then maybe we'd set you up with an army to play with as a team, and then we can laugh about it over drinks after, I think that would be fine. Can we laugh at ourselves? Because I would 110% do this if we could team up. But can we bring our own figurines? No, you can't. Do you have to buy them?

But can we make our own game? We can be like, hey, let's have an amendment to the rules. No. I don't think our first time there should say, hey, we're amending rules. Hey, we're doing a new thing where we do what we want and you have to listen to us. No, but hear me out.

These two jocks come in and we're like, hey, boys! We're going to push you to the lockers if you don't take our rules. The barrier to entry isn't super expensive for us. Barrier to entry is about $65. People will let you borrow.

Just hear me out. The owner of the store played with us. Can we at least be like, hey, we are the wildlings, but we bring our old action figures in, so we have a Ninja Turtle

and a Power Ranger, maybe Optimus Prime. Do you still have your old action figures? I definitely do. Call me a nerd. My mom has saved all of my brother's

Power Rangers. So I could bring in nine yellow Power Rangers. Are your Power Rangers this big, and do you have 50 of them? We definitely have 50 of them. I'll just take the heads off.

All his characters are on stilts. You realistically could play a game with half of my group, because I literally went hard. I think it'd be fun. We would fight back some laughs, for sure, because we don't know what we're doing i would

never make fun of anyone in there the guy who when i went and bought your christmas present was one of the nicest human beings he just wanted like to get people into like the sport yeah essentially and it was i enjoy learning stuff like that did i understand half of what he was saying was i gonna go to half the events he was pitching to me? Absolutely not. You're going to be so much better than me. No shit. The quickest death would be me right away.

You're not just one character. You have a full group. I didn't learn how to play. There's a computer program. It's called Tabletop Simulator. You can download something that basically brings the game into the computer and so like a bartender at the improv he played it and he was like i'll teach you how to play if you're interested because i wanted to paint the guys and he was like sure so we played and i played i played with him probably like eight times

on there and then eventually i was like okay now i kind of know how to play so i'll start going in person i'm worried we're gonna get into it i you won't be you might be you can't teach an old dog new tricks you know but it's it's like any other like i would say it can't be like it's like any other card game but it truly is just another game it's just got action figures but it's like what we wanted with our Power Rangers growing up. There's a bunch of rules. This is like a card for the characters. That's how far you move, six inches.

Depending on how many people die, that's how many dice you roll. If you hit anything above a three, then those are hits. If you get hit, you have to roll above a five to make sure you don't get hit. Then you have to roll above a seven to make sure you don't get hit. And then you have to roll above a 7 to make sure they don't run away. So that's basically what it is.

Then there's all these other little things. That's what that is. This is basically the same what I think is going to happen if I ever played this. The same time I was at a bachelor party and we played Texas Hold'em and not one person knew how to play Texas Hold'em against and not one person knew how to play

Texas Hold'em except for me so everyone on the first hand went all in and I was doing it with good cards so I won

over a grand of us playing 10 minutes of Texas Hold'em that's sick because they're like oh the bachelor went in

so I'm gonna go in too and I'll be like yeah you guys that's how we play we don't play for money well they don't play this game for money

at all no it was a buy-in though yeah six pack of Mountain Dew no but some people probably would have

done that but it's $50 and it's like a six month thing you meet once a month and it's like a risk board and then your fights like affect the risk board

are you in a group chat with them? yeah it's on Discord which is is a computer game messaging and like chat room it's like reddit but like we need a sub thing on this yeah this channel now of you doing games like we need you to like the thing is this world is so different Than that world Where they're never going to go together It's going to be called Mike because you're the bridge I think it's going to be like Jack's corner

