Fat Chance Podcast - Top 5s Ep.155

Episode Date: February 6, 2025

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This is weird. It's going to take some getting used to for sure. It's different because hearing you here and knowing I'm just talking to no one in my condo is interesting. It's even weirder to be in your office. Yeah. Oh yeah, I feel like you're going to have to muffle yourself a little bit is everyone gone Yeah, pretty much. I mean like this is the podcast studio that we do that So it's it's not bad. So it's pretty pretty soundproof that Will be good. Well, that's nice. I feel like you right now. I have my notes

It's like I have a game ready to play it's it's I have you got we have to be prepared now. It's different It's we do. Yeah, we gotta be really prepared now. Well, I mean we can start off. How's Denver? How is how's the new place? It's great. I would show you around but it would screw everything up. We have set up so I'll show you afterwards Yeah behind me is my living room. That is I would say this place is 85% put together. We spent all last week getting it together. Our TV's still on the ground because we got to mount it into the wall. We're looking for a dining room table

and a bar cart and a TV stand other than that. It's just, we're just waiting for that stuff to get the last little things unpacked. Like my cameras and stuff like that Which are now undone But it's nice. I love this place. Everyone that's come to visit so far is absolutely in love with this place You've already had people visit? That's bold Not visit, but like people who already live here. So my friends

Yeah, they were here. I got in Sunday my buddy Joel and his fiance Stacey They were here. I got in Sunday my buddy Joel and his fiance Stacey We're here Monday, and then we had we saw friends at a brewery Friday people came over Saturday I think we're having people over for the Super Bowl okay. It's coming Sunday, so we're hitting the ground running Yeah, you're you're having people over. I would like I Mean if I moved a new place. I'd be like give me at least a month before you can see it Yeah, I think we didn't let really people I mean the people came over Monday That was quick and they were just like here's a bottle of wine and some of the best toffee I've ever had in my life But

Everyone else came over Saturday when basically everything was unpacked. We just like TVs on the ground Yeah, other than that it's together I mean behind me there is a brewery which we didn't realize when we signed the lease but there's a brewery and the second floor where they play pool can see into our unit so you see people playing pool the whole time yep and they see me naked all the time. Wait. Why are you so naked? Well, if I come out of the shower, I forget a towel or I need to get something What if you ever closet that is a such a when have you ever forgot a towel in the shower? That's where the tolls are

Yeah, actually they're not because I didn't put the stuff away in the bathroom. I let Rachel do that I wanted to organize the kitchen and that's it. She did the bathroom and it turns out today actually the shower I turned the shower on I got naked I was like, oh, I don't have a towel hanging anymore And so I looked underneath the cabinet drawers where you'd think towels would be yeah yeah they weren't they were in our other bathroom so I quickly grabbed like my underwear and I just put it over my little ding-a-ling and I walked over the other bathroom grabbed the towel and then I put that behind my booty cheeks and I waddled over to the bathroom took a shower the naked waddle is always the best yeah and it was like I cuz I worked out at noon and

Then showered no one's at the brewery playing pool noon on a Monday like I could have I could probably be naked right now I don't see anyone over there. Yes, that's very funny. You can see them directly and what's what's the brewery called? No, not gonna do that Absolutely not sitting sitting second You just see like fat chance like poser show us your feet show us your feet Just trying to see a glimpse of you being naked on the second floor there is There was a guy at the gym today that

Did not stop looking at me. And then when I went into the locker room, it's one of these like locker rooms where dick and balls are out all the time. I'm like, oh, it's too much. But he just kept looking at me. And like, you know when someone's looking at you, you can't help but like keep checking

to see if they're looking at you. And then it looks like you're looking at them. And then partly in my brain I go, I wonder if he's one of the foot people and he recognized the fat chances. Oh, I get to see his feet Honestly like kind of flattering if you Also, I don't know if it's vain of me to be like, oh no, he recognizes our small pockets for our feet a thousand percent That's what You're insane to think that

Yeah, but I was like what if like I'm waiting one day someone be like, dude Love the socks. Hope yeah, how much of an ego do you have that as soon as someone starts looking at you? You're like, oh they want to see my feet You know what you never know you never know that would be know it that would go on one of our lists we made today for sure oh yeah I definitely didn't fill out we can definitely do the list so today in the pockets of it with with Michael being in a different state we're gonna try to be more prepared is something I'm gonna try to get us to do to be more prepared for it. We're doing the top five. Top five, Michael has his top five,

I have my top five list. Did you do yours in order, like this is your number one? Kinda, no, I didn't rank them really. I didn't rank, I just said these are probably in my five. Okay, let's just start. Let's go Okay, yeah, whatever one you want top five weirdest things you've ever googled Boo, okay, do we want to go one one and one yeah, we'll go one on one so you go first go ahead Um I was kind of hoping we do a different one, but this will lead into something else the weirdest thing I've googled recently is a fuckable cartoon characters

Weirdest thing I've googled recently is fuckable cartoon characters. That's funny. Spoiler. I've said I've googled many times without even like, you know, like Google Chrome is Google. So I will Google Google technically. Yeah. Yeah. I've done that.

