Fear& - Hasanabi's A Dog Dad, Austin Runs A Train On The Yard, QTCinderella Hates Us & More | Fear&Kaya

Episode Date: April 25, 2023

New puppy just dropped. Topics for todays episode include Hasan being an exhausted father, AustinShow involved in another corporate scandal this time it’s international, QT almost witnessing a murder, robot dolphins and more. Im so tired but we got the episode out i sleep now love u goodbye🎉BONUS CONTENT🍾 🌟PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand✰ follow Fear&! ✰Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod0:00 Intro2:40 Hasan Got a Puppy5:17 Exposing Austin13:35 Austin Loses His Luggage15:39 Will's Sports Segment18:09 Puppy menace18:38 QT Arrives21:38 How Kaya Got Her Name23:12 Hire A Dog Nanny25:57 Robot Dolphin29:18 Hi31:20 Sci Fi Power Hour38:38 Hasan Rizz's A Robot42:03 Austin's Mom Is A Fan Of The Show43:20 Running A Train On The Yard47:50 Swiftie Pandering Begins50:25 QT Almost Was A Witness52:30 Austin Brought A Gift57:39 Speaking Of Italy1:01:00 Austin's Pasta Scandal 1:06:00 Free Stuff1:07:30 The Bet1:11:30 Austins Not Paying1:13:08 Will Gets Lost In Italy1:16:33 PUPPY TIME1:21:12 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Guys, we're just waiting for Austin. Yeah, it's just like at this point, it's like expected that Austin is going to be the absolute latest to the pod. No, for the record, I was right here,

and I said I'm going to get some water. I'll be right back, and they started rolling. To be fair, yeah, we can't start off on a lie. That's right. Austin was here before everyone else. He was the first person here. I was the first one here. I beat Hasan here this morning.

Okay, well, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, that's wild. It's real. That did happen. Yeah, absolutely. So good to be back. Good to be back.

Yeah, I am coming hard off of no sleep for the past 48 hours. You worded that so strange. Yeah, it's like, you know, we got a lot of Coachella boys in here, benders. I didn't go to Coachella. Okay, well, I was just talking about Marge. Oh, I mean, he's off a bender every single week. That's true. He's literally.

There's been no week of the podcast that he hasn't been on. We're financing his fucking rave addiction. Yeah, we are. You have an alcohol problem. No, I've been sober for seven days. What about Dick? What about Dick? Dick had some last night.

Okay. Oh. I mean, I gave some last night. Oh. Naughty, naughty. You might have noticed that. No, that was this Naughty, naughty. You might have noticed that. No, that was this morning. Fuck.

You might have. Jesus Christ. A little morning light. You might have noticed that Cutie Cinderella is not here right now. It's because she lives in motherfucking Nevada. And coming here during rush hour traffic from motherfucking Nevada takes her like eight and a half hours. Will she ever move to a reasonable place? She left yesterday.

Yeah, we may never know. We absolutely may never know. Hassan, when I came here today, you look like a mother who had just given birth. Yeah, it's because... Like the day after they've given birth. Yeah, you look tired. You look like you've given up. I am

very tired. And you're regretting your decision. You know, Hassan hates dogs and women now. I do not. And you're regretting your decision. You know, Hasan hates dogs and women now. I do not. And gays. Women, yes. Gays, yes. Dogs, no. Dogs are still great.

Okay. What about women dogs? Yeah. Women dogs, I could do without for the time being. Okay. Okay, so. Tell us, Hasan. How's your experience been?

For those of you who haven't seen it, I guess, I have finally tracked down and gotten a pupper. Would you put the gun down? He sounds like he just announced that he has ass cancer. Okay, so I'll describe it to you. You're so excited. Her name is Kaya, which is ironic because on this podcast i said i want my firstborn son to be named kaya and then chat saw that and literally were like you should name your dog that and then they

voted for it and then i just let chat vote so you're not gonna name your firstborn son kaya no i will no longer i gotta go back to the drawing board wow kaya's a chick name anyway yeah no it's a dude name in turkey but it's a chick name here let's be real your kid's gonna live here yeah yeah i i don't know i mean whatever you get bullied you really want that to happen to your child in the future when i have a kid fuck no they'll be it they'll be like woke as fuck what do you mean you're gonna be like wow you're really you're really gonna make fun of this kid for being gender non-binary you're gonna live in like some like top one percent like bubble and like all the kids are gonna beat up your kid for oh they're at the top one percent they're still doing old school bullying yeah yeah yeah everywhere

else like in public school they're like uh sorry can you please tell me what your preferred xeno gender pronouns are and then like but then you but then like an expensive real high school is not twitter they're still bullying in real high schools i know but there's also a lot of you're right about that but like fashion old school my trainer has a big brothers program that he does so like i get some market research from this kid who's like now 16 and gigantic it's really weird what the fuck they're i don't know what the fuck 16 year olds are eating nowadays but he like went from when he was 13 he was like a baby when i was like oh that's a baby and then i saw him again when he was 16 recently three or i guess 14 to 16 14 baby 16 like he's like hey what's up son yeah i've seen some of your fucking i've seen some of your videos on

instagram reels dog like shit's crazy on god. For real, for real. No cap. I'm like, what the fuck happened? Puberty hits like a heart. He like grew multiple inches. Anyway, I did some, I do market research. I asked him like, you know. I didn't hit puberty until I was like 25. That's.

Yeah. That's a you thing. That's not true. I did not. Seriously. I was such a fucking late bloomer. Like, I thought. We know. Like, literally. Both a fucking late bloomer. Like, I thought. We know.

Literally. Both physically and spiritually. I could have came out three or four years sooner had I hit puberty at an appropriate age. By the way, I think we should take a second before we get too deep to all pat ourselves on the back for last week's episode. Hey, guys. Yeah. Amazing job. Really good.

Down in Tampa, we went and saw the fights. Yes, I wasn't there. Yeah, that's interesting. We were and saw the fights. Yes, I wasn't there. Yeah, that's interesting. We were there for the fights. Oh, yeah. You were there for the day of the fights, and then you left to go to Miami. Wait, wait, wait. Exactly what time did he leave?

Yeah, when did you leave? I left right before the fights. My flight was at 9.30. Right, and you did that because there were no other available flights. That's so unfortunate. Right? The only flight I could find was leaving at 9.30.

I had to get to work. Oh, that's so crazy. Weird. Was there anyone else at the fight that was also at your shoot the next morning? Yeah.

Okay, guys. I know what it looks like. Wait. No, no, no. Answer the question. Let's finish. Was there someone, maybe like a British person?

Tubbo. Oh. Tubbo. We saw Tubbo at the fight. Yeah, we bumped into him. We saw Tubbo at the fight. He booked a flight before I did, so he was able to get us in. You know what's crazy, though, is I mentioned that to him,

and I said, Tubbo, that's crazy because Austin, you are on the same shoot. Austin couldn't do it because there was no more seats on your plane tampa to miami what how long is that oh it's about an hour oh it's about an hour tubbo checked and the crazy thing is there were seats there just weren't any first class seats for wait wait i'm i'm sorry. Are you telling me that Austin. I have a problem. Austin did not.

He went to fucking Tampa. That's right. In the ash cheeks of Florida. That's right. In the Tampa humidity. Yes. All of his friends and coworkers, peers, people he loves, people he despises, whatever. Yes.

Are gathered in one location and Tampa. This is true. And he left early. 45 minutes and he left early 45 minutes before the fight 45 minutes before the fight for a flight that he could have caught in the morning because there were no ass crack of dawn who wants to get up that fucking early people who yeah and tubbo's tubbo was in a state of disarray when he rushed. Tubbo was, I have not seen Tubbo. Tubbo was like wearing three sets of different clothes from different people. This man is making it sound like an economy flight is like coming back from war.

It really is. It really is. I had an opportunity to fly coach the other day. Austin flies coach and he's like, man, I toured. I toured. It's like Vietnam. No. The state flying.

Look, I have nothing against flying coach at all. I'm not above it. It doesn't seem like you are fine with that. It's not a status thing. It's a comfort thing. It is archaic back there. It is archaic. People are fighting for their lives. They're fighting for theiric back there. It is archaic. People are fighting for their lives.

They're fighting for their lives back there. It is insane. It's a one-hour flight, Austin. I have to tell you something, Will. I did not leave. You know what? I'm going to tell you right now. Waiting at the airport was longer than the flight distance itself.

It's not what you think. Okay. I didn't want, it had nothing to do with first class. I woke up. That's a lie. I swear to God. I flew coach from Tampa to Miami. I did.

And I will never do it again. Wait, it's worse. Wait. So you fucking get a flight coach in the morning? I didn't want to get up that early. I cannot do early. Wait, the flight was at 9. PM.

No, the other one. The other flight. No, it wasn't. What time was it? No, it was at like 5 or 6 in the morning. No. Yes, it was. It was like 7 in the morning.

Whatever it was. Okay. 5 or 6. Whatever it was. It was at 9.30 in the morning. I'm needing an intervention. I cannot get up early for flights. You know what? I stayed an extra up early for flights. You know what?

I stayed an extra two days in Florida. You know why? Oh, yeah. I heard about this. Because I kept canceling my flights. Because I would be there the night before, and I'd be like, I don't want to get up at 6 a.m. I'm going to push it off another day. So you didn't go out those nights at all?

