Fear& - Vanillamace Educates The Men | Fear&
Episode Date: June 16, 2025✨EXTRA BONUS EPISODES ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow our guest! ❤️ Vanillamace: https://twit...ter.com/vanillamace ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - Vanilla making this podcast anything but 00:01:26 - austin has been radicalized against HOAs 00:02:52 - pause 00:03:00 - Vanilla Mace breaks the record for the fastest guest to be introduced 00:05:55 - hasan gets taught about capitalism and recession indicators 00:07:44 - the ICE has been broken 00:09:42 - joey mills and the four seasons 00:12:00 - i never thought that it be so simple but i found a gay i found a 00:13:13 - shopify 00:14:23 - hasan is the one that is going fishing today 00:16:05 - the boys wouldn't get it 00:18:00 - the good kind of brainwashing 00:19:46 - NSD the modern ASL 00:23:20 - the strip clubs in Utah 00:25:09 - if i chose jesus of suburbia is it the same price as a 2 min song 00:26:11 - sams club needed new marketing tactics 00:29:27 - listen up everyone, class is in session (this will be on the test) 00:34:30 - and they say america doesnt haven culture 00:38:53 - the history teachers are something else 00:40:24 - the neff thanksgiving tradition 00:42:29 - qtcinderella at the glass slipper 00:45:30 - i didnt know there were other services 00:47:04 - we are all learning so much more today 00:50:05 - austin deprograms the youth 00:53:35 - LATE STAGE AMERICA ME UP 00:56:04 - the pregnancy connected universe 00:58:51 - it might be because of the plane thing #hasanabi #qtcinderella #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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The rule is don't touch, don't touch.
You just don't touch.
What is that?
Bro, you just wanted to speak.
He's making it up as he's going along.
He wanted to just speak, that's it.
He wanted to just have input.
No.
I was. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear and Podcast, where we have a very,
very, very special guest.
Hello, Miss Vanilla, how are you?
Yay!
I'm good, how is everyone?
We're doing fantastic.
We're all really excited about this episode.
Yes, everybody's excited.
And I canceled it.
For me?
That's crazy.
Oh my God, wow.
That's thousands of dollars, dude.
Don't think you're going to fail.
I know, I'm like, ugh.
Poor Will will be on the streets tonight.
That's right.
He has to feed his Labooboo.
Yeah.
Look at how expensive his tastes are.
I know, he's an expensive child.
Yeah.
Well, the family's all together with a guest.
It's rare that we can all get together at once,
and even rare when we can get together with a guest.
Yes, we're so excited to have you on the podcast.
Yeah, somehow
Austin is more tired now that he lives in LA. No, he's been complaining about it.
Yeah. You came in and instantly started complaining about living in Los Angeles.
No, no, no. It's because, well, I can't talk about the things you can't talk about on the
show, which is fine. But you're just complaining because this was supposed
to alleviate some of the pressure of you having to fly in
all the goddamn time.
No, everything's fine.
Did you guys have a fight?
No, it was, I...
He...
I didn't...
You had...
Boys over.
Yes, I did, I did have boys over, okay?
Several, okay?
Yeah.
Several boys, okay?
Men who work in professional fields
in front of camera.
Yes.
Oh.
Adult variety.
Yes, there was an adult party at my house.
And.
Wait, an adult party?
Like an orgy?
You hosted it?
I hosted it, it wasn't an orgy,
well it could have been if we didn't get sent inside
at 10.15 because,
regardless, the drama,
a little bit of a taste of the drama,
I don't wanna tell much, I've just got a fucking neighbor
that doesn't like me to make any noise, okay?
And that's the drama, I'm not gonna talk anymore about it,
but that's the issue.
I just know you'll handle it correctly.
I will not.
I started handling it correctly,
and then I became a petty bitch.
Yeah, well you could do what that guy did
and build a butt in your yard.
You know what, I'm now anti-HOA for this.
It took one fucking neighbor to make me anti-HOA, but enough about me.
Okay, good.
Enough about me.
I want to get into our guest.
Yes, I want to get into, well.
Vanilla Mace is into it.
Phrasing, phrasing, phrasing.
Let's run that back.
I want to talk about our guest.
Yes.
Yeah.
What's new in your life?
What is new?
This, I guess.
It's like everything's been happening pretty cool.
Other than that, I mean, it's been kind of like fucking same old same old.
Yeah, same old same old.
You're just you.
Tell the people what you do that might not know.
I'm sure everybody under the age of 25, all the cool kids know who you are,
but we also have an older audience. So what do you do? All right. So for the oldies out there, I,
they like it. Yeah. I Twitch stream. I do YouTube, TikTok, a little bit of everything,
but I'd say Twitch is like my main thing.
And you've been popping off.
Yeah.
Major pop off.
Yeah, it's been fucking awesome.
So how did that happen?
Honestly, this thing right here.
I did a video where I unboxed the skull panda and the video itself that I posted didn't even go
that viral. Someone made an edit of it,
because I got two of the same one,
and they just edited it with this
really dramatic music over it.
And it went so fucking viral.
It went so viral, and I'm like, what the hell?
Okay, sure, and everyone was like, who is this?
She's so funny.
And then from there, it kind of just was a snowball thing
where people just started posting clips
and edits of me and stuff from my stream or whatever. And I was like, snowball thing where people just started like posting clips and edits of me and stuff like for my stream
Or whatever and I was like cool. All right. I didn't even have to do any
Yes, so the one it's the third one is like the original one but the edit is
Not on there. I'd find the edit
Here, let's see the OG one.
Where it all started.
Oh, son of a bitch.
Damn, it's so popular, it won't even show.
Take the artist's chance. Son of a bitch.
Son of a bitch.
Type in vanilla mace Christmas tree.
That might bring it up.
Oh yeah? Take the artist's chance. That might bring it up. Oh yeah? Tate Artists answering you. That might bring it up.
Okay, I think this is it.
I know this is a different one, but.
That is 900,000 likes.
So I got two of them at once and I was really pissed off about it.
But there's so many different things.
I'm like, I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one.
I'm going to go with this one. I'm going to go with this one. I'm going to go with this one. I'm going to go with this one. I'm going to go with this one. So I got two of them at once and I was really pissed off about it.
But there's so many.
Oh yeah, so then I went back and I got the same one.
So this must be a relatable experience for a lot of people.
For a lot of the blind box people.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Very relatable.
Girlly props have gotten into gambling.
Yeah.
It's really, that's all it is, is just girl gambling.
It's also very cute and fun.
Yes, yes.
So people were just like having fun with that, making their own edits and yeah.
And then here we are.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
Pretty cool.
I love that.
I don't understand the baboos at all.
I didn't even know how to say it until recently, but I've learned.
Yeah.
Explain to me what the appeal is, please.
Okay.
So I'm just a lover of trinkets and anything small and cute is just some maternal instinct in me
I don't know so I collected sunny angels for a while. Do you guys know about sunny angels? No, no March
Can you pull up a sunny angel?
This is one on my phone. They have ones that go on your phone
Wait you got a sunny angel from my store
I got for you, I didn't know that it was I didn't even know that it was actually called a sunny angel
What? Yes
But here it is.
Oh my god.
This is bad news.
Let me see.
That's not.
Okay, well that's his friend Moe Fusson.
But it's, yes.
What is that?
But not a sunny angel.
Look at it, it's for vanilla mousse.
That's an orca fish.
I love him.
