Fear& - We're Slowly Losing Our Minds | Fear&

Episode Date: March 16, 2026

Go to https://drinkag1.com/FEAR to get an AG1 Flavor Sampler and a bottle of Vitamin D3+K2 for free in your AG1 Welcome Kit with your first AG1 subscription order—only while supplies last. ✨WATCH THE SECOND HALF ON PATREON✨ Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/FearAnd 🎧 AUDIO PLATFORMS 🎧 🔊https://linktr.ee/fearand ❤️ follow Fear&! ❤️ Hasan: https://twitter.com/Hasanthehun Will: https://twitter.com/TheWillNeff QT: https://twitter.com/QTCinderella Austin: https://twitter.com/Austinontwitter Marche: https://twitter.com/Marche Fear&: https://twitter.com/FearAndPod Chapters - 00:00:00 - GOOD CHRISTMAS MORNING EVERYONE 00:03:04 - so very thoughtful thank you so much mauricio miranda who lives at 1040 aurora borealis lane, los angeles, 90011 apt 145 00:07:01 - this is satire 00:10:12 - yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck 00:12:44 - AG1 00:14:27 - no I think they are just messing with everyone 00:17:00 - how would you like to be frozen 00:19:16 - you know what, good for him 22:29 - CASHAPP 00:24:00 - a million girls will kill for this job 00:25:55 - THE FUNNY HOT ONE?! HOW DOES HE GET AWAY WITH THIS 00:28:57 - hasan goes out 00:32:00 - for the life of me I couldnt find the damn episode, must have been patreon 00:34:28 - THANK YOU FOR ASKING 00:37:43 - strange for sure 00:40:47 - WARNING PLEASE LOOK AWAY 00:41:36 - WARNING PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THIS 00:44:30 - to be fair, we all do 00:47:54 - we draw the line wayyyyyy before that 00:48:47 - the pope is anti look maxing and I dont think I can do this anymore 00:52:28 - ooooh now thats a good question 00:55:30 - who would be yalls number one guest 00:59:00 - its jingle time baby 01:00:00 - NEW SEGMENT ALERT #hasanabi #qtcinderella #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

built you back up as a funny guy. That was me. Devilware's fraud. I built you me. And you're yelling at me. Don't do you. Don't do a little Brian might see it. Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to another episode of the Fear and podcast. It's Monday morning. The birds are chirping and the American working class is just getting started. It's right. And here we are. Here to get you through. the day and get you through your week, maybe your month, or your year.

There's a hard pivot to a radio show. Hey, it's Fear Red Crew in the morning, everybody. I hope you're having a nice commute. It's busy out there. Wee. Heat waves, sweeping. 76 degrees in sunny in California. That's right.

Wait, I have good sunny news. What's that? I brought your Christmas presents. Whoa! Oh, thank you. No, that's wonderful. Wow. I love to celebrate the holidays in my I brought up.

I thought about just saving them until next year, but no. That's crazy. Now, honestly, that's what I do sometimes. Give us a little Christmas music. Okay, Christmas time is neat. Oh, it's got the Christmas packaging. Okay, don't. Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag,

because Christmas is here again. I have never heard. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What? I've never heard that Christmas song in my life. Everybody's waiting for the man with a bag, because Christmas is here again. Bada-dee-dab-dab-d-d-boo.

The man with the bag. I know it. Are you sure that's not about cocaine? That goes to Hassan. Oh. Oh my gosh. And then this went to Will. Oh.

Wait a minute. Is that Jesus Christ? No, it's Enya Garden. This is barefoot Kintessa? Yeah. Where did you find this? At the store. Oh, my God.

And then I got that for Austin. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There's. Penises in this book. Wait, there's some nice penises in that. And then Marcia's additional gift was just a bath bomb. Oh, my God.

Because I thought you deserved it. Those are some big old penis. God. And then he did you get to choose a chocolate bar. Oh, my God. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. Don't tell them.

You can keep them. Yeah, they didn't notice it. These are some rods. What the fuck. That's a lot of penises. Some of them are like scary. Wait. Wait, really?

You can't just say that. Don't. That with the long hair. Hey, do me a favorite. Oh, you know what? It kind of does look like your penis. Do me a favor? Oh, my God.

Show it to the camera. Show the camera? That one's for Gabe. Move it around a little bit. Hey, Gabe. Hey, Gabe, bet it that, bud. Throughout the episode, I'm just going to be like, see if you don't miss it.

All right, let's see what you got. Well, can we all open it at the same time? Yeah, open them all at the same time. Oh, mine vibrates. What? Oh. Shut the fuck up. Is this Gucci?

Oh my God. Cudy Cinderella. Cudy Cinderella. I know. I'm so nice. Cudy. What is it? Cudy, what the fuck?

Mine's a dragon. What did you guys get? Basketball. So I got you all matching bracelets, but then I added charms that I thought represented you. Oh, my God. I don't even know. It's a plane. Oh, it's a plane.

Oh, my God. She didn't give that one to Hassan or else you never get on the flight again. Oh my God, could you buckle it for me? Yeah, you want to leave the tag on? I needed it. Yeah, of course. Oh, you want the tag on? That's so awesome.

Cutty, this is honestly. I thought it'd be cute because now you all match, but then you also have your, but if you want the, if you want me to take off the charm, I can take off. I'm never taking it off. Because I didn't know if you'd want, if the charms would be annoying or not. Actually, let's do left arms. For audio listeners. And then I got, Hassan, I got you a bigger one. Because I didn't know if your wrists would be too.

Oh my God, look. That's what she said. No, I didn't say, but I just thought you had bigger wrist. I got nervous. I will say this. For those that are listening via audio, Cudy got us three matching. Well, March.

That's four. Four matching Gucci wrist bracelets. I'm going to figure this out. And then at the end, I put a little charm on them. Beauty. Each of have their own charm. You've truly outdone yourself. So Austin has a plane, Will has a dragon, March has a skull, and then Hassan has a basketball, which I was the, maybe, did I get it too big?

No, that was cool. Cutie, look at this. And also, if you don't like the basketball, I can switch yours out. It matches my Gucci chain here, and it kind of matches the other Gucci chain. Well, you wanted me to put it on. I was deciding between doing Hassan's either. And I got another Gucci chain too at home. Okay, he's bragging.

I was deciding to do a train or a basketball, but I went with the basketball. So then people want to make fun of you. And then I also thought of adding more charms to them, but then I was like, maybe I'm doing too much. No, the single charm is tight. Well, I'll tell you what, cutie Cinderella. Are they too big? No, they are not.

They're just big enough. I'll grow into it. You can always, we can shorten it pretty easy, I think. I'm telling you, once I put on that holiday 15, that wrist is going to start. I might have just assumed all of your wrists were way bigger than they were. No, cutie, I love this because it's perfect. Cutie, cutie, cutie, what if I get stung by a bee or something like that? And then it still fits perfectly, you know.

I think they're a little big. My bad. It's okay. No, cutie. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, kitty? I would never have this as other way. Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And a happy new year. Okay, now we're going back to March. And not him. I'm talking about the month. That's right.

All right. Well, what a way to start that episode. Thank you, cutie. That was so sweet of you. Real Christmas in July moment. I love that because I just thought something I was expecting. Oh, surprise. Yeah, surprise.

It was a good surprise. It was a really good surprise. You know, yeah, I woke up today. I had no idea I'd wake up, go to bed with a Gucci necklace or a Gucci bracelet. Yeah. People you're wearing, too. Well, I know, but I take them off before. And he has another one.

He loves Gucci. I do. You think it's too much to have three Gucci necklaces? All right. Well, I thought I was being a little flashy. Guys, anything exciting going on in your loss. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me?

