Fear& - Hasanabi & AustinShow Celebrate Pride, QTCinderella WILL Go To Japan & More.. | Fear&Diablo
Episode Date: June 5, 2023If last week was our best episode this might be our worst, everyone is a shell of themselves. Hasan is a shell of the man he was because of the toll that fatherhood has taken on him, Will is addicted ...to crack (diablo), Austin is Austin and QT is full blown disassociating. I dont know how much longer we can keep doing this, if anyone out there has any leads on a producer job or potential opportunities please let me know because i might be out of a job soon. Also sub to our patreon I'm just trying to keep the wheels on this thing okay thank you love you hope u enjoy it bye ♥🎉BONUS CONTENT🍾 🌟PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand0:00 Intro/The gang is in shambles02:40 The boys degen on Diablo05:45 Fear& is going to Japan! Austin is the victim07:30 Hasan's biggest demon isn't in Diablo it's Kaya13:30 Austin sucks up to QT and his Pride month in Japan24:00 QT's Pride month NOT in Japan, will she ever fly27:20 Twitchcon Paris, and Japan again, they can't focus36:00 Pet Peeves43:10 Austin is Gay (because he hates women?)49:20 QT and Will side with union busters53:27 In Pride month fashion we talk about Austin's body for the 3rd time55:30 The boys will get Slime tattoos58:43 please hold QT accountable for this59:18 Outro/Patreon✰ follow Fear&! ✰Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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You know you can what?
Oh, I said I know I can be attractive.
I just don't try very hard.
You are attractive.
Yeah, but if I had a Princess Diaries style makeover,
would we get this hair down?
You look hot, hot.
Cutie, you are a... I can do it.
I just have to wear...
I just have to do it.
You are what the people call a natural beauty.
A natural beauty. You sound like sucking my dick. Did you say I can do it? I just have to wear, I just have to like do it. You are what the people call a natural beauty. A natural beauty.
You sound like
Did you say I can do it?
I just have to put on makeup?
Yeah.
Well, you're the only girl
who has to do that, right?
No, everyone does.
Well, I know,
but like I'm usually too,
and I also have
a bad sense of style.
Look, I,
I do.
Of all people,
I have the worst sense of style here.
But,
I'm just saying,
I could have an amazing
makeover moment. People would be like, oh, gas, what happened to her? And the next week, I show the worst sense of style here. It's not even a question. I'm just saying, I could have an amazing makeover moment.
People would be like, guess what happened to her?
And the next week, I'd show up in sweats again.
Judy, you're a stone cold fox, and we all know it.
Stone cold fox.
Very true.
With rosacea.
We all have our faults, and that's not even a fault.
Yeah.
Yeah, but freckles are cute.
I have acne.
Okay.
It's covered up with makeup.
Can't even see it.
You've got dumb ass muscles.
Muscles are out.
Guys, we are a wreck this week.
We're the worst versions of all of us.
I'm a DJ who's been playing Diablo for 48 hours, just came out of a cave.
Hassan's not paying attention.
He's not even here right now.
We started the podcast three minutes ago.
And Austin's too gay.
I am completely disassociated.
Well, I think I have...
Can't see that.
I think I have this disease called MND.
It's like a form of ALS.
How did you find that?
Because Google put up an article,
and so I thought I had it
because my wrists are like weak this week.
My wrists feel like weak.
What's up
everybody? I hope everyone's having a great week.
Kaya just pooped
so I was
originally going to put her in the crate but
I know you're supposed to be
doing some fun. I don't know why
we're doing free promo for Solo Pro
by LiveU.
You're supposed to just like show
them a good time after they do the right thing.
They've been a good girl this day.
I love to show you a good time after you poop.
Dude.
That's what bidets are for.
I don't even want you to show me a good time while I'm pooping.
I want you to show me a good time in the fucking
in hell.
Dude, it's so good he's
got the sickness oh dude i know you want you want to know how fucking sick and diseased in the brain
i am it took me like two hours to finally like download diablo and like get it running on steam
deck because it's like i had to learn linux what i had to learn like Linux is operating software because Steam Deck uses that right I learned
all of that shit I
I fucking downloaded a bunch
of apps put it on the Steam Deck and I
was too afraid to play it because it's hardcore
and if I die I die and I was like
yeah we need to explain what's going on
I'm anti-game yes I know
I'm going to explain to you guys what's going on
Diablo my stepdad used to play Diablo
Diablo 1 and 2dad used to play Diablo. Diablo? I told his mom that.
One and two are like goaded games.
Yeah.
Mount Rushmore of games.
My stepdad used to play them and make chili, and we'd go down to his house.
He lived in an apartment building, but it had a pool, so it was cool.
Was this the guy that murdered his wife?
This is when they were dating.
No, that's my stepdad.
Oh, fuck.
Sorry.
Anywho, flash forward.
The next two Diablo games.
Three?
Three and Immortal were bad.
Kyle's on the podcast.
So Diablo 4, everybody was kind of waiting with like bated breath to see if it was good or not.
I'm one of the biggest Diablo fans ever.
Really?
You should be friends with my stepdad.
I probably put like thousands of hours into Diablo 2. Yeah, what you can literally do it. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?
Will is talking.
I'm going to text my stepdad and see if he plays Diablo.
I'm muted now.
Unmute yourself, idiot.
Hassan, we are 25 minutes into the podcast.
Have you played the new Diablo?
We are 25 minutes into the podcast.
The first 10 minutes, you're walking around.
Anyway.
Oh, I'm sorry.
One day, I fucking behaved like Austin for good reason, by the way. Excuse me. All of you were late. Anyway. Oh, I'm sorry. One day, I fucking behaved like Austin for good reason,
by the way.
Excuse me.
All of you were late.
Anyway.
Go ahead.
The first thousand people
to hit level 100
on hardcore
get put on a statue.
Wait, have you done it?
No.
No one's done it yet.
Because if you die one time,
your character gets deleted.
Pull up a clip of me
after I played 25 straight hours
and my character died.
You can see.
No way.
Maybe on my channel, my top recent clip.
You can see my heart die.
How many hours does it take?
It's kind of sad.
Because I was top 20 in the world at the time when I died.
Oh, so are you just screwed now?
Mm-hmm.
Is there a chance?
There's hope.
There's hope.
No, you get, like, boosted back up. Like, you can you you get like boosted back up like you can get
like boosted back up by your clan by people that you know if they haven't died they can give you
a leg up basically has anyone helped you yeah well i've basically been grinding it out myself
but here you go that's it that's the one watch watch how fast this happens i can see one unit
and i don't have my dash ability up And I just go oh no And it's over
There
That's it
Look at his face though
See that see my heart die
That is awful
Yeah I get it she agrees
Being unruly I'm gonna create her
So I have my last two brain cells working
Because this has been my life for the last three days.
That's sad.
I'm so sorry.
It's been really good.
I will say I have not been able to reach Will
in the last couple days.
He's busy.
And Marsh, same thing.
Will said he'd call him back three days ago
and still hasn't heard from him.
Well, we're booking the flight today.
Yes.
Oh, speaking of which.
Firand's going to Japan. That's which. Firand's going to Japan.
That's right.
Firand is going to Japan.
All of us.
I think we should wait for Hassan to have this conversation.
No, we can talk about it.
Hassan's been absent for the first 20 minutes of the podcast.
Yeah.
Good, as he should be.
All right, you know what?
Fuck it.
We're just going to keep going.
I've always said we're better without him.
Yeah.
Last week's episode was our best.
This might be our worst.
Yeah.
We are off to an abysmal start.
We are off to an absolutely tragic start to this podcast.
Well, look.
Here's the deal.
Fear and is going to Japan.
We are all, except Cutie for some reason,
because she can't get on an airplane, going to Japan.
I'm going against my will.
I was forced to go to Japan.
You don't have to go.
By Hasan and Will.
I'll take your ticket.
I was forced by Marsh, Hasan, and Will.
He's weird.
Austin just wants to be included,
but he also wants to make it feel like he's doing a favor for everyone.