You didn't go out with people to any bars or anything? Those nights? Yeah. No, I didn't. I just... You have a problem. You have a problem a problem you didn't go to a gay bar oh oh that the night that i flew in oh the extra nights no no no the night that i i left early uh-huh and what did you do that night oh i went to a an array of gay bars i was out till five

o'clock in the morning so So wait! Wait! Wait! You were up till 5 in the morning because you couldn't be bothered to wake up early. Miami's crazy, man. But you stayed out till 5 anyway. I was in South Beach in Miami.

I didn't know. I looked at the clock and it was 5 o'clock in the morning. I was it. I was it. Do you hear yourself? I was at a twink strip club.

When you describe these things, do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth? What's wrong with this? I bet. Look, listen, chat or comment section. Who,

if you had the option between leaving at nine o'clock at night or six o'clock in the morning, or staying for an event that all your friends are participating. I know I should have. I had some serious FOMO. Listen. Oh, that's the worst part about it.

The reason I thought it was funny. But he had FOMO, The reason I thought it was funny is, I fully believed you could not change your flight. Oh. I was like, oh yeah, you can't change it.

And I told Tubbo, I was like, oh yeah, Austin unfortunately couldn't, you know. He wouldn't miss this for the world. Yeah, he couldn't change his flight.

And Tubbo went, oh, I think there's a bunch of room on the flight actually i sat next to a guy and you know what this is my out of touch moment sure oh this and i caught myself he didn't even respond to me i met this college kid the university of miami really nice kid we talked the whole flight sure and i as we're landing, it's a little turbulent. And I said, man, it feels really different back here. In steerage.

Like you made it, yeah, stowage. You made it seem like you're a baggage girl. My man thinks he's Jack in Titanic, like, you know, dancing with the underclass. Rose in like a middle. He's like telling a Miami kid, pay me like one of your French girls. I have no, I just have my, it has nothing to do with status. It's good to be in touch with peasants is what you're saying.

No, I don't look down upon people that fly coach. In fact, I booked a coach ticket today. Where? From Oregon to here. Oh. And I got upgraded to first class, people that fly coach. In fact, I booked a coach ticket today. Where? From Oregon to here. Oh. And I got upgraded to first class, but that's different. It's a different story. Dude.

It was a different story. Dude. Dude. This is bananas. You got upgraded, so you didn't do anything. You didn't use any miles to do that. Mm-mm. Oh.

Yeah. I mean, that's like his perks, probably. I have the perks. They put me right up front. And then guess what? He's at the delta class where like it they literally are like yeah sir you can't be in the peasant yeah i tried i literally told them i said i'm a man of the people i want to sit back there and i don't know sir we must put you in first class i'm ready for austin show v tucker carlson next big presidential run was there was there on, before we get to that,

this is a good question, which is definitely something Austin's going to do. Was there food on the flight? No. Wow. You are changing. I had some sushi beforehand, though. Thank God.

At the Delta Lounge? What? Is there even a Delta Lounge at the fucking Portland airport? Yeah, of course, yeah. Oh, there is? There is, but I don't like the food there. Yeah, the Portland airport is so funny. like remember one when we were coming back from europe and then we had to stop there and i i coming back from europe i'm gonna be honest that's scary that

he does not remember that was a total blur for me yeah there was like fucking there was a work shortage happening remember the fucking you got upgraded to first class. Oh, I remember that. We were about to miss our flight. Oh, my God. I sat my fucking ass down, and I had to sit in economy for, even though I paid for a first class ticket. And Will got upgraded.

First class. Yeah, Will got upgraded to first class. I had to sit there in the back, but, like, fucking not fitting. But it was a three-hour flight. You're so big, you have to fold your shoulders up. Yeah, yeah. Like I was like this. I did not offer my seat to him.

I was like, yetta! At that point, I was like, I'm just happy to be on U.S. soil. Okay, so you think, I want to address the elephant in the room. What is it? I'm wearing this Viking sweatshirt. Oh, yeah. This is what I wear on the plane. That's the elephant in the room. What is it? I'm wearing this Viking sweatshirt. This is what I wear on the plane. That's the elephant in the room

for sure. You know why I haven't been able to change? Why? Because they lost my fucking bag. I had one flight today. One flight. My bag didn't make the cut. That's honestly impressive that they were able to lose a bag from

a distance that you could kind of throw the bag. Yeah. I guess this flight will be free for you, correct? a bag from a distance that you could kind of throw the bag. Yeah. It's like a gas. This flight will be free for you, correct? I mean, I thought about going and buying a new Italian suit and saying I needed it during that period of time, but I didn't, and I thought better of it. Delta owes him money now.

Wait, yeah, no. That's what you do. I'm going to give some travel advice, folks. If you have a bag that goes missing, okay, don't look at this, oh, poor me, poor me. It's an opportunity. This is what you need to do. Go buy clothes.

What you're describing is not something that the average person has the time nor commitment to engage in. Go buy clothes and then call the airline and say, I had a very important business meeting, and I needed those clothes for that. All those clothes were in that bag i needed to purchase them send the receipts that's a good life hack yeah it may not work it would it's not gonna it's definitely not gonna you are taking a risk it's worked for me in the past yeah no shit you're like a delta triple platinum member they like make you this may not work but look you fly 10 000 more miles i'm gonna

make you ceo motherfucker what are you talking? I needed this jockstrap. Yeah, no, that'd be a great idea. They don't know what line of work I'm in. That's none of their business. They don't know what line of... I'm actually a professional quarterback. Yeah, right. How do you feel about potentially being taken in the NFL draft this year

after your performance? I mean, look, I know the Green Bay Packers need a quarterback. I mean, what about that? For those of you watching at home who are completely oblivious to the sports conversation, Aaron Rodgers has officially, after coming out of his peyote-induced cave soul-searching mission, has decided to make a commitment to the New York Jets.

J-E-T-S. Jets, Jets, Jets. It was so strange. You know, it was a type of kismet. You know, they say sometimes when someone says your name, just. It was so strange. You know, it was a type of kismet. You know, they say sometimes when someone says your name, you sneeze. You know, there are things that happen when something else is inexplicably happening across the planet, on the other side of the globe. Today, at around noon, I came. I was just sitting in my desk chair.

Oh, wow. Full body desk chair. Oh, wow. Full body orgasm. Oh, my God. Was it like an anal orgasm? It was everything. Just earth shaking, toe curling. And I went, that was unusual. That doesn't usually happen.

You were like, I normally come at 6 p.m. And then a flood of text messages start rolling in. All my New Yorkers put up the bat signal. We are back. Wow. New York is back, baby. The Jets are back. The Knicks are winning.

Yes. The Rangers are winning. The Giants. We don't care about the Giants. Well, Danny Dimes is on the Giants. They'll be fine. But the Jets? We're out on the street. We are back up.

I'm congratulating you. I'd like to congratulate you. It's a victory for me. For both of us? Yes, a victory for both of us. As long as he's not in your division. Yeah, he's not in my division. Yeah, exactly.

I don't got to worry about him. Do we play each other next year? I don't think so. Good. I don't have to worry about him until the Super Bowl when we whoop that ass. We're never getting to the Super Bowl. We're getting... I will suck your cock. This guy doesn't have to worry about him until the Super Bowl when we whoop that ass. We're never getting to the Super Bowl. I will suck your cock.

This guy doesn't have a team and just throws insults at us. He does. He doesn't care. He's got no horse in the race. I am the ultimate sports fan because I could just shit on every fucking team. He needs to get into it. He does. We need to get him a team.

To be honest, his team should be Green Bay. Want to know why? Why? They are the commie team. Oh, that's true. That is true. They are the commie team. They get very mad when you tell it to their fans.

No, it's the commie team. I know, but when you describe that the team is publicly owned to cheeseheads, they fucking, they're like, what do you mean? No.

That's, fuck you, dude. That's stupid. No, it's public ownership, which is good. We just own our labor. Fuck. Yeah. It's public ownership, but, you know, fuck you. Okay?

Don't say it's communist. Packers fans are actually really nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you hate them. I hate blood- blood curling vendetta organization all right you're a green bay fan now because it's publicly out no i'm not i i don't give a

fuck that would be very funny that's good content for the podcast i know but i don't know shit about football and i don't have to i don't have enough time he's too busy raising a dog and streaming full-time bro oh my lord we'll we'll bring her in here in a little bit my mom is currently taking care of her she is a fucking menace dude she is a menace she's a puppy it's normal she's actually pretty smart too like she for the most part uh does her little titties and toots on the fucking on the pad who's this who's that? Cutie Cinderella's here. Oh, my God. Have a seat.

I kept it warm for you. I flew all the way from Idaho. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we know you don't fly. Leaked. Yeah, we know you. No, she drove all the way from Idaho.

You look beautiful. Yeah. You did something different with your makeup. I did makeup. I was in traffic. I wasn't moving. Notice how i didn't say you look beautiful because you always look beautiful wow i love this podcast i'm never being

late again i'm a misogynist that's such a lie you were gonna be late every week i don't know how i was in my car five o'clock i was supposed to get here at like 6 15 it's 7 p.m. Hello. Yeah, I want to let everybody know I was here early. Oh, my God. I hate him. I was here early. He was. I believe it.

And he brought snacks. I did. I brought Italian food. I know. I forgot the key lime pie. What? You made me a key lime pie. I know.

You know that's my favorite dessert. I've told you this is my favorite dessert. I don't eat desserts. This is the first time I've been like, oh my God, I'm so excited. It's going to be all right. Don't worry. What if? Shut the fuck up.

This is why we should never. What if I have Ludwig Uber deliver it? From Idaho? Yeah, it'll get here at 9. Oh, yeah. That's great. I would love to have key lime pie at 11 tomorrow. You're perfect.

