Fear& - QTCinderella's Gala For Good Prelude (ft. Nmplol & Malena) | Fear&OTK

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

This week we filmed our episode a day sooner than usual because QT's gala to raise money to save the rainforest was happening on our usual sunday slot, which also means theres some friends in town we can trick out on our show for content. This week we have Nick and Malena joining us while we completely ignore our guest whos wrapped up in a blanket and giving huge im just happy to be here energy. Okay hope you enjoy love ya thanks for watching ♥🎉BONUS CONTENT🍾 🌟PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand♥ follow our guests! ♥Nick: https://twitter.com/nmplolMalena: https://twitter.com/malenatudi✰ follow Fear&! ✰Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod0:00 Intro03:20 Austin Show is uninvited from staying with Hasan04:40 Nick is banned from Enterprise rental car over $3010:40 What everyone is wearing to QTs Gala (even though you know because it happened)14:00 Selling your friends22:30 WillNeff's beef with Ludwig25:16 Let's talk about buttholes for a minute30:40 Austin gets hit on by women, HE HATES IT34:30 Travis Kelcey and Taylor Swift comes up naturally37:37 Taylor Swift the Andrew Tate for white women 49:00 Ludwig farted on QTs first date (1 minute break from talking about penises)56:07 We are on the verge of hating Taylor Swift59:30 What does Nick want to talk about?1:08:00 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem? For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. All right, folks. Welcome back to another episode of the Fear Ann Podcast with your favorite hosts, Austin Show, Hasan Piker, Will Neff, and Cutie Cinderella. And we've got a wonderful guest. We've got wonderful guests, actually.

We've got another guest coming later because, you know, Nick on his own is like, eh, whatever. That's how everyone feels about me. Iffy. Yeah, it's kind of sus. But we have Nick and Milena on the pod. Milena, hopefully, will be on the paywall proportion. So if you want to get the full nmp lol experience you're gonna have to unfortunately or fortunately go to patreon.com

slash for your end that's right i started off with the fucking plug so goddamn early even though we have a million and a half different things to discuss um this is the merger of everyone's favorite topics today this is where we're going to talk about football, American football, and we're going to talk about Taylor Swift, which is, again, two of the favorites. We're also going to talk about Nick. We just lost 80% of our audience. That's what you think.

90, you put me in there. Yeah, we also obviously have Nick here. Nick, thank you so much for coming on. You said you've never been on a podcast. Yeah, this is my first podcast. Wait, really? Yeah, I don't do these. I'm supposed to go on one on Monday,

but I can't. Welcome. We take a lot of people's podcast virginity, I feel like. Are you bringing her in already? What? Did she poop? Talking about Melaina.

Did she poop? If Melaina pooped, you'd know. Did she poop? I don't know. Okay. Now this is that content. Kaya, come here. Come here.

No, it's fine. Did she poop? Crazy. Cool. Kaya had a big morning this morning. We just worked out. Okay. I took Nick, Melina, and Cyr.

Peach. Did you guys stream it? out. Okay. I took Nick, Milena, Cyr, Peach. Did you guys stream it? Yeah. Britt. I didn't see it. Where? Damn. It was on your channel?

Yeah. Bro, she said your view count is so low that she didn't even see it on the directory. God. It's because Aspen was live. Maybe the VOD didn't go up. Did the VOD go up? I have no idea. It should be there. How are your knees feeling, Hasan?

They're all right. Last night, they were not all right. Why? Because I was at a party talking to some random stranger, and they're like, yeah, Hasan was here, and then he left, and he was complaining about his knees hurting. It's funny that a random stranger is updating you on Hasan. Yeah, that is weird.

I was like, was Hasan here? They're like, yeah, his knees were really killing him so he left yeah so last night i went to to caroline's birthday and i and i did my classic like i'm gonna be here at 10 p.m and i'm going to leave at at in an hour i'm gonna leave at 11 which i did um in a timely manner because i had to wake up early and work out and i'm 32 32 years old, and I fucking have bad knees. So when I squat, my knees get, like, really inflamed. That's Murat's bike that you're hearing. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, he loves being. I thought a toilet was, like, getting backed up or something. What's a bike? Yeah, after what you did upstairs. Is that what you're saying? Do not go in there, please. Wait, really? Did you use a bidet?

I did not. You don't have a bidet up there. I've tried. No, I have a bidet in every bathroom now, including that one. What do you mean you've tried? Wait, wait? Did you use a bidet? I did not. You don't have a bidet up there. I've tried. No, I have a bidet in every bathroom now, including that one. What do you mean you've tried? Wait, wait, hold on. Well, I mean, I haven't tried. I mean, like, I've tried looking for one, but there was none to be found.

No, there's a bidet in every bathroom in this house now. I don't know. I tried to fashion a makeshift bidet out of toilet paper, too. Well, now I can stay here because he has a bidet in the bathroom. Oh, now you can stay here. Bitch, you're uninvited. I'm going to cancel my hotel. I have a code to your door.

Now that we are taking out one of the rooms and turning it into a podcasting studio, the number of space is pretty limited. I'm sorry, but we have a no gays allowed policy that I will be holding. Strictly enforced. Strictly enforced. Strictly enforcing.

Well, not even no gays allowed. Specifically, just be holding. Strictly enforced. Strictly enforced. Well, not even no gays allowed. Specifically, just one. Just me? Gay man is not allowed. You can't single-handedly be an ally and then also trash a beacon of the gay community. I'm a foe. I've never been an ally.

You're a beacon? Yes. I've become a gay icon. Austin Show, civil rights hero. I'm a civil rights hero defending the rights of twinks as Hassan constantly tries to deprive. I am literally an advocate for bottoms. I'm a bottom unionizer.

I'm salting. You are a selfish top in straight form. That's not true. You all go to the party? Well, you went. It's your girlfriend. You went to the party. Did you go to the party?

No, we had a rough night yesterday. Oh, what happened? We got... I'm actually banned from Enterprise Rental Cars. No way. Oh, do you have a Karen-related issue? No, it wasn't my fault. Well, it was my fault.

I got banned like three years ago, and I forgot about it. I never fixed the ban. Why did you get banned? Because I didn't... You know when you have to turn your car back in and you have to pay for gas? Yeah. I didn't pay one time. And what they usually do is just charge your credit card. Yeah. But my credit card expired. Oh.

So they took it to collections and I just never paid it. Oh my God. It's 30 bucks I owe them and they banned me from That's insane. Why fuck it up your credit? That's America, baby. That's good. That's America, god damn it. That's insane. Okay fuck it up your credit? That's America, baby. That's good. That's America, goddammit. That's insane.

Hell yeah. So you landed, and then you went to the rental car place? First off, we went to the wrong enterprise, and then we had to get another Uber. It was a massive... This is so bad. Wait, that's America. No, that's ubiquitous.

That's global. You have to pay for gas in your rental cars wherever you go. Yeah. It's $10 a gallon. That's what they charge. No, I meant... That's not like American fascism. Oh, no, no, no. That. It's $10 a gallon. That's what they charge. No, I meant... That's not like American fashion.

Oh, no, no, no. That's not what I was talking about. I was talking about getting banned for $30. Oh, true, true. That's what I was talking about. Which is true.

That is also ubiquitous. Yeah. Were you banned from the Italian hotel that you refused to pay for? 100%. If I went to that hotel, there's no way I'm checking in

without having to pay I can't go back to Seattle. What? Yeah, I have unpaid tickets there. They arrest me if to that hotel, there's no way I'm checking in without having to pay I can't go back to Seattle. What? Yeah, I have unpaid tickets there. They arrest me if I go back. There's no way they're arresting you in Seattle. How many tickets?

Just a couple. Like for what? There's no tolls in Seattle. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You don't have just parking tickets. You have like moving violations. My man is like a serial drunk driver. He's like,

I got a couple tickets. I was going 90 to 35 in a Lambo. I killed a man. Really? Yeah, Scott has a Minecraft Lamborghini. Oh, that's crazy. Look, Seattle's lawless. Typical Austin show of right-wing propaganda.

It's a lawless wasteland. Yeah, there's no laws. Wasteland. Boarded up windows. One of the most quaint cities I've ever been to in my whole life. It's lawless. It's on fire, right, Austin? It's completely on fire.

You saw it on TV, I think. And it's solely due to the Democrats. Yeah. I agree. They bust down. If you have a brick-and-mortar retail, if you're like a small business owner, okay, black small business owner selling exclusively to orphan children,

they come and they blow your shop up. Yeah. They do, actually. In fact, they have orphanage where they try to gay our children. Yeah, that too. Exclusively gay only orphanages. Yeah. It's fucked up.

And they're only adopting the gay families. That's right. And if you're not gay, they're going to turn you gay. Yeah. We don't talk about politics on the podcast, though. So we won't talk about how Seattle is querifying children. Okay, but I want to hear the story. So you want to happen.

Is it bad for me? Because I beg these people to come to California all the time. And then every time there's a bad... It's been a horrible experience. Yeah, okay. It really has been. Someone ordered this man a sandwich, huh? I made it fucking worse.

