Fear& - We're FIXING Vegas and other questionable ideas... | Fear&

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Our platform is expanding... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We're going on tour. We're going on tour. We're going on tour. Surprise. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, and also Seattle. That's right. And for the shows. Andrea!

Imagine? Yeah, we're going to Tehran. Opening up the straight of Hormuz. That's right. That's what they called me in high school. Anyway. They called you. What?

To. Welcome back to the Fear Ed podcast. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your host, Asad Piker. And joining me is Cudy Cinderella and Will Iber Savage Neff the third. That's right. And obviously I'm doing the introduction because our third... How come I never get to do the introduction? Our fourth.

Actually, do you want to take it to... Take it. Take it, queen. Take it, take it, take it. I'm expecting big things. If you're going to rip the intro from him, mid-intro, you better fucking bring it. I'm not awesome. I am not precious about this sort of stuff at all.

I don't either. I don't care. I've actually never wanted to do it. No, go ahead. Welcome. Welcome. I was trying to sound like a smoker because Austin sounds like that. I'm your host Austin show.

Ladies and gentlemen, and I'm here with the Son Will and my coach, a cutie Cinderella. Okay, you've locked into Austin a little bit. No, that was. Don't lie to her. And I'm gay. That was,

okay. That was getting. That was good. You sold it. You sold it then. I'm gay and Lebanese. All right. As is tradition, guys. Someone went out of town and they brought presents. I brought presents. I brought these from Beaver Island. These are yours. You've already seen them, but we're giving them for you guys. I know. This is from an artist. Oh, I mixed them up. Wait, no, I didn't. I literally did dyslexia on the camera. Sorry. This is from an artist on Beaver. Island who owns a toy store named Mary Rose and she is incredible and I love her and she had this

magic little toy store for me on an island where no one goes and she just sold it this year and I cried like a baby and I cried for the child in me that no longer exists and also that this woman made this really cool place for kids to go and like let me steal candy when I was a little kid and was just so awesome. I don't understand what like this has. has to do with the toys. Why does he immediately get angry? She has a gallery in the back. She's just an artist. So like for the back is the adults that are, are appreciated.

You make it sound like she's something. Like the back of Spencer's. Toy stores in the front. And if you're looking for something in the leather, you got to go with the bag. No, I just met like, like, you know, for the parents. And they're like, if you're a particular parent who wants to buy toys for their child, but then also is like, I'm really in the mood for art.

In this far away island If you could see this toy store You would understand It's like it looks like a Like it's very witchy Like very spirited I like that There's just like toys like from the 50s

And 60s and 70s hanging from the wall I like that And it's all museum style It's incredible So is it So are there toys that you can buy Or is it just toys you look at? No there's a bunch of toys

I actually bought you some toys But I don't know where they are I bought you a comb I bought you a little glider airplane Okay I love that Do you buy me toys? No, I didn't. What the hell?

I brought you a glider airplane, but I didn't know what kind of toys. You bought him one. No, there's literally three glider airplanes. Okay, I'll take one. Okay. Okay. I just didn't know if you would like it or not. I like, um, like the, well, you just got back from Beaver Island.

Beaver Island, Michigan, which was. And I'm going to Michigan tomorrow. We're Michiganers. I am a Michigander. We're Michigan. I don't even know where it is on a map, dead ass. Is it a state? Are you asking about Michigan or Beaver Island?

Detroit is the state, correct? No, that's, you're kidding. I'm really bad at this. That's normal and good and healthy. Detroit, Michigan. Here's America. So Michigan is a state. Yes, here's America.

Michigan's right here, and it's in the shape of a, fuck, I'm dyslexic, it's in the shape of a mitten. Where? Like, by Chicago? Yeah. Yep. Next to Wisconsin. I know a Wisconsin is.

There you go. Oh, look at that. And I'm going to Wisconsin as well. I know where Wisconsin is. So Michigan, I'm going to be inside of you. By the time you see this podcast, I will still be inside of you. As a matter of fact, Kalamazoo. Yuper, I'm going to the Upper Peninsula.

Are you going to ask you that? Dearborn. I don't know if I'm going on. Probably not. Lansing, Ann Arbor. I'm going to be all up and down your beautiful state. I'm going to see all the lakes. I'm going to go in the lakes.

I'm going to go scuba diving in the lake. I'm not doing any of that stuff. But honestly, I'm there for Abdel Al-Ayev. They said that there's weird. Will Lawrence. Oh, you keep going. Sorry. Donovan McKinney.

There's another, there's another person that I can't remember the name of right now. There's a bunch of candidates that are really awesome in your state. And also, Wisconsin, I will be inside of you as well. I'm taking a quick flight to Wisconsin to Milwaukee. There's creepy, killy sirens in the lakes in Chicago. In Lake Michigan? Is that a? That's in Chicago.

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a really big lake. Really? It goes into Chicago, but it's called Lake Michigan? Yes. Wow. It's not like, it has beaches on it. It's like a, yeah, it's not.

Yeah, but you see, but that's crazy, though. Like, do you think Chicago feels sad about that? That's actually kind of a source subject. Is it? Is it? Is it? There's a lot of drama. Well, they got creepy, they've got some creepy like sirens that like come in the night and

they murder. Why do you think Lake Michigan has silence? It has it. Did you just watch Odyssey or something? No, I did. watch Odyssey. Can I do a trigger warning? Spoiler? Have you guys seen it? No, please. Please don't spoil this. Have you read the book? A thousand year old classic. What do you mean? Can I do a spoiler alert? It is a little different than the book. Go ahead. The dog dies.

So if your dog has recently died, don't go see it. Okay. Did you get emotional at the Odyssey? What did I get? I had a full-fledged panic. I had a PTSD flashback. The whimpering of the dog was very likened to the whimpering of my dog as he was slowly dying. And then they show a dog carcass on fire, which was likened to my dog getting cremated. So that was cool. That's great. Christopher Nolan. That's tough.

He did that for you. How about when John Leguizamo just took the one puppy and fucking. Yeah, I also hated that. Yeah, that was kind of funny. I saw that. I haven't seen the movie. Beggars out of here. Yeah, but Michigan is not like the Odyssey.

There's sirens, though. Again. Dead ass. Why? This guy was in charge of the lighthouse. You know the lighthouse? Yeah. There's one somewhere over there.

In Michigan. I think I sent you a picture of the lighthouse. By Lake Michigan. Were you by that lake? There's many. There are many lights? It's the land of lakes. Okay.

Well, there's a lighthouse. One might even say great lakes. There's a lighthouse near, in maybe Lake Michigan, Chicago side. So, and there's a lighthouse and there's a guy that signed up one summer to watch it. And they said, no matter what, don't open the door if someone knocks. And then sure enough, one of the nights at like two in the morning, he hears a woman crying outside.

And he goes and he opens, he opens the door for her. Rookie mistake. And she's sopping wet and she's freezing. And then she's hot as hell. Oh my God. He lets her in. Don't let her in. Do you see?

She goes in front of the fireplace. The other guy that lived there was like, you fucking idiot. And he locked his bedroom door. Two guys live there? At the lighthouse. Wow. I don't know. You need two guys.

So what happened to the other guy who let the lady? So he lets him in and then he's sitting there asking her questions like whatever and she like won't answer. She's like going non-talking to him. Nonverbal? Verbal? So she was autistic. She had girl autism.

Maybe. But then all of a sudden there's a bunch of screaming outside and a bunch of knocking and there's like 50 of identical people that look just like her. And. Orgy? I know. I don't remember what happened. I don't know.

