Fear& - We Swear QTCinderella Is In This One | Fear&

Episode Date: November 25, 2024

Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code FEAR at https://shopmando.com! #mandopod I wasnt here for this one idk what happens in it but I hope it was good, gonna watch it on my flight home ✨EXTRA BONUS EPISODES ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:00 - QTs pettiness 00:02:49 - the bra and underwear party 00:03:48 - austin almost died 00:06:38 - marche living his best life 00:07:56 - Fox news hates hasan 00:09:44 - W and Ls of the week 00:11:23 - who would tell us if someone died 00:12:50 - we dont need these details 00:14:03 - Mando 00:15:30 - if you flame qt you should reflect on your decisions 00:18:00 - gyno problems 00:24:05 - we need a new hope 00:26:25 - america me up 00:30:56 - you should drink more silver 00:33:01 - maybe things didnt get better 00:35:10 - everyone has medical issues 00:36:50 - hasan w and ls 00:38:16 - thats number 15 QT 00:40:22 - hasan cant ball 00:42:24 - baker gayfield is crazy 00:44:05 - buying a home in japan 00:46:30 - dui in a waymo? 00:48:48 - girlie pops can skip this 00:49:17 - jk girlie pops we are back 00:53:09 - they wont find austin #hasanabi #qtcinderella #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. He's quite the guy despite the fact that he's blue. You don't need to say that. All right. Pause. Sad news. Oh, no. Don't. This is my own. He's blue you don't need to say that all right pause sad news Guys I can't take more sad news haze his life is going uphill the colloidal silver has turned his health around

Okay turned his health around okay welcome bozos hey everybody welcome back to another episode of the fear m podcast where we are all here and we're all healthy and we're all alive. Uh, thank you. Well, cutie. And I would like to say thank you to Will and Hassan for carrying last week's episode. Can I tell you about my pettiness?

Yes. So Austin is doing it in the tub and he's talking to any talks to you. She was like, who do you think misses fear and the most? And she's like, all of you bitch about somebody else. And then you were like, I was petty. And I went back and counted how many days everyone's missed.

And so then me, I was like, and you were like, and we're all equal. And I said, there's no fucking way. So I knew, I knew we weren't, I knew we weren't equal. I was lying. Oh no. Me on stream. I pull it up and I count. I go check Mark, check Mark for checkmark for checkmark.

I think I know. He's missed the least. Yeah. I missed one episode. Then I would say me. I've counted. Yeah. It's one.

We were, we were neck and neck. Yes, I knew it. But you have the best reason. So, oh yes. I remember you and I were neck and neck. I remember counting. There's no way. Austin's missed way more than me. And then I counted and I was like, oh, I remember you and I were neck and neck. I remember counting. There's no way. Austin's way more than me.

And then I counted and I was like, oh, I'm humbled. No, because when I was missing a lot, I went and checked. I would like the regular show. Because I had missed three in a row. And I was like, oh, no, they're going to think I missed a ton. So I went and checked. I did. And I was like, Cutie and I have had the same.

I would like the regular show that I didn't miss the Porter Robinson episode. You guys chose to do it without me. We had a great time. I was available at any other moment. It's probably for the best. And you guys were like, no, let's do this. Porter doesn't fuck with you. Yeah.

Well, add that to the list, I guess. Cutie, I got you a gift. Oh, that's so sweet. Because you've been working so hard on streamer awards. I have. I have been. Wow, that's so sweet. Taylor've been working so hard on streamer awards wow that's paid off her million her albums have sold millions of copies she won multiple this is the lore i needed yeah i didn't know any of this stuff yeah these are deep cuts these are deep cuts this is beautiful thank you for this i really love christmas oh it's so cute that is beautiful it It is cute.

Some of you, I've got drum. And this is a Patreon cut, so some of you might not know about this. But I told a very sentimental story on the Patreon about a bra and underwear party that I had in middle school. And how we were going to have our own bra and underwear party. I have it. Oh, you do? Yeah, I do. I completely forgot.

But in my defense, I knew Marsh wasn't here. I had underwear for him. You didn't tell me to bring it. Marsh isn't here. No, he forgot completely on stream, on camera. And I reminded him. And he had like... You had me. I was in the hospital.

And then he did this. And then I was like, don't worry, Marsh is not here. So he was like, oh, I'll use that as an excuse. And I was like, there's no way you're using that as an excuse. Of course. Because he doesn't care. He wished I would have died in the hospital. That's not true.

I died. Yeah. He wished Austin would have died. He called me in the hospital. He's like, I hope you don't make it. That's insane that you're saying that. So for those that need context, I woke up on the morning of my birthday. Sad.

Which nobody knew about because he hides it. Nobody knew about because I hide it. Because he's an old bitch who doesn't want people to know when he's turning. My 31st birthday, I woke up

and I immediately started vomiting. Right. And I said, fuck this. I'm not going to spend my birthday sick. So I immediately took myself to the best urgent care clinic i could find and i said i knew what i needed so i got there i said doctor i need zofran and a bag of

fluids that's what i told her right give me the show cocktail yeah it's me the doctor yeah the austin show special yeah so i said give it to me they pumped me full of three liters of fluid okay and uh it didn't save you. Antinazia did not save me. They said, I said, what are you going to do? My blood pressure was 100 over 45. They said, you need to go to the ER. And I said, well, okay, I'll drive.

And they're like, you can't drive. So they called. She's back so they called an ambulance and I had no why did you say an uber did you have to pay for that

they no I think yes I think so well yeah why did you say an uber no they told me they didn't want

they didn't think it was safe for me to ride in a car because my blood pressure was too low you might die they said yeah so they said they were farming dude

no so they they said yeah they made an easy 15 grand off you. No, so they said, okay. So I get in the ambulance. I go in. We think it's better for your health if you take a helicopter. I will say.

I don't recommend anybody taking an ambulance. Okay. But the service. My God. I didn't have to lift a finger. They carried me from one bed to the next. Next thing you know, I was in. Did they serve you a meal? No, they didn't. to lift a finger. They carried me from one bed to the next. Next thing you know, I was in... Did they serve you a meal?

No, they didn't. At the hospital, they did. But anyway, so I go in. ER, when you come in an ambulance, they get you in right away. You should never come in an ambulance. Well, I didn't come like that. I didn't ejaculate in an ambulance.

When you arrive in an ambulance, they get you in right away. They got me in right away. Pumped me full of like antinazia that gave me a panic attack. I told you about that to avoid that. And then they said, we need to... Yeah, we need to admit you. They admitted me. I was

shitting my brains out. Right. And terrible stomach flu. Recovered. Was in the hospital for two days. And that's my story. And now he's skinny. And I'm skinny. I lost seven pounds. And we can tell bitch. Will said I look gaunt.

You look hot gaunt. Yeah. Thank you. Rick Owens. Yeah. No, all my gay friends are like, where did you get that?

