F*ck Buddies: A Sex and Dating Advice Podcast - Episode 62 - Wham Bam Arby's Slam! (feat. Kyle Crawford)

Episode Date: December 2, 2019

You're in for a real treat today, friends.  Now, I will warn you that this one is a bit off the rails, but we've got your favourite guest boy back in the closet.  That's right, Kyle Crawford joins us once again to co-host this week's episode and this time he brings us a brand new segment: The Fuckly Buds Game!  Niall and Dain play, what is essentially the Newlyweds Game, to see who knows the most about each other while also finding out what a monster Kyle is when it comes to rules.  Topics include the mad shatter, another prophetic dream about pools, moving in too soon, finding the body type that makes you comfortable, getting over the mental blocks of a new kink, a practical after sex surprise. Music from https://filmmusic.io "Happy Happy Game Show" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love I put my trust in you, and then I trust in love I put my trust in you, I put my trust in love Hello friends, my name is Dambler And I'm Niles Payne And I'm Kyle Crawford And we are your fuck buddies

Hell yeah! I love being in this closet. So what were our options for this again? So we are drinking a secret beer that we got from a good friend of mine's brewery, Electric Owl. Not yet available to the public, but it will be someday and they are fucking incredible. I believe it was a stout and English mild or a saison so this is the stout i imagine it's that or it's a really good english mild because it's not like fully dark but yeah i think it's it's definitely the stouty porter

side of things either way it's fucking nice yeah thanks julius it's tasty as hell yeah it's delicious can we just go back to call him coolius yeah we can call him cool i feel like he's like the like the evolved version of ll cool j like if he was a pokemon like ll cool j would evolve to coolius yes and he's what the last one cooliest no i think there would probably be one before ll coolio or ll cool j coolio god damn it i've lost the plot here boys already whoa okay which one did i say first did i say coolio Did I say Coolio? Coolius. So I'm Niles Payne. I think it would be LL Cool J, and then it would be Coolio,

and then it would be Coolius. Into it. I think that's right. I'm Niles Payne. I'm a Pokemon expert. I think you're right, Dane. I think so, too. Yeah.

Well, welcome back, guys. I got lost in the beginning there. We're a Dating and Sex Advice podcast, obviously, where we take your sticky, sexy situations and turn them into sexy, sticky situations. We take your sexy, sticky situations and evolve them into coolness. Also, you might have noticed. We have a new boy. Kyle's back. A new old boy. I'm back and I'm so excited to be back. And speaking of me being so excited to be back, I have a track record on the podcast

of being firsts. So I was the first guest. It's true. And then I was the first phone-in guest. It's true. You were our first cooking segment. I was the first cooking segment.

Yeah. Now, I am going to be the first person to flip things around and take charge of this podcast. Oh, geez. And take charge of this podcast. Oh, geez. Someone needed to. Hey, it sure wasn't us.

Entering you two into the first guests on your own podcast as we transform the Fuck Buddies podcast with Dane Miller and Niall Spain into the Fuckly Buds game show with Kyle Crawford. Hell yeah. Are we ready? I'm terrified. I'm so excited.

I've been super excited about this. I'm just going to say that the ones I get wrong were ones I got wrong on purpose for laughs. Lol. I know you inside and out, Dane. I'm actually really bummed, but I thought we got the same questions, and I was like, I for sure know the answer to many of these. Yeah, well, we'll see. Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. It's okay. If you don't know them, I for sure know the answer to many of these. Well, we'll see. Absolutely not. It's okay. If you don't know them, I will not be offended. Yeah, I would be surprised if you got any of these. Well, we're going to find out. Prior to tonight, I asked both of you a series of questions. I think that, you know, the listeners will really enjoy finding out how much you two know each other. I am going to find out, enjoy finding out how much you two know each other. This am going to enjoy finding out how much you two know each other.

This is, of course, a twist on the classic game show, The Newlyweds Game. This is when everyone finds out that it's a sham of a podcast this whole time. It's been written by cunning actors. Me and Dan don't even know each other. It's going to be so fun. So I have your transcripts here. Go.

So I'm going to ask each of you questions about the other ones. You guys know I love games. And when we played Fuck, Marry, Kill last time, that was that made my whole heart pound. You know we're now on the list from the royal family, right? Sure, yeah. Oh yeah, absolutely. Killing Kate Middleton, right? Yep. And we're bringing it back up again. Oh god. I think I fucked Kate

Middleton, didn't I? Somebody... Okay, no, I'm not gonna make that joke. Also, fuck you both for killing Storm, because that really pissed me off. Your fucking choices pissed me off. I was not happy with that. Spider-Man got a short fucking stick. On to the current things. Okay, so I have your transcripts here.

Okay. I'm going to ask you each questions, and then I'm going to keep tally. And then we're going to find out who the better fuck buddy is at the end of it. Oh, God, damn. Are we going to bring each other to climax? Zane, how are you feeling? Do you think you might win? I honestly don't know.

Yeah, I think I do. I think I have the advantage. To be fair, in a room who shuts the fuck up more between me and Dane? It's this boy. So what do you think? Your answers. I think he's going to win. Don't look. I think Dane will maybe win but that's because he's a closed book

and I don't ever shut up. Okay. Well, let's see. The questions are all sort of under the umbrella of sex I think Dane will maybe win, but that's because he's a closed book and I don't ever shut up. Okay. Well, let's see. The questions are all sort of under the umbrella of sex and dating or maybe things that you would ask on a first date or just like they're friendly questions. Just to see how well you guys know each other. Okay. Let's get started.

I'm so excited. Okay. Question number one. Niall. Oh, God. How old was Dane when he lost his virginity? Does it have to... You can answer any way you want.

It's a qualifier there. I was going to give a two-year range. I am the judge of this. The most accurate person at the end of the game is going to be the winner. I say 18, 19. We're going to go with 18. We're going to go with 18. I'm going to say I'm going to interject here is I actually don't really remember and that would be the answer that I was going to give. We're going to go with 18. We're going to go with 18. I'm going to say, I'm going to interject here,

is I actually don't really remember, and that would be the answer that I was going to give. We are going to go with the answers that you all submitted to me. You said 18. Yeah. Dane answered 18 years old. We're off to a really good start here. I'm about like 80% sure I was 18.

I can't remember if I was 18 or 19. That's fair. Wow, we're off to a good start. That's all. I got one. That's all I need. I'm out, boys. I was 18. I can't remember if I was 18 or 19. That's fair. Wow, we're off to a good start. That's all. I got one. That's all I need. I'm out, boys. I was thinking that the first questions, I would hope that they're generally easy for you guys.

So, okay, Dane, your first question. Uh-huh. How many serious girlfriends has Niall had? Including your current girlfriend, I'm going to say three. Dane says three. Niall submitted us four ah i'm not sure who the fourth is we're one nothing here one got discounted too sorry it was only three months i don't know if you count okay niall back to you oh god how did

dane answer this question fuck mary kill, kill. Okay. Paula Deen, Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray. Uh, marry Martha Stewart, fuck Rachel Ray, kill Paula Deen. 100%. Because that's exact,

because, yeah, Rachel Ray would win the whole thing, but Martha Stewart, she just wins. So my, my like,

what I ration on it, like Paula Deen's a piece of shit I don't know who that is but Rachel Ray is hella hot and awesome and racist tirade at some point

I'm pretty sure like I'm pretty sure like Paula Deen had like a whole racism I wouldn't call it a tirade but yes there was a racial moment yeah

racial moment that's kind we'll talk about it later I'm not mad and one like yeah Rachel Ray yeah she can get it and two later. I'm not mad. And one, Rachel Ray, yeah, she can get it. And two, Martha Stewart.

Martha Stewart's just the boss. I'm sorry, Martha Stewart co-hosts a show with Snoop Dogg. You think I'm not going to marry a woman who hangs out with Snoop Dogg? Yeah, no. Come on. She's just too cool. They sure are killing it, by the way. I just love those two.

They're the best. Okay. Didn't she go to jail? Yeah, of course. That's why she's so cool. Because she's a fucking boss. Right? Yeah.

And she just owns it, too. So, Niall 2, Dane nothing. Oh, fuck, man. Dane. You only have one question. It's because I said I thought I was going to win. That's fine. Yeah.