Look at this. Upstairs is the two-story building. Once you finally get there it's uh it's enterprise up top and alamo down at the bottom and the people at the top were like i'm sorry you know we can't rent to you you know you're on the you're on the list you know and you're like you know what they just go downstairs you made the list they should be able to help you too so we go downstairs wait in line turns out they're both owned by the same company yep so i was i was banned from both yeah they they own every like there's one car company that owns all of them yeah and sear can't rent because he's a psychopath they were like we won't and we won't rent to anyone in your party whoa that's that now that's that is america right

there so keep in mind this is over 30 and the rental car that i was gonna buy was about 600 bucks for the whole trip. Wait, why would they not rent to anybody in your party? That's insane. That's what they said. That is insane. Now, if I was there, it would have been different. Why didn't Sierra just say, I'm not with him?

Honestly, everyone was drunk but me. Oh. Oh. That's why they wouldn't rent to anybody in your party. Because they were all trash. Just blackout. I'm not with that guy. Home or not together.

But the funny thing is, so once we go downstairs, the guy at the top is like, why would they tell you to come downstairs? That makes no sense. We're the same company. Who said it?

The guy was actually mad. Oh. As we're sitting there trying to figure out what to do next, the guy from downstairs at Alamo walks over and he goes,

you know what, guys? I got a car for you. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, yeah, I know a guy who rents cars. Oh, that's always a bad sign. He was like, do you want it? And Malia's like, yeah, of course. He's like, all right, they'll be here in 15 minutes to pick you up.

Oh, no. Don't look in the trunk. Oh, my God. They hope you out big time. So some lady comes up in plain clothes. She's like, hey, you guys looking for a car? I'm like, yeah. She's like, all right, follow me.

Y'all want a car? And she leads us down this back alley to this 16-seater minivan. Craziest thing ever. And we just drive to some normal, I guess, I don't know. How do you explain it? It's like a normal parking lot? No, it's not like a professional enterprise. It's some random

off-brand place. Okay. And they're like, yeah. And the funny thing is I get in there and I'm signing the papers, they don't have a computer. It's all analog.

Like Fox rent-a-car or something like that? Something like that. Yeah. And they're all just like stamping the papers. They're using, they're stamping shit?

The copy machine is like the one where you copy with presses. You know, like you press really hard. They got like a hand crank. Oh, man. That's sick. Of course, we had to pay more. So it was

even more money to rent the car, but we got it. Yeah, because you're a criminal. You have to pay cash? No, I pay with my credit card in this old machine that looks like they probably ripped my numbers. Needless to say, everybody's just dreading it. So that's why we couldn't We're just dreading it cutie

this gala has probably cost upwards of $6,000 for me to attend $6,000? I've got something to say hey it's for good cause I said this

you're just doing too many events we gotta we gotta stop helping the rainforest so it's had enough I don't even like the rainforest

let it burn is it on fire? I chose an outfit for the gala oh no I chose an outfit for the gala oh no i chose an outfit for the gala and i just found out yesterday after my outfit had been ordered i wanted to dress as an animal rainforest inspired not surprising it's the theme yeah it's rainforest inspired great so i decided i would order a costume well turns out giraffes aren't in the rainforest.

Well, that's not. Here's the thing. Wait. Listen to this. Wait. I thought that was the. Like, I thought you did it on purpose. No, I literally did not know.

I thought giraffes were from the rainforest. What part of the rainforest could a giraffe cohabitate in? It just seemed like I've seen it at Rainforest Cafe. You probably have. Yeah at Rainforest Cafe. You probably have. Yeah, Rainforest Cafe. Do you think Rainforest Cafe is like an accurate depiction of rainforest? I just thought that maybe

they call themselves gorillas. Wait, there's not... Wait, okay, now Rainforest Cafe, I have a whole problem with this. No, you walk into the Rainforest Cafe, there's like a talking gorilla. You think that that's like how it works in the real rainforest?

Well, I don't think they talk, but maybe they're there. Gorillas are in the rainforest. Yes. okay giraffes not in the rainforest like size wise you know think about how that would work there's no elephants there i've seen lion king yeah but i mean no there are elephants in the rainforest but you know what there could be a giraffe i'm with you that's what i'm saying thank you thank you there's an elephant there could be a giraffe i feel like giraffes are rainforest, giraffes are specifically like Serengeti, Africa. You know what I mean? Like we're not talking.

They're not. They're not. How would they? How would they fit? It's this way. It's common ancestry with horses and there are no horses in the rain. That's true. But I didn't think that deep on it.

It also got like a full ass costume. Dude, you know what's crazy? I also got a costume and my costume got delayed and is not getting here. And Caroline bought a full costume and it got delayed and it's not getting here. I've ruined the, I've ruined. So we're over a thousand dollars in the hole in costumes

that will not be here. I, on the other hand, did not buy a costume at all because I knew that it would have an issue. I knew that there'd be issues. I overnighted my giraffe costume and it got here on time. Isn't your giraffe costume just like a Snuggie? Yeah. It's a full male adult.

You're just wearing a Snuggie? Wait, is that a little out of line? I mean, it's a gala, but. What are you wearing, Nick? I have a pink suit. Oh, like a pink suit. Oh, like a flamingo. Yeah, in the rainforest with the giraffes.

Well, look, this is going to be very embarrassing. Is there a red carpet? Yes. Fuck. No, no, no, no. Don't tell him that. He's just going to freak the fuck out now. And now he's going to be like, I need. Here's what I'm saying.

This is your outfit. You can break the internet. Long with just a long tube on your cock. George of the Jungle. It was an anaconda. Anaconda? Or a toucan. Anaconda.

But, but, but, it has to go all the way to the ground. You have to be slinging dong. I'm going to stick with the giraffe and I'm going to stuff my pants. I could be both. I'm going to be a giraffe with a huge cock. Giraffes have huge cocks.

Yeah, they do. They do. Yes, 100%. I don't even know, but I know. Well, once I found out gorillas don't have huge cocks, it, they do. Yes, 100%. I don't even know, but I know. Once I found out gorillas don't have huge cocks, it kind of blew my mind. You know what? I'm going to go as a giraffe that married an anaconda

and moved to the rainforest. I think the reason, dude, the total length of the penis is 71 centimeters. I don't know how many inches is that, guys? That's like, wait, look at, somebody has it on their wall like a stuffed. 27 inches? That's like... Wait, look at... Somebody has it on their wall like a stuffed... 27 inches! That's a huge car!

28 inches. That is really big. Yeah, that's a big boy. That's a big boy. Well, good for us. The thing is, gorillas don't have to have big penises because they dominate by fighting.

So then it's like... Yeah, but do you ever think that maybe they're overcompensating by fighting so much? I think that the evolutionary reason... What's considered big for a gorilla? Like...

Gorillas have like micro... They have micro dicks, yeah. Yeah, it blew my mind too. Because they kill like all of the other betas to become the alpha anyway. So then they're like they don't need...

Like there's no... One inch. There's no sexual competition in the gorilla field. Also, I think there's a lot of dick ripping in the simian. What is a dick ripping? Like ripping each other's dicks off, balls off. Wait, that is not real.

Hold on. You're telling me the bigger cock that a human has, that means that their genetics are more superior. Look at his face. A guy with a small cock can be like, I'm hung like a gorilla. That is cool. That's awesome. Why are you dabbing him up?

Is that what you're going to say to people going forward? Why'd you get excited? First of all, I know you want to see my penis. But it's... Oh, I didn't even tell you. I'm above average. I didn't even tell you. When did you know?

Austin fucked up. Show showing me his camera roll last night I saw some dick oh my god oh man yo hey and you said

and you pulled me to the scene and you said that's a nice cock I did cause that's what friends do wait he said I've been telling you this forever wait I need to see your cock

right now yeah behind the paywall behind the paywall I will show you my cock yeah I need to see it that's crazy it Yeah. Behind the paywall. Behind the paywall, I will show you my cock. Yeah, I need to see it. That's crazy. It's not like fully on display, but you can see it.

That's crazy. I won't see it. I'm so sorry. No, QD has to see it too. I didn't take a picture. I was, it was a mirror photo. He's a gay man. But like, trades and photos.

It's in their nature. I'm so confused. It's in their nature. You've been dating Milena for so long. Have you ever sent nudes? No. What? No. You've never dating Milena for so long. Have you ever sent nudes? No. What? No.

You've never sent a single nude? No. I don't send nudes either. You know what? No. Go craft a tasteful photo of your balls. And send it to us. And send it to me for the payoff.

Because feet were enough for me. You know this. Wait, you. What? Wait. I'm sorry. Hold on. Yeah, but my feet are fucked up.

My feet aren't good enough for me. But they're yours and they're special. Wait, do you like that? Like fucked up feet? He's your feet guy. No, I like my friend's feet. He doesn't like my feet though. Oh, you know what?

No, when Chance got the rub lotion on him, I was... Wait, would you... You could craft a pair of feet in a lab. Melanus. Okay. Okay. What features? They're like kind of manly.

Wait, would you like... Oh my God, we're doing this we're doing this behind the paywall Nick is going to raid our feet yeah let's do it

that's awesome I love that yes I'm pretty sure Austin's gonna have the best feet I don't know actually I haven't

I haven't had a pedicure so do you like when people like walk on you no like to sniff would you like it you said that weirdly

like have you have you ever thought about it like what would it be like I don't know I used to walk on my dad when weirdly. Have you ever thought about it? What would it be like? I don't know. I used to walk on my dad when I was younger, but that's about it. That's not. Do you like feet in your mouth?