10 gay fever, I'll have one. I was making great jokes that day until I also had a mental breakdown. I, cause I was like, you were like, I'm sick.

I'm going to the ER. And I was with Lud and I was like, baking it. And then you. I, cause I was like, you were like, I'm sick. I'm going to the ER and I was with Ludd and I was like, faking it. And then you send a picture and I was like, he's so dramatic. And Ludd's like, babe, I think he's actually sick. I'm like, thank goodness. You saw that pic of him with the Vikings hat and you thought he was old.

I was joking, I was joking. I was like saying it very sarcastically. You look like a Make-A-Wish kid. Yeah. And you were like, you were pale. Put the Vikings hat. I just wanna meet Kirk Cousins once before I die. You look like a Make-A-Wish kid. Yeah. And you were like, you were pale. Put the Vikings hat. I just want to meet Kirk Cousins once before I die. I want to send the photo.

I want to send the photo to Gabe so we can both put it up. Yeah, edit that in there so you can see. He's so pale. He's great. Speaking of which, by the way, Gabe's here in the building because somebody is living his best fucking life. Is living his best fucking life. And let me tell you something, okay?

Has he sent you guys all the happiness he's experiencing? Only the group chat happiness. I've been getting a lot of extra happiness. Okay, favorites. You guys know that. Technically, if we wanted to kiss up to somebody to get paid more, you know how you get kissed up to a boss, is Marsh. That's true. He does have the password.

That's true, and Hasan doesn't even know how much money he's gotten from this. He's in the group chat. Oh, yeah, that's true. There's a group chat? While you're sending that photo. Wait, there's a group chat? Yeah, on Discord.

Wait, is that the one? You're in it. Oh, okay. Scared me. Jesus Christ. Wait, so we don't want to do my underwear gift? Or we should wait? Let's wait until next week.

I will definitely bring it next week. I wrapped it so well. Just keep it here. Just keep it here. Just keep it here. Don't it here. Just keep it here. Don't open it. I think we save it. Sweet.

Okay, we'll save it. I didn't know they sold underwear. They didn't. This is just my wrapping. It's edible. Okay. I have a story about March, though. I'll save it, but don't peek it.

Oh, shit. This morning, CNN is here at my house. They're doing a piece on me about leftist Joe Rogan or whatever. And because last time I was with the team, with the CNN team, I was with March. So they're all like, oh, where's March? Where's March? And I was like, let me tell you. Okay?

This is one of those problems of owning a cooperative equal say, equal pay type situations where your producer you have no crushing control yeah where your producer you just fuck off and go to fucking japan for two weeks he's getting paid too much getting paid too damn good with your patreon donations and your dollars um but yeah no the cnn the cnn camera crew wants to work for me now oh really yeah they're like damn dude let me let me come work for you instead fuck this mainstream media shit wait that's awesome yeah we're gonna have cnn camera crew in here wait i thought cnn was a bad one what what's the one oh fox news is box news is the bad one speaking of fox news i got a i got written up on fox news like you got detention yeah they said i want to do 9-11 too they were like which is true yeah they were they were like this guy just kidding i'm joking no it's just it's funny because like it's so obviously me

being sarcastic being like wow great we're giving saudi arabia a nuclear weapon like they're gonna do 9-11 again and they wrote it on the title they were like this guy this guy wants to do 9-11 again. And they wrote it on the title. They were like, this guy wants to do 9-11 to America. FBI, I do have no affiliation with this man. No, no one's taking that shit seriously. Get out of here. But in any case, I've had a week. I've had a couple weeks at this point. Let's do W's and L's.

This early? Yeah. Let's just knock it right out of the gate W for me of the week is I was able to eat a sandwich you skinny bitch it was tough my digestive system

my L of the week was that I fucking shit and puke my brains out that was an L we have the photo by the way you can pull it up of me shitting and and puke my brains out. Right. That was an L. We have the photo, by the way. You can pull it up. Of me shitting and puking my brains out. Yes. What you look like.

You sent us a whole pic. Oh, yeah. What you look like when you were shitting and puking your brains out. Well, this is probably post. I thought my chest looked good. You look like the Italian guys I went to school with. Man, I did look like shit, didn't I? Yeah, dude. That's why I was worried

and I fucking called you and shit and I was like, are you alright? Is everything okay? I kind of hammed it up for the photo, though. What? You bitch. But you were being dramatic. I mean, I hammed it up for the photo. I was like, damn, these people don't care about me. We do care. We're all messaging you. I called you at four in the morning.

You did. You did. You did. I didn't call. Cutie didn't call, but that's because she thought that she could be me next. Well, and I was texting you. I was like, what are your symptoms? Yeah, I'll be honest. Okay. All of you. I separated from the group chat and I went.

May I say, all of you checked in on me. Every single one of them will call me at four in the morning. Hassan called me and made like joke about me dying, potentially. He's like the worst person to call in a crisis. I said I would be sad if you died. I'm in the hospital. But he brought it up unprovoked. He's like I would be sad if you died. Cutie was texting

me like very religiously. I was. Updates, updates, updates. What if we found how Austin died? How would we find out? Who would tell us? I'd probably... Kirk may tell you. Yeah. I don't even know like forget to tell us and i was an awesome i think we know i think really i wouldn't show up to something yeah but like that's how i find out that is not how we would find out you'd be like we're

an austin famous person it would be out relatively quick would i find out via twitter that austin died oh no it's so tragic oh you'd get a call. From whomst? Probably, I don't know. I don't know who would call you. Just go through your phone and call each person. Billy Jones. Billy Jones would probably find out. Yeah, Billy would find out. Okay, all right. That's fair. They'd put out a statement on Bernstein's official page.

Oh, it's so sad. Okay, well, you made it. I made it. I made it. Name your prize back on tour. We had to replace Austinin show with choice of honor and we're doing a memorial tour don't miss it it's what he would have wanted tickets are double price it's what he would have wanted ladies and gentlemen the final show is at hollywood

forever cemetery with me as we lower you into the earth in the arms of the angel except for it's like a ai austin singing in the arms of your angel it has to be frank sinatra yeah like a medley all right we've got you and l's um wait you didn't say your oh wait your l was shitting in my brains out yeah oh okay my w can i go into detail on that yes before before yeah no before we transition of you when i was in the hospital they didn't i didn't have my own bathroom so i got so first of all i get up to my emergency room like the room that i'm gonna stay in and I literally get out of the, I look over to the room and I look to the nurses and I said, where's my bathroom? And they're like, they point to a commode. And I had to go to the bathroom in a commode

and I had to call them every time to empty it every single time. I'm going to be honest, Austin. Ew, that's so sad for them. I'm a strong man. I could not have done that. Yeah. I would have, I would have with an IV hanging out of my arm, walked down the hall. They wouldn't let me use it.

I would have forced myself. Oh, probably because they think I'd be sick. They thought I had C. diff. I would have sooner died. Yeah. I would have been like, I'm sorry. Oh my God, that's awful. No, I would die. I'll Yeah, they thought I had C. diff. I would have sooner died. Yeah. I would have been like, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. That's awful.

