Fear& - A Very Merry Fear& Christmas

Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm so straight that there's not a price you could put on my heterosexuality. Ridiculous. That's what they think. And I remember this because at one point I was a straight man. And we used to do this thing, all right? Wow! That's not how it works, Austin. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the Fear and podcast.

Starting point is 00:00:41 Only this time we are celebrating one of our favorite holidays, Christmas. It's the Christmas episode. That's right. I know today is the 22nd of December for those of you who are just tuned in. But this is our Christmas episode because next week will be the 27th and we miss Christmas and we could never do that. So we're going to celebrate with you. Just hear those sleigh bells wringling, ding, ding, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

Starting point is 00:01:07 Hey, I think it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. Ringy, linga ding ding dong ding. Ringy, linga, linga ding dong ding. Ringy, and ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. You look like the uncle at Christmas who just got left by his wife. That's how I feel right now. Danny needs a lot of support right now. Uncle Danny's going

Starting point is 00:01:33 through a lot. Yes. Well, Hassan is starting off the podcast. So much cheese in your beard. Hold on, Hassan. Let's get a little holiday cheer. Can't we? Can't we do it? Let's hear the sleighbass wring ding ding dingling. We can't

Starting point is 00:01:49 start a podcast like this. My God, can you please stop shoving your face full of food for just one moment? Well, get it together. Let's get the holiday spirit going with something we all love. Presence. Yes.

Starting point is 00:02:01 Presence. I love gifts. But before we get into that, what the fuck is wrong with you? What is going on? Last Saturday. Okay. Finished chewing your food.

Starting point is 00:02:13 Last Saturday, instead of going to New York to do a podcast with Trevor Noah, because I had traveled so much, so far and wide, that I decided to stay at home and push back our podcast. podcast appearance to the next year and decided, I'm going to go play basketball outdoor.

Starting point is 00:02:38 This was a big mistake. In the process of chasing someone on a fast break, try to hit him from behind like LeBron James of the block, I ended up stepping on his foot and tweaking my ankle, my left ankle in the most severe ankle injury that I have had in my 34 years. career. My ankle swolled up to the size of a watermelon. You guys have seen the photos of it already all over

Starting point is 00:03:07 the timeline and I'm sending to you guys on updates. My entire foot is blue now. Yes. Is it any amputation? No. Luckily, it wasn't a break, but it was a or a fracture, but it was a do I still have cheese on my face? No, you're good now.

Starting point is 00:03:23 Yeah, you got somewhere here. It was a It was a fairly severe injury that has incapacitated me rendered me useless rendered me bedridden in a tremendous amount of pain

Starting point is 00:03:37 for like the last couple of days and has reminded me of my age your ankle reminded me of my age and my mortality. Your mortality, my God, Jesus Christ you just fucking sprained your ankle anyway.

Starting point is 00:03:49 I battle through injuries every day. I know, and so do I, but this one is my brachy hurts. I can't even walk. This one's fucked me up pretty bad. Okay, look, what's going on? What can we do? Do we need some...

Starting point is 00:04:03 This is the thing, though, this frustrates me because I know you're injured, but you refuse... You refuse to allow the wonders of modern medicine help fix your ankle. What do you mean? You refuse to go see doctors? I did see a doctor.

Starting point is 00:04:16 Okay, well... Well, let's get in the holly's pair. No, no, hold on. Hold on. We're not done yet. How about some medication? I've been taking medication. How about narcotics?

Starting point is 00:04:25 No. Why not? What do you mean? They invented opioids for a reason. No, the doctor told me that I need to cycle like I have been. I've been. I have a proven and Tylenol, an eight-hour increments. Okay. Jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Starting point is 00:04:43 Okay, fine. Let's get to the gifts. All right. What are we got here? Oh, my gosh. What do you think you have? Shut the fuck up you shouldn't have. I did.

Starting point is 00:04:54 No, you did. Vien, A. Westworld. Vivian Westwood? I did. No, you didn't. I did. No the fuck you didn't.

Starting point is 00:05:02 Shut the fuck up. I got you, well, you can see what you. No, you didn't. Oh my God. Okay. Oh my God, this is going to make... This is my favorite part of Christmas, though. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:05:12 I do love Christmas. Yeah. I got cutie and you matching ones, but she's not... Oh, my God. Tragically in the ER right now. Oh. No. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:27 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I have nothing in gold. This is so nice, boy. I knew you'd want a little gold something. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:05:40 Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, I know. Will, you've outdone yourself. You're welcome. My God. Oh, my God, this is incredible. Okay, that's awesome.

Starting point is 00:05:51 Yeah. Oh, my God, hold on. Let me. And you and QD have matching Once. Hers is silver. Oh. Oh, shit. Hold on.

Starting point is 00:06:02 Did he forget how to put a necklace on? It's okay. Typically somebody does it for me. That's true. Let's see here. Let me put it on. Wow. You are a boogie bitch, brother.

Starting point is 00:06:13 That goes crazy on you. Wow. That goes crazy on you. Oh my God. Merry Christmas. And you know why I did it? Because you're worth it. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:06:27 And I'm so thankful for you. Such a good gift. I, oh, you're just the fucking best. I got a free gifts as well. I got some gift. I got a gift for you. Oh, I did. I did. I did get a gift for you.

Starting point is 00:06:37 I'm debating. I did not know Maricio was not going to be here. Should we give Gabe Maricio's gift? I got Gabe a gift. I like that. I think we should give. You know what, Gabe. Gabe.

Starting point is 00:06:51 Mark doesn't get Westwood. Come on over. Get yourself a little necklace here. March does not deserve it. Oh, is this mine? This is yours, Will? That's your gift. Wow, you've wrapped in everything.

Starting point is 00:07:04 Well, the Salvation Army had a wrapping station. And I decided, you know what? I'm going to let them wrap the gift for me. Can I pop mine open? You can. Absolutely. Just hear those. The sand bells wriggling, ding dingling.

Starting point is 00:07:19 Oh, we're doing it one at a time. He's not even. Oh, yes. This is Christmas. This is Christmas. Oh, this is Christmas. Look what I got you. Oh, my goodness.

Starting point is 00:07:29 Is this a full sweatsuit? Yes, I thought you would. Oh, my gosh. I thought you. This is beautiful. I thought it was your color. I thought I could see you. I know you're going on a plane trip this evening.

Starting point is 00:07:41 I thought it would be perfect for you. Oh, this is beautiful. When I saw it, I said, that is Wilnaff right there. This is perfect travel entire. Of course. Thank you. Thank you. Why are you laughing at me?

Starting point is 00:07:54 I don't know. I'm just waiting for my gift. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Here's Sussons. Oh, boy. Look what Santa got you. Oh,

Starting point is 00:08:05 Merry Christmas. Oh, I can't believe you got like this stuff wrapped up and everything. Like this is the most effort you've ever put into anything in your life. Well, it was a beautiful thing. I didn't know that they did rapping stations like that. And so I just popped in real quick and gave a donation. How much?

Starting point is 00:08:28 Be honest. Oh my God. How much did you give the Salvation Army for wrapping this up? $50. Okay, that's, you're lying. No, I'm not. I swear to God. I thought $50 is a good donation, right?

Starting point is 00:08:39 I thought you were going to say five. No, I would never do that. I gave him five bucks. I was trying to figure it out. All right. What is this? I thought I saw this on the shelf and I said he has to have it. Nordstrom.

Starting point is 00:08:52 Oh, shit, the price tags on it. No, don't. No, let me see, come on! Oh, no, the price tag. I didn't even look at it. I just, that's good. See, I thought when I saw that, it's a triple XL. I love it.

Starting point is 00:09:07 I'm just kidding. It's not, it's an extra large. It's extra large. I'm just kidding. And I thought, you know, I looked at that and I was like, you know what? I feel like that would look good with your khaki, you know, your khaki pants. Yeah. See what I'm saying?

Starting point is 00:09:19 London, you get what you repeat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. By Santo Studio. That's right. Okay. Thank you so much, Austin. You're welcome. I thought it was you. I think you'd look good in it. I think so, too. I'll be wearing this all the time.

Starting point is 00:09:32 Okay, thank you. Thank you very much. And I'm going to make a point to be like, I got that for him. That's what I'm going to say. Okay. This is so beautiful. I love it. I love it. I'm going to be wearing it all weekend. All right. All right. You want the crazy? Yep.

Starting point is 00:09:47 Cudy's not here. Give this one to. Yeah, we'll give it to her. Christian. No, no, no. I'm matching. No, I can't give cutie's gift away. Christian Got your early Christmas presents? Christian That's crazy

Starting point is 00:10:02 She'll never know She'll never watch this She'll never watch this Of course I'll get her another one No no no I'm just no no Please we'll give it to

Starting point is 00:10:11 We'll give it to Keith It would be very cost effective It would be very not I would be very cost effective You know I'm just saying Austin What is the season Tis the season to be jolly

Starting point is 00:10:23 You are like You live like the Grinch how I suspect the Grinchelips. I love Christmas. He's been staying at my house because he did not want to put Christian in a hotel. Oh no,

Starting point is 00:10:33 you turned it into a wayward twink boarding house? No, I mean, look. Is that why there's a second twink here? Yeah, no. Have you just been boarding twigs? No, it's Liam. A second twink brought us. He's turned the house into a hostel.

Starting point is 00:10:47 Well, no, no, no, no. You be honest? I think it's an improvement. Look, I think this is the deal. Christian came down, and we traveled separately because he comes down for an acting class and I get here the next day he didn't come down for acting class

Starting point is 00:11:00 he did he came down for a party no he didn't no he didn't he came down for an acting class he came down for a party that I was also invited to as well I don't think you were because you weren't there I was invited to it I didn't get invited to a party well it was a it was a I don't even know how the fuck you it was a gay party how the fuck did you get invited

Starting point is 00:11:19 bitch I got motion who the fuck invited you what do you mean dude it was Well, first of all, it was the Trevor Project. It was a fundraiser for the Trevor Project with Vinnie Hacker. Oh, so Vinnie invited you. Vinny didn't invite me.