Maybe there's a positive ending to the story. He didn't die, but I don't remember how I ended. He got sucked, man. I think he... Wait. Why are you explaining to this? Like, it's a real story. It was.

This is... Well, anyway, I was in Beaver-Rond, Michigan. Wait, I want to know. What would you... How would you end the story? I'm sorry. Fuck your experience in Beaver Island, which is actually probably very nice. I think he let her out.

I think you just let her go. Yeah, I think... Okay, you are carrying the Austin Torch here with the story that goes nowhere. I'm going to be honest. I just don't... I just don't remember how it ended. As a lighthouse keeper, I think you gotta risk it. Really?

For a smoking hot girl that shows up in the middle of the night? Cold and screaming. Ain't no way. He works at a lighthouse. Hey no way. Yeah, it comes to the territory. You're supposed to be more knowledgeable about. Haven't you seen that movie lighthouse?

Yeah. I have not. It's black and white. It's dark and white. Yeah. Weird movie. I don't get it. Say you like me, lobster.

Yeah, I don't like it. Say you like me lobster. Wait, was his actual. penis in it this time too? Is it Willem the Fall, right? Because he's got a fat one. It's Robin Patton who jerks off to that. Oh, damn. Willem DeFar is a huge

long. Does he like fuck a mermaid at some point? Or like there was something with a mermaid. He fantasizes about it. Yeah, and he tries like finger her through her fin or something like that, right? You know, I have seen a lot of Robert Eggers work. I don't know if I've ever experienced it the way you have. Really?

He's such an elegant way of... I feel like he was like, I just don't, I don't remember much, but I remember when I'm like fondling the fins and getting in there and it was like gross like scales were coming up yeah so I do remember that I was on my phone for most of it anyway I went to be for island uh-huh I had a pretty magic experience out there in the lake and dude I it was amazing I had to do some work while I was out there my dad told me that the island had high-speed internet and one thing I've learned is never trust a 97-year-old about what he thinks is high speed yeah high-speed yeah that's fair

They have a very different perception of time and space. Yeah. And so I ended up having to download Valorant in the parking lot of the public library on Beaver Island at 2 a.m. in order to participate in Twitch rivals, Abe's Twitch rivals. And the cops were driving by and I'm pretty sure they thought I was a masturbator. That's awesome. I'm pretty sure they thought I was.

But they must have appreciated that you're a man of taste that you chose to masturbate with your laptop. Right. Pound hog in the park. But I wasn't. Because if you were just like doing it with your. phone. That's like any old sex offender. I was full laptop working. Maybe they thought you were a cop because they do that. Oh, like a honey pie. Why do they have a no, because like they have a laptop in their car. Maybe they thought it was an undercover. Yeah, they were like, oh, they were like undercover

masturbator. Cool. That's Hank. Are you dissociating right now? No, I heard it all. Okay. That's just my face. So the next day I had the tournament and shout out to Vic and Anna at the Emerald Isle Hotel. They were awesome enough to let me use their internet. So I was in a hotel by the library the next day. Just enough. And I was running to the public library

to use the bathroom because the tournament ended up being six hours. But I was there in a hotel. Like it was awesome. But did be it round's a magical place. I fucking love that place. They're incredible. And Vic and Anna are such nice people.

Shout out Vic and Anna. Shout out. I took my family out on a tropical destination vacation for four days I'm into Las Vegas We want up with each other No I just wanted to tell you guys my experience

Tell us okay So as you guys know I hate vacation Vacation all I ever wanted Absolutely not Okay that song is fraudulent It doesn't it doesn't describe my experience at all However

This tropical destination that we went to was excellent. Very Caliente. Well, it wasn't actually very caliente. Did you go to Latin America? No, I don't know. I went to it I'm not, I'm not revealing.

Why? Epstein Island. I'm not really. That's crazy. Why would you leak it? It's a little saint something. I want to be on Fox News again. So, yeah, so I took my whole family and

because it's my mom 60th. It's my brother's 33rd. We all have like our birthdays very close to one another. Right. So we got on a, we had to get on like two different planes. Um, and then a boat to basically get to this island.

And it was insane. It was like, it was literally like white lotus. Um, you know, I, I've never been, I've never been the type of person who cares about nature at all.

As you guys know, why are you laughing? It's crazy. It's crazy. I like infrastructure. I don't really like nature. I like man overcoming. nature, but this time I was like, nature, you're kind of a bad bitch. That's what I said.

Nature's all right with me. Yeah, so, but not only that, but it doesn't end there. So we get in, the hotel's beautiful, whatever, it's fine. It's great. My brother, Marat, who is diving. Imagine he said a different name right there. Yeah, diving, the diver, he's certified. He's really adamant that I have to go diving with him. And I was like, you know what? That's cool. Fuck it. I'll do it. So I did. And as you guys know, maybe some of you at home don't know this, I'm terrified of fish. I'm terrified of the ocean. It's called Thasylophobia.

So this is a big deal. I'm like, I'm a pretty competent swimmer, but I just don't like the big, wide open ocean. It just like feels like space to me. It's like terrifying. It's so alien. And the fish freaked me out. Like I'm actually scared of fish. Right.

So this was a lot for me to overcome. So we dive in the first day. The dudes are super chill, by the way. All the dive master super chill We diving first day 12 feet I saw an octopus Of octopus Yeah which was really cool

But it also kind of freaked out by Okay you're freaked out by octopus too Yeah because it's like brilliant Yeah they're smart That's why I need them yeah you can But we eat everything No I don't eat them No he doesn't eat octopus for that reason

I said that's why we eat them And I was like No but like no I'm a conscientious objector I will not eat october Conscious objector I love In the war against octopus I don't know why

I was going to say I love octopus, but I don't eat it either. I was just saying that. I've never eaten it ever. It's really interesting because like one thing that I was just trying to fit in. Calamari? No. Okay. Then you're good.

Yeah. Fair. Okay. Like when you, when we were close to the octopus, like, I could feel that it understood what we were. I don't know how I'll describe it. Like, no, no, it looked at us like with an understanding. Did you do psychedelics? No.

No. I wasn't experiencing like... I looked at that octopus and I knew. I loved... People in the comments will back me up on this. I think like... No, you know what's crazy? I had the exact same experience, though.

Yeah. It's nice to know that... Have you looked at an octopus? Like, as an octopus laid eyes on you before? Yes. Okay. So you understand the experience then. It looks at you with knowledge.

I don't know how is to explain it. And I'm a conscientious objector now. Yes. I totally get that. And I am as well. I don't think you guys are. You've met Winnie the Cow and you still eat meat. Yeah, because Winnie the cow.

not that smart. Yeah. No, no, no, 100%. One is a genius. No. I love her.

She is smarter than... Can I be honest? I try not to eat pork. I try not to eat red meat. Oh, okay. In my day-to-day life because I do, like, not joking,

but I'm telling you, an octopie will change your life. Kitty, what did there? Well, the other day, Will, I ate my wallet. What? I ate it.

You okay? I don't know, but I had, get another one. Oh my God. And but this one, look. Oh! Unedible. Wait a minute. I can't eat it. Inedible can't be broken.

That must be a ridge wallet. But our mic can break. Our break, but this, but this, nothing. Unbreakable. It's a ridge wall. And I can't use, I can't like steal your info like, you know, I can't do any of that. I can't do that because it's like, it's got that preventative. And it's so thin and it can hold all of my car. That's got all my money in it. Stop it. Yeah, all of it.

I like the color too. And you know how many I've got, how many. Do they make any other products? Oh yeah, we've got the key. Oh my God. Where did these come from? Yeah, you can put all your keys on that and it's really convenient. It's like it turns your keys into like a switch. That's right.

