Fear& - Don't tell Ludwig | Fear&

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Go to https://drinkag1.com/FEAR to get an AG1 Flavor Sampler and a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2 for free in your AG1 Welcome Kit with your first subscription order (a $72 value, while supplies last) Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% off at https://www.Ridge.com/FEAR with code FEAR if you close your eyes it's like he's still here.. ✨WATCH THE SECOND HALF ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow our guest! ❤️ Slime: https://x.com/slime_machine ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - intro 00:00:40 - its like he's still here 00:04:57 - slime tries to do all of us, well almost all of us 00:07:47 - please just move here man00:11:30 - its gonna follow him forever 00:13:20 - austins beautiful story 00:14:30 - ag1 00:16:04 - the eclair couldve save her 00:19:36 - we're never mean to eachother thats why 00:23:30 - pls fear& nation reach out to them for us because hasan never will 00:27:50 - slime gets complimented? at brunch00:29:10: zocdoc 00:30:18 - place those bets 00:34:15 - china my beloved 00:36:30 - the zookeeper problem00:44:51 - Ridge 00:46:25 - gay drama time 00:49:52 - vote down below where you land on all of this please 00:52:10 - you cant become an unchanged billionaire 00:53:30 - we do not fk with catch 00:55:44 - sometimes the feelings get attached lets be real 00:59:00 - the one time im taking hasans side on social queues here 01:02:20 - damn thats sick 01:05:10 - outro #hasanabi #theyard #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Watch this, Fox News. Shake my hand, you idiot. I'll save it, I'll save it. Oh, no, actually, you look like Stephen Miller. What? You look like Stephen Miller. No, you straight up look like it. No.

Oh, wait, wait, let me do it. No. I'm Stephen Miller, and I support this guy right here. I think everything he does is awesome. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear and podcast. Let me stop you right there, Austin. What? Let me stop you right.

It's like I close my eyes and he's still here. I'm fucking here. I have a middle part in my hair. And I love Saturday Night Live. Do you think Will loves Saturday Night Live? Of course he does. He was, sorry, I was in Second City. Second City is an improv thing for Saturday Night Live.

My dog name is Farley, Chris Farley. Okay. What is it doing? Will is it WrestleMania right now? He's wrestling. He's wrestling. You think he's butt ass? I think Will probably is a butt-ass right now.

Oh, yeah. Have you? All right, let's go around. Oh, this is quick. Have you guys? I'm Will Nath, and I'm here to ask some hard-hitting questions. Hassan, has you ever seen me butt-ass naked? Yes.

Really? Of course. Really? Is he an awesome butt-ass? I refuse. No, he won't let him. I refuse to allow Hassan. Because he's going to make fun of their penis.

He won't show us as me. Really? Do you have a micro? Oh, God. No, it's 6.3 inches leans slightly to the left. 6.7 inches leans slightly to the light. I actually have been seen it recently in the lighting, and it actually looks closer to seven. I realized I haven't measured since I was like 23, 24, and it can grow deep in the 20.

You think you got more meat since one three? I genuinely, I don't know what it is. Maybe the monoxideil that I'm taking or something. It's making it smaller. No, I'm telling you all. I mean, I'm not going to show it to you. But the thing is you're not busting out a ruler. You're just looking at it with like a key light on and you're like, ah, it's bigger.

No, no, no. It's so much bigger. A gentleman told me something very profound. He said to me, he said, Austin, you know, the angle at which you see your own penis is the smallest it actually looks. Coop. Oh, no, I was going to say, is it like this? No, I'm very confident. No, no, no. These are the words of a confident.

It looks great. No, it looks great. It looks great. I have no issue. I just don't want my friends seeing it. Do girls, like, look at their boobs? Huh? Do girls look at their boobs?

Oh, our boobs? Is this your boobs sometimes? You guys ever go push for puss? We don't go puss for puss, but I remember I thought about if I was scissering with a girl, if I would want to, like, go puss for puss. Well, that's kind of what it is, right? I mean, you can't. I know, but we've talked about innings and outies.

You want to scissor a girl? I mean, well, everyone should experience something. Everyone should experience everything in life. Everyone should do everything once. There's Audi vaginas. Yeah, Audies and innies. Mujah. Are you gay?

Yeah, the labia. No, I'm not gay. You did react to out of a vagina. I just don't know a lot. I just, I don't know. Dude, Austin uses the gayest words. It's so, really? It's so, how do you say?

It's so charming. Because we were talking about, I was supposed to be on a couple days ago. I didn't get any sleep. I had to bail at the last minute. He has insomnia. like me. Very cool of me. And then he's like, sorry, Son makes us go do it so early. He's such a brute.

He's such a He's such a brute. What a delightfully gay word? That's so fun. He's such a brute. Well, do you think you're a brute? I guess. Don't say I guess. Answer me. No, I don't think I'm a brute. I don't think it's fault. We do it early.

Who's fault? Okay. The wills. In the real world. In the real world. No, it is my fault, but we're doing it so early. What? Because in the real... I thought you wanted nighttime. No, I would do it at night.

I would do it at night. But if we're going to do it early, I have to do it early. Oh, I see. No in between is what you're saying. You can't do it. The straight of Hormuz is closed. No, it was open yesterday. For literally, I think, like, three hours and then they closed.

But the thing is, you have to understand. People are going to wait for you to cover it no matter what. That's not how that works. It is. Like, the news could move on, but like, I will stop the same. cycle of the news to wait for what you have to say about it's crazy that's what i'll do hor moose where's what is will's mom nice nice give me that shit nice fucking slime you can't fucking say that what if i just did the whole podcast well what everybody will shut up and i don't think you could do everybody

i think yeah i could do everybody that's you that's all i have to offer i got this i got this oh my god I think I'm dying. And then... That could be either of us. Yeah, that could be. Okay. Honestly, it's not micro. Like, I think it's, I think it's genuinely bigger than micro.

And then, hold on me just on. No, you gotta do... Oh, that's me. That's me. That's cheap. That's cheap. Give me something better. Give me something better.

Come on. Ready, ready for Hassan? Yeah. Oh! Oh! That sounds like that's not like that. Brute. That's exactly how you love.

He's such a brute. I'm a brute. He's a brute. He's a brute. He, um, I, I invited myself to stay over here. Um, I'm afraid for a few nights. And he made me feel so guilty about it. Bro, you're not.

He said, I'm overstaying my welcome. Really? He's, okay. Let me ask you. He's not just staying the night. He's not just staying. He's staying until Tuesday. Did you say you were going to stay until Tuesday?

I did. No, no, I did. I, no. He came in hot, like a couple hours prior. He told Hassan's assistant that he was staying. Yeah, I did. I said, can I check into Hotel Piker? And I'd like to stay till Tuesday.

We have a, we have a, we've, for what? What are you homeless? Yeah. Yeah. What is this shit? No, I couldn't, I, I, I, in my defense, I could have stayed longer because I've been here since Wednesday. Do you need money?

No, I have no. Dude, that's what I asked them the other day. I have no money problems. It's just, I looked at the bill and I said, this is going to cost me thousands of dollars. I said, you know what? Why? The reason is, I stay at Hassan's. Hassam wants me to stay here.

He wants me to stay here. He always asks me to stay here. And I stay here. That's cute. And now that I'm staying here, he's playing hard to get. He's doing his whole thing. But I... Last time he stayed here, he ate my father's food.

Like, not even left over. Just, like, straight up food he had ordered and is left on the counter. You ate Baba's heroin. And he ate all of it. Well, Baba was very excited to see me when I... He was excited enough to give him. He orders? Yeah, no, he said hello.

