Fear& - The Yard's Official Apology to AustinShow | Fear&Aiden-less World 2027

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

This week we are joined by The Yard's A team, to replace our ginger and token gay man with another ginger and a slightly less gay man. It's basically a regular episode of fear& if you watch from over 10 feet away and squint. (Or i guess the last part of this description doesnt apply if ur reading this because youre on an audio platform but thanks for stopping by regardless and reading the things i write)🎉BONUS CONTENT🍾 🌟PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand♥ follow our guests! ♥Nick: https://twitter.com/FalcoAiden: https://twitter.com/aidencalvin✰ follow Fear&! ✰Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod0:00 - The pod gets even more ginger06:04 - KC Chiefs were always QTs favorite football team09:50 - Poliques invade the Fear& podcast12:19 - Nicks incredibly serious Apology19:30 - Aidens incredibly serious Apology24:30 - Slime is dating a Heinz sister26:45 - Girl Economy / Ludwig Hair Guy32:50 - Real Homie Check up time (Is Hasan okay?)36:00 - Do the hosts have Podcast Guilt41:07 - More pranks between the yard45:24 - Podcast talking about podcasts50:01 - John Mayor's best friend Hasan55:00 - QT Cinderella gets to sniff Taylor Swift1:00:00 - Can a brother slide? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Oh, you're so big, dude. Honestly, torso check? I'm like kind of the same when we sit down. You are. You're like around the same height, I think, and also the same weight. All of us three men. Yeah. This feels like it'll be a normal episode for me.

Oh, wait. Oh, hello. Oh, did my huge chest interrupt our men. Yeah. This feels like it'll be a normal episode for me. Yeah. Oh, wait. Oh, hello. I said, oh, did my huge chest interrupt our podcast? Yeah. Every boy on this podcast always has a bigger chest. We decided to upgrade our funny man, our ginger funny man, and also our gay man. Is he off the threshold? Is he at the, I can't say barbecue, but like a picnic?

Is he at our picnic? Bro, he is literally, I can't say barbecue, but like a picnic? Is he at our picnic? Bro, he is literally, yeah, barbecue. He is the most ginger. I said that he wasn't ginger, too. Not a contest. I said he had light brown hair, and he was like, oh, I'm ginger. He's going to be so upset. Here's the measurement of, I thought you were going to.

Especially that, Mike. Don't touch it. Austin's ruined it we're about to find out if austin is the the the emt attack bomb don't talk about the mp attack bomb yeah uh versus maybe it's a homophobic mike i don't know but yeah we like i was saying we upgraded we upgraded big time we upgraded our ginger guy he's more ginger than ever before and funnier well the litmus test of how redheaded are you is uh at what age did you start and stop getting bullied oh so if he was never bullied oh he was bullied then he's not but i thought he said he was bullied

because he was fat i think he's that's a bad role if you roll both that's that's i think he's coping i think that he got bullied for being ginger and fat. It's like, you queue Valorant, like Instalock, like Yoru, and then like Phoenix

and it's like, game's already over. Wait, really? That's the, Oh yeah, yeah. If you're redheaded, you also get fat because you can get like the,

who's the dude from Shameless? So you can get that thing and it's like, no one even acknowledges it for your whole life. Oh, he's the hot. The hot one? You know what I'm saying?

The hot red one. But the first thing she thought was like, you know that guy who's hot who I'm thinking about? Except that he was a kid when I started watching, and so I didn't think he was a hot when he was a kid. But when he grew up and I was a grown up, then we thought I was hot. Just to be clear, the kid wasn't hot until he wasn't a kid anymore, and then he was hot. But not before. I don't know who we're talking about. Who are you talking about?

Wait, pull up hot kid from shame. Honestly, cut the second half off. Shameless hot guy. Shameless hot kid. Oh, Jeremy Allen. Is it Jeremy Allen White? Yeah. No, no, no, no.

Oh, Cameron Monaghan. Yeah, he's the redhead. Oh, this guy. Yeah. Is he hot? Okay, relax, dude. You're a guy who gets called hot every day of his life. I love it when I was a kid and then ask.

Your perspective is warped. Just kidding. Wait, is he hot, though? I don't know if I would say this guy's hot. I know he's an attractive. When it comes to redheads. You're just an ally, I think. Oh, no.

Ariana Grande's redhead. Yeah, when it comes to people who have genetic deformities like me, how do we cross the threshold into attractive? They're just not normal. Hey, welcome back to the Fear Ann podcast. I know. Listen. With the Yard B team.

How dare you? How dare you? Also, I'm an Austin upgrade, apparently, and I'm less gay. So let's be. Yeah. You know what's funny? Exactly. When Ludwig goes out of town, I always ask the question, like, who can I ask to be on

the podcast who won't take offense to the fact we're inviting them on when Ludwig's gone? Mm-hmm. And so I now know what it feels like to be on the other side of that. But I'd say you guys are probably the A team of your end. I like to think so. Because, you know, you bring. Don't make that face.

I hate this podcast. You bring the fans because you have, like, the whole, like, women ages 11 to 14. Uh-huh. That's my. You hit the fan base. You do all the work. So that's, like, the two base You do all the work So that's like the two biggest Heads on Mount Rushmore

Does she though Does she do all the work I don't know What's your ranking She's gone Who do you think She's already out of the room Who do I think

Pulls the most weight I mean it's me 100% It is him Are you counting But also because like I'm here You know what I mean So it's like hard for me Are you counting... But also because I'm here. So it's hard for me not to pull all the weight.

Dude, you would hope that you would show up to that podcast in your house. This does not fit on any of your fingers. That is fucked. This might go on my dick. Look at this. That is fucked.

Put it on a finger. Show it to the rest of the world. Would it? Yeah, that's my cockery. Okay. It's like the spinning rims of this. Yeah. That's crazy.

Maybe my thumb. Okay. It kind of fits my... It's still loose on my thumb. Dude, it's like I feel like I need to hit the gym, but it'll never actually work out. Yeah, no. This is... I don't think you can get that larger.

I need to get beefy fingers. Yeah. Yeah, it's a problem for getting rings in general. It's not good. Yeah, you can't really show up to like Melrose Trading Post and like just buy a ring. Always just a pinky finger. Like I can get, I can always get one for the pinky fingers. Whoa. It sounds like your life's been extremely hard up to this point. I can get... I can always get one for the pinky fingers. Whoa. It sounds like your life's

been extremely hard up to this point. I know. It sucks. Being six foot four and just yacked. I hate it. Packaged like a bomb at the airport or something. You guys gotta stop talking about bombs. Why? You were talking about the Super Bowl

before we got here? Okay. I'm wearing my Kansas City Chiefs, my favorite football team. Oh, my God. You are such a... Do you guys know how much I love Kansas City? I've always talked about them. Yeah. I don't watch sports.

I don't watch sports either. Are the Chiefs the pre or post-racist name? I don't think the football team's... Oh, only the Redskins did, right? That's what it was. This is post... The Chiefs this is post this is the enlightened not Indian Chiefs they're like hey Chief

yeah what's up wait show it wait it's the same team though no different team these are different teams what's that what's that thing that KC is sitting on

what is that it's the mouse it's your mouse when you're clicking it's interesting they they were like we can't let go the entire branding you know what i mean the chiefs aren't racist i'll say it yeah because taylor swift's a fan yeah well they got the they got mr pfizer on what you have on the chiefs i don't know if you guys know that i do know about this oh you didn't realize this is crazy i wish it a bit, but I don't think it is. Typical guys calling a girl crazy.

I don't think it's a joke. Here we are again. Back on Fear and they're calling the girl crazy. I'm trying to think if I could do the opposite. You found out a skateboarder was dating a singer and you go to their concerts. That's your cultural reference point? Guys like skateboarding. Girls like Taylor Swift.

Yeah, but the skateboarder has to be more famous than the music artist? What is the equivalent? Skateboarder has... Oh, true. Bam Margera. You know what? Bam Margera's back in a big way.

