Fear& - We're Becoming Parents! | Fear&

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

✨EXTRA BONUS EPISODES ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - QT IS IN THIS ONE WE SWEAR 00:00:40 - this isn't the patreon 00:01:33 - austin doesn't have any friends 00:04:40 - you won't believe what he did chat 00:08:24 - fighting for gay rights 00:12:28 - he wishes he can enjoy one 00:15:00 - timothy is a white stud 00:16:00 - thats an interesting theory speak on that 00:18:10 - the art of the deal 00:19:56 - seatgeek 00:21:03 - intro 2 00:24:05 - raccoon stocks are going through the roof 00:28:13 - save him maya please! 00:30:06 - austin's mom has a big secret 00:34:10 - powerline popcorn bucket 00:35:54 - who can pass as mormon 00:39:12 - qt is the cool aunt 00:44:47 - shopify 00:46:22 - qt needs to have children 00:49:20 - labubu chatter 00:53:33 - tyson stole from qt?!?! 00:59:11 - the gang has children 01:03:00 - qt cinderella has been happier than ever 01:06:20 - mr beast is actually kind of nice #hasanabi #qtcinderella #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Register today at SunriseChallenge.ca. That's SunriseChallenge.ca. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goal tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. They thought we were just shysty people because I was called behind the agent. No, no, no. They correctly knew that you were just shy-sty people because I was called behind the agent No, no, no, they correctly They correctly knew that you were a shy-sty person No, they got me They got me Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Patreon episode where we are actually doing a little what they call in the biz movie magic.

Right? That's right. We're recording before the episode. And I'm AI. That's right. I'm not actually here. Will's fake. That's right.

That's right. We superimposed him in. He's actually live right now's fake. That's right. That's right. We superimposed him in. He's actually live right now on Twitch. That's right. Anyway, we're recording a brief period of the Patreon where we wait for CutieCinderella to arrive. Somebody had to go watch the fucking Doryers. Can I say something? This bitch.

Oh, this bitch right here. You mean the one sitting right here? How long have I been trying to get you miserable, joyless I set up you know, I said I was down left. Hold on. Let me correct you. I'm not a miserable joyless fuck I just live in a different part of the country. I just live a miserable Yeah, I live in a miserable joyless place. I'm a miserable joe's fuck in Portland Very different a beautiful city. Yeah, I'm starting to joyless place. I'm a miserable joyless fuck in Portland. That's very different than...

A beautiful city. I'm starting to realize, you know, I started to realize something about Portland. I don't have any friends. I started to realize I just I just don't have any friends, dude. I pulled out of my driveway the other day and I looked around and I was like, oh my god.

I'm surrounded by nobody awesome We know I know when you tell us that you keep talking to the barista at the coffee bean After the fourth time we were like it's no longer a cry for help. I think he's just Completely oblivious. I was sitting there alone in my house. I was like, wow, this place is awesome. But God, there's nobody here. Yeah. You know, if only you could live in a heavily populated, dense urban landscape.

I'm trying this real estate market is out of control. The rental market. What they want for a fireplace in your bedroom these days is outrageous. It's highway robbery. It's unbelievable. The prices are crazy. They list it. I'm gonna get frostbite jumping out of my shower. Exactly. Exactly. You know how it is. I know. See, this guy gets it because he's got a fireplace in his bathroom. I live in both worlds. Exactly. You don't? Well, you need one. I tell you you can get one anyway regardless Yes, it's fucking you know how those cold two months that get a little yes Our place very very cold

But you know how you told me you're like Austin you're not gonna negotiate rent down right you've been negotiating Yeah, that's I've been negotiating to no success Nobody's taking shit. No, no, no, no, wait. I got angry To no success you're lying. You're doing it. You're sport fucking. Yeah People down. Yeah places you don't actually that's true I've been successful in a couple places that I don't actually want because the location's off But I said I'm too deep into this I'm gonna negotiate

Negotiated down It's not working for the places that I fucking yeah because you're fucking You're you're batting with the little leagues and then when you go into the fucking MLB You're used to swinging for the fences Yeah, you need to tune it up. I know you need to actually start negotiating for places you do want it's frustrated Really maybe places that you're kind of iffy on yeah Well, I have an agent now and the agent is frustrating because I want to talk to the guy I want to do the negotiate you know I want to talk directly to the guy. I want to do the negotiation. You know what I mean? I want to talk directly to the guy.

We're the guy in a fraternity that goes to a bar and just seduces women just to do it. Yeah, he did that. He's gay. But not even to sleep with them. Just to go in and be like, for sport? Yeah, I did that in college. He does that right now. I did it in college. I walked a girl home and then I'd certain point You're gonna move to LA and I know what's gonna happen You're gonna turn to us and be like I should have done this years ago and we're gonna Crash out. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. But anyway, I

Funny thing happened. I my agent was negotiating a deal with a guy. Okay, and I was like Like, my agent was negotiating a deal with a guy. Okay. And I was like, let me get in there. Yes! So what I did was, is I called posing as another person. Okay, so this was the deal. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so here's the deal.

Pause, pause, pause. All right. Pause the fucking story. Yeah. You deceived your own agent? No, no, no, hear me out. So the agent told me that there was another person that was offering a price on the property.

This property been sitting for like 60 days. So I wasn't buying it. I was like, there's no way there's another offer. This is just a ploy. Yeah, this is a ploy to get the price up. So this is what I did. I was like, I'm going to call faking as another interested buyer, right?

You didn't happen to do a voice to disguise. No, no, no, no, no, no, because it didn't matter. Cause he never heard me before. Yeah. Yeah. He went straight to the source, straight to the source. So I was like, Hey, I'm calling about your property on such and such. And anyway, come to find out the guy was telling the truth and there was another interested buyer. But anyway, so I was like, okay, not to ruffle any feathers. I'm going to say I'm not interested. Okay. Because then I'll let my agent take it and we can negotiate from there and I'll act like I'm another person. I hope the guy was like some random dude with a very raspy voice that kept saying he has a polyp no called up no then only to hang out the funny part I don't know how yeah but my agent

gets a text from the guy saying hey do you have a is your client Austin show no because he just called us and said he wasn't interested in the property so we don't want to waste your time and I'm like how the fuck did they know they caught you Yeah, cuz I couldn't help I got all chatty I said I'm a gay guy got this guy moving in with me You know and I and I fucking blew it. I fucking blew it and we lost the house We lost the fucking house cuz they they thought we already said you weren't interested no fucking house cuz they thought we already said you weren't interested no no the fake guy wasn't the whole the whole process basically what ended up

happening is the whole process they thought we were just shy ste people because I was called behind the agent knew that you were a shy ste person no they got me they got me and Anyway, and so they went with another buyer because they like the profile of the fire better That's why You are like, okay. So just to my credit. Yeah, remember when you said you'd be able to negotiate Yes Yes, you just promise the agent got in the fucking way Okay, I would have been able to do it on my own if the agent wasn't in my way

Okay My best no you're not trying my best. You're not you're trying your worst No, I try my best I'm trying to get in I just I don't understand I know I'm trying I know we might use this as the main episode Fucking incredible So funny silly you know what though? I'm still I'm sorry make my life better Because I think I like people that real enjoyment out of life not this At least you enjoy

He's neurotic the whole way though, but he loves the subterfuge Oh, and I like a serial killer. I know when he was giving details He was getting off on how close he could get. Yeah. It might be an entertainer. I might not be. I was, I was really having a good time with it. I don't understand how you have gotten as far in life as you have exactly. I'm a hell of a negotiator. He's got a real panache for it. Oh, yeah. A tenacity.

