Fear& - The Caleb Hearon Episode | Fear&

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Download Cash App Today: https://click.cash.app/ui6m/8r8mnrx1. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. ✨WATCH THE SECOND HALF ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow our guests! ❤️ Caleb: https://www.instagram.com/calebsaysthings ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:38 - Austin is a bandwagoner 00:01:51 - Caleb discovers who we are 00:03:06 - Nsync's blimp selling conman 00:04:26 - Caleb meets the biggest plane autist 00:07:00 - Delta before anything 00:08:00 - mexican hail mary 00:09:00 - the cheapest paypig 00:11:00 - austins evil gay empire 00:12:08 - Shopify 00:13:30 - hasan's allyship comes into question 00:14:35 - hasans weekly twitter cancelling 00:15:45 - gavin newsoms hair sucks 00:18:05 - a crumb of politics as a treat 00:23:00 - bringing the nonvoters out 00:25:00 -why does he have bars damnit 00:26:00 - when trumps heart isnt in the bigotry 00:26:40 - the trump theory 00:27:09 - cashapp 00:29:14 - trump is gay 00:32:00 - eventually it has to get better 00:33:21 - caleb says hes not gonna run 00:33:45 - austin on the other hand..00:36:00 - calebs sees austins true self00:39:37 - the selfish top for life00:41:20 - caleb is a team player00:42:25 - AG100:43:39 - hasan texts like every letter costs money00:47:20 - austin cant name a woman00:49:07 - caleb origin story00:50:40 - the kansas city warehouse W00:55:00 -the price of stadium dogs is getting out of hand01:00:00 - imagine hating bad bunny 01:02:16 - Zocdoc01:03:46 - two men came out of a bathroom stall01:07:00 - hasan didnt nail the hug01:10:00 - performative hugging?1:11:50 - outro #hasanabi #calebhearon #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

He really thought he stuck that shit. That's why when you guys started talking about hugs, I was like sitting here like, okay. My compliment is en route. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder if my hug was good. I fucking nailed that hug. Yeah. The whole podcast is on and putting himself with the back hug.

I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago. So we're wearing a Chiefs jersey in that picture? Yeah, this is my, this is me, unfortunately. YouTube fan? He's a front runner. He's a bandwagon fan. I was doing. Drag him for it.

He's a Vikings fan. This makes me see. Die-hard Vikings fan. You can drag. Are you rolling? Roll, why are you wearing that? Oh, we're rolling. Well, it was for the Super Bowl, Taylor Swift.

I was at a Taylor Swift theme party, and I had no choice but to wear the Chiefs jersey. Oh, that makes me sick. I'm so sorry. You're a Vikings fan? I'm a Minnesota Vikings fan, die hard. Oh, I would never do what you did. Well, it's not a great hacker's jersey. I would just never betray my team like that.

But it was, it didn't feel like a betrayal because the last time we played them in the Super Bowl was like in the 60s and 70s. Completely fair. Can I ask you a question? I know you guys, the Chiefs won quite a bit, but does it feel nice to get rid of all the bandwagon fans now that you've lost a little bit? No, it's horrible. I liked the bandwagon fans.

I thought it was awesome that people liked us, actually. My whole life we were horrible, so when people were excited about us, I was like, I don't care if you're fake. I'm happy to have you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Ann podcast where we have one of the most anticipated guests

in Fear and history. Caleb Heron. Yes. Hello. Thank you so much for joining us. It's such a pleasure to have you. And we heard Hassan told you nothing about our podcast. Well, no, no, that's not true.

Here, I could have done, I've gotten two lacks. I could have done any amount of research. I told him the name of the podcast. Yes. Which is all you need. The reason that you guys were bringing this up was because I walked in here and said, I could have never in a million years imagined that there would be four of us. Yes, right.

And that's true. Sometimes five. I told sometimes five. Yeah. We have another guest. There is another. Now, how do you guys know each other? Well, Hassan was, he was really a strong.

struggling artist when he first entered the Twitch platform. And I said, you know what? His Twitch contacts said, you need to come to a guy that can help elevate your platform. So he came to me and I helped him. I helped him out. This story is entirely made out.

And Caleb, this man worked so hard and he got to where he's at and I've been riding his fucking coattails ever since. Okay, that part is true. That last part is... The last part. Yeah. Will and I have a mutual best friend, a best friend that he grew up with

became my best friend in college who is a real-life con man, which is really cool. Yeah. Like, he actually is. I wonder if he has ever seen you calling him a conman. I mean, it's true. But anyway, I mean, he, like, runs, like, a private jet charter service sometimes. I don't want to, like, docks him. But, like, I suspect that he is, like, an actual real-life comment.

No. Did you guys ever watch that? The, was it in-s-synx manager, the documentary about him? No. Like, was in sync or backstreet boys? He was a talent manager and his like... We talked about it on the pot. His side business was that he like ran blimps.

Oh. He like... Yeah, yeah. He was like... Did he have a curly mustache? No, he may as well of. He was a big fat guy. He was like stealing money from the children and running blimps.

Oh, my God. He was fucking... Oh, I remember this. What if he was... Yeah, we did. We covered it on the pot. What if he was a true believer? Like, he was just like, the instinct stuff is great.

It's fine. You know, that's not my passion. My passion is blimps. He's like, he wanted to bring it back The future is a balloon! He wanted to like, he's like, ever since, ever since the disaster, I won't even say it. I won't even say it. I'm not going to invoke its name.

Yeah, I'm not going to bring it up. But ever since then, like, the luxurious method of travel has been eradicated. I'm pro blimp. Do you think that makes me naturally predisposed to evil? I mean, he's a scheming-ass thing. It's like, yeah, you're right. It's a transit line. I've always wanted to ride a blimp and tie.

a woman to train tracks. I've never had a desire to fly in a blimp, really. It's too slow. I don't want to go up in pretty much anything. Really? When people do like small planes and helicopters, I'm like, I've seen the writing on the walls with that stuff. No, I mean, but you do like to fly

and he's been very excited to talk to you about it. Caleb, you have no idea how finally I am seen on this podcast because they make fun of me because I also share your passion for Delta Airlines. Thank you. I am a frequent flyer. I love companies. Yes,

yes, me too. And so does he especially. He won't tell anybody. Yeah, but he loves companies. I despise company. He loves companies. He loves companies. He's a corporate guy. Yeah. He's a big investor. Yeah. A fortune 500 companies. Big company. Yeah, Rick. I don't like all companies. Just

Raytheon. Lockett. Just be awesome. Yeah. I go out there. I go on stream. I start talking about how evil they are. Stock prices go down for a little bit. Boom. Buy low. I'm a simple man. I like a quality missile. Yeah.

Okay. So you share passion with me with Delta Airlines And also I found something that I wanted to talk about And I wanted to confront them on it Okay Because they gave me shit three years ago There was a clip that went You know semi-viral

In the community And it was them confronting me On the fact that I flew boys out in coach And I was talking I was, I was, I was, I have a lot to say down this. I have a lot to say about this.

He's gonna drag you down with you. Don't do it, Caleb. I have a lot to say about this. Please, please, let's jump in. It depends on where you are in the relationship. Okay, okay. If it is a first time hookup,

meet up situation, coach is appropriate. Sure. Is my opinion. Okay, but it's always street twings. No, street twigs. There's always street tings or then. This is not.

You're cheap. You're cheap as fuck. You are, you're cycling the street twinks out at the time. Not anymore. Street twinks is crazy. Crazy. That's a crazy thing. You mean, that's your term!

A lot of license. It's your term. Why are you behaving like this in front of kids? I like this. He's putting on air. He's putting on the table. First time we've had a gay man on the podcast other than me. Is that true?

It's true. Well, we had a drag queen on. They don't count. Unless she's massacre. But I was like, I never, you know. Yeah. We were having this conversation last. Last night, or I don't know, maybe last week, and he went, you know, we had eight him, but he's bisexual.

That doesn't count. No, I mean, it's different than a gay guy. Exactly. They're a beautiful part of the community. And I do love that instead of choosing to bond on that first, it was Delta. Delta's in order. I'm a Delta Airlines diamond medallion member before I made anything. That's right.

