Fin vs History - 19th Century Squid Porn | Feudal Japan (Part 3)

Episode Date: October 13, 2025

Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠⁠surfshark.com/fvh As war turns to peace, the Japanese find they have more time to shove anthropods up themse...lves  The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor Chapters; 00:00 Tokugawa He Emits Poo 09:10 Role of Daimyo  17:23 The Original Weeb 21:59 Closed Country Policy 30:47 Origin Story of Matthew Perry  36:23 kabuki minstrel show / sumo  38:26 Sippy Cup Privileges  41:09 She’s an Easy Peeler 46:30 Imperial Restoration Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, flights on Air Canada. Oh, wow. Mayorka, that's new. Oh, nice. But Vienna is a classic Mozart, palaces and schnitzel. Now you're cooking. If you're hungry, deli brings the heat. Heat.
Starting point is 00:00:13 Cartagena's got sun and the sea to cool off. So does Martinique. And that French cuisine? Book it. Yes, chef. Wait, what about Lyon? Choose from our world of destinations if you can. Air Canada.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Nice travels. The Hulu original series Murdoch Death and the Family dives into secrets, deception, murder, and the fall of a powerful dynasty. Inspired by shocking actual events and drawing from the hit podcast, this series brings the drama to the screen like never before. Starring Academy Award winner Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark. Watch the Hulu original series Murdoch Death in the Family, streaming October 15th on Disney Plus. Ontario, the wait is over. online casinos has arrived. Golden Nugget Online Casino is live, bringing Vegas-style excitement and a world-class gaming experience right to your fingertips. Whether you're a seasoned player
Starting point is 00:01:10 or just starting, signing up is fast and simple. And in just a few clicks, you can have access to our exclusive library of the best slots and top-tier table games. Make the most of your downtime with unbeatable promotions and jackpots that can turn any mundane moment into a golden opportunity at Golden Nugget Online Casino. spin on the slots, challenge yourself at the tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices. Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem call connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See
Starting point is 00:01:53 Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Welcome back to Vinod's History. I'm joined by Horatio called We're moving towards the he-he-he-he-he-he part of Japan where this series really is the to, how did we get to a story of Japan? Yeah, exactly. With a nuclear bomb explosion at the front.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Yes. On the cover. Night night, straight to bed. No supper No sushi No sushi No sushi This is the long road
Starting point is 00:02:36 To the night night bomb The winding road to Squid Porn The long and winding No That's how that song goes It's part three Of our Japan Feudal Japan series
Starting point is 00:02:49 I've got to have a good time actually going through feudal Japan It's lovely Absolutely lovely They're kind of our sort of people Yes It's a home away from home It is a home way from home
Starting point is 00:02:59 Scotland on sea. The most Scottish place in the world is Japan. Well, you think about it, they make whiskey. They love suicide. Yeah. Like they're good fish. Yeah. I mean, Scotland.
Starting point is 00:03:10 They don't know how to cook fish. They don't know how to cook. So we left off. We're in Scotland. We're in Japan. It's about 1588. Hello. Hello.
Starting point is 00:03:23 It's 1588. And Tom, what's his first name or his last name? It's upside down. It's not Thomas. It's not Thomas Hidioshi. Thomas Hidiyoshi. Yeah, Brian Hideochi has outlasted Odu Nobunaga. Sorry, Ian Nobanaga.
Starting point is 00:03:43 They've got these some very pretentious names. Toyo-T tomato Hideyoshi. It's part three. I don't know anymore. There's so many fucking weird names. Yeah, his name's tomato. Tomato Hideyoshi has issued. Toyotomi.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Toyotomi. Hidioshi. Hideyoshi has issued some sweeping edicts. You ever issued as a sweeping edict? Not yet, but I do hope to. It's on my vision board.
Starting point is 00:04:05 I issue some sweeping statements. Yeah, sure. I wouldn't say they're edicts. An edict is that, can you make them an edict or is that how they're received? I think it's... Can just like a pissed tramp makes an edict?
Starting point is 00:04:18 I don't think so. No, you can't. I think it's... Just because you say it, it has to be... It depends on the state to the person making the edict. Yeah, yeah. So he, his famous edict is a sword hunt. We should explain who,
Starting point is 00:04:28 just a recap on Hideyoshi, who's basically like he was a foot soldier, a peasant who was a dirty gypsy monkey man. Exactly. Not my words. In a very rigid class system of Japan where there was really no social mobility because of Oda Nomunaga being quite a maverick
Starting point is 00:04:43 who believes a bit more in meritocracy. Fuck are you, ma'am. Yeah. Fuck are you, my mama. He's a Japanese emo. He really went for that. I was there. Part three.
