Fat Chance Podcast - Twice Baked - Apple Pies

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

Not sure if we should post these on this account anymore but had guest reschedule for the regular show and wanted to give you guys something this week.

Go behind us. We did an episode in the high note, remember that? And then like they came down. Oh yeah, I actually looked at that clip today. I was like, the highest I've ever been. And it goes dings, and I go, Hot Pocket's done. It's right now. Yeah, I do want a Hot Pocket.

My son, he woke me up The other day Like all within 30 seconds Wakes me up Slaps me on the dick And then he's just like Wake up wake up And then he starts tickling me And then he runs out And then gives me

Oh gives me a wet willy And then runs out And then he's like Do we have hot pockets for breakfast All within like 30 seconds So your son's a crackhead Yeah he's a psycho He's like got it

He's trying to kill me Do you think this is gonna work out the pie crust we tried the blueberry pies and that was terrible go ahead just microwave at this point we can just start it afterwards we can just start it after this nah don't worry i mean because it only it's only picking up our mics it barely picked up when we were doing the stand mixer oh this is the most i'm not gonna edit this out either. This is how we started. Welcome back to Twice Baked. I almost said Too Baked.

I don't even know the name of this on show. This is Twice Baked, and we're making mini apple pies today. This is going to be good. Let's give the progression. We started with we're going to bake an apple pie, and then I thought it would be too long, so let's make McDonald's mini apple pies. So then I asked Avery to go get more puff pastry

because I thought I had puff pastry. And then so he brought me croissant dough. Yep. And then I looked. I was like, thank God I have puff pastry, but it turns out I have pie crust. So we are making apple croissants and mini apple pies. It's going to be cool.

We didn't want to just do the mini apple pies because we felt like it would be a... Yeah, but we're still doing them. But hopefully it ends up better. We cut a lot of apples up. It'll be a good time. We don't tell them that. We have the two apples cut here. We're doing everything in front of them. Oh yeah, we're doing everything.

We're getting good at prepping stuff. Yeah, we are. That little milky thing next to you, Jake, I wouldn't spill that. Also, due to our recent success, we've hired a producer that sits in red pajamas, microwaving behind us the entire time. I can't focus on two things at once. My ADD is over. Dude, you're wearing the brightest fucking colors.

Just step over here. Let's see your outfit. The camera's got to see you, buddy. No. I bet you can't guess what school he went to college at. It'd be different if it was all gray, but it is all red. All red. It does remind me of Christmas. You got a nice booty, dude.

Hell yeah, dude. That's awesome. Have you? Just kidding. Fat. Just kidding. Fat. It is working on it. So what's like the first step?

You're in the bulking phase? I've been trying to bulk for like six years, and it's not working. I haven't. Honestly, yeah, we do need to cook, right? Yeah. Oh, we should preheat the oven. Oh, yeah. Jake, do you want to put it to, I don't know.

How much do I get? 400 maybe? 400 bucks? Do you bake at 400 or do you bake at 350? Me? I feel like 350. Well, let's just. I don't fucking know.

400 because it happens quicker, you know? It'll get warm quick. 375. Yeah, 420, man. Obviously, 420. That would be great. Everything3.75. $4.20, man. Obviously $4.20. That would be great. Everything we cook is at $4.20. He put it at $4.20.

Hell yeah, dude. That's awesome. So can you put it at $3.75? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. This is going to be fun. All the edibles you give me definitely hit me quick. I feel it in my eyes.

I feel it, dude. I already – I took mine like five minutes ago. All right. So we need to cut apples. Okay. I'm going to do this one so it looks professional. What? It looked like a toddler with a knife.

Exactly. It's all right all right i'm gonna take the knife all right we don't have insurance on this show so i'll get out of the blood circle so i gotta go in the back what do i do no you get in here can i hang out here yeah i'm gonna cut um apples and then we're gonna add the sugar mixture and then we're gonna cook it and make that little filling and then we're gonna put it in the yeah the croissant things and then yeah so just talk why don't you tell them about the charlie barons um oh yeah we got to go to state fair yesterday uh we got like these backstage passes to go see charlie barons at the state fair 8 8,000 people.

It was bananas. It was kind of insane to watch. And then we had one of our friends, Chastity Washington, who's a great comedian in the Milwaukee area. She basically got to open for him. And it was really cool because I've known Chastity for years. And we've been working the same rooms the entire time I've known her.

And I know she's been doing it for like 20 some odd years now and uh she's like one of the uncrowned queens of comedy you know like she deserves to be famous she definitely deserves to have her own specials but for whatever reason she just doesn't but it was really cool to see her get like the opportunity of a lifetime and perform in front of 8 000 people and uh you know we had a great time. Had a little trouble. I did have a weird day today, though. So I've been bouncing around with different therapists. I'm just going to talk to you, too.

I love that you just quickly disregarded that entire story. We had a little trouble getting – my day today was insane. You just completely disregarded the rest of it. I'm high already man i uh but i did i had a wild day i uh so i'm bouncing around between therapists trying to figure like out find a good therapist and i've been seeing this one guy named dennis uh and he's pretty cool but like i go to his house basically and like so i show up at his house and he has like you go to dennis's house i I go to Dennis's house for therapy.

You also get your weed there. No, I don't, but I do get it three blocks away, which is also a coincidence. Uh, Dennis's cousin, Dennis's cousin.

Yeah. But so he, um, he, I show up at his house. He's wearing sweatpants today. Okay. First of all,

he looked like Jake right now. It's fucking sweatpants on, dude. Mustard stain on his shirt. And he had like this sweater on, dude. And I show up. And then he like has this whole like, he's very Eastern, Eastern style therapy. Like where it's just like, we're going to do deep breaths. And then, which is like nice because then like I get to, I still get to say my thoughts.

I just have to do the deep breathing. And I was like, but then he made me go scream in his basement about all the people. I'm not fucking around. Stop cutting apples for a second. What? I know. He's like, we're going to go in my basement. And I was like, all right.

And I was like, first of all, I'm just like curious. Like, where is this fucking going? You know, I was like, all right. You know, I can probably fuck him up if I have to. And but then so I go in this guy's basement and he's like, we're just you're going to scream basically about everybody is pissing you off. Why they're pissing you off, what they did, how they like. And you're just going to let it go, dude. And I did it and I got to say it felt pretty cathartic. But I don't know if I want to make that my regular Thursday activity.

I'm just going to Dennis' house and yelling in his basement. And getting high and baking. I have two questions. Did my name come out in the basement? No, not at all. Sweet. Then all right, I don't care about anyone. I'm just kidding.

Second, I don't think he's a therapist. I think he's prepping to kidnap you because you're now comfortable with him in sweatpants and mustard stains and now he knows his basement is soundproof i'm pretty sure i'm joining a cult he's gonna lock the fuck up i'm joining a cult inadvertently it's not gonna be great but yeah dude so that was my thursday uh so that like in all honesty dude that kind of like superseded the whole uh state fair thing even though we did have a lot of fun there. I just, you know, to be honest with you, I got home and then like from Dennis's house and I was like, dude, I just want to fucking chill out, man. You know, like that's a big day. And I feel like I don't know.

Do you think he I did find him on Craigslist? Is that not good? I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Maybe they can auction him off at the next Barron's concert. Yeah, right? Oh, man. What a day.

So how are you doing on the slicing, dude? Good. That's good. I'm trying to like speak up for the microphone. Dude, did, um. I was just going to say something. I forgot. It's great ASMR.

I can't even talk. So we need to add sugar, salt, the other sugar, lemon juice. Fuck, I think I have a lemon. Okay. And then it said. Do you have the measurements out in front of you? I can pull it up. No, I'm just going to wing it.