No, I would die. I'll die with my dick. Outside of my room was a cart with diapers and fucking garbage bags. What was it? It was a stomach virus. Okay. Anyway, that's a little gross, I know, to those people, but we're all human here. It's crazy that you had to do that.

That sucks. Austin, do your balls stink? I know they do. They do. They really do. I've heard it all over town. Boy, do I got a product for you. It's called Mando

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Tell them Austin sent you. I don't smell. Well, because you're using Mando. Smell fresher. That's right. You don't smell anymore. Smell fresher mando smell that's right you don't smell anymore smell fresher stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe with mando anyway that sucks your w and l's i'm sure that was a great week struggling to come up with a w i'll

be honest i've been racking my brain um i've oh i was able to watch Arcane with my boyfriend. That was nice. So good. Gotta find little things. That was my W. My L. I've cried so much in the past week. I just went dress shopping. I can't find a dress. Everything's going wrong, but it's okay. But you always pull it together.

Yeah, for sure. There's just been a lot of toxicity revolving this year, more than usual. I don't know if it's just like. Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you. I wasn't nominated. Here we go. And I think you're a bitch. Thank you.

A lot of people have felt that way. I was only nominated for Just Chatting Streamer, and I feel like you're a bitch as well. Okay, more. Yes. Austin? I think you're a bitch. You weren't nominated. Thank you.

Because I wasn't nominated. I've heard that a lot, unfortunately. I have heard that a lot. Yeah, it's been a weird year. A lot of people are just being really mean for something that's supposed to represent the opposite. So I'm like sitting here a little confused. It amazes me that no matter how many times you say fan nominated,

people don't get that. They just really don't. And like, and I know I'm going to get another wave of it after people win, but I mean, it's all, it's all very much so laid out on the website, like all the breakdown and everything.

Cause we do have a panel that, cause everyone's like, it's a popularity contest, but we have a panel to stop that. And then people are like, they chose all the nominations. Well, we actually have fans to stop that. So it's are like, they chose all the nominations. Well, we actually have fans to stop that.

So it's like, I feel like we've really figured it out, but it's not good enough for a lot of people. And you know, it's just, there's also the truth doesn't really matter. Yeah. I know.

That's what I'm learning. Like for the first time ever, it's been really interesting to like state the truth and just watch people say the opposite and be like, that's weird. Well, you are a woman. So I naturally distrust you.

Oh, that is, that is my reality that I've existed in. That's for the past. Considered making a man, the figurehead of. Yeah. I've thought about it.

I thought about it. I, and just maybe taking it behind the scenes. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. It sounds like a good idea. I don about it. And just maybe taking a behind-the-scenes role. Yeah, maybe. It sounds like a good idea. I don't know. It's been a lot.

It's been a lot. I missed last week because I went... Ready, ladies? This will be a fun one. I went to the gyno and I had an awful... I almost fainted with all the news she gave me. What's going on with your pussy? My shit's all fucked up.

What do you mean your shit's all fucked up? What's going on? Okay. Do you want to cut this? No, it's fine. You want to write your pussy? Yeah.

Okay. What's going on? A lot of people's vaginas are messed up. Yeah. What's going on with your pussy? So I show up. Number one, is it your pussy?

No, it's my uterus or my cervix. I don't know. So they look at your pussy. Yeah. They can't, they can't get a look at your uterus without looking at your pussy. I know, but the pussy part isn't really that she saw it she's

like that's pretty nice that's what i'm saying that's not very critical to the no damn you got some fire koochie that's what the doctor said you guys have never been to the gyno so you don't know this but usually ladies you'll know this when you go to the gyno it's like the very slow they're like okay sit put your legs in the stirrup scoot down keep scooting and there's usually um like a like a paper towel over your lap right and then they open your they because you have to wear a gown they put you in a gown so they open the gown and then the towels over your lap so you can't see them actually in there are they like literally sometimes if you go to a really good gyno they'll even dim the lights and use the thing because it's just like it's awkward yodel in it yeah hello um this gyno who was recommended to me by

friend and has raving reviews i show up First thing she does is sit on the chair. Scoot, scoot, scoot. I'm still wearing my Crocs. I'm like, should I take my shoes off? She's like, no, it's fine. I'm like, okay. I'm like trying to get up there. My Crocs like don't fit in the stirrups.

They're like falling off. I'm like, okay. And she just throws open the gown, coochie out, no coverage. It's just like, okay, going in. I'm like, ah! Going in. Wait, they go in?

Yes, because they have to go, they have to put the thing in to get to the pap sm no no no no i'm so yeah it doesn't feel good in there let me tell you i'm so lovely fingers oh it's a camera no with uh no no no what is wrong with you it's it's it's like i don't know how this works that's spread it yes what's it called? Wrong, I think. It's called a thing. It's called a speculum. Something close to that. It's called something.

I don't fuck with you. Put the name of the pussy spreading device on the screen and make it flash. It's a thingy. Do you know how pap smears work? No, not at all. They go in with the thing. They scrape that shit. They go in like this thing. Should I look? They scrape that shit.

Well, they go in like this. They put the thing in. It goes. Okay. And open it like scissors. And then they go in there with a wire brush and go. Oh, ouch. They scrape it.

Yeah. Ouch. Oh, it is a speculum. It is a speculum. Oh, my God. I didn't know. Okay. First of all, she's like, oh, you have vaginismus on your chart, which we've talked about.

So she's like, I'm going to use a children's speculum. And I was like, okay. Okay, I did have Dora chart, which we've talked about. So she's like, I'm going to use a children's speculum. And I was like, okay. Okay, did it have Dora the Explorer? I don't know. I don't know. Was it Minions? It was a lot. It was crazy.

She'd like that one. They do the pap smears. Pap smears are fine. A lot of people say they're really painful. For me, they're fine. Thank God. But she does a pap smear. And then I'm like, i have some hormonal issues

to some extent because like i can't lose weight and i have like don't look at my chin but randomly i'll grow like beard hairs randomly and it really stresses me out and like i got that problem yeah and like i'm like something's wrong with my hormones right um and so so she's like okay let's do an ultrasound so the ultrasound is essentially a dildo with a camera on it. And they go, and you go, ouchie. Yeah. And they go up there and they go, and they look at both your ovaries to see if you have any cysts. And she's like, you don't have any cysts.

And I'm like, okay, people pog wow. And then she pulls it out and she's like, but you definitely have PCOS because you have all the other symptoms. Jesus Christ. What's PCOS? PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome. Okay. What is that? I don't know.

It's really overwhelming. Makes it difficult to get pregnant. Meanwhile, keep in mind, my vagina is wide open. It's fine. She left the door open. She's not covered anything. She's, you know. Did you ask her, what were you raised in a barn?

