Fear& - Fear& New Years Special

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

HAPPY NEW YEAR :D!!!!!!!!!!✨ BONUS CONTENT ✨ PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod00:00:00 - One big happy family00:02:20 - hasan's 9 minute connection00:04:10 - qt burries the hatchet00:07:17 - imagine a toystory with sex toys00:10:11 - past new years resolutions00:14:30 - hasan crushed his resolutions00:17:27 - QT wants to marry an austraillian00:19:50 - Austin's 2024 resolution00:23:13 - fear& disney is back00:25:30 - D.A.R.E lied?!00:28:30 - no shroom policy00:30:20 - austin didn't want to get wet00:32:50 - austin sat coach (which is fine)00:36:03 - Hasan's gift to QT 00:39:46 - hasan's semester at sea00:44:00 - converting QT 00:47:10 - i am a child of god00:49:19 - italians are the most turkish people00:51:30 - Hasan's a roman empire guy00:54:14 - Do wizards use their wands?00:56:30 - Will wakes up nude00:59:00 - Florance has dog bread#hasanabi #qtcinderella  #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. Why is this insistence that you have to do the intro? Well, it's either Will or I. That's why. I don't know. Why is it? I mean, come on.

I don't want to do it. Yeah, QD doesn't want to. I want to do it. Hasan is terrible at it. That's not true. Welcome back to the podcast, Fear and Podcast, the greatest podcast in the world. And we have a banger episode lined up for you guys today. Let me tell you something.

This is an requested episode. We finally have the full cast. Nobody has died of a self-sucking incident, and we're here, and we're queer, and Austin is not allowed to talk about the things that he's not allowed to talk about that I can't say in the beginning portion of the episode because we'll get demonetized.

But yeah, that's it. Yep, let's go. Welcome back to the podcast, everybody. So happy to be here as one happy family celebrating and reigning in the new year. Yes. That's right. For those of you watching, it'll probably be January 1st, wherever you are, or the 2nd. It's already January 1st for me.

We're doing a Fear and Meet and Greet on January 6th, if you guys would or the 2nd. It's already January 1st for me. We're doing a Fear and Meet and Greet on January 6th, if you guys would like to be there. What? Location undisclosed at the moment, but we'll post and make sure you guys know about it, so just stay tuned. Wait, but Cutie, I'll be gone. No, you'll be there. Oh, wow. Okay, yes, I will be.

No, we're going to be doing a Fear and... No, Cutie's right. We're doing a Fear and Meet and Greet. We didn't tell Austin. We wanted to do it without Austin because he doesn't like doing meeting. Great. Are you kidding me? It was. You're right. I don't.

It was something that we famously hate the fan. I don't like fans. Yeah. He hates me. In fact, there was a fan that DM me at the airport because I was at the airport. I know. I look at my message request on Instagram and there was a fan airport that noticed me at the airport and I got a random DM that said, oh my God, I was a fan at the airport that noticed me at the airport. And I got a random DM that said,

Oh my God, I just saw Austin at the airport. And I felt so bad. I try in my head. I was like, I need to find them so I can take a photo. That's the most insane thing you've ever said. What do you mean?

Like in a sequence of, I responded to them. I was like, please. They were like, I was too shy to come up to them, to Austin. I was like,

please interrupt my day and i would love to take a photo with you okay and will's the same way i had a similar situation where i mean i i acted very positively through it but deep down inside i was white knuckling a little bit um someone went oh my god is that a sampaiger as i was connecting from my my uh italy to amsterdam amsterdam to los angeles flight was like 15 fucking hours i just landed by the way from my Italy to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Los Angeles flight, which was like 15 fucking hours. I just landed, by the way, and immediately we're doing the podcast. So brave.

But no, I'm not saying that because I'm brave. I'm an insane person. But regardless, and that was a very tight connection. And I have a lot of airplane stories that I want to bring up to you all. No, it was a super tight connection nine minutes nine minute connection jesus christ exactly that's crazy on an international on an international flight i don't know what the fuck marat did but let me tell you something no if it was up to me i would have booked a straight line there's it's not even that that's

out of code you can't no no no like nine minute connection as in nine minutes to your boarding. Yeah. Nine minutes to start boarding. It's an hour. Enough about your travel. And a fan. What I was going to finish is the fan came up. A fan was like yelling at me while I was running through the airport.

And she went, are you busy? And in my mind, I was like, we're in an airport like what are you yeah you're like nope just visiting no i'm just sweating profusely for no reason but you know i love i love meeting the fans so i i took a photo with her and then we were almost like i actually had a situation like that too at the dodgeball event i um the bathroom was right near where all the bathroom drama the audience was yeah and i had to pee very badly and i um the bathroom was right near where all the bathroom drama the audience was yeah and i had to pee very badly and i think the audience just thought i was coming to sign autographs so as i was trying to go to the bathroom i ended up signing 30 minutes of autographs and the line just kept

piling up and i was like doing the pee pee dance and like i almost peed myself and they thought oh my god will is so happy to be signing autographs let's bring more of our friends peed myself. And they thought, oh my God, Will is so happy to be signing autographs. Let's bring more of our friends. I almost peed myself. I have closure on the fan that I talked shit on on this podcast. I wasn't here for this. After my standup show.

You talk shit. Oh. Yeah, I talk shit. I said, fuck that guy. Anyway, he was at Dodgeball. Oh. And he was really nice. He was like, hey cutie,

I'm really sorry for what I said at your stand-up thing. I was like, oh, shit. No, double down. Wait, that's closure? You just said, oh, shit? Well, I said, number one, it ain't that deep. I exaggerate for content. If I'm going to have

a one-second interaction, I'll turn it into a five-minute story. It's actually fine. It doesn't hurt my feelings. I haven't done stand-up since it's weird probably you didn't hurt my feelings um but no just kidding um but he like made me art and he was like i made you this fan art as an apology it was very sweet and so i'm gonna be mean to more people so they make me things that's a great idea yeah i think that's, I endorse that. And I would like to see you do more stand-up too. You didn't come to the first one.

I wasn't here. I actually got hacked on. Yes, you were actually. No, I wasn't. You didn't tell me enough about it. You didn't remind me. I really want to support you. That's one of my New Year's resolutions

in 2024. Is to listen and support you more. We will get to New Year's resolutions. Listen to women. Yes. No, I'm serious. I've taken the comments constructively. Will, it's your turn. I'm not going to talk Listen to women. Yes. No, I'm serious. I've taken the comments constructively. Will, it's your turn.

I'm not going to talk about myself at all today. No, I just wanted to relate to you, Cutie. I actually got heckled with a bit I did online recently, and I didn't know how to feel about it. I put out a tweet about a Jets fan recently that got arrested for a DUI, and when they asked him, they're like,

why are you driving drunk? He's like, jets suck. And I, and I, he's just a fan. Oh, fan.

No, I support that. And I wrote, this man is the next gypsy Rose. And people did not like people love gypsy Rose, but I didn't think I was making fun of Gypsy Rose. She's just really in. Yeah, she's just really hot right now.