I'm a great negotiator, his son. This is such a basic thing, just like renting a house. Millions of people do it. I know, but there's just- And you have failed. I'm very particular. No, he's made it fun. I'm very particular about what I want.

You failed spectacularly. So particular about what I want. That's the issue. Of your two older brothers, I am giving you the go ahead so particular about what I want. That's the issue. Of your two older brothers, I am giving you the go ahead to keep doing what you want to do. He's disappointed. No, lock in, man. He's always disappointed in me.

Let the fucking agent do his job. Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you? I'm proud of my little gay brother. Thank you. You're better than what he wants to do in this life. Thank you, Will. No.

This is what- But rent a fucking house. I know. This is what we fought for is gay men. This is gay civil rights. You are rolling back gay rights every time you do shit like this. People watch the show and go, damn, gay people are mischievous. Yeah, no, we are. We are very mischievous. They're whimsical people. I mean, that's good stuff. No, it is. I mean, you know, I'll get a place here soon. No, you won't.

Well, the problem is, the problem is, is I keep looking at these places and it started out with a nice, you know, town home, a little apartment, you know, something like that. And then I started seeing these houses with pools and hot tubs and guest houses. Halopads! Yeah, I mean- I don't understand, because like-

Rooftop. You're not gonna- Rooftop bars! Bro, I have a pool, I barely use it. See, but I don't know, I just wanna say I have- He wants it for the man. Yes! He wants it for the boys!

Think about it, Hasan. Like, think about it. I am thinking about it. Gay night out. I'm not thinking about it, I'm living it. Gay night out, right? You know what I mean? We have a nice party's time. party's not thinking about it. He was fixing his hair on his camera Fixing it. It's just I gave up but so after party pool hot tub What's better than that?

Austin is gonna be was that you or her? Oh Austin is gonna be was that you or her? Oh Austin's gonna be complaining about the fucking electricity bill. He's like all the pools heated How much utilities around here a heated pool is hundreds of dollars a month. No fucking way. Can't we just turn? Wait, come on. Yeah. Oh, I. You can just, we can just, can I just turn the freezing cold heated pool? Wait, the Twinks are going to expire. That's why don't we just have a, why don't that's why I have a hot tub. Why do I need a heated pool? I mean, that also is expensive. Okay. Can I just turn the heat on the pool when I want it to be heated up?

It takes a few hours. Okay. So that's what, when I'm ready before I go out, I'll turn it on. Forget to turn it off after you turn it on. That's what I'm saying. Do you have a heated pool? Yes How much is your electricity? I don't fucking know Damn it neither do I I'm never in the pool I don't the pool could be heated right now for the last time my mom used it because that's she She loves she is She's a diva. See see yes your mom's a diva that's why we get along so well she turns on the heat of the pool she goes

in the pool yeah swims a little bit then she forgets the pool is yeah that's my type of lady I like that your mom comes in stretches out yeah your house to party your your parents come to your house and they enjoy the amenities You know what I mean? Enjoy the amenities. Why got him not for a bunch of fucking street links. That's what well I mean, that's why we can't live together his son. Let the man enjoy his twinks. Yeah, let me enjoy him Let me enjoy. Let me enjoy my twinks his son Just cuz you hung up this just cuz you can't enjoy a twink like I can that's right. You know I

Wish I wish I can enjoy it to it you you wish yeah Why? Tell me why I just I just wanted to say that that's gonna go viral you know that and probably not Hey, what is going on with Kaia? It's shedding season. It's shedding season. Yeah, I'm wearing an extra sweater Twice a year she sheds quite a bit. We shaver no Absolutely, no She has like she has two different kinds of coat Farley get shaven Farley does get shaven. Oh really he's a little Duke He's a little prince. Yeah, he is I thought I thought it's not good

Farley does get shaven. Oh really he's a little Duke. He's a little prince. Yeah, he is I thought I thought it's not He's so he's super gay. I really super gay. Okay I thought it's not good to shave the dogs is the temperature regulation is Conducted by the fur and if you actually shave the dog then they don't like Regulate them Los Angeles. I guess that's 75 and sending you ever fucking know even for the even for the warmth That's what I've heard Gabe pull it up Is shaving dogs get cold No is shaving a dog good Yes shaving dog can be problematic especially for certain reason under specific circumstance shaving removes the dog's ability

The dog's natural insulation and sun protection potentially potentially leading to sunburn, overheating and other issues. It can also disrupt the natural shade shedding process and coat growth and may even damage hair follicles. Wow. Okay. I have a double coated dog, which is why I can't do a double coat of dog. Yeah. Oh, you had a big, big ass dog. Yeah. I do have a big ass. What else is going on? What do you watch a big, big ass dog. Yeah. I do have a big ass dog. What else is going on?

What do you guys watch? Basketball? This is so weird because we have to like kind of like, yeah, I don't we can't preload the like, that's right. I went basketball. Have you guys been watching the Knicks? I sat next to a defense contractor today on the plane and he was watching the basketball game and drinking heavily. Bro, every story has to go back to air. I thought I could get an airplane story. Yeah. Well, speaking of the Knicks, did you see Timothy Chalamet? Yes, I did. Have you seen it?

Uh-uh. Yes. He's a basketball boyfriend. Timothy Chalamet is redefining in aura at the Knicks game. He's wearing a classic dead ass fit with two Kardashians on either side of him. Go to images, go to images. Stud. No fucking stud. Absolute stud. All the way to the right, to the right, to the right, to the left, to the left, with the woman Tims. Yes. Look at that fit, dude.

No. No. It's fine. Yes They don't show his Tim's They miss the whole story. It's all like look at the way. She's looking at it. Yeah She is in love with him which is crazy. We are I wonder how fat his penis is okay? That's crazy. You know what you know what what? Hasano is thinking the same thing. He's got to both of you. Maybe a man is more than the measure of his penis. No, he's got a fat one. Okay. Well, that's got fat cock energy. Yeah. Skinny guy with a big penis. As a man with a fat cock,

you do have a fat cock. I'm more than just my fat cock. Well, yeah, you definitely more than your fat cock. Don't just reduce me to my fat cock. I think you are who you are more than your fat cock. Don't just reduce me to my fat cock. You know what? I think you are who you are because of your fat cock. Okay, that's an interesting theory. Speak on that. Well, I think that when you came out of the... He's baiting you. This is Will's theory. When you came... You're regurgitating his theory back to him.

Hold on. Let me cook. Go ahead. Let me cook. I believe that when you entered into man, mandem, and you became a man, manhood. When you entered in the mandem. Yeah. Mandem. Yeah. Mandem. When you became a proper bloke. Yeah. When you became a man, I think you look between your legs and you stared at your penis and you said, wow, wow, this is my destiny. Okay, this is Will's theory, but gay. I don't know how you made it gay, but this is my destiny.

Can I tell you guys, when I went back to Princeton, I had dinner with all of my like, parents of friends and family friends. And we all got together in a restaurant. And you just whipped your dicks out. No, there's like 15 of us. And one of my friends reminded me, he was like, do you remember when we were 14 and all the girls in sixth grade made you pull your penis out on a trampoline in the backyard because they wanted to see it

Yes Wait, wait, tell us that story Yeah I got goaded into whipping my hog out in the sixth grade by like four different girls because they were like we hear you Have a big wiener. We want to see it. And you're like, yeah, okay. And so you did. Yeah. What was the reaction?

You know what I did? What I bartered. Okay, I got to see three titties. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking one dick, three titties, one full sec, and then a pull down. I'll be honest. I think that's the market rate for TNP. Art of the deal.