It secures up to six keys. It comes with a lifetime warranty and is made with premium materials. If you guys need a wallet you can't eat, check this out. That's right. And for a limited time only if you use code fear at checkout, you'll get 10% off your order and a chance to win Ridge's biggest sweepstakes ever. What? That's right.

It's either a Lamborghini. Oh, my. A velociraptor. A Hennessy Vosiraptor. Hennessia. Hennessia. Neither one of us can lead. Or a Ford Bronco or a hundred grand in cash.

Oh my God, I want all of them. And there's no purchase necessary to enter, but every dollar you spend gives you more entries. That's ridge.com. use code fear. After your purchase, you'll be asked where you heard about Ridge and you'll say, Fear the podcast, Fear End. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. I've never seen one.

Very smart as like most registered Republicans. Okay. Now you're giving a lot of credit to the Republicans. That's crazy. I wouldn't go that far. But yeah, the first, like we dive in and obviously there's like a lot of restrictions like I cause you can actually die

if you do it wrong. Yeah like if you come up too fast right? Yeah you can get the bands if you come up super fast but the first it was 12 feet which is like not that crazy but the first 10 feet is actually like the scariest I think because that's when you have to like constantly are you certified? I'm not certified

no. How did you? How did you are you allowed to do it then? Did you black market scuba? That's crazy. That sounds dangerous. No it was fucking Six. So the second day was 40 feet, which is why we did the... You're so frustrating because you are that guy who will fight like tooth and nail. Anytime there's something cool, it'll be like, Hassan, let's go do this cool thing.

And I'll be like, no, I don't want to. Like, let's go to... I did do that. Let's go to awakening. And you're like, this is going to be so stupid. And then like 10 minutes and you're like, oh, guys, this is my whole personality. No, I'm not like a diver now. I'm just, you know, it's fun.

It's funny. I saw an episode of Judge Judy, where this woman murdered her husband. by diving? Oh, I thought that you were saying that that was something like your new No, I love Judge Judy though, don't get me wrong. That's crazy.

He murdered him. He went down there and she like did something with his tank. She like turned the valve. Yeah, yeah, you could very easily kill someone. That Judge Judy was doing a murder case. You would assume that that would be handled. You would assume that that be handled

by the criminal court. Yeah. Because that's murder. So maybe he didn't die. Well, in any case, wait. Yeah. Seems like I don't remember a lot of things I consume. Were you on your fucking phone again while you were watching Judge Judy?

Is this like the siren story? No, this was the years. My mom used to love Judge Judy. She's that dramatic bitch. My mom and Judge Booty. Anyway, second day, listen to this. Stingrays, manor rays. They're like 15 feet long.

It's crazy. Imagine he got Steve Irwin. No, I was worried about that. Yeah. I was worried about that. But, I mean, they assured me that these guys are chill. And they literally flew above our head. We're 40 feet down.

I fed a fish by hand. No, we didn't feed the stingrays. So are you healed now? I am much more chill about fish because and sharks too. I dove with sharks. Sharks were circling above my head. I've wanted to do a shark diving stream for so. We can do it.

I'm down to do it now. You too will have so much fun with that. Cudy. Oh, come on. I'm not doing it. No, this is his biggest fear. If he can overcome his fear of fish and gills and brine. I'm not an overcomer.

And sharks. Okay. We're lucky I'm a comer. I'm just not in cover. Yeah. So that's my, my attitude on fish have shifted. That's awesome. When I was down there, I realized when you're in their habitat, they're super chill.

They're not like, because, you know, you look at an aquarium or you go to the, you know, aquarium or you have one in your house or whatever. The fish are like always panicked. So I always thought they were like this alien species. But when I was down there, it was their own environment. So they would like swim up to me and be like, what the fuck are you doing here? And they were chill. Like they were guys. Yeah.

Fish are guys. So you know my mentor was an oceanographer. Shout out, Mr. Gertzen. And we would go to Turks and Caicos every year for marine biology. He's the one who would show me if you brought Velvita cheese in a little bag and squeezed it out while you're underwater All the fish would go absolutely ape bonkers You they love velvita cheese I mean yeah

It was it was kind of funny because like all the Vita floating through the space of the sea It's gross in me out They shit in the water kidding Yeah did I eat it? That's the other thing I fucking peed in my shoe That was huge I've I've never been able to pee in the sea pool before. I can't even pee in a pool. Wow. You really overcame

all your biggest barriers. Dude, it was sick. I was able to pee, and it was crazy because I'm in a wetsuit. It's fucking cold, right? So you have to wear a wetsuit. We were in shorties. Yeah, but it was fucking nice. It was nice. I was like, I'm in

I just increased the temperature. Did you do a cutie Cinderella and shires? No, I didn't. You shoot yourself. Also, yeah, you've shed yourself in so long though. It's been so long. You've changed. up too. Well, I've managed my fiber intake better. This is a new chapter for us.

Yeah. Yeah, this is great. Is our food here? Is our food here, I think. Hold on. Thank. We got it. God. What was I talking about? You were meeting with Norm Fickleston and afterwards you ate an entire tray of cold pasta. Okay, dude. It was for my birthday.

Well, no, the pasta was for everyone. And then you ate the whole... I took the whole salad home. It was for my... What? And I finished it in a day. Why? Damn, you are. You are, no wonder you like Winnie the moo. You're fucking eating like a cow.

What the hell? That's, you can't say that. You don't eat anything that's say that to a woman. I literally, I'm going to call my dad. It's zero calories. That's not even about the caloric density. I'm actually, you did not just say I'm eating like a cow.

No, like a, like, okay, a horse. We'll do it after as well, yeah. Like a horse. That's not better. That doesn't help. No, how do you only eat? I eat greens. That's the point I'm making. English

is a second language. He just spent so much. It was big. No. He's saying that you're an herbivore. Now talk to me like you're an herbivore. Talk to me like you should. Okay.

Try it again. None of this makes sense. How do you survive? Because you need a healthy balance of protein, carbohydrates. and fats. I think it's why I'm so shaky today. All I ate yesterday was so much salad.

I just don't understand. Okay, for those of you at home watching, what you guys need to understand is, it was a little salad bowl. It wasn't that crazy. But what's crazy is... It was so, it was awesome. It was a whole catering tray.

It was this big of salad. I took it home. It was that big of a salad. It was awesome. But what I failed to understand is, it's not like you put, you know, cut with the chicken in it. No.

You don't even put any sauce in it. You just straight raw dog the fucking leaves. How do you think they were born? You're really asking. Shouldn't I honor that? Am I wrong about this? Well, a little, but also what she said makes no fucking sense. No, she doesn't eat anything.

She only eats salad. That's not healthy. You're really trying to get that diarrhea bug, aren't you? I really want it. I've got a- I want to be skinny for my wedding coming up. I want to be skinny. Kiddy's just going by the produce.

Is this aisle? No. Is this Taylor Farms? Is this going to Taco Bell? I think potentially, you know, I think maybe it's made up. I think because if I don't have it, who does? That's, uh, COVID. You want to be skinny.

COVID. COVID. Also, that's how people thought. If I don't have it, who does? Do you want a lesson on why it's happening, though? What? So the way that food is actually, um, managed and policed in our Did you watch Planet Money?

No. Oh, I learned this on Planet Money. Oh, okay. But you go. No, tell our audience. No, it's, they need to know. I don't. It was for us.