Okay, that's actually funny, hold on.
Swag.
Look.
Oh.
There you go. Look. Oh!
Oh my god!
Wow, you got, how many phones?
Do you just have extra phones so you can put stuff on?
Just, well yeah, honestly, that's the appeal of it.
Okay.
You're a multi-phone gal?
I have two.
Only for when I, I'm like so new, I'm so not techy,
so when I IRL stream, I'm like, well I need a second phone.
I was literally IRL streaming off of my only phone,
no way to text, no way to tell what time it is, just out with a fucking dream.
I was like, hey guys.
So I was like, I need a phone.
So it's a stream phone.
Yeah.
Okay, got it, that makes sense.
That's basically what it is.
I think what initially drew me to you
is that you have one of the most
instantly polarizing aesthetics I've ever seen.
Really?
Yeah, I love your aesthetic.
Thank you so much.
You're kind of a fashion icon, I think.
Really?
Yeah. I don't even. Thank you so much kind of a fashion icon. I really yeah I like you know what my aesthetic really it's it's like kind of like manic cute
Wild okay perfect. That's kind of yeah if I had to describe what I was trying to go for I guess that would be bad
Yeah, well, thank you. Hey, I noticed he's done his research. Thank you so much Wow
Um, so what did you do before you started to assume me? Um, I was a sex worker
Actually, I was a stripper for six years
Yes
There's nothing wrong with consuming sex work,
cutie Cinderella.
I don't think there's anything wrong with it.
It's the way you consume it.
Oh, really?
It's the way you consume it.
Well, hang it on your chest while you jerk off.
So if I can't see my penis.
Yeah.
He doesn't even look at his own penis.
That's how confident he is in it.
I get top-down clearance.
I'm still like, yeah.
You get top-down clearance?
What do you mean?
I put a pillow behind me, okay? You get top down clearance, what do you mean?
I put a pillow behind me, okay?
And I like, don't fully lay down.
And then I can see my penis as well.
No, he's just bragging.
Yeah, yeah, it's you.
I mean, get it, Hasan.
Okay, now that we're talking about your penis, I gotta bring something up.
Hang on. This is like a JFK shooter.
Go get the laptop. I need to see
where it is. Eww, no, don't get it.
Because he says he can see his penis, I don't believe him.
I don't want you to get the laptop.
Well, let's do that in the Patreon.
That thing has like 10,000 of your dead babies on it.
Let's do it in the Patreon, because our patrons will sub for that.
I don't nut on the laptop.
What the hell?
There's no way. Everyone's right.
You put it out of the way when.
No, I have complete control over the situation.
It takes the laptop after.
Okay.
Yeah, after I use a napkin.
A napkin?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Or a non-napkin paper towel.
I mean, if you're the only one touching a laptop,
who gives a shit, I mean.
Oh, so yeah, paper towel.
Now that we're talking about your penis,
okay, I need to bring something up.
Last night, I had a porn star. We're throwing Mace in it. So sorry, Mace. You're talking about your penis. Okay, I need to bring something up sure last night I had a porn star throwing mace in it so sorry, but you're okay
Either I'm like anything whatever you want, okay
So so maze last night I was I had a porn star over at my house this porn stars name
I got permission to tell this story,
is Joey Mills, okay, Joey Mills for those.
Morris looked that up, pulling that out.
Yeah, well, if you Google Joey Mills, you may find
Joey Mills is a very prolific gay porn star,
has been in the business for probably about nine years now.
This man did an incognito tab.
I have that.
You got to. Oh, how old is Joey? Joey's 27.
Oh wow. But he's been in the industry since he was 18. Twink Bottom? He's top before.
In his life? He's been on film doing that. He's verse. He's verse. So anyway. Which
videos do you watch? Well I've watched many over the years.
You watch the one through the bottom.
Yeah, I can't.
Anyway, regardless, my viewing of Joey is irrelevant, okay?
He was over as a friend last night. We were having a great time.
So, Joey sends me, Christian was at the table with me, and he's like, he brings up the fact that he had sent a DM to me one time,
Joey slid into my DMs and said, Hey, I heard you like Twinks. And he didn't, he, he, we
brought it up and we were talking about that at the table. And he says, you know what?
Actually, I was just trying to get the Hassan piker.
No, it was fine. It was fine. fine it was funny. He's a confident man.
So he goes we really got to start turning out twinks.
I don't like this. We keep talking about how we're gonna have a three-way with Christian and you're like, okay.
Just as a matter of principle we gotta turn out your friend who's a guy so I said so I said you know what Jay this one like
that he's not threatened I could I could out fuck him on so he's like he's like I
want to he's like I want to he's like I want to fuck Hassan piker and I was like
I was like you know he's a straight man I'm honored and I was like you know he's a straight man, and he's like I know and I was like okay
He this is you know obviously he does he I don't think you know
But I would be okay you have an aesthetic yeah, and he's not your aesthetic is gay Disney Channel
Like his tight
Guys Like his tight Guys
House for friendship there was nothing going on okay regardless I just wanted to tell you that and he knows you're straight
He's this is kind of a you know, it's a joke
I'm honored but he will say he wanted me to let you know that you he would give you give you a blowjob
Okay, cool. You should take it. I think about that. Yeah
Behind the paywall as long as we as long as we keep our socks on. Yeah, okay
But I'd be remiss not to tell you
Yeah, I feel like when a gay man compliments a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah
I like the highest form of praise that was for me. That was definitely experience
I when I first moved to West Hollywood
I was like a southern frat boy and I was a little put off by the
Advances and by the time I left that gym in West Hollywood, I was looking for the compliments
You know, I mean if I didn't have a gay man complimenting my pecs, I really felt flat that day.
Yeah, no, seriously.
Yeah.
A gay man compliment is perfect.
It's amazing.
It's what we all live for.
Oh, cutie, you sell stuff, don't you?
I sell so many things.
I sell wares online.
Well, how do you do it?
Oh, I use Shopify because it's easy enough
for a dummy like me.
Yeah. Oh, wow.
I'm kind of stupid too. Do you think I could do it?
Yeah, really? It's confusing. You know, you want to sell stuff
You're like how am I supposed to do that and you freak out and all you have to do is go to Shopify's website
Really? You can specifically go to Shopify.com slash fear
To sign up for your one dollar per month trial to start selling today at Shopify.com
That's um, and and it makes all the small business stuff freaking easy, man.
For dummies like me.
Yeah, you can get all the big stuff
for your small business right with,
cha-ching, Shopify.
Wait, you know what other dummy loves Shopify?
Marsh because-
Mauricio Miranda.
That's right, our producer, Marsh,
Mauricio Miranda loves Shopify. He doesn't have any
commerce, but when he does, he will certainly use Shopify.com. All right. And we'll take
advantage of the $1 a month trial by going to Shopify.com slash.
Here, Shopify.com slash fear. Do you, why don't you compliment me anymore? Is it because Joey Mills wants me instead of you?
He's trying to get some jealousy out?
Is that what it is?
No, I'm comfortable in my own skin.
Because you used to compliment me,
I was just attacking you.
There were other porn stars at my house last night.
Yeah, I feel old and washed away.
No, I just told you Joey Mills wanted to suck you.
Okay, that made me feel a little bit better. What do you want? you Joey Mills wanted to suck you. Okay. That made me feel
what do you want? What do you want? Do you want me to say it too? I mean, it wouldn't
hurt. Don't say that. I've got your better than vanilla. There's a long standing misunderstanding
on the internet that him and I are dating. That's not a real thing. It's a world of difference between me and Cutie Cinderella. I'm also, that's also not real.