We're winging it? Oh, boy. Okay. I mean, dude, we're not even. We tried making McDonald's apple pies, and we're now making apple turnovers. And apple croissants. It says I need a cup of sugar. That looks like a cup.

That's so much sugar. That was a liberal cup. Can you get the whisk? Do you know what a whisk is? Yes. That's in there. Oh, my God. Jake, can we use your last name on this show?

Mine? No, Jake's. Jake's been on here more than anyone. Actually, you might be taking the cake here soon. Oh, now I'm going to whisk. Yeah, there we go. Teamwork makes the jam work, dude. What was our key to baking when we made oatmeal? Get the edges.

Oh, yeah. Get the edges. This is so much sugar. Wow. This is such a dumb idea, but you know what? It works, and I enjoy it. It's fine. I like it.

This is the most I've cooked in recent times. Well, baked ever. Yeah. This is hands down the most I've baked. You think that's mixed enough Yeah And then we need salt in there But I'll put that in the apples

And then we're supposed to just let it sit for a bit I like my women like I like my mixed martial arts Damn it I fucked that joke up Damn it God damn it Restart I like my women like I like my martial arts Mixed You really fucked that up Restart. I like my women like I like my martial arts.

Mixed. You really fucked that up. I did. Start of the joke punchline. Yeah. All right. So now we add this into there with salt and lemon juice. So much salt. Like, remember that eighth of a whatever? Okay. Of a teaspoon? there with salt and lemon juice. Remember that

eighth of a whatever? Of a teaspoon? Can you grab something to stir it? And then I'll let you stir. Do you know what it also says? We need allspice, but I don't know what allspice is.

I figured we could go without all the spices. Just some of the spices. Yeah is all spice that's all spice We're the ones that are high Dude You're working Do we just mix it like this? How else do you mix? Do you flip it? I don't know

Mix it Just make sure everything's on there I'll get the salt in there Everything's gotta be covered And we gotta let it sit for like That's plenty of salt Dude that looks kind of good. It's sugar and apples.

I hope it looks good. It looks so good. Do you like brown sugar or white sugar more? Careful. Careful, Michael. You know what's bad? I was going to answer that so confidently with a terrible answer because I didn't think of it that way. But when he started laughing, I was like, oh, shit.

White for sure. Wow. Whoa. Okay. I feel like you use it with more things. Yeah. It makes this well with everything. Okay, buddy.

Dude, fucking cool it, dude. It tends to be overpowering. Takes things a little extreme sometimes. Yeah. You want just enough. You don't want too much. A little bit better, though. Too much sugar can often kill you.

That's true. That's true. Some say sugar is a cancer. Are white people the cancer in this? They didn't know we were talking about people. I'm getting there. It's going to be a good day. I'm glad that this podcast

is mainly used just for clips. Oh, yeah. I haven't even logged on to the whatever we use To see how many people watch this Oh yeah Well it's like also if you watch There's an hour plus

Yeah Of this it's like what are you Yeah what are you doing What are you doing What are you doing Honestly this is more for us This is fun Yeah this is fun

Okay I'm gonna get that lemon Get the lemon Okay, I'm going to get that lemon. Grab a lemon. Question, how many cups is two cups? Or too many cups? Like, if I told you to go buy cups, how many cups would you get me? Cups? Like, go get me solo cups. Or have a party.

How many do you get? I get, for a party? 20 20 cool um we had a bachelor party of six and the bachelor got 240 red solo cups does he shop at costco yeah that was at costco i was like we could go anywhere else that's too many cups yeah that's just wasteful here we have to throw a lot of parties why do you even do dishes at this point i don't know why we use any cups we should just be... What would be the animal that... You know how straw killed the turtle? What would the red solo cup kill? Raccoon?

Squirrel? Fox? Yes. Raccoon or raccoon? I like raccoon. Trash. It's trash. That looks good. Now we let it sit. Doesn't that look better this time? Yeah, I like the angle.

That looks – but it's dark. It looks like we know what we're doing. It honestly looks like this starts like a Lemon Pet Pledge commercial. Like, here's how to make your cutting boards perfect i am going to struggle with words yeah i know i'm just i uh can i show you that knife thing here i'll do it with this though okay yeah please put the knife down okay so to hit like all six arteries uh or not all six but like six main arteries and like six strikes with a knife. You want to see something cool, dude? All right. So here, back up, Michael, just so

the camera can catch it. There you go. Inside, stomach lining, femoral, femoral, rib, rib, neck, neck, neck. Do you want me to show you again? No, because I was uncomfortable With the spoon hitting me I found that out from What was that movie called? Hunted

With Guillermo del Toro And Tommy Lee Jones Do you think that was accurate? Because you hit me in the ribs twice Well you're going in the stomach lining Because you already sliced the stomach up So you just go up and slide Up and slide the other way slide, up and slide.

Maybe not. Maybe, I mean, I don't know. I haven't killed anybody with a knife, you know, but. Only a fork. The knife is still young. What do we do now? I don't know. Should we look at the thing?

Egg wash for puff pastry. Oh, we should get that giant tray out and put parchment paper on it. That would be a good idea. That's under the oven. This is the dumbest thing we do. So put that on the stove because we got no room over here. I kind of like having the space. This looks nice.

So if you see in this camera, we are going to cut the lemons and then this. Should we put it on parchment paper? Does it stick? I don't fucking care. Yeah. Alright, so the lemons are done. We need to pop this bad boy open. Where's the other one? Is there a can opener? No. Let me show you.

Wow. Wow. Oh no, this is a peel one. Wow. No. Wow. I'm just looking at the break. Oh, no. This is a peel one. Duh. We're good at this, guys.

We're good at this. This one doesn't peel well. That looks like toilet paper. Ooh. That was exciting. Oh, man. Looks like Jimmy John's bread. Oh.

Oven's ready. Hot pocket's ready. All right, do that to that one. I just taught you. Thanks, Dad. Now I wish you got the ones that was like scored Then we can just cut them into triangles already We're not good at this Real highs and lows

And we actually have to work You notice how quiet it gets? I know, I know We gotta figure out a way Maybe if we had like the head if we had the headsets. Oh, yeah. The lapel mics. We should just get headsets.

That would make this more of a day. If we had those giant gamer headsets. Yeah, but don't put it on this one. I'm gonna move this over, so we're going dark. I don't know. He sends me the weirdest DMs. It's like food stuff, and then it's like heavy political stuff, and then it's like, I don't know, a guy riding a BMX bike, and then it's a meme I don't know, a guy riding a BMX bike. And then it's a meme of like Biden falling off his bike.

My dad sends me messages on Facebook and then also posts the same messages to his Facebook profile. And then notoriously comments on his Facebook profile, like the post being like, huh, didn't know I posted that. And it's happened like half a dozen times more than once too many times my dad um my favorite thing he did is when he started dming me stuff on instagram i'd be like hey i can't open this i don't follow the account or something like it's private or something you're friends with someone i don't know what it is but i can't open it it's locked so i can't see it and he goes okay so he sends a screenshot of a video and he sends that to me he goes can you open it now i'm like no no it's a screenshot of a oh my god that's awesome

okay my dad learned bluetooth last year really yeah? Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. So what we're going to do is we're going to cut these into triangles. Okay. Okay. With a knife? We'll do it one at a time. Sure. What did you want to eat? Scissors?

No. A knife's fine. I was just going to be a smart ass and tell you, oh, no, a spoon. But I'm now going to start cooking the apples. Okay. It's definitely not been 10 minutes. What do you think we're at? Time-wise on the podcast?