He said hello. Please. Yeah, he said hello to me and everything. So, no, my point is, the reason I respect to Sons household more than a lot of people. And I stay here because I stay here, I don't stay here, I stay to hotel when I want to sleep with the people. And I want to have sex with other people. I refuse to do that. Yeah, when he wants to have sex with me, he stays in.

Yeah, that's in the kitchen. Straight up next to the espresso machine. Anyway, and I, the offer experience. extends to him. So if Hassan, you could come to my house and stay as long as you want. Dude, I'm never going to go to Portland. I know, but you can. That's what I'm saying. I mean that. Genuinely. It's not a reciprocal relationship. If you're like, hey, uh, you know, I live in Arkansas. We, if you want to ever come. It's not Arkansas. It's not Oregon. You ever want to shoot an RPG at a cow. It's Oregon. That sounds way cool. It's fucking staying in his house. I was driving here and I was like, dude, we should just,

we should create a sort of like a malicious squad and just fire RPGs at Waymo's. Oh. Just take them down one by one. I like that. There's people in them, though. You're going to kill March. Customer of Waymo. Hey, Will.

Will loves it. Dude, Will just look at the waymos. We're looking at the side of the heat. Like, no! Don't fucking do it. And it's an RPG. Boom. WrestleMania canceled.

I mean, I think they're kind of cute. No, they got all the glass and shit. They're weird. Yeah. But yeah, I thought it'd be cool to blow them. You haven't answered the question. Why do you, why are you homeless? Well, I don't live here.

What? I fly in every week from Oregon. Every single, isn't that crazy? Every week. Yeah, no, it's not, we've tried to get him to stay in Los Angeles. He loves the planes. He has actually lived in L.A. for a little bit, but it's not enough. He doesn't like it.

I moved down here and my car got in three accidents in like three months. You got it. Somebody stole my. Dude, saying my car. got into an accident is so funny. My car got into three accidents. Okay. How many of them were caused?

Somebody stole my trash can and I had a fucking shithole neighbor. Yeah, he got mad at him for having a hot tub parties. Yeah, for having a hot tub party. In West Hollywood. No. It was loud. I ran a party from 11 a.m. to midnight and he got fucking pissed about it. Yeah.

On a weekend. It was medium loud. Were you there? No. This is just my, this is just my. Your assessment from what I told you. What's my, my defendant? Emotional support.

This is my... This is my... Defendant. You're the lawyer. Uh-huh. He's the bailiff. You've never touched me for this long before. I'm trying to think of the words still.

It hasn't come to me. My fingers smell like pickles. The defense attorney, client? Sorry. This is my client? This is my client. Yes. I'm the district attorney and I'm easily bought.

Yes. I don't have money. So, So anyway, I moved here. I eat all my pickles. So you live in Portland. Are you in a polycule? No, I'm not in a polycule.

Well... Well, he could be. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. What? It's the Portland thing. You go to the Portland, you be in the polycule, you start arcrabin. I kind of is, though. Like, you are, you guys do swing.

Swish, swing around. Swing. That's just gay. You guys go and like fuck other dudes. Yeah, but that's not a polykele. Yeah, we do. We do. Fuck, yeah, we fuck other dudes.

That's what I mean. A polykeel would be more committal. Yeah. A polykeel is like, is like signing on. You got to like fill out your W-4 and shit. Wait, hold on. Life's too fucking short. Do you have repeat?

Do you have repeat? customers. Of course. Of course. Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. They don't live with us. Your Honor. Wait, wait, wait, wait. They don't live with us, though. Is a polycule defined by a living situation? No. You have the they, them, named sock, who doesn't do the dishes.

Right. Like, you need one of these in every polychew. No, no, no, I don't have, they don't live with me. So, well, one of them does. My boyfriend. Polycule. Interesting. Christian's going to be so mad at that. If you have repeat customers, if you're like, in.

You know, fucking to suck in the same guy every now and then, then that's a polycule. You could say, you could define it within the confines of a polycule. Yeah, I think I agree. Okay. What do you guys think your best moments on this podcast are? I feel like... Best moment. You have to comb your mind.

God, the best moment on the podcast. Probably, probably when I gifted cutie a bra and panties that weren't her size. Okay. Fun. But I just thought it was a one-size-fits-all. Yeah. Well, I actually bought it from Target. Yeah.

You got it Instacarded. I instacarded it from Target. You Instacarded a bra and panties for kiddie Cinderella. My best moment of the podcast was when I thought I nailed the interaction with Caleb Heron when I nailed the social interaction and it wasn't. It was a fan. It was. But we talked about it on the pod. Now everybody keeps making fun of me.

Whenever I do something that's like good. Like I give Ilhan Omar a ice tea, room temperature ice tea, which is like, a super secret thing that she really enjoys, apparently, that I got, I did deep... Intelligence. Yeah, exactly. From my Mossad. Yes, of course.

And she loved it and everyone was like, Hassan nailed that social interaction. Every time I do something, they say that now. Oh, because it's hard for you to normally do it. Yeah. It's like, he did it. He made eye contact today. Can I talk about a social interaction I didn't nail?

I'm on Master Baker. Yes. with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, with, Cinderella, Cudie Cinderella's master baker. And, uh, slime was a judge yesterday. And I decided to bake a cake or, bake a, what was it? It was an acclair, by the way. It was a, it was a clear. You called it a Claire, a crochet.

It's an a clare schmichel. He was making the sack boy from a little big planet. Right. I was doing something in slime was a judge. And I thought, you know, I'm not a very good chef. So if I tell a great story about a chef, or about a piece of the meal that. I'm making or the big good that I'm making. You're nailing the storytelling aspect of this as well.

I'm, I'll say this, I'm locked in. Okay. Because I know what happens. Okay. So, anyway. Is this not interesting to you? No, no. So hold on.

So I like to hear what he asked, how he comes up. So anyway, I was like, I need to come up with a story of trauma. But at the end, there needs to be like a happy ending. So I came up with a story about. What was the story, Austin? Well, the story was about a fan. family that was in a car accident, and they hit a piece of black eyes, and the mother was ejected from the car.

Oh, my God. And she was on, you know, anyway, she was on life support. And then to survive, she survived because her son, Jonathan, little Johnny, who was so emotional, fed her through her feeding tube. The Eclare. The Eclare. And anyway, I didn't know this, but. Wow.

No, it was a really touching story. You're shoving the Eclare through the feeding tube, forcing it through. Yes. And she chokes away. Yeah. She chokes back to life. Yes. And she came back to life. Right.

And then, but. Probably because the Eclare was so bad. But unfortunately, I didn't realize that this story had a little too close to home. When I was 18 years old, my mother died instantly in a car accident. Kitty. What? You know how I like to start my day? I actually don't.

Really? Yeah, we don't talk outside of this podcast. What? Yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah, you're one of my favorite coworkers, but I'd like to draw the line there. Wow. That's, thank you for setting boundaries.

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Yeah, it's non-negotiable. Not even the supplement, just a non-negotiable ritual. Yeah, it fits into my life. You know, I go to the airport a lot. Airport mornings, hotel stays. Or packed spring days. You can fit it in your freaking back pocket and take it everywhere. Absolutely right.

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He didn't know this. No. When this happens... You're saying the Eclare could not have saved her life. I was saying, oh, it's a shame I didn't have this. Yeah. Oh, my God. Where was this Eclare in the most troubling moment?