Before I'm an American, a Christian, a gay man. Yes. But what's crazy, Caleb, is that they did this to me. And for years. I have been coined as the, I've gotten messages of people like I'm a fucking airline. Yeah. Being like, I'll fly coach. Oh, fly a coach.

Oh, that's so bad. Oh, that's so hard on you. Oh, my love. Oh, is that tough? My loss are too buttery. My shape too juicy. Bad bitches keep DMing me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's too many baddies in my DMs that want to get flown out. He's trying to flex on you. How do I fuck everybody? Have you noticed that? He's trying to flex on you? Oh, there's a, actually, there was a guy. I was just thinking about this the other day. Like a couple months ago, there was a guy in my neighborhood who he's like 67 years old.

Like I'm pretty pretty old. Now out of my window for sure. He messaged me every day for weeks. Hello. Hello. Hello. And I didn't want to block him because that feels mean, but I also didn't want to respond due to not wanting to fuck him at all.

Yeah. And then one day he messaged me, Ola. Oh. And then he never messaged me again. Wow. And I can't stop thinking about him. I mean, the Ola, Hail Mary is crazy.

Because you got to think he was. woke up that day and was like, oh my God, he's Mexican. That's why it's not working. And then it didn't work and he was like, well, I'm fucking out of ideas. He thought the language, babe, was the problem. That's why you're not responding. Why are you thinking about maybe just throwing it out there, just seeing what happens?

I'm just interested in the mentality of being like, oh my God, Miho. Like him being like, oh, he's Mexican. That's why he doesn't want to fuck me. You know, Dios, meo. Sometimes I do this where I'll get messages every once in a while. If you've forgotten the pay pigs, Uh, no.

Okay, well, sometimes. Or at least I don't know about it. Well, people will message and say, take my money, take my money, take my money. And I just think it'd be a- Austin, Austin, Austin, wait, wait, wait. Austin, wait, wait.

Wait, wait. This is not. No, no. No. He's actually looking a little fucked up now. He's like, hey, guess what? Hotties are DMing me all the time. They want to be flown out in an economically sound fashion.

And on top of that, I got people throwing my mind. You're getting pay pigs. I promise you. What is their thing? I forget their thing. They like to be financially dominated. This isn't a flex though because Austin famously had the world's cheapest paypig. No, no, cheap for him. His boyfriend

was cleaning the pay pig out. Wait, what? Okay, so So just for a frame of reference, a pay pig is someone whose erotic fetish is that you financially dominate them by making them give you money. Yeah, he wants to be dominated.

He's like, I'm not saying she, because usually it's a heat. Please, you know, sir, and then you'll be like, shut up, bitch, I need money for a necklace. Yeah, it makes me uncomfortable. Correct. They like it. So Austin, very famous, he had the world's cheapest pay. Yeah.

He would like to negotiate. Who asked? Let me tell. Can you negotiate in this domain? No, you can't. So I get this guy and I'm like, you know what? I'm going to fucking try. out to see what this is what all the hype is about.

So I go, I go, okay. I go, all right, you know, how about 50 bucks? And he's like, he's like, sir, sir, I only have five. Well, then don't message me. That's what I said. So I found this guy who's broke is shit. And I'm like, if you're a pay pig,

you better be financially secure. There's nothing wrong with being broke, but you can't get warning off of getting. giving me your money if you're broke. Exactly. I have some olive garden. No, but then we found out, but then we found out he was actually

dumping money on his brother. My friend said that I stole his pay pig and then we found out he was actually giving him money. Like he was giving him a lot more money. What kind of disgusting evil gay empire are you in your world?

That you're scamming the same poor gamins. You've got, what is street twinks? Is that what we're running with? He keeps, he keeps message me I'm not, Caleb, I've hung it up, I'm not Don't know, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

He tried once, it failed, he's hung up. If you're listening right now, I'm closing the operation down. There's no more financial. You and your boyfriend Peter Thiel putting these twinks out of fucking house and home running these gay scams. Leave these kids alone.

No, no, no. There's no scam. They're like it. He is a schemer. He is a scammer and a schemer. This is true. Oh, my gosh. Lost game immediately. No, I'm glad you're gay because I actually, when I came in here, I clocked the pride flag

and I was like, there better be some real allyship going on. Yeah. No, I'm a foe. I'm an enemy. Of the queer community? Yeah. Yes. Okay.

Famously. Just want to make sure we have that. I just want to make sure we have that. I like to famously say that over and over again. Yeah. And as of late, people have actually started believing it, unfortunately. Hey, Austin. Hey, Will Neff.

I heard you. You've been thinking about selling your jingles. Of course I have been. Well, have you heard about Shopify? You know what? I have, but I need you to tell me more about it. Wow. I can tell you right now that millions of businesses around the world,

they use Shopify to sell their products online. Oh, and Will, I understand you have some products that you like to sell online. That's correct. I sell hot sauce. Hot sauce. Hot sauce. How do you do it? Well, I use Shopify.

Shopify, selling things online is pretty intimidating. Yes, it is. Especially when you're doing jingles. 100%. That's why they have a 24-hour help section that you can access to streamline your process. Incredibly helpful. I know it is. Because I'm lost without help.

What would a Spotify jingle sound like? Well, it's time to turn those what-ifs into cha-ching. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash fear. Go to Shopify.com slash fear. That's Shopify.com slash fear. Cheching. You didn't scat it all. All right.

Now that's what I'm doing. But that's what I'm talking about. But it's always like, it's never gay people that believe it. Here's the problem with the internet. the affected group that's really going after you. It's the kind of like weaponized, mobilized, the allies that are like, I don't think people would like this. And it's like, well, I don't need to speak with you.

You aren't even a part of this. Right. Get out of here. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, this is the new thing that happened. We went on, I've had it. Are you familiar with this podcast? I've had it with, uh, Jennifer Lach and Pump.

Yeah, me too. I disagree with them a little bit, but I like them. Yeah, they're fantastic. And they used to be a lot more lived up back in the day. When we first had them on this podcast on Furan like a couple years prior, they definitely were more like, oh, you know, I'm, I'm curious about this left thing. But I'm like a Hillary, you know, Kamala Harris voter. Now they're like, now they're, you know, taking Hakeem Jeffries the task and all the stuff.

So we had this, we were having a conversation on the podcast and it was super viral on Twitter. That's what I was telling you about when I said, oh, you're in trouble on Twitter. Yeah, yeah. And you were like, oh, if you're, I might have to disavow you. Yeah, yeah. I said if you're in trouble on Twitter, I'm unfollow. and you need to unfollow me. As one does.

Take a stance. So what happened is like she asked me, you know, match up 2028, Gavin Newsman versus Jady Van. It's like, are you voting for Gavin Newsom? And I was like, no. The fuck no. Yeah, I was like, I'm voting third party. At that point, it's like, it's a lost cause.

It's outside of my control. You know what I mean? Right. And they clipped, they clipped one part of it to just like say, me, no, I'm voting third party. And they've been like demanding fealty nonstop. And in the process of demanding. field team for Gavin Newsom three years out

from this fucking hypothetical election when he's not even running, right? Oh, he's been talking about how he's I don't know, I don't know, buddy. He's running, but like, he's not he's running, but he's not officially running because there's no primaries. Right. We don't even have to have those anymore.

Yeah. Don't worry. That's the thing of the past on the Democratic side. It worked out really well last time. Yeah. Let's revamp that. Yeah, yeah. Basically, what everyone's been saying is like, you just want like every Mexican to die. You want trans people

to be assassinated. Like, you love ICE, you love Donald Trump, you love all this, and I'm just like... That's true about you. Yeah, so now I'm like, yeah, I... This is what I like. The three years out from election telling me, I also don't want to vote for Gavin Newsom, he just declared like fucking Ronald Reagan Day

in California. I know. I'm in blackish, this motherfucker wants to be a Republican so bad, let him. He can't have my fucking vote. I don't like this guy. I think his haircut sucks. I don't like suits. Trickled down economics worked, man. Fuck this guy. Yeah. Wait, so you're in trouble about this. So yeah, a lot of the liberal, it's not really, I would say it's not like real trouble because like you're out there.

