Fear& - WillNeff's TRAGIC Accident! | Fear&

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

QTCinderella is back and Austin learns a lot about women! Solid episode if I do say so myself, also pour one out for Will and Marche. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword. It's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, and showing the world what AI was meant to be. Let's create the agent-first future together. Head to salesforce.com slash careers to learn more. Playoff football is here with BetMGM. And as an official sportsbook partner of the NFL, BetMGM is the best place to fuel your football fandom on every game day

with a variety of exciting features. BetMGM offers you plenty of seamless ways to jump straight onto the gridiron and to embrace peak sports action. Visit BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older. Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. Gambling problem?

For free assistance, call the Connex Ontario helpline at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Didn't get another one. Well, Tampax are tampons. Oh. They don't have pads. Oh. Are you a padder?

I don't know what the difference is. No, I wanted a tampon. I don't genuinely know what the difference ison So why did he want a pad? I don't think he knew the words But usually he knows the words Are there two types of tampons? You don't Okay I need to pause for a second

I need to just I need to just pause for a second Why is this a shock to you? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of the fear and podcast with most of your crew minus will who has tragically died once more in a self-sucking incident along with marsh in fact there was it was double self situation double so it was like a 69 yep 69 situation i'll explain yeah okay physically a lot of people don't really understand how this works right like you're like oh self-suck supposed to be like self it's auto it's one person well what these guys who are genuinely champions in their own uh in their own way especially when it comes to self-suck what these guys wanted to do is they're like we've already achieved self-suck right we've

already done it a million times over we've died we've survived that's great what they wanted to do was and and pay attention to my hands here what they wanted to do was basically self-suck on the one hand and then self-suck on the other hand and then get together and self-suck in like an infinity type situation like this so they wanted to loop in between one another while self-sucking they're not tall enough it's like a self-suck centipede yeah they're a loop yeah yeah it's a really devastating it's horrific it's really devastating stuff honestly cutie found them well the cool the crazy thing you guys don't know is they actually accomplished it but they were

doing it on a bunk bed and the top bunk fell. It was one of those rare top bunk fall scenarios. I walked in and I said, I have to ask this question out of respect for the victims here. Did they not? Did you check?

I didn't check. This is the second time. That's crazy that this is literally the second time we've had this conversation. This is why we need men in medicine. Wasn't it you who told me the story about the guy who told us the story? Oh yeah, that's right.

The EMT check? You have to check to see if they accomplished it. I feel like I have two questions here one if you not like i feel like that's an honorable death like you have done you have like the samurai death yeah exactly you've completed the bushido code like you literally did it but she was gay anyways uh regardless yeah like the samurai the samurai the bread? The color of the samurai. Oh, never mind. That's bruschetta. So uncultured dog.

Sorry, he's white. Okay. What, are you kidding me? Italian's culture? That was the whitest thing you could have said. Italians are exotic. I brought you guys treats. Thank you so much, cutie.

Disgusting. Get that out of here. That's phenomenal. What did you bring us? They're called scotcharoos. Scotcharoos. Is there caramel in them no what wasn't it explain peanut butter love that rice krispies beautiful chocolate natural

butterscotch oh wow and you made those just specifically for us yes that's so sweet of you not to not to pull a will neff here sorry to cut you off not to pull a will neff here and and suck my own dick and i don't mean like in a self-suck kind of way but like i've been looking kind of shredded lately so i'm just really trying to not destroy my peak physical body dude can i say something i'm fucking i'm built like adonis right now that's what i'm feeling cutie i have been looking at hasan from afar for a while now and you have hit a point in your i don't know what happened but there was like a switch that flipped and you look so good like you look hot thank you no like i've been i've been like watching your stories i've been seeing you come up on twitter and there's like i don't know

what it is but there's like a point in somebody's like journey of like reaching their peak level of attraction that it just, it just like hits like, like crescendo. And you have apex point. You have hit your apex point. You have hit your crescendo. You look shredded. The beard looks good.

You've got the perfect amount of gray chest hair. It's perfect. The body hair is doing stuff for people. It's time to get in the tub. Oh, that's why you were guessing me. I was like, why is this happening? No, but genuinely, when you're ready to get in the tub, it'll be ready for you. Look, I'm working out for you in many ways.

I'm working out for myself. I'm trying to get a six-pack again by my birthday, like by the summer. So I can have a slut boy summer. Yeah, slut boy summer yeah slut boy summer and um and and finally put an end to all the fat shaming that austin does to me like behind the camera and also in front of the camera it's like pretty emotional did it work i'm just it's it doesn't work austin it doesn't work no for you the fat shaming yeah no bad people know they're fat bro it doesn't work that way chat i'm i they're not chat don't call the audience i i don't actually fat shame and yeah he does he

calls me the elephant in the room all the time um but that's besides the point um but no i've been on my fitness journey and there's like pivot there's like turning points where you feel like you've at least for me you feel like you reach a certain milestone and then you're like comfortable there and then you move to the next milestone and i am in my 230s era right now i'm trying to get down all the way to 225 and i am currently 200 as of this morning 238 pounds i also want to train for basketball now you guys don't have to clap for me this is lame um i want to i want to start basketball training why you need a coach i'll

coach you like i i i'm gonna do join the nba i realize like i'm rich kyle corver in this shit yeah i realize i'm rich like why don't i do that that's like you are rich you are rich yeah thank you so much we're gonna get canceled now yeah yeah they're gonna be like what hasan is rich that's crazy you're gonna get a basketball coach you're gonna get good well i think i'm already pretty decent because of my my body like i'm i'm a very big guy i'm tall so like it's and and also i can like dribble with my left hand look at the court while i'm dribbling like these are things that the average person can't do so it's like i have this so hold on so you think you're like gonna go to the nba based no he just wants to have fun like i take voice lessons it's so funny why are you laughing no i think it's great that's rich because i'm rich wait well hold on i go to my voice

lessons and she sits there she's like you're so rich and that's all we talk about is how rich i am wait i don't have any of those things because you're poor no he's not he's definitely no it's not that it's just that you i need something like this you i know what i'm gonna do a hobby i'm gonna take flight lessons oh my god that's fine that's okay is that is that some rich person behavior that's richer than i might my voice lessons cost 40 bucks an hour well i have a personal yeah i wasn't gonna to actually pay for the basketball training. I was going to get an influencer coach to make content. My brother is a high school basketball coach. He can help you.

