Fear& - WE ISSUE THE YARD BOYS AN IMPOSSIBLE CHALLENGE | Fear&ElectricChairDrop

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

This week we're all traveling to Japan so this episode was actually filmed a few days ago before we left, things are spiraling out of control. Will is half naked, Austin wont stop turning this into a sex podcast, qt is completely unstable and Hasan has just left entirely. Topics today include hasan's life potentially ending soon, kamasutra, the yard, and insane story by will about his dog almost getting killed by a wild fox and more. Also the patreon episode for this one is just complete insanity, thats all im gonna say.🎉BONUS CONTENT🍾 🌟PATREON - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS - https://linktr.ee/fearand0:00 - Intro // Hasan Allergic to his dog4:45 Hasan's parents are allies08:04 Wine about The Yard^12:07 Austin's Night Out20:08 Fear&'s First ever medical procedure 22:53 Japan Trip, Austin's D26:00 The Gang are scosiopaths (kills animals)32:00 QT bachelorette party34:30 Sex positions and live demonstrations43:43 Hasan's ear issue continues48:00 Hasan pulls more at the Abbey than Austin1:00:00 Outro✰ follow Fear&! ✰Hasan: https://twitter.com/HasanthehunWill: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeffQT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderellaAustin: https://twitter.com/AustinontwitterMarche: https://twitter.com/MarcheFear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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They've all been building me up. Well, we have completely lost you. We have completely lost you. You came in, and I thought you were naked underneath that. I am. You've barely showered. We were in a group chat talking about the podcast today. We were talking about it yesterday, and Will woke up at 5 o'clock in the evening and was like, what are we doing?

That's because I went to bed at 11. Are you okay? No. You need help. I think we need to get you therapy. He's trying to get on Lilith's toes, which is the most honorable thing a man can do. It's not even Lilith's toes.

He's not even streaming it. Can I tell you guys? What is it? If I've ever succeeded in my life, it's because I am the genius of suffering. I am... Romantic. Rock Lee, right?

The genius of hard work. No, I ate them all. Yes, exactly, but in my own way. And no matter whatever came in... Guys, in general, we need to dial it the fuck in on this podcast. We have to stop getting so distracted. We are like kittens. I watched an episode, it was nigh unw this podcast. We have to stop getting so distracted. We are like kittens. I watched an episode.

It was nigh unwatchable. Wait, last episode, the one before that was insufferable. I can't hear my left ear. What the hell? You're a medical disaster. I don't know. You're falling apart.

I don't know what's going on. For those of you at home. I'll just stop stealing my snacks. Oh, see, look at this. For those of you at home, Hassan's allergic to his dog. I don't know if that's the case. It seems like it might be, but I'm hoping her breed only sheds a lot twice a year, and she just started shedding.

But then it stops. Twice a year? You can't hear. It can't hear. He's got a rash. He's got a rash. He's got a rash. I can hear a little bit. Out there, I was like, he's like, is Kaya barking?

I can't hear. And she was barking very loudly. He's like, can you check? See my dog's barking? Hasan, I think we've come to the point of our life in any good romance story where we just need to kill each other. What? No, I think.

No, no, no. You guys kill each other? Yeah yeah murder suicide what do you wait who would do the murdering i'd hurt a suicide we both kill each other i hope he'd kill me no and then you would okay you would and then you would kill yourself yeah but i wouldn't kill him and i wouldn't kill myself either i think if you asked me to kill you i'd kill you yeah but really you know my mom always asked me like she's always like if i ever get infirmed you have to kill you, I'd kill you. Yeah, but really? You know what my mom always asks me? She's always like, if I ever get infirmed, you have to kill me. What does infirm mean? Like if she can no longer function. You have to kill her.

Will you? I mean, it's her want. What are you going to do, put a fucking pillow, though? Nah, she's too hard for that. Viking funeral. I feel like your mom would fight back. Yeah. She's a strong lady.

You're like, she'd tell you to kill her, but she'd put up a fight for it. She's tough. She's a tough lady. I want to meet her. She's such a barbarian. I can't wait to meet her. She's got potato farmer hands like Will. Yeah.

But anyway, if I ever achieved anything, it's because I am good at suffering. And I went into this knowing it was going to be suffering. I didn't know how much suffering it was going to be. But I think it's going to feel really good when I'm done. Because I'm going to remind myself I am capable of going to that other gear. Talking about a video game. You do it. It's cool.

You do it. No, I won't because I know what it it takes i'm not trying to it reminds me this reminds me when hassan was obsessed about role playing yep oh no pixel oh yeah it was awful will had to pull me aside and literally have like a man-to-man like one-on-one intervention where he was like dog vaccines are coming out he's like he literally was like he pulled me aside he's like dude you have been portraying yourself as an italian man for more hours in the day than not and you talk like that yeah outside of it and he was like because like well i was doing it for 13 hours on camera started to dream yeah i was dreaming in gta and he was like listen dude you're fat

you've gained a lot of weight you haven't fucking moved around you were a big boy you seem very upset all the time his mom was also sad yeah yeah his mom was like genuinely sad at his lifestyle well she was like well she was facilitating it with treats well she didn't know what else to do to help you but to bring you turkish i was electables i was fucking i was so i god i was so depressed your mom his mom is the biggest ally on the face of the planet oh my god why because she unconditionally she unconditionally supports me i am so good with parents it's unbelievable i turn them against their own children and that's what i've done with this on i'm working on your dad slowly but surely

no he's too homophobic that was okay so is your dad truly homophobic no okay because like i've talked about some real gay shit i've talked well it doesn't matter pretends like my dad is a gay friend in turkey which is like, like, super rare. Yeah. One of his, like, old friends in their friend group is gay. Yeah. And he once told me a story about, like, how his gay friend described gay sex to him. Oh, God. Or sex between men.

How did he describe it? Yeah. So, apparently, they fucking got in a circle and they asked him, so what's up with this shit? Like, you take it up the ass, right? They got in a circle? Yeah, because they were, like, trying to understand. They threw the donut on the floor. So, like, what's going on?

And he taught me this very valuable lesson where the gay man who's friends with him, I don't remember what his name is put up his pinky and he went take your pinky you put it inside your ear and you scratch your ear is it your pinky that's the most pleasurable part of that or is it the inside of your ear that feels better like that's why i take it up the ass wow god damn i've never heard it. That's so interesting. Yeah. So your dad's been. My dad has relayed that message to me fondly.

Is that, is that how he taught you that being gay was okay? No, I already did not. I was more progressive than my father to begin with. Are you okay with it? But that was him like. Yeah.

That was him explaining. Yeah. That was him explaining it to me that like, that's why he, he gets it. Also, for the record on the podcast, speaking of gay, I want to address the rumors. All right?

What rumors? Hassan and I aren't married, and we don't have a child together. I'll be very clear about that. He does this every episode now. I want to be very clear. He did this last episode, too. We do not have two beautiful children together. No one thinks that.