I'm so excited to be here with all of you. Yeah. Every week is exciting. Right. When I'm here at the Fear End podcast. I put 400 bucks. on Timothy Chalame. Oh, you bet it?

Yeah. On the Oscars. Robin Hood. Wow. Wait, you can bet on Robin Hood? Yeah, it's not good. I also lost a bunch of money on the Grammys. I didn't get one prediction right.

Damn. So, hold on. So let me be clear. I know advertising gambling to children is probably not great. I think more children should gamble. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay.

I think they should learn at a young age to lose. I think that that would be great. And if they learn to lose, then they'll never bet again. That's right. Or play with guns. Because that's what I do. I always lose. go into Vegas.

That's why I will make my children drunk drive early on. So they get better. Get it out of them. I mean, objectively speaking, there probably are more skilled drunk drivers than others. Yeah. But you should be drunk, sober, like they probably can't drive anyway. So you might as well like learn drunk. If you start them on dope young enough, then by the time they're old, they'll have to be

using their toes to inject and then they'll run out eventually. I hear they make like a flintstones called fentstones. Yeah, they'll run out of viable veins by the time they'll run out of viable veins by the time They're old and then they'll be successful. That's true. Way off the rest of the way. So anyway, so gambling for children not great. But can we gamble?

Well, I was thinking, Qieie Moore's is so emotionally taxing on you. Just give me the results next year. And let me put down a fucking bag. Dude. On every category. You know, I'll freaking spill some. How does this alleviate her attention?

Nothing, but it'll just make him rich. Inside a trading, though. Yeah. But then I could be like Martha Stewart. We could just flee. So here's a deal. What amount of money would you be okay? with just fleeing your life.

It's okay. Donald Trump Jr. is in charge of the regulatory agency, so you can just cheat. You can do insider trading on that stuff. Would you guys be down to flee? Yeah. I'd flee. I'd flee.

Your voice went up a lot. That was a higher register for sure. You went, yeah. I mean, I'd flee. I'd flee, but I'd want enough money to like, like, buy all my family a house. So it'd be like a lot. And I'd want them to nice houses.

I would just, I'd have enough money to bring everybody that I wanted with me. I think I'd want like $100 million. Where would you flee to? Probably London I think they have an extradition clause

Yeah fuck it Okay Why not So you're gonna gamble again Well Moscow I don't know Where can I go Where can I go

Israel Oh One of the few places They don't have an extradition clause No they don't That's very strange You'd think that We do so much for them

You'd think that maybe Perhaps they'd have that No right Right Right Why would that be Where else are Oh I don't know

I go Okay well I guess I'd go to Tel Aviv It's BDS Oh, it's BDS? Fuck, all right. Yes, going to Israel. I wouldn't kiss the wall or anything. I would just, you know.

No, just in general. I would just live there. A man in exile. I mean, what am I going to do? I'm escaping. Where the fuck can I go? There's only so many places. Oh, China.

Oh, I forgot. China's a good one. Wait, I didn't know I had to escape. Yeah, you're fleeing. No, that's the whole point. Yeah, but I'm just fleeing from being perceived. No, no, no, no. You're a huge.

Yes. Oh. Yeah. Well, I don't know if I want to. Yeah. You got Moscow. Pyongyang. Well, think about it.

If we put a million dollars on every category, how many categories did you have last year? 34. Depending on the odds. Some of the long shots win. Dude. We could probably clear over $100 million. Why would there be so much money being bet? There was a lot of money.

There was a crazy amount of money. If you win every category, and you take long shots? Yes. This is like, I haven't, I haven't said this anywhere, but like I'll say it doesn't matter. We sent them a cease and desist. And they were like, it doesn't matter. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, because Donald Trump Jr.

I told them, I was like, you know how many people see? Like, the insider trading issues in this situation is so crazy. Like, so many people know the results beforehand. Yeah. I have a production team of like 100 there. Like what are you guys thinking? And they're like, oh, if you want to let us know if anyone's insider trading, you can give us names and we can make sure that they're held accountable.

I was like, kill yourselves. No, but that, no, they will not do it anyway. Because like every other week, there's like, like there was a massive insider trading scandal. about like when the shred of Hormuz will close, when like the Ayatollah that was assassinated by the American government and the Israeli government. Like there's always just like one random account that makes a massive bet and wins a million dollars. Really? Yeah.

It's just because in this administration, especially in this administration, there's just guys that are in the room that are like, what'd you say? We're killing them right now? Like, and then they just immediately go, blip. You know what I'm going? Where? South America. Okay. I mean, see you surviving down there.

Tough to avoid law enforcement, but you know, you can change your identity a little bit. Oh, I'm getting in with the cartel. Oh. Okay. That's directly the CIA. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So you're just going to be a bag man for the American government.

Pretty much. Okay. That's a cool. Rags the richest story. I guess rich is to more riches. Well, I'm not going to Tel Aviv anymore. I'm going to Shanghai. Oh.

Yeah. I'm going to work at the Ritz Carlton. Oh. I don't know why I need to it with $100 million, but I don't know. I'm just going to. I feel like you did for the love of the game. To just work at the hotel. You're going to switch sides.

You're going to work with the enemy. And I don't mean China. I mean like you're going to be on the other side of customer service. Hold on. Let me clear. The people that I negotiate with. You're going to be the manager telling people to fuck off. I've got a good relationship with everybody I negotiate with.

Unless it's a health care situation, which, by the way, I'm in a current dispute. We know. Again? We know. Yes. No, I owe a couple grand to this health care place. And I messaged them and I was like, no, I'm not doing it. First of all.

What? Insane. Well, here's the deal. This is what I think as a PSA. One day there would be a documentary made about your life, like the man who conned private health. You know what I figured out? I was thinking about it. I was like, how can I justify this terror that I'm inflicting on the multi-billion-billion-dollar?

healthcare industry. You know what I said? Well, I can't help but notice how healthy your gut is. Oh, it is quite healthy. Oh, yeah. Yes, that's right, because I've been drinking AG1. What the hell's that? Age 1 is a daily health drink clinically shown to support gut health and fill in common

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If they're fucking with me, they're not fucking with you. No, I think they're still fucking people. I think they are fucking everyone. But think about at least one person is being not because if I'm taking up their time. I'm taking up enough time to maybe at least one

person is not. If I'm, if they're have to deal with me, one person out there. One person out there is not having to pay their bill. I'm imagining a world where they set up a special task force for Austin because he's done it so much. He's run up a tab to the tune of like a million dollars. No, it hasn't been that much. I have insurance. Insurance pays some.

But basically, I've talked about this before, but the no surprise billing act, it's still in, actually Donald Trump signed it into effect. It's basically, it's basically, it's basically, it's. It's basically an act that protects consumers against, you know, insurance companies when you go out of network from being a balance billed. And I noticed that I was in an in-network facility, and they were not, they were balance billing me. And so I said, I just want to know how you interpret this federal law. And so I'm in a dispute with them. So, yeah, that's it. You're a hero.

Thank you. You're a civil rights icon. Well, I think that if we all, we all. we all get together and we fight up against the big multi-billion dollars then we can win no I this is gonna really pick up steam

well if we all do it I'm telling you if we're all a pain in the ass it works next time I see Bernie I'm gonna be like drop this Medicare for all shit dude no no no have you considered if you consider just stealing doing you know small claims court related incidents considered theft

well no no I believe in Medicare for all But in the meantime, it's time to do what the OE, whatever the fuck they did in World War II. The OES. OEM. The OASS. Yeah. Anyway. Like the CIA sabotage manual.