You have a lot. We're at the very beginning here. Dane, how did Niall answer this question? Fuck, marry, kill. Oh, God. Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande. Oh, come on. Camila Cabello.

I don't know who that third come on. Camila Cabello. I don't know who that third one is. Camila Cabello. She's Shawn Mendes' girlfriend. She was from Fifth Harmony. She sings that song. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. I'm going to say Niall killed her because I feel like he probably also doesn't know who she was.

I'm going to say he would marry Ariana Grande and kill Taylor Swift. Okay. You were right with marry Ariana Grande. What did you say he would do to Taylor Swift? Fuck her. Okay, so you're wrong. He would kill Taylor Swift and he would fuck Camila Cabello.

However, I also didn't know who she was. He made a point to say that he did not know who Camila Cabello was. And he said bonus points to Dane if he says that. So I'm going to give you. I am going to give you. Hell yeah. I decided that I would give half points out here.

So that is a half point. I think that should be a full point considering you got one right and a half. Well, this is my game. Unless he's going to win. Okay. That's fair. Yeah, I had to look her up and was like, she get it. Yeah.

But also. See, I was operating. I don't know who the hell. Under the idea. I should have asked if you were allowed to look her up and was like, she'd get it. Yeah. But also, I don't know who the hell. I should have asked if you were allowed to look them up. Oh, no. Because I figured like, because you didn't know. I'd still probably kill Taylor Swift. I don't know. That's fair. I'm going to give you your half point.

I think you should take it. I'm taking it. I'll take any pity I can get here. Okay. Niall. Question three. Okay. What is Dane's drink of choice?

Ryan Ginger. Ryan Ginger? Ryan Ginger was Dane's runner up. Oh. See, that's what you drink the most. Oh, I guess like maybe an Alfera or a Last Word, but I didn't say that. Dane's drink of choice as submitted is cider. Ah, motherfucker. You drink more Ryan Gingers. You were doing really well, Niall, but you didn't say that. Dane's drink of choice as submitted is cider.

Ah, motherfucker. You drink more rye and gingers. You are doing really well now, but you do get your first X. I drink more rye. So we're at 2 to 0.5. Dane, what is Niall's favorite locale that he's traveled to? Oh, fuck me. That he's traveled to? Mm-hmm.

Oh, boy. Oh, God. I don't know. That's unfair. Now that I'm looking at that question, I'm feeling like you got the harder one. But now I've got it wrong anyway. Wait, he got his favorite locale wrong? No, I got your drink wrong.

Oh, I was going to say. Which way is Franklin? I tried to put them along the same levels. Now, is it like, am I looking for a country or am I looking for a specific like city? Am I looking for a specific? I am, you answer to the best of your ability and I will give you a point as I consider

its accuracy. Oh man. Like I know you really enjoy Thailand. I know that was like a really cool trip for you. We'll need an answer here, Dane. I'm going to go with. You're a cruel mistress. Yeah, I'm going to go with Thailand. You're going to go with Thailand? Yeah. I'm going to go with... You're a cruel mistress. Yeah, I'm going to go with Thailand. You're going to go with Thailand? Yeah.

I'm going to give you a point. It was Krabby, Thailand. Oh, fuck. I was going to say Krabby. No, that would have been sick. I was fully prepared to give you a point and a half if you said Krabby. Fuck me. I was literally going to say Krabby.

Shit. I'm going to give you a point. I was going to say Sider or Ryan Ginger. I should get half a point for his runner-up. No, you were doing really well. I was, being the operative. You're still in the lead. You're in the should get half a point for his runner-up. No, you were doing really well. Was, being the operative. You're still in the lead. You're in the lead by half a point.

That's not much. If I was half a point, I'd be in the lead by half a point. You're still in the lead by half a point. We're doing good. I love how into this you guys are, by the way. Have you ever seen us not be into anything? Yeah, it's true. Okay, now it's your turn again.

I feel like you get this one. Don't fucking jinx me. Sorry. Niall, what is Dane's favorite video game? I think this is where it gets hairy for now. Can it be a series? You can answer to the best of your ability. God damn it.

You can answer to everyone, and I will rate your answer. See, I feel like this is hard, because I know he's loving Red Dead Redemption right now. I know he... To be fair,emption right now. I know he... To be fair, when I asked Dane this question, I said, what is your all-time favorite video game? I'm going to go with... I'm going to go with the... Oh, what the fuck are they called?

I just had it. Give me one sec. I had it. I thought you said they. I feel like you're on the right track. No, I know what I was going to say. You messed with me about them being on sale. Never mind.

Maybe isn't that, but... I mean, I know the game he's talking about. Can I... Well, wait. I will remember. Can I just... No. Uncharted.

Uncharted series. Again, you got the runner-up. Fuck, man. You got the runner-up. Dane's favorite video game is final fantasy 7 final fantasy 7 released in 1997 for the original playstation and there is a remake scheduled for march of 2020 are we sponsored for that i'm pretty hyped i like i'm worried because one i played the game so many times and like so many times over at different stages in my life.

It was the first time I realized video games could have a narrative structure and could tell an actual story that could affect me. Because prior to that, all I played was side-scrolling. You know what I mean? Back to bad-mouthed Sonic, motherfucker? No, I'm just saying. You think the Chaos Emeralds didn't have a fucking story behind them? Bro?

Yeah. See, this is why I was hoping that I would get the same questions. It's not my favorite game of all time, though. Really? Now listen, Dane only provided runner-up answers to the last two questions that I asked you and you got both runner-up questions right to which I will award you

half a point. So Dane, all you need to do is get the next one right and you are tied. Okay. Should I provide a runner-up just in case? No, that's the last one that I gave a runner-up for. I know, but I haven't given runner-ups for anything.

It's okay. It doesn't matter. That's fine. Okay. Don't worry. It's all up here. Okay. Again, I feel like, well, Nile's one of my best friends.

I didn't fucking know this. Dane what is Niall's favorite band of all time oh fuck me um see I know this for Dane

I'm pretty sure do you I don't even know how to answer this question to be honest I'd give two one would be a runner up I'm sure

um so here I'm gonna I'm gonna talk it out here like I really want to say Opeth um I really want to say Opeth I also want to say

like Iron Maiden but fuck it I'm gonna go with Opeth so as I said Niall is one of my best friends and I would have went with Iron Maiden

for sure and I would have been wrong it's Opeth. Fuck yeah. Nailed it. Opeth, I thought, was called Opeth. So I'm happy you said it. And Opeth is a progressive metal band from Stockholm.

Yeah. Yeah. So this is exciting. We're tied. We're at 2.5 points each. Well, you know what? I don't even care if I lose because I got some. And we have a few.

There are no losers in this game. You know there are. You're in the shame that one of us who loses got some. There are no losers in this game. You know there are. You're in the shame that one of us who loses. Hard. There are no losers. Okay. Niall, we're back to you. This is where, you know, we're going to get an answer.

What is Dane's idea of a perfect occasion date? An occasion date being a birthday, Valentine's Day, whatever. It's Dane's occasion date. How is it perfect? It's just like a night? It's a date. Okay.

It's a date night. You know what? I'm going classic dinner and a show. You're going classic dinner and a show. Yeah. Okay.

Super duper close. Super duper close. Dane said, a nice dinner out. Show and a dinner. close Dane said a nice dinner out show on the dinner Dane said a nice dinner out go to see a movie

then cocktails okay alright I will give you half a point okay yeah I will give you half a point for sure

I know I I know like one of my biggest things is always like don't do dinner in a movie that's a first date when you're getting dates but it's like once you get comfortable like that's wow like i did that with amanda we went to i took her out to was that when you saw jojo rabbit yeah i saw that last night it was great

yeah i took her to a really nice uh vegan restaurant then we went to go see jojo rabbits then we went to a place for uh for cocktails afterwards and it's like i i can't think of a better way to just like enjoy your time together yeah because it Cause it's not, there's not too much pressure. There's not too much like moving parts. You just get to like really spend time together and like enjoy it. Yeah. I agree. I agree.

Let's all go on, um, uh, out to dinner and see a movie and then cocktails, the three of us. Cause let's do it. To be fair. I didn't play yet.