That is not true.
Just say thank you for coming, Austin.
That is not true.
We're so grateful. That is not true. That you're for coming austin we're so grateful that is not true that you're going thank you for representing me in japan look i son of a bitch i the fucking
microphone look i really didn't want to go to japan but i'm going you don't have to go
no i must go.
Hassan and I are...
Wait, Hassan, did you plug in...
I told her I would remind you.
I'll do it after.
I'll do it after.
But if you don't do it...
Guys, everyone remember
as soon as this podcast ends
he needs to plug in his mom's car.
Hassan...
My car, it's not my mom's.
Order me a salad.
What?
What is going on?
Okay, listen, listen.
I've been very absent from everything
because my life has basically been
taking care of this unruly fucking demon in my...
She's doing her best.
She's not doing her best.
She's actually very demonstrably doing her worst
because as you very quickly noticed,
she's a very smart...
She did me.
She's a very smart girl. She's cute cute though she needs her uncle in her life i just i need a strong male influence cutie was
not austin is the worst i gave excuse you i gave her a level two uh puzzle which like
i think in her age range is like my dog Swift has that level two I saw it yeah she fucking
she what do you mean level
you have to move these little things
is a level two puzzle
what are the what's level one
it's like little boxes guys
this would not be an episode of fear and without
March getting up and adjusting
the camera they have dog levels
yeah they have puzzles
what are the,
I don't understand.
Look, grab it.
Yeah, but what,
explain to me the levels.
Oh, they just get harder. Levels of difficulty.
Like, the first level,
level one puzzle.
So you just like nose up.
Other ones you have to
use your freaking paw
and push them.
Level one puzzle
is basically action reaction.
You fucking move it,
boom, you have something.
You have a treat underneath it.
Level two puzzles are
where you have to do two different treat underneath it level two puzzles are uh where you
have to do two different separate movements so it's basically your dog connecting the dots
with two separate hoboken it's a place in new jersey true why do you know that because that's
where carlo from cake boss lives you thought chicago was in the state of chicago chicago chicago very random that you
would know hoboken no joking yeah oh i know hoboken from you yep i only know it from you
i was in new jersey hey austin how goes the apartment hunt oh he's staying with us i was
just talking to kitty about this i found a great apartment in West Hollywood. Nice. Yes. You getting it? I already
got it. I'm here.
Is it my house? Yes.
It's my house. Okay. I do.
I got a great apartment. Marsh, we're gonna
have to withhold all of Austin's checks
until... He already sent the wire on Friday.
Well, that's the last one.
Look, why do you care?
I'm here all the time. I'm just saying.
I'm gonna not be here. I'm gonna saying. I'm going to not be here.
I'm going to be here the same amount of time as I would be.
Because you made me a promise.
What was that promise?
Oh, you don't remember the promise?
I don't remember that promise.
Look at your face.
Okay, I remember the promise.
What is the promise?
I think, wait.
Then we would get an apartment.
I think it was a $10,000 bet.
Yeah.
What was the bet?
Cutie Cinderella gets on a plane before you rent an apartment.
Holy crap.
In Los Angeles.
I was so close to losing $10,000.
I'm so close to losing $10,000. I'm so close to losing $10,000.
No, you're not.
She is...
I'm grounded.
30-minute flight to Vegas.
No, don't shoot.
Wait, you're just...
He's trying to make $10,000 off of me.
That's all he wants.
The NRA lady's plane crashed today.
Private, that wasn't...
I know, but I think Hasan might know
if she owns the NRA.
She's in the NRA.
She's in the NRA. Millions of Americans in the NRA. Really the NRA she's in the NRA she's in the NRA
millions of Americans
in the NRA
I have no idea
what you're referencing
she's in the NRA
and her plane
was crashed today
private plane
or a Cessna
a lot of times
a Cessna
but it was chased
by F-150s
stop
there's no way
that the Cessnas
go like
cutie
my car
your car
was crashed
Cessnas drop
like fucking flies
that's crazy anytime you hear about someone dying in a plane, but why was it chased? Cessnas drop like fucking flies. That's crazy.
No one wants to talk about it.
No one wants to talk about why it was chased.
Anytime you hear about someone dying in a plane crash,
the likelihood that it's a Cessna is infinitely higher than like.
Yeah, it's because there's junior pilots.
Why do you think it was chased?
Or they fly it themselves.
There's no way it was chased.
Because they might have had a mechanical emergency.
Chased.
I think it was someone stole it.
Chased is like a huge.
What are you saying?
People thought there was an explosion because of the F-150s and their boom. Cessnas? Oh, the sonic boom. I think it was someone stole it. Chaste is like a huge... What are you saying?
People thought there was an explosion because of the F-150s and their boom.
Cessnas?
Oh, the Sonic boom.
I don't know how you just came off a shift
and you don't know about this?
I was playing Diablo.
It's Sunday fun day.
Okay, so...
I purposely yell at chatters.
As soon as this podcast is done,
we're playing more Diablo, Kitty.
Wow.
It's Diablo time.
These two boys have Diablo brain. Wow. It's Diablo time. These two boys have Diablo brain.
Yes. Uh-huh. Well, I
have like half Diablo brain, half Kaia brain.
Like I was saying earlier,
every single moment of my life now is
dedicated to ensuring that this unruly
fucking demon, who is very smart by the way,
unfortunately, will be
receptive to my
guidance and me being
the leader. But unfortunately,
because my mom and dad are here,
they,
without realizing it,
basically give her everything.
So she's,
she,
she like can hold her pee in and stuff.
We take her out periodically once every two hours,
usually,
which is like even more frequent than what she needs to go out for normally at her age three months old and she's she has only peed in uh
like angry peas like stubborn peas like when she got up here on the arms i was like oh no she's
gonna do it again that's her thing she gets up on the bars and pisses. Farley was potty trained in two weeks.
That's what I mean.
Like, it's just that it's dependent on the personality of the dog.
Like, sometimes.
You could have gotten a small dog.
No, I wanted a big dog.
Yeah, and this is what you get.
Well, Fish was a big dog.
He was very well potty trained very quickly. This house is an obstacle course of cages.
Yeah.
And toys.
We got caught in a cage.
There is shit everywhere.
It's time for an intervention.
There's no shit anywhere.
Not like actual shit.
Just like a bunch of crap everywhere.
Like I couldn't even find a place
to sit at the counter yesterday.
You're being so dramatic.
I'm not being dramatic.
You are dramatic.
Is this a Cessna?
Austin lives here now, sir.
I do.
No, that's a Cessna.
That's the plane.
That's a Cessna Citation.
That's crashed.
That's a Cessna Citation.
That's a jet.
And it's a little bigger than a Cessna. That's actually kind of surprising that that's the plane. That's a Cessna Citation. This crashed. That's a Citation. That's a jet. And it's a little bigger than a Cessna.
That's actually kind of surprising that that's the jet that crashed.
That makes sense that they chased that one because that one's actually fast.
Who's chasing?
Okay, so this is what happened.
In Virginia.
You knew what happened this whole time and I had to sit here like a dumbass?
I just need to see you drown a little bit.
I got it.
Okay?
What? You were never getting in the box yes no look look no i'll get in the box cutie likes a challenge right she doesn't
like me to suck up to her i've been sucking up to her and it's time to change you haven't sucked up
change the strategy oh he's been sucking up to you i've got people making fan camps to get me in the
box anyway there was a cessna citation that got chased by fighter jets in Virginia,
and then the Citation crashed.
We don't know what happened.
We don't know why it happened, but that's what happened.
Is this separate to the explosion, the supersonic boom?
The supersonic boom was the jet breaking the sound barrier to go chase this jet.
To go chase it.
Isn't that crazy?
Which is awesome.
I love American stuff like that with our fighter jets and breaking the sound barrier to go chase this jet. To go chase it. Isn't that crazy? Which is awesome. Which is so, I love American stuff like that.
With like our fighter jets and breaking the sound barrier.
It's awesome.
Like why do you need to break this sound barrier to like eviscerate a fucking village in Yemen?