Absolutely not. Why? Because I don't want that. I want a very specific type of person that will do one-on-one. A gatekeeper. Yeah. I'm not trying to get like a real practice unless you think i am not drake i will not be going near a high school i will not be going to

the high school basketball practice i am be so awkward yeah why is he here i mean it'd be cool for like one day if i was like attending and then the kids were like oh my god like that's sick yeah but like beyond that i'm not doing that this morning i my god like that's sick a sun biker yeah but like beyond that i'm not doing that this morning i was playing basketball that's why i'm late to my own house to my own podcast in my own house um and i apologize for that guys yeah we were all we were all on time no you weren't of course you were on i was not of course it was literally not you guys want to know what really happened what happened i lied to you guys you lied to us i said my car is not here it was there i lied what happened was i woke up in the morning not feeling like pdd because i didn't feel

like beating my girlfriend um but i woke up in the morning feeling like myself which is usually depressed and tired and tired and i was like why am i so depressed and tired go to the freaking bathroom freaking bleeding out of my vagina i'm like god damn it not today you can't tell when you're about to be on your period no sometimes you can't is that how it happens well it's crazy it's like a sudden rush my friend taylor's in town and um swift yeah no my friend she's my assistant and i think people say sinking's a myth, and you guys aren't going to have any input on this, but it's fucking real. Why would that be a myth?

I don't know. I don't think it's a myth. Are you hungry? Do you know what she's referencing when she says sinking? Am I hungry because I'm on my period? Do you know what she's referencing when she says sinking? Austin. No, no, no.

I mean, I don't know why that came out of my mouth. I meant, like, are you like, what sort of things do you feel at this moment? I'm sorry. Like killing myself. What the fuck is wrong with you? There's certain things, some thoughts just stay in my head. I'm fine. I'm normal.

I just, this is what happened. I couldn't find any fucking tampons. I'm looking all over the house. I can't find my, no, I don't want your tampons. You have tampons? Yeah. looking all over the house. I can't find my... No, I don't want your tampons! You have tampons? Yeah. Oh my god. Okay. It's not like I'm using them. What the fuck do you mean? It's like I'm accommodating.

I'm an accommodating person. Wait, should I carry tampons? Should I carry them like you're the supermarket? I mean, do you have do you have like sometimes women staying over? And by that I mean like literally family members friends friends girlfriends things i mean women do come into my house every once in a while and stay like not with me but like i have relatives that are women and they stay that's what i mean then

there you go and they may have periods people will think like i haven't asked them though people will think i'll be like oh i have tampons because that's something you ask that's not no well i've told this story before, but on Chad Vice or whatever, one time five years ago, Hassan was like, yeah, like you should have tampons at your house. It wasn't Chad Vice. It was my vlog, like my early vlog.

Oh, was that what it was? I was just showing my house and I showed my medicine cabinet and I had tampons in there. I had like a makeup remover in there. Yeah, and he was like, always be ready for the ladies. And then I shit you not, fast forward like a few years, I hear Ludwig on his stream

verbatim. What Hassan said. I was like, you don't have swag like that. You don't even like, you don't even have tampons. Like what the fuck is crazy. And he's like giving that advice. It's so funny. But genuinely, that's something Ludwig just, you know, recopying my script.

He's a yoink and twister, but he does it the best. I'm going to carry tampons now at my house i just like it doesn't have to be something that is like sinister or sexual at all by the way it's just like being accommodating even though sometimes when you're what nobody thought that was a sexual thing no like i know what people that are going to. I get laid, so I got tampons. I know that's what people are going to say. Guys, grandmas have tampons too. Yeah, exactly.

It's true. And you're not always slinging grandma pussy. I mean, some people are. Speak for yourself. I got mom's, Chad's mom, Chad's grandma, all of it locked down. You just never know. But I couldn't find any. And I'm like, great like great well i'm just

gonna i'm just gonna die here i guess yeah and then ludwig was like do you want me to run to the store and i was like no i'm gonna walk around the house mad trying to find one for a while then he's like i'll run to the store and then he ran to the store and uber eats no he ran i saw him leave the house that's where he ran his crocs and shorts that's so funny he ran. I saw him leave the house. That's weird. Wearing his Crocs and shorts. That's so funny. He ran. He got there. He came back. He did.

I will expose him a little bit. He did call me and he goes, they don't have Tampax pads. And I said, what? I was like, what? He didn't say, what size pussy, my queen? He said, they don't have Tampax pads. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, the brand, Tampax pads. And I was like, what are you talking about? And he's like, the brand, Tampax pads.

And I was like, Tampax are tampons. They don't have pads. Are you a padder? No, I wanted a tampon. I don't genuinely know the difference. So why did he want a pad? I don't think he knew the words. That's so funny.

But usually he knows the words. Are there two types of tampons? See, there we go. You don't... Okay, I need to pause for a second. How about you explain? I need to just pause for a second. Why is this a shock to you?

It's not just about being gay. I'm not just frolicking around a pussy. Like, I don't know. Bro, you have... But like, okay, okay. What do you think I am? No, no. Let me see your pussy.

Are you on your period? You don't have to use tampons or tampags. It's not like that at all. My sister is 10 years older than me. I don't know. That's okay. My mom, she had a hysterectomy. She doesn't even have periods.

You're going about this wrong. I was raised in a household without periods. Do it without judgment. No, the thing I... Okay, that's going to be very difficult for me. There's pads yeah there's multiple different ways that women when they are having their beautiful and natural moment yeah once a month yeah there's pads and then there's the thing that you stick up there's pads there's tampons and there's also a cup oh shit and there's liners what and there's the undies oh then there's

undies there's these cool undies i haven't tried them but apparently you can just wear these underwear that's crazy bleeding them and you just wash them in the washing machine and then you redo them that's crazy okay do you want to hear something insane yeah that i just found out that i didn't even know and that women apparently don't know either but i don't even know if this is real or not you have to tell me okay i might not know i'm happy even if you don't wear a tampon when you're going in the pool you don't bleed when you're in the water no that's fucking lie that's crazy is that a lie yeah that's a lie okay motherfucker you can't that's you can't tell me the things and then say the things that you just said okay this is this is extra level shit though this is like this is extra credit shit what do you mean extra credit shit who told you that

you you're believing you're you're you're in you're in i'm asking you is you're in correct menstrual let me i need to go grab something we're gonna do some examples i'll be back are you grabbing we're doing a science okay we're doing this wait are. Are you going to bleed on the podcast? Oh. Just want to make sure. Where is she going? Oh my god. Wait. Are we good? You won't leave a bloody trail in the water.