I hate him so much. His kids were literally taken away from him. Oh my God, really? Yeah. Okay, I think... Okay, so here's what it is i think it's because like you're never supposed to raise your voice to your parents when you're growing up in turkey like i feel like there's a universal principle but like americans violated anyway and his uncle was like a convicted

pedophile he can scream at them all he wants dude he was doing it to his dad too and like i okay this is kind of funny i guess guess. But like when I was a kid, when that show came on, I was, first I was horrified. Then I was angry. We're talking to Viva La Bam. Yes.

When he would like, I was horny and happy. Wait, what? Dude, Ben Margera was killing it for a while. I am, I,

he put his thumb through sleeves of jackets and people were like we're fine with that just keep being yeah i did it too i wanted to be like him that is i'm so mad i'm mad skateboard i had his board i did it also but it was because i wanted to be ash from pokemon oh okay that's that's a little bit more i didn't watch yeah okay my my thing though like every time he like misbehaved and then like spoke back to his parents his parents, I was, like, the shame. Like, I couldn't watch it. No, it's TV. I physically could not watch it.

I don't even. What's a good comparison? It's like you're watching, like, cartoons. And you're like, I just don't like that they're so. I think he did actually punch his parents. Yeah, he did. I think, like. And they got a bag for it.

Like, do you think that they would have any. It's shameful. You're a streamer. I think I get this. It is the worst reality TV. You're a streamer. You're watching that and you're going like, that's my line.

I would have this going over to friends' houses who could get away with swearing or saying weird words in front of their parents. Weird words? Like lugubrious? What do you mean? But i would i would go into like shock whoa weird weird words like wait you raised mormon too what's going on not mormon just i had strict parents strict canadian parents oh wait you're canadian yeah oh my god is there like

a program i could go through to be Mormon? Or is it like a Freemason thing? I got to know someone. I think you got to be like Samoan. You got to be Samoan. You got to get like the rocks tattoo. All you have to do is show up once. To what? And then they'll say, to church on Sunday.

That's it? You know, I've been to Mormon church. They'll want to baptize you and then you get baptized. Do you have? Yeah, I have. Wait, that's it? You just show up? It's so easy.

Sometimes people join the Mormon church because Mormons have a lot of really good kickbacks genuinely if you're you're talking about it like it's the organized it's organized crime family they do a lot of good i was poor and sometimes we'd go to the local mormon like uh shop there'd be this food shop where you could get discounted food because everyone's tithing would help pay for the food. That's hype. And sometimes everyone's tithing will help pay for people's mortgages if they're poor and stuff like that. And so sometimes people will join the church, pretend that they're Mormon, just so they can help get their house paid for. I think it was gross that the American government waged war against Mormons and did not allow them to do polycules. Poor people have mortgages. Yeah. With the Mormon church. We just filed bankruptcy like a few times. Oh, that's tight. I saw the big short, so I kind of understand. They should have

their polycules and help out people with their mortgages. That's what we're establishing right now. Yeah. Well, they kind of kept doing it anyway, which I always thought was really interesting. I don't know if you guys know this, but Mitt Romney's dad, George Romney, ran for president. Yeah. But was, like, born in Mexico. The reason why he was born in Mexico was because he was a part of the Mormons that went to Mexico because America was like, you can't do polyamory. He had different binders of women. Yeah.

Very different. Wow. Look look at that we don't do any politics on the podcast baby we're here we don't have to talk about all this yeah we could just you know be funny and yeah you guys don't talk about politics i was i was listening on the way here because i watch your youtube videos sometimes and on the way here i was listening to you go over nikki haley's performance at the Republican debate. And watching her roast everybody on the stage was pretty entertaining. She's great. She's a queen.

Can I just say something before we get into this podcast? We are in the podcast. We can stay away. I want to get out of politics for a moment, but this is important. Marsh, can you bring up what I sent you? Oh, wow. You came in prepared well damn you guys really carry the yard here's the thing i feel like there was something in the air that i needed to

address i'm scared and uh last time nick did this to me apparently i broke his edge and i had no clue i ever did it oh yeah cutie fed me a mimosa knowingly i didn't know. Yeah. Wait. And then he brings it up on the podcast like three years later. Well, here, you'll be the judge. You'll be the judge. So, uh. I don't know. I can't live through this. Cutie was like, hey, I'm making, uh. I think you're better looking than Cameron Monaghan.

You mean that? I mean it, 100%. I think he has like a weird face. You have a normal face. That means so. That means so. Because you're like kind of like the arbiter of this country. Why?

Why would I be the arbiter? Because I feel like your your dms probably look like a olivia rodrigo concert like you like you have so much pull to decide who is and is not no i don't think it works that way you're not like oh i'm hot so i get i get to decide who's hot on this screen that we can see all right so uh try not to show the left side if you maybe go into uh i side. Maybe go into... What? I know.

No, no. You can go into slideshow mode. Yeah, go into slideshow mode. All right. So, hey, everyone. My man is so jobless, he has no idea how a slideshow works. That's crazy.

He literally was like, oh, I'll just scroll it to the left side. It's fine. What year did you graduate high school, Marsh? Did you ever put a PPT file on a USB drive? Never had to do it he's very zoomer coded but he's not a zoomer all right let me get let me get into my thing so so as you can see from the title screen i think that i owe someone an apology for the next slide i like

the color pattern wow hey austin oh Oh, looking good. I just want to address something that I know has been between us for a long time. Next slide. So there was an incident. Oh! There was an incident that I learned about recently on our podcast where we ranked every streamer, and then I said, and the last host of Fear And, cutie, and we never did Austin.

Yeah. If that helps at all, we backed you up because he came on this podcast bitching and convecting. And then we were like, oh, it's because you don't stream, Austin. I'm sorry. Why am I C tier? Oh. What the fuck? This isn't about you.

Well, it's not about the team yet. Are you fucking joking? Will is A tier? You know what? That wasn't cool of me. It wasn't cool? That wasn't cool of me. That wasn't cool of me. Because I respect Austin a lot. I think he's done a lot for gay streamers and people online. He gave him the liberty to be more annoying.

Next slide. And, you know, scary thoughts elude us. And sometimes when we think about things that are uncomfortable, we avoid it. And I think there's something between me and Austin that I'm avoiding thinking about. And so I wanted to get into that today. Immortal technique. Well, these are just dark, scary things that my mind thinks about. Next slide.

Let's just get down to what we know we have to. We need to kill aiden before he turns 30 years old austin wait what the fuck why why next slide please next shot shut up this is what an aidenless world could look like pay attention austin me and you which camera me and you austin we we could build a world of utopia if this distraction was out of the way. Because all he does is pull Austin's eye away from me. I think that because of that, I was feeling sour, and I didn't know how to address that head-on. I did not foresee this.

Aiden uses two-in-one shampoo conditioner. No, dude. Right? Wait, really? That's like the wrong variant. I finished my Wait, really? That's like the wrong variant. I finished my last bottle yesterday. That's like the wrong variant of gay. It's like a weird offshoot of gay.

I don't think Austin should be very interested in that. Oh, my God. Austin is gayer than you. You remember straight people, Austin? You remember straight people? Look at this lineup. Like, we have so much to offer you. I just come back to us.

Well, he's like the captain of the straight team. Who's the third guy there? Who is he? I don't actually know, but I Googled straight people. And then I added myself. Yeah, remember the good times, Austin? So, look, I can't wait to see you. I'm very sorry for having forgotten you.

Oh, and one more thing. This is how we could do it. I think a device that would explode his brain from the inside. This is terrible. I don't agree with this a device that would explode his brain from the inside. This is terrible. I don't agree with this. That would hurt. It's not about you. It's about love.

I feel like it's distinctly about me. So thank you, everyone, for indulging me. Wow. And I hope that you can accept my apology. C-tier? It's like you don't even pay attention. It's like I just did a whole thing, and you're back on you, you know? Yeah.

