Fear& - This Is A Podcast About Nothing. | Fear&SelfSuck

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

Name Your Price Tickets! - https://www.nyplive.com/ticketsThis week the gang has an existential crisis. Are we out of content? Did we fall off? Do we need to come more prepared? Do people even like us anymore? Is Ludwig gay?✨ BONUS CONTENT ✨ PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod0:00 Intro09:21 Is ludwig gay?12:50 QT is running around town15:30 - "My dog wont listen to me after he saw me bottoming"20:00 - Do your dogs watch you have sex?26:00 Mormon loopholes 34:02 Swifty apology arc40:36 Mr Beast builds wells in Africa45:26 Hasan's chest streams51:47 Willneff has a different best friend, podcast over54:41 Fear& Catalina wine mixer01:01:30 Outro/Patreon#hasanabi #qtcinderella  #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What's wrong with that? He says himself first because that's what TikTok thinks, okay? TikTok thinks this is Austin Show's own Austin show. Austin show's own podcast. It's in his house. He's kind enough to let us mere mortals stand alongside him. Yeah.

It's actually people don't even know my name anymore. Oh yeah. I was Yeah. I'm the twink guy. I was out in Miami

this past week. People come up to me. You're the twink guy. I don't know your name. You literally talked about this last week well you know what it wasn't a good clip i'm gonna try it again you i saw the clip on your tiktok that's how i know you talked about it last it flopped so i'm gonna try i genuinely we're redoing a segment because it didn't hit on his tiktok i don't understand how

you operate this way like you're you're living life one tiktok clip at a time now. That's right. There's something else we need to talk about. I had merch designed and none of you responded to it. Wait, you didn't send me anything. I sent it in the group thread. That's cap. I got that designed. Well, thank you, Mauricio. Mauricio is taking credit for it, but it was my mod who made it, so.

Wait, what? Just show. Okay, it's my fan kidding me i want all your merch so okay so it's hoss on twitch who is a big hoss and abby head who you've made now arch villain mod so oh he's a bigger arch millet i don't know about that i don't like it that's why well can we pull it up, Billy Rave Brains? Self-sucking kills. Yeah, I saw it and I will admit.

Just go on Twitter. It's just on Twitter. Well, here, he'll get to it. We'll get rid of it. I will admit I did not react to it because I don't want it to be made. Yeah, I'm not. Well, that's, can we pull it up so that our audience can see what we're talking about? It's not...

No, I don't think they should see it in the first five minutes. I think they should. It's one of those things where maybe no one should see it. That's a little unusual that you're saying that. So there it is. That's... Self-sucking kills. I love that.

Thank you. I think it's very artistic. It's our community. Do you know that we have all died of self-suck at one point? Maybe not Marissa. I don't think I died of self-sucking. No, I saw it. Wait, did you die of self-munching?

Yeah, when she wasn't on the podcast. Oh, yeah, she did. She ate her own vagina. Wait, I want to see the other ones. I haven't seen those. I'm not going to show them. Oh, because they might turn into stickers? Look at those.

Oh, those are really good stickers. I like the gooey one, especially with the new set. I think that's the shirt. You should just do them all eventually. Did Haas do all of them? Wow. They look great. Haas is, so not many people know this.

He doesn't even know this, I bet, because Haas is more of a Will Neff person than he is I feel like he's more of a Haas and Ivy head, but. Do you know what his previous career was interesting he was he was a disney imagine i did i did know it i knew that oh damn it i did i actually didn't know that um he's very mysterious and a lot of people actually think he is an ai there are rumors that hoss is actually an ai so he's incredibly talented and he's making a lot of the stuff for us. But the one thing that I want,

I think we should do one self-suck. Maybe it's just a sticker. One gooey furan for the new set. Probably a t-shirt. And then I've got to have it, ladies and gentlemen. I've got to have it. I've got to have a beautiful and natural. That's, where is it?

Those are all stickers. It needs to be more profound. I have someone working on our merch. May I make an edit to the self-sucking one? I think we need the banana to be a penis.

Oh my God. I tell myself. No. It is, Austin, it's heavily implied that it's a penis. No,

I think it should be accurate. No, no, that's ridiculous. No, no, I'm vetoing that. that's crazy.

Okay, so hold on, I'm crazy for saying that, but when you look at the banana, there's literal stuff coming out of ridiculous. No, no. I'm vetoing that. That's crazy. Okay, so hold on. I'm crazy for saying that, but when you look at the banana, there's literal stuff coming out of it. Okay, the banana already is ridiculous. The banana is already ridiculous. Making it a penis would be a crime, I think,

to wear in public. Yeah. I think sales would go through the roof. I know. That's because the only thing you know how to sell is dick sucking. Oh, I didn't even show you. And you're not even

very good at it, apparently, by your own admission. Wow. What the fuck? I could suck you under the table. Yeah, prove it wrong. Suck his dick right now.

Get over here right now. Give me a nice little suck. Oh, shit. The first sketch of your body pillow. Because we're waiting on your body pillow to get all the...

Oh, my God. That's so. Oh, that's pretty good. That's sexy. Guys, we're kind of podcasting. You said merch? Oh, man. Wow.

Huh? How did this all get done, I wonder? You know, it hurts me when you act like we're not involved. Oh, wow. I talked to you. The calendar? I am starving myself. Okay, yeah.

You know what? Yes, thank you, Will, for showing up to the calendar shoot when it happens. That's it. I'm done dieting. I'm going to look like shit. That's fine. I'm going to roll in fat. You don't have to look good.

Yes, I do. The pressure is crushing. I'm gonna roll in fat. You don't have to look good. Yes, I do! The pressure is crushing! I'm gonna depend on Photoshop. Yeah, I'm depending on Photoshop. I'm depending on Photoshop, too. I'll be honest, like, I need at least seven more days. I need, like, a week and a half, probably, to get to my goal. Well, anyway, Cutie,

despite you being very petty, I'm not petty! Despite you being very petty, you look great these days. Are you on Ozempic? No. Is that a rumor? Wait, why did you say these days? I'm just saying she looks great.

It kind of implies that she wasn't looking good. I'm sorry that I said my co-streamer looks beautiful. Why are you saying she looks like shit on other days? No, no. So this is the Will episode? So this is the Will episode. So this is the Will episode. It kind of seems like it. Do you like it, Austin?

It's sexy. I think, like, I wish my abs looked like that. You are the closest to looking like that. You are the closest to looking like your body pillow out of all of us, so don't worry. You think people are going to buy that? Yeah. So, anyway, once we get the body pillows done

we're gonna do a whole merch drop with body pillows the calendar and that and it's gonna be great i'm so excited can i make one suggestion yes you may because this is a socialist podcast hear that that was a shot at you no so i will listen to everyone's ideas i feel like she's saying what we're that's what we do. We're a Democratic committee assignment. Judy and I are slowly but surely trying to make this a capitalist podcast. I think we should do one of each body pillow. That's what we're doing.

That's golden. Like a one of one that you can randomly get. Okay. And that's like the golden kappa for our drama. And what do they do? They get to fuck whoever they get? No, they. It's the fuck. It's the a fuck whoever they get. No, they date the fuck. It's the fuck.

