Fear& - Hasan Piker, AustinShow & QTCinderella Give Relationship Advice | Fear&

Episode Date: March 27, 2023

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Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. we're gonna get started before austin gets uh in of course yes are we going are we good um hi hassan wanted to start just so we could talk shit on austin yeah no literally because Are we going? Are we good? Hi. So I wanted to start just so we could talk shit on Austin. Yeah, no, literally, because I think I have very good reason. You want to know why?

Yeah, I want to know. Austin's been here. How long? He's been here. He's been here for hours. I'll get into how he got here and how he rushed over here drunk. But before we do that, notice how he's on the phone. He is currently on the phone. He's having a phone call.

You are late. I'm late. I'm always late. It's a problem. How many minutes were you late? 30. You're 30. You're exactly 30 minutes late to the dot.

Yeah. Because you came from wherever people are. But, of course, Austin, you were here. I know. I don't know. Austin, you were here. I know. I don't know. Why'd you start without me? No, I started without you to make a point. I was on the phone. To make a fucking point.

I was on the phone. Even when you're here. I got cookies. Oh my God, you're such a fucking queen. Are you kidding? Why don't you bring anything? Yeah, you don't bring anything. This is unbelievable.

You eat everything in my house. This is unbelievable. You eat everything in my house. This is amazing. Wow, Marsh. What kind of cookies are these? Why didn't you take the whole thing? You're an animal. You're an animal. Fucking Mike. Who does that? Who does that? You're already destroying every...

We just started. I know. Okay. We'll make it happen. We'll figure it out. What kind of cookies are these? Here, here, here. These are raspberry bars. Here. It's good.

It's good. It's good. I don't know why Austin can't eat like the- Austin. Oh, you're going to make such a fucking mess, dog. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Here you go.

I'm fine. Out of the way. Here, here. Look. You were here already, and you still managed to be late, later than Cutie, which is impressive. Look, I was on the phone, and Hasan pulled a fast one on me. I just, that's not true.

He just started the podcast. That's just not true. What were you on the phone about? We're sitting here waiting for you to be done with your fucking phone number. I was on a very important business meeting. No, he's talking to an ISP provider. Yeah, I was talking about internet. My internet's been a little slow,

so I was trying to speed it up a little bit. Why do you need internet? You don't even stream. Yeah, that would suck if your internet was slow. You know how much bandwidth you need to stream OnlyFans videos? Like none. This is the reason why you need to...

Yeah, I need high-speed internet. What, do you got like eight monitors? What the fuck are you doing? No, I will not jerk off on my computer. On top of on your work computer no that's a good lesson yeah yeah yeah probably a good idea kind of a good idea isn't it yeah good idea i mean you never want to i i have always been principled on that i have never jerked off on this computer i feel like it's weird i i'm not even in a jerk off mood because like this is my work this is a work room yeah this would be so strange to just you to jerk off in

here yeah i know have you ever be honest no so you ever thought about it no when i worked at the old navy sometimes i'd have overnight shifts and i'd have my boyfriend bring me like coffee or something overnight and i was like the manager and so um i would send everyone on lunch break but i would stay in the building and him and i would try to have sex in the really the fitting room because that was the only area that didn't have cameras wow it didn't work because he was too shy yeah what do you mean try what a pussy don't call him names he did his best was it ludwig or something i love him yeah he was working at old navy okay this is insane yeah yeah you can make it with any jam you're a you're a bad orange marmalade amazing i have a

diet to uphold and you're big i do not have i haven't eaten enough food today i do bake alongs we made this yesterday really yeah so i post the ingredients in my discord and then people can get them on then they show up on Saturdays, and they learn how to bake it. That is amazing. It's super cute and very wholesome. Wow. Oh.

And, like, a good, like, 20, 30 people posted their pictures of this. Would you bring some chocolate chip to the dinner next time? Well, she's fucking, you know. Yeah, next time. I'll take requests. No, I'm so sorry. Was that rude of me? Yes. I just thought, you know. Yeah, next time I'll take requests. No, I'm so sorry. Was that rude of me?

Yes. I just thought I love your baking and I just wanted a chocolate chip cookie from you. That's so wrong. Please. You're like making requests like she didn't have to bring this for us at all. Yeah, I'll bring it. I'll bring it. I would love a chocolate chip cookie.

I'll be here at 6 p.m. sharp. No, look. Hey, next time, how about you do a bake along with chocolate chip cookies? You know, change the content. You know what? I'll do it and I'll be here at 6 p.m. sharp. No, look. Hey, next time, how about you do a bake-along with chocolate chip cookies? You know, change the content for me. You know what? I'll do it, and I'll be a part of it. How about that? I'm inviting myself on your stream.

Didn't invite you, so. It just keeps going. Totally inviting myself on the stream. But look, thanks, Hasan, for starting the podcast without me. You could have been like, yo, we're starting, but you just didn't. He wanted to talk shit. I did. You didn't even get a finish.

So Austin's been at your house since when? Like I've been here since like five and it's 630 right now. And you came over drunk. Yeah. I've sobered up though. Wait, is that what he, is that what he started? Is that what he said? Yeah.

I was not. Look. You were not as bad as you were last time you were drunk. Look, Hassan. I was not... Look. You were not as bad as you were last time you were drunk. Look, Hasan, I was on... I've got secret agents in the Hasan Abiy community. No, you're just in his Discord. Yeah. So I was getting tagged by my secret agents in Discord.

Oh my God. That Hasan was watching a Jubilee video. Is that what it was? About dick sizes. About dick sizes, right? And I was like, this motherfucker is watching a dick size video, and this guy doesn't know nothing about cocks. Nothing about cocks.

I know plenty about cocks. He has nothing about cocks. He won't even suck one. That's how little he knows about cocks. Okay, we found out you don't suck them, too. I don't enjoy sucking cock. Yeah, it means you're probably made at it. No.

All right, look. Do you enjoy sucking cocks? Is that an acceptable question? No one does. Wait, really? That's not true. It's not true. What'd I say?

What'd I say? What'd I say? All women that say they do are lying. Yeah, it's not fun. I don't enjoy it. I think gay men enjoy sucking dick more than women do i don't believe you the only argument is that the only enjoyment you get from it is like arousing your partner yeah but it's not like fun it's not like like no you know what's fun is watching

gossip girl not sucking dick dude you nailed it it's the same exact principle behind eating pussy as well yeah which i also think is not fun no i think it's awesome i love eating pussy really yes i'd be like would you rather be like playing a game on your phone i love you no i love wait what you guys have such a weird relationship with sex i mean he's horny i'm horny i don't know what happened i used to be if there was a pussy around here well oh no that's not what I meant stop

sorry being the only female on this podcast I'm so sorry that was so it was problematic we have to probably is international

I'm gay I didn't mean that I don't like pussy it is international women's month I have a few more days you do and then it's my month

in a few months yeah when is it my month you know what I mean straight white guy month straight hot everything it's my month in a few months. Yeah. When is it my month? You know what I mean? Straight white guy month? Straight, hot, everything. It's bullshit.

Okay. Quite frankly, I think it's time. It's time that white men get their own month. Your month, I believe it was September. Yeah. It's one day. It's 9-11. It's one day.

Yeah. No, absolutely. Okay. So let's dial it back for a second. So Austin. Yep. I text him. I say, Austin, you can come early if you want.

I know you flew in just for the pod. He does. He loves the pod. I love the podcast. I've been flying in. This is my fourth weekend in a row. He's dedicated. Yeah.

You are here more than Will officially. Yep. That's true. Yep. Yeah. And Will is telling me I need to live here, but I'm here more. How does that that's true i'm i'm i yep yeah and will is telling me i need to live here but i'm here more how how does that fucking work out well yeah well you know when there's a will there's a way so i told you you can come you can come early if you want yep

and you were unresponsive to that until you found out what partying i was i was you were unresponsive to that because you were at the gay bars i was? Partying. I was at the gay bars. You were unresponsive to that because you were at the gay bars. I was, yeah. Like a harlot. I was at the gay bars. Being a messy bitch. They know me there now. Yeah.

We'll get to that in a second. Until you found out, I'm looking at men's dicks. Then you rush over. I did. I literally. You're like, tap. No, I literally was talking to a group of people. And I was like, I got to go. And they're like, Tab? Yeah, no, I literally was, I was talking to a group of people, and I was like, I got to go.