You bait the stands. That's what you do. He did this last episode. We do not have two beautiful children. No one thinks that. You bait the stands. That's what you do. He wants fan cams. He wants... Look, we don't have three beautiful children. The number of children keeps going up. It does keep going up. He just...

Yeah, he's baiting. Enough of his nonsense. He's queer baiting for me. It's weird. Yeah. Like, he's the gay guy who's queer baiting me, a straight man. I don't know what he's talking about i just clearly said we're not this is the only time a queer baiting definitely

not for children beautiful children for beautiful children i impregnated all your life i want some cutie yeah i really do too everybody demands cutie i demand yeah what do you mean shut up we want cutie so we can talk over you as soon as you start explaining Cutie I'm gonna give you a hipster check real quick, but your favorite Super Nintendo game Dr. Mario Wow Put me in my place, but hold on cutie Why don't you talk about what you want to talk about not let a man decide what you want to speak about Fucking guy.

I know. He wanted to call me the F-sir if the camera was off. I'm hungover because I was cheating on Fearand yesterday with wine about it. And I, it's going to be our most edited episode. Those boys. They're wild. Loose. They're wild.

Aiden, Nick, Slime, and Ludwig. Oh, you had, oh. You get them some booze and. The yard, you mean. What happened? We have on. Aiden, Nick, Slime, and Ludwig. Oh, you had. Oh. You get them some booze. The yard, you mean. What happened? We had an episode of the yard. Oh, that's cool.

That's weird. Fear and has done zero. Fear and has done zero collaborations with one another. I'm going to call out the yard. I'm going to call out the yard. We'll have you guys on. What? Don't call out the yard again.

Do it. You all know. I don't like when you do this. You have 30 days yard toard, to collaborate with us, or you all have to give me a blowjob. Jesus Christ. Wow. Seconded.

That's a real win-win for you. Okay. Thanks. We all agree, Yard. Yard, this is a non-negotiable. Aren't we doing a basketball game? Nope. Fuck the basketball game.

That's a collab. What kind of collaboration? Is the collaboration also them giving you a basketball game? Nope. Fuck the basketball game. That's a collab. What kind of collaboration? Is the collaboration also them giving you a blowjob? The collab is a blowjob. The collaboration has to be. You guys suck my dick. If they don't collaborate, they've got 30 days to respond from the moment this podcast comes out.

Take it or leave it, yard. They're going to leave it, Austin. No. Well, then they have to give him a blowjob. That's the rules. Take it or leave it, Yard. Or forever be shamed. By you?

By their fans. Their fans are going to have it. Their fans are not going to be upset. They're going to rally around us. They don't watch our podcast. For all you know, the Yards fans are homophobic, and they're like, stay away from us. Yeah, they probably watch Mogul Mail, and they're like, stay away from us. They probably watch

Mogul Mail and they're like, oh, this is my favorite right-wing YouTuber. Did Mogul Mail do a story on Nick Merckx? I think so. The shocking silence. Ludwig's silence on the matter is deafening.

First, they came for the games. I assure you he's an ally. He's got 15 days to do a Nick Merck's mobile mail. Give me a blowjob. Interesting. He just wants a blowjob. Interesting how Ludwig has read the room

and saw the metric fuck ton of hate his girlfriend and everyone in his orbit were getting and chose not to do a mogul mail on the homophobic drama. He did get his skin removed, though, so that was brave of him. Oh, yeah. He doesn't have one.

So what was he as a powerful woman in the space, surrounded by all those men, what was it like? What the fuck? What are you even asking? Aiden had four glasses of wine. He took it like a champ, if that's what you want to hear. Oh, what are you talking about here, cutie? I love Aiden so much.

I know. Can I give you a wine about it idea? Yes. Have you ever done a tour de Franzia? Uh-uh. My favorite wine drinking event. Get two stationary bicycles. Fuck, my yard guy is here.

I got to go pay the yard. Oh, God. Wait, Ludwig's here? Hey! All right. The contractors who made the backyard into the beautiful turf paradise it is. We get it. You're rich.

All right. Tour de Franzia. What's up? Tour de Franzia I think we should do a Yard verse Tour de Franzia Yeah, it's a whine about it episode But it's our call

Guys So Maya's the host essentially Yes, two stationary bikes Teams of four Yeah, but Nick and Slime don't drink Well then the other two have to drink for them. Whoa. Okay.

So the way it works is you're on a stationary bike. Okay. And you can only drink while you are pedaling at max difficulty. So your team has to drink an entire bag of Franzia between you. And you have to rotate off? Wow. It is grueling. Dude.

How many ounces are in a bag of wine? Enough to get you friggedy riggedy wrecked. Dude, I It's kind of awesome though. I had maybe four drinks last night.

What did you do last night? I went to a gay bar. A couple of them. Jesus Christ. Five liters. That's a lot. I went to a gay bar and I It's a big old bag of wine i was gonna have a really easy night last night so i said a friend i said let's go just get one drink right next to the abbey at tom tom's there's a place called tom there's gotta be

another bar besides abbey i don't know why i keep going back i don't know what to tell you but i heard through the grapevine that the abbey is tacky and real gays don't go there. There was a lot of real gays there last time. I was told that only the tourist gays go there. I did meet many people from all over the country. He's a new gay, cutie. I don't know. You have to find the hipster gays. I'm in a point in my life where I just don't want to go to straight bars.

It's boring. Don't. That's fine. It's boring. No one said to do that. I'm just telling you to hang out with the hipster gays yeah but he doesn't hit mustaches i'm gonna be honest he doesn't yet know like where those gay niches are like i do the gay underground like you don't want

to go to foobar that's bears that's not your market okay you don't want to go to gold sun or gold coast because that's old where do the twinks hang out i'll you gotta discover that for yourself. Fun. Wait, can you take me? I can. I feel like you know. It's like some underground speakeasy. There's just a hidden crop of twinks.

They weigh you before you go in. Everybody knows you for some reason. Yeah, yeah. I come and just bang on a wall. Open up. Hey, Will. Just like the fucking, we were at the Abbey, and this dancer who I had a big crush on.

New Will. Yeah. He, like, talked to Will. He, like, knew Will. I used to live on Rainbow Road. Like, I was, you were right there. I was in West Hollywood. You were right there.

Dude, I loved it, man. The best food. The people are all super friendly. Yeah. They're really supportive when you work out. Yeah. It's very true. What did you do at the Abbey? I danced a lot.

I drank. I had two tequila shots. Some sort of very powerful mixed drink at Tom Tom before that. Then I had a vodka Sprite and I was hammered. Yeah. I was so gone because I didn't eat anything all day. That'll do it. And I also had a few mimosas on the plane earlier in the day and I was just hammered. And I was, dude, I don't even know what happened after that. I got back to my hotel. I ordered clucks and chicken or whatever, a chicken

quesadilla, woke up, fell asleep, woke up to the door pounding, ate like three bites and then passed out. Slammed some ghost kitchen quesadilla. I was, I found God in the morning. I was, I converted to Christianity. I was so hungover. I know those hangovers. It was bad.