And then it's just, you know what? You're there. Just accept it. Yeah. It's rough. It's a rough one. Or I sometimes Google Yahoo, which I think is also weird, Googling another search engine to a search engine.

I like when you Google Google, the number one link will be to Google, even though you're already in Google. I think an amazing thing Google should do is if you ever Google Google, it's just like a page, like you're here you fucking Alright go ahead yeah tampons near me oh That's I like how you say

Like not to buy just you want to know where just I just want to know yeah We were we were in a mirror in Canada the ladies were all synced up it was kind of weird and the blue They they were Bluetooth synced and they were like at one point. They're like wait you're on yours. You're on yours You just started yours. Are you finishing yours and all the guys like we're fucked But the ladies needed one while we were at the bar and so like well one of you guys go get some and I was like yeah, I'll get it and then I googled tampons near me and Rachel saw it and she goes

I'm honestly embarrassed to call you my boyfriend, but I found them. I found them. It took me a while Well, I'm in Canada, I don't know if they still call them tampons or like syrup suckers or whatever they want to call them. But yeah, I went and found some at a grocery store. That's very, all right, well then I have an embarrassing one that I always, what hydrated pee looks like? I was like, one time I peed and it was just like the darkest and I was like,

what does it look like if I'm hydrated? So I had to look it up. I'm just looking at other people's pee. Yeah, that is, when you're doing medical stuff and you're like, do I have herpes? And you're like, wait no, show me it on a penis. No, I once got an STD check because my pee hurt and I went to the doctor and they're like you're dehydrated.

They're like you're dehydrated. I was like okay, so you're just forcing it out. But we're going on that. I've done this a few times. Why do my testicles hurt? I Think I might have I thought I had a hernia earlier this week from moving which is like I don't know I think I pulled an abdominal muscle and then when it's the nerves are all connected So I was like am I dying do I have a hernia do I have an ulcer and I'll just like go And I thought if it has to do with my testicles dark path

That's why I got checked for testicular cancer is I kept checking my nuts and they started to hurt and I was like Oh my god, I have it and the doctors like stop playing with your nuts Yeah, and I showed him I was like, how are you checking it? And I did like a pretzel motion and the female Nurse was like yo stop that like she jumped like it hurt her. I was like okay. I definitely doing this wrong Yeah, when the doctors are like hey, don't do that. That's probably a good one to do yeah I'm sorry here. We go another weird thing is when you're a kid you just type in boobs That's gotta be weird like just boobs.com Yeah, just go just like you're googling anything

I haven't googled boobs in a while. I might do that after this just boobs Just boobs. I would Google my comes up. Oh I did that all the time I've googled drunk my phone number That's a good one Yeah, or any phone number. I've like tried to type in like I got this and then you just look I'm like well That's a good one. Yeah, or any phone number. I've like tried to type in, I'm like, oh, I got this. And then you just look, I'm like, well, that's not it. Yeah.

I have, I've Googled, um, can you die from all the time? Can you die from blank? You know, die from asbestos. And then it's like, yeah, one person died. That leads me into my last one. Uh, can cats eat venison jerky My dad was making venison jerky like two months before I left and just kept throwing pieces of venison on the floor And I think our cat ate a pound of venison. I go this can't be good This can't be good, and he just would feel like he's fine like go feed him pistachios

I'm like can you feed a cat pistachios? He loves them I go Can cats eat onions can cat eat it's like the whole meal and and that's the problem It's like everyone's like well. They shouldn't it's actually in large doses very poisonous. I'm like yeah Okay, my last one is I have also googled my name which is the most in vain embarrassing thing ever and just you see what pops up I've done mine, too. It's now just this yeah, and I've done yours as well It's just make sure the cameras still on it's not like a 10-minute You know we're still good cool I just want to welcome to welcome to the equipment fear

Yeah, I was like what's one of those that like ten minutes it just cuts out, you know those Well, you you could have one that cuts out after like and it's like 21 to 30 minutes. Okay, it'll cut out rechecking For the top five will go top five dumbest purchases you've ever made Okay, teamu drone It were I have it here I Started it up in my old room. It hit the ceiling immediately and then I just turned it off. I was like, it's plastic I mean it doesn't like if it hit like a strong gust of wind is taking this thing and ripping it in half Yeah, but it was

$25. Yeah, we we just did a cool thing where we golfed on ice We did it like this this charity scramble on ice I saw that yeah, and they had a they had a drone flying over all of it and there was some cool stuff and then and then like one of our buddies just flies on skates, like at the drone and then the drone's come, so I was like playing chicken with the guy on skates, so it had to be a cool shot, but yeah. That would be fun.