And they're like. He got the bat signal. Yeah, I got to go. I called an Uber Black because, and I don't normally buy those, but it was urgent. Yeah, where was Davide? He wasn't with me today. Oh, my gosh.

He wasn't with me today. Shame. But wasn't available, so I had to call an uber black but anyway i rushed over here and just he he didn't just rush over he said pause the video yeah he made me i got like 30 extra i have 30,000 people watching and this motherfucker in my discord is going tell hasan to pause the video And did you get the message? I did. And I was like, fuck that.

That's insane. You didn't pause it? No. Well, I can't stop myself. I have a problem. I pause too much regardless. So he actually did make it. Yeah, I did make it for like he started the video. You shouldn't have said pause.

You should have said like bring up something controversial. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Just distract him. Yeah. I mean, he ended up getting to, I ended up being able to participate in the video, but I've known about this video for a long time because Tanner Reed,

who's a porn star friend of mine, a gay porn star friend of mine was. Any other adjectives? A Hasanabi gay porn star friend of mine was any other adjectives specific Hasanabi gay porn star yeah and he's been telling me

that this video is going to come out and that I need to Hasan needs to react to it yeah and so I note about this and he's like I was like I have to tell him

to react to this video and then you were reacting to it of course I was reacting to it I was like shit it's a jubilee video about dick sizes it's like

amazing insanely in my so great video it's a It's a Jubilee video about dick sizes. It's like amazing. Insanely in my. So. Great video. It's a great video. We learned a lot about dick sizes. Yeah. Wait, what was it?

Was it just like get in the order of who? Yeah. Oh, one of those. It's like guys, guys think about like who. Yeah. Guys think about like who. That's it. Girth is a problem.

Interesting. But also too skinny is a problem. Girls in the chat were saying that girth is more important than length i've never heard that in my life i've never heard any female friend of mine ever say that i think like well obviously we're not talking like length as in you know you got like a fucking tuna can penis where your girth is like insane and then you got nothing yeah but like like you probably wouldn't want like a like a pencil dick you know, you got like a fucking tuna can penis where your girth is like insane and then you got nothing. But like, like you probably wouldn't want like a pencil dick, you know what I mean?

No, pencil dicks are a problem. Yeah. Little noodles are a problem. Like a spaghetti noodle, you know? No dick shaming for the record. This is just a preference. Everyone's great. Austin was dick shaming.

I let my natural instincts get the better of me and I made some, I had some very toxic reactions to my penis. He did. He was dick shaming a bunch. Then Hassan went on to body after that. He went to read on some pretty awful comments about how he was working at the little dick hospital. He was still worse than me. Oh, my God.

No, I was just reading. Okay, if you ever met, but this is one thing that I did say, I was reading comments in the chat and disapproving of it. I was like, no. While laughing hysterically. Now I will say this.

I made this comment, but I need to be validated by a female because I made it on behalf of the female community. Okay. Right. I said that the size of your penis will most likely rarely be the reason why you that will not be the reason why you're not able to get with somebody oh yeah no i agree wholeheartedly like as long as you have a raise

it doesn't matter what size your penis is. Long term, potentially, but like that night, everyone will give it a whirl. Okay. Oh, so you actually think that it could become problematic over time? Potentially. Really? Maybe. Like it could put a strain on the relationship. Did you have any dicks in your lifetime?

I saw a micropenis once. Me too. At a Denny's. Me too. Oh, that's right. At a Denny's? Not at a Denny's. I've seen a bunch of micropenises actually,

which is weird to say. Why? One, it was one time it was a homeless dude who was trying to play basketball with us. And we were playing basketball with him, but like he had like poop on his pants. Oh no. On the outside of his

pants. I mean, we ball up with homeless dudes all the time. It's not a big deal. But like he the outside of his pants. And, I mean, we play, we ball up with homeless dudes all the time. Yeah, that's fine. It's not a big deal. But, like, he had poop on his pants. So, we were like, hey, man, you know, you got, like, you got dookie stains on your pants. Yeah. That's what one of the dudes said.

And he was like, oh, no, no, no, don't worry. It's on the outside. And we were, like, you know, the people there were like, okay were like okay well you know that's kind of a problem for us yeah i mean like you want to you want us to like figure it out like get you some other clothes or whatever yeah and he was like no no it's fine and he got like really angry oh no and he was like no no we're gonna play with like dookie on my pants on the outside of my pants that's cool and then and then he tried to like throw hands with one of the dudes there and he basically just like instead of doing that he just took his pants down oh no put him on the ground he's like are you happy now

you want to play with me like this that's very cool and he had a micro penis he won that argument though jesus well he we stopped playing basketball when you're at a public park and a dude just drops trow and shows you his micro penis. Well, I guess the way- What a fucking story. Yeah. Yeah. I guess like even if he had a fat one,

I still wouldn't want to play at that point. I know. It was like really impressive. You're like, yes. Yeah. Good job, man. But like also, yeah, I'm going to keep playing now,

actually. That was one. And then the other time was when I was on Jeff's Barbershop. What's that? Jeff's Barbershop. Jeff Wood X. The podcast? Yeah.

Wait, this is recently. Yeah. His second in command. Like, he has, like, an Andy Dick or Andy Griffin or whatever. Like, you know how those late night shows always have, like, a second guy? Yeah, he is a micro penis. And he just flashed me. What is that? It seems like people with micro penises that's like their bit because like when i was in denny's i've told

you this story before i was in denny's and like remember the story yeah we were talking about micro penises this guy's like i want to see my micro penis we're like yeah and then we go to the bathroom and he puts a little blue coffee creamer he like takes it sips it turns around and we're like what's he doing he drops his pants and he turns back around and it was just like on his penis it was sick wait did he balanced it it was i don't know it was just on there so how do you like how big do my straight it was just on there like do they go from here to here like is it i think anything under like probably like an inch and a half is considered a micro penis maybe i would assume that look i'll

be honest inches like that that wouldn't be fun but honestly most of the time like toys and stuff are better than penises that's a that's a hard pill to swallow for a lot of guys all of you are replaceable by a vibrating dildo i know like every guy. Yes. I know this. What about like muscles? I don't give a shit. Like I incorporate, you know, those are weapons in my arsenal. Yeah, they should be. That's what you should, that's what they should do. But a lot of men like get like intimidated by the toys and it's like, no, no, this should be your,

this is the shield you are taking into battle. Yeah. But with men. It's helpful. With women, the sex experience is a lot more tense like what i understand men the woman the primary tell me you are literally like the least uh experience with women no well yeah of course you look very clearly but no there is more of a question. Uh-huh.

Isn't your guys' experience just, like, a lot more intense? Like, we can't achieve the level of intensity that you guys can. Oh, yeah. Like, the brain releases more. The meme slash study on it is that, like, what? Women experience orgasm, like, seven times more powerfully than men do. Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. But then again, a lot of, like, medicine in powerfully than you. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. But then again, a lot of like medicine in this field is like pretty fucking outdated. That's the problem. That is true. Yeah. Which is why I was saying earlier that like it's harder to make a woman cum and I think it's harder to eat pussy than it is to suck dick. Yeah, I think it's harder to eat pussy than it is to suck dick.

I think. I agree with you on that. It's over. It's a wrap. Well, and plus you have practice. So I remember when I first sucked dick. I hope no one in my family ever watches this show. This is the third episode in a row we've talked about dicks.

I know. We've got to really rein this in. We've got to diversify her. But my friend that was giving me advice, she was like, just imagine it's the best popsicle of your life. And you're like, okay. She's like sounds and everything.