I know. It's like almost. Have you ever watched the show? No. The show was really good. It's almost like a little, like the Swifties. Swifties. Talking to my people here.

Ladies and gents. Well, she got a message that she would violate her parole if she went to the Kansas City game to meet Taylor Swift. I know. But she wasn't going to meet. She's just a fan, but then all the Swifties are like, yeah, let's go. She's Gypsy Rose. I know, but it's like, chill, guys. Like, chill.

Someone in your fan base got mad at me because they didn't know that her name was Gypsy Rose, and they thought I was just saying Gypsy. Oh, they thought you were saying a slur? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. And I was like, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking about the Romany people. I'm talking about the woman named Gypsy. That's my favorite type of like unnecessarily angry person online, which is like, I don't have all the facts available to me on this matter,

but that's somehow your fault. But we're not going to talk about things that annoy us online today. We're going to talk about New Year's resolutions. We're going to talk about goals. We're going to talk about New Year's resolutions. We're going to talk about goals. We're going to talk about my trip to Italy and what I brought back for you guys. As a matter of fact, maybe I should start with the gifts. I want the present.

I was thinking today this is important before we get too serious. Imagine a toy story but with sex toys and dildos come out of your cabinet at night and they hang out. Have you guys ever thought about that? That's genius. And they'd have such good stories. Do you think they would be happy or do you think they'd be miserable? I don't know. Oh my god. Cutie, this is such

a great idea. Thank you. We should cut this out so somebody doesn't steal it. I think it's a good idea. Because there's some guys You think that's a great idea? Yeah! It's a great idea. I think both of you are out of your fucking mind. Are you kidding me? No, I feel heard. A sex toy story?

Yeah. Are you kidding me? No, I'm on the fence. Imagine. That's amazing. There's a man named Bill, and he has one vibrator, but he is a stud, and 20 women circle through his house monthly, and he only uses that one vibrator. That vibrator's got some stories.

Yeah. Okay, that's... You don't use one sex toy on multiple partners. You don't. Bill does. Yeah, we've never really... Bill's a serial killer. Exactly. What does his vibrator have to tell us? I don't know. You're really cooking with this,

Cutie. It's like vagina monologues but from the perspective of a sex toy. Yeah, but it's an apartment building instead of a nice house in the suburbs, and they all come out at night, and they meet in the hallway. Cutie, we have never taken into account the emotions and trauma of these sex toys, and I think it

needs to be unveiled in an animated movie called Sex Toy Story. Did I tell you about my ex-boyfriend's whose dad was a pedophile and we cleaned his house out when he was in jail and we found a pocket pussy that was full of cum and it was really gross. See, that's a story that maybe we shouldn't tell in the movie.

You went full Austin show. I think I'm rubbing off on you, cutie. I thought about this while driving over today. That's what made you want to do the toy story? Yeah, that pocket pussy has seen some shit. I'm not necessarily on with the inspiration of the movie, but I do like the core concept. Instead of the slinky dog, it's the rubber fist.

I feel like even the fact that we brought this up as a concept is going to cause Pixar to send us a cease and desist. Really? Immediately. Disney Pixar is going to not only send us a cease and desist, they're going to send us Hitman. I think we need to become friends with Seth Rogen because he did Sa rogan because he did sausage party yeah that's what it reminded me of yeah that's my goal for 2024 i love that that is wait so that's like that was a beautiful segue thank you

is that your new year's resolution yes i'm also sick that's why i sound like i've oh shit off a helium balloon wait like how sick are you i I'm not contagious anymore, I think. Okay, how long has it been? Like a week. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Gifts?

New Year's resolution. Let's do that first. Okay, Hasan, how about you? No, you go. No, no, no. I'm going to have a sensitive moment with everybody. Oh, God damn it. The varying reactions to that.

I was like, aww. And then these two were like, aww. Freaking hell. So this is serious. Okay. New Year's resolution. I haven't really thought about it. My New Year's resolution. I'm the one who suggested it because I thought you guys would carry.

I'm going to be honest. No, that's fine. You go first. Take it. No, go ahead. No, I wasn't ready for it. Okay. I'm going to be honest. No, that's fine. You go first. Take it. No, go ahead. Austin wasn't ready. No, I wasn't ready for it. Okay. New Year's resolution is 2024. Same as 2023. Get to 10% body fat.

That's my New Year's resolution, which I did not accomplish, but I did make a significant amount of... I think you accomplished it. No, I'm not 10% body fat. That's crazy. You're 10% body fat. Do we look like the same? No, I'm not 10% body fat. That's crazy. You're 10% body fat. Do we look like the same?

No, of course not. I'm like, you look a little bit less lean than I do. That's very kind of you to say. That's insane that you just lied so nonchalantly. I think you look great. Yeah, no, my New Year's resolution is also, I guess, the same as every other year when i say i'm gonna limit the time that i stream so that i can focus on other avenues yeah that's

bullshit and also my life as an adult and i think i've made some meaningful changes in that regard this past year right i not on the hour streamed that that hasn't really gone away too much but i have made this podcast which uh has been great you've started two play three plays i did three plays uh i have a dog i have a fur child so like you know there's there's definitely some some meaningful improvements in my life on that front. And, you know, I'll continue along that. And, yeah, that's it. Those are the two that I can think of right now. So, do you have any goals from last year that you didn't hit or that you did hit?

I was looking at my, okay, here, I'm going to have to. Did you write them down? I wrote them. I do it on stream every year. So, like, someone actually. Well, I can do mine while you're looking them up Okay My resolution last year

Was to grow my flow out And I don't know if you guys have seen Lechuga You fucking nailed it You nailed it I crushed it You crushed it My flow is

In fact I think this look The full d'Artagnan I think I'm You know a little bit of a chameleon I bounce from look to look But I'm very much enjoying this look I like it It's doing something to me old d'artagnan i think i'm you know a little bit of a chameleon i bounce from look to look but i'm i'm very much enjoying this look i know i like it it's doing something to me yeah i feel like i'm like uh like a han solo type i just found my goals i only hit one of them okay let's let's hear those

goals cutie they were i wrote them down december 31st 2022 and i wanted to hit uh half a million subscribers on youtube nice i didn't oh oh i thought that's the one sorry no no i wanted to average 5000 ccb on twitch i did not do that i wanted to whine about it in the top 50 female round podcasts we did not do that did you make it in the mail um yes i think maybe i'll check i mean who knows you could be better than some male podcast that's what that's what i meant i didn't mean they were men i wanted to make a friend smiley face oh i didn't and then i wanted streamer awards to hit at least wait that's bullshit you didn't make a single friend not in like the way of like like not in the way of like someone like I couldn't just text you guys to come

fold laundry with me. That's what you want out of friendship? That's insane. I think you'd be surprised. If you texted me, I would show up and fold laundry. I wouldn't. Full disclosure, I would not do that.