I still feel like we shouldn't be calling it an Eclare. Oh, yeah. That's your point of cadetka. I was like, we're not a problem. There should be St. Bernard's with little barrels on their necks with these eclays inside of them. Running up to car crash. Just running up to such a situation. I didn't know this, and so I felt so sorry.

And I'd like to apologize to you publicly. I don't. I am so sorry. I think it's 100% fine. And it's something I kind of get to do with a dead parent. QD knows this as well. Everyone, when someone says, your mama. I get to ruin the vibe.

Yeah. Or you get to shoot, you have to wield that minority report, you know. So in a weird, is it like a privilege kind of? Kill yourself. No. It is, it's basically like. I just was holding pocket aces and you just kept betting into it.

You just kept shoving chips over and I'm like, I let me hang myself. I went into such detail. We had siren noises. We had, we were like going into such depth. I was making the kid, the kid was crying and I was talking about how it was tearing the family apart.

And he just let me talk the whole time. You just let people bet into you. And then if they, if they haven't done it all, you check, raise them on the river. Yeah, he's not shocked at all. What? What? What do you mean?

He's not shocked at all that I can do you say. I think it's the worst thing he's ever said to you. I already cracked an additional joke saying that the life saving a clear wasn't there. Okay. What do you think the worst thing he's ever said to you ever? Called me fat. Oof. Did you mean it?

No. Yes. No, no, here's the deal. I don't think he's, we've, we've litigated this so many different times. Okay. It's like training. Let's open it back to it. Let's not.

He's not, he's not fat. It's not helping. He's larger than most people. But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but in my defense, it's true. And I'm fat. No, but you can be large, but not fat. First of all, there's nothing wrong with being fat. There's a lot of fat people.

And there's nothing wrong with him. Caleb Heron's fat. He's the funniest guy I've ever known in my life. He's fat. And I kept using synonyms for fat and they actually were more offensive than fat. Yeah, like what you just did right now. Wow, like that. No, no, no, no, no, no.

He is larger than most people. He just did it again. No, but he can't usually, he can't really fit into seats. Airplanes, movie seats. Roller coasters. Roller co rides. He would probably, he needs an SUV. Yeah.

I drove a Mazda Miata. I don't think that he could literally fit in it. I don't think so either. But it's not fat. You can be a big person without being fat, but there's nothing wrong with him. Yeah. So what you're saying, I'm not fat guys. Like, we're on James.

Asana is a hulking, childish ogre of a person. A brute. A brute! Oh, my God, he's a brute! And he walks around, he's like, hook him. I'm nicer to him than he is to me. What's the meanest thing he's ever said to you? Bagot.

I'm just scared. Sometimes we just hit one of those. I'm just kidding. He likes it, though. I do. He gets a boner. That's crazy. I don't get hard for that.

What's the meanest thing awesome is ever said to you? Curie Cinderella. I don't know. I don't know if he's ever been mean to me. I'm so nice to her because I'm afraid of it. That's fun. Yeah. Is that why he instacarts you lingerie?

Yeah, I was like, I just need more. You've told me to kill myself before. I have told. Yeah. Just earlier. Just a few seconds ago. 30 seconds ago. I don't know if you've ever been mean to me.

You just haven't. Like, I think, like, the bra thing was, that was a little mean. And one time he went to Tokyo Disney and everyone got me a really cool present. Oh, I got her a sticker. He got me a sticker. Well, he wasn't even. He didn't even get it. They just gave him the sticker.

They just gave it to him free. They had it on his purse. It was like, hear. Yeah. I made it up to you. When I went to Paris Disney, I made it up to you. Yeah. Yeah.

But I'm the meanest thing I've ever said to use. I've told you to kill yourself. I've also told Hassan to kill himself. I don't know. That's a daily occurrence. I've also told Will. to kill. She's told everybody to kill themselves.

Yeah. That's okay. It just feels like no one ever listens to women. Yeah, so you have to speak louder. I feel, I mean, I've said it pretty loud. I have said it. I've yelled it, so it's actually a problem. Now, I may be a little biased here, but I think men, I mean, here, I think we listen women a lot.

No. It's a one number one criticism of this show. So that the fact is on, is it exists on it? Is that your perception is we don't listen to a cutie? It is. is what I hear the most is that you absolutely just run her over

and there's not even a St. Bernard to give her an Eclare that heals her wounds. Have we been doing that today already? I don't think so. I think she's also just not talking because she thinks she's dying. No, I also, yeah, I do.

I am having anxiety, but I am, this is my Pavlovian response to this podcast. I just wait for my inserts. And then I have girly pop nation. Yay! That's how it works.

What's my criticism? I'm not there? No, your criticism is that you exist on it. typically. Oh, that's what people, that's what people tend to be upset about. Oh, they're like, Hassan's on it,

I hate this episode. Yeah. Which is crazy because I've missed one episode. He's kind of the main character, yeah. All-Star shit, it is in your house. That's right. Yeah.

It does help. And he has no mental illness. He has no, like. Yeah, he's actually the most neuro, he's not really that typical, but he's the most, like, stable person on the podcast. He's the most consistent.

Consistently stable, no anxiety. No stress. Yeah, just like a large bedrock, like a rotuned bedrock of a guy. Just that's really comforting. Even keel. Even keel. I'm really starting to believe that you hate us, though, recently.

Hassan or slime? No, slime loves us. Oh. I've got a clip to share as evidence to submit to the cause. Marsh, would you mind pulling up a, yeah, I did. There was a moment that happened this week. I'm not going to have to be critical of you. You know, I hate to do this.

You know, I need to do this. Let's heal. The healing episode. That's nice. This week on the your stream, you watched a clip of a very famous drag queen. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Actually, yeah, I have beef with this too.

And she said something, and I'm going to look at, watch you, watch it. We're going to watch you watch it, right? Okay, here we go. Here we go. I don't know. Hassan Piker. Husson Piker, yeah. Who's?

Oh, my God. What is going on, March? Marsh, I accidentally opened up Clod. He's going to start, he's going to be coding. He was asking Claude how to breathe manually. Thank you. It's because you're going to.

Probably a lot closer, right? He's a very, he's a very, well, he's a Twitch streamer, very active on Twitch. He's a, um, Mary, I, I don't want to thirst over him. Be the 4,000 obnoxious person, thirst over him online, but yeah. I think thirst is different

Listen, it's a blessing to have five senses, including sight. It's a blessing to be able to notice something beautiful and say, that's just beautiful. Yeah, I just don't want to add to the annoying din of people online, like thirsting over him. I don't know. I just want to be unique. I understand. But I would suck the shit out of his asshole. Let's take a break.

Wait. What was your reaction to this? That's the mention. That's what you guys wanted me to see. Brother! That's tricksy. I didn't even. I didn't even.

This is. Trixie Mattel and Katya. Okay, can I say something? Up until this moment, I didn't even hear the suck the shit out of his asshole part. What? What did you hear? You have one job. I didn't even hear that last part.

I just thought, like, they were talking about the concept of Thursday. Did you just tune out? You just tuned out. But hold out, Hassan, we, I need to give you. I've had a long week. Hassan, Hassan, Hassan, we need you to focus and lock in. Katia. All you would have to do is be like, oh my gosh.

Hey, y'all, tell Katia and Trixie we want them on the Fear Am podcast. And they can suck out my asshole. Yes. And then boom, Katia and Trixie on the Fear Am podcast. And then me and Austin have new best friends. Yes. We don't have to hang out with you guys anymore. Exactly.