Oh my god, Hasan. This is ridiculous. Does your period stop in the water or does it just feel like it? I can't believe we're talking about it. A Cosmopolitan article. Gabe, can you pull this up please google cosmopolitan um oh my god i'm so sorry gabe by the way gabe's our producer today marsh is uh oh yeah we said he's dead yeah pull it up cosmopolitan period uh swimming your body is still releasing menstrual blood while you are underwater however the pressure while your body is underwater aka buoyancy slows the flow oh my god she's doing it she's pulling out a science experience

oh my god the consistency of you guys don't put me into this no don't put me in okay are you i already pulled up like factually accurate information. You still flow, but you will not leave a blood. Yeah, of course you won't leave a blood trail. Hold on, cutie. Before you move forward, what's the water in this situation? This is the swimming pool or the bathtub or whatever. Great.

Now, what's the Gatorade? This is the period blood. It's not the same consistency. It's coming out of your pussy. It's different. It matters. No, there's pressure. Actually, I think gatorade is pretty close to the consistency if the pool is this big the free bleeder bleeds that much you have no fucking clue yeah oh okay

that's what you were showing okay that's what i was gonna say so yeah they're bleed they're just bleeding in the pool even if they oh my god that's amazing i i can't even see it yeah no shit i literally thought the i thought the water was gonna turn orange it's more the reason not to go to public pools you never know yeah okay dr ramsey dr ramsey is this what happens when you pee in a pool dr ramsey addresses two myths at this all this cosmopolitan article okay um that your period attracts sharks and that your period attracts sharks and that your period magically stops underwater. Don't even listen to the shark thing, even if you are swimming in the ocean

and note that your period doesn't fully stop in the water. Even if it feels that way, your body is still releasing menstrual blood while you're underwater. However, the pressure while your body is underwater, aka buoyancy, slows the flow, explains Dr. Ramsey. So you're not going to bleed as much while you're taking a dip.

But if you're on a heavy flow day or have a heavier period in general, you could end up with some leakage out of your swimsuit. Wow. Okay. I think we've cracked the code. That was my answer, is you still bleed. Okay. You're just a little slower.

First of all, I was asking a question, and we also researched it, and we solved it. I have the answer. and we also researched it everybody everybody everybody at home that was anxiously awaiting the answer to that even if you use a tampon you still are bleeding in the pool because the tampon what happens is it has a little stream i don't think we're debating that i think we're debating whether the how much it to which we're you're flowing like you're you're not you're flowing. You're not going to have a blood trail in the water. No, but no matter what, if you go swimming on your period, you're bleeding. So we all agree. Yes.

Okay, never mind. This doctor also says you can free bleed, which I think is kind of gross. Hassan, we're not going to make it through this podcast. Our careers are over. No. You misogynist. You pig. The water is different.

I think they should be able to bleed everywhere. I thought it was gross when Kaia was free bleeding. Yeah, exactly. It was gross. I think it's natural. So you liked it when Kaia was free bleeding? No, I didn't enjoy it, but I just thought that wow, she's having such a human experience.

I mean, she's a dog experience, like a feminine experience. She's having a mammal experience. A feminine experience? She's having a, yeah. I prefer, well, I prefer tampons. And then you got to, sometimes if it's a crazy day, you got to use a pad as a backup. Damn. Or liners.

Well, usually, so tamp tampons if they get full it always comes out the bottom and so you need a liner at least yeah usually you can't just do tampons unless it's a smaller day you got you got heavy flow queen yeah i'm a heavy flow queen vampires love me yeah what size pussy my queen jumbo wait is that a thing are there different sizes of pussies no there's there's different sizes of tampons. Wait, do you have to get... Wait, is it based on the size of your pussy? No, it's based on the amount you bleed.

Which, like, sometimes you'll have a period and you'll barely bleed, but sometimes you'll, like, be dying. You know what's crazy? Is when you're on your period, if you sit, like, your legs crossed, like you're sitting at a movie and your legs are crossed or somewhere, when you stand up, it all comes out of you. my god wow and it's like and you stand there for a

second you're like oh my god i think i could have survived that's oh my god i'm so dude yeah imagine bleeding out of your dick for like a week i can't even imagine you guys would like make it cool somehow though no we would whatever boys do shit is cool You guys can make funny jokes about cum cheese And I can't That's literally internalized misogyny I don't make those jokes It's a byproduct of patriarchal structures You know what isn't a joke?

You know what isn't a joke? What isn't a joke? The fact that women are under siege For what? Women are under siege, women are under attack unlike any time in history specifically you segwaying your honor specifically oh by nfl football players specifically by nfl kickers specifically by harrison butker look at that transition are you kidding me who is this guy you know he's the kicker for your team what do you mean he's the kicker for the kansas city chiefs Look at that transition. Are you kidding me? Who is this guy?

You know, he's the kicker for your team. What do you mean? He's the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs. And he, the Kansas City Chiefs kicker, Harrison Butker, went on a absolutely misogynistic, homophobic, anti-Semitic. You mean God-loving? God-loving rant. And God-fearing rant? God-fearing rant at God-fearing rant. Commencement speech at

Benedictine College, which is a Catholic university. And I think we have a clip from it. I want to, before we get into this, he's a born-again Catholic. Wait, really? He's a Catholic revert, which means he is going to be a

fucking psychopath. Wait, so he is going to be a fucking psychopath. Wait, so he was invited to give like the speech or whatever? Yes. Do they not read these beforehand? No, no. They did it on purpose. It's a Catholic school. It's a Catholic school.