Exactly. I thought we established. They were, we've gone over this. They were explaining how to firebomb, you know, buildings. Yeah, yeah. We're not going to get into that again. We're going in circles. Or sabotaging.

It's Brownhog Day again on the Fairland podcast. sabotaging, you know, industrial output. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. Not annoying customer service. I'm sorry, cutie Cinderella. Are you dissociating? No, I'm locked in. I'm learning.

I'm learning about the multi-billion dollar healthcare industry. I'm learning about the OSS. But yeah. I got nervous when they said that they were going to bomb California. That was so your face. It popped up on my citizen app and I was like, not cool. You've been popped up on your citizen. Yeah.

I was like, that's not cool. They were like ducking cover. And I was like, Like, what? How's that going to help me? Well, I was a little nervous, too. They said to duck and cover? Yeah, popped up.

That's crazy. I was a little nervous. Well, would that do if I got bombed. Yeah, you're not getting bombed by Iran. I would prefer, for the record, if I were to get bombed, I would prefer not being ducking and covering. What an ick. You'd rather take it? You get found ducked and covered?

The people in Pompeii is ducked and covered and then you find them. Yeah. You know the one guy who got caught. Jurg on. Yeah. There's one guy jerking off and pulling off. Pompey and he got frozen like that forever. Yeah, that sucks.

No, that doesn't suck. That's awesome. No, that sucks. No, he's like, no, he's a legend, dude. Are you kidding me? No, no, no. I guess we wouldn't be talking about him if he wasn't drinking off. Think about the thousands that died in like normal positions and we still think about it.

Okay, so next time I get the duck and cover morning, I'm going to shove something on my vagina crazy. Like that. I'm going to crazy stuff shove something up there. Oh my God. Yeah. Honestly, the best part of that. Did they just leave him like that?

Well, what do you mean? Well, he's. Well, he's ashes. He's not real. Well, I know, but like, well, I know. But they could have at least moved him to him. No, everybody died for miles. Well, is he still there?

Yeah. Well, it's like a museum now. Oh, great. Why would you also? Yeah. They put him in a museum? Well, like the whole town is like a museum. The whole town is covered in law.

Also, don't you think that's, I mean, I feel like he would want to be immortalized. No. Not me. What if he was? It is really funny to think of you panic shoving something. in your vagina and then you don't get bombed. Oh, that would not be ideal. When it walks in?

Just eggplant. I was thinking blender. No, yeah, it'd have to be something not like, melancher. It doesn't have to go in. Like a frying pan handle. A frying band handle. Yeah, because then they find you later. And it's just like, what was she doing?

You think. Damn, I would, I feel like. Here lies cutie Cinderella, brave till the last moment. Women always talk about how they would peeze standing up. with dicks. I would love to. I know. But one thing we never talk about, I would store things in my pussy if I was a lady. It's a little uncump. Yeah. Even tampons are a little uncomf. Yeah. Right, but I feel like, I feel like it's also you could just do your butthole. Just put stuff up in the phone. I already have a butthole. I don't put stuff up there.

She's got a point. No. Put your fucking money where you're going to get poopie on it. Then there's all there's douche. Oh, damn. He said you got a poopie butt hole. Yeah, you got you there. Your vagina also has goo in it. Yeah, but it's a little goo. It's like, what do I mean? Don't make that face.

It's just gooey. What are you going to bust out of there? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. What is it? Hey, you want some, you want some pus mucus. It's lubricates. It's very similar than what's like a loogie. What?

You've seen a pussy before. Yeah, I've seen one. But he hasn't. He's like in federal interrogation. He's like, what? You don't remember. He doesn't remember the goo. I mean, it felt like a little wet, but I thought it was water.

You're joking. I couldn't even do the back. Shut the fuck up. He's trying to win gay cred. He couldn't lean into it. He's trying to win gay cred back. I mean like, ew, what's a pussy? Gold star homosexuality.

Yeah, you can't put it back in the tube, brother. You already, you already fucked. Yeah. Speaking of Austin being gay, we're watching the Oscars earlier. I've never seen him queen out this hard. This man is so excited, apparently, for Devil Weir's product. Dude, who's not excited? I saw it in theaters, you know?

But before you already saw it? The first one. Oh. But that was before. I know. I was in 2006. I went with my aunt and my mom. And you didn't think like you're gay at that point?

I don't know. My mom just thought I was not interested in girls at the time. Right. And why is Devil Wears part of so important? Wait, wait. Devil was part of it's not a gay movie. What? It's a fantastic.

film. Wait, why? So gay movies can't be fantastic? Well, that's not what I meant. I just figured out he's gay. No, I just meant like liking that movie doesn't hide it. No, what?

It's a fantastic film. Marsh, you. It's a really good film. You willingly shared that information. Yeah, because I love that movie. It's a little gay. I mean, look, it's, uh, it's, let me tell you why I love that movie.

Right. Fashion. I love the fashion in it. I love, I love the, I love Miranda Priestley and the cuntiness of Miranda Priestley. Right. And Stanley Tucci. Wake up, six.

Yeah. Flowers and spring. Groundbreaking. Right? I had a coworker like that. Yeah. Did somebody... Back in my design days.

He was incredible. He actually texted me the other day. So you really love Devil's World War's Prada. I love Devil's Prada. Yeah, dude, he was... I can quote the movie. He was freaking out when Anna Wintour and Athewan. Yeah.

Great moment from the Oscars. Wow. They did it. It was a subtle promo for Devil Wars Prada, but for only... There was literally an... ad right after. Hold on, but it was very subtle.

It was very, hold on, no, no, no, no, hold on. Let me, let me, let me paint the picture for those of you. For those of you who. Soutily ran a five minute trip. For those of you who weren't at the Oscars, okay? We weren't there either. Don't like, we were wishing it. And now suddenly an ad for Zacht.

No, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. I love to talk about cash app. This is my second favorite time ever, honestly. Oh, yeah. Let me tell you why I love cash app. Tell me. I love the.

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a ho-da-boog, ooh. To do the music. Oh, to the music. Huh-da-Bow. Right? So this was like a string version. That's the D. D.D.W.S. A string version of that. They're coming out, Anna Wintor,

Anne Hathaway. Right. And then they just do a thing, and it's subtle in the beginning. It was not subtle. In the beginning. Anna Wintor is. They were presenting costumes.

So Miranda Priesey's inspired by Anna Wintor. Anyway. So you think nothing of it, right? They're just doing awards. Just two ladies. Until, until. I think for the record. Everyone thought that.

And I'm always on your side. But the minute I saw them together, I think I would put two and two together. Well, but that's to the train die. You've got a very trained guy. You're right. I do. I do. I do have a trained die.

So. No, I do. They come out. They say that about me. They come out. They come out. They come out. I'm trained ice solar us.

All right. So they do the first award. Do the first award. It's great. Nobody's thinking anything. I mean thinking of the devil's part. Yeah. Why is Anna Wintor at the Oscar stage for the first time literally ever?

Yeah. How confusing. So this is the kicker. Uh-huh. You're not thinking about it until she goes, Anna, do you want to read the next award? And Anna turns to Anne Hathaway and goes, yes, Emily.

Uh-huh. Get it? Get it? Yeah, it's her character's name. Yes. From what she would call her in the first movie when she was referring to who she actually, her other assistant. Anyway, her name was Emily.

Brilliant advertisement. And you didn't even know it was happening until the ad played right after that. I was so confused. Yeah. I was like, what is going on? What? What? Why did she say, Emily?

Her name is not Emily. He didn't know shit about it. There are a few women that can be unapologetically a cunt that I will always forgive. Anna Wintor is one of them. I don't care. I do not care what you say about her. I don't care. She's a diva and I love her and she's amazing.

