Fear& - Is our family DYSFUNCTIONAL?! | Fear&

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

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Look, I'm with you. When I bought my first home, I went to Costco and I bought seven TVs. Yeah, just that sounds, though, when I bought my first home is the- And also, he bought seven TVs for seven different locations. You didn't put him next to one. Yeah, put him next to each other room. Oh, you didn't swim in your different room. Like he was like the architect from the Matrix.

It was just screams around his fucking shit. Also, also, O'Sidge is flex the shit out of you. It's real. When I bought my first house, I bought seven TV. You sound like Shaquille O'Neal when he got his first check. I went to Walmart, but what of everything? I was just trying to relate. They weren't expensive to you.

You were trying to relate. Yeah, I like how you went from this house is a mess because it doesn't have heated bedays. Sometimes my Louis Vuittons give me blisters. All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the VRAN podcast, or today we are joined by the meantime. We're right.

Patrick and Jared from the meantime. Thank you for what I'm having you right now. Jared and Patrick. You did your homework. Yeah, I actually had to look at my phone right. Oh, we're so happy to have you guys here, crammed around our very professional studio. Very large.

Yeah, no, it's a good desk, man. You guys really got this desk in here. Hey, I had a couple things I just wanted to say. Just getting on here. Oh, yeah, get it out. You guys are far too successful for this few years set up. This is an insane setup. That's that is what I have been saying for forever.

I can't believe how much better our thing looks. Yes! And how much worse it performs. Yes. What? Come on, guys. I've always believed that the setup doesn't make the product. We got this from Wayfair.

We did. Yeah, yeah. I picked it out on everything. This isn't the best that I was talking about. This is not the desk. No, no. This desk is shit. My actual.

Your desk. My actual desk in the studio, that is rich monogony. Stop that. Yes. That's enough. Wait, what do you hate? You said you hate something. The purple walls.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I hate the purple walls. I hate the purple walls. I was just kind of waiting for someone else to say. I offered to paint it like a thousand times. It's very Justin Bieber. I like how it doesn't match the rich. They are digging us in the first season.

No. It's valid. I genuinely. Would black be good? That'd be scary. I'd be a little spooky. Also, just on name alone, I think you guys might have been a horror podcast to begin with.

If you know Black Walls, I'll definitely think it's a horror thing. I think maybe like a millennial grage would work really well in here. We're not doing that. It's good for the resale value because you're going to have to flip this motherfucker when you're done with it. You know what I mean? No, we're locked in. We're dialed in. We've been doing this in this room now for what, two years?

So long. Yeah, so long. I preferred it when it was in the actual full studio. And everyone's like, this is not professional. This is not professional. He was a live better. You consider this to be like a professional thing? No, this is, we went from unprofessional to more unprofessional.

Yeah, I agree. His jacket blends into the wall, so he's just floating. Yes. Floating head right now. That's why it works. I like that, man. Well, no, I'm stoked to be here, man. I'm a fan of you guys do.

I'm a fan of you gentlemen. I'm a fan of you, Will Matt. Another thing I'm not a fan of either project. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. Another thing I want to say, what do you guys do to Will here? Because Will was on our show. Hold on, did he talk shit about us on the show?

He didn't say anything. All of your fans showed up and was like, Will looks so happy and safe here. Will's saying stuff and they're like laughing and they like what he's got to contribute. What do you guys do to do? Don't look at me. I don't, I feel like I'm a positive force on Will's life.

Are you saying that to me or you? You want to know what happens? You want to know what happens? You want to know what happens? Will will come in and he'll be like, well, you know, I spent a good deal of time coming up with this like elaborate, funny story that's thoughtful. Yeah. And Austin will immediately butt in and be like, you know, my dad had a similar incident in 1947. And it's like, that's irrelevant. And then QD will be like, oh, my God, I have a brain aneurysm, I think.

And then it just goes down a, they both go on a tangent. We just spiral out of control. What's your... Whatever those fuck? I'm looking at my phone. I'm on my phone the entire time. I've noticed that. I've noticed that.

I'm getting, you know, I'm getting phone calls from like, you know, senators and people being like, what the fuck is going on? I know, I know. I'm telling you. You know what, this is interesting because this kind of is like a therapy episode because, like, they are the podcast that I dig their vibe from across the bar. You know what I mean? Yeah.

If we were going to do some podcast swinging. Hey, man. You're always... Except like I do have a wife who's in the process of immigration so I shouldn't be in the same room as a song But yeah That's not good at the department almost oh I haven't even considered that Oh you married a you married a woman that's not a citizen in the United States Don't say that so fucking I don't work for eyes

Yes I don't Are you telling me or you felt? No Are you practicing on me? No I'm not I'm working for ice cream no I don't work again You're back on the ice. No, I don't. I don't work for him at all. As long as you don't have any Zey clips about like, I don't know,

foreign state sponsors of terror or anything like that, this won't appear on Fox News. I like the word Zamey. Zamy is wacky. Well, that's what I've done when I, I'm not even going to repeat it because then it might make its way to Fox News and then. Right. I know. I'm wondering what I could say to do in trouble.

I was like, I wonder if I accidentally say something, what they might plaster on Fox News. I mean, it doesn't really matter. At this point, it's things that I don't say that make it on the Fox News. Like, there was one clip that actually literally is now circulating on Fox News. I had a contentious interview with Axios. A couple weeks ago. The guys, like, asked me about Iran developing nukes, and I'm like, no, I don't think Iran should have nukes. And then, and I'm not even kidding.

The Fox News headline was, Hassan wants Iran to have news. And it's crazy because in the clip I literally They post the clip Where I go No I don't want to Ron to have nukes And they still commentated on it Dude do you see how he looks like he wants

It run and have nukes? And it was mind boggling I was like okay I guess I guess I guess you did It's so freeing You can say whatever the fuck you want now No it's great That's awesome dude

Who's a run I don't think our normal thing It's gonna work I don't know if our normal brand of shit is going to work. I don't know what you guys. No. Let's do it. That's awesome.

I'm so stoked to be here, guys. I think you guys kind of have a similar energy. Yeah, just the moment. It's the blonde. Aryan race. Oh, boom. No, no, no. Is that racist?

Is that a bad word to say? Aryan. I just don't think that's either of your blood. I feel like there's a historical association. I thought that the blonde was. Probably just a shared love and respect for Taylor Swift. Oh, are you a Swifty? Oh, continuing with the Aryan race.

My beautiful girlfriend is a diehard Swifty, so I then, but I've always liked her son. A Swifty in law? Yeah, exactly. My favorite's the Jonas Brothers. They're my number one all time. Are you? That's your girlfriend out there? Yeah.

Oh. You know what I mean? Because he's like despicable and ugly. No. No. No. Austin thought he was gay. Sorry.

You thought he was getting? No. Oh, me too. That's crazy. We've been getting a lot of comments about me being gay in a recent. We had to clip with me and my wife. Get off me. Is that why you got married to a woman?

To make sure that people just thought. What are people, why do people think you're gay? Well, because, well. When you told everyone you were gay. When I told everyone that I was gay, everyone, no. I had. a moment on the show where I came out as bisexual and German

right? Right. And then people fucking put it in Google translate and I couldn't hide behind it any longer. Oh, okay. It was really quick. They were like, well, what does that mean? And then typed it in. Fuck. Yeah. Or if there was a German speaker. Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Now, because we had a clip recently where my wife came to surprise me, she showed up early. Dress is a man. Dress is a man. And I was like, Give it to me. Where is it? And no, she showed up to surprise me and I cried.