But they think that he's my type
and it's just not really the case.
That's just like an internet thing though.
They ship anyone with anyone.
They really do and it's frustrating.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
He is literally in the comments with alt accounts,
literally be like, hey guys,
what are these two gay together?
What do you guys think and what if they take this out?
Yeah, no.
No, he's got sock accounts. Yeah, no cuz there's people that actually believe it
Yeah, I know
Definitely not an awesome show. Yeah, I've seen them in clips all the time. They look so committed
Do you talk about your sex work? Yeah, okay, super open. Okay, so did you work in a where did you work?
Okay, so I started at a club in Boston when I first started like working at the club
I feel like Boston's a tough place to strip.
You want to know what's funny?
The way the laws are out there in like the city of Boston, there's only two strip clubs
and they have to serve chowder at both.
Right next to each other on the same side of the street.
Oh my god.
One door is here and the other door is here.
Both the bouncers centerfolds and the glass slipper
You can't go to the glass, Lippa. Okay, so which one did you work at?
Centerfolds.
Okay, not the glass.
Yeah, fuck the glass.
Is that a, like, a metaphor?
No, it was like, okay, so it was, no, I don't think it was a metaphor.
You know what I mean?
No, Centerfolds is like the centerfold.
It was just someone who's a level playboy.
Like the centerfold.
Yeah, but then, oh.
Back in the day, magazines used to have,
magazines like Playboy used to have centerfolds.
Did you hear what this man said?
Centerfold is a vagina. Centerfold.
See what I mean?
Oh, like the actual...
That's actually kind of poetic, Austin.
Thank you, ladies!
The ladies with vaginas
are backing me up.
That's not a double entendre.
It's just straight up because center folds is like a Playboy model.
And then the center fold is crazy.
Yeah, but Austin just came up with something beautiful.
Yeah, I know what that means, but I thought that there was like a-
Yeah.
Some double entendre.
Yeah, see?
I mean, it could be.
Technically, I don't know.
See, I was reaching.
Sometimes I miss most of the time.
Imagine a hot man was like, or like it'd be in like a, what that stupid move,
that book, Court of Thorns and Roses,
where he's like, they're like, he grazed my centerfold.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's kind of beautiful.
My centerfold.
Isn't that fairy smut?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
See, I think it's gonna take off.
My friend, actually, my friend who I used to dance
without that club, she writes books like that.
Really?
Yeah, she writes like, hers is more like Star Wars-esque though, It's gonna take off actually my friend who I used to dance without that club. She writes books like that really
Hers is more like Star Wars esque though kind of like galaxy
Like why able like sci-fi yeah, I think so it's more like yeah
It's for the nerdy girlies. Yes, they want to flick the beam. Yeah your time at centerfold
It was okay So it was unlike any other club that I had worked at since it was like the first club that I ever was at.
I didn't know what to expect.
Right.
And they like literally brainwashed us, but not in like a horrible way.
Like your own family way?
No, it was like, this is the best club in Boston.
I mean there's only two.
There's only two.
There's only two. There's I mean, there's only two. Yeah. No, we have to be glad.
There's right next to us across the street.
There was one actually a little bit outside of town too
called the Golden Banana.
So once you would think,
people would come in all the time
thinking it was a gay club.
Yeah.
So hi, where?
And it was straight?
Yeah, it was just gold.
The Golden Banana.
There were so many sad gay men.
Yeah, what the fuck were they thinking?
Where are the bananas?
Yeah. Where are the fucking? Well,. Yeah, what the fuck were they thinking? Where are the bananas?
Well, I can see what they're thinking.
So I've been to a strip club with women.
I'm curious of your thoughts on this.
I went with my friends who are straight,
it's like a bachelor party type thing.
And I would, the girls would come out with me
because they're working, and I would get you know, the girls would come out to me because they're working and I would
get cash because I'd like to support the dancers but I'd tell them I was gay
which is like, you know, hey I'm just here to support. What is the like, did
they believe me do you think? Yeah, no I think they believed you.
I don't think, well because you can tell some guys.
When you're in the back room during a lap dance going like this.
You can tell when guys are like kind of bullshitting.
Just don't put your centerfold on me.
Whatever you do.
Okay, got it.
So yeah, no, I think at the end, as long as you're respectful and shit.
Yeah, okay, yeah, of course.
Oh, so some men will be like, I'm gay, and then try to do some crazy...
And they're like trying to be funny with their fucking friend or something.
Yeah, you'd be surprised how many guys think that they're just funny.
What was your stage? Okay, Avery?
What was your song I
Didn't I would it honestly dependent my vibe. Okay the weekend
And you did pole dancing as well
Because we went to do pole dancing yeah, he learned is hard hard as hard as fuck right I can do I could climb the pole
I could do a little twirl that's about it
And I would not even bother half the time because I'm like the girls that could do that
They're like upside down back flip fucking yeah, I'm like I'm yeah, I'm just gonna like I'm just gonna shake my
Yeah, so that was pretty much my gig. Um, she twerk. Yeah
Very difficult. Yeah, it's just one of those things for some people
It just doesn't even girls that I know that I've worked for years. They're like, I just I can't get it to move like that, man
Yeah, it's just one of those things did you have a regular
Yeah, it's just one of those things. Did you have a regular job before going into stripping?
So my mom does hair and I like always grew up,
I was like, I wanna do cosmetology too.
And so I like worked in salons, I did like reception
and I did like a little makeup and stuff here and there.
And like, I didn't actually like finish going to school
to do, cause I was like, I don't like this shit.
I was like, wait, I hate this.
How would you compare the experience working in a salon versus working
in a shoe club?
You want to know why?
That's apples and oranges.
Really?
No, no, it's really it's actually funny because it's like obviously both like industries.
It's like a lot of women that you're around a lot of women all the time.
And sometimes I feel like it would be more caddy at the salons than it would be at the
strip club.
Wow, interesting.
Things like at the strip club it would be more catty.
But yeah, it was a lot of nonsense at the salon.
I don't know.
I mean, don't be wrong.
There is drama at the strip club.
Oh yeah.
I don't really, I mean, in my six years, I never had to punch anybody.
You haven't punched someone at the salon?
No.
But I mean, girls hit each other all the time. Yeah. The reason my answer is, my stripper friends usually
will talk about how working at a McDonald's or something
like that, where they got sexually harassed way more
and had way less autonomy from their own personal experience,
as opposed to working in a show club, where there's
at least a bouncer, a security.
You could just get up and walk away.
Yeah, exactly.
Even I bartended for a little bit I bar I was a like a bar
back like at this restaurant was a restaurant too wasn't even like a bar
is this Italian restaurant and I got more fucking harassed there than like
at the club because you can't leave behind the bar and you still like oh my
god I got a fucking entertain this loser right now Gotta make a fucking old-fashioned
Someone's being annoying just get up and walk away, which is the beauty of it. I guess yeah, someone's coming up to you like I'm gay
I was saying I was here to support the girls. I was tipping
I was tipping guys come in and they're like the best. Yeah, we were tipping and having fun
Nice brush madam, I am NOT
Actually a lot of times when women come in like bachelorette parties they are worse than the guys sometimes. Yeah. Because their girls are like, fucking, ehh. Yeah.