You talk to people. Yeah. Travel the country. I'm sure you've probably also noticed that people are coming around our worldview a little bit more. Yeah. I would say. And in very unique places like barbers and debasers are out there, you know, telling ice agents to fuck off. It's like 65 year old white ladies and stuff in the suburbs.

And there's a lot of discontent for the Democratic Party. in general. And I think that's because they realize, like, oh, these guys are controlled opposition. They're not doing shit. Like, we want someone who does shit, right? And so it's not a real, it's not real anger and resentment. It's just a bunch of, like, DNC adjacent content creators who just, like, really want to get the bag. Yeah.

From the Democratic Party. So they're, like, trying to hold on to this, like, grip of influence that they have over the consultant class. But it's popping on Twitter, yeah. Also, the thing you were saying about, um, um, Barbara's and Deborah's hating ice and coming around. What I kind of want people to understand, not you guys, but people who might not know,

is this is actually a return to form for the middle of the country. There's a book called Heartland by Sarah Smarsh, being poor, growing up poor in the richest country on earth, I think is the tagline. But it's a very good book, and it's about Kansas. But when I grew up in Missouri, I grew up in a very working class, rural area.

Everyone fucking hated rich people and cops. Only in the last, like, 10, 15 years has there been this weird, like, we love the police. the president is awesome and should be a billionaire. Like this is a very, I think a momentary psychosis we're experiencing. And the return to form is actually that working people fucking hate ice and billionaires.

Like that actually is a thing that did exist before like 2008 in places like Missouri. And it was a purple like a bellwether state. I just think momentary psychosis and we'll step out of it soon. I'm really hopeful. It's political polarization. It's the way that the media works now. Like there is there was always, there was always interest

that were totally separate in the country. A Democrat in the North had different interests than the Democrat in the South, sometimes maybe not so great. But now, if you are living in a rural area,

your things that you vote for are basically aligned with like a right winger in Orange County at this point, like in the suburbs or even in the city. And that's, that's,

definitely, exact same needs in those too. Well, no, but that's what it is. No, it's, their media diet is the same, basically. And they have, it's, it's this grand design where both parties are fighting over culture war narratives. So it's easier to bracket yourself on one side over the, instead of the other. And that's why I try to return to this, this labor-focused approach and class-focused

approach in politics, which the Democrats do not represent it all right now. they are very actively trying not to represent right now. Yeah, I mean, I can't talk about a lot of places, but I know Missouri very well. And it just is shocking to me that Republicans continue to win in places like this. Like Republicans since 2002 have controlled the House and the Senate that entire time in Missouri and most of the time, the governorship, I think maybe there's a Democrat for one term. And Missouri is doing very badly. Rural hospitals are closing.

Family farms are being shut down because they're giving huge subsidies to corporate farms. Like things that you would think would really mobilize people. to vote against Republicans. In Missouri, like, progressive ballot initiatives will win by 14 and 15 points on the same ballot as Trump winning by 23 points. Does the left just need to, like, bring Jesus over or something like that? I don't think it could hurt. That's what I'm saying.

I'm just like, you know, maybe a little, maybe we'll, you know, we could bring them over to our side. I think it's a candidate issue that they continue to try in, in places like Missouri, they continue to try and run, not quite Gavin Newsom types, but like centrist moderates to try and win the middle instead of running someone. I mean, this, you know, I'm not saying anything we don't know. We're running someone really fucking interesting. Run a leftist bartender.

Yeah. And fucking like someone that can talk to people. Yeah. And it has, if the issues are winning by 14 points and then there's a 37 point swing in the candidates, then you have a fucking candidate problem. Yeah. Yeah.

We just saw this. We saw this with Texas. There was special election in Texas. Union organizer won of like Trump plus 35 district. It's pretty crazy, but it happens. and the reason why he won is because he was a labor-focused candidate. Like he was focusing on the real bread and the kitchen table issues, as Democrats like to call it.

But it was a class-first campaign, and he won. So I think there's an opportunity there. The Democrats have completely left those territories. They've decided, like, we should waste no money here. Like, there's no reason to even have a infrastructure here to try and win elections. and if we do, we'll just put like Amy McGraths over and over again. You know, like a person who just goes on and is like, I am, you know, I am going to be marginally less racist than the Republican candidate in a racism election.

Right. And then everyone's like, okay, well, I prefer the racism one. So I prefer to clear what they're doing. I used to be. I don't like diet racism. I'll take the calories. Before I met him and it's taken a few election cycles, but it's so annoying to hear. hear people, him get criticized for

just like not saying he'd vote for Gavin Newsom or saying he wouldn't vote for Gavin Newsom when they're just like, oh guys we need to move to the middle, we need to be in the middle and it's like no motherfucker, you're moving to the right is what you're doing. And it's been this thing after election after election, it's like 2016 Trump was running on build

the wall and then in 2024 we're building the wall now and we have a tougher immigration plan and things like that. And it's been really frustrating to see so it's you know, for me personally my I've seen this sort of political evolution in my own family. And like people like, I don't understand where, you know, Newsom's political instincts are. When you have people, my mom is like in her 60s, my dad's in his late 60s,

and you have, these are like the core of your, you know, voter base. And you see them now shifting to this sort of, you know, to what, you know, the left is saying about and being sick with, of the establishment and everything like that. Yeah, I think someone like a Gavin Newsom is, so entrenched in like doing business as usual and the narrative around someone like as asan or anybody who will advocate for policies like asan is that that is impossible that is a pipe dream and you need to like you need to ascribe to this way of doing politics because it will be that way of doing politics and if you ascribe to anything more progressive than that you're signing on for failure and that narrative is like so strong and you look at it when he won't it's so

bizarre that how much heat he received for not saying a filthy pledge for a candidate that's not even a candidate yet you know what i mean like it's it's so bizarre but you can see that kind of like infrastructure working to be like don't ascribe to that it's a you're you're signing up for death you'll lose it's not it's not a good sign uh it's you're not very confident in your candidate if you're doing this three years out yeah like harm reduction harm reduction you have to you have to vote for whoever we decide is the best candidate but one of the things that a lot of people don't understand that you just brought up that I think is also important is that they think like, oh, we have to get a left candidate because people like myself won't vote. That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying you have to get a left candidate because there are plenty of people who don't vote who you have already decided a right wing or right wing voters or the moderates or whatever that will go out and vote for a left candidate. It's not just people like myself. It's not the activist base of the party that are, you know, reliable Democrat voters or have been reliable Democrat voters over and over again. but are now feeling like they're not, they don't have a place in this party. It's actually just the largest chunk of non-voters that would be motivated to go out and vote.

Wasn't Trump able to speak to these people? Like there's so many people that were able to, that got off the couch or whatever to vote for Trump because, you know, for whatever reason. A lot of these people were Bernie voters beforehand. And they went over, they went on that Bernie to Trump pipeline. I know several. That is such a crazy pipeline.

But it's because they, you know, Bernie, like, Like, unfortunately, it was like the anti-establishment, you know, appeal to the anger that rightfully people feel about their position in life in this country. And yeah, Bernie was successful at it for, I believe the right reasons. Obviously Trump's a racist and transphobic, et cetera, et cetera. But. Well, he wasn't in 2016. He was woke. Was he? Yes. Trump literally said, uh, Caitlin Jenner could piss in whichever bathroom she wants them as long as she piss in in Trump Tower. Which is a bar, by the way. That is a bar, unfortunately. We have to contend with how awesome he sometimes accidentally is. But that was 2016 Trump. And even in like, by by 2024, he was like, you guys really love when I talk about trans people.