I didn't know what to do. Have you ever had one of those flop sweat hangovers? Oh yeah, it lasted a whole day. I actually, it was tequila. That's why I don't drink what to do. Have you ever had one of those flop sweat hangovers? Oh, yeah. It lasted a whole day. Oh, my God. Actually, it was tequila. That's why I don't drink tequila. Can I tell you? This is actually the craziest thing.

There is a hangover remedy that I believe in. Okay. And it used to be a wives tale of mine. And then apparently science came out and backed it. You can look it up. Asian pears. Oh. I used to get a box of them at the walmart in north uh carolina

yeah i went to college in north korea my brain's fried um no but i uh yeah see see so this was like a wife's tale that i believed in i told all my friends i was like asian pears i don't know what it is and then the science came out and they say it can actually help have you ever had an asian pear no they're fucking delizioso it's like an apple where do you get them oh my yeah wow i don't know why i think i was really drunk one night and i was walking around a walmart and i saw fruit that looked like it existed in a dr seuss book and i picked it up and just took a bite and i I was like, that is delicious. It tastes like an apple, but it has the consistency of a pear. Weird.

That's amazing. What's your hangover remedy? What did you do today? Nothing. I'm hungover. I drank. I don't feel well. I got liquid IV, which is great.

Those are good. And then I took four Advil, which is probably not legal. Yeah. Did you drink any Pedialyte? Liquid IV instead. The same idea. And then I pounded water, and then I went to Dialogue and had a nice breakfast burrito, a little bit of toast, a little bit of cappuccino.

That's bad. They know me there now. They know me. At Dialogue? I've been there like three times. I think Dialogue is one of the best breakfasts in los angeles it's amazing it's really good i sat there alone and i ate and it was delicious and i cured my hangover one time i drank too much tequila and i was at a

bachelorette party the only one i've ever been invited to god that wasn't a mormon one what are mormon bachelorette oh they're awful i i love my sister to death i have to preface but at her bachelorette party which was i believe a disney movie night if i recall correctly oh my god everyone gave her lingerie and stuff oh awkward because they don't have they don't have they don't lose their virginity until their wedding night did she wait um of course um but she she asked me and her best friend if guys penises are the same as dog penises where it like comes out and we were like oh no and you told her yeah yeah i was like good luck tomorrow and she was pleasantly surprised but it wasn't a dog dick yeah okay so i so saving yourself until marriage,

that's got to be a miserable experience. What if it doesn't work out? To be honest, it's like, you know, you know what I think about it? I used to think that way. But then I started to think. Pretty girl. You ever seen the videos of like a baby,

the first time it tries like vanilla ice cream and it's like because i have vanilla ice cream and i'm like this is fucking trash but to that baby who's never experienced the magic and the mystery yeah maybe it makes your relationship last longer yeah because you're like you don't know what you don't know what's bad right you just associate all those sexual listen it could go either way i'm just playing devil's advocate i don't know what's bad. Right. You just associate all those sexual things. Listen, it could go either way. I'm just playing devil's advocate. I don't fucking know. That is true.

If I stayed with the first guy I had sex with, I would have never known how bad he was at sex until I got the second guy. Really? It was so good, yeah. I, I, I'm not a virgin. Oh. 40.

Oh, wait. Those who waited until marriage expressed 22% more stability and 20% higher satisfaction rate. Yeah, because they have to. Okay, CatholicMatch.com. Catholic Match. Thank you, CatholicMatch.com.

The most reputable source for relationship news. Catholic Match. And it's only 20%. Wait, one of those said says byu what does that say well we should trust them i'm gonna be honest i think the future is polyamorous i think the future is like a five-person couple i would love that idea right you you come home your friends all jealous hi guys you and i are the same you know you're feeling someone that week hey let's go on a date.

Come home. You're snuggly with someone else. Yeah we just have to eliminate jealousy from society. Yeah okay so I'm actually I've learned something about myself in the last several months. I think I'm a monogamous person. I'm serious. So brave. I think one day I want to find a man. I want to settle down.

I want to have four beautiful children. Yeah I'm dead. Serious is a heart attack. Stop looking at Hassan's empty chair. I want to settle down. I want to have four to five beautiful children. And white picket fence life. Calm, peaceful.

One man for the rest of my life. Really? And maybe the occasional threesome. I think I eventually would like to, my goal in life is to mentor children. I think even if I don't have my own,

I would like to be at like maybe a school somewhere or something where I can. Son, we've been here for like, you were here in the beginning. Are you about to swab your ear with tito's vodka because she was watching the stream Oh, I don't like this.

Oh. That's not the way. No, that's the wrong type of alcohol. I mean, white vinegar can do that. Yeah. Do it. It's great content. Or olive oil.

It loosens it all up. I mean, listen, champ. If you feel strongly that you need Tito's vodka in here, that's what you need. Yeah, we didn't need to stop him, I guess. Yeah, champ, if you feel strong, if you feel strongly that you need Tito's vodka in your ear, that's what you need. Yeah, we didn't need to stop him, I guess. Okay, well, now he's making a fucking salad in his ear. He's making some vodka pasta in his ear. Oh, he's going to clog up his ear even more.

No, olive oil is good for it. You'll sit there and you'll let it. So, guys, are we going to talk about the fact that Osama might have to re-home his dog? I think once she's vaccinated, he could just get her de-shedded. Weird that Kaya is against vaccines. Wait, we should strip her and maybe we could get her laser hair removal. No, if you get her de-shedded, she doesn't shed as much.

That's what we have to do. We have to get Kaya laser hair removal. That's absolutely not. Okay. That's not even here. It's extra virgin olive oil. You're just going to take like the cap and just kind of pour it in. And then you're going to sit there with it for like three minutes.

I like to call it loser olive oil. Oh, you don't need it. What are you doing? That's not enough. Lubin it? No, you got to pour it in there and then pour it out. Wait, like pour it into your ear? Well, that, okay.

Audio listeners, he's... Oh. Is it working? Son, you're too deep. Go to a doctor. Does it work? Well, we'll find out if it fucking loosens it up. No, you got to feel it.

You got to pour the bottle in here. That sounds insane. Marsh, Google it. Olive oil in your ear. My dad used to do it to me. White vinegar is what I used to do. That bubbles. My dad and I both had deformed tunnels.

Two or three times a day for two to three weeks. Just go see a doctor. I don't do two at three. Hassan, Hassan, I. I don't do two or three jobs. I just go bloop. Hasan, I know you don't like capitalism, but take advantage of your wealth and just get a doctor to come to your house.

Onstream, great content. And your nose and throat doctor is good content? He needs a dermatologist too. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah. Wait, you're going to Japan like in four days. I think we need to cancel the trip.