Mariah Carey. Same with Martha Stewart. Oh, Martha Stewart. Love that. People will say she's a bitch. I'm like, I don't fucking care. This is going to sound crazy. Who is Anna Wintor?

Are you fucking kidding me? I have no idea who this is. Anna Wintor? Awesome, who's Anna Wintour? Do you know what the same? Wait, actually. Austin, who's Anna Wintour? Yeah, actually.

Austin, who's Anna Wintour? Are you kidding me? Go ahead. Editor and chief of Vogue. Did you Google it? No, he didn't finish the Google, no. Vogue magazine? You didn't talk like you didn't know for a second.

I was very concerned. I was a little worried. Oh, she's an icon. Oh, she's an icon. She's inspired. Her existence has inspired the Devil Wears Prada. Oh. And all the girls.

So she's a horrible, nastier, monster person. Yeah, you know what one of my favorite lines is? Yeah, but she's awesome. You know what favorite lines is? I use it on Christian sometimes. When he gets pissed at me, I look at him and I go,

a million girls would kill for this job. That's actually crazy to save your partner. This is why I said, this was the gayest he's ever. Actually, I forgot to tell you this because I didn't think of it until now, so I didn't really forget. Sure. I was with some people this weekend.

And a few people, they know I do a podcast because of they watch Hassan. And they're like, oh, yeah, you do the podcast with Asan. And then they were like, oh, and the funny hot one. Oh. And I go, the funny hot one. Oh. And they're like, yeah, the gay one. Oh.

And you were the funny hot one. I know. The funny hot one. You were the funny hot one. Oh, my God. Were they hot? You were the funny hot one and you were the gay one. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, they talked about Will later. But they said the funny hot one. Wow. I said, who? And then they said the gay one. Oh, wow. And then they were talking about you.

I needed that. Yeah, I thought you did. This is a stranger. No, yeah, I got blocked on Grindr. Oh. Wait, totally? Yeah, somebody just sent a photo myself and they're like, block. I was like, oh, fuck you.

Wait, the whole app blocked. No, from a guy. Oh, man. I needed that. I needed that boost. We all got blocked on Grindrinder every once in a while. You know, it seemed, it seemed great. Different strokes or different.

So that's exciting. What do they say about me? That they don't really follow you, but they like your vibes. I mean, that tracks for a lot of our fucking audience. They don't follow me either. Were they good? They're cute. They do have a partner, but they're both cute.

They're both cute. Really? Yeah. I don't know. Who knows? Okay. I'm just kidding. No, just let them be.

Let them be. They're cute. Don't worry. No, it's fine. There's a lot of cute people in the world. I went out last night with Will. Really? Yeah.

It's a big deal. Uh-huh. One of our buddies from college, or one of my buddies from college that Will became really good friends with as well. I like how you lean towards the microphone when he puts the... You're supposed to... I know. When we both moved out here, it was his birthday. Yep.

So, you know, I never really go out. He invited me to his new place. He had, like, habachi. The dude was throwing zucchini at people's mouths from afar. It was crazy. I kind of understand where you're coming from now. Like, this guy was just going... And then...

you know, from where he, where I'm at to March his mouth. What do you mean where Austin's coming from? Do you think because I like sucking dick that this is what you mean? Is that what you mean? No, you love habachi, don't you know? No, I've never heard Austin about Habachi ever. I do like Gabi, but I thought you were talking about me getting my sucking dick. Oh, like catching it in his mouth.

No! He's talking about the time you said that you loved habanji. You said that? Yeah. Yeah, Austin. When did you say that? I don't know. I feel like I know him.

He would never say that. I mean, he's on his podcast. He likes Habachi, but he likes it internally. I do love Habachi, but I never have said that. Let's go to Habachi. He's like, yeah, I like Habachi. But like no one's ever said that on the podcast. This is the most gaslight thing.

I don't think you've ever said it. Somebody needs to pull it. I don't have it, but he specifically said Benny Hanna. Yeah. Can you watch his habachi? He's at length about it. He's more like a tempaniaki girl. Do you notice how all the man in the room?

The guy was drunk and you literally wanted to like take his license away? Yes. His license to, you wanted to remember. He was a sub-bar Benihana show. He would never complain about someone like that. I didn't know her. I'm losing my mind.

He's never complained about someone's service. Anyway, I understood why you actually are a big fan of Habachi, as we all know. So just to be clear, you don't, it's not about Falacio. No. No. It is nothing to do.

It's about how you famous. I say you like Habachi. It's not that famous. What would, throwing zucchini into someone's mouth. I'm going to do a suck in your cock, Austin. I don't know. zucchini is very phallically shit.

You know, it's like, they cut it up! They cut it out! They cut it out of the little pieces. I don't know. I'm not. You're like a full fucking zucchini. I don't know.

I'm like, oh, remember the onion volcano? It's going to be like, why, because I'm gay? Yeah. Like a butt hole? Oh, because it's shit like, like, like a ass. I would never think of an onion like that.

That's ridiculous. Yeah, I would never. That's ridiculous. I don't know what's some weird shit where you want your penis all chopped up. That's weird. What? We are not the ones who made that

okay, fine. All right. I get it. I get it. All right. You're talking about a habachi. Thank you for clarifying. Yes.

I went to Habachi for prom. But I didn't have a date. And so I took my cardboard cut out of Justin Bieber. Oh, no. And it was awesome because the, the Benihana guy still threw shrimp at his mouth. It was awesome. Every time. Were you alone?

And we stabbed. We stabbed chopsticks into his hands. Cutie. I was with a group. I was funny as hell. beauty I had a crusage and everything for him

we stuck it on his you just don't think your life couldn't get more really I thought it's funny I mean I would have liked to date did you dance with any men

that night no no no I didn't did you dance at a table no I didn't but I did bring him in funny girl in high school that's a tough

that's a tough rap what because women are so cruel well you heard about my high school experience wasn't that bad yeah no and every time you tell me

your stories I understand why it happened like that. Okay. So I'm just saying like some of us over here have always loved Benny Hana and we're not bandwagoners. I love Benihana. We've always loved it. I love Habachi

when they cut up the fucking zucchini and come across the table. And we've always said that. We've always said it. Anyway, back to your story. Back to your story. Back to your story. Sorry to interrupt. We did the Habachi thing. Will showed up. A bunch of our old friends like, you know, they're getting, they're having children now. It's crazy.

Some of our friends are having kids. anyway, yeah, it's a wild, it's a crazy thing to start wrecking. Well, we are 30, 34. It's definitely age appropriate. It's Asian appropriate what we are doing, actually. I don't know, more time for me, I guess. Anyway, we leave, and I want to ask you guys, I feel like this is kind of an Austin thing to do.

Like what ended up happening is kind of an awesome thing to do. So we're at the do's house in the hills. It's very nice, right? and he just like kind of ends the birthday party. Yeah. And he's like, all right, guys, it's time to go to the next thing.

It's the after party. And he's like, he should be a promoter. So we're like, oh, here we go. Like classic, whatever.

And we get in the car and we're driving to this, to this club. Second party. To the second party at a nightclub. Let me guess. You all go in and then he makes you perform the whole play of Wizard boss. That would be a very cutie thing.

An Austin thing. No. Okay. Midway through while we're driving there. We're like, so whose event is this? Like, what's the deal? He goes, guys, I have to tell you, it's my ex-girlfriend's birthday. Yeah.

What? He made us go to his ex-girlfriend's birthday party. And it turns out she's like a comic. And all of her friends are comedians. And it was just all like Instagram comic people and like, you know, young stand-ups. Did you see Matt Rife there? Should have beat his ass. If you ever see Matt Wright, hit him in the face.