Starting point is 00:04:54 He's gone for it. He's all in now. I can't believe it. I'm all in. They think it's all over. It is now. The podcast is now. I think the podcast is over.
Starting point is 00:05:02 It is now. I said that. He climbs through the ranks and then in a stunning turn of events, he defends normal. Yeah, anime. We need to be, you know, we should be painting this for our listeners. This is when we get shot. That's, yeah, that's a Japanese man with a speech impediment.
Starting point is 00:05:24 Yeah. With the lisp. Huh? but he manages to not only come back and defend his former master's honor Novenaga, but he defeats all of the rival contenders
Starting point is 00:05:40 in the power vacuum. So he is the second of the three unifiers and in the thing pounded the rice, he bakes the cake and we're not yet the person who eats it. So he's the cake baker. He's baking the cake. And that's not a homophobic slur. No, although maybe he was doing some... What did our researcher call us
Starting point is 00:05:58 She called us Cootie Catchers Which I think is an HR issue Anyway So he issues, it's 1588 He's been in power for about five years or so He issues a sword hunt It's like an Easter egg hunt No, it's not like an Easter egg hunt
Starting point is 00:06:13 So he's hidden A couple of swords around Japan And if you find them you get chocolate No, it's not that And it's not like Pokemon Go When you're walking through Victoria Park Find a snorlax on the bridge Some other virgins, don't call me that
Starting point is 00:06:28 I've done a lot of work to undo my nickname from school. Bowser, Snorlax. Say you've done a lot of work. You've just grown. I've just grown taller. Just been stretched out. My eating habits are the same. I've just grown taller.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Genetics kicked in. Thank God. That's what they mean by privilege. It's like hand-pored noodles, right? Yeah, I guess so. At the beginning, they said they're this big pot. And then he gets stretched into sort of bianng, bian. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:57 Yeah. Anyway, a sword hunt is not an Easter egg hunt. It's where weapons are taken from farmers, peasants, anyone common. Weapons of minimum destruction. Yeah, yeah, swords, yeah. I guess so. And basically become, you have to be a samurai to have a sword, really. So he's kind of, he's taking, it's like the gun amnesty after Dunblain.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Yeah. Or poor Arthur, to make an Australian reference. So Hideyoshi declares that all the collected weapons would be melted down and make a big fat Buddha statue. Yeah. So he's, he's doing virtue signal me. It's kind of, it's quite woke, isn't it? give me your weapons. I'm going to smelt them down
Starting point is 00:07:29 and make a big fat body positive. Rule one or something like that. And so he outlaws warfare by Dymios. Independent warfare. Yes. So he can,
Starting point is 00:07:39 he's the only one that can authorise military campaigns. Indie warfare. Yeah. So no, indie warfare isn't done. It's major label warfare. It's like EMI.
Starting point is 00:07:49 Yeah. He banned SoundCloud. Yeah. No, SoundCloud's out of it. And this stabilizes the realm somewhat. So there's this huge samurai order.
Starting point is 00:07:56 Charlie's Googling. Yoshiport, but there's a huge... Laugher to himself. A large laughing. Fucking hell. So anyway, um, if this was a football team,
Starting point is 00:08:08 it would have absolutely no one protecting the defence. Yeah. I'm goalie. No, you're not. No, no, no, you're meant to be, but you're charging upfield.
Starting point is 00:08:16 You're the guy that Cantonar kicks in the face. No, I'm this guy. That's me. Igwita, but smashing like, uh... But missing the ball. Yeah, just face planting.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Every time. every time a shot comes and he tries it's not a shot it's a bat pass and he does it and it just goes in the goal goes underneath him yeah and then he hits the he gets the floor with his head that would be so funny if you just signed a mid game at every same you're trying to get it anyway back back on next time this episode of fin versus history is brought to you by surf shark now you use vpns don't you yes i do you have to nowadays you've got to in modern britain it's impossible to access anything that's not just Mary Berry cutting a cake Exactly
Starting point is 00:08:59 But you know The internet's changed It's not like You're not just surfing the web It's dangerous out there So much of life is out You know On the internet
Starting point is 00:09:06 You've got to protect yourself But also I'm a straight white man From the you know The home counties Famously And I'd like to live As a fat transgender Mexican Yes
Starting point is 00:09:16 Well I can do that Through my VPN address Exactly Surf Shark will give you The Opportunity at another life Not only another country But you can also Change your gender
Starting point is 00:09:26 You can change your gender You can change your weight. You can change your political leanings. So you can just live out that fantasy with a VPN. I would like to watch stuff. They watch in Mexico so I can live out my fantasy of abandoning my family. You seem to film a holiday. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:40 You know, they swap houses. Yes. It's sort of like that. It's like that. I must stress surf shark is not a silver bullet. It's not a holiday from your life. Yeah. You still have to live as you.