I adore you, but I would never fold my own laundry. That's what a girl wants in a friend. I just want a friend to, I would not do that. I adore you, but I would never fold my own laundry. That's what a girl wants in a friend. I just want a friend to sit there and dissociate with. Can we do something else? No! Why can't you want your friends that you spilled the hot goss in tea with or something like normal

people do? Mad pause? Yeah. What was that last goal again? I hit 100,000 on stream rewards and I hit that. Yay! Can I pause? Yeah. What was that last goal again? I hit 100,000 on stream rewards, and I hit that. Yay. There you go. What? See, you hit a goal.

Yeah, we're high-fiving each other because we helped a lot. You did help a lot. Okay, we were just saying that as a joke. Oh, you did? I didn't mean to. I didn't think that you would take that seriously. Okay, I found my 2023 New Year's resolutions. Okay, kick it.

Okay, so I categorize it by life, fitness, and content. There's three different categories uh this is something i do on stream um 2023 new year resolution get a haircut which i did because i if you guys recall i had the long hair resolution um i love how mine was my hair we we because we swapped yeah we did we swapped So he used to have long hair. This works way better on you, and this works way better on me. 100%. I agree. And the combination of us two is the hottest football player alive.

The one that you brought up. We're just Sam Hartman. Yeah. We're just one Sam Hartman. Yeah. Like, we both. Let Austin be included. When we're together.

Oh, no. I don't need to. Sam Hartman. Separately, we're not. I'll let him have that moment. We don't know how to hold a candle to him. I'm sorry. Austin wants to be a hot football player, too. I am in another universe. I have another one.

More podcasts slash TV show appearances plus collabs, which I fucking nailed. Go to Japan with Ludd plus the Yard plus Friends. Not the Ludd and Yard part, but I did go to Japan with friends. I didn't even get a name. Neither did I. I was just part of the and friends.

Yeah, and friends. Well, because they were supposed to be doing like the big yards. Yeah, they bailed on us. Travel even more, which I also nailed. Adopt a puppy for real this time. Also nailed. Raised more than 1.5 million. 500K last year.

Fucking almost doubled it. not tripled it improved personal outlook plus brand and gain more charitability from haters and normies alike definitely failed on that front uh things could not be more things could not be worse on that front yeah uh yell less be happier no more responding to haters again i would say. You're setting yourself up for failure. That's your bread and butter. It's your job. It's like your resolution was be less Hassan.

Yeah. Well, yell less, be happier. I would say I failed at. But the no more responding to haters, I definitely did much better than the year prior and the year prior fitness goals 16 body fat by july uh keep hitting the gym i did not hit 16 body fat by july get to 100 and 245 pounds by march 230 uh 30 pounds by the end of the year at that point i was 255 i'm 245 so so I did make a lot of gains on that front, but didn't hit 230. Bench press, 225, 15 times.

Squat, 315, 12 times. Deadlift, 405, 8 times. This is too many wrestlers. Women in STEM. That's impressive. He's kind of rubbing it in, to be honest. I reached and nailed the deadlift part. Deadlift, 4 plates by 12.

But anyway, that's besides the point. Sounds like you hit most of them. Yeah. Yeah. I have a theory about resolutions. That's an impressive year. I'm very proud of you. We set ourselves up for failure with resolutions

because we do them in the dead of winter. Can you imagine if we started a new year right at the start of summer? Yeah, like Australia? Yeah. You think there's a science or more production? Yeah, if you have a fitness goal and it's the first day of summer. Yeah, like Australia. You think they're more productive? You think there's a science? They're more productive? Yeah, if you have a fitness goal

and it's the first day of summer, mate. Yeah, fucking right on. You want to get happy. Get happy and fucking leaf, mate. Looking fucking good, mate. Maybe that's why they're sexier. I do agree. They look so sexy.

They're so hot. It's because I think Australia makes it illegal to ship fat Australians overseas. When I was a kid, I wanted to marry an Australian so badly that I did my fifth grade report on Australia. And then I would pretend Orlando Bloom was Australian. Wow. Not the last part, but I was also fascinated with Australians. I know I was like...

What is your question? Why Orlando Bloom? You would pretend you would want to marry an australian but the australian you wanted to marry wasn't australian so you pretended he was is orlando bloom american uh i actually don't know but i know i used to tell people he was australian wow because i was like the orlando is fucking australian wow he's that'd be so sick oh my i'll have to fight katie perry but ludwig will have to marry him with oh he's one of those british guys okay he's british yeah at least i wasn't too far off there's two different types of actors where like you think they're exotic and not american but they actually are from like ohio uh example is uh uh what's his face the dude who i thought was like

samoan or polynesian jason momoa jason momoa which he is he's like part uh hawaiian but he did grow up in ohio so when you hear him speak you're like what the fuck i did not expect this accent at all um and then the other or or johnny depp who you're like oh is he british and then the other or Johnny Depp who you're like oh is he British and then you're like no he's not he's just from Kentucky I think and then you have the British actors who sound so convincingly American and have like perfect

Baltimore dialect or whatever and then when they're speaking in their own mother tongue they're like yes I'm a thespian I'm a Shakespearean actor in real life all the kids were stupid and they believed me that he was from Australia so mother tongue. They're like, yes, I'm a thespian. I'm a Shakespearean actor in real life. That's what I've done. Well, all the kids were stupid and they believed me that he was from Australia. Yeah, kids are stupid.

Speaking of stupid kids, what were your resolutions? Thank you so much, Will, for that so flattering segue. I've got a New Year's resolution. I'm going to stick to one. Well, I had some in 2023. I don't remember them, to be completely

honest and i think i think i joined the millions of people that also make resolutions that they forgot right um yeah i in 2024 i i love this podcast i just want to say i love this podcast it's my favorite thing that i do every week um thing you do see. Well, that's one of the only things that I do. So I'm going to get to that. Um, but, uh, I love doing the podcast. I love,

uh, you know, uh, making jokes and being silly, which I frequently do on this podcast, but I don't necessarily enjoy the perception of myself that comes from being silly. Sometimes,

you know, I think, I think I'm not going to stop being silly. I'm not going to stop being who I am because I enjoy making people laugh. That's one of the primary reasons why I like to be silly. But I think in 2024, I need a vehicle that I can be more intimate and have more personal, serious conversations with people. And this isn't going to be that vehicle, uh, for the

record, maybe sometimes, but I'd like to have, uh, a place where I can be serious because I think that like, sometimes the things that I say on here are, uh, are like, I don't enjoy necessarily people thinking that that is all I am, you know what I mean? So I, in in 2024 i plan to do more uh you know uh things uh that show a more serious side of me as opposed to just what you see on the podcast which again i'm not going to stop being this on the podcast uh well i thought of something only fans no well there's that is something that i thought of he wants you to see another side of him yeah i i want to do uh i wanted to do this thing called In the Tub with Austin Show.

Oh my god, it literally... What? She wasn't lying. You just want to show your dick. No, I'm not going to show my dick in the tub. I'm going to put on swim shorts. It's going to be him talking in the tub. It's going to be me talking in the tub with a bottle of wine. I'm going to call it Wine About It.