You know what I mean? You don't need any of that shit.
Hey, no politics on the podcast.
Oh, you're right.
You're right.
Talking about our military industrial complex is actually not politics.
No politics, please.
We're just trying to enjoy
the Fourth of July is coming up in one month.
I mean, I love that shit.
All right, let's get back to the main topic at hand.
Fear Ann is going to Japan,
minus cutie Cinderella.
I can't wait.
Minus cutie Cinderella
because she refuses to travel.
Yeah, well, okay.
So Hassan tells me I have to go to Japan.
He garnishes my wages.
I had to buy a very large ticket to Japan.
This is true.
And this is Pride Month, okay?
This is the first Pride Month.
Oh, I did this deliberately.
Post-pandemic, Pride Month, okay?
That I could enjoy.
And instead of enjoying Pride Month, Will,
I am going to Japan by force.
You're going to Japan?
You've been enjoying Pride pretty much around the clock for the last few months.
Yeah, for the record, yeah, you should enjoy it less.
You should be less proud.
You should be ashamed.
I haven't done anything.
I've been working all day long.
I think you'll agree to this.
Did you just put your hand behind your back to do this while you were saying that?
No, I'm itching my back.
I think we can agree to this.
Yes.
We should each have a list of demands for Hasan because we're going to Japan.
I agree.
Oh, my God.
First of all, you don't want to get a say in this
because this is your first time in Japan,
and this is going to be a unique experience for both of us.
I haven't booked a ticket yet.
If anything, you and I are having our little pride month in Japan,
whereas he's going to be the third wheel.
Well, we have lists of demands.
I want a dozen twinks at my hotel room.
I've talked about this already.
Let me, before your demands.
One gay bar trip while we're in Japan.
Yes, that's already going to happen.
That's already going to happen.
Let me just explain something.
That's ridiculous.
And Hasan, I want to let you know,
I've been doing a lot of work.
In Japan.
Have the application form.
For the sumo wrestling?
No.
Listen to this, train boy.
What?
To ride the MO super mag lift.
I thought it was impossible.
I have the application form.
I'm trying to put us on it.
How?
I've been working on this.
It's a choo-choo train?
It's not just any choo-choo train.
It's the greatest invention of all time.
It's a mag lift.
It's like it flies. It's a traino-choo train? It's not just any choo-choo train. It's the greatest invention of all time. It's a mag lift.
It's like it flies.
It's a train that flies with magnets.
And it goes 350 miles per hour.
Why don't we get one of those? It's the new level.
That's a good one.
That's funny.
We can't even get shitty trains.
Yeah, what do you mean?
What?
I don't know.
I don't know what's wrong with America.
Our trains go 25 miles an hour.
It's fucking sick.
You want to know what's wrong with America?
It was built on automobiles.
Yep.
Yeah.
The automobile. trains go 25 miles an hour it's fucking sick wrong with america it was built on automobiles yep yeah technically america was literally built on railroads and they still exist it's just that as will correctly point it out the automobile industry eviscerated domestic transport i'm
voting for the next president that will give us trains but i but i'm working very hard on
getting you on this train and i might have to abuse all of our social clout to do it.
I will literally, I will kiss the conductor.
I don't even give a fuck.
You've seen the video of it, right?
Yeah, I have.
It's incredible.
I've got a conspiracy theory.
We are going to Japan.
We're spending tens of thousands of dollars
so Hasan can ride a fucking train.
Well, I didn't even know we were getting on the train.
That's a gift I'm getting.
He just explained that to me.
Sorry, Austin has a bad attitude.
Austin has a bad attitude because I'll admit,
I'm doing this deliberately.
Let me explain why.
Austin doesn't get any more demands.
I get demands.
Wait, here's my demand.
You gave me my demand.
You gave me my demand.
Here's my demand.
Well, you gave me my demand.
We split the live streams equally.
That's an insane demand.
Look, I...
How is that an insane demand?
That's not an insane demand.
That's not an insane demand.
We can do that.
Look,
you are grimacing.
No,
I'm already thinking in my head,
like I'm doing the mental calculus of like how we can split the live
streams in my head.
What do you mean?
Just different days,
different ones.
It was live stream.
We don't have to split them evenly.
I'll make the schedule.
We don't have to split them evenly.
We'll just do one on my channel.
Okay.
You don't get a live stream.
That's ridiculous. I don't get a live stream. No, you don't get a live stream. That's ridiculous. I don't get
a live stream? No, you don't get a live stream. I don't think he needs one.
I want to get double sucked.
Here's what we're...
We're going to talk about that. Can I just get through this?
I'm kidding. I don't want to get double sucked.
Yes, he does.
He does. Last night,
Austin and I had a conversation. It was a private conversation.
I'm revealing it right now.
He goes, do you think Japanese twinks will be into me?
Okay.
And I said, no, they're racist.
Oh, God.
And he has been more upset.
He was already, like, iffy on the trip.
And ever since I told him that, he's literally been, like, looking up ways of refunding his
ticket and trying not to go to Japan.
Look, Hasan, that is a stretch, okay?
That is a stretch.
He's turning so red.
He thought he was going to have a bunch of Japanese twinks be like, oh, you're so muscly and American.
First of all, we're just twinks, okay?
Why do we have to say Japanese twinks?
Okay.
Look at this guy. I mean, they're just twinks. Okay, what do we have to say, Jeff? Okay.
Look at this guy.
I mean, he's all the same.
Come on.
They're twinks just like globally.
Come on.
We don't assign.
We don't see culture.
Well, regardless.
That's not what he wants. No.
Then he said.
No, we do see culture.
We respect culture.
I need a different chair.
You're colorblind.
That's what you're saying.
You're colorblind.
Got it.
Judy, he started this.
Why are you talking about?
I didn't get.
Oh, shit.
Justin, you'll be a novelty to somebody.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll give you some novelty, buzzy.
Look, I need no help from you guys.
I can do it myself.
Yeah.
No, you won't.
I promise you.
They're going to be like, what?
No, I don't speak English.
Get the fuck away from me.
I don't hit on people, okay?
I'm respectful of people. You can't hit on me. I don't hit on people, okay? I'm respectful of people.
You can't hit on people and be respectful.
Hit on people is cringe.
Okay, well, let me just explain why I think this is important.
Oh, boy.
Okay.
The lower courts of Japan recently slated to legalize gay marriage.
Yes.
But it's probably not going to pass through the spirit courts in Japan
because Japan is a very homophobic country.
Yes.
They have some, like,
civil bonding.
Like, you can be gay in Japan.
They don't, like,
kill you for it or anything.
But you can't legally be gay married,
which is why I thought,
you know,
where do we spend half of Pride Month
with Austin
in that country itself?
Specifically where the twinks there
will not look at him
because he's an American white man.
Yeah.
Well, look, you know what?
I think it's very homophobic,
and Hasan is taking great pleasure.
I am taking great pleasure.
I'm going to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
because he's run me into debt.
Yeah.
For this trip.
This trip alone is putting me over the edge.
I also have an idea for a stream.
Here it is.
Go to a Pachinko parlor.
What's Pachinko?
It's like a Japanese version of gambling.
Okay.
And no one can leave until you finish a pack of cigarettes.
What?
I love that.
You have to.
Love it.
Chain smoke and gamble until you finish a pack of cigarettes.
I can't smoke. And you have to hold the money up like this with a cigarette in your mouth a pack of cigarettes. I can't smoke.
And you have to hold the money up like this with a cigarette in your mouth.
Like, ah!
I can't smoke, though.
Well, it's going to take you a while.
Well, I will vomit.
Two cigarettes.
There's no way.
I took one drag of a cigarette in Amsterdam, and I dropped it.
All right.
Then you have to take a shot for every cigarette in the pack.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to black out.
Yeah, there's 32
shots. 32 shots?
I honestly think
the Pachinko stream will
go crazy. It's hard
to find one where they let you stream
though, unfortunately.
Let's work on that now.
We can do that.
I'm still thinking about the half and
half streaming thing.