Why? You hate him? Yeah, we hate Matt Wright. What's your beef with Matt Wright? Oh, my beef with Matt Wright? Funny you'll ask. It's about time. Yeah.

I guess there's... Thank you for it. It's about time you ask me about Matt Rife. Matt Rife dated Brooks Schofield. Oh, fuck. On the canceled podcast... Who's Brooks Kof? She was Tanna's friend, Tana friend of the show.

And then they're secretly dating, right? Nobody freaking knows. I don't even know. Whatever. Matt Rife goes on a... No one told me. Yeah. No one told me.

I found out on podcast. But anyway, and so no one, she hasn't told anyone they're secretly dating. Matt Rife goes on a podcast and he starts talking about women. They're like, what's your type of girl? Like, what's your icking girls? He said his icking girls is an outy vagina. Meanwhile, Brooks at home sitting there with her outy vagina. And she knows she has an outy vagina.

What is she supposed to do about it? And he's sitting there talking about how gross, like, like very crassly, outy vaginas are. Cudy, hold on, did he specifically mention her or, like, was his idea of an outy vagina potentially different than her? Also, why do you know Brooke Schofield's pussy? Yeah, that's also. She told us. That's, we know too much about each other. No.

I have an inny. I don't know what that is. Can I be honest? I've never heard of a vagina referred to as an outy. Me neither until Brooke. I like that she did that. Aren't they all out? No.

To a certain degree. I mean, they're always there. Not really. No, is... Oh, are this the one like... Lips. No, but like the middle part. Some people are lippy.

Like the bun and the hot dog. Oh, lippy. Like the hot dog sticks out of your buns. Some people got the walls coming out. Yeah. Yeah. But either way, it's fine. That's what vaginas look like.

But he's talking about outy vagina specifically, and we know he's talking about hers because they're dating at the time and he's being an asshole. We don't know he's talking about. No, we know. His version of an outy vagina might have been way more outy. No, it was her vagina.

Okay. How do you know that? She said it. I'm going to take the safe road here and say cute he's right. She said he was being mean to her. Okay. And then I don't remember what happened.

They broke up eventually. And he's not funny. And I stand on that. Unless he wants to come on this podcast and you could come on. I don't think I actually liked him. You just thought he was hot. No. We both thought he was hot.

Did we? There was a clip. I changed my mind a lot. Yeah. And honestly, it was three years ago. We've grown. Also, it's crowd work. Clips funny.

I watched this special for 10 minutes had to turn it off. And if you want to talk about that, If I'm not right if you can come on this podcast. I'll put you in the face. Because he was talking about Audi vaginas like that. He wants to deal with women, huh? Like, yeah, it was weird. They should get back in the kitchen.

Yeah. Everyone was like, what is going on? It was so weird. Anyway, I don't know Brooke. And she's engaged now. But Brooke Schofield? Just know I'm 10 toes down. We want to let you know.

We, Brooke, come on the pod. We love your vagina. Yeah. Yes. We love Audi. We love Audi vaginas on this. She talked about it. And I just want to let you know.

This would be actually, Marsh, could you Google? Because I'm realizing now, I don't know if this was broke. Do you Google Brooks Schofield pussy? No, I just don't know if it was Brooke that dated him now. Oh my gosh. So we just talked about Brooks Schofield. It could have been someone else. Brooks Schofield, Matt Rife.

Did they date? Okay. Oh, thank God. I should check that earlier on. So what you were at the party of the comedy? The stories that we went there, there were a lot of, there were a lot of Hasanabaheads. They're great. It was a, it was a chaotic scene for me.

because I'm, I was just so 34 years old and, and so out of place. But I thought this is like a very Austin thing that our, that our friend was doing. To bring you guys to my ex's birthday? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like a bunch of young people that are dancing. Wait, is he gay? Trying to be.

No. Yes, no, it's more normal and a gay. Yeah, it's more normal and a gay. Why would that be? Because, because, because gay. So you are taking ownership over this. I clocked it. I'm great for, I went to brunch with my gay, get my ex boyfriend this weekend.

Yeah. With my gay. Yeah, with my ex-boyfriend. Yeah. We went to Lady Gaga together, too. I remember. Yeah. Yeah, but that's less normal than, like, if I was at a party.

They were sleeping in the same hotel room. No sex. Well, I know that. But I'm talking about your friend being like, it's my birthday. Let's go to my ex's birthday now. Strange, right? That's weird. I agree.

We thought so. Oh, really? Were there any cool comedians there? Oh, yeah. You guys don't know any of them. You didn't know even one. There's a cool one. You didn't know.

All comedians are cool. You don't remember one person's name you met last night. Yeah. Yes, we do. I just don't want to expose. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, we're not. We're fucking tight. Yeah, and if you were there, Matt Rife, it's on site. Yeah. Yeah, Matt Rife was there.

He told me he hates you. He was like, she's got outy vibes. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, she does, bro. You're right. And we dabbed it up.

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting his facial reconstruction guy's number. So, Yeah, I'm gonna get my bucle fat removed. Yeah, I'm gonna, we're both coming back, looking like handsome Squidward. Dude, we should really do a South Korea arc where we just handsome Squidward.

I'd do it. I would do it for the memes. Just totally redo my face. Doctor, doctor! Give me the news. I got a bad habit. Oh, my God. Oh!

I've been, I just keep falling asleep randomly. I think you have narcolepsy I don't know where do I go to see a doctor You either have narcolepsy or you're an infomaniac I'm not sure the difference But you know who probably does

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This message is sponsor. by Zok dog. My dream is that in a few years, we do a Zoc Doc ad that's just a German expressionist film for like three hours. It's just right in the middle of our podcast, like a black and white. I want to look like... I want to look like Laura Lumer. Because I think it'd be funny.

You want to look like Laura Lumer? Yeah. Marsh, pull up Laura Lumer. I know what Laura Lumer looks like. I don't know if she looks like. I need the cutie Cinderella to see what this thing looks like. Skinwalker, a bad thing to say. That means so come.

When you say it, it's like a... signal. Oh, really? She looks like Jigsaw. It's too late. You already said it. Fuck. Oh. Oh my god. She does look like Jigsaw. Yeah. He's my number one fan. There's just, I don't think there's a surgery to even reverse that. No. No. That's your number one fan? I don't give a shit. She's my number one fan. She's trying to get me deported a lot. She's trying to get my uncle deported too. Yeah. I'm trying to do both those things too. Wait, my uncle. Laura. Yeah. That's her name, right? Laura Lumer.

Laura, let's get him from the inside. The internet, as you guys know, is filled with a lot of things. One of those things that's happening right now is clavicular. Oh. Oh, are we circling back here? No, no. This is a new meta. We don't have to talk about this.

Go ahead and hammer your face. No, no. Okay, I don't even pay attention to this shit. My algorithm is filled with a lot of things that I don't really care about this. His algorithm is just gay shit. That's why it's why. that he has clavicular on his algorithm no first of all

clavicular he's gay wait really that's so exciting no we don't know that for sure he might be but gay twitter has started to investigate him as being a potential homosexual

this entire story started when clavicular cried real tears real human tears which is everybody that's not gay no it is very gay okay well he cried real human tears when he was delivered a burger. Oh, I thought you were going to say at birth.

I was like, oh. Yeah, he cried. Everyone, I think everyone cries real tears. Well, everyone's fucking gay. Yeah, unless they're like a dead baby. That's where they slap the baby when it first comes out. They want you to cry so they want you to make sure you're alive. Yeah.