You ever heard about that thing that people do when, like, you hear a story, and you go, like, oh, my God, I'm from there. And it's like you've made it about you. Yeah. That's what you just did, man. I feel like that'd be relevant, though. C is close to A. He's close to A.

And in some countries, C means A. Can I understand what the methodology was there? Well, that was, like, a brain-exploding device. Like, I figured Aiden could put it on. No, I meant, like, C means A. Can I understand what the methodology was there? Well, that was like a brain exploding device. Like I figured Aiden could put it on. No, I meant like the C tier. Oh, I'm giving up on. Confusing. I'm giving up on you executing Aiden.

Well, the information. I will defend. The information is in the podcast. You want me to do that podcast again? Yeah, go watch their podcast, you asshole. Have you ever watched an episode of The Yard? That's a question I have for you. No. He talks so much shit yard that's a question i have for you no he talks so much shit about that's crazy that's crazy he talks so much shit he's never watched because i wanted to do the soldier boy meme where it's like they stole

our whole flow bar for bar i've only seen bits and pieces where like sometimes you guys will like cover something that i did or whatever and then like my chat be like, you have to watch the yard talked about you. And I'm only seeing the parts you're in. Yeah. Gotcha. Yes. But we also, but we also,

according to him have incredible beef between our podcast. we do. Yeah. I like having fake beef. I like having fake beef with you guys. But I mean, I want to be Don Draper so bad right now. There is this Nick where I said, check in to see if 730 works for Aiden.

And you said, is there no Will or will there be six of us? No, I forgot. And then I said, no Will or Austin. And I said, oh, my God. Do not tell Austin I forgot about him. And then you made that presentation and forgot that you forgot about him not even like an hour ago.

I did it again. I think I see what you're doing. You're negging him. Well, I covered that in my slideshow. Next slideshow. Nick just wants to be wanted like me. I do so bad. I so badly want to be wanted like Aiden. Really? bad i so badly want to be wanted like aiden aiden just like yes

yes aiden everywhere he goes people like oh it's aiden oh my god let's talk about like tennis or something like he has so many friends wow you should and i have a couple friends if you try being bisexual you'll make more friends and enemies we gotta grind yeah you gotta figure it out i'm low elo in the bisexual community they tell they tell you it's not a choice but we can we can make a change okay no yeah we we can we can homify you quick that's how we do it out here okay all it takes is a club night just one oh we oh yeah oh there's beefs all around what is happening happening? I thought about this. I was thinking about this recently

because you brought up me kissing Ludwig on an episode of Fairy. But it was actually Ludwig kissing you. Well, because... Yeah. That time it was, I think. Oh, that time? What the fuck?

Yo! It's not happening a lot. I mean, it sounds like it's happening a lot. The thing is, I also have kissed Ludwig, but it was before he liked it. Ludwig has kissed everyone for the record. It was before he liked it. I feel like around this era was when he started liking it. Exactly.

That's when I got a little confused. That's when I was like, you know, I don't want to be. I like opening doors for him. Oh. Actually. I'm so. I mean, I've kissed. We've all kissed Ludwig.

Every single person here. You have? Yeah. He's such a slut. Austin've kissed, we've all kissed Ludwig. Every single person here is good. Austin hasn't. Yeah. He's such a slut. Austin hasn't. Austin hasn't kissed Ludwig. Okay, so we've all kissed Ludwig except for Austin. And Austin's pissed.

And Austin hasn't kissed you, so Austin's pissed. Austin hasn't kissed either of you, actually. Austin's. I'm the most susceptible to it than ever. It's just, it's just so good to keep him wanting more, I think. Austin or ludwig oh no well i need you to draw some boundaries do you think he's kissing connor right now on the rv trip he's on the phone with me last night he's like or this morning he's like oh yeah we went

we went here we went there and then we went to the onsen i was like oh so you saw i saw everyone naked again and he was like well no one's like looking and i was we went here, we went there, and then we went to the onsen. I was like, oh, so you saw everyone naked again. And he was like, well, no one's looking. And I was like, I would look. He was like, you would look. He would stare at people's genitals. And I was like, yes, I would. This seems like it's more incriminating of you than him.

No. I believe it when he says he wouldn't look. I don't believe that. As somebody who's went to the onsen with him, you'd look because the person's just in front of you. But you were a whole weirdo about it from what I've heard. I wasn't a weirdo've heard i wasn't going around doing meat spin like he was doing a whole thing what the fuck he was like i'm american it was so egregious to hear this accusation from ludwig because the first night that we went to one we go to the roof we go to the roof of the onsen it's like it's snowing

it's really pretty there's all these rocks around the water and stuff and you're meat spinning everybody just gets in the water normal not meat spinning ludwig decides to get up out of the water in front of everyone there's five of us there and he stands on the rock like yao and mulan and just like like poses let him know that's the guy who's accusing me of meat spinning anyway he's like casual night with the boys at the onset. Wow. Do you feel threatened that he might be throwing it back for the boys? I don't care. What am I?

Do you guys feel threatened that he might be throwing it back for the boys? Oh no, I, I love it. Oh, you want it? You want to, you want to spread it around?

He just has like, sometimes I forget what his ass looks like. And then I see it again and I'm just like, what the, it's just, you know, it's a beautiful ass. It's not fair. He's got a great man a great man good in so many metrics yeah he has like very little reading comprehension which is kind of kind of balances the whole thing out but he is man is

he a sculpture yeah his reading writing stat is pretty low but wasn't he an english major yeah which is that's crazy trying to like defy his biology i would say one time one year for valentine's day i said all i want is a card all i want is a card that like has your feelings in it Which is, that's crazy. Which I think was him trying to like defy his biology. I would say one time, one year for Valentine's Day, I said, all I want is a card. All I want is a card that like has your feelings in it. And he wrote. Like the I am 12 from the. He wrote like two sentences and I was like, Ludwig.

I got mad at him. That's crazy. Yeah. Two sentences could go really hard. Like I've written a lot of cards. And if you have like two bomb sentences, I feel like it could go pretty hard. Like what would be a good. If I said please I because not to put you on the spot but how do you how do you hit two sentences for for a valent or what was it he redid it for the record so

sentence one says very nice one it's just it's you keep it simple shorty comma damn wow yeah how would you feel about shorty damn yeah and what's your I think I would also be like hey could you rewrite this? Okay, Shorty comma Dam. What's the second sentence? Shorty comma Dam. And then it's just, aha, aha, aha. And it's like, I bet the girl reading this is so cute right now. Love you, happy.

Wow. That would make you smile. That part would make you smile. I decided from a very young age that the only boy that could ever call me shorty was Justin Bieber. So I would be upset. At what age did that? Like, are you still on that term? Yes.

Once you make up your mind, it stays that way. Yeah. Is how I've always felt. He's married, right? Yeah. But Hailey Bieber or me. There is. Yeah.

Yeah. She's not a threat, right? She's, what do you mean? Not a threat. Like you just haven't put your cards on the table. You just haven't seen him. I haven't told him I'm interested because I'm not right now.

I'm in a very happy relationship. Right now. But like if I were to reach out, you know, things might shake up and we're not ready for a world where I'm dating Justin Bieber. And you're dating Justin Bieber and he goes to big music things

and then like Taylor's there and she's across the room and you're super casual about it. You're not even looking at her that much. No, no, no. And she walks over to you. Well, I've decided Slime is dating a Heim sister. I messaged him about this forever ago. Oh, this is her.