You need to put your health first, Hassan. This rat is doing anything he can to get out of going to Japan. Bro, I, I, you know, it's great. I haven't thought about it at all. And usually I get tripping. Look, yeah, you've been absorbed with Diablo. Let me tell you something about Japan that I i'm actually more excited for onsen whatever what's that called you guys will be in japan when this comes out and they will have seen your dick the naked sauna

now you're now you've come around i but no because i talked to you i talked about this last week on the podcast um you can actually cover your peepee with a little rag stop and austin just stop talking about being insecure about pb and turn it and be like i'm excited for the onsen because it's going to be fun and so then get to see your right now they're all thinking about your i mean i told us on don't let them think about your peepee i told us on that you guys are going to bully me and then i'm going to get hard? Yeah, I told him that we were going to fucking bully him physically when he's in the onsen

and then he's going to get hard. I'm going to get hard and awkward and I'm going to have a hard day. I've been fantasizing about getting hard in the onsen. And now I'm kind of getting horny about it. See, this is my strategy. I'm going to make them so uncomfortable.

I'm just going to start jerking off. They're not going to be uncomfortable. They're not going to be uncomfortable. They're going to jerk off onto their leg and they'd come back with a story for the podcast. What if I chased you while I was jerking off? Would you then... You would literally never do that.

We'd beat your ass. What if I... I'd beat your ass. Would we still be friends if I came on both of you? My fucking dad watches this podcast. Does he? Does he? I'm so sorry, Mr. Neff.

My ear is full of olive oil. Okay, I saw it. Dripping. You're dripping. Give me the fucking... You gotta put a little... You. My ear is full of olive oil. It's dripping. You're dripping olive oil out of your ear. I got it. Put a little cotton ball or a wad in there and just let it sit in there. How far are we into this thing? We are triaging Hassan.

Oh, my God. Hassan, you haven't spoke one time. We have had three podcasts in a row now. We just don't focus at all. It's a problem. Are people mad? I've been trying. Uh-huh.

But I... Hasan, your ear's not going to unclog. It's weird. You can't hear shit. Willow's trying to talk. Go ahead, Will. No, it's fine. Would you still like us if we were all worms?

I don't give a shit. If you were all worms? I don't give a shit. If you were all worms? But like, he's an ugly, stupid worm. Oh, fuck you. The gay ass worm. The dumb ass worm. Fuck you. You can't even keep him on your shoulder.

He just rolls off and you're like, oh, this worm is inconvenient. A limp worm. Worms have five hearts. So do they have a deeper capacity to love? That'd be nice for me. I'll be honest. I feel like one heart is enough for you.

I don't feel anything ever. You love us. I think you feel too much. That's why you shut it off. If I died in front of you, would you care? I would add more trauma to me and that'd really suck. Oh, so it's selfish of me to die in front of you? Yeah, why would you inconvenience cutie like that?

A worm died. My mom accidentally stepped on it when she was a kid and she took it inside and tried to band-aid it back together. Can I? Thank you. Something that I've never told anybody. God. When I was out in my backyard, I was playing in my sandbox

and I saw a little ant. Oh, yeah. It was a little ant. I picked it up. Looked at it. I started picking its legs off. Ew. What is wrong with you?

Serial killer. And I felt so guilty. I put it back. I let it go. You crippled the ant permanently. The rest of the colony probably looked at it and went. I've never forgotten that moment. And that was a crossroad.

I could have become a serial killer. What if I would have liked that? Yeah. I think there's that. I think that is a defining moment in your childhood. Have I ever told you guys the fox story? I don't know if I want to know. I was forced to kill a fox.

Oh, my God. I'm sad. I had a dog as a kid. Oh my God. I'm sad. I had a kid. I had a dog as a kid, a Jack Russell terrier named bandit after Johnny. Of course. After who? Johnny quest.

And, um, bandit. How many people know this about Jack Russell's? Cause they're very cute, but they're like one of like the, the premier like hunting dogs. Yeah.

They get like rats and shit. Yeah. They go super jackal mode whenever there's like a, a rodent around them and they're, they're like, you can't control them. So I was playing tennis and I was like 10 or 11 years old, a friend.

And I hear my dog going crazy, absolutely going nuts in the woods, and he's like yelping and barking. Oh, that would stress me out so much. So we go out into the woods, and my dog is in like the tail 30 seconds of a death match with a fox, and there is blood everywhere. Oh, God.

There's blood everywhere. My dog is bleeding. He's like barely standing up The fox's like eyeball is hanging out It's pouring blood The fucking fox had hands And they're Yeah dude

It was a death match So like this fox was on death's door And like They were just wrapped around each other And as a 10 year old I had to pick up a rock And smash this fox to bits Jesus Christ

And then after that I picked up like like, my dog. It was like legs wouldn't even work. And I, like, held it, and I was covered in blood. Go to the rock and kill the dog. Yeah, I killed him. No, I walked him home. We took him to the vet.

He took him, like, two or three weeks to recover. But I actually got mange from the wolf, or from the wolf, from the fox, and so did my dog. Wait, what's mange mange is like yeah yeah god damn uh yeah and it was like it was like one of the it's like one of those memories that

like I can still feel the sun on my skin I can still like smell what it was like in Princeton that day oh my god it's like such a hard thing to do that's so traumatic I couldn't imagine. Oh God, has Zoddy ever killed anything? No.

I've never killed a thing. No, me neither. I've never killed a thing. I've killed like, I've killed plenty. I can't even kill bugs. Nothing like,

yeah, I let them go up. I fucking own bugs. No, I can't do it. No, I have to let them go. Get plenty of bugs.

Except flies. Kill lizards. Kill lizards, you sick ass lizards. Not on purpose. I was just trying to like to let them go. Get plenty of bugs. Except flies. Kill lizards. Kill lizards? You sick of lizards? Not on purpose. I was just trying to like pick them up. What? I've stepped on them.

Oh, God. I've poured salt on snails before. What is happening? This is boy stuff. I don't know if there's been many times that I've like just killed an animal out of cruelty, though. No, I mean, what? Salt on snails is cruel we all have to learn it's like putting a hand on a hot stove watching it have you guys never tried to pick up lizards

no i only want when i was a kid no no no i've i've tried to pick up is this an istanbul yeah i used to try to pick up lizards and their tail would dislocate. Well, that's normal. I know, I know, which I thought was cool. And when I was chasing one, I stepped on it and killed it. But other than that, I don't have any formative memories of murdering animals. Or torturing them, Austin. That's really weird.

I was five, okay? Still even weirder. You dislocated lizards' tails for fun. No, because I wanted to grab weird. I was five, okay? You dislocated lizards' tails for fun. No, because I wanted to grab them. I wanted to capture them. Okay, hold on. Let me say something. And then treat them to a nice lizard dinner. You dislocated lizard tails and murdered several lizards,

okay? Not several. Why? Will beat a fox to death with a rock. In defense, it was for his death. A, I was defending my soon-to-be dead dog, and it was also a mercy killing. Regardless. Fair. That also sucks.