It's strange. I don't understand it. I can talk about tax cuts. You go, oh, yeah, sure. I talk about trans people. You go crazy. That, like, he added that on to his arsenal later on, because in such a short period of time,

in relatively short period of time over the course of this last decade, like Republicans have really, decided like this is the number one thing that they can attack because they never stopped their relentless focus on on singling out trans people attacking trans people over and over again even though they're like a tiny minuscule percentage of American society and I think there is a real opportunity now to turn around and say hey you banned the 49 transgender athletes from NCAA with executive decree good job boys we did it do you feel like uh your rent is your rent cheaper now you can always

You can buy groceries now? You can always tell when Trump's heart isn't in the bigotry because it's like that with the trans people. He's like, you guys love it. I don't know why. And there was a clip I love of him, unfortunately, where he was talking about Pete Buttigieg. And he was like, he rides his bike with his husband to work every day, which in fairness seems like a loving relationship. He couldn't even do the homophobia for the base. He had to be like, they seem happy.

He was yearning. He was yearning for it. Dude, he wants it bad. I really should. I think I've seen you also have a similar theory as well. I am a firm and committed believer that Donald Trump is asexual bi-romantic. Sure. And that if he had the, if given the opportunity of things, if he was like accepted by like

polite society, elite liberals in New York when he was growing up as a slum lord, he would have just become a Broadway music producer. Wow. He would have been a Broadway musical producer and he would have maybe even. Even, you know, entertain that stuff. That's what I think. Wow.

Hey, Will Neff. Yeah. What is the pettiest thing you've ever asked somebody money for? Oh, the pettiest thing I've ever asked someone money for? Clogging my toilet. Really? Really?

Who did it? You? I remember that. No, I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. It was after an evening I had eaten a very large bean burrito. Yes.

Right? and just, and Derry Queen Blizzard, and it was just, it was... You said, Will, watch this and you dump the burrito in the budget. Yes, yes, it was a weapon of mass destruction. And you sent me a cash app request. For a rotor, yes, for a roteruter. It was several hundred dollars, and I paid you via cash app, which is my favorite app to send and receive money.

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Block Inc brand visit Cashap. com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. How do you feel about this theory? I think... Because you say Trump is gay. Trump is culturally, there's no doubt about it. Culturally, the guy is one of the gayest people. He's gayer than I.

Like, he is like so gay. Yeah. It really is crazy. There's like people are taking videos like once a week outside the White House of they can hear from the streets him blaring Phantom of the Opera. He's a huge Android Weber fan.

That's a homosexual president. Yeah. Phantom of the upper. Yeah, I don't know. I think the, yeah, I think the problem with him really is and has been that he is just so goddamn charismatic

and the left can't seem to find anyone that can, doesn't, the left can't find someone to carry charisma in a fucking bucket. And he just has it by the pound, dude. He's an interesting guy to listen to it. He can talk to anybody. Even though he's like kind of lost his sauce,

especially in comparison to like 2016. If you ever look back at his commentary in 2016 versus now, like he's definitely lost the sauce a little bit. Oh, his fastball is yeah, gone. It's nowhere near as good as he used to be. But he is still objectively better than the average, the average Democrat at like not coming across like a fucking robot that got all of their talking points from a, you know,

from a think tank moments prior. to going on that on that stage also I know we moved past it a little bit but the the idea that you were talking about about like people being like well that'll never when they're talking about leftist candidates and they're like trying to um force compliance with their centrist like candidate of choice eight years ahead of the fucking election or whatever Gavin Newsom being the one right now they always be like oh well we couldn't we couldn't possibly win and it's like if you talk to any organizer worth their salt and I'm certainly not talking about me I'm talking about organizers I like actually admire and respect mostly tenant organizers the belief in a better future

and the hope that we actually can have a better world is the most core principle. Like, I can't keep talking to these fucking centrists that are like, well, that'll just never happen. It's like, then why talk to you at all? Yeah. Why would I ever talk to you about the world? What are you doing this for?

Right. That's what I always ask them. It's like, I've talked, because I've had the opportunity to talk to some of these Democrats and I say, what are we even doing this for if we're just going to continue to capitulate to right-wing positions.

Right. What's the point? What the fuck is the point? Why not lose with some fucking class and style? Like, let's lose and like say what we mean. Yeah, exactly. If that's truly what's going to happen, let's lose and be. But they don't want that.

That's the whole point. They actually don't want that. And their goal overall is to like manage this, this current predicament and hope that they never actually like win enough power that they have to do something because then if they do things that they promised, then they disrupt, I mean, they harm their corporate benefactors and their bottom line and they can't do that.

Right. They don't want to upset the corporate donors. They don't want to upset their billionaire friends. They don't want to upset their own pipeline to like very well-paid lobbyists. Yeah, that if they ever actually had to make good on the things, they're like, that's why they keep holding abortion over everybody's heads. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, well, abortion, abortion, abortion. It's like, that's the only thing you have for us.

Yeah. Eventually working people's lives are going to have to get better. Yeah. Joe Biden won, okay, but did anything get better? Like, it's going to have to get better for people. Yeah. Yeah, that's not. Precisely the reason why Trump is a far worse version of himself now than he was in 2016.

Yeah. It's, I think there's also, there's also other sides of this, like that don't touch on the material, I guess. But, you know, accountability, like actually punishing previous administrations. I think, like, any Democrat that runs on a message like that will probably also be able to win big, too. Do you think so? I think there's a, there's an appetite for a lot of the barbers and the Debra's for sure. Do you really? Isong, you really think that if someone, I don't know if I agree, you really think that someone.

I think that's one part of the message. I kind of think avoiding that part is the, is maybe the way. I'm, I don't, I think like being like, we're gonna prosecute Trump. You're like a vulgar, you're like a vulgar Marxist. Like you're, you're a class first. You're like, no, fuck any of this other shit. Like, you know, if we punish them, we punish them. But the reality is get into the bread and butter.

Only talk about improving people's material conditions. I think so. I mean, that's what I base my strategies around. Now, by the way, if I got elected, would there be punishment on the other end? Maybe. Maybe. But why campaign on every single thing I'm going to do? just want to talk about like rent hospitals, farms.

Would you ever run? No, fuck no. Someone like me should not be in office. Why not? Because I'm a fucking attention hungry comedian. That's it. The fact that people want me to run is the problem. I'm like, no, guys, I'm not the guy.

Go elect an organizer. I feel this way too because I feel I share the same feeling about myself in terms of like, do you feel like no. No, no. Nobody's asking you to run. Me neither. Me neither. I won't do it either.

He wants to run. He wants to run. But the thing is, is I do find myself dreaming of the attention and the power. Yeah. Which is exactly why you should be nowhere. Yeah. But I feel like I would serve the people well. Wanting to run is, no, I don't know that you would.

You don't think so? No, the fact that you want to is disqualifying. We need to go find organizers who have no desire to be in office and beg them. Forced them. Like George Washington. The best organizers I know would rather die than, run for office and that's the exact reason they should be our candidates. You know what? I like that. But I mean, you know, I, I'm not going to run. You would scare me as a politician.

No, he, we have a running gag that he is like, Uday. I do like a little bit of the, like they, they make fun of me because I like you are Ude Hussein. You are Uday Hussein. If you were, if you had a crumb of power. Yeah. You would only hire the, the sexiest twink staffers you possibly could. First of all, and you would make them, you'd make them carry your baggage. No,

you like twinks. Yeah. Good to know. You and your husband like to take advantage of twings. No, that's not true. No, he,

I'm telling you, he would make them carry his bags everywhere. Because we got a taste of this when we were in China. We paid a lot of money when we were out in China to go all around the country

and like there were people that were like handling everything that we were doing, the logistics and stuff. And I turned over to Austin and I saw this twinkle in his eye where, This spark where he was like, this is good.

I like having people. I discovered that I do kind of enjoy when other people carry my bag. Of course. This is good. And I like, we had like private chauffeurs, really nice hotel rooms.

And like I just was like, it was like all put together. And I was like, this is a life I could live. And so I said, should I arrive at immense power? I would sort of, I would do this.

You're a manipulator. Dude, I can tell. But even the way a few seconds ago, you go, you look at me with like very sweet eyes and you go, they make fun of me,

because of you have a very evil kind of undercurrent about you. No, no, no, no. I would, I would, I would certainly deliver for the people. Yes, I used to be an ally. I used to call myself an ally.

Austin has, put them off gaze for that. Like, I know, I know a very different side of gays now because of Oz. There's a book called bad gays. Have you read it?