Have you heard about this? This is her way in to befriend Taylor. Wait, is Slime dating a Heim sister? Gonna. If her plan comes to fruition. Is that why he's too busy to show up on the fucking pod on a date with her right now hopefully fingers crossed kaya kaya kaya hey whoa that's our that's our cinematographer you don't get to step into that department and make choices big ass butt kaya

um yeah so i want him to date a heim sister really, really badly. What is a Heim sister? Is this like ketchup? No. I'm not kidding. They're like a Los Angeles girl band. Oh, Ludwig mentioned this. He taught us this. Sometimes Ludwig steals my plans and then uses them as jokes on your guys' podcast,

but this is a very serious plan. They're all hot. They're all in a good age range for him. But they're 40 through 50 you've like analyzed them I've analyzed this Heim

oh Heim Heim yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he brought this up yeah we learned about these because I called him

and I said what's your pickup line and it needs work okay admittedly they look like they started from the same like creative character

they are sisters oh they're related they're called the Heim sisters I was gonna to be like, we'll get this. There is a non-video game version of this.

It's called being related. Ah, sisters. I'm learning, okay. But that's the long con. Are they popular? So they're friends with Taylor? Yeah. Does she like have a lot of friends?

I have so many questions. Yeah. I know nothing about her. She does, but not like close friends. What do you mean? Like, there's a lot of like

superficial friends, obviously. Does she sing about that? Or is that context that you're putting together? No she has she sang about it in Dorothea the song from Evermore I believe Dorothea is from Evermore or Folklore sometimes they blend together Some would say she hasn't gotten close with anyone Because the last time she had a very close friend she fell in love with her What is he talking about? Oh no he's being a gayler

What is a gayler? Oh you think Taylor Swift is gay? Yes. Kind of. I'm a gayler. I'm a gayler too.

I think she's a samurai. Secretly. A samurai? Yeah. Imagine how dope that would be. Samurais were gay

too. So there's the gaylers and the sailors for sure. How many 11 year olds would get really into samurai culture if she was

just like guys I'm a samurai? I do find it alarming how much power she holds yeah yeah yeah i think you should tell people to i think she should run for president have you heard of the girl economy is that is that just like whenever whatever taylor swift likes it's like it's like this phenomena of like as as time passes like more of the primary breadwinners in society are women because like women are graduating with college degrees at higher rates and like the Barbie movie exploded. Like all of these things are dictated by women's interests.

I got to lower my misogyny, I think. I'm beginning to realize like I got to farm women more. Yeah, you got to angle first. You said the first thing, then the second thing. Does it? One after another. He does that? Yeah.

How do you farm women? Is there a strat? Ladies. I was just thinking the other night. This is his game? He's like Ludwig. Dude, he's actually doing the real ah-ha, ah-ha, ah-ha. You're like Ludwig dude he's actually he's doing the real aha aha aha you're like Ludwig

you don't need any game I know Ludwig just wore tank top and show big arm now have you noticed that oh yeah what the fuck is that

no he's kinda he's kinda yak now he lost the covid tummy he lost the covid tummy and now he's tank topped out all the time but he's like weird about it

because he wears it all the time he wears it too much he didn't wanna pack he didn't wanna pack for Japan okay oh he's tank topped out no all the time but he's like weird about it because he wears it all the time he wears it too much he didn't want to pack he didn't want to pack for japan okay oh he's packing oh yeah he's like yeah what do i need you got guns on a plane so seven tank tops and that's all he took seven that's too many tank tops one for each important day of the week you have everything you need that's a pack the hein pack. You know what's really funny about that? He 100% is doing that. You're right. He is literally showing the guns. Always. Too much.

I think he's compensating for his hair. He's really sad about shaving his hair off. Really? Yeah. I think he looks so good with it. He looks so money. He's tweeted that he's like. You look like prison break.

No, I don't think he looks money. We said that. When he had the little cut in the side. No, I think Ludwig, he's a hair guy. So like without the hair, his power is lowered. This is such an unstudied Ludwig opinion. You are literally so level one in the Ludwig. You are.

What do you mean? He's a hair guy. You are a bit of a hair guy. Yeah, I am an actual hair guy. I went to hair guy camp in school, and if I shaved my head, I would die. Everyone would cape me, and I'd die. Ludwig has other qualities but he's 100 hair guy like i have the extension it adds like 10 years but i if i shave

my head and well for one the tattoos and the shave head and the white thing yeah that's great it's a different look no but then they see it's garfield and they're like oh he's not a nazi he's just a nerd yeah i actually met a guy in texas and he looked at my leg and saw the garfield tattoo uh which i guess i have to say because we're on camera. So I have this Garfield tattoo and he instantly said, did you lose a bet? And I did.

He just binked it. Wait, I thought the tattoo was awesome. The fuck? You're supposed to show my perspective. Yeah, I was like, what a cool tattoo. You have a bunch of cool tattoos. His hat's a little tall, though. He's got a huge hat.

I mean, that's the whole thing. I get it. It's a big old phone. I get it. I'm just nervous about his neck, you know? That's just the dickhead. I can make it a penis. Oh, you can make it a penis?

I can do the... I won't look. I'll be respectful. That's kind of cool. Yeah. It's an interactive tattoo. Wait, is there any more to girl economy? Oh, yeah.

Any more to girl at Sephora? No, no. It's just a theory? I think it's just this idea in, as women control, like, more money by just being, virtue of having control over their own lives, as they didn't, like, 50, 60 years ago. Damn it. I just, fuck. They have more influence over, 50, 60 years ago. Damn it. I just, fuck. They have more influence

over like pop culture trends. I just, I just remembered that the Roe v. Wade decision came down the way it did on the Supreme Court. Wait, today? He's just trying to be,

he's trying to pander. Ladies, it's really fucked up how they criminalized bodily autonomy. My favorite thing that the girlies are talking about right now is how everyone should be barbie for halloween so then everyone can be like hey barbie hey barbie hey barbie i think

that's a good idea it's not very creative shut the fuck up what are you gonna be naruto again like no one cares dude we should be i was not naruto what were you? I was Demon Slayer. Again. Okay, maybe. No? Yes. What? No? You might be like the, you might be the king of that tribe.

Like if you put all the weebs in a line, like you're doing pretty good. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not even a weeb. What? That's weird. That's what the IRL stream at Anime Expo could be like. It's just one,

it's just one trail of people. It's a good thing I never did an IRL stream at Anime Expo where be like it's just one it's just one trail it's good thing i never did an irl stream at anime expo where i got booed by weebs for doing a naruto run in public yeah that's tough you probably deserve that yeah i did there's also an army of women talking about how like the eras tour this summer right was taylor swift in these football stadiums and about how it's just uh it's all just a metaphor for the barbie. The world was ours. Those stadiums were ours, and now the men have taken them, and we need to take them back.

The women are going to take back the football stadiums because we belong in them. They're taking back what's theirs. They're going to put a damn Sephora in the- And we're just going to do crafts, and we're going to make friendship bracelets, and it's going to be awesome. We're going to kick out all the football.

Every Sunday football game is just 60,000 women crafting in the stands she's infiltrated the kansas city and we are we're slowly joining her at first i thought it was like funny that the barstool crowd is now like these damn women are ruining football but now i realize like no that's literally the plan she just revealed it to ruin no, that's literally the plan. She just revealed it. To ruin football? Yeah. That's kind of tight, though.

Well, they can play somewhere else. They can play somewhere else. Have you considered that, Hasan? I did not realize we were talking about Israel-Palestine today. Yo, I know enough about this to get that. I know nothing about that. I'm with you. But he likes to get me sometimes.

I say offensive things and get canceled. I did my white guy due diligence. I messaged my Palestinian friend and said, can you help me understand? You messaged Millie that? Yeah. You messaged Millie that? Not literally those words.

Not really those words. You should not be doing shit. We have a friend, Anis. We have a friend, Anis, whose gamer tag is literally Free Palestine. And he's Palestinian. And he is one of the best Super Smash Bros. Melee players in the world. And he's who we check in with.

I actually just messaged him and I said, information's hard to parse. Can you break this down for me in a way I understand? And he broke it down for me. I just watched nine hours of Hasan's stream today. Yeah, you could have done that. Seven hours. It wasn't nine.