Don't worry. I'll bring it next week. You're perfect. This week, key lime pie next week? No, I'll make a new one. Okay. It'll be fine. I'm actually destroyed.

Dude, I was so sad. I was driving. It's okay. Think Aaron Rodgers. Because you even made fun of me when you're like, what's your favorite dessert? And I was like, I don't eat cake. I don't really eat dessert, but I love key lime pie. And you're like, key lime pie.

That is a weird thing to like. I like key lime pie. I don't know why I acted like that. Sometimes I mean to eat cake. I don't really eat dessert, but I love key lime pie. And you're like, key lime pie? That is a weird thing to like that much. I like key lime pie. I don't know why I acted like that. Sometimes I mean to be cool. I think the fact that I dislike all desserts, but key lime pie threw you. I love key lime pie. That is weird. That is a weird thing to do.

I even pulled out the ice pack. I pulled out the thing to insulate it, and then I forgot it. Cutie, what's my favorite cake? You've made it for me before. Tres Leches. Damn. Wait, what about? Chocolate chip cookies.

Love those. How about the croissants? We're never getting, you're not getting those. Bro, that is such a tedious, like, that's so difficult to make, dog. How about brownies? Okay. Have you never seen a TikTok on one of them shits? Like, you have to fold them like a thousand times.

The laminated dough. I'm not very good at it. What other desserts could we extort from Cutie that are really? Make some Tres leche cake if you want an ice cream cake would be pretty guys i'm not trying to impress you i would like to keep that very i'm 30 minutes late we know you're late as hell where's the puppy uh she is currently i was just talking about that she's currently in the living room farmer i i i already got some photos with her live which oh yeah he live, like, holding up the puppy and, like, doing a face like.

Trying to look hot with a puppy? Yeah, he's like, yeah, they'll send it to me. I mean, come on. I got to make this trip worth it. You know what I mean? Yeah. That puppy's already on Grindr. Yeah.

The puppy already has, like, a Stan account for her, even though, you know, she does much to not be Stan. Where do you get the name Kaya? On this podcast, I made the mistake of saying that that's what I want to name my firstborn son. So then they were like, that's a sick name for her. You should name her that. And then like 40,000 people voted. And like most of the- Did you have it open to chat?

Yeah. You're lucky it wasn't gushing grannies or something. No, I, no, no, no, no. I limited it to like what I like names wise. And then Chabu is a very funny. Um, but you know, she's, she's wonderful. She's beautiful. We don't know what she is.

She's like a Tibetan massive, uh, mix. Like she's like a mutt. I wanted like a big dog. Yeah. And this person was like, yeah, we already have big dogs. And, uh, I was going to, you know, this was going to be for my daughter. And it's an incredibly expensive endeavor to take care of this dog. And you're like, you want to know how large they get?

You know how large she's going to get potentially? Probably like this tall. She's going to be like 130 pounds. Yeah, my friend had natchers growing up. I'm already buying puts on that. I think this dog is going to be bigger than that. She's currently seven weeks I'm already buying puts on that. I think that's, I think there's dogs can be bigger than that. She's currently seven weeks old waffles.

Yeah. She's currently seven weeks old and she's like 13 pounds. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And she keeps bouldering into like the gates that I set up. I weigh 160. She won't be 160 males. I get to 160 though. But you know, she's awesome. She won't be 160. Males get to 160, though.

God damn, that's gross. But, you know, she's awesome. She's cool. She never goes to sleep at night. She's like a sentinel type dog. So, like, they do sentry work. Not sentinel, sentry work. Why don't you hire a nanny?

Like, for what? Just to take care of the dog. Why would I do that? Because you got a full-time job. It doesn't matter. My job is like, I still, why would I get a dog then? No, I'm back on your team. Yeah, get a nanny.

Yeah. First of all. Don't look at the dog. Your nanny should. Yeah, I'll be honest. I want kids, but I don't want to raise them for the first three years. Oh my God. You're going to be like that.

I'm serious. Dude, the adoption agency is going to love that. No, no, no. This is going to end up in a Republican super PAC. Homosexuals want to adopt your children and then give them up. I want a kid. I just don't want to see it for the first years. No, I'm not going to adopt him.

I'm going to make one myself in a lab. What? No, I'm going to... Homosexuals want to clone your child. I'm going to have a surrogate, and then I'm going to get a nanny to raise them for the first few years. That's crazy. Can I be honest?

Is that allowed? You can, I would say. They won't even know who the fuck I am for the first few years. You should probably be around a little bit. I'll be around a little bit. But like, we got to film the podcast. I hate to sound old fashioned,

but maybe after a year. Yeah. Hey champ, let's go throw the ball in the backyard. At three, you should be around your's go throw the ball in the backyard. At three, you should be around your child. I will be around the child. I will live with the child

but somebody's got to change the diapers. I can just see Austin show doing catch with his three-year-old, fixes his hair, throws a fucking dart

right in the kid's face. To look at his face. You'll be a great dad. I will be a great father. I will be a great father. I'll be a great father i'm gonna i'm gonna be a wonderful father but i just can't handle it for the first few years i just need some help i'll you'll have a spouse well i i i had a i had a gnome pair i had a mammy yeah just get yeah see just get it yeah look when you're looking for future spousal partners like you know just can you be my surrogate just no absolutely not what the fuck

what no that's a tremendous ass awesome you're gonna add pregnancy to her neuroses i can't even get pregnant for myself yeah i want a surrogate she will literally fucking die okay yeah she will die but her hair and her skin will look great. They would look really good. But I'd gain weight. And then I'd be so sad. Is there a way that you can surrogate it the first few months and then move it to another one?

That's an Austin question. You just asked literally a question that Austin would ask. Can you get all the benefits of being pregnant and then move the kid? Yeah. Rehome it. Yeah. That's a good. Rehome it.

Shove it somewhere else. Yeah. And then continue cooking. I agree. kid yeah like home it yeah that's that's a good rehome it shove it somewhere else yeah i agree it's like a sort of like a double oven yeah yeah and then if you get out earlier it doesn't hurt as bad true yeah that definitely is not a i don't think science is capable of doing that i do want children though oh i i didn't put it in the thread, but speaking of science, there is a topic we have got to talk about. What? Have you seen the new robot dolphin? No.

Marsh, pull this up. Does it also rape like regular dolphins? No, but you are. Okay, listen, listen. Before you pull this up, before you pull this up, I want you to picture the absolute best that you think a robot could look. This destroys that.

It looks hot? What do you mean? Yeah, it's so sexy. No, it looks like a fucking dolphin. Yeah, but dolphins can be hot. It looks hot. You made it sound like it looks good. What are you talking about?

My mind went to a very... It looks hot. I thought you were coming out as like a... Animals can look hot. Would you be a sc good. What are you talking about? My mind went to like a very... It looks hot. I thought you were coming out as like a... Would you be a scaly? Like, what are you? Like cartoon animals. No, it's just an incredible... Hassan's picturing a dolphin with a nice pair of teeth.

There it is. That's it. Yeah, I thought he was going to be like... Just a nice pair of big double Ds. The way he described it, I thought he literally meant like this dolphin is a furry. They are literally going to replace... This is a robot? Yes, they are going to replace dolphins at all the aquatic theme parks with these animals.

Look at this. Look at this robot. How did Disneyland not have this? Watch this. This is a robot? That's a robot. No way. You want to fuck it?

No, I don't want to fuck it. Dude, they need to remake Jaws. You know, you know. I can't believe Hasan's message was, because it's hot. How insane is that? I thought you were going to come out as a furry dog. I'm not going to lie. Well, they're having an anaconda.

But listen, Hassan's comment does inspire what I wanted to talk about. Wait, do they have a shark? Which is what? That people are going to fuck the dolphins? We can have robots that we can have sex with. Bingo. Everybody is like, sex robots, no way. Oh, they don't have one yet.

The future is nigh If they can make a dolphin robot Look that much like a dolphin That looks really good When am I going to get Selma Hayek From Dusk Till Dawn Pull that up With her feet

And when that happens Know that I will quit the podcast I will quit streaming I will quit whatever I. I will quit streaming. I will quit whatever I'm doing in my life and do that full time. You will have sex with the robot? Full time. That's an interesting subject

that you just brought up because I rizzed up Sophie this week. Who's Sophie? Sophie is that balding AI woman. She's like a chat bot built into an actual animatronic body how'd you rise her up uh it was eric's uh youtube video that is not dust till dawn yeah that's not but i did i did rise her up yep yeah just play a short play like a like a tiktok did you rise her

up uh on um eric's uh youtube channel who's eric this is like that eric oh eric i saw a movie with on Eric's YouTube channel. Who's Eric? This is like that movie. Eric. Oh, Eric. I saw a movie with the robot like these. What movie was that? It's like out in the middle of nowhere. I think that's the right.

No, go click one more. USB. Hangover. And Hangover 2. USB speakers. Exactly. No, those are good. I saw it.

I left my cell phone in the car.'ll be fine right yeah yeah what no you won't i did almost see someone get shot on my drive here it was crazy no you should definitely go grab your phone worst case they get broken into yeah they will break into your fucking car x i'll get it in a little bit x x machina. Ex machina. Yeah, well, in any case, for those of you playing bingo, March is walking over the camera. So there you go. There is the beer and bingo for you. I know that that was

probably a medium. Someone shows up late. Yeah. Hassan says a slur. Yep. What? No. March walks in front of the camera. What the fuck? Can we talk about though wait what scientific advancement would you guys want to see in the next few years if if robot dolphins are possible think outside the box what do you think is next what do you think is game changing i want a usb that i can take out of me and i can put in you so you know what i'm thinking and how i feel maybe i

don't want to know what you're thinking then i can then I can go to a doctor and I can say, this is my symptoms. Wasn't Elon Musk working on a brain chip? You were so fucking quick with that. That was scary. Well, I thought about it recently. I just want to. So you would, you want a USB brain technology. I just want to be able to, when I.