Yes. And you can stay at their house. Finally. And I can just do stuff. I have more places to stay. It's a win-win situation. And I have more stuff to do. Come on.

You can be free. What do you think of us? What? We got to get you to lock in. And he's going and doing podcasts in New York City and he's not asking him to be on the podcast. You've abandoned us. You doing Adam Freeland?

What are you doing? Zwa. He did Zwa's podcast. You didn't pot about LIS? Wait, what? Is that public yet? No, no, Zway one is public. Yeah.

Zwa. Zwa. I was going to say it Zwa. I thought it was Zeeway. I was just like. Oh my God. Oh my God. I got to rewind that.

He did Zway's podcast. You got to cut. You're leaving that in? Oh, yeah. We're leaving that in. I really want it. Yeah, Zewa. That's not going to be good, though.

That's like all, it was a clip copy. Yeah, I mean, that's what she does. That's what she does best. She's incredible. Well, anyway, so what do you, we need to, what do you have to say for yours? I've had a, I've, I know what you're saying? You have a hard day. I've had to hear that shit.

I've had a long sequence of past three weeks, I would say. Yeah, me too. I understand. We just want a. Your outfit looks like a grizzly bear picked out a suit. Why? You know what this is? Cudy Cinderella gave this to me.

I did. For what? When I did the thing, the murder mystery. Oh, that's your Colonel Mustard suit. Yeah, I still wear this. We just, we just want our Hassan Piker back.

That's all. I've just, I've been, I feel like he's the same. I'm here still, but I've been a little busy getting fucking absolutely yelled at by virtually every,

Fox News has done like 25 hits on me in the past 20 days. All right, Fox News. Just take a look at me. Yeah. I'm on your side. Yeah. I just see her.

I just see her. Mormon daughter. Real American. Real American blonde. Is it validating? Is it validating that the biggest ops of the world, aka Fox News, are like kind of fucking kind of looking at you in the same way those gentlemen were looking at you? What? Those cross-dressing gentlemen?

Drag queens? Yes. What? Well, they... Am I getting my pronouns wrong or my... They are... They do identify as men. Okay.

But they, yeah, they're drag queens. They're drag queens. Wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, I've gone to the brunch. I know what it's like. You're woke. One time I went, I had, I lived in, uh, I lived in Hollywood.

Yes. And it was when I first moved here. And I lived with a gay man in his 40s, and it was James. Oh. Worked a very normal job. And I was like... I do know James. You know, James.

You know, James. You know, James. He was great. I would go to melee tournaments carrying my little CRT out the door every weekend and he'd be like, why don't you guys just use the flat screen ones? I have to explain to him every single time.

James was lovely. One time he's like, do you want to come to Drag Brunch with me and my friends? All of his friends were like young women in their 20s were gorgeous. So I'm like, yes, James would love to do that. Even if they weren't there, I was still like hanging out. Anyway, I go to his drag brunch.

All of the waiters are, very, very gay men. Of course. And they're just, West Hollywood. Yeah, just rippling, beautiful gay men.

Yeah. I look pretty much the same as I do now. Besides, I had hair, it would have still under a hat. And I'm sitting there, and I'm like waiting to order. And this guy just comes up.

And he's just like, you straight? He's a waiter. While he's taking, or he's straight. And I'm like, uh-huh. And he's like, you wear it well.

And I was like, I'm going to kill myself right now. Wait, why? That was nice. I think it was an insult. He said it like, he said it like, He said it like, he said it like an insult.

That's a nice thing. He was a little shady. See, the thing is straight people get picked on at drag brunch. The first thing the drag queens do is they go out and find the straight people to pick on. He got picked on a drag brunch. Everybody gets straight. I didn't get picked on. Well, like straight men.

Excuse me. Well. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I just, I was, I was emitting this straight aura. Yeah. This really just this pure essence of man. Big time. Does it scare you being next to me?

Yeah, I feel physically and sexually intimidated. It's sexually intimidated. Like, you think he could out fuck you. Yeah, he's like a sexual panther. Yeah, pounce. Austin. What? Does this look normal?

Oh, cutie. Oh, God, cutie. What's wrong? You see it. What's wrong with it? God. What is it? Cooney.

What's wrong? Put it down. put it down and go see a doctor immediately. And you know what I'd recommend? What? Using Zok doc. Wow. Yeah, because you don't want to take that foot somewhere and realize that you're out of network.

Right. You need an app that'll tell you what's in network. And maybe I could find a doctor sooner. Yeah, and maybe you might need to look quickly because I don't know if many doctors are going to want to deal with that. Really? Yes. That's right. Okay.

And you've got to stop putting off your appointments, cutie, because my God, you've let it get out of hand. What is it exactly? And you tried painting your toes and it's like putting lipstick on a pig. What is it? I'm sorry. But like, what is it that's wrong with it? Cudy, just go see a doctor. Okay.

Just go see a doctor. Okay, I'll do that. And you should go see a doctor today. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash fear to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zoc, doc.com slash fear. This message is sponsored by Zoc doc doc. Yeah.

Dude, dead ass. Have you ever had combat training? Not like for an extended period of time. No, why. Do you think, what are the odds? We go out back, normal one-pound gloves, three minutes, who wins? Straight up.

I mean, I've been in a lot of fights. You've been in a lot of fights, I've been in two fights in high school. You've been a lot of fights? Yeah. All right. So what are the odds? No.

I don't know. 955? Maybe. The river. 955, not 100, 0. It's not 100,0. No, it's never 100. 0.

I would, I would beat the shit out of it. That's what I'm saying, I feel like I get him. You're too tired. He's too, yeah, he's too tired. I'm so fast. I'd take him after a day of talking about the straight of hormoos. Yeah.

I would just tell up, oh my God, it's open again. Dumb deal. It's easier than that. that just on your phone play a train horn and he'll be like where you like trains who doesn't like train what the hell the very efficient mode of transportation you're interested in train yes you were in china i was which was incredible for trains yeah you went to china we also went to china no did you take the high speed rail no i wasn't there for very long i literally was in Hong Kong, which is China DLC, and then to Beijing.

How much worse is Hong Kong than mainland China? Well, worse is an interesting word because I don't, when I speak a language and I go somewhere, I have a miserable time. And that's on me to like, you know, learn the language and kind of get around. And Hong Kong everyone speaks English. Hong Kong everyone speaks English. So honestly, I was like, what a crazy, cool place. I learned that the hard way when I went to Hong Kong because I was speaking Mandarin.

And I was like, why is nobody, why are people looking at me around? I'm just trying to. Yeah, you have to speak Cantonese. Yeah, well, I didn't know that. So I was, I was speaking just straight up because I had learned, I learned Mandarin from the previous trip the day before I was in China. Of course. And so I was really picking up on the culture. It was really good.

Language. And they were like Hong Kong's China, China's Hong Kong. You know, Bada Bing, Bada Bungshal. Yeah. So I walked up in there. confident as hell. Ni Hao. Yeah.

Cichu. Which is a Beijing accent. And the guy, the guy at the hotel was like, he like came up because I complained about something. And he came up to the room. And I started to tell him and I said, Nihau and Sissia. And he didn't like that very much.

You call him a swagger. No. What is that? You should know what that is. What's that? It's like a term of endearment, like handsome young man. In Chinese or in Mandarin? In Chinese, yeah.