I picked a couple legs off of an ant, and I'm a monster. Yeah, significantly worse, I think. You were torturing ants. Yeah, and I let it

go, and it lived a very long life. No, it didn't. It was ostracized by the ant colony. It must have been like 96 or 97. I mean, granted,

disabled ant rights have come a long way since then. You know what happens to a disabled ant? What? Okay. When an ant is disabled, it is no longer productive. Therefore, the entire hive, including its ant mother and ant father, disown the ant. Okay? They walk past them.

They walk past them, and the ant is probably desperately crying for help, saying, no, I still got two working arms. Please, please help me. Please bring me back to the colony. I swear I can be a productive ant worker. And yet they look past him on that assembly line.

And they're bringing those little nuggets behind back onto the fucking colony to eat that night. And that aunt suffered a cruel and unusual demise where he just sat there as his friends and family members alike toiled away doing ant things that they love. And he died of starvation. I'm pretty sure David Attenborough did an episode on that.

Yeah. God damn. Sounds a lot like what it's like to be a gay man in America. Really, truly. Which we all have pets, right? So I went to a bachelorette party. Okay. Oh, I went to a bachelorette party.

No. We know. You've talked about it four times. Oh my God. Austin, let Cutie have one word in. I went to a bachelorette party. It was non-Mormon, so it was a cool one. When was this?

Years ago. I don't go to anything. Okay. And I drank tequila, a lot of it, and I didn't realize that it was that much. And we all got in this car, and we went to a different bar. This bar was 45 minutes away from my home, and now I'm lost and confused, and it's 1 a.m., and all the other bachelorette girls are leaving.

And I'm like, oh, how am I to get home? My phone's at 1%. And it's like 1 in the morning, and everyone's leaving. And so I call my boyfriend at the time. I'm like calling, calling, calling. He answers, and he's pissed that I woke him up. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. My phone's at 1%.

I can't order an Uber because my phone's going to die. Can you please come pick me up? I'm at this bar. It's 45 minutes away. I'm so sorry. And he's like, I have work at 7. Figure it out. OK. And so I get off the phone with him and then this other girl comes up she's like i ordered an uber do you want to share it with me and i'm like sure so then i get in this

uber with a strange girl i don't know and i add my stop and he drops her off and then he goes to drop me off but he goes the opposite direction of my house. So I just freak out. And I'm not. Like I'm too drunk to like. Figure out what's going on. And so I'm like. Oh I'm actually staying with her. And I get out of the car. And I have to walk like six blocks home.

At like two in the morning. I get home. And for some reason. Think that. That boyfriend like deserves sex. Plus like. I had enough tequila. That I'm just like so horny.

Oh my god. And so. I like. So your boyfriend. Who was like. I have work in a couple hours. Figure it out was still awake enough to fuck you of course and in your mind that that did not ring any alarm bells

man will do men will have sex you no matter what is coming oh and so i i wake him up that's not true but karma is gonna come don't worry karma comes okay i wake him up that's not true but karma is gonna come pussies don't worry karma comes I wake him up start having sex but I'd had so much tequila I start projectile vomiting oh my god that's an app punishment

okay can I be honest I once it was like my only time ever going out literally ever did he did you guys finish

no because I threw up and then he was incredibly mad at me the next day what oh you would have finished going out literally ever. Did you guys finish? No, because I threw up. And then he was incredibly mad at me the next day. What? Oh, shit. You would have finished? No.

I felt bad. Oh, my God. He would have finished. No, I would have never done that. That's disgusting, Hasan. Well, if he was with someone that was projectile and vomiting, I wouldn't have gotten on him because it would have been. Wait, because I would have been on top? He would have been from behind.

Oh, well, no, that's not the only way gay people have sex. We have other sex. We have missionary. Marsh, pull up gay porn. Did you just? No. Wait, wait. Did you just think we only do doggy style?

No, I just think if you're trying to get in the butt. You think the butt is only accessible from the back? Yeah, now I am genuinely confused. Wait, hold on, cutie. Wait, what? We need to unpack this. Wait, oh no, now I'm my Mormon sister. Wait, what?

Wait, wait, cutie. You can hit that thing from any direction, cutie. Cutie. How do you get back there? Are you kidding me? It's pretty close to where the pussy is. It's inches. Your penis is long enough to go all the way up into the butthole? kidding me? It's pretty close to where the pussy is. It was inches.

Your penis is long enough to go all the way up into the butthole? Ludwig's a jock, bro. Stop! Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I need a microphone. Can I have paper and pen? Can you show me? I gotta pee. I need you to draw what you think gay sex is. I don't have paper and pen. Wait. Cutie. I need paper and pen to explain what I'm pee. I need you to draw what you think gay sex is. I don't have paper and pen. Wait, cutie.

I need paper and pen to explain what I'm saying. So if they're facing you, it's this. They're facing each other. It's the same distance. I'll get you a paper. No. Dine is here, butthole's here. Just put the legs up.

Legs up. Oh. Oh, like happy baby pose yes wow okay I think I figured it out I think that made sense okay so here's a man I'll draw him really well

man dude I'm a bigot who knew the arm come down here Man. Dude, I'm a bigot. Who knew? The arm come down here. And the foot comes down here. Well, he said missionary. Missionary isn't leg up. I mean, yeah, but you can still.

Why wouldn't you be able to have sex in the show? And another man is also laying down. And he's a little taller, so his toes are down here. Wait. Wait, man, this is mouth. Is this what you think of us having sex? You said missionary.

This is missionary. Yeah. Yeah. But your penises were both here. Yes. But you, you, one person has look at,

for those of you wondering, this is her diagram. Yes. Okay. But the other, okay. When you're in missionary, okay. Are your legs flat? This is her diagram. Yes. Okay, but the other... Okay, when you're in missionary, okay, are your legs flat? Missionary is flat.

Yeah, but your legs are up. No. They're not? You're flat like you're playing sardines. No, that's planking. Yeah, no. That's why I don't like missionary. Okay, no, but no.

Because missionary is just flat. To access the butt, you must lift the legs up ever so slightly. Yeah, that's what he said. That's happy baby pose. That's happy baby. But also missionary. Will you Google karma sutra missionary? I know there's degrees of flexibility within every position.

Yeah. Oh. So I can't believe you thought. It's black and white baby. Okay, see? See, look. What the heck? That's not what I thought was missionary. Are we allowed to show position. Yeah. Oh. So I can't believe you thought. It's black and white baby. Okay, see? See, look. What the heck? That's not what I thought was missionary.

Are we allowed to show this? Yeah. Okay, that is. See, that's what it looks like. That's missionary? That's what it looks like mostly. I thought that was something else. No, you're literally describing planking, cutie.