Do you stream for nine hours? Usually, yeah. What's going on in there? You all good? This is a real homie checkup. Like, camera's all off for one second. You're good? I love it.

I didn't stream yesterday because I was doing family day, and I felt like I had a headache, and I was tired. It's dopamine from it. I love streaming. I love streaming. Dude, you have a caffeine addiction. I love meth. It's just like, we Like you're literally addicted. I love streaming. Dude, you have like a caffeine addiction. I love meth. Like it's just like we have our things.

I've never done whippets. Have you ever thought about doing them? I've done them. Okay, you're officially. No, no, no, orally. You went from like less gay than Austin to more gay. You shot up. I haven't done it.

Has Austin done poppers? I've never done poppers. I've done poppers. You've done poppers? Yeah. Oh shit. You might be the gayest person in the room. It did not feel like my asshole was opening up though.

I heard that that's the reason why people do poppers. Yeah you loosen up. Your butthole loosens up. I intentionally did poppers. My gay boss's cat had diabetes and I had to go give the cat the diabetes medicine and he was he like told me to open his fridge and in his fridge was the little poppers and he said open that up it smells like grape and i opened it up and i smelled it and it did not really

honestly maybe it did smell like grape i don't really remember because i was more focused on feeling like i was gonna pass out suddenly your your gay boss made you do he thought it was funny it was funny at the time it was much harder to give his cat the medicine though i think that's the first like combination i think that's only happened to you like those all those things at once if you think about it like yeah it's a unique moment in your life relationship where and this is pretty normal in the gay community i think or maybe subsect of it I me representing the gays right now. You're welcome um Is they had a relationship he had him and his husband

But whenever they left the state of washington, they could fuck whoever they wanted What if they're both in the state of like california together? What do they move they can fuck whoever they want. Does the deal stay in washington? I think it's No, it's just your house. It's wherever your house is. Oh, I see. So where they move? They can fuck whoever they want. Does the deal stay in Washington? I think it's, no, it's just your house. It's wherever your house is. Oh, I see. So where are they? Yeah, I see.

He'd go on these gay cruises all the time. And he'd always be like, oh, I'm dating a doctor in Peru or something. Then he'd go have sex with the doctor and then he'd come back to his husband. I think this is pretty common. I think I know. Yeah. So I had to give his cat a lot of diabetes medicine. He was never home.

This is why they were trying to stop gay marriage from happening. They've like evolved. Gays have gay marriage from happening. They've evolved. Gays have a way more evolved. They didn't want gay cruises. They keep giving cats diabetes. Don't take carnival from us. Yeah, it's fucked up. It's fucked up.

Remember what they took from us. Do you guys ever feel podcast guilt? What does that mean? Guilt for doing a podcast and that being like something you do and make money doing and i don't feel that no do you oh yeah absolutely yeah why you were like you were like look like the other day i was like watching someone else podcast like i was watching like a podcast and i was just it was like looking at a picture of myself running like is that what i look like when i do this and i i felt bad i was

like i am this i'm these guys yeah but we're not we're streamers so yeah maybe that's why we feel like oh it's the it's well they're just they have the disabled part of the brain yeah yeah dude i do a fucking nine hour podcast by myself every day. Your whole life of podcasts. Yeah. My whole life of movie. Like a really shitty one. Yeah, like a Vine. Like a two-shot single-scene movie. A Tubi. I still lie when people ask.

They'll be like, what do you do for a living? I'll be like, oh, I work a... Normal job. I don't know. That's what you say. Gazpacho? You make soups? I love it. I love lying about what I do.

I'll be like, I work at a bakery. Well, my go-to one is, I don't know why I do this. When I feel like I don't want to lie that much, I'll be like, oh,

I play video games professionally. Because technically, Judy, that's a way more erroneous lie than you making. I play video games. I do. You're still stuck in.

I played Pay Up last night. I'm amazing. Aren't you silver honestly Go fuck yourself number one. You don't know what it takes to get silver. I'm bronze right now I've been playing for eight years. Okay, that's insane Yeah, you're bronze Bronze that's insane. It's so much League of Legends

Yeah, I'm iron. I'm iron too. We so much League of Legends. Yeah. I'm iron. I'm iron too. We're going to play together. You're iron? In League. Holy shit. Yeah.

Do I need to play League for the first time? No, please don't. Oh my God. I don't want to play. I've never played. Do you want the brain rot? He's annoying because he's good at everything. Yeah, you should play League. He's good at all the video games he plays.

Oh, I know. See how fast it takes you to get to Silver. He's going to pass. The thing about League, though, is that everyone I know who plays it is also a miserable person. I'm totally happy people play League. No, 100%. I used to be a former MOBA player.

When I was in Turkey, I played Dota, which is like the OG MOBA. You can just say Dota. It was like when people order a croissant at a coffee shop. Can I get a croissant? It's an English game. It's an English game. It's not like, it's an American game.

You know what I mean? That's our point. I know, yeah. Yeah, which is why croissant doesn't work that way. Yeah, but I'm saying it's an American game. Dota, Dota.

How did you say it? Dota. Yes, yes. You got it. I debated Hassan. You won. That's a thumbnail. You Americanized it.

My bad. It's just like, I'm just used to saying Dota, Dota, Butcher. Anyway. Say croissant. My bad. It's just like I'm just used to saying dota, dota, bochir. Anyway. Say croissant. Croissant. Good.

No, I don't. It kind of sounds like Hassan. Yeah, it's true. So I played it all through high school, and I still have like lifelong grudges from dudes in high school who like fucking might even be dead at this point i don't know like you go to high school in the 80s no but who knows man she's fucked up in turkey um and and i still told gail moss fuck you i still like his name yeah i still hate this motherfucker from playing dota. So, Dota.

Were you playing Dota 1? Yeah. Like, the Warcraft mod? Yeah. Holy shit. You know what? Look, that's actually real as fuck. So, I stopped playing.

Ludwig has no, he has no, he is a hater of no one. He has no enemies. Uh-huh. But, like, you, like, you got rich. Oh, I have so many enemies. And you stayed a hater, and I respect that so much. Yeah. Yeah, I have so many enemies.

I'll ask Ludwig, like, someone will be so evil to him online. And I'm like, are you mad? Do you not like this person now? And he's just like, no, it's fine. He's the best antidote for me though. Cause I hate everyone. I'm slime pilled where I like, someone will look at me wrong.

I'll be like, go come in my chat, use the wrong emo. And I'm like, they should fucking explode. Brain first. They should, they should. With a device. And their family. And then how's your day? Why would you ask me that?

Why would you fucking ask me that? Why would you come in here and do that? Why would you waste my fucking time? We're playing a video game. What do you mean? Get out of here. I'm not a lizard in the cage for you to poke at. It's the food that my family ordered that's been outside for 20 minutes and I forgot to

tell them. Pretend like it just got here. Well, good thing it's not fish. It is. It's fish. It's the thing you don't want to put thing it's not fish it is it's fish it's the thing you don't want to put outside for 20 minutes they got it they got it we're fine this is how our podcast works we get up i was not used to this when this podcast started everyone gets up we eat on the podcast we have drinks and stuff it's crazy you can eat oh bro this is like work we're clocked in right now they clock in maybe that's why you have shame i have no

i have no shame i don't shame is my shame is my driver for everything what's good what drives you in life what drives you in life dude davide what austin's driver austin's driver okay lots of rides what what's a driver yeah yeah dude oh my god oh you don't even understand he has an italian driver it comes with the gay dlc this is DLC. I was like Davide, the Italian on Love Island. He is basically like an Italian on Love Island. He took a pallet of water to their warehouse. Yeah. Why did he do that?

I felt like it was some, because you guys always talk about how much beef we have, and then he's like, here's some weird looking water. It's such good water. Are we getting punked? It's high. It's like, here's some weird looking water. It's such good water. Are we getting punked? It's high. It's like really. I literally, my first time I opened, I was like, is the seal going to crack?