Oh, yeah. No, they just have a one on one. So the fan contest. Charlie. Yeah. Charlie and the chocolate. He's boosting the sales by because everyone's going to want the golden one. No one's sick.

Yeah. We can do one golden one of each pillow. That'd be cool. What about your. Are you making a pillow? No, because I think people will actually fuck it. And I think that'd be a problem. Oh, wait. Hold on, hold on.

Wait, you think people aren't going to fuck our pillows? That's fine if they fuck your pillows. Oh, you know, are you saying our pillows aren't fuckable? The dynamic's a little different. I think we should put our pillow, we'll do a little competition. Why is the dynamic different? Because I'm a woman.

Wait, wait, wait. What is the competition? We're going to sell our pillows and we're going to put out a poll and see whose pillow got fucked the most. I don't want to do that. That is terrible.

No kidding. You don't have to be included in this. I know. I am not doing a pillow. We already decided. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Guys, come on.

It's a joke. We're friends, right? Wait, are you saying she would win? Everyone would want to fuck her pillow? No. No one would want to fuck her pillow. No, I know. Guys, come on. It's a joke. We're friends, right? Wait, are you saying she would win? Everyone would want to fuck her pillow? No. Everybody would want to fuck her pillow. No one would want to fuck her pillow.

No, I know. No, no. It was a joke. I know. But what's the inverse of it? That's what I mean. I'm so sad that he gave me a sticker that was so mean. Cutie, clearly everybody would want to fuck your pillow.

Are you? What? That's gross. What? No. It's okay. Now you're saying everyone wants to fuck her pillow. I'm in a weird spot here.

I have a boyfriend. I know. I know. I'm in a weird spot here. I have a boyfriend. I know. I know. I'm in a weird spot here. Nobody should fuck your pillow. Not even Ludwig. He's saying Ludwig's not attractive to you. No, no, no.

Oh my God. Ludwig is attractive. I actually think he's getting even more attractive. He's very much. Stop hitting on my boyfriend. He's a jock. Dude, you need to dial it back. He's a jock.

A thousand percent. Your boyfriend is going crazy, by the way. I saw a photo of him like this. Oh, he showed pits. He was showing pits. Where? On Twitter. I don't know if he was doing it on purpose.

He's got a mustache going on. He's got a mustache going on. He's showing off his pits. He's in a tank top. Your boyfriend's gay. Oh, shit. Wow. I'm just going to say it.

Off the top rope. All right. Let's bring it up. Is Ludwig gay? Let's discuss. Wouldn't he be mad at me for speculating? No. Well, fuck it.

He's gay then. Okay. Let's hear your arguments. I just think he's slowly morphing into a homosexual. He's got the mustache, tank top, showing pits. I made him grow the mustache to be Travis Kelsey. Oh. Okay.

And now it's November, so he wants to see how thick he can get. Also, that's pretty gay. Couple's costume with your girlfriend, pretty gay. Also, does he love you? Yeah. Very gay. Also gay. Loving a woman?

Gay. Okay. It's tracking. tracking. By the way, I will have sex with a man and Hasan won't really talk about it, but as soon as I talk about loving a man, he'll call me gay. Yeah, it's gay. Nothing straighter than just taking

a man. Yeah, what do you mean? Or giving a man. You're literally conquering a dude. That's fucking as straight as hell. That's true. That's true. literally conquering a dude. That's fucking straight as hell. That's true. That's true. Conquering a dude. Yeah, you're just fucking taking him out.

To be honest with you, I'm just going to revisit this because it's time. I think we should do Turkish oil wrestling and donate 100% of the proceeds to Palestine. No. So you don't want to help Palestine. Interesting. Yes. He won't do well. I've helped him too much.

I helped him so much, people are saying it's anti-Semitic. Hamas and Avi is still... Yeah. And Hamas and Shell. Okay, I don't know who came up with that. Bro, if we... Yeah, if we raised money for Palestine doing oil wrestling, they would have, like, interceptor rockets by the end of it.

Okay? They would have like interceptor rockets by the end of it. Okay? They would have their own iron dome. They'd become the largest military in the world. Yeah, they'd be like a state, dude.

They'd be an established state. Holy shit. Yeah, we can't do that. All right, what else has been going on, guys? What's in the news? What's happening? I took a little,

went to Miami for a week. That's not the news. Oh, the news. Sorry. Okay, well, it was my news. I would just, no, I it was great i loved it good story i'm so glad you took some time off from your busy schedule guys i'm on tour right now speaking of which last time i'm gonna talk about it folks last time permanently it's over after this? It's over. Well, not permanently. Yeah, it's on, right? Folks, the entire cast of Fear And is going to be on. Name your price in Long Beach, California.

Tickets are only $10. Wait, really? nyplive.com. Hasan Piker's going to be there. Will Neff's going to be there. I'm going to be there. Cutie's going to be there. Get your tickets now this Saturday, November 11th.

I don't remember that. Hasan, you'll be there. Am I? Hasan is on stage you're on the poster most people bought tickets you and cutie don't include me in that cutie a lot of people bought tickets yeah you see that they were disappearing off the map asking about a body pillow though yeah yeah they were like i want to definitely not fuck this body pillow i want to i want to take it oddly specific about that yeah they were sell a body want to definitely not fuck this body pillow. I want to take this. They were oddly specific about that. I will sell a body pillow if you guys all promise not to fuck it. You have to sign a contract.

You have to make me promise. They said they wanted to treat it with respect and take it to Disneyland. A pillow doesn't even feel good to fuck. No, dummy. You cut a hole in it and then you put a warm Ziploc bag in it. Why are you telling people how to fuck your pillow, weirdo? Not mine. Your guys' is. You literally just described how telling people how to fuck your pillow weirdo? Not mine, your guys' You literally just described how they're gonna fuck your pillow

I've fucked a couch before. You've talked about this before on the podcast. Sorry. Okay. Current events Anybody? Anybody? Current events? I went on the yard this morning. Oh You bitch I'm sorry, what? I was a guest on the yard this morning and then I filmed Wine About It and now I'm sorry what I was a guest on the yard this morning

and then I filmed wine about it and now I'm here and I feel like a used up slut yeah cause we are your side bitch you know why you feel like a used up son it's because we are the one that loves you and these other podcasts use you like a side piece

and you run around town and then you come home and you look at our loving eyes and you know that you're cheating on us. I have ownership. Frolicking. I don't have any ownership. Leave us because you need us. Why won't the yard have-

You are frolicking about like a harlot. I'm not frolicking. Number one, I don't know how many times I have to tell you guys, has always been there. It's always existed. No, it's not.

No. No. I'm denying the existence of one about it. One about it left you. It did it's not. No. No. I'm denying the existence of wine about it. Wine about it left you. It did. Left you. Yeah. And then came back hat in hand.

Don't say wine about it like it wasn't just Maya. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I thought we own wine about it, don't we? We acquired that. They are a subsidiary. Oh, yeah. Predatory merger.

Yeah. I was a guest on The Yard, and I think i did a bad job so yeah because they're sexist what did they talk about yeah what did they talk about they did slideshows about me i never see you guys do slideshows about me i don't know how to make a slideshow slideshows nice that's crazy uh yes they were about why they haven't had me on the yard yet. Oh my gosh. Why haven't I just realized this podcast comes out before the yard. I just leave. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Idea. Okay. Idea. Idea. Idea. We just reenact what they did on the yard.