Yeah. Eight minutes? We can definitely do this. It's been three hours. Is that the type of triangle we're going for? That is fucking perfect. Nice, dude. Actually, it's almost too small.

Just use this. Just go like this. Boom, boom. Oh, gotcha. Yeah. Let's stay off the table. Let's just do that one first. Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. The table's clean. This is oddly satisfying. All right, I'm going to start cooking the apples. This is so satisfying. Dude, something about, like, cutting through something, you know?

It's super satisfying. It's like 10 million years of evolution. Just cut, maim, destroy. Yeah, you don't sound like a psychopath at all. Yeah, no, I'm allowed to vote, you know. All right, here, I'll cut the rest. That's over the thing. Every time it's going, every time someone every time it's it's going every time someone uh

puts the microphone down we got a prompt with a question oh yeah i think it's good but i'm about to put this down so i have to give you a question to talk about um i got nothing so you just talk what is going on in the world oh i went to chicago dude i had a lot of fun in chicago the other week took an architecture uh tour of the city on like a kayak which is super fun we were kayaking all over the place and um do you know chicago is actually a potawatomi word for chicago which means the smelly onion or the stinky onion because the city smelled like shit and onions when like people were just settling there. And then, yeah, that's basically the extent of that. And what's the point of the giant bean structure?

What is the purpose of the bean in Chicago? The beam? The bean? Oh, it's the Windy City. Jake said they're gassy. I took a one-step father. Yeah, they fart a lot. They just got bad digestion and everything.

That should be it. That honestly should be it. Are you eating a cookie right now? Jake came back from L.A. this morning. He's filming his new Netflix special. Whites are supreme. Dude, after this sugar stuff, the white sugar stuff, and the white guy in the fucking red over there

With the mega hat And the Yeah And the clans row It's a red mega hat too Yeah This is the fourth and final episode Yeah we're canceled

Of Twice Big Okay so what do we do now We just wait Until The apples are done Okay And then We put the mixture

However we want in here. So you have how many? Five? I have... Why do we... Oh, yeah. So we got whatever. We'll make...

We'll let Jake do that one. Jake, you're on duty for this one, dude. Hey, what's this look like? What's this look like? It's a camel's toe. I would say like a floppy piece of pizza like from Ninja Turtles. Oh, yeah. Doesn't cartoon food always look way better than normal people food?

Dude, imagine how greasy that pizza would be, though. Disgusting. It'd just be like soup. But that's the kind of pizza you feel like you just toss it all in your mouth at once. Oh, yeah. It's all cheese. How satisfying. This is just me.

When the cartoons just eat everything in like one bite. They're like. That's me. That's me. I eat so quickly. I am a human vacuum cleaner. OK. Food.

Rank them. Top three cartoon foods. Pizza. Like from the specific show. Oh, a crappy patty from SpongeBob. OK. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pizza. And then maybe like the Dead Babies from Attack on Titan.

Oh, okay. Where the Titans, the giants take over. You ever watch that show, dude? Wild, wild anime show where these like titans were basically frozen in time for like a thousand years and then they got unfrozen and they just like eat everything like mao down through cities how'd they get unfrozen uh i forget I would go for Krabby Patty. Remember the episode where he puts the jellyfish jelly on the Krabby Patty? Yeah.

I'm going with that one. That's got to be my number one food I wanted cartoon-wise. You know what might be good, too? Not good, but just fun to try is the, what's that, Plankton's Burger. What's that called? Oh, like the hologram one no no the slot bucket what is it called chum bucket chum bucket that'd be yeah oh that was that looks good i'm gonna go rotate it real quick oh boy i'm back on microphone duty

oh boy man this is just banana so i don't like the fact fact that We have to come up with a new recipe Every week It does keep me on my toes a little bit And I'm not a good baker I'm not good at doing things by the book Which is like all baking is It's like doing things exactly how they say It's an exact science

I'm not good at it either And we did none of this by the book Maybe this will be our best one yet. To make apple pies, we needed puff pastry. It was the first thing we needed, besides apples. And we got two different things. We got croissants and pizza. Pie crust.

Pie crust. Good thing no one got, honestly, was a little worried you were going to come back with pizza dough. I did see it, and I grabbed it, but then I read it, and I was like, oh, that's not what we're making today. But I think early enough in someone's baking career, you'd be like, dough's dough. Isn't it, though? No.

No, not at all. And I really don't understand the differences in all of them. I wish I was better at making bread. I said that last time. Dude, I want to learn how to make bread. I got the bread flour right there. If we want to do a nine-hour podcast we can honestly more than nine hours we can make bread we i mean we could yeah we could section it off i wouldn't want to be you know what the

hundredth episode of this we'll be like you we're gonna do a 12 hour podcast we're just gonna make bread oh man that'd be intense we'll bring all our friends on that joined us cody heck wants to be a guest on here. That'd be fun. I'd be fine, too, if one of us can't make it with just a fill-in. But I'm a little worried if I can't make it, you can't set any of this up. No. Yeah, that's the last cause.

Yeah, I'm going to go simmer. Yeah, give it a little stir. So my initial plan was is not initial plan our initial plan was the pies but when you sent me the video that you wanted to do for apple pies it was different than my idea for mcdonald's apple pies so i was like all right you get your version of puff pastry i have mine and then we see whose turns out better i like the idea of possibly we both have to cook the same recipe and see who turns out better. Like a bake-off? Yeah.

Like a bake-off? That would be awesome. The Great Cannabis Bake-Off. Oh, man. That would be fun. I think you might win that one. That's like a bad episode and nailed it. Oh, yeah.

What also could be fun, though, is Jake, just our producer, put the ingredients for a recipe in front of us. We have no idea what that recipe is. And we both have to be like, what are we supposed to make? Oh, that'd be fun. I like that. You know, nothing would actually get made. Like, I'm going to make an apple pie. It's just flat.

Dude, I would love that. That's actually a great idea. Let's do that next time. You here next Thursday, Jake? You are. It's just flat. Dude, I would love that. That's actually a great idea. Dude, let's do that next time. Are you here next Thursday, Jake? You are. You're our producer. Yeah, he's here every... He took his mega hat off now.

That's good. He's got this really pointy hood on. Yeah, it's a really weird shade of white, too. Why'd you change so quickly? Yeah, dude. It's awesome. I don't know how to blur anything out so please don't do that dude you know who uh dan bilzerian is you're gonna hear a crazy story i heard today uh dan bilzerian the like notorious poker player

playboy guy um he was hammered at a ufc fight um and like okay so this guy Anthony Smith who was fighting for the world title had his like mom and his wife and family all at all like sitting front row and Dan Bilzerian comes in hammered just out of his mind and then literally kicks

Anthony Smith's wife and mom out of their seats so he can sit there and then starts watching porn during the fight right next to Anthony Smith's mom what a psycho more than hammer

what a psycho could you imagine having the audacity to go kick somebody out of a front row seat at a fight like where they played like 10,000 fights and then watch pornography. When you're the biggest, I mean, dude, one of the biggest playboys of all time.

I don't think those ideas would ever cross path in my head, but now they're going to the next event I'm at. Oh, man. What's that? Vertigo lady. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh we were at uh state fair yesterday and then um we heard a story of this lady who was in the 300 section so way up high um she said she had vertigo and that she was freaking out because she was up so high but then it's like why did you order

seats in the nosebleeds where you know and it's at the state fair like it's fucking goes up so high but then it's like why'd you order seats in the nosebleeds where you know and it's at the state fair like it's fucking goes up so high and then so i don't know what the hell she's doing um but anyway i think she died um but i'm not sure yeah but then yeah dude it was a fun night though i uh i can't believe there were that many people there a lot of white people a lot of white people, a lot of white people. That's fine. You know. Oh, sure. Yes. Oh, man. But yeah, it was a great it was fucking crazy, though.