The movies last night. Really? You did. Okay. Don't friend shame me here because you're losing. You're not losing. You're in the wind. You're shame me here because you're losing. You're not losing. You're in the lead by half a point. Okay, Dane.

Yep. Let's see if we can tie it up or maybe you can even get in the lead. If you get a full point for this one, you will be in the lead. You haven't been in the lead yet. Dane. Yep. What is Niall's idea of a perfect first date? Okay.

So I think definitely like a bar crawl. Definitely like either a bar crawl or a brewery tour. And then end with like street food. Or like quick drunk food is what I would say. Okay. I picked these questions because you both talked about. Or can I say, if I want to be fucking very specific, a bar crawl and then end with smart food on the steps of like a church or some shit. I really wanted to say quit while you were ahead.

I really wanted to say quit while you were ahead. Niall said pub crawl. Yeah. Point blank. Niall said pub crawl. You said pub crawl. To be fair, the smart food on the steps is just too specific. You should probably get a point just for that.

Yeah, that was your first date with your current girlfriend. That's true niall is he uh correct with the with the uh would you you you provide a pub crawl would you then probably get street food probably not actually not on the first date but i don't know it depends but then again i would also definitely get smart food on some church steps well you did not mention smart food in your transcript. And I provided you an opportunity to give Dane a full point, and you took it away from him. So Dane gets half a point, and once again, we are tied. Oh, yeah, baby. This is at least making good podcasting.

Damn, I'm riveted here. Yeah, people are on the edge of their goddamn seats. If you're on public transit, just be careful. People are worried about you. Wow, we're tied. If you're sitting on some stairs or a windowsill there's there's a lot to live for yeah come back in scoop back last question for you now this is your chance to take it home you're not gonna get this is there a tiebreaker question um did we do another one i'm confused okay go you're gonna have

to just hit us with just go for it yeah i don don't know. Niall, what is Dane's safe word? Oh. Pineapple. Pineapple? I'm not going to get it. Yeah, no. That's fine. You're not going to get mine.

Dane's safe word is albatross. Ooh, I like it. Yeah. It's very classy. Inspired by the poem, Romney as a Mariner? No, it's just... Is it because Jesus is the Albatross the whole time? Why would I ever say Albatross?

Because Jesus is watching, like, shh, Albatross! And you stop. So you're safe. I mean, maybe. Dane. Yep? What is Niall's safe word? Oh, man. I I'm, like, racking my brain through fucking, like, the word, the stupid

shit that you say. This is my moment where, like, the Saw theme plays and I, like,acking my brain through fucking like the word, the stupid shit that you say. This is my moment where like the Saw theme plays and I like flashback to all the times I haven't really been listening to you while you... Oh, really? I haven't seen Saw. I'm going to say... I'm going to go with something that you'll never say normally. I'm going to say Apple. Pineapple to go with something that you'll never say normally. I'm going to say apple. Pineapple to apple? Yeah.

Favorite comeback rap album. Niall's safe word is carbonara. Ah. I knew it was going to be food. I knew for sure it was going to be a food. Now, we don't need a tiebreaker because obviously I knew that you guys weren't going to get these questions. So we're going to use a little system that i have provided

to see whose answer was the closest okay whose answer was the closest by number of letters so i was really excited when you guys used the words albatross and carbonara because those have a lot of letters so just give me one second that's not fair i think mine's closest because it's food like mine's closest because it's longer. Mine's closest because it's longer. Yeah, I think Pineapple's way closer to Albatross. Well, Albatross is nest on the pines. Are we ready to find out who the winner is? They eat apples.

That was a lot of fun. You guys both did really, really well. We went to a tiebreaker. I didn't even think we would have to. Well, I'm just glad none of us got no points because that would be Kyle's fault. And the winner of the very first episode of fuckley buds with kyle crawford is me because i finally get to host a game show it's nile because pineapple is much closer to albatross than apple is to carbonara

if i if i guess cab or crabby I would have won, wouldn't I? Well, we can go back and forth on semantics all day. You guys got half points. I've consulted with my lawyer, housekeeper, but in the end, the decision is mine to make.

And I, you know, the last thing came down to... Can I rewind that back? Is your housekeeper and your lawyer the same person? Is it a housekeeper slash lawyer? His name is Miguel. I love him.

And I don't know what I'd do without him. Probably have a dirty house and bad laws. But in all seriousness, the last... We came down to counting letters.

You guys know each other so well. You guys got even points on this. This was great. And these were not easy questions. When I asked both of you, you were both like, oh my God, like,

we don't know how we're going to answer. That was so much fun. How did you guys feel? I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah. My pleasure. All right. That was so fun. All right. I guys feel? I appreciate it. Thank you. Yeah, my pleasure. Alright.

That was so fun. Alright. I've been looking forward to that all week. No, I've been looking forward to it too. Thank you for, because it was all your idea and I love it. Every time I come to the Fuck Buddies podcast, I'm going to bring us a game. Hell yeah. I think that is fun. Or if I call in or if I might send one

via the website. Always. Yeah. But I love hearing the questions I love hearing seduction reddit I love all of that but we need to we need we need some games more games so every here and there at my request call Crawford game master yeah into it all right are you ready for breaking news mm-hmm guys the situation has been resolved. I know. Oh, shit. Should we talk about the Mad Shitter? The Mad Shatter? The Mad Scatter?

I can't remember. Shitler? I can't remember the last time I've been so, like... Terrified to walk the streets? Seriously. Okay, we need to stop being ambiguous and tell the listeners what the fuck we're talking about. If you're not from Toronto, there has been a wild person traversing university campuses with a bucket of human feces and dumping them over people before running away loudly and audibly giggling. I do want to specify that the headlines have specifically said that it's liquefied. Oh, yeah, liquefied.

Liquefied feces. And full buckets, too. I also love that. So they caught him. Everyone knows that, right? He's arrested. His bail hearing was today. More people showed up for that than did for any crime spree in Toronto.

They literally had people outside being like, are we all here for this? Because if not, it's going to take a while. You guys can leave. And everyone's like, no, we're all lined up here there was a line like around the block his bail hearing was today um yeah like that that's a thing it's a thing did you guys see the meme where it said that he should hook up with chair girl oh yeah and throw porta potties off of the balconies yeah i feel like you know the way a lot of people are like, you know, Toronto's kind of like mini New York.

I feel like we're like mini Gotham. We just have really bad supervillains. So it's like shit bucket boy. We need a really sort of like mediocre superhero to sort of combat this. The mad shatter and chair girl, but it's like just like... I mean, if anything, it sounds more like we're closer to the tick

than we are to the Batman franchise. Maybe. Because there was literally a guy who was just like Chairface or Chairhead or whatever in the Tick. Yeah. It was a great show. It was great, yeah. Wow. I haven't seen the Amazon.

Apparently it's great. Live action. I haven't seen the live action. I used to love the movie show. Didn't they have the guy on Mabimbat? Yeah. Yeah. The guy who played Arthur.

Yeah. I just wanted to take a moment and be grateful that none of the three of us were on Shetler's list. And I can't help but keep thinking about it. What do you even do when that Oh my god. You couldn't hear it. I don't think you could audibly hear me shaking my

head when Niall said that, but I was. It took me a second. It took me a second. I feel like it was just that this is the time to think of great names for the thing because my girlfriend posited the poo urch. Ooh. I like that one. That's a new one I hadn't heard yet. Let's see if multiple people were doing it on specific days.

You don't think multiple people are going to do this now? I don't think there's going to be copy scat crimes. Oh, my God. Copy scat. A copy scat filler. Oh, my goodness. That's just someone who fills does fills the bucket okay so one of the funniest things sorry we can get back to this because it's the best uh one of the best fucking things about this whole thing is in the report where they said that he got arrested they took note to point out that he was using home depot. I don't know why they did that,

but can you imagine there's some guy from Home Depot like, oh, come on, man. Like, why? Home Depot stocks just plummeted. Just irreparable harm to the Home Depot brand for no reason. It was like when Avril Lavigne wore the Home Depot shirt on SNL when everyone was like, we need to get Home Depot shirts. And now everyone's just going to be like, oh, is that a Home Depot bucket?