No. I just like feet pictures. Especially the ones that QT sends me. I think he's lying. I just send him feet pictures. I think he's lying. I think he's not lying. I've sent him Alinity's feet.

I've sent him Maya's feet. Why are you? What the fuck? Why are you facilitating feet pics for've sent him Maya's feet. Why are you... What the fuck? Why are you facilitating feet pics for this man? That's what a good friend does. You like a foot dealer? What are you doing? Yeah, she's out here cobbling feet.

What about Maya's? Have you sold Maya's feet pics today? I've sent him Maya's feet pics. Have you done charge for it? No. But you see, he spent like $6,000 coming to LA. Oh my God, that's how he hits everyone here. I love how feet are so asexual

that we don't mind just peddling our friend's feet. Wait, does Maya know that you sent her his feet? I think she was there. Oh. Yeah. Nick, let me ask you this question. Do you think foot guys fucked up by giving the game away

and letting everybody in on it? And then now women pay you all it? I've been doing this for years. Sure. Like back in Chance's... I've been doing this my years. I've been doing this my whole adult life, baby. Chance used to go around school and take pictures of feet and send them to me. That's crazy.

That's a good friend. It's so weird because it's borderline. I feel like it's a violation, but it's a foot. But no one cares, though. Yeah. It's like a hand. It's like literally, yeah. Oh, he's taking photos of people's hands and sending them to me. No one's going to be like, wow, that's really fucked up. It's something that hand. It's like literally. Yeah. Oh, he's taking photos of people's hands and like sending into me like no one's gonna be like, wow, that's really fucked up.

It's like something that you can see. Did I ever tell you when I had my foot epiphany? No. What's it? What does that mean? Okay. This is a very. Oh, I know.

I know where he's going. Interesting story. I was there. I've never found feet attractive in my life. Really? I've never. Okay. Yeah.

I've never. Until. There's always a moment no there is there is Politicon and what was the name I forget her

Tommy Lauren Tommy Lauren oh it was like kind of the devil incarnate but I was like sitting front row to like support my friend

like debate sitting next to Katie Hopkins who was like basically like a white supremacist terrorist I was like debate come on Hathan do it debate yeah and I noticed something oh I noticed she was wearing Basically like a white supremacist terrorist. I was like, debate. Come on, Hathan. Do it.

Debate. Yeah. And I noticed something. Oh. I noticed she was wearing these like white, beautiful shoes. And inside me, there was a confusion. I was like, her feet are very... There it is.

And it's the only time it's ever happened to me. Can you Google them? And I felt like a deep, palpable shame. Tommy Lauren foot pics? I don't want that on my Google search, man. Look up Tommy Lauren Politicon. There's definitely photos of her at Politicon. Was it?

Were you excited at the idea of her taking her fucking horny? I don't know. Maybe. Oh, no. He's going to get horned up, dude. Wait. Debating Hassan. No, no, no. I didn't debate hered up, dude. Wait, debating Hassan. No, no, no. I didn't debate her. Who did she debate?

She debated Anna Kasparian. Oh, that's it. Yeah, there it is. Those are the ones. The red ones right there. Yeah. Yeah. In the red suit. That was started. Wait, let me zoom in on that. That was up. Yeah, pull those up, Billy Ray Burns. Wait.

Yeah, those were it. Her feet looked great. Wait, which one? You can't even tell her feet in this. Was she? I feel like it. Did you ever debate her again? No, I don't think it was the Anna Kasparian one.

I think it was a different one. I think you liked your shoes, Will. I don't know. Where's her feet? I think you're sexually attracted to snakes. No, I swear to you. It was another event where she was there then. Yeah, yeah, she did a bunch of stuff.

I'm not really into feet, but sometimes when you're in your face, you gotta touch it, you know, suck on them. Anyway, it was a moment for me. Yep. It was like a whole thing. You can't tell you

the sexiest foot position? We were so demonetized. Wait, there's a foot position? So, and this is mostly for girls. Mostly for girls. Men have feet too. too right but men's feet aren't the same okay you did say that you like your favorite feet were a masculine foot i guarantee austin has nicer so i don't think so sometimes if you're fucked can we tell you when it is yeah so let's say like a girl's going to a bathroom and the way it does is sometimes she'll sit down yep there it

is when the feet are arched like this and you can see the arch in the foot it is by far the best you're like a real I feel like that's

a real foot guy because I don't like I don't like go around looking for like I just like looking I don't like touching too much

I don't like that's me in armpits yeah I like armpits too what do you mean by that oh how about now this is back okay weird What do you mean by that? Oh.

How about now? It's back. Okay. Weird. That's like me and armpits. Yeah. I like armpits, like on men specifically, but I don't like to do anything with them. I like the aesthetic.

I like the look. It's accessory. You don't want to nuzzle up in one? I mean, sometimes I do. Sometimes I sleep. Oh, you lick them? Ew. I tell you what, my life would be so much easier if I was a foot or armpit guy because they're just on display.

What are you, though? Titty guy. Really? He's a big titty guy. Really? He's about as, not basic, but like you're primal. I'm primal. He's primal.

No kissing, just fucking and titties. Yeah. And sometimes both at the same time. I'm a faceman. Faceman. Yeah, yeah. He's all about face. What about you, Kate? Yeah. I'm a faceman. Faceman. Yeah, yeah. He's all about face. What about you, Kate?

Yeah. I'm a personality man. Shut the fuck up. Okay. I am. You like jocks. No, if I showed you guys all my exes, you'd be like, what the? None of them look alike at all.

Yeah, but they all suck. You talk shit about them all the time. Do any of them look like shit? No, one of them was nice. No, God. So their personalities are dog shit for the most part. No, uh-uh. They're usually nice at the beginning.

Why have you talked so much shit about them then? Yeah. What else am I supposed to do with my time? Cutie, if I was a straight man, would you date me? Yeah. What? What? Really?

If we had a good personality, we'd hang out. Cutie, if we were straight men, would you date us? Yeah. You guys haven't wooed me. You haven't tried to- I literally woo you every day. This is literally. Guys, I just need to build Austin up.

Gay men are superior. Let him have it. See, that's crazy. I'm just saying. You know what? Ludwig is pretty gay though. I'm just gonna. Will you guys.

Oh, I have beef with Ludwig. Wow. I have beef with Ludwig. Me too. Me too. Me too, actually. I don't know if you even know this. I sent Ludwig a text.

A dick pic. Very tasteful. I was like, one to ten. No, I sent him a text and I was like, Ludwig, would you do me a huge favor? I'm really, really busy and I need you to please invite all the members of the yard to my birthday. Oh, yeah. He messed up. Didn't invite a single one of them.

He didn't even tell them I was having a birthday. He didn't even show up himself. So Aiden came up to me at my birthday and was like, I'm so sorry, we all really wanted to go and we thought you didn't invite us. Yeah, because you invited everyone through Ludwig and then you sent Nick an invite, but Nick couldn't actually go

and Nick didn't realize that anyone else was included in that invite. So the one person that's good at comms is Nick. He is really good at comms but he didn't know that it was communal and then Ludwig, bad at comms, didn't tell Aiden who loves parties. Ludwig didn't even come either, right?

No, Ludwig didn't come. I don't know why. Well, not to jump on the... Because he's a bad guy. Okay, can we just say that? So let's capitalize on his suffering. Chess boxing canceled. Any comments?

That's why I'm mad. That's my favorite event. That's your favorite event? It's a good event. My friend Extra Emily was going to literally get CTE. I was hoping for it. Yeah, Sandwich was going to kill Extra Emily. And viewership was going to go crazy.

Well, it's not his fault. We can still make that happen. I could like bludgeon her or something. OTK needed that. I have a question. Would it be easier to sanction if we just get rid of the stupid fucking chess? Let's just get rid of the stupid fucking

chess. Well, that's on him. You gotta tell him that. He's such a fucking nerd. He loves the chess. He can't let go of the chess. Let's just let these players be the shit out of each other. I think it would be easier to get rid of the chess. Instead of chess boxing, why doesn't he do fucking pure... You can't let go of the chest? Let's just let these men Yeah, I think it could... I think it would be easier to get... Instead of chest boxing,

why doesn't he do fucking smash boxing like he did? Well, that's harder to get sanctioned than chest boxing. Hasan and I will promise to do a round of Turkish oil wrestling at the event. No. Yes, it's for charity.

Dude, I would... Butthole hooks. Chest boxing is not for charity. Cock headlocks. Butthole hooks? Yes. Yeah. You've never seen Turkish oil wrestling?

Oh, you weren't here when we were looking at... Dude, we always look at geisha when you're not around. Wait, wait. Yes. You've never seen Turkish Roller Wrestling? Oh, you weren't here when we were looking at... Dude, we always look at gay shit when you're not around. Wait, you looked at buttholes when I wasn't here? Dude, when you're not around, we look at the gayest stuff.

Can I talk about buttholes for a minute? No. Yes. All right. Yes, no? I'm down. Okay.

I don't care. Look, for some reason, I've been getting DMs lately and it'll start with hello and then two days later if I don't respond, butthole. But then you do respond. No, I don't respond but it's like there's something about... But you look at it.