Yeah, it was fun. What about you? I once bought a Ricky Williams bobblehead doll, or like a Beanie Baby bobblehead. Do you know who Ricky Williams is? How does bobblehead Do you know who Ricky Williams is? The running back yes, he used to have dreadlocks yeah, they made a beanie baby of him with dreadlocks, and I bought it and Not you still have it yeah, but I also took it out of the package

Not you still have it. Yeah, but I also took it out of the package Oh, you're definitely not supposed to I hate that that they're like all right I bought this toy, but I'm never gonna open it or play with it because it's a rock. Yeah, so now looking back It's probably worth nothing because he's not even the hall of fame for anything Yeah Going off my teamu thing and I have it somewhere But I bought a pin that's about the size of a silver dollar And it's a duck with two pistols that says quack quack motherfuckers It was part of the drone order

And I was like I needed to reach a minimum So where I got discounts They really get you in with that Tmoo stuff And I got that I got another duck thing on here this one isn't me but since Brandon gave me a different mic I don't even think this is my mic Brandon Brandon bought a Miller racing shirt and I don't brand if you're watching I'm sorry but he bought this Brandon bought this Miller racing shirt and I don't brand if you're watching I'm sorry, but he bought this Both his Miller racing shirt and he paid

$75 for it. I had the same exact shirt and I looked at what I Paid for it. I paid $14 for it What kind of what's it? What's a racing shirt? This is Miller Highlife racing and has a has like a retro thing. I got it from forever 21 for $14 He goes yeah, it's a vintage store in LA. It was $75 Yeah, absolutely not I Didn't have the heart to tell even race I know I didn't have the heart to tell him in the car that that's I was like yeah that same shirt

I didn't have the heart tommy. Yeah. Yes, not vintage. It's from forever 21 By the way for your mic is there taper on the bottom of it That's yours oh it is yeah, I taped yours just so we knew which one boom Very nice of you. But then never mind, Brian. I take that back. Your shirt's nice. No, you still wasted a bunch of money. To keep going with the duck thing,

and I have it with me, actually. And I want to preface, I bought three of these. But I saw them online. And you hang them like dice from your car, rear of your mirror. But it's a duck with a saxophone. And then I bought one that has glasses on it, and then I got Rachel one, and we named him Kenny Dennis,

and then I don't know what this guy's name is, but maybe because he's got a sax, I'll name him Aiden. Yeah, yeah. Also, do you have that other one in your car? Oh yeah, it's in my car Rachel's Rachel is Kenny I have Dennis and then that's we'll call Aiden does does your girl have hers on her car Does she have to she it already is in her car perfect? Then it's a dumb I'm gonna say that's not a dumb purchase if you use it like I

Have multiple times in my life bought the most ripped jeans you could ever see in your life. Remember when ripped jeans were a cool thing and people would buy them? Oh, I think they still are, but tastefully. Like, but you could see my entire life. Like it was almost like I wasn't wearing jeans. Yeah. That's how ripped they were they lasted probably three washes or maybe like one time when I put my foot through and just cut All the it was awful. Yeah, that was the worst of anything. We're like you definitely when you just heard the

Yeah, that's that's tough the rough one you're next you're next Pukas shell necklaces. Can proudly say I've never owned one of those. Really, you don't have any of those weird fads that you're like, why did I think that looked cool? No, and I think that's helped me in life is I usually hate when people, I hated those fads. The little fidget spinners, I thought thought jewel was a fad. Definitely not

But I'm glad I didn't get on it. Yeah, puka shell necklaces Frosted tips which I could definitely see you of having had frosted tips one time one time. Well, yeah one time in life Exactly. Yeah, were you playing basketball at that time? Yeah. Oh, yeah for sure. Yeah, that's such a basketball thing We there's one kid in grade school on an opposing team that frosted tips on our rival team Yeah, oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's such a basketball thing. There was one kid in grade school on an opposing team that had frosted tips on our rival team, and my parents and all the other parents always called him frosty. It was funny watching parents bully eight-year-olds.