Starting point is 00:11:35 Wait, what the fuck? Vinny! I'm gay! What the fuck? I don't know if Vinny invited... Oh, you don't think I'm gay? I don't know. Who is this guy?

Starting point is 00:11:45 Oh, no. Vinny Hacker, yeah. Many people are saying. Oh, many people are saying that I'm not gay. They're saying you might be straight. That's what the streets are saying. What streets are you on? Hollywood. What's some weird back alley street?

Starting point is 00:11:56 You ain't even, you don't leave your house, Mr. fucking, you don't leave your house without a walker. Damn. Okay. I wanted to talk to you about something, by the way. What's up? We both played dispatch very quickly. I chose the wrong girl. Oh, you went with Invisigal? I went in Visigal and she turned out to be.

Starting point is 00:12:12 That's so crazy. She turned out to be for the streets. That's crazy that you did not go with blonde blazer, which is like your perfect. Invisal match my freak. And then she, she was just for the streets, man. You're fucking, you got, you got dupey chat. They were like, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, pick Invisigal is the right choice. No. They were wrong. I was dead bad. You know when they say like, I want a girl to destroy my

Starting point is 00:12:33 life? They actually want that. Yeah. Well, I mean, Invisigal, like, you know, the chapter two opening sequence. No. I think her whole thing after, like, when in the end, I don't want to give anything away. I think she's lying. I think she's full blown for Gasey. Not of it made sense. I chose blonde, and I believed in Visigel. I did not believe her at all. I think she was trying to steal the suit. Wow.

Starting point is 00:13:02 Yeah. Wait a fucking second. Where are our Christmas gifts from Cassan? Oh, shit. Yeah, I forgot. Hey, guys. Hey, Austin. Look at this old shitty wallet.

Starting point is 00:13:16 So ugly. Gross. That actually is a gross wallet. You really need to replace that. I'm not even doing ad read anymore. What the. fuck is wrong with you. I'm not doing an ad read either because I now have a much better wallet. I have a ridge wallet. You have one too now, Hassan. Yeah, I have a cool wallet because I already

Starting point is 00:13:38 have a ridge wallet. That's right. We love them for their unique slim modern design and it holds up to 12 cards plus cash. Oh my God. It's actually very impressive. Awesome, you have the classic 65 year old accountant build of the of the wallets it's fat it's got it's got so many cards in it but guess what you can actually put all those cards in your Ridge wallet instead and it won't be so chunky and probably hurt your lower back because you sit on it all the time for a limited time our listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using Code Fear check out just head to Ridge.com and use Code Fear

Starting point is 00:14:15 and you're all set after you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Yeah, I forgot. No. Just kidding. Hey!

Starting point is 00:14:29 David! Can you bring the gifts? Bring in the gifts! No, only I. It brings in like a rickshaw. No, there's a lot. A war elephant with gifts. Does anybody get that reference in the comments?

Starting point is 00:14:45 Please tell me you got that reference. It was just you being in the castle. Yes, fuck. Frow. Frow-Fer-Bissin-up. Frile-Hik to the people-Ferrown. Frizzan-up, he gaites you. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:14:57 Look at this. Wait, you already told Austin that you got. I know, but you told Austin that, like, what the gifts are? No, I don't know what they are. Wait, wait, wait a minute. I got a text message. No, I got a text message being like, did you just accidentally reveal that they bought the gifts for you?

Starting point is 00:15:14 No, no, no, no, no, I got the gifts. But he texted me, he, he texted me saying, he texted me saying, he told, oh, you're spilling everywhere. Fuck. God, well, it's so heavy. It's not with one hand. My God, would you get me, bricks? Don't worry about it. One by one.

Starting point is 00:15:38 Oh, please. I'll go first. Will goes first. No, no, it's. It's. Oh. Oh my God. Is this mine, too?

Starting point is 00:15:48 No. You got me too good. You guys, it's a callback. It's Chuck Norris's water. It's Seaforce. You got me Seaforce. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:16:00 Yeah, that's what it is. Oh, no. Look at how much glitter. Oh, no. I have a meeting with A24 later. I'm going to look like I was with a stripper. I'm going to come in there. A very, you are lonely for the holidays.

Starting point is 00:16:14 A very festive shripper. Hi, my name's Amber. and I love Christmas. You want me to sit on your feet? It's going to be 50 bucks. Oh, fuck. She pops it to a very... Baby, it's cold out, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:33 Wow, she's talented. Good, Jesus Christ. All right. Let's see what you got. It's a multi-parter. That's why it's in this box. Oh! Pokemon cards!

Starting point is 00:16:51 Yay! Okay, okay, is this the right one though? Yeah, those are great! Okay, good. And then... Oh, comic books! But what? There's so much duct tape.

Starting point is 00:17:04 Open it. I believe that you wrapped this because of the use of duct tape. I did not wrap it. You could have lied to me. Oh, DC-K-O! I've been wanting to read this so badly. badly. Keep going.

Starting point is 00:17:19 There's what else is in there? Oh, Absolute Batman. Do you have the Absolute Batman ones? I have a few of them. I don't have these ones. Okay, good. Wow.

Starting point is 00:17:30 Oh, and you got me the first collection of Absolute Batman. This is the best Christmas ever. Definitely better than when I gave you the Turkish which had more significance for me. Listen, I really, that gift grew on it.

Starting point is 00:17:46 Shush. In case you guys don't know, Hassan forgot me to get me a gift for my birthday. So he just showed up with an old Turkish Batman off his book show. No, I got you another kid. That's hush from Batman, but in Turkish, they don't have the word hush. So it was just a shish-shish-shash-shash-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. For those of you at home, I did get him a gift. I give to him after.

Starting point is 00:18:10 I treasure it, but at the time, the gift had not been delivered yet, so I gave him that before. Shoshosh, shush, shush, shish. We're going to crack packs here while we talk. Go ahead, open your gift. All right. This is awesome. What could this be? I didn't even give you my list.

Starting point is 00:18:29 How did you know? I'm sure I'll love it. My mother taught me so well. When I was a kid, she said, you better fucking act like you love it even if you don't. It's a box of help. I think you're going to like it. Okay. Hold on, Will.

Starting point is 00:18:41 Let me have my moment. Okay. Wait, what is? I don't even understand how this process works. Oh, you get like, like, oh yeah. He's, he's opening the cards in front of us. He's ending his moment. Ignore me.

Starting point is 00:18:55 Ignor me. Ignor me. Ignor me. Everybody knows it. I'm sorry. And it's my turn. Okay. Everybody knows that.

Starting point is 00:19:04 All right. Everybody has to be. I'm not doing anything. When people are giving gifts, I don't like when there's side conversations. I'm not doing it. Makes it feel. I'll eat some cheese. I'll eat some cheese.

Starting point is 00:19:15 Like you don't care what I think about. about the gift. I'm watching. I might as well not even be opening anything. I'm watching. What is this rubber? It's wrapping paper. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:19:23 A letter. Oh, no, that's not. Shut up. What is this? What could? I have no idea what it is. Come on. Get with it.

Starting point is 00:19:42 Do that. It's his moment. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't you can't rush. Don't do that. No. No, you didn't.

Starting point is 00:19:50 How much paper is in there? Oh, my, oh, a sweater. Oh, my God. Not just any. Tom, Todd, Snyder! It's my favorite designer. Tom, Tom Snyder. Oh, you wanted, you wanted,

Starting point is 00:20:16 Oh my god. You've been word on the street. Oh. Word around the street is that you were saying that you wanted to wear a Hassan-style sweater. Yes, it was. Oh my God. That's Hassan style. That is Hassan style.

Starting point is 00:20:32 Come on. Okay. Maybe a little kiss. Oh, God. Okay. Oh, look at that. Thank you. This is so nice.

Starting point is 00:20:42 I'm going to wear this. Yeah, that's the expectation. That's what- Thank you. Thank you. Is this a designer brand? My God. Really?

Starting point is 00:20:50 Yeah. Todd Snyder. Todd Snyder. Shut the fuck up. Old Tob. Yeah. There's some stuff here for obviously March and Cootie Cinderella as well, but since neither are here, let's open their gifts.

Starting point is 00:21:02 I'm going to burn them. No, no, no, no. What we'll do? Let me give you this to you. Oh, no. Don't phase me out of reality. Boom. You just replaced Will.

Starting point is 00:21:12 Wow. Cudy Cinderella is in the building. Wow. We got her. here. And in March is here. Wow, what an amazing, crazy thing. I forgot what Mars looks like, honestly.

Starting point is 00:21:22 Yeah, it's still, it's actually before Christmas now, and this $500 cashmere sweater, if you're wondering, is a gift that Hassan got me that I changed into in this episode. And now we have cutie here, and we have gifts to give her. I didn't bring all my gifts. You didn't get at me anything for Christmas? I got you really cool things, actually. I just didn't bring them today. No, it's okay.

Starting point is 00:21:44 But I'll just have my assistant bring them next week. or something. Okay. But I'm sorry. No, I'm, apology accepted. It's been a little behind. Yes. It's okay. Well, can I start? You want to get started by what you got for cutie Cinderella? First things first. This is just a little side give. Now I feel bad. I wanted to get you. I didn't know we were doing this this week.

Starting point is 00:22:03 I heard somebody told me, a little birdie told me, that these are Taylor Swift's favorite candy. Okay. And we were checking out and I said she's got to have these. That's so funny. So these are Taylor Swift's favorite candy. That's actually really funny because people always ask me if I've tried these before. And you've never tried them? And I've never tried them. Should we try them right now? We try them as a family?

Starting point is 00:22:21 Let's try them right now. Okay. Here. My hands are not working. I got it. Oh, here we go. This is Taylor Swift's favorite candy. Here, take one.