Can I preface this? I watched their pod. It was very cute. He frequently brings freaky, creepy, crawly animals. And he hates the freaky, creepy, collie animals. I can't fucking stand critters. So he was very insistent that it was going to be a freaky creepy crawly animal. And then it ended up being his lovely fiance. My wife, full-wife.

He made me swear it wasn't alive, which was confusing. It was tough. It put me in a tough spot. But the main part is that I, cried upon seeing my wife, my wife did not cry. So people were like, she cheated on you. And I was like, I was like, yeah, with my permission, I don't like to watch. But no, everyone now thinks I'm gay because I cried.

That's, wow. Dude, I must be so gay. I cry all the time. Cryed is very, you know, is very gay. I've been super gay. I'm trying to kiss Jared for six years. I want you guys going to kiss. Isn't that?

Because he wants it so fucking bad. No, you got to be unattainable for sure. I don't know. Hard to get. That's what I'm trying. I've kissed all of my buddies. I didn't feel like I feel like I'm not trying to kiss you. I'm trying to degrade you.

I know. I'm trying to go all the way. I know. I know. I don't think you would. No, I wouldn't. I'd be too scared. I'd talk a big game.

What was that story? We were on tour together once and Jared said like, okay. Oh my fucking God. Yeah, we went on tour. Pat is in a band and we went on tour and I played guitar for his band. And we were like halfway through the tour. And Pat was playing like verbal gay chicken with me. Yeah.

And I was just like, well, I'm a very, I'm a modern man, so I'm not scared by the thought of someone being gay around me. You know, I sat right next to you. And I, and. I'm not being gay right now. You're not being gay right now, for sure. Just wait. No. Why did you, why did you tone it up?

I'm not, I'm not even fucking gay. I'm not, I haven't switched it on yet. Oh. We'll get it out of you. Don't worry. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, we were like halfway through and I was like You wouldn't fuck it

I was like you would you Pat was like it was like Who's gonna suck one's dude? Who's gonna be the one to suck each other too? Yeah, and I was like I was like we're gonna Our friendship wouldn't survive a blow job Like we would not survive that Pat went instantly he was like yo Like dead face like yes it would of course it would Absolutely my best friend too you sucked your best friend no No

No but just that but I've got a best friend who's straight okay you're not my type at all yeah and the main thing yeah no no we've actually talked about this my best friend and I we've talked about it uh that if I were to wait really yeah I was like if thank God we would be married if he was my because we get along so well yeah yeah it's real that's real you know anyway but uh who we we often laugh have a boyfriend yeah what you got you know you're inappropriate conversation to be like yeah my boyfriend he doesn't cut it for me No, I mean, my boyfriend You're just telling your boyfriend that if your best friend

was more your type, he'd be the perfect person for you. I think it's fair. I think if I was gay and Maya was gay, we would make more sense than me in Ludwig. Thank you for backing me up on that. You're welcome. I don't think it's crazy to that scenario doesn't exist. Yeah. There is no such thing.

There you go. I'm with you. Thank you. That's so good. Thank you so much. This is beautiful. Thank you. Anyway. But I have actually had discourse. about the fact that

would a blow job would it ruin our friendship? It should. We've determined that it would. It should. It should. Yeah. I don't think a blow job

would ruin our friend. Like you and I. You know, if you were to eat her pussy, you don't think. I think she doesn't want. You're going to give her a blow job? Sure.

Yeah. I think we could survive it. You think we could. Yeah, because I think we would both think it was funny. I think Can you hear back there? Something that needs to be addressed

like What if it's really good? Yeah What if it was good? I'm gonna tell you right now What if you rocked my world? He just went Crazy town on it

I'm gonna tell you right now The reason he's worried about that It's because I'm his best friend You know you know He knows You know that you fucking Cram off your child You could just go to town on that shit

Yeah could your two's handship Like could your friendship friendship handle it Maybe this way? We basically had sex already. Like, let's say the president comes up to you. He says, Asan Piker,

the only way to get universal health care. I've already asked this question. I would suck a dick, and I would get my dick suck by anything and anyone. Anything. That's crazy. Yeah, like aliens, come down to earth.

That's what I was nervous about. Okay, that's a little bit different. Even though, I mean, I mean, for a son, for real, you got, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, Hassan is your publicist, you got him. I came here to ask the hard fucking hidden questions. During the time of this crisis, by the time this is, by the time this is going to be out, the FBI, a couple weeks ago.

A couple weeks ago. Not yesterday or a couple weeks ago. A couple weeks ago, Cash Patel was questioned in Congress. Yes. Yes. Can you pull this up, actually? Cash Patel was questioned. Cashel those questions because the FBI

is having a recruitment crisis and it's a consummate recruitment crisis They decided to lower their standards The FBI lower their standards And his position was like I would never I would never tell No okay go ahead yeah

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That didn't. No, it didn't. No it didn't. Anyway, buy a shirt. We have a few left, fear and pod.com. Ow. Shit. See ya.

As a consequence of this recruitment crisis, they lowered their standards. And they said, if you've engaged in performance, prostitution or hired prostitutes, you can now be recruited by the FBI. It's not an automatic disqualifier. That was strange, right? But what was even stranger was that if you had participated in

be sexuality, you could also be recruited. Go to the part where, why go to the part with like candy? Why didn't bring that? Why didn't bring that up? Well, they just like made changes to yeah. And people were like, do you think that's like one specific guy where they're like, this

I think it's fucking cats. But he fucked a doggy, and it's hard to get past. All right, let's hear it, let's hear it, let's hear it. All right, let's hear what he had to say. Yeah, get on. Obviously, we are never going to hire the criminal. What, the beastiality? Yes.

So you disqualify the animal? I think go back a little bit. Yeah, go back a little bit because he says both sides on the beachy on the beach. Yeah. Our standards have never been higher. We've just hired on 307 former. Law enforcement of military officers. We've just hired on 470 individuals with advanced degrees,

and we've just hired on 448 individuals who are fluent in multiple foreign languages. So we have not changed the standards. We are not going to target victims and prevent them from serving in their capacity to serve this country. Listen to this. Listen to this. Listen to this. What about the Bichdia... Gregs wrote it up in a fashion before I arrived that addressed prostitution B.C.I.

in trafficking. They were there before I got there. Tell me what it said before. It automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side of it. Pause. Either side. Okay.

That's how I never fucked a donkey. I got fucked my dog. That's like if you got it for your canine unit. Yes. No, I love this because he's saying like, listen, if you're a dog that fucked in human. You can't. You can't.

You can't. No, you can. Pass, you could. But now you can. Can we wind it back to just the old guy's face? Because I love I love Cash Patel being like, they speak multiple languages. He's like, what about the animal fucking son? There's even a worse one where he

like, after the double-sided bestiality answer, he like really loses his shit. It's very funny. But it's also a dire state of affairs. It's dire state of parents. They should not have. Listen, if I fuck the donkey one time.

I'm not a donkey fucker in the rest of my life. I'm pretty sure the same goes, a donkey. You fucked one little donkey. One little donkey. What if it was practical? What if it was for a mission? Tactical donkey fuck. Yeah, what I mean?