And you're like, oh, okay. Sounds are huge. Right. And so it's like, once you learn that it's like compared to a vagina, it's like that. Imagine you're licking peanut butter off a multi-layered side of a building. I think, I think, uh, uh here's some here's some handy dick sucking tips for all you ladies and boys out there okay let me just tell you tell it to you straight okay hands are very important a lot of times i think uh people forget that uh you know big time

hands are out there hand job is a very fundamentally important part of a of a sweet blow job okay very important you should take notes because you are probably bad at sucking dick i am in fact is a very fundamentally important part of a sweet blowjob. Okay? Very important. You should take notes because you are probably bad at sucking dick. I am. In fact, I'm aware of that. I don't think I'm bad at it. I just think I'm very mid. People who say they don't enjoy giving head, universal concept here,

in my experience... Oh, my gosh. I don't agree with this. People who say they don't enjoy giving head are very good at it that's most women are very good at it i thought you're gonna say they're not they're not very good at it okay what do you what do you what are you why are you on your phone you're gonna call ludwig yeah oh that's insane that's awesome i'll just ask hey i'm on the podcast. Um, Hey Ludwig, don't, don't talk to him. Oh, sorry. Um, question for you. Would you between you want me to call? My dad? No, listen, listen. Okay, that's crazy.

But, like, why would he know? He wouldn't know. That's the joke. Okay. Yeah, but Lud knows what's good for him. Why would he give anything less? Because I told him to be honest. I don't care.

Oh, my God. I'm going to call him. Lud, be honest. If I'm being honest, it's a 10. I mean, if you want me to say a lower number so it sounds more realistic, I can do that for you. No, no. Yeah, let's hear it. Let's be honest. If I'm being honest, it's a 10. I mean, if you want me to say a lower number so it sounds more realistic, I can do that for you. No, no. Yeah, let's hear it.

Let's hear it. Yeah, I can give you like a – does a 9 help you make it more believable? Like I can do that for you. I mean, we could – if you get a couple numbers lower, we could get a good click-baity title. Hit me with a 5, I suppose. Yeah, hit him with a 5. No, with the five no no look you've talked about how

you had to literally train yourself to not have a gag reflex yeah like you have that going for you my speculation was and you can well i don't know why i would ever ask ludwig what his opinion is on receiving blowjobs he's had like three in his entire lifetime so he's the worst person has this it's true the context for this lud is that I said people that don't, people that say they don't like to give head are not very good at it. Would you say you're good at eating pussy? Oh, you're cutting out.

Convenient. Cutie rate Ludwig on a scale of one to ten how good is he anything okay go ahead okay cutie scale one to ten this is my whole no this is my whole argument i don't oh no i can oh lord i'm so sorry a ten oh no i'm saying oh my god stop that's not it i don't enjoy receiving it so it's not it's not fair to rate him because I don't enjoy that. Oh, okay. All right, let me ask you this. How good do you enjoy sucking dick?

What? Let's stop beating around the bush. I can learn to do a blowjob as good as QD and then suck your dick, and then you can rate it more accurately. I think that's a great idea, and we'll figure that out. Sorry, Austin. I was talking to Hassan there. Oh. You know, the problem is he's not really a good test subject.

Yes, I am. I'm the best test subject. No, he wouldn't enjoy that. I have literally gotten infinitely more blowjobs than you. Ludwig, eye contact is incredibly important with a blowjob, and he will not accept that. First of all, there you go. You're a blowjob and he will not accept that. First of all, there you go. You're a bad blowjob recipient.

Oh, God. No, I looked them right in the eyes. Thank you, Ludwig. What do you mean? Tell me why I'm bad at receiving. Okay, first of all, we just found out that you're bad at giving head. No, I'm not bad at it. I just am okay at it. It's okay. We need to like... I'm like a 7 out of 10.

We need to test this on a fucking cucumber or something. Oh, God. Do you have one? No. You got so excited. Oh, I'd hate that. Do you have one? Do you have one already?

Okay. No. Okay. My whole argument is I don't like, I don't dislike giving head. I don't, I just don't care. I'm not going to be like, oh, I love giving head. And any. I do.

I love giving head. And I think. And in my experience girls that i have been with uh-huh which is a relatively diverse group uh over a long he's bragging over a long timeline no i'm just saying like i i have like a obviously like a sample he has a lot more sex than all of you i'm saying i have a sampling bias but like you know it's like enough uh i'll be an anecdotal but still like enough data to to make up my mind on this thing 100 all i'm no all i'm saying is let's not talk about that all right all i'm saying is that in my experience girls that say

they love giving head are actually uh they enjoy it like they enjoy giving head are actually uh often better at it it's like it's like you do something that you enjoy i mean it's fair that you're better at it i think i'm there's something called the cool girl monologue have you ever heard of that no give it to me oh the cool girl let me find it i have to read it to you that's how it is you guys stall what is it about it's the idea is. You guys stall. What is it about? It's the idea where like, no, let me just find it. Let me just find it. I mean, look, I think that it goes with anything in life. You said you don't enjoy sucking dick.

I don't enjoy it. No, it hurts. It's like it hurts. It's just like your jaw. it just like doesn't feel having your fucking throat clogged with a cock isn't exactly a play think about that this is the one aspect that i can't speak on i've i've only been a recipient of blowjob like i don't think it's enjoyable to like have your airway obstructed by an object like you know what i mean i can understand like it's not naturally through your nose i i i'm a hypochondriac i can't breathe that's the problem i can't breathe

i need to come up sit especially eating ass i gotta come up for air what i gotta come i've actually had a really hard time with allergies recently i can't kiss because i like i'm like i can't i keep having to go up for air really Really? Kissing is so important to me. I can't breathe. Kissing is so important. Yeah, the number one no kisser is not here with us right now. Is that Will? That's Will. Will hates kissing. Will hates kissing.

Except unless it's for me. He loves kissing me. Yeah. But he hates kissing. I made out with him at the Abbey. See? He likes kissing dudes. I made out with him and then I made out with Caroline immediately after.

Oh, you kissed him too, Mark? March kissed him as... What the fuck? If Will was right here, I know Will would say... How is this... I didn't even touch it. Physically possible that every microphone you stand in front of happens to break i swear to god nothing that i did should have broken that march back me up here that is a flaw no don't

back him up because there's visual evidence you're bugging the desk with some sort of there is visual evidence related microphone stand. Every time you come and you sit, you did it to the mind. You're trying to break my nose is what you're trying to do. Oh, my God. You know that'll impact my ability to have sex with other gay men with a broken nose.

Wait, what? You're trying to take me out. At least now you'll have an excuse not to suck cock. You'll be like, oh, sorry. Yeah, sorry. My nose is broken. Can't suck your dick. I can't breathe. excuse not to suck cock. You'll be like, oh, sorry. Yeah. My nose is broken. Can't suck your dick. I can't breathe.

I will always suck dick. Always. I think it's a good first impression. Where were we? We were talking. I was talking about. A cool girl monologue. Okay.

I was about to say something, but I forgot. We're going to break this down. It's from Gone Girl. Okay. Men always say that as a defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the cool girl means I am hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping.

Who plays video game, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes, and anal sex. And jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth. And she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gangbang while somehow maintaining the size too. Because she's a cool girl. And above all, hot. Hot and understanding. Cool girls never get angry. They only smile.

Loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. ahead shit on me i don't mind i'm the cool girl men actually think this girls exist maybe because they're fooled by so many women women who pretend to be the cool girl for a long time cool girls offended me i used to see men friends co-workers strangers giddy over these pretend women i like the irony here is that like it's still internalized misogyny to just shit on the women for men's insane expectations of women which by the way i don't agree with like any of this stuff you aren't dating a woman you're dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who'd like to believe that this is the this kind of woman exists and might kiss them.

They're not even pretending to be women they want to be. They're pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Yeah. Exactly. So that's the whole point. Don't get me started on pick-me girls and people that hate pick-me girls. Because if you hate pick-me girls, then you're being a pick-me girl too. And it's just like, why are we calling each other names?

Regardless, though, all of this to talk about the fact that- Watch the crumbs. Sometimes, sometimes women will just say things because that's what we've been told we need to say. I guarantee if you date a woman for three years, four years, she no longer loves blowjobs. And that's what all of this was about. But I have though. Have you been in long- What?

Have you been in long-term relationships in the past? And they still love it. They never break that crack. Yeah. amazing joy yes and i i'm speaking from whenever i like to talk about a subject i always try to think about it from my own perspective what would i do in a similar situation do i have a similar experience it's a pretty good way, pretty neat trick to develop empathy for others actually. And the thing I think about is like, I, I enjoy eating a pussy. And I think that,

did you just fart? No, that was my stomach. That was crazy. No, I think it might've been a fart. No, I did not fart.