I'm like, oh my God.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are those hands doing?
Whoa, we were, yeah.
She did not look.
I'm exactly what it looked.
I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Like, whoa, we're not cool like that.
Wrong place, yeah.
I'm like, oh.
What were some of the rules in Massachusetts?
Cause like California has some wack ass rules
for show clubs where you can't be like fully nude.
With alcohol, right?
Yeah, with alcohol.
Oh, that's interesting.
Obviously they wanna sell alcohol. So then most of the- Utah, you can't show like fully nude with alcohol. Yeah with alcohol. Oh, that's it. Do they want to sell alcohol?
So yeah, you tell you can't show nipples really you have to wear
Utah strip clubs. Yeah, that's crazy. It's called the Mormons southern exposure
Mission I like I think they need one's called the Mission. I like that. I think. They need one just called the Temple.
There probably is somewhere.
That'd be a great strip club.
I like both the Mission and the Temple.
Actually, the Mormon Church would not allow that.
Oh, no way.
No.
They have that much influence over there?
Oh yeah.
In Utah?
The Mormon Church?
They own the state.
Yeah, I guess they do.
I guess they all do.
What about a kosher strip club called the Synagogue?
Oh, I like that all do what about a kosher strip club called the sin a god
Okay, yeah the rules in bar, okay, so you can do fully nude with alcohol
Okay here. It's one of the other to civilize play. Yeah
Yeah, if out here if you go to a club that has alcohol you can only do topless like the girls Do not take their bottoms off
But if you go to one that doesn't serve alcohol then the girls can be fully new
But how do you go to how would you that would be going sober you be?
Like a lot of that, huh someplace I think at a club. There was a liquor store right next to it.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, the vibe seems to be plain.
Could you open my chardonnay?
But Boston, yeah, they were fully nude with alcohol.
And but with that, they had a very strict contact rule.
They were like, you can't touch too much.
Like, they're very strict about that.
So if you did like just a lap dance,
like a $20 dance, you literally had to like
leave room for us all.
Lap dance is only $20 bucks.
For us all, $20 us all.
Yeah, I know.
Raise your prices.
Raise the prices, I know.
And we hated doing those
because you wouldn't make any money off of them
because then you have to like
give a cut of it to the club. That's so the opposite
of other strip clubs.
Yeah, but the champagne room,
that's where the real money's at.
What's that about?
So the champagne was 500 for the hour.
Then you the guy has to buy a bottle of champagne.
The bottle started like 250.
You have to get the full 500 and you just sit and drink and fucking chit chat
and whatever like it's cute.
And then sometimes you're like, you want to do another hour share.
You have there for three, four hours.
Sometimes you're like, that's huge.
Yeah. So that was like the main thing
Yeah, nobody ever wanted to do the lap dances when you do the lap dance
I love to be like, yeah, you have to be like this far in front of them
It's so awkward. That's like the Japanese model $20 a lap dance with a host
Yes, no, that's so cheap
I was gonna say like first $20 a song right even like when I was still dancing out here like before I quit I still
Are you dance? Yeah, yeah body shop Song right even like when I was still dancing out here like before I quit I still
Yeah
Yeah, I got 20 bucks. I can't believe it. She didn't quit. This is how they eradicate Costco from the market competition.
Yeah, dude.
I would, yeah, that put a whole different sentence.
Was there ever anyone that got the champagne room and then like, min max, then was like,
you need to dance the entire time.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
No.
And I'm like, oh my God, you got to be kidding me.
It's good cardio though.
Yeah, it is good cardio.
It is.
And sometimes they would be like, I don't really drink much. So I would like just like kind of fake ship, sip the champagne. Yeah, it is good cardio. It is and sometimes they would be like I don't really drink much So I would like just like kind of fake ship the champagne. Yeah, and they would be like
Because there was a bar up there too I'd be like I'm gonna go put cherries in my glass
Yeah, go and I'd be like put ginger ale in this fucking
Do you ever do the coyote ugly? I always were they if someone gives you a shot you and then oh
I've done that actually the coyote ugly. Yeah, it's from a movie. Oh, I just dump it
Yeah
I just dump it no because like when you're out and about and you're partying with a bunch of people and they're like
I'm like no, I can't do it. No, you have to you know what I mean?
And I just take I'm like, okay, and then I just freaking just dump it out.
On the floor?
Someone's last time you were in a strip club.
There's so much being spilled.
Almost a year ago, probably.
Yeah.
So, okay, so as a, one thing I've noticed about strip clubs,
like you are-
You say it like you're an alien that came down to earth.
Okay, so- Learned about them for the first time. I need to- You go like it're an alien that came down to Earth. Okay, so.
Learned about them for the first time.
I need to.
You go like it's an anthropological study.
I can't win around here.
It's just. Yeah.
One thing I've learned about my visit to the Serengeti,
the strip clubs.
Okay, go on.
Is that when women are stripping,
they are fucking working as. which is true like you working under
No, no, but but hold on but here's the in the gay strip clubs sometimes these strippers will stop working and
hook up with people
Does that happen at the um as much no definitely not as much it's more of a thing where it's like
people I feel like the girls are just like a fuck, you could look like Jesus Christ.
Yeah, that's what I was saying, it doesn't matter.
I don't care, guys would be like,
younger guys would come in, they would do a dance,
they'd be like, you must be so happy,
it's me and not some old guy.
Yeah!
Ew!
He's got the money, I don't give a fuck.
That's what I was saying, okay, that was my perception,
because my experiences at gay strip clubs
is like, when you go back, sometimes when you go back and get a dance
It's like oh
Shit this whole time. I was thinking this is a great experience for the stripper as well
Turns out it's not
That I want to talk to you about,
and this is always interesting.
I started going to strip clubs with family and friends pretty young,
and with older men who taught me the ropes, right?
But a lot of times that I've been to strip clubs with people,
it's like their first or second time, and they have no fucking idea.
The etiquette.
So I think we can list off a few strip club etiquette things
that people might not maybe you're in the audience and you're thinking about
maybe you're at a strip club right now yeah
maybe you're on the way to the strip club.
Yeah.
Right?
And that's like, it's not like necessarily common knowledge.
Some people just really don't know.
So etiquette.
Yeah.
Okay.
So I'd say...
I can give you a few and you can tell me if they're false or real.
Okay.
Imagine Will's just wrong on all of these.
You're like, yeah.
False or real.
If you are sitting in the front row by the stage, by the pole, you have to tip every
dance. Yes, that was literally
You're sitting at the stage and you have a front row view you like our most clubs like woman like the bouncers will be like
Hey, buddy. Yeah, like they'll make you if you don't
I've taken to a shirt club and they'll sit there. Yeah, just happy to be there
Yeah, I get it. I'm like you got to make with money. I got another rule. How much is a normal tip?
Bucks it just doesn't matter like just if you're sitting at this because it's just it's just like you'd on the pole like dancing
It's not like a private. It's just yeah, you're
But if you're in front you got it'll blow it up. Yeah, like
You're looking in the back. you can drink $10 a dance.
Well, it's not even a dance. It's just like, hey, so I said they're like, every stage.
I'm amazed.
Well, whatever, everything.
And there's like around the stage, there's like seats. Right.
But throughout the whole club, there's like seats farther back.
There's tables and stuff. If you're at the stage.
Yeah, I'd say like 10.
I mean, like literally, it doesn't even look like I'm like a couple fucking bucks, I don't care.