Do you know that famous picture of the kids eating lunch on that steel beam that construction beam every like grade school yeah I bought and I think you've seen it I bought the one yeah it's unopened it's it's here it made it to Denver but instead of children it's all the DC and Marvel superheroes I think I paid like, I paid like vintage Miller racing t-shirt money for that. Yeah, you got swindled at some state fair. No, at the state fair. At the Wisconsin State Fair is where I bought it. Yeah, but I also think we buy like also in college, you probably did too,

we buy all these gimmick beer things. Like the beer bongs, the beer hats, all these beer things. And we're like, we think it's cool, and then as soon as we get out of Spencer's gifts, we're like, what the hell did I buy this for? Yeah, it's just the gimmick artwork. It's the gimmick artwork. All right, hit me with your next one.

I'm gonna go with a beer hat. I used to have the old beer hat in college where you put the beers on the side and then you put the tubes in your mouth and then you like never wash the tubes ever. You never wash them. No, you use it once and then maybe one other time, but it's only got one straw kind of thing.

It's so unprosurgical. Those are terrible. Yeah. Last thing, and I actually don't think it's a dumb purchase, but I bought it and I will never wear it, but my buddy and I did the t-shirt swap at the airport, flying from Canada, I believe you may have seen this too, flying from Canada to Denver,

and I bought a long sleeve white shirt for $35. It says, Anal Beat Tug Award Champion 2024 XL Division. And it's the dumbest, greatest purchase I think I've made in a long time. I have a lot of questions within the t-shirt, but I'm gonna let you have it. That's a good one. Yeah, no, okay, if you wanna hit me with them, go for it.

I have more of like XL in the shirt division, weight division, bead length division, you know? Bead division. Bead division, for sure. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, which means she's got a you I butthole did you you had to wear it right? Or he didn't know he had to wear it and he I remember I did it like right before I had to fly out

I had it custom-made and Yep, I had a custom-made when I went to pick it up. It was in the middle of like The industrial park in Wisconsin and one guy working at a t-shirt shop I opened the door his office is at the door and it's a kid I went to high school with and I was like, oh my god But my buddy had to wear it and when I asked I was like hey, how bad are we going with these shirts? And I had already ordered it and he was like Uh, mine's pretty tame. You could probably it to middle school, and you'd be alright I go you could wear this to college and someone's gonna say something

You should said you should also wear this to middle school Yeah Yeah All right, let's go the next top five is top five things you do if you were in charge of The US for a day if you're if you were in charge of the US for one day. What would you do? Okay, I only could think of four. I'm sure there are other ones. We have a lot of these.

Should we speed it up a little bit? Yeah, we can speed it up. We can rapid fire. Okay. Well, I mean, we want the rapid fire, but first one plays off of one of my bits. I think we should weigh people before they get on the airplanes

and announce them WWE style I have a few airplane ones too Well, that's a good why are you also paused? Oh, I have someone's calling me, but don't worry about that. Oh cool Oh worry about it. I Have no eating on an airplane. You shouldn't be able to eat on no What about the snacks they give you that's fine but like people there with like sandwiches and like pizzas and like just smelling up the area. Full meals? No. It has to be like a prepackaged like Chex Mix kind of thing.

Yeah. Alright. I think we should lower the price of eggs. That's fair. That's a good one. I think If drivers who are in the left lane can be pulled over and get their license revoked Okay, I keep driving slow in the left lane That's actually worse for traffic than anything like worse for accidents. Yes, I I agree I uh That's in another top five of ours. Okay, I would agree with you on that. Okay I think I'd require Boeing to use a few extra screws on their planes Yeah

No, just two of the four. I think if McDonald's ice cream machine isn't working they can't open isn't working they can't open. Ooh, okay, I like that one. If your machine isn't working, you don't get to make money today, that's what I'm saying. I like that. I think every restaurant, and like every sit down restaurant should offer a free appetizer,

whether it's chips and salsa, bread or whatever, everyone should have a free small appetizer just to get it going. Yeah I have every 10 years You don't have to pay taxes so like a punch card so if you pay your taxes for nine years the tenth one's free You have to do that. Oh I like that just one. I guess I'll go off that money wise. I think registering your car every year is absolutely ridiculous

Why I'm paying a hundred bucks because in Wisconsin here is an absurd amount of money to just be like yeah I still have this car, and I'm using it. Yeah fuck off My last one is people in pyramid schemes can be jailed My last one is people in pyramid schemes can be jailed If you're in a pyramid scheme better watch out you might get you might get in trouble and get thrown in jail I think if you're at the top of the pyramid scheme, you're fine But if you're caught in the middle, then you can be jailed You better rise the top fast I Like that. I like that. What's your last one?