It smells like home depot uh hey guys i have a question for you should we do one of these i don't know i was gonna make a public enemy number two joke continue i had a dream that my ex wanted to grab a redhead oh my god small waist he infected me with mycoplasma we We were supposed to stay together, but my counselor told me if I stayed with him, he would reinfect me and cheat. That is a fact. So I painfully left and got cured. He likes bisexual women and he thought he was gay. This always troubled me because I couldn't understand why. Is it because it's fun? He wanted to jump in, but couldn't because I was there. Then when we were both tested positive and I was sad, he gave me a disease.

In the dream, I was laying beside him and we both popped the antibiotic. I was down to wait and make sure we were both cured, but he wanted to cheat despite he has an STD. It was hard leaving him and I didn't even want to leave him. But I wish I left sooner and not got infected. I really didn't want to respect or I didn't I really didn't respect my body and myself

in that relationship. I feel like this is is this a newer post? This is the most recent post. Are we back? Is she back? No, she's good again, right? I feel like this is like a rehashing

you know one of those episodes where you go back and you see it all again but this time with more details but also now she's on to redheads what does it mean because before it was blondes in the dreams it was blondes now it's redheads with boobs now this is this is like curvy this is almost sort of like a christina hendrix yeah vibe going did i miss this episode are we are we there's many i'm pretty sure i I did a question from Better Betch when we were here

last time you were here. She's your one who got the disease from animals. Last time I was here, you did read a question that sent me down the rabbit hole. That's probably it, yes. Spiraled me out and I couldn't even keep track of it. Was it cryptic dreams? Yeah, this was 100% a that was definitely Better Betch.

I knew I did it with you. So, advice? I don't even know. I wouldn't even know where So advice? I wouldn't even know where to begin. I wouldn't even know where to begin with this. I have nothing. We don't need to talk about this too long. We're behind on the actual advice quota for the episode. I just wanted to bring that up

and just let her know she's still having them dreams. She's still having the dreams. She's still cured. She is still cured. One of us needs to go get a dream interpretation in them dreams. She's still having the dreams. She's still cured. She is still cured. See, we need... One of us needs to go get a dream interpretation book or something and go back through all her dreams because the fact that it's changed from thick blondes to

titty redheads is like... Like slim, like petite redheads or like small waisted redheads with just big boobs. Exactly, right? It's gone from bottom heavy to top heavy, blonde to redhead. Like, there's significance in there. I just don't know what it is. No. Okay, let's do a real question. Okay, real question.

Let's get this show on the road. Real question. You know what? I'm going to start with a listener submitted, a user submitted question, right? Because some of my questions, I don't know if you'd call them real. The user submitted questions are obviously my favorites. I get so excited when we have user submitted questions as a listener.

So this is from my good friend, Eric. And he says, okay. Oh, I love him. He's such a sweetheart. He's the best. Yeah. Okay. Did they sign him an agent name?

Nope. Okay. He said he doesn't give a shit. Fair enough. Okay. So I've been living with my boyfriend unofficially for five months. We've been together for six in both of our own respective places. But he sleeps over every night and has a drawer. he's been asking me to move in for a little while

and i keep putting it off because i'm not sure if it's too soon or i'm ready for the commitment however i came across a beautiful one-bedroom apartment in my neighborhood i'm very attached to my area and it's a steal should i just jump the gun ignore my anxiety about the whole commitment situation or should i let this place slide and figure it out if i'm ready in the future i'm sorry can you go back he's been living like as in they have their own places but like they basically spend every every night you know the majority of time in each other's been dating six months and like for example he has like a drawer in his place so yeah okay cool so it's not like living together but they're doing the math wasn't let. I wasn't processing it as fast as I'd like to.

I'm going to defer to our guests first. Six months is soon. Yeah. Six months is really soon. If I think about any partner that I've ever had, and you look back, what I've learned about my partner in the last two years is just more and more every time. At six months, I really feel like that's that's that's playing with a lot of fire there i mean i would keep it's okay the whole drawer thing even if

you're spending every night at each other's places respectively uh six months wait another six months eric like just be safe because you always want to have your own home to go home to and vice versa lord knows how much you'll find out about this guy and i'm sure things are going great but you'll probably figure out so much more about him in another six months and which will either make it way better or way worse to move in absolutely um i totally agree because like i and i understand when you see this amazing place and you're like that that's a steal like i can't do it by myself but with two people and you have this like dream and like more of that dream is probably the place in the area than it

is you and him living together so far or even if it is it's like you don't really as you said know someone well enough know them know if you're going to be able to to live with them well yet so a lot of that kind of you're getting caught up in the price and the place and the area. And that's all fine. But there's nothing fucking worse than when you guys or if you guys break up. Yeah. And then it's like, do you continue to live together until you find a new place? Which sucks, especially depending on how you fucking break up. Yeah.

And secondly, it's like, or does one person have to bail early and go live at home or go live with friends? Or it's just a big fucking mess. And even then it's like you or does one person have to bail early and go live at home or go live with friends or it's just a big fucking mess. And even then it's like, you might have a good seal now, but then if you can't find a good place, you kind of just have to get a place because otherwise you can't afford that place by yourself. And now you're fucked. I'm saying this as a person that happened to me. Exactly. Like I, my, my ex, I lived with her and it was a few different things.

Like, we've been dating for two years. But, you know, I wasn't sure we were ready to move in yet.

Anyway, whole thing. So was this relationship one, two, three, or four? This was three.

This was three. Well, there's technically it was four, but I didn't count one of them. Sorry again. Dane, how long before you

and Amanda moved in with each other? We were dating. It was like two years, how long before you and Amanda moved in with each other? We were dating. It was like two years, right? A year and a half? Two years? Yeah. I mean, like, we were dating openly probably two years and then probably dating exclusively

for like a year or so or maybe a little less than a year. Right. And, like, we had had the conversation. Like, the only reason, literally the only reason we moved in was because she was getting evicted from her old place. Right. Like, her landlord was like, I'm,'m you know renovating or whatever the fucking bullshit excuse was um and we had talks we were like look we're ready to move in together but we're not

going to until we have to yeah sort of thing you know i mean or like the next opportunity that presents itself we will then move in together um i think neil or minus a point yeah i win again i was gonna say nile nailed it and then i just was like ah fuck it we'll just say we'll just say it all together um where it's like yeah you might find this like amazing apartment that's a really good deal um but if it doesn't work out yeah you're gonna be fucked in the like on the back end of things like if if for whatever reason you guys break up it's like you've now lost the place which i assume you can afford to live in currently yeah rent has since gone up yeah and this thing is like the toronto housing market i imagine is like most other major city yeah housing markets right now where it's absolutely fucked like a man and i

for one bedroom apartment are paying almost 1900 a month um so like and that's on the low end that's yeah that's the low end. My place is a fucking... When you look at the other things that you're getting for that price point, my place is a steal. It's a great place for that price, but it's still, in my opinion,

$300 or $400 too much. Yeah. So I can only imagine that if you then have to... You're either going to rely on hoping that someone else needs a roommate the same time that you guys break up at which point

you don't really have much of a choice if you meet someone you're like yeah they might be okay you don't really know until you move in with them so you're waiting on that

two you're going to stay living with your ex which is not a good idea no having done that it's just the worst or two

moving into a place that is either garbage because it's what. Or two, moving into a place that is either garbage because it's what you can afford or moving into a place that is way too expensive because it's where you want to live or a place that you like. You're putting yourself in a position where the risk reward

is so skewed against you. It's like, yes, there's a chance that you guys might live happily ever after for the rest of your lives. And this is just the first step. But then you still have ever after. Like, there's time that'll come.