And be like jacking off And then Jack just talks about this Okay I need to vent about this No but I In order to sell The reason why I started going in person I was trying to sell it to Jen. And so I made like a PowerPoint presentation

to like explain it all to her. And eventually she was like, no, just go in person. And we're not going to, I'm not, I would like to learn, but if you could find someone to play with you, I'd much more prefer that. And I was like, okay, fine, I'll go look. Well, you did say when we were at DW last, it was like, you got home that for the first time you played

and you were on cloud nine and she goes you need to go and calm down you're like when a dog meets a stranger when they come to your house you're free

you need to go into a room relax and you can come back out into civilization yep I was jazzed I was like

okay cool now I have a place to go play this and there's a bunch of places there's like four places within 15 minutes one has to be Falklandia Brewery

no no really people do play there yeah but they had a Pokemon thing in there too four places within 15 minutes. One has to be Falklandia Brewery. No. No. Really? People do play there, yeah. But they had a Pokemon thing in there too. Yeah,

but that's like small cards. You need a big table for these. Is D&D more of a story thing? Because I've seen people,

we can talk about this. It's like playing a video game. No, we can't. I've seen videos where I'm on year 30

of playing this D&D game. I think you put in too much time. Well, you just build characters and they have so many levels and there's never like an actual storyline people can just keep making stuff up and writing stuff do the people look at you and be like man i one day want to have a girlfriend and get married no there's like a lot of people that are married really yeah i mean a

lot of it's like guys are human beings yeah but't hang in with this world. So it's like, I mean, some of them probably aren't, for sure. But, like, a lot of them are. Like, a lot of the big ones, like, they're the ones that I watch on YouTube. This is bad. I watch a lot of them on YouTube and, like, painters and stuff. And, like, they all have, like, wives. And they're like, oh, I did this with a wife so I couldn't go play. And that's kind of what happens.

Like, the guys I was playing with, they were talking about how they won't be there next time because they've got something going on with their like family and that kind of thing um but some of them probably definitely don't are you gonna be all right i just like that in your youtube video you watch like i did this for the wife so i can go do this it's like you're on that path or you're like, listen, honey, I'm going to do a bunch of these things. I'm going to go roll some dice with you guys now. I'm going to go roll some dice with you guys.

Well, it could be so much worse. I could be doing this in our basement. Doing this in our basement and then going and rolling dice and getting mini tacos at Quick Trip across the street are the most harmless things. Oh, I think... I mean, she has to feel so secure in her relationship. She's like... Oh, man.

You could be addicted to crack. Should we wrap this puppy up? I think we've got to wrap it. Do you think you can beat? I'm gonna grab a spider cow and I'm gonna put it in here and I'm gonna drink out of that. That works. Alright, I'll get the timer out. Go get, Cusky, go get the drink for him.

I can get it. This is his birthday. I'll get the timer out. There's a bottle opener on top of the bar cart. And I think it's wild that 2.78 was the number I came up with. I'm gonna look that up again. It's a little bit of a different thing. Go ahead. The last thing I looked up was

my buddy was on TMJ4 today. He was on TMJ4. Did you watch it? No, I just saw the picture. It was for Women's Month, empowering women. And he works for this homeless shelter and they're giving out stuff for women. And I was like, why don't they just bring a woman up? I thought it was for MS Society, which was...

No, no, he works for a homeless shelter. Oh, really? Yeah. He is like, I'm going to be honest, you see him from the outside. You just meet him, like, oh, you're just that typical, I'm going to get drunk, I'm in about 23, just having a good time.

And you like, actually talk, I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, homeless shelter. Yeah, yeah. He's like a little angel boy.

He's a good dude. He's such a nice person. I don't know why he hangs out with him and Josh. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Was that who you went golfing with? Oh, it went me, Josh, and my buddy, Taylor Juckum. Oh, okay. Would went golfing with? Oh, it went me, Josh, and my buddy Taylor Juckum. Would you golf with us if we rolled ice with you? I don't know.

We should just go golfing, guys. That game will be alright. We're pitching like he just doesn't leave the basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, hey guys, I'm not like... It's not his jersey, it's Josh's. I actually got a Jordan Love jersey for my birthday from my mom. I'm pumped.

It's like the yellow numbering. Oh, the vapor one? Yeah, I like that one. I don't have any. My mom, because she's cleaning out her garage right now, she goes, check this bucket out. It's like almost all the football jerseys we had as a kid growing up. It's like three different Randy Moss jerseys.

My favorite player, Deuce McAllister, Arian Foster. I mean, T.O., Jed Johnson, Jed Ochoacinco, Michael Vick, Donovan McNabb. Some sweet jerseys. Do they still fit? A little. Yeah, of course. Do you think he grew? Yeah, he grew.