Yes. We get it out first. Yeah. Hey, uh, Marsh Pope, that slideshow. All right. All right.

All right. What else do they do? What else do they do? I, that slideshow. All right. All right. All right. What else do they do? What else do they do? No, I'm not telling you. I feel like a traitor. What? To my boyfriend. To my boyfriend.

You are a traitor to us. No. We are your boyfriend. All three of us. Your boyfriend's gay, cutie. Yes. He doesn't love you. Don't worry.

He has a podcast with three men. You are a beard. He accepted. Wow. Okay. You're a beard. I've been sleeping with him. I You're a beard. Wow. Okay. You're a beard. I've been sleeping with him. I brought us a topic, everyone.

Okay. She's trying to deflect. She's trying to deflect. She doesn't want to do the yard thing. She doesn't want to betray the yard because she likes the yard more than us. I don't. Oh, my God. You literally do.

She just went to the trending tab and found the first thing. No, I didn't. I saved this topic for you because I thought you guys might think it's interesting. We accept. We accept. Okay. It was posted on r slash ask gay bros. Oh, is this a me topic?

And I think it'll be interesting for everybody. Okay. It was posted by user active underscore angel. And they said, my dog won't listen to me anymore after he saw me bottoming. Is that why you sent Kaya away who fucked you that wasn't me it has 12.4 million views and he this person said i'd rather not go into specifics but i had a guy over a couple weeks ago for a hookup and forgot to close the door while my akita i've had for two years wandered in while we were going at it the guy was being pretty rough and i was getting into it moaning being slutty you know bottom things until the

until the top pointed out the dog was watching us no i got him out of the room and closed the door but since then my dog doesn't seem to want to listen to me respect my authority or even spend much time with me i try to pet or hug him and he growls or moves away. That wasn't the case before. I know homophobic dog sounds ridiculous, but is it possible that since he saw me in a submissive position

that he doesn't want to listen to me anymore? Yeah, Akitas are kind of little bitches. That's interesting. They're like catty dogs. They're cute, but they have a little bit of... That's interesting. So he saw him being dominant. He he's like I don't respect you anymore

yeah beta yeah beta I think he needs to I think he needs to bring somebody over he needs to bring that guy over and he needs to top him hard wow

yeah and make smart bring the dog in bring the dog in Caesar Milan dude you're watch this pickle yeah you could this is a TV show in the making where you go and and talk to gay people Dog in. Caesar Milan. Dude, you're... Watch this, pickle. Yeah.

You could... This is a TV show in the making where you go and talk to gay people about how to deal with their dogs. Gay dog whisperer. I mean... I've had my cats... Cats are...

I mean... Cats don't listen. Sometimes pets watch you. Farley gets a little upset when I fuck. Really? Farley's got a behavior. He'll pull in his stuffed animal and he'll like try

and out fuck me. Yeah. If I was a girl dog and saw a boy dog sometimes I'd give him like a stuffed animal. That'd give me the biggest ick as a girl dog.

Wait, wait. If you... If I was a girl dog and I saw a boy dog fuck a stuffed animal it would give me an ick. Are you trying to cut down my dog's fucking... Yeah. If I was a girl dog and I saw a boy dog fuck a stuffed animal, it would give me an ick. Are you trying to cut down my dog's fucking... Yeah.

If I was a girl dog, I wouldn't date your boy dog because I'd be like, ew. My cats are gay. Swift is weird. Whoa. Whoa. Okay. He has autism. He has autism.

Your dog's autistic? Yeah. Definitely. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Big time. You come for my dog? He's just trying to lay down a tasty fuck on a stuffed animal.

If I was a dog, I wouldn't date your dog. I have nothing for that. Well, he doesn't even have a dog, so he can't say anything. Okay, she's coming back tomorrow. You gave her away, and she'll not run you over. She comes back tomorrow? Yeah, she comes back tomorrow. She got stung by a bee.

Oh, they called you. Oh, no. Her nose got big. Oh, poor girl. But she's fine. She's done with three weeks of training on boarding. Is she going to be good now? I mean, she was already good.

But I wanted to make sure that she was, like, really good. Yeah, that I can, like, walk her without a leash if I want to, that sort of thing, and, like, walk her. I didn't know they had this service. It's just being rich, baby. That's how it works. I was just going to say the top 1% thing. Really?

Yeah. You're rich. Try it. I can't even find a personal trainer to come to my house. Wait, like for an athletic trainer? Yeah. Come work out with me. I know, but then I would drive you, and then you would make me run and stuff.

That's what any trainer is going to do. What do you think a personal trainer does? I know, but then I'd hate you, and it's better if I run and stuff. What do you think a personal trainer does? I know, but then I'd hate you, and it's better if I hate someone else. No, it'd be content. You're not going to hate me because you give me two months, I'm going to turn you into a specimen. Will Neff is crazy. You're going to be looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I don't know if she wants that. In kindergarten. In that movie where he gets pregnant. No, no, in the one where he gets pregnant. Wait, he got pregnant? Yeah. Yeah. M-Preg.

Yeah. His movie where he plays a man who is impregnated. Yeah. M-Preg. He's got a baby. Woke. That's crazy. Yeah.

Yeah. He also has a movie where he's Danny DeVito's biological twin. Oh, yeah. God, he is great. I don't think he's the greatest. He had a great run. Yep. Really?

He used to watch Jingle all the way. So good. That's a good movie. Phil Hartman crushes that movie. No one talks about that movie enough. Turbo Man. Turbo Man. It's a good one.

I don't know what that is. I don't know it. He doesn't watch movies. No, he doesn't. I don't really. No, I don't know what that is. I don't know it. He doesn't watch movies. No, he doesn't. I don't really. No, I don't. I watch World War II documentaries. He eats acai bowls, has gay sex, and watches World War II documentaries.

That is mostly true. Yeah. You're an old man. I'm not. Wait. Okay. You're an old gay man, but like an old man. Oh, I do.

I also have been looking forward to my cruise vacation that I'll be taking. Oh, my God. I'm going to take a cruise vacation. You called it a cruise vacation? That's like being like,

I smoked a marijuana cigarette. I can't wait for my cruise vacation. I'm excited. I'm going to take a cruise in a few years. He's like, I'm not old.

That's why my favorite is tapioca pudding. Like, you're not beating the allegations. What I want to say is I've been seeing, like, a lot of people think I'm eccentric, but I'm only, I'm not like that all the time. It's just in very specific moments that I get amplified on this podcast. So I'm not, like. We see you all the time.

We know how eccentric you are. No, I didn't. That was my water. What? No, it wasn't. I brought that in with my popcorn. I said, Hasan, I'm stealing popcorn in the water. And then I brought in my popcorn in my water.

I didn't even think about it. I thought I saw water. Yeah, we know. That's just how you operate. Which is why it's ridiculous. That was an amazing read. I'm not going to lie. I didn't even notice.

I love the way that you try to gaslight us, though. No, I don't want it back. I'll give freaking, I don't know. Some sort of gay disease? Yeah, I'll get the gay. I have done nothing. So I feel like my contributions to this podcast, as far as current events and world

news goes is only going to be political so i'm kaya watch you fuck i'm just yeah kaya is that what you had i don't think she i don't think she watches me but she probably is aware of it what do you oh man my cat watching is different than like watching is different than like just being in the room you You know what I mean? I had to get a little squirt bottle. Like if she's sleeping, then like she's not watching. That's the way I think about it. She sleeps? God.