That's the thing. It's like, there's time to grow. There's time to move into a place together. And if you have even the slightest hint of thinking that this isn't a good idea, you do not do it. And the same thing is like starting a relationship. If for whatever reason, if there's a part of you that's like, oh, this might't a good idea, you do not do it. And the thing is, it's the same thing as like starting a relationship. If for whatever reason, if there's a part of you that's like, oh, this might be a bad

idea or I don't know if I want to be with this person, then don't enter a relationship. Yeah. And it's doubly so when you put the place where you sleep. Yeah. Because it's like the last thing you want to do is be without one of the primary needs, which is shelter. Yeah. And also, I think even in a good relationship that would go the distance,

if you do it too early, I think you can put too much strain too quickly and ruin things. For sure. Absolutely. So even the same relationship that would be good to move in in a year and a half or two, if you do it too early, it's like it's a lot to happen, you know, because you don't have like if something, because like even when me and my girlfriend moved in, it was like the first little bit was tough and not even for any like bad reasons it was just like it was hard to get our schedules together it was hard to like

you know just read cuz you get a rejig your rhythm right because now it's also someone else's place which comes with like added responsibilities and added like thought like I can't just do what I want cuz it's my place I need to be like oh what would she want here and she has to think like oh what would they you know it's a whole thing um and it took some it's great now like you know the second month was amazing but it was definitely one of those things where it took a little bit of easing into but we have all that weight of history and like communication and like even if things went really badly we have all that to kind of like fall back on and we know how to deal with that which again it didn't go that badly obviously but uh you know

when you're six months in you don't necessarily have that exactly it's one of those things that i feel like you really have to be like dane said you have to be absolutely sure about it and if it is happily ever after you have like ever after to to wait that's okay like it sounds super corny but good things do come to those who wait in these kind of situations eric's such a nice guy i would hate to him to be in a situation where he feels trapped yeah this early into dating somebody um so yeah wait it out give it give it six more months and i think there's definitely a too early i don't know if there's necessarily a too late right yeah it was a good way to say it yeah you'll know like you'll know when you're ready to move in and it's when you don't have a hesitation to move in

yeah um when i moved in with my partner i i like almost like it was it was such a good feeling we built such a rhythm and so many lovely things happened for our relationship that we weren't really expecting i did mourn my own space though i mourned my not i'd mourn my own space but i mourned my home that i had for so long not living with a partner it was a new phase in my life yeah and that's the thing there's nothing wrong with like loving what you had as well as loving what you're going into right and like leaving what you love is always going to be sad right exactly um so that being said like i'm i'm super happy that we live together. I love our new life together. I couldn't even imagine myself going back.

But I'm happy that I waited two years of dating my partner before we both mutually made that jump together. Yeah. You have a question for us too, right? I do have a question, yeah. I'm excited about this question. I have a user-submitted question. Oh, yeah.

I know. I feel like such submitted question. Oh, yeah. I know. I feel like such a legit part of this lovely podcast. I also have to say, being here, there's so many times that I'm listening to this podcast and I want to jump in and yell what I think about things. So I'm so happy that I can be here. Okay, this is a user submitted question that comes from one of my Instagram followers, actually.

And his agent name is kentucky fried thickums yes okay hey guys i thought i'd share something i've been overthinking for the last little while i'm a 30 year old male who has always stayed relatively fit i've been with my partner gorgeous 27 year old male for a little over two years now. Life is great. Relationship is great. But here's what's on my mind. Over the past year, I've gained a little weight and I'm not feeling as attractive as I used to. My partner eats whatever he wants,

hardly works out and maintains a six pack and great biceps. It's hard for me to maintain a healthy diet when he always has a bag of Doritos on the coffee table. He assures me that I'm still as sexy as I've ever been, but I still can't shake the thought of getting slumpier and dumpier while he continues to look like a Greek god. Worst case, he finds another Greek god and I'm left alone with a beer belly. Am I crazy? Is this normal for a 30 year old?

Will it pass? Thanks for reading. Hey, let me tell you, as someone who's recently just turned 32, you're not crazy, my man. You are not crazy. I struggle with this as well. I feel like I go through waves of like being physically active and treating my body right. And then I go through what I'm currently going through at this point in time where I'm not working out as much as I am or I'm not being as conscious about what I eat um and Amanda is uh I mean she's vegan

she's never had a sweet tooth she's uh like a really really good conscious eater she dances all the time she's physically like so she is just like progressively and consistently getting more attractive like just just every day she is just she has done something to be more hot um and i there's there are times where like i'll be getting out of the shower and i'll just be like oh boy yikes um and i think i think the most important thing to do in situations like this is not worry about your partner and you need to figure out what is what is going to make you happy and what's going to make

you comfortable in your skin because if they love you chances are the extra like 5-10 pounds that you're putting on they're not going to see that they see you as they see you and uh, and they love you. And, and that's, that's not really, if it's a real love, if it's like a genuine connection, that's not going to mean shit to them. Um, so I think what really needs to happen is you need to like sort of

rewind back, cut them out of the equation and be like, what do you need to do to feel comfortable? What do you need to do to feel comfortable in your skin? What do you need to do to feel comfortable? What do you need to do to feel comfortable in your skin? What do you need to do to feel loved by yourself? And I think that like nine times out of 10, that's what I need to do. I usually need to be like, okay, this has gone too far. This has gotten out of hand. I don't feel comfortable wearing, you know, what I want to wear or whatever it is. Um, and then that usually gives me a good kick in the ass to sort of, you know, maybe not eat takeout every fucking day, or maybe not skip the gym or whatever. Whatever it is that I'm doing that I know, you know what I mean? Like, I know 100 percent that I shouldn't be doing the things that I'm doing or I should be doing something that I'm not.

And I think that, like, you really you really need to sort of not look at it through the lens of being a someone in a relationship you need to be looking at it through the lens of uh self-love like what what do you need to do because like i'm not saying that you can't love yourself if you're a larger person like i don't i'm not equating having a six-pack to that's the only way you can love yourself you know you're saying the opposite you're saying your standards are your standards. Exactly. You need to find what you're comfortable with and what you want your body to be.

And again, it doesn't have to be super... No, no, no. It doesn't have to be super fit. It doesn't have to be jacked. It doesn't have to be any of those things. It also doesn't necessarily have to be larger because I know there's this thing where it's everyone sort of being like,

we should just accept all body types. But it's not true if that's not what you want. Right. Yeah. You don't have, like, you have no say over what other people do to their bodies, but you have absolutely 100% say over what you want with your body. And if it's vice versa, like, if this question was flipped

and they're saying, like, oh, my partner wants me to lose weight, my partner wants me to be this kind of body type. No, fuck that. You know what I mean? At that point, it's my partner wants me to lose weight. My partner wants me to be this kind of body type. No, fuck that. You know what I mean? At that point, it's like you get, you get to make that call.

Um, so, so, so love yourself. Sorry. I, I went on a tirade there. That was great.

I loved it. I loved every minute of it. Yeah. Please feel free to add or. I, the only things I would really add is like one, like also trust your partner. Cause they've been clear about how they feel about you and they obviously still think you're great so like when

people say that like trust that i completely agree like if you're happy with where you're at it doesn't matter what you think your partner might think and if you're not happy with where you're at it also doesn't matter what your partner may or may not think. Make yourself happy. But also like as someone who eats a bunch of shit and a bunch, like I have a massive sweet tooth. I drink a lot of beer. I drink, I eat a lot of food that one probably isn't the most. Well, no, I eat healthy enough food actually. I always think I don't, but it's fine.

But I do eat a lot of calories and a lot of stuff and for years like i never put on like any kind of yeah i was gonna say you're kind of like always describing his partner like you i was basically eat whatever you want oh yeah 100 like um but a while ago um actually about the time i started my current relationship was uh i think it was probably the least active i'd been on top of like the most amount of like drinking and eating and whatever and it just like getting older you get to a point where like you know i'm sure when this person's 30 they're gonna be having the same problems as you yeah but i noticed that like it wasn't anything bad but like i actually started to like you know i'd like slump down topless on the couch and be like oh no like, like what's this? And that was exacerbated like quite badly by the fact that like my current partner,

who I am still with now, like rock climbs all the time and is just fit as fuck and like completely and utterly like great fucking shape. So that in comparison, what before I hadn't even really noticed, I was like, oh God, but I just went and started doing a lot more activity and it was fine so like you don't you know if you want to change it the ways are you know be a little bit more could like think a little bit more when there are snacks out or find healthier snacks or just you know work out more and if like working out as a trial find something that's fun that doesn't feel like working out like my rock climbing it it's a fucking crazy workout and it does not feel like work yeah yeah for sure i mean if my boyfriend were to read that

question he would think that i wrote it i was really excited when i got that question because i don't know if i've ever related to a question it's a good question because i think all three of us can relate yeah absolutely and like i would imagine that like a good chunk of our listeners i'm sure either they're the question asker or the person in the relationship where they're just like can you just like chill like i don't care that you've put on weight like you know what i mean like i imagine that's also probably right a concern for a lot of people too yeah i am like even i it's so the whole snack thing on the table really related to me because I was, I always worked out a lot.