I cannot believe you just did that. Marsh. So funny. He's just nodding his head. Marsh. I did not fart. I cannot believe you just did that. Marge. So funny. He's just nodding his head. Marge, I did not fart. But it did sound very close to a fart. I love that Austin needs extra people always to throw to it. To be like, please defend me.

You know when your stomach produces a very similar sound to a fart? That's never happened to me. I would never fart on camera. My cheeks would be clenched so hard. Except for just now. I would never fart on camera my cheeks would be clenched so hard except for just now i did not fart on camera did the audio pick that up yeah oh god oh no do it again do the noise again i can't do it it was no it was from my intestines okay yeah it was air coming up it was air coming from your intestines look of your asshole. I need to be clear that was not coming.

I, I have, I have a perfect feeling on my asshole. Okay. I've never, it's never been used, never been used

on anything. It's been a one-way street, never had anything except booty boot camp. Well, I've got a lot of control is what I'm saying. Okay.

Yeah. And what I can say is it didn't come out of my butt. That was a, I swear to God, I would bet you a million dollars it didn't come out of my butt. Dude, there's no way. Okay. I'm willing to bet a million dollars right on the table.

Come on, pussy. A million bucks. Come on, socialist. Okay, well, it smells like you farted. No, it does not. How about that? That is not true. Exactly.

You are lying give me a million dollars i can't smell but he's closer so i believe him shit march can you smell it it smells like you fart that is not the case i can't even do that i'm sorry no it's not true no i'm fucking with him yeah it's such a it's such a it would ruin my career my career my career would be over. Austin farted. Are you kidding me? Be the front page.

Don't worry. You have another Twitter. Front page of what? I hope someone takes that anyway. That clip of just Austin. Austin agrees and farts. And that's the clip name. And they put it on LSF. And that's the context.

That's going to be everywhere. It's going to be viral. That's the thing that Antipiker is going to tweet about. Oh, Jesus. Austin farts. Except for he's going to amplify the context. That's going to be everywhere. It's going to be viral. That's the thing that AntiPiker is going to tweet about. Oh, Jesus. Austin farts. Except for he's going to like amplify the fart. He's going to amplify it and make it sound. And like zoom in on your face slowly nodding.

It's, whoa. Where were we? Actually, I have a bone to pick with AntiPiker. Okay, tell me. AntiPiker was the first one to tweet out Ludwig's balls. Oh, that's right. And that's why Ludwig blocked him. Fucking idiot.

Wait, was it AntiPiker that tweeted his balls or was it HasanPiker's cum rag? It was AntiPiker. That's a very real gay account. Because sometimes I keep, like, name search. Wait, HasanPiker's cum rag is a real gay account? I name search sometimes and, like, literally, it'll just be, like, sometimes when I name search

HasanPiker on Twitter, like, that's what comes up. You should not be doing that for your mental health. I like to know what's going on. That's so so bad i like to know what my enemies are saying you check your indirects so bad well only when like not always only on unique moments that is 2023's version of self-harm you're cutting yourself live i mean it's fine i deal with it fine but but yeah he he comes up and it's like literally it's not even me anymore it's just like he posts like shirtless photos it's awesome no no no oh he's just like all bunch of other men oh wait it's like a porn account yeah that's cool and uh i think like he started off just posting about me but then like i got fat so he stopped

posting about me god when did you get fat, so he stopped posting about me. God, when did you get fat? You didn't get fat. I got a little chunky. I was just going to say, you look thin today. Thank you for saying that. You're welcome. You definitely look thinner than last week.

Bitch. I don't know why he's like that. It's because I shaved my mustache and beard. I'm just kidding. You look the same as last week. But thank you. You. I'm just kidding. You look the same as last week. But thank you. No, I have lost a decent amount of weight and also am continuing to. But that's besides the point.

I forgot. Oh, Assam Piker's Comrade posted it. Ludwig said it was anti-Piker. Could have been anti-Piker. And he's mad. I'm pretty sure it was anti-Piker because Ludwig had anti-Piker blocked and that was a song how did you hear about that because i follow anti-piker and they tweeted about it yeah they did and well they uh an anti-piker now ludwig has unblocked anti-piker oh peace the world is healing yes so what is the ludwig balls thing he went on a podcast actually oh i know they

forgot to edit it out yeah i asked him i feel bad because i i victim blamed ludwig a little bit oh did you i did we got in a fight and he was like i am the victim here and i was like why did you show your balls on a podcast i was filming and he was like they said they would edit it out and then i was like yeah but you're stupid to begin with and then he was like you're victim blaming and then i was like i am i had to realize that so i was wrong in that situation that's growth i know the fact that you like you know ate that but I usually prefer blaming victims so yeah fair so it was a hard day for me unless it's a white man it seems yeah well no there you go as a joke for the record I

should I should point that out some people don't know I'm sarcastic I don't know if you know this but you're silly you're a woman on the internet and you just said something sarcastic I'm sarcastic. I don't know if you know this, but you're a woman on the internet and you just said something sarcastic. I'm also not wearing makeup or a cute shirt, so I have no redeeming qualities today and they will tear me apart for that. You look fabulous. I look like the ant that shows up at the family reunions and you're like, oh God, she's here again.

Oh, when you said ant, I literally thought about the bug. Like a bug, yeah. I'm like, I look like a freaking ant. Showing up to your picnic. I think you look wonderful. You guys. No. I think you look wonderful. You guys are nice. I think you look beautiful. What were we talking about before we got derailed 11 times?

Before I farted. I have food coming under my nails. Do you see that? Ew. I do see that. I did not fart for the record. I want to make that very clear. Yeah.

Before Austin farted, what were we talking about? I don't know. Dick sucking and freaking. Oh, yeah. Well, to wrap that point up, all I wanted to say was, no, this isn't like a cool girl thing at all. I think about it from the same perspective as like eating pussy. I've been in committed long-term relationships, and I still enjoyed eating pussy in them. Then you're just one of the good ones.

No, I don't. I'm not one of the good ones. It's not even about the act itself. I think it's about, like, pleasuring your partner. I enjoy pleasuring my partner. You're a liar. You are not a service cop. We literally established that.

I would, if you wanted me to suck, if we were partners, which we're not, really. And you said I want a bojo. No, it's mutual, buddy. Okay. I would totally, like, we'll use another. Let's say March and I are dating and he wanted me to suck his cock. I would do it. This is an HR issue.

It's like, first of all, he knew what he was doing. Doing it for, you know, as like a, oh, here we go again. Got to suck a cock. That's not the way I would approach it. I'd be like, yeah. Oh. Like the Packers one. I'd get like, no, Packers.

What are you? The Vikings. Vikings. Yeah. I'm so excited. When is it Packers? In fact, I don't. He only likes the Vikings.

I go, I go for, if I'm, if I were to meet somebody, hypothetically, I would go for it immediately. Like, not immediately. What? Like, through the process of the hookup, I would go for it. I wouldn't let them ask for it. You'd be the initiator of the dick sucking. Yeah, for sure. You'd go in front of them.

Yeah, I actually, I usually would, too. I think, maybe I do like sucking dick. I don't know. I don't know what I fucking like anymore. Yeah. You've said, like, you've trained your throat. So you are the throat goat. Undisputed champion.

Yeah. I just. My biggest like problem with like sucking dick is guys, you've got to shave. You just have to. Oh, yeah. Straight men. You just have to. Straight men accept the sun.

I think that's the only thing that just like there's no. I'm no longer at all interested when I have to pick pubes out of my teeth. I just am not. Like straight men are so bad. I keep that shit maintained. So that's my biggest advice. To anyone out there who wants their dick sucked more, take care of yourself. Straight men are so bad with, like, their...

Manscaping. Manscaping. It's awful. Yeah. Like, it shouldn't be that way. How many straight dicks have you sucked? No, but I just know. Wait, how do you know?

Because I have girlfriends like Cutie. Oh true that makes sense it make it and like i know i have like all straight guy friends and they haven't shown me their dicks or anything but they're just gross three-in-one fucking body shampoos i will say ludwig is good at that he always has he has nice conditioners yeah i don't know ludwig's great i always have to clarify because it's like super annoying that was my fault it's super annoying like having like talking about sex life and stuff like that when everyone knows who you're dating. Because then it's like people always come up with assumptions. And there will be people in like the comments that are like, oh, Ludwig needs to this. Well, we did call Ludwig.