Truth of life. Make your lungs go. Yeah. So anyway, he got delivered a burger. He got delivered a burgh and the burg had cheese in it. And he started crying real tears and everyone was like, aw. Like, he's so, he's like, you know, he's got the, is it.

The sadness. He's got... No, I think it has something to do with his stack. Vegetarian. Yeah, and so he got a burger. Yeah, and so he cried because it was a burger of a cow. Vegetarians eat cheese, cutie. You said it burger.

Because it had cheese in it. Yeah, but it could have just been in cow burger. And cheese. That's double sad. Lactose intolerant. I think we're all on drugs. You fucking idiots? He has...

No, it interferes with his stack or something. Anyway, he starts crying, and everyone's like... one viral tweet said he's got that sadness that you only see in an Eastern European gay porno that's what it was off to the races Am I in Eastern European gay porno?

Have you ever watched Eastern European gay porno? Yes, check hunter Check Hunter. She was so quick to draw on that that was crazy that you were you had that load in the chain Yeah, you know it's Eastern European very famous Yeah, okay I don't watch it but I've heard of it

Asked and answered Okay, that's gonna be That's gonna be tough. It's just like his habachi thing, right? I've never had aibachi. Hey, time out real quick, and then we'll time back in. I have an idea for the Patreon. Okay.

What if we just do a karaoke only episode on the Patreon? How fun would that be? We just do karaoke. Sure. We could do it. I would do just a few, maybe a few songs. Yeah, wouldn't that be fun? Like karaoke themed Patreon.

Just one, maybe a few songs. Just like for fun. But I would love that. Maybe you should get those go-choo-jang wings again. I'm going to. Time back in. Time back in. So clivicular.

So clavicular. So anyway, after that speculation start rising. Of course, people start analyzing older clips. And in one of the clips, I wonder if March you could find this. Clavicular is at a bunch of different nightclub style establishments. And he's always dancing with women. Dude, how come no one thinks I'm gay? To be fair?

I would love the attention. I do. I think a lot of people think you're gay. Cutie, what are you talking about? I don't know the intention of the gay. You talk about how much you love Billy Eilish all the time. Oh, Billy. She's so out of my later.

There's just nothing to investigate. I feel like there is a world that I come home one day and my Tesla is just missing and you and Caroline have gone on your beautiful gay life. Caroline's not my type. She's too, she's too traditionally beautiful. So do you, wait a minute.

She's too traditional. A female type. Yeah. I've said it before. Caitlin Clark. No, not Caitlin Clark. Sorry.

That was me. Paige Beckers. Oh, love her. Phoebe Bridgers love her. Julian Baker love her. Oh my God. Are these women more...

I've heard you talk more longingly about women than you do about men. You have not heard me talk about Dylan O'Brien. Yeah, so that's the clip. So here's the clip. So this is another thing... What is this? The other speculation is how he interacts with women and here's an example. So basically, this is a part of the meta, okay?

He goes to nightclubs and he steals the girlfriends of other guys there and the other guys are like, no, you're like cucking me. Why are you stealing my girlfriend and stuff? Anyway, play the clip and full screen it, please, because we need to see every, you know, we need to go frame by frame. He's like, no, why are you cucking me?

That's my girlfriend. What the fuck? What the fuck? That's got to be fake. This has to be fake. Yeah, it is fake. Okay. Anyway, but this part.

He also gave her a little, a little, he did this, right? Listen, listen. He did that. He did a little baby pucker. Also, he does look very, gay in this I don't know why

he could walk down the street to twist if he's in Miami and fit right you guys are always you know what fucking woke I am even though clavicular ultimately is problematic

I still don't like to speculate about people's sexuality yeah wow I do I don't give a fuck yeah the more problematic the more I speculate yeah and I have the past because Austin

yeah right no I don't give a fuck I'm homophobic you know who you know who I love to speculate about it's fucking Lindsey Graham. Okay, there's no speculation. Lindsey Graham is gay as fuck. Yeah, there's no speculation on that. Yeah, I love

it. Speculate all you want to these fucking demon conservative motherfuckers. Right. Oh. Donald Trump gay. You know, Donald Trump is gay in the right way, though. I think, he's a queen. Maybe it's because people just want to spoil their secrets

because they don't want to let them have anything that's wholly left to them because they're so evil. I think it's rooted in it. So it's like, let's Spoil their secret because that guy literally, didn't he hail Hitler? Yeah, we don't want him. Like that's, yeah, respectfully. What? What?

What? He doesn't want him. Austin said no. Why are you laughing like that? Yeah, why are you laughing? Yeah, why are you laughing? Because earlier when we were having this conversation, Austin was like, we should bring him on the team.

And I was like, he hiled him. I forgot about that. He didn't know about that. That's where we draw the line. Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, of course, we draw the line well before then. Well, before.

Yeah. We don't want him on there. Okay. Austin was very excited to bring. He's a good looking dude. Austin was very excited to bring him on team. No, it wasn't. I wasn't.

I have, first of all, I'd have to consult a lot of people and a lot of people, it wouldn't pass. He wouldn't pass. Uh-huh. Anyway, but the reason why people are speculating was because he gave a little kissy poo on the cheek to this lady. And it was very like, it was like a... I think for me, it's fun to speculate on people like this because they are so in many ways, homophobic. Right.

And he's not anymore. Oh, he's not? He decided to, he went to New York Fashion Week. And after going to New York Fashion Week, he decided LGBT's fine, I think. That's what he said. He said LGBT is fine. I think, yeah. What about the plus?

Do you guys see that the Pope came out against, I think, look maxing? Oh. No. I'm sorry. Yeah, the Pope did. I think the Pope made an anti-looks maxing. We need to, he basically said something along the lines of we need to accept ourselves. Previous Pope was better because previous poet would have been,

previous poet would have been a five with looks maxing. Previous Pope might have been gay. He was using a certain term that most homophobic people wouldn't even use. I think there's an ulterior motive here. What is it? Well, I think Jesus Christ was the original frame maugger. True, he did. There were a lot of, there were a lot of frame cells.

If the crucifixion of Christ happened today, the caption would be, Jesus of Nazareth, Brame Mogs, Roman Legion hairs. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. I mean, his jawline was snatched. Yeah, good abs.

I'll be honest with you. Nice long hair. His diet must have been rocked. You know what I'm telling you. Oh, yeah, here. Let's read the Pope's statement about look maxing. It's 48 pages. Go ahead and read that caption for us, Marci.

The real body is not truly loved. Just, Okay, that's... What? Just do a man, we'll read it. Yeah. The Vatican just released the 48-page document, taking on cosmetic surgery culture,

looks maxing in the Trump aesthetic, and Pope Leo approved every word. The sharpest line, the real body is not truly love. Yeah, Pope Leo is big on Audi vaginas, too. Oh, really? Yeah, big time. Oh, has you...

It is funny to have an American Pope. I mean, it still doesn't... It rubs me the wrong way. Yeah, you're Muslim. What? No, it has nothing to do with that. Can't give us shit. I feel like you have a Pope.

Am I wrong? You know they have a Pope in the Cars movie? The third one? Really? Yeah. The Pope Mobile? Which makes you think. Who else did they have?

Who else could they have? Wait, wait, wait. The Ayatola? They do have a Pope. Oh, it's a Pope Mobile and a Popemobile. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

That's incredible. So there is a Muslim. Makes you think what was JFK writing in? There's multiple Muslim. There's the Ayatollah's, and then there's the... But the Ayatollah was kind of made more recently, right? No, no, there's like a Shia cleric that is like supposed to be like the grand cleric. The Pope actually visited him, the previous pope.