Instead of experiencing pure intimacy with that, you would use it to quickly download your phobias about what potential ailments you might have to your doctor. Yeah, because I have such bad brain fog and I don't know how to explain it. They're like, are you dizzy? And I'm like, I don't know. That's interesting. And so I could give it to them and they could tell me. I, you wouldn't like, so wait, if you have this kind of like weird technology, why don't you also just like put a USB in to like update your firmware and

then you're no longer fucked up. That'd be cool too. But you didn't even go there. No. You just like in your, I didn't know there was a, in your dystopian, I didn't plan on that.

In your dystopian tech future, like you're still fucked up. There's no ailment. but it also, it's just a way to further badger your doctor but it breeds empathy because then we know what each other is feeling it's actually beautiful wow that's so touching thank you you're gonna terrorize everybody with your thoughts my guys is how i feel do you know how i feel yet it's worse than you right

it's not even about empathy it's a competition Yeah I've got a scientific advancement Okay I would like them to develop Some sort of technology To stop aging They're working on that They reverse the aging process in mice Yeah that's true

But that's like every 10 years They come out with that shit You know what I thought about that though I had a thought about that Imagine you're a science mouse A lab rat As it were And there's a whole bunch of you And one guy's getting like imagine you're a science mouse, a lab rat, as it were,

and there's a whole bunch of you, and one guy's getting like hairspray in his eyes, and the other guy's like getting, he's smoking cigarettes to test his lung efficiency. That's a cool rat. And one of these fuckers gets the fountain of youth, and the other mice are like, what the fuck? He's like, I feel great.

Yeah. I feel awesome. You guys, I'm, I've been fucking all day. What are you guys doing? I can't fuck. My lungs are scorched because I've been smoking two packs of Marlboro rats.

They give rats cigarettes. They give them, they give them everything. Rats have like a, weirdly enough, very similar metabolic system to humans, I guess. So they,

they're really fucking lost. They were big time. I bet they wish they didn't have that. Unless you're the youth rat or the ecstasy rat, in which case you are vibing. Fucking having a great time. Yeah. Fountain of youth.

What age would you be? 25. 25. That's a good age 22 it's this is the easiest answer cybernetic implant so i can just like fucking i mean i could go 22 as well okay but what age would you be first and then we'll cybernetic implants oh um probably 25 is pretty good excellent now cybernetic implants cybernetic implants so i can like rip a building and pick it up if i want to oh yeah oh okay that's what i would like to do i think they have that like super strength don't they have like robots now we're just doing superpowers yeah that's not so the what's the technology though like literally like uh it straps onto him it's like cyberpunk. I would want to have a cyborg style exoskeleton

that would then make me super strong and I could dunk on skyscrapers. I think science needs to develop a way that men can you know there's a you'll get to what I'm saying because you guys already have this.

You guys can have orgasms for much longer. No. You're talking to the worst person. We meant repetitive. Yes. We can't. We have a refractory period. Yeah, you have to reload.

Science needs to solve for that. Austin literally went to super Viagra. Like he's like, why is there no super Viagra? I'm not horny actually right now. Austin goes, I want pills so I can be younger, so I can fuck more people, and then I want to be able to fuck more times. Yes. Wow.

All right, here's the tech I want, and I know it's right around the corner. AR contact lenses. What's that? Oh, augmented reality. Augmented reality contact lenses. Why would that be? That'd be scary. Do you know how sick it would be?

I hate it. Do you know how sick it would be though? It's scary. Imagine this. You never have to put on makeup again, because you can choose an avatar that you want want to look like and everybody sees what you choose to look like through their a wait Oh, so everyone's wearing them. Yeah, because if Everyone's not wearing them then like people who just see what you look like buy it. Everybody buys in why what if people don't buy in? You get born with them straight to the ground

You just force them leave sit them down and you fucking shove it in their eyes. No, it would be, in the future, that's considered an act of aggression. If you see, we'd call it my IRL avatar. Basically me without my avatar. That's like looking at me naked. What would your avatar be? That's like an assault. What would your avatar look like?

It's like, wait, excuse me, are you not wearing contacts? Yeah. And they're like, yeah. And I'm like, perv. What would your avatar look like and why is it Tom Brady at its peak? Well, that's a good question. It's Tom Brady at its peak. No.

What would my avatar be? It would definitely be muscly. Very muscly. Yeah, of course. Can it change super far from what you normally look like? Oh, yeah. Well, don't you think we'll have like 20 Margot Robbie's then? 20?

Why is that a problem? 20 million. I guess it's not a problem. Try 20 billion. But the thing is, the thing is it would become like VR now, where if you have an avatar that everybody's using, you're basic, right? So you need to go craft your persona. I'm into that.

I would be part Macho man rady savage part tom brady gigantic shoulders right big glowing raiden eyes how do you have sex the same way yeah but you would like steal you would feel different exactly no it would feel the same but your eyes would get all the pleasure of the aesthetics that you demand. No, because if you are rock solid abs, but your real human is little soft, then you go to have sex and you're like, oh, this is not. I'm going to tell you right now,

soft feels better than the rock solid abs. Well, it doesn't. Have you ever had sex with a portly man? No. Have you, Will? Listen sex with a portly man? No. Have you, Will? Yeah. Listen, not a portly man. Look, I have no, no, no.

I have no, some people like that, and I fully support it. You're fat phobic. No, I'm not. You want to know, you want to know. He's gay, of course he's fat phobic. Anything in that future, though, cheating in that future, what if you're with your spouse or significant other,

they have an avatar that they choose to use, you flip it to someone else's on your end oh this is and then she flips you to someone else yeah i don't she's like i want the actual tom brady i don't think this is a good idea well i'm not behind it i don't know why your spouse is also in the future you could also kind of be whatever you want to be now. Yeah. I like the idea of like physically changing reality rather than augmenting it. Too much work is getting some plastic surgery and working out or forcing fucking contacts in every human's eyes and killing them if they don't force it.

No, I think forcing contacts is fine because like there's going to be a lot you can do with like AR glasses. It's not just like seeing because there's going to be a lot you can do with AR glasses. It's not just seeing Macho Man. It's going to be a safety thing, too. Why? Because now we don't have to build red lights anymore. Red lights, green lights. We can just AR them in.

No more development. We just build roads. We save millions of dollars. Do not enter sign? Bam. We don't even need signs on our storefront if you move in. I like that this was what was crippling the economy signs and lights. As someone who's talking about infrastructure,

I just offered a big time solution. Well, yeah, you're right. I'm wrong. I'm sorry. That was a big, that was a big issue. The traffic lights. how did you riz up this robot uh i went on airax eric uh youtube channel and he was like yo do you want to fucking riz up this robot and i was like sure that's wrong what's that noise what it's the toilet oh that sounds exactly like static that is not a toilet yeah it's 100 water oh whoa see that would that's like an ar dissonance right there oh i didn't realize that that was a toilet yeah what was it was it in like super was it in a different mode i've never heard that no it's not even a toilet i meant like it's the restroom and there's noise coming from the pipes so what did you say to this robot to make

it want to have sex with you uh i didn't actually say anything she opened with like i heard you do politics and i was like oh that's not what you want to talk about baby on a first date you know what i'm saying and she was like okay no i want to talk about it so i was like all right like so you do i hate this podcast no I was not like that at all. You just stand there. What's the eye? Why is one of my. Oh, that's how I do it. You've seen it way too many times.

So this is fucked up. It's fucked up. I just go. What's up? Yeah. Yeah. Where are we going? What's the move?

Oh, my. What's the move? I feel attacked for no reason. And girls are like, you make him look like a stroke victim. Yeah. What the fuck? Dude, I've had,

I've literally seen. Will's like, this is my friend. He just came, he just survived a very bad traffic accident. Oh my God. That's a fucking hot stroke victim. Anyway,

what'd you do? What'd you do? No, I mean, I didn't go that far, but I was just like Of course, you just stood there. Pretty much, I was carried by that.

There were a couple rounds of elimination, and I did make it through a bunch. I'm not going to leak the video. I'm not going to tell you what the ending is, but I was going up against a bunch of people, and the robot found me the most attractive. The robot can process and react to visual stimuli. So it has a camera on her chest.

You're 6'4". Did you pull your hog out? Weird. That's so interesting. A little bit of power. AI has identified like genuine authentic attraction. It looks, it would scan your face and then tell you like what you're. No, no, no.

We don't need that. I don't need my Selma Hayek robot to know what I look like. Well, technically your Selma Hayek robot will know what you look like. No, it needs to think I look like Tom Brady for this to work. And if you ask it, she will tell you like, okay, I've crunched the numbers and you are. Ugly. 65% facial aesthetic, you know, symbiosis or whatever the fuck.

What? Yeah, no, she literally would just be like, she gave me an eight out of 10. She gave you an eight out of 10? Yeah. I wonder what a 10 is. That's kind of strange. And that was like the highest out of everyone. Did you show her your cock?

I did not show her my cock. Why not? Because it's a YouTube channel for, I think, children. You can cut anything out. Well, now I look like the weirdo. Oh, yeah. Can you? You think you can cut bodily parts out of YouTube videos?