Starting point is 00:09:48 Eventually, you'll have to log off the VPN and still be you. And I don't think anything can really offer that service. You won't change your job. And if you do provide that service, we'll have to live. advertise it. So listen, head to Surfshark, and if you use the code FVH or go to surfshark.com slash FVH, that's FVH, Foxtrot Vagina Hotel, then you will get four extra months of Surfshark.
Starting point is 00:10:10 It's a risk-free 30-day money-back guarantee. Gorgeous. Yeah, we want risk-free, but what you're looking up, that's on you. You have to take a level of risk. There's a level of risk. There's not complete. Just because you say risk-free money-back guarantee, that means they'll give you with the money-back if you don't like it. Doesn't mean that anything you look up doesn't mean you can just join ISIS
Starting point is 00:10:29 online. Doesn't mean if a swap team comes in. You're like, well, I thought it was 30 day free money back going to do. Sir, shark, take no responsibility for the risks you take in your own life. FVH for four extra months of the world's leading VPN. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. for complete terms and conditions. The new BMO ViPorter Mastercard is your ticket to more. More perks, more points, more flights, more of all the things you want in a travel rewards card,
Starting point is 00:11:13 and then some. Get your ticket to more with the new BMO ViPorter Mastercard and get up to $2,400 in value in your first 13 months. Terms and conditions apply. Visit bemo.com slash. The iPorter to learn more. So there is a huge class of samurai who have been warring for 150 years.
Starting point is 00:11:32 There are warring society. It's all they know. There's a military industrial complex in Japan. Right. Yeah, of course. And so... It's the only way you can... It's a way of acquiring honour.
Starting point is 00:11:41 So this is why they have to keep doing it because they're so obsessed with it. It's been, what, four or five generations all they've known as war. So he needs an outlet for this war. And so what Hideyoshi does in 1592 is he goes, do you know what? I'm going to have a crack at the Chinese.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah. And this is the first. first great Chinese civil war. Yeah. In that it's a war between China, Japan and Korea. So just different regions of China. Yeah. And I don't think we should get involved.
Starting point is 00:12:06 I think we should let the Chinese people decide it to work itself out. The right to self-determination of the Chinese people. I'm not getting involved. This is a civil war. Anyway. So Hideyoshi launches an invasion from Japan, which is obviously a province of China. To another province. He wants to go through Korea, which is another province of China, to get to mainland China.
Starting point is 00:12:25 Anyway, so what he does, what he does, I don't know, I think, yeah, it is this one, 5092. His invasion of Korea is the biggest amphibious assault in world history until D-Day. Yeah, I read that on the way, isn't it? Crazy. It is crazy. 200,000 Chinese people in boats. 200,000 Japanese. Surprising, I guess.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Well, I guess both from Japan and the UK, they both came from similar size island, so I guess that's probably why. But in my head, it was shocking, but I don't know what else would compete with it, really. No, but amphibious assaults, I mean, even D-Day, when we get to D-Day, like, the whole idea of an amphibious assault is something that's only ever really been done properly at D-D-Day. Right. I mean, they do it here, but as in, like, until that point, it was kind of impossible to watch a ground invasion overseas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Now, the Korean have what's called the righteous armies. Okay. Which is, like, it's fragmented. Twitter mob. Twitter mob. Yeah, it's a white mob. It's pitchforks. and they are led by guy called
Starting point is 00:13:25 Gwack J. U. Different names now we're getting into a different sort of sound It's a different area of China Guac J.U and he dyes his coat red with the menstrual blood of virgins
Starting point is 00:13:36 which will give him magical protection Yeah, nothing to see here I think that's completely normal I too have a coat died with the menstrual blood of virgins Yeah somewhere in the bottom of the closet somewhere Oh no no pride of place That's my car coat
Starting point is 00:13:49 That's what I drive in to protect me from crashes the menstrual blood of virgins Wow I mean how many virgins do you think it'd take To dye the coat Or is it one with a heavy flow Well Japan the Japanese are very They're very small people aren't they
Starting point is 00:14:04 Five foot or like that So you had to use loads Sorry So you had to use loads of virgins Well they're small people So it wouldn't say that many Where are they taking the blood from? Oh I see yeah
Starting point is 00:14:13 Well it's menstrual blood Charlie From the Fanny Fally Fally Fanny He says Menthstral brackets from the He says in a somber tone.