In Mandarin. So anyway, but I learned. very quickly that Cantonese is a different dialect of Chinese and I started from which region the Cantonese region of course that's Pokemon Red well it's from the Hong Kong region

no well it's with the Kansas where is it where the hell is it history time Guangzhou Guangzhou oh it's because of the border Guangzhou do they speak Cantonese there still? Hmm hmm interesting well anyway your trip to China I went I went for a couple days I came back

It was very short. Yes. That's crazy. We went for two weeks. Been to China. I've been like, yeah, it's fine. It was. It was just fine.

I couldn't really experience it in any meaningful way. I just showed up. I went to Beijing. He went to Hong Kong. Well, Beijing is like boring. I guess. Yeah, I will say Aiden went to Shanghai and he was like, it's like literally the city from the future. Yeah.

He was like stunned. I was jumping for joy when I saw that, Skyline. Why? What's there? I feel like you're lying. No. No, no, no, no. He loves tall buildings.

Oh, he likes tall buildings. He likes tall buildings. And LEDs and like all the lights and stuff too. I mean, I didn't like Shanghai as much as I liked Chongqing and Chengdu. I think those were more like Shanghai was, for my taste, it was a little too like Western cosmopolitan, same all, same old. I think that's probably why I liked it. Yeah, but then Chongqing and Chengdu were very Chinese.

I thought it was a little gray. So I like Shanghai. Can we do some role play? Yeah. I want us all to do some role play together. I'm ready. Okay. Is it sexual?

No. Well, part of it. I just have to ask for permission if it was. Everyone close your eyes. Permission for me. I'd have to call my boyfriend and ask him. I'm very loyal. I can write off.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I can sign off on that one. All right. Wait, do you have power of attorney? I have power of attorney over? I still might have it. I don't know if you changed it.

All right. You do. So please if you ever dies, don't kick me out of the house. Everyone closed your eyes. We are all, we all work in a zoo. We are already the San Diego Zoo. I'm the chief zookeeper. Okay.

I manage all the... Austin is my younger apprentice zookeeper. Okay. Kudisunerrell is HR of the zoo. And Hassan is a person who was caught on camera. Oh.

Uh-oh. Cisoring a gorilla. That's awesome. And you are now... And the cops of Malcolm called? You are in the interrogation. We have captured you. We're not letting you leave.

And we're sitting you down. And you're just sitting there and seeing. open. Well, well, well. Wow. Out of breath, aren't you? We saw what you did on the cameras.

We're about to open in 10 minutes. What you saw was love. Well, it was love. Really. I will say the cameras did appear. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but that's not the point. I'm going to have my young apprentice

Zookeeper coming here. He took some samples. Excuse me. Shott Sebastian. Yes. Thank you very much. we found a few samples of your bodily fluids, and we tested them, and they are yours,

and they align perfectly. They're in the same container as the grill as they were in close proximity, and we found them together. We also had video. I don't know why he's doing this. Yes. We had video, but also you need to have forensic evidence to back it up. So we...

Seems like you guys are at all. Because there's so many things that are, hey, who's the real supervisors here? He's hard to train. Who's the real supervisor here? As HR, I don't know if I, I don't know if I need to be in this room. Because no, nobody who, no one who works here had sex with the giraffe, correct? No. It was a gorilla.

And it was. Oh, gorilla. And honestly, it was insane. Okay. Listen, I have you here because I'd like to fire this man. Oh, wow. I have never had sex with a giraffe. I don't know what grounds he would have to fire me.

I can't even reach a giraffe position. Oh, you're, you're, you're, you're not gay for the jury. How would you fuck a giraffe? With a crane? With a ladder, potentially. Get up on a ladder. You'd have to, you'd have to get a ladder. How would you scissor a gorilla?

None of this makes sense. No, it's scissor a gorilla. It makes more sense than the draft. I thought you'd scissured a draft and I was really confused. I don't know why I went to draft. Of course. Listen, I'd like to fire this man and I'd like to, I think, what makes a good zookeeper. Your Honor.

Oh, wow. Is someone who loves animals. I have an explanation. Please. Year is 2014. Okay. A little boy falls into the gorilla pit. Oh, wow.

Oh. Yeah. The gorilla starts running in the direction of the little boy. Right. The zookeeper C. Mm-hmm. The little boy moments before he's potentially going to be stomped. on. They shoot the gorilla.

His name is Harambe. What you saw on the CCTV footage was a man who thought a similar incident were to take place. I jumped down into the enclosure

thinking that there was a little boy but I could not watch another Harambe style incident take place. So I did what I know best, which is leg wrestle to gorilla. Wow. You're saying... I wrapped the gorilla around my

legs thinking that I could apprehend him. I have strong, I have strong, lower body strength. I, my upper body, it's not as strong. So I tried to do a leg wrestling thing with the gorilla and maybe I got a little too excited

and that's probably the bodily flow. Well, this is why this is why I still should have my job is because this is very important. She still fuck the giraffe though. Wait, I didn't fuck the giraffe. What? All I I was trying to apprehend a gorilla. I looked over at the other enclosure and he was clapping the giraffe chief. Is there any HR reports of him talking walking around talking about some giraffe pussy?

No, no one's complained. I checked the box and there's been no complaints in the complaint box. So if you haven't apprehended me, I would have written a complaint. In the suggestion box, there has been someone who keeps asking for like rubber boots and a rubber, like rubber outfit. I'm not sure what they need that for in Zuki. in a ladder. Right. Because we have ladders.

But the suggestion box is anonymous, so I don't know who that could have been for. Let me tell you, by the way, in 2014, that was the hardest day of mine. You worked there, too? He shot Haramon? I was the one that had to take the shot. I didn't see that on your file when we hired you here at the San Diego Zoo.

I don't like to talk about it. Did they shoot him in the head? I think they, I think he went like Detective Alonzo Harris in training day. Just just Why couldn't they shoot No way because he was holding a kid? Why couldn't they shoot him with a kid?

He was holding the kid? Why didn't they shoot him with a ketamine dart? I think because it's not quick acting. Quick acting to actin. Well, anyway, let's end. Now you know I had the leg wrestle the gorilla. So it was an accidental scissoring. You're fired.

He's hired. I don't know why I was here. Well, because all matters of hiring and firing need to be overseen by HR. So thank you. Yeah, but I'm just a nepo. I slept with the guy who I don't even know how got this job. Well,

do you guys know about the woman who, like, married a dolphin? Is this recent? The one who fell in love with a dolphin? Yeah,

and she would, like, have sex with it. Yeah. On Tumblr, there used to be this gif. There was this gif, it was like a post

of someone being like, hey, just made my account excited to see this website. And then someone reblogged it, like, awesome to have you, bro.

Here's a giff of a guy blowing a dolphin. And it really is that. Ew, that's disgusting. It's crazy. Was a dolphin, that's crazy.

A dolphin can't fall in love with a human. I don't think it can fall in love, but they certainly can... They're rapists. They are rapists. But they don't, they don't fuck outside there. No, they do. They rape, uh, they rape seals, I think. No, they rape like a lot of other...

It's a common thing for dolphins. And I think they might have even tried to rape humans, too. Really? What, that was a king of the hill? I'm trying to find the... Yes, yeah. That was the king of the hill. Yeah.

Hank Hill had got accosted by a dolphin, and it changed him. Yeah. He felt emasculated by it. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly. Well, they look cute, but clearly they're not. Maybe she didn't have sex with it. Male dolphins using an aggressive sexual behavior, including force mounting to dominate other males. That's kind of fun.

Yeah, it's dead porpoises. Wait, wait, human interactions. Hold on, chat, GPT. While dolphins generally do not make with humans in rare cases of high habituation, male dolphins that display sexual aggression towards human divers. Yeah, they try to rape humans too. That's crazy. What can you do?