Yeah. I was like, hello. And so, so she's like'm you know did you ask her what were you raised in a barn yeah i was like hello um and so so she's like yeah so i'm like essentially i'm pretty infertile i've got all sorts of problems it's a chronic condition there's no cure you got diabetes uh no but it's all over my family oh yeah diabetes yeah like it's pretty bad we have a very uh unique type one diabetes that's called um something genetic. Anyway, it's all fucked up. So she's like, you definitely have it.

We need to put you on an insulin pill that you need to take two days or two times a day, every day for the rest of your life, starting now. And I'm like, what? Like, this feels like sudden. And then she's like, also, you need to take this supplement. I'm like, okay. What if it fixes your shit, though? Now that you take insulin, all of a sudden everything's good.

I don't know. Maybe. But it's kind of scary because they haven't done any blood work or anything. Maybe a second opinion. They just looked at my vagina. I know. So I'm going to get there. But then she's like, also, you have tiny endopolyps.

And we need to have surgery to remove those. And I'm like, okay. What's going on? And number one, I would rather fly to Japan and back four times than have anesthesia. I am more afraid of anesthesia than anything. Okay. And so I was like, Ooh, anesthesia is not really an option for me. Can we do it without anesthesia?

Cause she's like, it's a camera scope. You go up there, scoop them out, whatever. And she's like, absolutely not. I'm like, okay, well then I can't do it. And she's like, well then, you know, then maybe we can just put you on a progesterone pill because apparently I need progesterone. If you're, you have estrogen, it causes the polyp. So you need progesterone to counteract it. But I have too much testosterone from the PCOS and I'm sitting there like dizzy from

all of this. And she's like, oh, and you're probably super infertile. So let's do an egg count. I'm like, okay. So then they do an egg count and I've got no eggs. Like at all? Zero. Like not zero, but I've got, I'm like, pretty bad.

Well, let's freeze that shit. So that's what they're saying. So they're like, okay, you have to freeze that shit. In order to freeze that shit, you've got to pump yourself full of estrogen. I can't pump myself full of estrogen because it will cause more cysts. So I have, essentially, they want me to have the surgery, remove the cysts, put progesterone. I got an idea. It's so obvious no one's thought of it.

But, kill myself? No, let low-quick bust inside you. That's, dude no one's thought of it But kill myself? No let Ludwig bust inside you Dude It's time It's baby time Twitch is a terrible nightmare place We need hope And we need Ludwig to bust on me

Yeah Busting you Ew That's crass Well number one I'm being a sur I'd get a surrogate anyway cause I'm too afraid of birth So my fears in life Go anesthesia birth airplanes

Shit Yeah Anesthesia was the only way We were gonna get you on a fucking plane I know But anyway so it's been so that was a big L because then I'm like, I'm literally spiraling. And then the next day she called me and she was like, wait, we can do it without anesthesia. And I'm like, oh, why didn't you say this yesterday?

Like, I'm like, oh, you know, like great. Why are you so afraid of anesthesia? I don't know. It's a, I woke, I had anesthesia one time and I woke up in such a weird panic. It's a control thing. That I've remembered it for the rest of my life. It's a control thing. I'm afraid of anesthesia too.

But I woke up you just need a better experience with anesthesia. It would probably be like propofol. You should ask him what kind of anesthesia. It is propofol but that's what Michael Jackson and Joan Rivers died on. Yeah but that was Joan Rivers? Joan Rivers is a hundred years old. Yeah she was very old. It's crazy that your W was you washed arcane

and then your L was like you you know, you might die. I've been through a lot. But, Q, do you know, Prophethol, like, the moment they stop pushing it in the IV, you wake up immediately. Yeah, but, like, I don't fuck with it. It's actually amazing sleep. To be honest, if I had to die,

you know, we're all gonna die. Uh-huh. Anesthesia mishap. Not the worst way to go. Not too bad. I don't like it. I just simply don't. Also, your family gets paid.

My family would already get paid if I die. They get my bank account. Yeah, but they get a little extra. Anyway, it's been a lot. And then Stream Rewards got announced. And then I cried a lot because a lot of people mean to me. And then I cried some more. Pin in the miracle, baby.

I think we should put a pin in that. Thank you. No, you should do it. You should do a miracle job. No, I don't want a baby. Also, apparently I can't get pregnant anyway because I have the stupid polyps. I have a question. Oh my God. Have you tried colloidal silver being dropped in your eyes or rubbed on your skin? What is that? RFK jr health and human services secretary baby that brings me to our america me up this week we're gonna take a quick pause go ahead and fly in a graphic i want a picture of the miracle baby use ai to fuse cutie and ludwig's face i don't want sparklers coming out uh gates here so now he has to hear what he has to do. Can an eagle come down and steal the baby?

Yeah, I want... Eagle? Picks the baby up. One cry drops the baby. Nuclear explosion. Can you do that? He'll do it on MS Paint. So have you heard of colloidal silver? No.

Colloidal silver is a miracle. You have to be careful telling me in austin this because we'll buy it yeah it's a miracle it's a mirror you will not buy it after the story i know exactly what he's going to talk about why don't you why don't you talk about what no it's fine no please tell me we're buying colloidal silver is like one of the top fake supplements that these snake oil salesmen like to hawk to their audience is it on robin hood can i invest it's definitely one of those things that uh you know alex jones infowars.com is sold and it's probably something that our next health and human services secretary robert f kennedy

jr has probably used at a certain point in his life but although i do believe he's currently using the melanin peptide and that's why his skin looks like hamburger meat. Ew. But go back to the collodial silver. Colloidal silver, there are quite literally no side effects. Okay. And that's why I want to show you the very affirming case of Paul Carlson.

Please go on YouTube and type in Paul Carlson. Now, Paul Carlson is one of the most, was one of the most devout believers of colloidal silver. And you can see it's with a K it's with a K you can see how impactful on his life this was. Okay. I'm going to give you the spelling real quick, just to help you out. It's P A U L K A R A S O N Carlson. Sorry. sorry. Oh, Carson. There you go. Oh, my God.

Don't adjust your TV set. This man's skin really is blue. He used to look like this, a good-looking young man with a shock of red hair. But after using a home remedy, Paul Carson looks like this. Were you around my shade before? Yeah, probably a little lighter.

So how did this happen? It all started when Paul was looking for a cure for flaky skin. Doing his own research, he read about drinking a solution of silver in water. At first, things were fine, but then Paul started rubbing it onto his skin and it started turning blue.

When did you first realize that you were blue? I don't know. A man came in a while, came by and asked me what I'd done to myself. turning blue. When did you first realize that you were blue? I don't know. A man came by and asked me what I'd done to myself. We compared our arms. Paul's used to be fairer than mine. Now it's a dull gray blue. And despite the change in his skin color, Paul kept drinking the stuff. Oh, he's still drinking it. He's drinking silver right now.