Starting point is 00:14:23 From the fanny. From the fanny I see. Bushy clad. From a bushy clad. It's from a bushy clad. Anyway, the Korean menstrual blood virgin Superman, he leads a guerrilla uprising against... So, Korean ninjas.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Sort of, yeah. But this is one of the original... This is the original Korean War, maybe, is one of the original ones. But anyway, the Japanese actually get all the way up Korea. They take, like, Busan and Pyongyang and Seoul. And Pyongyang and Seoul. same country at this point right yeah and similar vibes but interestingly
Starting point is 00:14:55 what's he called Hideyoshi yeah he wants to divide career into two spheres of influence a Chinese sphere and uh well another Chinese sphere a Japanese sphere oh really and he's already thinking about dividing oh okay so it's already been like a
Starting point is 00:15:11 and when squid game is that when does that come in I think this is this is squid game I think in the Gwack JU the period guy he attacks all the supply lines and there's a famous battle at a river where they first defeat Hideyoshi's army by like ambushing them while they're in a river
Starting point is 00:15:28 and because the samurai got such heavy armour all these like little Korean fellas yeah they come out and they yeah and this is during the Mong China Ming China thing sorry the Ming China dynasty Mong China yeah sorry no Ming China
Starting point is 00:15:41 too close too close for comfort Ming China I think right Monchina is too it's just there it is there but the Mong China was when Genghis Khan invaded wasn't it right there's too many China's anyway
Starting point is 00:15:54 but China enters the war and sort of grinds it into a stale mate so the Japanese were overstretched which is what happened with the Korean War yeah genuinely so the Japanese are overstretched their supply lines all the little fellas that's what I'm calling the Koreans
Starting point is 00:16:08 Carrillo attacks oh look these little fellas that's what the Japanese are going and Hideyoshi well the average height is 5 foot 1 yeah that's what I mean so they really are tidal fellas And it's interesting, like, these warriors, these with amazing swords, a huge armour.
Starting point is 00:16:23 Do you think with our diet of, you know, steak and eggs in a way that... This is the Korean War. I do often think how you'd stack against a great warrior from that period, if they're that much smaller than you. Yeah. Because there's so much... Well, they talk about a box as... A box of reach, weight and height are such big distinguishes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:45 So you're just imagining, you're just like... Well, like Genghis Khan was like 5'3 or something. It just really changes the vibe, isn't it? Yeah. Just a little fucking tidler. So anyway, Hideyoshi, who at this point is kind of going mad. He may have syphilis.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Right. He's fucking a lot. Yeah. He's got a lot. He can't believe it. He was a peasant farmer and now he's the king. He's a disgusting monkey gypsy boy, not my words.
Starting point is 00:17:08 And now he's fucking everyone. Yeah. And he's the king. Anyway, so he... You can get away with a lot if you say, not my words. Yeah. It's a nice, it's a nice get-out, I'm afraid.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Also, these are, these are someone's words. Yeah. Maybe. Long China. Not my words. Not my words. My words. Yeah, I know those are my words.
Starting point is 00:17:23 Anyway, Hideyoshi is ill-informed or mad, and maybe the reports are being sugar-coated, but he thinks that he's actually winning the war when he's not. All the little fellas are, they're winning. So there's this humiliating episode in Kyoto where he basically thinks he's won the Korean campaign. Because he's mental. Because he's mental. So he then sends his emissary to China, demanding to split career into two spheres of influence, more from South.
Starting point is 00:17:49 The Chinese refused and come to his court to ask for his submission to them, right? And then Hideyoshi is so annoyed that he orders a second invasion of Korea purely out of revenge. Even though he's already won the first one in his head. He's like, why are we doing this again? But it's just, it's like all the daimios who had pledged their men, they're losing thousands of men. It's an absolute disaster. The big problem with Hideyoshi is that there's a hair crisis, not like your hair crisis, which you could just go to Turkey and things like some pills.
Starting point is 00:18:18 He's got an air crisis. which is that his infant son, Sunomatsu. Percentious name. Yeah, again, stupid name. He dies. Yeah. And so he designates his nephew, Hidizogo. Making them up at this point.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Yeah, they're just pulling this out of a fucking barrel. His favorite concubine, Lady Chacha. Fair enough. She sounds brilliant. She sounds British. He then has a son called Hidiorei. And thus the nephew, Hidizugu, becomes expendable. But he'd already offered.
Starting point is 00:18:49 the line of succession to him. So then he forces Hidisugu to commit Sapu fucking nonsense. And... But I'll be like... Oh no, you can have it then. No, no, no, no, you've got to kill yourself.