No, I'm kidding how is i am the one who needs these uh uh we i i already know what i'm gonna well first of all i'm gonna wake up at six every morning to live stream on my desktop good i've
got and then after that i usually have uh like the way it works this is what i did in japan last time
i live stream every day from 6 a.m japan time to, like, 10 a.m. Japan time on the desktop.
Then I swap over to the IRL stream.
And then on that IRL stream, I usually will go to, like, Akihabara or something where we, like, look up weeb shit.
This is going to be a new experience for you regardless.
So it'll be fucking awesome.
It'll be fun.
You won't need to stream it. Even more fun?
No, no, no. Enjoy it. No.
What I'm planning on doing is, what I was
thinking is we can swap it, we can double
swap it, and then we can do
IRL right after. Yeah.
On your channel after. That's smart.
And I'm here, and I'm there. By the way,
Spooky is going to send me some of his favorite
bathhouses in Japan.
We need to go to an onsen. What's a bathhouse? An onsen. Oh, we're going to go wash our dicks. A ryokan. Oh, I'm not going to send me some of his favorite bathhouses in Japan. Wait, what's a bathhouse? We need to go to an onsen.
What's a bathhouse?
An onsen.
Oh, we're going to go
wash our dicks.
A ryokan.
Oh, I'm not going to
make it in front of you guys.
Yes, you are.
You have to.
No, the fuck.
It's cultural.
Ludwig Aiden.
You guys have much
bigger dicks than I do.
That's just okay.
Fat cocks.
Sorry.
I am not seeing your dicks.
You're going to be fine.
I will never.
Austin.
Austin. My dick is not big enough for this. I mean, it is, but I have to get hard before penis. I will never. Austin. Austin.
My dick is not big enough for this.
I mean, it is, but I have to get hard before it.
You can't get hard.
What?
No.
No.
That is not allowed.
Guys, I swear to God.
There's like Yakuza there.
They'll kill you.
I am not going in.
There's not Yakuza there.
They actually don't allow men with tattoos.
I am not.
Look, I am not going nude into anywhere.
I'm too modest.
I am far too modest.
Okay, okay, okay.
Awesome.
We do have to do a traditional Ryokan experience.
I will do something in a towel.
That's the farthest.
Cutie, what are you going to do?
I'm going to make you naked.
Cutie, what are you going to do while we're...
I'm so shocked.
I'm going to do everything you guys do, but here.
Uh-huh.
So if you, like, go to sushi, I'll go to sushi. You go gambling, I'll go gambling. Uh to do everything You guys do but here So if you like go to sushi
I'll go to sushi
You go gambling
I'll go gambling
You guys go to bathhouse
That's really cool
Because we already have
A plan mapped out
To knock you out
Yeah
Cutie you're putting
You're going on a fucking plane
Your boat leaves in one hour
Yeah
Better go now
See you guys in two weeks
Yeah
Cutie you got to come to Japan
I'm not going to Japan
I have a question
What
If we take you to like
An airstrip.
Yeah.
And a plane just does this.
Don't like it.
Could we try it?
No.
That's a good place to start though.
Do you ever want to get over this phobia?
Guys, we're not spending another 20 minutes talking about my phobia.
Okay.
Okay.
One second.
One second.
My last question is, do you want to get over this phobia?
Not at the moment.
She does not.
I'm working on other things right now. Cutie. Cutie. My last question is, do you want to get over this phobia? Not at the moment. She does not.
I'm working on other things right now.
Cutie, what if I were to tell you I've been in contact with Mattie Healy
and we are going to hang out with Taylor Swift in Japan?
Yes, that's absolutely correct.
What if I were to tell you...
Mattie Healy is so mad.
Who cares?
What if I were to tell you that Mattie Healy,
who's going to be on the podcast...
If he's on the podcast, it's going to be so awkward for me because I'm going to be like, you're so mad.
And with Taylor Swift.
They're nuts because you're lying to me.
I'm not lying.
Yes.
Taylor's not going to Japan.
She's in the middle of a tour, idiot.
No, she's taking a break from her tour.
They're so rich.
What do you think?
Maddie Healy, if you knew your lore, you'd know that he flew all the way from Philippines to visit Taylor while she was doing an Arrows tour.
Well, that's, yeah, he came to her like the little bitch that he is.
I'm just saying that she's also doing it for the Fear End podcast.
She's not.
She's going to be the Fear End guest and you're going to miss out on that.
This isn't going to work.
You're going to miss out on it because you can't get on a plane.
What would you do?
Would you get on a plane if that was the case?
No.
If I could get that done.
I'm not that.
That's a lie.
I am not that desperate. i'm not that there's that's a lie you would want that desperate
i'm not that desperate cutie you bought like a fifty thousand dollar box she said not that
desperate to fly not that desperate uh i know i bought an expensive box but that's because we are
in such big trouble if we can't get cutie on a plane for taylor swift we need to cutie we actually
need to get you over this phobia guys i'm I'm working on other things. You know what? We need to hire a therapist.
Like what?
Um,
like,
like,
um,
other things.
You literally set up
like 11 different events
that you need to put together
while you,
I do therapy twice a week.
We need a third time.
QD,
you need to include us
more in your events.
Your therapy,
your therapy is not working.
you're so busy.
Imagine I asked you
to come to Mass Breaker.
Listen,
the fact that you didn't ask Austin and I to host Streamer Awards was a... It was a bludgeon.
Oh.
I host Streamer Awards.
That's actually very true.
It's my show.
We agreed.
You should have stepped down.
I think it was supposed to be like a women-led...
Yeah, it's supposed to be like a women-led thing in the industry.
I'm going to say what everybody was thinking.
It was lacking male representation.
That's true.
That's true. That's true.
I thought about it a little bit.
Streamer Awards.
I was like, wow, there are so many women here.
There are so many men that could be on here as well.
That's what I think too, always.
When I see women in a position of power, I'm like, why not a man?
Yeah, I'll consider it, guys.
I'll consider it.
I'll consider it.
It's like you're considering flying.
I'll talk right there.
Cutie did give me a spot at the Streamer Awards
when the cameras were completely off.
I did.
Well, thank God.
Did you see the shirt you were wearing?
Oh, my God.
Well, they couldn't smell it.
I have a huge issue.
What?
That meme is going too far.
What meme?
The smelly shirt meme is going way too far.
It wasn't a meme.
It was a reality.
Your shirt smelled.
It's going way too far. I posted't a meme, it was a reality. Your shirt smelled. It's going way too far.
I posted a TikTok
of the smelly shirt
and the search thing
at the top
was Austin Show BO.
This is what people saw
when they came to my page.
I'm going to Google,
does Austin Show smell?
Oh God.
Let's see.
Well,
the thing is,
you made your bed.
Now sleep in it.
I have a question.
Have you been going to TwitchCon Paris?
Yes.
You are?
All of us are going.
I'm not fucking going.
Will, why are you going to Japan,
but you're not going to the most important event with you?
Because Japan is awesome.
Because to be honest,
Twitch is not providing anything for anybody.
I don't know if they're providing shit for you.
I'm contractually obligated.
They are providing shit for me. Yeah. contractually obligated. They are providing shit.
Yeah.
So I have to go.
What?
Also, you're a part of Twitch has already done.
Twitch already set up a meet and greet because.
Yeah.
I'm also.
I hijacked his meet and greet.
Yeah.
Once again.
And Twitch didn't even ask you.
And we're like, yeah, we'll be.
Yeah.
It's the Will Neff Austin show.
Hassan Piker meet and greet.
What?
Yeah. Why am I not in the meet and greet? Hey, that was my reaction.
Fly! Apply! Now, to be fair,
Twitch did ask me and I was like, yeah, of course. So are they gonna put
my ass up or what? I don't know.
Ask them. Ask your partner manager.
They won't put...
I'm paying for everything on my own.
He's lying. No, I am. I swear to God.
You don't scream. I'm not gonna lie.
Excuse me. I do not give a shit about Paris.
Will, you need to come to this event.
To be fair, Paris does.