I think that's the market rate. Step aside, Steve Wyckoff. He's going to deal with Israel-Palestine. I had forgot all about that, though. So my buddy, who is now in his 30s, reminded me of it. And I was like, holy shit, bro. That's crazy. All right. Is that the market? Going back to Timothy holy shit, bro. That's crazy. All right. Is that the market going back to the shell?

I mean, yeah, sure. Okay. All right. Whatever. We're just having fun over here. We're gonna stay on topic All right, I want to talk about I want to reset the tits to a penis Three tits. Oh, it was one full set. Oh She had three tips. Oh One girl's full knockers. Oh Sneaky side tip. Well, I don't know if that's worth it. What? What is the deal? Hold on. Hold on. Who just shows one tip? We were in sixth grade. Oh, okay. Put that aside for a second. But put that aside for a

second. All right. If a girl flashes, yeah, flashing just one tip, the other for a second, all right? If a girl flashes, flashes just one tit, the other one looks the same, right? You never know. You never know. You know, I don't know. There's a lot of mismatched titties. Yeah. Okay, I mean, do you think women look at,

I need to ask a girl that when Cutie gets here, I'm gonna ask her. Cutie, tell us about your lopsided titties. No, no, I'm gonna ask her if she feels insecure about one tit over the other. The answer is yes Do you think she likes one tit over the other? She's already neurotic. I got a dominant testy. Oh Kaya who you bargain speak of the devil that's crazy Did they win? Did he hit a home run?

Uh-uh. Do you know that you're a fraudulent bitch because I've been trying to get you to a Dodgers game for the better part of the entire year? Kitty Cinderella's here, so we're gonna start the, we're gonna go, we're gonna stop recording this, and then we're gonna go finish it. No, I think we should just do this as the main.

What? I think we should swap this to the main This was a good episode. Okay, I guess how long we've been filming for especially because I want to see 20 minutes Yeah, we'll just make this the fucking main episode. I want to see what I said. This is the patreon wait Hey, well, I'm kind of a nerd and I also want to go see the game. Oh, then you need seat geek Wow That's right. What's that show if If you want to go see the big game, you SeatGeek because SeatGeek is the best place to buy tickets to any event you're looking to go to.

With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. Really? That's right. And to celebrate the New Year, SeatGeek gave me a special hookup where anyone can use our code. That's fear 10 for 10% off their next purchase on SeatGeek. Also says here that every ticket is back by their buyer guarantee. Oh, that's correct. Whoa, that's incredible.

So what are you waiting for? Take out your phone right now. Open the SeatGeek app and add code FEAR10 to your account to make sure you get 10% off your next set of tickets. That's Fear and fuck. That's code FEAR10 for 10% off any tickets on SeatGeek. Just click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thank you SeatGeek. Let me record a new intro real quick. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to another episode of the Fear Am podcast where

Cutie is going to disappear for 20 minutes and we're going to come back to this moment right here and continue with our fabulous episode. We're going to leave this in order. What? I like that. It's very meta. Okay. All right. All right. Just leave it that it's very

Fucking it was a good intro though. It was great. Are you drunk? Oh You didn't do the nine. Okay, why are you so happy match? Can we go to a Dodgers game and do the 999 finally? I can't eat nine hot dogs. Do you want to scoot in the closer to me? No. No Ask me that I like your jacket. Oh It's like bro. You literally you turned up the gate the moment that she arrived. That's crazy. He being met I was actually just talking metropolitan. I was talking about boobs before you got here He was high-fiving Will about seeing titties like going, Hell yeah! I'm not even kidding.

How come when I'm not here, all you guys do is talk about boobs? We were literally talking about your tits. We were not doing that. That is a misnomer. 34B. Okay. Well, yes, I know that. I wish I was a C.

I got you a gift. C is the perfect size. I was talking talking about cuz will was talking about a girl showing him one boob and I said why would you show both? I was in sixth grade. Oh, yeah, ask the question directly. It doesn't matter Are you Oh, no, no, that wasn't the question my boobs are named Master Chief and Arbiter. That's awesome Okay, so do you are you insecure about one boob over the other? No. Like you have a good boob? No.

But women do. I have an ex-boyfriend that told me he was like, maybe boys just say this to all girls, but he was like, your boobs are the perfect size because they fit perfectly in my hands. And now he's like married to a woman with like double Ds. So I feel like he was a liar. Yeah, would rather be double.

What if his hands grew? I don't think that happens. It happens. Really? Why are you defending him? I'm just trying to... You're being a bad friend. I'm just trying to make you feel better.

I'm gonna be real as a man who likes pendulous breasts. I don't care how big my hand is. Yeah. My eyes have always been bigger than my stomach, you know what I mean? You need a drug. Yeah, so you're telling me upgraded. Is that what you're telling me? No.

Maybe he wanted- Whatever, I'm rich in famous. Did you enjoy the Dodgers game? No, it's so long, cold. Maybe he wanted to suffocate himself. And I got nachos. I didn't expect you to not like it at all. But they were soggy and cold.

Oh, that's sad. I don't really like Dodgers. I don't really like, no, sorry, I like the Dodgers, sure. I don't really like baseball. I don't either. I think next time, I think we need to get box seats. That'll be fun. I don't like Dodgers. I don't really like no sorry. I like the Dodgers sure I don't really like baseball out of neither. I think next time I think we need to get box seats That'll be I don't even like that though because it's further away It's better on the ground because then you can maybe catch a ball. I don't want to catch a ball Why because I won't catch it. I'm gonna be embarrassing America's pastime I haven't done one in a while. It's time for an America me up

So let's go ahead and pull up that video that I told you about firsthand. You know the one I'm talking about. All right. So, ladies and gentlemen, this week, I've been saying it. Raccoon stocks have been absolutely going through the fucking roof. Stop looking at that. Look at me. I don't. I'm excited. I don't jump the lead. OK. And I've been saying that raccoons are just a few short years from being a household pet. Unfortunately, unfortunately, that theory was put in a blender this week when a raccoon

no was found committing a heinous crime. Go ahead, Gabe. Pull this out. Another pipe. Oh, there's no amphetamine officers for what they found during this traffic stop on Monday. How are you? Um, the reason I stopped you is you are you are suspended with a warrant for your arrest. I am. Well, speaking with the driver, 55 year old Victoria Vidal Page of Akron about an active warrant for her arrest and her suspended driver's license a Patrolman noticed something unusual in the passenger seat of her SUV Holding a pipe allegedly used to smoke crystal meth amphetamine Her meth pipe he's what? Her meth pipe. He's playing with the meth pipe right now.

No, don't reach for it. That's evidence now. After Victoria Bedall Page was arrested on the outstanding warrant, her mother told the officers that the raccoon is their pet, and his name is Chewie. When the officer took the pipe away from Chewie, the pet grabbed another pipe. Based on the evidence provided by Chewy, the officer searched the SUV and

found a bag containing seven smaller bags of crystal meth Cocaine and three used meth pipes Sadly investigators say it appears chewy the raccoon had chewed holes in the bags Right now if you haven't been tracking yeah the standing theory is that Chewie the Raccoon is hopelessly addicted to Chris O'Bannon. Oh no. And not only smokes it, but eats it. Do you think this is a good defense?

I was about to say, as her attorney. Yeah, okay. My client is innocent. Yeah. My client is a victim of circumstance. Yeah. She found Cracky the Raccoon. Yeah, his name is a victim of circumstance. Yeah, she found Cracky the raccoon. Yeah No, well, that's his street name is crack

Okay, it's important is pertinent for the story evidence She she was actually rehabilitating Cracky. She saved him from a life of yes math And and she's just slowly weaning him off of the crack, but he's a go-getter. You know how raccoons are. I mean, he's got opposable thumbs. Yeah. I'm nervous.

