Fear& - A Very Special Fear& Christmas

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! ✨ BONUS CONTENT ✨ PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod00:00:00 - intro // Merry Christmas 00:03:25 - fear&'s financial upbringing 00:06:00 - public school in Turkey 00:09:21 - hasan's handler 00:11:10 - austin Show a southwest Pilot 00:14:05 - migrant crisis in America 00:16:57 - how much money do you have? 00:19:10 - Fear& Cencorship 00:21:09 - money buys happiness 00:23:45 - food stamps are based 00:29:00 - qt cinderella switched up 00:31:11 - airing of grievances 00:34:50 - the boys and their icks 00:37:30 - austin show "a" problem or "the" problem 00:39:20 - d*ck jar 00:41:30 - kaya piker's puberty  00:42:50 - #3 wiki feet for free 00:45:34 - austin's lying era is over 00:46:50 - the boys keep cutting off qt cind 00:48:30 - ludwig is a known misogynist 00:49:30 - mom's love washing your clothes 00:50:50 - qt brings the vibes down 00:54:00 - hasan mansplains the female organism 00:55:40 - the real housewives of fear& 00:57:30 - loving each other's parents 01:00:30 - how the rich give gifts 01:03:20 - samsung steamers are great ad  01:05:00 - the girlies want tennis bracelets 01:07:52 - outro / happy holidays #hasanabi #qtcinderella  #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. happy holidays happy holidays to everybody welcome to the fear and podcast. Happy holiday season. We at Fear Ann, we celebrate Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, that's okay. No, it's not.

We should have celebrated Hanukkah. Celebrate Christmas, goddammit. It's America, okay? It's the American holiday. Fuck you. Yeah, well, this is the only Christmas tree in Hassan's house. And March brought it today. And March brought it.

I was disappointed for the lack of Christmas decorations in your home. Why doesn't your Lebanese ass buy it for me then? How about that? What do you mean? Why would I buy your Christmas decorations? And why does Lebanese have to do with that? I brought you guys Christmas presents. You're right about that.

Well, there's Lebanese Christmas. Wait, what? Finally. Wait, wait, wait. You bought us Christmas presents? Yeah. Wait, what? Finally. Wait, wait, wait. You bought us Christmas presents? Yeah. Oh, my God. I feel like such a dick.

I didn't buy anything. My chat. You're fine. Okay. I didn't buy anything for you guys for Christmas. I'm not expecting. My chat picked these out. Oh, my gosh.

Is it for us? I was not expecting anything. Like, what? I don't think you'll like it. Is this a magic wand? It shoots fire. I don't know. Oh, my God.

How cool is this? It's a Santa shirt.. Oh my God, how cool is this? It's a Santa shirt. Oh my gosh. Oh, wow. An ugly Hawaiian Santa shirt? I love that. I'm not even joking. Why? I don't know. I love it, though.

I was taught, my mother taught me at Christmas. It lights on fire. You can light stuff on fire. Do I have to plug it into a USB? You can shoot stuff and it lights on fire or something. Judy, I got you. I also got you at Christmas. Lights on fire. You can light stuff on fire. Oh my god, do I have to plug it into a USB? You can shoot stuff and it lights on fire or something. Thank you so much. Judy, I got you. I will. I also got you a Christmas gift. Oh yeah. Wow. It's this. Buttercup. And I also got you

a Christmas gift. I thought that I would get you Cinderella on VHS. Oh my god, thank you guys so much. You're welcome. Merry Christmas to you. It's no big deal. You know, happy Hanukkah. Wait, you're putting your Christmas gift back. Awesome. Yes.

Figure out how this works and light something on fire. Well, you have to plug it into USB. I'll do it later. Okay. On the Patreon, we'll light something on fire. Yeah, we'll light something on fire on the Patreon. Thank you, cutie, so much. You know.

We'll plug it in. You know, it is the Christmas. It is the holiday. Give it to Marsh for the love of God. Oh, thank you. I'm going to put mine on. I'm going to put mine on. This is, my mother taught me.

Just put it down. I'm going to kill myself. My mother taught, oh, shit. Oh, Jesus. Marsh broke your wand. What a disaster. My mother taught me that every gift that I receive, no matter how I feel about it, I need to be so excited for it.

Oh, really? If you look at my. Do you hate that wand? No, no, no I feel about it, I need to be so excited for it. Oh, really? Do you hate that one? No, no, no. No, you will never know. I know. Every holiday, if you look at my videotapes from when I was a kid, it's me going, oh, my gosh, I love it. That's so funny.

Every time. Because she taught me. She austin good mom yeah you do not you you you give everybody a hug you let them know how much you appreciate it and you thank them for the gift that they gave you dude my mom let me be a stone cold bitch at seven she shouldn't have let me do that what do you mean she let you like just not like it yeah i guess okay i think this haunts me to this day i don't know if anyone else has this I grew up poor and so like what you got don't complain yeah I agreed

I feel like you weren't poor you're like Victoria Beckham right now I didn't grow up poor what car did your dad have my dad actually drove really beater cars like I remember we had a 1988 gold Volvo a 1989 Volvo a a volvo sounds nice

1990 but yeah but this was in like two it was like a four we we drove in 2000 no no but but i know but i was born in in the mid 90s um and so he's driving he's driving a 1989 yeah but in 1980 this what is happening? This was early 2000s. Mid to late 2000s, we were driving 1980s cars. Oh, my God. No, but I'm not saying we were poor. No, we're just different.

No, no. No, it's cool. Here, I'm going to say it right now. I'm going to say it right now. I was just thinking about it on the plane as I was flying up here. Or down here. I have so much privilege. I have so much privilege I have so much privilege one time I had to get a tetanus shot just because I accidentally closed my dad's truck door on my finger and it's full of so much rust no you were definitely like well

you weren't broke you were rich no I was so okay so here here's rankings. Will was the wealthiest, 100% by a wide margin. Then either myself or Austin, I guess myself, considering that I was in Turkey, so my family's, the amount of money my family made in comparison to the global scale is probably, Austin, what are you doing? My pants are unbuttoned. What's happening? Can they see this?

He is just straight taking his cock out, dude. He's like, yeah, what's happening you are just straight he is just straight taking his cock out dude he's like yeah what's up i heard i heard what cutie cinderella said about too much dick talk it's time to fucking put it on the table i talk shit on this podcast yeah my bad my bad yeah i i'm gonna get to that don't you fucking worry about that this christmas gift that i'm currently wearing is restricting my my oh my god yeah what the fuck let me tell you something okay i got i got some thoughts about you got some cannons under there i got some fucking thoughts about your your slander on this pod i like talking shit but before we get to that i think like i said uh will's definitely wide margin wealthiest i would say austin's family and mine are probably in

comparable net worth but i did live more comfortably than he did because I grew up in Turkey. Yeah, I mean, I lived very comfortably. And then Cutie was broke as fuck, dog. What the fuck? Get your money up, Cutie's family. I used to bully people like Cutie for being broke. Really? No, I never bullied people for being broke. I never did because everybody around me was rich.

I got so bullied for being broke. I'm kidding. I was upper middle class, I like to say. I was bullied for being rich because of no, I mean, no, no, no. It's not. I'm not saying that that's like like, oh, my God. So sad for me. But it was a very it was like a wake up moment for me.