But she would essentially She'd jerk off the dolphin That's what it was. Yeah. That's crazy. That was a scientific experiment where they like, I think they were dosing the dolphins with LSD or something. What the fuck?

And then they had this like weird Habitat where they would sleep on a bed That was elevated but then there was like water So the dolphins could like sleep in the same They MK Ultrad the dolphins? I think something like that if I remember correctly. Why can't we just leave the dolphins alone, man? I mean they're very smart.

Jesus. So yeah, well, yeah. Would you rather marry a dolphin or a monkey? Mary, like you got to like... Probably a monkey. Yeah, I think I'd marry a monkey. Yeah, that's just more fun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You know what? I'd rather marry a dolphin because then I could just cheat on him. You know what I mean? Wait, why can't you cheat on the monkey? The monkey would know. The dolphin's in the water all day, right? That's a really good point. That's a really good point.

I'm just going to the short. You can't come because you can't. I'm just so loyal. I didn't think about it. You can't breathe out here. You can't breathe out here. It's a good point. The monkey can come with me.

I'm happy we ask that question. No, no, I'm loyal, but I would be. You just talked about which one is easier to cheat on. Well, no, I'm not saying, like, if it was a human, I'm not cheating on them, but I don't want to be with a dolphin or monkey, so I'm going to, if I was divorced to marry them. Yeah, like, yeah, like I'm John Snow, the president of the Hunger Games, and I'm saying you have to marry a monkey. Is this the kind of shit you guys talk about on the yard? Honestly, yeah, really, for sure.

Yeah, I kind of came with some ideas. and it just kind of gravitated toward the normal subject matter. Like a lot of beciality-related things? I think bestiality is an easy avenue into something that's innately wacky, right? So you can instantly just be like, whoa. Because everything that you just made us talk about will appear on Fox News. Honestly, a son biker says a little scissor a gorilla. Oh, my God.

That would be awesome. They're going to clip it so that it makes it seem like, I just, I presented this. As long as my news crush, Kate Baldwin doesn't report on it. I'll be fine with it. Who Kate Baldwin? Yeah. Is she on Fox News?

No, she's on CNN. Oh, I know Kate Baldwin. Oh, yeah, yeah. Kate Baldwin. Oh, yeah. That's your news crush? That's not her. Oh.

Kate Baldwin. Balduan. How do you spell that? It was when I was watching the news in 2015, I was like, Oh, yeah. There you go. What a fox. She's still on there.

She's still, Braun's still doing it. She looks like Fire Stargirl or whatever from both the boys. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I used to have a wallet that gave me so much back pain. Right, so it was so heavy and big. So heavy and big.

And you could barely even fit in your pocket. You could only fit like two things in it. That's right. Well, that was until I got my Ridge wallet. Ridge wallet. Yes. You know, I love it because it's unique, it's slim. Well, and this one is a key.

This is a key wallet. Oh. You can keep your keys in it up to 12 keys. That's incredible. Isn't that cool? And then this is a Ridge wallet. That's right. Which I can keep up to 12 cars.

That's amazing. That's amazing. Six keys in 12. And the cool part is it over 50 colors to choose from. Yeah, yeah. And back my lifetime guarantee. I'm going to kick flip with this. And if it doesn't, I have my lights guaranteed with my life.

Cutie, did you know that these wallets block RFID technology? Finally, because I've been nervous about that. I know. People kept stealing your identity. My current wallet being a loose in my bag is not working. Your wallet is on the floor in your car, and that means you just spread it everywhere. Right. So this is big for me.

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Please show our support and tell them our show sent you. Ridge Wallet. Starlight, yeah. I wanted to bring up, since no topic seems to be off limits here, I'm going to go and bring something up that may interest y'all. There's a lot of gay drama going on right now on the internet, and it surrounds a couple of adult porn stars by the name of Joey. Mills and Jake Preston.

Wait, haven't I met one of those? Yeah, you've met both of them. Oh, I have. Oh, my gosh, they're fighting? No, they're not fighting. Are these young men, uh, homosexuals? Yeah. Okay. Well, allegedly. Oh.

Right. Allegedly. That's not has nothing to do with the drama. Gay for pay, you never know. So anyway, I've sent, I've sent, uh, Marsha link, but there was a, there's a drama brewing because they said something that the internet did not like. And I want to get your guys's take on it. Uh, it's just right at the beach.

beginning here, so we're not going to watch the whole video. We're just going to watch what he said at the beginning. The internet was gay Twitter. A lot of people on gay Twitter were very upset about this. Let's hear it. I'd love to get my take in the straight, man. Not out of my house. We did it.

You can go. Get out of my house. I'm not going to give you my number. Pause. That is the drama. Cuddling after sex and they were they were hookups. Veimately against it.

People are upset that Joey would. give, they think there's something wrong with him. They think he's a dick. They think he's a whore for not wanting to provide his phone number. Can I ask the question? Yeah. How do they handle the logistics without the phone number being distributed at some point? Grindr.

What's it? Oh, trust in the app. Oh, my God. You really aren't gay. Oh. You really aren't a homosexual. You don't know. I.

Wait, please. Can you walk a. Yeah, let me walk you through this. Walk us through from match to not cuddling. Yeah. So I can pull up a conversation on Grander, but I'll tell you like this. You, um, hey, so I go hey. You go.

Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Oh, no. My type. Oh, yeah. You're doing. I know. So anyway, so I go, hey, you go, hey, right? We start a conversation.

Then we usually send photos fairly quickly. If you like the photos, usually, um, you, you will respond, oh, nice. I'll send photos. Big one. You send four. And then typically you send more explicit photos. And then eventually, if it's really, if you're really into it, then eventually you kind of like take it off.

You either keep it right there. Ah. Ah. Or where do you move on to? Well, telecommunications. Sometimes people, no. It would be like Instagram or some other medium. Interesting. What?

What? Communication. So you get. Yeah, they'll say what's your Insta. Give another man your home address before you give them your phone number. No, no, no. So let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me back up a little bit. The way that Joey probably does it and most people do it is they stay on the app.

So they send photos, everything like that. They send their address. Yes. Well, so there is a point where someone is giving their physical location to another person, but not their phone number. I have some lived experience. My boss. On your guys. On Grindr.

You were doing gazing. No, my old boss, we would go on, we'd go to conferences. all the time. And he'd hook up on conferences. And sometimes we'd be on lunch of our conference. And he'd skip the next session because he's a little hell. And he'd be like, pick my boy. And I'd go through and you'd look for ones that would be like, they would literally say blow job ready or want to give or whatever. And he literally, all you have to do is like, I would just send them his hotel address. Yeah. And they'd be like, they'd thumbs it up. And you'd say two o'clock, they'd thumbs it up. And they'd be there. Yeah. Wow. What an efficient. Yeah. It's so efficient.

It's like trains in China. Yeah. It's really, it can be really efficient. No, it's incredibly efficient. Then they come over and you, no, like, this is my take. I'm not saying sometimes it's not the home address, though. Yeah, yeah. Like, it could be the hotel. Okay. So I think to give this credit, I think the phone, giving someone a phone number, it's not just a logistic thing.

It's like an intimate act. Here's my direct way to contact me. You know what is also an intimate act? Having sex with someone. No, I disagree. No, no. It's not, bro. It's not, bro.