I was scared. You thought we were getting poisoned? Yes. We should prank them more. No, don't. We haven't done like any good ones. I only stole Ludwig's bag and nobody gave a shit. You guys left trash on our show.

Oh, yeah. We did trash. You TP'd our set. That was sick sick it was mostly starbucks bags yeah that was awesome i just wanted to tp and then all of a sudden i so actually that's so funny because we never really talked about this is i left i said i had to go stream and because i had a sponsor so we did our episode i went downstairs went to a sponsor and i had to go back up because i ended up leaving my car keys in there aiden's at his desk and i just

walk into the yard set grab my keys walk out he's clueless he's cool you could have walked in and be like hey i'm gonna podcast in here is that okay he'd be like yeah so was ludwig though right because it didn't will show up on your stream will show up on my stream and then i liked i told i had to tell because then lud text me he's like why was will at the warehouse and i was like oh um because um i'm cheating on you yeah is that what you said no that's what he said i should have said um but that's what will said i should have said i said i was like oh he always wanted to see it it'd be so it'd be so insane of you to cheat on ludwig with will at our warehouse i think it's more alarming if he doesn't believe it. Like if he's like, I don't believe he wanted to see it.

Then they have like deeper things to unpack. Yeah. That's interesting. But him just believing it, that's a sign of their strength in their relationship. I let him get naked with men and make out with them. And he lets me go wherever. Seems like you're... And I can leave the house.

He doesn't really know I exist most of the time. And he lets me participate in the girl economy. Yes. go wherever. Seems like you're, you're, and I can leave the house. He doesn't really know I exist most of the time. And I, he lets me participate in the girl economy. I'm taking back the NFL stadiums. It's going to be good. You made me, you made me think of something before we started. Cause you were,

you, you said, what did you say? Instead of unplugged, you use the phrase plugged out. Yeah. Yeah. You said,

you said, oh, it's plugged out. Yeah. And then instead of unplugged, and then you said you said oh it's plugged out yeah and then instead of unplugged and then you said english is my second language do you think at this point or or when do you think will be the point that you have spent more collective minutes in your life speaking english than turkish i think because i stream every day i probably have spoken more english but like my first 18 years of my life i spent in turkey only speaking

turkish and i still speak turkish with my family for the most part so i don't know however there's a reason why i say like oh yes like i have certain moments where it just slips out like w's and v's sometimes fuck me up because w is not a letter in the Turkish language. W's are two V's together. Yeah. Which is confusing. Which is also confusing. You're right. So it's just like randomly I'll say shit like that.

And people will be like, what? Why did you say that? It got it across. Did you speak? Could you speak much English when you moved? Because you moved for college, right? Yeah. No, I learned English mostly from watching American TV.

What shows? Dude, the worst. The worst shows. Hit me. Greek. Blue Mountain State. Oh, I know Blue Mountain State. Dude, Blue Mountain State.

I've watched it. We met. Give me a hell. You know the guy? Give me a hell. The mascot? The guy who plays the mascot on the show. We just walked into a restaurant and he was just there

with his kids i feel like he's not that famous no he's not yeah ain't an insta record so i recognized him because i watched i watched all of that show with i i spent like a summer uh when i when i was a teenager in in calgary at my grandparents house and two of my neighbors we would watch blue Mountain State every day. And we like, we watched the whole show through probably like two or three times for some reason. And so just because of this, he really stuck in my memory.

And we walk in and I go up to him to just say hi, introduce myself. And then on the way out, he plugs his podcast they're about to start. And there's like a Blue Mountain State podcast that they made. That's so sad. Like years and years later. He's like, you should check it out, man.

That's so sad. And I haven't checked it out. That's not sad. I haven't checked it out. That's beast mode. No, I rewatched all of the hills because I was feeling spicy and doing lots of crafts. I like to watch really shitty TV and do crafts. So I rewatched all the hills.

And then turns out they have a hills podcast. It's Adriana and Brody who like they're dope. And so I go watch their podcast. It was doing pretty good, pretty good, pretty good economy. And then they added Heidi and no one likes Heidi. Yeah. I can tell from the name. Yeah. No one likes Heidi and Heidi comes on and she's just like, she's a problem. And she's just talking about Lauren all the time. And then the podcast does worse and i feel like what makes heidi a problem because um talking about lauren all the time i know but i don't know anything about so heidi and lauren were best friends and they lived together and then heidi started dating this guy named spencer and he was a total leech he like really just wanted the clout he was a clout farmer and and he would he'd cheat

on her and like and then lauren was like yo he's a bad guy and then Lauren was like, yo, he's a bad guy, and then she was like, fuck you, you're bad, and left, and then so Heidi ran off with Spencer. They start a rumor that Lauren was in a sex tape, which was a big deal in 2006,

so everyone's freaking out. Lauren's like, there's no sex tape, and Heidi and Spencer are like, yeah, there are, and then big fight, and they'll never admit it, and then they hated each other forever. That's a funny rumor.

Is the Hills reality TV, or is it, like, scripted? I don't know. I think it's reality. I think it's a mix. Isn't reality also a mix of scripted? No, I mean, unscripted television. I mean, they make stuff up, so it is reality TV. Dogs in front of cars and stuff, so they cry.

I always thought it was, like, what is that, OC? The OC. I thought that was what it was. No, it was inspired from the OC. It was a reality show inspired from the oc um another from the oc oh it's just like the show it's just like the show did you live on the wrong side of the train tracks no no no i i lived uh i guess on the right side because i said no so yeah okay that makes sense but if you have a show and you start a podcast i think it's so here's's the thing. Here's a counter argument. The Always Sunny podcast is the same thing.

Is it good? And it does better than The Yard. This is really well. Yeah, it's huge. But I think they have a good dynamic for it, right? You know another podcast that does better than The Yard recently? Oh, no. I don't think this is true.

Yeah, they have more Patreons than us. Pull it up. Pull up the Patreon charts. Oh, no. They don't think this is true. Yeah, they have more Patreons than us. Pull it up. Pull up the Patreon charts. Oh, no. No Patreon. Nobody cares about Patreon. Oh, my God. Wait, hold on.

What about peak viewership? Oh, you guys, that was probably. And are your recent ones guest episodes? Yeah, guest episodes do worse. What guest do you pick? I don't know. I haven't been. You guys. Call them out. What guest do you pick? I don't know. I haven't been... You guys.

Call them out. Who are the worst guests? I think that, you know, some people have such a problem showing up that when they are here, it's kind of like a guest episode. Yeah. So maybe that's why they pop off.

I don't know. Oh, Will and Austin. Yeah. Two people who aren't here right now. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you guys... I think we're we're

good at some things but mostly they're better at them who him i i'm not gonna watch that watch one episode why then i'm gonna then i'm gonna be upset that our podcast is not as good we're fine you're good no you guys are hall of famer podcasters here's my question thank you uh i forgot my question don't you do I forgot my question. God damn it. You do two podcasts. You do like four podcasts? No, I have two podcasts. I have another podcast with Ethan Klein. Oh, right.

Okay. Hold on. Here's my question. I remembered it. So, Will and Austin show. They explode brain first. They're gone. It's really, really sad. We go to their funeral. I'm invited. Aiden's not invited. Either. Fair. Who would you guys pick They're gone. It's really, really sad. We go to their funeral. I'm invited. Aiden's not invited either. Fair.

Who would you guys pick to join Fear And? You had to replace with two people. And obviously we are not available. Oh, okay. Because we're busy. Because we're busy and we play too busy. Who do we pick? Yeah. We steal slime.

I think. Okay, no one from the yard is available. Slime. I was thinking slime. Yeah, we tell slime. I think we pick? Yeah. We steal slime. I think. Okay, no one from the yard is available. Slime. I was thinking slime. Yeah, we tell slime. I think we take slime. Slime wouldn't come over to your show. I think he would.

We'd pay him more. No, you definitely would not pay him more. We would figure it out. I think we could. He's so rich. Wait, hold on. We could pay more. Our Patreon doesn't make as much as theirs.