My family took me out of private school and then put me into public school. And I and I thought crazy sentence. Yeah. My family took me out of private school and put me in public school and like public school in Turkey is different. Okay. It's not like, like in some ways it's,

I would say better like education overall in Turkey is like pretty, it's decent. Right. But it's, you know, it was, it was public school in Turkey. So that's the first time i i

actually like literally went to school with someone uh of of a dramatically different socioeconomic background and i realized like oh my god like the fuck my dad's not doing anything different or strange that like in a much nicer house and then like they're fucking broke and then one of them tried to kill me one of the kids oh my god that was me for being for having money yeah it was more like it was more so i think he's just like did not like me and i had to come from private school it's a conservative small school everybody fucking bro we were like in fucking six seventh grade what do you mean it's was conservative. In fucking Turkey. I thought maybe,

I mean, I thought maybe you, it was like some sort of political related hate crime. No, he, he followed me home with a knife. Jesus Christ. Cause I walked home.

What a fucking psycho. That's just a Tuesday in my neighborhood. But also like at the same time, like he was the one following people. If you didn't take a knife to school, you weren't getting home safe. I'll say that. I don't know how to describe it. Cause it describe it because it's not as scary as it sounds.

I mean, in the moment, I thought it was scary, but I was diffusing it. He didn't know where I lived, so I was just walking home while also talking to him, but also making it seem like I'm not walking home. But because I was super late to get home, my mom was outside by this point. Oh, shit. And she had a gun no she just yelled like what are you doing like she was like more mad at me i guess because she thought i got like lost or something oh that's funny i would not i was like fucking around so she was like screaming on the

street and then when the kids saw my mom he was like oh fuck and he ran away funniest justice i guess uh in this situation himself no he of course everybody learned about the occasion so the principal in front of everyone like grabbed him by the ear made him cry oh and like made him apologize to me in front of the school called him gay no i don't think he called him gay but that that would have been par for the course. That's what they do in Turkey. How do you know? I literally saw the article about the president calling his opponent gay. Oh, yeah. No, he said, well, we do that in America, too. What do you mean?

Yeah, no, but he called, get this, cutie. The Turkish president called his opponent gay and then proceeded to win the election because of it. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. They were like, yeah, this party's gay as hell, dude. What the hell? If I ever run for president, I'm doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah they were like yeah this party's gay as hell dude what the hell if i ever run for president i'm doing that yeah yeah i know me too 100 me versus hillary well i mean they could yeah they'd say it to me and it'd be true but yeah i was um i was definitely

i was definitely affluent growing up specifically because it was like in turkey there's a massive but i lived in i lived in lived in very traditional American suburban life, like white picket fence sort of life. But I grew up in a very diverse area, a lot of Indian and Asian kids. That was the predominant, actually. I was the only white kid in my grade, like all of elementary school. Yeah, but that's a different kind of diversity. And then I bust. What he's talking about is like tech diversity what you're talking about it's like you know you were broke we were broke but then i started i took the i took the public

bus uh when i was 12 13 to go to middle school 45 minutes away. Yeah. See, I'm, I'm, you know, I'm just going to say, I can't relate with that. Yeah. Well, one time this kid on the bus dared me to eat gum off the window and I did it for a dollar. Yeah. I just think like, uh, like I think, uh, like, uh, it was scary, but it made me, I had a, it made you who you are, but look at you now. Look how successful you are.

My boyfriend's so rich. Yeah. I will tell you this much. I'll tell you this much. For me, public transit was liberation for the first time. Maybe that's why I like fucking social safety nets and shit so much. Because I have very restrictive parents. I've talked about this before.

They didn't want me to play video games,ada yada like classic shit and then beyond that like i couldn't go anywhere we i had to go everywhere with like a person like a handler basically that's crazy until i was in high school in which at which point like i started taking public transit my dad was like you're not allowed to do that but i started just like sneaking out you're like i love trains no i fucking i do i love the bus dude because it meant freedom i could go to the fucking city i used to want to be a bus driver i what that's cool when i was a kid yeah you could still do it i mean i mean it's not my dream anymore no mike you work on it. I'm still, I'm considering becoming an airline pilot. Oh yeah, you should do that.

I'm thinking about quitting streaming. Uh-huh. Okay. So what you're doing now. Okay. And then starting a career in aviation. I hear pilots are making bank these days. You see what the pay rates for pilots on Southwest Airlines?

No. Like I was looking, well, anyway, the pay rates got released recently for Southwest airlines, Southwest airlines pilots at a base pay for a first officer, 140,000 a year on a, on a base on, um, and they're hourly pace. This is speculation based on how many trips you take, but on a conservatively 140,000 a year on the high end, some of these pilots are making could be making close to a million if you get a lot of

a lot of hours in what I'm thinking about is starting a content series where I learn how to become a pilot I go through the training I film myself and

or live stream myself flying and training and then eventually I just say kiss entertainment goodbye and I become a commercial airline pilot

yeah you think I could get a job? Yeah. I don't know. You missed your mouth. You looked cool though for a second. You don't think so? No, I think you could get a job. I don't think you could film yourself doing it. No, no, no. I wouldn't film myself flying like Delta. Once he becomes Delta, he stops

filming. He quits streaming. So basically what you're describing is because you've already done the quit streaming part you would just get a job yeah you're just okay no no i'm with you on that you should get a job no i wait hold on hold on i do have a job this is my job i'm at work right now austin show i'm at work right now oh true oh yeah you Oh, yeah. You're on my show. That's right. Speaking of which, the podcast, I'm going on that. What country were they from?

Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan? I think it's like Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan. By the way, they posted a clip, and people were very angry that I called it Central Asia. Drama. It's not wrong. Hey, people, don't be mad at him. He's just stupid. When they messaged me, they said we're a Central Asian podcast. It's not wrong. Hey, people, don't be mad at him. He's just stupid.

But they told me, when they messaged me, they said we're a Central Asian podcast. You're not wrong. You're absolutely right. Okay. It is Central Asian. But they told me that, I don't know, people were angry about it. Anyway, regardless, they're coming to LA at the first part of January. I'm going to be on their touring show.

I'm proud of you for this accomplishment. Yeah. You're about to make big make bank and thank you for helping our podcast grow you're welcome we're tackling the central asian market pretty big yeah this is gonna be huge for us i just want to let you guys know so speaking of airlines i guess there was a little bit of political political drama politics drama i i could uh throw this in your direction i love talking and planes or we don't have to no let's do it it's not like that series but there was a march you want to pull up my tweet um so oh the migrant thing so this so obviously like you know democrats

migrant crisis big things happening people are trying to come into the United States of America. So one thing that like red States has started doing was they originally started busing migrants to like Chicago or New York or Martha's vineyard for political gain, which is like human trafficking kind of really fucked up. But now they've started putting some of the undocumented migrants like waiting for processing on delta airlines and this lady found out that it turns out here let's watch the video it turns out there's migrants at the airport airport right now i'm waiting to board my flight to new york to jfk and it looks like we have a whole lot of migrants who are also boarding this flight that the U.S. taxpayers are paying for.

This is what the U.S. taxpayers are paying for right here. Premium seats on Delta that they have people coming here. We're paying for this. Premium seats. Shipping them out to New York City because guess what? Everywhere else is at capacity. So they have these sanctuary cities like New York that they're now shipping these migrants to that we're all

paying for. Wait, that seems mad. She's mad. She's mad because she's racist. And like this really banged on Twitter. People lost their minds. So then I quote tweeted, I said, I can't believe there are migrants on a flight in an airport like it's

like dude it it's like going to a pool and and being upset that you got wet like if you are a racist person there is one place you are guaranteed to find foreigners at and that is a motherfucking international airport like what the fuck and then she goes later she goes and complains to the gate agent yeah and then the gate agent's like they're human yeah and also what the hell is the gate agent supposed to do about that yeah the gate the gate agent's like yeah we should kill them yeah we should kill them you're right i'm gonna deny them boarding you're absolutely right yeah everybody who's a migrant is not allowed on this flight it's like what an insane what an insane fucking way to approach the subject matter and and yet you know that's that's the state of discourse in america

right now is just like oh these people are fucking foreigners and also can i can i say something about this it seems to be to me that the people that pay the least amount of taxes complain most about paying taxes is that you know what i mean just like you austin wait hold on now hold on i pay my fair share of taxes i think i pay a little too much but i i do pay my fair share of taxes and i think it's a responsibility as an american citizen to do so. I pay the most taxes. Oh yeah, probably amongst us. This guy loves to pay taxes. It's so funny because the IRS is sending me

so many checks. Why? I just overpay. Do you cash them? Yeah, sometimes. He doesn't even know. He doesn't even know how much money you have. Do you even know? No.