As long as you're not just sitting here,
you don't got nothing.
Well I'm fucked up, it's the real me.
Sorry, you're a weekend dancer.
Yeah.
Do you see the people that are just like
with one dollar every song?
Oh so stingy with that, I'm like if you don't give me
that fucking, like literally.
I know, you had a etiquette, lay it down.
Yeah.
She'll tell you if it's real or not.
These ladies are working professionals.
Yes. And you need to respect that when you go there right you need to respect that okay?
That's your rule. What's the etiquette the rule is?
Don't touch
Don't touch
He wanted to just speak. He wanted to just have input.
No, I was.
I thought he wants to be included.
That's a good rule of thumb too.
Don't touch.
No, I mean, like on the stage and stuff, you kind of should just like let people do their own thing, you know.
But I say, yeah.
And another thing too, I feel like it's kind of a lot of guys will get nervous.
Like if they've never been in the club and a girl comes over and sits and it's obviously trying
To like the end goal here is to get them to spend some sort of money
Yeah, so you're having a little conversation whatever some of these guys like I don't usually
I'll give a guy 10 to 15 minutes of conversation to decide if they want to do something any more than that
I'm like I'm out of here. I'm not in here
But I feel like sometimes guys will
Almost like allude that they're gonna spend money or some kind of a thing
I'd rather like if you're not into me,
I'd rather you just be like,
hey, thank you so much.
Like, I'm waiting for someone else
or I'm good right now.
Like just off the bat.
That's what I tried to do.
I'm not gonna waste your time.
I tried to do that.
I was like, I'm gay.
Some girls get,
They got mad at me.
I'm like, oh, thank you.
Thanks for not wasting money.
Yeah, some girls, I don't know.
I feel like it's a thing where some girls are just like,
oh, I can't believe you like me.
So what's the rule on the rejection? How do we navigate that know, I feel like it's a thing where some girls are just like, I can't believe they like me, I'm a cool kid. So what's the rule on the rejection?
How do we navigate that situation?
I feel like it's just something where if a girl sits down, you know, you could do the
cue, hi, how are you?
How's your night?
Okay, good, good, la, la, like a few minutes of conversation, but I think, you know, you're
just like, hey, just by the way, I'm not, you know, I'm waiting for someone or I'm just
not looking to get a dance right now.
Like, I'm not in the market.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Yeah.
Yeah. And some girls will be like, whatever.
But I mean, if it's not the girl, like, then don't even fucking.
Yeah, you're wasting everyone's time.
Sure. OK, more etiquette.
She had a few to ram rattle off.
Yeah. Oh, strip club etiquette.
Usually a girl will indicate what clothing items she wants to be tipped in.
And you should respect that and not try and just jam cash down the front
of their pants.
Yeah.
Also that too.
Have you, you know this, have you, you look shocked by this?
No, I mean, yeah.
Yeah.
Like if a girl's on stage.
I mean, I don't really, I don't really go to the, that's usually the gay strip club.
Yeah.
They put dollars in.
They shouldn't be in your hair.
Swipe the credit card.
I mean, yeah.
No, but they also do the same thing.
Yeah, they have their square.
They open up.
Yeah, they're like, here you thing. Yeah, they're squared.
They open up.
Yeah, they're like, here you go.
Yeah, but that's normal.
They usually open up the article of clothing.
Yeah.
I'm also one of those people where I'm just like, when I'm on stage, I don't necessarily
like to get too close to people anyway.
So you're not even really getting that much of an opportunity.
Like, you get a split second, you might catch me at a good, like, like but my majority time like just throw it bro because I'm like yeah, just fucking throw
Oh, I hate when guys crumple it up into a ball and throw it
Literally yell Kobe's I try to get you
Do it at you like that's why I feed or something if they made a tasteful origami see that I have a cute little like paper airplane situation
I did you will do like a heart one. I'm like, okay this one guy did like a house where he like folded them
Okay, you know like it's I like the creativity
Usually an indication that you want that person to come sit on your head
Yes
I did get into a fight with a stripper at the body shop because I had a stack of cash
And I wasn't ready to give it up yet
But I had like a hundred dollars in ones and I was like I was trying to spread the wealth around the establishment and I was
in she Crap, I said no and I was like I was trying to spread the wealth around the establishment and I was in cheap
Yeah, but no they were going for it and you know what she won she got all of it
Yeah, I lost some time. Yeah, I could see and I see it happen
It's so many times where like a girl just precious got a book. Yeah, that's so and I feel like the secondhand embarrassment for them like oh god
That's I don't like to work like that. I mean it worked cuz I was like, ah dang it and I went back to the ATM
Just sit there empty-handed I like genuinely feel bad. I'm like, yeah
Do you have any other good etiquette that people should know?
I don't like to yeah, I do any other good etiquette that people should know
Think also that the one guys are like, oh, what's your name? And you say your name? Well, what's your real name?
Every time yeah, yeah, I'm like and then they they believe it so they're like, yeah
Yeah, cuz now they're special. Yeah got your real name. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, because a lot of people come in with the ego. They think that they're above everybody else.
They're like, no, I'm not one of those old guys.
Yeah, she wants to do this.
It's like, I want to do my job.
Yeah, like, oh, no, I really, yeah.
I just really want to do my job.
What do you even tell them when they're like,
aren't you happy that I'm not one of those old guys?
Oh, I play along.
Oh, my god.
Yeah, I say yes.
Thank god.
Absolutely.
Yes, you're so young.
Oh, my god.
I'm so happy. I'm such a relief. And you're so rich. I have had one of those. Oh, I play along. Yeah, I say yes. Absolutely. Yes, you're so young. Oh my God.
I'm so happy.
Such a relief.
And you're so rich.
Yeah.
I have had like, legit.
Thank you.
I'm like, I don't care what it is.
I like go along with like the most ridiculous shit.
I've told this story before,
but there is this guy that came in one time
and he respectfully looked like someone
who like lived in their mom's basement.
Like, that's just like the vibe that he gave.
You could like paint the picture in your head.
Sure.
And so I went up to him like, oh, you know, did you want to do a dance?
He's like, yeah, but I want to do some like slight role playing.
I'm like, oh, OK.
I'm like, spice it up a bit.
What are we talking?
I'm like, all right, what are we?
He's like, I'll tip you though.
I'm like, what do you want, bro?
And he's like, I have magic powers.
Oh, no, what do you want, bro? And he's like, I have magic powers. Oh my God.
Where is this going?
That's incredible.
I have magic powers, and I can make you faint on command.
And me being Go-Bomb, I'm like, wait, can you actually?
Yeah.
You're incredible.
He was like, oh my God.
That's a weird magical power.
Weird, right?
And then, yeah.
I think Cosby had that power.
Yeah. That's what I thought he. Weird, right? And then, and yeah. I think Cosby had that power. Yeah.
That's not.
That's where I thought he was gonna try to do something.
I was like, okay.
Yeah, that's exactly where I thought I was losing.
I was like, I don't know, you know what?
It was like the beginning of the night, it's like 7 p.m.
I'm like, what do I gotta lose at this point?
Fuck it, whatever.
So we go do the dance and he's like, okay.
Is this in the champagne room?
It's like, yeah, in the VIP.
And he's like, okay, now.
And I was just like.