That was oh you went we did five last one. Oh, you went first. We did five, yeah. Yeah. We did five, yeah. All right, the next one is five words or phrases that instantly annoy you. You can go, you can rapid fire these ones. Okay, you can start.

Let's noodle on it. Okay, I've never heard that, but that bothers me. No. That's understandable for you, yeah, for sure. Okay, I've never heard that but that bothers me. No Understandable for you. Yeah for sure So sorry not sorry Yeah, that one yeah, that's not great either This one I'm 50-50 on because sometimes it is nice, but can we just split something?

Okay, yeah So if we're going to a restaurant, and I'm hungry I want my own dish I don't want to go in there. Can we just split something? No, I don't want half of a sandwich. That's already Significantly smaller than it was last year. Yeah Yeah, I know I'm a big leftover guy, so I'm with you on that Mine is it is what it is just because the people that say that also are very annoying That one doesn't bother as much because I think I say it but not I think I just I feel it It's nothing it means nothing Yeah

DW Yeah, um, DW. Can we beep that? Um, mine is uh, sir, can you put your tray up? Why? No, what do you mean? It's not gonna it's not gonna tear the plane down. My tray is not gonna do anything. That's good. Actually that would be in my oh Government demands if I was in charge, it'd be like, hey, I wanna know the science behind my chair going from here to here

and you not being able to land the fucking plane. Again, this one, I love that we do it, but the, oh my god, you do stand-up comedy? And you're like, god damn it, I've been trying to avoid this conversation all night. It's usually because it's followed, tell me a joke. That's the worst. Yeah, exactly.

My last one is, per my last email, who gets me going? I haven't been in corporate America for a while, so I haven't got that one at all. My last one is usually from Rachel, and it's while we're driving and it's slow down That's fair that's a good one and that probably goes up right there with the no Absolutely all right five so let me be me Five celebrities you want on your zombie apocalypse team Okay I'm going I think he's on everything for me, but Matthew McConaughey Like I think he's an easy talk. I have his life partner Woody Harrelson

My Woody Harrelson. Oh, that's good Borat Funny because I don't think he can die I've Sydney Sweeney, you know Sidney. Oh think he can die. I have Sydney Sweeney, you know. Sydney. Oh, okay. I see where you were going there. I don't have any women on mine. Jason Momoa. Okay, that's a good one. I have Danny McBride. Danny McBride. You guys are going to die. For sure, but we're going to have a great time. You're going to have a great time. I have have and I don't know if you'll get this one stale cracker from tik-tok Ever seen this guy just he makes Cajun food all the time. He's big. He definitely has weapons

He goes I'll put that shit on a cracker Yeah, exactly he'll feed us I have Michelle Rodriguez, do you know who that is who the hell is that? She's like the the badass chick from Fast and the Furious Dom's like lady We ride My final one Elon Musk cuz if all goes to shit we go to Mars. Yeah. Yeah, but he does He would have to buy his way to Mars, which is fine. My last one is the ShamWow guy. He bit off a prostitute's tongue, so he's down for anything.

He's down for anything, which means he's down for a zombie, which means you're down one guy. So now you have Danny DeVito, Sydney Sweeney, Woody Harrelson, and you, and that Michelle Rodriguez girl and sit she yeah the girls are already fighting each other because they don't like each other Danny DeVito you can't find or he's dead of old age all right I think I win but it's not a competition all right yours would. Yeah, mine's is all pure fun. I mean we're going we're all gonna die anyways, that's what I think that's what I hate about zombie movies is like

Just what's the point of living? Yeah, especially if you don't have the intelligence to like bring people back Yeah, well you're like it if it is just like you and I like listen, dude We could extend this as long as we want, but we're just delaying the inevitable Yeah, I'm not saying I'm gonna be a follower, but if all my friends are zombies All right, oh, I'm a hundred. I'm jumping off that cliff Five unwritten rules in life that everyone should follow Okay, you go first this time

Open a door for someone always Okay, I like that one a spatial awareness. Just be unaware. Please You just like you know someone's behind just know be aware of your surroundings get your head out of your phone when you're walking Here's my second one say thank you when someone opens the door for you. Is yours all about doors? Much more to hear about doors. Okay. Left lane, 5 to 10 miles per hour, 10 plus miles per hour over at least. You've got to be going fast.