She's never been awake while you fuck. I don't know. I've never thought about it. But I do have a dog. Do you remove your pets if they see you? I do have a dog story. There was this girl that I was hooking up with who had this massive pit bull. Massive pit bull.

Okay? And we had hooked up, but I had actually never gone to her house before. And I went to her house. We're hooking up. And this pit bull had people had like separation anxiety. And he was just like very, like he was big ass burly ass people with separation anxiety. We closed the door.

We turned on office immediately. We're hooking up. We're, you know, we get naked. We're having sex. I did the first notes of do, do,

do. Yeah, exactly. And, and then I hear scratching on the door while I'm getting into it, right? And I don't really think about it too much where I'm just like, hmm, it's in the back of my mind a little bit. I'm like, where is that? That noise is weird.

And then the scratching stops. And I'm like, okay, he must have just like gotten bored and left. Okay. Boy, was I wrong. This dog. No. He killed himself. Yeah, the dog killed himself.

No. No. This fucking ginormous pitbull was able to open it. The door handle was like one of these door handles. The pitbull had opened the door unbeknownst to me. And while I was hitting the vinegar strokes, as you will. What does that mean? Vinegar strokes is where you're too close to coming

to stop yourself from coming. I've never heard that sentence. And so you kind of make the vinegar face. You make a face where you're like smelling vinegar. Oh, I've never heard that. Okay. Whoa. I just learned something new fine it's fine because

your boyfriend's gay so i'm kidding sock wet blue okay so he's making that face for different i'm in the i'm in that i'm in that situation and while i'm in the vinegar strokes completely oblivious uh unbeknownst to me so are you you about to cum? I'm close, yes. This dog opens the fucking door and jumps up at the bed. And came within smelling distance of my butt. I turn around. I see this fucking behemoth. And I cum way over.

Staring at me. And I have never in my entire life i've been in some tricky situations where like you know maybe there's a boyfriend maybe there isn't who knows jesus like um that's you know maybe there's a husband who knows that kind of situation right like well plausible deniability i don't know so it could be this was i've never run out of a house so fucking fast without nutting because i literally the dog because the dog literally was way too close to my you felt like you were maybe butchie did you run out naked no i pulled my pants in a rush i did not even put my socks on.

Like one sock was on, one sock was off. I like shoved my feet into my vans and just fucking booked it out of there. What did she say? I was like, oh, I got to go. This is, nope, nope. I'm not dealing with this. You guys ever been in a risky situation

where you had to split quick? Like having sex? Yeah. I got walked in on one time, but other than that. By who? It was like a, I was at in on one time but other than that by who? I was at their roommate she just walked in

and was like oh butt sex you ever have to dip out? one time I was house sitting in high school and I used to give hand jobs with a condom on. Oh, God. Because that way you're not.

What? That way. Listen. Oh, my God. I'd rather stick my dick in a beehive. Wait. That way, Jesus, you're not touching the penis. You're touching a condom.

How long did those hand jobs take? Bro, that is the most the penis. You're touching a conch. How long did those handjobs take? That's got to be a 45-minute handjob. So I don't know. Not that long. Not that long. Bro, that is the most Mormon shit I've ever heard. That's insane. You wouldn't believe the other shit I've done.

Did you wear gloves too? No. No. No. Wait, I've never told you guys the Band-Aid story? No. Oh, no. Maybe you shared that on the yard yeah it's just kind of a bit of my most infamous mormon loophole story

oh i hate this story this one will haunt me so you've told us you've grabbed your own fecal matter with your hands there it can't yeah but a boy broke up with me for that. I don't, you know, this one, I haven't dealt with the repercussions besides shame. Okay, picture this. Don't picture it. I was a minor. I unpicture it now. Put the pillow away.

I will just blankly listen to the words. Okay, so I'm in high school, you know, like, like dry humping. Yes. It's called derfing. No. It's called derfing. No one has ever called dry humping derfing. Google it.

It's called derfing. Mormons probably call it. Mormons, whatever. And so my, my boyfriend in high school, he was not Mormon. I was Mormon. And so there was always like weird loopholes or whatever to try to like be a horny high school he was not mormon i was mormon and so there was always like weird loopholes or whatever to try to like be a horny high schooler i don't know yeah and so you guys invent these loopholes or was this like but like this is the mormon church post no no no no

you invent them you invent them gossip gets around it's awesome because like it's totally ridiculous like like jump humping yeah that's my favorite my favorite. Or soaking. Or ATMing. Yeah. What? As a mouth? No, ATMing is where they take their penis and they slide it in between your butt cheeks until they come. Doesn't count.

It's kind of hot. That's what you guys missed out. You guys missed out. That's like a butt. Do they lubricate the butt cheeks? I don't think so. It's not that. that's like a butt do they lubricate the butt cheeks i don't think so it's not that it's a little dry um anyway so i would we would i had a basement basement downstairs obviously that's basement yep and i'm making out with my boyfriend in high school and if he wanted uh to touch my boobs um i would i if you touch my nipples that counted right and so i would put

band-aids over my nipples like like an x of band-aids over my nipples that way he could grab my boobs and like it's kind of kinky is it it it looks like it feels like it's a pasty yeah like a sexy pasty they weren't it wasn't a sexy pasty. They weren't. It wasn't a sexy pasty. They were like Hello Kitty Band-Aids. In a weird way. Uh-huh. Was it kind of like hotter because you were defying God? Yeah.

Was it hotter when you were defying God when you were a Mormon? No. I was like 17 and confused. Nothing was hot. I just didn't want God to upset. That's not true. Because some of my. Nothing was hot?

Some of the. Yeah. No was hot Some of the Everything was shameful Really I mean the guilt That's when it's the hottest That's when you learn Shame anyway so we're like Making out and We're like on the ground Because we were watching TV on the ground

Instead of the couch we're like making out on the ground And then This is so weird I don't know why this happened but he was laying down and then i rolled like on top of him like butt to his dick so i could like wiggle my butt around and give him a boner until he came in his pants right usual um but you're you're riding in reverse cowgirl style like literally laying on top of him focusing all the power in my ass. You had such different upbringing. To make him come in his pants.

Or something. I don't know. I didn't know. I mean, at this point, I would have just, I would have loved that. I would have loved anything. I didn't have any sexual experiences. It's high school.

It's whatever. In Turkey. Okay, go on. I was getting my dick sucked. Okay. You were the cool kids that made fun of me, okay? And so in the basement doing whatever this is

I don't know what this is. Doing what? Laying on and rubbing my butt around. New room massage. He is like reaching up grabbing my boobs that are covered in oil? No, band-aids.

Multiple layers of band-aids. There could have been oil too. To try to like... Why are you so invested in the oil? You brought it up multiple times. I'm so worried that this is so dry. I just think lubricant is a very integral part of any sexual experience. Okay. Anyway.

So no oil. So I'm obviously being... It's a weird freak situation. And my stepdad walks down the stairs. Oh, no. Oh, no. And I'd rather have been doing like anal or something. What?