Some people think... I'm setting my butthole. Please respond. No, like I say hello and they think, well, that's not enough. So they just throw a Hail Mary and just show full hole. It's happened on numerous occasions. Can I ask you something? You see a butthole and you're like, that's a perfect butthole. Like, that gets you going or no?

I usually will. If I don't respond, if I see you like and it's not doing it for me and you show me your butthole, usually it's not going to get there. Talk to me about what a perfect butthole pick looks like. Oh, you know what we should do in the paywall portion? Look at buttholes? No. Farm one of your twinks for feet picks and see if Nick likes it like what what hey twinks yes send me some feet i can't that's optically isn't

a great yeah i agree that is not a good you think i should go on my story hey twinks um no you got twinks on your roll you're a coward you're a coward and that's why you won't do it but that's fine um wait you want my question howard but that's fine. My question for you is like, when you see a butthole, when someone sends you a butthole pic, is it straight hole, or do you like to see the ass and the lower back? It can't be too close to the hole.

It just looks like a sandworm. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't think it'd be too close. I think the perfect, excuse me, cutie. I think the perfect butthole photo would be like one that would be, I'd say it needs to have butt in it. Yeah, like the rest of the butt.

Yeah, the rest of the butt. And then also like the lower back. But what about the personality? Like you don't, like, and I don't mean, I don't mean like in a, in a gay way. I mean like personality isn't like, like the angle, like, uh, the legs. Like, do you care about that? Cause like, I'm, I'm thinking about it from my own perspective. If some, if someone was just like, here's my vagina click. And then like, they just sent me their pussy.

I have a good, as much as I love pussies. I feel like that'd be weird. What? I'll find it. Like a butt hole. Like of you. Yeah. Oh, shit.

What the? Whoa! She can only show it to me because I'm the only one that won't do anything. I'll see if it's actually a good butt pic. What the fuck?

You took a butthole pic? No, it's not my butthole. Hassan, I got a really good picture of my cock. You want to see it? Yes. I'm trying to find it. It's hard to really say,

but tasteful, it'd be nice. And then also, I have to find you attractive before I see your butthole. Okay. That's somewhat informative. Sorry. Sorry to derail the conversation. Wait, can you pierce your butthole?

Oh, my God. Yes, I think so. Like, with piercings? That would make it not functional. Bro, people pierce their dicks and shit. Why wouldn't you be able to pierce, like, your sphincter or whatever? Why are you asking me? I'm making you uncomfortable. No, people pierce their dicks and shit. Why wouldn't you be able to pierce like your sphincter or whatever? Why are you asking me? I'm making you uncomfortable.

No, you're not. Listen, I am more like you probably than the rest of them. Dude, stop Googling shit that shows up on my fucking Google search results, man. Oh, shut up. What is this searching?

Your Google search is chalked. The CIA is already watching you. No, but like, if I'm on stream and I click on Google, I don't want anal piercing to come up first. I'm sorry. Dancing on a rooftop. Wait, those are belly buttons.

No, I think those are... I told you. It's safe search. Yeah, no, people are piercing their goochies. That's not sexy. I'm sorry. That would hurt. How do you take it out, though?

Ooh. That just sucks. I don't fucking know. I don't understand why people would do that. That's disgusting. Okay. All right. All right.

Let's move away from this subject. Yeah, sorry. You had a fun little story from last night. Will. Huh? In the bathroom. A fun little bathroom story. This is funny.

So I went to the bathroom, and the bathroom was communal. Both male and female. Because California's woke. Yeah. Wait, was there like a private area that you could urinate? No, there was just a piss trench that we were on. Women were like popping a squat on it. That happens at the old hockey arena in Detroit, but yeah.

That's insane. No, it's true. There were like five stalls within a bathroom that had like sinks. So there's one communal line and the line was very long yes i was in this line and i was there were three girls in front of me and one of them was like yeah and i just seen that hassan was there and the other girls were like who's this on and she's like that famous guy is so hot and she's like trying to describe what he does to these other two girls and i am like shoulder to shoulder with them and i'm kind of like this is funny and she's going through and to further explain than whatever made-up job he has to them uh she goes on his instagram and she

starts scrolling and i'm almost positive she hit a photo of the two of us together and i'm standing there and the conversation immediately goes quiet and she puts her phone away and there was like this this deafening silence between us as i'm trying not to like make eye contact or look at them oh and I think she was hiding deep and palpable shame because she realized that his best friend was directly next to her. You should have jumped in and been like, yeah, he's hot. I've been trying to fuck him for years. So was her birthday, were there people there that you didn't know?

I just wanted to say, still got a baby. Oh, it was like club. Oh, I didn't know. I got hit on by a couple women last night. Did you? Yeah, it was uncomfortable. Oh. Yeah, right.

Yeah, right, it was uncomfortable. You love it, you slut. Get the fuck out of here. You can't even hide it. This is him. This is like him when he tries to talk about fucking eating poorly. Yeah.

I mean, look, no. They came up to me. Oh, I had an acai bowl. Oh, so dirty. Look, they came up to me, and well, one, somebody knew I was gay, but introduced me to this wonderful young lady. And it was just uncomfortably, at a certain point, the conversation was just so dumb. I have never heard a wonderful young lady sound so fucking dirty.

No, he's such a Frankie Valli in the Four Seasons guy that he talks like that. A wonderful young lady. Okay, cutie, are you mining crypto or are you looking for a butt photo? Just type bite butt in your search bar. I tried. Just go take another one.

It's actually not a very good photo. Just go take another one. I remembered it differently. Oh, you're ashamed of your butt photo? It's subpar? No, cutie, that is sexy. Wait, can we see? No, cutie, that is sexy.

This is unfair. That's a sexy butt. Wait, you took like a, wait, is it? Cutie, that is sexy photo. I thought it was like. My feet are in it too. I'll show you my feet. I'm not going to tell.

What? Yeah. Wait, how is your butt in that photo? Oh, it's artistic. The feet are towards us. You should post that. Wait, what the fuck? It's? Oh, it's artistic. The feet are towards us. You should post that. Wait, what the fuck? It's over her shoulder.

I got a big butt. I don't think people realize. Did you take like an artistic nude? Yeah, it was very artistic. It was very artistic. I sent it to a boy. A boy? Like not the boy?

I think it was before Ludwig's time. What the fuck? Has he seen it? You should show it to him. You should send it to him right now. Actually, that's fair as fuck, because I took a video of my dick once, and it's so hyped that I kept it.

Well, I just don't delete anything. It's not one I sent to Caroline. Is it the one with the strobe lights? So your dick looks like- Wait, you guys show each other dick pics? No. Come on. Maybe.

Why do you care? No, it's this one where I'm pulling down a waistband, and I'm like 60%. So when the waistband eclipses the head, there's like a little jump a little bit. Wait, it was a gif? I mean, look at him. He's so horny. Yeah, he licked his lips. What the fuck, dude?

He licked his lips. Dude, stop it. I'm spraying you with water. What the fuck? No, I'm just- You can't get What the fuck, dude? He licked his lips. Dude, stop it. I'm spraying you with water. What the fuck? No, I'm just... You can't get that into it, dude. Look at your face. He has to take his jacket off.

Oh, no. What the fuck? It's fine. No, no. He likes my butt. I didn't know there was a group. Is it better now? How about now?

I was going to say, is there like a group chat what is wrong with you how is it possible I think Austin's magnetized yeah I think so is there like a group chat going around with dicks being sent in it or something yeah and you're just not allowed

Nick has never taken a dick pic Nick take a dick pic and show us I've been in a relationship so long how it's not good it's it's super small a wee bit hairy and it's just going a bit hairy it's going to the left you can do that mine curves a little bit too can i can i ask you something i hang left too do you beat right i beat with the right hand you gotta switch it up that that balances it out are you serious yeah this whole time You guys don't know that? No.

You got to switch hit or else you develop a curve. Wait, so you mean people that have perfectly straight penises are ambidextrous? Well, I'm just saying it helps with the curve. Did you have a curve at one point and you corrected it? Well, if you bait furiously, you can throw a bend in that bad boy. Oh, that's probably what happened. I feel like the way I'm pulling it would be... Dude, my mind goes the opposite way.

Okay, Travis, Kelsey, and Taylor Swift, let's get into it. Oh, my God. I feel like the way I'm pulling it would be. Dude, this is. This is. Okay. Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift. Let's get into it. Oh, my God. I'm cutting the fucking dick conversation. I'm just here. No. It's what you guys talk about. You.

You did this somehow. It's you. You are the problem. Yeah. I didn't. Okay. It's such a fat one. It's such a fat story because like there's a lot of different walking parts.

There's a lot of different, parts there's a lot of different uh you know components to the to the saga uh i learned so much about taylor swift this week that i did not want to know at all she's just so famous she ate chicken with ranch and ketchup i believe seemingly ranch and then the empire state building lit up in red and white in honor of that and heinz has made a new fucking flavor, ranch and ketchup. Called Seemingly Ranch. Why is she so popular? Out of, because of Taylor Swift? White women.