Like that. Wine About It, but also with a man finally. Can I be in the episode and we can sit in the tub together? Yeah. So that's part of my goal is I plan to invite people on and I don't want to call it a podcast and it'll be maybe once a week. I'm going to sit in the tub. Sometimes I'll have my shirt off.

Maybe, maybe, maybe that's too much. I don't know. You're going to be in a tub with your shirt on and other. No, no. I don't know. My point is, serious, vehicle, place where I can just show a different side of me. Like I said, I know you say don't read

the comments, but I think some of the criticism is valid in the sense that people think I'm this fucking sex-crazed gay Karen that's belittling waitstaff at every restaurant. That's not the only side of him. He's a sex-crazed

Karen who belittles waitstaff sometimes when they deserve it. He also enjoys a good serious tub. Well, you use the tub way more. I got a new place recently and I've not tubbed in it at all. That's fucked up.

I tubbed in it one time. You have to tub it up way more than that. That's my New Year's resolution. That's fun. I like it. That's good. I like it, Picasso. I found New Year's resolutions that I fucking absolutely failed and I want to bring up at least two of them. No, you had too many already. No, no, no. This is important. Trust me.

You've already had like 50. Okay, I'm going to say one that failed. I think you set yourself up for failure by having so many fucking resolutions. Okay, well, one, I nailed most of them. There's only one in here that, well, can you read this one? Oh, God, I'm nervous. This one right here. I don't know.

Oh, that's interesting. Hang on. I'm dyslexic. Let me try and sound it out. Yeah, what does it say? It says, Des'm dyslexic. Let me try and sound it out. Yeah, what does it say? It says, Disney with cutie. I don't want to go. That was, hmm.

It was so unachievable. I must have set myself up for failure. You went with everyone else. Everyone. Cutie, I cannot believe that you didn't want to go to Hassan to Disney between the hours of 8 and 11 p.m. That's not fair. On weekdays and weekends.

That's not fair. It's fair. No, it's not. I would have literally, we would have carved it out specifically for that. I would have done it whenever. It's dead in January. We can go. And I'm not streaming very much in January.

It's like. Okay. I'm not streaming at all in January, so I'll join you too. Okay. Nobody invited you. Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me.

He loves Disneyland You need me there It was supposed to be like all of us That was for three years of the making Will really wants to go It's just going to be a different experience for me Because I'm going to be on Ecstasy That's going to make a great pod

That's going to make a great pod The three of you doing Disney And me absolutely off my tits At Disney Just like licking funnel cakes That's going to make a great pod. That's going to make a great pod. The three of you doing Disney and me absolutely off my tits at Disney. Just like licking funnel cakes and rubbing your nipples while you suck on churros. Just gumming and shit.

I've been on Space Mountain six times now. No, we're just going to go there and we're just going to lose you. We're just going to lose Will in the park. I'm picturing a mom from Kansas who put together a lot of their funds to bring the whole family and Will is just like gumming

next to them trying to be like, I don't know where the toilet is. I've never taken ecstasy before. Neither have I. Really? I think he's lying. I think they're both lying. Of course not. We've never taken. We would never do drugs. No, that's crazy. Only March does drugs. Okay, I don't think we're both lying. Of course not. We've never taken, we would never do drugs. No, that's crazy. Only March does drugs.

I, okay. I don't think we should do drugs, but as the older I get, the more I'm like, I get why people do drugs. No drugs are great. Cause when I,

when I, growing up as a kid, I was like, I was like, I'm above, I don't do drugs why would anybody do drugs and the older i get i'm like taxes life i get why people do drugs i mean to be honest frankly they lied they lied to us about drugs they straight up lied to us about drugs

what what when we were teens when we were teens they used to be like, if you smoke weed one time, that's a gateway drug. You'll be injecting heroin into your nutsack within the week. It's true. I'll be honest, that's a lie. You're right. That's stuff they would tell us. Except it did happen to me.

It's a lie, and then I did inject heroin into my nutsack. That's why he's so crotchety. It's just... I gotta give it to him. They got a tough sell. To drugs? No, to not do that. But

for the record, don't do drugs, folks. They really... If I'm being serious... Everyone does drugs. Okay. Did you just drink a coffee? I did. You're on caffeine. You're on drugs. And I feel great. Are you on Black Market Ozempic?

No. Of course you are. I'm not, but I want to. You're on drugs. I'm not on Ozempic. Oh, yeah. He's not on Ozempic. That'd be so cool if you were on Ozempic.

I mean, I thought about it, but I'm not on it. That is the gayest thought to have. Yeah, you're so skinny. To be on your pumping Black Market Ozempic but I'm not honest. That is the gayest thought to have. Really? To be 8% body fat and be like, I should take Ozempic is the gayest thing you could ever say. I don't want to take it. It's in the Streamer Award gift bags. Is it really? Awesome.

You can get Ozempic online now without seeing a doctor. Really? Oh, my God. That's insane. I mean, I hate to break it to y'all, but all of Hollywood is on Ozempic online now without seeing a doctor really oh my god that's bro i mean i hate to break it getting dangerous but all of hollywood is on ozempic yeah 100 if you see any stars or starlets that have recently dropped 30 pounds are you telling me jonah hill's on ozempic they're pumping ozempic yeah it is like the drug doesn't just stop you from eating yeah it makes you not hungry all

the time first of all what is the ozempic thing that you're bringing up sorry for the to cut you off no it's okay the ozempic thing that you're talking about has been a thing for years in hollywood literally before it hit mainstream but it's they were already and now it's become like the drug yeah for sure but here's what i will say new year's resolution start ozempic people like like drugs because they work, right? I think ultimately the more realistic we can be about drugs and facing drugs with your very individual and unique circumstance and being responsible for you is eventually where we need to get.

Drugs work, but drugs shouldn't be for everybody because everyone has a different tolerance, a different relationship, a different set of outside circumstances that might make them more susceptible to addiction. And everybody should approach drugs with their own unique perspective. My therapist and psychologist both said I can't do drugs. They said I'll have problems. Wait, you have a psychologist?

You mean a psychiatrist? Yeah. I'm dyslexic. Did you ask them if you can do that yeah because i asked them if i because there's been a lot of things about like shrooms to help with depression anxiety and a lot of things about like ketamine treatments and lots of stuff like that and so i like asked them and they're i brought it up they both they both say it's uh like separately not even talking to each other that i have too much drama that they think it could make me worse off yep that's true i mean you have to wait until i feel some things and

then maybe they are saying that because they want you to keep going they seem pretty yeah i think no my therapist is like pretty woke like she has me try random that is a don't even that is a crazy idea i'll pull the l ron hubbard there for a second. Ladies and gentlemen, listen to professionals. Listen to medical professionals. I mean, they're kind of paid to tell you what. Well, I even. I'm just kidding. By the way, I'm just kidding. I went to like some guru one time too that like does like shroom sessions.

And I talked to that person. That person was like, nope. I do that. Yeah. I'm a Sherpa. That Sherpa I went to told me that I have too much darkness. I cannot do it. At a New Year's party that we go to, we will not be doing shrooms.