But we have a podcast. Yeah, okay. Tell us that it was for us. Tell us how his song came here. The way that food is managed in our country is very poor. And the FDA kind of always forgets that it has two functions and not just drugs that it's patrolling. And so lettuce in our country is frequently grown.

next to where we keep livestock. And so frequently they're just spraying shit all over. And by shit, he doesn't mean like, you know, pesticides or whatever. He means like literal fecal mattle. Feces. Yeah. Oh, I have a new thing for when I run for president. Okay.

Okay. That was total non-sequitur. I love it. Is it related to the, everybody gets diarrhea? No. That's your policy? I'm going to fix Vegas. I'm going to fix it.

letter cook why are you mad let her cook why are you laughing I just want to know what you're laughing so you went to Vegas recently so this is where I went to Vegas

so this was a fact finding mission for you yeah letter cook you're doing a campaign exploration committee yes which is fine because I'm 35 in a few years and so we can get this started yeah like 10

like 10 thank you wow now he's being nice after he called me a cow yeah like a 25 year old cow you fucking half her what are you 22 you horrid Keep going.

You eat like a horse. You eat like a fucking fatty. Why do you have to be so hurtful? No reason. Oh, that's what does it. Oh, what the fuck? Anyway, that's my gift to you. Oh, wait, I love this.

Okay, so I went to Las Vegas. Right. If you guys don't know, my mom was a little bit of hoe. She had a side man in Vegas. Wow. When you were growing up, yeah. Yeah. Do you want I've never heard about this I didn't know my mom was a hoe But I did not know she had a size piece in Vegas. He ended up being my stepdad

Is he so I don't think so but I don't want to be mean to him so shout shout out shout out My mom thinks thought you were hot okay no but on like just to clear what does he do They he's he was actually a federal security guard oh for like a brink's truck Um, no for a courthouse. Oh, nice. Oh, like a bailiff. Yeah. Judge Judy style.

Yeah. Nice. You could say. Look at that. Yeah. So that's kind of cool. And he's also his HOA president. So he's.

Ballin. Cushing it. Sick. For real. Kitty, where's Austin's show? He's gone. He's dead? You know what could have helped him?

Sock Doc. He was, he's always coughing and saying that he should use Zock talk. I know. And now he's. God. God. Gone. None of us went either. None of us to the people. It's so sad. Co-worker. Oh my gosh. Co-worker. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It's really sad. And you know what? Guys,

we got to go to the doctor. We have to. We have to. We got to find in network doctors because your health matters. In a really convenient way with Zoc Doc. Just like we told Austin if he would have listened, he would be here right now probably maybe. That's right. Potentially. You could have, he could have headed over to Zoc Doc. dot com slash fear and gotten started and check that appointment office to do list. But now he's not checking anything else to do list. No. He's gone. Your health matters and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated.

Find and book a doctor with Zoc doc doc. That's ZOC, doc.com slash fear. And when they ask you who told him about Zoc doc doc, tell him Austin show. He would have wanted it that way. Um, he's, he's the one that taught me everything about politics when I was young. And then I realized it was bad. He would drive me to school and we'd listen to Rush Limbaugh. Never. Oh, that's okay. You see, schools were better when they were separate but equal. So we didn't say that, but well, you wasn't too far off. You might have missed that program.

Yeah, maybe. But yeah, you shouldn't get politics. Well, I learned. Any sort of political advice from anyone from Vegas in general. Okay. Well, I mean, yeah. So how are we fixing? So I would go to Vegas all the time as a kid, right? Because we had to go visit him. Great place for children. Yeah, it was strange, but I did. I was like, cool. And we'd go to the strip.

Also a great place for children. Remember on the strip? They used to hand out the porno on the cards. Good for children, I guess. Number one, they don't do that anymore. So that's crazy. I don't know where this story is going. I don't know why we're not doing that.

Comedy works in threes. That really hit. That was perfect. I did you get some porn? No, they don't do that anymore. But when you were a child, when I was a kid, my mom told me to never look at the sidewalk

because people would drop the cards on the sidewalk. Right. And there'd be big team. So you looked at the sidewalk numbers. Of course I did. And I said, whoa. Yeah, I said, yabi, yabba, yabba, yabba, yeah. Anyway, but you would go to like Treasure Island and you'd watch the siren show.

Remember that? I remember circus, circus, circus from when I was a kid. Okay, circus circus. They would have clowns walking around or you'd go to MGM and you'd see the lions or you'd go to Mirage and you'd see the tigers. I don't know this. None of you. Are you go to Excalibur and you'd see the dragon would come out? I feel like all of these are super old properties. They were awesome. I wasn't, we weren't really a Vegas family, but we went. We went. Tell me you're rich without telling me you were rich. You didn't go to Vegas to look at the porno as a child? That's so strange.

Vegas was a nice vacation when I was 12. That we've all assuredly had. I spent a lot of time on Mackinac Island. No, but like, okay, there's a, there is a world between these two. There's a world between these two things. You could just like go to a fucking YMCA camp or something during summer and not, you know, Vegas. True. All right, let's continue.

You're a kid. You're seeing lions and tits. And porno. Yeah, it was awesome. Right. And every place had a free thing to like. A theme. Yes.

A theme. And now it's just big ass towers. Right. What's the point? You're right. And then they're sitting here and they're like, why did tourism go down in Vegas? I know why the whimsy died. Games.

Oh, sure, that's what you're, the whole story is you want to make sure the gimmick. I want to make Vegas great against. The old gimmick cringe places are. Kitty, I'm going to be honest. When you started talking about giving poor to children, I was worried you weren't going to bring this one home. Yeah. But I actually agree with you.

Yeah. No, no, actually, that's the pivotal role. You don't understand. Dishing out porn. We got to bring the porn back on the strip too. You're right, though. If there was like a, it's a canon moment. A wizard hotel?

There was. That's what you don't know. On the window, the window in Excalibur used to open and there was a wizard. And now it doesn't open anymore. That's what I said. And you go in and you get like zooped up. Yeah. I'm beginning to notice a theme with a lot of your presidential campaign policy.

Have I given you the whole list? No, but so much of it is about doing things that you would do as a child but as an adult instead. Right. Adult trick or treating. An adult theme park in Vegas. Yes. I don't. What else do you want to do as an adult for adults? Apparently I didn't name it president.

Well, she's a Mormon, so she's getting married. trick trick or i found it that's a better joke and she gave that credit for she did not hear you no i heard it um we got to bring back sexy firefighters what happened no they're still sexy yeah but what have the marketing where to go that's where are the calendar you know they make them still small town small town still yeah but we got to bring it it needs to be everywhere well you can't i can get you a sexy firefighter calendar it's got to be everywhere do you understand but they sell them locally. I know, but if I'm president. So you're nationalizing

sexy firefighters. Yes. Okay. If we have a Miss Universe, we should have a Mr. Firefighter. You know what? Ironically, you're cooking again. Thank you. I think that show would be good. What else would you do? Did I tell you about the puzzle pile? I think you did. We're not making new puzzles. No more new puzzles. Yeah, everyone shares puzzles.

They actually do that on Beaver Island. Really? They have a puzzle table in the public library that they just leave a jigsaw and people will come up and do like 10 minutes of jigsawing and leave. Yeah, it's a communal project. Cool. I love that. Isn't that?

Yeah, shut up. Be wrong. Government jobs as nice people. Yes, so we'll have a whole section of the government that hires people to be nice. And their only job is just go around and brighten people's day. I feel like you're going to make people schizophrenic.

I can imagine. Hey! How are you doing? No, I, we need this. That's like the guy. I think strippers are into him. You know what I mean? Like he has a great conversation.