Like sinus problems, even arthritis. Paul showed me how he makes it. I use distilled water. Huge. drinking silver right now. Huge. Oh my god. Don't wanna use tap. Duh. Doesn't look healthy. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Jackie. After about 15 minutes the dissolved silver turns the water into a milky liquid Don't know Jackie drinks the stuff too

But Jackie's skin looks normal because she says she never applied the silver directly to her face like Paul did when Jackie they met on The phone and she fell in love with him months later She saw him for the first time and she says even though she knew he was blue. It was still a shock Were you taken aback very much so yes yeah i had to really look at it and this is dick blue too and remember who i had to talk to and who that's kind of cool fallen in love with paul says his blue skin has many advantages he never sunburns he doesn't need to wear sunglasses here he is with with his fiance on a recent trip to New York City. But he also says there are some side effects he doesn't like.

Do you feel that you have been treated differently because you're blue? Oftentimes. Some of the people were less than polite. But despite everything, Paul says he has no regrets about using his silver remedy. I mean, his fiance is not... If you could change back to the way you were, would you do it? I'm not sure. So go ahead and pause. Now, obviously, Hassan is going to, you know, make some libed up case as to why you shouldn't drink colloidal silver.

But he's a redhead that doesn't sunburn anymore. I crave that yeah now obviously there are some blue racists out there that are less than friendly to him but maybe this could help you with your pussy problem what i mean check out how awesome paul's life turned out have you ever seen blue waffle oh god folks at home google it let's take a look at how awesome paul's life turned out i mean okay if you're not convinced yet go back to the video he shocked the world four years ago a man who turned his skin the color blue amazing story i've never heard of anything like that this is a first on the oprah show He really is blue. This California man is blue, literally.

But whatever happened to Paul Kerrison, the guy who will forever be known as Blue Man? Sadly, he's fallen on hard times. Paul even lost his home and had no choice but to move into this homeless shelter. I really had no other place to go. Oh my God. A series of crises landed Paul on the streets. He battled prostate cancer and heart problems, broke up with his fiancee, and couldn't get a job. People are rather reluctant to hire blue people, people that are noticeably different. So he left

Madeira, California and returned to his hometown of Bellingham, Washington, where he moved into the Lighthouse Mission Shelter. It houses 40 homeless people. But going back to his hometown turned out to be an inspired idea. Blue Man has a girlfriend. There you go. Yo, he pipes. 47 years ago in junior high, there's Paul in the yearbook, and there's Joanne in a beauty pageant

around the same time. Paul got in touch with Joanne and she helped him move out of the shelter. Now they live together. He's quite the guy despite the fact that he's blue. You don't need to say that.

Alright, pause. Sad news. Oh no. Don't. This is one of my favorite videos. Don't. Guys. guys i can't take more sad news his his life is going uphill the colloidal silver has turned his health around okay just to back it up a few seconds okay yeah they never said they really bury the lead on this last part okay just. Just go. You know, come on. Obviously, things got better.

Play the video. He's blue. Sad news about the man who achieved fame as the blue man. Paul Harrison has died at age 62. Harrison shocked the world five years ago when he came forth as the man whose skin had literally turned blue. As a young man growing up in Washington state, Harrison's complexion was completely normal. His skin turned blue after he sought a cure for flaky skin. Sad news.

Pause, pause, pause, pause. So maybe things didn't get better. Okay. Did he die because of that stuff? Probably. Did they say why? Heart attack. But it could have been all the clodial silver.

Do you think clodial silver has anything to do with heart problems? No, it's because he didn't use distilled water. That's what it is. Wait, what if because he went homeless, he stopped taking the silver and that's why he had a heart attack? No, I don't think he stopped taking the silver. No, I think he was still taking the silver. How? If you're homeless, how are you buying the silver? I don't think it's that expensive silver. No, I think he was still taking the silver. How, if you're homeless, how are you buying the silver? I don't think it's that expensive.

I'm just saying, hey, that is a theory. When there's a will, there's a way. And Paul demonstrated that. Yeah. Well, anyway. That is kooky beans. Sometimes, I think, as an American, you have to make your own health care. Right? And that brings us to our sponsor,

ZocDoc. I don't know if we have a ZocDoc. We don't have a ZocDoc sponsor today. No. I'm just, but I thought you guys would enjoy that American Me Up. I really enjoyed that. It was incredible. That was an incredible American Me Up. Yeah, that was a good segue, but you still have your W and L.

But our new minister of health is a very turgid believer in colloidal silver. He's a believer in everything but medicine. Yeah. He's expressly anti-medicine, weirdly enough, but he believes everything else. Even though he got caught eating McDonald's on that plane. Did you see that photo? Yeah.

RFK Jr. was like, oh, they eat McDonald's. It's poison. And then Donald Trump was like, kiss the ring, bitch. You're about to pose with his open ass Big Mac. My W and L of the week uh my i'll start with my l okay i have now uh planters fasciitis in my left foot no for sure oh no and it's brutal and it's from a camp canoe working out for so hard for so long and then i wore high heels a bunch i went to like a premiere and a party and i kept wearing like six inch platform yes rick owens style yes shoes and it just ripped my foot up

so it's been it's been hard to get to the gym i still go it's just painful uh we're working on fixing it and then my w i um oh i, I threw one of the largest gaming events in history. Hey-o! It was a massive success. And none of you participated. I wish I could have. You don't know how to play wrestling. No, I don't.

My computer's not here yet. Oh, my God. I got you a present. I forgot to bring it. Me? What about me? It's my birthday, you co a present. I forgot to bring it. Me? For my birthday. What about me? It's my birthday, you cocksucker.

Huh? No, it was last week, old man. You're using cocksucker as a pejorative. Yes, I am. Directed at him. There's nothing wrong with sucking cock, man. Yeah, I know. It's okay.

I'll bring it next week. Stop the violence. So those are my W and L. It was great. Hasan, what's your W and L? W and L. Oh, God. Asan, what's your W and L? W and L. Oh, God. It's been a long week.

It's been a long sequence of weeks. The L of the week, I guess, which is not that big of an L, really, but an L nonetheless, is the Fox News article that dropped on me. Yeah. For the past couple of weeks they've been like hitting me uh over and over again asking for comments and i was just like i'm not gonna respond to any of this shit this is nonsense but they they did a hit piece uh i don't think it's that serious but um i mean they're at least showed some of my quotes within the context so i don't

think it was that bad there was still some stuff out of context so i got clip chipped by fox news again my dad might know who you are now yeah probably not in a very positive light but it's all good uh w the week uh in spite of all that uh i have had a sequence of awesome media placements uh just did something with cnn uh had rashida talib on the broadcast that was fantastic and also on top of that uh i'm gonna have tanahasi coats on and also the head of ftc lena khan on as well nice so and you kind of gotta judge yourself by your haters you know i think it just represents that you've got more power and influence yeah Yeah. No, my haters all suck, so it's good. I don't have a picture with that.

I didn't think that would be your L of the week, though. What would you think my L of the week would be? Your shooting percentage. Oh. Because we got to talk about it. That was... We got to talk about it. Okay, you guys are going to hate me, but I have to.