Paris is just a little bit better than London.
So he's not wrong.
But there's a lot of streamers that are going to be there.
So it'll be fun.
Yeah, it's going to be.
Will, come on.
Be social.
What happened to the old Will don't fucking don't you
fucking open your mouths wait why are you pointing to me i didn't say because because you got mad at
me for i'm out there touching the flesh hanging out with people are you in the real world oh
when's the last time you went out with some some real streamer folk not in a real streamer okay
okay well he touches flesh
too i touch flesh more than anyone yeah i'm not talking about penis flesh no oh wow he's being
homophobic you said it first yeah but you repeated it look i touch a lot of flesh you said it louder
i've been to texas a couple times you have too all right i've been to tex couple of times. I've been to West Hollywood. All right, I've been here.
Yeah, yeah, sick.
Okay, look, I've touched.
I've been to West Hollywood.
I'm at every TwitchCon.
Every TwitchCon since 2015.
I like TwitchCon.
I do.
I like it.
I would have probably gone
even if I wasn't contractually obligated to go.
Well, you got to be at this event.
God, fuck.
Well, then I'm not going to Japan.
You know what?
Neither am I.
Neither am I. Fuck it. then I'm not going to Japan. You know what? Neither am I. Neither am I.
Fuck it.
Me and Marge are going to Japan.
Let's go, baby.
Let's go.
Dude, I tried to, okay, I went on a campaign to convince Hasan not to go to Japan.
Yeah, it didn't work.
And I started lobbying.
I called Will, and I was like, and I called Marge.
I was like, guys, this is really expensive.
And what did I say to you? You kind of were agreeing with me, and I was like, I called Marsh. I was like, guys, this is really expensive. And what did I say to you?
You kind of were agreeing with me.
And then you betrayed me.
I said, if you are not comfortable going, don't go.
I know, but I can't not go if you guys are going.
He doesn't want to be left out.
Why?
I'd be left out.
I've got FOMO.
FOMO.
God, why?
I'm spending tens of thousands of dollars
because I don't want to be left out.
All right? Which is, by the way, super. I don't want to be left out which is by the way
I don't know why I keep saying have the podcast pay for it
the podcast already is
technically we're all
you're paying for this trip too
I should pay for it
that is true
as punishment for not going
we should divide up a lot of the cost
from QD's end
take it out of my end.
I'm not working. She'll do anything
not to fly on a plane. Jesus Christ.
I thought you would say something to stop
me.
In fact,
let's just tax Cutie.
I don't understand why you...
First of all, I am not even listening to
Will being like, oh, I don't want to go to Japan.
Dude, it's everything.
Can I be honest?
It's everything we've ever imagined, Will.
I'm going to be honest.
Okay.
It's our dreams.
I think it would be so good for your friendship.
I have travel anxiety.
That would be cute.
And I have big event anxiety.
You know this.
Yes.
Where I build things up, and then my manic depression,
which is real, and people forget.
I've seen it.
Manifests in a very strange way.
No, no, no.
This will be, you will.
And Japan is like the prom queen.
And it's like all of my dreams
and ambitions of the way the world should be
and the fun that I should be having.
Oh, you will have it.
Live in Japan.
And if I go to Japan
and it's not a good time.
No, it's not.
Impossible.
I will commit harakiri.
It's impossible.
This is not even a question.
You guys will make so much money on my death.
Before I left.
And I get a little bit of travel anxiety too.
I don't like leaving my house even.
And I don't like leaving my rigid work structure.
Before I went to Japan, every single person said,
Hasan, when you go to Japan,
even if you have your expectations set super high,
it's going to beat your expectations.
And that was real.
If we went to Japan and we didn't do anything,
we just walked around the streets,
I promise, and we went to, like, fucking 7-Eleven.
But we're going to do stuff.
We are going to do stuff.
We're going to temples.
But even if we didn't do any of that stuff,
you would still have a 10 out of 10 experience. We're going to get clubs. I promise going to temples. But even if we didn't do any of that stuff, you would still have a 10 out of 10 experience.
I promise you, I have the same exact disdain that you do
for most European cities with the exception of Amsterdam.
So then we get home.
We're going to have four days.
No, not four days.
Ten.
I was lying to you on the phone because I wanted to exaggerate it
so we didn't go.
Never trust him.
He is a gay man.
He is deceptive.
Wait, I have something
important.
What?
Each of you have to
bring me back a souvenir
from Japan and then it
has to have a story.
I will take a Polaroid
of the three of us
nude in a bathhouse.
I'm not getting naked
in a bathhouse.
Austin will not be hard.
We already established
that.
I'll be honest, that
Polaroid is probably
worth more than anything
else I can give to him.
Yeah, I was thinking
like candy.
I will not be naked was thinking like candy.
I will not be naked at a bathhouse.
You are going to get naked at a bathhouse.
I don't like... I am going to bully you relentlessly.
I don't have a good flaccid looking penis, period.
No one cares about your flaccid penis.
That's why you're naked.
Are you circumcised?
No.
What?
Everybody's looking at each other's penises.
No.
They're not.
Why else would you have them out?
To bathe.
Apparently, like, Ludwig's bit to get over the awkwardness
when they went to the bathhouse was prominently, like,
shoving his penis out.
Like, he would, like, point at things and just stick his,
like, a pregnant lady.
Look.
I mean, Ludwig's spreading cheeks all the time.
I want to clear up any controversy, okay?
I have a fine-looking penis.
It doesn't sound like it.
There's no controversy.
Everybody, I don't want anybody to think about that.
You're doing the BO thing again, Austin.
You're doing the BO thing again.
You are going to, now all your TikTok relevant searches are going to be Austin micro dick.
Okay.
Do you want that?
Now you just started it.
No, I didn't.
You're the one who's saying it.
Stop saying it.
You know what?
Now all your TikTok things are going to be Hassan's smaller micro dick.
Okay, fine.
I don't give a shit.
Hassan's got a tiny penis and everybody knows it.
I don't care.
I dated a porn star and she talked very openly about my penis.
Okay, well, I'm going to go date a porn star and they're going to talk very openly about how well endowed I am.
Okay, well, then we'll talk after.
Just not when I'm flaccid.
Okay, we'll talk.
Austin, no one cares.
Everybody's talking about it.
It's already
a relevant surge on TikTok. Austin, this is what
you do. You just shave your pubes in a
crazy way that all they can do is talk about your pubes.
Okay, there's nothing wrong. I love
that. That's brilliant. No, there's nothing
wrong with my penis. I'll be naked at the bathhouse.
Listen, Austin.
Austin, all you gotta do is give it a little fluff. You don't want to be hard. Yeah, that's at the bathhouse. Listen, Austin. Austin, all you gotta do
is give it a little fluff.
You don't wanna be hard.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
A little fluff.
Yeah, slap it around
a little bit.
No, you said
you were gonna be erect.
I think you said rock hard
if I remember.
I'm gonna be very
uncomfortable naked.
I don't wanna see you guys naked.
It's just gonna ruin
our relationship.
Just like if Hasan was gay.
That would ruin our relationship.
You've seen me naked.
I've seen your dick,
but that's... Your dick is... Look, when you you got I think that's I think that's literally the reason
why he doesn't want to get naked when you got a dick like this okay my dick is nice but it's not
like it's not like fucking white zilla no this dick is nice you've seen it I've seen his penis
as you've seen his penis no Have you seen his penis? No.
I've seen it in the fucking pictures.
I mean, it's like not the pic.
Like the iconic boxer photo that you know what you were doing. I'm so sorry.
Are you deep faking this?
No.
No, he's talking about my outline.
I'm going to grab a water.
He's talking about the outline of my penis.
I'm sorry, cutie.
Cutie, I'm sorry.
Cutie, we have been talking about penises in Japan this entire time and you're not
included in any of those. I get the paycheck.
Could I get a water too?
There's water here.
And guess what?
It's the Davide
water.
I cannot
waver Austin to drink three
calculated sips from that and then leave
it right there. I will not be.