Yeah, so what happened was. Cutie, I do want to talk about one thing though. Oh. Do you now think that maybe Taylor Swift is emulating your life in that she's now decided to date a jock? It's so bad. Do you want to hear something? Do you want to want to hear something so sad wait this is actually sad is so taylor swift is doing a premiere of her concert october 11th yes and and i saved the date

i know top spotify listeners got an an invite i know get a plus one you're not a top spotify listener no because you fucking lame ass the problem is my spotify is all buried down because i use the same spotify for stream with dmca free shit so it's like oh you deserve it so i wait deserve it and so then i'm like so devastated i'm like oh my gosh and then uh so then i go to my agency and i said hey agency i'm not famous enough to get an invite but i will use any of my friends. I will use them as a Trojan horse. Who'd you put up there?

I said, you want Hassan there? You want Ludwig there? You want Valkyrie there? You want Bella Porch there? I'll get her there. What about your host? You guys were not on your podcast. You didn't mention yourself.

I said, Will Knapp and I. Why wouldn't you say me? I'm the only one with a connection with the NFL. Because the NFL doesn't matter. This is their concert. I bet you the NFL cares now. I bet the NFL has some tickets now. I don't know what's going on.

You messed up. Maybe. No, no. Travis Kelsey, you're up 400%. I gave a whole list of people. I was like, I will use them. I will use. I was going to use you guys up.

Use us. I wanted to. But then they said, I will use them. I will use. I was going to use you guys up. Use us. I wanted to. But then they said, none of your friends are famous enough. Fair. Wow. And then Taylor Nation, which is a fan club, also sent out tickets. And I was like, me, me, me. I didn't get one.

So I'm still not going to the premiere. Taylor Swift is going to be there. And she encouraged everyone to wear reputation-esque outfits. And that's my favorite album. Outfits. Wait, that's the one where it's kind of like wearing black and brown, right? Can I say something? That's the part of the concert.

Maybe you should try harder in being a Taylor Swift fan. Damn! This is crazy. Because I got an invite. You didn't. I am in the top fans. No, you didn't. On Spotify.

Why do you like her so much? I need to like something. I got an invite. You didn't. I am in the top fans. No, you didn't. On Spotify. You did not get an invite. Why do you like her so much? I need to like something. So is she like the Andrew Tate for white women? Wow. Wow. Wow. That's such a lock, dude.

What the fuck? She's like cool. She's not like sexist. But don't they think that he's cool and not sexist too? Yeah, but she's like actually not. No, no. I would say Taylor Swift's footprint on the planet or negative footprint is not as bad. But her carbon footprint is pretty bad.

She technically is worse than Andrew Tate in that regard. I'm saving the rainforest on behalf of her carbon footprint. Wait, you got all of your fucking streamer friends on your scheme? for her private jet? Yeah. I spent $6,000 because of Taylor Swift's private jet?

You love this. Oh, man. You are doing this for Taylor Swift, actually? She's doing like a carbon credit swap. I'll be honest. I'm not,

but I thought it'd be funny to say out loud. So maybe I'll run with it. Yes, I am. I don't think that her, is her carbon footprint really that bad? It's really bad.

It's really bad. She like basically operates a fleet of private jets. It's pretty cool. No, it's not. If a man was doing it, you wouldn't get mad. Wait, wait, hold on. Yes, I would. They'd just be flying.

Maybe not. Is it bad? Is it bad? If you as a person fly like on Delta, are you contributing? You also have a carbon footprint. Yes, your carbon footprint is pretty bad too. Wait, like your carbon footprint is actually terrible.

But I'm flying, I'm like flying. You fly weekly. No, I know, a carbon footprint. Yes, your carbon footprint is pretty bad too. Wait, like your carbon footprint is actually terrible. But I'm flying. I'm like flying. You fly weekly. No, I know, but I'm- The plane's going to go without you anyways. That's what I was going to say. I'm flying public transportation. Your contribution is normally marginal because-

Did you just say planes are public transportation? Yes, it's the public transportation equivalent of the sky. What else is there? It's a public- Trains, but doesn't matter. Of the sky. Excuse you. Yeah, trains would be better, but- Trains aren't in the sky what else is there it's a pub i'm sitting there but doesn't matter sky uh yeah trains would be better but aren't in the sky okay uh yeah that's why it's cooler listen to me technically while your contribution is is a fraction of taylor swift because the reason why private jets are bad is because it's literally flying one person as opposed

to like 100 or 200 so that's what i said okay eight people instead of fucking you know 200 every time sometimes yes they fly she's not even on them eight people plus dogs in comparison to 200 plus also all the commerce that happens with uh commercial aviation uh in the like that's how you do deliveries as well now you travel so much yeah that you are like one you're not like a taylor swift but you travel so much that it almost like evens out to basically flying private a lot are you thinking i'm like taylor swift no awesome you're like taylor swift you know what i think i think like taylor i did not say that like taylor myself and taylor we both bring so much joy

to the world it offsets our carbon footprint that's insane can all of you text your agents and see if we can get tickets do you want me to text Billy Jones yes

yeah text Billy Jones on our behalf if you do that I will come and live in your house for a week and be on your stream every day

you should ask me Rob if he has tickets no that's not what I want I love that that's the that's the sales point he wants me to get on the airplane I'll text Billy Jones at Brill that just merged with Wasserman that that's the sales point. He wants me to get on an airplane. I'll text Billy Jones at Brill.

I just merged with Wasserman. Yes, that's a huge connection. And now has the biggest arm in probably the town. Wait, stop with your... I'm not negotiating with a terrorist. You have the same agent. Text him. Wait, but no, hold on.

He's going to try to get me on an airplane. God damn it. And then you have to fly to LA. You gassed me up. Or then you have to live in LA. I showed you me up. Or then you have to live in LA. I showed you my butt. She did show me her butt. You have the same agent.

I know. Will has more pull. I'll text him. What is it? Will has more pull. It's an NFL deal. I do have more pull. You need a Spotify deal.

No, it doesn't matter. I'm saying with his manager, he has more pull. Probably. That's not. Who's that? Probably could get that done for pull. Probably. That's not. Who's that? Probably can get that done for you. Billy. Cutie, what you're doing right now is crazy.

Yeah, you are. Just shake my hand. Hey, Billy. It's me, Austin. Well, you're not actually doing this. Do we have any connections that could. What you're doing is fraud. Will, I don't know.

What should I do? Two tickets to. Will, what should I do? She has my phone. Take the phone away from her. that could get two tickets to take the phone away from her. No, I can't. She's a lady. She's not doing anything wrong. Take the phone away from her.

It's your phone. I can't touch a lady. Cutie, get what you want. Get what you want, girl. Nick, how do you like the podcast, by the way, so far? Because this is literally what we do when we have guests over.

We just kind of don't talk to them. It just seems like a whole bunch of friends. I can't touch a lady. Take the phone away. I will never put my hands on a woman. Rip it away from her.

Oh, fuck. I feel like I'm in high school again. You are bad. You're bad person. Use us up like a fucking. For Taylor Swift, I will do that.

Yes. It's the only time. I'm so sorry. Should I stop throwing events? Dude, dude. Text Billy right now and be like, no, only through me.

Not through Austin. We need more events, to be honest. I can do that after the fact. Block it. Also, those tickets are going to Austin. No. He will take me. Austin and I might have to go. I took him to the box.

Give them to E-Rob. He loves Taylor Swift. I also took E-Rob to the box. This is the ultimate pull-up. Wait, E-Rob has been in your box and not us? That's fucked up. That's Despicable you had a great we're gonna be the last people in cuties box What if we all go to Canada for her life?

Fly to Canada for her last concert. I'm trying to get a box Wait hold on what from what part of Canada We're going to Canada? Of all the places. She's getting on a plane. She's getting on a plane. Wait, hold on. From what part of Canada? Toronto. Oh, yes. I've never been to Toronto.

He's like the twinks. Yeah, he's like, oh. Look. No. The twinks in Toronto? Is there something special about them? You made it seem like you're excited. There's twinks.

There's special. Twinks are special all around the globe. Back to the matter at hand. Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift, her best boyfriend yet, right? Can all agree? Rank them. Taylor Lautner is the best one. He was honestly, he's like a homie.

Any songs? Any songs about Taylor? Oh, yeah. Back to December is about Taylor Lautner. And it's like the only song where she's ever apologized for being a really shitty girlfriend. Damn. Is she a shitty girlfriend? She was with Taylor Lautner. So the best guy she's dated, she was horrible too.

Yeah, but she was also a teenager. Didn't he kind of like go down like a dark spiral and he's kind of like weird now? Taylor Lautner? No, he's like chill. Podcast is a wife. Oh, are you sure? Or the wife has a teenager. Didn't he kind of like go down like a dark spiral and he's kind of like weird now? I don't know. He's like chill. Podcast is a wife. Oh, are you sure? Or the wife has a podcast? Anyway, Travis Kelsey, very hot. Travis Kelsey's hot. I think he looks like he's from Idaho. He looks, wait, first of all,

men from Idaho are hot. I will defend Burley boys. Excuse me. Travis Kelsey is gorgeous. I don't like him. He's awesome. I will say this lovingly. I think he's not cute. He is without her career out of her league in terms of like. Oh, like if she wasn't Taylor Swift, he's saying if she was like a normal person.