Because this is just like, this is just a freak show. Like I'd have been. Wait, why would you? Band-Aids on my nipples. He can't tell. I'd rather be doing anal. He probably thought you were doing anal. No, my shirt was like off and i was

like laying on we're like flat and i'm like laying on top of my shirts off and his hands are up and and my stepdad goes nope and closes the door and goes upstairs and i like roll off and i'm like and then me and the boyfriend go upstairs i'm like oh his back hurts and i was helping fix it or something and what'd your dad do he's my my stepdad. I don't, he was, he just like shook his head or something. It was so awkward. It was so awful. Oh no. That's ridiculous.

It's really awful. I know you've been walked in on. Oh my God, yeah. I have some wild stories like that. Oh yeah, I've heard a couple of them. What? How have you heard them? Oh, he's told, I've heard.

Oh, you've told him. Yeah, Will shared them with me. Do you want like young, embarrassing ones? have you heard them oh he's oh you've told him yeah well yeah wills will share them with do you want like young embarrassing ones i'm one of my first girlfriends i was she turned me on to cocaine oh and i was zooted and we were how old were you 16 16 17 i was joking but um but uh that's crazy so i was zooted and we were we were banging in her basement and her dad came down and knew i was a jets fan oh no he was like the game just came on and i like he's like coming down i put my pants on and i watched the entirety of a jets game with a condom on my penis and the

whole time i was like you gotta stay a little hard so this condom doesn't fall off so i was like meditating like kind of naughty why don't you just go to the bathroom i was on cocaine yeah he's not thinking i mean i've never had cocaine before does it make you it at that age it certainly makes you a little nothing nothing stops a boner at that age i think but yeah i was i watched you could fuck through a wall three-fourths of a Jets game with him. Had a pretty good time. And he didn't know that he walked in? Tight. No, he never knew. Oh, that's good.

That's insane. I was once having sex with my ex-girlfriend at her current boyfriend's party and in the bathroom. And he came and knocked on the bathroom and I jumped headfirst out of a second story window. That's like euphoria.

That's like an episode on euphoria. Does that happen in euphoria? Yeah. The girl like hooks up with her friend's ex or something and then she hides in the tub. And then the girl comes in and then they hook up while she's in the tub and she cries.'s hot no she cries it's sad for her it was hot but it was also sad because i thought we would get back together we didn't get back together was she dating the

guy at the time yeah did he ever find out that no oh cool that's fine are they happy you know what my thing was like i i didn't feel bad because i was like you dated my ex piece of shit because i knew him oh he was my friend drama drama drama um it turns out the the swifties have started to apologize to me oh yeah updates yeah the publicist pia reposted a picture for someone was like posted this thing saying, happy birthday, Pia, blah, blah, blah. And so she reposted it on her Instagram story, but put a clown emoji over Taylor's face. Oh, that happened a while ago. Well, we haven't talked.

I like that you're up to date on the Swifty lore, though. I knew that as well. Yeah. And so now the Swifties are like, oh, cutie, maybe you were right. So do you, ma, have they apologized? Dukes, my way. No, they don't need to apologize. They should apologize.

Why? Because they've slandered your good reputation, your good name. We're still Gaylors, by the way. Oh, boy. Yeah. You guys, wait, we didn't talk about 1989 TV, did we? Taylor's version? Fuck that i okay well no she condemned the galers she like oh you did you did bring that up yeah yeah wow guys yeah we what a

struggle of podcast i wrote that i wrote that off i wrote that off in my mind because i am a galer and i think she's just like, it's, it's, it's just homophobia. I think that's what it is. Queer phobia that like in a queer phobic society, uh, you know,

women love women relationships is just like still frowned upon. So I think that's the reason why she had to come out. Okay. Um, had to come out against it. I went to a Ben Schwartz show. Oh, I saw that. What's that? out against it. I went to a Ben Schwartz show. Oh, I saw that on Instagram.

Did he have it right down? No. No? He brought his girlfriend to the stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And started talking about the details of their relationship. No. Who's Ben Schwartz?

He does long-form improv at his shows. He's very, very funny. It was a very good show. I'm happy I went to it. Oh, I've played basketball with this dude. You have? Yeah. I love him.

He used to play basketball at LA Fitness back in West Hollywood. Is he good? I used to ball up with him. He was all right. He was a really nice guy. Yeah. What about his comedy? He just does long form improv, and it was like an hour and a half ish and

it was it was very funny and i didn't think that could be funny and now i know that will could have a job someday all right dude don't quit your day you would be good at it all right don't be good he's ben take will ben take will on tour oh please. Oh, please, no more tours. Oh. Please, no more tours. Hold on. We haven't even announced the Name Your Price 2024 world tour. That I would be out. I would be out. We're starting in Zurich.

Oh, my God, dude. Name Your Price, Zurich, y'all. What do you like so much about that show? What do I love so much about it? Not the show, but touring in general. I love getting in front of live audiences. Is that what it is? If the live audiences are sick, I just need a break.

Yeah, we're going to have a break. No. I'm asking the show specifically. Do you like the show? I love the show. It's a lot of fun. Name your prices. Wait, what are you questioning?

Do you not like our show? I think it's a fun show. You just love it. Oh, my God. Here, you want to kill him? Go ahead. Holy shit., you just love it. Oh my God. Here, you want to kill him? Go ahead. Holy shit. Don't reach for that.

Oh, oh. Do you want to have this debate? Are we having, you don't like my show? It's, it's fun. I,

you just love it so much. And so I was wondering like, what makes you love it so much? That's insane. Well, what do you not like about it? Is there something you want to tell me? It's like Master Baker.

Not everyone loves Master Baker. I love Master Baker. Do you not like Name Your Price? Now you're digging yourself in. I have a smile. I like Name Your Price. You don't love Name Your Price. I don't love it.

Why not? Because I don't. You don't find it entertaining? I find you entertaining. And I find him entertaining. You don't like the show itself. What about me? I'm on the show.

You've been talking shit behind my back about Name Your Price. No, I haven't. This is all coming out. If you're saying this to me, to my face, what have you been saying behind the scenes? Yeah, no, she's been telling me. She's been talking to me. We've been agreeing.

She's been like, I don't get it. I don't get it. No, I haven't. I get the show. I just didn't know if there's something about it that you. Let me tell you why I like Name Your Price. If you can't tell, I'm floundering for a topic. Let me tell you why I like Name Your Price. If you can't tell, I'm floundering for a topic. Let me tell you why I like Name Your Price.

Yes. I like Name Your Price because it gives me a vehicle where I can actually perform. Where all my other shows. There we go. All my other shows, Lover Host, Talent Shows, I'm strictly a host. Name Your Price, I can do bits. I can bounce off of people. I can be a part of the show.

And I think it's one of the only shows where the hosts of the show, Will Neff and myself, like the cast could be, like none of the cast have sucked. But sometimes it's just like some people don't like talk as much. But Will and I can carry the show. Whereas like a lover host, if I do a lover host,

if the main guest doesn't talk, the show sucks. I have to depend on everybody else. Name Your Price is a show that I can do where it doesn't depend on the host. You like performing. And it's fun. I can be funny. Why do you like traveling so much? Why do I like traveling?