What? What? What? now and I was just like
And then he was just like wow you're so good like he didn't try to do anything
He was just like, oh my god, and he's like, okay
Songs and he was like, wow, you're really good at this and I just was like this is hilarious like in my house I like he won that guy was kind of awesome
I'll be honest. I think you thwarted a school shooting
Like I think I think he was gonna do the deed the next day, but he was like actually women shouldn't be murdered yeah
Play along with my family met online wouldn't do it.
And then that's a pretty good fantasy though, I think.
Low-key sounds very cute.
Yeah, I know.
And I've had some more innocent ones like that.
There was this other guy, he was a regular of mine.
He would come in all the time, actually.
Older guy, big crazy Einstein hair, like poopy white hair.
And I don't really get a lot of older guys.
If you're watching this right now, shout out.
I know, hey.
Was it Bernie Sanders?
I don't know if he knows how to use the internet. He was really old.
And I feel like mostly I don't really have older customers.
It's more like the younger crowd. I feel like the old guys are kind of scared of me.
So this was the one guy he was just like, and he was kind of like, you are a goddess. You remind me of...
And he's like all these actual names of goddesses that he was always doing.
He was just flexing his Greek mythology. Yeah, I was just like, okay cool. And he's like all these like actual names of goddesses that he was
He was good will hunting he was actually a professor
Venus reborn Aphrodite make it clap. Oh god.
He would do this thing where he would be like,
we're both just two pretty girls.
And I'm like, oh, okay.
It's like the TV is glowing, babe.
I don't know.
I was like, okay.
He was like, we're just two pretty girls.
And just walk by me, pretend like we were at the mall and you just like walk
Yeah, and he would just want me to walk back and forth just just back and forth like
Or anything that cut the boredom you were like fuck
Exactly anything out of the ordinary that wasn't like weird and like a
Oh my god, let's let's have a freaking ball. Yeah
Oh my god, let's let's have a freaking ball. Yeah
Yeah, it's fun my last fun strip club story and I might have told on the pot I don't know if I told you guys but I used to go to the strip club in North Carolina with my one buddy who'd come
For Thanksgiving every year and then I spent a few
years away from North Carolina and then I was there on my own visiting my family and I was like
I'm gonna go to the strip. I'm by myself by yourself
Yeah by myself. That's crazy. I was the only person there. No Thanksgiving. It was late. I was the only person there
I had a lot of girls working. Yeah
Two girls were working and the girl that was on the pole like she was like headphones in
Greasing the pole like I was like damn
She's like really getting ready starts like stretching and she started laying down
the craziest shit I've ever seen.
I was like, I like, what is happening?
And she's like, oh, I'm only here
because I'm getting ready for like pole worlds.
She's like, I took third place last year.
She's like, you want to see my routine?
And I was like, yes.
She's like crazy.
I took out like $500 and I was like, yes
She's like crazy. I took out like $500 and I was just like I love that lighting it out
I love she did some Cirque de Soleil shit. She went to the top just with her legs fell within an inch of her face
It was amazing unreal I don't I never get tired of that
I never like every time that there's a girl that that's that that is that good. I'm like I'm sitting and watching the whole time
Yeah, I never get tired of that, but it was so it was so cool. Yeah it nothing about it was even vaguely
erotic but it was
It was like watching a sport. You're too impressed to be horny. Exactly. You're like that is an impressive feat of physical strength.
That's why I wouldn't even bother with the pole tricks because guys would be like yeah it's cool but it
doesn't want to like fuck you but it made me want to be able to like at the
next basketball game I went to next time there's a slam dunk I'm just like yeah
don't know what you're going to normalize throwing money at each other.
That's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
What was the hiring process like?
It really depends.
You want to know what?
No, that's a great question.
She's like, just ask for a friend.
Cutie's asking for herself.
No, I think I could do some great stuff out there.
Dude, you would fucking kill me.
And the dance scene.
Oh, don't say that.
I'm shy now.
The deco deco business is clean.
I can't dance. You don't have to be able to dance. Oh my god, you could turn deco deco into a strip club. No, I neither could I. Fucking
Oh my god, you could turn deco deco into a strip
No, I can't I really can't even you know I'm telling you some of the girls that I know that made the most fucking money you can work. Well, yes
But I feel like I'm cuz like if I can't see you on stage, they don't really know how you dance
it's more about like I'm because like if I can't see you on stage, they don't really know how you dance It's more about like the conversation and like oh
Yeah, I'm charming you have a little
Feel like a guy would come over you go, you know
Have to be like, yeah, some people are into that. Yeah, some guys really've got a niche. Yeah, and they and they come in don't worry smells like fish
It's like not even submissive, but just straight up want you to like beat the shit out of them, too
Okay, but yeah the hiring boss. Oh, yeah, you're beating the shit out of a guy. Yeah
We punch him hey out in the dick. Yeah
Yeah, like Fiona. Oh my god out Fifi and I'm like, are you like I was like, are you sure?
He was like as hard as you can literally, I mean pants on but he just like
And what did he say?
He was just like, he was like, in a good kind of pain I guess.
Okay, interesting.
That's wild.
Again, I'm like, shit, why not?
Yeah.
But the hiring process is really like, I feel like a majority of the time, sometimes they
won't even make you dance. They'll just look at you and be like, yeah, you can then some clubs are more strict they'll like make you change and then go like do a stage set.
But that's it's really is extended so not a guy like a gold chain and a what like the manager shit yeah usually I'm not like that.
What's the cutout here is fucked. So um at the fully nude clubs out here
It's 50-50. Oh
That is bullshit 50. It's 50-50. They need a walk. They need a stage of walkout
Yeah, yeah, I'm not joking yeah, no there is already a strippers good and they should walk out and I won't cross the picket line
That's not that's yeah
So that's why you know, you kind of rely on tips with yeah
Like you don't get any of the money like from the actual club. You're making money out of the tips
Yeah, wait, so they take like the cash that you get
No, so the always it from the lap dances. Yeah, they get 50% but any cash that is just handed to you
They don't know
Okay stage is yours
But it really depends every club is different. Some clubs will just take like every
$45 dance. It's a $5. We could take five like it's it's literally different everywhere
But trust and believe so those clubs get their fucking percent. I'm from Portland where we have more
Strip clubs per capita than anywhere in the world. Yeah, that also is true. Yep. Yep. Tons of strip. Every block there's a strip club everywhere you go.
Well, what what made you want to get into it?
Honestly, I didn't even like know I necessarily wanted to dance.
When I first started at the club, I was a massage girl and I like, yeah,
it's a big thing on the East Coast and like some of the East Coast clubs were,
it's just a girl who walks around and like, like if you're gambling, someone comes.
Yeah, exactly. Same kind of a thing just
like does a little shoulder rub while you're just sitting hanging out I was
like okay like because I was I went in there was like do you guys need a
waitress or something like I had no intention of dancing when I first started there
and then when like I feel like I just I mean whatever like I'd never really been
in a strip club so I just had this like negative like stigma I guess of strip clubs
in my head I was just like I don't want to be a oh no no and then once I met the girls
I'm like wait. They're all just fucking normal girls like I don't know
Incredibly liberating. Oh my god. Yeah as a woman like men are looking at you anyway. Yeah
Fucking pain and yeah, we did was it a fully nude sorry it was I've worked at clubs our phone and topless is that just like
It's a little yeah
I mean, I'm never like just liberating be just taking it all off. There's nothing left. Yeah, you know
Okay freeing cuz I've always been super modest myself
I can't really get naked in front of people unless like you know and I've one time
I had when we did our photo shoot nearly nude photo shoot here in the house
I was like strutting around. I was like you know what this is kind of freeing
Kind of freeing yeah, I felt free yeah, so I don't know I just thought exactly
I know and it's like on your own terms. Yeah
Yeah, yeah
A lot of that it was fun. I've been I've been doing a lot of that recently
I have a really good case of summer penis right now really summer penis talk about the temperatures just right
Oh, and he just kind of hangs
Summer penis so that you know how penises work
they're regulated but... You don't know? Don't ask her that.