Your commencement speaker oftentimes is like obviously a very political decision. And it's done by the university. Like they know exactly what he's going to say or at least like the they know usually what like what he is probably going to bring up they brought him up for this political purpose i knew nothing about this besides i obviously he says my my co-worker's girlfriend in reference to Taylor Swift, which is weird. But that's the only thing I know. Okay, let's play this little snippet.

First way for you to find true happiness and peace in this life. It is essential that we focus on our own state in life, whether that be as a layperson, a priest, or religious. I'm a layperson. Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 2024, you are sitting at the edge of the rest of your lives. Each of you has the potential to leave a legacy that transcends yourselves and this era of human existence. In the small ways, by living out your vocation, you will ensure that God's church continues and the world is enlightened by your example.

For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. Thank you. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your life. Now get back to the kitchen. Thank you. Just wait. Okay. It's for me.

The women who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Me. Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabel, would be the first to say that her life truly started

when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I'm on this stage today and able to be the man I am. Because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. Oh my. Oh my God. But it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible. Because a girl I met in band class. Okay.

Pause. He makes it all about himself. No, no, no. You want more? No, I mean, we'll get back to it because there's a lot that I want to say here. But let's start with Cutie because we respect women here. Yeah, we respect women.

You get the voice. Benedictine college. Yeah. How do you feel about that? So funny. I think it's funny. I think it's fine if you want to be a stay-at-home mom i think sometimes i sit and i think about it i'm like man i should just quit everything yeah and do arts and crafts all day and let ludwig give me money i think about it sometimes you should do

that i'm just so tired and it seems appealing yeah it seems appealing and it's crazy you know it's crazy it is crazy to like have an that option what a weird world we live in that that's like a normal like like i don't it feels so like apocalyptic to me for some reason even though i was like raised that way i was raised in a household where that was very normal to the extent of like my sister and I have like had conversations and she talks sometimes like Ariel like in the Little Mermaid like she's like wow I wish I had a job like I'm so bored like you know but then she's like no I love my kids like she could she just there's no way she's got five kids yeah like she but she wants to see part of that world like she just like kind of misses having co-workers and like she's only ever had the only job she ever had was like working at a cafe in

high school you know and then she got married and that was it and you know and uh it's just it's just so it's so crazy to me because i haven't lived that life ever what's even crazier kitty is that this guy was raised by a working mother who was a like a physicist oh i mean clearly like a scientist i have it right here elizabeth elizabeth butker by the way booker is such a funny last name um anyway kansas city chiefs kicker harrison butker thinks one of the most important titles a woman can hold is homemaker even though his own mother, Elizabeth Keller,

but Kerr has spent the last three decades working as an accomplished medical physicist. So this guy literally raised by like a powerful woman who, you know, was, was being a girl boss, doing her own shit, doing physicist stuff, right?

Yeah. Saving lives. Meanwhile, raised him to be who he is raised him and then you know sometimes maybe uh maybe maybe harrison is right maybe she wasn't at home too much and that's why you have a shitty son yeah i mean it does it does sound it sounds nice to be a man sometimes like it sounds nice that the idea i mean it definitely is having like a home of all the genders being a man is definitely one of the best it's the it's literally the top of the leader it's it's like i wouldn't i wouldn't trade it for the world it seems really cool and it's weird because it's like kind of normal like okay bloodwick is great

for the record he's really good good at this stuff, like balancing. But it's like, it's even just, I mean, it takes time to get there. But it's like things like, I can do, like I'm just used to taking. Okay, here's a perfect line, okay? Ludwig, no man I've ever been with has ever apologized when someone comes to the house. I'm so sorry, it's so messy. I do that all the time. Of course. Yeah, so you're just saying Ludwig's gay. ever been with has ever apologized when someone comes to the house, I'm so sorry it's so messy. I do that all the time.

Of course. Yeah, so you're just saying Ludwig's gay. No, no, no. I'm saying he doesn't apologize. He's not gay. Wait, he doesn't apologize? No, he doesn't. He doesn't say, I'm so sorry it's messy. Because a lot of the time the person that takes the ownership of the mess or the chaos or whatever is the woman in the house. Wait, so hold on, hold on. Let me get this straight.

If your house is messy, somebody comes over. Ludwig doesn't apologize for the house being messy. And most, I've talked to like a lot of girls about this. And a lot of girls say their boyfriend, their husband, whatever, never says this. Okay, interesting. But it's always the girl that takes the accountability of what the house looks like. Oh, so sorry, it's a mess. Okay, interesting.

So sorry. so he's a misogynist no i just think his brain doesn't think that way and that's what's weird to me is that like i don't know do you ever say that because he's a misogynist um no brain doesn't think that i always apologize for my no i just don't give a shit because one my house is uh rarely ever messy and two sorry i'm like fixing my hair because i just got out of the shower and i took my hat off and it looks terrible um just keep your hat on no i don't want to keep it on my head my hair is wet and i want to want to dry it to let it dry out um yeah i just i the reason why my house is messy is because of austin so when people come over that's when people over, I'm like, when people come over, I'm

just like, I'm sorry. I let a homosexual in here and he just tore it up. He tore it. Fuck. I will be staying here now. You threw away the protein shake finally. Are you staying here tonight? No, no, not tonight.

But I'm not staying here tonight because I have a hotel room. However, next week I will be here and the week after. Nice. I just want to make a reservation. Anyway, as you were saying. You're not allowed. Okay. It is interesting how that is.

I mean. It just like blows my mind. Like it's just so weird. Or like I've had a boyfriend in the past where it's like I'll do all the laundry right i'll do my laundry i'll do his laundry i'll put it all away blah blah and then like i had a boyfriend in the past she does laundry and he washes mine but then he just leaves it in a pile and i don't know how to fold yours i'll fucking figure it out like if you know how to drive a car you know how to fold lulu lemons isn't there one way to fold it like i don't don't get it. Yeah, but like, I don't know.

I think it's just a lot of women have a lot of tank tops. Yeah. And panties, and they're hard to fold. Don't make excuses. If you can drive a car, you can figure out how to fold panties. No, I'm not trying to make excuses. I'm trying to. I got a really good solution to this problem.