I know. I know. But I know. But he did give you a 10 out of 10. He did. For the record, Ludwig is very well maintained. Set the record straight. Why are you talking like you've seen his dick in...

Oh, you have seen his balls. Oh, he saw his balls. Everyone saw his balls. Anyway, moving on. His balls look great. Yeah. No one was supposed to see it. That was so weird.

It was the weirdest week because all of a sudden I have... There's all these people Ludwig's like joining Valorant lobbies with. They're like, what? I saw your balls. And I i was like what the hell like everyone saw his balls yeah it's weird when this thing happened i was like so confused by it to be fair though balls are like not very no no no i agree no like it's very different if you see the dick instead of the balls like the dick is a is it's like the the difference between your fucking whole titty versus your nipple.

Yeah, like a zoom in on the nipple. Yeah, for women because we're sexist. Your nipple in your picture you posted on, that was crazy. Why? It was so much nipple. Yeah, I thought it was Photoshopped. No. Can we pull it up real quick?

You did an angle. It looked like you had a breast. Oh, that's because I realized later that I, that's because of, I realized later that, I think that's because of the car I was in, or my car. I thought, yeah, I thought. No, it's my, yeah, it's on my all. It was. It was a nipple jump scare.

I was baking and then my chat was like, check out Hassan's pose. It looked like I had like a fat titty. Yeah. Because, no, it's the shadow. It's the shadow. Oh my God. Yeah. The perfect shadow right there. Yeah. like a fat titty yeah because no it's it's a shadow it's a shadow oh my god yeah the perfect shadow right there yeah that's drag queen contouring look at that it's finest it's just like oh uh-oh oh we'll go to studio mode and then change the yeah and it's small you gotta unlock. I don't know why that happened.

Oh, you probably put it wrong in the wrong order. Okay, boom. So his boobie. Yeah. It looked like it's inflated, but I see the... That's so funny. That is insane, brother. That's crazy.

It's right here. I don't know how anything nobody else are you sure it's not static anymore okay literally no one else touches their mic i know i i like to touch things i need a fidget spinner so anyway back to your boobs azan yeah that's a funny angle it's just like i always take okay can i ask you something can i ask you something what is your obsession with taking pictures of your nipple from this i think it's funny you think it's funny you think it's sexy no i think it's funny it's funny no i don't think it's sexy but nothing about this is if he thought it was sexy he'd be like doing shit

like you do there are people thirsting over this though cutie like on twitter like anti-pikers there are people he says there are people like thirsty not him not his type licking it like the photo the spongebob but they love your nipple i that i don't post that because i think it's hot like there are photos that i've posted where i'm like i look hot in this that's not one of those photos that's more like that's more of like a like a progress pic kind of but also like not sexy how often do you work out I work out I train with my trainers four times a week and then I play basketball pretty much every single day that I do not train so, and sometimes I train and I play basketball. I train three times a week. I've lost zero pounds and it's so demoralizing.

What do you do? Because you make fucking raspberry bars and shit. Yeah, only once a week. What do you do? What do I do? I don't know what he tells me to do.

I hate the gym. I hate working out. Well, that's the reason why you're not losing weight is not because you're not working out. The reason why you're not losing weight is because you're eating

more than your body burns. I know. I need to start tracking my calories. The issue is whenever i track my calories i instantly fall back into eating disorder and i just like we'll be like oh this is a game how little can i eat today yeah but that's bad it's so fucked up i know so then i end up only eating like 400 calories a day and i'm like yeah but then you're metabolism i know maybe make it a game where you eat the number a deficit. I know. I got to. But do you do cardio at all? No. Cardio would help. Every single day, just do whatever you can do consistently, and it'll shrink.

I know. That's how I drop weight. I got a soul cycle, and then I got sick of all their music, and then I found out Taylor Swift has Peloton classes, so I need a freaking Peloton. Oh, perfect. I love Taylor Swift. So I need a Peloton. Are you just trying to get a concert ticket?

Yeah. Everyone keeps being nice to me for this. Wait, are you getting a box? I have a box. Wait, really? I should get a concert ticket? No, you're a waste of space. No, I should get a concert ticket because you can convert me.

I have two boxes. You can convert me by taking me to Taylor Swift concert. I can't convert you. You're a waste. Cutie, I think I need to be there. Why? Name five of her songs. What She Made Me Do.

Not even a good one. Not even a good one. Notice how I picked up on that. What She Made Me Do. That's not a good one. Stop singing it's like it's like trashy pop she was doing that because she was forced to look basically no i mean it's still a really good story um for the record the cinderella they're all great obviously it's taylor swift well tell me the karma theory then if you know so much about that the karma theory yeah shit i don't know i have no idea i know the gay one i know she's the

carly claus yeah yeah yeah i know that come on that's a point okay so that's i told you about it i know that i don't retain information but like look what you made me do yeah i counted that okay but then the he was nobody likes you when you're 22 no that's nobody likes you when you're 22? No, that's... Nobody likes you when you're 23. Fuck. And that's some 41. I thought... Blink-182. Blink-182.

Too many numbers. The Cinderella story thing. That one. You can't come. Why? You need to... Well, fine, cutie. You're not going...

If I can go, I will tell... Hey, name five. I have John Mayer's phone number. You're not coming. I will text him. If you give me a ticket, I'll text him that he's a bad guy. Judy, is there really that high of a demand for these tickets? Yes.

He's thinking about it. You're such a freak. Why would I do that? Why would I do that to him? You offered it. He's such a nice guy. He's not a nice guy. He's such a nice guy.

I'll pay you for the tickets. Oh, that's interesting. How much are the tickets? It's like per ticket. It'd be like 20 bucks? 2,500 per ticket. Per ticket? Yeah. Jesus Christ, how many tickets? She's fucking crazy.

20 tickets for 50k. You are insane. But I mean Yeah, I don't need a new car. Ludwig pays for the house. need a new car. Are you making people pay for these? Ludwig pays for the house. Yeah, your car sucks. Buy a new car.

I'm serious. What the fuck? Instead of buying. I'd rather go to Taylor Swift. I don't spend my money on anything. I just realized, yeah, you have a dog shit car. And instead you're just spending it on Taylor Swift tickets. Yeah.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. Well, I mean, it's only. It's all I care about. It's worthless unless you take me with you. All right, cutie. Oh, my. Cutie, I'll be honest with you. If you don't invite me to it's only... It's all I care about. It's worthless unless you take me with you. All right, cutie. Oh, my... Cutie, I'll be honest with you.

If you don't invite me to... It's so funny because I hate going to concerts, but it's... Yeah, you won't even like it. If you don't take me to Taylor Swift, I'm not inviting you to Elton John. I don't want to go to Elton John. Wow, what a threat. Elton John has a banger song that I keep playing when I'm playing League of Legends. Do you know it?

It's the... Hold me closer to... I think I'm going gonna kill myself. Really? Elton John? Just a bit of suicide. Yeah, it's my new favorite song. Wait, he sang that? Yeah, it's so good. Is it deep faked? No. Elton John talks about killing himself? Yeah, it's so funny.

He's a gamer? Marshall, you pulled the lyrics. No way. They're so funny. Elton John, I'm going to kill myself. Elton John doesn't write his own songs. Well, he sang it. He doesn't write the lyrics, at least. Really? That's kind of sad to hear. What year did this come out?

1972? I'm getting bored being part of mankind. There's not a lot to do no more. This race is a waste of time. Good God. It's very upbeat, though. 1972. People rushing everywhere, swarming around like flies,

think I'll buy a 44, give them all a surprise. Jesus. I think I got a cute myself. What the fuck? This is 1972. This is like at the beginning. This is like one of his first albums, if not his first album. And somehow this one just got swept under the rug

and he became a superstar. Yeah. I just got to say something here. It seems like Cutie knows more about Elton John than you. You should just give your Elton John tickets to Cutie. True, actually. Name five songs. Your song, Tiny Dancer,

Benny and the Jets, Leave On, and the one we just said. And that one, yeah. Wow, no, you can't say that. I can't say that one? Yeah. I'm taking away you can't say that. I can't say that one? Yeah. I have a fifth song.