Um, I always really cared about my appearance. I'm a big believer of you look good, you feel good, you do good. That really works for me. Um, and my partner, Brandon, uh, like your girlfriend and yours, he is slim and trim and has a great body. He eats whatever he wants. He can literally put away a chocolate cake every Sunday and he just looks amazing. So I related to this guy so much. And so when the Doritos are on the table, I grab them. And I struggled a little bit with where do I sacrifice happiness for appearance? And, you know, my boyfriend obviously doesn't, he, same way. He says, I'm not going to, what he said, and it really stuck with me.

I don't notice if you go up or down five pounds, Obviously, he doesn't, he, same way, he says, I'm not going to, what he said, and it really stuck with me. I don't notice if you go up or down five pounds. But I do notice when you can pig out with me and eat candy with me and drink beer with me and, you know, feast with me and be gluttonous with me. And I was like, wow, he's right. Like, those are some of our happiest times. I cook, obviously. So when we're, when we're pigging out and eating eating that really does so much for me and it makes us happy and i chose to you know let the love handles fly a little bit and thank you but it's i but you know everybody uh i'm saying like i i really understand where this guy is

coming from and i did make the choice towards the doritos just a little tiny bit nothing wrong with that exactly and uh i'm comfortable with it. And another thing that I think might really help, especially if you're like, you know, I'm a 30 year old gay man too. There's a lot of pressure to really look good. Is there's multiple ways to be sexy. So where I was before a little bit of a topless gay,

I was taking shirtless selfies all the time. Now I switch up my hairstyle all the time. I switch up my beard style all the time. I taking shirtless selfies all the time. Now I switch up my hairstyle all the time. I switch up my beard style all the time. I switch up my style all the time. I might wear black and gray all the time and then go colorful all the time. So just a little bit of like different advices. There's multiple ways to feel sexy. So if your body might be letting it go just a little bit, it could be because you're 30 and it could keep going. Like, you know, then maybe switch up a little bit of the way that you play with feeling sexy. You could be surprised at how sexy you really feel with a different haircut.

Yeah. All right. I love it. That was a good question. That was a good question. Thank you for it. Kentucky Fried Thickens. It's also fucking great.

I know. I was really excited. You got a question? Me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Okay.

Okay. My loving wife does not know she actually hates me by his trash throwaway i once egged my wife's then girlfriend how then girlfriend's house after a breakup 12 years later she still occasionally brings up the hatred she has for the person that launched several eggs through her own bedroom window i feel like i'm in too deep on this one i've always been honest with her aside from this gap and i chalk it up to me being a jackass of a This is how I picture most hetero relationships, by the way. Just like that. That was almost a perfect...

A deep hidden betrayal under everything. Yeah, that's how I picture most hetero relationships. So in the further comments, he points out that his wife is also one of those people who if someone like crosses her, she burns them to the fucking ground. I think there's only one way to do it. And that is to ask her to stand in the bedroom and just pelt her with eggs from outside. Yeah. And she'll be like, you remember this? Yeah.

I have something to show to you. Like, honey, can you, you get to go up. I'm going to go outside and like, maybe like hold a boom box while you're doing it. She'll think you're doing like a cute John Cusack thing. Not a hundred of them. So we already talked about that. Yeah.

But then you just pelt her with that. Yeah. Just pelt her with eggs. I'm with you. But two of the eggs are fake eggs so they don't break

and on one it says remember and on the other one it says this. Yeah. Maybe the third one is like a ring or something. Well, they're already married. You can always give your wife another ring or something.

I don't know. I guess. I think you could. You're in so deep. Yeah. Like, again, we preach honesty and openness. I think this is one of those things where you just let it go. Yeah.

It's so inconsequential to, like, you made a it go. Yeah. It's so inconsequential to like you made a bad decision it doesn't ultimately you know it's not like you fucking killed her cat or something. You know what I mean? I don't know what those eggs did

when they landed. I mean true. Maybe you ruined like you know family heirloom dress or something with your fucking egg pelting. Tink is like could you have

something to add to this? I thought you were going to say something. No no no. I was laughing. I think I agree with Tinkain like i think you just got to move on from something like that no i think she knows really i think this is the long con and she has married you to get vengeance and now she's torturing you every day but like who still talks about an egging that happened 12 years ago if she isn't trying to needle you that's like she she's married you she owns half your assets she's looking for the excuse to break up with you which is the egg you just won't admit

it yet and she's needling you because she knows it'll come out in time eventually you'll feel guilty yeah this is honey i'm sorry look i was 16 when i did it i'm so sorry i didn't mean to do it we broke up i had bad feelings for you. And she's like, cool. She's like that necklace. And she snaps. And then all of a sudden, Miguel, the housekeeper slash lawyer, shows up and he's like,

mm, papers. You got served. There's like FBI agents in all their furniture with like listening equipment. They're like, we've got them, boys. We've got them. So they were broken up

when this happened, right? Yeah. They were on a break. I feel like if you decide to take somebody back after that like i don't know but she never knew it was him oh true yeah maybe she was what if that's the only reason they got back she was so upset and he comforted her oh my god it's like i can't believe random people who aren't me would do that. Well, at least he didn't throw a bucket of shit on her. At least it was just eggs.

Oh, that's the thing. This is the only time in the world. You have like a four day window in which to capitalize on this. And be like, hey, did you hear about this guy who's going around throwing shit on people? Wouldn't that have been so much worse? Imagine if someone did that to you instead of this egg. Imagine how mad you would have been if someone just threw a Home Depot bucket full full of shit man you gotta get the home depot in there a lot of people don't think it's important but it really is uh oh boy yeah that's it you you point out something

that's so much worse and then she's like i guess it wasn't that bad you're good because it was me good because i did it bye maybe you make a joke like what if it was me and like see her reaction and then just like be like oh it was totally me like wink but like always say it like it's a joke like what if it was me and like see her reaction and then just like be like oh it's totally me like wink but like always say it like it's a joke but always say it never take it back she can never be angry you could be like i told you years ago yeah or maybe just be like maybe hey baby like maybe i'll like you tonight and she's like what and be like yeah maybe i'll like you like like that person did to you ages ago. Wouldn't that be funny? Wouldn't it be funny if I did that? Just come on there and be like, got yoked again.

Oh. How bad was the breakup that, like, egg pelleting was what he was trying to do? If you're fucking 14, it doesn't matter how, like, every breakup is, like, the end of the world. World ending. Yeah. I wonder if they're Irish. It's a very Irish thing to do. My ex egged my house once.

Really? Yeah, she was not nice. So was this one, two, three, or four? That was one. Okay. Yeah. This comes from Reddit user TheINTJThrowaway. I want to face fuck my girlfriend, but I feel uncomfortable doing it.

My girlfriend is very adventurous in the bed and is down for almost anything. I told her I want to try face fucking because I find it really hot in porn. And the thought of doing it to her sounds hot. But whenever I try it, I always feel scared I'm hurting her. She says it's fine and was surprised that I only did it for like a minute. But I can't get over the mental block that she's feeling uncomfortable.

Man, my block is always just worrying about hitting teeth. Oh yeah. That's my big block. He sounds like a nice guy. Face fucking is fun. Being face fucked is fun, too. And if your girlfriend's down for anything, I feel like face fucking is very down there

on the mild scale. Like, I don't think you should. She also told you. Yeah. I think if the reaction to you face fucking her when you stop and she's like, oh, is that it? Yeah. I think that is the metric. Yeah. I think you're okay. For sure. And she's like, oh, is that it? I think that is the metric.