Because if I recall, there was someone who also thought that you could cut it out. And turns out a lot of people saw his balls. That's right. I've never seen his balls, by the way. And there's the obligatory Lud his balls by the way and there's the obligatory ludwig mention for the podcast that's his like thing he's got big balls he says they're so big but i think they're like normal i don't know wow you know what no i don't think it's because he's i've seen his balls they're they're nice he says it like pull up his balls

because he talks about him no he talks about his balls like they're gross and big. And I'm like, your balls are normal. His balls are not gross. Why don't you show me his balls and I'll let you know. I don't have a picture. You don't? No, Google does probably. Okay.

Well, we don't need to look at his balls. I don't think he'd like that. Yeah, we wouldn't. Look. Yeah, this is not the paywall portion. Behind the paywall, we will look at the balls. And vulgar things. I was talking to my mom yesterday

and she goes, she brings up this podcast. Like mom. Like this one. Yeah. She's like, Austin, I watched that podcast.

Oh no. Does she love me? And she said, Moms love me. She said, I had to turn it off. Oh. She. Did she love me? And she said. Moms love me. She said I had to turn it off. Oh. She said you were talking about dicks for like 20 minutes. She's super homophobic.

Yeah, she is very homophobic. So. Austin, I didn't know you were gay. Yeah, she. That must be tough for your mom to see you visibly hammered. Yeah. Glitter's still on your face from the after. Yeah, wait, what episode did she watch?

No, she watched the last one. Looking like a fucking harlot. What'd you guys talk about? Dicks. You weren't there, so what do you mean? It was all dicks. You didn't watch it? Oh.

Cutie, you didn't watch it? Wow, Cutie doesn't even show support. I know what Cutie did. You want to know why Cutie can't watch that episode? Because then she'd have to acknowledge it did as well as a yard episode. And she will never. It did better than a yard episode. Whoa. Charlie's got pool.

But he does. You can't give us a good job. You can't give us a good job. Good job. We finally accomplished your dream. She's tough on us. I'm tough on myself and I'm in the ring. We finally accomplished your dream. She's tough on us. She's a tough coach. I'm tough on myself, and I'm in the ring. We finally accomplished her dream of destroying the yard.

That's not my dream, for the record. It is your dream. It's not. It's my dream. We know it's your dream. Also, our homophobic chicken is here. We're going to destroy them each in a row. I want to run a train in the yard.

Cutie has a picture. Wait, actually, you're running the train on the yard. Who do you start with? Who do you finish with? Oh, God. Jesus Christ. I, like, want to know because I feel like you start with, like, I guess you have to decide.

Do you start with the, like, one that you're most excited? Are they okay with this? Yeah, they're fine. Okay. Who do I run a train on? Yeah. Who do I have sex with first? In what order?

In what order? And why would I? I feel like I'd want to start with the best and end with the best so you put the schmuck in the middle put the schmuck in the middle yeah so you have train etiquette i think okay nick and slime are what and aiden and ludwig wait what order so it goes So it goes Nick, Slime, Aiden, Ludwig? No, no, no. I don't even think this is a fair question. No, it is.

You are locked in a room, gunned to your head, handcuffed. And you gotta fuck your way out. And I have to fuck my way out of it. You gotta fuck your way out. Well, I have to fuck all of them so it doesn't matter the order. Really? I'll finish with Ludwig.

Well. And I'll finish with Ludwig and Aiden together. What goes where? No, like, well, I'll have a three- and Aiden together. What goes where? No, like, we'll all have a three-way. It'll be great. And Slime and Nick will have a three-way, too. I'll start with them, and then we'll go with Ludwig and Aiden. That's not how you run a train.

Who's dick? Who's your selfish? Who's butt? Who's butt? Are you bottom or are you top? Oh, my God. Cutie. I can't believe.

I'm so insulted that you asked that question. Am I a bottom or a top? Do I look like a bottom to you? Everyone calls you a selfish top, and I didn't want to offend you. I'm just kidding. Bottoms are in all of us. Bottoms are. Okay.

So whose butt do you put your dick into first? Oh, my God. Why do you make. I don't even like to be gay after what you just said. Really? It sounds gross the way you said it. Whose dick do you put in your,

Yeah, it also sounds gross whose dick do you put in your vagina? Ugh, God, that's even more gross. Okay,

so wait, rephrase the question. Who do you start, who do you warm up with? You're, by the way, you are hostage situation. There's no lubricant. Oh my God. So who gets you warm up with you you're by the way you are hostage situation you there's

no lubricant oh my god so who gets you this has become exactly such an insane who gets who gets you the most excited they all do aiden fuck it fuck it aiden if you're watching this you already know how i feel okay oh my god you going to fuck Aiden over Ludwig? I'm going to fuck them both, okay? But, like, Aiden first? This was a well-orchestrated trap to get Austin to admit he's attracted to Aiden. Yes. Yes, I am.

Aiden is very cute. Well, Slime and Nick are sad right now. No, they're both hot, too. I'd fucking... Do what? Say it. I'd fucking... Do what? Everyone wants

to go for Ludwig. By the way, QD, I have to tell you something. What? Everyone wants to go for Ludwig, I'd fuck Slime. Why? I mean, Slime, I'd rub his bald head the entire time. Look, I love Slime too. I'd fuck Slime too. Guys are all wrong, by the way.

What's your order? I'm a redhead. Nick is hot. Wow. You'd fuck Nick?, by the way. What? What's your order? I'm a redhead. Nick is hot. Wow. Nick is hot. Wow, you'd fuck Nick? I would fuck Nick. I, Dibs Ludwig. Good job, everybody. We all got one.

No, I mean, I'll fuck Ludwig, too. No. Wait a minute. That's perfect. Wait a minute. Behind the paywall. Fear and the yard fuck-a-thon. Fuck-a-thon, suck-a-thon, but for real this time.

I'm done talking about it. That would be so fun if we all went on dates. Yeah, I'd be down. I could put them together. We could film it for the paywall. I call shotgun on slime again. Could I go on a romantic date with Ludwig? That means I have to go with Aiden. I'll go with Aiden, actually. I'll go with Aiden.

I like it. I'd rather go with Aiden than Ludwig. Okay, look. I have to tell you something, cutie. What? I'm saving it Okay, cool. I'd rather go with Aiden than Ludwig. We'll switch it up. Okay, look. I have to tell you something, cutie. What? I'm saving it for the podcast. I am... Whose toesies did I just touch? Oh, no one's.

I am a Swifty. What? Dude, everyone's pandering to me. I have been listening to Taylor Swift. I've been listening to all her songs. Where did you go recently that Ludwig was at that I wasn't? Because Ludwig came home and he was like, Austin really wants to come to a concert. He told me five Taylor Swift songs. Where did you go recently that Ludwig was at that I wasn't? Because Ludwig came home and he was like, Austin really wants to come to a concert.

He told me five Taylor Swift songs. Wait, yeah. Oh, we went out to dinner. Oh, yeah, I wasn't there. Oh, my God. You guys went out to dinner? Ludwig is such a fucking... You were there.

Are you kidding me? Ludwig is such a fucking... I love him even more than I already did. He was advocating for me to go to the concert. If I... That is so precious. I love that. If I had my phone, I'd check my list. I'll see if you can... I'll see if I can squeeze the concert. That is so precious. If I had my phone, I'd check my list. I'll see if I can squeeze you in.

That is so precious. Where are Will and I on the list? You're not on the list. Can I be honest? What? I sent you a really good Taylor Swift cover, and you didn't fucking even respond. I hearted it.

It was a little too banjo-y for me. Oh, my God. She hearted it. I agree. It's not really in line with what us a swifty's like he's just he's just he doesn't know he doesn't know you're such a big swifty who all unfollowed joe allwin on twitter this week oh who all unfollowed joe allwin on twitter well i did first of all i know you did did. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, and then the list goes on and on and on.

Yeah, but like, who is Taylor Swift's best friends? Okay, well, hold on. You just need a second. Let me eat that. Good one. Good one.

Close. Top five, top five. Yeah. My space top five. Let me tell you. I'll be honest, I'm not there yet. Angela Bassett?

What? Yeah. I'm working on... I don't think she's top five. No. Oh. No, I don't think so. I'm working on i don't think she's top five no oh cutie no i don't think so i'm working on music first because i need to be able to just make that up okay why would i make that but she's she's been coming across my tiktok feed a lot good algorithm good she's like i i watched her a lot of her clips from her performances oh my god you don't answer the question bitch no hold on he can't he doesn't know the answer the question bitch no hold on you know you know what i do know what is you know what to look for at the concert when she's coming

out she's in a um like in a janitor's like cart okay okay it doesn't matter you can't even name who unfollowed her i did talk i'm literally above i'm above Austin. Can you say that I'm above Austin? You can come to the concert if you never talk to John Mayer again. I literally. You have to make out with a man. That's what you have to do. Hassan won't be able to handle it. There's too many gay people there. He won't be able to handle it.

He can't do it. You know what they do? You know what he can't handle? At Taylor Swift concerts, they make all the bathrooms, women's and men's gender neutral bathrooms. Yeah, you'll hate that. You'll hate that. You won't be able

to stand that. He's so homophobic. He thinks men should have the... We're in a box though, so we have our own bathroom. Oh, yes. That's right.

Away from the poor. Yes, but women will be using that bathroom too. I'm joking, by the way. Which Hassan notoriously hates. No, we're away from the poor. Oh. Say it.