We had a little trailer that we had to get to that we had like free beer. So we just got hammered, took an insane amount of edibles and then just kind of watched my buddy just fucking kill it in front of 8 000 people it was bananas i have a premise for a bit now from last night about you and it's like the it's like one percent done but you're the kind of guy who gives someone an edible that you have to make sure you're like how much is this, Avery? What am I getting into? Yeah. Is this a ha-ha high or this is a holy shit the devil high? Usually the latter. Usually the latter. One of the people you gave it to was like, thank God I heard you guys have that conversation because I was just going to go home and casually take this.

And I would have saw God. Yeah. I mean, dude, if you got to talk to God sometimes, it makes me more honest, dude. You go to your therapist's basement and scream it out. What's his name? Dennis. Yep. Yep.

Dennis. Just picture a T-shirt with Dennis popping out of like those basement stairs. Come on down and scream. Dennis has got a sweater, a really nice cashmere sweater, and then sweatpants with mustard stains on it. That is such a typical therapist look, the sweater. Sandals with socks on. So he's like a Zoom therapist because he doesn't have to be serious in the bottom. I think most of his clients are actually Zoom, and I'm like the one guy that shows up and he's like, ah, fuck me.

He's like, holy shit. Avery's here. I'm just going to have him yell and tugger himself out in the basement. Yeah, he can mute his computer usually. Dude, I hope I don't get abducted or set into a cult. Oh, my God, bro. I have a story to tell you. This lady who I'm seeing right now told me this crazy story about how she almost got indoctrinated into three calls.

Three, not one, not two, but three over the course of her life. One. I understand. Two. You're done.

Three. She's looking for one. She just hasn't found the right one. Yeah, exactly. Hasn't synced up three. I feel like it's on you at that point, but I mean,

she found out and got out of it beforehand, but like, yeah, the first one was Scientology. Second one was right to the big leagues. Yeah. On accident. I was like,

I don't, I don't remember the whole story in detail, but yeah, she's like fucking, uh, almost indoctrinated in three cults. So I'm pretty sure I could get her to marry me, you know,

which is like, Oh yeah. That's a minor commitment to what she was looking. We're not going to clip that one. That was just going in. That was just going in That was just going in to Spotify No one's going to listen to that She won't, that's all I care about Dude, try that

That's delicious The sugar? Oh, that is good, dude I think I'm going to See, the brown sugar helps the white sugar. It does. It complements well. As long as people can whisk themselves together and incorporate without clumps.

Yeah. Because no one likes a giant clump just coming at you at once. Right. Yeah. This is a fucking metaphor. Either brown or white sugar. Or beige. Or beige.

There is light brown and dark brown sugar. Is there dark brown sugar? Yeah. There's also granulated sugar and powdered sugar. We know which kind of sugar is sugar. Is there Western European sugar? Uh-oh. We're burning stuff now.

Oh, no. Is that supposed to do that? Oh, dude. This looks so good. It's, like, actually sticky. Oh, man. So now... We're getting good at this, right?

No, we're not. I think I am going to put parchment down because I think this is going to ooze out of our monstrosities. Yes. We're going to let this cool. This has to cool a bit. So we got to keep talking. How long does it have to cool? I don't know.

A bit. Dude, this edible is hitting me pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. You know you can talk, right? Yeah, I was just watching. I'm sorry, man. My bad. Yeah, this is not our best podcast i'm sorry we

got a little too stoned but now there's just so much going on over here we got apples burning in the midst how long does it take to bake like uh it doesn't need to be baked in the oven for it dude i don't know we probably shouldn't have thrown away the directions for uh um honestly we're just going to watch them now. They burn, they burn. If you want to, you can try one of the apples. I'd love to. It's probably going to be hot.

And then when you're done, if I could have another one of those rolling rocks, it'd be good. Is that kind of soft? They're a little tough, yeah. We definitely didn't cook the apples long enough. It's good? Alright Alright let me try one out Well there's gonna be Big pieces Oh fuck it's hot

Do you just not feel Your fingers No No pain Or no feeling Sensors in my fingers The bigger pieces Are definitely gonna be chunky

But dude that's an Apple pie filling That feels good That's an apple pie filling Man this is gonna be good dude At the end of the day, we're getting sugar apples. Yeah.

Jake, are you going to try one of these? No. Okay, cool. He's definitely going to have one. You said you're in the bulking face, man. Put some food in you. I'm going to prep mine. I think I'm going to do a little sugar on the inside and a little sugar on the outside. Man, I love good food, dude.

Good food fucking rules. When I was in Chicago last week, I went and I walked outside and I saw this nice little Italian place. And I got like this little panini, like Italian cafe. Got this little panini, I was like, man, that's great, I walked outside, and then I saw this Indian place, this Indian restaurant, I was like, fuck yeah, and then I got tikka masala, I was like, that rules, then I got, then I walked, like, two blocks, and then I saw this pizza by the slice place, got a slice of pizza, okay, and then ate ate the pizza then I just walked

around a little bit more then I saw this gelato place I got a two big scoops of ice cream and then when my friend got done with work about 30 minutes later she's just like hey do you want to go grab dinner oh yeah and then I ate a huge ass dinner ate a BLT french fries three beers and then I ate a huge ass dinner, ate a BLT, French fries, three beers, and then I had ice cream again. And then I think I shit a good like eight pounds that night. And then I woke up and felt pretty good. Were you a little high? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Had a great time. Did you hear all that? It was a good day, dude. But look, still fucking ripped. You do seven hours of jujitsu a day. To eat whatever the fuck I want. I know.

Man, this is probably the highest we've been on this podcast. We say that every time. I know, I know. But this one, it's really hitting me. These are what you were trying to, what you were giving people yesterday? Yep. Yeah. Oh, good God.

If she would have taken that entire thing, she would not be. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That sounded bad. I just ended it like that. She would not be going to school and teaching later. Dude, my sister uh my sister um she called me one time she lives in san diego and she calls me at nine o'clock uh and she's like

crying she's just like avery something really bad happened to me i'm like oh shit dude like you're ready my yeah my mind goes to the worst place ever. I'm like, I'm going to San Diego tonight. I'm going to get on a red eye. I'm going to fly out there. I'll figure out who did what. I'm going to deal with it. And then I'm going to come back home tonight. I'm going to show up at work. Nobody's going to know nothing. And then she's just like, I took 200 milligrams of an edible and I'm too high and I left my friend's house and I'm stranded. I don't know where I am. So I had her send her current location to me and I was like, just stay there. And I called her an Uber and stayed with her on the phone while the Uber showed up to her in this parking lot in San Diego

while I'm sitting in my apartment in Milwaukee. And then she gets in the car. I'm like, okay. We stay on the phone. She gets home. And then she calls me at, this was at 9 o'clock Sunday. She calls me at 3 p.m. Monday morning. She's like, I just woke up.

I am so embarrassed. Thank you. How far away was she? It wasn't far from her apartment at all. She just left her friends' house because she was too high, but then realized she couldn't drive. And then she's just like, I need to Uber or call somebody. I'm freaking out. And she called me. Smart.

Right person to call. I don't think we need this egg mixture anymore. What was it for originally? The puff pastry we don't think we need this, like, egg mixture anymore. What was it for originally? The puff pastry we don't have. Okay. I want to, like, eat this bowl of sugar by the spoonful right now. You want to take a little nibby, dude? I'll take a little nib.

I have been. Go for it. A little finger. It's hitting me hard real bad. I'm just going to not look at the camera at all. Again. I'm going to check the temp of this. you know, just for shits and gigs. How good does it, like, how long does it take to do all this, you know?