Yeah. He's like one of the hottest men alive. He's a stud. What? He's such a stud. You guys think he's that hot? I think his brother's better looking. Pull up his stats.

Pull up his stats right now. Pull up his stats. Guys, I don't think he is attractive. Just say Travis Kelsey stats and it'll show up. I thought you liked jocks his stats. Guys, I don't think he is attractive. Just say Travis Kelsey's stats, and it'll show up. I thought you liked jocks. Look at that. Travis Kelsey in the slot. Look at that images.

Pull that up. Show that to the stream. Slot stats are so good. Okay. I also want to know how big is he? How big is he? What's his size? I think he's like 6'6".

Whoa. Ace big boy. Dude, no way. Really? Oh, dude. That's? Oh, that's not. Those guys are cute. Those are random people. That's sexy.

That's what it is. That's just. No. What are you doing? You have straight vision, Marsh. He's right there. I can't tell what he looks like. Okay, anyway, I want to see how burly he is.

I want to see. Look up Travis Kelsey height and weight. Do you watch football, Nick? I got a buddy of mine that played with this guy. I mean. Can he get me tickets to the premiere on October 11th? Go to all? He probably could.

Yeah. I don't think he could. He's 6'5", 250 pounds, which is, by the way, you know, around my size, almost exactly to a T. I'm six foot four, 245 pounds. I'm just saying, like. What's Taylor Swift's height and weight? I got love for big boys.

Taylor's beautiful. Taylor's beautiful. I just want to say that I know a lot of women. She's 5'9". I know a lot of women who consider Travis Kelsey, like, one of the best looking men on the planet. Really? I don't think he's cute.

I feel like. She's not 5'11". Yeah, no, she's tall. I know. I he's like, I feel like she's not five 11. Yeah, no, she's tall. I know. I have a picture next to her. She's not five 11. Wait,

you sit, you've met her. Yeah. Didn't you literally tell her that you named your dog after her or something? Oh, I forgot, but they're very cute couple.

They're a cute couple. And it's nice. He's been really respectful and something he's been doing, which is like feeding the fandom, which is very cute of him is.'s crazy to me yeah maybe she was slouching and when i took a picture with her it's 5 10 to 5 11 okay go on the uh he's been really sweet because uh he won't like say too much about stuff which is nice and in interviews he's been like dropping her lyrics which is kind of it's just sweet it's just sweet compared to like he's the first one that's been like actively talking about her in a positive light compared

to like before that joe alwyn was kind of just like i don't like i don't want to like so the people who this is biggest for are hassan and i because hassan burly boys are back, baby. We are changing the meta. Timothy Charlemagne is out. Fuck you, Timothy. Bitch ass. Weird having. Low voice. Man's man.

Long dick slinging men are back, baby. Let's go. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men. Yeah. No. This is not good for me. No, look. I think you are not a part of this conversation i think you are not a part of this conversation you are you have tailored your entire life around one destroying twinks and also looking trying to

look like a twink yeah i look first you are a traitor to the cause i am not you could be burly if you want i don't look like a twink no i know i said trying to look i'm not even trying anymore to an old man they would think you're a twink. To an old man. Well, thank you. Okay. All I'm trying to say is you are a betrayer of the cause. You've never grown your beard.

You're a fucking coward. I don't want to grow my beard because I feel like I'll lose. You would look good. To me, if I grow my beard, I'll lose the people I'm attracted to. That's not true. Burly boys, stonks. The people you're attracted to, who are they attracted to? Yes, you.

But you're 6'4", 240. It doesn't matter. If you grew a beard, you would look grisly. You could grow anything and they'd be like, you need to grow a beard. You need to grow a beard.

100%. You need to grow a beard. The four of you all grow a beard for November. No shave November. I can't grow a beard. Is this going to be like a gala situation again? What's going on? And then we're going to have a competition December 1st. Every time she says this, I just assume there's a presentation happening. I can't grow a beard. Is this going to be like a Gala situation again? What's going on? And then we're going to have a competition.

Every time she says this, I just assume there's a presentation happening. I'm not growing a beard, but I could outgrow both of you. What? And a beard growing. It's Turkish. And a beard growing. I'm Lebanese. Yeah, no.

Dude, that five o'clock shadow is from this morning. Dude, I'm Lebanese. I could outgrow. Yeah, no. I know. I can tell from your five o'clock shadow that you do have a powerful

facial hair opportunity and it's very odd one day you're gonna fucking bite the bullet and you're gonna do it and then you're gonna be like I never I don't know why

I didn't do this my whole life the amount of twink pussy that I passed up on is unimaginable but

there's lots of options for me right now. It doesn't matter. There's even higher shelves that you haven't hit. There's like a fringe group of twinks that are like, we're not talking to him.

Holding out. No, I think that there's always a higher shelf that you can reach. And on the highest shelf is Travis Kelsey. Yeah. Yeah, he's not my type,

but you know, I thought you liked jocks. I don't, I don't have, I don't have a type. I've explained this a thousand times. I just like personalities. Oh, are you saying

his personality is not nice? He seems to be very sweet. He seems to be nice. I would have to like talk to him. I'd have to be, you have to be, okay, this how, no, to be attracted to him.

You guys don't understand. I'm actually personality based and you guys have great personalities, but I've never been in the guys don't understand. I'm actually personality based. And you guys have great personalities, but I've never been in the mindset. And even you, I just said it. I've never been in the mindset where I'm like, okay, I'm actively like dating this person. Like if you and I were to go on a date, maybe you could woo me. If you and I could go on a date, maybe we would woo me.

Probably could. But yeah, because he's funny. Honestly, if you're funny, that's all it takes. I'm pretty easy. So wait, Ludwig, not really funny. How does that work? Well, actually, the first time we hung out, I did not like him. Really?

Yeah. What about him? He farted as a joke. That's pretty funny. And it wasn't funny. Never mind. Think about coffee. For the first time you hang out?

Yeah. We were just hanging out as friends, for the record. I won't fart in front of i just met him but it's a bold move it was i i left that trip and i was like that guy sucks so did he do did he like force it out yeah oh my god he like farted and he goes what was that pull my finger oh he didn't do it pull my finger that would have been even funnier if like you participated in the fart i'll be honest that the fact that he came back from that is pretty impressive. I mean, that's boss mode.

He's like, you guys don't. I don't think you guys could ever give Ludwig enough credit. You've seen me. I'm neurotic. He is so patient with me. He's so good to me. It's insane. I don't deserve how good he is to me.

No, I see that. He's insane. I definitely see that. My last boyfriend broke up with me. My last boyfriend, yeah, he broke up with me because he hated my anxiety and depression. Judy, you picked up poop with your hand. He was so great.

I did do that. You picked up your own fecal matter with your hand. Wait, wait, what? What'd you do? I thought I was dying. And so you picked up your poop? Because my poop was black. That was so valid of your ex-boyfriend

to break up with you over. The other thing that Ludwig does, and I don't know if you want to talk about this. It was Pepto-Bismol. We might want to cut this. Frenchie poop black. We cut this. But you admitted something to me that I think is maybe

either the cutest thing or the most insane thing I've ever heard. You've never seen Ludwig's flaccid penis. I've never seen it. Wait, he walks around naked all the time. I know, but I don't look. You don't look? You've never seen his. Wait, he walks around naked all the time. I know, but I don't look. You don't look? You've never seen his flaccid penis? No, I don't.

Making eye contact with a penis is scary as a Mormon girl. I don't think I've ever seen anyone's flaccid penis. Doesn't he like piss and shit in the nude fully? Yeah, but I don't stare at it. You've never showered with him? You've never even seen it in your peripheral vision? If we are showering... I think I've seen it.

His what? I've seen it. We've seen his balls. Have you seen his butt cheeks? I've seen his butt cheeks. Okay. Do you make eye contact with his butt cheeks? Yeah, but butts aren't scary.

Joseph Smith would not like that either. I don't think I've ever seen a penis flaccid. Wait, what? Of any boyfriend. I don't make eye contact. I love flaccid penises, but I play with them. I've never, I don't like make eye contact. I love, I mean, I don't love flaccid penises, but I play with them. I feel like respect for them.

But you've touched it before, right? Like a slinky? Yes, it is speed bagging fucking soft dicks. No, like, no, like I've been in, I've like showered with guys. Why are we talking about penises again? You playing around like that, I feel like that's disrespectful.

What? No, like sometimes I'll- Cash slider, you brought it up did you see what he said sometimes i'll use mine to like they do they sword fight that's so sick dude gay people are on top and sometimes like well one time that's fire one time i started sword fighting with this guy and we ended up just getting horny and then just fucking i'm gay now so we started sword fighting. It was like,

that's so sick. And then both of us started getting hard and then we just. You know what I've realized? That's so awesome. The gayest thing you can do is date a woman.

Yeah. I'm not doing this awesome stuff. Yeah, that sounds way cooler than what you have to do with women. No, we sword fight a lot.