What was your prediction from last night? By the way, my prediction versus your performance was pretty close. Yeah, what did you say I was going to drop? I said you were going to drop at least 15. I said you were going to have 10 rebounds, and I said you were going to have 10 assists, which you overperformed on all of those except for what do you guys say? Because I was supposed to go to Lily's birthday.

That started at 8, and I was like, whatever, I'll be late. But it is on the complete opposite side of town, so I'm already to go to Lily's birthday that started at 8 and I was like whatever I'll be late but it is on the complete opposite side of town so I'm already an hour kind of in the middle I know so I was going to sneak out and then we were hoping that we were close to the end and we're not and so we're like

fuck no he's not invited the only reason why we're also not close to the end of the podcast right now was because I was late. I was late because I couldn't find a dress for my stupid show. And I'm going to show up looking ugly again. And I'm going to have to kill myself. We look great right now.

This is a great fit. Well, fuck everybody. I have to go to Lily's birthday party. I'm really sorry. I will do a double shift. Another good Wednesday show. I sent a message. I said do a double shift. Another Good Wednesday show. I sent a message. I said, can we do 530?

I communicated. No, we can't. I was streaming. I know. I know. You're right. I had a hair appointment. Okay, well, I did.

I'm going to take this back. I communicated. No. Yeah, she doesn't deserve Taylor Swift. Listen, next week, I'm going to bring cookies. Can I be honest? Can I be honest? You need to hear this.

We're not mad. Just disappointed. No. Now I'm going to turn my back. Stop! And you may leave. I have no leverage. I don't even want to.

I have no leverage. I don't even want to look in that direction. 14? 15. Oh. Oh, 14 and a half. Don't defend her. Don't defend her. Don't defend her.

Enjoy your party. Yeah, have fun. Enjoy your party. Have fun at the cool birthday party that you got invited to that none of us got invited to. That's crazy. By the way, you're not off the hook. What the hell happened to you? Dude.

I've seen you ball recently. Yeah, I know. Were you camera shy? Hassan. Were you sick? I was comment? Dude. I've seen you ball recently. Yeah, I know. Were you camera shy? Hassan. Were you sick? I was commentating that. I know. It was really bad.

Have you listened to the broadcast? He and Wake were awful to you. Yeah, I heard. Well, I'm going to fucking own it. I was awful to you. Yeah, it's so funny because like. Because you fucking suck. I was sitting there on the broadcast going, and he's going to take a shot.

And I was saying it's the rim before it would even hit. I just want to point to something here, by the way, while they're talking shit, if you guys didn't watch the performance, yes, I missed a lot and it was devastating. Yeah.

I still had 30 points and 18 rebounds on like five blocks. It is interesting though, that official game day stats. I ended up with better stats than you. What do you mean? My game day performance last year at basketball. Were what? I think I had 20 points on like 12 shots.

Oh, your field goal percentage is better is what you're saying. Well, yes, some would say that that's a more. You were also well, you were up against some pretty formidable opponents like Extra Emily. I was playing against a team that at least had three competent players. No bullshit. I'm not fucking with you.

You're better than what I saw. What happened? Were you nervous? Were you juiced out by the fact that you were playing on camera? No. I think it was the extremely tight t-shirt that i was wearing that fucked up because uh because when i was when i was rocking the sleeveless before when i was warming up i was downing him like yeah five six seven ten in a row very interesting choice not to show your armpits well i what do you mean it was

the fucking star forge uh sponsored tight shirts you could have fucking cut it you knock it off i should have i should have cut it. It's interesting though, because that's going to be the lead in to another game day. That's eventually going to happen. It's delayed right now, but everybody is waiting for Baker Gayfield versus Gardner Nefshu. Are you going to be on the opposite team? Of course.

Wait for what? What are you going to, are you playing quarterback? Of course. I can't wait for that, dude. Are you guys? be on the opposite team? Of course. Wait, for what? Are you playing quarterback? Of course. Oh, I can't wait for that, dude. Are you guys going to get football? Oh, dude, I fucking love that. We're going to bring America back.

Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. I want a live audience. Oh, yeah. I want to do it in a stadium, and I want to sell concessions. I want to defend myself on the basketball thing, okay? Oh, wow. Bullshit.

We've moved on. Everybody's moving on to football. Everybody's moving on to football. Okay, first of all. That's awesome. I can't wait for that. First of all, they literally put in a fresh player who was better than everybody else on the court in the second half.

Yeah. And I tried to work with the team that I had. I did lob a bunch of good assists. They just didn't turn into assists because they didn't make the shots. Nora was good. Except for Nora. Nora was good. Who did Nora. Nora was good. Who did deserve the MVP, and she carried,

and she was there when it mattered the most. She changed the tide of the game. She had a higher field goal percentage than you. Of course, most people on the courts had a higher field goal percentage than me. Sorry, I've been trying to tear you down the entire show. Yeah, I mean, it's not going to work. 30 points is very good, though. You started to heat up in the second half.

Yeah, my first half was disastrous. Yeah, no, I know. Yeah. It's funny because everyone that was on the court was, like, shocked at how well I played, but everyone that was watching at home was maybe, you know, having the same attitude as you. They were influenced by me.

Maybe you were influencing a little bit too much. By my commentary? I was really on your side. No,'t i heard the commentary did you watch it back i didn't watch the whole thing back but i saw every clip that i saw even when i was making you were shocked like wow we finally made one um now that cutie's gone we should talk about our japan trip oh yes are we buying a home while we're there i i'm down i'll bring some cash i would love to do a week of us just fixing i'll bring a hundred thousand dollars extreme home makeover i feel like i feel like that would be that would take away from all the cool stuff you need to believe in me as a content maker above yourself now i do i do that i have better content

just reflexes i do believe... That I have better content. Just reflexes. I do believe that. There's never been a moment where I don't believe that. So let's do Extreme Homemaker. I'm going to bring $100,000 in U.S. dollars cash briefcase. What?

I need it to get out of the country anyway. I'm not going to be able to survive here much longer. What do I do if Trump takes away my rights at all to live? Do I... Can I take my... Is there like a Swiss

bank account I could put my cash in? Do you know anybody? I don't... Can I take my money out of the country? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do that. How do I do that? Is it taxed? You might be able to talk to James. Okay. What do you think is going to happen? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. It's going to go back like when women couldn't carry cash. Gays can no longer carry cash. I don't know what's going to happen. Any sort of homophobic legislation is only going to stop you from being able to get married, but you're so straight passing, you're fine. No one's going to think you're gay. I'm going to still be able to get gay married. They're going to look at me and be like, nah, you're not gay.

Just let him fucking do that thing he's just trying to marry his best friend just make it just make the twink wear a dress they're like this guy's not gay come on come on this guy's not gay we're gonna throw him in gay jail but yeah they can't even i don't even think they believe it i could i could go to a fucking like just a like a homophobic bar Like that's the theme of the bar. Homophobic. Literally. That sounds like just a gay bar.