Do you?
You're on her leading question.
Yeah, leading question. That was a leading question.
Sorry. Thank you. Objection.
I'm sorry about that.
Yeah, but they tend to sag a little bit more when they're heated.
But they do.
They sag.
Yeah, they just carry a little bit more blood flow.
And what he said is
it depends on the cholesterol too. Yeah
Yeah, also, there's a question right now known as ozempic penis where the the the shlong gets
Weight yeah, yeah
No, it's that's insane it's like point two inches for every 25 pounds. Oh, you have wait wait wait wait
Not an optical illusion. it's actually growing.
There's dick behind the fat.
Yeah, that is what I would think it was, but, oh, shit.
There's dick back there.
Congratulations, skinny guys.
So your dick runs into your body
and one of the penis lengthening surgeries they do
is they snip that part and they let the inner penis come out.
Yeah.
They let the inner penis. out. Yeah. Wow.
They let the inner penis.
Okay, for the-
Guys, for people-
You're fine being whatever size you are.
For people watching at home,
there is no, currently there's no successful surgery though.
Don't try it.
There was a-
I know a guy.
I know a guy.
What?
Oh, she knows a guy?
I know a guy.
That lengthened it?
No, that didn't.
What happened?
I know a guy that got a dig, BBL.
Did it work?
Does his dig work? BBL? He got a guy that got a Work big work
He got a he got his ass fat in his dick. He got a fat transfer on the shaft. Does it look like shy?
Oh, it's not longer. It's just fatter. Okay. Okay. Does it look natural?
I genuinely was like I need to see pictures
Austin's like what's the name of the doctor?
No, no, I'm fine with my penis
Genuinely what it reminded me of shy halloo and he showed me the before and afters. This is a customer
I was no a picture. I was I need to see a picture. I mean come on
The after do you remember those those toys when we were younger?
Yeah, yeah, it kind of looked. So it didn't look natural?
No, it just looked like, but the head was still the same size.
It was just like, fat, like on the shaft.
It was so weird.
Could he still get hard normal?
Yeah, but I'm like, I couldn't imagine it feels, it probably feels worse,
because there's just like a layer of fat around it.
It's a fat dick.
Like those fucking toys.
Yeah, wouldn't that feel like, it would both feel worse for the person and also would feel weird.
Because dick skin is so thin.
Yeah. Yeah, interesting.
Yeah, it looked bizarre. It looked like Frankenwiener.
It was not, I don't know. I didn't like it.
Oh gosh. TBL Wiener.
It sounds like $25,000 too.
$25,000? Jesus Christ.
Oh my God. That's crazy.
Everybody, yeah, penises, a lot of people don't understand.
Porn has, you know, taken our perspective of penises
and they've, why are they laughing at me?
I'm always so grateful when you deprogram
America's Youth about what penises actually look like.
I think we all go through that.
This is a reverse Man-A-Sphere podcast.
I went through that as a man.
I was like, oh, I don't think I'm,
I don't think I'm good enough, you know? And then I went out into the wild and I was like, oh, I don't think I'm I don't think I'm good enough
You know, and then I went out into the wild and I was like, you know what? I'm bigger than most people
Yeah, but but but I'm not you know
No, no, that's kind of reverse. I'm sorry to those that aren't bigger than most people
And you know what that's okay because it really doesn't matter how big it is. Right ladies? It's the wand, not the wizard. Or wait, it's the wizard, not the wand.
Actually, I mean this genuinely. The people that care about penis sizes are other men,
straight men in particular. Like more straight men talk about penis sizes than women do.
Right? I agree. What did you say? Yeah, I don't think we really talk about penis sizes than women do, right? I agree.
What'd you say?
Yeah, I don't think we really talk about penis sizes.
You don't talk about it, you don't care about it.
Men, straight men are the ones that talk about it.
Yeah.
Unless it's exceptional.
See, look at it.
Exceptionally big?
Look at these guys.
Not even exceptionally big, just like exceptional.
Both of them.
They're good size, healthy.
That's why he's in here,
he's in here because of these two.
These two are the problem. I genuinely, they're, it's like a couple of horses over here. They're good size, healthy. That's why he's insecure, he's insecure because of these two. These two are the problem.
I genuinely, they're,
it's like a couple of horses over here.
Yeah, well honestly, have you guys seen each other's cocks?
They have shown each other their penis
and they've been trying to see mine for years.
Right.
We almost saw it, you see my winner.
Yeah, he showed it to me in Amsterdam.
He's like, you wanna see it?
I'm like, sure.
Sure, I mean, hey.
We almost saw his penis in an onsen experience
that he ducked the entire time.
They've been trying to see this.
Because I have this theory that I feel like you're best friends.
Yeah.
No, I agree.
It's a level of...
You have to see it.
Join us.
She's with us.
Austin, don't even try to hold her hand.
Don't even try.
Thank you, Cutie.
I'm shy.
Me too!
Cutie and I don't want to show our private parts.
I know.
But like, have you gone to Wee Spa?
Yeah.
And you've been naked with your friends?
Yeah.
I can't be naked with my friends.
Really?
And that's the, I made, I literally made a TikTok about the other day.
I was like, now that people recognize me, I can't go to fucking Wee Spa anymore.
I can't.
God forbid it.
God forbid.
Who wants to fucking have a real...
Wait, didn't you say Ludwig got recognized there?
Yeah.
Ludwig goes there, yeah.
He gets recognized.
Love, I love a Korean bath.
I don't know what.
Little scrub down?
Bro, yes.
Little scrub down.
I mean, I don't give a fuck, I'll still go.
Really?
Yeah, if you ever get, if you ever get the,
you know, if you decide one day.
What if my vagina's weird and I don't know?
No, but even then it's like,
are what, are they gonna go under the undercarriage?
Like no one's fucking really
Never shown your vagina
No
Another woman's never even seen my boobs
Love that
Yeah, I could never change I Every yeah orifice
Yeah, okay perfect I don't know what we'll do.
I used to change in the locker room in the corner.
Those are the people they'd bully.
I mean, I used to change in the corner in the locker room.
I was embarrassed. Yeah. See me, too.
But they would bully me.
You mentioned something earlier I want to revisit because every week
I do a segment. It's called America me up where I kind of keep these
guys in touch with what's happening in our great country. And you mentioned you have a friend that's
writing fanfics. Yes. Okay, Gabe, Q, Abraham Lincoln, fathers of the independent, the independence,
America me up. Okay. And now dildo. Have you heard of America's new favorite author?
Quan Mills.
No.
Oh, dude.
I was gonna bring that up.
I don't know.
Which is that my friend writes fan fiction.
I was gonna bring him up and I was like,
that's a little.
Marsh, would you please bring up the TikTok?
Who is this?
Literal, the author of Our Generation.
Like he is, it's unreal.
Never has an author so perfectly encapsulated
the zeitgeist, the innermost desires and feelings
of a generation as Quan Mills has.