What? Have your mommy, who is an accomplished doctor, who just got her doctorate that's why i was away for this past week uh stay with you and do your laundry my mom's dead she can't do my laundry true sorry that's a god damn it that it is yeah did she do your laundry when she was alive sometimes it was really nice actually you know what's crazy this This is sad. This is not. It's fine. It's just crazy. My brain went here. The day she died, she texted me.

She's like, bring some laundry out. I'll do it. Oh, that's really. Fuck, dude. God damn it. Yeah, and it was Mother's Day and her birthday last week. So thanks, guys, for bringing it. Thanks for being.

Don't touch me. Happy birthday. You have so many issues. Like, this is normal friend. Like this is supposed to be comforting. This is supposed to be me trying to comfort you as your friend. And you have an immediate, like I knew when I was going for it, I was like, she's probably going to react to this negatively.

She always does. I try to touch her all the time. He touches me all the time. I never do. I mean, I don't try to touch her all the time he touches me all the time i never do i mean i don't try to touch you that sounds kind of weird but like i i don't put my hand on you sometimes i don't deliberately touchy i'm not touchy i'm not a hugger i'm a hugger i like to hug hasan's a terrible hugger i try to give him hugs and it's like hugging like a yeah brick wall i just i'm not like he doesn't. I just, I'm not like.

He doesn't know how to squeeze. I'm not about that lifestyle. Come on, give me a big hug right now. Oh. No. Okay. Wow. Behind the paywall on the Patreon.

Okay, behind the paywall, you're going to give me a big fucking hug. I want you to give me a good ass hug. Fucking hug you up. Hug me up. I just, I don't know. I'm like. You know what? It's toxic masculinity.

Yeah. He doesn't want to be seen as gay yeah exactly hugging you right now my dad also gives terrible hugs i'm a real good hugger though you know that right hello fear and viewers i'm sure you're watching a broadcast right now and it's fantastic right cutie it was probably super cringe and you were like oh they're talking about that again well regardless there's something that's much less cringe and it's fantastic right cutie it was probably super cringe and you were like oh they're talking about that again well regardless there's something that's much less cringe and it's the austin show call and advice show that is on our patreon right now with cutie and myself so go subscribe good advice she gave such good advice it was amazing and we got naked did we get naked yeah that's right we both showed our boobs come see us on the patreon fear and patreon now back to your regularly scheduled programming you know what's crazy my pilates

teacher at the end of class she's always like have a have a good weekend love you and i can't say it back i always go thank you yeah it's very sweet we need to talk about this there are people in this world that use i love you a little too soon. Thank you. For Q liberally. I think she loves me. No, but I don't know. It makes me, there's some people that have said I love you to me, and it makes me uncomfortable.

Really? Yeah. She's like a hippie, though, so she like loves me. No, I don't fuck with that. If I said I love you, would you say it back to me? Let's move on to the next topic. Harrison Butker. Let's get back to the commencement.

Now, I'm fucking with you. Yes, I would. He also, Harrison Butker, in his speech. Wait, if you want to address the thing, yes, I would. I was just joking. I was just joking. I would never say it to begin with. I'm just kidding. I'm joking. You I was just joking. That's so sweet. I was just joking. I would never say it to begin with. I'm just kidding. I'm joking.

You're sick, man. That's cool. I would say it if I did something wrong and I had to apologize. I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I love you guys. To emotionally manipulate. Love you so much. I would say, I'm late again.

I love you guys so much. Thank you for always putting up. You've wronged me in the past and you've never said I love you. Do you love me? That bad? No. Do you love me? No.? No. Do you love me? No.

I don't love anybody. I love my dog. Do you love Ludwig? Yeah. Why did you say that like it's a bad? Because now I'm vulnerable. The enemies know who to take out to destroy me. No, I would be sad if you guys died.

I'd be sad at your funeral. Does that mean I love you? What the fuck is that? But you don't have to love someone to be sad That's a human emotion You'd be sad at our funerals because you'd be depressed At the idea that you could die of that same ailment I'd be like damn

I was in the same room as him Is it contagious? No I'm just kidding I'd be sad That's normal That's normal human emotion That doesn't mean you love us why don't you love us love um wow what does that even mean i don't know it's a good question i think i've never told maya i love her do you love maya oh my god i don't know yeah i think i love her i hate this okay i love you guys no you don guys You're a fucking liar

I'm being honest and vulnerable I think I like you guys I love my dad I love Joseph Smith Do you love Taylor Swift? I don't know her I love her music You fucking love her

I like her music You named your dog after her. You love her. Have you ever been, has anybody besides your Pilates teacher, has anybody ever said I love you in like a relationship of some sort that hasn't gotten to that point and you didn't say it back? Well, my sister always gets off the phone with me and she says, bye, I love you. And I say, bye.

I hang up. Wait, I say I love you to all my relatives. I love her, but I don't want to like say it. I say it to my, I say love you to my mom, my dad, my aunt, my uncle, sometimes my best friend every once in a while. I was like... When I hang up the phone. My house, we didn't make each other hug.

We didn't hug each other. We didn't hug our cousins. We didn't say I love you. We didn't... I think it's a problem Is that why you don't like to be like No I do that on the podcast Because I think it's funny

Okay I don't actually care There's a lot of things I do on this podcast That I think are funny Yeah Like be a fucking raging lunatic You're always that way Oh

Yeah but I don't know I mean What is love after all I love you guys I could call you guys If I was crying. I literally just in the process of this conversation DM'd

Mattie Healy. Good luck. No, no. Not like a good luck. We've been talking. Oh my god. That would be insane to have Mattie Healy on the pod. I'm going to befriend

I'm going to furtherfriend... LaMau. I'm going to further befriend Matty Healy. I bet he would say he loves me. He did say the word love. Much love. That's fine. You talked about having Matty Healy on the podcast. He said, let's hang, man.

I'd love that. That's fine. I don't know if he loves you. I don't care a word a word that is only used by you he loves you to emotionally manipulate people when you are doing something heinous that's so true about me wow it's true if i ever kill a bunch of people i'll be like sorry guys i loved you that's why i killed you that would only make it well sound more insane i don't think that would be helpful i loved you so

much i had to i had to send you to heaven i had to put a bomb in this preschool oh my god i just love children so much we're already on a watch list because of this motherfucker okay we're just gonna add us to the watch like this was a joke, it's fine. It's fine. The federal government only... Slimer said worse. Yeah. I can say that. It's true. I don't know if he's ever bombed an elementary school, but...