I love traveling in general, but I love getting, nothing is more thrilling than getting in front of a live audience. To me, am I weird about this? I know everybody loves it too. Am I weird? Yes. For me, I mean, yeah, but for this one in particular, I don't see the difference between being in front of a live audience and streaming.

That's crazy. To me, it's literally the same. Everybody says this, but I see. No, no one says that. No, no, but I i see what i mean is people say they don't like prefer the live audience they like but i see everybody lights up when they get in front of a live audience no no i'm not saying i prefer it one way or the other you're gonna come down the stage if i could do it at the comfort of my home in front of a massive live audience

that'd be great i see no difference between a live audience and and performing from my perspective i don't even think about it i'm like this is i go into performance mode i don't even think about it yeah i just think it's more impressive when you perform in front of a live audience ultimately i think it's the difference between shooting free throws at an empty park and shooting 80 and then going into a you know primetime nba game and shooting 50 it's it's being able to perform under pressure. It's live. It's broadcast. And I think it takes a special IQ and it adds a certain energy to things.

Oh, I like that. So what do you hate about Name Your Price? I don't hate it. I was floundering for a topic and I was just trying to get somewhere. I got a topic. I have a topic. Name Your Price is stupid.

Like the show is supposed to be dumb and funny. Yeah. It's not supposed to be serious. What's your topic? I have a topic. Yes. Mr. Beast has built 100 wells in... Which nation did he build it in?

Yeah, but he cut Rosanna Patero out of the top three. The nation of Africa. Oh, my God. Yeah, but did you see what he did to the top three of Hide and Seek? You just don't like Mr. Beast. What? I do like Mr. Beast. I'mek? You just don't like Mr. Beast. What? I do like Mr. Beast. I'm just...

You just don't like women. What? He says he's going to get canceled. I'm confused. 100 wells in Africa, it says. And then he says, I already know... Stop scrolling. And zoom in.

And you can show it too if you want. But go down. I already know I'm going to get canceled because I uploaded a video helping people. And to be 100% clear, I don't care. I'm always going to use my channel to help people and try to inspire my audience to do the same. And then it's the sweaty emoji. Or is that the sweaty emoji? I think that's like i'm stressed like

how do you how do you feel about mr beast helping i hate it i like it i love it i like that he helps people i don't care like one way or another i think it's like if i feel like there's a lot of shitty content out there and a lot of shitty content creators out there that make like awful videos that are harmful in general and spread harmful ideas so for me streaming in japan yeah oh my god let's talk about that after this wait hold on we're gonna get to that in a second uh i for because of the the space and and the toxicity of it i would never in a million fucking years be like wow i can't believe mr peace is like doing this is so gross i don't care uh i think it's it's it's still uh better than the overwhelming majority of shitty content out there yeah um do i get

annoyed when people are just like they hail him as like this superhero maybe a little bit i i think it's just like it's i don't know i mean i think he's a good guy that's how i think that's the way i feel about it look at what capitalism can do that's the reason that's why people get very critical of this kind of content though you know what you know dummies like you go i think i think in order to help people, you need to be broke. Don't do it for publicity. Nobody needs to know about it. You need to give everything up. Everything. That's the only way it's worthy.

He's being facetious. Oh, I understand that. See what I mean? That's the only way you can help anybody these days is you have to give up everything in your life. You cannot gain anything. No, I don't think it's a bad thing that he's doing. I think it's a good thing. I like it. I'm simply stating that people take it one step further and go,

oh, like, it's possible. A better world is possible because people are going to magically get together and build wells in Africa. And it's like. Has Bernie Sanders built any wells in Africa? Not to my knowledge. God damn it, Bernie. Not to my knowledge, he has not.

So that's the point, though. I bet Barack Obama did. Because, like, the reality is there are a number of tremendously wealthy individuals who like engage in philanthropic acts every now and then but ultimately the the destruction that they contribute to is far worse with mr beast this does not exist of course he's just simply an entertainer so i don't have that same perspective, when talking about like the likes of Jeff Bezos and many others who lobby the government and, you know, make money off of the defense industry

and things of that nature, it just becomes a different thing. It's gross. Okay. I categorize them independently. No politics. What happened to streaming in Japan? Oh, good call uh there are a lot of streamers and youtubers that have done criminal acts in the wonderful nation of japan and a lot of places in japan are now completely banning live streaming really like yeah it's tokyo you can't live stream in most restaurants now. What about Tokyo?

You can't. Is that all in Tokyo? I think it's all over Japan. So are we canceling our Japan trip? No, we can still work with handlers and stuff ahead of time and get permission. Yeah, it's... Well! Oh, he died.

Well, that was surely not a self-sucking accident. That was something else. You sucked on it. It, uh... Yeah. My foot is trapped under your thigh. Uh-oh. Do you want help getting up, or what's going on?

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, my. Oh, we're going to get demonetized. Thank you. We're going to get demonetized.

That's crazy yeah apparently there's like that's the saddest thing i've ever fucking heard yeah well the streamers are annoying i hate irl streaming i hate name your price the fuck well i didn't say i hate hasan's irl streams well it's i don't i hate live events hold on fine hasan whatever we're gonna go to japan and it's gonna be like oh I hate Hassan's IRL streams. Well, I hate live events. Hold on. Fine, Hassan. Whatever.

We're going to go to Japan, and it's going to be like, oh, here's Hassan's chest in a different country. When are you going to Japan? Wow. I've been waiting to call him out for so long. I've said this so many times in Hoss Court. He just never reads it. But I literally, Hassan, his live streams are like,

yo, what's up? And it's just your chest, your pecs. Yeah, do you want to know why? Why? Because unlike these fucking dipshits who, like, go up to people and yell, like, Hiroshima, Nagasaki over and over again in fucking Japan, I'm actually courteous to the people around me and try to make, like, the least amount of, like, try to show the least amount of like random people in public and like violate people's like privacy uh as best as i possibly can and yet it doesn't matter because at the end of the day it's still gonna be fucking bad now thanks to a bunch of fucking

dipshits the last iteration of this actually was a big youtuber who's like i guess trying to be like mr bees where they all got together and they were like trying to uh skip fares on trains and like and and travel across japan and they went in on the the shinkansen and their goal was to just basically like hide in the bathroom as soon as they like as soon as they get on the train they hide in the bathroom all the all the ticket guys like looking for them and they would just like pull up and sit in the bathroom and they got caught one time and he had to like run away from them like he was like physically apprehended and he like had to run away if i don't go back to japan my soul will die you know you can go and not stream irl you could just no because i'm a

streamer well you could stream from your i can't do that because if i take 48 hours off it's the equivalent as if someone took all of their vacation days plus 10 in the streaming world so i think you don't you're not you don't want solution oriented right now you want emotional support and that does suck fuck them damn that was some fucking that was girlfriend hours good job that's a lot of it does turn out to be gay yeah that was great you've been in a much better mood uh this week what's up what's going on this week answer your answer for your crimes what did you do you have a little is it because you is it because you did two of your favorite podcasts before coming on here no you are you are in a noticeably cheerier mood am i yes absolutely um i'm less dissociated surprisingly and and uh i drove by some leafs today and they had actually

fallen off the tree and that made me very happy i love this time of year it's weird yeah but it's not in california i also wrote a song this week i wrote another song oh i'm pretty proud of it wow no come on come on give us a give us a beat are you gonna become are you gonna spin off your career into a music career um i'm too embarrassed to say i'd want to do that uh but like you want to do that i don't know i think like the dream would be because i i just like too many things my my dream spinoff dream would be dream oh stand up would be perfect yeah that's my dream spinoff but like i would i would love the idea of like performing little like 50 room i got an idea groups of 50 rooms and just singing my songs. Incorporate that into your stand-up comedy.