Starting point is 00:19:06 I wish I'd accepted it then. Yeah, don't accept anything. I think if you're in Fidel Japan, just don't say yes to anything. Because you never know if someone's going to say kids. Even have Sapuku. And then not only that, but 31 women and children, so all Hidisogu's family, they have. to commit spookoo.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Well, are they executed? Oh, that's different, isn't it? It's different, right? Sapuku is like brilliant. Execution's terrible.
Starting point is 00:19:26 Oh, yeah. Yeah, which is terrible. Children don't do, only samurai do supoku. Women don't do supu. No.
Starting point is 00:19:31 No, they couldn't. Couldn't possibly. They do, though, don't they? They do, though, don't they? They do, a real woman used. Yeah, but they use the wrong end.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Doing it for a tent. Yeah. Just do a supuke for attention. Oh, come on, love. If you leave him, I'm going to speak myself, you'd be so lucky. have I given you permission
Starting point is 00:19:48 um so there's even the formidable um date masamune who is called the one-eyed dragon masapune um not masapune um he blah blah blah
Starting point is 00:20:00 survives only because of Tokugawa iasu's intervention more on him in a bit the Korean disaster drags on Hideyoshi's health collapses and they create a council of five elders to govern until the young Hideyori is the one they decided to take over
Starting point is 00:20:13 becomes of age and they're sort of pretending they're propping up pretending he's still alive. They got like the... Well, like, he's an old fucking geyser and they're pretending he's... They say, they hide his death. He dies in 1598.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Yes. And so they have, he has a five-year-old son. But they're like, he's still... They've got his corpse. They're going, oh, and then... Oh, and then you... Yeah. But then he says, there are five regents
Starting point is 00:20:35 that are looking after my son until my son comes of age to take ownership of Orchpan. And this is what Shogun is based on. It's this set up. Oh, right. It's the five regent. looking after a young boy.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Okay. So this is where Shogun starts. Yeah. Okay. And this is what happens next is real Richard the third princes in the town. Yeah, it's very similar a lot of this. It is. So, officially, Hideori, who's Hideyoshi's son, he's ruling.
Starting point is 00:21:03 But in reality, the power is balanced between these rivals regions. One of whom is Tokugawa Ieasu, who's the third unifier. Who's going to eat this fucking cake finally. Exactly. Because it could all fall apart very easily. It says it's very fine. Because they're using rice flour. It's very soft, very delicate thing.
Starting point is 00:21:20 So many daimio are now quietly readying themselves for some kind of reckoning. And once again, at any point, just cut to the emperor and he's just making tea. Yeah. Like he's just completely irrelevant at all points. So anyway, now let's get to Tokugawa Ieasu, who is the ultimate unifier, the man who's there at the end of it all, the guy who outlasts it, and the first shogun of the Edo period. he sort of manoeuvres himself into position as the guardian of the air Right, so classic Princes and the Tower sort of stuff
Starting point is 00:21:56 And there's a battle in 1600 called the Battle of Seguihara Right Which is decisive because it ends this 120, 30 years of civil war in a single day Right And this is like the Battle of Bosworth, but Japanese Okay, yes In that there are three different factions, three different armies
Starting point is 00:22:15 it's iasu fighting some other cunt and then there's a third army who are one of the they both pledged allegiance to he's pledged allegiance to both he's waiting to see he's going to do better and he comes in at the last minute on iasu's side
Starting point is 00:22:28 I'd like to think that's how I'd be well the guy that's just scoped it's just at the hill just uh all right yeah yeah yeah we want another one Tokugawa uh what's his face
Starting point is 00:22:39 iasu he defeats the whoever I don't care and um blah blah blah blah 21st of October. It's one of the largest battles in Japanese history. Damn.
Starting point is 00:22:49 There's a lot of people involved at this time. 160,000 troops. Yeah, it just feels like the biggest amphibious. I didn't know there's so many people in Japan at this period. And Ishida, that's the guy.
Starting point is 00:22:57 Ishida's forces collapse and the EAS who wins a decisive victory. And so then what he does, he doesn't kill the little boy. Okay. He beheads a few people, obviously. But the little boy is sent to, I think it's Asaka,
Starting point is 00:23:11 castle. 603, Tokugawa Ieasu's formally appointed the shogun by Emperor Go Yuzi Yeah And the shogun A shogun literally means that the general No it's the barbarian
Starting point is 00:23:26 quelling generalissimo Right That's what it actually means The barbarian Barbarian quelling generalisia Yeah that's beast And so Eiyasu is the first person to move
Starting point is 00:23:37 The government of Japan to What's now Tokyo? To Ido And Iro is in the centre of Japan And it's not really... Do you like Tokyo? I love Tokyo. You're an Edophile.