If two people are like this on top. Wait, Google's Kama Sutra about planking. No, it's not going to be in the Kama Sutra. Look up the winged flying Euros. That's Sutra. Look up the winged flying Euros. Look up the winged flying Euros. Now that's advanced Kama Sutra. This is why I always thought missionary was cringe. Not Euros.

Okay, so you thought... Just type in winged flying Kama Sutra. I thought missionary meant both people were straight. Now this is an advanced Kama Sutra position. Yes, the winged flying Euros. This is what you have to get into. No, there's an actual Kama Sutra pose. Oh, that's awesome.

Kama Sutra for people over 50. Look up the Kama Sutra poses. Well, okay. Fuck the Kama Sutra. Turns out people lift their legs for missionary. Yes, okay. I thought that was a different pose. Wait, but did you think that we just always were behind them? No.

Yeah, maybe. The winged flying Eurost is like a guy in a crab position and then the girl is on top of him holding his neck. It's incredible. Well, I learned a lot today. Thank you. I like to look. I like me some missionary. I was trying to make a joke about how you were a selfish bottom, not realizing.

I'm a selfish bottom? I've never bottomed. I've never bottomed before in my life. I'm going to, though. In Japan. No, we're all doing booty boot camp. We agreed on it last episode. Last episode, we agreed that you were all doing booty boot camp together in the in the

paywall yep you too will why can you show me the booty boot camp dilators i'll be honest i think you'd actually win what i think you give off big asshole yeah no not big asshole i think you i think you i think flexible asshole no determined asshole determined i think you there it is right there nothing those are the booty boot camp training kits. Oh yeah, that's nothing. Look up vaginismus dilators. Oh my gosh. Vaginismus? Vaginismus dilators.

They're so much more intense than that. Hasan has not been here for like the entire podcast. What is he doing? Well, it's probably about time. We should make this the best episode ever. Yeah, look, those are vaginismus. Oh, my God.

Well, look. Booty boot camp should be more like that. Okay, look, in defense. In defense, like the vagina. What? Well, this is kind of homophobic. What? It was designed. That is homophobic. What? It was designed.

That is homophobic. You shouldn't say that. Why would the men's G-spot be in the butthole? You know what? You're absolutely right. The butt was designed to fuck. It was designed. Yeah, fuck.

That's what it was designed for. No, it really was. It was. They wouldn't put it in there. Exactly. This podcast is so stupid. We are off the absolute rails. In fact, this is probably our last episode ever.

This isn't falling apart. Hassan's got olive oil dripping out of his ears. Will's barely dressed. And somehow I'm the most composed one. Cutie thought that we only had sex from behind. Absolutely. Cutie thought that there was a sex mission where both people it's so funny because i i watched the yard and slime has

talked about how he like loves missionaries his go-to like he's like i love mish and i've always thought to myself man that's crazy what's your favorite position uh i'll jump in yeah electric chair drop but i like to stand straight up with a girl on my shoulders and eat her pussy that sounds like so wait wait hold on you put her on your awesome come here oh my god can the camera see this Oh my Oh my god Oh my god Whoa What the Oh my god Pop it like that

Bang Bang Bang Oh my Oh my god Oh my god That was insane Yeah

What the fuck Welcome to the podcast That was insane Welcome to Fear and Oh my god That's terrifying It makes it work By the way The olive oil made my ear worse What the fuck? Welcome to the podcast. That was insane. Welcome to Fear Am. Oh, my God. It makes it work. By the way, the olive oil made my ear worse, so I definitely can't hear anything.

So I walked in, and I didn't even know that there were people right next to the door. Just go to an urgent care tonight. No, it's fine. No, it's definitely not fine. I'll be fine. You have a rash all over your body and you can't hear. I can hear out of one ear. Do you want me to get like a, why don't we just Instacart an ear cleaner?

Yeah, that's what I wanted to do, actually. I was just going to look that up and do it in the paywall. You want me to do it? I have Instacart downloaded. That's insane. I use it all the time. You must make women cum. I used to.

What did you, what happened? His favorite sex is he puts women up on his shoulders and eats their pussy and then drops them and fucks them. Do you do that? I don't put them on my shoulders. Yeah, because you'd pull his back. They'd actually hit the stratosphere. Dude,

the first, oh man. I had a situation one time where I tried to pick a guy up and then I dropped him. Which was not sexy at all. I tried it and I wasn't as strong as I am now and I dropped him completely. And it just took the mood out of it. Oh, man. Did you guys fuck?

Yeah, we continued fucking. It wasn't a fucking incident, but I once, I used to do the dirty dancing lift. There's one girl that I did it with and she came in way too hot. Went right over my body. Oh, no. Front flip, like into a wall. Oh, no. Did you guys continue?

Was this in college? It was not sex. It was just like at a party. They were just dancing. She continued to the urgent care. No, she was okay-ish. Okay, does it feel like you're an earache or does it feel itchy? No, there's no itchiness.

It just feels full. I can't hear out of it. What's your favorite sex position, Hasan? God, I'm curious so i used to be like anti-man i used to like doggy style but i think my favorite is probably missionary that's crazy you thought missionary was only arms at the side? That's two men having missionary. That's hard line. That's the most Mormon thing I've ever heard.

That's Mormon missionary. That's Book of Mormon. So fun fact, but a lot of porn stars actually, their favorite position is usually missionary. A lot of people think that missionary is so boring because they think missionary is that for some fucking weird reason. But missionary is usually missionary. A lot of people think that like missionary is so boring because they think missionary is that there's a fucking weird reason, but missionary is very versatile.

You can, there's a lot of, there's a lot of switch ups on that. I've never been like a big cowgirl. I mean, I call it cowboy. Okay. Well,

same cow person. Yeah. Okay. Well, I've never been a big cowboy. Yeah. Um, well, I've never been a big cowboy guy. No, I like missionary with... Actually, we don't use cow anymore because

of PETA. It's called riding human. Yeah. Reverse riding human. Well, that's what I like. Missionary with the legs on my shoulders did austin turn this into a sex podcast i feel like it used to not be every time things are off the rails we can always get it on track by talking about fucking right used to be a guest we used to have guests ruined it yeah you can't

even book guests you were supposed to book guests no where are you hold on for the record i try to book guests but it's hard to nail these people down so I can't tell the guests. Wow, that seems like a lot of, I don't know, excuses. Well, you know what, Hassan? Some of us have a job. Yeah. Yeah.

Three people in this room. You're the only one who doesn't have a job. Oh, I've got shows coming out in a big way. Okay. I've been saying that for three years. Will and I are going to be filming something very special soon. Gay porn. Blow bang.

Drop electrical chair. Cutie, here's what happened. This morning I was showering. And while I was showering, I had some soap suds stuck in my ear. I went like, oh, no. And I put my finger in there to, like, get it out. Oh, did you give yourself swimmer's ear? And I think that's what happened.