He's like, oh my God. Should be friends? And they're like, oh, actually, I'm a government nice person. Yeah, but we need it. I don't bring my work home. We need it. Okay. And they'll comment on everyone's Instagram photos telling them they're beautiful.

That one, medium cook. Okay, medium cook. That one might need a little bit more time in the oven. Oh, we get a choice where our tax money goes, like how we do stocks and we get cute little updates like you get when you adopt like a monkey. Oh. So like if you choose like some war veterans might want to put all their money into like the tanks and they'll be like, we killed 20,000 people with them. Right.

You know? No, I get it. But like me, I would like to fund schools and they'll be like 6,000 kids graduated this summer. Yeah. For the price of your morning coffee. Wait, wait, wait. Can you run that back? I'm sorry.

She's basically saying that you should be able to select which public function your tax money goes to. But you can choose it. But to be honest. That's insanely libertarian. And that would end up with some departments being so overfunded. like the health of animals and like sanitation would have like five dollars. Yeah. No, but if they hit,

if they hit their thing, then it's capped and you have to choose another one. Who's fucking funding the IRS then nobody. Yeah. Well, that's not a good thing. She's kind of looking again. That's why I said it's an unbelievably libertarian concept.

No, absolutely not. That part, this is the worst policy you've suggested of all time. No, seriously. You can't run a confident government like that. All right, old man. Okay,

I'm being a little. What's not? A license to run my toaster? Okay, this guy is a good callback. It's a good shout out. And then, perfect to follow that up, we don't need the IRS. Just tell us how much we owe in taxes. Just tell us.

That's what the IRS would do in a competent country like Norway. That's literally what they do in Norway. Did you know in other countries they do that? They just like literally send you a receipt. Well, then if we knew that they were supposed to do that, then don't you think we'd fund them? So we wouldn't, they wouldn't run out of money. Okay. But then you're giving me.

mix signals. Do you want the IRS to be funded or do you want to... Now I do. Okay, good. Great. I'm glad we got you back on board. But I wanted to be my choice and I want an update. Okay, watch this. I'm going to do something. I'm going to step in here. Marry the ideas. The government is unapproachable.

People don't want to go to the IRS building. They don't want to go to the DMV. Let's theme it up. Oh, yeah. Space DMV. What if every D. Okay, emerging the third idea, they're hired to be nice to you. Yeah, I like it. Wow.

I like it. Can you imagine Pizza Party Space DMV? I like it. These are good ideas. To get your Class C license? Bro, I feel like that's perfect for like the current level of emotional maturity for the average American at this point. They'd be like, yeah, I'd love going to DMV. That's literally idiocacy.

Yeah. You keep saying these Chrissies and I don't even know. Idiocracy is just a movie What was littered to Libertated in? Libertarian Deocracy Is a political

Ideology? Am I that you think? No. Maybe. That'd be cool. Do you believe that no one should control any facet of your life other than you?

Maybe I do. That's a very favorite way Do you believe that you have free access to guns and live off the grid? Oh, not really. There you go. You like roads.

I like roads. You're not a liberal. I like roads. Next question. I do. I like them. This is one simple trick. I do have a girly pop nation if you want it. Whoa.

I was going to tell one story before we got to that. I kind of got targeted as a homosexual man this week. That's true. At my gym. What happened? You didn't? No, I know I'm acting like I didn't know. I'm on a podcast.

What had happened? Cut that out. No, just leave it. Okay. I'll tell you what happened. Okay. No, I was at the, the equinox gym, and I was playing basketball. Which is, by the way, one of the gayest gyms.

Yeah, one of the gayest gyms. If not the gayest gym in America. One of the gayest gyms. And there was one guy I was playing with that, like, was getting in fights with everyone. Okay. Everyone. Uh-huh.

And then he started getting in a fight with these two younger people. They must have been, like, 19 years old. And at one point, he went to set a pick. And he like dropped shoulder on one of them. And the kid was like foul and he's like, no way. And I was like, yeah, man, that was a moving. I hate that. Yeah, it was not cool.

Worst kind of guy. Why are you so agro, bro? We're just playing regular pickup ball. Especially with like teens. Yeah. Well, teenagers can have some bad vibes. They do piss me off sometimes on the basketball court. They're like, oh, look at me.

My limbs are so perfect. You give them a little bit a longer leash before you try and throw a shoulder into them. Yeah. No, what I mean is my limbs are not perfect because I'm an old man. I know. Yeah. It's like, oh, look. Jealousy is a disease.

My ankles don't break when I'm walking. And I hope you get well. Anyway, this person was so rude to me after this moment. And it just kept getting worse and worse. And I was covering an older gentleman who I'd met earlier in the day playing basketball. And he was like in his mid-70s. So he was just kind of like having a good time. But like I was playing with him.

So you checked them. Yeah. So I was really good. No. No. So like I was kind of. half playing basketball, if that makes any sense. Like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to drive into a 75 year old.

I'm not going to try and, like, you don't want it hard enough. It's fine. I'm not going to, like, swat his shot. You don't want it hard enough. I would do that. Truly, truly, truly. But at one point he looks over and he's like, I'm talking to the older gentleman and we're having a good time.

I'm like, hey, good play. And he's like, oh, you made a friend, cute. And I was like, whoa, this, that was a little, because I, I don't mind someone beaking at me, but I was like, that was a little charged. And then later he's like, yeah, you're lucky you're covering him because you guys are on the same level. And I was like, whoa, that wasn't only just rude to me. That was rude to this older gentleman.

So I was kind of like, whoa, this guy's like kind of popping off at the gunnels. And then there was one time where we both went up for a ball and I played it off of him, like his leg and he was just staring daggers at me. And I was like, what? What's what's happening, man? Are you okay? And he was just like, it looked like he was itching for a fight. And I was like, what is going on with this guy?

Yeah. So then at one point, I set a pick and he starts freaking out that my legs were too wide and that I need to learn the fucking game. Wow. I'm going to hurt someone. And this is after he at one point smacked me in the back of the head. Okay. I think was accidental.

Yeah. But like, it was kind of like, bro, what, and I was like, what are you talking? about man like you've pissed everybody off on the court and this is where i was like dude you need to you need to yeah your vibes are atrocious and i think i said something to that effect and he was like no like you need to like learn the game or stop playing like you're like basically getting into me and i walked up right in his face and i went you are a small man who makes ticky tacky calls because you because you have to win and i was like you need to shut the fuck up and he's like yeah what are you going to do about it and I went I'll bury you bro because he's like not a very big person

yeah it's like Austin size and at that point he called me the F slur uh just like Austin and yeah and I was like I kind of did like a double take and looked around the court you're like did I just hear that right and I was like are you crazy and he was like no like and he started getting into me and then I processed and I was like have you been rude to me all day because you think I'm a gay man And he's like, yeah, drops it again, drops a slur again. And I'm like, oh my God, he has been targeting me. He's a bigot. And I charged at him.

It's kind of funny that this is in Los Angeles and an equinole. Yes. Which is the gayest place you can be in. Yeah. So I charged at him and immediately like everybody on the court grabs me. And I'm like steaming at this. Yeah. Because I realize this guy's a fucking bigot.

Yeah. And I just keep, I keep being going like, you're a bigot and like yeah that's what I kept saying I was like trying to do the math I just gonna be like you're a bigot it's 2026 are you crazy like what is what what's

I was like you're an equinox what are you talking about you're a bigot and he's like yeah suck a dick dropped it a third time and I was like oh my God and everybody's like grabbing me and I think everybody kind of understood like what was happening

and they were like dude it's not worth it not worth it not worth it You think you were trying to have a heated rivalry moment with you? I don't know. I should rewatch that. I don't know. He dropped it to be like, yeah, you are that, right? But it was like, let's see, let's see each other after.