Yeah. I think you're okay. For sure. It's like, I get it. Especially, they're young. They're 19. Like, this is probably some of the more extreme stuff

that at least he's done. You know what I mean? Totally. I think it's very good to be concerned about the well-being of your partner. Especially when you're doing,

you know, quote-unquote violent sexual things um can we like hand start handing out awards because this person one cares about the well-being of his partner yes two has communicated with his partner and then they've communicated back yeah and this all seems quite healthy and good and nice i just like can we just fucking call them up and be like good job he sounds like a gem I love the duality for 19 year olds yeah I like the like the aggressive the aggressive act of face fucking somebody

and then I'm a real sensual like a nice little soft little flower and be like are you okay I don't wanna go for too long he sounds hot

I'm into it yeah I mean like face fuck me like you said he's fucking he's expressed his interest in a king they talked about it

talked about their boundaries they did it and then they did some like aftercare conversation afterwards it's like yeah interest in a king they talked about it, talked about their boundaries they did it and then they did some aftercare conversation afterwards this is a win I think you need to trust her anytime you introduce a new sexual act or a new kink or whatever you've exposed yourself

and then you need to and your partner has trusted you and you've trusted your partner to expose that kink you then need to trust your partner with their feedback of it yeah you know what i mean if if she seemed to have been enjoying it during the act and then at the end she says you know what not actually for me you can't then say but it looks like you like it yeah um on the flip side in this case where it's like if if you you get the feeling that she's uncomfortable she says no, no, actually, I'm really into it. Then you have to trust that as well. Yeah, especially in what seems like a good communicative relationship here.

Yeah. You know, like, if you guys don't have good communication, like, sure. But, like, this seems to be actually pretty positive and straightforward. But, hey, I fucking applaud the fact that, like, there's nothing wrong with caring at all. Yeah. And I love that you do so my my advice for this would be um it's a little more difficult i imagine i've never been face fucked um but i imagine that like she can also aggressively suck your dick um and and she can you know use

leverage whether it's your pant legs or or your butt or your hips or whatever and she can essentially you know quote-unquote face fuck herself to show you that like her extremes or like what she's comfortable with or to to exhibit sort of like her comfort with this yeah um because i understand that like if someone's like no i'm cool with that but then you're like you know you get a handful of hair and just go to town on her face if you're if that's sort of like your mental block but if you then witness them doing it to themselves i think that would be a little more eye-opening and a little more uh receptive to you being like oh okay this is actually something you enjoy doing it because you're doing it to yourself and just like obviously safe word won't work very well when you've got you know yeah well not when you've got a cock in your mouth but true but have a safe signal like sometimes like dropping a

set of keys or even just like a pat on the you know two taps on the yeah some predetermined signal because yeah she won't be able to say a word or whatever and you might not necessarily know before yeah you want to be, just establish a very clear signal, and then trust her to be able to do that, which I'm sure she will. Yeah. Did this guy say that he was young? 19.

19, both 19. Yeah, I think you have a very good sex life ahead of you, because it sounds like you're doing things right so far at 19 years old. Yeah, I mean, I hope you guys stick with it, because like, if you guys keep, every time you find something new you're into, you both discuss it like this and try it out and then have this sort of very mature conversation about how you want to interact with it going forward.

You're yeah, you're going to have great sex. Now, I remember together. I remember when I was about 19 years old or 18 years old or so, I was like him. I was doing things that I thought were hot in porn. And this goes back to, I think last week you guys were talking about dicks and how hard they are. Yeah, yeah. And how porn stars actually have their, some porn stars have their ligaments messed up. So that they can get different angles. Because a lot of things that I found hot.

My dick ligaments are hurting every time someone says that. In porn, we're so not hot in real life at all. Or we're difficult. Or we're difficult. Or we're awkward. How do you guys feel about trying things that you find hot in porn? I definitely have done it more when I was younger than now. Because you find out what works and what doesn't. But so much of it is bullshit.

Because it's just like you're angling to please an audience. You're not angling to please each other. Yeah, exactly. Nine times out of ten the leg is being lifted so that you can see insertion but yeah that that's not an issue when you're you're just having sex um i mean like most of my favorite positions now are you know almost like non-performative like they're very sort of close to my partner and very so you know what i mean like where there's a lot more uh physical contact than

when i was younger i wanted to be like sort of on the edge of my bed and standing up so i can see everything so i can like present and and all that kind of stuff but like now it's it's a lot of like i'm i'm right in there because i want to be i want to be close i want to be close 100 in there 100 um and it's and like i think that's i like you said it's like you we go from you know this weird sort of like our our main experience with sex is through porn and that's sort of like basically the only yeah you know you start we see that and then you and then as you grow up and as you have sex and as you care about people and realize that sex is an extension of intimacy, um, I think you,

you get less extension if you will. Yeah. You, you start being less performative and more, uh, more, you know, you,

you do what you both want or what you, what feels the best as opposed to what you think would like be most aesthetically pleasing. Um, cause fuck that. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

these are good questions today, by the way. This guy gives me hope for 19 year olds that are fucking these days. He sounds like he sounds like a good guy.

I mean, this is kind of why we wanted to make the podcast. You know what I mean? It's like to to hopefully make this sort of the norm

in sexual relationships, especially younger people. Yeah. A hundred percent. Well, are we still in the same trend of good good questions yeah let's do one more all right uh girlfriend this is by i'm thinking sexy time girlfriend 37 year old female gives me 39 year old male arby's coupons after sex is that weird? And we got a little bit more details. There are dessert ones in there and everything. Sorry.

So this is almost very relevant. So Burrito Banditos just sent us a Instagram DM of a photo. And it's this. Right now? Yep. Shut the fuck up. What? What was it?

It's gone. Right now? Yep. Shut the fuck up. What? What was it? It's gone. No! Tell us. It was literally just a burrito cut in half, but like viewed like on par with the burrito. Like it wasn't like a, it was literally just a burrito. Why would they send us that? I have no idea. Wow. Just be like, you got to reply.

Are we just say, do you guys want to sponsor us? Are you sexting Burrito Bandito don't worry about it sorry let's get back to this question if i'm quiet i'm just i read again a girlfriend gives me arby's coupons after sex is that weird there are dessert ones in there and everything i love arby's so much and i don't even eat red meat anymore. But, like, if I was going to eat red meat, like, Arby's, and they're so rare, and they're so hard to come by, I'm getting way more excited about this than I should. But if I were to receive Arby's coupons after sex, I would just fuck all over again. Like, round two, right then and there, I'd be so excited. I've eaten Arby's once in my life.

I've never had it. And it was literally the worst thing I've ever eaten. People are like that with Arby's. You love it or you hate it. I've never had it. And it was literally the worst thing I've ever eaten. People are like that with Arby's. You love it or you hate it. I've never had it. Is there something wrong? There's one in like where is Square One Mall? Wherever that is. Wherever Square One

Mall is, that's where it is. You can probably find one in like Yorkdale Mall too. I've been to Yorkdale Mall. It's not there. And I would remember. I remember where Arby's are you guys even when I lived in Halifax

there was only one in all of Nova Scotia and it was an event but Arby's you either love it or you hate it like it's so plasky well that's the thing maybe she hates it

or maybe she lives in Toronto and she doesn't want to go all the way to square one maybe he's from Mississauga yeah maybe or

I don't know that's it so what's his problem with the question? I think he's just confused, which I'm not... Be happy. See, the thing... If you like Arby's, I'd be into it.

This isn't a new Reddit, by the way. This is sane or psycho. Where people give you situations and ask for guidance. What I love is that it's his girlfriend. And not just a girl he's fucking. So that must be a lot of Arby's coupons. So that must be a lot of Arby's coupons. Like that's a lot of Arby's coupons. I mean,

we just say like, if, if I had sex with anyone I was regularly sleeping with and every time I did, they gave me something like regardless of what it is, regardless of like, I mean the Arby's coupon. What about satisfaction, Dan?

Fucking wild. But if someone was like, if every time we fucked and you were like, you rolled over and opened your drawer and was like, here's a candy bar. I'd be like, what interaction have we agreed to here? Like, is this, am I a sex worker? I think this person is. And the thing is, like, obviously I thought it was normal, but there's dessert ones in there as well. That's the key part. And everything. I's the key and everything i really have an idea i really have an idea and i really want us you guys know

i like games i really want us to hold through this i think we should all go out and test this and see what happens and get a couple coupons and give them to our partners after we have sex with them and do it two times so it's not just once and don't react. Oh shit. Did they listen to the podcast? Yeah, but we got to do it before Monday. Okay, good. Yes. We can all have sex twice in a week, right?