It is such a pet peeve of mine.
You do it all the time.
After every fear and so far,
I've always collected bottles from where you're sitting
and it's always just three sips.
Look, Hassan.
Jesus Christ.
Hassan, I got a pet peeve of mine to share with you.
Let's hear it.
You don't pay attention.
It's true.
I could be talking to you for 20 minutes and you'd be like.
Okay, fair.
The Hassan face he does is actually amazing.
Okay, I have a double pet peeve.
Oh, yeah, what's that?
This motherfucker doesn't want to stay in the Airbnb with us.
Yeah, he wants to stay at a freaking hotel.
Look, okay. I'm going to defend myself. No, he wants to stay at a freaking hotel. Look, okay.
I'm going to defend myself.
No, no, no.
I'm going to stand up for myself.
He said one shower.
One shower.
Yeah.
For five people.
Yeah.
I'm going to partially agree with Austin.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Because Japanese hotels are very cool.
Thank you.
Thank you.
And the reason you want to stay in Airbnb is hardwired internet,
which I will take advantage of when I am playing video games.
Yes, yes.
Hassan wants...
The internet's really good.
Hassan selfishly wants to stream
at 5.30 in the morning.
It is his job.
Yes, but that's selfish.
You wouldn't know about that.
Okay, look.
Oh, shit.
I put in my time, okay?
I put in my hours.
No, we realize I'm the only motherfucker
who makes him work all the time for his supper.
By the way, another list of demands stream.
Can we do drag in Japan?
Yeah.
Like geisha?
I want to do either.
Geisha is a little cultural, I think.
But I think Harajuku, like full Harajuku girl looks.
Who do you think would look best?
I mean, I still, you know, yeah, I'm down.
No, no, no, because geisha's like more of a traditional.
I'm not going to fit into anything.
The problem is I went there.
I don't fit into anything.
Dude, you're going to love every part of it.
I'm so excited.
Will, you don't understand.
You don't understand.
I asked Judy who would look the best in drag.
I think Will did the best if he would have had a wig.
Wait, pull up my.
But you had like a carrot.
Who looked the best in drag?
You said, wow.
You looked awful.
Hassan looked like a mom.
You looked like the ugly the ugly one in
shrek you know i looked pretty sexy as my vampire drag that i did recently i actually looked pretty
hot the problem is he actually goes for yeah looking as since you're since you had like the
short hair i couldn't go over it i'm sorry ladies i'm not attractive to short hair girlies unless you're Ruby Rose. Then yes, I am. I would look horrific in drag.
He got eliminated first when he did drag.
I was awful.
Yeah.
I'm down to do that.
I serve cunt.
You have to also go.
We also have to go to AAA in the next couple of weeks
and get an international license for $25.
They're going to play Mario Kart.
So we can do Mario Kart in the streets.
Mario Kart.
Which I don't even know if I'll be able to fit,
but we'll figure it out.
Do you think if we got the internet to bully you
for not going to Japan, that would work?
No.
Can we do Kendo sword fighting?
I'm down for everything.
Kendo sword fighting would be a great stream.
I'm down for everything.
I'm so open to all of it.
When I went last time, I didn't really do anything.
I just experienced.
Have you contacted a sumo duomo yet?
No, I have not.
Sumo duomo.
Stable.
Whoa.
Sumo stable.
And the championships are happening currently, if I'm not mistaken.
Oh, my God.
If we can go to a...
I just want to see a great fight and throw my mat.
Have you seen Sanctuary?
Yes, it was awesome. So fucking good. Netflix. Netflix show. I have no passion. I great fight and throw my mat. Have you seen Sanctuary? Yes, it was awesome.
So fucking good.
Netflix.
Netflix show.
I have no passion.
I was so addicted to sumo that I watched like hundreds of hours of sumo stuff afterward.
What the fuck?
Okay, well.
Do you care about anything like this?
I don't care about anything like this.
And I really like Taylor Swift.
I don't care that much.
You definitely care way more about Taylor Swift
than he cares about fucking sumo.
I have a box in Denver
and I've been debating like not going
because I don't know if I want to drive.
Cutie, this is a one-
But I think I have depression.
This is a one-week hyper fixation.
This is probably where this is coming from.
This is a one-week hyper fixation for him.
Your whole life is hyper fixated on Taylor Swift.
That is insane.
Really?
I think I have depression.
Cutie,
I feel like there was a quote one time
where you said,
oh,
that's not a color
that Taylor Swift
mentions often.
And then you pulled
data.
It's a fascinating document.
And you pulled
data
of the times
that Taylor Swift
has mentioned
every color.
Yeah,
but you know what?
Maybe I have depression.
That's not an out here.
I feel like I don't care that much right now.
Why do you have depression?
I don't know. I was born with it.
No, but you mentioned that.
Maybe it's Maybelline.
Recently, your depression's a little worse?
I think whenever I do these events, I check out.
Well, actually, do you want to know something heavy?
Are you ready for heavy stuff?
Yes.
This is whining about it all of a sudden. Something heavy, do you want to know something heavy? Are you ready for heavy stuff? Yes. I'm ready for it.
This is whining about it all of a sudden.
Something heavy, so not Austin's penis, right?
Yeah.
Show us your dick.
Wait, not heavy?
I didn't get the joke.
It's not heavy. We're saying you have a skinny penis.
Oh.
Oh.
Look, everybody knows my penis size.
Okay, Hasan, tell them
It's 6.3 quarters
No, 6.3 quarters
6.3 quarters and it leans slightly to that
It's good girth, but it could be a little thicker
That's right
Show us your dick
I'm a grower, not a shower
Most men
Come on, men, back me up in the comments
I am also
We need to go to Cutie's
I'm also a grower, not a shower We sidetracked Cutie am also we need to go to i'm also a grower not a
we sidetrack cuties trauma to time i'm also a grower not a show i don't want to see your penis
son wants to show me his penis that's why he wants me to go to the bathhouse
sure this is perfect segue one time there was a guy who wanted to show me their penis and i didn't
want to see their penis and i was six and that's what I'm working on with my therapist
right now is a pedophile and um I'm so sorry no it's fine it's like funny sorry we should don't
worry we should um but weirdest thing ever I didn't realize if you have been affected by a
pedophile in your child but now you're an adult because I've always just thought it was funny
right all my trauma I make jokes out of it my therapist has been like bad don't do that for the first time in my life she had me like tell the adults in my life about it and it felt weird
it felt like i was a kid again being like i don't want to get in trouble isn't that weird is this
part of the so weird it's part of therapy yeah well good for you so i think that's why i'm extra
dissociated that's why i'm like i don't care about taylor swift i don't care about i don't let the
world burn i feel nothing cutie damn yeah what the fuck anyway we're fine what the fuck that was crazy i'm gonna whine about it
well what well kitty no thank you for sharing shut up what i'm trying to be supportive you are so
yo he puts this on so much like we'll be like one moment like yeah you know i'm fucking i'm gonna
have some man butt,
you know what I mean?
And then like,
next moment,
next moment,
he's around a woman,
he's like,
oh,
sweetie,
let me handle every single thing.
You code switch like a motherfucker,
bro.
I don't know how you do it.
Dude,
I was nervous,
so I just did it.
See?
Look,
you did it again.
Look,
I,
look,
I like to be supportive of women,
because,
you know what?
A lot of straight men like you guys don't support them like they do me.
Okay?
You are literally gay because you're a misogynist.
There is nothing more misogynistic about being, you think I'm a misogynist?
There is nothing more misogynistic than being like, oh, women, I don't even want them for anything.
I named four women on the last time that you asked me.
We had this conversation.
Austin was on the finale of Master Baker,
and I think it encouraged everyone to be homophobic.
Like, I think this last episode was an issue.
Wait, why?
Because of me?
Yeah.
What did I do?
You were just there.
Just your behavior.
You were just there, and everyone became homophobic.
Wait, what do you mean?
What did I do?
They both made gay cakes.
I know.
Okay, okay.
But that's not my fault.
I don't know why.
They made, okay.