I'm taking away your game card right now. Philadelphia Freedom, there you go. Okay. It's hard for me to think of things. I get it. It's like hard for me to think. Like if you said name five planes, I wouldn't be able to do that. No, you would.

A-3-30, E-3-20, E-3-19, 7-30, 7-7-4-7. Well, if there was a plane concert, I would take you to it. Oh, by the way. What? I've got something to talk about here. What? Very irritated. There was an article in the Washington Post that called me out directly.

What? Why? It said, I'm going to send you the link, Mark. That you're a problem? problem no let me show you it called me out directly and it just said nice things no it's about planes it's about planes i'm going to send it to you right now you don't like boba what you like boba depends on who's asking for what reason. Literally have a boba sticker on the back of your phone. Oh, no.

A fan gave me this sticker and I put it on and I haven't taken it off. Do you know what's funny? I've thought about like, you know, when you're like looking for your phone and you see someone else's phone. Yeah. I've had this realization before. I was like, why the fuck? Whose phone is this in my house let me get boba real quick and i was like there's no way this is austin's right because it's fucking boba

yeah it's mine i have a boba sticker on the back of it here let's see if we can show it to the camera this is i got it from a fan at vidcon last year they know who they are. And whose Discord should I send it to? Very strange that you have a Boba sticker. I just like I haven't taken it off. I like Boba, but I don't like Boba like that. No. Okay. I have my dog on my phone.

So as you guys know, I have a fantasy. And it's not like a, it's like a hero fantasy. Oh, yeah. Check this out. It's such a problem. A Washington Post article. Oh, i thought this was like actually about you no go scroll up scroll up to the top god we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to thank you no it's fine think you can land a plane in an emergency

ply it's explained why you can't because that's literally his dream that's not my dream per se but it's definitely something i am capable of doing and i don't appreciate the fact that this article says that I couldn't do it when I know absolutely I can uh the the the no it doesn't mention it doesn't matter the article goes on to explain several different things about uh oh it says in in the article says zero percent chance of someone pulling that off and he calls it says the clinical name for this type of baseless bravado is a Dunning-Kruger effect. What does that even mean? What is that? That's when you're a dumb person

who greatly exaggerates their own or greatly misunderstands their capabilities and thinks that they're much smarter than they actually are. Yes, but that is not, but scroll down here. Everyone in Florida.

Here at March. Scroll down here and there's a part of the article that talks about here scroll down keep going um so here's going to keep going it's going on oh yeah here we go for starters the passenger must gain entry to the cockpit uh well for well forget that wait what about teenager? Wasn't there a teenager who did it recently? I think they've all been like general aviation planes. Okay.

This is such a dumb fucking article because you 100% can land a plane. Yeah, 100%. I know. Yeah, you've landed a plane. I know. I know I have. You've landed multiple planes. But this pisses me off.

They're not like a real plane. Because you know who the dummy is? Austin, this is not about you. This is literally for like a real person. You know who the dummy is? It's the person writing the article. Just because they don't know how to fucking fly a plane doesn't mean that I... Austin, this is for the general audience,

not fucking freaks like you and Muhammad Atta, who have spent thousands of hours on Microsoft Flight Simulator. I just had to get that off my chest. That's insane. Because it pissed me off. I felt targeted. You shouldn't have taken that personally. I took it very personally.

You shouldn't have because you have literally landed a real commercial plane simulator. And I can do it again. Which is, for the record, for those of you who don't know, we did this together. Yep. I've landed a plane as well is what I'm saying. I helped him a lot. Yeah, I landed it by myself. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, so the average citizen can do it. So the article's wrong. Yeah, it's true. Actually, I did. I was talking to my friend about that and I referenced you. Yeah, so I landed a plane by myself yep all alone no help from others not at all not not even a little bit i'm just trying to convince him to do it again with me make him anyway but uh but yeah that the simulator that we use is a one-to-one direct replica

direct carbon copy of like an actual plane flight. So much so that the FAA tracks it as their actual like real flight logged hours. Yep. You can log and then you go from flying that thing into flying with passengers. Speaking of which, I need to get you in a cockpit of a plane, of one of those simulators. Yeah, not a real one, a simulator. And I think it'll actually help you overcome your

fear of flying we'll see because let's say we were to travel somewhere not that far in the near future would you be down as a part of the podcast no to but like let's say you can i drive there no no let's say no you can't like physically impossible yeah you cannot let's say austin is japan no no that's way too far. Come on. Come on. Let's say it's like an eight-hour flight. Ugh.

First class. Yep. I don't want to go. Cutie, we can do it. Guys, I don't want to go. But think about it. It's not with like, ugh, Ludwig, yuck. It's with Austin, who is also just as big of a freak as you are and has been able to

like slowly but surely overcome his fear of flying and he could possibly help you. I'm scared. Cutie, you don't have to be scared. Austin, we would go down together. Perfect. No! Look, it'd be over quickly.

I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. No, no, but like, but for real, would you be open to that? Like, maybe Austin could convince you? Austin being there with you? No, he's tried convincing me. Cutie. Have you guys flown together before? No. Maybe Austin could convince you? Austin being there with you? No, he's tried convincing me. Judy. Have you guys flown together before?

No. She won't. We could vlog it. No. That'd be such good content. Yeah, it would be incredible. I flew once with Hasan and it stressed me out so much because he was live. You were live and you were like, going to the airport now.

And I was like, you're going to get us killed. Oh, yeah, that's right. I was so pissed. It was in Austin. Yeah, I was so pissed. No, I wasn't lying pissed i was like i said i said hey guys i gotta end it like i'm gonna go to the airport later and then you were like well they can track yeah there's like two flights there's like two flights shoot it out of the

sky with rpg yeah you and i both they hate you the world hates you you and i both have anxiety what if i i know people that work in the aviation industry in dispatch? What if I get a full report on what's going on? Like, we'll fly on the newest of planes. No, because the newest of planes have been tested. No, they have been. They're even better. What are you, insane?

You know my brother builds them, right? Yeah. She doesn't trust Murat. No, if Murat were to check my plane before i got on it i would trust it wait really yeah okay i think we probably haven't i don't know yeah the problem is i know a lot a lot of the issues that happen when planes have issues is because human error being lazy and not checking all the things off mostly mostly mostly pilot error yeah and they stress me out in commercial air flight it's

literally the safest thing on the planet i know like you you have you have more likelihood of like dying going to the bathroom in this house than you do on a plane literally not even joking yeah no not like this house in particular it's just in any yeah this this house happens to be unreasonably large which is why you could you know like slipping and falling when you're like normally walking would be a higher likelihood to damage you than like dying in a do you think you're more likely to die from impaling yourself with the new metal straws than airplanes yes really because that's like that was a big thing for a while people kept tripping with their metal straws. That's definitely more likely.

Where do you get this? Hypochondriacfreaks.com? I don't use them anymore. I have a lot of irrational fears like this too. That's why I don't use metal straws anymore. I definitely have... I've got a fear of choking. Bro, I don't understand how either of your brains operate.

How can you live like this? I don't live. Neither do I. That's so weird. I've overcome my fear of flying. Either of your brains operate. Like, how can you live like this? I don't live. And neither do I. That's so weird. I've overcome my fear of flying. Because driving is like infinitely more dangerous than flying. But cutie, when I. I can pull over and get out whenever I want.

When I flew in the simulator in the UK recently, I actually. Wait, are we trying to go to London? Is that where we want to go? Maybe. I knew it. Why did you say that? Because he loves London. I mean, it wasn't my idea this time. Maybe. i don't know i'm not going can't confirm or deny it

cutie come on put me on an ipad how about we what if we sedate you no like completely oh didn't you get did you get sedated last time no i have xanax yeah yeah perfect doesn't do anything for me really yeah you're if you're over next time i'm gonna try drinking that's what melina said to do but i'm scared because it thins your blood and then you're more likely to like have a thin blood like what if i have a heart attack then because my blood's so thin uh that would be the opposite of what would happen with what happens what if i get a small cut while on the plane i bleed out because my blood's so thin you won't you you won't bleed out that that your blood isn't thin enough to be out boy why would you think you have a heart attack?