For a mission, you know? First off, what is for a mission? What if like, okay, gun to my head, I got to fuck this donkey to save my family and now I can't be in the FBI? Yeah. Or universal health care for all. Exactly. No, every day.

Dude. Wow. This is a good topic to cover. I'm glad we got through this. This will probably make it the Fox News now. I'm so excited. I don't want to be on Fox News for forever. Every time we're on Fox News, hi, family.

I mean, she gave me the 9-11 New York Times newspaper. That has been on Fox News quite a bit. It's a piece of history. I didn't know. They tell us to never forget. Yeah. No, it's crazy. So I keep that thing.

The argument quite literally is like, no, he's Muslim. He's not allowed to have this. He's celebrating it because of his. Well, I have a point there. Definitely a point there. You are Muslim. Yeah, they're like, never forget. Unless you're Muslim, then forget it.

I don't think he's practicing. That's Fox News? Watch his audience. I don't know. It doesn't matter. No, he's not. Do they not have anything better to do? I don't know what you do.

He was being politically correct. If he's been in camera, it's crazy. I don't know what you do in your spare time. Are you being silly right now? You think I prayed five times a day? Well, you're not looking at it. I don't know, maybe. I don't know when he's facing Mecca.

It's crazy. You guys, this is fun. Yes, that's true. I told you they're so fun. Was that joke too incensed? You told them where? Okay. No.

No, no, no, no, no. He did not say that about it. No, he said the opposite. He said, you guys are not fun. Yeah. But we're fun and you guys should come on my show because then you guys can be fun around my non-front friends. Yeah, there you go. Does Fox News watch this podcast?

Yeah. It'll be nice for my family to see what I do. Yeah. You have no idea. Is a conservative family? Yeah, of course. Really? Where are you from?

What kind of question is? What do you mean? Look at it? Why do you think QD&M made a connection instantly? You said I couldn't make that connection. Texas, then Oklahoma, then Wyoming, and then here. Oh, Jesus. Christ. Damn.

I was saying before we came in here, my friends are registered Republicans so they can vote for the lesser evil in Wyoming. Because if the Republicans will win, no matter what. Right, right. Oh, interesting. Oh, that's interesting.

You just vote for, like, the most dysfunctional candidate. Or just whoever, yeah. Or just whoever, like, maybe leans a little. Just whoever is down to not do, like, full-on murder and just wants, like, gas prices. Yeah, right. That's cool. Yeah, that makes sense.

You guys have that in common? No, I've never. Oh, Washington. But also, like, Idaho, Utah, my whole life, so everywhere around. You were in Utah two days ago? You were in Utah two days ago? Yeah, I was playing a rock show. Okay, where at?

For the Mormon community. Oh, quarters, yeah. There's a murder there. There was a murder. When you're doing rock shows and he's not. No, they can't, no, they. He's writing songs about. like eating pizza and skateboard

and he's fine. Yeah, yeah. And the people that come out are not Mormon. They're pretty, they're pretty anti, in fact. Of course is a bar. I feel like, yeah,

yeah, yeah, exactly. Salt Lake City is very interesting. I feel like there's a lot of people either, you know, on drugs or in rehab. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And none of them are Mormon.

Right. Well, well, well, no. No, there's a lot of Mormons. There's an opioid crisis amongst the housewives. Yeah. Yeah. They're bored.

What the fuck are they supposed to? They live in, Yeah. And we get nothing to do other than to praise God, you know? I would say, they got some really fucking nice houses over there. They really need. Listen. The real estate there is phenomenal.

That's what the right provides. Do not move there, everybody. Do not. Well, they don't have income tax. I mean, it's... They have income tax. Oh, shit, really? Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck that. What is it even going to? The fucking entire Salt Lake City is like a, like a cowboy's style wild west town with like one road. Yeah. It blows my mind like when I go, I'm like, how is this real?

Like it's we're living in 2026. Yeah. And they have to put salt on the road. It's one road. It's one road. There's more than one. There's more than one. There's more than one. No, it's one major road. That's literally Salt Lake City.

There's two major roads. There's State Street and Main Street. So my town and population 10,000 where I'm from also had a state street and a main street. Wow, 10,000. I'm from northern New York, way up north. Really?

What part? Like two hours north of Syracuse. Oh, shit, have you heard of Camden? Jesus, Christ. Oh, I think I have heard of Camden. I got family in Camden. You have family on Camden. Oh, yeah.

No kidding. I didn't even know it went further north than Syracuse. Oh, yeah. It's like as north as you could possibly be New York State of Canada. I went and visited Syracuse when I was looking for colleges to go to in America. And I was like, wow, these guys have like a very... What? What do you?

Well, I mean, it was. wasn't my first choice. He wasn't targeting the Sunnis. Yeah. I got into, listen, I got into good college. I got it in Boston University. And George Washington, I chose to go. Were you looking at other universities

outside of America? No. Oh, no. No, but. What's going on? Wait, what? Is he flexing him right now? What's going on?

No, no. I dropped out of high school. What I was about to say is, I went to Syracuse, and I was visiting the college campus. I'm like, why the fuck do you guys have tunnels? that connect like, it's very interesting that you have tunnels that are connecting the dorms

to the gym. And they go, it starts for six months here and it goes up to six feet. And I was like, not coming yet. Yeah, yeah. So I chose Miami instead. Yeah. Miami's dope. There's tunnels under Salt Lake too. But it's for the Mormon prophet to get around time.

I thought you're going to say something sick. Like it was like the fucking underground railroad or something like that. No, the Mormon prophet. Who's the Mormon prophet? Right now, I don't know. No. I left.

The last guy died. Yeah. Is it like the version of the Pope? President Oaks died. Oh, fuck. My family is Mormon. Oh, really? Really? Mine too.

Jared accidentally tricked his dad into being Mormon. I tricked my dad to be a Mormon. It's a whole story. They sent hot Mormon girls to the house. Really? They got me. The air is human, you know what I mean? Yeah.

No, they got, they fucking got him. He's still in there. Wait. It's hard to leave. When I was 15, so it would have been 16 years ago. That's impressive 2010.

He was conformorted by female missionaries. Yes. Really? Oh, he's a horned up. I know, but that's rare kind of. Yeah.

Is that sister Hanson and sister hacking? Do you feel like it's because it's closer to where Mormonism started spiritually and historically that like the aura is more powerful? Well, there's like a major, there's a major Mormon hub in Palmyra, New York.

Isn't that where literally he saw the tabloos? No, that's in Pennsylvania. I thought it was in Pennsylvania. I thought it was an opposite. State New York. Am I wrong? You're wrong. It was upstate New York. Huh? He saw them in Missouri. I thought it was in Pennsylvania.

The Sacred Grove. The Sacred Grove. The Sacred Grove in Golden Town was Joseph Smith. Definitely did some shit in the Tri-State. I thought he did it in Pennsylvania. Am I crazy? I thought Jesus came to Pennsylvania. Figure out where the Sacred Grove is. It could be in Pennsylvania.

Jamie, pull up the Sacred Grove. If you're wrong about this. Pull up the St. Pull the Javier. Yeah. Palmira. Oh, he did. Or Amira in New York. Yeah.

I'm the one who's, was right. Yeah, you're right. That's where he was raised, but the first vision was in the sacred grove. Oh, it says Paul Meyer. Yeah, that was right. Oh, wow. No, you were right. You were right on that. I know more about Mormonism. You do. What the fuck? Send in the hot female missionaries.