No. It's about evil. It's about evil gays throughout history. I want you to take, no, I don't know for sure. Not yet. Not yet. I think you have a,

you have a power about you. Who's on that list? Caligula, Alexander the Great. Who was the first one I read about it? It was some, I forget who the first one was. But I've only read like one chapter. Alexander the Great's got to be on that, right? I would think.

Yeah. He's a pretty evil gay. I mean, most of those, most of the Ottoman Empire Podishas were, they were all. Caligula was pretty bad, too. They were fucking. Yeah. Here's some gay theory. Here's some gay history for you guys.

Their comparison is the most evil gay. I did this to you and it's not bad. I did this to and it's not there. The first game out of the podcast and now I'm falling apart. I'm Uday Hussein. I'm an evil gay dictator. In our defense, you did spend a sizable chunk of the beginning of the podcast talking about how you and your boyfriend are scamming the same guy.

Who's broke? Who's broke? Who has nothing? We're getting him twice. I want to be clear. It's not a scam because the guy... Because he liked it. No. Yeah. And I didn't get more than 50 or do 100 bucks out of it. That was it. You a hard box. I mean, come on.

He was going to his mother's chemotherapy session. I told him, you know, we, I told him, you know, we, I told him, I said, we don't do refunds. But, you know, I think I'd be open. He said, sir, I only have $20. You said, sell some food stamps. I don't know what the fuck you need to do, but don't come to me with excuses. Yeah, but no, look, I will never go into power. I'll probably never run, but.

No, he wants to. He wants to. You do. You do want to. There's a glimmer. I would be a great. politician. You would be a fantastic politician. Yeah, you'd be a sociopath. No, I

would not be a sociopath. He'd be an incredible politician. Juries out on how good of a public servant. I think at the end of the day, I do have a good heart underneath all this. I think material conditions for twinks would become way better in our country. Oh, if I were to be the president. You'd have state mandated douches and all

shower. Actually, I'm back on your side. You guys are being a little home of public. You guys are being a little home at public. The state mandated doucheesies and was a little too far. You guys got comfortable and you pushed it a little too far. Thank you.

That's what I'm talking about. Here's the problem though. On the inverse is like strict caloric restrictions on it has to be bottom friendly diet. I tell him I tell him this and then he makes it seem as if I'm starving my boyfriend.

Yeah. Like I'm not and my boyfriend is... He's more rolic than you. He's more rolic than you. He's more rolic than you. He's stronger than you. That's okay. He's taller than him.

Okay. Well, slightly. More handsome, more athletic. Well, you know, I'm going to want to see a photograph of the boyfriend there. Also, very funny. We love. We love. He's funny.

Do I know this guy? No, I don't think so. Can't be that funny. He's getting, you know, he's just starting. Well, he's young. You don't know him. He doesn't have his driver's license. It's a learner's permit.

It's a learner's permit. He can drive with me. Yeah, no, no. He's a grown man. He's a grown man. He's a grown man. He's 24 years old. And, uh,

Yeah, no, it's great. We've been dating for two years. I want to take you off the stand. I'm so sorry that you ended up on trial. No, no, no, no. We love that. We love cooking. Because one of the things that I do is, um, I created this, this narrative around him being a selfish top.

Oh. Oh my God. I got to tell you about this. You created discourse? No, he created this discourse. And I can't escape it. And it's all over the internet. I'm a bottom's right.

I'm a bottom's rights advocate. And I talk about how Austin is, is not a good top. like he's a selfish top. I don't have you ever fucked a guy? No. No. He does not. Then I would lay off. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Because he has called me a selfish top so often. And first of all, first of all, I love to please. I'm eager to please. That's like my number one thing. And I mean it genuinely. I will say you're not giving a convincing performance.

See? I hate to go back and forth, but it was not a convincing. No, no. I love to please. No. No, I If I'm not, if my partner's not receiving pleasure, I'm not receiving pleasure. Again, it wasn't super convincing.

It wasn't a hundred percent convincing, didn't you feel? I need your advice. How do I dispel these selfish topics? See, he's trying to figure out, he's trying to figure out to cook people. He's like, come on, tell me. No, how can I do it? How do I get out of being a selfish top? Are you one?

No. I'm eating ass is my favorite thing to do. That's beautiful. And again, it wasn't super convincing. No, no, no, no, no. He loves. I love to eat ass. It's my favorite thing on the planet.

Really? Yes. Do I not look like the type? Well, that just actually, the way you got so passionate right there circled into a new kind of territory for me, where I'm like, I actually believe you and I'm a little like, why? Like, it's like, you don't enjoy that? Well, I'll do anything that needs to be done.

I'm a team player, but you, like, impassionately being like, I would do, I wish I had an ass in my mouth right now. That's how I have to say it. That's how you're trying to dispel the rumors because I am such a passion. He's an ass eater. I love it. I would describe myself as a dedicated team. player who thrives in a fast-paced environment.

Sexually. Whatever it takes. I want the team to win. No ego. I'm just ready to win. Good color. Lugs me too. Dinner table issues. He would play on the Patriots. Ass is eaten.

Com produced. It's the production of cum. We're seizing the means. But I'm the same way though, and I'm the only way I can dispel the rumors of being to self-stop is talking about my sex life openly and honestly. Yeah.

And I've had people that don't like their asses eaten. And so I get in there and I improvise. Yeah. I do other things. Yeah. To please them. Okay. So we're going to put a pin in that.

Okay. Caleb. We will get back to that. Don't worry. We will cover that extensively in the Patriot. Austin, my jaw is killing me. Why is that, Will? Because I'm eating all my vitamins and minerals.

Oh my gosh. That is one. One of the worst things you could do. Everybody knows that contributes to chronic jaw pain. What? Yes. Is there an easier way to get all my vitamins and minerals? Of course there is, Will.

Have you ever heard of AG1? No. Come on, Will. What is that? Come on, Will. What is it? Come on, Will. Come on, Will, you never heard of AG1?

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3 plus K2 and AG1 welcome kit with your first AG1 subscription order. This is a limited time offer only available while supplies last. That's drinkag1.com slash fear. Drink AG1.com slash fear. I want to put the focus on you quickly

because over the last year, you have quickly become my favorite social media creator that whenever I scroll over one of your videos, I know I'm going to laugh. What is your community background. Where did you become so damn funny? Hassan, right

when we start talking about me, don't check your Apple Watch for me, okay? It felt bad when they started to buy it on. I thought it was going to be fun. No, I'm going to get so cooked on this. This is what people get mad at me over all the time. I did it because I got a notification because I ordered coffee because I thought

you were getting me a cold brew. Oh, is that what you meant by that? Well, let's ask the audience. Okay, let's ask the audience if you thought I should bring a cold brew. Because maybe we'll find out of the same thing. I texted, I texted, it's a 9 a.m. on a Saturday, by the way. I said, on Valentine's Day. I texted on, I said, you want a coffee?

He said, I'm supposed to ask you that. He didn't. I said, got to wake up pretty early to best me, brother. Then he sent me a selfie of himself at the gym and said, but he, I recommend Kofax cold brew. If you like that. I said, let's discuss their breakfast burritos. He said, they're fire. I won't be partaking, though.

in what part of that message did you think I was supposed to bring you a cold group? I was just trying to subtly say I would like a cold brew That's crazy The thing about Hassan that you have to understand You have to ask him multiple times Sometimes he works on

Yeah, I was texting driving too In person It's like trying to become Jewish You have to go to the rabbi multiple times You have to beg Yeah, no I mean I he doesn't speak back sometimes Yeah And I've learned this over our relationship

Oh no I stayed here last night And often I don't stay here But last night I totally was not meaning to sidestep You're just got excited You're gonna get back to you in a second Last night

Let's talk friendship Yeah you were about to say I'm bad right Last night First of all I'm in Vancouver I'm at UBC I'm giving a talk about you know American foreign policy You're at one of your champagne socialists

Yeah one of my champagne socials events So unbelievably well yeah Yeah and they're giving me so much They're throwing money at the stage And adrenochrome Yeah. So Austin text me, like a couple days prior to this text message, he's like floating the idea, I think of staying here. Because normally he doesn't like to stay here. He stays at a hotel. But he was like, oh, hotels are so expensive. He's like, oh, hotels are so expensive. He was out of budget this weekend. Because it's all start. It's all start. It's all start. It's too much. Yeah. So Keith sends me a text message when I'm in Vancouver like, hey, can I, you know, stay at your place? Can I stay with you? I was like, oh, well, I'm in Vancouver. Then, he said well that's crazy sounds like the house

is open no he didn't he missed it because I didn't know if anyone was here my mom was here but I didn't realize but in any case he he was like oh so can I stay with you the next night I'm like sure of course I come back

Austin comes in Austin goes upstairs to do whatever the fuck he's doing okay I yell at him I'm like Austin come down he comes down I say hey let's watch a movie sweet thank you isn't sweet I said hey can we watch a movie together And he said,

But unfortunately, I had plans. Yeah. And he said, no, I'm going to dinner with my gays. I mean, but I had planned this because normally when I go to, when I go to his house, the conversation is me talking to myself asking questions that don't get responses. Are you one of these gay guys that only hangs out with other gay guys? Yes. Yes. Yes.