Starting point is 00:22:31 All right, Hassan. Get the reflexes of it. What is happening? Why are you giving me? All right, there we go. We're trying. These are Taylor Swift's favorite candy. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:22:45 Oh, my God, it's really freaking good. It's so sweet. Wait. Taylor. On Marsh. Oh, my God. You know what this reminds me? This reminds me of the, wait, give me more.

Starting point is 00:22:55 That's actually really good. Wait, it gets a little sour at the end, surprisingly. There you go. Wow. It reminds us. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Unbelievable.

Starting point is 00:23:07 Really good. All right. Now, I feel so bad. It's okay. I normally don't bring you anything. For the record, I have stuff for you guys. Judy, don't feel bad. You actually got us stuff, but you forgot to bring it.

Starting point is 00:23:22 Whereas March actually is a real piece of shit who didn't get us anything. He decided that because he wasn't going to be here on the Christmas episode, he's like, oh, I don't need to get them any gifts. And you wrapped it. Did you wrap this? No, the Salvation Army did. Oh, cute. They had a rap station. I didn't think I'd be here.

Starting point is 00:23:38 I wasn't supposed to be here. Five books. 50. Don't try to, don't try to fucking correct the record over there, Mark. Excuse me. She's opening my gift. I got you a birthday present. The kind of nice thing now, though, is now I can know if I have to adjust because I felt like I overkilled some items that I bought you guys.

Starting point is 00:23:52 And I was like, maybe they're going to think that I'm like, so I can take some away. So I can take some away. Yeah. You know, if we didn't match energies, so then you don't feel weird. Oh, God. I won't feel weird. You can, you can always give me. I was really trying to put a lot of thought into these gifts.

Starting point is 00:24:06 And this one is, I feel like when you, when you give gifts, you got to have a good story. Right. Right. Okay. And I think that that makes a give hit harder. If you don't have a good story, no, you're going to a place where this is going to really come in handy. What do you get a woman that has everything? A book of Mormon.

Starting point is 00:24:26 No, I get you a very pretty, gorgeous Lulu Lemon Beanie. I know you love a Beanie and you're going to a very cold place. You're going to need it. And who doesn't need, oh, my God, is the price tag on the socks? How much? Oh, my God, no, no. Please don't. You ripped it off.

Starting point is 00:24:40 Oh, thank. They are expensive, though. It's Lulu. Yeah, of course, you know. Of course, anything for you. No, there was no coupon. It was not a... 50 bucks or a beanie?

Starting point is 00:24:49 No, it was not a discount. Yeah, no. That... Pleasy socks. It's a $50 bean. Wait, is the price tag on there? Oh, shit. Wait, why is it say 75% on?

Starting point is 00:24:59 No, come on. It wasn't on clearance. It wasn't unclear. Warm Revelation Beanie defective product. No, no, no. It was made with asbestos. It does have the price tag on it. Yeah, I know.

Starting point is 00:25:10 I won't tell you what it is. You know, so you're going to keep warm. And then you know what? Around the same price I paid for wrapping the gifts. This one was a little shot in the dark. And I thought maybe this could be a good activity for you and Ludwig to do over the holidays. I love Legos.

Starting point is 00:25:29 And I thought you loved Legos. So I was like, what better way than to relax than build? Wicked. That was actually pretty good. Yeah, there you go. That's so awesome. That's so thoughtful. Yeah, I thought, you know what?

Starting point is 00:25:46 Get your cozy beanie on and put on your cozy socks, sit by the fire, and build a set. And I thought that would be the perfect day. That is so cute. It is. It's so sweet. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you for being you.

Starting point is 00:25:59 You actually did a good job. You actually did a good job with gift giving us here. It's kind of shocking. Thank you so much. He is housing all the candy. Yeah. It's true. It'll make me sick.

Starting point is 00:26:11 I mean, you know, look, I think one thing that I learned, about this show is that I'm really not a great gift giver and I need to improve that. No, don't say that about yourself. And so I was like, I'm not good at it because, can I be honest? It's not because I don't care about you.

Starting point is 00:26:25 It's because I just don't ever personally put a lot of steak into material goods. And I've always thought that. So I was like, you know what? It's sort of manifested in, oh, I'm not going to get you anything. You know what I mean? That's the biggest lie you've ever told, I think, on the podcast. You know, personally plays a lot of steak.

Starting point is 00:26:44 They get material goods? I mean, personally, I just don't really find... You're wearing a Gucci key chain key necklace and a $500 cashmere sweater that you got as a gift while, you know, we know what your footprint looks like. You do love luxury goods and services. My point is, I just think when it comes to gifting luxury. goods and services. I've never been like, oh. So you're saying you like receiving them.

Starting point is 00:27:18 You're just not very good. But I like buy them for myself. My point is I need to be better about gifting. I was, when I was grown up, my parents are the same way. They give me a gift card every year. That's kind of the way I was like, you know, which is fine. Like I'm okay with it. But like I've always been more about like experiences. Let's go to dinner, you know, and everything. So I, what has taught me this podcast is I need to be a better gift giver. So I really want to put an effort and think about every time I'm getting something. What could they use this for? Also, you guys are really, we're all kind of really hard to shop for because we, everything we want, we could buy. I had a really easy time.

Starting point is 00:27:50 What did you get for March? Oh, well, March, why don't you open up the gift? I did get you something. It's, um, uh, uh, where is it? It's on this. This one, right? It's right here. Uh, of course I got you something.

Starting point is 00:28:02 Marsh, come on, please. Now, Marsh, every time you have a gift. You don't deserve it. I bought them something. I don't feel that. You don't. I was in a, I'm, I'm going through a lot. Marsh, is the camera on you right now?

Starting point is 00:28:12 Yeah. I hope it is. Okay. You don't fucking deserve. it, but, you know, you got one anyway, even though you got us, what? Gabe, cut all this out. No, no, no. We're keeping all this out.

Starting point is 00:28:20 You know, and Marsh, I just want to remind you that I, too, traveled here by plane, if that was an excuse you were going to make. I traveled here by plane. In fact, and you actually made it to the previous episode. I arranged my flight to, I arranged my flight so that I could be here early enough to go shopping. And you didn't actually have, like, a medical incident or anything like that. So, like, I got a flight that landed in amount of time. Now, Marsh, when I thought I was like, you know what?

Starting point is 00:28:44 This looks very emo and depressing. Oh my God, that's so cute. That is very you. I was in Nordstrom and I said, we saw this as we were checking. That's cute. I'm not going to lie to you.

Starting point is 00:28:57 I'm not going to lie to you. This is a like, in terms of the gift you gave me versus him, that matches his vibes better than the one you got me. Are you fucking kidding? Are you complaining about, I got him a jersey. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:29:08 I'm sorry. Thank you. I got to be truthful. I think you really knocked out of the park. I don't know why you're complaining about my gift. got, for me, it was great. But you make it hard to give to. You really knocked it out of the park.

Starting point is 00:29:18 What do you, I, thank you. I had an easy time with his, too. I wish I had them. I mean, now I feel like, no, that is a competition. Okay, okay. You are really good at that. I know, I am.

Starting point is 00:29:32 Will's also very good. Will also got gifts for both March and also QT's Cinderella. So you got Austin that sweater. Mm-hmm. And what did, did you open what Will got you? Yeah. Will got me a Vivian Westwood chain. He got me a Vivian Westwood Bolo tie.

Starting point is 00:29:49 I don't know if what this could be QD. For some more context, I believe, yeah, he also got obviously. For more context I believe. What did you get Will? I believe he. Marsh, what did you get Will? Shut up, shut up. Oh, you got nothing. I wasn't supposed to be here. You were too busy flying around. He's becoming the Austin show.

Starting point is 00:30:09 I was buying their presents while I went to anaphyctic shop. Yeah. Yeah. And I was buying presents while she was going into me listening to her going to anaphylactic shock. Same. So, like, we were all, we were all, we were all, we were all kind of in it together. Marsh was out of town. March was in New York City, fucking in the Rockefeller Center, fucking looking at the tree lighting ceremony, whatever the fuck they do in New York. Yeah, ice skating, right, ice skating, 30 rock, fucking, spitting on people.

Starting point is 00:30:33 Yeah, spitting on people. Going to the Lego store. Yeah, no, I'll just kill myself. I was going to go. What are they doing New York, right? Now you're becoming me. no don't kill yourself just wait but i'm pretty sure we'll pick these up i don't have you told you but i'm pretty sure we'll pick

Starting point is 00:30:48 these up at the vivian in tokyo when we were in tokyo together after china unbelievable um i'm sure he would like you guys to know that because he didn't tell us that well yeah open it up there we go a bow it's a bow what if it was just like an improvised explosive device that'd be kind of crazy yeah but kind of in like the fun like from will yeah just iED it just it'd be very shocking i'm noticing a theme here oh my god it's so cute so i have so i have a gold one and we have matching ones oh you got skeleton i got a skeleton

Starting point is 00:31:28 oh cute that's sick so i'm noticing you guys had this image of me yeah like a frail ass that's so funny I wish I had my kiss because I got in Who doesn't lit It's kind of funny We'll open them We'll open them Um

Starting point is 00:31:44 I Uh Hmm These are really fucking good too We can tell You're fucking down I've eaten And I please keep eating them

Starting point is 00:31:52 I've eaten Oh my god Okay All right All right This one is For March And this is

Starting point is 00:32:01 For QT Cinderella Here you go QT is right in front of you This is for me to you You want me to help you open it? And there's a political significance to the gift that I got for you, Cinderella. It's a pipe bomb. It's almost a statement. It's almost a statement that I'm making.

Starting point is 00:32:17 Wait for her to open it, and then you'll open it afterwards. We'll do it one by one. But there is a... Austin's helping. By my stupid nails. Damn. It's a statement about... Ice skates.