That could be good for you. No, but they got them. And then some of my, uh, some of my, some of my, some of my, some of my, you lead to that process. Uh, because they came to me first. And they were like, can we come to your house? And I was like, can I be naked? Yeah. No, yeah, they came to my house. But some of my family, yes, actually. Some of my family were in the torture schools that were connected to the Mormon church.

Oh. Reckless Ben just did a whole thing about them. Yeah, the rehabilitation session. Yeah, yeah, they were out in like Provo and Salt Lake, but it connects back to New York and in my hometown. Some of my family members who I won't say were some of the torture teachers. Oh, really? Yeah.

They're a whole Netflix documentary about it. They call it torture. Yeah. Yeah. Paraselter. They're not. Because that's what it is. One of my buddies was a bad kid, and he went there, Brace Belden.

Yeah. And he then also went and fought against ISIS in Syria. No kidding. They fucked them up good. They will fuck you up good there. I had a couple friends of mine that went there and were never heard from again. But they died? Yeah.

They killed them? No. No, but they came out immediately trying to find where the math was. You know what I mean? They're like, I got a coat. Got to find a way to coat. Oh. You know?

Yeah. And it's like a one-stop side in my town. Oh. Yeah. Wait, really? Parents Hilton did a whole thing on it. Yeah. Did they get away?

It's got a while that there are so many. Yeah, because they just die from dehydration. So they're like, oops. Yeah. Exhaustion. I was someone of a connection to these torture programs as well as my parents. Oh. That's a cool way to find it.

Not knowing that it was like connected to the torture programs. This was like the front facing summer camp version of it. Yeah. and I almost died as well it was like 21 days of like survival training yeah out in the fucking woods did they call it something did they call it star by chance

no but it was what I forget what it was they called the umbrella corpore we just we just saw residents in the last night it was like leave no trace like we had the shit in the wild like out out in the out because you're an animal and you need to learn we yeah no we literally had like backpacks we would have to like dispose we have like little shovels in our backpacks

We have to dig a fucking hole The shit in it And I learned that the Canadian Maple leave is like the best thing to wipe your ass with Yeah, we can't have toilet paper That's crazy Yeah, you're so hard

You've overcome so much Thank you Thank you My parents, I almost died My parents, when they, when I came back I'd lost like 30 pounds I'm like covered in fucking hides My parents are like, what the fuck happened?

I'm like, you sent me to this goddamn thing You sent me to the torture school It said it on the... Wow. You know, we didn't know We didn't know it was like We didn't know it was like a bad kid. You know, you bring up, you know, survival, you bring up an interesting point.

I realized recently that I'm completely unprepared for a natural disaster. I was sitting there on my deck. I was sitting there on my deck and I was like, I mean, even a snowstorm would wipe Christian and I out. I look at my pantry and I'm like, okay, we got like wheat thins, half a box of wheat thins, maybe some old crunchy cereal. You don't even have, okay, this is not a. survival situation, but like it kind of is a testament to how little you prepare for anything.

When I was staying over his house, he had a nispresso machine but only K-cups. Like it doesn't even make sense. No, it's not compatible, dumb man. I know, I know.

I just go and get my coffee every day. No, literally. You know what I figured out? Those fucking espresso pods are like $4 a fucking pod. Yeah. What the But why do you still have a fucking

a bunch of K-cups? I don't always, because I used to have a K-Rig machine. That's so funny, because you literally have like the suck-and-blow anti-choking device in your house in like three locations. No, no, no, no, no.

Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to call them out for this. It's still in the package next to the door. That would really suck if I was choking. Desperately. We really try not unpacked. Use your keys to get the tape off and shit. Yeah.

Wow. You haven't even, you haven't even taken it out of the box, you're a frog. You're not even I recently I recently care about survival no I look

I need to get on top of it because I was like I need to get water because I'm in Portland Oregon and we you know the big earthquake could strike at any moment and I'm completely ill prepared

oh yeah it could knock my whole fucking house down whoa oh yeah I mean it could strike it's serious business and I have nothing I have nothing to prepare myself

my car is you know it's an electric car oh god damn You can only go 250 miles. Don't tell me. Where the fuck am I supposed to go? That's enough. No, no.

No, no. No, no. I said last episode, I'm out with my electric car. Insurance is way too much. I'm back to gas. Get yourself a truck, man. Get yourself a truck, man. Get yourself a truck.

I have one. He has an SUV. I have an SUV. He has a BMW. Real gas camera. Yeah, twin, yeah, twin turbo. B.S. What?

Was it funny because I'm gay? What? It's funny because you were asking me. Twin Turbo No, Twin Turbo Twin Turbo V8, 625 horsepower No, he loves that fucking 0 to 60 and 3.5

It's all good Big desk. Big desk. Big desk. You guys have big desk energy. You guys have like you Every single person here has some sort of

You all have your own wood What did you say Here's a mahogany? Rich. Oak? No, oak is so 2006. No, he's missed.

Oh, bitch you're Mr. Millennial Gray. Yeah, I don't do Oak. I do the gray. I do white. So, Birch. What kind of wood are you? I feel like maple. I think he's like a penis.

You're a penis. Like wood. I'm sorry. Like wood. I'm sorry. Like wood. When he's got wood, like penis. I love her commitment to the clips. I think I'm a nice

teak wood. Teak. I appreciate that. What about you guys? Pat, what kind of wood? If you had to define your entire life as a wood Like pliable Plywood Very just easily bent

Whishy-washy Waterlog If I had to define myself as a wood Is whatever the fuck they made the arc out of sun Oh that's good Yeah what did Noah make that out of you Sequoias Cicoyas

For the most tree for the least amount of effort What was it? Gofer wood What the fuck is gopher wood They're making that. They only had two gophers on the birds of a bit of timber. It's got to be something in Turkey. Mentioned only once in the Bible?

Just like me. Okay. Hold on. Have we found gopherwood? Wait, did you the thing? Goferwood. Who the fuck is Gopherwood the villain? The anime guy?

What's Gopherwood? Go to the Wikipedia's a villain. What is he from? Goferwood. He's a D.C. evil doer? What? Stop that.

No, no, hold on, Gabe. I want to see what go for what it is. Is it a word that exists? We can't see a picture of the Ark. It doesn't exist. Noah's Arc. Noah's Arc does exist. It's in Turkey.

Look it up. Noah's Ark. No. No. See? There is. Stark is fine. Right there.

That looks like the Earth's vagina. Pretty clearly in a mountain. Good looking up. That's the arc, dude. That's not no damn arc. You think that's... You think mountains just have random fucking chips like that? Hold on.

That's why people do it. Hold on, hold on. Gabe, show this thing real quick. I'm telling you. Guys, if it was an art, they would just find wood. There's no wood. Yeah, they didn't make the arc out of a fucking mountain,

Hassan. I don't know. That's dirt. It got stuck on top of the mountain because that's when the big floods were happening. What happened? In case you see, it's rocking dirt. Man, the fuck's wrong with you, Don.

That's hot some dirt and shit. No, that is the arc. I'll be honest with you. You think that's the fucking arc. I was out on religion. I'm kind of back in now. Okay, good. Because...

It's because go for wood. The evidence that I've seen, first of all, the arc, and then I went to the Vatican, I saw Jesus' face in a piece of tissue. You mean the shroud of turin? Is that what that's called? Or you can see like a painting of price. No, it was like his face.