Also, this is a weird rule I'd have, and I thought about it. If you're riding someone's ass, okay, we're in the fast lane, I'm going 10 over, I'm passing someone, you're still riding me, my ass, and I get over, and then you take longer than five to six seconds to pass me, I am allowed to hit your back tire and watch you whip. That's a rule. Yeah, it's annoying. Don't ride someone's ass and then take forever to pass them. Or when they speed up, speed slow down,

speed up, slow down, like just keep going. One line is, when someone shows you a photo, don't touch it, like on the, don't try to swipe or like zoom in or anything don't touch it Yes I like that I'm showing you my if I give you my phone like this it's not permission to take it Yeah no don't it's always weird Yeah Be ready to get off the plane I oh my god if you if it's your row 27

and you're getting your jacket on, when it's your turn to get off, I'll shoot you. Like I'll, yeah, I'll cause a scene. Yeah. Keep your ringer off. It's 2025. Who's has ringtone still? Like, come on.

Everyone's got an Apple Watch that's gonna buzz you. You have your phone on. Let it buzz. Let's buzz. The buzz is fine. The buzz is fine. Like come on everyone's got an Apple watch it's gonna buzz you you have Buzz The buzz is fine. The buzz is fine. And if you do have a ringtone it better be one of the stock options Apple gives you Yeah, I don't want to hear Apple bottom jeans the middle of the gym exactly Grocery donuts are free. I know you love that rule. That is a rule you will live by forever I will live by that I scoped out the grocery store yesterday and

It's one of the Kroger chains, so guess who's getting more free donuts different state My last one is never walk under a ladder like I know that's like a superstition, but either way just don't do it Just don't Yeah, it's also I don't think you're around many ladders You can just casually walk underneath most ladders now I'm pretty sure unless you're at a construction site then definitely don't walk under a lot. Yeah, just don't be walking on your ladders My last one if you're hosting don't expect people to bring stuff. Okay.

But vice versa, if you're going somewhere, maybe bring something. It's kind of a respect thing. Okay, if you're offering everyone to come over, it should be assumed you have enough to get by Yeah, but if you're coming over someone else's house, and they're willing to host Maybe you should also bring something unless you specifically say it's a potluck or something. Yeah, you got it Yeah, that's different people like hey come on over and then you show up like if we had people over Saturday We showed up. We're like hey, we're having a few drinks, and we had two beers here.

That's rude. You're like, well, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah. All right, so five things you'd say to your younger self. Ooh, okay, I'll start. Being short isn't that bad. Yeah.

Your younger self, Not your normal self. Yeah, I would tell my younger self that because I was even shorter back then. That's true. That's true. I have your beard will grow. Your beard will grow. As to like my 8 year old self. Yeah, I like that. I would say take a few more risks. Okay. I have no one is gonna want those DVDs. Oh My god yours are way better than mine mine are like nice things

Yeah, that's a good one still like you're hoarding things you don't need to so many I would I'd maybe make a change here, but um You don't need that many t-shirts you're never gonna wear it again that's true that's a good one yeah I'm still like that man I have too many t-shirts I have that like my state football t-shirt that we went to state we lost I'm like I can't these are great mementos that will stay in a closet until I die and my kids go oh dad went to state I have then it will stay in that closet until they're like just get rid of it. He's not here anymore I have a I have multiple t-shirts. I say

Marion High School playoffs Yeah, it's like just get rid of them who gives a shit yeah No one cares as much as you do Yeah, that is a hundred percent true. Yeah I would say appreciate your parents. It's their first time living too You do. Yeah, that is 100% true. I would say, appreciate your parents. It's their first time living too. Oh, that's a good one.

That's a real good one. Eat more broccoli. It's a great food. Eat more broccoli. I love broccoli. Dude, it's so good. I've never had a problem with broccoli. Even when you were a kid?

Yeah, no, I think Brussels were my thing as a kid. because my first experience with Brussels sprouts were the ones in a can or the jar Yeah, and I was like, oh, that's just what Brussels sprouts are. I thought Brussels sprouts were made in the jar Yeah, I thought they can't like you grew them in the liquid. Yeah That's not the case my last one I Would say and this goes off of what we talked about our deep thinking last episode Keep doing you you're doing fine, but look around that's good Mine is put money into Apple Fuck can I add another one?