You're such a romantic. D.L. Throat, bro. D.L. Thro. Sometimes you don't want to talk to him again. I think this is my deal. If you are bringing somebody over for a hookup, you are in no obligation to provide them with anything, right? You order?

Come on. A cup of water. A cup of a towel. Let me back up. Let me back up. Let me back up. I provide a lot of things, okay? Like, if somebody comes over, I offer.

You can test this. I offer. No, no, I offer a lot. Water. He's selfish. He's selfish. Not, no, water. He's selfish bitch.

Maybe a bite to eat. Right? You do not offer them a bite to eat. You are lying through your fucking teeth. My point is, my point is like you have no... When is the last time you offered a bite to eat to someone who was not a repeat customer? And it wasn't like maybe the fruit basket that was already there at your hotel room. I offered somebody a protein shake recently.

Really? Repea customer. Nope. New. Those are tough because you only buy one. You know what I mean? I bought four. A pack of four.

Or it was like a pack of four that he put in his backpack from his own house. I've caught him before. He's like, he'll give some to Christian, too. Like, he's like, oh, I can't carry it all. Just shut shit in a backpack. Yeah. I stopped stealing him. He did.

Because I realized how expensive they were because I started buying them for myself. Right. Okay. So. My point is this, you, I think you have an obligation to be a decent person. Sure. But being a decent person doesn't extend to providing you, you, I don't need to give somebody my phone number.

I don't need to see, you know, if it didn't work out or whatever, maybe I don't want to see them again. It also depends on the level of hookup because if it is just a transactional hookup, then that person probably doesn't want that anyway. Exactly. Maybe this is a one-time thing. Why do you need somebody's phone number? What are your thoughts, Assad?

I feel like that's crazy. I feel like if you're going to fuck someone, you might as well give him your phone number. No. That's interesting. No way. You're more of a romantic than I've ever would have been asking. I'm flag on the field. There is no way that every girl you've hooked up with has your phone number.

And on me. Checkmate. I'd like a recess, please. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's a tough one. Thank you.

I can't even love. I think, I think, how are you going to fucking do? I think this is, I think this is just a cultural difference between gays and straight. We communicate on different mediums than you do. Also, the rate of hookups, I think, is just through the real. I was, like, it's more casual. Yeah, I was thinking about it yesterday. I was, I was at catch.

I was having dinner at catch. And what? You need to tell us. It's hilarious to say that. Like, it's 2017. What? It was delicious. It was beautiful.

It was like $800 for four people. I was like, Jesus Christ. Of course I paid for it. Anyway, go on. I did the awkward thing. I was like, I'm so awkward. I have to pay for it. Unless he's there and I'll be like,

my guy, where's my wallet? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, runs through the back. I shit. I got to, shit my pants. I, um, and I was sitting at a table with people.

And then I see these, these young men and women probably in their 20s. And they're all just like kids, like dudes with backwards hats and flugging. It's catch. Yeah. He's fucking like, I don't know what this is,

but just the name being catch is hilarious. No, we went there for Lutz birthday. It's like a very dray. When you were Tony Star, we went there. I had the private patio with the flowers. And you sat next to Ludd's mom.

She's so beautiful. You are so, no, slime is so weird. Because slime will be like, remember that time you wore that blue shirt and you told, and you gave me the stank eye? And I'll be like,

no, I don't remember that. But then I'll be like, do you remember that time we went on this beautiful dinner with 12 people and you sat next to Ledwig's mom and it was after we, all did pottery together.

It was after pottery? Yes. And you were, you had your hair piece on. I phased that part of my life. He doesn't, he doesn't remember anything when he has a hair piece on.

It was a different hand. Yeah, that's Tony Star. He died. Yeah, okay. Anyway, sorry. All right. Sorry for your loss. Okay.

Anyway, you've been to catch. You're at catch. Catch is a very, well, like, catch is like, quintessential L.A.

Like very Drake. It's like a, it's like a restaurant Drake would go to. In 2017 Yeah, he probably doesn't go anymore But he would go in 2017 So you're at this gaudy shithole of a restaurant

Yes I mean they have great lobster mat They had a great pretzel bread with like Yeah It was delicious Go to the Henry They have the best pretzel bread Okay I'm gonna do that

Okay, I'll tell you it It was very expensive I love the Henry Very overpriced catch was Anyway So I'm not looking at these group Of straight people And I'm like ugh yuck

You know what I mean First of all And I'm just like God just the fucking Theatrix and just everything they got to go through to get laid. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's true. It's so much work for them. It's like I just don't, it makes me feel bad for them. That's what I say like, it deal throat instantly. Yeah. It's funny how much straight men like I like sometimes like homophobic straight men like men like men love sex right? And they'll say that and then like you're just so jealous of gay men.

That's my take. Yes. I think there's a lot of homophobic straight men that are just like genuinely jealous of a gay man. Imagine being able to like hang out with your bro and fuck him and have no feelings attached. Exactly. Awesome. Yeah.

I mean that's some bullshit. I think feelings get attached. I think sometimes. I mean, we're humans. Not if you want a casual. Yeah. Like we're humans and be brave. I mean, we're human beings.

It happens from time to time. We do catch feeling. You're talking about it like as an accident though. What? What? What's touching feelings? It happens from time to time. Yeah.

What is your, what is your verdict on this gay controversy? See, they swept the nation. I think that everybody has their own boundaries, and no matter, even if you don't like them, that's their boundaries to set. If somebody doesn't want to give you their phone number, you don't have to... The phone number is the big problem.

I like to repackaging of just, like, not abiding by normal code of conduct is an expression of free will here. What do you mean? Normal code of conduct? Your individualism is trumping the normal code of hookups. I don't think it's crazy to not want to give... I give people my phone number all the time.

But they... I don't even give streamers my phone number. That's his particular prerogative. You're not fucking them. I'm fucking one of them. My question, yes, Lacey. My question is... Does Lacey have your phone number?

Imagine. That's not to be crazy. My question is, so the big problem here is the phone number thing, not the cuddling thing. Well, it's both. I see. It's both. Cuddling, I understand. You might not be in the mood for a cuddle. Okay, but like...

With the phone number. I feel like more. Phone number, like you think, you think it's a shitty thing not to give somebody your phone number? I think you just

maybe give them a fake one, you know? So, oh, come on. It's like, you gotta go on. It's a pleasantry. Well,

what, it's a social norm. You were just inside of this person. If somebody, if somebody gave me, if somebody asked for my phone number, I could not say no. And I'd give them my phone number.

Yes, I've given complete strangers on a plane your phone number. I know. And that's very adventurous. You're a phone number slut. I know. It doesn't mean anything.

I give them my fake phone number sometimes, which I gave him. You've given me your fake phone number. I given that to him. For months. I think. But anyway, cuddling after sex. I don't think that's... I think it was, it was Waka Flocka who said this.

Depends on the time of the day. You got your main bitch and you got your, your mistress. Right. And you need two phones. Yeah, I get you like, okay. I get you. You need two phones to do this shit. I understand.

Yeah, just use your freaking Google phone number. Yeah. I just, I just personally think. that everybody's got boundaries and everybody should be respectful of those boundaries. I just, I feel like what to what extent are your, what can you package is your own personal boundaries that other people would consider to be horrible social life. Let me be clear. These are not my personal boundaries.