Will and I will not be. You're leaving me hanging for the no shroom policy that we've had. Cutie and I will not be doing anything. That's real though. Cutie and I are going to make. I hope they have charcuterie at the party. Me too. One time, I'll say it offline TV, I'm standing my ground. that is you and i are gonna i hope they have charcuterie at the party me too like one time

i'll say offline tv i'm standing my ground one time you had charcuterie it was amazing and then the next time i went to your party you did not have charcuterie and i was sad well you just set the expectations like with the charcuterie plate one year i gotta keep it going i'm gonna i i but they keep inviting like thousands of people i feel like maybe they can't have charcuterie it's too expensive because that is expensive they ain't got fucking bread they're inviting more people than ever podcast uh collab with them by the way they had like two episodes the fear pong we lost because we let them win it did well by the way cutie i i don't i am so sorry for drenching you in chocolate milk It's okay I don't even recall

It kind of looked like you didn't even try It does look like you did it on purpose It looked like you weren't going to spill any on yourself Under any circumstances That was real I didn't want to get wet Oh we can tell I didn't want to get wet so I held it above my head

And I didn't get wet I didn't want to get wet. We watched it. I didn't even know you weren't blindfolded because of how fucked up of a job you did that I thought, oh, Austin is blindfolded, of course. And then I watched the video and had the revelation that you purposely. Wait, he wasn't blindfolded? No.

Austin. I couldn't look behind me. It doesn't matter, blindfolded or not, I couldn't see what was behind me. It was insane to me that you had all of the opportunity not to be that bad. In my defense, Cutie, you could have done a little better of a job. I was blindfolded. I know, but you know what? Communication, we got to work on it, and that's okay.

That's part of our resolution next year. Yeah. Communication, where the bucket is if we do that challenge again. I don't think we're ever going to do that challenge again in our lives. I will never do that challenge again i don't think we're ever gonna do that challenge again in our life i will never do that challenge again especially not with you because you didn't just dump on cutie you dumped on me it's not my fault you're six eight okay and it's ridiculous if you were if that was will there i wouldn't have hit him right you're too big that's not true speaking of which the visual of you running through an airport is so amusing to me i wish i was a fly on the wall.

Oh my God, bro. I was wearing this. I had these like fucking 10 pound shoes on too. It's like, bro, of course. Because it doesn't fit in my fucking luggage. Of course that's a Saan Piker with a seven inch heel. Yeah. Running through Skipple Airport.

And I have the massive, I have two bags with me because I was like, I brought the IRL kit. It looks like he would ride a bike to a gem heist. Yeah. Dude, I had the IRL kid. He looks like he would ride a bike to a gem heist. Yeah. Dude, I had the IRL kid on me.

I had this big fucking jacket that I bought, which I want to talk about as well. Cause I want to talk about Italy in a, in a brief moment. I've got a story too. I was sweating profusely and like Murad and I are both fucking running through the goddamn airport, like screaming,

trying to fucking make it to this stupid ass flight. And, you know, lo and behold, they also waited regardless. Oh, that's nice of them. No, they delayed the flight anyway, even after we got on. So I've got a plane related story, actually. That's not shocking to me at all. A teaching moment for me. Something happened to me on a plane recently. I flew back. We did the Fear On podcast.

Merry Christmas special. I flew back home for Christmas, for the holidays. I sat in coach, which is fine. Nobody's not complaining about it. You don't have to follow it up with it's fine. You can't say which is fine.

I just want people to know that I'm not always up there. He wants to be relatable to the people. That's one of those things where when you say that, it comes across like it's not fine. No, but it is fine. That's the thing. So there was three seats, right? I sit down and there are two

gentlemen. Yes. There's a lot. In the Portland metro area, that's where i was flying to was portland portland metro area everywhere outside of portland is like maga like sure it's it's like a lot of you know so i see these guys this guy's a bigger guy fucking camo hat big beard you know everything guy next to him same thing kirk no it wasn't kirk it wasn't Lord Kirk. So I'm like, oh my God, you know, and every time I see these guys, I'm like, oh, this guy's like, you know. That's quite prejudiced of you. It is.

It is. And, you know, but you can be prejudiced towards white people. Fair. So anyway. You can always be racist to white people. So I'm like. Cool. So I'm like, oh God, this fucking MAGA guy.

Fucking voted for Trump. My blood's boiling the whole time. I'm sitting there on the flight. What? He's pissing me off. You know what I mean? What has he done? Has he done anything?

He's done nothing. He looks like the face of homophobia. He just doesn't like his vibe. No, I thought, you know. It's okay not to like people's vibes. Right, right. So anyway, so we're getting, we're on the flight.

I'm kind of like thinking about it, you know, during the flight here and there. And we hit some turbulence as we're landing. And I look over and the two guys are holding hands. They're holding hands. They're gay. They were bears.

They were gay. There were two gay men. So you're a bigot. No, I didn't mean to be a bigot. No, you were a bigot. But then I came to think to be a bigot. No, you were a bigot. But then I came to think, I was wearing Hasan's merch, which is camo, his camo merch. And I came to think, my God, I sat down on this flight. I was judging them, thinking that they were MAGA Trump supporters.

They probably thought I was the same thing because I was wearing a camo pair of merch. By the way, at the mall yesterday i got recognized for your merch before they knew who i was that's just crazy that happens all the time with me when i wear yard merch and ironically people be like i love that podcast and i'm like anyway that's my story i learned a lot immediately you have to be like well i have my podcast it's called not whining about it you want me to fall you want me to hand out business cards at the mall when i'm wearing yeah someone goes oh my god the yard you should be like hey you should check out the podcast i'm on your end is is funny too here it is no no your end is better you want me to i hate

i support my boyfriend and we are equals no your boyfriend sucks ew guys he got me i have i beat the shit out of him at dodgeball he You got me diamonds. Okay, speaking of your boyfriend, I have something. I have to bring out... Ludwig got me diamonds. I never had diamonds in my life. That's super cute. You've never had diamonds in your life? I've never had anything diamond.

That is so pretty. Are these real diamonds? Wow. I know. I'm going to get murdered. That is so... Well, no, you're not. When I went to high school, you couldn't wear nice like Nikes to school or you'd get literally killed.

I'm not kidding you. You're not. You're not there anymore. Life has changed. I feel like LA. You're allowed to wear diamonds. Don't you think? No.

Really? How often are you actually on the street? I'm not going to like wear them out. Oh, I don't know. I bought my mom some diamonds because she took care of my dad all year. That's nice. For Christmas. Okay.