Are they gonna euthanize him? I think he euthanized himself by eating crack. Will you adopt him, please? You want me to adopt a crystal meth addict? And rehab him. If you actually care. What, am I gonna weed him off on cocaine? Yes. You guys get him into cigarettes. Crystal methadone! And rehab him! If you actually care! Why are we gonna weed him off on cocaine?

You know stuff about drugs! What do you mean? No stuff about- Crystal meth? Take him to EDC, do the shrooms and be a shaman! That's it. Okay, well I bet he would be funny at EDC until he ate my fucking face. He's cute! Isn't it- this is literally like the Guardians of the Galaxy character.

Yeah, this is Rocket Raccoon. Yeah. This is literally like the Guardians of the Galaxy character. Yeah, this is Rocket Raccoon. Yeah. I mean, look at him. He's literally looking up like he knows what the fuck he's literally look at his eyes. Cracky knows he's bus. He's a bit of a juke.

But ladies and gentlemen, it's a sad day for raccoons because obviously their stock was rising and now it's plummeting. You think they love it? You plummeting more like it's skyrocketing. Now I want to fucking raccoon. Wow. Okay. Do you think that they let him back out in the wild?

I don't know how you could know. No, he teaches the other. Let's send him to Alvarez. Steal a BCR. Maya could handle it. Maya could handle it. For sure. We can have the crack camera.

The map enclosure. A rehabilitated she could run like yeah like a rehab somebody hunts down this raccoon and get them in contact with Elvis yeah we need to know what happens to them and we'll pay for the closure that was my America me up I love the math raccoon I love that you can't release him in a while. He'd be the coolest raccoon. It would disrupt the balance. I love that Yeah, I love a good crackhead Raccoon I love that. Hey, I got something to tell you guys. Yeah, okay

Oh, I got it. I got a story to tell I've been really holding on to this one Okay, who's really hard for me to resist? telling Not telling any of you. Okay, cuz I talked all we've been on the phone a few Yeah, cutie and I've been on the phone a few times will I talked all even on the phone if you get cutie and I've been on the phone a few times will and I've been on the phone a few times I don't talk to Hassan cuz it's not true we've been on the phone multiple oh yeah we did we talked to you talked a couple times actually something on the phone everybody I'm sorry that it wasn't memorable for you

oh it was brief that you could just know wasn't no phone call with you is ever brief hold on hold on What do you mean? Am I wrong? Wow. He's verbose minimum minimum phone call if Austin calls minimum phone call is gonna be if it's a short one short and sweet 35 minutes really no no I can be short and sweet, but I do. You can be sure I do tend to yeah, one minute call from Austin today.

Yeah. You go yesterday three minutes. Yeah, see, I was. You go yesterday, three minutes. Yeah, see, see, see, see, I can be brief. I missed that one on Monday. Well, every day. Oh, 20, 21 minutes. That was the shortest 21 minutes. What are you?

Wait, do you see what you're saved in his? That's yeah, I saw that. Actual phone. Oh, yeah, no, I know. Yeah, I know. Here's my story. Oh, yeah. No, I know. I know. Here's my story. I'm ready. So I was, I talked to my mom, I called my mom and I said, we started talking about politics.

And I said, where do you watch your politics, mom? She's like, on TikTok. I said, oh, cool. Um, oh, do you watch Hassan? You ever watch this on? Does Hassan ever come across your feed? And she's like, Do you watch Hassan? Do you ever watch Hassan? Does Hassan ever come across your feed? And she's like, oh yeah, Hassan.

I really like that guy. I said, oh yeah. Do you ever see his politics? And she says, no, not really, but he does come across my feed. I said, well, what do you see? And she goes, well, there's always some weird filter on these videos and he's always taking his shirt off and sweating and showing his armpits. And

there's some weird techno music playing on repeat. And I'm like, mom, what do you mean? And she's like, yeah, he's always shirtless. He's never giving political takes. And then it hit me that my mom keeps getting Hassan fam cams on TikTok. Are you proud of yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Yeah, why have to be such a slut?

Keep your shirt on. You're horning up Austin's poor mother with your naked tits? I'm not gonna lie, I am proud of myself. No! Yes. No, but what kills me is my poor- I didn't have the heart to tell my mother that our algorithms are curated by ourselves.

By our interests. Yeah, by our interests. Your mom was tapping the heart. Yeah, so I was like, mom, you know- You should scroll past those, that was certain. Yeah, I was like, mom, if you keep getting mom, you know, you should scroll past those Yeah, I was like mom if you keep getting them, you know, and she's like, oh, yeah He's a good-looking guy. Not really my type though is what she said. It's funny You guys say the same thing the entire show family's got the same

Anyway, I thought that was a it's amazing that that wasn't funny. That was no that was you did but yeah It was tremendous, but she does like my dad likes your Paul. He also watches my show. Oh, no, no, he doesn't. He wants me to every time every time something political happens, he's like, hey, why don't you call up your friend Hassan and tell him about that? They heard about you being detained and everything like that. They're like, you know about this.

He needs to make a big deal about this is what they said. Me being detained made it to mom talk for sure. Like that's like all the normies saw it. And the other thing is the Daily Show appearance. Yeah. Yeah. That apparently has been making the rounds amongst the moms and dads. Yeah. So why did he get detained? Because you're.

So because I'm a criminal, does that make you feel cool? No. OK. I mean, I thought I that make you feel cool? No. Okay. I mean, I feel pretty I kind of want to be. You just want attention. You just need a friend. You just need a bigger social circle. We talked about this earlier.

I don't have any friends. You would crumble like origami under any pressure. You would accidentally say the wrong thing and get in prison. Like you would admit to being a terrorist even yeah no I mean I love him I mean I said the wrong thing yeah I mean I mean I gave them weapons one time I would handle it I would handle it I would be sweating now I said no yeah he'd roll up and be like officer. I'm Lebanese. No, you know, I'm from the region. Now I'd be on the hand. I'm Syrian and Lebanese. I've dealt with them before. Yeah. They give me a little lip. I say, Hey, little less attitude. All right. Coming from you, Mr. Border agent.

Yeah. Did you never have to be detained? No, no, I did. I had a I had a situation today. So my niece is a nephew's. I've been elbows deep in Disney Week. You guys know. Oh, yeah. Tradition with my family. Yeah, you Disney and up and down. They don't know how many.

Oh, it's in my car. But I over here. What what? He the power line popcorn bucket that he really wanted. It's the coolest thing ever. And I wanted to see. Oh, you can ship it to when you leave. What time tomorrow night?

Oh, I can. Can you use it as a purse? Does that have enough room? Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna come. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We can hire a career. Can you pull it as a purse? Does it have enough room? Yeah. Oh, I'm gonna come. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We can hire a courier. Can you pull it out? I want to see what this is. It's so cool. Power power. Honestly, when my chat told me you had got me for it, I like tweaked. I like fan girled out so hard. It was the very last one.

So it has display written on its back. Look at that. And if we listen to each other, we're never too far apart. But maybe love is the reason why for the first time ever we're seeing it eye to eye. I saw that. It's not actually Powerline. They pulled a fast one.

It's Max. It's Max dressed as Power line, which makes it even. Oh, my God. I watched that movie on the plane recently. I might actually come with you to your house after the stream to get this because I want to wear around at EDC and I think I'm going to put the popcorn in the back in his ass. There's not a lot of space. Okay, QT, you were telling us something.