What is it?
Well, Quan Mills is the most prolific bestselling
author of our generation.
I love writing.
Now take a look at some of these titles.
Please go to I Got My Alien Homeboys From Another Plan
at Pregnant.
Yes. Yes, Play that description.
International bestselling author Quan Mills.
And I'm back again.
With a story that is out of this world.
I got both my alien homeboys from another galaxy pregnant.
Is he excited about it?
Omega verse sci fi. I have to read the book this is misty now I know what
you're thinking yeah Juan Mills you are losing your fucking mind
I wasn't well that might be true to some extent I need to explain to you how this young brother named Lamar
will get both and that's the name of the alien alien names yeah see in this
particular alternate universe different alien species alien species coexist with human beings.
And these particular aliens are problems.
Can we look at some of the other titles as well, please?
Just a few samplings.
If you see anyone that you like, go ahead.
I think my favorite was,
damn, this bitch got roaches in her crib.
Yes, that's one of his most successful books for sure.
Yeah, beautiful.
Scroll down and see if.
A snow bunny succubus got me pregnant.
Yes.
He's been into the pregnancy thing lately.
He's been into the pregnancy.
Yeah, look, these are all pregnant pregnant, wow.
Seduced by the ghetto, wait go up, wait go up one more.
Seduced by the ghetto grape drink goblin.
Pregnant by a dope boy named Dracula.
Yeah.
Pregnant by a hood alien.
Yes.
Pregnant by the, it's all pregnancy.
He wasn't this pregnant.
He's not pregnant.
Yeah, no he wasn't.
Old Thought Next Door, that's a good series as well.
Old Thought Next Door is where he really started
to find his voice.
Okay.
Agreed.
Let me see, I'm trying to see.
My friend has like-
I'm so happy you're a quad mills fan.
No, my friend Suki has like seven of his books like on her desk.
Oh, these are, that's the other thing.
Like for those of you at home, if you think that this is not real, like he actually writes
these books.
And I have a friend who at least read the damn this bitch got roaches in her crib.
Christian Devine shouts out.
And he did not like the book.
He did not like it.
He did not like the actual.
I don't think anyone has actually read his books
They just kind of
Read the title and go wow he done did it again
Yeah, but yeah, my baby daddy is a bed bug not one of his best works also. Yeah, what the fuck is this?
Austin just explain how you're feeling right? Yeah my like I feel like I'm in a fever dream. Right, but that's like-
I don't even know,
I don't even know like what to think of this.
Okay.
Do you know what to think of this?
I think he's very creative.
Mm-hmm.
Judy has not appeared with any of our black guests
on the podcast.
That's a crazy thing to say.
I'm not racist.
Just gonna put that out there before you hear- He's doing that because of the faptop you're lashing out. I'm just saying
Okay, I'm just saying she did not appear on purpose on takes finesse right numerous
He takes what I say that I would have male pattern baldness. It's a drug that blocks DHT
Yeah, the reason he doesn't well you never started losing hair right you just. The reason he doesn't look. Well, you never started losing hair, right?
You just.
The reason he doesn't look at his erection is because he can't get one.
All three of her male podcast co-hosts also take it.
I just wanted to call you out.
And also, I'm not embarrassed by it.
I openly talk about it.
And Rogaine.
I do Rogaine, too.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's had a foot job before, and he talks about how it was one of his favorite things.
I don't.
That's a real test. He told me about really favorite things. I don't
About it
Anal sex poop fracking. Yeah
Yeah, I do and I stand by that decision. Also, maybe this is a good parallel
to talk about a personal experience.
The Department of Homeland Security
revoked my global entry pass.
Yeah.
Not because I fart on planes.
Yeah.
But you might think that.
Right.
And I don't know if that's the reason
why they revoke my global entry clearance
as a known traveler, because they didn's the reason why they revoke my global entry clearance as a known traveler
Because they didn't tell me why they did it. They're allowed to just do it without a reason like without well
the reason that they gave me was
We decided you several no no no those are boiler. They gave boilerplate reasons for why it might have happened
Reasons such as like you you know, supporting terrorist groups
and things of that nature. But like they didn't say in the actual one, it says, we regret
to inform you that your membership in global entry has been revoked for the following reason
in parentheses S and there's a big space there. And he goes, you do not meet program eligibility
requirements. Yeah. Which is weird. That's a broad. That's a big canopy. Yeah. That's
kind of very, very broad. Yeah. They did not give me any real information as to why this happened. I think it's the farting. Yeah
I do too. So yeah, you told too many people about it or the fact that you never freaking used it
Well, I used it one time I got detained by Customs and Border Patrol the first time I used it and they were like, you know
Yeah, they were like, oh you wanted to expedited you wanted to get into the country expedited nope sorry
Anybody else prepare a segment for this week?
Well, I brought mine. I she's moving. Oh, I always have a girly pop. It was my Joey Mills story
We are we are in time. Oh wait. Can I see what cutie brought though? Can we do behind the paywall?
Girl pop girl pop behind the paywall. Girlie pop.
Girlie pop.
I thought we changed it.
We did change it, but he won't let it go.
He needs the Frankie Valley.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You really hit that.
Thank you, thank you.
Oh, it's one.
He didn't even do the pop at the end.
Sorry, my voice. I don't I do. Oh, it's one. He didn't even do the pop at the end. Sorry, my voice.
I don't know if you guys will be necessarily interested,
but it's important that we talk about it.
Taylor Swift to get her masters back.
And we do have to talk about it.
Oh, I said that when it happened.
Yes, yes, yes, she got her masters back.
Are we doing this behind the camera,
or are we doing it now?
The master recordings of her songs.
What is the master recording even?
Oh, I'll teach you.
Okay, okay.
I thought she was going to get her master's degree.
Vanilla Mace, thank you so much for coming on.
Yes, thank you so much. Are we doing it behind the paywall? Yes.
Okay. Vanilla Mace, thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you.
We do this with all of our guests before he does that. Which one of us did you like the best?
Oh, we don't do that. Don't put me on the spot.
We don't do that.
We're all going to close our eyes. We're all all gonna close our eyes and you just point. Ready?
Three, two, one, close your eyes.
And we'll find out next week.
Okay.
Okay.
Goodbye now.
Goodbye y'all.
Oh, check out Vanilla Mace on Twitch, YouTube, and TikTok.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hold on, it's not goodbye.
Yeah, I was gonna ask.
Or working people find you at Vanilla Mace.
TikTok, YouTube, Twitch, Vanilla Mace.
Okay, nice and clean. Can I request one thing before we leave too?
Can we do a Pop Mart trip and fuck some shit up?
I'm a celebrity in that bitch.
I love Pop Mart.
I blow that shit up.
Yes, let's go.
I wanna go through the crash course.
You need to, we're gonna like give you the whole rundown.
Pop a Hassam O'Prey, we'll drop a rack or two.
And just fuck it up.
Easy, all right, well.
Nah, he's got easy. All right. Well
No
All right, cutie showing her booze behind the paywall
Craziest story I saw my dad this while I was driving up from San Diego
Never heard this in my life. How about my dad was best friends with Ruth Bader Ginsburg?
Fuck they were study buddies at Cornell. Oh fuck. He called her Kiki
I know this is inappropriate. Your dad is a wonderful person. He's mad My dad did not will did you ask did you ask? Bro, they were study buddies! Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Nooooooo!
Will, Will,
did you ask?
Bro. No!