But you're a woman, cutie. It's different. It's true. I would never... Guys, I'm too tired to do that. I know. She's too tired to commit an act of terrorism. Okay.

Sorry. So what... Okay. So women need to stay at home. Got it. Noted. Harrison Buckner. I feel bad.

Don't have a... Are you going to have a complex? About what? The love thing. I would choose to not answer this question because. I love you guys. Oh my God, we love you too. The dynamic has shifted. I'm hurt.

The dynamic of this podcast has shifted dramatically you guys feel that tension in the air yeah it's bad yeah it's super bad so it's okay harrison butker uh-huh he also hates gay people he said this he said which is weird because i'm pretty sure he's gay yeah so that's the funniest part is harrison butker there's allegations out there that he number one fucked a cheerleader in high school or a college male male cheerleader in college and then also went to conversion therapy so i i need so not only was his mom a physicist raised by a mom that wasn't in your traditional role as a mother and second um was gay evidently or had to go to conversion therapy yeah that's that's what people say how do we know he went to conversion

dot com entertainment bombshell accusation claims harrison butker hooked up with male cheerleader in college following the controversy surrounding harrison butker's graduation speech on gender roles and bad leadership the nfl star is being accused of hooking up with male cheerleader in college. Following the controversy surrounding Harrison Bucker's graduation speech on gender roles and bad leadership, the NFL star is being accused of hooking up with a male cheerleader while he was in college. As previously reported by The Blast, an esteemed outlet, a Pulitzer Prize winning outlet. I don't care if it's true.

I'm just going to say it's true because he's a piece of shit. Wait, okay. Part of his speech took aim at the LGBTQ community as he called their pride Deadly sins That's what he said When addressing the graduating class Booker brought up the AP

And their attempt to rebuke and embarrass places And people like those here at Benedictine Which was not met with anger But instead it was met with excitement and pride Yeah And not the deadly sin sort of pride That has an entire month dedicated to it, but the true God-centered pride

that is cooperating with the Holy Ghost to glorify him. Hallelujah. The NFL kicker added. He didn't say hallelujah. I added that part. However, however, one TikToker stitched that clip

dropping a bombshell accusation that the football star hooked up with a male cheerleader during his college years. Where's the TikTok? We should find the TikTok. The video received over 514,000 likes and nearly 9,000 comments at the time. But how do we know about the conversion therapy? That's another thing that I heard.

That's why I'm like, let's start a rumor. For the record. Austin, say you hooked up with him. Yeah, I fucked him. Yes. He's hot hot i fucked harrison would you fuck harrison bucker because like he is he's hella zesty like i will say that he's zesty as fuck like if you see you know like nfl tries to do the nba style like tunnel uh pics like they get flicked up with their fits and like he dresses in a way like it's funny to say that he dresses gay because like obviously every single spit because like every single nba guy like everyone dresses tries to dress as gay as possible obviously but like he dresses like

a like a midwestern gay who got money for the first time. You know what I mean? Like he's, I don't know. He's just, he's just hella zesty with it. Like I've seen the, I've seen the photos of him kicking the ball and he's just, you know, it's like. I think, I think. He's a little. Yeah.

Cause everybody, everybody's been, everybody saw his outfits. A lot of people thought he was gay before he had this speech. Yeah. based on the way he dressed yeah he's he's got a little he's got a little zest to him he's got a little like middle america zest to it and i'd fuck him i you know what the beard is a little maybe we could shave his face a little bit you want him to look extra twink like just a little bit more um i'm but like i'm i think it's well put together Conversion therapy doesn't work

Huh So he'd just still be gay That's what you think Unless it did work It just turns you into a misogynist That's so crazy Did you find the TikTok game? I want to watch it

Yeah Oh my gosh. Wish you would rank them. That's not it. That's not, like, actually popping. Don't worry. March is way worse than you and this. Put on a blazer and my finest jewelry in case any of the national news wants to use this and air it without my consent.

Okay. My video addressing my favorite former co-worker harrison butkert has popped off and i'm about it because now i am a voice for the people that he attacked and since the mainstream media is going to use whatever i thought i might as well dress up and give him a formal speech. Her hair is beautiful. It has never been about whether or not a woman should stay in a relationship. Okay, she's being a feminist. I'm too busy for that. Yeah, boring.

Boo. You know, we talked about Gabe being logged into Marsh's Twitter right now and that we should go through his DMs and do a tier list of his DMs. Oh, that's fucking sick. I love that. Sinister. For the record, Marsh, Gabe is a good good friend he's shaking his head no yeah no he's actually shaking his head yes he's like yeah let's do that okay let's dm girls on it yeah let's dm girls guys and be like hey what size your pussy my queen i'm I'm out here shopping for tampons.

Yeah. That's what we should do. Yeah, we should do that. He's an ally. Okay. So essentially this guy just sucks. He hasn't apologized or anything since? Of course he didn't apologize.

As a matter of fact, first of all. As a matter of fact, he doubled down in a quote. He says women should have more babies than thoughts. And t-h-o-t-s like thoughts that sounded like a line you would make up no he said he said that i'm not even kidding women should have more babies and i don't know if this was like an onion article or he actually yes oh that was a satirical that's false there's no way awesome you got fake news listen listen oh my god it doesn't matter because he's just quite i don't know if he like doubled down or not it doesn't really matter that he doubled down because obviously that crowd of people that are like really desperate for any kind of right-wing sentiment are so hungry for someone to come

out and be like that's right women should stay in the kitchen and then they go all out that's why harrison booker's jersey is currently the most the highest selling jersey in the nfl yeah harrison booker's jersey went crazy these guys first of all let me just say something if you're buying a jersey with another man's name on it you're gay okay that's gay as fuck what are you the what are you his girlfriend is that why you're wearing that you're gay okay and there's nothing wrong with it but you're gay so that's number one number two two. Okay. Number two. These guys are so fucking desperate for someone to be like, that's right. Women should stay in the kitchen that you bought a kickers Jersey,

bro. You bought a kickers Jersey. Do you know anyone you want? You love football. You love the Vikings. Would you buy the Vikings kicker Jersey? If he won the Super Bowl with it. Like with the kick.