Starting point is 00:23:48 Yeah, I'm a need a file. Yeah, you're a need a file. Yeah. So, Edo at this point... Edo. Is it a nothing place? And it just gets decided to become the capital. He builds Edo Castle.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Sort of from nothing. Yeah. So it's got no history really before. No. Nice. So, and what he does is he moves all the government there. And then he says that the emperor can stay in Kyoto, but the government's going to be.
Starting point is 00:24:14 in Edo. But apparently there's so many earthquakes in Kyoto. So it just always just collapse and they just built it so they're just rebuild it really quickly. Because it's so easy to rebuild them
Starting point is 00:24:25 even though they all fall down. I think it's another part of the Japanese psyche that leads to things like Supuku and Bukaki is that it's the same thing, isn't it? Sapuku becomes a ritualized
Starting point is 00:24:39 thing under the Edo period and becomes Bukaki eventually. I have to sort of I've disordered my family I'm a similar thing I must dishonour my family is going yeah
Starting point is 00:24:52 Bukaki is the only way that you can you can make up To be fair Bukaki Subuku that combination is a nice one too because you dishonour your family
Starting point is 00:25:01 and then you make up it by killing yourself that's it Yeah it'd have to be yeah you wouldn't do it the other way around but Charlie would well yeah
Starting point is 00:25:09 Charlie would himself and then fireplex to cover it's face yeah instead of the second head thing this guy jumping head off it's just a guy covering on your post yeah anyway eddo castle becomes the largest fortress in Japan
Starting point is 00:25:23 and although it's a small castle town over the course of this 250 year period which is called the eddo period it becomes the largest city in the world which is kind of crazy and this is policy of isolationism it's coming throughout but this is I think we'll get to that
Starting point is 00:25:39 but that sort of come in during this period so in 1605 Eiyasu resigns in favour of his son Tokugawa Hididata Hidididata. It's like a drum break. Yeah. Ensuring a kind of hereditary succession.
Starting point is 00:25:56 Yeah. And in 1614, though... Continuing to wield influence as the Oga Shoe, which is retired show. Yeah, that's kind of the dream, to be just retired boss man. So in 1614, there are tensions rising because Hideori, who's Hideyoshi's son,
Starting point is 00:26:12 who's still alive. Not too confused with Yakotori. Not to be confused with Yagotori. No. You cannot get Hideori on the Wagamama menu. Hideori is comes of age in Osaka Castle. Right.
Starting point is 00:26:26 So he casts off his nenger, Pido master. Yeah, yeah. He throws. No more. I'm going to have sex as women now. I'm ruined. I've been ruined.
Starting point is 00:26:36 And so what he does, because it's like a banner for discontent to the regis, he just goes in there and tortures the place there's a big siege goes on for like months eventually he defeats
Starting point is 00:26:50 Hideori and blah blah blah yeah the second 16 15 he forces Hideyori and his mother to commit Sapuku as the castle's on fire although they never the bodies are never found
Starting point is 00:27:04 so there's kind of rumours as to whether they might still be alive well this is 1615 so although where are the bodies then? Blue zones isn't it so you just don't know these people live a long time all that raw fish
Starting point is 00:27:17 and friends crucially their mates and they eat raw fish so they could still be alive today Charlie what's the oldest can you find out what the oldest Japanese person ever is I'd imagine I think Japan is in terms of the longest living people
Starting point is 00:27:30 A fishy old woman I'll tell you that a woman who's eating raw fish every day of their life oldest Japanese person ever go on 119 years and 17 days right now let's get oldest person ever let's just see how that stacks up French
Starting point is 00:27:42 damn she's 122 so not too much now this is an interesting one what is it what country has the youngest oldest person can we find that out surely it's Scotland will they have that because that would be really whoa Morocco immediate the oldest person ever who did live in Morocco was 56 no that's median that's the median right here we go right can you set it by age yeah yeah and I've got the opposite yeah yeah there we go there we go Fiji makes sense now that makes sense I've long said that Fijians have the worst most disgusting diet of anyone of this earth.
Starting point is 00:28:12 They're the most obese country. Basically, all of those islands are the most obese people in the world by a long shot. In Fiji, they hollow out a loaf of bread, fill it with ice cream and honey, and then that's their breakfast. So that's why they've got the youngest old person.
Starting point is 00:28:27 105 is not a good inning. Not bad. So clearly. But then would you say that that, sorry, can you go back to the league table, there is a Betu Prasad? Betu Prasad. Would you say that that's actually,
Starting point is 00:28:38 It's actually, that's more of an achievement because he had ice cream and bread every day. Where's the UK? I want to see how high that UK is. So what, 160? Ethel catererum. Living. She's still alive?