What is, like, time, dude? What is even time when you think about it, man? It's a construct, dude. By the Europeans. The fucking Europeans, dude. All about time and... I don't know. What did you think about monkeypox, dude?

This might be the highest we've been on one of these. I put the apples in the fridge. This might be the highest we've been on one of these. Oh. I put the apples in the fridge. Monkey Pox and then what else were you saying? Time, dude. I'll see if my goals just get Jake to laugh during this. Yeah. He's our audience.

Time? What do I think of time? Do you think it's a construct? Do you think it's something by aliens? What does construct mean? Something built. Time is built? Like, you know...

It's like, why do we say 7 o'clock? What? Who is this? Time. Oh, I don't know. It's not straight, but it could be straight. I feel like there's multiple. I don't know what time is.

Do you think we live? We cannot have these talks this high. No, I got a good question for you. Do you think we live in, like, a time vacuum? Dude, I didn't know what construct meant, and you're asking me if we live in a time vacuum? Do you think there's other dimensions where, like, you can pop into another dimension, and then it's, like, you can...

It's you in this other other world and it's maybe like you if your dad was like a little bit weirder or like touched you a little bit more you know and then like it might have made you a little bit different but it's still you right but maybe you're a little bit more impulsive maybe a little bit more sexually you know weird oh dude. Maybe you got your nipples pierced. Maybe something happened. We get it. We get it.

But or do you believe that it's just like there's other galaxies that you got to travel to? I think there's both. You think so? Yeah. Dude, that's fucking crazy. Why not? Yeah. I think there's other dimensions.

But I also think this is like just one fucked up mind game I don't think any this is real think it's a game of sims yeah yeah me too but like what fucks with my head is like where does this begin like everything the world like everything like just everything and then if creation was a thing, okay, let's go with that theory. Things were created. What was there? What created? Why is something always been there?

Who created it? Like, there's just the idea of, like, nothing and then something or, like, something turned into this. Like, it just doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't. That's why I'm so – I wish I could, like, find out if there's others aliens, dude, because I want to fucking meet. Would you rather it's aliens from another dimension, little green men, or would you rather it be you from world to me from world to really? Yeah, for sure. I'm like, dude. Yeah.

If it doesn't. Hey, if it doesn't involve me, not interested, you know, but that's not you no it isn't it'd be like me had my parents not moved from like la well that's yeah that's one version of right or it's like me would you like to me to better you though maybe i don't think so i would like to know I'm the best me. That's what is that? That's like a theory where you die. And you just upgrade or downgrade? Yeah, upgrade or downgrade. I think about that all the time.

Like, what did I do last time that this is where I'm going? Or you get like two lives. I have this all the time. You get two lives. You go through it once, and then saw how like everyone else's lives were. And you've got to pick the perfect one. Like when you die? Yeah.

Then you've got to pick the perfect one. And I still think if people were to pick their perfect lives, you're still going to put struggle in there. Because it gives you worth. It has to. Because if you never. So I was like, oh, but like my car broke down. My car broke down. Did your car break down,ael oh yeah yeah it's done um but they were like so it's not my perfect life like no i think you need some of that it's like oh your car breaking down leads to this well that's like

i mean you always want your children to have a better life than you have, right? And like, I want my son to have a great life, have everything he needs. But I also want him to struggle enough to make him like interesting and overcome adversity. Oh, interesting is like the biggest one and like be able to problem solve a little bit. Right. Because the kid that never had to fight for anything or just was like. Worst people in the world. Or like had to like, oh, I want to do this.

So I tried this. I want to do this. I tried this. Like, but like, was just like allowed to try it kind of thing. Didn't develop a passion for it. Was able to quit. Those kids are not interesting. Or like the kids that just, yeah, get enabled in like their dad, like Hunter Biden, you

know, like that guy's fucking wild. Like because he never had to pay any consequences for his actions and now he's just like a complete i have no idea he's banging prostitutes doing cocaine he's he's living life dude i bet he's a fun hang though i bet he's really oh hell yeah i listened to a roan podcast recently Where the guy was He said He was like a It wasn't a Rogan podcast I don't know what it was

It was a podcast I thought you were going to say Hunter Biden No I was like I gotta listen to that But someone's friend did like Sober friend thing So like when people are trying to get sober You can sign up to be their buddy

So they like If they're having the itch Or you talk them down kind of thing oh yeah he said um one of the ladies this guy was helping was like a high-end prostitute and had something to do like was working with was hooking up with biden hunting hunter biden and this is from sam triplett that's what it is so this is not credible at all but um the guys like they completely predicted covet or like oh we're gonna do it this way according to him was just like talking bullshit or i'd be weird it was an inside job i'm just kidding what else

you think was an inside job 9-11 dude no no not really i mean i think they i think they manifested it i think they just go with things i like i think they definitely killed jfk um and blamed it on the russians um just because he was i think jake jfk was like cocking off a little too much and uh threatening to bring down like uh the world world not what was it the uh like the cia and everything and secret societies but then in like a week after secret societies he was like fbi and cia or something like that but then like his whole family was funded on the founded by the mob and like prohibition you know because he got to power basically because like his family was a dude this smells so good can you grab a spoon out of there i'm gonna going to cut you off.

And then we're going to take turns. You're going to fill yours and put it on the baking sheet. Y'all just got to bring the baking sheet. What am I doing? I need a spoon. All right, now the baking sheet. That's it, right? You're touching it.

It's the giant baking sheet. It just seems hot. It is. Well, it? You're touching it. It's the giant baking sheet. It just seems hot. It is. Well, it's on a hot oven. So what's going to happen is, and that's for that, you are going to fill your croissants the way you want to. Do I got to put sugar on mine? You can do whatever you want.

I decided to put sugar on the inside of mine. You can do whatever you want. I decided to put sugar on the inside of mine. This feels like the last two brain cells. Last three. What do we do now? Who's the third? Me, dude.

I got two. You got one. You fucking idiot. All right. You do whatever you want to these five. Do we mix it up? You do whatever you want. Are we doing a little experiment?

Yeah. This is where we're going to compete. Oh, this is so fun. This is so exciting. Look at these. I cut these apples. I cut most of these apples. No, I cut both of them. You cut them?

Oh, yeah. No one saw us cut these apples. I cut most of these apples. No, I cut both of them. Oh, yeah. No one saw us cut these before. We have so many apples. Remember, I got to do five, too. Yep. All right. Then I'll take your microphone when you want to roll them or fold them. Okay.

Should we make tortellini rolls? If you can make a tortellini out of that, I would love to see it. Trying to decide of what's like a lot and what's too much. Yeah. Remember, it's got to fold. I'd say you're about at the max. That far one's going to be tough. Yeah.

All right. I'll take this microphone from you. This is going to be interesting. Oh, you are doing a tour. We are just making balls. Apple balls. Looks like garlic, dude. All right, put it on the thing. Leave me room.

This is a... Are you just gonna make balls? I'm making different things. Different things? Okay. This is a dead part of this. Oh, yeah. That looks like shit. If you could eliminate one race, who would it be?

What? Holy fuck. I was trying to catch you off guard. You did. But if I had to say, probably like the Irish, you know? I'm just kidding. I don't know. It's not the race.

Why the Irish? They drink a lot. They're too Catholic. They beat their wives. We're drinking on a lot. They're too Catholic. They beat their wives. We're drinking on a Thursday. We're also high. Yeah, I'm Irish as well. Aren't you?