On a piece of tissue. You know what I'm talking about? They put a piece. When Jesus died... On that piece of lavish. Yeah, they put it. Shout of Torin. They fucking put it.

Yeah, there it is. Right there. What does that mean? Oh, fuck. Okay, you know what? That's not Jesus. Okay, hold on. Okay, now.

Yeah. That's the white guy. That's what is this? Dude, that's Shakespeare. That's not even Jesus. Okay. You know, you know, the piece of tissue. Shakespeare is my Jesus is like a Lana del Rey song.

Thanks, guys. This is what you're talking about, right? Yeah, the tissue. You know, Jesus died, they laid a tissue. It's a burial shroud. It's not tissue. Well, what the fuck is it? I don't get it.

I wasn't there. Real quick, Gabe, Gabe, Gabe, can you scroll up a little bit and to the right? There's a picture of Jim Caviesel. Can you click on that quick and just up to you get that? That's who's in that and that's not a brown person. You know it's crazy. Yeah, I was going to say, I know Jesus wasn't white. This guy went crazy, right?

This guy's like out of his mind. This, this Kansas fella? Not, not, no, Jim Cavizel. The singer of Kansas. Gary on my way, what's so? Nuggets. Wait, Jim Caviesel be crazy? Didn't he?

Am I crazy? The count of money, Christo, and Jesus? I don't know. Jim Cavasel. Okay. Oh, that's a. Look up Jim Cavasian crazy. No kidding.

Look up Jim Cavasel crazy. Wait. Look up Jim Cavasel shirtless. Yeah, no, he did. He, like, what did he do? bro well first of all he was Jesus I know that he got excommunicated

from like the acting yeah and then he did I think he was wasn't he a sound of freedom or some shit yeah yeah he was he's a little crazy he's a little crazy yeah if you do sound of freedom

you probably or is he being slandered everything on Reddit is 100% true yeah yeah he said Democrats drink blood the other day well we do not yeah I'm just a regular old

Democrat only from babies yeah I'm a regular old Democrat what do you think Diva Cups were invented for. Hello. Ew. No, I prefer atrinicrome.

They can get one. I'm more working for myself too. What does that mean? It's an acquired taste. Like you're doing nasty jokes. But they're can't trail in that, so I'm just getting that normally. I'm getting that normally.

You're really trying to get it on Fox News. Can I say something that'll get us on Fox News? What? We'll delete. We'll cut it out. We met very briefly one time. We met very briefly one time. What's that?

You were there? Was that right there? You were right there. Okay. And me and Pat both got tear gassed. And we saw you out there and I was like, I should go say hi. But I only managed to get... But I was crying.

I was crying. I saw a guy's finger get blown off by a rubber bullet. Oh, yeah. It was wild. It was crazy. Damn, that's fucking horrible. And the potato place by my house says that you come there all the time. Oh, my gosh.

The potato place that you went to with Spunros. Yeah. They've been saved all the time. We went there twice You went there one time with Phineas and I know that that's true And they have since closed down But I went in there and they kept trying to go They're gone

They're gone. They're so good So pets are gone It's gone Why you really tanked the business in aside? Every time I went in they're like They're like yo I gotta get you guys with fucking Hassanis gonna all the time And I was like but they kept showing me the one

That's probably why they closed down He's not a good marketing They're like, you know, they're like, you love it here, man. They're telling everyone that. How did they know, how did you guys get to talking about his honor? Are they just showing him everything? I went in one time and they recognized me from the podcast. Oh.

And they've said hi. And they're like, you'll never guess who was just in here, dude. And it was in here all the time. And it was you, bro. He's a big potato guy. Yeah. You could have saved the potato shop. What's wrong with you?

I love, I love potatoes. I love the potato. Not that much. Bud Bros is my name. It was so good. I have to eat one, one million of every food. that I eat. So a potato will just because I can't stop. I can't stop myself.

Yeah, I'm just obsessed with eating food. I eat the same stuff every day. That must be fucking nice, huh? She eats leaves. She eats bany. She raw dogs the salad. Like, she doesn't even have any sauce on it. No, no dressings? I don't like it. What? Yeah. You eat like little foot? Yeah.

You're just eating leaves. Wait, okay. I've always dreamed of that leaf. When I made a comparison, she got very mad at me. You said she ate like a cow. He said I ate like a Well, that's mad offensive. Littlefoot is a small bronchiosaurus. It's adorable in anima.

That was cute to call someone. Calling a woman a cow. Calling a woman a heifer? Look at that. That's Littlefoot. But like, like, oh my God, little foot also kind of looks like he's got that like elephant tides arm issue. You know what I mean?

He's a bronchiosaur. I'm just saying. You said he looks like elephant man? You said I look like that's the cow. Yeah. The cow looks better than the fucking dinosaurs. Well, these are really aesthetic. Cows.

Look at that one, the one in the middle, the red heifer with the black and white photo. The highland cow. By saying that cow? Like that cow is like Bill Walton. That's a cool. Okay. It's not a cool.

It's a tough cow to be. Can you Google ugly cow? That cow gets bored. That cow. That cow. That cow. That cow right there. We're all looking out.

That cow is not getting hired at the FBI. Am I that cow? That cow got fucked for nothing. Cash Patel is not hiring that fucking cow. No shot. You might fuck it. None of these cows are hot. Why did you say hot cow?

We're all going to agree that these cows are fucking sexy. Those two are having size. Okay, that's right. This is, this maybe is the source of the problem. But Gabe could get hired at the FBI still. We learned. Yeah. Oh, okay.

There you know. We like that earlier. Should we try to help you guys out with this or what's going on? What? Just some presentation. Yeah, give us some. Yes. Notes.

Notes. Well, Give us paint color number one. Okay, paint color. Let's try anything other than this lavender kind of scenario. Okay. How about white? No.

Ew. What's wrong with that? You have terrible taste, Austin. Okay. You do white and millennial gray? One day you're going to make him snow. At least I have fucking doorknobs at work for guys. Yeah.

Get out of them. And I fucking, look, can you get some heated bodeys in here? I'm sick and time I'm freaking time I'm fucking freezing my asshole over every time I'm fucking I don't even have a bed in your house. I do. I got one in my bathroom now. He's new money. Come on.

Come on. Come on. He did we get some heated potages? The least approachable complaint. He could possibly make it. There's a bed in every toilet in this house. And he's mad that the bids are not cold. Jesus Christ.

I wish we were no money. Or old money. Yeah, Pat, he did his apartment. Pat redid his apartment recently. And he was making a bunch of weird decisions. And he's like, sorry, I'm just so new to being. lower middle class. This is a brand new experience. What weird decisions did you make? Oh no, I just

I don't know. I just hadn't even put it in my furniture in my house. Back in the day, back in the day. That's a lot. That's an awful. I feel like that's a buffalo wildlings in there. I feel like that's lower class behavior though. No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I just got rid of the TVs. Oh, good. Good. Because I thought I'd never get to buy a

TV again. See what I'm saying? So what you're holding onto them? Wait, we, I just had like, at my old house I had like seven or eight lined up in the wall in a row and I would just play like Tyler of the Creator videos at the same time That's kind of awesome It was so much fun, awesome

Don't hurt amount of fun Don't encourage I'm with you I'm with you I'm with you I'm with you Hipe shoe places that coproice guys go to

What the fuck I was just using it for bits But then I just didn't take them down You know Look I'm with you When I bought my first home I went and took Costco and I bought seven TVs.