Humiliating. Humiliating revelation. I'm going to dinner with my gays was a big town. No, no. Oh, no. No. Name a lesbian. My neighbors.

No. He doesn't do it. He doesn't know. No, it's true. I have two neighborhood lesbians and their name escapes me right now. But I will come back to me. He has openly talked about how he knows zero lesbians. Let me explain something.

My best friend is straight. I have straight friends. I have gay friends. But I grew up straight until I was, until I became until I chose to be gay. conversion therapy. But I live in Portland. He watched that episode of Arthur. I live two different lives.

Yeah. My Portland life is white picket fence, suburb, you know, very like, you know, nice. My L.A. life is where I get to experience the homosexuality I never did growing up. So I am, I waste no time at straight establishments. Yeah. I waste no time. Many times I don't really hang out with that many straight people. Yeah.

And I'm like just fully living the gay life that I was deprived of. And he's always trying to take that from me. Yeah. With his movies. It's so funny. With movies and friendship. You do have a charisma about you that makes me want to really like you. Like, I'm very drawn to you.

But then the second I give you a chance to defend yourself against an accusation. You do blow it in like record time. You're like, you're like, do I know a lesbian, no, but I grew up in a neighborhood that was so idyllic and beautiful. That when I come to L.A., it's just like you don't really nail it when I give you the show. I know. I need to work on it. But anyway, I don't have only gay friends. I mean, look, I have them.

For sure, yeah. I have them. I have despises those. I have female friends. You know, I have varied friends. But anyway, back to you, Caleb. Thank God. Yeah, I don't want to get away from this again.

To answer your question, I moved. I did improv in college when I was. Where did you do improv? Missouri State, Go bears. Okay. And then I moved to Chicago and. Were you Second City guy? Well, more I-O.

And I had like some of the alt. But I did a fellowship at Second City at one point. I was a Second City guy. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't take their classes, but I did their, their Bob Curry fellowship when I was there.

Okay, cool. I was mostly like I.O. The shit hole, hideout, like doing like the alt-wings and stuff. And then I moved out here for a bit and I live in New York. But most of my comedy training was just at the theaters in Chicago. That's awesome. That's cool. No, I'm a-

And that's why you like my videos. I'm an improv guy and I'm former stand-up guy. And whenever I watch him, like, God, he is so quick. He must have some kind of comedic training because you're so on the ball. I think one of the funniest clips I've ever seen, I don't know the name of your one co-host. but she she clocks herself with like a pot of greed card. Oh, Drew, Drew, for Drew.

Yeah, I was on Drew's podcast. And then eating all the pies clip is maybe one of the funniest things. Yeah, there's just some things you say that will never escape you. It's one of like six stories with my fans that they really have latched on to. The eating all the pies is a big one. Yeah, you just say shit and you're like, you don't imagine when you're saying, because I run my mouth all the time. I mean, look how I've treated you, but nothing but lovely to me.

No, no. But I run my mouth and then you don't imagine. that you're about to say something that will like foundationally change the way you interact with strangers for the rest of your life. Yes. And the pies thing is one of them

that I'm like until the day I die I'm certain that people will be like not the pies aren't safe. Look who just walked in. Like perfect strangers talking to me this way. Like I'm a fucking clown. But you just don't know. But that's thank you.

That's very, very sweet. That's so nice. Yeah, Chicago. Shout out to Chicago Impro for real. I love Chicago. I also wanted to talk about the, well, you mentioned the warehouse in Kansas,

said, let's go. Let's get into it. Let's go. Yeah, Kansas City, you're talking about how there's radical politics out there. There's people out there of working class background that are trying to do their very best to fight back against this administration in what centrist liberals would consider woke ways.

Right. And there's been a massive success so far. On top of the success in Minneapolis, Minnesota, with ICE finally pulling out of that separate occupation, there's a warehouse that was supposed to be allotted to ICE as a, as a, a detention center.

Yeah. And there were a lot of initiatives. You want to go in and talk about that? Yeah, we bullied these fucking losers. Yeah. We bullied these fucking losers. And now they're not building an ice to, for now, we have to stay vigilant. I mean, you can't, you can never, you claim your victories when you get them,

but we have to, like, stay on top of it. But, yeah, they, the Kin City City Council passed a moratorium on any, um, any, uh, sale of property in the city to the government to be used for detention centers. Can you tell us what the timeline on that look like, like when they announced their plans to turn versus like when your the actions were taking? Like what did that pipeline look like? Not even an announcement, by the way. That's the insidious thing. Is these people were like this, this brokerage that was helping make this sale happen.

And I'm not going to mention any names because of not wanting to get sued. But the brokerage that was trying to make this happen, they're like big like in the community people that are like, oh, we're at the children's hospital. Anything safe that they can be like, we love the community. Right. They announced no plans. it comes out that they're privately brokering a deal to turn a warehouse that was supposed to be zoned for business purposes and warehousing. They're going to turn it into an ice concentration camp. And this building is massive.

There's no reason in any world where a building of that size should be housing human beings. Regardless of your politics, which is why I think the community got so pissed off is like, wait, you're telling me we're not going to get a fucking huge factory with jobs in there. We're going to, we're going to what, house people that are being detained because they may or may not have had their papers on them at the moment. No. This, so anyway, the people who actually have the jobs in America right now. Right, by the way. So I started commenting on their Instagram and then they turned their comments off and then a bunch of us started calling. My city councilman, Jonathan Duncan and Kansas City is a fucking awesome.

He's a lefty, like, tenants guy. But yeah, we all started bullying them. And then the company put out a statement, of course, like claiming like, we were actually never going to do that sale. Like, we were never working with the whatever. We were just kidding. We were just, guys, the rumors are untrue. And then they have the nerve in their statement to be like, our families have had threats.

It's like, oh, are we worried about family safety now, boys? Like, really crazy shit. But it's funny, like, Hassan, when you were talking about, like, oh, what would be considered like woke, you know? The idea that the tenant union is woke is so funny to me because we organize trump voters.

There are plenty of trump voters that come into the tenant union and are like, I don't do pronouns, but I don't want to lose my house. And we're like, welcome. Like, that's fine. We'll figure it out together. You know what I mean? Don't worry.

You're not in trouble. That's a lie that you've been told about us. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like a very, very... I'm not calling anyone they, them. Not too confusing. I'm not calling anyone anything.

Yeah, but I think the idea that these are woke ideas that can't win is just silly. It's like, no, people actually aren't as tied to these, like, big party ideas as they're being made out to be. They just, things make sense to people when you make them make sense. Yeah, you know what races people need? Housing. You know what they need? Health care. Right.

Just run on housing and health care. Yeah. That's when people talk about like affordability. is this like big, grand idea. It's like, yeah, you know what's not affordable? It's not fucking TVs at Best Buy. It's healthcare, it's education, and it's housing. If you ran on those three core principles,

a lot of people who would otherwise slot themselves into the other category because they're like, well, these guys are not giving me anything, but at least these guys are saying trans people are weird. And I also think that way are going to turn around and vote for you instead. They're going to vote for you. Speaking of affordability, I famously have a conservative family. and I've finally made some inroads. No.