Oh, let me make clear. No, they're not. No, they're not. No. Have you hooked up with me? What's going on? I understand the irony here is that you literally just like, you defended it. You defended it. I just think it's, I think everybody has their own boundaries. Sure. But the irony is that like the boundaries weren't crossed when there was a penis in your mouth. That's the funny part. That's hilarious. I mean, I, I don't know. Everybody's got their own boundaries. Yeah. But okay, here's my argument to that is like I've had sex with people that I am less close to than like a friend. You know what I'm saying. Like so like like, okay, like I, you know, I have. I used to be a hussie. I used to be a hugh. I used to be a huff. Anyway, so back when I was a huff. I had, you know, I sex with a man once. Really?

And, like, I don't talk to him. I don't know him. I'm closer to Austin than I am that guy. Yeah, and we haven't had sex before. So what does sex even freaking matter at the end of the day? We've never even talked about it. Sure. Yeah.

I get it. We've never talked about having said, would you like to? I mean, I don't think that we should, I mean, I don't think we need to. I don't think we need to either. Because I don't think we're having sex. I'm happy that we've figured this out now. I'm happy that we've really put that to bed. Austin and I are not having sex.

We're not having sex and we never will have sex. Take that Fox News. Yeah. Yeah. Two straight people. Two straight people are having sex. This controversy, where was it divided among the population? I think a lot of people thought it was just a shitty thing, not to give somebody your phone number.

I agree with a lot of people. Interesting. I'm going to call Joey right now and tell him that. Joey. Should I call him right now and say that? Call that guy right now. You know, we'll do it in the Patreon. Yeah, call him out.

We'll call him in the Patreon. Then I'm going to say Hassan Piker thinks you're a douchbag. They're not giving me that. Asa'am Pai, you know, big daddy. Yeah, I think maybe it's my, maybe it's because I'm used to it. But let me set the record straight. If I were to hook up with somebody, I would probably give them my phone number. That's really fucking beautiful.

Or some other way. Yeah. But like, it depends. It depends. Like, what if it's really necessary? Like, what if it's not necessary? Well, what if you hook up with somebody and you're like, I'm not going to talk to them again? Why do they need the phone number?

Right. I will say this. I give him the phone number and ghost them. And you don't yet. See, that's a, what's worse? That's worse. What's worse? Come on.

I'm kind of on the straight guy team here. Why does this make more sense to me? You can't win though. You can't win. You cannot win. It's better to ghost them after giving. That's evil. No, as a woman?

No. No. See? No. You would rather hear. Mark, where are you out on this? Yeah, you go. You guys are, you guys are pussy.

No. Pussies. Listen, listen. Listen, you hook up with some guy and you actually like, maybe you can't kind of get your number? And he looks at it. And he was like, no. I would rather end it there. You'd rather.

Than me? Psychotic. Interesting. This is what happens. This is what happens otherwise. Okay. I leave the house. I call Maya.

I'm like, oh, my God. He was so sweet. Oh my God. I have his, yeah, he gave me his number. Yeah, we're definitely. I think we're going to do it. He might be the one. Oh, my God.

I hear nothing. Monday. That's your fault. I call Maya. Have you heard anything? No. Why does Maya know the person you had sex? I texted him.

Maya would know everyone I've had sex with. Yeah, you need a ride or die. And so, so then Tuesday, I'm like, I texted him, but he hasn't said anything back. And then Wednesday, he's not indeed. I texted, I don't. Have you done it back? Wednesday you send one turns green. Exactly.

Exactly. Why waste more of my time? I wouldn't block him. I would. No, this is. That's cruel. In my pussy stank, you don't owe me back. Tell me then.

Yeah. Kitty, let's roll play. You're the guy that I just hooked up with. with and you are asking for my number. Ready? Wait, I'm the guy. You're the guy that we just said text. Wait, why am I asking you?

Oh, we're both boys? You're both boys. Oh, sorry. I forgot. You go, you go. I was homophobic for a second. No, it's okay. Okay, we're both boys.

Okay, we just, uh, we just, oh, hey. You guys piss bomb out of you fuck. Sometimes. Yeah, we do. That's kind of. Yeah. You really took it. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Wait, I'm a bottom? That's fine. Nice. I'm the bottom. You want my. I've, I forgot who's asking who's saying.

You're asking me. Oh, okay. I've never fist on. That was awesome. I have a meeting in a little. This is on a work trip. I have to get back to my conference. Yeah.

We should do this again sometime. Can I have your number? Hey, I, I, I, here's the deal. I feel like we should have reversed. I think I should have been the rejecter. I don't believe that this is going, there's going to be a next time.

score. And I think you're wonderful, but I'm just really not looking for another time with you. What? Jesus Christ. You know what? I appreciate the honesty.

I appreciate the honesty. I appreciate the honesty. I really actually liked that you said that. Thank you so much. Yeah, no, I'd be like, I'm going to kill myself now. Yeah, but you, it's... I'm going to kill myself in front of you. It's honest.

It's honest, and it's honest, and it's one. one day of torture compared to like a week of like, man, he ghosted me. God is such a great. Wait, so you wouldn't fucking think like, why did he say that to me? I would think my pussy stank, but like, oh well. Wait, but why do you think that 100% of people that reject you throughout your smelly pussy? Yes.

Because what else could be wrong? Yeah. It's the simply. I have a glittering personality, but my pussy stank. Yeah. But the thing is, like, you would know if your pussy stank. I don't stink, but I do like making jokes about it. Okay, well, that's good.

That's good. Thank you for clarifying. If my pussy stank, you would know. I haven't smelled. We sit so close to each other. Yeah, we do. I have sat next to me. I think it's a hard thing to tell somebody.

Yeah, like I've sat next to where when I'm like. It's a hard time to tell someone their pussy stank. I think it's a hard thing to say. Have you ever been told fellas, fellas? Here ball stink. Yeah, I've told boys their balls stink. But like after I worked out. But by who?

A person that I was, you know. I have told my partner their hoo-ha was a problem before. Interesting. You've told Ludwig that his. I have. Maybe I've got the cleanest balls known to man. Maybe you only did polite women. It was right after a workout.

It was the only time. You still remember it too. It's seared into your mind. Yeah, now you won't. I had this guy that he, something was wrong with his nose breathing. Really? We would like make out in the air out of his nose would smell bad.

Oh! What the fuck? I don't know why. And so I had a hard time making out of him. And so then he went to the doctor. and the doctor, he had polyps in his nose. Oh, no. So I saved his life.

You did? By being blunt. So you said that. You straight up. Wait, have you met me? He had nose cancer? No, he just had polyps. They just removed him.

Were they pre-cancerous? No, there's polyps. Oh, damn. You know, like your throat one. I didn't eat. On that note. On that note. On that note.

Time. Yes. And we will be moving to an even more raunchier version of this podcast. What is getting raunchy? Yeah. We're going to get raunchy. It's going to, well, you're going to see a hole. That's right.

Slime shows whole. That's right. Slime's going to look into it like with a magnifying glass like a Sherlock Holmes. That's right. That's right. And then he's going to re-enact the... The gorilla thing. Yeah.

And whatever you find is a big one-s-sizzer. Yeah. Slime, before we laid you go, thank you so much for coming on. What do you want to shout out? Oh, Jesus Christ. Where can people find you? Find me? I'd rather they don't find me.

How about, you know what? I will be revealing his home address behind the paywall. Let it rock. He's on a podcast called The Porch. It's called The Porch. How about this? Instead of a shout-out, because there's two people with dead moms here, call your mom right now.

Call your mom. That's sweet. And make her apologize to you. That would have been nice. Yeah. That would have meant a lot. And give her a nice Eclare. Yeah.

That's what I got. And on that note, we'll see you behind the paywall. Peace next week. Peace.