I have no idea. He's so rich. That is such a high level of rich. No, it's not that. It's just like I know. I've talked about this quite a bit. I'm sorry to cut you off. I'm trying to get better at this.

I want to say one thing and then I'm going to throw it back to you. It's not because like for me, I've always been like, all right, once you get to a certain level of like rich, once you get to a certain level of finances and you have like a comfortable lifestyle, then who gives a fuck? Like, I don't give a shit about making money. I care about staying relevant and maintaining an audience and, like, being able to talk to as broad a community as possible about these political things that I talk about. Because I feel like that's what's most important. And money obviously comes on top of that. And that's a luxury to be able to say because I was broke when I first started in los angeles like very fucking broke and yeah money isn't everything is a luxurious thing to be able to say not having it is the funny thing is emma chamberlain just had an interview recently and she was like i don't

even know how much money i have like like i don't i don't need to see it like i don't i don't need to buy a yacht i don't need to buy a nice car like I don't, I don't need to buy a yacht. I don't need to buy a nice car. I don't need to buy a yacht. She was saying it like, she was saying it like, um. She thought she was being woke. Yeah, she thought she was being woke. But it's like, you have to be so fucking privileged. Yeah. To not know how much money, like.

No, 100%. I know how much money I have. No, for me. You're still privileged. Yeah, you're, you're, you're still. He's like trying to, he like trying to you're so profoundly wealthy awesome the thing is like am i what i was yes of course what i was trying to stress is not that like i so are you like i'm so woke i don't care about how much money i have or anything like that

what i was trying to say is i've been in a situation where like yeah i had to fucking budget every month and i was always in the motherfucking red getting hit with overdraft fees, trying to make sure that like, that's the scum of your shit, by the way. I think like, well, overdraft fees are fucked up. If I was president, I would get rid of those. I'd get rid of stupid mailers. I would have pizza Friday and I would Jesus Christ. That last

one. How'd that happen? That came out of fucking nowhere. I'm going to mount. Just kidding. What did she do to you recently? Did she not show up to the Christmas concert? She didn't. I just couldn't think of anyone else that I could put on a watch list. I'm sorry.

Put me on a watch list. I don't know what you stand for, but I'm sure you're fine. You're going to put on the no-fly list. It was a joke. Who else could I put on a watch list? I'm not going to answer that question. I was going to say... Oh, my God.

You can't say that's one person. You definitely can't say... We should probably cut that out. You are not allowed to say... That is the one thing you are not allowed to say. No, you don't need to cut that out. It's fine. We're safe.

That's how much I love him. I mean, he will definitely. You can say that. You can say. In a light breeze. But you can't say. Don't. Just quit saying that.

I haven't said it. I want to. You cannot say. I don't want to go to jail. You cannot say that you want to. So hard. My hair is on your mic. Oh, I want to.

Fucking hard. I can't wait. Anyway, if I was president, I would get rid of the I would I forgot what I'd get rid of, but I would do that. You said you'd get rid of mailers, which I fucking mailers. So on board with cutie Cinderella, 2024 overdraft fees. Yeah.

I, I, I did all that shit. I think like for me, I realized that like I had made it and I was like financially secure and comfortable when I noticed that I called an Uber and I didn't have to like do the mental calculation of like whether or not this was going to destroy me getting guac on your Chipotle and not hesitating that's when you've made it that's when you can

sub to the Patreon if you're not doing that don't give us your money yeah it was that was when I was like oh shit like for the first time ever because for the first time ever i i felt like oh i don't have to worry about this and that's what a lot of people don't understand if they come from like a relatively privileged background which i came from a very affluent background and then was very broke along the way for a decent chunk of that time uh post-college and the difference is like when you're when you don't have a lot of money it's like a weight on you at all fucking times when you don't have a lot of money there is you know a a not insignificant one additional minute of mental calculation that you probably do 100 times

throughout the day that's 100 fucking minutes where you are literally thinking can i do this can i not do this all of that goes away when you get to a certain level of financial security and that's why people say that um you're like there's a happiness metric i guess and having a shit ton of money inevitably leads to diminishing returns with respect to happiness. But there is a certain amount where it like shoots up. If you go from zero to I believe it's like on average like 75,000 when the last time they did this study. And it changes for depending on where you are in Los Angeles. That would be like around 100,000, whatever. Up until then, money and happiness go up identically.

Like it's like the more money you have, the happier you are. And then once you hit that, it's just like. Yeah, I think it changes from worrying about your day-to-day purchases to how long can I buy these things for? I remember when I made $10 an hour, I would like buy a burrito that was $12. And I'd be like, shit, that's an hour of my day. And I'd be like,

Oh, it's not worth it. Like, I remember thinking of things as hours in my day. I remember having a debate with my grandmother on the phone about whether I should go and get this smoothie. Really? I was like,

it's $10. I don't know if I should buy this. I really want it. I'm craving it. And my grandmother's like, Oh honey, just live a little. And I was like, it's $10. I don't know if I should buy this. I really want it. I'm craving it. And my grandmother's like, oh, honey, just live a little. And I was like, okay, you know what? That's fine. I'll do it. I was sweating it. I was on food stamps for a bit.

I just feel like a piece of shit talking to you about this. No, no. Do it. It's funny. Because Cutie was actually broke. You had such like a... I didn't have a choice. It was normal to me.

That's the thing. I know, but I'm sitting here like, oh, I wanted to buy a smoothie. And you're just like, I couldn't eat. No, food stamps were hype. I know, I know. Food stamps were awesome. Don't even dare to disrespect it. Yeah, they were so cool.

So what happened was I quit my... I i was in corporate management job that i was making a lot of money and it was great and then i quit because i wanted to live my dreams of being a pastry chef however being a pastry chef you make no money um and until i climbed the ranks and became like the wedding cake designer and all that shit then i was able to make more but still not livable wage genuinely um uh and so then at one point i you know because i went before i jumped essentially i would work my bakery job from 5 a.m to 8 a.m and then i'd go work my nine to five in corporate management and then so like eventually i was like okay i'm gonna just go full- time with the bakery. And they were like, yeah, like, you know, you're fine.

And by a lot of it's funny. I was like, oh, I was making a lot of corporate management. I was making like 60 K, but that felt like a lot to me at the time. And so when I quit and did the bakery, they told me that they were going to have enough hours, but then they just didn't. And so then I was screwed. So then I'd go in and I'd pick up like dishwashing shifts. I would do anything I could to like,

just make money. Cause I lived on my own and, uh, but yeah, I had to go on food stamps and it was, uh, it was food stamps are awesome. Thank you.

I agree. They're so sick. There's such a, like if you're struggling, I look, cause I always felt like ashamed at the idea and I'm really happy that I did it. Cause I would have been fucked if I didn't broke boy mentality.