By Bitcoin By Bitcoin We'll get to that and remember and remember your password yeah, we'll skip we'll skip the The strange I have one I have one public encounter. Well, we can do that I want we we okay we go. Well, the next one is top five conspiracy theories that might be true That might be true go for it women's pockets were Small because they wanted to sell more purses But they keep interesting keep making smaller and smaller so they would hold purses do you know

The buttons on a shirt for men and women? They're different. So when we button a shirt, I'm trying to remember which way it goes, but women are the other way around because in the olden days, back when you were a kid, it was common practice for women to dress their husband. So the buttons would be reversed so it'd be familiar

for them. Oh that's weird. Mine would be simulation theory that this is a simulation and it's not the first simulation we're like version six or seven. How do you think we're doing do you think we're doing better than six? No. You think we're just going downhill? I think with each simulation we die around the same time, give or take a few thousand years. It's just from a different reason. That's fair. That's fair. You already know this one.

Middle high life is three different beers. Yes. Absolutely. Can bottle draft. Yep. I Would I honestly think that that theory goes into other beers as well? I have another theory as well, but you'll see that coming up here. Okay I like the one that we were genetically modified So we go away from simulation, but that we were like beings on this planet and then other

people came down, genetically modified us so our intelligence would grow pretty quickly and we were basically used as slave labor. I've never heard that in my entire life. I'll send you a few hundred videos. Your dad will send you a few hundred videos. Yeah, your dad will send me a few hundred The acuity flag in Sheboygan's not that big The what flag do you know do you know when you like you're going up to Green Bay? And there's that acuity flag on the right on the right of the highway. It's supposed to be the biggest flag in Wisconsin

It's not that big I Don't know what flag you're talking about, but I believe you. Yeah, there's a website linked to it. I'll send it to you. The next two are kind of alike, but you ever heard of the hollow earth theory? Yes. That there's like a whole nother like species, and that's where like a lot of like the UFOs and stuff are. Like everything that we see is actually coming from within and not

Out in its in out, but I like the hollow earth theory and if you want like a good representation of it I believe it's the latest rendition of the King Kong Godzilla movies. I think they got it spot-on the documentary King Kong The documentary King Kong and Godzilla Never know all right here's my other one McDonald's has a deal with coke that they make specific coke for McDonald's I Think that's isn't that true. It's gotta be right. I know McDonald's straws are wider So it allows more carbonation through and that's why you think your sprite is extra spicy That's a fact yeah, I think like coke calls like McDonald's pays a certain amount of money for us Give them special coke. Do you like the McDonald's coke? I don't know

It's fine. I'm not a big soda guy, but Every once in a while I crave a soda and it it's really nice. And then I'm good. Like, usually I get my soda fix on the airplane. I give myself a Coke Zero. That should be another rule. Oh my god, on the airplanes? Don't give me a quarter of the soda. Give me the fucking can.

Because you know what? We're just reducing weight, aren't we? Kinda. So just give me the whole can yeah All right, I believe I'm up I believe mythical creatures at one point did exist whether it was this lifetime or Generation six or some version of them okay a long long time ago. Yes, so Sasquatch No, not that one. Oh blackness monster Yeah that one. Okay, or like witches and genies. Oh

Okay, fair enough My last one is no one actually knows what crypto is No, it's We're all just like making stuff up at this point It's crypto is cryptic dollars. You're like what? What is it? Yeah, I don't understand the whole money thing to begin with but My last one there are people on this planet with extraordinary powers like superhero powers?

Kinda. Like have you ever seen, and it doesn't have to go as far as like we have Superman, but the, like the remote viewing stuff where people are able to like close their eyes and view a distant location and actually see what's going on and all that. Yeah, I also think like, I mean, and actually see what's going on and all that. Yeah, I also think like, I mean, there's like athletes that are just like, no matter what, they're just born like that, you know? Yeah, there are definitely gifted people,

but I think there's something like beyond even our understanding that they can do. Usain Bolt, without training, his entire life could still run faster than me. You know Not me Speak for yourself. Oh quick All right Top five fuckable cartoon characters Also, I love how you googled that instead of just googling female cartoon characters.

No, I googled. I went fuckable cartoon characters. All right. I have a bunch. Okay. Let's start over. But I'll let you start. I feel like reach can help me. I'll go Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit. Yeah, I've never... yes, and I put her in honorable mention, but I'm gonna go Lola Bunny. There you go, yeah. I knew you were gonna go that one, so I kept it off my list.

Yeah, okay. Velma or Daphne? So that's on mine too, literally Velma or Daphne, absolutely. Both smoke shows. Yeah, hit me with another one then, we double up there. The mom from Incredibles God damn it elastic girl as well. Yes got that Yeah, we're on the same page. All right, can you can you go?