Starting point is 00:32:34 Returning. It's a statement about... returning, no, no, the gift itself is nothing to do with, the box that it comes in is nothing to do with the actual gift. It will not give you clues. Yeah, that's awesome. My nails will not survive that. Um, I did not wrap these up for the record before people think that I did this. I did not do this. Oh my goodness. Great. What a pain in the ass. Paint. For many, many years, you have said that you would like to return. Candles.

Starting point is 00:33:06 Return. What? Return to the ancestral homeland of Mormons. Uh-huh. And much like Austin, I thought to myself, you know, maybe you can bring some tools with you and make a full return to the tradition. Artisanal goods. Seasonal goods. That might accompany you in your journey.

Starting point is 00:33:27 Wow. And also some supplies that you can use in the kitchen. Wow. Look at you. You got me fly. Wow. Artisanal. How traditionalist of you. Artisan bread mix.

Starting point is 00:33:41 Artisan bread mix. I don't need, I don't need mix. You hear him, Cuddy said Merry Christmas, get the fuck back in the kitchen. That's right. I don't have a pizza dough. Wow. With anyone else, normally this would be seen as a diss. But with cutie Cinella, of course.

Starting point is 00:33:58 She does actually use them and also does want to get back to the kitchen. So that's why. Yeah, actually, yeah. She wants to return to the kitchen. Oh, this is a really nice one. Wow. Wow, that's a really nice one. Wow, that's very nice. I don't have one that nice.

Starting point is 00:34:10 Oh, my God. No, it's a, you won't cut yourself. Oh, my God. Oh, it's a good one. Thing. Wow, that's incredible. Wow. My freaking fingernails.

Starting point is 00:34:19 Look at that. Oh, that's a good vanilla bean paste. I actually just finished my bottle. There you go. Yeah. A pastry bag. I've got those. Are you kidding me?

Starting point is 00:34:28 I don't have compostable ones, so that's a level up. How good. How woke. Okay. this this this is a nicer brand than the one I have

Starting point is 00:34:38 unironically so that's kind of that's very nice and then more in there there's the amaretto flavor they do keep coming

Starting point is 00:34:46 you did spend like freaking 300 bucks if I had to guess um wow maybe a little more than cyanide

Starting point is 00:34:53 what the fuck is going on maybe maybe a little bit more than oh my god you definitely spent more than Austin that's so cute

Starting point is 00:35:01 a little gingerbread house cake I think this is probably a little cheaper than that. William Sonoma is insane. Really? Oh, 54 bucks just for this? Yeah, it's crazy. Each of these are like 12 bucks.

Starting point is 00:35:11 Oh, my God. Well, you know, with inflation and everything. And like in comparison to like wage. In comparison to like a beanie. Yeah. I think this is probably a little bit hard. Wow, that's so sweet. I'm so spoiled.

Starting point is 00:35:22 He probably stole it. Eggnog flavor. Pistachio flavor. You're taking the tags off. Sparkling wine flavor. That's so fun. I'll be honest. He can't, you know, I don't even know where you got this.

Starting point is 00:35:33 I thought it was honestly William Sonoma I think it's right who's that It's really it's like the nicest cooking brand actually Oh really? Yeah I mean what do he just got you supplies There's nothing I mean this guy could have gotten this at the grocery store

Starting point is 00:35:45 Well it is branded with William Sonoma But maybe yeah Yeah yeah no definitely Wow that is so thoughtful She's really trying to be impressed I'm not You're trying to undermine Thank you so much

Starting point is 00:35:57 Well I'm not I know but you know what Look thank God I got her a beanie Because she'd freeze to death freeze to death while baking all these things. She'd never be able to bake all these things. And put her to work. My God, you know what?

Starting point is 00:36:07 She's just like women can do more things and just cook us on you. Yeah, I was thinking that. But this woman wants to do this. I do this is my favorite hobby. I mean, very thoughtful, but also misogynistic. Yeah, I thought it was a two-fer. Yeah, no, it was a two- It's a double. It is a double whammy.

Starting point is 00:36:22 You know what he said? He's a Merry Christmas. It's now cook for me. I can't believe it. How about something for you? I mean, I didn't say for me, but it would be nice. I can bring a loaf of bread. Nothing.

Starting point is 00:36:30 See, when I thought about your gift, I thought about the tender love and warmth of a woman, and so that's why I gave you a... What? What are you saying? Warm and warm the woman. What? With the socks and the beanie. Right? Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:45 Well, I love... Merry Christmas. I like it. Don't throw the trash in there. Thank you. Yeah, we are going to get trash right out of it. Merry Christmas. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:36:54 All right, March. Crack it open, big dog. What is? You got another... What is? Yeah, I can't carry that. I feel like Austin's going to steal your gift. He might, but he can't fly with it.

Starting point is 00:37:06 No, no, no, no. But my nails are really messed up right now. I got 10D fingies. Is that from the streamer words? Yeah, I can't get them off. Open it up. And they're at the point where they're long, so they hurt. Oh.

Starting point is 00:37:17 Yeah. Can you cut it? Laser long? No, you can cut them, but then your fingers are sore or for a day. So I have to decide. The gilly suit. Todd Snyder Wow

Starting point is 00:37:35 Whoa Is that a smoker's jacket? We got our Emo boy All ready for his first day of school What a beautiful wedding That's a banger That's nice

Starting point is 00:37:45 That's a bang to be real But there's more to it Look Whoa. Cool. It's real. It works. It's not a, it's not a desk weight. You got me a film camera? Yeah. What compelled you to get this?

Starting point is 00:38:12 The power of Christ. That's crazy. Just like I told, uh, cutie to get back to the kitchen. I'm telling you to get back to work and you got me filmed too. You just get back to get back to your fucking job. It's so thoughtful. When we go out, when we go out on journeys and he got me. film for it too. Your ass is not snapping good picks. I'll get some fire

Starting point is 00:38:33 fiss. That's how, you know, that's the gift I'll give you. I promise you. Oh, that's the gift you're going to give. Beautiful, beautiful film shots of you. Yeah, really, you think about it. It's an investment. Oh, okay. No, thank you. No, I would like a gift. This is fire. Thank you so much. Not what you're

Starting point is 00:38:49 suggesting. That's so nice. Thank you guys. All right. I did a text, Will, a picture of my necklace. We should call him. Yeah, we could call him. I'll say, let me call them real quick Um, so, uh, I just, uh, I went those. What's that?

Starting point is 00:39:07 Open those. Okay, but isn't there a way to open this? Like, I don't know how to, I'm gonna fuck it up. I'm gonna crack in there. If you see something shiny at the back, let me know. Mega evolution. We're looking for a char-s-or flames. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:39:20 Um, so I went, uh, shopping today. Oh, yeah. I did shop some shopping. Okay. Um, and, uh, I, Something interesting happened to me. What happened? Asan, pay attention to me.

Starting point is 00:39:34 I'm listening, but I'm also cracking them. All right. You have some manish hands. They're really slamming them around there. Okay. Well, I mean, can they even see from here? Wait, this one's kind of shiny. This is, is that not a thing?

Starting point is 00:39:55 Austin is genuinely disappointed that I'm not listening to him and opening Pokemon cards now. Okay, we're coming to the end here. Oh, no. Wait, what the fuck? Basic energy was the N-1, and then the redeem code. That's, yeah. You got one more. You got one more.

Starting point is 00:40:10 Oh, sorry. What happened? Sorry. Oh, are you done? That's not? Well, he's got one more. Okay. So I was at the...

Starting point is 00:40:17 Okay, so the second pack. No, I'm just kidding. Go, go, go! I was... I was at the mall. Yeah. And I don't usually do this. I usually am very kind to people.

Starting point is 00:40:27 Oh. But some guy Some old lady just said. No, no, no. Some guy came up to me and he's like, sir, do you know where the restroom is? And I go, no, I don't. And so he said, he left and then some guy came up to me

Starting point is 00:40:43 and he was like, I need help. Nobody is helping me. And I look at him and I go, do you think I fucking work here? Were you wearing this sweater? No, I was wearing a full Levi sweatsuit but I was at Levi's I was in Nordstrom

Starting point is 00:41:00 I was in Nordstrom and I said do you think that I work here and you know what I thought I was like you know what you have free will I was in the I was like you know what

Starting point is 00:41:10 I have free will and at the time I was like you know what how unique of a position to be yeah and where I had an opportunity to fucking snap it's because you know

Starting point is 00:41:19 how often I see people that are rude to service workers yeah I had an opportunity to take one back to take one back without the risk of getting fired that's right

Starting point is 00:41:27 And I said, do I fucking look like I work here? And he just, he's like, yeah, you do. And I said, well, I, yeah, he said, okay, you buried the lead on that. He got the last laugh. No, I said, yeah, you do. And I said, he said, well, you're behind the counter. And I said, look harder. I'm in front of the counter.

Starting point is 00:41:47 Because it was like one of those kiosk that was like back, like one was on one side, one was on the other. He's like, well, you're behind the counter. I said, no, I'm in front of it. And he went, Austin, why do you keep revealing new details of the story that make it so much funnier? What? Like, of course he thought he worked there. You were behind the fucking counter.

Starting point is 00:42:07 I was in front of the counter. I wasn't behind the counter. So he was behind the counter. I was lightly using the cash register. Oh, I wasn't. Anyway, that was just my quick little thing. I got into a fight today, too. You did?

Starting point is 00:42:18 But I didn't know I was in a fight. Wait, what? I was on the elliptical this morning because I was on hold for two hours with American to get Farley's updated what is it, service animal stuff done. Yeah. It was a holiday, so it took a long time. So I started on hold during my morning routine

Starting point is 00:42:36 and I was like, I'll just stay on hold one with the gym. And the call went through while I was on the, and I was like, hi, yes, my name is Will Neff. This is my confirmation number. But apparently there was a woman like three ellipticals down who like started yelling at me, but I have noise canceling headphones on. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:42:54 So apparently she just kept escalating the situation. Was she, like, jumping from elliptical to elliptical? She finally came up and touched me. Why? I guess she was really angry. I took this call. I was on the call for maybe 30 seconds, like, talking to the person and maybe said, like, two things. But she was, like, yelling and, like, came over a touch with me.