You would take a blood thinner to avoid a heart attack. You know that whenever I go on planes, I bring bear because if you feel like you have a heart attack, you take a bear and it could save your life. Is it aspirin? Yeah. I know. So I keep it in my purse just in case.

It's good. Did you know that they have defibrillators on there? Yeah, but what if no one uses it? Well, they will. What if you're having a heart attack on a plane? They're going to use it. No, I took my bear, so I'm fine. Here, the general idea is we got to get you.

So you think you're going to have a heart attack, and then the fucking people there are not going to be like, let's help her out with a defibrillator. I'll be like, guys, I took my bear. Would you do it for a Patreon goal? No. I have an unreasonable fear, just like you do, of the ocean. Okay, you want to go on a cruise?

You want to fly to Florida and go on a cruise? I don't want to go on a cruise because of a matter of principle. I think it's like a waste of time and boring and also horrible for the environment. They are actually really bad for the environment. But I will... Of course. I will go in the ocean if you don't you mean how far in the ocean i don't fucking know however far you want me to go i just like i'm i want you to take a boat to japan while i

fly to japan what that's fair trade i'm not afraid of being on a boat i just don't like god damn it just say you are i know i know i'm not to lie to you. I have. I will. I have what is called thalassophobia. What's that? It is the unrealistic, but I do think it's totally realistic to be afraid of the ocean. Fucking bullshit. There's a Kraken. Thank you. Yeah.

One of many other creepy creatures in the water. Look, my, oh my God, I know. Megalodons are crazy. I don't think being afraid of the wide open ocean is an irrational fear. No. Thank you. I think that's very normal. I am afraid of like the sea critters down there.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's just like, I can't see it. I like being in the ocean to being in a jungle with a fucking plastic bag over my head. Yeah. I agree. And I can't see. And I don't like that.

Yeah, I agree. I'd rather, I've said this before, I'd rather die in the Amazonian forest, right? Uh-huh. To a fucking leopard attack or whatever. Uh-huh. Then die in the ocean

where like an octopus pulls me down into the deep, dark crevices of the underworld. Really? Because you'd drown probably quicker.

Like you'd drown. Doesn't matter. I'd rather be like, it's kind of like, no, it's kind of like your fear of the plane. You can't get out of'd rather be like, it's kind of like, no, it's kind of like your fear of the plane. You can't get out of the plane and deal with the situation with your own two.

Yeah. Compared to like, you could probably take a Jaguar. No, I can't. But it doesn't matter. That's besides the point. My point is control, right? You have an element of control when you're driving, even though it's infinitely more dangerous to drive.

You don't have that element of control when you're on a plane. True. Right? So it's the same exact thing. I have an element of control when I'm on my feet in a rainforest rather than when i'm in the ocean if i was flying the plane would you would you trust me really why don't you just get your license well it's it's it takes forever or my uncle my uncle flies for delta and i would love wait there's literally not flying i

wonder if you why why what do you mean why i would rather fucking fly with a faa certified like he will get faa certified five thousand trips under his belt ass motherfucker you heard what trump's saying they're hiring shitty pilots these days they need that's what you saw that you were like i'm in why are you saying that to her is she gonna be more i'm only flying with my uncle no no cutie cutie hold on wait what airline cutie trump is lying no no he's lying number one number two never lies cutie number two the planes that you'd be flying overseas are the most tenured pilots did you know one of my favorite things that someone said to me is they thought my humor was like april ludgate and that made me really happy who's that who's that i hate you too wait this is like you're supposed to teach us as a woman we're a couple of she's from parks and rec oh fucking uh yeah what's her face yeah

me and my brother me and my brother don't like her anymore why aubrey plaza aubrey plaza because she was so devastating on white lotus oh i haven't seen it i haven't seen it yeah no spoilerinos for anybody but like but like the character's actions and white lotus made both me and my brother hate her like not like her anymore yeah that's what that's like the problem with like joffrey from uh game of thrones he like can't get another job because people just look at him they're like i hate that guy yeah cutie it's a shitty thing to be typecast sorry to go back but you're such a brilliant uncle is a pilot for delta yeah and you does he fly overseas no shit maybe i'll ask him he's a delta omega platinum if he's a delta pilot that flies overseas he guaranteed goes to london probably

and you could literally find his actually i think he's probably flown to london yeah why don't we just get you on get it you match you with his schedule and just get on his plane yeah we could probably do that i haven't thought of that that's is it would you go then if your uncle was yeah my uncle was flying ago i don't like that we're setting the most unrealistic boundaries for cutie to fly but that's but. But that's a pretty good solution. Hey, it's my uncle though. Is he Italian? Yeah. We're Italian now.

I don't know if you can tell from my pale complexion, but we're super Italian. Oh, by the way, it's so funny. I was at dinner last night and some wonderful woman had a great conversation with her. She was like, why do you talk like you're like running for Senate?

Also, who has like great experience? Who has this experience? Well, okay. I was sitting, I was 28. I was sitting at the bar and she tapped me on my shoulder and was like,

what are you eating? And I'm like, Oh, this. And then we'd sparked a conversation. We talked for like two hours. I don't understand how you live this life. live a life like a like a like a salary man in a movie and you're like yeah traveling to different destinations like a vagabond that goes to like the rv meetups

wait what's weird about nevada desert why are you eating dinner alone at a fucking bar because i was hungry because i'm out of town on business. Oh my God. It wasn't a hotel. It was a restaurant. Why don't you just come over here? I think it was actually... Why don't you hit me up?

I had a decadent experience last night. Oh yeah, Marat texted me. Yeah. What'd you guys do? He said, are you in town? I'm like, yeah,

but then he never responded. We went to Republic. It was so good. Yeah, I saw it. Damn, I could have been invited to that shit. It was so fucking good. The food was incredible. Well, I saw it. Damn, I could have been invited to that shit. It was so fucking good. The food was incredible.

Well, anyways, I was talking, speaking of Italian. Boys night, no girls allowed. Sorry, cutie. I was talking to this lady, and she's really nice, really wonderful. But she said to me, we were talking about race for some reason. We got down that. That's weird. Yeah.

Okay, that's not a normal thing. Well, I was talking about sexuality. She was talking about race. It was a really good discussion. Go on. Yeah. Okay. Well, I don't know. That's not a normal thing. Well, I was talking about sexuality. She was talking about race. It was like a really good discussion. Go on. And she said. I'm eating this last one. She's like, my Italian friend says she's white.

And I'm like, oh, yeah. And she's like, but she's not. She's Italian. I said. What? I said, wait, wait. What do you mean? I was like.

She's like, she's a. She's a person of color. And I was like, okay. That's not true, though, right? Italians are white, aren't they? I thought Italians were white. Yeah, that's why it's a meme. We cut this out of the podcast?

Uh-oh, Austin's offensive again. No, I don't know. No, Italians are 100% white dude what the fuck are you talking about that's literally the joke that I make all the time I'm not white I'm Italian Italians are POC that's a joke

but Italians do think that they're people of color yeah I had a dream last night that I was in high school and I had a dream last night that I was in high school, and I asked Jerma to prom, and I put a lot of work into asking him, and I, like, made a big Lego baseball field

because he loves baseball, and I, like, wrote prom on it, and then if you took the pieces apart, you'd find the letter to my name, so he had a fun puzzle. And I showed up to school on Monday. We're in high school, and I'm like, J so weird do you want to go to prom with me and he's like we're too old for prom and i was like what and he was like i'm too old for prom and i was like

huh he's like you're too old for prom and then i became like aware that i was like too old for prom and that and he was like why are you in a high school and i was like oh my god he was like why are you asking me to prom? And I was like, oh my God. And then I woke up. I never went to prom. I went with a cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber. Really?

Yeah. We don't have proms in Turkey, but I'm happy. All of us are really cool then. I never had a prom date or anything. I was such a loser in high school. Such a fucking loser. Does anyone from high school like follow you uh i've had a couple people figure it out but no they probably don't understand it they don't get it yeah and that's okay like austin from high school is like trying to make it well i wasn't yeah he's like flying to la we don't know what he does i don't know what you does. I don't know what you do.

Yeah. I don't know. None of us know what you do. Yeah. None of us know how you afford it. Yeah. I don't know either. I have no idea.