Yeah, we had a bit of a situation. Oh shit. We'll talk about Disney Week. Disney Week's intense. It's a Super Bowl and there's ten kids under the age of ten. Oh my god. Why didn't you bring Uncle Will? Go, go.

I'm ready. Go? she doesn't want to take us No, there's still another day to be honest if you had to pass one of your friends as a Mormon Yeah, yeah, let's just throw you a button up not you I would be you I could be so Mormon No, is he delirious the prophet Joseph Smith? What sells Mormon peace Peace be upon him. Yeah, it sells Mormon. Yeah, it's in the eyes and yours are dead like a shark. No, you're freaking me out.

No, no, no. We like to learn about our Lord. Pretty good. Pretty good. But we have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior. She's pretty down. I was being a bad. I was kind of the bad influence and a little bit. You got him drunk. No. Yeah. I got these kids drunk. No practice the Mormon version.

No, I was like, meet this raccoon. Um, no, my, so it was also my, the reason we do Disney week is because it's my late mom's birthday and she used to always beg us to go to Disney and we would never go. No, it's fine. RIP. I just wanted to tap up your mom. We would never go. And now that she's dead, we like go, which is kind of cringe. You know what? Should have gone with her. That's a really cute tribute. Yeah. But it's a really cute trip. It's like an L you're like, L mom, like you're dead. We're going without. I know I feel bad. No, it's a meaningful tribute Don't it's the only thing we could use up there looking down You guys doing?

She's like, hey She's like she's like actually you should probably be getting the class past the space mountain right now because of weight would be she's like back Anyway, so we do that But like my mom you know There's like people that have like their drinks like this Like, you know, like my mom was like religious diet doctor or diet coke. Okay, you know, there's like a few moms out like She drank that more than water. Yeah, it was crazy. It was of the era too. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't die that long ago No, no, no, but like when you were a kid, right? It's a very 90s mom thing is right. Okay

They got a little bit you're back in your back No, no, but like when you were a kid, right? It's a very 90s mom thing is right. Okay. There you go So she's like super in a diet coke now if you're okay, this is where it gets complicated everyone gets confused I'm jumping in I'm ready Mormons. Yes Okay, yeah So sodas are okay So you were a bad aunt and you gave them that? Because the kids usually can't have caffeine until they're old enough. And usually the only caffeine they can have is soda.

But some Mormon families, no caffeine ever ever ever ever ever. Well, it makes sense. Jesus obviously makes very clear exceptions. Yeah, forgiveness. So half the kids, long story, I don't know what happened, my brother got in a bad bad mood or something and so half the kids left and then only some of the cool kids hung back With me. Okay rebels. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and so and I was like crap we have a cutie. We smoke a little crystal. Yeah We're going we're going a crystal for crystal with that raccoon Can handle the most.

So you said the group's going with it. So, yeah, so I got a group and I was like, shit, because of my brother being a bad mood, so I left. I was like, we didn't do the tradition. The tradition is diet coke in front of the castle on my birthday. So if I remember correctly, the kettle corn, caramel corn close. Yep. Yep. I did get that. I got that. I don't remember the days anymore, The caramel corn. Close. Yep. Yep. I did get that. I got that.

I don't remember the days anymore, but you did. Yeah. And so, so I'm like, guys, we got to do the diet coke in front of the castle. And two of the older kids are like, I can't have coke. And I was like, you can have it. Are they lame? No. I can't see that about children. And I was like, you can have it. Are they lame? No. I can't see that about children.

They're not lame. They're following the rules. They're children. That's lame as hell. They're children. They're children. Children are supposed to be lame when they're that age. That's crazy. If I was 11, I'd be like, give me the Coke and the crack.

OK, you're a cool 11 year old. He was a fat kid. Don't listen to him. That's what I'm saying. And the Kerbal Corn. And the Kerbal Corn. And a cool 11 year old. He was a fat kid! Don't listen to him! That's what I was saying! And the caribou corns! And the burger on the side! And give me that over to the little kid so I could eat him! You leave those little Mormons alone!

Leave him alone! They're following the rules! Listen! Cycle of violence! He's bullying them! Yeah, that's how they grow up to be good adults. Well, so then they they're so their dad, my sister's husband was with us too. And so like they kind of looked at him and he's like, yeah, it's like, it's fun tradition, you know, and they still want to do it. They think it's like a test from the devil. And I'm like, and then I go to the younger one. They think you're the devil. I assume not actually, but I'm just saying like, you know, it's like, it's very cute. Like, they're being very'm just saying, like, you know, it's very cute.

Like, they're being very like, no, we can't have coke. We can't. And I'm like, OK. And then I look at the younger one. She's like she's eight. And I go and she's like, yeah, I'll try. It's just she was just so I was like, cute. That one's going to leave the chair. Yeah. I was like, oh, she's going to last. Yeah.

But it was pretty funny. And so she tried it and then she like drank it. She's like, I didn't even really drink it. And I was like, okay. And then she had more and whatever. But we did it. We all took the drank the Diet Coke in front of the castle. And it was very cute.

That's so cute. Can I tell you, as much as your family stresses you out, it's so good for you. I know. Your life is just way brighter. Yeah, you are way happier right now. You're so happy. You came in and scared us. That's why I asked if you were drunk.

No, I just they're good. They're just really stressful. Good. My sister, my sister, does my sister respectfully and she has good reason. It's my stepmother. And so my stepmother is with us and you Aaron this out causing ruckus.

She was she going to see my stepmother? No, she doesn't watch this. She sees my fan cam. She does. She does see your fan cams and she'll be excited. And she also of our moms watching sons, but my mom up in heaven, she's like, oh, you guys do that best. Wow. Anyway, so it's been a whole thing.

It's been crazy today, though. So my dad loves the beach there. So my dad loves the beach. Okay. He loves the beach. He doesn't like Disney, but he comes on this trip with us because it's close to the beach. Wait, this is a dad that sneezed on you. Yeah. Is he better? Give us both. I'd like to meet him and have a word with him. Yeah. I want to meet your dad too. He's leave. He's gone. He's gone tomorrow.

Bring him back in the morning. I'll try to bring him back. Oh, I will come. OK. So he's leaving early. Yeah. He will come back if we can find him a ping pong boot camp. I already know what you do. Ping like ping pong table tennis. Yes, he loves it. I know of a league. He plays for like 12 hours a day. I know of a league in West Hollywood in a Jewish rec center.

Do they do that? I used to go play at. They do. No, but they do ultra competitive games and they have a pro shop and they match up and I would go and I would like do like color of money ping pong. So maybe you could just play for like a weekend or something. And that'll be like a boot camp. I would play like five hours a night when I went. Can I like get him a coach? He wants like a coach.

I can work on that. But I know we're like the hot ping pong. OK, that'd be awesome. Okay. So so there's only one ping pong club where he lives, Washington, and he can only find one. I won't say what city because, you know, there's only one in the city and it closed down. And so let's get him into some pickle. He loves ping pong. He loves it.

Let's get him into some pickle. No, he loves it. I don't understand if he pickled one ball, he'd be. Yes, because my sister has a pickle ball court and he goes to her house, but he loves ping pong. That's a different story. Why did I get here? You want it? We want to bring him back to the beach. Yeah. So he wanted to go to the beach and all my siblings just want to do Disney. And I was like, guys,

we need a beach day for dad because we don't go to, we didn't go to Disney with my mom when she was alive And now we have to fucking go for five days to make up for it If we don't go to the beach with my dad who loves the beach We're gonna have to five fucking beach day. Yeah, that's a ten day trip So let's just go with him while he's alive. That's right. Five days at Disney is a lot It's too many days at Disney. I can't believe you're saying there's not even there's not even five days worth of work There's not but you know what?