I could go there and fucking just hang out. They wouldn't, I could tell them I'm gay and they'd be like, ah, you're just kidding. Fucking slap me around a little bit. What would that be? A homophobic theme bar.

Why is that turning into a fantasy? I'm going to open one up. I think it's called Hooters. Oh, homophobic. I told you by the time I went to Hooters, I told my dad. He said it was a waste. What a waste. It's a waste.

Waste good. It's a waste of good tits, son. Yeah. Oh, I wanted to bring something up to you guys. I don't know what we're going to use this for, but I found out that in the state of North Carolina, you cannot get a DUI on a horse. Oh, let's do it.

Let's get fucking wasted. We can get ripped shit drunk. And just ride a horse. Ride horses. Hell yeah. I like that. Yeah. I'm down for that.

That's a good concept. Yeah. I did find out, though. I don't know if you guys knew this. This is interesting. This is a great talking point. i brought talking points this week did you know that riding in a waymo drunk is still a legal gray area and you could potentially get a dui for riding in a waymo that's crazy because technically you are the operator you input the destination which means that you are controlling that vehicle that'd be crazy for them to actually use their to do that to discourage people from

taking like drunk way most drunk way most be crazy because what are they going to do drive what's that look about because it's just insane because a drunk person be like ah fuck it i'm gonna get a dui anyway i might well drive. What if you program your destination like the middle of the San Francisco bridge and you fall asleep in the car and the car can't do anything? I don't think the Waymo will drive you off the bridge. Not drive off the bridge,

but at the mouth of the bridge and just block up a lane of traffic or something. Yeah, I mean, that's fine. That's fine. Better than drunk driving. Better than drunk driving. I'll be honest. I may want to...

I'd prefer a Waymo to some of these fucking drivers. Oh, God. This is last week's conversation all over again. Yeah, we won't go back into it. Oh, I wasn't here. I wasn't here. I don't trust them. I don't trust the fucking robots, man.

I don't trust them. Yeah. I don't either, but this is you you and i won't take helicopter i saw that from last week where's the helicopter gonna go from to la uh wherever they'll come pick me up in front of hassan's house yeah designated pickup spots are you fucking serious it'll just land yeah just land fuck yeah that's what i'm saying that's awesome thank you i will be i wanted to kill myself in traffic today, so I might as well just fucking take the helicopter.

Based. Chopper. Come on, man. Alright, what else is going on? What do you want to talk about? I got nothing. I'm just here to hang out. Nothing. No. Everything that happens in my life is political or drama

that no one wants to be associated with can we talk about the biggest fraud of the year yeah aaron rogers krasinski well sorry no i'm so sorry we fired our gm yeah that you guys are just fucking mid-season firing the organization did you see all the news came out about everything that woody johnson has done no he told all they were going to trade Alan Lazard for Jerry Judy. Oh my God. And he blocked it. Oh my God. Yeah, crazy. I've never seen a mid-season firing of a GM.

No, this is crazy. We're in crazy town. Biggest fraud of the year. Did you guys see Krasinski, one hottest man alive? I feel like every year they do that. Every year people's magazines... Do you know who John Krasinski is? No. Pull him up.

Isn't he also weirdly right wing or something? No, he's not. He's a different person, I think. Go down. There it was. Right there. Yep. Krasinski. Wait, is that Shazam? Wait. Was that Shazam? Wait. Was that Shazam?

He won Hottest Man Alive. That is, right? Shazam, no. Sexiest Man Alive 2024. Who the fuck was Shazam? Yeah, Zachary Levy. Oh, Zachary Levy. Okay. Oh, my God.

I'm getting my white dudes mixed up a little bit. That was a little racist. I'm sorry. A little racist. Wasn't he in The mixed up a little bit. That was a little racist. I'm sorry. A little racist. Wasn't he in The Office? Yeah, yeah. He was Jim. Oh my God.

Fucks he been? Sexiest man alive. What do you think? Fucks he been in? I feel like you're the only one who can comment because... I don't think he's the sexiest man alive. Do you think he's sexy? No.

I mean, I think he could be cute to somebody. I think he's not a bad-looking guy. Right. I think they're really trying real hard on this one. It's a hard sell. Why is he? I don't think he's ugly. Look, I don't think he's ugly.

He's doing the face. Oh, yeah, he was Jack Ryan. Yeah, I don't think he's ugly at all. I think he's a handsome guy. I can't go to Yemen. I'm an analyst. I mean, if he's the hottest man alive, it's good news for me because, you know, he's got a protuberant nose, as do I.

I think he's a handsome guy. Sure. I think if I were to, I think you could take him home to mother, right? Yeah. I mean, I think he's a handsome looking guy. Anyway, I just thought that was interesting. Yeah. He looks good there.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. No, I just thought that was interesting. Yeah. He looks good there. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, I think he's... So, back to my illness. Yeah. Yeah, this was also important. Benny Blanco. Oh, is he sexiest man alive? Everybody loves Benny Blanco, though.

Benny Blanco was chosen as people's Sexiest Man Alive. What is sexy? Is it just looks? It's aura? Yes. Okay. It's just looks. Sexy, I would say, is a lot to do with looks.

I think your personality can detract from your looks if you're horrible. There's one person that I've met in my entire life that I didn't find them attractive until I met them. Huh? See, no, I've always found you attractive, but I met somebody,

I was like, damn, their personality actually, it's only one person. Yeah. I had sex with him, but it's the only person I wouldn't have had sex with them. Had I just seen a photo,

right? But their personality was incredible. You already won me over. I've never... I actually lived that. Before that, I said that's bullshit. If you show me a photo of somebody, it doesn't matter. Their personality can't do shit for me.

No matter what. No or yes. This person changed my perspective. Wow. Sexy personality. This person changed my perspective. Wow. Sexy personality. Yeah. I'm proud of you. No, I know.

I'm not as shallow as you may have thought. I don't know what happened with Benny Blanco. I mean, he's chill, but like, come on. Everybody loves Benny Blanco. I mean, they're just, I think maybe they're just going, they're being woke. They're going with like not so hot guys this year. Whoa. Whoa.

Hold on. Hold on. Do you think you could win sexiest man alive, Hassan? No. Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah, give me sexiest terrorist alive. I think Vinny Hacker should win sexiest man alive. Yeah.

Vinny Hacker is striking. I agree. Very much so. He's too hot. He needs to dial it back a little bit. Yeah, it's a little longer. It's fucked up. So I wanted to talk deeper about my experience in the US

medical system. I don't know how much that cost. Oh, you're cooked. How long were you in the hospital? Two days. At least $60,000 all in. No way. I mean, I have insurance.