But anyways, uh, yeah, I was not very popular in high school. I know it's hard to believe. I have no idea. I'm sure people follow me from high school. In Turkey.

Yeah. But it's just like so funny to think you know no one follows me these are like lawyers and doctors and yeah housewives what do you do to them well i'm like hannah montana i didn't have social media before because i hate social media so i don't have social i did not have social media before this i don't have a facebook i don't have anything and then i started streaming and then i had to make it all and so like no one just like ever followed me because it's not under blair so if they were to search me from high school it'd be blair and my last name yep they can't find me so blair cinderella yeah blair cinderella my last name um so yeah no one known from high school has

like said anything to me one one time uh a hoss frog actually um was he's he was best friends with my ex-boyfriend and he he reached out he was like hey uh this is a weird question but do you know hasan i was like yeah and he was like he was like i watch his stream all the times are you cutie cinderella i was like yeah no yeah so hasan docks me. I'm getting recognized. I think that's very clear. Do you get recognized a lot? No. Really? Yeah. Really? I don't really either. I'm so basic looking.

Me too. It just, yeah, it just doesn't. We just blend in with society. I've noticed one of them with a six foot five Hassan. Four. Well, with his seven inch heels. Okay, I do wear platform boots too. You have like, because you wear platform boots,

you have like made it seem, you make everybody around you seem short. On purpose? People think I'm 5'6 because I stand next to you in heels. In heels? Oh, he's wearing platform boots. I wear the platform dogs,

but like, but I don't really wear it that often. All the pictures that I get of making fun of my height are next to you in heels. I'm not that, I'm not that short. Are they not that i'm not that short are they though i'm not that short i'm five nine in all the photos look you're on your tippy toes at least i don't want to be in the thumbnail can we agree on this now as a team why i don't want to be in it why look at my face i'm very

mad that my hair and makeup and clothes aren't done kitty we need you I don't want to be in it I don't want to you have no choice no we'll airbrush it put Bernie in it wait why don't we yassify your face yeah let's yassify let's yassify me please I'll do it actually just download the app Marsh I keep telling you it's called faceApp. No, it's FaceApp. No FaceApp. Download FaceApp and yassify me. And then everyone in... Yeah, FaceApp. Yeah. And then everyone in the comments,

tell me how good I look in the thumbnail, please. Everybody in the comments, tell cutie Cinderella how good she looks. Yeah, because I've been yassified. Should all of us be yassified? Or, I don't mind. Yeah, because I've been classified. Should all of us be classified? I don't mind. Yeah, it'll be fun. This is going to be our best thumbnail ever. We need to make sure that the algorithm takes,

so Hasan just got to be his bare face. Yeah, you can't. We need your face. We need your clout. Are you mad Will's not here? No. Do you like us? Be honest.

Yes. What kind of question is that? He likes us, Austin. How does it feel that we've taken over your podcast? I love it. I'm happy because if Will wasn't here, I would be struggling to find a guest. Last second, as always. Yeah.

Well, next week we have a fun guest. We do. Yeah. But we'll talk about it on the paywall episode. Nice, which is actually a good phrase to bring it up. Do we have enough time? Yeah. What's normal? Hour. What's normal?

Hour. What's normal time? An hour. An hour. I don't know. I've been looking at the clock. I saw the clock over there. Yeah.

It's actually a great segue because we will be moving on to the paywall proportion of the broadcast. Are we watching Milf Manor? Where we will be watching Milf Manor. That's right. And I'm going to order food. Yep. Wait, I'm going to order food too.

Again, like I said. I'll order for you. But'm going to order food. Yep. Wait, I'm going to order food too. Again, like I said. I'll order for you. But I want that same place. Okay. Oh, okay. Like I said on the Hasanabi broadcast, Hasan starves us for two hours and then gives us a little jolt of food

to get us through the last. He's going to give us one Snickers bar. I'm so tired. You've nonstop eaten since you've been in this house. I've eaten chips, mentos, gum, and... I always steal your gum. Dibble down it. Literally always. I have...

It's for you guys. It's so awesome. Yeah, I... Don't pull the wrong gum. You may get the spins. I don't get that gum. Anyway, regardless, this has been a wonderful episode. We've convinced Cutie Cinderella to come with us to London in the near future.

Let's call my uncle. And she said she's super down, so we're going to hold her accountable. Austin has unplugged his microphone one more time, so it doesn't matter what he has to say in this. Go ahead. You just try to tap Assure S

and send me. That doesn't work. You have to smack it, but he did one of these little baby touches. It's not going to work. Have you ever podcast before? Sorry. Finish the outro. No, he has not.

He does not create content, as you know. I do. Allegedly. I'm coming out with a lot of great stuff this year. Okay. Well, go ahead. This is your time to plug whatever you're coming out with. It's almost four months in.

Name your prize season two. When? Three. You said that last time. Season three. Okay. I can't tell you the date. It's coming soon. Pretty sure you plugged name your prize season two. When? Three. You said that last time. Season three. Okay. I can't tell you the date. It's coming soon.

Pretty sure you plugged name your prize. New talent show. I asked you to do a talent show last year so the winner could play at the Streamer Awards. Well, we'll do that for this year. We'll make the winner play at the Streamer Awards this year. He never does it. I'll do it.

I'll do it. I'll make the winner play at the Streamer Awards this year. I'll do that. So that's coming up. Love or host. With who? A couple episodes. I can't tell. I'll make the winner play the stream awards this year. So that's coming up. Love her host. With who? I can't tell you. My God.

He's lying. No, I literally can't tell you. I will tell you in the paywall episode. No, he's lying. Cutie, what about you? What kind of fun projects do you want to promote? April is the month of Beyblade tournament. That's coming.

Huge. Huge. May, we've got Master Baker coming back. Austin wants to compete. Yeah, she doesn't like, she doesn't want me though because she liked my post and didn't respond. Well, I didn't respond to anybody.

Rama, I didn't respond to anyone. She said you're not special. Also, I don't know if you have what it takes. I definitely am a terrible cook. It's a nine to five for five days. I don't think he's ever made coffee like that before. He's in. He said he wanted to.

When is it? I don't know yet. I'll work around your schedule. I'm very busy. It's in May. I actually am busy. Well, if you get eliminated, then it only takes... But I will be there for you.

Okay, he'll be there. Anyway. I need you on my talent show. Master Baker. Well, there are some dates that you should keep open. Why? Don't worry about it. I'm not going to London.

Just don't worry about it. But that's what we need to figure out. You are going to London. I feel bad for the people watching this outro. Why? They love us. Anyway, I don't have anything. Just check out my streams.

No one watches my streams and it feels bad so i love watching your streams i come in and i come in for attention and leave yeah that's not helpful yeah hasan called me the fuck out the other day he was pissed you were you were mad weren't you wait i don't remember you were you were like i was like trying to antagonize you and like say something oh yeah and you're like i was like trying to antagonize you and like say something oh yeah and you're like oh look austin's begging for attention again and then just kept scrolling oh spicy i felt like it was it was it was like you were actually upset were you actually i think it's funny because you go to a chat and you resubscribe and you're like lol and then you

like go to another chat and then you hop around chat no you're a slut like you're 100 and you probably immediately went back in the ha score to be like oh did you guys like that come on give me attention they loved it yeah so much i know what you do i know your ways i'm i'm very i'm very predictable anyway thank you guys so much for watching this episode of fear and we are going to be watching milf manor on the paywalled version of this episode. Please subscribe to our Patreon where we will be leaking next week's guest of the podcast. Wahoo. And watching MILF Manor. And a bunch of other fun stuff. All right.

You're not leaking anything. Bye. Peace out. Bye, everybody. I love that about her. You like that. Yeah, it stresses me out. She's perfect for this show.

Yeah. She's great for the show. Yeah. She's great for the show. She's perfect in general. I think she's perfect at life. Okay, cool, yeah. I love her. Honestly, Disco Mommy slide. Well, because, like, because, you know, she's just, like, a bit of a hoe.

And she's just having fun. She's just having fun with it. Whereas all the other moms are like i'm here for love it's like dude come on none of them are gonna fall this go mommy's like give me a penis i want to suck it i want to suck your cock give it to me and i love that about her okay living her best life