Yeah, just that sense though when I bought my first home. And also we bought seven TVs for seven different locations. You didn't put him next to one. Yeah, put him next to each other. Oh, you didn't say him in their different room. Like he was like the architect from the Matrix. It was just screams around his fucking shit. Also, also, Austinges

flex the shit out of me. It's real. When I bought my first house, I bought seven TV. You sound like Shaquille O'Neill when he got his first checks. I went to Walmart, but what of everything? I was just trying to relate. They weren't expensive TV. You were trying to relate. I like how you went from this house.

This house is a mess because it doesn't have heated bedays. Sometimes my Louis Vuittons give me blisters. It sucks. It hurts. Now, you also have quite a number of exotic animals. Oh, just on the show.

Yeah, I bring him. I love a creator. What do you mean just on the show? You get rid of them after the show? No, I just borrowed it. Do you rent them? Or borrow them from our friends. Yeah. The first time I brought a snake in

was a buddy's the second time I brought two snakes in I really found the guy that's in Hollywood Boulevard with the two big snakes yeah and I just gave him 150 bucks to come back with me with Hollywood with his two big fucking you know like when you're walking down like Hollywood Boulevard I understand the concept that's the party struggles we should do a podcast with only people we find on Hollywood Boulevard I'm just thinking about like like a dinner for schmuck situation why he was why he was so willing to 100 to be 100 that's a good right He was like, he's either going to kill me or suck my dig.

I don't know. Well, he's got those two big snakes. Yeah, absolutely. I think he was only charging 10 for the picture, so I got his whole afternoon off by bringing him to Jerry. Boom. Yeah, and he put a snake on me. Wow.

I was thinking of those. No, I don't know any. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just commissioned. I got him. Well, it's so funny because I took him off my close friends. And all the time, I'm like, anybody with an alligator. Just somebody, does anybody have an alligator?

He doesn't do that. I don't follow us. I'm following him. I'm following him. Yeah. No, he's always bringing critters And I can't do critters I'm not a critter guy

I'm not a critter guy I'm not a critter guy I'm not a critter guy I'm not successfully I'm looking for right now a crocodile And then the bird people Are tough

Yeah the birds are skittish I have a bird person But do you really Yeah but she doesn't virtually No in person If you'd be willing to go to Texas We could connect you with someone Who knows birds

He said no I'm not going I had a She's got a Chinchella We have like a tiny studio Two It's only like three times the size of this room

and it's like scary to bring an animal in there because there's nowhere to fucking go. I essentially sit like here from the door. So he'll bring in and block the exit with some sort of animal that I'm terrified with a critter. Yeah. How did you start bringing in critters? What was your... I don't remember. I just, I mean, I just took a swing on the snake and then Jared was so afraid of the tiny snake.

I mentioned that I wouldn't be afraid of a snake. That's what happened. That's what happened. Is Jared said he would not be afraid of snakes. I was like, if there's a snake in front of me, I'd be totally afraid of snake. Fine. Wait, why are you afraid of them? Because they're fucking evil.

They're not going to do anything, do you? That's true. Yeah. You sound like Eve. You sound like Eve. I'm not afraid of critters. That's so weird. You're afraid of everything.

You give me any critter. I'm fine. Bugs? Yeah, I'm fine. Bugs. That's so weird. If I brought a bug in here. I can't do bugs, man.

Like a tarantula. Yeah. He brought a tarantula. I'm fine. I'm with cute. Bugs don't bother me. I'm pregnant of cats. I'll be fine.

That's fine. He brought in a tarantula and I had to the room or else I was like, I'm scared because this is obviously someone's pet. I'm going to kill it and I'll feel terrible. That's a very scariest thing about tarantulas is if you like twitch and then you accidentally throw them off of you. That's what I'd be more afraid of. They'd explode.

Yeah. They like, if they land too hard, they just, oh. I thought the whole thing about being a spider was that you can be like spider. That's true about smart. That's true about the time. You can fall from great distance with no issue. I always thought the thing about being a spider is that with great power. comes great.

Okay, if I draw, he's like, well, it wouldn't let you do that because he's got spider sand, so it wouldn't have moved. That's so sad, I didn't know that. Yeah, they're ground spiders. Yeah, it's just like the transatl is up. They're like the puppies of spiders. Just a few inches can cause their avenue to burst.

You actually drop your pet. Okay, that's a big out. But check it out. All the other other spiders are making fun of them. They're good, yeah. But check it out. Now how irresponsible is it to bring someone's pet tarantula in and just throw it on me?

I don't. I was about to explode that spider. You could have exploded it. I could have explained. You fucking piece of shit. You need to be more responsible with the critters. I was very responsible. He's very gentle with the critter.

I wasn't even planning on him. You need to stop being a pussy about the critters. Grow up. One of them was just a beetle I found at a car wash. I put it in a little present box and then I made noise when I handed it to him. No, he's been doing this thing where he brings a small box in and then he just hands it to me. And then I do all the things that make me scared and there's nothing in the box. and there's nothing in the box.

So he'll get, he'll give me a box and I'll be like, oh, what's in here? Like, a bug? Is there a bug in the box? Okay, I got to put it down. And then there wouldn't have been any, I invented the bug that's in the box.

Okay. I'm sorry for calling you a pussy. I take it back. No, you're right. I'm a pussy and I turn it. It turns out I'm gay. Oh. Oh, really?

Yeah. That's great. Oh. You don't say. Well, I mean, I, you know, I just finding out for the first time. I was with QD in the sense that

I wasn't really afraid of bugs so much so that I was getting fucking irritated that the goddamn pest control people kept coming to my door and I said I don't need your help and then I just get them No no I said I don't need it pissed me off I'm like Austin do you think pest control only deals with like scary bugs

No No that's the point That's the point No no no it's not even no I said I don't even care they're a part of the house I'm not scared of the shit part of the group. No, no, no, no. Guys, it was like, we got stink bugs and shit, and I'm like, the bugs aren't hurting anything.

These are gay termites. Guys, listen. I got... No, I know, but I don't got any termites. I said, the moment I see a bug, a carpenter ant, or whatever, I'll give you a call. But you know what? I finally caved, because the fucking spiders kept making webs all over the front. And I said, if you guys just come out here and fucking take all the webs off of the front of the house. I am shocked that you and Qie are not afraid of bugs. I'm fine with bugs.

I got cats. They're killers. You're afraid of everything, though, the two of you. Only that will kill us. Bugs aren't going to kill us. Bugs can absolutely kill you. Bugs literally are responsible for historic levels of death.

Grand, brown recluse. Yeah, if it's a recluse or whatever, then I'm bringing in. Haven't you ever watched Coyote Peterson? Who's that? That's the guy who freaks themselves. Bit and stung by shit to see how painful it is. Yeah, he's a mask.

Recently, I went to Yosemite. The other day, I just got back from my friend's wedding. I went to Yosemite. and I didn't know it was undersold to me that it was going to be a camping trip It was a three-day wedding How did they undersell a three-day wedding?

Wait, how do they undersell a three-day Because what they told me, they were like, it's going to be, they didn't tell me Yosemite They were like, it's going to be a little bit north, fucking idiot. I, they were like, it's going to be a little bit north of here and then day one, everybody gets settled in day two. You got an RV, right?