That's so sweet. She got nice criminal gifts. Santa will is one of the most generous people. Speaking of Christmas gifts, which will dovetail into children. Here's a little bit of drama. Cutie and I went Christmas

shopping, but Cutie actually went Christmas shopping before I did and literally got stuff for my family that I wanted. I did great for you yeah she did a phenomenal job and and so i wanted to return the favor cutie was having a hard time uh trying to figure out ludwig's stepdad he's hard to shop for okay not me i'm not ludwig's stepfather uh ludwig's crazy if you were ludwig's actual stepdad that'd be confusing for me well i just i'm i make jokes hello anyway is is stepdad is uh is big fan of of manga and animes and stuff like that so and it was like a real it was crunch

time right this is the 24th 20 no it was the 23rd we went shopping yeah 23rd Okay, it was the 23rd, and like, everyone, you know, everywhere is slammed, and Cutie said he likes Berserk, so what did I do? I was like, oh, I know something that has immediate turnaround. I can get you something for Christmas Eve in the morning, okay, literally at 7am

or 11am, whichever is your preference, you should get Kentaro Miura's Berserk, rest in peace, or 11 a.m whichever what your uh you know whichever is your preference you should get so flexible kentaro muras berserk rest in peace deluxe edition leatherback uh manga wow yeah and i got her the first and the second edition of these and it came immediately the next day and i of course texted cutie i was like hey cutie you're you know I got something for Ludwig's dad for you as we had discussed.

What would you like me to do with it? To which, what did you respond? I didn't. Yeah, to which cutie did not fucking respond to me at all. Well, this is what had happened was we went to the mall. I got him Uggs and some whiskey chocolates because he likes whiskey.

And then on my way home, I stopped at Best Buy and got him an electric mug. They're so cool because he loves coffee. And then I was like, maybe I don't need berserk. And then the next day I'm, guys, I am, I want to say something that might be controversial. I'm an amazing cook. You are. And so I had to spend all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day cooking. And so I got your text in the middle of making cinnamon rolls,

which, this is drama. I'm not deflecting or distracting. Definitely not. I made cinnamon rolls. I was going to bring some here, but we have a mystery on our hands. Somebody threw away the tray of cinnamon rolls. I don't know who. I don't know if it was Ludwig. It was Ludwig. Like the cleaners. Ludwig's mom. It was Ludwig. Like the cleaners. Ludwig's

mom. It was Ludwig. Potentially my assistant. Ludwig definitely threw them away. He probably knew you were bringing it for him. He didn't want joy. I was going to bring you guys some cinnamon rolls and now they're freaking, they're gone. So maybe next time, next Christmas, but not sure. So that's why I didn't reply.

But I can ship them to him and I appreciate it. That is a bullshit deflection. Also here, yeah, here you go. I'll ship them to him. That is a bullshit deflection. I'll ship them to him. It would be great. I would like our gifts now. I did not get you guys anything for Christmas. Just kidding. I did get you guys stuff.

As you guys know, or maybe you don't know and you're just finding out, I went to Italy with Mia Familia, as they say. I'm going to be on barrel. I'm going to be the semester at sea kid like Will and be like, oh, I went to Buffalo. I've never brought up semester at sea. You used to bring it up to me, but in a way where that was like totally valid.

You were never like, you did do semester at sea. Did you break your phone? No, it's been so broken. Okay, semester at sea kid. Will did the semester C But he wasn't like the meme kid But I will be the meme The semester C meme

I went to Italy It was a life changing experience I talk like this now It's normal And I got you guys some gifts Oh Okay You even have a bag and everything

It's in a bag And everything Was that in your duffel bag that you hauled around the airport? I made you guys homemade gifts, but I forgot them. Some of it. I'll bring them next week. I'm looking forward to it. I don't think you'll like it.

I will love it. First and foremost. I don't think you're a handmade gift person. No, actually, the older I get, the more I appreciate the little things. Okay, well, here's a little thing for you, Austin. Calendario Romano. 2024. little things okay well here's a little thing for you austin 2024 oh no it's not just the roman calendar it's hot fucking priest priest wow that is oh hell yeah this one was a certified banger marat was like he saw this and he was like we have to get this awesome here can i say it this is handmade for you. Can I open this?

Speaking of, our calendar will be finished January 2nd, so it can go on sale next week if you want. Get your calendars, folks. Hot priests. Hot priests. Hot Italian priests. Yeah, hot Italian priests. What's the name of that?

One artist you love? Buca di Beppo? No, Pepino Gagliardi. Buca di Beppo. I mean, they could be a little bit more twinkish, but I'll take it. I don't like him. This priest has androgenetic alopecia, but that's okay. They're priests.

Oh, this one's a little... No, these are real priests that are sexy. Wait, what is he doing? Okay, this is the one. Hold on. What is that? He's like eating bread? Yeah, this is...

I think that's Jesus. He's eating Jesus Christ. He's like eating bread. Yeah, this is... Okay,. He's eating Jesus Christ. He's like eating bread. Yeah, this is, okay, this is my favorite so far. I don't like him. You don't like him? No. I don't like the chin hair.

He can always shave it. Okay. This one looks like. It looks like someone's dad. Yeah. Thank you, Hasan. This is very nice of you. Thank you so much.

Because he's a gladiator. And I got him a gladiator helmet. This isn't quite my size. It's for your penis. It's for your penis. That would be awesome. This is awesome. It's Maximus Decimus Meridius.

Leader of the Felix Legions in the armies in the north. Do you actually know this? Yes. Husband to a murdered wife. Father to a murdered son. And he will have his vengeance or this life or the next.

He's talking about Gladiator, the movie. It's okay. Yeah, it's one of the greatest movies. I've never seen it. It's only one of the greatest movies of all time, which Ridley Scott will never be able to recreate.

We're too busy producing sex toys. It's not a big deal. Literally one of the greatest movies of all time.. It's not a big deal. Literally one of the greatest movies of all time, but it's not a big deal. Actually, if you want to know the real historically accurate thing, by the way, those helmets, unironically, they signify a specific...

Put it on the anime figurine. I want to see it on his head. Okay. Well, let's not do that to Faye. I don't think it'll fit her it's not gonna fit on her big ass head it'll fit on that little guy's head i want to see it yeah yeah wow look at that black yeah so um the helmets actually take it back there's like multiple five or six different uh things that you can like be defensive

positions offensive positions in the coliseum as a gladiator and the helmets actually signify that i forget which one this one is specifically but i think it's cool because it also is the mf doom mask yep oh that's cool so you're doing um one uh one more. This one is for you, Cutie Cinderella. Thank you, bud. This is specifically because I went to the capital of real Christianity, and I got you this gift because I think you should turn to our Holy Lord and not the Latter-day Saints, the real leader of the. Wow, you're so strong. Thank you. you i'm gonna tell those priests about you this is

this is for what the heck it's a pope this is a a bust ah of not just any pope but the pope the woke pope this is the woke pope you want me to take the wolf's pope who is gay and smokes weed what is he new yeah he's mean, this is kind of... I'm Catholic now. Is he new to DLC? So this is the woke Pope. I want you to turn to... Is he alive still? Yes. I want you to turn to... Wait, there's multiple? I'm confused.

It's like the Dalai Lama. What? No. I mean, kind of. Yeah. Every time one dies, a new one comes. Sometimes they just... They change that. There's the Dalai Lama and the Brahma Lama. And then, I didn't know the other one. And then, last but not least, I got something for Marge as well. All right.