That's what they want and we get a hangout and want to do that. Yeah Wait, so they enjoy it like they just do the same shit. Yeah. Yeah Because they only get it like five days. It's not optional like I can go whenever they like can't they have to fly in I mean disney is the shit when you're a kid. It's also the shit when you're an adult Yeah, yeah, i've been to disney yet this year. Also if you're tweaking on coke for the first time Yeah, they had a lot of Yeah. I haven't been to Disney yet this year. So if you're tweaking on Coke for the first time. Yeah. They had a lot of Coke. I don't drink the drink. Oh, I thought you meant cocaine.

No. So OK. OK. Got it. Call back. OK. Got it. Got it. Got it. I rented a bus. I was trying to be nice family person. I rented a bus. They got in the bus.

They drove from Anaheim, took him to Santa Monica because there's a pier. And then we went to the dog tour. Yeah. Yeah. God. Because there's Austin. There's 20 people in my party. Okay. So that's not it. You can't just have children.

That's so crazy. You can't run a couple of stories. I'm going to say something. I have an inappropriate finish. You're going to say stop reproducing. Is that what you're going to say? No, no. I'm going to say something inappropriate. Okay. Have I told you guys about my small business?

That code then it's freaking itty bitty. We talk about it all the time. It's itty bitty. Have you heard about how it's affecting me? Boo Boo Lemon. The Boo Boo Lemons are going crazy and I'm so stressed, but you know the least stressful part? What? My e-commerce, my e-commerce, my point of sale.

It's all through Shopify. That's crazy. It's all through Shopify and it's so easy. If you're a small business owner, it's very I'm dumb. I'm dumb as hell. I'm dumb as Bricks. They say, tell me about it. You're dumb.

He's dumb. He looks dumb. So's so dumb. At least he looks dumb. He's so fucking dumb. Anybody can use Shopify. But I'm smart enough to use Shopify for my income. God damn it, bitch, our ad-ree. I even sat here, my business is running, I opened my Shopify app to see what my sales were,

and I even saw what's on the most amount that's sold today so I can reorder it and get charged tariffs on that. Look, this, I can see my total sales, my total orders. It's crazy. Like don't say tariffs. Shopify is great. You can get all the, all the big stuff for your small business, right? With Shopify guys sign up for $1 per month, which I wish I would have used that. That's so cheap. I know, I didn't use this. Okay, well sign up for your $1 per month trial

and start selling today at shopify.com slash fear. That's shopify.com slash fear. That's right. Go to shopify.com slash fear. And save real money. Save real money now. I think you need to have children. Oh my God. I think you need to have children. Oh my god.

I think you would, you would, you would enjoy it a lot. I wouldn't. I think. I actually, I love my niece and nephews, but I hate them. I hate them so much. Well, back me up. Guys, no, I don't want to. I don't agree with the children aspect, but I think there's something about the family

element, your family. You're just happier when you're terribly miserably stressed out by your family. You know what? I think you're onto something, kid. I think you need to give birth. No, and that's not what I'm saying. Yeah. I think you need to grab hold of your maternal instinct.

I can feel it. I don't want to. You need to mother something. I have a dog. Is this misogynistic? I don't think you need to have a kid. I have you idiots. You need to mother something. I have a dog is this misogynistic? I don't think you need to have you idiots I'll be you like to parent us, but I don't think you need to have a kid I just think that something about being like the linchpin in your family is very gratifying for you and you do keep it together

Your cutie fucking Cinderella you can produce anything. Yeah, you can Mormon even a Mormon child No, stop no child that shit out. But anyway part of the tour today. They stopped it. They stopped at deco deco Okay plug nice The tariffs are the tears are back to 30% Dropped a rap today. Yeah. What? Pop Mart.

I know, but what did you buy? Did you get Labooboo? See, I got blind boxes. I got keychains. I got Labooboo. You got Labooboo? I got Labooboo. I don't even have a Labooboo.

I want, I do. He has so many Labooboo's. I want the big face rolly Labooboo. I want the four foot one. I haven't seen that one. It's hard to find. That's that exclusive shit. I don't that's more that shit's more expensive per pound than Coke right now.

It's kind of like NFTs. Yeah, it's girly pop NFTs. Okay. Or like those stupid Mickey's that all the face boys have. Cause I hate those. Me too. They're so ugly. What is that for? I don't know. They're so ugly. What is that for?

I don't know. I know. La boo boo. But they're just a little boo boo. I don't understand. It's just like expensive and ugly. And I think everyone is like, oh, you must be like stupid rich because you bought something so dumb expensive.

Are they? I think they're like gave 100 bucks. You look it up. So you're saying, okay, so anyway, we go to Deco Deco, whatever. They pick out stuff, blah, blah, blah. We get to the daughter's game. No cause W K AWS Yeah, 500 oh that one's 8,000 what the heck yeah, yeah some of them are like the uglier he gets the more expensive again I'm telling you. It's like a reverse flex. It's like yo, I'm stupid rich because I bought this ugly piece of shit

Look at me. What is that? What do you do with it? You just put them in your room now look at look at look at extra large. Labooboo sculpture You don't even like just look at it. No, no, I like Are you kidding me? No, no that one one's that's a little bit right there. No, that's a knockoff. That's a knockoff. I can tell by his teeth. You count the teeth.

That's just fucked up. That ain't right. Right. I know my Laboe. That's just a special edition. And also the extra large ones are giant. That's 150. The extra large ones are like a grand type in

gigantic or is like three foot. LeBoubou. How do you spell that? LeBoubou big size type in three foot. You know what? How long have you been around for? I think I had these back in the 90s. Look at that. Look at that. That would be the shirt. Oh, shit. Click that. Yo, I had these things on my backpack. Fire. Look at his car.

Heart Fit is so much doper than fucking cause. Like, you know, he mugs he mugs cause so hard telling you I'm going to be rolling around at EDC covered in Labooboo and people are gonna be like, damn, there was a lot of Labooboo's at Disney. Yeah, Labooboo dude wearing Labooboo on your clothes right now is big fire. I'm going to get a Lab boo boo gown for streamer. That's the big one. Wow. That's the way those are so big.

I want to. That's the big face. We're all. That's a big face. Roll the boo boo. Wait, that's the same bag. Angel in the clouds. Yeah, but that other one was a little foo foo. Wait, this is a gun. We're ready.

Comment in about a card on the inside. Put him out. Card on the inside. Yo, Pop Mart, if you're watching this, Pop Mart, if this gets clipped out, send me some Labooboo. Send me one of these to unbox on the stream. I'll do it. I'll sell out.

Okay, pause. Pause. Those are not Labooboo. That's actually another monster because they have the tail. Wait, what? No, it's a special version. That is not Labooboo. It's a special edition. He does not have a tail. There's different monsters. Type in Labooboo monster universe. Do Labooboo's have tails? No, type in Labooboo monster universe. It's a different universe. It's a different monster in the universe. do the boo-boos have tails no type in the boo-boo monster universe It's a different universe. It's a different monster in the universe

Yep, now go to all trust me. Just listen to me. He knows go to go to all trust me What's going on the monsters and then you can see the different monsters? No down scroll down the monsters blind box pop mark, right? No, down, scroll down. The monsters blind box pop mark, right? Type in all the different, Laboo your ultimate guide. There you go. There you go. There you go. Laboo your ultimate guide. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why do you know you on this website?