You know what? What? I made a decision. You're not going. I'm not going because we're going to something else. What are you going to go to? John Mayer's concert. It's not that day. If it was that day, no one would go. You're so crazy. They wouldn't.

I almost saw someone get shot and you guys didn't care. Yeah, what happened? I was driving here. I'm driving past a laundromat as there's a thousand in la yeah and these two people start pushing each other i'm at i'm at the intersection ready to turn left and it's like kitty corner so i'm just watching and i'm just red lights red yeah start pushing each other and they're like throwing their arms up and it's two guys and then as as i'm turning the one guy pulls out a fucking gun and i just speed.

Oh my God. Well, did you know if they got shot or not? No. I drove away as fast as I could. You didn't wait to see? No, because what if he turned? Yeah, that's my thing too. You never want to be a witness.

You know what? I actually don't think I can talk about it. Never mind. Essentially, I had a- This guy who's like doing a road rage. Wait, was there another murder you were a witness to that you I can talk about it. Never mind. Essentially, I had a... This guy who's, like, doing a road rage. Wait, was there another murder you were witness to that you can't talk about? I had... Like, this is state's evidence.

I had, essentially, like, a lawyer reach out to me to be a witness on a case. And I said I wasn't comfortable with it because I am so afraid of, like, you're a witness on something and it doesn't go the way somebody wanted and then they murder you. Why are you doing this? Do not eat that. Wait, what the fuck? Who's murdering you? Ew. With sauce.

Cutie, who's murder? What kind of case were you a witness to that you would be murdered? You never know. People go crazy when they lose cases. That's a good point. I wouldn't be a witness to that. I wouldn't. You never know when someone's going to be a crazy person after they lose cases. That's a good point. I wouldn't be a witness to that. I wouldn't. You never know when someone's going to be a crazy person after they lose a case.

Exactly. I don't need to be a part of that. I don't want to be a witness. Where's your fucking Italian? Why don't you order food? Oh, I've got something special to share with you guys. Oh, boy. Is it actually special?

Yes, it is. Oh. He brought food instead of you because he knew you would disappoint us. I had a rough day. He knew you'd be disappointing us. I did. I went to a psychiatrist this week. She's progressing, progressing.

I don't get it. I went to a psychiatrist. It's like. I've got. What the hell? My Italian driver. Oh, I hate that. I asked him to make me some wonderful. What? My Italian driver. Oh, I hate that. I asked him to make me some wonderful.

What? My Italian driver, who I love very much and we're very close. I asked him, would you mind making me some of your finest Italian food? What? You did not ask your driver to make you Italian food. No, it was, he wanted to. And he made some homemade pasta. And he just had these containers?

And he had these containers. He's so... He's like a mobile Italian restaurant. And he made this pasta, and he wanted us, he made this for everybody. What if he poisoned it because he hates you?

No, he does not hate me. You have to be miserable to work for it. Is it the same? No, I'm, are you, I am so good to work for. Is both the same as penne vodka? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, but... You try it first, just in case. I love penne vodka. Are you... Wait, you think I should be miserable? She's not joking. She literally is a freak.

Yeah. Wait, you think... I've already eaten some today. A little foaming at the mouth. It's fine. No, go for it. Okay. Here.

Judy, are you actually worried that this is poisoned? You never know. No, you do know. No, you know. You don't know. You know. You definitely know. Here. Are you actually worried that this is poisoned? You never know. No, you do know. No, you know. You don't know. You know. You definitely know. Here, dump a bunch of it on the lid.

Because he's miserable to work for. Okay. Tell me why you think I'm miserable to work for. Because. What? Every episode of this podcast leading up to this very one. Including this one. Comment section right now.

Would you like to work for me? You would be a horrible boss. Tell me why. I gotta... Just put it on. Put it on there. I don't care. Put an extra one. Yeah, put it on there too. I'm eating it. Okay. And then took one container.

You want some? Oh my god, this is fucking fire. I don't know. I'm an asshole. It's not that good. Am I an asshole? Yes, you are. He's going to be watching this. Oh. Sorry.

Now the next time it's going to be poison. What's his name again? Shit. That vodka sauce is a little different. It's authentic. His audio listeners, his sauce to pasta ratio, kind of mid. Okay. You know what?

Cutie. Oh, my God. I'm not showing him this podcast. Good. Good. Not everyone can handle constructive criticism. There's something really interesting going on in the sauce. It's almost like something sweet.

Oh. It's poison. Arson, Nick. Okay. Why would I be mad? Look. What? That's so nice of him. Cutie. Did you pay him for this? No. Yes. Why would I be mad? Look. What? That's so nice of him.

Did you pay him for this? No. Yes. In so many ways. Look, I am. Why did you say it like that? I am. Because I am.

I am. In so many ways. Like what? Like hanging out with you. I'm a great tipper. Okay. I tip. I tip my driver 50% every time.

All right. Give me some more of this pasta that you apparently consider mid. Go on. I tip my driver 50% and I'm fabulous to work for. I need to cook for you more because this is... Cutie. What? I can't even show him that he worked so hard on this.

Did he? Yes. You told him that? Yeah, well, I love it. Yes. He prepared this for us and worked so hard on it. Oh, it's so yummy. I'm going to clip that out.

What? Kitty. I love it. You can't talk smack right now because you were so worried that we wouldn't like your key lime. Bro. Okay. Kitty, what do you not like about it? I think I'd be a better boss than Hassan.

I'm literally the best boss. That's not true. I'm such a good boss that, like, I'm not a boss. Hassan wouldn't. I'm not a boss to people. There's one person sitting next to us right now that you would ask. It's, like, literally. Yeah.

I mean, I'm a boss for sure. I believe in a hierarchy at my company. Yeah, you believe in capitalism, and Hassan does not. I'm a leftist, actually. Which is why it's great to work for Hassan. 100%. I'm a leftist. To a detriment.

Okay. I'm a leftist. How much do you pay him for these? I will pay him. My mommy's going crazy, by the way. Because the dog. Go get her. I'm going to go talk to her real quick. I'm going to grab the way because the dog go get her I'm gonna go talk to her real quick

I'll go grab the dog no no no Kai needs to make an appearance on the podcast yo she is going to I've got speaking of Italy I need

I need to do this no one's speaking of Italy oh in fact he's at the airport right now I basically they lost my bag he's at the airport right now. Basically, they lost my bag. He's at the airport collecting it right now because it came in on the later.

Oh, my God. You are such a bad person. Why am I miserable to work for? Oh, I don't know. No, but should I call him right now? And say what? Because he needs to find my bag. But there's nothing wrong. Look, I'm compensating him well for all of this.

There's nothing wrong with any of this. How much did you pay paying for the pasta? You sent him on an extraction mission? I didn't. He wanted to go. You sent him on an extraction mission to LAX, the worst place, objectively the worst place on the planet. Okay.

Okay. So I do have a story to tell you, though. Speaking of Italy. No one was. To bring that back, QD is tell you, though. Speaking of Italy. No one was. To bring that back, Cutie is right. No one was speaking of Italy, so I don't know why. Italian pasta, Italy, whatever.

Wait, before you do that, can we get Cutie's honest assessment? No, I feel bad. No, no, I want to hear it. What do you like? What's your honest assessment? This is a good question. The sauce. I'm sure the sauce is great, but the sauce to noodle ratio is just not there for you. Austin has decided to eat the second plate now.

He has this one. There's still more if you want it. Why? He did a light sauce. Why? He called that out. Why? Because in Italy, they don't have it.

Because you didn't pay him for a lot of sauce. You didn't pay extra for that. In Italy, they don't do a lot of heavy sauce. Bitch, I went to Italy. There was tons of sauce. Oh, yeah. I'm full of shit. I lied. I thought you were going to believe me. He didn't pay extra for that. In Italy, they don't do a lot of heavy sauce. Bitch, I went to Italy. There was tons of sauce. I'm full of shit. I lied. I thought you were going to believe me.

He didn't say that? You were like, did he say that or did he not say that? Why? All men do are lying and talk about Italy. He said it was light on the sauce. What kind of men are you hanging out with? It's oddly specific. Ludwig on his Vespa.

How's the flavor? It's fine. Right. Nothing to write home about. It's oddly specific. Ludwig on his Vespa. How's the flavor? It's fine. Right. Nothing to write home about. It's nothing I'm craving. I think it's probably the best pasta I've ever had. I'm going.

Okay, you're absolutely wrong on that, but it's very good. I think it's interesting because it isn't. It was really nice of him to make it though. Sorry. It's a different flavor profile

that I'm used to with vodka sauce a little sweeter it's because he flew in the tomatoes from Italy no he didn't I really like it I'd give it like an 8.5

8.6 thank you not the best pasta I've ever had in my life though but it sat out for a while. It did. And if I had it hot and fresh, it might get some extra points there.

And this was homemade. He got up at 5 o'clock in the morning. Wait, he made the pasta himself? He should not have done that. The sauce does not take that long. No, but I'm lying. Why did you make him wake up at 5 a.m.? I didn't make him.

He offered to sleep. He's still lying, I'm pretty sure. Typical. So, I'm pretty sure Austin has not stopped lying about the pasta. We need Hassan's score, Austin. Oh, go ahead. I give it a 7.5. I've definitely had better, but I'm a very harsh critic on penne vodka

because it's my favorite. One of my favorite. I'm happy that you like it, though, if that's one of your favorites. No, it's very good. Okay. I've got a story. Okay. I stayed,

I went to Italy a couple of years ago. Uh-huh. And I stayed at a very nice six-star hotel in which I think I paid 1,200 euros a night. Yeah, I stayed there after. You remember? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't even know if we want to say the name of the hotel. Wait, why? I wouldn't. We're not going to. You I don't even know if we want to say the name of the hotel. Wait, why? I wouldn't. We're not going to. You just don't want to risk anyone leaving reviews to be annoying or whatever. It's a hotel in Italy.