No. Day two is going to be a music festival and me and my friends all played some music out there, and then day three is the world. wedding and what we want you to do is do the DJ portion and then like play the show as well. That's fun. You have a job. And I was like cool. Yeah, it's fun. I love a job at a wedding. I showed up and they're like

your lodge is down there. Your room number 209. We're getting to 209 no AC, no nothing. Oh, I was glamping. I thought you were like straight up and a hand. That's not glamping. That's not glamp. There was nothing glam about that. No air condish. I had to go to local Walmart and buy myself a fan. All right. It was

I was in the bush. Yeah, for real. We were in Yosemite dude, no Sam. And we were out there fucking in our element, in our element, and out of our element actually, and I had to go fucking play, and there was hay bales. My wife passed hay fever. You see skin watchers? Skin watchers. Walking. Walkers. People didn't just watch

skin watch. There's just one pervert in the U.S. Hey, I'm a new sin in a momcher. Take your dead Sam. They're at the National Park. My name's Cecil. I'm watched. Damn. Blackwob. No, it was terrible. And also terrible.

I had to play, it was beautiful. We love you so much. It's genuinely one of the most beautiful things I've ever done. I'm just being funny for the show. I had to play my show. I had to play my thing, and I have a very politically charged rock band. And I had to play to... Yeah, just like Bo Burnham.

That makes sense. And I had to play two... Like Green Day. No. Closer to Green Day. This is so awesome. American Idiot. No.

Maybe I'm the faggin' America, but a da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You just wanted to say the word. It's one of the best uses of the Epsler I've ever heard. Really? Maybe I'm the fagg in America. Maybe I'm the faggot in America. Because it's a allegory. Yeah, it's an allegory for awokenness.

Nothing like that. And then I went out and I had to play, like, I have a song that's like very anti-ice. And I had to play that to like the bride and groomed parents who went. Oh. Oh. It was really. It's really, really uncomfortable. Both an ice?

Yeah, both ice agents. That's crazy because that's what I'm planning on doing at QD Cinderella's wedding. Yeah, he's going to sing. You're going to go out there and arrange against the machine. Yeah. Whoa. He'll do good. It's a little.

He's tone deaf, so they won't understand it anyway. Well, it's rapping, so he'll be fine. Yeah, I'm going to get up there and hit some of my greatest hits, like what America deserves. Yeah. I thought about going like, like, yeah. I thought about going like, should I just do, God bless the USA and get the fuck out of here, man? Like, we tried to play the next year. Honestly, that Hamilton soundtrack might be a little too spicy for them.

I would have a sound. I would have a family without a father. They're like, what do you mean? What do you need a father in the household? Why was Eliza sad? She had a husband. Dude, Hamlet's sucks, dude. Yeah.

I don't like Hamilton. That was the worst thing. That was the worst thing. Zoroam Mdani ever did was the Lynn Manuel Miranda Miranda Faced on because it I For me it like ruined it was like a it because I realized he kind of sounds like him He kind of sounds like him in his old like rap music that he was making his shit I was like oh this is pretty theater kidish Yeah I want to see this a rap John used to rap man oh why I pull up nani That's bring him up funny bring him up don't know don't oh that's the that's the yeah yeah

Oh my god. And they kind of looked the same too! They looked the same! No, when I saw this, it was, it was a, for sure. That's freaking me a f. What's up, Mom, Donnie? How are you doing? How are you doing?

Too long, I heard you. You know that we are bringing universal child care to New York City? Oh, I heard. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's so good. I love Nguyen. Oh, God.

Wait, a catchy song. No, a catchy song. Don't pause it. Don't pause it now. Do you? You guys have that in common. Me and the one man wild oil a lot in common. This is why we asked you to have judge these jingles. Oh.

Two town. No, no, no, no, because democracy makes people go to choose to work. Oh. Well, let's look at the jing. Oh, this was in May. We didn't know about this. Oh, I knew about this. What's the jingle for?

I don't even fucking know. Childcare in New York City Doom and do your best Your turn That's a jingle You're turning again No, no Come on

Give us a jingle Give us a jingle Doggivus a jingle You did it You did it for the entire direction of the tour I'm jingled out Udi Bhabo do Badaoo da-bo Universal

Child Care for you What? That's good. I loved it. I liked it. I liked it. part was not in. You're phoning it in. What do you want for me? I bring people

what do you want for me. What do you want for me? Can I put you on? Can I put you on? All right, play Donnie. Wait, wait, wait, wait, before you play Donnie? What if Michael Jackson did a just, I mean, I have to. You got to take your lips. Sorry, bud. Got to play the hits.

You got to play the hits. Yeah, what if you did, man? We can skip it. Yeah, no, what if he did? What is it? Universal Child Care? Yeah. expected to hear Spinal Biffitt out of his mouth It's incredible

Sorry, sorry, dude What do you know, he made you do it He forced your fraud I made you do it I made you do it I've been on a Can I be real with you Remember in that one Spider-Man movie

Where he got like He got too much in his head And he couldn't do websling anymore I've been on that with being funny With the impression That's like your version of like creep From Radiohead like Yeah I know

I'm just like I think like the problem I can't get past was would doing universal health care, like Michael Jackson providing universal health care, would that help his, like... For children? Yeah, for children. He's just like, I don't want any children to die.

I want them all to myself. I was going to say, would that help his reputation or hinder it? I don't know. Hinder. Did someone say hinder? Did someone say hinder? Oh, fuck, I love that song. I want to see Mudami's right.

I can't believe you've never seen them. I don't know. You guys don't pay for YouTube. Brian. Brian Goldsmith. Yeah, we put all the, we blew the budget on. By Mr. Cardinal. Big desk. Is this his music video?

Oh, yeah. I genuinely contemplated not playing this when I first did the stream with him because I was worried that it was going to ruin his chances. I'm not even kidding. Is this him? No. No, that's a different brown person. Oh, no.

I thought he was singing and it was like a music video. Oh. So is that him? The one singing, yes. The one whisper rapping is him, yes. Yeah. He's not on the song. Yeah, if that's helpful for you.

Well, I know he's not. What if what if it? I don't hate this. I actually like it. It gets good. It gets good. Baseline. Yeah, this part's kind of bomb. Mom Domit's stand up! It's coming. This is better than Chalemais thing. Yeah, for real. It's coming. Yeah. This part's a little crazy. That he was just shirtless in the... No, she's got like $350.

Yeah, so you get it. I don't hate this at all. Yeah, I think that's kind of cool. I like being a twins, man. Yeah, I like the song is not bad. Song's not bad. What is the, what's the view of course of? What's his viewership?

1.6 million. Damn, look at him. Not at 1.6 million when I first watched it, let me tell you. Wow. I should become mayor. I could get a lot of views. Was that only set? seven years ago, for real?

That's so funny that you're the only person who would become mayor to boost retroactively. That's actually the thing I'm campaigning on is to make sure that I get more views. Retroactively boost my... I guess I'll do the children universal health care thing. Why is that on the corner? That was a day ago, man. I love Philip DeFranco. Here, yeah.

Come on, yeah. Okay, so it's like, no, that was daily dose hand in that. I pulled the wrong impression right there. Yeah, no, sexy coo. You just been filled in. Yeah. That's what he used to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, with the monkey.

I was in there, for sure, for sure. He's the best. How did you do for me? You've just been filled in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've just been filled in. His name on YouTube was SXE Phil, like sexy Phil, and he would have a babe of the week. Wow.