She just I feel like I met my maker. In fact, I'm wearing a pop mark. What is happening? How did you do? I am so out of the loop. In fact, I'm wearing a pop mark. What is happening? I am so out of the loop. I mean, I like the line boxes at deco deco. Oh, I don't know what to come buy some I just we need your business. I will come I'll come to your store and give you business the animal Negotiate you'll be no, I won't barter with your store. I'll pay your price. Each one of these is a I'm more likely to be like no I know cutie no no no what's the friends and family yeah I'll be like I know cutie these are all different monsters they're all different monsters and the the I like the penguin

okay is this from like an animated tv show or no it's just from being is your store busy no No, it's just from being is your store busy. No Yeah, there's one piece Bombed me I bought a I bought a little boo-boo Mac today. What's happening? It's like a it's like a mech suit like a robot fighting suit with the law in it. Yeah, okay look Yeah, all right sick, that's a lot of little boo-boo All right, sick. That's a lot of the boo-boos I just don't get it. I'm fucking 31 years old. He feels old I got to admit cute shit though has always kind of been my core I don't know. I've never really been into shit that just piles up and I look at it

I don't know what to do about it. You know, I've never been been into shit that just piles up and I look at it. I don't know what to do about it. I've never been into it. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so we get to the Dodgers game. My sister walks up to me and she gives me a handful of charms and beads and she goes, let's call him Tyson. She's like, Tyson's soul. From Deco Deco.

Oh my God. Did he stole from your business? That's the cool one. He's five. My god, did you cut his hands off? And I looked at him. No, they don't even do that in Saudi Arabia anymore. I looked at him. I looked at my sister and I said,

how do you want me to play this? You want me to be upset? You want me to be like, you want me to... I said personally, I don't care, but what do you want from me? You're such a cool man. I was like, what do you want? And she was like, well, just like... Tell him he's going to apologize. I said, okay. So then I would have been dastardly if you just started hysterically crying in front of him. Oh, hello. Nine one. What does he even know what

cops are? So my sister asked him, she was like, do you know that was stealing? He said yes Okay, so yeah, so then so then I I just I said you should have called ice to Like like yeah to wear washington. Yeah, I don't know call him and just just just take him through a deportation here That'll teach you great idea. Yeah. Washington,

steal again. Five year old American citizen Tyson shipped off to Seacat in El Salvador and unprecedented move after stealing his aunt for criminal records. Salvadorian prison. I'm s 13. the Sorry. I didn't do that. They're learning at an early age. I just, I just, I just, my sister was like, make sure you apologize. Is this. So I said, are you sorry? And he said, he said, I was going to buy them.

And I said, well, why didn't you ask? And then he started crying and was inconsolable for a few, like for like five innings of the baseball game. And then he just kept crying. He just kept crying. Did you do you console him or did you just let him suffer? I asked my sister, I said, and she said, let him cry. And so my sister, my sister said, you need if you want them,

you need to ask Blair if you can buy them. Yeah. So then he asked me if he could buy them. And he was like, I was like, he was like, how much? And it was like it was like three beads and I was like a dollar so I scammed the shit out of him yeah you up charge yeah he had to pay interest yeah it wasn't even charms there were just beads yeah yeah so well that was a important development but I didn't know what to do it felt like a lot of pressure on me dude the first time you have to discipline one of your

nieces or nephews It's like hard Different because I was an aunt I was business owner that you stole from but it was it was a discipline What do I say idiot? You pull them aside you see that was wrong no you did a good job, okay, here's how you play it Tell them As you're popping a Zen in your mouth. Joseph Smith watches every move that you make. You've been a bad boy today. No going to hell. No, no, no. You never call your children bad boy or bad girl. You say

you've made bad choices because you never, you don't want to put that into their head at a young age. Is that why you're so spoiled and grew up like this? No. Is that what happened? No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't say you're a bad boy because you're not bad. You don't want the kid to think they're bad.

You're making bad choices. You're making bad choices. And that's parodying in advance from this guy with two cats. I keep doing that. I keep messing up my words. No, no. Advice. And that's parenting in advance from this guy with two cats. I keep doing that. I keep messing up my words. No, no. Advice.

I do feel at my age, I have felt like, is there like some sort of natural, like biological clock for men? No. Like I feel like I feel like it's time for me to have children. Just have one then. This is a crazy development. No, no, I do feel like I just Austin I'm not ready yet. I say but I want to

Know he's not he's not pregnant that we know of Austin what you can't even rent a house for two and a half years How the fuck are you gonna take care of a human? I are you out of your fucking mind? I don't want one yet. He takes good care of his cat. Yes, I do. They're my children. He leaves the water on for them. I do. I do. And he would do that for you. Like you're going to drip feed the sink to your baby. No, no. I've been talking to my mom recently about like how I'm going to parent my children. I saw this person on TikTok, but a hamster feeder of water at their children's bed. Cause they're like, Oh, then they're never thirsty in the middle of the night and it was this big hamster feeder oh my god and

people were roasting them and i saw it and i was like i kind of want one that kid is gonna be a school shooter no they're gonna be well hydrated yeah listen a well hydrated school shooter before we move on you know what i just realized i think you'd be a tremendous father thank you i think one day when i'm ready oh oh, it's on. I'm going to be the best dad ever. So good. I'm going to be so good. Can I be honest?

Yeah. You, though, you're a trap as a father, you're going to be a varsity blues dad. What do you mean? What does that mean? You're going to put your son in football, and you're going to be like, come on. Come on, young show.

We're champions in this family. If I wasn't so big or busy being famous, I would have been a football NFL star. I mean, I'd probably try to teach him a couple of things. I feel like you're really going to butcher kid up. Not like butcher, but like, you're going to jock him hard. Oh, yeah. Because I wasn't the jock.

He's going to be the jock. Exactly. That's how it works. He's going to be the jock. He's going to be the fucking go. He's going to go to prom. He's going to have the hottest chick. That's right. He's gonna be the jock, he's gonna be the fucking, he's gonna go to prom, he's gonna have the hottest chick. That's right.

He's gonna date the lead cheerleader on the football team, he's gonna be the starting quarterback. Make sure you bully those gay kids. That's right! My son. That's right. Young Trevor Show. You get like weirdly homophobic, you better not turn out gay son. Yeah

Yeah, we have to make a pact We have to all have children at the same time. Oh Love that then they'll start a podcast no cuz that big the big worry there is that? One of our kids might fuck oh Shit Fuck I wasn't even thinking about that yeah oh my god and then we become in-laws kind of or whatever like Godfather wait maybe that's what maybe that's that's how we'll be bonded forever I think we're all kind of getting older.

We need to have children soon. Don't say that to me. No, no, I'm on the same page. I'm on the same page. We're all the same. You in particular. Right, right, right. No, no, I wasn't even saying it like that when I say Cutie needs to get impregnated

and give birth to children. I wasn't calling her, I was saying all of us Why'd you single her out? Because I know it irks her and I was being a bad friend Yeah, I wasn't You don't want to give birth anyway By the way, I just want to point out something I wasn't saying like, you know, I wasn't awesome misogynistic shit I just see how even with all the stress

He just sees he was a vessel to deliver children to this morning. Yeah. You gotta get the work. Women are for breeding. Yeah, you gotta get the fucking work. What do we do? It's the Trump administration.

It's a new dawn. Yeah. Women need another place. No, I get it. You're just saying I'm happier when I'm with family. I see it. Fake and uterus. Yeah.