Starting point is 00:28:49 Let's get her on the pod. Ethel! This is like one of Charlie's mates. When you wonder what Charlie's doing on a weekend? Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, go back. It's the world's oldest verified living person. Oh, damn. She's the other person in record history.
Starting point is 00:29:04 She's still going. No, no, it's not verified living. living person. Yeah, that's what I mean. Every day she's getting us higher up that table. Come on, Ethel.
Starting point is 00:29:13 Come on, Ethel. Keep going. Push through. Give that old woman some fish and some mates now. She needs me. She needs olive oil quickly. Yeah, get in there.
Starting point is 00:29:22 I mean, Charlie's what's going to keep these women alive. Charlie, break into Ethel caterer in his house, but not in the way that gives her a sudden shock. Pumper full of olive oil, bust some facts.
Starting point is 00:29:31 We've got to watch barco. And you've got to take the French off the fucking. Fuck the French. I cannot believe the French are winning that. Are you joking? hashtag come on Ethel
Starting point is 00:29:38 No Do not come on Well to be fair Maybe that's Japan's secret It's Bukakis Oh look at her She's smoking That's not Ethel
Starting point is 00:29:50 This is the oldest French woman Yeah I know she's smoking I don't believe it 117 busting fags She's fake It's fake Fuck her She's been accused of fraud
Starting point is 00:30:01 A recent Russian study Claimed that she had in fact died in the 13th Jean-Calmon they claimed her daughter assumed identity in order to avoid paying inheritance tax that's French
Starting point is 00:30:11 that's French fortunance right Ethel Caterham my God that doesn't look like a life there Ethel Caterham this podcast will now be sponsoring Ethel Caterham's bid to keep living let's send money to Ethel where is Ethel based
Starting point is 00:30:27 where's Ethel base is it in catererum was that just her sonham Yeah she is in a care home in Surrey Sorry, she's nearby. Which care home? I don't know. Apparently the reason she lives so long is because she never argues,
Starting point is 00:30:43 listens and does what she likes. She's a good woman. That's a good woman. I can do with an Ethel catering in my life. Right. Ethel, wherever you are, we're behind you. I don't care what quality of life you have. You keep fucking going.
Starting point is 00:30:54 And you do it for Britain. You do it for Britain. You've got, how many more years has you got to live before we asked the French? I mean, the French is fake, I think. The French is fraudulent. I want to win this out right. I think six more years. Six more years, Ethel.
Starting point is 00:31:06 Come on. Okay, right, we need to... You've done it this far. You can do another six. We need to organise regular music nights, Cliff Richard's tribute acts. Yeah, yeah. I'll go down and do some,
Starting point is 00:31:17 do some of my crusty jokes for the troops. We've got to keep Ethel catering alive. I will not rest until this podcast has sponsored the oldest living British woman to beat the fucking French. And once she's beaten the French, then she commits a Buku for an honorable way out. The only way she can die is to commit support.
Starting point is 00:31:37 Because isn't that awesome to what would be fucking amazing. She's 123 years old. Oldest woman ever commit suicide. How powerful would that be? So good. Because it's like, not only... That's retiring after you won the World Cup. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. On my... Still on my terms.
Starting point is 00:31:52 On my term. The greatest to ever do it. Messi wins the World Cup. I'm retired now. Done. That would be amazing. Come on, Ethel. Anyway, what the fuck are you on about? Oh, yeah, 16-16, Tokugawa Iiyasu dies with an air. His shogunate is now fully secure. And thus begins the true beginning of the Tokugawa shogunate, the Edo period.
Starting point is 00:32:19 How long is the Tokugawa shogunate last? 250 years. Damn. And so you have 150 years. So is that like a phantaginot, sort of. It's like an era. Well, what's amazing about this is that you have 150 years of civil war, and that is finished. 150 years?
Starting point is 00:32:33 Yeah, the Sengoku period, it's just war and war. Oh, so the one we've just been, that's just, I guess that's just been talking about. Yeah. And then that ends, and then you have 250 years of, 250 years of peace, which is that in world history is kind of unprecedented for one country to have 250 years of no war at all. Internally? Both. That's kind of amazing, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:32:52 I guess so. How long have we had internally? But then, I guess both, yeah. Falklands, World War II. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. 250 years. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:33:01 Yeah. So damn. Anyway. Because this is, this is the two. sides of Japanese culture because even though as much as we say it's the night night bomb that released them, they have always had the dual personality. Yes. It's always been samurai and tea. Like they've they've they've had like the love of peach blossoms and poetry as well as like fucking chopping heads off. Yeah, exactly. It's a country. Throughout the whole of their history
Starting point is 00:33:24 they've had. It's shoving an octopus up your family. Yeah. And then it's also what did your ancestors really do all day? Beyond names, what were their lives like? With With Ancestry's global historical records, you can discover incredible stories about how your ancestors lived and worked, and for a limited time, you can explore select occupation records for free. Imagine finding your great-grandfather's RCMP records or discovering your ancestors' name in the UK and Ireland Nursing Register. Don't miss out. Free access ends August 24th. Visit ancestry.ca for more details. Terms apply. Td Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business.