Oh, they do a thumb war. And then there's also a Sunday one, which is like supposed to be the caliphate, which is more of a political position, but I guess so is the Pope kind of when you think about it. But the caliphate is not a thing anymore. Where did they... What happened to him? It's the Ottoman Empire. Oh.

Right. I agree about that. But what I was saying is not that like, like the Pope, the Pope's existence I'm agnostic on. I don't really care. But I think it needs to be, I think it needs to be, are you even Catholic? Why are you getting stuck? Why are you arguing with me on this? I just think that the Pope shouldn't have a Chicago accent.

You need him to be like, oh, I spoke with the God. Yes. Am I wrong? No, I mean, you're not wrong. Yeah, he's like, hey, go there. He's like, when the Pope goes out, he's like, yeah, don't move the Bears out of Chicago. I'm like, no.

Our father, one fucking heaven. I'll be thy name. Yeah, no, it's fucked up. You know the rest. We got to get right into this. This smoke maxing shit is out of control. Yeah, that's what, that's how you get at this, like, crazy, like, weird American shit that he's getting himself involved in, but Pope's style.

I don't know, I kind of, I mean, they already turned, Jesus looks like he was born in Beverly Hills anyway. Right. Well, not the real Jesus, but the one that we made. You know what I mean? The Mormon one was blonde. The Mormon one was born in Salt Lake City. Mm-hmm.

Yep. Yeah. The Mormon one looks like cutie Cinderella. Yeah, we're related. The Mormon one looks like one of the women that cutie Cinderella is attractive to. Loki kind of looks like Julian Baker. Yep. Yeah.

Do you think anybody ever jerks off to the photo of? Yeah, definitely. Don't act like that's not tickling your face. That's sacrilege. There's like this weird Mormon. porn where they're like in the temple wearing their garments and they like slowly. Oh, I've seen that. What?

I've seen that. I've seen that. It's like staged like they're in their garments. There's gay versions of that. Yeah. Yeah. There's like there's like, there's like, there's like on their mission and they're like,

yeah. Hey, elder. Yeah. You think they're like, so they're actually Mormons that are making that porn? No. Like former Mormons. How the folks?

Not the actors. I think probably like a writer. How do they get the garment? Well, they're not they're like costumes they're not real garments I haven't walked them

watched them close enough they're just not sexy yeah there's like when you get married in the temple you have to like I forget everything you have to do but at one point you have to put like this green bib around your waist

to symbolize like Adam and Eve and there's all sorts of weird stuff like that the palm fronds yeah yeah so they're getting fucked in the green bib I think they take it off I don't know I've never watched it I just know it exists

anthropological I'm staying in your house. You're going to be watching it together. I don't want to... I'm not even going to be here tonight. I'm going to the Vanity Fair Oscar party. Are you? Will you market for us, network?

Do you have business cards? Can we send you with a business card? You're going to the Vick. What? You're not inviting me? Wait, who's your plus one? No one. Why?

Do you have a plus one? Super airtight. Okay. I'm just upset this. Next time, please take Marsh or will. No problem. You would be fine, but you'd forget. I've done.

Hold on. I'm out now. We have 10 minutes left. Do you guys want to take a call in? Hassan. Yeah, yeah. We do Collins? Yeah, we have a new segment.

Before we get into that segment, though. When did this happen? When are you going to be home so I can know when to unlock the door? Wait, what? Unlock the door. He can just use the code. He lives here. I know how to get into my own.

I can't go to bed unless I know everybody's in the house safe and sound. So you could have just said, I don't know what I'm going to come back home, Austin. Are you going to text me when you're going to? Are you kidding? Okay, no, let's set you up with some things. So what is your goal of the next? night, Hassan. This is good.

This is good. My mom wants me to meet Chloe, the hamnet lady. And when you talk to her, what are you going to ask her? I'm just going to tell her. My mom is really,

my mom wanted me to meet you. No, no, you're going to say, you want to come on the Fior Am podcast? Yes. Do you have a guest list? No.

Oh my God. We have nothing. What do you mean? Okay, so here's the thing about the Fier Am podcast right now if you're wondering, okay, I want everybody to know something.

Yeah. I, if you've seen a uptick in homosexual guests and drag queens and people of the LGBTQ community. It's because I have been booking like crazy. But the problem is,

which I don't think you see it as a problem, but our podcast is going to be very gay unless we balance this shit out. I'm happy. That's not a problem. I don't think it's an issue at all. If I see Pedro Pascal, I'm literally not asking him to come on the pod. All right, who would be your number one for him to ask just so we put it out there. Just put it out

in the universe. Dylan O'Brien. What? Why? Why not? That's crazy. You just said you're horny for him. This is not... Could you imagine? What if it's incredible

when I leave my wife and kids and we go start an apple orchard? This is not a Halpash opportunity. Trixie Mattel. Yeah, but our chemistry would be out of this world would be the best performing episode ever. Vanity Fair party. Yeah, wait.

Trixie, if you hear me. Trixie. Like a hive mind. Trixie, please. Like a dad on an iPad. There's Trixie. Can you hear me? Trixie, this is a public service announcement.

Please join us on the Dylan O'Brien, I have a boyfriend. You'd be comfortable the whole time. I didn't say no more queer guests? He didn't say that. You said that. You said you wanted to piece it up. You told me, Hassan told me he said it's getting too gay.

You know who I want? Yeah. And then right after that, you said if you see Dylan O'Brien, you'll ask him. Yeah. You know who I want? Give me Timmy. Timmy. Okay.

Go give me Timmy. Timothy C. Timothy Shalamee. Oh, yeah. I feel like he'd be. Marty Supreme. I could, we could get Timothy Shalman. We could not get Timothy Shaleman.

Can I say something? Yes, we can. And he's been on a bunch of order. Can I say something? I think Timmy would vibe with us. I agree. I think for that episode, we would do. I'd intimidate him with my sexual prowess, unfortunately.

I think for that episode, we'd probably do. Yeah, just me will. No, no, no, no. Cudy, I don't want to talk to him about it. Call me by your name. That was one of my favorite news. I can't have my seat. Actually cut that much.

Wait, why? What? What? Cut the part where I said cut that. We'll leave that part. Leave all that. All of it. All of it.

I'm scared because call me by your name is like problematic. It's problematic in the book. I didn't like it for the problematic. I just liked it for the cinematography. Right. Okay. I didn't like it for the problematic. I didn't like the problematic part.

I didn't appreciate that the age barrier. Well, I thought the age gap was ridiculous. Yeah. I was like, can we make this a little closer? Yeah. While he was watching, he was going like this. No. Michael B. Jordan.

Oh. He's not coming on the fucking podcast. You think we can get Timothy Jolome? Yes, because he did Drusky and stuff. Paris Hilton. I don't think she... You've already talked to Paris. Talk to her.

I try, but she didn't... I also, I've talked to her before on Instagram. Ask her again. I don't feel like it. Marco Robbie! No, she's not gonna come. You guys are, your guests are so unrealistic. I want to...

Meryl Streel. Hold on. Can we have a Republican on the podcast? Just for fun. Like, let's have, can we have fucking... John Boyt. No, no, no. I want... What's the fucking... Clint Eastwood. What's the gay one? No, not the gay one.

Who's the gay one? Fucking, he got in trouble for fraud. Amy Pollar! Are you talking about the fucking, the New York Republican congressional representative? George Santos. George Santos. That was on Fortnite Friday. Yeah, what's George Santos.

That's, we're not, he's not going to be at the Vanity Fair party. Could you get Amy Polar? We could get Amy Polar. David Cornswept, Superman. That would be great. Daniel Tosh. I agree with that one. Comedians are great.