If he kicked the winning field goal for the Super Bowl, absolutely. But would you buy randomly? No. It's the most insane thing. It's the least significant. No, I would never buy the kicker's jersey. By his job. I bought Travis Kelsey's jersey because he's America's boyfriend.

Yeah, that makes sense. That's Travis Kelsey. But this is different. This is the kicker yeah like it's like buying like a it's like buying a t-shirt with like one of taylor swift's backup dancers on it oh like it would probably be less weird called the starlights the starlights sorry no one no one is fucking buying kicker jerseys out here unless it's like a significant kick that like won the super bowl or something or did or like a game saving yeah but now it represents something it's like the let's go brandon shit yeah and these guys are just i'm just the reason why i brought this up

is because like they're so fucking pathetic and they are so desperate ultimately for anyone and everyone to just like say the same dumb shit that they believe that they'll show out they will go out and you're wrong i need the viewership listen if you guys go ahead go ahead queen i'm literally in the kitchen on the weekends on my stream if you need a home wife simulator i take gifted subs and twitch primes so that's amazing the reason why i brought this up though is because uh a lot of other people are also starting to notice that when a content creator is like has been around in the space for a very long time and then they start noticing like a decline that normally happens because your content gets a little stale maybe start people maybe

people start hating on you or whatever they always do this right wing heel turn and i don't want to like i'm not here to like name names or start drama or anything like that the only reason why i'm talking about it is because those right wing guys do show the fuck up they do they show up like the audience is incredibly like there is a there's a festering community of people out there that are that feel rudderless, that feel like there's not a single person representing their interests, which is ironic because like the entire system represents their interests. But I'm not going to get into that. So they literally will be like, that's it. Finally, someone is saying exactly how I exactly how I feel. And the things that most people are saying is just like the dumbest

shit possible why am i bringing this up because i wanted to talk about the next subject he is a historic black samurai okay assassin's creed i can't wait i love assassin's creed assassin's creed ubisoft is has officially announced its next installation of the franchise franchise very let me guess people are outraged they think it's woke there you go oh assassin's creed's next game is going to be in japan and this has been something that everyone has been waiting for Because Assassin's Creed for those of you who don't know It will go and like Recreate certain periods of time

It's actually Like the historical recreations Of cities is actually so solid That my mom has used The game In an educational manner In her classes at fucking college that's crazy yeah so um it's it's definitely it's definitely like almost perfect recreations i played the pirate one that was the best one is what most people say other than the first game i loved it

and the thing is the thing is like you might not be a fan of the franchise in general. You might not like what it looks like now. There is what I like to call the Ubisoft bloat where, like, UI is too much. And I'm not going to get into, like, the nerdy components of why Assassin's Creed could be better but sometimes misses the mark. But it is really funny because gamers are very mad why are they mad because they were really excited at the prospect of playing assassin's creed in the japans okay and now there's two characters two main characters one is a ninja the other is a samurai they're enemies usually historically and the the samurai well

the samurais are cops and ninjas are assassins i didn't know that yeah i didn't know it either that's crazy i thought they were just cool guys both of them i mean they they can collaborate okay but remember samurai are cops they are they are a part of the protection unit for ninja's assassins for uh important people so they made the male main character the samurai component in the game they detailed him after a historic figure the first ever black samurai yusuke and the other side of it the ninja component the assassin component is actually a woman so gamers are very mad gamers are double mad they are very upset wow they hit they hit why the most frustrating yeah they're saying why why uh a black can't be women if they're on their period they'll leave a fucking trail we'll find them yeah the game is not out yet and yet people are already very upset about it because they're saying it's woke dei and what's

di i mean like a diversity hire diversity equity and inclusion is what dei is and the reality is it's just a substitute for saying that's a black person and i don't like it or that's a woman and i don't like it that's just it's just like a new way of saying it back in the day you know used to be the n-word you just say the n-word uh then you couldn't say the n-word so you started talking about like force busing is that can you hear that insane i mean insane he said it like him he is out of control he literally is like i'm gonna go fuck him he's living his best life no did somebody steal my food or did marat bring it in brought it in oh

oh man there's just drama on this sunday oh he's yelling he's yelling at marat right now play by play hassan saying no no no no no no as marat is turning off of his like buzzsaw why do you gotta yell at a man with building a spaceship let him be happy no he's he's uh fixing up his trailer and he's like cutting he's using a he's using a saw to cut metal right now it's too loud i told him no so anyway people are upset click on the article let's take a look terrified that's crazy i can't wait to play it yeah me too um hashtag this is me being cut. Hashtag Ubi sponsor. Hashtag Ubisoft sponsor me. Wait, Japanese fans are puzzled?

Yeah. So that's the other component of this. Because the people that were mad were mad on behalf. American gamers were mad on behalf of Japanese people being like, why are you putting a black person instead of a Japanese man in the game? And Japanese people are like, what the fuck are you saying? We love Yasuke. Because Yasuke is a very famous figure.

Yasuke is a very famous figure in Japanese culture. He has been in prior games as well. Never as a main character. But he's been like a very formidable opponent in games. There was an anime in America that they, they made about Yasuke as well for Netflix. That wasn't that great, but it doesn't really matter.

Like this is a part of Japanese history is a part of Japanese culture and Japanese people don't give a shit that like, it's a black character in his house agree. They actually like it. I am a weeb. I've played a shit ton of Japanese games made by Japanese people, Japanese games made by white people, ghost of Tsushima, Sekiro, to name a few.

And Yasuke was also in other games, not the two games that I mentioned. There are plenty of samurai games where you're a Japanese guy. Okay? Plenty of samurai games where you can do that. I think this is great it's cool when does it come out uh i'm not sure i think it's great and it's wonderful who gives a fuck it's also hilarious because like even if he wasn't historically accurate it's fucking assassin's creed the whole point is like you're an assassin with epigenetic memories like you literally flash

forward to the future adam and eve are like aliens who gives a shit if it's a woman? For non-gamers, this is happening with Disney, too, because they're doing a Rapunzel. And I believe it's casted as someone that is not white. And the Disney moms are losing their mind because Rapunzel has to be white. If you search Rapunzel live action. Wait, really? Yeah.