Oh, yay. Here you go, Marge. I got something for you. This is also a Pope thing. Is that a pilt container? Exactly. It's free. You can put your drugs in it, and also it has a cross in it,

so you can find Jesus Christ and stop being a degenerate. I mean, it'll get you closer to him. That's for sure. I like that one. I knew Will was going to like that one. Hassan, that is so sweet of you. I'm like him. I'm going to cherish this gift.

He's the size of a small fetus. Yeah, so. You could still abort him at this size, I think. I think that's the one thing the Catholic Church is still frowning upon. His abortions. Even this Pope? He'll come around. But he's small.

But yeah, that's Papa Francisco. I wanted you to turn to the light of Jesus Christ. I'm a Catholic now. I'll consider it. However, I've been baptized in the Church of Jesus Christ. Famously, Mormons, yeah, they will never let that go. I hear Mormons will Yeah, they will never let that go. They will. I hear Mormons will like exhume you after death.

No, they baptize like they baptize Adolf Hitler and Anne Frank. Wait, they baptize Adolf Hitler? They do posthumous baptisms. Maybe you should have let that one go. Maybe let Hitler go? I mean, they did it literally simultaneously. Like they did Hitler and theocaust victims which was insane it's like the most it's like the most both sides situation you can arrive at where you're like both sides in the holocaust

why would you want him as a mormon that's weird forgiveness is forgiven they want everyone everybody yeah they want everyone to have a planet dude i don't know't know. I think he was stretching for that one. I think maybe he was the only one that he didn't. I think Hitler was probably the one that he didn't forgive. It's an interesting one because it's like, is it an L or a W in the sense that maybe they did the Holocaust victims as well so they could haunt Hitler post-mortem in the planet. So it was woke?

In the Mormon planet where they could beat the shit out of Hitler all the time. They could control him so they could jail him for eternity. Yeah. They could just like fuck him up. Is that how that works? Our resident Mormon expert. No, not really. People don't know this, but half my family's Mormon.

What? Yeah. Did you just make that up? No, I'm serious. Half my family's Mormon. They live in Alaska. Wow. Yeah.

That's crazy. We hotboxed one of their motorhomes one time they were very upset about it wow yeah wow well that's catholic whatever same thing when we were kids and you'd get in a scary situation you're supposed to sing i'm a child of god to yourself oh did you like fold your arms and thinking that back let me hear that song i am a child of god and he has sent me here has given me an earthly home with parents here lead me guide me walk beside me teach me show me all that i must do to live with him someday that's like that's so deep very creepy i know like if you sang i feel like if you sang that in like uh in like a like a shining style situation yeah i know in a dark corridor you'd

be like oh this is the murder this is a horror i remember my mom was driving me and my mormon friend one time and we were going through a canyon and there was a flash flood so she pulled to the side of the road and was just you couldn't see a car in front of you couldn't see behind you and it was kind of just like we'll see what happens and she was like guys if you're scared sing the song the song and so we're in the back of this car two kids singing the song imagine a police officer pulls up and we're i am a child well the police officer probably he probably starts singing with you probably like yeah he's like yeah yeah yeah that shit slapped that was cool but in a very creepy way um i also went to the shop that like the pope and the priest shop at like the clothing store mart nordstrom basically no i think it's called like uh paliocelli or something i forget what it is i have it no i got like pre-strip

straight up i got the same shit that priests wear uh because it was fire because i was looking for like a trench coat that fit me and um my, my, we've all been to Italy. Have you, you've been to Italy? Yeah. So I wanted to hear everyone's takes on Italy. Mine, starting with myself, I think Italians are the most Turkish people I've ever seen. What does that mean? They're like, there is this vibe with Mediterranean people that they're just like very um fast and loose and don't really like uh have that

same rigid structure that like nordic countries have for example where there's no like established time frame for things to get done they drive like shit they drive over sidewalks they use their hands a lot when they're talking they're very passionate people and you know they're very they're very turkish that way um i i felt when i was you felt at home i did italy well italy but it also wasn't like i don't know my dad is like really into florence and you guys the best place you can go to and then florence was florence is sick florence is like a movie it's sick but like it's also i mean it's like whatever you know better than los angeles no you're you're you're smoking that zaza all right if florence is whatever i think you're depressed no i mean i think it's

nice but it didn't like no i'm not gonna i even like rome more which is shocking is you have mental yeah no but let but let me explain. They're different. They're hard to compare. I care more about ancient Rome than I do about the Medici family. And I think that's the reason why. That was my thing, too. Everyone is really into the Renaissance.

If you go to Florence, that is the Renaissance period. That's all of these incredible monuments built for the church. Right. And played a significant role. And it's beautiful. It is beautiful. period. That's like all of these incredible monuments built for the church. And played a significant role. It's beautiful. And the nightlife is great. And the food's incredible. The food was amazing. Food was much better in Florence than it was in Rome.

I will stand on that opinion. So what about Rome is hidden? Just simply the history of Rome. The history is more relatable. For me, it was significantly more impressive to see like, you know, 2,000 year old and more than 2,000 year old structures still standing that was unearthed

and like imagining, like when you sit in the middle. So you're a Roman Empire guy? I'm not, not by any means. Kind of, yeah. I never really was, but then seeing... I think it's just the fact that they had an active working sewage structure. Yeah, you're a Roman Empire guy. The fact that they had incredibly impressive... You're doing the meme right now.

Beats of engineering. Yeah, that's what I was impressed by, too. Thousands of years before. And then the fact that there was a server reset in the entirety of the European server. They were also crazy and gay. That, too, yeah. But they were gay in the Renaissance, too. Yeah, but what was so cool to me when I went to Italy, you asked our impressions of Italy. Yeah.

One of my things was that when I took a private tour through the Vatican and I learned about Michelangelo, specifically a lot about Michelangelo. And what was so cool to me is how gay he is. Bisexual. Well, I don't know. Allegedly. But the church would famously say that he was married to his art. What I loved so much about my tours is that all these beautiful pieces of art were created by a homosexual

and something that is written and the church has such a hate for, but they can never take that away. That a gay man created art in their church, and it's both amazing and also sad. So just to contextualize this,

you like Rome better because there was a sewer and you like Rome better because there was an affluent gay man. Well, I mean, there's an affluent gay man in art throughout every period of history. When you stand in the middle of a fucking former, like when you look at a fucking column yeah that is so goddamn tall standing in like um a a former byzantium that they uh that they built

there and you can like imagine the structures yeah i think that that's insanely impressive and incredibly cool especially when you see um i forget what the area is called like the original forum underneath the hill that like romulus founded roman where you see like seven uh i think you see like seven centuries of different developments and and seeing it in one place is really impressive especially yeah like look i i grew up in ist right? It's the same exact principle where you can also experience thousands of years of history all at once but never in that immediate

situation where it's so visible. So I thought that was really cool. I found that to be more interesting than at least Renaissance and Florence. Katie, what do you think? Do you think wizards in Harry Potter ever use their wands

to masturbate with? Hmm. Are you me this episode? What is going on? I was just thinking about it. I mean, it's probably happened at least once. I would say that

lends itself more to the Witches Yeah makes sense Are you saying they Stuck the wand No wizards can do that too Of their coochie Or their butthole

I think they're sounding No gay wizards Put it in their butthole Do you think they can Non-gay people Also yeah Hold on yeah I was like that's

Straight wizards That like I'm just saying I'm just saying It probably lends itself You didn't even think about No I'm just saying it lends itself more to witches. I think it does too, but I don't know if they do it. If you can get a wand to

vibrate. Vibrato. Is that a spell? I made it up. Vibrato. I like that. I would masturbate with a wand. That makes sense. When I went to Florence. Bro, you can't even do booty boot camp. Wands are so lean, but anyway i'm

not hey i didn't bring it up you didn't bring it up that's true hey i'm watching jersey shore right now and they're in italy yeah and i wish i would have watched it before i went to italy because then i could go to this place as they went and that's my one regret with italy is not watching jersey shore the real italians yeah i just had so much fun in Florence. What do you do? Everything in Italy. You were there with Semester at Sea, right? Yes.