Of course. Okay, cool. So, uh, I'm going to do this. But like full booklet? We got to do a full booklet, right? Sorry? You got to do like a full booklet. Sure.

I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it Saturday, Sunday. Podcast comes out Monday. Yeah. But does he listen? He listens to the ones I'm on try it I'm gonna try it Saturday Sunday podcast comes out Monday yeah but does he listen he listens to the ones I'm on yeah good cool yeah

I got a Subway's booklet I'm just worried she'll take it though I'll have my eye on it it's harder for me my girlfriend's vegan even better I mean

if I can find some Beyond Burgers from A&W just scribble out scribble out everything just say Beyond I don't know I think it's funnier if you just give her one.

I'm sure you can print off some Beyond Meatburger coupons. Also, it doesn't necessarily... If we're just giving coupons, I can find a coupon. Sure. Something that she's into. Anything. Maybe like a Senza coupon or something. I don't know.

Oh, sure. Does Dollarama have it? Can we actually try this? Yeah, we'll meet back next week. And keep a post on it. That's going to be our answer. Is it weird? We're going to be our answer. Is it weird? We're going to let them decide.

I literally not be able to keep a straight face for this, guys. I'm telling you right now. The thing is, I will to the point that it will negatively affect our relationship. I literally, I will turn around. From now, we're going to be talking about this as single men. I'm going to turn around. I'm going to have it under the pillow. We're going to fuck. I'm going to as I get up to like put the condom in the bin

I'm gonna be like oh hand her one walk out come back in she'll be like what? what?

why? and I'm going to dead face just be like what? and go to bed and I can hold I can hold a fucking gag

for a long time and she will get very angry at me you'll wake up and she will be gone yeah to Subway to get to 6 inches

for $12 I will be the ambassador for this To Subway to get to six inches for $12. I will be the ambassador for this one. I will give Brandon coupons to Popeyes or A&W because we eat at both those. It doesn't matter. I will give Brandon coupons every time after we have sex. Yeah. I'll have sex with him frequently. Wait, what do we say when they ask?

Just play it off. I can play it off. I can do this. I can make it work. All for the sake of a social experiment. I'm definitely going can do this. I can just, I can make it work all for the sake of a social experiment. I'm definitely going to do this. It's going to be great.

I will keep a log of it and you guys either call me or have me back one or the other whenever it's easier. And then we will revisit this topic. Sure. Okay.

I'm down. That went so much better than I thought it would. I mean, I think we just have to end on that. Great. Let's do it. I have a really good one,

but it doesn't matter. I have too many. All right. Well, thank you, Kyle. I can even get Brandon to call

or be on the phone and say how he felt about it, not even knowing. Well, we'll do it for a social experiment. Do it for a day or two. You guys are getting into the top 10

after this coupon experiment. Vice is going to write an article about it. These three idiots gave their partners coupons after sex. Look what happened. Sounds very Vice.

Why is this person writing the newspaper sounding like Macho Man Randy Saldana? Oh, he writes for them. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you guys so much.

I'd also like to thank Eric for his question. I would like to thank Julius for the beer. And I would like to thank Altricia for being one of our newer listeners who's already crushed

at least the first five. So when you get here, you're the best. Thanks for listening. If you have a question, also thank you, Kyle, for joining us. I already thanked him, you asshole.

Thank you. I want to take just one minute. I know we're running long here, but I want to talk as a listener for a moment because I have been listening to you guys every single Monday. I listen to you guys when I cook.

I listen to you guys when I play video games. And yeah, I'm a little biased because you guys are single Monday. I listen to you guys when I cook. I listen to you guys when I play video games. And yeah, I'm a little biased because you guys are two very good friends of mine. But you guys have been absolutely killing it lately. And I mean that. You guys have made it into the top what now? You're in the top 30 now in Canadian sex podcasts? You guys have never missed a beat.

You guys have every podcast every Monday for 60 60 ish episodes now this is 62 this is 62 you guys are absolutely killing it and i'm gonna really say something here you guys have made me a better boyfriend i feel like when i listen to the podcast like the information and the laughs and everything comes i feel like i'm hanging with my boys when i don't necessarily have a lot of time to hang with my boys and just by listening i feel like I'm hanging with my boys when I don't necessarily have a lot of time to hang with my boys and just by listening I feel like I'm getting things off my chest I feel like

I'm listening to other people I feel like I'm becoming a better boyfriend to my partner and I'm not just saying that I really mean it and I wanted to wait till I was in the

closet to tell you guys so keep killing it don't stop and I'm sure you're gonna go higher than the top 30 and I'm so happy to be a little part of it I love you thank you

yeah thank you so much for those rings that means a lot to us yeah um if you have a question and you would like to submit it to us um or if you just have really nice things that you can say to us you can say it too um you can find us on facebook at facebook.com fck buddies podcast you can find us on twitter at fck underscore buddies you can find us on the world wide web at fbuddiespodcast.com um and also you can send us an email at fbuddiespodcast at gmail.com all right well thank you to josh eagle and the harvard cities for their song paper stars and are we ready for some sex writing yes so i have i have a mission to make to everyone uh i forgot to bring stephy's lusty lovers this week so we're good i don't know yeah maybe i'm not sure how i feel about it maybe we need a break uh but i will say

that something very exciting happened today so you're yet again this is the second breaking news we've had this very episode but this one doesn't actually might haven't read them yet uh no feces maybe um so the bad sex writing that i read is occasionally sourced from the bad sex writing like award that happens yearly and the shortlist was released eight hours ago this is hot off the presses wow and yeah let's get into one you ready comfy comfy are you don't look comfy you don't sound comfy as i can be i mean that's fair there's three boys all right this is uh this is the office of garden and ponds by didier decoyne the earthy taste surprised her when he was alive when it swelled inside miyuki's mouth

katsuro's penis had tasted of raw fish, of warm young bamboo shoots, and of fresh almonds when she finally released its juices. That was insipid and muddy to her tongue, like the pools of the temples of Hyankyo when the Office of Gardens and Ponds had them drained for cleaning. Miyuki had loved this man, not that he was a very good lover, but what did she know after all since she had experienced no one but him? He used to upset her the way he silently loomed up behind her took her by the shoulders his nails scratching her flesh his strong breath enveloping her neck a smell of ripe fruit and poorly tanned leather his knee

pushing against her lower back to open her tunic and expose a portion of naked flesh against which he would then rub his organ as if he were furtively making omelet rolls he did not derive his pleasure Vivid. I can taste that. Why is this... I like how you can smell the quality of tanning. Poorly tanned leather. But also, just like, a slightly little omelette on the back? Yeah, no.

Who makes omelettes furtively? Also, is he dead? Well, he said when he was alive it tasted like fish. Now it tastes muddy. Is he dead? Is she sucking a dead dick? Maybe they're talking about like alive as in... Like a boner?

Yeah, maybe. Why would it taste... I don't know. I don't know. I really hope my dick doesn't just change taste via how erect I am. Yuki and her omelette. We've got one more question. I'm sorry.

It's happening. One question. It's really quick. This one is from Ask Gay Bros. We're so... Kyle, do you get horny looking at your own dick? Who asked that? This is from Ask Gay Bros.

Oh, okay. Do you get horny looking at your own dick? No, specifically they are talking to you. No, they're not. Oh, it says Kyle on it. Yeah. No. Do I get horny looking at my own dick? Um, no. Dane, do you get horny looking at your own dick? I don't get horny looking at any dick. No, I don't get horny looking at

my own dick. Yeah, I figured. I'm friends with my dick. We're good pals, but. I thought, oh, sorry. It was quick. I just had to. That was quick. Alright, hey, this wasn't Dan. No, fuck i thought i was sorry it was quick i just had to quick all right hit us wasn't dan no fuck it that was that was the damn for today yeah do you get horny looking at your own dick think about that come back to us next week um all right well then our pornhub user comment for the day um this is pornhub user fancy yan yan and he has a question for us oh uh he also answers do you get horny looking at your own dick? Do you know what's bigger

than his cock? My love for Jesus. Well, amen. My name is Dave Miller. And I'm Niles Spann. I'm Kyle Crawford and we've been your fuck buddies. I'm