Sad. Yeah. Fake and uterus. It's been, I don't know. It's been good to be around them, but they're just just they're a lot Do you want children? No? I never have but the problem is is Ludwig wants children so well well You don't want to give birth to them right? No. I always thought Ludwig. Well. Let's get your eggs out

That's why I went to the gyno remember the scamming one Well, I do. I do. That's why I went to the gyno. Remember the scamming one that I told you guys about? Yeah. So I've been gluten free. It's supposed to help with that. And then I have to get my eggs frozen this year. Okay.

You would be such a great mom. I don't want to be a mom. I'm just saying. I know. You would be a good mom. Why are you so resistant to this? I don't want it. I'm so tired.

I have so much I want to do. Why are you so resistant to this? I don't want it, I'm so tired. I have so much I wanna do. I've never, I always do so much for everybody else. I never do anything for me. And if I have a kid, then there's even less time for me. But you're not doing shit for you. You're doing shit for other people's children. You might as well do it for your own child. That's my point.

You also cutie famously hate doing shit for yourself. I know, and imagine if I have a kid. Look, my argument is this. Okay. Here's why a cutie Cinderella needs to. You want me to have a drug for me? Here's why a cutie Cinderella needs to have a child. Okay.

Are you ready? Oh boy. You're never going to help yourself. Okay, it's just not going to happen. You're not going to do shit for yourself. That's not true. I drink half a water bottle today. Okay, that's not what I mean.

I don't mean like I don't mean like you're hydrated. I mean like you constantly have to be in a position where you're helping other people. Okay, none of the things you're mentioning is what I'm talking about. You're constantly in a position where you put yourself, where you're helping other people, where you're doing projects, or you're like building all these big things, okay? And sometimes those things make you miserable. You're miserable all the time, but This is the first time I've seen you In all of that misery actually be happy recently. I'm not happy right now. I'm tired. You've been really happy

You know, I'm super you have several days You don't think I'm just you don't think you know what shut up Listen I gotta get things done before I decide on a stupid ass stupid little kid. I already told what I said What do you have to do? What's your bucket list before you have a child? I want to do my music also you guys have to you can do that you can build you can do that No with the kid no fuck him fuck that stupid little kid What how do you have pooh? He postpartum depression before you're pregnant? I don't want it.

You want to strangle the child before the kids alive? I hope my kid's five years old and finds this episode and they're like, damn, mom did not want me. And I'm like, tell your nanny about it. Yeah. Damn. I also, there's no way you would, I don't even think you would.

I wouldn't, I'd be fine. I'm gonna have stupid ass, well, I was just talking about having a stupid kid. If I end up having a stupid kid, I'll have a stupid kid, but like, I won't be happy about it. I'm gonna let the child roam. Yeah? Free bleed with Kaya.

Free range. Listen, Kaya's very- Free shit, free pee, free bleed. Kaya's very well trained, so. Yeah, Kaya did turn out well. I've already told Ludwig, I said, if we have kids, you're the stay at home mom. Yeah, that's on him He's the one that wants the kid, but I feel like he would want that anyway

Yeah, like I feel great Ludwig is just gonna wait till that kid is old enough to hold a controller and then it's I just Have never wanted to be defined by others and you know, like when someone becomes a mom and they're like Mom no, don't call me a fucking mom. You have such a strange approach to like a very basic human function. I know. QT, you're more than a mom. I'm not a mom!

But when, I'm just preparing you for what I'm gonna say when you are a mom. QT, she's more than a mom. She's a cool mom. One of the most hardworking, dedicated people that I know and being a mom is a job And it's underrepresented. It's under a job and I don't want If you were a mom I and I was doing a speech about you I'd throw that in there We have the stupid little baby right there. Yeah

She's so good at her job, but God she's a fantastic mother I'm starting to think that I'm gonna raise all your children No, I mean I'm gonna invite will over for Christmas cuz My kids are gonna be taken care of is your dad making you do two-a-day football practice My kids are gonna be taken care of is your dad making you do two-a-day football What are you talking about? It's okay little show little show He's a champion all state I took away his dolls

You play with GI Joe. None of that gay shit. God, that's funny. Good times. Yeah, I've learned a lot about children's personalities. They're all just so different. Yeah, so the the kids were they had a dude. We got a I got a shout out. Mr. Beast.

What happened? What do you guys love him? Yeah, he's in he's incredible. So the say? I love him. He's he's incredible. So the kids, the kids love him. Obviously, they're obsessed with him. They're always talking about him. And Ludwig's with us. And I can't say too much, but we are in an area, obviously, like

we're in an area in place where Mr. Beast like happened to text. Ludwig was like, Yo, what are you up to today? And let's like, oh, blah, blah, blah. Like, I'm here. And Mr. Beast is like, oh, I'll come say hi. Oh, shit. And and let's like I'm with my like nieces and nephews.

Like, is that OK? Like it would rock the world. Crazy. So they they what's crazy is that day they were pitching Ludwig Mr. Beast video ideas. No, they spent like 20 minutes. God, Ludwig looked like the coolest man. He did. Oh, you got an idea. Hang on. Yeah. You get Jimmy. That's literally it.

So so it's like late, like it's just the older kids or whatever. And and Ludd's like. Ludd takes him to he's like, guys, come with me, come with me. And they're like, where are we going? Like, where are my parents? What are you know, like, I'm not supposed to drink coke. I was supposed to drink coke. They were like, well, we're supposed to meet our parents.

Like, what the heck is going on? And he's like, we'll come over here. We're going to we're going to meet Mr. Beast. And they're like, you're joking. You're joking. No, we're not. No, we're not. And then we walk around the corner and sure enough, they meet Mr. Beast and they just

froze. And he went nonverbal. Jimmy's great. He walks up and he's like, hey, guys. And there's and then I'm like and he's like, Hey guys. And there's. And then I'm like, they love your videos. I promise. And it's like meeting Santa Claus. If he was real. Yeah. And then, and then so, so then Jimmy goes, what's your favorite ones? And they go, that's great. I promise. They actually like you. I promise. They were talking about you all day. But that's like, I'm sure, I sure sure that's not his first interaction. I know I know

Kid on child. Yeah, it's what it's crazy. It's like if you were to meet your God, you know, what are you gonna say? Yeah, it's fragged their mind all these all these kids all these Christian kids and their God is named. Mr. Beast I mean they just what is the time come? He's such a big star. He is I mean he's that can I be honest? He's a such a cute star. He is. I mean, he's that can I be honest? He's such a cute story. It was really cute. We've got a picture and they they were like two of them have Apple watches now. So they're texting their friends the picture. They're going to go back to school and people are going to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got I got Mr. Beast cloud for mine for my cousins as well He's based on them and they were screenshotting the entire time Jimmy if you see this I have nieces and nephews

You're like, please I did too. I've got 12 of them trying to fly out to Michigan. Yeah, I have 12 nieces and nephews Yeah, my siblings be fucking That's weird. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for watching this episode of the fear and podcast Yes, not the not the patreon episode not the patreon episode the main episode We're going to patreon. Thank you. And yeah, she said it and that's I'm not even See you there I want you to go donate plasma and then send me that Is there a place in your neighborhood?

So I don't know how I ended up with the only broke baby He just broke anyway, so So it was literally you literally asked him for 50 bucks and he said he didn't have it. No. It's like that's too much I'm like I'm like so now I'm in a situation where I'm bartering with a pay pig Where'd you go down to? You like a 40? I'm like alright 795 or something. Dude, I was thinking he's definitely gonna jerk off to this conversation, right? Cuz he loves being humiliated. He loves being humiliated!

And then I realized there's no way he can afford the battery. No, three hundred! We're doing all this humiliation for free! I know!