That's what it is and my mom suggested uh that she has like swimmer's ear like a bottle yeah we need to we need to cancel the trip to japan i think it's not safe they have swimmer's ear drops yeah i'm gonna get three different you could lose your ear on the flight over the pressure is gonna be much. If my ear is still fucked up, you're joking, but I probably shouldn't get on a plane. What would happen? Oh my God, really?

Do you guys get a refund? That would be devastating. No, we'll use it as travel credit and we'll apply it to our future trip to Japan. I've got it all handled. Yeah, that gives Austin enough time to get a pump. Yeah, but that's fine. Wait, what is going on?

What are you bleeding? Where's my finger? That's fine, I just bit it. What the fuck is going on with you? I bought my cut, but that's fine. What is going on? Hasan, what are you bleeding? Where's my finger? That's fine. I just bit it. What the fuck is going on with you? I bought my cuticles. That's fine. Let's move on.

I'm going to get you some diaper rash cream for your arm. Let's stop thinking. No, I already. Hasan is falling apart. I bought a lot of cortisone and the like and Benadryl. He just went. You just do a phone call. He went to the section of the store

where they sell medicine, and he just bought everything. Yeah. Literally a phone call. The FaceTime doctor will prescribe you stuff. Look at this. Look at this, Will. Look at that.

He just bought everything from the store. None of it makes sense. Dirtek. You don't just say the name of the product. What is it? Allergies. Are you having allergies right now? I don't just say the name of the product What is it? Allergies Are you having allergies right now? I don't know I don't think he is

Did you just drink that water like you were sucking a cock? No What is happening? I don't know I'm dying But it's fine I'm gonna go out on a limb here It's one of our best episodes yet

No No You say that every time I'm dying. But it's fine. I'm going to go out on a limb here. It's one of our best episodes yet. No. No. You say that every time. I think this is the best. That fucking little maneuver you did, that's going to bring in the views. Because that's what we're going to use on TV. And they're going to think it was awesome. But it was just fucking disaster for like 59 minutes until that 30 seconds.

Yeah, you hated it too, right? Honestly, I kind of want to be a bottom. Will you fuck me? In Japan? Sure. Jesus. I'm sorry. What?

You surprised that I say this shit? You're not my type, but I do respect you. Thanks. You're hot though. I've seen your cock. You got a nice one. He does have a nice...

I'm curious who has a nicer dick between the two of you. Okay. Oh. You can find out. You can find out. Oh. We're all going...

Are we going to go to the onsen and you're going to measure? No. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm the weird guy for saying I wonder who has a nicer dick and you guys want to see mine at the fucking onsen? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm the weird one? It's valid. That's the price of admission. You guys want to get naked at this place? I'm going to wear a sock. I'm going to slap you. We want to see your dick, big boy.

We want to see what you're packing. I just recently got used to peeing next to people with the urinals. Right? I used to be the awkward guy that would wait for a stall and I was so nervous

because everybody thought I had a shirt. I'm going to make you sit down when you pee in Japan and I'm going to spread your legs and piss in between. Oh my God. God, I'm going to get bullied sit down when you pee in Japan and I'm going to spread your legs and piss in between. Oh my God. God, I'm going to get bullied by these two frat guys.

Don't say it like you don't want it. No, I don't. These aren't my type. Yeah. I will say, I saw a bartender last night. Oh my God. What happened? Holy shit.

He was so hot, but nothing happened. He was... Austin, we're going to need you to start doing more so you can have stories for the podcast. I agree, actually. You don't really do much. You are like a gay alcoholic. You just go to bars and you hit on men

and then nothing happens. I don't hit on men. They hit on him. Okay. But they're not quite his type. No. Every single story you've told us is like, I saw a hot guy one time. It never went anywhere.

That is literally what you said. Okay, for the record. You need to start fucking these dudes, Austin. I flirt with men, okay? I don't want to make it seem like people just want me and I don't want anybody else because that's not true. I'll tell you a story. I have a gay bar story. First time I ever went to the gay bar.

I don't know if you were here with me on that one. First time I ever went to the Abbey. Playboy model? Yes. I was there. You were there. Okay. First time I go to the Abbey.

You're rolling your eyes. And I'm a little worried in my mind. I'm thinking like, oh, you know what I was thinking? I was thinking a pussy from fucking Sopranos. Yeah. Like where I was thinking, what if someone sees me here and they think i'm gay and i'm working through the motions of like is that even a problem like who cares you know what i mean this is many years ago like 10 years ago at this point and we go there and at first i'm definitely nervous because i was like holy shit like i'm in a gay bar. It's like, this is crazy. I've like, I went from not even knowing a single gay person to being in a gay bar.

And then I quickly realized that gay bars are a great place to meet straight women. At least the Abbey is. Because it's like a place where women are not immediately like on the defensive because they've been hit on by like 15 dudes who are creepy as fuck all night uh by the time you get to talk to them and they're just having fun with their friends and the people that go there aren't like creepy dudes or if the creepy dudes are going there they're hitting on dudes right yeah so you automatically have like open-minded relatively open-minded people that go there so i had this wonderful conversation

with a lady who was a playboy model and we very quickly uh you know got passionate at the bar and then you're making out with her. Invited me back to her place. Can you, can you describe what you were doing at the bar? What? I, I don't remember.

You were getting passionate. 10 years ago. We were probably, yeah, we were probably hooking up. Yeah. You were making out at the bar. We're making out at the bar.

Yes. And were you there? And she invited me. She invited me. I was the one who took him. Yeah. She invited me back to her place in West Hollywood after the Abbey. And I was like, all right, everybody, I got to go.

And I think I remember telling you this part as well because I was a little worried. Is there some little off about the situation? She was being a little cagey. What does cagey mean? Like sus. And I thought, oh, no. What is like what's the issue right but she's really fucking hot so i don't really care um i go back to her apartment and somewhere along the way it

was already like so far into it that i was like invested you know what i mean i'm like no i'm doing it yeah we're past the turn back point where she revealed to me that she had an ex-boyfriend. Uh-oh. Was very crazy and had access to her domicile. Oh, shit. Domicile. Her home. Her house.

Why are you speaking like this? Awesome. Why are you speaking like this? Because I'm just like explaining it. Okay. Anyway, I'm telling a story. Sorry, I'm learning. Domicile.

So. Look it up. I didn't know what that was. it up. I was so fearful. I still had to get my knot, but I was so terrified of this process. We had sex, and it was a wonderful experience,

but the entire time I was like, I feel compromised right now. My butt is out. Oh, yeah, you get stabbed. And out in the open. Your butt is out. Oh, yeah, you'll get stabbed. And out in the open. Your butt is out. I'm, like, constantly fucking looking behind, hoping that I don't get jumped by some fucking dude. What, you think he was going to come in and fuck you?

No, I thought, well, I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on a little bit. Like, I was a little worried. And that was when it was an important experience for me because that's when i realized like something clicked in my head where i was like if i'm this afraid of another man possibly storming in and like killing me that's probably what women feel like all the time when they're on dates with men learning moment you had and that was a very formative experience, and it happened to be the first time I ever went to a gay bar. Wait, hold on.