Finally with some of them. But the framing is very different. I talk about it through the lens of football because they understand two things in football are happening. Let's go. One, the price of hot dogs. Yeah. The price of hot dogs is astronomical.

And I point to that there is actually a legal precedent that some food within a stadium that is owned by the state needs to be made affordable, right? Because then you've created a monopoly. and there's a previous legal case that was decided where they need to make food items. And the second is Fanatics jerseys. I don't know if you know anything about Fanatics jerseys,

but Fanatics jerseys is the perfect way to sell the insidious nature of capitalism. Because right now, every sport, F1, baseball, football, everything. All the rights to their jerseys are owned by one company Fanatics. And they are so shitty that some of the players had to lobby to stop. using Fanatics jersey in gameplay because they would fall apart and fans all fucking hate them and right now fake jerseys are of a higher quality than the official ones that cost like $300 so sports fans understand now monopolizing in capitalism because of jerseys if you know any diehard sports fan you can communicate you can communicate to them through jerseys be like you know fanatics

they're like yeah like that's the issue that's monopolizing i saw i saw i saw post that's like complimentary to what you're saying that went viral uh the other day of like uh old like Mets uh concession stand yeah that was stocked with like a variety of different treats because Americans love treats oh yeah so you can you can convince Americans on on the basis of access the trees and and also the jerseys they had jerseys for every single player and that was so fascinating for a lot of people because they were like what the fuck nowadays apparently due to fanatics is like it's only like just Just in time manufacturing and also like their endless need to make sure that, you know,

they're only selling jerseys that are, that people want to buy. They only do like three or four players and then some maybe legendary players as well. But back in the day, they used to sell players jerseys of every single player. Yep. So you could just go and purchase the jury. And this goes even further. Right now in the United States, there is only one NFL team owned by the people, which is Green Bay. Green Bay, motherfucking packers.

And you know the only, you know, the only, you know, the only team that doesn't use fanatic jerseys, the Green Bay motherfucking Packers, because Packers jerseys are still made. They're still made where? I kind of want. And Jordan Love is fine. And Jordan Love is fine.

Their jerseys are still made right in the state at the Reebok factory. In Wisconsin. Yes. Oh, Todd, I didn't know that. Briefly speak, are you a football fan? Yeah. Kansas City Chiefs?

Yeah. Okay. Question. Are, can you set your politics aside if you if you need Harrison Bucker to make a kick. If they're winning you the championship, the Super Bowl.

A Republican? Yeah. Well, for sure. I don't have politics. Yeah, but I will say when Harrison Bucker does anything other than make a field goal, I go,

this is what you fucking get. Yeah. When he misses a field goal, I go, you stupid bitch, you should have been focused on kicking field goals and not fucking talking about women going to college or whatever the fuck you were doing. Okay, because as a Vikings fan,

I'm like, I don't give a fuck what? you are as long as you get at that fucking trophy. Yeah, that's beautiful. You know what I mean? And by the way, this is a unifying message. Yes. I don't care. Yeah.

By the way, people don't care. Travis Kelsey was like doing like vaccine commercials and everyone was like, as long as he produces on the field. As long as he's still catching and running. That's fine. I'm a quarterback was Kurt Cousins. I'm a Jets fan. I would have John Wayne Gasey play quarterback.

Which would be awesome. No, he was like, he was about to revert to Islam. Like, I'm not even kidding. Robert Sala was the coach, and I thought we needed the spiritual Jews. First Muslim head coach. Yeah, there was a period of every period of time. I needed my jets to feel Allah's light. And he didn't get a really fair shake over there.

No, he didn't. It wasn't fair what happened to him. He had one flag on his jersey, and I think Woody Johnson took him out for nefarious reasons there. And, well, you know, woke is back, though, because we saw what happened to Robert Kraft. What happened to Robert Kraft? I didn't see, actually. He, well, the Patriots lost. Oh, cloak is back.

He went to Israel. He hung out with Benjamin Nanyahu right before the Super Bowl. He threw a football. He gave a football to Benjamin Nanyahu so he could throw one. And then guess what happened? They got annihilated. In his defense, though, we've all had lunch with BB. The guy throws a great lunch.

I don't love what he's doing. But he throws a great lunch. Well. Hassan not even willing. to joke about it. He's like, I will never go to watch it.

I'm not even willing to joke about it. It's a bit. It's a bit. Yeah, he cannot, he cannot be a transphro of homophobic and all that as soon as

as Bibi is off the table. There's certain people that I don't entertain that for. He's one of them. But the other thing I was going to say, though, the other thing I was going to say is you brought up something

really great. Like football and like these sorts of like cultural forces are uniting, right? I don't partake in it, but even though, like, I don't personally care about football. Like, I grew up in Turkey. I still, you know, like the fanfare around, you know, NFL weekend and all the stuff, the halftime show, the commercials.

And what's really interesting to me is that conservatives have basically negatively polarized themselves away from normal things that people enjoy. Yeah. And they're becoming more and more repulsive every single day. And one of those things is the, you know, halftime Super Bowl show. And did you see the Paul brothers In general? The Paul brothers split

On the halftime show Where Jake was like You should turn off your TV What blah And his brother was like I can't follow you Brother you're gonna have to go Your own way on this one

Yeah Jake claimed his his Twitter was hacked He was like I don't know what happened Didn't Logan though Originally have like a pretty abrasive Like no to watching it originally And then saw the tide

Turning on social media And then like jumped on the big guy I mean He's bad money. Yeah, I said to the right carpet. He's like, no. So they have the same opinion. One was just wise enough to grift over.

I think if you're looking at the Paul brothers to have a consistent, morally clear message about the world, you've already got a problem. I also have a theory about the split, and it's very pessimistic. I think they're setting up for a boxing match between each other. Because I think after Jake got his bell wrong, he doesn't want to fight any real fighters anymore. So how do you bill another, you know, $5 million purse fight about your brother? So Logan's going to grift to the left That's so awesome That's actually awesome

That is their return of the form That's the most Ohio thing you can do is beat the shit Brother fight Fratricide That's actually fucking like their dad That's actually completely awesome And I love that Yeah I hope that's what they're doing

I really hope that's what they're doing That's awesome First ever I mean this is a double knockout They just punch each other at the same time Everyone celebrates Rocky style Yeah but no woke it woke is back

It's back but in a new way by the way. Can I just say? We need a new woke. Some people are still trying to do 2015 woke. Honey, it didn't work. We need a new woke. Yeah. Oh,

oh, God, Will. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Will, I can't stop going to the bathroom. It just keeps flowing out of me like lava. Oh, my God. I think I need to go see a doctor. Oh, wow.

Well, Dustin, stop putting off those. doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash fear to find an instantly book. But before I do that, we need to talk a little bit more about my ailments and what Zock Doc is. Will Zock Doc. I got a jingle for Zock Doc, too, that I was thinking about. Ready? Yeah.

ZOC, DOC, get the coverage for you and me. Zock, Doc. What? Yes. Off the dome? Off the dome. Oh my God. COC.

DOC. Get the coverage for you and me. I like how quick it is, which is exactly the same process that you'll have at ZocDoc. You can skip all the lines. You can skip all the BS. That's typically associated with seeing a doctor.

Get a doctor in your network. That's right. Top rated today. Oh, yeah. So stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocococ.com slash fear and find an instantly book a top-rated doctor

today. You know what? Z. O.C. DoC. Find a doctor for you and me Zuck, Doc. I saw two straight men come out of a bathroom stall together. They were doing cocaine. They were kissing. No, I didn't know. I didn't know if they were

I was very confused because I went down his bathroom was in a basement. I was at a sushi restaurant. It wasn't even like at a gay bar or anything. This was definitely it was an accepting of all sexuality establishment. I can tell by the sushi.

Yeah, so we were down, it was an inclusive Japanese restaurant. We were down in the basement and there was a bathroom and I'm waiting and I'm like, I hear two voices in there. But they're having a very, you know, there's, I don't hear a dick being sucked. I don't hear anything like that.