My mom did say, I remember when I was like 12, she goes, I'm going to get a large. You'll grow into it. Yep. And it's still a little loose. My parents did that. And they were like, we're going to get you a bigger size. You'll grow into it. And all my jerseys from middle school and high school and college were double X's.

And I was like, now we spent all this money and they still look like dresses. I didn't get that big. I don't know what you thought i was going to grow into me linemen thin out after like you're dumb playing like professional linemen like jason kelsey who just retired uh that was emotional emotional i actually was a little teary-eyed listening to it at work today but he'll probably uh he's a big beer guy but might sit up a little bit because he doesn't have to put on weight anymore yeah yeah no i think that that's always what happens but i was watching that today because it was on the pat mackie show i was watching that long yeah at lunch today and i was like it's like legitimately a 30 minute speech and it's just

like every five minutes to be like he'd be like fuck he'd like have to like collect himself and go again and I was like wow this would be such a shitty speech to have to give like could you imagine if you did 30 minutes of stand up

and every 5 minutes you were about to break down into tears because you're so emotional have you seen my 30 minute stand up it's just the crowd that cries

yeah yeah yeah the best part about that speech and then Chug is Jason goes listen it would take too long to thank everyone that has ever helped me on this journey. So instead, I'm just going to share 30 minutes of stories I'll never forget. I think you could have gotten through the names in about five minutes. Yeah, if you read it like a, was it a pharmaceutical commercial?

Just play this on 2x speed, We'll get through this real fast. I like how we're thinking that I'm that nerdy. I also got a leaf blower for my birthday, too. Okay, so I'm doing manly stuff, too. Got a leaf blower. I got a football jersey. And I got a lot of mini guys that got a paint. You didn't get a leaf blower.

I didn't. She got you a leaf blower, so she doesn't have to do it. My mom's boyfriend got me a leaf blower. Oh, okay. Hardly even know her. All right, let's go. Ready? Go.

What was that? 3.1. Ah. I can do better. Wow. I can do better than that. That's like a 40-yard dash kind of thing. It's real close. I can do better than that. That's like a 40-yard dash kind of thing. It's real close.

I can do better than that, I think. I feel like you tripped up a little bit at the end there. But I think shotguns are like... Shotguns are faster. I've seen people do this. Yeah. And then down. One quick story on shotgunning beers and chugging beers.

In college, I went to an internship. I was down in Florida. And my boss, he was like a younger guy, and I thought he was cool. And he invited us over for drinks. And there's like this one task, like pretty much in like any construction group that, it's called takeoffs, which is like you count individual items. Like I would count all the fixtures in like a hotel and like label them.

And I hated doing it. So I was like, okay, let me make a bet. If I chug this beer faster than you, I don't have to do any of them. You have to do it. And he goes, okay, fine. And I was like, okay, let me make a bet. If I chug this beer faster than you, I don't have to do any of them. You have to do it. And he goes, okay, fine. And I was like, oh, I got this sucker. I've been chugging beers for the past four years. He's this guy from Sweden.

And that's going to mean something in a little bit. We go to chug these beers. And he goes, and it disappeared like that. Like legitimately an insane thing. And apparently he was a championship beer chugger from sweden and just called me on it yeah like one of the most drunk countries and he's like the best at it and he just went and it was gone it was the most insane thing i've ever seen in my entire life i wasn't even halfway done with my beer and i spit it all back out

You just like went to Randy Johnson It was so ridiculous and his girlfriend was like wait when I challenge and she's about to talk and he was like Like I'm not looking back. I don't know. I was like, oh. You just met the Usain Bolt. I'm like, fucking beer chugging. Yeah, I tore a hammy. I can totally beat you in a race. I tore a hammy off the blocks. The luck. Just so ridiculous.

That's a good way to end it. You probably still finished it in two and a half seconds. No, I choked on it because I was so fun. I was like, oh my God. I choked it down. That is a good. I was like, oh, my God. I choked it down. That is a good way down. I couldn't top that. Kuski on stilts, Judd on a floaty, and Jack is Matthew McConaughey.

D.B. Cooper. Come to the golf alley.