You went to a gay bar, fucking picked up a fucking supermodel. She wasn't a supermodel. She was a Playboy model. You had sex with her, and you were like, wow, this is what women feel like. Well, the fear that I had, but the fear that I had on such a joyful occasion that I have experienced time and time again from the comfort and security of my home was quickly taken from me where I realized like, oh my God, every time a girl goes to a dude's house, they probably feel this times 10. Yeah.

And it was really an eye-opening experience for me. It was a formative experience. So my first time at a gay bar, very formative experience, but not in the way that you would think. Okay, so, Will, you look a little disappointed. What's going on on your face? Disappointed? No. I think he just went through all of the experiences

that we've had every time we would go out at night, and then, like, 15 minutes later, I'm like, I'm out, peace. Wait, describe what it would be like, Will. What was it like going out with a slut I mean sometimes it was great sometimes it was a lot of fun and sometimes it was like going out with a zealot

to only be satiated by intercourse so you would just go out and then like you would just leave he would just ditch you would you ever ditch him then like he would just you would just leave. He would just ditch you. Oh, yeah. Would you ever ditch him? Yeah, I mean, a few times, but I was much more. I was a much more an outer course person.

I found myself down a lot of rabbit holes talking to people in the wee hours of the morning. About very strange and peculiar things. I was I was more. You're doing the teeth grinding thing. I was more goal oriented. But that was so long ago. Where is she now? Do you ever check?

What? No, there's hundreds of women. I would never be able to keep track. Look at me. How many women have you had sex with? Bro. Lame. Austin's fucked more women than you.

Aw. Cringe. Yeah, it was really cringe. Having sex with women is cringe. It is very cringe. That's why we're going to go and have gay sex at the onsen. I haven't had sex with a lot of people. How many? Not going to tell you.

Let's see. Less than 10. No way. I mean, that number's about to expand exponentially. He's in his slut era, just so everyone knows.

He decided. That number's about to go up, like, into the double, triple digits. No, it's not. Triple digits? No, I'm kidding.

I'm not a hoe. This man. I actually know. I will be honest. You are a wannabe slut. I'm not a hoe. This man. I actually know. I'm going to be honest. You are a wannabe slut. You're not a slut. I need an emotional connection with somebody to make it mean something. Austin, can I tell you what's going to happen?

I do. You're going to. I don't want meaning. I think you're going to fall for one of the next few boys you. Oh, my God. That's what I said. I literally, I told Austin. You just don't have a slut in you.

You think I'm a one person type of man? Yes. Because you don't allow yourself to just have base pleasure. It't have a slut in you. You think I'm a one person type of man? Yes. Because you don't allow yourself to just have base pleasure. It's too taboo for you. Really? You get off on the near misses.

Really? Yes. You know that about me. I think the lead up to Now he fell in love with you right then. And the taboo around the flirtation process

is much more appealing to you than the actual act i think you're right no i think i think he likes the actual act too it's just that i think you like the safety and security it's a different mindset hassan you're a zealot like there was a time in your life where you would weather outrageous slings and arrows to arrive at a destination. Yeah. Did you ever go through a slow pace? He once fucked in his fart mobile in the parking lot outside of my apartment.

Okay, that's not a fart. It's not a fart mobile. Stop saying it. And I was at my kitchen having my morning coffee and I looked out and his car was still parked there like an hour later and I was like, this motherfucker's fucking in his car.

And I texted him. I was like, are you fucking in your car right now? He's like, yeah. It was like five in the morning. You were texting while you were fucking? You were answering your phone?

It was like probably after. I don't remember. Yo, I had sex in a parking garage one time. Sick man. Okay, hear me out. This is the most wild sex story I had.

Okay? All right? All right? Was it missionary? You remember the... Remember how I was in my stage? Remember I was in... I would come to LA

and I ran a pickup truck? Yeah, we remember. I remember because I spent 15 minutes while you executed an 80-point turn. Yeah. Like Austin Powers. One of the trucks that you rode in, after a glorious night at the Abbey, me and an unnamed gentleman went back to a hotel in Beverly Hills, and we didn't even make it to the hotel room.

I started eating his ass in the front seat. Got in the back. You ate his ass in the front seat while you were driving? No. Now that's... Yeah, that would have been cool. I feel like I'm giving up too much about myself. Yeah, you like it?

I ate his ass in the front seat seat and we went to the back. Does it feel liberating? It felt so liberating. He had no lube. Say the F word. Say it. I called him it. I'm just kidding.

I didn't do that. Are you not a dirty talker? Oh, I'm a dirty talker. Give us a little taste. I'm not giving a taste. Give us a little taste. That's behind the paywall. Okay, we'll do it behind the paywall.

Cutie, are you a dirty talker? No. Could you imagine? I knew the answer to taste. That's behind the paywall. Okay, we'll do behind the paywall. Cutie, are you a dirty talker? No. I knew the answer to that. There's no world. Cutie, if somebody dirty talked Cutie, she'd go, ew.

She'd be like, what does this say about me? Oh my God, am I a bad girl? Have I done something wrong? What do you mean I'm a bad girl?

Because I've been like really good today. No, I can't loosen up enough. What do you mean? I just, I couldn't loosen up enough what do you mean i just i couldn't loosen up enough to dirty talk i love me some dirty behind the paywall we're gonna make cutie cinderella oh my god that is an insane at patreon.com slash fear and

we're gonna you will find out our dirty talk oh yeah i'm i'm i already dirty talk you all the time oh yeah you do. You fucking slut. You take your shirt off right now. I do, I love it. We're going to do that behind the paywall at patreon.com. And that'll be all for this week's episode. Thank you so much for watching. I'm also going to unclog my ear, hopefully.

Quite possibly the best episode I've ever seen. It's either the best or the worst. I think it might have been the worst episode we've ever done. We should probably stop analyzing the episode while we're in it. How long was this episode? That's it? About like three hours. Holy shit.

Oh my God. All right, thanks everybody. We'll see you next week in Japan. If Hasan... No, by the time you get this podcast, we will be in Japan. If Hasan's ear doesn't fuck up, you shouldn't fly with me. It's going to be fine. We are

going to make the podcast great again. Believe me, it's going to be fantastic. It's going to be great. We're going to have my daughter, Ivanka. Hey, that would actually be really helpful. She's fantastic. Believe me. I really...

Put the bottle with very warm water, attach a sprayer, twist the disposable tip on the nozzle, place basin under the ear and rapidly pump fluid into the ear. Yeah, it rinses the shit out and it all falls into that basin. And then, Patreon, this is the bonus content you get. You get to look at what came out.

And then you empty one packet of earvana ph conditioning ear rinse into the bottle and you fill it with very warm water again and then you rinse the ear with conditioning solution yeah