She's making it seem like my actions made them, my presence made them.
Pride month made them extra gay or homophobic.
It's like in between.
Cutie Cinderella's out here like the Supreme Court.
They made gay cakes.
You better stop that.
They did.
You know what I told them?
They made gay cakes.
You know what I told them?
They called them gay.
She had a competition.
The last two, they were making cakes i thought the best i would have chosen the team that refused to make a cake because i was gay that's the team that i would have chosen to win yes why am i making
people homophobic look i i cutie i i i i think that that is incorrect i I was not even doing anything gay on the show.
There were so many gay jokes.
They made the gay jokes.
I was trying to stay away from it.
I don't think so.
I don't believe you.
I think you walked in and you're like, sorry, I'm late.
I wasn't at the Abbey.
I'm cooling it on the gay jokes.
He's like, sorry, I'm late.
I did not say that when I walked in.
Sorry, I'm late.
I'm gay.
You said that.
Cutie made that joke.
Sorry, I'm late. I'm gay. You said that. Cutie made that joke.
I'm gay.
I don't know.
I'm going to lay it off the gay stuff.
Okay.
You're wearing a tank top.
You're wearing a black wife beater right now.
I think I've been a little too gay.
With a choker.
Can we call them wife beaters with gay guys wearing them?
They're wife respecters.
Yeah.
Women respecters.
Yeah.
I need my arms out.
You literally already took
your shirt off last last episode you loved it so much because the attention you got you just
straight up came in here by the way i post my editor posted a tiktok of me taking my shirt off
completely flopped the worst tiktok ever it happens sometimes it's It's okay. I think he's wearing this tank top right now
because he didn't want to wear the Letterman's jacket
on the podcast again
because that's what he was wearing today.
And I think we shaved him out of it.
Look, I have a problem
and I'm an outfit repeater
and I need a professional designer.
Pause.
Judy, super proud of you.
Whoa, stop that.
I don't like that.
No, I'm super proud of you.
Stop, oh God. That's super hard. god that's super hard you want me to do the
reverse like why the fuck did you say that yeah yeah okay good yeah that was weird no i'm kidding
i'm kidding it's cool no that that's what that takes us tremendously
see notice how when he said it it sounded genuine and then when you said it look
just do what i do i can't do that it doesn't feel genuine. And then when you said it. Look, the only reason. Just do what I do.
I can't do that.
The only reason it doesn't feel genuine is because you're homophobic.
No, it's, look, I, much like you, can't come across genuine when it's like in a, you know,
consoling manner.
I can come across genuine and you just won't let me come across genuine.
No, I think part of the reason I'm genuine is I've had some talks with cutie and some of her struggles
Remind me so much of the stuff that I had to do and went through to get my mom, right? Yeah
I'm fine. I just disassociate like a motherfucker and then I don't remember I will I have a feeling
I'll remember this whole week. That seems healthy. Yeah, I genuinely think I'm being sarcastic
It's a problem. I should oh my god Wait a minute fly on a plane bitch. You won't even remember it. Yeah, I genuinely think that. I'm being sarcastic. You should get a tattoo then. It's a problem. I should. Oh my God.
Memento?
Wait a minute.
Fly on a plane, bitch.
You won't even remember it.
Yeah, that's it.
I like how you just went to respect your trauma by calling her a bitch.
That was what I mean.
30 seconds.
This is the third podcast in a row
we've called Cutie a bitch.
Yeah.
No, it's a term of endearment.
That's right.
When you call Kaia the F word.
Yeah, that was weird.
Why do you keep doing
that because she's being a f word also uh we're we're juicing up cutie uh i love your jacket
yeah it's a good jacket you know where i got it from kohl's it looks good you're working it
you know a kid can be austin you could use work cutie you, you're working it. I love your hair. I don't.
I straightened my hair today.
Can you believe that?
It's humid out.
It is humid, and yeah, I get it.
Austin, are you getting grays?
Yes, I've always had grays.
Don't make him feel bad.
I've had grays since I was 25.
Why would you say that?
Oh, no.
Because it looks salt and pepper.
It looks dignified.
No, thank you.
No, I do have a couple grays.
Yeah, I do.
It looks handsome.
I do.
I've had grays since I was 25.
You're about to be a silver fox.
Is it?
No, I can't.
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
I'm not ready.
You don't want them to see your gray pubes.
I do not have gray pubes.
I do not have gray pubes.
Dude, I swear to God, this podcast is like giving him new anxieties every week.
Look, I'm not in so much fun, though.
I've had grays since i was 25 that's crazy
cool yeah no just it's really weird i have this you dye your hair what
no he no but like you you've died he bleaches yeah i have this weird thing that I cannot explain that is like, I guess it's Scottish DNA.
I have two strips of gray that run like that in my beard.
It's like right here.
Yeah, I can see it.
To right there.
Yeah, you can see it.
I don't know.
It's so strange.
Hassan has a gray spot in his beard.
Yeah.
What is it really?
Right here?
Yeah.
But mine almost looks like I dye this.
That's kind of cool.
Like in the same way
that they make fun of Joe Dirt
because his hair grows
in a mullet basically.
Like it just grows in.
I'm not ready
for the silver fox phase.
I haven't even had fun
in the other one.
You can dye if you want.
Oh no, I'm not dyeing.
Dye?
Dye your hair.
Oh.
I'm not dyeing my hair.
Cutie got today.
Cutie was toxic. I need a tan but i'm not dying my hair
cutie when are you uh when are you scabbing and joining a league team
dude did you guys see that drama yeah dude the summer league you're not gonna
no look it's never look i to, let's talk about this.
I want to talk about this.
No, it's because you want to talk about it.
I want to talk about it.
Okay.
Cutie, what are your thoughts on what's going on with legal legends?
I wish I was, I'd be down to play, but then I'd be disrespecting them.
Yeah.
Well, no, I actually had a theory.
If we scab, we're so bad at the game that will drive people away
So by scabbing
Take seat on the LCS stage. Do you want to do I do it you know you guys can't scab what the fuck we're scared
Judy what's a scab?
Okay, fine. Never just get a scab is an actual labor term where someone,
when there is like labor action happening,
when there's a strike happening.
Oh my God, Davide showed me this article,
but it was in Italian.
So I obviously didn't understand what was going on.
Riot Games, there's a strike.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah, he showed me the article the day at breakfast.
Doublelift had a very Doublelift take today.
I love Doublelift for the record.
I like to make this very clear.
I love that guy.
He said essentially like, I just want to play fuck the kids, which is so funny.
Not good.
It's not good for the sake of like scabbing and unions and all that stuff, but it's a gamer.
He's a gamer at heart.
He just wants a game.
He just wants a game, dude.
Yeah.
He said that today.
The Players Association does not have the regular powers that like the NBA unions would have,
like the players unions would have.
Right.
And Riot controls everything, including the game itself.
They could literally just like shut down these players from even playing the game ever if they wanted to.
They could IP ban them.
So it's a unique predicament.
We'll see what happens.
They have all the cards.
It's entirely up to them to be nice.
I was supposed to be like a host this week, and we have to delay it because...
Are you...
What is he doing?
They're running Nightmare.
They did it.
J Dilla's back.
We're back, baby.
The race is on.
Let's wrap this shit up.
Is your computer...
Shut up!
Will Neff is texting his clan.
Okay, listen.
I might have one of the most popular clans in the world now
called the Gayplads.
Gayplads. I'm a part of it. Not clans in the world now called the Gapelads. Gapelads.
I'm a part of it.
Not gay plaids.
Oh.
No, gape.
Like gaping an asshole.
Oh, the gay lads.
Like gape.
Well, you can have a gaping vagina too.
Usually it's just like referred to gaping assholes.
Wait, what was that?
Can you not?
Gaping vagina.
Maybe.
He is misogynistic.
That's why he's gay.
Look, that's not true.
Don't believe what he said.
I'm sorry for my outburst.
No, it's okay.
I'm an addict.
Is your phone, is your computer logged in right now?
Are you getting points at least?
Who the?