You guys remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a different time. No, he would do, yeah, he would do like a beautiful lady of the week or whatever. And then just like platform some girls' Instagram so he could put her in the thumbnail of the video to get the views. but then he would talk about like the news topics that he actually wanted to talk about just on both sides of this woman's Instagram.

So he didn't want to talk about the sexy women. No, but he called himself sexy films. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave days? That fucking, that was the crew. Yeah, and then they did source fed. I think that was the thing that they did for a little bit. This is a blind spot for me.

Yeah, I was more of a guy that one guy who put the bacon on everything. Oh, dude, dude, Harley? Harley? Dude, he's a huge Zionist. It's crazy. What the fuck? Yeah.

The epic bacon guy. He's been following me on this. Biggin' years. So the epic bacon guy, I was like, I was like friends with him. He did the fucking boxing game for idubs. And now he's like, like Ethan Klein's employee. Yeah, he fucking, we got fucking roasted by the, by the Kleinians. No.

We got a bad. Well, a while back about the, about the discourse between you and Ethan. we chimed in on the podcast just as like I think we spent very little time on it. Like as a social commentary situation? Just like it came up and I was just like fucking Ethan Klein piece of shit and then it went to his Reddit and it went

to his fucking subreddit and then they found us and I was like why does this video have so many more comments than the rest of them I don't remember that It's crazy. It's crazy. You don't help with your viewership though? Yeah, yeah. Well, keep doing it.

We're fucking dope. Yeah. It's been thoroughly vindicated now. And everyone Everyone came back and they were like, you were right all along. I'm back. I'm for it. I like everything he's doing now. There was definitely no sea.

No sea change whatsoever in that issue that he decided to be really aggressive. Yeah, he was super pursuing that really heavily, but I'm glad that he came back around. Yeah. And then we can all be friends again. Do you have anything you want to talk about? No, he did not come back. We met writing songs over FaceTime and then I moved to L.A. She asked how we met earlier.

What I mean over FaceTime? Just that like his old roommate, clicked us together to write some songs over COVID and everyone was doing songwriting sessions like over Zoom or FaceTime or whatever so we just wrote three or four songs together and then we just like never shut up when we were Like Bo Burnham?

Yeah I mean it was like Like Bo Burnham? We love Bo Burnham. Big Bo guy here. It's a Boe household. Oh my goodness. Oh that's so interesting and then you just bonded? Yeah.

Less bonded and more like genuinely never shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah. Like for real like mad annoying to all of our other friends. So what made you want to start a podcast just so knowing to deal with you? Well, we're white, so we were owed one.

We were promised one. So it goes. It's our birthright. It's our birthright. It was just like, it's that thing that every white guy does is like, do you want to do a podcast or we should probably, like, everyone starts one. You could either start mowing your lawn or starting a podcast. Exactly, exactly.

So yeah, we chose podcasts because I'm a big manual labor guy. Neither am I, right? I just, every time I see a thing in my house, I'm like, well, I can't do that. I know, and this is hard. Yeah, I'm not a DIYer. I just, I think, you know what? I think the world would be a much safer place.

Yeah. If people just, you just accepted the fact that they can't do those things. I know. You know what I mean? Like, fucking quit. Just, if your toilet's broken, some, just get somebody in there and fix it. I don't know. I fixed my toilet.

Hey, don't get on the roof. Don't do it. No, there's guys who get paid to do that. You know what I mean? Division of labor. I'm just saying, like, look, and I'm just saying, like, look, and I'm understand that in this economy it's out of touch for me to say, you know, not everybody

can get the guy there. So fix their heated bedet. No, but I'm just saying, no, like, I had bidetes. I could, I can't call a guy over to my house because I don't own it. So my apartment I went to a house here in LA. Well, grow up and get one, okay? Figure it out.

You know, you can, it's food or that? I had a house in LA. It's food or that. No. Get your priorities. You're ready. This may be, it's crazy, but I had a house in L.A. Okay. and I was renting it. Okay.

And I had some problems with it. He's so adamant. I was called. I would call the gallon mill. Gasman milk? Yeah. $4. Yeah, $4.

I'll take your word for it. He doesn't know. He's just asking you to put you on the spot. I thought you're going to say like $4.19. That's close. All right. Here's one. Ready?

How much is a bottle of spray on sunblock? Oh, expensive. Probably $8. Really? I think you'd be under a little bit. 12. Oh, on it. It's expensive.

Hey, I'm telling you, I guarantee you, of everybody here at this table, I am in a Walgreens or a grocery store more than everybody's table. No, you're thoroughly like recession-mogging us right now. So keep going to do your thing. Everybody on this side. You're doing it. You're doing it? I want to hear about your apartment. On this side of the table.

Move the table. Anyway. Tell me about your property. It's the property that I rented. I would just call. people to the house and they're like, do you own it? I'm like, yeah. And they don't, what are they going to do? Check the deed?

No. So I just had, I just, what I would do is I bring the guy in and it be like the plumber came and then I just billed the owner. You know what else they can relate to you on? You have a thing for butlers. Oh yeah, that's true. If he hasn't got a problem with your brother. Yeah.

Listen. No, no, he will teach you how to properly open fist and slap your boss. No, no, no. Guys, I've only had a butler a couple times. He only slapsed that. He's not going to be bad. I'm just realizing now, I don't want to hear your opinions. I don't care about you what you guys think about politics.

I just figured out. Hey, I'm with you every step of the way. Okay, on politics. He's with you every step of the way. He's Gavin Newsome. Yeah, I'm pro. University of Health Care, Universal Child Care. No, fuck no.

Big Newsom guy. He used to be a very... I used to be more lived up. Yeah. Lip-tart. Yeah. It's not anymore. Yeah, no, I, no, I'm much more progressive now.

I try to keep it right in the middle. I have whatever, whatever Ed Shearon has, I got that. No, I'm not in centrist. Spineless. Spine obifida. Spine epitaph. Michael's starting a foundation for that. A little jellyfish.

Soon, Ed. Soon, Ed. You'll be sure. No, but obviously I joke. I understand that I am out of touch. And we're going to continue pointing out of touch and continue joking on the Patreon, which we're headed to right now, but before then,

everybody, please check out Meantime. Whoa. Yes, the Meantime. No, it's okay. It's fine. You're right. It's cool. I'll do whatever you want. The Meantime.

I'll be whoever. I'll be here. The meantime. That's right. No, I mean this sincerely. These guys are so funny. I watch them all the time and you should too, and it's been awesome having you on the pod. Thank you guys.

I'm so excited to be here. We appreciate you. Well, we got another hour. I can't wait to spend another hour with you. I got more. I got more. I'm gonna tell you about these butlers. You guys should get some. And we'll see you behind the paywall where we get naked.

At patreon.com slash fear end. All right, I gotta take a piss. I've been a butler for like three years. I don't think we're that highfalutin. Come on. Well, hey, with the success, you guys are going to be flying first class soon. Oh, I hope so, man. You will be.

I'm at buying a couch money right now. I bought a couch for like a couch amount of money. Fuck, yeah. Got it. I got a purple mattress. pretty good that's nice answer at the ad what do you mean like did you do an ad deal with them or did you just straight up I'm straight up on a purple how much it was it all right listen okay don't do what he's doing okay wait no no no no no wait in the mrsone you were

safe again we're no no no wait no let me yeah I have a point I'm gonna make but go on