No. I can't be like Bo Burnham. No, you don't need to be like Bo Burnham. Just make a more serious part of the show where you sing your songs. That's weird. Now that we're done with the laughter portion, let's get serious and sad. Actually, there's a gay comedian who did just that recently

where he did like a fake... Fuck me, right? Huh? What the fuck does Austin know? He did a fake music documentary. I really do like Name Your Price for the record. Oh, thank you.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure you do. I feel like he's holding onto the shit now. I'm going to be honest, Katie. I don't even believe that at this point. Well, I do. You came out with daggers.

You literally did this. You're like, I like Name Your Price. No, I do like it. I don't know what to do when confronted with it. Watch the replay. It wasn't great. You came out with daggers. I was trying to

just get, I was trying to hear his passion. Whatever, you're on the show anyway. I'm on the show anyway. She's coming. I do like name your price. You love it. Hassan gave me the biggest compliment he's ever given in my professional career after he gave me the prize for the first time. He said, you were actually

funny. Oh, the first time I did it. The funny oh the first time i did the first time after that he hates it yeah i have always thought you're funny oh stop it our show in houston was the best show we've ever done oh yeah it was absolutely the best show hands down but in long beach even better we're gonna top it we're gonna top it um yeah no that's great continue you were talking about what i don't know but i cut you off i feel i know you didn't oh we were talking about leaves falling oh you were talking about a gay comedian that does that oh yeah i forget the name he's um god what show is he in uh search party look up his name uh he's a gay comedian. I haven't really loved stand-up recently. Yeah, John Early.

John Early's recent stand-up was incredible. He did like a, it was like a, he has a very affected delivery, a very strange delivery, and in between the bits of stand-up, he'll just go into a song. That's like serious?

He does the song um oops there goes my shirt up over my head hey wait that's his song no no no no no that's uh tweet and missy elliott oh but he does a version of it that's like he kills it but it's funny that he's doing a song about a black woman masturbating as like a gay 40 something i see but he just kills it it's it's one of my favorite stand-ups i've seen in a long time yeah mine would be my music career the dream of it would be like a more lower key like phoebe bridgers like like oh like low low low okay yeah i So it wouldn't, it wouldn't really work. I see.

Yeah. Plus like, I think I'm, I think I'm genuinely too embarrassed to want to pursue a music career. You know who is a streamer that actually has a freak ability for music low key? Cyr. Really? Pull up Buddy Orange. Oh, I guess now we're gassing up our best friends.

My best friends. Yeah. After we're done gassing up our best podcast friends. You send your friends away. Can you have more than one best friend? The black and white one. The black and white one. Uh-oh.

The black and white one. I'm curious. Here, this is an original song of his. Take a listen. Oh my gosh, look at his hair. This is pretty. Why does he look so death note? This is 10. Why does he look so death note? This is ten years ago.

My pussy is so wet right now. Yeah. Well, he's my best friend. It hurts, even as a joke. When's the last time you invited me to something, son? When's the last time I've done something? You can't just let me rot. We could have gone to the Di something, son. When's the last time I've done something? You can't just let me rot. We could have gone to the Diplo party together.

Can you have more than one best friend? I think you can. I refer to you as my best friends. You're one of my best friends. Awkward. You're one of my best friends.

Thank you so much. I brag about you to my parents. Thank you. And I'm at your wedding party. You are. Maybe I'll ever get married. This is beautiful. Does it have lyrics to it? Nope.

All acoustic. I want to write lyrics to it. That would be a big collab project. Sear, I'm coming in hot. Because I can't do music. I can only do lyrics. And so what happens is I write my lyrics and then I send them to TJ and then he makes the music. Alright. So it's like a Bernie Taupin

Elton John thing. The background is giving me PTSD from like, broke boy trying to make his streaming days. I think that was probably the time you've been most alive. Started to make it as a streamer. Yeah, I used to. Now that you are like, now that you have made it, you're a broken person.

What? I have obligations. I have a sense of duty. He didn't even look me in the eye today when he came in. He came into the house. I was sitting at his counter. I'm like, Hassan, oh my God, so good to see you. And he looks at me like that.

Is that what you do? I came right after basketball. He's like. I'm tired. Oh, you're playing basketball with my boyfriend? No. Oh. I played basketball with Nice Wig, not Ludwig.

Because Lud, apparently, he's got the basketball itch. He didn't respond to my text. But he plays, like, so far away from me. Like, it's just, like, ridiculous for me to go over there. I didn't know where he was playing today. Whereas I play in a place that is at least like reasonable for him to come to,

but he refuses to. Interesting. I think it's because he's afraid. I don't even get invites anymore. Because I know for a fact that you're not going

to show up. I'm going to think of it. You never invite me to play basketball either. You don't play basketball. You do, but you are not waking up at 9 a.m.

I think we need to take a friendship trip to rekindle our friendship. Cruise. Well, I'm talking about he and I. Oh, okay. Yeah, you're not invited. No, our friendship is rekindled. We were just on a trip together. We had a great time.

She refuses to go anywhere. We're going to Santa Barbara. What? I don't want to drive. We're getting on a plane. I have an idea. What? The Fear End Catalina Wine Mix drive. We're getting on a plane. I have an idea. What? The Fear End Catalina wine mixer.

Fun. There is no flying. Yeah. We take a hydrofoil. But you got to take a boat. We go scuba. But I can't drink. I can't swim.

What? I can't. What? What the fuck is happening? I can't swim. She can't drink. I have no problem. How about we.

I'll get you a fucking swimmies. I'll get you a life vest and you can float. Yeah, but you can't scuba with a life vest. You can smash your head in the water and look down at us. No, then I'm not included. You are. Are we going to be... You're Bob like a pig cake. Are we going to be mic'd up?

What? Yes. How do we get mic'd up? I'll figure it out. Why can't we be on dry land? Let's think about the yeses and not the noes. They have ziplining. We could zipline. I mean, I absolutely fucking... They have bison.

I'm literally terrified. I'm terrified of fucking fish. But I'll still do it. I actually had an idea. I'll still do it. I actually had an idea. I'm a great swimmer. It's called fear and factor.

You learn to swim. You go swimming with fish. I hate that. You deal with fish. You get on a plane. And I'll lock myself in a box with spiders. This is awesome. I need to learn how to swim.

Look, I got an idea. I'm scared to death of spiders. This is how I'll learn how to swim. What do you think is the best way to teach me how to swim? Why do you keep hitting him? Hire a professional. You just want to? Okay.

Like a lifeguard in Catalina to take you in the water. How about a really hot lifeguard? Perfect. Sure. Sexy lifeguard. Okay. I have to swim to them. Okay.

Yeah. And then at the end. I feel like there should be lessons before that. And then you guys make out. We get to. And then you have to go. We have to go deep sea fishing with you. Oh God, I hate that. And then you have to go. We have to go deep sea fishing with you. Oh, God.