What's your co-pay? It's maxed. My max out of pocket is $9,300. Bro, he's already fucking... He probably's maxed like my max out of pocket is 9300 bro he's already fucking he probably already maxed out his 9300 this year oh oh because i'm a hypochondriac yeah i don't know ambulance ride very expensive did they charge me for that breakfast yeah it was like they charged me for breakfast i think what of course bro they charge you for breakfast? What? Of course, bro. They charge you for the house like mint. A hospital, you're probably charged like $5,000 to $10,000 a day. Really?

Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, that service was incredible. I'll be honest. I will say what you want about the hospital. Austin's going to stay at the hospital when he comes into L.A. now. I'll be honest. Ooh, I'm feeling a little tepid.

You like being in a hospital? No the hospital It wasn't fun believe me But I would just be like hey I'm a little nauseous Medication IV boom Hey I have a headache boom You just be like hey can I get And then pretty soon I got the names of the medications I was just calling for them

Can I get some of this? Yeah they charge your ass out the fucking wazoo. You think so? Look, Turkey has nationalized healthcare system and a private one on top of that. So I've been to both private hospitals in Turkey and public hospitals. And I will admit that the public hospitals in most places where they have public healthcare is dog

shit, right? Like it's this like gray room. It's always underfunded. Having said that however i'd rather have it be free and not like a fucking hotel american hospitals are like hotels oh are they yeah i mean i did call like they gave me a number to call for room service american hospitals are designed in a way where it's like super high luxury in comparison to hospitals all around the world but that's also part of the reason why they're like... I mean, they had a menu with like burgers, steak, fries, cookies.

Really? Yeah, it was expansive. I was like, what can I get? They're like, anything you want. I said, they had no prices on the menu, so I was just ordering. Yeah, because they make it up. I was just ordering.

I love the steak frites. They did have steak frites. I'm not even kidding. They had steak frites. Honestly, I fuck with that. Yeah, they make it up. That's why. At this point, I was like, I'm already fucking maxed out on my insurance.

I'm already in this bitch. So I was dialing at will order. I had a fucking elaborate breakfast. I couldn't eat any of it. I'll have the Alaskan cod. The reason why they don't put prizes on it is because they make it up. They make it up? They make it up.

Damn, that's awesome. They make it up on who can pay. I don't put prizes on it is because they make it up. They make it up? They make it up. Damn, that's awesome. They make it up on who can pay. I don't know. They didn't even take my insurance information. I don't know. They got my name, and that's it. I don't even know how the fuck they're going to bill me. So I may have gotten out of there scot-free.

That's crazy. You are out of your mind if you think they're not hunting you down. Wait, I mean, they don't. I don't know. I wasn't there. 70 grand to pop bitch at the amb at the ambulance thing the guy as i get out of the ambulance he's like would you sign here for and i was like for what he's like just to say that you were here that you wrote that we we delivered you to the hospital i said what if i don't sign it what are you gonna do austin is trying to get out of this hospital, bro. Dude, if you can pull this off, it's like an actual...

White hat Karen. Yeah. That's an actual... That's a lick. Like, that is... That's a lot of money. Yeah. I don't know how much...

Look, I hope my insurance covers... I was at the... My insurance was like the same company that the hospital was. Sure. So they'd be fucking themselves, right? It's like... Yeah. They're not going to charge that much, right?

How much is the ambulance bill? It's at least 15 000 i could have fucking i would rather die i could have called an uber said i ambulance i was like what you didn't know no my stupid ass was like ambulance ambulance bro the last time i needed to go to the hospital this is real real shit this is still when I was broke in Los Angeles I was opening a bag of carrots And I stabbed myself in the hand And I had a massive gash On my hand I think there's

I have a scar somewhere But like definitely needed stitches And I was like oh I can't afford that So I took an Uber to the CVS I got a bottle of alcohol And a thing of super glue And I came like, oh, I can't afford that. So I took an Uber to the CVS. I got a bottle of alcohol and a thing of super glue. And I came home and just went. Oh, my God. Did it work?

Yeah, of course. Is that? Oh, my God. This is saying ambulance costs are around like $2,500 or $1,800. But I don't believe that. I'll let you guys know next episode if they find me. Type it out, which is ambulance cost

in Los Angeles. I mean, I wasn't in LA. I just want to see. I don't believe... I think it's a lie. They're saying it's like... That's more. I don't think that's correct. I mean, it's an insane amount of money, but I don't think that's correct. I mean, it's an insane amount of money,

but I don't think that's correct. I think it's more expensive than that. Yeah, and I had nurses on call. They were sick of me. Austin really enjoyed his experience. I mean, look, if I was going to be anywhere, I mean... Might as well be in the ambulance.

I mean, I will say, like, to deal with a stomach flu and have everything taken care of for you is not the worst thing. I would have liked my own personal bathroom. That would have been nice. But, you is not the worst thing. I would have been like my own personal bathroom. That would have been nice, but you know, shitty bucket.

And for the record, for those of you who have been in the hospital, I'm not saying any, I don't advise it, but if you're there, fuck it. I'm, I'm pro spending time in the hospital.

I mean, yeah. I mean, like I, I don't enjoy, I didn't enjoy it. Also like they, uh, they let you walk out of that bitch. Yeah.

I thought they had to, like, wheelchair you out. No, they let me walk out. I walked out a free man. I got lost on the way out of the hospital. He wanted to be pampered all the way out to the door. Well, my sister, who also is a nurse, she's an RN, she worked in the hospital. And she was like, you know, they're going to make you ride in a wheelchair. It's like protocol.

I was like, really? He wanted to be pushed out. They said to me, they said, would you like to be wheeled out? You were a dramatic bitch, you know that? No, you'd be proud of me. They said, would you like to be wheeled out? And I said, can I walk out? I out? And I said, can I walk out? I'll walk.

I said, can I walk out? They said, yes, you can. I said, okay, I will walk because somebody else will probably need that before I will. Wow. What a mensch. Yeah.

They could have farmed another thousand dollars from you in that very last moment. I'm so curious. I'm going to bring my itemized receipt. Yeah. You guys want to see that shit? I would like to see that. Ladies and gentlemen, that's it for this week's episode of Fear and Unacademy.

On behalf of all of us here, we want to thank you. Thanks for joining us again. You're already missing Cutie Cinderella. I'll be gone next week because I'm going home to my mother and father's 50th wedding anniversary. The big five.

Oh. And it's Thanksgiving next week, right? Or no? A little bit after that. Anyway, thank you so much, everybody. We'll see you next week. Unless you're one of our Patreon subscribers, in which case you're going to get some good shit behind the paywall. Oh yeah, big time.

Patreon.com slash fear and baby. See you on the other side gay people are dark in gent like the humor of gay men is very dark yeah like i i i had this i heard about this straight woman who was in a gay group chat and she got offended and had to leave the group chat. Wow. What a story. I can't even. I'm sorry. What? You're so mean.

That's the most like I hang out in Portland, Oregon with like Norm. He's a story of all time. Wow. You guys want to hear about the story about a woman that was in a gay chat? She got offended. I got to tell a story. Okay.