Starting point is 00:43:15 And I'm at the gym every day, so the gym employees are, like, my friends and one of the gym employees was like, she was yelling at you for, like, a full minute before you noticed at all. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, look. I think I won that fight, though. I think you did. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:32 Here's the deal. I am also, I understand. I don't think it's, I don't think you should be on the phone in public. But when you are on the phone with an airline, you have to keep that spot. I also maybe said two things, and there were maybe two people in the gym other than me. Yeah. And she also had her headphones on. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:43:51 And I was like far away from her. She needs to knock it off. I really think that. I know when someone's being obnoxious on the phone but literally my volume was like hi yes this is William Neff this is my confirmation number

Starting point is 00:44:02 okay I'll wait like that's all I said I always I always talk on the phone on the cardio machine yeah it's good it's good efficient I know it's I know it's but I usually if it's like packed I don't do that but there's a bunch of people around I don't do it but if I'm alone in my own little corner

Starting point is 00:44:16 that's it's Christmas you don't believe me I think you'd still do it I think you're more obnoxious in public open your packs I will hold on no no let's explain why you don't you don't have any self-awareness i do explain why what do i do that it could be

Starting point is 00:44:32 you just burl through places burl so i'm just a big person what is burling he just just mose through the crowds and everything and i just i mo's through cries so so i just i'm just a big guy that's what you're saying what you are physically you are very you're a very broad nothing came on that you are a very broad man let me get these fucking packs out of the way if i can What the... Oh my god. They're tough to open. There's a valuable...

Starting point is 00:45:02 Here, I'll help. There's a valuable card in there. It's gone. All right. Yeah, it was a PSA 10 until Austin fluked it up. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. All right, the last one is the most significant one.

Starting point is 00:45:15 Oh, my God. Basic energy. It's a flop. No, no, no. The one was worth... Mary fucking... No, the one before... Shiny.

Starting point is 00:45:22 I never understood this shit. I'll open this one. So I can tell. I'll open this one. We still don't know if he... Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Risharam. No?

Starting point is 00:45:34 Uh, genusect. No. All right. Uh, what did he? What did he do? Dizzying Valley. I've never seen someone hate opening cards so much. All right.

Starting point is 00:45:46 Thank you. Merry Christmas. That was... Thank you. Thank you for your gift to sign. I appreciate it. Now, let's move on. What?

Starting point is 00:45:55 You know, I want, oh, no, wait, what kind of court am I going to get? I wanted to talk about something. What's that? Okay. I'm not on TikTok often. Okay. But I, every time I am, I feel confused. And I saw a trend that you have to tell me if you guys have seen.

Starting point is 00:46:12 It's, it's man on the street interview, right? And they'll go up to people and they'll ask a question. Yeah. And the question they were asking, the question they were asking was, if you got a hundred, thousand dollars a back shot how many back shots would you receive unlimited hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on

Starting point is 00:46:33 like people coming on your bag no like single pumps yeah wait wait like just like are we talking like fucking someone butt fucking you how do you not know every thrust is 100 000 dollars I know what a backshot is but like this 100 he doesn't even know

Starting point is 00:46:49 300 oh oh oh I thought I don't know why I always thought that back shots were coming on the back. No, that's a come shot. Oh, my God. See, you're never too old to learn. I thought for the long

Starting point is 00:47:07 getting back shots. I thought, man, he just kept getting back shots. I thought it was just coming on the back. Yeah. Where you shooting? Multiple loads. That's what I thought. Wow. Who are all these guys? This fucking day. Christian, get a load of this. No pun intended. Christian. He's gone. Fuck, he's not even there.

Starting point is 00:47:24 me call him. Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, let me call him real quick. Anyway,

Starting point is 00:47:32 back shot. So boom, boom, boom, like one, two, three. Unlimited. Wow,

Starting point is 00:47:37 that's, hey Christian. Yeah. It's Austin's show from the fear of the podcast. He knows what a back shot. Hold on, put me on speaker phone.

Starting point is 00:47:45 Is Liam there? Yeah, Liam's here. Okay. He used to do paid. He knows what a back shot. What is a backshot? Like,

Starting point is 00:47:53 getting railed from the back thank you okay but I thought it was I thought it was a come shot no no a back shot is like when you're like like you consider like around when you consider the like the top's POV like they're getting like back okay got it okay just want to make sure thank you so much we'll talk to you later

Starting point is 00:48:09 love you bye okay love you bye why did you think why did you think Grisha was not going to know what a back shot I don't know I thought he was anyway go on I was baffled by this trend because Hassan quickly and correctly answered the Unlimited. Unlimited is the correct answer. Of course. And all these guys like, two backshots so I could pay for my debt. Yeah. No. Once the dick is in one time, you might as well. Thank you. You might as well get a fucking timeshare. I'm taking unlimited backshots round the clock. I am going to get enough funds to surgically enlarge my asshole. Yes. So I can receive more back shots. I am going to pay genetically

Starting point is 00:48:53 small men with tiny penises to fit more dicks and ten dicks after about a year of that unlimited backshots I'm collapsing global governments I'm buying islands I'm making a fucking arc to go to Mars

Starting point is 00:49:09 and start a new society with my backshot money I'm looking at these young straight men and I'm going you don't want it enough the lion doesn't worry about how many dicks he takes in the butt Alexander wept

Starting point is 00:49:24 for there were no more backshots to take it would be like a black hole sucking dick in and piling money up and that's the correct answer I agree I don't understand I don't understand why people go because like if you're already taking one backshot like you might as well take a million

Starting point is 00:49:42 thank you you know that's what I had a hundred thousand a backshot because like because the way I think about it is like by like the 50th you're already enjoying it like you've learned And if there's any toxic, masculine man out there being like, dude, I wouldn't take one backshot. No, no, no. After a year of me taking back shots, I'm hiring your mother to feed me with a hamster tube while I receive the backshot.

Starting point is 00:50:06 She's my full-time fucking nurse. She can milk you under the table while you're getting a back shot. And she's thankful for the position. Here's the deal. Straight men do this thing where they have, they can't say that. Yes. Because they're so insecure that people will perceive them to be gay. So they have to, like, find this balance between, well, it's a lot of money, but I ain't that.

Starting point is 00:50:28 A hundred thousand. I'm so straight. Yeah. I'm so straight that there's not a price you could put on my heterosexuality. Ridiculous. That's what they think. And I remember this because at one point, I was a straight man. And we used to do this thing.

Starting point is 00:50:43 Well. All right. Wow. Well. But that's not how it works, Austin. You didn't just. You weren't straight at that point. Hold on.

Starting point is 00:50:55 He would have been one of those guys on the street. Oh, I wouldn't take a single back shot. I'm too macho. I touched a titty or two. No, but like, we're still dead. Now he's killing my comics. You can kill my cards, but leave these alone. So, but when I was in high school, we would do the singer.

Starting point is 00:51:15 How much would it take for you to suck a dick? Yeah. Right? We would do that. And then the guys would be like, oh, five million. million dollars. I wouldn't suck a dick for nothing. You couldn't pay me. You know what? Right? Crazy. My way of first coming out was I started to drop the price. Started to undercut yourself. So I started to be like, I'll give you a 50 bucks. I started

Starting point is 00:51:34 at first. I was like 10 grand, you know? And then I was like, you know what? Maybe like a hundred bucks. And then I was like, you know what? After taxes, though, that's only like 50 bucks. Yeah. So I would kind of negotiate down eventually. I was just like, you know, it kind of depends on the day. And you're like, I'll pay you. What you got your lunch. Yeah. So I get it. It's a way for men to feel like they're protecting their heterosexuality, which is so... It's dumb. It's so crazy to me because... Because the most masculine man, I'm looking like Baron Harkinen. I'm in a floating apparatus with just a team of men delivering back shots.

Starting point is 00:52:07 Yes. And then I'm using that money to clone Anaday Armis into an army of Valkyries. Yes. That's the most masculine thing you could collapse world governments with your butt money. I'm going to, I'll be honest. I'm going to start doing these street interviews. and then making fun of people that don't say anything. Yes.

Starting point is 00:52:25 How many backshoulders? No, I could be paid to do that. Fucking. I don't know why. We came to a resolution. You know what I mean? Yeah. Take it.

Starting point is 00:52:40 The problem is, I think, between all of us, Austin is the worth of receiving back shots. He's tried, booty boot camp, and failed. We'd fucking, we'd out fuck you under the table with our butts. You think you could take it more? I'm built like a power bottom. I mean, I feel like Will would probably out of bottom. I think he could take it more. Instant fold.

Starting point is 00:53:01 We can't let's debate a little bit. Insta fold. He's like, no, you got it. I'll be honest. I think Will would like it. I think you probably got a fuck machine or something in your closet. Bro, I'm telling you, it's just after a certain point, the dicks are going to get better. They're going to know how to hit the G spot. You're going to be, you're going to be enjoying the show.

Starting point is 00:53:21 I agree. Yeah. I agree. I think I'm ready. I think 2026, that's my New Year's resolution. What? That you're going to finish. You're going to bottom?

Starting point is 00:53:30 Mm-hmm. Wow. In 2026. Wow. Christian's going to top you. No. No. God, no.

Starting point is 00:53:35 You kidding me? I think that fucking tight. Wait, okay. You say this, but he... It's the Christmas episode. I'm sorry. Also, he's adamant about being versed. Like, he's adamant that he can do both.

Starting point is 00:53:47 Yeah. Verse bottom, mostly. There is a top shortage. Yeah. It's affecting everyone. It is. It is. It's an incredible thing. What a great topic. Yeah. Thank you. I came loaded for buckshot. You did. But shots, back shots, butt shots.