It was such a blur. And then I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm locking in. They're up like seven points on game point. We lock in. They don't score another point because I stopped playing. Yeah, because you weren't playing. Right. Yeah.

So you started spike in the 75 year old? No, I didn't touch the 75 year old. But like, you're just like, fuck you old, man. That dude. You're part of this. That dude was catching body, though. He didn't score again. It was like, okay, I'm much more athletic than you, dude.

You're not making it anywhere near the basket again. So we win, and I'm like, take a walk, bigot, out of here, drops a slur again on his way out. You should just smack the fuck out of him. I'm surprised you didn't. Well, it's like the thing about it that's like crazy is I'm at the age now where I hope I'm past violence. Right. Yeah. And this is like one of those things.

That's a hard one. When you, when you are engaged in conflict, I think no matter what for the next like few days or whatever, you're kind of like in your head like, that was crazy. Yeah. But like I think I was going back and I was like, was I in the wrong. Like did I? And I was like, no, this guy was a bigot and he was targeting me. But I think now that I'm 36, any time that I'm like, I was about to punch that man in

the face. Yeah. I'm like, that was crazy. But yeah, I just couldn't believe that at the equinox in. 2026. I was targeted for being homosexual man. Yeah, like being hate crime as a straight guy, like being

anti-gay hate crimes as a straight guy in 2026 and Equinox is like doing it at the Abbey. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, what are you doing? It's like moving to China to drop anti-Asian slurs. Yeah. It makes no sense. I just think it's funny because I will reveal that

we did all know this story. It was in the group, Chad. Whoa! You knew about it? I know. I didn't hear it, but I acted like I didn't I did a good job, huh guys? Yeah. Anyway, Austin was like... He was, like, really turned on. He wanted...

It was, like, getting uncomfortable in the group chat. Austin wanted to be there so he could fight the guy. Yeah. Austin really wants to get called it. No, he did say that in the chat. He said...

I get it because... He was like, I'm so horny right now, literally. Biggits in the year of our Lord 2020. It's, like, so unthinkable, especially in Los Angeles, that, like, you do just want to be able to, like... Or even that kind of big... That level is crazy.

Like, you know, obviously that stuff is unacceptable but like at least it's like more commonplace but like homophobia dog that's the lost cause like that's an OG yes yeah 73% acceptability for gay marriage dog yeah you gotta fucking get with the program

but other than that my experience with painted nails has been excellent women are so much nicer to me good yeah yeah that's why I used to do it I gotta do it I gotta bring it back again I'm kind of over men now though so you are yeah yeah it made you Wait.

That's fair. Yeah. Oh, man. How many minutes are we at? Okay. Curly pop. He's perfect timing for... What's the deal with that pop life?

And when it's going to fade out? All that matters. Now I'm the Austin. Is that you get hype and you give it to me every time. Come on now. Are you changing their song? Girlie pop. Are we changing it?

No, it was a song by N-Sync. Oh, I don't know it. Pop life? No, I don't know it What's the deal with this pop life? What was the girlie pop song? You should know it. You're Austin.

Girlle pop. We fucked that up. Wait, what's cutie TV? Dooby-do-do-do-doo-doo-diboo. Do-oo-dibro-dib-dibro-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-dib-a-doo-a-doo-a-doo-a-a-a-doo-a-a-ccccccccccccccig. I haven't watched much TV, so thank goodness, that we're doing girly-pop instead. all right, I'm going to send some links. Okay, so this woman

went viral for rage baiting all of the girly pops and we still don't super know. Oh, oh, excuse me. TikTok, TikTok. She posts this thing and she's like, hey guys, I'm making my own

wedding cake, which if you guys know or don't know, I meet cutie Cinderella and making my own wedding cake, right? Why? Okay. Pause. Okay. Why are you doing that?

Why am I doing that? No, you look at me. You shouldn't do that. I want to do it. I know you want to do it, but you're going to have so much stress already. And you're going to add that. Like, I've seen you bake cakes. It is a fit.

You put your whole pussy in there. And like, you, like, that's going to be a lot on top of everything else. How long can you keep the cake for? How far in advance can you do it? I can do it like, too. I can do it as soon as I get to the state that our marriage is Okay, how far in advance are you getting there? Well, it depends on this podcast if we're able to bulk record.

I'm out of PTO. More than 24 hours? Yeah. More than 48. Yeah. I was hoping to do it like a week in advance. Oh, okay. Then I don't feel as bad.

Oh. I thought you're going to bake this cake like the 48 hours later. No, no, no, no. And my assistant has delivered cakes for me before she can deliver. I don't know. I think I think I have to do. some fun flavors. So I'll do like banana. Banana fig with cream cheese. I'm a

cake hater famously, but I feel like wedding cakes suck a lot. Mine has never sucked. You had it at Marauch's that's never sucked. That's what I'm saying though. Just do something delicious. I know so I will. Because some flavors I feel like are just there to be like. No, no, no. Mine's good. This one's like

you know, it's trying to be more than it is. No, banana is good. It's banana. That's crazy. You had it. You had my banana. You had my banana. No, not for a wedding. So you're going banana. Marat had banana at his wedding.

I know, but you're going banana. You can go bigger and bolder. I was going to do apple pound, maybe, with a caramel. With a whiskey caramel. Whiskey caramel can go out of the Mormon family. It can be a little bit of... So I should take out the whiskey. No, actually. Are they going to get shit face? No, we have a dirty

soda bar. So no, we have a normal bar too. No, I assumed. I guess you try to drug my family, but that's kind of weird. God, that's so... As a bridesmaid, I think... You miss that episode. I would love to bring a bunch of psilocyte in your way. Oh, yeah, do you know that? I'm one of her bridesmaids. He's not...

Yeah, ask him any question about anything. Please. You will look like a kaiju on the altar. Okay. On the women's side. Can you imagine all of these dainty bridesmaid? I thought you were going to ask him like a nice question. No, cute costumes. And then...

At the end... Tandress. This is the second time. Someone's sitting there has hurt me so deeply. Everyone's called them ugly instead of just being like you're not qualified. But why would you want that? I want to be more involved. Let him be a bridesmaid.

I've completely changed my position. He really wants it. What do you want to do? Flower girl. No. That's what I said. That's what I said. And she was like, oh my God.

My three-year-old knees is so much better at throwing flowers. I was like, I'll destroy her. in flower What if they did it in tandem? What if they were like Master Blaster and the three-year-old was on his shoulders

throwing flowers Whoa. That could be cool just like Boo, boo, boo, boom, boo,

boo, no, she will be so afraid of you. Wait, why? Okay, I'll tell you what, you can be the

understudy to the flower girl. If she's sick that day, your other roles are there in a wedding. Um, my under study three-year-old? Yeah. So that was supposed to be swift.

Yeah, and I said, we should do Kai and she was like, Kai's too fat. I've been making fat jokes recently It's a bad habit About Kyle the dog

I'm not actually fat-phobic I would like you guys to know I'm not actually fat-phobic I just have been using it lately He'd be a good ring bear But Swift was supposed to be a ring bear So now I'm not having one because it's too sad Yeah but those rings have to get there somehow

He can't wear Swift's outfit It's too small for him It doesn't have to be Swift's outfit I already bought it I can make a human version of it I continue Okay No what

There's nothing for him Thank you for him Thank you for pushing for me. You want to be a server? You can serve the food. No, I want to, I want to have like a... What if? Okay. Turkish ice cream.