This is something I stress all the fucking time. Rich people expect government handouts. Rich people get mad when they don't get subsidies or tax cuts. That is broke boy mentality only in the United States of America, or I guess globally where poor people feel ashamed. Yeah. We're getting government assistance and there's this genuine stigma associated with it. And it makes no fucking sense, dude.

What are you talking about? Rich people get billions of dollars in subsidies for agricultural production. Half of the fucking economy in the United States of america half of our productive output directly relies on taxpayer-funded subsidies and these motherfuckers are not going oh that's too much money sir please don't give it to me you saw with the ppp loans during the pandemic everybody complained about like people getting trump bucks right two thousand dollars that's so much money every business every small business owner got a uh a PPP loan to the tune of millions of dollars, never really used it on what it was supposed to be used on,

which was wages for their employees, right? And they never even got punished. Or if they didn't use those loans on their employees, the government was supposed to collect that with interest or very low interest regardless. It was a very sweetheart deal. The government never never even collected it so they just gave free money to fucking business owners millions of dollars of free money to business owners it was bullshit anyway i i know we're not supposed to be talking about politics but yeah i'm glad that you as

someone who was a beneficiary of like uh as someone who know, used food stamps and advocating for it. I got so much food. It was awesome. Did you use food stamps this time? Oh. I never did. My, for me. They give you like $120 a month for food. It was awesome. My gym said that he found like $1,500 to $2,000 worth of food stamps. And they called him.

And they're like, you have to use this by this time. And he didn't even know he had it. That's confusing. And he, yeah, I don't know. And then he said he was going to buy like just he went into Costco and just stocked up on me. Yeah. I said, good for you, man.

And he's a veteran, which I really appreciated. Yeah. I never use food stamps. I would hit the manager special. For those of you who don't know, if you go toalph's or roger's or walmart i think they most of these places have it there's a there's a aisle called the manager special there's a freezer full of chicken and all these other protein uh that is like half off usually because it's like near expiration but it's not like actually fucking expiring i mean i i highly recommend

which is legally about to expire yeah i just but it's not like actually about that yeah so i would just fucking oof i was stocking up on my proteins at uh at at all the different grocery stores that had manager specials little little quick easy tip for the broke boys out there well this is a this is our financial advice podcast yeah get your money up not your funny i'm touching my with my yeah no maya kaya you should call kaya maya you really love her like your podcast that you actually love let's talk about it i love talking shit on this podcast yeah Yeah. I have. What does she say? Made the mistake. Of being sexist.

Of. Well, no, that's not. Are we? Well, I have made the mistake of rating a cutie Cinderella. And every single time I do it, I'm getting fucking shafted and shellacked. Yeah. Not even by my enemy, your boyfriend. Yeah.

But by my co-host and friend. No, I switch. Which is crazy. But I'm aware, so it's okay. You're two-faced. It's so bad that Ludwig ends up defending me. Did he? Sometimes, yes.

Even he's like, okay, I wouldn't go that far. Well, you said that thing about Sarah Palin earlier. What sort of things do you say? Do you exclusively shit on Hassan, or is it me too? Oh, it's just Hassan. No, it's not. Oh, no, it's you too. Wait, what about Will?

Will, you talk about Dick too much. Will's not even here. I don't think he's my co-host. Speaking of which, so I've got this beautiful, wonderful, natural esthetician. Okay? She's in her 70s. Yes. Okay?

We've talked about her. Yeah, we've talked about her. She's in her 70s. If you don't know, she watches this podcast. She's in her 70s. Because I go in and get my facials every couple weeks, and she always tells me about what we talked about. I'm always super impressed because she gets really far into the episodes like she'll talk about all the things that we talked about and recently um i asked her i said hey did you see this last week's episode i gave

you a shout out and she's like i didn't see that i said oh okay did you you know i did you not have time to watch it or whatever and she's's like, no, I turned it off because you guys were talking about dick too much. And she's like, I felt as if I shouldn't be listening to this right now because I feel like you wouldn't want me to hear you talk about your penis as extensively as we did. And it struck me. I said, wow.

My gosh. When she says it, you listen? Yes. She's also a woman. This is so incredibly mad up. This is so incredibly mad up. Why? Because Cutie doesn't have just one criticism of the podcast.

She has many. Okay? Yeah. Like too much. Sometimes I'm thinking thinking do you even enjoy being here are you here all the time are you here at gunpoint yes um and and one of the criticisms that she has for the podcast is that we oftentimes cut cutie off and don't listen to her you never do that and austin literally cut cutie off and then demonstrated a story in which his takeaway was was valid when it was a different woman.

I hate you all. But can you be sexist if it was another woman? Yes. So wait, hold on. Now you're just moving the goalpost. That's like a Keemstar ass defense. It's like I'm not misogynistic. I just hate one woman.

I don't hate you for the record. My voice isn't as strong. Naturally, this is why women get cut off because our voice, we're not as bellowing. Are you saying women aren't as strong as men? How dare you? Decimal point wise, your ear canals. My voice is less. Yeah. decimal point wise your ear canals my voice is less yeah it's less bellowing than your guys's so if i'm saying something but then you have a this is the other thing is i'm capable of multitasking i'm capable of thinking in my brain

oh i'll wait until i finish to talk about this you guys don't have that capability and instead you in the middle of a sentence you'll be like oh wait wait so this one time i was getting my dick sucked and i came everywhere it was crazy and then you're like oh my god i hate when that happens it's so sticky and then you're like but have you seen my abs recently and then i'm on a lean diet and then will's like guys i've been playing wow it's like every episode bro we haven't talked about coming on anybody's face this episode, for the record. You did talk about facials. I did, but not that type of facial.

You know what? You're seen, you're heard, you're valid. You're naturally beautiful. You're natural and you're beautiful. And I'm just going to say it right now. I think women are better than men in every facet. There it is. I think women should be. I think God in every facet there it is i think i think women

should be i think god is a woman actually i really do i think god's a woman i think um i think women have the hardest job being a mother is the hardest job in the world but if you don't want to be a mother being a woman is still the hardest yes still the hardest job in the world just being a woman just existing how do you get up every morning and just women you know what i mean you just woman it preach it you just they're just every morning you just wake up and you're like i gotta go into this world filled with all these toxic ass men if i could be reborn in shows i would be a boy really i would be too i mean it's awesome it's pretty sick it's so much harder it's so awesome to be a man is, we really don't have any problems. Yeah, it's pretty dope.

I mean, I was just thinking about it, and we just don't. But to be serious, Kitty, we're going to stop cutting you off. Thank you. You're waiting for me to talk so you can cut me off. I know I can see it on your face. I'm not going to cut you off. I'm not making any promises. You're one of my favorite people.

You remind me of my sister. I told you that. I do say that. remind me of my sister. I told you that. I do say that. And I love my sister. You used to be one of my favorite people. I'm going to stay talking shit. I will never change. Until I found out that you genuinely...

There was a point where I was watching and I was like, damn, she fucking hates us, bro. Oh, really? Was it that bad? Yeah, you were hammering us. Really? There was this clip. Yes. I just clock in when I show up here. I know I'm were hammering us. Really? There was this clip. Yes. I just clock in when I show up here.

I know I'm going to clock in. Pull it up, Marge. Have a few comments and then be done with my shift. There was a clip. Remember the Aritzia clip where I was like. Fuck Aritzia. Yeah, where people were whatever. And so there was a, it got, it went viral.

And it was in the top comment on it was, and I was wearing a blue shirt and I was a, it got, it went viral and it was in the top comment on it was, and I was wearing a blue shirt and I was like, we care so much about women, you know, yada, yada, yada. And the top comment on the clip was when we talk about having the ick, we're talking about the guy in the blue shirt. Whenever clips get out into the ether beyond our communities. Everybody thinks I'm a straight man. Everybody thinks I'm a straight man in the context of like, I have to have,

I think I'm going to have to have, I'm going to have to start having a dick in my mouth in order for people to, you're doing it again. You're talking. Oh, sorry. You did it. I need to have a man.