Still, it could. Yeah, he could have his cut. It's not about the money for slime. Really? It's only a little, he could have his cut. It's not about the money for slime. Really? It's only a little bit about the money for slime. Yeah. Sometimes it's about the money for slime. It's about the long-term friendship.

I could introduce him to the Haim sisters. Don't know them. Or I would have you date them. I could find out. If you DM the Haim sisters, will they reply? Maybe. Don't do it. It'll be embarrassing.

It'll make me really sad when they don't reply. Wait, what? But he does hang out with John Mayer. Oh, that's not true. You hang out with John Mayer? Yeah, he's great. Can you tell him

gravity banger? What does that mean? Just text him that. Just say gravity banger. I feel like, I don't, what is that? Is that a song?

Are you for real? No fucking way. You hang out with John Mayer and don't know what gravity is. You're disgusting. I don't listen to music. What do you do? That actually makes sense. He streams.

He's got the worm. I stream nine hours a day and then when I'm not streaming, I'm literally like catching up on TV. I call it tapped in where I'm just like in the mainframe just sucking in as much information as i possibly can about what's going on in the world so i know exactly what the fuck to talk about so you can stream so you're ready to stream the next day who could we replace slime can't come john mayer oh that'd be tight you're

fear and fear john mayer's on no, I don't know if it does. For at least two episodes. I don't think that. He is a really, he is a really, well, obviously, he's very charismatic, but also,

he's a very interesting dude, so I feel like. Do you think he'd date me? Do you think he's into me? Wait. Wait, which one are you asking? I think both.

Okay. Wait. Do you think he likes me? John Mayer. Wait, I thought he was the devil. Yeah, but I just, like, want to know. You've made a PowerPoint shitting on him.

He dated Taylor Swift. At some point, right? Yeah, that's why she's asking. Oh, I see. Maybe that's what gravity's about. I'm just wondering. No, it's not. Gravity was written.

You don't know for sure. It was written before Taylor Swift. Was born? No. Well, there you go. Maybe he just saw her in the news and was just like I need to write a fucking song about this yeah they dated it it was really bad I knew that

John Mayer's got incredible stats took her girlhood no bad stats he took her girlhood what does that mean I don't like that if I ever dated someone and they said you took my girlhood she referred to it as her girlhood in a song it's literally in a song he is a lot older than it as her girlhood in a song. Allegedly.

It's literally in a song. He is a lot older than her. Oh, if it's in a song, I guess then fine. My bad. Is he like 10 years older than her? Yeah. Was she 11? What has happened? She was 19 and he was 32, I think.

It could have been wrong. I don't know. I might have made those numbers off. They shouldn't be able to cue together. That's too big of a description. He only had low ELO. He was immortal. She was. I might have spread false information. You have to Google that. That's too big of a screen. We only had low elo. He was immortal. She was shit.

I might have spread false information. You have to Google that. I'm bad with numbers. I can't believe you just slandered my best friend. Well, he's our new podcast host, so I'll have to remember it.

Who is never coming on the podcast now because of you. You fucked it up. Dude, you have such cool, you have cool famous friends. That's so awesome. No, I don't.

I'm so happy for you. No, I don't. We don't actually have. What do you guys do? Do you guys hang out? What do you talk about? It's like, dude, guitars. They don't talk. Hasan's impossible to talk to. That's not true. No, I don't. We don't actually. What do you guys do? Do you guys hang out? What do you talk about? It's like, dude, guitars. They don't talk.

Hassan's impossible to talk to. That's not true. I can crack you open. I think a lot of people, at least like Hollywood people, are very, they just don't know what the fuck's going on in the world of politics, but they also follow just like everyone else does. So every single conversation that I have with like a Hollywood person, person quote unquote almost always revolves around politics that's so cool i sometimes feel like i sometimes feel like people will invite me to shit uh just because they're like this is my intellectual friend

little do they know i'm a fucking idiot but you had to say that he had to say that because he he built it up as like yeah they invite me because i'm smart as fucking shit. No, but I'm not. Cerebral rhymer type. I spend most of my time talking about dicks and shit. But they, from their perspective, they're like, well, he talks politics. He's a smart guy. It's hard when you're

used for things like that. You have five minutes with John Mayer and you're not allowed to I'm not talking to him. I don't care. No, you have five minutes and you already have said I loved Gravity, the song.

Uh-huh. What do you talk to him about? Daughters was also good. Daughters is a banger. You were just talking about his music. I don't want to talk to him. What do I talk to him?

I'm actually not even even if Taylor Swift was in this room, I don't know what I'd talk to her about. No, that's not true. I don't know what I'd talk to her about. First you'd throw up and that'd be fine.

And then I'd eat it. And I'd be like, so sorry. Oh my God. Look at this back inside of me. Yeah. If Ludwig somehow one day was like, I got you a birthday present and it's Taylor Swift. She comes out of a cake.

She comes out of a cake that you made. Yeah. What would you do? Would you be happy about that? Why is Taylor Swift popping out of the cake like the boys in front of the Pope? In front of the Pope. Yes, and.

We're improv comedy. Say yes, and, and we'll do the bit. So she comes out of a cake. Nude. Right? I don't want that. So all the boys get parts to pay in the hypothetical. And you're in and out.

So are you happy with your gift, or are you sad with your gift? No, I'm not happy. Why? It's like your person you talk about every day. We will never become friends unless it's like organic. That's like farm to table organic interaction. I love that because she's like, there is a realistic opportunity that they become friends.

She doesn't want to ruin it. No, we'll never become friends. She says it's not organic. Like they go to the same Whole Foods. It's like, oh my God, Taylor. Yeah, you guys are going to have a meet cute, dude. When you two inevitably bump into each other at Erewhon. I'm going to the premiere on Wednesday.

So that's organic? Yeah. No, it's not organic. But I am going. I got an invite. From who? I had to to get my agency got me one Austin did not get me one damn Austin Texas guy acted like a big shot got me nothing damn fuck

We should just keep it less weird keep it normal and awesome wait, so You're going to the premiere how does that work do you get this smell Taylor Swift? Hey, don't know you get to smell Taylor Swift? I don't know. Do you get to smell her? It smells her. I'm getting down to brass tags is what is important. Thank you all for coming to the film. I've met her before. VIPs can now line up for their sniff. Yeah, yeah. She wears like a Shia LaBeouf thing. She wears a paper bag.

And they give you a scratch and sniff afterwards too so you can always smell her. I don't like that you use two fingers when you do that. Yeah, I don't like that. I did meet her once before and she had a... Taylor Swift? smell her i don't like that you use two figures when you do yeah yeah i don't like that i did i did meet her once before and she she had a swift yeah and i was okay she does these things in concerts where they choose like fans out of the audience and then you can go back and meet her that's dangerous during the red tour it is crazy that she does that but yeah i met her and she's

like she chooses by like look uh she goes like yep yep, you. Not her. Her mom chooses or her tree. What's a tree? Tree is her PR lady. Her publicist. Her name is tree? You know her publicist by heart? I don't care about that. Her name is tree.

Tree Payne. She's pretty famous. Everyone in Taylor's circle has been seen in her documentary and stuff like that. It's like knowing Tom Brady and not knowing his son. That'd be weird. I didn't know he had a son until they kissed. Yeah. You did find out about it.

Passionately. I think I get this because it's like, of course, she knows Tree. We know Ringler. Who's Ringler? Oh, my God. You'll know soon. Hey, he's one of the best DKs in Super Smash Bros. Mail It.

And we know Ringler. She knows Tree. Yeah. I get it. What's a DK? You learn about what you care about. Donkey Kong.

Oh. Later in the punch. Slow. I don't know any of this nerd shit. Have you played Super Smash Bros. in your life?

No. You've never played? No. It's actually so funny that you have played Dota 1 but not Super Smash Bros. Yeah.