We could get a... And he can do the fucking... You can run the ice cream booth? He would blow Mormon's minds. Yeah. I have to study the... Yeah, but if... Wait, okay, wait.

What am I going to be at your wedding? Exactly. No, I mean, I'm thinking of like so many different roles and responsibilities that you have first. well, obviously the chef. I don't want to do that. You're the master baker. I don't want to master bake your wedding.

That's crazy. I can make the cake, but I could make the cake, but I'm not doing it. But I'm not doing more than that. That's what I mean. First, you said the chef. Well, that's, I meant Master Baker. Okay. You could be up on the altar at his wedding.

He's not going to make me a groomsman. I'm going to make you a groomsman. Can I wear a suit? Only if I can be your brising. I think the real question is. It could be worth it. What am I going to be? Okay.

I'm not getting married. Wait, this is actually sad because Marat. Yeah, I know. What are you going to do? You're going to have to make a real hard job. No, it's a double made of honor situation. Best men. You're so dumb.

English is the second language. Listen, you guys can both participate in my wedding, but my wedding is going to be sick as, bro. Okay. What are we doing? What's happening? Wait, who's your best man? You. Yeah, it's you.

He doesn't have, yeah. I was a little worried. I thought you. were going to say like Dan Neiman or something. You should choose like Austin just to work. What? No. That would be,

but it would be, that would literally be insane. It would make him so sad. I think it would be awesome. But my wedding would become Austin's wedding. Everything would become awesome. What are we doing with their? These appetizers aren't great.

I saw this once in a myriad. We can get. No, he would be like, the wedding is now Franks and Abdra three. It's like why? Because I want to sing. He gets up there. Hey, let's give it up for the beautiful guvill tonight for the first time.

You're just too good to be true. No, Austin's like the MC. You make Austin the MC. Oh, yeah? Are you going to make awesome to MC? Sadly, no, because my best friend from junior high, my best guy friend, I was going to make him a bridesmaid, but instead I'm going to make him an emcee. Because I decided I didn't want men in my line because I'm sexist.

You were going to make a male? Yes. I was going to make a male bird that he was going to wear a suit. But I've known him for like 20 years. This is very incriminating, cutie. I've known him for 20 years. I've known him for six-ish. That's almost 20.

That's not almost a close. If you had $6, would you be like, oh, I almost have 20? Can I buy that sombrero? No. You want to know the fucked up hard, though? You've only known him for six years, but because you hang out every week, you've probably actually spent more time with Asan than that person. No, I used to sleep at his house.

You slept in my house. Wait a minute. No, I haven't. Are you good? How did I know him? Junior high. We went to junior high together. Were you guys?

No, no, no, no. Plotonic. He's gay. No, no, no. He's married. I love his wife. I gave a speech at their wedding. Ormans.

Um, I mean, we made out once in high school. Oh. Does the coworker know? That's spicy. That's spicy. He was going to be a part of the girlies. It's a pasty party. It's not spicy.

He was a whore. Over the shirt stuff? No. He was a very. Sponging! Whoa! Was there over the shirt stuff? No, there's no over shirt.

Was he lip hungry? He was a whore. Yeah, he was a whore. But we only did it because we were like, we should see if we liked this. We didn't like it. Kissing? How long did you?

Each other? No. How long did you make out for before he decided you didn't like it? I don't remember. But he kissed the, oh, that's a long time. That's a long time for a kissy.

But it never was followed up. We've never a guess. This wedding just got spicy. What if he gets up and says, I disagree? You're looking at Jax. He's married. Double, double destruction. What if he's like, Gitty Cinderella, ever since that time at Mike Flanagan's basement,

I've been thinking about you and those hungry lips. Wait, you give him MC responsibility. Yeah. What if he objects multiple times? He's not going to object. He can do that though. You're just too good. He's not going to.

Yeah, now it's time for the musical best thing. I've contracted an Austin show to help. He's found his soulmate. He has his soulmate. He's found her. He's found her. Are they still Mormon? No.

He was never Mormon. I'm sorry. I'm just here for the drama. Which is why he was a horror. Oh, that's crazy. No, it's okay. I get it. I'm just playing down Mormon.

You met him. He was at my Halloween party. Swisty! Oh my God. Do we kiss him? Maybe. Maybe you did. Okay.

Sorry. Back to Gurley Pop. Right. So this girl decided to make her own wedding cake. Right. And I just want to show it to you guys. And we're going to start here. Because she kind of posted weird and out of order.

And right here. Okay. I think as a non-baker, I want your guys' opinions on this. Okay. Oh, God. I don't know the first fucking thing about baking. Okay, so let's see what you think. By this next part on, this is nine layers of cake.

It's terrifying. Every time I have to take it off, but it's okay. We're doing it. Next, next time we can make it. Next time now. 18 layers? Yes. Is that normal?

I don't understand. Dude. Does this look like a normal cook? No, she doesn't even. Frost. Right, they say it's leaning towards the camera. Wait, why wouldn't it be at what this looks normal? You're not even done yet.

Here comes the next round, guys. Fun Ferry! This is fire! Woo! That's good! There's more, don't worry! Not done yet! There's another one!

There's the last layer though, you don't have to worry, guys. This is so fun. Oh, she's having a good time! You guys have no notes. Wait, yeah, what's the problem? Let her spinach! I'm crossing the crumb coat, and then after this is when I'm gonna start decorating and adding all the floral designs. But this is looking amazing.

looking amazing. Okay. What's the issue? What's the problem? What are you guys talking about? She's having a good time. It's all a problem. Every part of it's a problem. Was this like actually poppin and girly population? It has 10 million views. Yes. Yeah, but it's also got half a million likes.

So some people like it. Wait, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Do girls know something about like the secret art of wedding case? Because I just thought that that's what wedding cakes sometimes look like. Well, those are definitely box cakes. Well, yes, they're definitely box cakes because how much they're ripping. Yes, smart. Also, look at the layer of frosting in between.

Are you not upset at that? Why would I be? You see a lot of frosting? He's kind of what I would like to refer to as a food slot where he would still enjoy that. I would eat that. Okay, go to the end screen, like the last slide of it. Do you guys not see how it's like topsy, turvy falling over? Yeah, but I think she knows it's a little crappy.

Okay, sure. Like, I think she's just having fun. Wait, yeah. Show the next one. Okay. Wait, so what are the comments saying? Like, girl don't do this? Are they like girl power?

They said, oh my God, it's giving. It's, that's, that's you. Oh, it's not you. It's just the actual, the original. Yeah, it's just the original. But thank you. I thought it will. As professional cake maker, I'm frightened.

Do we have a backup plan? You didn't trim the cake flats. Like, all right, let's go to the next one. Go to the next one. Do regular women just have these kinds of, this knowledge of? What do you guys think? It looks great. It's beautiful.

It's cute. Making fun of the fact that's tilting. I don't know about the non-edible stuff. I don't think you should put non-edible things on the cake. He got sad. We'd have to remove the flowers. Yeah, I would like to be able to eat everything. I'm kidding.

Okay, can I be honest? Sure. I'm going to be honest for a second. Pause. That's not a good-looking wedding cake. No, I think it looks fine. It's an unattractive wedding cake, but here's the thing. I think weddings,

are all about what make you happy. Okay. I think we've kind of moved past the era of like, okay, so we're right. What were we talking about today? Yeah. I was like, oh, well, it's best decorum for your bridesmaids to wear like poop brown. Yeah. Because they're supposed to look bad.