That kind of looks like a fish from this angle. From here, it looks like the apple is the eye. It looks like the head of a fish. Okay, hold on. It looks like the apples the eye Like you just that looks like the head of a fish What is okay? Hold on, you know do all three of them that I want you to describe what all three of them are Oh, we're like do the cloud We're staring at clouds. They're like, what does that look like? We probably should because that I don't know how I'm going to do mine. I think I'm still going to title these McDonald's pies, you know, for like clickbait.

But this is a, this looks like dog shit. They all look the same I have an idea for one Just one That one's just folded You just folded Yeah you did Alright So eat your apples You just folded that. Yeah, you did. All right. So eat your apples. Wow.

Thank you. How you doing, dude? Doing pretty good. I'm actually excited to try and make something that looks pretty. Yeah, there's the towel right there. And then if you could bring one of those towels over that would be great thank you i'll switch with you all right turn to talk all right dude what are you gonna make what do you think you're gonna make i feel like i made a duck i made a uh tortellini i made um a babahanoush and then I made a I just kind of folded the last one and

just put it in a big ball Michael's way more talented at this stuff than I am he's look at that those articulate finger oh look at that that looks nice that already beats all mine fuck you did that's pretty good what's he gonna make for round number two are you gonna make all the same things let's see what he's doing let's see what he's doing fold in the middle ooh fold on the other side make a little triangle. Oh, is he going to break a little... Ooh, a crab ragoon with apples in it.

Look at that. Oh, that's cute. It's going to sag in the middle. Might be too heavy in the middle, though. Oh, boy. There we go. And for round number three I think What's he gonna make now?

Is he gonna make a hot dog? I don't know I know what I wanna do I know what I wanna do for the big one I just got apple all over this microphone But that's alright Aren't you glad you didn't get your nipples pierced though, dude? Was I gonna get my nipples pierced?

In the other dimension Oh, in the other dimension Yeah, I'd have some serious conversation with nipples pierced? In the other dimension. Oh, in the other dimension. I hate that. Yeah, I'd have some serious conversation with Nipple Pierce Michael. Imagine. Pierce Nipple Michael. Right. Like, that's a whole conversation. Like, as a grown man, to get your nipples pierced.

Straight dude as well, you know? Absolutely. I think I'm going to make another turnover. What do you mean? Like that thing. Oh. Kind of folded it. Yeah.

That was a good one. It looked smooth. It looks good. Look at you, Michael. Like a little hot dog. Yeah, one of those wieners in a bun. Mm-hmm. This is definitely just for clips.

This is fun. Yeah, at this point, yeah. This is definitely just for clips. This is fun. Yeah, at this point, yeah, this podcast is just for clips. This one 100% looks like the front of a thong. Yeah, wow. That's nice. Or, like, the perfect example of, like, this is the uterus. Here are the ovaries. We teach sex ed, too.

Do you know what a uvula is? It's a river canal. Just found that out. What? No, a uvula is a part of a vagina. I'm like, why did you, like, start learning? Oh, no. You know, I just watch a lot of InfoWars.

Alex Jones. He got sued big time. How much did he lose? Like two mil or something. No, more than that, I think. Like six mil for the Sandy Hook stuff. Yeah, that's not... That's not great.

Not good. Not good at all. What is that? That one's all right. All right. I don't know what that is. That looks like a calzone. I attempted a turnover.

I think I should make another. I don't know. Dude. This is so dumb. These do look good, though. I bet they're going to be amazing. How long do they have to cook for? Do you know?

No idea. You know what we should do? just because we do get high and we like it's spacey on these podcasts maybe we should do like a Q&A they not like we each have questions five questions that we write for each other before for every podcast just so we have something to go back on yeah I think I followed that, yeah. Yeah, because I'm too high now, you know? I'm just here now. Jay, can you please come in here and make your one?

Your one. Can you please come in here? We saved you one. Can you please come in and make it? Why? Just come make it. No one watches this far into it. Yeah.

So unless I clip it, you know. Alright. We'll do a team effort. Oh boy. What's this one going to be? Hmm. Let's try to make Like a twist

I don't know A pretzel A pretzel Pretzel stick you know Oh I got this Hold on Hold on Oh wow

Michael That's a fucking pretzel That's a fucking pretzel Oh, wow. Michael. That's a fucking pretzel. That's a fucking pretzel. Should we put apples on it? Afterwards. Okay. Afterwards.

It's not an even pretzel, so this is the next step. I'm putting sugar on top. Yeah. All over. I want this just loaded with sugar. Yeah. I'm looking to go diabetic by the end of this all right do you want to pop this bad boy in the oven yes sir Jake can you put a timer for eight minutes on the phone please

you are producer You're our producer. That was funny. Jay did not set a timer for eight minutes. Actually, can you just look up how long it takes to cook croissants? That apple mixture? A1. Yeah, that was really good.

We nailed this. So at least, I mean, like, how bad can we fuck up the croissant? Because then it'll still be good. Yeah, we didn't have to make the croissant dough. So it's just a matter of, like, what it looks like. And honestly, it looks like we made piles of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

You all right over there, dude? Did we do something wrong? We did a lot wrong, but... I'm not going to lie. He looks concerned. Yeah. Like, is the oven going to explode? Yeah. Four and a half hours.

20 minutes. How is there that big of a gap of time? For croissants? What is time, dude? What is fucking time, dude? Baking? 30 to 45 minutes for 30 to 40 minutes. Total time. Baking? 30 to 45 minutes for croissants? That's just a bunch of fuckery, dude.

That's what I'm saying. Crank that shit up to 420. Turn it up to 420. Yeah, and maybe like breaking bread with your neighbors. Let's go 400. We might burn it. 400.

You know what you should do? You should sprinkle some sugar on the apple sugar mixture. Oh, yeah. How much time we got left? Because this is the worst we've had for dead time. Because usually we've been talking. Yeah, we got too high. Hey, guys, not going to lie.

We overdid it on this one. Lesson learned. We'll just get a couple electrolytes on us. Maybe not do as much. But maybe get more caffeine, too. Maybe that was my view. There is no perfect mixture of this. You're right.

This is for clips. But we definitely didn't need the egg watch, so I just wasted. Honestly, I'm having scrambled eggs for dinner, I'll tell you that. Yeah, that's a good idea. Ooh. Try that. I have been eating it. Oh, you put the sugar on the sugar apple mix?

It's just the grittiness of the sugar. I think that's part of the texture. Yeah. So what do you prefer, white or brown sugar? Brown, dude. All day. All day. And brown people.

I like cinnamon sugar. So a mixture of cinnamon and white sugar. I do like cinnamon sugar. Yeah. Dude. Would you consider cinnamon brown? No, it's more red. I have a perfect question.

It took me forever to think about it when I was at the bachelor party dinner with Jake. Is a french fry dry? The exterior. It's like a snake. dry? The exterior. It's like a snake, like the outside. But as a whole, would you describe a french fry as dry? Yes. Really?

Do you need water after? Is it like a saltine? A saltine is dry. You do need water. I need water after french fries. Really? Oh, yeah. Like you have one french fry and you're like, I need water immediately.

Maybe like three. You have one saltine. You're like, I could use a sip of water. Yeah, I can't. Dude, I can't. I'm not saying they're wet, but are they dry? What is dry, dude? What is wet? These are the questions that need to be answered.

But, no, I think, no, it's a dry food. It's like the snake of foods Because it's just like It's wet on the outside But dry on the inside You know It's like a serpent food But then You just said it's wet

Part of it Part of it's wet Soup's wet But it's like a food But not a drink Is soup wet? That's like Is water wet?

Is a french fry dry? Are we going with yes? I don't think it's dry But but I'm not calling it wet. What's the inside word? The one in between. I could not think of how to say between. Wet. Combined dry and wet, what word would you get?