Because Dota 1 is just such a nerd game. No, because it makes sense. Because in Turkey, we all play PC games because there's a massive tax on, like, anything that's considered, like, a luxury good. So consoles were hard to come by. Whereas PCs, you get one. You get one for work.

And you can play for free. You can play every game pretty much for free because everything was cracked and illegal. Just to be clear, you've lived in America for a while. You could play every game pretty much for free because everything was cracked and illegal. Just to be clear, you've lived in America for a while. You could have played Super Smash Brothers.

That is true, but I just never really, I just never got into it in my more formative years, so I never had the opportunity even in college. I think I was getting, well,

what happened is I lost my virginity. And then, and then I literally just like dropped video games until I got back on Twitch. You were just like, damn, this like, this pussy shit's crazy. literally just like drop video games until i got back on twitch we're just like damn this like this pussy shit's crazy i gotta stop playing video he started saying damn shoddy damn shorty yeah literally i was like this is so much how old were you 18

fucking dusted bro me and you man i was also i was also 18 yeah I thought I could have sworn. Hell yeah, I did. I was 21. It took me a while. It took me a long time. L. I was Mormon. Wait, when did you lose your virginity? I was 16.

Damn. But then it was like a gap. Sick. People at my high school. Yeah, there was a one-year gap for me. You fucked more than Facebook friends that I have. You have probably put numbers up that I can't even imagine. I have no idea how many people I've had sex with. Yeah, that is great.-year gap for me. You fucked more than Facebook friends that I have. You have probably put numbers up that I can't even imagine. I have no idea how many people I've had sex with.

Yeah, that is crazy. You're like Aiden. But you probably have way bigger numbers. I don't. I have a manageable number. You should spend a day and make a list and text them all for fun. If you ask someone how many times they've had sex and they don't start using their fingers to count,

the answer is just... I have no idea. The answer is a lot is it i can count on my hand how many people have kissed besides girls they don't count wait really yeah that's insane yeah wait wait that's not oh that yeah that is insane that is less insane when you bring the mormonism into it being i think i've only kissed like can you count with one with two hands how many people you've kissed? Definitely.

Definitely. Really? You can't count how many people you've kissed? Kiss, not fuck. Kiss. I've been in a relationship for so long. Okay. He's the relationship.

I've been in a relationship for nine years. Damn. That's crazy. Yeah. Okay, never mind. All right, that makes sense. Yeah, but before that, I was putting up crazy numbers.

Nine numbers. Yeah, from middle school to high school. I was on a tear, by the way. I had to grow extra hands for those numbers. Yeah, hell yeah. Well, you know, you said you could count it in two hands. Has anyone from your guys' high schools, like, said they, like, watch your podcast or anything like that? Yeah.

Because you don't have much of, like, a, like, I have Blair, but then I have Cutie Cinderella, and they're different people. Like, people from my high school don't know that Blair exists or the QC. Well, they didn't know. Yeah, I get hit up. I get hit up all the time. Really? What do they say? They'll just be like, bro, like you were on my tick tock feed.

Oh, and I'm like, oh, all right. Don't respond. I don't know. It's never something that allows for me to say anything interesting back. It's always like yo i saw you here and why the fuck would they yeah what what could they follow that i mean i get it what could they follow that up with that would be like damn like this guy's got some cool stuff i mean if you had an old friend and then you saw them like i don't know my old friend is literally here right

now that's tight right here what if you saw him like playing for like the knicks one day i mean i've just kept in touch with him so it's just imagine we're on a podcast imagine once for me imagine someone would you just be like oh that's cool i won't message him no i would 100 message you but i feel like because i also do something we are the knicks of podcasting i feel like because i also do something i don't know like you don't know enough sports references. He doesn't know enough about this analogy to know that that is a bad thing. It's a bad thing to be the next to podcasting. We're like the Golden State Warriors is what you were going to say,

which is fine, right? Are they still good? Yeah. The Warriors are good. What about like, have you gotten like, because everyone knows you're both in relationships, but have you gotten like spicy dms from fans yeah i think not not much less since me being in a relationship is significantly public yeah like the the longer we talk about our girlfriends on

the show the less types of messages i get like that oh people are respectful that's nice yeah yeah i haven't gotten like no's slid on me like ever. Oh yeah. I was about to say, so even when you were saying. Well, I guess there's a threshold, right? Of what we count as sliding. People have probably sent you horrifying DMs,

but I don't think it's not sliding. Dick pics forever ago. Yeah, is that not a slide? I've turned off. I don't think that's a slide. Can a brother slide? That's a slide. Well, if someone sent Ludwig a picture of their tits,

that would be a slide. Yeah. But he gets. There's no equal rights, Hasan. He gets slides still. How come you don't talk about that on your podcast, your stream? You don't talk about that. I think men should never get tit pics unless women want to send it to them.

In which case, you're beautiful and you should do whatever you want to do, baby girl. I hate when he says baby girl. Bodily autonomy, you know what I'm saying? I hate this accent. Because it's got me feeling... I'm like entranced with you right now. It's all good, yeah. Your dog is so huge and cool.

Yeah, she's the best. Kai's massive. She's a baby. Okay, I will reveal Kai's secrets. She's a baby. Okay. I will reveal Kai's secrets behind the paywall now that we are at one hour. You guys do an hour? We do an hour? Without, we do an hour?

Oh, God. You're so fucking lazy. How much do you guys do? Hour and a half, then another hour, then two other shows. Oh, yeah. We do do other shows. We have. Oh, we have extra shows, too.

Oh, extra shows. You're like. We're shows. We're working. We've done a lot. We've done the best I can. What do you guys want to plug? The Yard, obviously. Yeah, we're on a podcast called The Yard. If you want to go check that out.

Is my Nana scenic? Because we're kind of cooking them right now. Literally the same. I don't want to plug anything. I just want to pet your dog. Thanks for having us on. Oh, your dog is entranced by my pets. It's not yours.

It's mine. There's a difference. Oh. Well, shout out The Yard. Thank you guys for coming on. And we will go to the bonus episode. And you can find the bonus episode. Shut up.

I already did it. Is it going to be just you? No, you didn't say it. Patreon.com slash The Yard. Yeah, just go to Patreon.com slash The say it. Patreon.com slash fear in. Yeah, just go to patreon.com slash the yard. Patreon.com slash the yard. If you want to fuck a real street soldier. If you want some middle of the mall dick, you can go to this one.

Nick's funny. He doesn't get enough credit for it. Middle of the mall dick is good. I heard Andrea say slime carries us, and I was hurt by that. Did you say that? Yeah. When? On your podcast. I don't believe that. She's always hurtful. I don't even believe that Andrea likes slime. I, and I was hurt by that. She said that? Yeah. When? On your podcast.

I don't believe that. She's always hurtful. I don't even believe that Andrea listens. I know. What the fuck was that? I've hung out with her so many times. She is just a hurtful person, I think. Well, she is mad at us for the one episode, but I wasn't even a full-time member, so that

was you guys. Yeah. We just had her. Usually, when we have the full squad here, and we have a guest, they just kind of sit there. Hassan bullies women. Thank you for watching. I would never do that. We will never. Unless you want me to. When we have the full squad here and we have like a guest, they just kind of sit there. Hassan bullies women. Thank you for watching.

I would never do that. We will never. Unless you want me to. Unless you want me to. We'll be back. Then I write him this long letter. I put on my best true religions. I borrow. Oh, no.

I borrow my mom's car and I drive to our spot. And I bought our favorite snacks and a blanket to like put out. Cause I was just so sure he was coming. Right. So I get out of the car and I see him pull up and I'm like, fairy tales do exist. Right. Oh my God. Make fun of you.

And then you walk out of the car. Truie's first. A car behind him, a Jeep. So no walls or anything of his lacrosse friends pulls up and they start throwing garbage at me oh my god dude that's so funny so then you got fucking owned

I got so diced it gets worse it gets worse