Right. And the mother of the groom is supposed to wear muted colors as well or else it's a protest. So I do think that there are like a lot of things that go, like something blue, something, all that kind of that go into the tradition of wedding. and traditionally you'd have a better looking cake but one, weddings are so fucking expensive. So if you decide to save a little money by fucking making your own cake and you're having a good time with it

and you know, who cares if it looks a little bit more. You're being perfectly reasonable. I'm gonna take it one step further and say, can I eat it? If it's edible and it tastes good, then what the fuck's the problem? Yo, baby. Can I eat it?

I'm just saying it like, that that looks fine. It doesn't look that bad. Yeah, it was fun. That's crazy. Okay. Does it? Why?

No, just look at it. It's atrocious. Okay, can I pause? I feel like what you have to acknowledge is that your autistic focus is baking. Kind of like if we saw like a really ramshackle plane, he and I wouldn't really notice anything about it. But also would be like, look at that landing gear. That's not regular. I feel like this is kind of your wheelhouse.

Okay. Yeah, so that's what I was confused by. So you're actually nailing. the question here. Is this because you're like really invested in cakes or are all ladies like they know? Now you guys are making me a question. I thought it was all ladies.

But like no no but I'm saying maybe there is a thing. Yeah, we are brutes. We are brutes. Yeah. We're like women are like oh my wedding. It's going to be my special day and like I've already imagined about what my wedding cake would look like. Right. And therefore that's why

everyone has like a fantasy of what it's supposed to look like and they're saying this is not what it's supposed to to look like. Do you want to see the grand reveal? Yes. What a cutie but tuti. She is cute. She's just having a good time.

Yeah. I didn't have a pan and paper. I got to the mic. I'm like, oh, press for court. Ah, uh, uh, drive a road. I don't need you seeing me. I didn't have a pan and paper. I got to the mic.

I'm like, oh. Fuz! Why can't you see it? That's a different cake. Oh. So yeah, sure. She's proud and having fun. Clearly not that.

much. Wait, hold on, hold on. How do you know it was a different kid? Oh my God, that was like the prestige. That was like the end of an M-Ni-Shama-La situation. How do I know that's a different cake? How do I know that you and Will are different humans? Are you fucking kidding me?

Wow. Wow. I need to, Forensic. Did you think it was a bit? I did not clock it at all. I did not clock it at all. Are we cake blind?

This is one of our best segments we've ever done. You just flip the script on me. You're making accusations. What is that? Punch in. Punch into the phone. Yes, please. We need to punch the fuck in.

Are the people picking up on it? Yes, everybody knows it's a different cake. Everybody in their dog. You bought a cake, didn't you? Yes. Oh, and it's showing the frosting. Is it a different hue? Play it.

I need to see. That's the mic. I'm like, oh, press for court. It's a different hue. It's a different hue. That's a change. It's a different cake. It's taller.

It's also not crooked anymore. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, I guess you're right. I mean, I wouldn't have known. I would have thought that this. flowers are actually like tastefully arranged. Okay, well, that was a little bit of a shot.

Sorry. I've been defrauded. Do you blame me? Okay, so is she an influencer or she just a normal girl? She's an influencer and she's a genius. Oh, she's just cooked y'all. She's a genius. So women do care about the wedding cakes.

That's a thing. Okay. So you think she was baiting everyone in so she could hit the flood. She's a fraud, but she's a genius. Wow. Or what about? She's a genius fraud. What about, do you think that?

The comments were so mean and angry that she was like, I, she felt pressure. She was in the comments, doxie her. You bitch! I was like, here's her address, by the way. Can you fan 428, you stupid whore. Kill yours out. Your husband's going to cheat on you with me. No, I love Macy Bowie's singer and I, I love her.

I'm obsessed with her now. Look at Tay Helena. You bought a new cake, didn't you? You did. Are they having fun? Are the girl he's having fun with this? I don't know how the majority feels. I feel.

I feel like I feel swoon. I think this is a really funny prank. Yeah, I think she's a genius. This is a great little. Where's the real baker girl? She's taking credit for your work. Post it, sis.

I should recreate it and post it and pretend I made it. Oh, if I was good at my job, I would. You can still do it. I don't have time. You have a week. I don't have time. I'll come over. I don't have time.

I did Tar yummy's birthday cake. this week. It's so cute. Oh, by the way, this is awesome. Oh. He'll leave it here. All right. What are we at? All right.

This was a good episode. Wow. All right. You really flipped it on us with this one. This was my favorite. Yeah, I feel so foolish. That's crazy because one time I brought, we got free snacks with the girly pop. Remember the sour grapes?

Yeah, that was awesome. I literally ordered them. I still have them. I still eat them. I don't. They're too sour for me. Okay. Can I say one more thing I'm obsessed with?

What? And I'm so obsessed that the tree. or Joe's, I'm near changed their rules to deal with me. What? How? Pre-packaged protein pancakes. That's crazy. They have stocks where you just rip off the top and put them in the microwave for like

a minute. I've had it before. And it's like 180 calories, 22 grams of protein. Like, perfect. The best snack with sugar-free syrup, they're insane. They put up a sign that said only three pancakes per person because of what I've been doing with them. airline could go in after you and

yeah, it's a good point. You got to just run a train on the Trader Joe. Do you perk up when I say run a train? Yes, I know what run a train means. I did not. And on the Patreon we'll show you. You're getting married. That's all. I thought it was funny.

If the MC doesn't have anything to say about it. Which is why I should be your bridesmaid. Anyway, Patreon.com slash fear, and you already know. See you on the paywall. Also, also. We're going on tour. We're going on tour. Surprise.

San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, and also Seattle. That's right. And for the shows, I'm not. Andrea! Imagine? Yeah, we're going to Tehran. Opening up the straight of Hormuz.

That's right. That's what they called me in high school. Anyway. They called you. What? To the shows I'm not going to potentially I'll be premiering a music video just for our fans Right

Just for you guys as a nice treat But she's going to all of them Buy the tickets now Honestly we say who's going and they'll buy more tickets Yeah there's a beautiful woman taking my place That's right And it's Christina Aguilera It's Caroline Kwan

Gotta get by it! Carolina Kwan And then on the other one Shakira Wow I'm on the night and Tyler. I think we can get sued for

false promotion with their names. This is a joke. Parity, parody, not Tyler. Kaule is going to be. Juan will be there. 100% at the Portland show for 100%. And then 50% on Seattle.

Yeah, you might want to. We'll see. I know. That's why I said 50. Let's just, you know, what do you mean? They're more likely to buy tickets if they know Caroline's going.

She's fucking, she's kind of better than me. Anyway. See you behind the paywall. Peace. The other Christopher Nolan story that I think is very interesting. Yeah.

See, you know stuff? Did you know Christopher Nolan has a brother? Yeah, that people think is a hitman. Well, God damn it. I was gonna... You asked me a question! Fuck, I was gonna tease it.

There's another brother. Literally could have asked me. Yes. Ask the fucking... People know that Christopher Nolan has a brother, but they know that he has a brother that is another writer. He's a director as well.

I'm sorry. But it turns out there's a third brother that neither of the brothers actually mentioned. I fucked out, man. And that is the reason because he fucked it up. He's allegedly an assassin. Yeah. Look up third Christopher Nolan brother. Christopher Nolan's brother was an alleged hitman who went by the name Oppenheimer.

Yep. But not related to actually like, you know, the Oppenheimer that we know of that he made a movie about. But it was like he was largely in some South African, you know, mine owner or something. that like no one has made like all these kind of like hitman government CIA killer movies to like be closer with his brother