It's a boutique hotel. It's a very nice hotel. They have six-star hotels. It was really nice. How many stars does it go up to? I thought it stopped at five. I just take my word for it. Did you know that they go higher than five?

You went into your room and they had figs for you. Fresh figs. Someone explain to me the star system. Why is it six stars? I don't think it's six stars. It's five stars. He's a pathological liar. I am. I need to stop. These are such small things to lie about. Why are you

lying about this? He loves it. Just listen to me. Okay? It's a six star, seven star hotel. It's a very nice hotel. This is not how humans communicate. Five to ten stars. Okay? I go to this hotel.

I have a fantastic stay, right? At one point during my stay, I order 160 euros worth of room service. Sure. Cacio e Pepe. Wonderful pasta. Yeah. Beautiful.

Great time. Considered the cornerstone of all pastas. It truly is. Honestly, I would love to go back to Italy. If I could get on a plane. So I go and I leave this hotel. Two weeks later, I get an email. Mr. Such and such.

Your name's Austin. You could just say. Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin, you could just say. Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin, show. We forgot to charge you 160 euros for your cacio e pepe. Two weeks later. I was like, so would you please fill out this credit card authorization form so that we can collect? Mind you, on my way out, I gave them my credit card to pay out the room. They failed to do so.

So I didn't respond to the email. And I said, I'm not, in my head I said, I'm not going to pay that. You're a six-star, five-star hotel. I pay 1,200 euros a night. You're going to make me waste my time, fill out a credit authorization form, yada, yada, yada. Two months later, I get an email. Sir, we're waiting for the 160 euros. This is 2021.

2022 rolls around. Get another email. Okay? They have been chasing... Our family is dying. Yes. I got an email last week. This 120 euro is the last money.

For two years. Yeah. For 160 euros. Yeah, because, wait, the price went up. Austin, they probably gave you, they probably gave it to a debt collection agency. No, this is the hotel email. 160 euros.

And you know what? I'm not fucking paying it. I feel like you should pay it. You're a wanted criminal. Is it in Florence? I'm not paying it. He's not allowed to go back to Italy. Is this in Florence?

No, it's in Rome. I'm not paying it. You know why I'm not paying it? It's a principle. What is the principle? You had an opportunity. They made the mistake. Okay, that's in Rome. I'm not paying it. You know why I'm not paying it? It's a principle. What is the principle? You had an opportunity. They made the mistake. That's not fair.

That's not fair. You don't think so? No. At first, I was going to be on your side just for the funsies. I will die on this show. No, it's literally not fair. Why? Because you hired the services and then you just didn't pay it.

It's like Donald Trump. No, no. I gave them my card to pay. They failed to collect. I was ready to close out the bill and they did not pay it. It's like Donald Trump. No, no. I gave them my card to pay. They failed to collect. I was ready to close out the bill and they did not collect it. Who cares? I'm not going to pay after that. Well, now they're trying to.

It's like this. You go to a restaurant, right? You order, I don't know, something and they forget to charge you for the steak. And then they come back at you and they call you. They say, hey, sir, we forgot to charge you for the steak. Three weeks later. forgot to charge you for the steak three weeks later what are you going to tell them well what are you going to tell them i say that's impressive customer service that you guys were able to figure that out no it's not great customer service they should have said we're we're an expensive steak restaurant or expensive hotel let bygones be bygones i see both perspectives okay i you're a criminal it would be

less stressful if you just paid it. No, I'm not paying it. You are not allowed to step foot in Italy. Yeah. You are a six-door hotel. You're never going to be able to stay there again. I don't care. I have a good Italian story. Uh-huh.

Are you on my side? No. You think I should pay this $160? Yeah. I'll pay it. No. Just stop talking about side? No. You think I should pay this $160? Yeah. I'll pay it. No. Just stop talking about it. No. It's about the principle for Austin. If you are...

The principle of being a bad person. Yeah. The principle of... Who does not pay his debts. No. This is... I'm sticking it to the man for the people. What?

Of this, like, boutique family-owned hotel where they're... Yeah, it still calls Walmart like a normal person. They are trying to survive Austin. No, this is a chain hotel. A Mr. Show. They're chasing me. It's a little weird. They're chasing me down for Cacio e Pepe from two years ago.

It is. It's a little strange. Why don't you leave them a bad review that says, can't believe you're chasing me down for this bad customer service. No, I'm not going to bring them down like that. Mr. Show, we need you. Our family. So many orders have got you, Pepe.

38 orders have got you. Every night we bring bowl after bowl. It is. We run out of the Pepe and we run out of the Gaccio. Nana with her arthritic hands crunching the pepper. He has to call his driver. Tell him we love the pasta. I will.

There's just a napkin under him. I don't know what that was about. He's on his period. Oh, Jesus. He'll be fine. I can't believe he legitimately thinks he'd be good to work for. No, I don't think so. But maybe if he did have an assistant that would get paid maybe yeah yeah

as long as apparently i think he gets as long as he or she doesn't forget to charge his credit card one time listen it takes one to know one son knows this about me but i love free stuff oh my god i like getting free stuff i think austin likes getting one over yeah on the man dude that's such a good call yeah he's so he's like weird with it like he could have gorillions of dollars and he's like what's up are we going to an event man are they is there gonna be free stuff i'm like dude really someone like like i turn down free stuff all the same i hate it just too much I used to love it. Yes to everything.

Yeah. I give it to the people around me. Like if I get, nobody wants my dungeons and dragons. I will say so wrong. Really? Absolutely wrong. Sorry. Dungeons and dragons.

It's really nice of you to send those to me. I, my, my nieces, my nephews, the people that work at my building. I like all their kids. I don't have any people. Listen, I'm going to tell you. I do. And I just buy an MSI stress ball. I, like, all their kids. I don't have any people. Listen, I'm going to tell you. I do, and I just buy them shit. What about an MSI stress ball? I buy them shit instead.

I mean, that's not good. That's crap. Yeah, but sometimes you get crap. What I do is instead, I buy them shit because I know that, like, if I get the free shit, it's just going to sit there

for a very long time, and I hate that. Yeah, I don't have enough people around me to give it to. There are a ton of kids in Pinehurst wearing 100 Thieves stuff right now, is all I'm hundred thieves stuff right now yeah yeah well that's fine if i didn't live all the way in san diego maybe maybe i'd have more people you live in las vegas nevada it's time to come out with it it's time to be honest because san diego is not as far

because you are like eight hours every day and And you want to know the crazy thing? What? Both you and Austin, for the last, as long as I've known you, have both been talking about moving to Los Angeles. In fact, when he said he was going to join the podcast,

I said under one condition, and he said anything. And I said, I want to see a signed lease before you join. He goes, what was the bet? We said, he's not going to do that. We should have written down the bet.

Oh, oh, yeah. He moves here first or I get on a plane first. Yeah, this bet sucks. Neither of them are going to do it. Yeah, I'm driving to Denver for Taylor Swift. That's insane. 14 hours. That's nuts.

It's going to be awesome. I'll listen to all the albums twice. It's going to be awesome. I'll listen to all the albums twice. It literally hurts my soul thinking about that. What the fuck? At least get on a train. What's wrong with you? A train is definitely longer.

But you're not driving. Trains don't have any like straight passes. But you're not driving. Trains quite literally only go straight. Well, not.

No, she means like there's no... I know, I know. They don't have a straight route. They don't have a straight route. There's no straight shot. I'm actually curious. Maybe I could have a lovely train ride. The train will take longer because of the stops.

What if I hire a cool... And it's slower. What if I hire his driver? And he feeds me pasta while going to dinner. Well, apparently it's mid. I feel like I'm being painted as the... You are literally the bougiest motherfucker. I am not the bougiest.

Whoa. Train is 22 hours and driving is 14. Oh, driving is 16? Taylor Swift concert. A different one. Oh, my God. God, driving is 16? Taylor Swift concert. A different one. Oh, my God. God, I hate America so much. There's one, but you have to go on a Greyhound bus until you get to the train.

So cool. Holy fuck, dude. I hate America so much. It's so fucking frustrating. Every other goddamn country has, like, train routes in a landmass that is just as large, whether it be the entirety of the continent of Europe, like it's not even interstate it's literally like inter uh actual nation state travel or china which is around the same amount of landmass but like has high speed rail we don't have any of this shit sorry how do we get it we have it we actually

still currently have it we have operational massive, massive lines that go throughout the entire country. They're just freight trains for all of our logistics. You know what I would be on board for? What is that? I got to give this to my mom. I would be on board for zip lines. Oh, fun. Oh, yeah.

This is so dumb. This is not dumb. It's kind of fun. This is not dumb. This is the dumbest idea he's ever had. I love it. It's great. Okay, hear his idea out.

In some South American countries, people travel around via zip line. That's fun. What if I put this to you? From the skyscrapers of downtown, you could mount up on a zipline and breeze out to Santa Monica in 10 minutes via a zipline.

That's kind of cool. Oh, you won't get on a fucking plane but you're going to get on a zipline? Shut the fuck up. I've been on ziplines. But you're in control of a zipline, right? Unless it breaks. But we know it's not going to break. When an engine fails on a plane, you can float out of the sky.