It's kind of like it's Ariel all over again. Has not announced. Oh they haven't announced. But they're already speculating that Rapunzel could be non-white. Yeah. Isn't the OG story of Rapunzel like Indian or something too? Like I'm pretty sure. I don't think it's like a.

I think it's like a german recreation so i believe so and so it's just like but people it's just so crazy that people get so worked up is i mean it's literally a little mermaid no it is a german it is a german it's oh god rapunzel is of course brothers grim jesus fucking christ yeah brothers grim story was developed from the french literary fairy tale of Persinette by Charles-Aureuse de Quement de la Force, which itself is an alternative version of the Italian fairy tale, Petrosinella, by Gian Battista Basil. That's it.

And the tale is classified as an air Thompson by type 310. The Maiden in the Tower, its plot has been used and parodied in various media. So some researchers have, however, proposed that the earliest possible interpretation of Maiden in the Tower archetypes is to pre-Christian European or proto-Indo-European sun or dawn goddess myths in which the light deity is trapped and is rescued. Similar myths include that of the baltic solar goddess soul who is held captive in a tower by a king um and also uh perseus inspiration may also be taken to the classical myth of the hero perseus perseus the mother of princess dane was confined to a bronze

tower by her own father eccrisius the king of argos so um obviously a lot of the myths are like recycled throughout culture and throughout history uh i i do i do love that people get uh very offended and very mad about it because it's like who i i just don't yeah i will never understand it was kind of like little mermaid like who said mermaids are only white what the fuck yeah what the hell there's just every time i know who racists it just happens every time it's just who cares i don't know why they care so much yeah um i don't understand why they care so much i am a firm guess i'm just not racist no like i'm a firm believer in make good shit here i'll tell you the other side of this argument because a lot of people do actually just juggle IP or recycle IP. Like,

yeah, works like women, ghostbusters, fuck that shit. No, my point is make a good fucking movie, make something new, make a good movie.

If you're going to make the old movie, don't just rely on targeting a new demographic. It is kind of how I feel. I feel like if you're going to do a Rapunzel remake, do the Brothers Grimm version. Do something fucking different. Like, don't just do the Disney version. It's just, first of all,

the Brothers Grimm version would be probably dark as hell. I know, but wouldn't that be crazy? That would not be for children. You know the Brothers Grimm Cinderella? At the end, birds come down and peck out the eyes of her stepsisters? Genius idea. Rapunzel horror movie.

Where she lets down her hair and kills people. Yeah. She hangs people by her hair. Yeah. Rapunzel Rapunzel. She's beautiful. She's like a siren. No, not a horror movie where she's just a whore. It pulls them up and she's like she has like a sex cult. Yeah. Sticking her

pussy out the window. Yeah, it's her pubes out the window instead of her hair. Yeah. That'd be crazy her pussy out the window. Yeah, it's her pubes out the window instead of her hair. Yeah. That'd be crazy. Climb on up. Climb on up and fuck me. The point I was going to make is that like, there is a lot of the same capitalist interest

that you see in these big corporations that are simply trying to max out on profits without actually like caring about the art in and of itself at all is a major problem in hollywood the major problem in every facet of our lives or like any matter of artistic expression is softened dulled cut off uh from from what makes it unique and great and turned into this like commodity that will be recycled endlessly and one aspect of that i think is doing stuff like this where they'll just like take the exact same franchise take the exact same

thing but then just like you know race swap character gender swap whatever right and people get frustrated that because they're racist and some people on the other hand also have that racist dog in them but simultaneously don't understand that the real reason why people are doing this is because it makes money or at least like they're desperately trying to farm the same exact ip and that they should be angry at the the profit-seeking motive that is at the heart of this industry at the heart of every industry as a matter of fact, instead of mad at like a black main character or a brown main character in their beloved

franchise because who gives a shit at the end of the day? As long as the product is good, you know, I'll eat that slop. Me too. On that note, I believe we're at an hour. We're going to the Patreon. We're going to the Patreon but we have an announcement to make about the Patreon.

Okay. I launched a show last week. It was a huge hit. It was called... What are we calling it? Austin Show Call-Ins. Gabe's new here. He has no clue.

Advice with Austin Show. Advice with Austin Show, where you call a number, leave a voicemail, and myself and some of the cast will answer your... Give you advice on whatever questions you're asking. And today, folks, Cutie's going to sit with me on the Patreon. This is in addition to the paywall portion, and we are going to listen to your voicemails, and we're going to give you advice. I'm giving you 20 minutes, bitches. Yeah, 20 minutes, bitches. Advice Show with Austin Show. It's in the Patreon. It's coming out weekly. going to give you advice i'm giving you 20 minutes bitches yeah 20 minutes bitches advice show with

austin show it's in the patreon it's coming out weekly tune in subscribe to the patreon to see it as well as this paywall portion uh which we're going to go another hour of hell yeah baby hell yeah keep keep the train rolling uh and uh we appreciate your support and we will see you behind the paywall bye bye everybody take care take care so we got out just i'm not i'm not entirely sure and i can't really get answers because my mom's dead so it makes it a little hard to get some answers but yeah we could talk we could ouija board we should get a Ouija board to talk to. Hey, mom. Was grandpa not?

She's like, bitch. What? Ask me how I'm doing. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So tell me why you're wearing these clothes. Okay. So this is what's funny.

She'd be like, it's really odd that he's not here with me right now. I think he's down there. So, yes. I get it. So every once in a while when laundry gets too much and I can't keep up with it because Ludd is a big pile leaver he leaves like he'll just he does

it's actually I find it adorable which sorry this is probably cringe to most people but it'll be TV time he'll say TV time and he'll take his pants off and then just sit in his boxers Because his jeans are uncomfortable Because his butt's so big And so he takes his pants off

And then he just sits in his underwear And he runs around the house in his underwear He is a child I agree, I know he is He says TV time, does he clap his hands He's like Peter Pan is what I said Does he take his shirt off too He's asking because he's horny

That is not true You literally went, you literally went, does he take his shirt off? No, no, no. Come on. That has nothing to do with it.