Betty Boop No, absolutely not I have Kim possible. Oh, yeah Kim possible or Miss Bellum from the powerpuff girls Okay, okay the mom yeah Hercules I

Mean to each their own We got to throw one in my ladies for the ladies sure my last one would be Wonder Woman Is that a cartoon character? Yeah, isn't it? It's a comic right then you might not do Wonder Woman, and then you'll poison ivy and all that I mean Catwoman you know Catwoman be great. Yeah, it would just be superhero people, because they're built. I don't think they're as cartoony now that there's so many movies made like that. All right, then let me see if I can get another one off

the top of my head. Who made me feel a tingly way when I was a little boy? Lola Bunny, I think, is everyone's number one. Jessica Rabbit's up there. Kim Possible, Daphne, Velma. Johnny Bravo. Johnny Bravo, yeah. Or Courage the Cowardly Dog, whichever way you swing.

There's a buddy who's built like Johnny Bravo, so yeah. There's a lot of guys built like Johnny Bravo all upstairs. No downstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah Usually they're in like the baggiest sweatpants at the gym to try and hide the fact that they got toothpicks for legs I'm like dude put the steroids waist down for once. Okay, stop putting them in your arms Well, all right, that's all I got for you man, I mean we can keep this one kind of short Did you did you have yeah, did you have any weird public encounters? Like what's your number one? Oh? My weird, I mean there's been so many I've had a man

P into my friend's journal Like my friends journal and he pees in the urinal. The woman who wrote on the wall in feces that was a crazy thing. I've seen multiple people knock themselves out on the ice that happened this weekend one guy knocked himself out on the ice fell down. Jesus. Yeah gone gone done And I've seen people drink us beer out of weird objects, so Okay, I think I don't really have one. I mean I've shared the one where like the lady came in thought She was a cat at the bar

I found an octopus in the urinal once Or a squid whichever one, but someone pee on the bench Yep, I don't think that was actually I think someone was a joke, but one happened and not to me this happened to Rachel Day To or Tuesday so she had been here since Saturday afternoon She's been here three days first First time she got on the freeway, went to the hospital, got stuff figured out, is driving home, and I get a text that she's like,

a man just showed me his penis. And I go, in my head I'm like, oh, a homeless guy? Because there's a decent amount of homeless people here. And she gets home and she's like, no, I was driving and this guy kept honking at me and I was about to exit and he drove up next to me and just goes, whee, in his car while he was driving. Yeah, he needs to balance.

Everyone's, I tell every guy that and they're like, everyone's first question is, how big was his penis? My dad's first question was how big was his penis? Oh, that wasn't mine. what does that say about me I don't know but I'm like she Rachel's like was it like a prop I go maybe but that's a weird thing to do either way that's definitely not the first time he's done it oh yeah and he definitely needs to be on a list somewhere and take his revoked and he's

in the absolute and he's going slow in the left lane already should be Exactly imprisonment public indecency and going slow in the left lane prison Yeah, that's what puts it over the edge is slow the left lane You're slowing traffic down sir you get probation for showing your penis, but seven years in jail for going slow enough Like it I like those rules. I think we did well. I think we changed something I'll add that to the the Cusky Diego campaign for 2028 Oh, yeah, I forget you two are gonna be politicians. I mean two short kings one once gay ones What I feel like that's a perfect combination for 2028. Yeah, two gay queens.

Yeah, that's going to be a good one. Two gay queens. Yeah, you guys are going to do it. I want to vote for you guys probably every year from now on. It would be so fun to just be on a political campaign. I don't know how we'd make it through, but just like, and those running as moderate this year are Diego and Kuski. Would you like to come on Fox and debate?

Absolutely. He just put his Instagram handle, trash pimp is going to speak first. And then fat chance is next yeah at fat chance. It's just it's just me typing in questions Oh, I love it what it says here your top five Things you change is we're weighing the fat people is it gonna play to go absolutely You bet I stand behind that well. I don't physically stand behind that I stand in front of it. Hopefully Yeah, a scale for everyone. That's my model for my motto You get a scale you get a scale you get a scale you might need to

Well, I don't know how this episode is gonna work out We'll see we'll see if it turns out well, but this is gonna be a probably a little bit of a nightmare for me but This is going to be probably a little bit of a nightmare for me, but yeah If it works out this is good, and what's nice is we can get as many people in as we want yeah for sure Just long as they have their own fun Yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe I got a ship a camera somewhere. Yeah, but no cool Well, we'll see about a hope hope drink booze better, and and we'll hopefully see you soon Were we pointing up there? We putting booze better somewhere. You hope drink booze better and and we'll hopefully see you soon Were we pointing up there? We put in booze better somewhere. You know put booze better everywhere. Oh

My gosh, there's so much booze better All right, there's just one booze better. It's right there and boom bye Music