A zip line, you just fall to your death. Yeah, but if you're on a plane and you get sucked into a black hole, then what? Wait, what? That's like a fear that you have? Did you see two planes from American Airlines burst into flames recently? No. Stop. Will, what are you doing?

In the air? They think they're bird hits. They think birds flew into the engines. Did they crash? I don't know that. No, they did not. In the air? In the air. No, they did not Did they crash? I don't know that. No, they did not. In the air? In the air.

No, they did not. Austin already knew about that. No, I already knew about that. You know how many times a zip line has burst into flames? Zero. Zero. This is not helping. I've never seen that happen.

We need to find your uncle. He's right. Have you talked to your uncle about burning flies? No, I have not talked to him. Let's call him right now. My phone's in my car. Oh, shit. Damn it.

You'd be so confused while I was calling him. We need to get you on a plane. Eh. Do you... Wait, you know what we should do by the paywall? What time is it in Italy

right now? Oh, God. You should call them and tell them you're never gonna pay your bill. Okay. It's April 24th. No, that's...

Perfect. They have a 24-hour... 24-hour concierge. A, that's perfect. They have 24 hour. 24 hour concierge. A 5 a.m. international call. God, that's going to cost me at least the amount. I'm a concierge, Pepe. We could call them. We could. Should we?

That'd be good paywall content. I feel like I'm not sure if the audience is on my side on this one. No. This is not a stick it to the man. You know what? I get it, though. They had the opportunity to bill you. They didn't.

You made it out of the country. It is true. I made an effort to pay the bill, and they said, you're all good. I gave them my credit card. I did everything. Now they want me to go fill out a credit authorization form by hand and fax it and do all that shit. I'm going to say this.

Go to a grocery store. They beep. They don't charge you for bananas. They don't ring something up. You get home. You look at your receipt. Oh, wait a minute. That is the best argument. Free fro-yo. Are you driving back to that grocery store? 90% of people that is a no.

I used to, and then I got tired of driving. I think if you, I think this is my thing. I did. If you are an established, like really extravagant sort of hotel, and you're chasing somebody down for 160 euros that you didn't collect because it was your fault, I think it's embarrassing. And I'm not paying it And I'm not paying it. I'm not paying it.

And you know what? Hoscord was on my side on this one. You guys want my Italy story while we're waiting for him? Yeah. When I was in Italy, I went to Florence for the first time with a group of friends. And I had an amazing time. It was magic, right?

And they have the statue of David. Now, it's not the real David, but they have it. Yeah, they have the one that's out there. They have the real one, too. I was so amazed by it. I was so amazed by it. And I was like, oh, this is great. I'll use this as a landmark to navigate back to my hostel that I'm at or whatever,

which was a block away. And I went out that night, and I got biblically rip shit drunk. Yeah. To the point where I woke up fully nude. Oh my God. In an Italian woman's home. Oh. She spoke no English.

That is awesome. And we were trying to like parse through. I was like, where are my clothes? And she was like, don't know. She gave me a pair of gym shorts. Okay. And I had my cell phone somehow dead. And I walked out into Florence with no cell phone,

no clothes, except for a pair of gym shorts and no idea where I was. So I start running around Florence, practically nude, and I start asking people, where's David? Where's the statue David? Little did I know

that every boutique and every store in Florence sells Davids. So everyone is like, David! And I'm like, no, the David. And they're like, the David! And I'm like, please.

So I start to panic. No one will tell me where David is. So I start, I'm like, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to run in successively bigger circles until I find David. Because my friends are leaving at noon. It's like- The country? Yes.

Oh, wow. They're getting on a train. It seems like a semester of sea moment. Yes, they're getting on a train and they're leaving. I have no way of getting out of Florence if they leave me. Like no money, no nothing. So I start running in circles. I ran in circles around

florence can can call like concurrently bigger circles for an hour and a half oh that sounds miserable beaming sweat like dying with 20 minutes left i'd see david peeking out and i fall on my knees and i'm like yes yes! People must have thought I was insane. So I run and I get to my friends. I'm beaming. So they're like, where were you? We were about to leave. We thought you left with someone else.

And I was like, I'm so happy. But I would have been homeless in Florence. Oh, my God. That's an alternative reality. You had no money. And then he started working at the hotel. Yeah. Where he made scotch and pepper. He made scotch and pepper. And this is the only way he can at the hotel. Yeah. Where he made... Make it cut you in pepper.

He made it cut you in pepper. Okay, this is the only way he can get the back of home. The hotel that I'm talking about is a corporation. It's a chain corporation. It's a family boutique. It's not a family boutique. She got the puppy breath. Yeah, let's clear out the desk and I'll put her on the desk

with the hopes that she doesn't pee on the desk. She's got that puppy breath. I love puppy breath. It's like new car smell. You know what I mean? Thank you. What other smells are like that? Smells that shouldn't be good? New home smells. Baby heads? Gasoline.

Gasoline. This is Kaya. Kaya Piker. Come here, you. You can come to me. Like Annie. I hope she doesn't. Come to him. Don't go to him.

He'll turn you into a coat. Hello. No peeing, right? Come here. That's the funniest thing you've said in a long time. In a long time? I mean, I didn't mean it like that. No, Austin, you just said women aren't funny, so go ahead and...

No, they aren't funny most of the time. I'm mad. What the fuck? No, I need her. I'm kidding. You want her? It was a joke. Share it.

Are we going to share it? It was a joke. She is actually currently in very good spirits. She's very chill right now. She's very chill right now. She's very chill right now. She will not be chill in a little bit. Okay. Let me know how to hold her.

She smells so good. Hi, little baby. My goodness, you can be my best friend forever if you want well it's interesting because uh you have a pet that very closely mirrors this and and coons that from day one they were welcome to the content mind yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah by the way hassan funniest thing the first thing you do with your dog is DNA test it on stream. That is so funny. Such a content skull moment. Yeah.

Well, I don't know what she is. Did you figure it out? Well, we're not going to figure it out until the DNA results come back. Instantly? I'm going to get a refund. What? Also, I was joking in your chat earlier. What did you say?

I went into Hassan's chat and made a joke, and he was like mad. What did you say? I said shut up Himbo no one cares make the dog cam bigger. Oh I thought that was funny. You didn't laugh. Sometimes he doesn't laugh or respond. That's how you know he thought it was funny. He responded

and he was like no I'm not going to make the dog cam bigger. And I was like. One time I went to his chat and I was like talking to Hassan. And I was like trying to get recognized clearly by saying something. That's all you do in chat. And Hassan was like, oh, look, Austin, just seeking attention again. And then just. And then and then I even called out at that point.

He didn't even know. But I think I called out that you would probably go to go back to discord and farm. Yeah, that's true. Points. That's true. At which point he wasn't even aware of it because i was already back in discord farming points but yeah she's like uh part tibetan mastiff and loves to pee everywhere and then lay in the piss that's her favorite thing right now. And also crying at night. Oh, poor baby. Does she cuddle with you at night?

No, I am crate training her right now. I'm going to do that and then I'll let her cuddle later. Literally. Yeah. Crate. It resembles a communist building block. This is communist housing. Everybody has crates.

She live in crates. She work on stream. But I wanted to bringates. She live in crate. She work on stream. But I wanted to bring her. She make the memes. Yes. I wanted to bring her out here and then, you know, end it on a high note as we move on to the paywall proportion of the broadcast. We're going to the paywall where I will be calling the,

no, I'm not going to call them. Too early. Last thing I will say. If chat votes, I will pay calling the... No, I'm not going to call them. Too early. Last thing I will say. If chat votes, I will pay the bill. If in the comments section... No, just run a poll on Twitter after the episode. No, no. In the comments section...

You're going to count them? Well, I will look for comments telling me to pay the bill or not. Yeah. But just remember this. Austin, just assume that they're going to say yes then. No, no. Because they 100%, remember this, as you type. Just assume that they're going to say yes then. No, no. Because they 100% are. Remember this as you type.

I'm sticking it to the corporate man. Listen, type, type, Kachioi Pepe, if you think he should pay, and Kachioi Pep Ney, if he should not pay the bill.

Well, that's more fun to type. I'm not, look, I will, and then, and then the next episode will be me calling them and paying the bill. Well, that's more fun to try. I'm not, look, I will, and then the next episode will be me calling them and paying the bill. Yes.

Like, I think I owe you something from two years ago. And then I'll be very honest. Yeah, you guys have been chasing me for two years. Remember I ordered room service two years ago, do you remember? I stayed at your hotel two years ago. Okay, Kaya, sign us off. All right.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. ago. Okay, Kaya, sign us off. She just looked at you like, yo, you fucking see this guy? That's what she did. She looked at Austin like, alright, we'll see you behind the paywall y'all. Alright, peace. Is there gay sex out in public? Have you seen gay sex out in public? Have you seen gay sex out in public? There's so much gay at EDC.

Have you seen people getting their dick sucked? No, I physically haven't seen so much. Okay, if that happens to you, you can do it. I'll just close my eyes, but just don't leave me. Okay, so you would sit there and watch or be present during a blowjob? She would turn around. She would turn around and go, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I don't know if I could get through the blowjob if you were turn around. She would turn around and go, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I don't know if I could get through the blowjob

if you were right there. Where am I supposed to go? Just wait in the port-a-potty. And this is how the text starts. Remember what I said at the beginning of this? Remember the opening to this? How I would get two panicked text messages? One of a freshly sucked dick

who's on drugs for the first time because some little twink drug fairy puts you on ecstasy. No twink could get me to do drugs. You are lying to my face. No twink unless they were powerful enough.