I hate that. And then you have to get on a plane. No. Cutie, I flew today. We're all in. I'm flying twice today. Together. I'm flying out after this.

I'm going to put myself in a box full of spiders. That's mean to the spiders. You're going to mush some. I'm not going to mush. It's going to be around my head. Oh. Ooh. Why? You got it. You got to fix it. It's going to the spiders You're gonna mush some I'm not gonna mush It's gonna be around my head Oh Ooh Why

You gotta It's gonna be awful You gotta fix your brain I can't fix it You have to If I can face A head box full of spiders You

Can face I don't even think I'm gonna die Every time I get on a plane This is the last time Actually now I said that I'm getting on a plane I'm terrified of tonight This yeah

You jinxed yourself Fuck This is what Um Uh This last time we're recording the podcast in this room maybe potentially oh just kidding see we're doing podcast stuff calendar pillows merch fear and factor yeah fear i don't like fear i think we need to go on tour. College tour. Please. Come on, guys. Come on. Come on. I was at college. Okay.

Okay. Listen, listen, listen, listen. College tour. I'll sign up to that. Okay. But you are not allowed to fuck a single college student. Easy. Done.

From that college. Right? No. In general. Like ever again? No. During the tour. What is wrong with... The college students are 22 years old.

Yes. As seniors. How old are you? And you are? No, during the tour. What is wrong with, the college students are 22 years old. Yes. As seniors. How old are you? And you are? Look, folks. 27. I'm 23 years old. When is your birthday?

It's November 29th. What year? 96. 97? 99. 2001. I don't remember 9-11 because I wasn't alive. Can you believe that? It's just crazy that that happened. 2001. I don't remember 9-11 because I wasn't alive.

Can you believe that? It's just crazy that that happened. Yeah. Oof. You know what? I'm aging. I'm down to plan a live Fear Ann show. I already had that great idea.

I think we just, let's just do one. I don't really remember it. Once you feel that audience. I'm not doing tour, but we can do one live show. Let's do one live show. Fear Ann. Let's do it in a cool location. Okay, I have a question.

Let's do it in Allegiant Stadium. This is serious. I forget what my good live show idea was. I'm cutting this part. Okay, let's... I have a serious question. You're cutting this part? No, we're not cutting this part,

but I'm just, like, moving on from this. Because we always do this, like, we got to do a live show. Rant. Tour. What do... Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

What do you guys, like, look at in terms of popular culture? Because I feel like I always bring a lot normally because I'm tapped into everything that's going on, but recently I've only done politics and only done news nonstop, which is why I'm completely out of touch with whatever the fuck's going on. Do you look at stuff and what is going on in the world that's not related to Israel-Palestine? I'm an incredibly boring person, I've realized.

I watch every piece of film and television. I keep up with sports. I'm pretty good on current events. I just cut news out of my life. What's the current events that's happening right now? There's not a lot. I gave you guys the Mr. B stuff, so I'm just wondering if there's anything like that that's happening. That one influencer's bodyguard knocked someone the fuck out.

Oh, I saw that. Let's talk about that. That's a bit of an old story, but yeah. Can you pull that up? Corinna. It was Corinna's friend that got punched. You can't just hit somebody like that. I know.

I don't think. I don't think? No, you cannot hit someone like that mean he he you know he knocked him out it was oh it was pretty much over nothing too god there's a roblox video uh he's got roblox you just got robloxed oh thank god dick for dick sterto the beacon of truth. Oh, there it is. There it is. That's the video. My security just knocked out a guy live on my kick. So unnecessary punching him over this conversation as well.

And then he posts his website as a pro. He's like pro. Apparently this bodyguard does this kind of shit all the time. That's crazy. Did he get charged?

I hope he goes to jail. I hope he goes to jail, too. Apparently, this bodyguard does this kind of shit all the time, too. He said, I'll do whatever I want. What's up? The context, they were pressing us. Jesus. They were absolutely not. Yeah, it didn't look like they were.

Jesus Christ. That is one of the most insane things I've ever seen because the power imbalance is so apparent. And he's there in a professional setting. Yes. You can't do that. Can we get Corinna on the podcast? Sure.

Think? Yeah. I don't think we can. can oh i don't know if we can i don't know if she likes me too much because of the whole is she like gay people kick thing oh she's she's a part of the first legion of like streamers that made a fuck ton of money on twitch uh promoting a gambling and crypto casinos. And then I think she attributed it to me. You're so annoying being against gambling.

You ruined my relationship. Do you know how much money we could have made, Hasan? I know how much money I could have made personally if I'm going gambling sponsorship. Will Cutie and I were all going to sign a gambling deal until you came out against it. We can't get Crown of Conf. Do you think we can get BB Netanyahu?

Yes. I don't know who that is. Ooh. That's the prime minister. I want Brittany Broski. Who do I want? Elton John. Okay.

Okay. All right. Well, and that's this week's episode. We will see you over on the Patreon now with surely juicy more content. And also, turns out, we haven't heard back from the hotel. So maybe we'll address that on the Patreon. Oh, you have to call them. I have to give them a call.

We have to do a white hat. We're going to do a little bit more white hat, Karen, on the Patreon. And now you need to be aggressive. I'm going to be aggressive. I'm going to turn it up. And big claps in the comments. Not one of us was chewing into the mic this episode. Oh, I was chewing all episode, Les.

Yeah, I know. People complained about it. Really? And him. And not you. Yeah, this guy. What did they say? Suck me.

You guys got to eat before the podcast. Bitch, we stream. Well, he streams. We don't have time to eat. We don't have time to eat. I'm very busy. I'm intermittent fasting. I have to eat before 8 p.m.

I only have an hour and a half left to eat for the whole day. You can suck me. I've only had one meal. Before we go over to the paywall portion, I'd just like to, our audience, say thank you so much for your support. Behind the paywall and in front of the paywall. We're doing our best,

helmed by Cutie Cinderella, to match your enthusiasm with our own. We have a new set coming your way. We have a calendar coming your way. We have so many things that we're working our ass off that we're excited to share with you. Thanks for showing up each and every week. Yes. And in the comments

please tell me how much you want that self-suck kills shirt because if we get enough support we will make it and all the money will go to Mass. Side poll. Have you guys heard of Mass? No. Mothers Against Self-Suck?

I do think the directness helped, just saying we want a refund. Because I don't think they know what they wanted. I think they wanted risk management. I don't know what. I'll be honest. I wasn't involved in the situation, so emotionally I'm not as attached. All right. So now for our listeners, what I'm going to do. attached. Alright, so now

for our listeners, what I'm going to do... Hello, sir. I'm sorry. I'm a little verklempt. I had a situation in your hotel recently that was pretty traumatic, and I have allowed my partner to deal with the situation because

my emotions were too close to it. And he has been very patient. And finally I took over. But recently I had a really scary incident in one of your elevators where all of my guests that I brought to Vegas with me were traumatized. And it really affected our stay. And we really hoped that this being Vegas, the hospitality capital of the world, the Conrad would do something to make me feel better about the situation. And my partner, God bless him, has been so patient. But after being run around on emails and responses for over two weeks, nothing has been done. All I would like is some portion of our say to be refunded

so that we can feel better about this.