Sorry. That's so sick. I don't know how we spiral back to people. We're talking about Ludwig do with women. No, we sword fight a lot. That's so sad. I don't know how we spiral back to people. We're talking about Ludwig's soft penis. No, stop talking about Ludwig's penis! Yeah, QD was screaming about Ludwig's soft penis. Go ahead. How does it make you feel? So,

as a personality-based girl, it doesn't matter what you look like. And so Travis Kelsey, I don't think he's initially attractive, but maybe if we went on a date and I was in the mood. He'ssey i don't think he's initially attractive but maybe if we went on a date and i was in the mode he's bucksteak i think he like he's very like wholesome american like he gives off the vibes of a guy who's like kind of nice and i'm not attracted to him he would definitely open a door for you and like be very protecting like are you okay babe there's only a few people that like i have like seen and been like you are attractive

regardless of their personality like Orlando Bloom Harry Styles Like super skinny dudes then yeah, which is why I'm saying Travis Kelsey big day for burly boys Actually, one of the things I almost got the most. People, this is early. You guys might know. There's a show called The Rajler. This was early Raj days. Really?

Yeah. Dead naming Austin? And it was Soda Poppins. It was Soda Poppins like Rajler or something. And I had this clip. Miss Loverhouse? Yeah. It was one of my very first clips on like lsf where i was talking i was like i didn't know who soda was before i wasn't a twitch frog i was a normie genuinely and i was like on my stream i was like yeah soda's like

actually my type like skinny scrawny nerdy boy because that's what i had dated and people were like she's just a gold digger she's like all all these things. And I was like, oh, but like Orlando Bloom, skinny scrawny, like frigging, Maya says I'm like skinny weird alien boys. Naturally, but I have to get to know you to actually be attracted to you. No, that's what I'm saying. He's getting kind of yoked. He's hot. He's really hot.

When I see him shirtless, I'm like, that's a man right there. He works out now? Yeah, he does. We balled up. We balled up on uh sunday morning he was fucking awesome he's looking good yeah he's looking really good he's always looked good but he's like no like i'm starting to i'm like oh like i need to start like i've got a i used to kind of joke about being attracted to him but now it's getting serious stop getting serious i can't compete with you you can compete with me you really think ludwig i don't know. She's right. Sword fighting.

That sounds like something. Yeah. Yeah. You present that to most straight men. They're gonna be like, oh, my God, if I just found the key. Sword fighting sounds. I mean, like fun. I'm not.

Wait. So you guys would like if you're totally heterosexual, but I offer a sword. I mean, it's pretty fire. Like, is it like I wish I was sexually attracted to do so i guess sword fight and then fuck like that's awesome yeah we yeah we sword fight and then like yeah the winner that sounds sick against the top that's like very i don't know but no but seriously it was it was like one of my first sword fights cutie what else do you want anyway i can be attracted to anybody i would like to make that very clear is taylor swift too popular

let's discuss well this is the problem this is what happens and i think we should all brace ourselves for this usually in society when someone gets really really popular like freaking like jennifer lawrence everyone loved jennifer lawrence and then they randomly just started hating her ed sheeran everyone loved him and then they were like i hate that guy like yeah they randomly just start hating asmongold what kind of like the internet yeah what wrong person michael jackson yeah it's like randomly well nothing um but anyway taylor has already had, she had her peak. So 1989 was like her most awarded album. And right after that is like when shit hit the fan, like, you know, and she was one of the most hated people.

Yes, there's a wave of like, fuck Taylor Swift coming right now. Right now, she's at the tippity top. The problem is the Swifties. Swifties chill, you psychopaths. I think also it has to deal with this. If I'm just a normal dude. And you keep hearing about Taylor Swift. Yeah, I'm just scrolling my social meds,

watching my TVs, and all I keep hearing is Taylor Swift. At a certain point, I'm going to be like, come on already with this. What the? Yeah. You just become a guy who's cast for Big Mouth. Yeah.

For some reason. You're John Mulaney. What's the deal with this Taylor Swift? Yeah. Yeah. No, I get it. So I'm nervous because I think people are going to get fatigued of her and there's going to be.

But I won't. I won't. So the Swifties are unhinged for sure. The Swifties, some of them need to chill. And they're like kind of leaning into it as well like the seemingly like catch up a seemingly ranch thing was like a real it came from a fan account so she's actually dope I've followed her forever um that was a pivotal moment for me where I was like oh my god there's just like like what the fuck if Taylor Swift like

came out and was like I think Karl Marx said a lot of great things, I feel like we could have a communist revolution. If Taylor Swift ran for president, I think there's actually a chance she would win. I wish Taylor Swift would actually go to the UAW picket lines. Can we make this happen? I can't even get tickets to her premiere. Taylor, if you're out there listening,

because I know you love following up with Cutie Cinderella and what she's doing, please go to the UAW picket lines. The big three have been stealing from these wonderful American workers for far too long. It's time to do what's right. Nick, do you hate this podcast? You guys haven't talked to Nick enough.

No, I'm just enjoying being around such great people. You guys, you're a host too. And you're on your phone trying to get fucking tickets. You literally spent the first 35 minutes looking up your butthole on your fucking phone. And then the rest of the 35 minutes texting Austin and Will's manager. He texted me back, by the way. What did he say? He said, for you and who else?

Ha! Will Mack. Oh! Get the phone. Get the fucking phone! Stop. No. Shut this bitch up.

Shut this bitch up. It's in my boobs. You can't touch it. God damn it! Boobs offense! Get the phone. Get the fucking phone. Stop. It's in my boobs. You can't touch it. God damn it. Boobs offense. It's fucked up. It's fucked up that you did that. It's fucked up.

You know who to reply. I have Billy's number. Billy, the tickets are for me. Wait. Can I have my phone back? You can use the tip phone. Nick, what do you want to talk about? Wait, can I have anything? Can I have the phone back? You can use the tit phone. Nick, what do you want to talk about? Wait, can I have the phone back? No, don't look.

What? No, it's fine. She's not getting her boobs out. I don't know how they work. It's true. What do you mean? You know how titties work. You're the tit man. Yeah, but let's just...

Oh, what? You think I would do that? And then everybody on the internet's like, did you see Will's eyes when Cutie's tit fell out? And then I'm the bad guy. That's true. We're looking at boobs. Yeah.

Yeah, which is normal and beautiful. So I'm just going to be respectful and look at Kaya when I know there's a phone coming out of the titty recess. It's natural and beautiful to look at tits. It's natural and beautiful. Why? I don't know your freaking password. Why is it so long?

Because I'm safe. Okay. Nick, what do you want to talk about? We talked about feet. We talked about Ludwig's penis. It's been good so far. What else is exciting for you, right? What else is like, oh, this is a thing that's happening?

I have been living the last 10 years of my life in the same doldrums single day. Does that make you sad? No. No. So doldrums is typically a term you don't put on something good. It's just consistently, the waves are going up. I think you're just content. I think you're just content.

You're not in the doldrums. I made Nick work out this morning at 8 a.m. And then he immediately went and ordered chicken McNuggets with a side of fries. That's psycho behavior. What's your cholesterol? At 10 a.m. Bad. Chicken McNuggets.

A plate of chicken McNuggets. A side of fries. Yeah. And chicken cheese quesadilla, which normally is supposed to have avocado in it, which he said, no avocados for me, please. Wait, you got a chicken cheese quesadilla at McDonald's? No. No, we went to two separate restaurants for breakfast.

No, no, no, we went to one restaurant. Same one. And he ordered all of that. How did you get McNuggets at a... No, they were chicken tenders. Oh, not McNuggets. I'm sorry to realize. I was McNuggets. I'm sorry. I was being ESL. I'm starting to realize

that people that order food like that, it's a whole other level. Do you want to see my stretch marks? I have stretch marks too, but it's just unimaginable to eat such a thing at 10 a.m. Have you ever heard of Ozempic? I have. I know people who take it. Who? Name names.

Donate names. I'm not going to do that to them. Violate HIPAA. Are you going to Ozempic? No, because... I've never thought of you as fat. I don't think he's fat either. He said he's like, he's overweight, but he's obese. I mean, what? He is.

I am obese. He says he's obese. I don't think he's obese. You're not obese. Mathematically. I look at you and I'm like, American. Wait, that's not... That's a substitute for obese. Mathematically. I look at you and I'm like, American. Wait, that's not. That's a substitute for obese. You just said obese twice. That doesn't count. I should just, you know. No, like you're an average weight.

Thank you. I think you're beautiful. Thank you. Wow, he hit him with a beautiful natural. That's how you know you're fucked up. That's his way of saying. He did his catchphrase. That's his bless your heart.

There it is. Thank you. That's his bless your heart. You fucked up. Honestly, you probably got you probably got some chicken grease on your face now after that it's good

that was about 20 calories no I think I was shocked at Nick's like eating habits specifically because like it's not because like it's unhealthy or whatever

but like so it's more so like chicken nuggets that fucking well you know I get out of the doldrums sure every time I get water burger

it lifts me up for about 45 seconds the most mid fucking burger on the planet yeah it's a fucking well you know I get out of the doldrums sure every time I get water burger it lifts me up for about 45 seconds most mid fucking burger on the planet yeah it's not good no not anymore I've actually

eaten healthy recently do you like smash burgers yeah I like can we go to love hour tomorrow or like or like burger she wrote

I had burger she wrote the other day let's go yeah let's go get a fucking good burger I think tomorrow we go to age lorenzo

and we go to burger she wrote I love that okay fucking good burger. I think tomorrow we go to H. Lorenzo and we go to Burger She Wrote. I love that. Okay. The other thing that I love is there was so much yelling and chaos. I saw something in Cutie I haven't seen for many moons. What? I saw you do the Cutie Cinderella face. Oh, this?