Starting point is 00:54:02 I said loaded for buckshot, which is an expression, but I'm loaded for butt shots too. I know you're looking at me. I know you're looking at me like you're giving me the face of, what do you got to bring today for this week? I do have something. Oh. It is also a TikTok trend. Oh. And I want all of us. To try and do it. I'm going to send it to Gabriel quick.

Starting point is 00:54:25 Wow, okay. Okay. And I think, I'm not cute anymore. The voice thing? It is a voice thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, you just pull it up then if you have it.

Starting point is 00:54:46 Well, there's like a cuss one, but I don't think we can do that one because it's like hard to, that would have been hard to censor. I can't fucking reach the charcutory board, and I'm so hungry. I got you, king. Give him the whole thing. Give him the whole shabank.

Starting point is 00:54:56 Fuck, yeah. Come in your way. Come to daddy. Okay. Yeah, just like YouTube video probably would be better. So there's a new TikTok challenge called Say the Word on the Beat Challenge. And since Austin is Mr. Cuando, and he's probably preparing for the Sunday. Christmas Especial.

Starting point is 00:55:22 Are you singing? No. I was also not even asked to sing. You're in the events thing. We have to... You just didn't see it. Oh, where is the events thing? In the Discord.

Starting point is 00:55:34 You're in the Discord. Oh, I didn't realize that there was a discord for that. Okay. Anyway, there's a new TikTok trend, and considering that Austin is... Staying on that topic. What? Are there any festive Ramadan songs? No.

Starting point is 00:55:46 In Islam, there's no... No, actually, in Islam, there's no singing. Uh, it's, it's some, yes, depending on how, like, uh, you know, wait, the mullah can sink. The, no, the Azzan is a call to prayer. That's not actually a song. You should do that. There is, there is Islamic nashids, however, like, the most famous one that you probably heard is the, the trap version of the El Kulukulu soaring. That was fucking badass. You should do that at Kudis Christmas concert. I mean, I don't know the lyrics, unfortunately. You could, you learned red sun in the sky. That's true. But El Kou Kovlu Soarim is actually.

Starting point is 00:56:21 actually an Islamic Nishid, and normally that's what you have. You have like battle cries or stories such as that one, but it's not actually a song. Would that be okay to sing that at a cutie concert? Maybe. I think I could do it. No, no, I actually kind of like that. All right. So this is, say the word on the beat, level one through three. So this has been all over my TikTok for you page. It's a very normy trend that's blowing up right now. And it's pretty easy to understand. So let's just play it. And you can show it on screen as well. We got this.

Starting point is 00:56:52 Okay. Now, first we're going to let Will go until he fails. Sure. And then we'll let Austin go. Okay. Does it show me what the words are? Yeah. Okay.

Starting point is 00:57:03 Go ahead. Those are the words? Not yet. You'll see it. You'll see it. Am I going or is Will going? What's the word? What's the word?

Starting point is 00:57:16 Sheep. Where did it say sheep? No, it's not. Cheap, cheap, cheap, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep. Bed, bed, bed, bed, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp. I think it's chip, cheap, sheep, sheep, cheap, chip, chip, chip, sleep, sheep, chip, chip, chip, chip, sleep, blah. Ah, you fuck up! Okay, so you get it?

Starting point is 00:57:41 I wish they would tell you what the words were. No, that's the whole point. It's like spoon. Chris, what are you written? Crisp? I don't know. It was coming at me fast. Yeah. All right. Now, Austin, it's your turn getting, so you went into level five. No, no, no. It was level one, but it was like the fifth one on level one. Because it gets way more difficult. Yeah, the words get crazy. All right, go ahead. Awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you. I'm, I have a feeling that Austin might not do well at this.

Starting point is 00:58:12 Yeah, we'll see. Easy. He's not great on Proctor, didn't me? Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, cheap, sheep sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep. Bad, bad, bad, bad, chip, chip, chip. Oh, my god. Cheap, sheep, sheep, sheep, cheap, chip, chip, sheep, chip, chip, sleep, Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep. Yeah!

Starting point is 00:58:43 Oh, you fucked it at the same time! Fucking! All right, wait, let me try it. I'm gonna fuck it out in the first try, are you ready? Ready? I'm gonna be- Be kind of goes crazy, it reminds me a passive boy. That's why it's like so popping.

Starting point is 00:58:58 Sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep. Why you say that, I get afraid? Cheap, cheap, cheap, sheep, sheep, sheep. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp, crisp. Cheap, cheap, sheep, sheep, sheep, crisp, crisp, sleep, sleep. Cheap sleep, cheap, sheep, cheap, cheap, cheap. He said cheap on the first one.

Starting point is 00:59:24 Oh, fuck. I went from Chris to cheap. It's okay. Damn. It's tough. Yeah, it's a chip. All right. Not a cheap.

Starting point is 00:59:32 Cheap. A cheap. Okay, I'm Turkish. ESL. You did. Turkish that shit out. I need to know if I was being too much. About what?

Starting point is 00:59:45 I talked to our travel. agent this weekend. Uh-oh. And I was, I was just like, traveling for the holidays is just so awful. Oh, is it?

Starting point is 00:59:58 I just don't like to travel for the holidays. You know how they say, there's no place like home for the holidays. There's no matter how far away you roam.

Starting point is 01:00:10 If you don't sing your pussy off at this fucking event, I'm gonna kill you with the mic stand. I'm going to sing my pussy off. Continue. Why were you going to travel? So I said to our travel agent, I said, look, could you find me a hotel that would decorate my room for Christmas?

Starting point is 01:00:28 Stop! Are you fucking kidding me? Where are you going to be in West Hollywood? And guess what? He found a hotel that is going to decorate my room. So in the next hour, after this podcast, I'm going to go check in. And the thing is what I found out... What I found out is that he had to get decorations

Starting point is 01:00:56 because the hotel didn't have any. And he's preparing a nice Christmas holiday surprise for me and they're decorating my room for Christmas. And you know what's not the idea. It's not really a surprise. You demanded it. Wait, is it from my Ireland streams when you saw my hotel? I saw Hassan's hotel room in Ireland and I said,

Starting point is 01:01:14 they do that? And so I called him and I said, I said, Joe, can you find me a hotel room in West Hollywood? Ireland is a very Catholic country. Well, yes, but you know what? I think we could use a little bit more holiday cheer.

Starting point is 01:01:29 That's the only, I've never experienced it in my entire life. There's not an expectation that I have. I said if you can't do it, don't worry about it. No, that's beautiful. And he said, you know what? There was a tradition at a place

Starting point is 01:01:42 that I used to be for Christmas. a hotel where they would decorate the main room, not the individual rooms. But everyone got to take one of the ornaments off the main tree for Christmas. Oh, see, that's so beautiful. Are you going to take any of the ornaments? No, I'm not going to take any of the decorations. You're just going to throw it. No.

Starting point is 01:02:02 I, what do you think is going to happen? You know what I'm going to do for the Patreon? Because everybody's going to love them in Hassan's house. No, no, everybody's love my hotel reviews. Yes. I will be doing a review of the hotel I'm staying at. West Hollywood. I'll just say what hotel I'm saying at. It'll be the, I'm staying at the West Hollywood London Hotel. Oh, wow. Right? I'm going to stay at the London Hotel.

Starting point is 01:02:22 We had some good times there. Wait, wait, what? What did you guys do in the London? It's gay sex. Gay sex. Crazy. Me too. Unlimited bag shop. No. So I'm going to stay at the London Hotel. They were so nice and amazing to decorate my room for Christmas. You don't think that's too much, do you? You keep saying they, but it's just our, our travel agent. I think they combined, I think they combined. Well, he wasn't there to decorate. them somebody he the the folks some poor Jewish bellhop has to decorate your room I am in awe of the way you live your life I like it you think this is why we say you would be a dictator okay like this is some Uday and Kusay Hussein shit it's like he

Starting point is 01:03:09 calls in I'm visiting America is it possible for me to have bro Blow job. Like, it's just so... Is it possible for me to have blowjob in... It's so crazy. Airplane. Call Delta. I don't...

Starting point is 01:03:30 Like, you take American service in the hospitality field to its maximalist position. I think this is actually a win for the working class. Oh. do tell the working class you ain't been working class for a damn minute because you know what I didn't think through that statement I didn't think through that statement

Starting point is 01:03:56 I was going to try to say corporations the corporation of the hotel just a blue collar guy staying at the luncheon for Christmas when did I got out of my long haul truck and I pulled up to the London

Starting point is 01:04:11 the holiday in West Hollywood I was just saying When the Guatemalan migrant worker is putting together your Christmas decoration and specific nativity scene you order

Starting point is 01:04:26 He's going to stop for a second Goeos meo This is a victory For the working glass Yeah No This is what this is what I'm but what I'm doing

Starting point is 01:04:38 What I'm doing is The corporation itself has to pay for the decoration That's right truly That's right. They can't even put a price on it. They can't even put a price on it. No, the corporation's not paying for it.

Starting point is 01:04:49 Our travel agent is paying for it. I actually don't know how much he's paying for. It's definitely him. He made it seem like it was like a collaborative project. Who knows? Who knows? He asked me how big my tree. You know what?

Starting point is 01:05:02 Balance it out. What? Pay it forward. Well, I always... You got to hit a toy drive. Yeah, I will. And I'll donate all the decorations to the toy. No, no, no, no.

Starting point is 01:05:13 That's post-Christmas. Coles, whatever. Hmm? A department store. Okay, sure. Yeah, somewhere where they sell toys, Austin. I'll do that, and I'll film it on the Patreon. Actually, maybe I shouldn't.