Debt. Debt. Why? Why? Why? Why? It's pretty weird. It is why. We can tell why am I having this conversation because we're high. Why? Why? Why? Like, why?

It's why. Like, we can tell why am I having this conversation because we're high. I'm 100%. 20 minutes for this? 20 minutes? This is so long, Michael. I'm tired. Doesn't it take?

It takes a while. I gave you your stool over there if you want to sit on it. Where's my stool? Oh, I got my fanny pack. This is going to be fun booking a flight with Rachel after this. It's going to be way too high to be on FaceTime. I think everything should just be here. This is a good angle for just like an actual just cooking clips.

Just a little ASMR. That would be a good way for you to do it. Oh, my God. That's a bird looking for lies. So what's your favorite part of the state fair? Oh the new foods What did you think Okay I showed you some of the new foods

Gummy bear brat What do you think of it? Oh god Dude that just is disgusting On so many levels It just What is wrong with people? Like why?

We're running out of ideas Yeah This is why I feel like Russia needs to invade us. You know? Dude. Like. What?

It just is coming to. All the good ideas are done. It's over. Where do you think we should have stopped with foods on a stick? Hmm. I think after butter, we were like. Is that a thing? Yeah.

There's been deep fried butter. Yeah. Deep fried Oreos? Fine. But those. That's fine. Those aren't onos? Fine, but those aren't on a stick. I saw spaghetti and meatballs on a stick. That's just disrespectful. It's dumb.

It is dumb. But it's also like, okay, so what was that? Are the noodles on the stick, or are they wrapped around the stick? I saw deep-fried bacon, which is... Just bacon? Bacon, yeah, but like breaded, which is disgusting. Oh, they breaded the bacon? I don't like that because I feel like the bacon then wouldn't be crunchy.

And then what was it? Cheese curd taco? Oh, deep-fried pickled cheese curd tacos. I want to try that one. Oh, my God. I do want to try it. But I also, like my son and I, we'll go to the state fair. We'll probably hang out for like, you know, do all the rides,

eat ourselves into a coma coma sleep for about four hours wake up do it all over again it'll be fun oh absolutely i go every year with my mom we try the new a bunch of the new foods some what's with the bugs there's a lot of bugs on ice cream and there's a bug burger i think like real bugs real bugs? Yeah. Huh. It was like something mint, frost. Dude, apparently they're good. They're nutritious for you. All bugs, high in protein for, I guess, the size of them. My dad, he eats bugs sometimes.

Like, nobody even asks him to. He'll just eat them, dude. I'm pretty sure he's a gecko. He's got, yeah, he's like one of those lizard people. Did you ever have, did you have pets growing up? Yeah, dude. I actually, so my mom. Did you's a gecko. He's like one of those lizard people. Did you ever have pets growing up? Yeah, dude. Did you have a gecko? No, my mom and dad had an animal foster home.

So we had 17 cats. At once? Yeah. Six dogs, three birds. It was a fucking zoo. It was awesome. Oh, so you definitely had pets. Yeah, we had so many pets. We had so many dogs, three birds. It was a fucking zoo. It was awesome. Oh, so you definitely had pets. Yeah, we had so many pets.

We had so many dogs, dude. Like, we had two Great Danes, Gracie, Dixie. We had a standard poodle named Murphy. We had a sharpane named Jelly, Sergeant Jelly Roll was his full name. What was a Jelly Roll? Well, it's like we called them jelly roll because he looked. But I don't know what a jelly roll is. But his face was all squished up.

It had a bunch of wrinkles. And you want to hear something crazy about this dog, dude? What? I know. I see it. We started at 830. Scared the shit out of him. Yeah, man.

I thought you were going to describe what a jelly roll was. It's a jelly roll. It's been eight minutes. Oh, man. No, he, so this dog had colitis. All right, you know what that is? That's where you shit out your intestines. So he'd just, like, take big shits, dude,

and then sometimes his intestines would come out of his butthole, and then so we'd get him diapers just because nobody wanted us to look at that, dude. Like, we're children, you know? you know i was like 10 years old and like i can't look at a fucking dog's asshole with intestines coming out of it it's desensitized why are you looking at it without the intestines coming out of it i mean sometimes you just look dude you can't help where the eyes go you know um but but then when you just start seeing intestines coming out, it'll just fuck the whole situation up. Anyways, he goes through so many surgeries. My dad spends like $10,000 on medical bills for this dog.

And you want to know how he dies? He gets hit by a car? Yeah, dude. Yes. He gets hit by a fucking car, runs outside, and just gets smacked. How bad do you feel if you kill a dog with a car? Oh, yeah. runs outside and just gets smacked and yeah oh yeah the guy felt horrible like crying yeah it was super true that ruins your week yeah it was I mean dude that way I think about the kids ruined our fucking year you know it was like jelly

exploded yeah this is sergeant jelly roll all the front yard. Yeah, this is Sergeant Jelly Roll. Oh, the jelly came out. Is a jelly roll a donut, Jake? Is he Googling it? Is he our Jamie right here? What's a jelly roll? It's like a jelly-filled donut. That's what I think. I used to love those, but I can't remember.

Or are we making apple rolls right now? We're making an apple roll. Jelly rolls in American. I was just thinking about that. Jelly roll. So it's been eight minutes out of power. It's been ten. Ten minutes out of.

Can you give us an answer? Yeah, can you help us out here, buddy? I got some dead air over here. A Swiss roll, jelly roll, roll cake, cream roll, roll aid, or Swiss lox. Roll aid? Isn't that like a type of medication? Rolled sponge cake. What's a sponge cake?

Rolled sponge cake. You know what a sponge is? Cake. I do know what a sponge is. Yeah, it's like the cake version of that. Of a sponge? Yeah, I think it's that texture. You know what a sponge would feel like in your mouth,

and it's probably never been in your mouth, but if you imagine a yellow and green sponge that you put in your mouth, you know what it feels like. I've imagined eating Spongebob on several occasions. Eating him out. What? How do you do a jelly roll? how do you do a jelly roll? How do you do a jelly roll?

You just take his intestines out, dude. And then just go in there, dude. See what I got? Sorry. I have like a completely different thought than what we're even talking about right now. Trying to figure out how long. We get into 400 on 375 out of 20 minutes.

I think we maybe go to like 17 minutes. Yeah, but also there was like, I a tiktok where this guy's like we all know what the taste of whatever is but it's never been in our mouth something like that i don't know what it is that was really yeah no it's freaking me out oh man well now it's just a podcast yeah oh this is the greatest one. We aren't even making what the title is going to say. I'm glad we have the camera on the food for this one because it is definitely good. I'm going to watch just to put a shot at whatever the fuck is coming out.

You want to check it, actually? It's been 12 minutes. Let's give it a whirl. Just a quick open and then close. Oh, bring it down to the middle one. Bring it down to the middle one. Yeah, use that. Or there's oven pads in the thing.

All right, all right, all right, all right. Those don't look bad. Those don't look bad. I wish... That's not bad. Don't they look like they need, they need icing on them, though? Yeah. They need something.

Do we have icing? No. Damn it. We could make icing. We need milk and powdered sugar, and I have neither. Can you imagine making milk? Do you know how to make powdered sugar? I learned this the other day.

Is it sugar? No, you just put it in a food processor and it turns to powder. Really? Yeah. It just breaks it all up? Yeah, I guess. Wow. No, we can just put more apples on top.