Uh, uh, what's another thing that a man has a dick, uh, pecs. Why don't you wear a man has other than a dick? Pecs. Why don't you wear a shirt that says I'm gay? I should. There you go.

I should. That would be your solution. I should. I should. You don't have to do that. And also, Cutie and Hasan, I'm starting to understand that people think I'm serious. I have beef to take with you. Let's hear it.

There were people on Twitter and TikTok and Instagram. I don't freaking know. Social medias. During my sexy dance Santa baby performance that I had practiced for so long to do my sexy dance, you were on your phone the whole time. Really? Yes. Yes. Cutie.

She's gay. Cutie. So? Look. Wait, who said that? It was on the, it was, look, I think I got tagged on Instagram. I'll find it. The funny thing is like, I was.

Did people, did people look? I was celebrating too hard. Were they calling me out? Were they saying like, Austin was on his. Yes, they were like, Austin's a bad friend. What am I supposed to do? Like. You're supposed to cheer me on.

I was loving it. I was watching it on my phone. I have to find my key my phone where is it oh that is insane i found it so it's called a tile it's awesome look i have i was drunk at your concert i know and i wait did i perform before that your your santa thing yeah i was probably looking to see what the chat said you are such a problem we all do that though that's the thing is i'm the only one that'll admit it hassan what are you doing on your phone i'm trying

to find he's trying to find me talking shit oh yeah you don't need to look any further. I'll do it right now. You both suck. Look, Cutie. Oh, my God. I just have this golden image of you, and I didn't want to see you like that. Where is it? Anyway, you talked a lot of shit, Cutie. I stay talking shit. I won't change. And it's time.

It's time now for you to let it all out. Oh, do I have to say sorry? What are the top five, maybe ten, maybe one hundred things that you are angered by? You're not going to find clips of her because her clips are

deleted, no? No, my clips are sub only. Okay, hold on. So I am a problem or the problem? You are the problem. Okay. Okay.

Now, hold on. First of all, I would devil's advocate being the problem. You have a hair coming out of your mouth. Are you okay? Okay. It's just your hair is all over the microphone. I know. Here. Oh, my God. No god no literally what the fuck that is absolutely your hair in i think it's my dog's hair to be honest i don't know god i'm

getting his hair is all over the place um so uh-huh i think being the problem is great content no that's it is unless you forget that you've already talked about something and then you talk about it again and again and again. You love penis. I do. I know. It's a problem. I love Taylor Swift but we don't need to talk about him. We've talked about it all.

We don't need to do it. I always bring up Taylor Swift on purpose. You bring up dick on your own voluntarily. And then I go along with it, and then I get yelled at. I was going to say, I think it's a group effort, because I think he talked. I think we need to break up. No. What?

No, no, no, no, no. Come on, cutie. It's not like that. Okay. It's either that or we make the Sarah Palin pact. It's up to you guys. Going back to the early fear end days, where it's just me by myself, because Will's not here.

New Year's resolution. I will not talk about dick. We're going to have a dick jar moving forward. Okay. A dick jar. And you're going to have to put a hundred bucks in it. Every time I talk about my dick, I got to put it in there. A hundred bucks.

I got to put my dick in the jar. No. You brought up dick today. I didn't even talk about dick. I like this. I like this because we could do something. I mean, that would be a lot of money. So we could do something fun with that.

How much do I got to bring? One's. I said a hundred, a hundred dollars every time I bring up Dick. No, come on. Let's bring it down a little bit. Every time you bring up Dick on your own, if it's something a hundred bucks is way too much. If someone else brings it up and you talk about it, that's fine.

I'm not, I'm not $5 per time. That's a lot. You are. No. Cause then you will like budget it you'll be like okay yeah no no no a hundred dollars is insane that's like it's insane i i sometimes bring up maybe like three or four times a podcast i know and and look i think this is homophobic to be honest i mean the entire point is for you to stop like he can bring up pussy and

nobody would bet no he can't but i don't't. But he would. He doesn't. I literally never. He talks. He could be like, I like to eat pussy. And everybody would be like, oh yeah, we all like it too. If he brings it up, if he brings up something sexual, you're allowed to jump in. See, now we're talking about dick because you brought it up. I just want to point something out.

I don't think I would just willingly, voluntarily, personally bring up eating pussy in the same way that you talk about eating dick. Yeah, the episode without me, all you guys did was talk about dinosaurs, monster trucks, and dick. I mean, that was awesome. To be fair, sometimes we've got to have something for the guys. Yeah, everybody loved it. It was a hit.

Was it it Marshall? Wait, did people not like it? No, they're good. Well, no, we talked about Dick and the dinosaurs and then the dinosaurs gay fucking. I can talk. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I wonder it was a nine to ten.

I wonder who massaged that conversation to dinosaurs having gay sex. Okay, fine. No more dick talk. But I'm not putting $100 in a jar. We're going to talk more about vaginas. Do you think Kaya's vagina is bigger than mine? Oh, that's my daughter.

I know, but I was thinking about it. Okay, I'm going to start thinking of new content. Because the dick jokes aren't hitting on TikTok. And her vulva did actually grow a lot because of the period. Before her period, her vulva was not as exposed and now it is and I don't know how I feel about it.

What is a vulva? It's a car your dad drove in the 80s. No, no, what you just said. I honestly don't know. We had this problem when we were talking about vaginas a while ago. Everything's a labia and everything's a vulva. A vulva? I don't't know. We had this problem when we were talking about vaginas a while ago. Everything's a labia and everything's a Volvo and everything's the clitoris. I don't understand. Is it a Volvo or a Volvo?

I think there's like, I think they need different names because there's like outer lips and apparently there's inner lips. And then I say, apparently I've never looked at it really close. Neither have I. Yeah. And then there's the dingley dongley and then there's the clitoris and then there's a hole and then there's a other hole. But regardless, I think Kaya's vagina

might be bigger than mine. Well, I think I don't think we should look. It's not a problem. She's my daughter. I think it's natural and beautiful, but I'm not going to go into that. She's my daughter and she's a baby and she's sleeping right now.

You guys are saying horrible things. I'm just talking about a vagina. I don't want to talk about her vagina. Let's move on. she's a baby and she's sleeping right now. You guys are saying horrible things about her. I'm just talking about her vagina. I don't want to talk about her vagina anymore. Let's move on. Okay, so your number one problem, your number one gripe is Austin, your number two problem is we don't talk about Kaya's vagina enough. What's number three? Number three is Hasan thinks the only thing I care about in the world is Taylor Swift.

It's true. You've reduced her. I have a lot of cares. You've made me the Guillermo of this podcast where you only throw it to me about Taylor Swift. Fair. I have lots of things to talk about. Like his vagina. And you never want to hear about it.

He's reduced you to almost. He's reduced you to being a woman and liking Taylor Swift. I know. And I'm so much more than that i craft i made so many fucking cookies okay what are we gonna do i got a fucked up wiki feet we never talked about my fucked up okay we'll talk about your fucked up wiki feet in a second for good reason by the way i'm seeing it right now and it's like yeah i get what's going on it oh doesn't it it looks like you have the ugliest feet on the feed right now. I know.