They were doing drugs. I don't know though. And then they come out of the restroom. And I'm like, oh my God, woke is back because they felt so comfortable in their sexuality. They were doing drugs. Because they were definitely straight men. Okay, I want to say, I was giving you

the benefit of the doubt with the story and imagining that it would circle back to a point. There was no point. Us is example of won't be bad. It's two dudes in West Highwood doing blow. Doing coke in a sushi restaurant. Two gay to Asians had sushi. No, no, no. It just closed the big deal for UTA.

They want to celebrate a little bit. I think that gay guy was listening to us to Coke. Baby, woke is back, Kamala by a landslide. I don't, I don't think that they were doing coke. I think they were peeing together. Because I went in there, a urinal and a toilet. Yeah.

So I think they went in and they're like, we can be in here together? Can I tell you, you're getting mired down in the details of something that ultimately could not have anything to do with what I mean. I feel like woke. You're like, no, no, no, there's a toilet and a urinal.

It's like, right, so we're so far off the track. Yeah, we were talking about like Jake Paul having to like, apologize after coming out and being like, yeah, fuck Puerto Rico. Their masculinity using the restroom together. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'll tell you a little bit about my politics.

When I go into a sushi restaurant, I'm going to see two men in the bathroom. That's my America. They're just a few weeks ago, they would have called each other right there. You know what I mean? Get out of here. That was, that being

the case that we're making for Wokke's back. woke his back the boys are peeing together we haven't seen this since 2013 it's true I just I didn't know straight men y'all did that I didn't know you did coke in the bathroom together I thought that was a what that's like one of the only things they do really yeah coke in the bathroom together

yeah that's a staple of American culture I don't mind I don't really hang out in straight spaces very much so I just assume that everything is and you want to run you want to run and you don't understand why straight guys are doing bathrooms I could blend in oh really you straight it up yes I could blend in oh yeah you probably would not have even known that he's gay if he didn't. You probably would not have known

Did you know I was gay when you walked in? Honey, I knew you were gay. I knew you were gay before I ever even met. I knew you were gay from miles and miles away. Did you just sense that there is a homosexual? Driving over here, I said there was going to be a little gay guy. I sense a gay presence. So what about it makes me?

Because some people can't clock me as an homosexual. Really? You gave me a gay guy hug. Thank you. What's good though? Gay guy hug. There's just a little bit of a linger. Straight guy, here's what happens.

When you hug a big huger, I hugged everybody, hug strangers. When you give a straight guy a hug, it's not out of fear usually or malice. Yeah. But there is, after about 1.5 seconds,

their body tenses in a way that's like, we should probably let go. Wait, what about me? Did I give you a gay guy hug? No, you tense. You tense. You tense.

And it wasn't mean. It was just. Yeah. I have noticed straight guys do this when they hug. They hug, and then when it's time to go, they go.

Yeah, well, I sometimes do that too. Okay. But me too. Okay. The reason I hugged you the way that I did is I wanted to send a signal. Yeah. And you did. You were safe.

You did. He lingered in a very homosexual way. If you want to pee in a bathroom with me. We will not be doing code. I can blend in and I will give the, you know, I'll do the straight guy thing. Oh, I'll go in with one of these. No problem. Exactly.

I like to make them feel safe. Yeah. But yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'll do it like, I'm not going to, you know, you're not going to be gay. But you gave me a gay guy hug. And I did that to send a signal. I did. I did.

I did it. Oh. double pumped because I remembered in the back of my mind. In the back of my mind, I remembered you talking about giving hugs. Yeah. And that's why, because I came in with a dab. Yeah. You noticed that.

I know. And I went straight in for the hug. And you went in for the hug. And I was like, oh, he's a hugger. Yeah. And then in my mind, I was thinking, everyone always makes fun of me for giving the most autistic hugs. So I have to make this hug good.

So I, I, that wasn't a tens of it. Here's what happened. Hassan, I love you. From by my heart, you seem like a great guy. I love your work. We hug. You first of all, you tried the DAP, which was beautiful. And sometimes it would have been respectful to join you where your culture is.

Yeah. I decided to go ahead and give you the hug, let you know who I am. You did. Here's what happened. I almost, and it may have been subconscious. You tensed a little bit like we should let go because I'm straight. And then you hugged me tighter, which was very progressive. And then I, and then you out loud said, while we're how I remember this, you outled said, you outlawed said, yeah.

Like you were giving yourself over to a longer hug. And I thought, well, how nice is that? How nice is that? It wasn't about you being gay. He was trying to go against the autism allegations. No, I think it was about you being gay for sure. Yeah. He really, I was proud of this.

He really thought he stuck that shit. That's why when you guys started talking about hugs, I was sitting here like, okay. My compliment is en route. Yeah, yeah. I wonder if my hug was good. fucking nailed that hug. Yeah.

The whole podcast Hassan had himself with the back, like, I think I nailed that social interaction an hour ago. Oh, no. Normal guy alert.

I fucking killed that hug earlier. Oh, no. I'm going to be thinking about that. It was beautiful. Hassan, this is not a criticism.

I'm just saying, you wonder how I know that this guy was a flaming homo. Yeah. It was the hug. He isn't in, and I can tell you

from experience, he's not a good huger. No, that's not true. It was a great hug. For you, he is. But for us.

For us, it's a side hug. Sometimes you get like half-ass dab. You know, sometimes you don't even get a hello. Yeah. Like, I walked down this morning and I walked right past him, and he didn't even say good morning. Well, he's hanging his house for free and refused to watch a movie with it. Oh.

I think he's allowed to be a little cold in the morning. He wouldn't do that anyway, even if I watched a movie with him. No, no, no, no. If we watched a movie, I could cuddle up with him on the couch. If we watched the movie, I would have also invited you to the gym. Speaking of, speaking of movies, I think we're watching something behind the paywall. Oh, yeah.

You're very excited about, we're not watching a entire movie. Are you a porn movie? Okay, I woke up two days ago. You watch porn together? Well, listen, you need to understand. I woke up two mornings ago, bleary-eyed. I opened my phone to a text message from Assam he goes, I finally found it.

It is a kung fu porno where there, and I saw a clip of it while I'm in bed and my girlfriend is like, what are you looking at? And I was like, Assan sent me this. It's like 9 a.m. Yeah. It's worth it. When you see it, you'll understand why. Why did you send me this?

Can I tell you a feeling I'm having right now? It's not looking good for the left that you guys are our guys. We're trying to mess. It's not texting me at 9 a.m. a kung fu-foo porno. It's like, we are fucked. We are completely fucked if this is where things are headed. I mean, sometimes you have to enjoy the finer things. The little things.

No, I'm happy for you guys. I'm just kidding. Yeah. I want you guys to watch porn together. Yeah. You guys can pee in a bathroom together. We can watch our comfort. Focus back, baby.

Caleb, thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. You are by far one of our funniest guests. Can you please tell everybody what you have coming up, where they can find you, everything? Oh, God, what do I have? Do you have got some movies coming out this year?

Check my Instagram out. I would just like turn on notifications for my stories because I don't post on grid. When Caleb says things on Instagram, follow if you'd like, like my podcast so true comes out every Thursday. You'll know maybe half the guests. And then the other ones, hopefully you'll just fall in love with.

And that's all. Thank you, Caleb Heron, everybody. And we're going to continue this conversation, including porn reviews behind the paywall at patreon.com slash fear. And thank you for your contributions. And we'll see you behind the paywall. Take care, y'all. Why are they playing the...

Why are we telling them this? I really... I don't... It's pure reactionary. Look at what you've done. It's reactionary. Caleb had a good, was having a good day. Don't call it performance art, dude.

Come on, don't call performance art. It's not. Why do you guys know all this? Are you guys, a genuine question? He's online. He's my job all the time. But it doesn't, does it have to be to this level? Didn't you kind of make it?

I mean, can we relax it a little bit? No, I don't, I'm not in as deep as he is. There's an infertile 20-year-old Nazi that you have to know his skincare routine. I just can't imagine. This is necessary. Well,