Hey, you're fucking up.
You should have the gate boys fucking running around
while you're sitting in town just collecting XP.
What is wrong with you? This is missed opportunity. opportunity because if he died he'd be screwed though and it's no but he's in
town right you can just like sit in town oh can you that was silly of you text caroline right now
i love caroline uh-huh there's so many things that she is vibrant and excellent at uh-huh
you're about you don't trust if she logs into my account in diablo hardcore she will die yeah okay i love caroline and our relationship will be ruptured in a way
that i don't know if i could that's fair if i if i got you killed on diablo would you i'd break your
knees really damn dude are you kidding did you not watch his his soul looks so angry was literally
released earlier what what in the morning
actually what can i do to ruin our friendship that but besides that not get naked at the bathhouse
i'm gonna see that cock i'm gonna look right at it you made a thing out of it because otherwise
they wouldn't look.
No, they're going to look regardless.
I'm going to be lasered.
Now we're putting it under the microscope.
That sucks you need a microscope.
That's not what I meant though.
I've always been modest, okay?
Seriously, ever since I was a kid, I didn't like taking my shirt off.
I'm the same way.
Like in the gym, I didn't take my shirt off. I don't like taking my shirt off.
I didn't like to change
at whatever
and I've always been this way.
I'm modest.
I don't like people
unless I'm having sex with them
to see my penis.
Okay, so you guys
are going to have to have sex
in Japan.
We're going to have to have sex.
We're going to fucking
Human centipede in Japan.
I'm serious.
Human centipede
is not sex, Kirti.
What?
Have you never seen that movie?
It can be. Are you serious? It can be. A lot of ass eating. It can be Kirti. What? Have you never seen that movie? It has. Are you serious?
It can be.
A lot of ass eating.
It can be.
Hold on.
That's a good point.
If I have sex with somebody.
Oh, I thought you said the human centipede thing was a good point.
That's actually a good point.
If you guys were to be a human centipede, who is the head and who is the bottom?
Who has to be in the middle?
I'd be the lead of the centipede.
I would definitely be the back.
Of all these three, I definitely would be the bottom.
You get shoved in the middle. I keep telling you, I definitely would be the bottom. You get shoved in the middle.
I don't,
I keep telling you this
and you're not understanding it.
I would be double teamed
by both of these.
That's what I'm saying.
But I mean,
it would not be enjoyable for me.
I would be,
it would not be enjoyable.
That is one of the,
in fact,
that's a nightmare.
Yeah,
no,
he hates it.
Just letting you guys know,
if you guys get any crazy ideas,
nightmare.
He hates it.
No double teaming. He's going to be starving for male affection once we go to the gay bars,
and none of the dudes are looking at him.
He's going to be like, what's wrong with me?
Look, I'm going to surprise you.
Do you think?
I speak Japanese.
Yeah, go ahead.
Arigato gozaimasu.
Okay.
Hamosando uchiwa negashimasu. You just said, thank you very much. Iigato gozaimasu. Okay. Hamo sandowichi wanagashimasu.
You just said, thank you very much.
I would like a sandwich, thank you.
That's good.
You got your sandwich guy.
Unless you know how to say cock sandwich,
that's not gonna work.
Kako mita.
Yeah.
Kako.
No, nope.
Kaka.
Sandowichi.
Nope, that is not.
Well.
Kako sandowichi wanagashimasu. Are you really not gonna come to Tushikana U? I don't think so? No, that is not. No? Kako Sundewitchy when I guess she must.
Are you really not going to come to TwitchCon EU?
I don't think so.
Dude, you should come.
Cutie, tell them you should come.
You should go.
It'll be so much fun with all of us there. Cutie, you should not be in this conversation because you are coming as well.
Newsflash, we're knocking you out twice this month.
Cutie, we got to get you on the plane.
Cutie, we really got to get you on the plane.
Oh, we got to.
The segment.
The people in the comments, they hate it.
What if I
I'll get a cutie
Cinderella tattoo.
I don't need it.
What will that do for me?
We'll get slime tattooed on our body.
I will.
Listen, if you get on that plane,
I will find a way
To knock Ludwig out
And we will make
A YouTube video
Of us lasering
The slime tattoo
Off his body
Oh my god
And I know you want that
But lasering
Takes multiple appointments
Actually it's great
Not if you do it brutally
And also we can
Knock him out multiple times
Okay
That's kind of fun
That's interesting
What if we
Convinced Ludwig
To get a cover up
Of a cutie Cinderella tattoo over the slime tattoo?
He would never.
He would never.
He loves slime so much more than me.
I'll offer him that.
I'm okay with Ludwig.
Do you think he'd get a tattoo on me?
No.
No.
No.
No one's getting an awesome show tattoo.
Why would that happen?
Literally no one.
I think Ludwig and I have a connection that you will never have.
Yeah, I mean, it's true because he loves her.
And you, I don't know.
Oh, by the way, can I make, speaking of Ludwig,
somebody made a chart, okay?
And they called Ludwig a bear.
Like a gay chart.
It's worse than when Ludwig called himself a jock.
Yeah, well, no, because Ludwig has zero hair.
I called him a jock, and he is one.
I think Ludwig is jockish.
Ludwig doesn't have one piece of hair on his entire body.
He does.
He has no chest hair, no abdomen hair, no back hair.
He has, like, wispy armpit hairs.
Yeah, he's got barely any.
He's got no hair.
They're like wispy.
I just thought of something.
What?
Why don't we have a tattoo of each other?
You guys should, actually.
If Sykuno asked you to tattoo, you'd get one?
I don't think he would.
You're projecting right now.
Also Sykuno?
No.
Yeah, if you went, hey, Hasan, get matching tattoos.
Okay, now you're convincing me.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, wow, Ian, get matching tattoos. Okay, now you're convincing me. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, wow, I do want to get a matching tattoo now.
I'm excited.
If you had to get a matching tattoo with somebody in this room, who would it be?
What did I get?
I thought we were all getting pizza slices.
You have to pick one of us to get tattooed.
Oh, this sucks.
Okay, who do you pick?
Who do you pick to get a matching tattoo with?
You know who it is.
This is so much drama. I don't want to do it. Kitty, name do you pick? Who do you pick to get a tattoo with? You know who it is. This is so much drama.
I don't want to do it.
Katie, name a name.
I'm not doing this.
Katie, you must name a fucking name.
Are you kidding?
I go to all your events, I think.
You don't.
Pause.
Katie's going to name who she'd get a tattoo with
in the paywall section.
Nice.
This gives her ample opportunity to think.
If you want to find out, you better give us your fucking money.
That's right.
Yeah, patreon.com slash fear.
And actually, on that note.
Wait.
Are we on the Patreon?
On the patreon.com.
We are.
I'm going to start doing TikTok time.
It's going to go on our Patreon.
So it's a possibility.
So what is it?
It's just me doing, watching TikToks.
Okay.
It's just bonus content.
I'm just, Marsh just has been asking, and so I'm going to.
I like that.
It sounds great.
Take our time once a week on the Patreon with me.
Anyway, sincerely, thank you guys, as always, for joining us.
We love you.
Thank you all.
We love you all.
Thank you.
Why are you saying it like you don't love them all?
I do love them.
Yeah, you're saying it annoying.
Okay.
Guys, you guys have been very critical of this podcast.
We actually have maybe been too mean.
Show us the deck i went out to straight strip clubs this weekend what why my friend's bachelor party wait this
weekend yeah as in this past weekend like a couple days ago okay and we got here yesterday
yeah that's how weekend works it goes a few days. So you went on Friday? Yes.
Friday night.
Went out to some straight strip clubs with my bachelor friend and his friends.
And one of the guys in the party was one of the Bud Light people.
What does that mean?
Protesting Bud Light.
Wait.
And he ordered a beer.
And right in front of my face. And he's like, no, I want a beer. And right in front of my face.
And he's like, no, I want a beer.
And she's like, here you go.
And he's like, that's not a beer.
Oh, my God.
That's going to make me queer.
Yeah, exactly.