I feel like your feet are so ugly, like people are going to be turned on by them. They're like little goblin hands. Do you have a low rating? I'm trying not to look down there while we're continuing with this podcast. They look like they're dead, but sewed back to my body. Very apt description, and it's so correct. Plus, I have granuloma annulars. You never talk about my granuloma annulars you never talk about my

granuloma annulars what the fuck i don't even know what that is wow we've known each other for a year now what does that mean a granuloma skin disorder oh i'm so sorry it's on my foot that like they look like ringworm rosacea no it looks like ringworm but it's called a granuloma annular and i have to go get steroid shots. And you never knew. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's fucked up. And to be honest, like, I think less of you now. Oh. We thought it was.

So it was good that you kept it a secret. I just thought it was your body and your choice. You've never noticed. I've never noticed. Anyway, look, look. Okay. So you're right. I do throw to you a lot with Taylor Swift.

It's my bad. I will look, look. Okay. So you're right. I do throw to you a lot with Taylor Swift. It's my bad. I will start asking you. Did you see that she made Travis Kelsey cinnamon rolls? Can I say something? I'm sorry, but come on. Because you fucking love talking about Taylor Swift. That's crazy. I'll say something. I don't enjoy talking about Taylor Swift. Why did I bring you to the concert? You don't enjoy talking about

Taylor Swift because it's not, you can't talk about dicks in that process. i love listening to taylor swift and her music i just don't like i don't care about a lot of this stuff like that she's dating travis kelsey i don't care about being gay well you're not so so it seems like my your gripe with me is that i'm too good at throwing to subjects that you care about got it okay and look i love i just don to subjects that you care about. Got it. Okay. Look, I love. I just don't like that you're gay. You're homophobic and you don't appreciate me.

That's good that we know that now. Okay. Okay. You know what? I'm going to make a couple changes. I'm not going to talk about dicks. And number two, I'm going to stop saying crazy shit that I don't actually believe. Because I keep saying things that I think are funny and just the

thought of it amuses me so I say them out loud. No, that's fine. You should keep doing that. No, no, no. But people think they're real. Recently I said I would fuck George Santos and people really thought I would fuck George Santos. Well, why wouldn't you? I just wouldn't fuck George Santos.

But people think it's true. They think it's real. They think it's whatever. Last week, I said that I think that gay men should be able to use the women's restroom always. And people thought I was serious. You weren't? I think sometimes...

You should keep doing that. That's very gay of you. To just say insane shit. I posted it on my TikTok and it spiraled very quickly. Oh, so you said something insane and then posted it on TikTok and now you're like, oh, I wonder why people think I'm serious. It spiraled so

quickly. Everybody's like, that's disgusting. Okay, I want to stay on message. I want to stay on the subject matter. So number three is I throw to you about Taylor Swift quite a bit. Number four, what's your next? You guys cut me off. We're not going to do that anymore. I think you could go back. Okay, what's number five? That's the joke. Come're not going to do that anymore. I think you could go back. What's number five?

That's a joke. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. and it would be less than the amount of times that Will has talked and he's been here for 70, no, 30% of the episodes is what I meant to say.

Wait, did you count? Did you calculate? I haven't, but I could. Okay. I won't. He's been here for probably 65% to 70%. Regardless, he's talked more than me. You guys are crazy. I'm always here.

The real fault is that it's at Hassan's house. That's why sometimes I can't make it. We should film it at his house. In his bedroom. I think we should film it in Oregon at my house. We will do a Oregon trip. Yes, let's do an Oregon trip where you guys come to my hometown and we just do Oregon things.

That sounds fucking awful. Oregon has apple cider donuts. Yes, they do. I don't. That is not in any way, shape, or form appetizing for me. He won't come stay with me. Yeah, of course not. I invited Cutie and Ludwig to come stay with me.

We want to. Ludwig really wants to go to my house. Yeah, that's weird. Can you imagine that Hassan and I being as close as we are, cutie, you guys are going to come visit? I mean, we're close, too. Do you think we're friends? Yes.

We call and we gossip. I haven't called you in years. Years? Yeah. It's been a couple weeks. Yeah. It's been a few weeks. I called you this morning.

You didn't answer. I was going to gossip. Well, I was doing. I was doing. I had to. Ludwig's parents are in town. Can we? Okay, ladies. Yeah. In a few weeks. I called you this morning. You didn't answer. I was going to go. I was doing. I was doing. I had to. Ludwig's parents are in town and he can be. Okay, ladies. Yeah. Men.

Am I right? Yeah. Terrible. So correct. Awful. All right. So his parents are coming in town and I'm like, Lud, will you prep the guest room? Motherfucker.

Day of laundry's not done. Bedding's not washed. Who's doing it? It's me. I put it in the laundry machine. It's too freaking full, and I'm stressed. I got a bake-a-thon. I got to go bake all day and do some shit in the kitchen like I do.

And then he comes upstairs, and he's like, you filled the laundry machine up too much, and now the stuff's not washed. Well, I shouldn't have had to do it to begin with. Well, Ludwig is a known misogynist. He's a bad guy. He's actually usually really helpful. He's a bad guy.

He's a terrible human. We've established that he's a bad guy and an enemy. But I know you're the same. I feel like Hassan. I'm so much for this. I think that's a Hassan thing that he would do Yeah imagine When was the last time you washed your parents sheets

You mother Men I actually don't wash What is wrong with you all I was practically raised in a barn And I have better manners than Bonneville My mom is right there She likes doing

laundry. Now your mom's shaving. No, she doesn't. My mom also enjoys doing my laundry. No, they don't. They simply don't. You know what? They would love having a mimosa on a Saturday, but they can't do that because they're doing your fucking laundry. No, my mom wants to do it. She insists. I try to stop her. I say, Mom, do not do

my laundry. And for the record, folks, my mom doesn't do my laundry. I was just joking. That's not serious. Just so anybody knows. Everybody knows. Okay. Because everything I say is real.

His mom does his laundry. That's not true. It's not true. She doesn't. My mom does my laundry. Okay. My mom does do my laundry. My mommy does my laundry.

She does do my laundry on occasion. During the holidays, especially. Because when during the holidays especially because she's my parents are visiting so she's in the house and she wants to do it and who am i to stop her from being a mother i think that would be sexist no what i don't you agree you say mom take back your evening and instead put on a netflix show you want to watch i think she's a you want to hear the saddest thing about motherhood i've ever heard and witnessed in my life oh god my my sister who is mormon five kids she's like 30 um gave up all of her 20s to give birth one time i go to her house and she really wants to show me

this tv show this segment in this tv show is like some country show i don't know country star with hayden panettiere or something i don't know i don't freaking know still acts this was years ago i think um cool okay but she's like so excited to show me this thing the kids go down for a nap and she's like oh i want to show you she pulls it up on uh the tv and then her daughter comes in the room because she didn't want to nap is throwing a hissy fit and she's like i want to watch moana i want to watch moana and she sits next to my sister and lays on my sister's lap and so my sister has to put on moana and my sister just silently cries like just tears are falling down her face and i'm like are you okay and she's like i just can never have a moment to myself oh my god that is so sad to me where's her husband at work unbelievable that's that is

actually the saddest i know you're like what the fuck and that is your mom doing your laundry instead of enjoying her country show she wants she's she doesn't want to she's retired she's trained are you saying i'm abusing my mother yes Yes. I said it here first. Austin shows abusing his mother. Well, what about Hassan? Yeah, your mom is out there crafting for you right now. She suggested it. He's got a shop out there on the dining room table. Your mom is in a sweatshop right now.

My mom will not do shit that she don't want to do. His mom is a tough chick. She just got her dissertation. She's going back to teaching college. I wanted her to live in Los Angeles with me. And she was like, yeah, yeah, I'll totally do that. Oops, just kidding. Got a job in New York.