Starting point is 01:05:24 Just get some toys for the kids. Just get some toys. Okay, I won't, I won't. Make some kids happy. All right, look. You know, I... But the reason before, before you talk, I want to say, for those of you wondering,

Starting point is 01:05:38 our travel agent has been wonderful, and every single time, I know somebody that needs to go, somewhere, I refer, I'm constantly referring business to our travel agent, constantly, dumping business, just, just rocketing business. And that's how you get a Christmas tree. And the next thing you know, is I get a Christmas tree. I've got a Christmas tree.

Starting point is 01:05:56 I actually don't know if I have a Christmas tree in the room. Well, you're going to voice your disappointment, I'm sure. No, I would never do that. I don't complain. I really appreciate what you did, but I noticed there was no stockings. With my initials and Christians, we're staying in the hotel room together. Hold on. There's no initial for the twink that we also ordered.

Starting point is 01:06:22 Now, for those of you who are watching and... I should like to have... Dude, I'm telling you, Ude Kusei Hussein. I would never... If you are to not make me happy for... I would never assassinate anybody. It would be most unfortunate for you. If it was in the realm of possibility,

Starting point is 01:06:40 you would. Like, I'm saying, like, if you had that level of unchecked. I don't feel very festive, Joe. No, you know what? What I realized is everybody thinks I'm a diva, so I might as well just fucking own it.

Starting point is 01:06:52 Hell yeah. You know what I mean? Like you weren't, like you weren't being a diva before people noticed. No. Oh, okay. Let your freak fly. I was a diva in the closet.

Starting point is 01:07:03 Now I'm out. Let your fucking free flag fly. I do like, I do like the new meta, though, where you just say, oh, I have free will, which somehow gives you a free roam. I just want to let everybody know

Starting point is 01:07:14 that I will never be a rude diva. I will always treat everybody with respect and dignity. Yeah. Goddamn right. Except for the manager. No. Once you do get to the manager, then you really lean into it.

Starting point is 01:07:26 I'll be honest, I'm going to say it right now. I bet I'm, I bet when a waiter waits on a table between Hassan and I, I bet they leave that table. Why don't you incorporate Will into this equation? Well,

Starting point is 01:07:38 will is very good, too. But Will and I are on equal footing. We are tremendous. Oh, okay. But I'm bad. You're not as good as we are. I give way more tip than you do. Oh.

Starting point is 01:07:52 Do you? Not even a question. Yes. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And it's not even like, I'm not even saying like you don't give. On three, we're going to talk about the percentage that we give. Okay.

Starting point is 01:08:03 Ready? One, two, three, 20. 50. 50? That's crazy. Well, yeah. I don't make as much money as he does, but minimum 20%. I don't give, I don't give tips off of, I don't give tips off of like performance in general.

Starting point is 01:08:20 I don't do that. I don't either. And I always tip 20%. Even if the service is bad, I say, you know what? It's probably because the corporation is exploiting their labor. And this corporation, when I, I'm dead serious. I'm not even being silly here. When I see somebody that's cranky at work, I see that as a direct reflection of the company that they work for.

Starting point is 01:08:40 Not their... I'm not gonna lie. I know some motherfuckers recently that have lost their tip. Really? Yeah, bro. Like the Uber eats delivery driver from last week.

Starting point is 01:08:51 Yeah, that shit was correct. Did that make the episode? Yeah, I think so. That shit was crazy. Oh, it kind of made it. This person literally was just like, I can't find your home. I give up.

Starting point is 01:09:01 I'm leaving. Yeah. But then, but then she actually drove back to the wrong house. Which is crazy. She drove back to the wrong house that she delivered it at.

Starting point is 01:09:10 And it wasn't even her fault. They literally received the delivery. I heard it. They did it. And they ate it in my face. They ate it in my face. I went all the way over there, walked all the way over there. Listen, here's my thing.

Starting point is 01:09:27 I rarely, if ever, haven't tipped it like a middle of the road restaurant, it's always the fucking high-end L.A. places where the servers are like so Oh, you have a shellfish allergy That may kill you Okay They're just rude Yeah And I still tip them

Starting point is 01:09:48 But you know what I'm talking about Some of these restaurants You can get servers who are just like I don't care I will always I always You got to be nice to me Listen God forbid

Starting point is 01:09:59 God forbid a hossanobie head Waste my table And I don't fucking dump a fat tip on them I'm like this guy's a real fucking piece of Yeah, but a Hassanabehead would never be, like, rude to you. That's true. And most waiters are not, so I don't know. No, most or not.

Starting point is 01:10:16 I will say when I said, when I told that guy, do I look like I fucking work here? Somebody went, hey, Austin. You know what I mean? Yeah, he works here. Yeah, it's my buddy Austin. We both work here, actually. We all have our moments, but I'm, I chat up everybody. Yeah, you do.

Starting point is 01:10:36 Every time I get on a plane, you know, I talk a plane then? First trip of the day? Yeah, you get in too deep sometimes. You think so? With strangers. Oh, yeah. You think so? You have a lot of block numbers on your phone that were one-time acquaintances.

Starting point is 01:10:45 I know that. That's true. Wait, really? If I look up my phone book... He'll get too deep, and he'll be like... Oh, that's true. Tell me how your son's wedding goes. I'm going to type Delta.

Starting point is 01:10:57 Yeah. I've got Colin Delta Flight, Mac, Delta Flight, Terry Delta Flight. These are just random numbers that I've collected. Let me look up Alaska Airlines. It's too deep. deep. No Alaska Airlines number. It gets too deep. Well, yeah, that was the time when I, like, I got so nervous. There's this girl. You told us. Oh. Yeah. Well, guys. Yeah, let's, let's. It's Christmas. Let's go home for the

Starting point is 01:11:20 holidays. The end of the episode. I'm going to, I am home. And with you, with all of you at home, listening to us, you are home with us. Yes. And also behind the paywall at patreon.com slash fear end. Guys, listen, I'd like to wrap things up by giving a little thanks. When we started this pod all those years ago and i was paid in shoes austin wasn't there never did i think that one day our pod would be one of our most defining pieces of content and that's not just because you are fantastic because you are fantastic sure and heads thank you so much for tuning in every week every year for now over 100 episodes we appreciate you happy holidays And if anybody is paying $100,000 a backshot, you know where to find me.

Starting point is 01:12:12 We'll see you on the Patreon. And QD will be on this episode, too. Yeah. We'll do a double outro. Ready? Let me give you this to you. Oh, no. Don't phase me out of reality.

Starting point is 01:12:26 I give her her gift. Thank you, Will. For the gift. We really appreciate it. Thank you, Austin. Thank you, Cuddy, for your future gift that I know you got me. I'm really excited for it. episode when you guys open it.

Starting point is 01:12:36 I'm very excited. I'm very excited. They're very cute. Very ready to open the gift. Each of them have a heartfelt note. You wrote a note? Yeah, because I don't say my feelings out loud very often. Oh my God, wait.

Starting point is 01:12:47 Oh, my God. I know. I thought you guys would like that the most. Can we read them on the stream? No, I actually put, don't read this on stream. Oh, my God, that's so sweet of you. Yeah, well. You'll get them in a month.

Starting point is 01:12:57 Oh, my God. In a month. No, you'll get him in two weeks. Why don't we, I want to read it in front of you, so you have to confront your feelings. That would make me kill myself. No. No, no, we can do it together. Not kill ourselves.

Starting point is 01:13:07 Thank you for the necklace. I don't want to kill ourselves. I don't want to kill ourselves. You know what, that's the last thing. Nobody has to worry about us killing ourselves. Yeah, that's true. Because we don't want to die. I know.

Starting point is 01:13:20 Well, we do. We don't. It's so much work. Scary. We don't want that. I knew what it was, maybe. Do you believe in God? I don't think so.

Starting point is 01:13:31 What if there was? I know, but don't you think, like, My mom was low-key obsessed with me. If she could be a ghost and come hang out with me, she would. And she, like, hasn't. But she passed to the other side. Yeah. The good side.

Starting point is 01:13:42 Well, yeah, but you could still come hang out. I know, but, like, ghosts, ghost, goes, as I understand, spirits are people that haven't crossed over yet. Dude, but my mom, she gets the biggest fomo. She wouldn't cross over. She'd try to hang out. You think so? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:54 She'd be like, well, fuck you guys. Yeah, she'd be like, she don't, she don't have any homies over there. Yeah. You know, like her parents are still alive. Yeah. Who's she hanging out with? I know. Well, I mean, she's probably got, I'm sure she was a fucking badass great-grandparent or something up there.

Starting point is 01:14:07 Maybe. She's waiting on the... I don't think so. You don't think so? She's waiting on your dad to get to the... Celestial Kingdom? To the celestial kingdom. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:14:17 Can I ask a very existential question beyond any of your wildest imaginations? Mm-hmm. I probably have the answer. If heaven is such a wonderful place and we are so eager to go there, Why are we praying for people to live? To live on earth. Because if you don't, because that's a great question, in the Bible or in Mormonism, I guess, wherever I fucking got this, I taught this somewhere, that if you don't finish your mission on earth, then that's a failure too. So God gave you this body to learn and to commit sins and then learn from those sins and repent and become a better soul.

Starting point is 01:14:58 And so you want people to experience that for as long as possible, so they learn as much as possible. But also God is everything and all-knowing and everything is in his power. So why are we praying? Because we can't change it anyway? We can't change it anyway. Like we're like, God have mercy. And God's like, no, God's plan. Right?

Starting point is 01:15:15 He's like, Drake. He's like, no, this is God's plan. And we're like, no, God. We know better than you. Yeah. If you think about that, that's what praying is. Yeah. Because God has a plan.