Yeah, were you like- I saw it too. Like the gears were working, dude. Like there was something cooking in there. What were you cooking up in there? Oh. Cutie, what were you cooking in there? She's cooking up a new event. I don't know. Don't let her cook. She's going to up in there? Oh. Kitty, what were you cooking in there? She's cooking up a new event.

I don't know. Don't let her cook. No, I'm not cooking up a new event. Yeah, she just cooked up a new event. I'm not doing it. You guys are event fatigued. You are event fatigued and Taylor Swift fatigued. Kitty's going to be like, in the middle of winter, we're doing an ice skating event for Flint's water.

Yeah. I would go to that. We have to do it outside. We have to do ice skating. I would love ice skating. Where we to do it outside. We have to do ice skating. I would love ice skating. Where we all do performances on ice skates. Very dangerous. Very funny.

But very cool. All money goes to Flint, Michigan. Where is your woman? Mine? Where's your phone? So, Milena comes and goes as she pleases. Okay. Don't tell her what to do. And I have no control over her anymore.

She runs the show. I'm going to text her right now. Does she run the show? She runs everything. She runs the show. And that's to text her right now. Does she run the show? She runs everything. She runs the show. And that's probably why my testosterone is so low. You have low testosterone?

Yeah. Your testosterone is low because you eat chicken nuggets. Your testosterone is low and the cholesterol high. 112? I went to the doctor. Can you get an erection? Barely. Really? Yeah.

112. You should take some. So the doctor offered me. You should do a stream yeah a month long like subathon it would go crazy

just testosterone TRT and ozempic oh my god and it's called it's called the chattening you're just describing Camp Canute right now

dude your hairline is flawless which makes sense while your T is yeah 112 I think

that like that's crazy but you're such a manly man I'm telling you right now. I have to be the internet has no idea who I really am That is what does that mean like it in what was everything something like this soy sort of guy? Oh, yeah, Nick Let's let's be honest. I think you've created You've created a character. I need another one. Go ahead. Will's trying to talk.

That was supposed to be quick. Come on. Go get a fucking protein shake. It's two steps. Why don't you guys wait? We're almost a premium. Yeah. You've created a character.

You've created a human being online that is not you. Early Twitch, the tough guys and the all-stars were not the ones that they went for. You have to be able to make fun of yourself. True. But I think there's also like, it's amazing the public perception of you versus like absolute tech genius, like the brilliant coordinator,

the kind of mastermind behind a lot of things that doesn't really ever admit that he's the mastermind behind a lot of things. No, Milena's best of it, but... Milena is it as well, but you would never give yourself credit

for any of your planning that you do. Maybe. See? He's committed to this bit. This is the will bring yourself up 10 minutes. Dude, I got a shirt with my JV hockey... But this is part of the Will bring yourself up 10 minutes Dude I got a shirt With my JV hockey

But this is part of the guys Have you sold that shirt? You should sell that shirt I did You did? Oh it's your merch? Well no it's like You know like Teespring old stuff

That's how old this is Oh wow 2007 This is the last year I was happy How old are you? 17 You know you could

Join adult league I do I play every Sunday Oh okay I'm willing to score on my team. Hey, I'm excited for you to bring back game day. Yeah, I think we should do it twice a year. Please do it. Why don't you fly out to LA and do one here?

He's allowing you guys to change the subject. I'm talking about one of his great accomplishments. No, he's trying to run away from it. OTK game day. Thank you, Will, for being so kind to me. No, listen, I just want, I don't know if you'll admit to it or not. What? Listen, I just want... I don't know if you'll admit to it or not. You very carefully created a persona that is

very much less inspiring than the real Nick Paul. Probably. I'm always on the fence with everything. I never give a real take. I'm always joking. You'll never catch me in any drama. Even the past dramas that we've all been thrown into, I did not say anything about it.

Let me tell you, I did not say anything about it. Yeah, you're pretty good at that. Let me tell you, I do got my opinions. I feel bad. You're fired. Get out. Look, Nick, you are tremendous. You're tremendous, but can we do a game day out here? Yeah.

Beach volleyball. That actually was one of the plans we had to do. It was a beach volleyball. I do think we should do weird sports. I'll play. I'm so good at it. We need to resupply together. You and me.

We couldn't guarantee to keep people safe. So? We're doing beach volleyball with Hassan and one of his crazy fans come up and just, you know. Austin, you will have officially consumed 84 grams of protein and 460 calories. I hope you understand that. By the end of this protein shake. I know a pretty private beach. There's a lot.

That only has like a one entryway in if you just station a security guard there. Yeah, it's in Hassan's backyard. We could probably do it. We's a lot. That only has like a one entryway in if you just station a security guard there. Yeah, it's in Hassan's backyard. We could probably do it. We could do it. If you open it and then refuse to drink it, I will fight you. Those are... I'll drink half of it. Oh my god.

Why won't you drink it? It's just a lot of calories. Fire him. He brought me up. Oh my god. I could take 130. It's 42 protein. Fire him. Oh my God. Get him out of here. It's 100. I could take 130. It's 42 protein. Do you have any 20 gram?

Marsh will finish it. We're going to go to the paywall portion now, guys. Where I do a hate crime. Wait, what? I don't have a beer for that. No, don't worry. Not an anti-black one. No, against me.

It's okay, then. Gay, not black. Gay, not black. Gay, not black. Before we go to the paywall, Nick, do you have anything to shout out? Do you have anything you want to say? Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick. Just want to shout out, I don't know, everyone else here. You guys are great.

Thanks for having me. I don't know. You are amazing, Nick. Thank you so much. So gracious. Game day coming out next year. Yeah. Thank you so much. Game day coming out next year. I would like to shout out Spotify or Taylor Nation

or anybody who potentially has access. I will be your plus one if you would like to bring me to the premiere. This is a fuck a fan contest. I am excited to go with you. We will not be fucking. Did you just say you would fuck for a Taylor Swift ticket? It's just a collingual term.

No, it's not. No, it's not. The Taylor Swift fan contest means I will go with you to Taylor Swift. That's not what I mean. That's not what that means. I feel like there's some subtext there. I'm going to take them to Chili's, and then we're going to go to the concert. And you're going to fuck them.

That's how it starts. And then I will never talk to you again, but I will go with you. Two for 22? Like, after you fuck them, you're not going to talk to them. I'm not going to fuck them. Austin opened it it i have a handsome boyfriend okay cool all right on that note if you want to see more juicy tidbits like nick actually rating our feet our naked feet my toe is a little hairy go to the patreon at patreon.com slash fear and you'll be able to access the paywalled episode and more like for your two subscribers.

We have a bunch of other stuff. Yeah, like White Hat Karen. It's coming out. Yeah, White Hat Karen will eventually come out in a couple of years. Every Friday. Submit yourself to White Hat Karen. We're collecting submissions for an epic episode. We have so many submissions.

You could just record an episode. Wait, have you been looking at the submissions? And Cutie's TikTok time. You, wait. And more. Wait, we need to pause. I've never missed a TikTok time. You've been lying?

No, no, no. The first week, I only had three submissions, and then it stalled. So you did have submissions? Yes. No, no, I did them. He has submissions. I ran through them, and then I complained that I didn't have enough, and I haven't looked in about a week.

You have submissions. Also, if you don't have a submission, just react to angry Karens. I'm sorry. So you have time to fucking sort through 10,000 horny twinks in your DMs after you openly talk about. You know what? Let's streamline this. Austin's going to do a rate my butthole for the.

That would be great, actually. Submit your buttholes. Can I rate people's buttholes? That's a little weird. It feels weird. I don't know if you can do that. But hey. Maybe we're not going to do that.

All right. Patreon.un. Let's go. What are you giving away? A Disney day with me. Wait, does this actually work then? You slut! You slut! How dare you! You slut! You slut! How dare you put it up

frolicking about you harlot. I'm done. You took fucking squeaks to Disney the other day for goober gober boogie fucking whatever the hell it's called. Yeah, get rid of the face. It's been a year and a half. You treat us like garbage. We are your whatever the hell it's called. Yeah, get rid of the face. Okay. It's been a year and a half.

You treat us like garbage. We are your, we're not even an afterthought in your universe. Is she taking you guys to Disney this trip? I've already been with her. No, you didn't. We were supposed to go, and then I got,

I had a mental breakdown. No, we did go. I'm about to lose my mind. We did go. It wasn't on stream, but remember you made the vlog? Oh, yeah. Wait, wait. We had a great time.

She was an amazing guy to tour. It was great. Oh, my God. Wait. You've done it so much, you forget about it. We held hands, and there's fireworks. We had frozen margaritas. We went.

Remember when we went to the Pirates of the Caribbean ride? And I was too scared to go into the movie theater. I can't tell if they're gaslighting me. There's a video over on your YouTube. There's a video of us there. Chance wins. It's so much made art of it. Chance wins.

You know what? over on your YouTube. There's a video of us there. Chance wins. It's a film I made art of it. Chance wins. You do not deserve Will and I. In your life, you don't deserve us. You know what?