I don't know how that happened. So, like, no, she's not. She doesn't want to do your laundry. That's why she's in New York. She's like, get me away from that. My mother also. That might be part of it. My mother also does, yeah.

She keeps saying how much she's going to miss Kaya. And I'm like, well, what about me? I'm your son. You know, like, sure, Kaya's your granddaughter, but I am your son. And you keep stressing the point that you're going to miss her exclusively. What I love about my mom is my mom will come over to my house and get mad at me for making a mess in my own house. That's so funny. Yeah, like she'll be like, Austin, pick up your something.

I'm like, Mom, it's my house. I can make a mess here. There's a lot of stuff that she enjoys doing around the house, like buying and recycling furniture. And by that, I don't mean like she actually recycles the furniture. I just mean she cycles it. Oh, that's cool. She's buying more furniture over and over again. My mom decorates my house and refuses to let me take those decorations down.

My mom's dead. Oh. Oh, that's okay. Number five, what's your fifth grade? That you both have moms. That we both have mothers yeah that's nothing we can do we did not do that didn't happen um nothing um you know what i this has been very cathartic and i'm better now great okay i know what the what the only gripe you have is everything you you just said is bullshit. Wait, what? Oh, okay. Yeah, tell me. The real gripe. Here, let a man tell you

what you think and be correct. Did you see the fucking comments? Last week Emily and I are on the Patreon episode talking about orgasms. You cut us off and explain the female orgasm to me and Emily. I'm not gonna lie. I think I'm very knowledgeable on

the subject matter. I'm going to kill myself. He doesn't even regret it. I don't even regret that part. He's doubling down. Specifically on the medical history side of it. He's still going. Yes, I'm doubling down. Have you ever had a female orgasm?

Yes. Like yourself? So many. So many. Have you experienced them? So many. From your perspective. Wow. So many. Have you experienced them? So many. From your perspective. Wow.

So many. That is, oh my God. I'm so sorry. Okay. You tell me my problem. Okay. Are you ready for this? Yeah.

We are not Maya Higa. That's true. That's it. That's it. Everything can be reduced to. I am Maya Higa. No. No, you're not Maya Higa.

I love Maya. Maya is angel. Does Maya you're not Maya Higa. I love Maya. Maya is ancient. Does Maya like me? Actually, no. I take it back. She doesn't? I'm just kidding. She does.

Maya is an awful person. That's another enemy of mine. All of my enemies are people that Cutie likes more than me. Lundwick and Maya. Those are my two enemies. You're going to have to hate your dog, too. I like Kaya much more than you. You have to hate me. You already hate me. to have to hate me too. You already hate me.

I don't know. Judy does not like you more than me. Oh, 100%. She told me. No, that's not true. She told me. She thinks that you're a piece of shit. No, she doesn't. I do like that it is my two podcasts have very separate identities. I do like it genuinely yeah i do too

i like that i can just be mean to you guys and then show up every week and then complain for the week until i yeah but everybody loves it though i think they love our dynamic i think we've got a lot of mental health issues all of us speak for yourself i'm fucking I'm a beacon of sanity. I think that people like the realness of the collective group. Yeah, we're like the real housewives. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I didn't realize how unstable I was until I watched myself on this podcast. Do you ever leave the podcast and completely forget what you talked about?

Yes. I know you do because you tell the same sorry the same jokes she's got fucking daggers for you she doesn't have shit for me i've got new stuff to talk about today oh yeah yeah tell us baby cakes well first of all i just want to let everybody know that i feel seen i feel heard because i've got a piece of news the number one searched term on porn hub for gay porn was twink in 2023 i thought it was gonna be awesome show and i'm so excited twink what i don't know it was the number one search term for porn gay porn in 2023. It was the same last year as well. Has it not been twink for years? Yeah. You think you invented like wanting to fuck twinks? No, no, no.

We're back to gay sex. No, no, I don't think I'm responsible for $100 in the jar. No, no, no. $100 in the jar right now. Gay sex was not a part of the deal. Yes, it is. It was dick, okay? Wait, wait, wait. How do you do gay sex with not a part of the deal. Yes, it is. It was dick. Okay.

How do you do gay sex with? With a dick. Boom. $100 in the dick jar. He brought up dick. What? He brought up dick. Jury?

So anyway, gay porn twink, number one search term in 2023. I just want to let everybody know. I feel seen. I feel heard. Just want to let everybody know. Austin, twinks have always been popular. Look at these cute at these cute little i know but i get shit on every time i talk about how i like twinks it's so cute um i might be able to hassan's doing something cool today social miss are you gonna do that well i might have to run to the mall um that's perfect

you can get some stuff oh okay yeah i have to run to the mall because I haven't gotten all my Christmas presents. I'm stressed. I am so bad at gifting. Guys, why are you getting moms? I have to get Ludwig's mom so that I'm okay. I paid for my mom and my dad to go on the cruise. Wait, I have a question. What's Ludwig's

mom into other than me? Fucking got him. Oh, he's not even here, but I still got him okay he might be into you i don't know i know she isn't my mom thinks you're hot and it's very annoying that's cool um she you think my dad's hot that was you i do think your dad's hot yeah hot dad yeah he suck him now you're talking about okay well we'll not here someone has to talk about sucking dads yeah listen man i think that's the first time you've made me uncomfortable by saying you would give a blowjob to my dad okay i'm kidding i think that would ruin our friendship if i did it would it ruin

your friendship yeah you just don't why you don't want anyone touching your dad all of a sudden? No, it would be weird if Hasan was gay, I think. What? He's homophobic. I'm not homophobic, but if Hasan came out as gay, if he came out, he's like. It's like your thing. Yeah. Yeah, no, he would be mad because I would, we're not going to do it. I was going to say, I would out gay him.

We're not going to have this conversation again. We're moving on. See, I'm learning and I'm growing. And because you're our beautiful, valid and natural and I'm growing and because you are beautiful, valid, and natural. I am the rose of this fraternity. And because you're a woman, I listen to you. I'd fuck him under the table. No! Stop.

Stop. We're not doing that. Why can't I blow your dad? Why can't you blow my dad? Because my mom would be very upset. I thought they were divorced. No, they're together. Do I present like somebody who has divorced parents? What does someone with divorced parents look like gay oh he did say i looked gay recently you said that or your chat said that you always look gay what do you mean like like a lesbian like a lesbian yeah you look gay you do look gay as hell right now you do your outfit you do drive a subaru too i know i think i'm gay

you drive a subaru and you dress like this and you're you also always invoke a very like powerful women can be powerful unless they're gay powerful masculine aura of femininity i will say someone said on your stream that i was like phebe Bridgers and I took that as a compliment that is a compliment but she's bi I think you look like Britney Spears yeah we were talking about gifts thank you March

I'm giving my mom Austin's dad's a coupon for Austin's dad he's doing the dick thing if I can't talk about dicks, I'll show mine. That's what he's doing. Why'd you get your mom? No, we're not.

It's Christmas. We'll give them more. I'm very bad at gift giving because I don't have any time to just be like, alright, I'm going to go shopping and buy gifts. Wait, did you get anything for Christmas? No, but also yes. So here's what what i mean i'm very bad at gift giving but i'm very good at just like you know being the financier of all the things that we do that's exactly what i am too so exactly like for example we're going to italy for five days obviously i'm

it's like all expenses paid. I pay for everything. I'm not even saying that to be like, oh, man, this sucks. I love that. While you're there, will you pay his bill? No. Yeah, to Italy, I refuse. Okay. I'm actually going to work with them to map out where you are so they can hunt you.

Okay. So I'm the same way. I'm terrible at gift giving, but I just finance vacations for my parents. Is it selfish that I'm included in all of them? So in a way, no. I don't know. I would love to send them on vacation and not go. I can stream.