Starting point is 01:15:25 But we're like, God, please change the fucking plan. Like this guy is like, you know. Which is really hard to change even like my small plans. I could only imagine how hard it is. to change his plans. That's what I'm saying. Like that affects a lot of people. It does. Like there's a chain reaction. Yeah. Like there's future generations of children. Like if my mom was still alive, like I could be a batty right now. We don't know. You don't know. Or maybe she would have had more children. I could have had the mental capacity to have like a BBL. Yeah. And

Starting point is 01:15:48 yeah. Yeah. theoretically. We don't know. My grandfather could have been killed in the Battle of Bulge in World War II and I wouldn't be sitting here next to you right now. That would be be freaking sad. That'd be very sad. And I wouldn't have my Lego set. Show that you do not need a BBL. Kill yourself. Don't tell me what I need. I think you have a fad ass. I was trying to say you're thick. Not like, no, we're mad at him for talking about my body.

Starting point is 01:16:09 Oh, yeah, fuck you. Well, okay, well, you're, okay, you're not thick. What? She's very thick. I'm thick. You can't acknowledge it, though. I'm skinny thick. Quit acknowledging it.

Starting point is 01:16:19 I'm getting mixed signals from. You don't have the pass to do that. Yeah. You have, you can't tell her she has a fantastic ass like I can. I'm skinny thick. I was on the verge of saying those words. She's got a honky tonkton, but don't. Hate to see or go, but love to watch her leave.

Starting point is 01:16:34 I could have been Hawk, too, if I would have been stopped at the right time. That's right. And I had funny enough thing to say at that moment. Yeah. Yeah. But if my mom was alive and I had that BBL, maybe I'd want to go outside. Then 9-11. And I could have hawked who had my freaking life into a million dollars.

Starting point is 01:16:48 That's what I'm saying. And 9-11 wouldn't have happened. I'm struggling because, like, I want God to be real. Didn't your mom die after 9-11? Yeah, but who knows? And not during, for the record. What if she would have, not? She could have done 9-11.

Starting point is 01:17:00 I don't think so. Okay. You don't think she was in. the plane? There was no... No, and it was before she worked, she did work for an airline. Oh, see, that's what, maybe she was on the inside. I know, I know, but... What a great conspiracy theory is, Qaeda Cinderella was the chief

Starting point is 01:17:13 architect. Architect of 9-11. It wasn't Osama a documentary. It wasn't even him. It was that other guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's still in Guantanamo Bay. Which is crazy because Osama bin Laden got all the credit for that. Yeah, he got all the heat. Like, imagine that. Do you think he was proud of that? Yeah. You know? Yeah. He was.

Starting point is 01:17:32 Pretty significant global event, I think. Yeah, he probably was crazy. Probably led to the acceleration of America's demise if we're being real, given the response that we had to it. I think the world stopped turning that day and we responded with power. If we want to be crazy, you know what? So my cousin enlisted after 9-11 and then he died in Afghanistan. And at his funeral, my mom was sad.

Starting point is 01:17:59 And maybe the stress for my mom's funeral, my mom's like okay the straps of my mom at my cousin's funeral is what caused her to have a thyroid tumor and so then years later when she had to have her thyroid removed which then led to all of her other health problems so maybe 9-11 it's a shape maybe 9-11 did kill my mom maybe your mom died in 9-11 yeah for anyone who's actually offended by this it is satire yeah it is satire and besides my cousin did actually die and we we on 9-11 no but he signed up for the military after 9-11 yeah and then died in afghanistan we we hear on the future We want to make a very clear statement.

Starting point is 01:18:33 We hear on the Fear End podcast, we'll never forget. Yes. Right? We will never forget. They say 20 years after a tragedy is when you can start making jokes about it. Really? Well, I did. Well, 2019.

Starting point is 01:18:47 You were early. 2019. So you mean, see, are you, I was off by a couple of years? Are you saying that if you would have been like America deserved Pearl Harbor, that it would have gone over a little better? Yeah. Maybe a little better. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:00 Do you think America deserves? preserve Pearl Harbor? Nobody's ever asking that question. In some ways, we do think about it. If it wasn't for Pearl Harbor, I think FDR would have probably had a much harder time justifying American intervention in World War II. There were a lot of factors at play. There were a lot of factors at play.

Starting point is 01:19:15 There was the American Bund movement that was Nazi-affiliated, Nazi-aligned, didn't want to actually join the war, or if they wanted to join, they wanted to join on the bad guy's side. And America already had like industrial connections to Germany as well. Nazi Germany as well. There was a lot of people making money off that process. So there were definitely a lot of people that were super restrained about American intervention.

Starting point is 01:19:43 Yeah, do you know this? And I think FDR, on the other hand, definitely... Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Yeah, FDR on the other hand, definitely wanted to... He did. He couldn't walk. He had polio. He recognized the... He recognized the danger. Yeah. Imagine if my grandma would have never... Had polio. Maybe I'd be a freaking baddie. Did 9-11 kill your grandmother, too? No, my grandma's still alive, actually.

Starting point is 01:20:06 Really? Which is crazy. What? Did she still have polio? Respectfully, she got fucked up fingers. Oh, my God, you're from polio. From polio. They're cursive.

Starting point is 01:20:13 Her fingers are cursive. How old is she? He's like 85. Is she still Mormon? Yeah. God, good for her. Yeah. For just being, that's resilience right there.

Starting point is 01:20:22 Yeah. And even everything still. Yeah. I feel like once you hit like 70 and you were believing it, the last 13 years, you're probably going to keep going, right? Yeah, you got to just be like... It wouldn't be fun to just try heroin, though, at that point. I agree.

Starting point is 01:20:34 Yeah. I think that would be great at that point. I agree. Like, God forgives you. So she's a God, she's a God-loven woman. Yeah, she is. She is a God-loving woman. Yeah, if there's any place that, if there's anybody, dude, she, my mom snuck out when she

Starting point is 01:20:48 was 16 or something like that, 17 or 16 to go see Greece, the musical. Yeah. Because my grandparents said it was porn. Oh. Yeah. Isn't that funny? It was a little risky. Oh, so your mom was like,

Starting point is 01:21:02 oh, I'm going to go watch some porn. Yes. My mom. No, no, no, no. No, they like just didn't allow it. My mom was like, it's not porn, you know, whatever. But then later in life, when the proposal came out with Sandra Bullock, which has that little dog in it, so cute, little fluffy dog.

Starting point is 01:21:16 Betty White's in it. I love Betty White. She's iconic. Rest in peace. So the proposal, my mom loves that show. My grandparents are in town. They're staying with us. And my mom thinks it's the best show.

Starting point is 01:21:29 My mom was a big Sandra Bullock fan. Mom thinks it's the best show ever. She's like, she'd always make homemade ice cream for my grandpa. So we're like homemade ice cream. We're downstairs. It's movie time. She plays a proposal. They ripped her a new asshole.

Starting point is 01:21:42 They said it was porn. Oh, my God. It was like crazy. Oh, my God. My poor mom is like at this point. She's like 40 something, right? Just like so excited. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:51 And she's getting, parents never stop parenting. It's just so funny. And it's like it's, I think it's rated PG-13. Mm-hmm. Like, it just, I think you see Ryan Reynolds, but I don't even know if it's Ryan Reynolds or Ryan, it's Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, that's in that one. So funny. Yeah, you know, parents, especially from that generation are so like, yeah. My grandfather, my mom was in her 30s and he lived in Las Vegas and she showed up in a dress. It was a little too short. And he drove her. She was, he drove her. She said, you have to change. You have to go home and change. My mom was like 35 years old. That's so funny. And just like, no, honey, you have to go home and change. I'm not letting my daughter. go out in like that. In sixth grade, I wore a tank top to a family,

Starting point is 01:22:32 our family was playing soccer. Like we were like family union in a field playing soccer. And I showed up in a tank top, which is not okay, Mormon wise. But I forget why I had to wear the tank top. Usually I had tank tops to go under my shirts. But all my clothes were dirty, like all of them because I was a freak. And so I only had my undershirts. And so my mom was like, we got to go.

Starting point is 01:22:52 So I wore an undershirt. And I was like, I'm a bit of a bad girl. But then I showed up. And my grandpa was so. Because you wore a tank top. You're showing skin. So I couldn't play soccer. I had to go home.

Starting point is 01:23:01 Did he call you a horror? Harlet. Harlet. Yes. Whoa. That's my favorite. Yeah. Is that like old school?

Starting point is 01:23:07 Hussie or harlot? Lip hungry. He said, why is your daughter dressed like a harlot? Oh, I love that. Why is your daughter dressed like a harlot? I was 12. You were kind of a harlot. I was a little bit of a ho.

Starting point is 01:23:17 Yeah, you were a ho. Honestly, I had gotten around by then. Yeah. No. Not consensually, but it was some crazy shit. No, I'm. Merry Christmas. Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Starting point is 01:23:27 But on that note, I think We should probably move the Patreon To the Patreon We're just fucking cruising Oh, you're gluing stuff together? We're gonna glue stuff together. I wasn't sure what you're doing. Yeah, we're gluing stuff together. Okay, all right.

Starting point is 01:23:39 This is gonna be a fun patchwork. Should we do like an intro to the Patreon though, at least? All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main episode of the Fear and Podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Patreon episode of the Fear End podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Fear End podcast. Honestly, that last little bit was so flowy. I don't know if you'll be able to glue it. You'll probably just have to make the Christmas episode

Starting point is 01:23:57 long, that'll be fine. Okay. We can just do an hour now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, perfect. The mic, oh, the mic. Someone pulled a mic away from me. That was the first time I was bullied.

Starting point is 01:24:13 Wait, did somebody pull the mic away? I didn't move by itself. Wait, you got to rewind that a little bit. No, no, let's move past it. It's like you're going in and out of singing. I know. I don't know what happened there. Oh, my.

Starting point is 01:24:46 Those poor parents. Yeah. Yeah, you can, yeah. No, there's not much. I thought it was beautiful. Thank you. That's. Thank you guys. Well, you're going to kill it.

Starting point is 01:24:57 today. Well, I don't think we're going to hit the charity goal. So that one's a good one. But you practice this time.

Fear& - A Very Merry Fear& Christmas

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