All right, well, let's move on. Okay, so what do you mean? You guys gave me a dog shit list. Only Will gave me good names. Thank you. He gave you one name. I gave you like 10. I gave me three.

Yeah, he gave great names. He gave two of the chambre. What was the other one? I don't know. I came up with one other one. Trixie Mattel. No, that's not. Dylan O'Brien.

Yeah. Oh my God. They were? Can I be honest? Today? Ask him to come shirtless. Out of control. They were both out of control all that.

What is happening? I don't know what's happening. You're not even talking on your mic. Oh, hello? All right, guys, we're going to the karaoke episode. No, no, we're not. We're not done with the episode yet, Kitty. Oh, we have a call-in.

We have a new segment on the Fear and podcast, and I've made up, do the jingle. I'm made up a jingle. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. How does everyone know about this besides us? We got a new segment, all right? And it's called Collins, where you call in and we listen and then we commentate on what you called in on, all right? And I'm going to make up a jingle right now.

Ring-ling, ding. Ring-a-ling-ding. Wait, that was pitchy. Let me start over. That was embarrassing. Bih! Ring-a-ling-ding-ding, ding-a-ling-ding. That's a fucking song.

Oh, it's so catchy. Oh, yeah, I like when he did. Something different at the end. That was good. Anybody watching and wondering, the Patreon already knows this, the Discord knows this, but we opened up a submission form

for our patrons to submit stuff. So that's where the calls are coming from. And then, yeah. Anyway. Stiles just went on Brittany Brosky. We could get Harry Stiles. Ah. Okay, that's not a bad one.

All right, pull it up. Bernie Blanco! Somebody asking if they're the asshole or they're a bad person. Relevant to last week's episode. Here we got. I'm listening. I needed to tell me if I'm being a bad person or if I'm being funny. Okay. Story of my life.

There was a yikyak at a school that I just transferred away from. I don't go there. anymore. Anonymous posting, gossip. I will go on to the yikyak still because all you have to put in is your phone number. So you can still tap in. Like your location isn't necessary. So I'm back in, you know, I'm not at the school anymore.

And I will just be like, hey guys, I have some leftovers that I'm not going to eat. Come knock on this door. And people will come knock on the door. And then people get mad and I have no consequences for it. am I a bad person for that or is that like um is that like funny I don't know I don't think you're a bad person I think you need new hobbies though okay I was gonna say no that's definitely you should stop doing that and and certainly because cutie immediately jumped in and defended it you should know never do that again wait can I be honest not a bad person however

painfully boring if you're gonna do fake yick-yak post to get people to go to doors. Oh my God, tell people you have chlamydia. What? Yeah, tell people you had clemenia and you're at like a popular spot that there was a party the night before and you're like, I accidentally made out with everyone and then posted on yikia. That's terrorism. Oh.

You can get chlamydia from making out? What can you? What sex? No, what can you get from your mouth? Hold on. Well, no, you can get chlamydia from making out with someone. Yeah, you can. You just have to really get it in there.

I mean, clemedia of like the throat. Okay, okay. Stop. No one asked. I've never done that. Okay. What mouth ones can you get? Now this is a...

Convincing someone they have an STD is a horrible idea. Okay, my bad. I'm saying like you make a post and you're like looking for friend to watch full reruns of young Sheldon, we have a group must come in costume on Wednesday. And then someone shows up in their in full young Sheldon costume.

Like, that's funny. None of you are fun. Funny. What? Convincing someone that they might have a potentially dangerous ailment in their genitals is not funny. Getting someone to show up and young Sheldon cosplay is. Find out what your, find out your enemy's address and put things on Facebook marketplace. Oh my God, my ex did that to me in high school.

Actually, just kidding. I did it to him. I forgot. Let's go to the next call. One more caller. And then we'll do more on the Patreon. This is been a disaster. We're never doing this again.

Kill the segment. Wait, I thought we were doing. Cariocese on the Patreon. This is a follow-up that people wanted an answer to you. Okay, we have a few. Let's just run through a few of these. Got it. We have time.

Hello, Fearenin podcast. Hello. This is Little Man, 2379. I know this guy's voice. Patrons of the Fearen's, Patreon, of course. Oh, that sounds like me. I feel like I know this guy. for you all today.

Well, not you all. It's specifically for two members. And that is Will in Hazan. Oh my God, kill myself. I would love to hear the story. Fuck you, caller. This is weird to ask. Yeah, it is.

Because why am I asking this? Why is this a story? But what is with this Kung Fu porn story? We never got a resolution to us. Oh, that's true. The Kung Fu fucking. The Caleb episode.

Oh, my. Fine. I'll freaking sit back. Bye. My curiosity. We never ended up watching the kung fu porn, which we should. Behind the paywall. Obviously, we can see why we never got to this topic because the other two members of the pod don't give a fuck. We're trying to tell the story.

However, the resolution of this is that Hassan saw something on the internet that he thought I would love, which was a... Boo! Bo! Bo! Bo! Bho! Bute their mice. Mute their mics.

Mute their mics. If they're not the center of the tension, they can't handle it. Maybe we could convince this caller he's dying of AIDS or something, right? Cudy Cinderella style. Okay, so, son found this video on the internet that he thought I would love. And it was a wrong. But here's the part. It was like, it was like an earworm that he couldn't find again.

He could not find the Kung Fu porn. You're like a child? They have that. they have been a detriment to our quality as a podcast all day. I feel like I've been nothing but helpful. You hear that Dylan Robre?

Dylan O'Brien Relo Values. Bill and values you as an asset on the podcast. Thanks Dylan O'Brien. I thought so too. Well, could you finish the damn story? Well, could you finish your damn story? You're taking up too much airspace.

I hate you guys. I hate you guys. I do so much. I do so fucking much. I am ADHD. I don't know. I've a fucking glue. I know, Will.

I built you back up as a funny guy. That was me. Devil wears Prada. Hey, Emma's you, bitch. I built you from the fucking clay. You are like, and you. You're yelling at me. Don't Dill-LBron might see it.

Couldn't find it for a week. It's an inny. Well, anyway, as we're... And Joe was plaguing him. So he finally found. found it at 7 in the morning. And he sent it to me while I was in bed with my girlfriend. And I opened my

phone, 7 in the morning. New light breaking through the window. And there's a fucking Kung Fu master doggy style railing a girl flying through the air on tree tops. And my girlfriend looks at my phone and it's way more peculiar than usual.

And she goes, what's going on? And I said, Hassan thought I would love this. And it was 7 in the morning and it's a great story. And fuck you guys. But also was I wrong? No, you were right. I love it. So we identify what the porn is.

Good segment, Marsh. Thanks for the calls, Marsh. I liked it. Gentlemen, on that note, we thank you so much for watching this episode of the Fear and podcast. And I just want to let you know. I just want to let you know that we appreciate you.

And if you saw we're a little off, that's because we all did. We all dropped acid before the show. It's because we're so excited for the karaoke episode on the Patreon. I don't want to do karaoke the whole time. What? We're going to do a little karaoke. You know what? I'll do it with you.

All right. Thank you all for watching. And please subscribe to the Patreon. Also, we're going on tour. That's right. Shut up. You don't know what to sit with him. You can sit over here. Yeah, it's playing, play, play. You're starting it. You got this Christian.

Oh my God. You start it. Okay. One day more. Another day, another destiny That's never any vote to Calvary. Yes. These men who seem to know my crime

Will surely come a second time one day more. Did not live until today? Good job. Okay. Keep going, son. How can I live when we are parted? Good job. Oh, Christian.

One day more. Tomorrow you'll be worlds away. And yet with you, my world has started.