I just have to go as part of it. This guy's going to Italy for 48 hours. I've never seen. No, it's for like five days've never seen no no five days it's not that long but also but also my point was you know like i'll buy things for my family like all the time throughout the year uh when when someone needs something or like i got paid off my mom i didn't even know she had student loan debt so when i found out it was like a hundred thousand dollars of like his she went to grad school and stuff so

i i just paid that off like that wasn't like a that wasn't like a thing you know what i mean i didn't even that's not like a gift i guess that's so beautiful but it's just like a thing right so i have a car that you could pay off i should start stealing things from you i do that already okay um i don't know how this turned into that he loves theft i am a fan of theft he's a none of this helped me know what to get so what i'm gonna say is no what are your what are her ludwig said she's techie and she just got a dyson air wrap and i was like well i can't get her dyson air wrap then well if that's the case oh my god someone at the gym a lady at the gym okay talking about this thing it's a samsung uh it's like a new samsung like it's not a dryer what is it when you when you like make something moist and then

dehydrator no oh steamer there's a new samsung steamer that is all the rage or clothes yeah and it's very takey pull it up you know what i don't think you need steamers i think my favorite thing to do is you just there's's wrinkle release spray is so easy. Oh, I've never heard of that. Yeah. So there's a spray folks called, you just spray your clothes and the wrinkles go away. It's amazing.

I don't really care about wrinkles. But my point was that that is something you can do. Look at him. She's techie. I'm trying to actually, well, I'm trying to find something for cuties. That's a freaking dresser.

No, I think this is it. I can't buy her a dresser. Wait, do you just put it in there that steams it? She has to fly back to New Hampshire. That's awesome. No, just ship it to her house. That's so cool. But it can fit like three shirts.

Yeah. What the hell is the point of that? Yeah. I have a closet. Can I just steam my closet yeah see like let's invent a steamer for the closet that's what you are looking yeah but i need more than three shirts i need the whole closet okay well thank you that's one thing that's one thing you get okay another is like i mean she's techie like what are her interests in art i'm sure she's like art yeah like he likes art that's what i mean my mom was suggesting

going to a museum gift shop you can go to a museum gift shop right now and probably get her something that she will uh she would enjoy i got my mom and dad to dinner in a movie oh that's fun but i also taking them on a cruise. Maybe I could find a Groupon in New Hampshire. Why Groupon? You fucking broke it. Because Groupon has fun like packages. No.

Like experiences. No. What are maybe Airbnb? Sometimes they have like beekeeping. Maybe I could get her an experience. Mm hmm. Do you what do you want for Christmas, cutie? I want a Dyson Airwrap.

So somebody already got that for you? No, I don't think I could. I don't know. I don't know what Ludwig got. I would like tennis bracelets. All the girlies are wearing tennis bracelets. What's that? But they're expensive.

I don't know. They're cute little bracelets. I don't know what I... Like all the girls are wearing them lately. I'm writing it down. Tennis bracelets? Yeah. Like what the fuck is that? That's not Christmas. Christmas is tomorrow. All the girls are wearing them. I'm writing it down. Tennis bracelet. Yeah. Like, what the fuck?

That's not Christmas is tomorrow. All girls want tennis bracelets this year. Look. Oh, yeah. I got my nieces. They're expensive. A Cartier one. Holy moly.

Okay. I didn't buy my nieces. Yeah, see, Marsh knows. Oh, that's old. Wait, wait, wait. Pull that second one up. I've literally, I've gotten this for like an ex-girlfriend of mine many, many years ago. Oh.

That's the OG one, right? Yeah, mine was, I think mine was fake though. Can I say something? I don't get jewelry. Like why? You're wearing a necklace right now. Oh, shit. You're right.

I mean, it's a thing that's sentimental. I completely forgot. It's a thing that's sentimental that you can wear all the time and it'll remind you the person that completes your outfit i guess so but i guess you're right i'm a hypocrite because i forgot i was wearing a necklace it completes you i just don't get spending like tens of thousands no i'm okay with fake stuff jewelry yeah i mean this is real but all girls want for christmas this year you're hearing this on christmas so you'll see if you did want if you got it right, is Cartier bracelets, Ugg

slippers, Dyson air wraps, maybe a towel warmer, and towel warmer? And a Stanley mug if they don't have one. Stanley! Oh my gosh. I love Stanley. Maybe I'll get his mom a Stanley. That could be cool. Wait, are you

getting his mom a gift? Yeah. What? They're in town for Christmas. You got a trade gift. Wait. Hassan's parents? No, no, no. No. Why? Would you be mad? No, I would be like, wow, I need to step my game up because I need to get her. I'm her favorite.

You didn't get my mom's shit. Hassan's mom likes me more than him. Let's ask her. Not true. I don't know if it's fully true. him. Let's ask her. Not true. I don't know if it's fully true. I think it's fully true. Because he paid off her student loans. No, but that's not even a thing.

You haven't done that. She and I are going to the gay bar. That is not the reason. When? I don't know. I'll go if she goes. I want to stress something out. We should just keep talking over him and see what happens.

We need to vlog our gay bar experience. Yeah, that'd be fun. I do not have a transactional relationship with my family members. It has nothing to do with that. I thought your mom was dead. Oh. She's dead. Wait, did you say your mom will come?

His mom. Oh, that's fucked up. Then you made it about my mom. Can you cut that out of the podcast? No, it's fine. We were trying to talk over him on purpose. I feel like we're at a point where I can joke about your mom. I was not listening to what you were saying at all because I was explaining.

Would you tell me if that hurt you? His family relationships are not transactional relationships. No, I was not listening to what you were saying at all because I was explaining. His family relationships are not transactional relationships. No, I would not tell if you hurt me. I would talk shit about you behind your back. Perfect. And thank you for watching this. Merry Christmas. We're going to Patreon. On the paywalled portion of the podcast. We're doing a cookie test test.

We're going to do the cookie test. We are going to talk more about the offline TV fear and collaboration. And mostly gay sex. And mostly gay sex. There will be no gay sex involved or we will not be talking about gay sex.

But yeah. Check it out at patreon.com. Merry Christmas to you all, to those that celebrate. And if you don't celebrate Christmas, I Fuck you. Yeah. It's very un-American of you. God damn it. Be American. Sorry to Sarah Palin. I didn't mean it.

We love you all. Merry Christmas. And we bid thee adieu. Okay. Talk to us. You said you sat next to a Karen. I sat next to a Karen. You were like, sister. A quintessential Karen. next to a Karen. I sat next to a Karen. You were like, sister. A quintessential Karen. She started off the flight by saying, well, first of all, she boards the plane.

And I'm sitting there in my seat. And she's on the phone having a very loud conversation. And she starts talking about me in front of me while she's on the phone. Okay, so she's slaying. Because I'm wincing as she's putting this bag up into the thing. What do you mean she's – what is she saying about you? Well, I'll tell you. So she's putting her bag up and she's like,

oh, this guy thinks I'm going to drop this bag on me on him, but I'm not. I've done this before. That's weird as fuck. Yeah, and she's like talking about and i'm like okay so immediately i'm i'm my blood starts to boil because i'm like okay this guy then she doesn't know who she's fucking with austin yeah she doesn't yeah and she's got and so she starts to hit me with the i fly a lot sort of vibe and i was nothing triggers me more when

somebody comes and thinks they fly more than i do. Yeah. You're the biggest flyer. She comes in. She's like, I think I've done this before. Yada, yada, yada. And I almost said I've done it more than you. But that's I didn't I didn't go there. And my dad could be your dad. Yeah, pretty much.