Okay. We should get icing, dude. Do you have a candle? When's your birthday? We have so many candles. I've contributed three this month. like candles that you put like in a birthday cake oh why would i have why wouldn't do you gotta get more candles i want i don't have a son where i need them that's true that's fair my son will just ask to light a candle he's like can

i light it he's a guy he wants to burn it no my birthday's in may may 16th When's yours? January 5th I thought you were saying that She's like mine's tomorrow I want to make sure you know Yeah everybody knows No dude that's a good gift Our birthday for Chastity

Like it was her birthday yesterday Unreal Oh this I've been wanting to say this Did you not feel like her security guards walking out? Oh yeah yeah I did I totally did I was well. Did you not feel like her security guards walking out? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did. I totally was in front of her. I'm like, I'm behind every time someone would like be like, nice set. Like, by the way, 10 to 20 people stopped her and were like, that was amazing. I'm a teacher. Those jokes were unreal. It's laughing my ass off.

She's one of the best. But we both were just like quiet. We didn't talk at all. We just kind of sat there and watched her interact with someone else. When she was done, we walked with her again again i know it's uh it's funny like seeing chastity it's awesome seeing chastity just crush it like that though because like she deserves all that oh yeah she's been in the game for forever i don't i this is like the first conversation i really had with her she's unbelievably, and she's so talented. I was telling you, I've seen her perform like four times, and two of the four times I was bumped for her.

Totally makes sense. But I was like – I told you it was funny because I got bumped at the high note, and it's weird like in an open mic that it's even happening but someone came on who goes um you're just gonna go like after this next person i go i thought i was supposed to be next like no she's gonna go before him i go i was like this is weird i didn't understand what bumping was and then she went on for like 10-15 minutes i was like that makes sense now i don't want to follow it's honestly she wouldn't bump people she I don't want to follow. It's honestly, she wouldn't bump people. She just doesn't want to stay until the very end.

She's older. She has a full time job. And so, yeah, but like, yeah, no, but she's so talented. Anytime she wants. Absolutely. I don't actually know. She was so fun to watch. I love how animated she is.

I don't. Then the guy behind us asks, are you guys animated? And I'm like like that not like that no i mean she was doing full like all the michael jackson moves how fun was that though hanging out what an experience hanging out back there i loved it it was cool and we were both talking like you you had the thought like oh maybe one day like this is you actually see it's possible yeah so to actually have that experience like holy fuck that's one of my favorite things on a personal i was like oh this legit is possible right and he's just that's the thing it's this hard ass work he's been working 12 hour days every day for 10 years on this and that's what it takes i mean you know it's it's awesome because like he's a regular person.

Like, he's just extremely hardworking and crafty and, you know, creative, obviously. And he's got a whole team around him now. He's got a great team. They're all so nice. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're the best. Best people on the earth.

Let me tell you, I don't need sugar locks. I am craving this. Yeah, this is so good. Did they look almost done? I was just thinking we should go check them. Go check them. I think it was like maybe a minute we waited.

Pull them out. Let's take a gander. Avery, I'm taking your stool away. I think, turn the oven off. And then you can put this on the table here. These don't look... Terrible. No, I mean, the designs are dog shit. Yeah.

Look at the croissant. This might not be... We have to let these cool, because these are definitely... How long should we let them cool? I don't know. Maybe until we can eat them. Yeah. But look at it.

It's like, Oh, I'm having a bite of this now. That was a quick detour for me. Oh man. Oh no, I'm done. There we go.

Ooh. I don't think we can even use this. That looks really good. There it looks like shit. Oh, yeah. We'll have to do a clip of that. These look good. Wait, which ones are yours?

Honestly, this one looks phenomenal for you. Yeah, that one's my favorite. All right, this is my favorite of yours. You just broke it, you fuck. Oh, it's got a little... Okay. Yeah, that one looks good. The rest kind of looks good.

I think this one. Oh, I got to put apple on this one. This one does look better than I thought it would look. You know what it looks like? You know like a conch shell? Oh, yeah. It kind of looks like that. Dude, you know, my head went to human heart.

Oh, it does look like a human heart. That looks way more like a human heart. That's awesome. I like these ones. This one probably looks the best. The croissant, actually, like, yeah. I think we overcooked them. You think so?

I don't know. I'm going to get them off the... It'll be nice to be a little crispy, though. Yeah, I agree. And then, like, I'm sure it'll melt on the inside. Like an apple pie? This is a good crust. Oh, my God.

Michael, we did it. We did this. We did nothing. We did... Well, yeah. We made it. I like how we're always surprised at the end. We are.

That it actually turned out. That it turned into something. I thought these were going to expand like cookies. And, like, we were just going to have one giant croissant. Oh, man. I broke it a little bit. My bad. I don't a little bit. My bad. I don't want to break the human

heart. I get guests on for here. Yeah. That'd probably be better at talking. Or at least keeping us engaged. Yeah, just keeping us going. Jesus, there's so... Look at this. This one's like a perfect ball. With the top. I love it.

Oh, man. How long do we gotta wait? I'm hungry. I mean, go for it. I just don't think it... I think it's gonna burn, yeah. 49, wait till like 54, 55. 54, 55.

I think that's fair. Do you want sugar on top of yours? A little bit A little bit Yeah, that's good You've eaten like half the apples You definitely got your sugar filled today Mm-hmm I have to eat dinner still

Yeah, me too Well Yeah I did have a light dinner What'd you eat today? What did I eat today? Woke up Do you ever

The fact The moment you work out you eat whatever you want it's always pretty much i'm fascinated because you're like i ate an entire pizza for lunch like i couldn't i'd be asleep oh yeah i mean sometimes i do take naps in my car um in the parking lot of the pizza place and i just like that's neither here nor there but I what did I eat today woke up had bacon I had six pieces of bacon had some eggs I think I had four eggs then I went to work trained a bunch of people, had a bunch of clients. Then I went to Grappi's, actually.

What's that? A little Italian grocery store and deli in Bayview. Then I went over there, stocked up on mac and cheese. Their mac and cheese is my favorite mac and cheese. I ate a pound of mac and cheese. Then I came over. Then what did I eat oh my gosh i had mcdonald's right but right before the gym right before i worked out i had two mcchickens and then a thing of fries and does everyone anyone of your clients ever ask you for like diet advice yeah i tell them don't ask i have no idea what

do you mean i think just work out more like i do what you just did to work out, but I do that seven times a day. Right. Yeah. I was like, you're one of seven clients that I do this with, and then I go to practice. You have to be very interactive. But after McDonald's, what did you eat? Nothing. Nothing.

Also this. Yeah. Well, now we're having McDonald's apple pies. Yeah. Holy fuck. That was hot. Was that hot? It's not that bad, but I just kind of touched it.

There's a lot of cinnamon sugar left. Oh, man. I think. Should I take a little? I'll take the nib. Take a nib? Oh, here. Sorry.

No, it's okay. That'll actually probably help it cool down a little bit. You want me to hold your mic? Yes, please. I'm excited. I think we're going to wish the apples were a little softer. A little? It's okay.

It's okay? It's good. It's good. It's not the best we've ever made. No. I think I'm still going to like it, though. It's pretty good. I'm almost going to like that it's not super sweet.

Or as sweet as it could have been. It's good. Just put a bite in there. I like that it's not super sweet. Or as sweet as it could have been. Just put a bite in there. It's so hot. It's so hot. It's so hot. It's good though. Alright, I gotta try it.

Then we gotta end this shit Alright I'm gonna do One of the croissants Look at it Is it good? How you feeling? Like Thanksgiving Yeah Yeah

Like Thanksgiving. Kind of disappointed every year. Yeah. Yeah. I was so hyped up for the food, but it's really just turkey gravy. Yeah. I'll still eat it. Your mom's still complaining about stuff that happened, like the Obama administration, you're like fucking come to my job. All right. All right.

This is what this was. Mini apple pies from McDonald's.