So it's different. You're younger. But I was in Rome with Semester at Sea, and I hated it. Yeah. I mean, the Colosseum was cool. The ruins were cool. That's awesome, yeah.

But actually being inome was not that cool that's where okay so i will explain that part of it as well florence um obviously like there's there's an economy of space in florence like uh because the city is so uh the city is old and and the structures are very well preserved for the most part which is why like Can I ask you a real question? Enough about structures Did you go out at all? Did you party? Did you have fun? I was with my family Okay so no. Yeah Florence is

way more fun I didn't party in Florence either That's crazy I'm not part of my life We eat charcuterie I was there to do like a like a scene i woke up nude in an italian woman's home that's and she gave me a pair of basketball shorts and i had nothing to my name i was shirtless did you have sex with her i don't recall. Oh. Did you ask her? She didn't speak English.

Oh. You probably had sex with her. I don't think we did. Really? I think I just fell asleep. Where were your clothes? To this day, I don't know. Really?

No. Do you think you arrived there naked? To this day, I don't know. Probably not. Your life's a movie, dude. She didn't. Let me put it this way. She was very supportive when I woke up.

Okay. And she gave me a pair of basketball shorts. I don't think we hooked up. Okay. I think that what happened was there's a canal or there's a river in Florence. I think I jumped in that canal and was rescued by a local who took pity on me and i slept in this villa um and i was given a pair of basketball shorts and i knew that the rest of my group was leaving later that day so i was looking for david in the duomo because it was the only landmark i knew yeah yeah yeah so i kept saying david and the duomo because it was the only landmark i knew yeah yeah yeah so i kept saying david but everyone just guided me to souvenir stores where i could buy david even though i

was shirtless and in basketball shorts yeah and so i decided that i would run in successively bigger circles till i found the duomo and you did for the next two hours i ran in circles around florida you had a you had a time crunch. The irony is... Because the boat was going to leave. The irony is that the Duomo was at the center, so you should have done smaller circles somehow. The center is wherever you are at that period of time. And I eventually found the Duomo

and found my group with apparently 30 minutes left before they left, and I made it. I would have... I had pizza in Florence. I want to talk about that too. If I would have had any. You know how that story would have gone for me. I would have jumped in the canal and drowned.

That's what would have happened. My story would have ended at the beginning. I think when I was that age. That's kind of what I was looking for. But I just wouldn't die. I think I put myself in a lot of situations where I'm like, surely I'll die here. God is great. Sing the song, kid.

Yes. One other thing I will mention is that in Rome, I had a horrible hotel experience. Multiple horrible hotel experiences. The other thing I will say is pizza in Italy, at least in Rome, I did not have pizza in Florence. The the food was incredible in florence with one exception the bread the bread

is dog shit in florence specifically and this is something i talked to you no no no no listen first of all wrong okay i talked to a literal chef like an italian a florencian yes a a and and they're very proud people did you go to any of the secret bakeries listen let me explain okay the reason florence like the service bread that you get at the tables everywhere in italy uh is is region specific florence's bread is specifically saltless okay and i thought that was very strange i thought if the first night i'm like wow i had the greatest asubuko i've ever had in my entire fucking life why is the bread so bad and i thought maybe it's just this place this restaurant then we had it again and the bread is

very bland the sandwiches are incredible but the bread in and of itself is very bland, the service bread. Turns out it's because Florence has a 500-year fucking beef with pizza, where pizza used to be where the salt came from, and they fucking taxed Florence over the salt. So Florence decided specifically to not put salt in their bread and they kept up that fucking 500 year gripe to this goddamn day their baked goods are insane their baked goods are incredible but the table bread the service bread is specifically dog shit in florence because of that reason because of that reason because they refuse to put salt in it can't they get it from somewhere else no of course they can they just it's like why do you go to the supermarket it's it's centuries of tradition and anger that and resentment that they hold on to italian cities hate one another and beef with one another in the same way that like

british cities do yeah and it's like 700 years of like anger that they hold on to pettiness i like yeah which is so fucking stupid. And the pizza. I had pizza in Rome. It is not as good as pizza in New York. I will stand on that. Oh yeah, not even close. American pizza is significantly better. It's Napoleon.

I didn't have the Napoli pizza. It's not good. Yeah, I would agree. Yeah, I love Domino's. Me too. No, that's not what I mean. And's. Me too. No, that's not what I mean. And Papa John's too. No, no, no. That's not what I'm talking about. No.

Get that ranch or the pepperini. Cut that episode. We're going to the paywall. That's insane. Papa John's. We're going to be duking it out. I love Papa John's. People in the comments can't get mad.

Patreon.com slash fear and ladies and gentlemen, Patreon.com. Happy New Year to all of you. I'm going on vacation, so I'm sorry. I won't be here for a while. Austin is not going to be here for the next couple episodes because he will be in the near foreseeable future dead from a self-sucking incident. You should keep a journal while you're on the cruise. Maybe I'll do some vlogging.

Fun. But I said I wasn't going to work on the cruise. Oh, then don't. Oh. I was coming down the stairs on christmas day my dad yeah jesus is my yeah um coming down the stairs on christmas day my dad looks at me and he says austin is his son gay oh my god he wants you so bad And I said I said uh No and my mom got mad

Because she's like That's ridiculous Of course he's gay And my dad legitimately He's like I was like dad what made you think that He's like I can't keep up with him You know and so he And then he got I told him I'm gonna tell you this

Right now and he got so angry He's like don't tell him Please Do not That's what I said I said dad They don't think of gay Like back at they did

Like they did in the 70s It's a different type of thing Wait so why does he think I'm gay Cause I said he was handsome No he just can't keep track of like Who's gay and who's not I think it's because I think it's because you said

My dad was hot Austin I asked that question to you three times. Huh? Just now. How many times did you hear me ask it? I didn't hear any of it, actually. Oh, my God. Okay.

All right. Now you know what it's like to be a woman, okay? I wasn't paying attention. See? That's it. Yeah. Right? Yes.

Fair. Yes.