Starting point is 00:34:06 That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs, no matter the stage of business you're in. Visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. Imagine this. It's 10 o'clock and time to go to bed. Scary, right?
Starting point is 00:34:30 It might be, especially. if you fear the chance of an accidental leakage and skin irritation? Well, if that's the case, you need to try Tanna-sensitive care overnight pads. Its skin comfort formula acts as a barrier to help protect your skin and provides triple protection against leaks, odor, and wetness, helping you feel secure throughout the night. With Tena overnight pads, your nights will be smoother and your days brighter. Try them now and have a smooth night.
Starting point is 00:34:56 You know, committing it... Not cooking that octopus and putting on a piece of rice. Or it's like, don't forget. fart at the table you kill yourself with or if you show appreciation of eating noodles you have to yeah yeah yeah yeah to make a lot of noise i think that's more chinese i think no it's japanese as well charlie when you were in japan did you have to show to show appreciation of the food you have to eat loudly well it's quite often ask for knife and fork because i can't really use um chops spoons it was embarrassing i made uh i had a lot of barbecues i made friends with some japanese families they
Starting point is 00:35:26 took me under their wing and they took me out in uh Tokyo yeah nice yeah they took me to like not the red light district but like the tiny little you know the covered area the cupboard area the cupboard area there's a little area there's like loads of cupboards basically and I went in there with tiny bars and you have like yakatori grills yeah yeah went in there with some families
Starting point is 00:35:45 I met but Japanese are very different culture to the Chinese which shocked me but the Chinese are quite rude loud and they shit in the street and the Japanese are very polite kill yourself if you do it hygienic and stuff and yet squid porn
Starting point is 00:36:01 hentai. It's the dual nature of Japan. Inside Japan is too fucking... Do you think if you're having anal
Starting point is 00:36:06 in Japan to show appreciation you have to fart a lot? Now is that is that showing appreciation? I don't know if that is showing
Starting point is 00:36:18 appreciation. Ooh, he's liking this. Yeah, I guess so. I guess that's showing appreciation. It's polite, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:36:26 I guess it's polite. I don't know. You were raised right, aren't you? This isn't my... is in my wheelhouse. Charlie, is that? I don't think it's very polite to far
Starting point is 00:36:37 on the women. Well, in Japan, it might be a point in the line. We just can't know. We can't know. We can't know. Hey? No, we couldn't.
Starting point is 00:36:45 We couldn't possibly know. We could go over. I think I'd Google it before I went over. I reckon I'd try and error it over there. Yeah? Let one rip.
Starting point is 00:36:56 I don't know about the anal physics of doing such a thing. I'm just wondering if they want you to I think you're naturally fart because air will leave your bum. Right. But then it was, it depends how you define a fart. Yeah. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:37:08 Is it any air leaving your bum a fart? We can't know. Anyway, let's crack on to life in Eddo, Japan. Sometimes you wish you didn't have Google just to let the mystery. You know, we don't want to be able to Google some of these things. Well, that's why we've got Charlie. There are some things we can't know. It feels like we're living in fucking 9097.
Starting point is 00:37:28 We might as well be. We are doing. doing this podcast from the 70s because we don't have any technology. Oh, goodness me. Yes, it counts as a fart to release air from your bum. To simply release air from your bum.
Starting point is 00:37:44 Does it count as a fart if you simply release air from your bum? AIO review. I wonder if AI is developing like, I think AI must be upset with like pissed off at us because what we make this machine super intelligence do.
Starting point is 00:37:58 We've said it back years. Machine learning is. gone back years with what Charlie's doing it. Yeah, it does count. Thank you. Regardless of whether or not you tried. But it's more about
Starting point is 00:38:09 if it's polite in Japan when receiving anales of fart to show your enjoyment. I think it isn't. I think I'm going to... And also, I'd rather leave that as a mystery. I don't think we need to know. Let us know in the comments.
Starting point is 00:38:18 If you're Japanese... Don't do this. Let's get back. We can't... Generally... Sorry. AI. Overview, being so polite
Starting point is 00:38:29 and thoughtful. Generally, farting on abuse is not considered polite, tasteful or desirable a sexual encounter. However, whether or not a specific act is acceptable is entirely dependent on the boundaries, comfort and preference of the individuals. And the nations, the cultural wars of the nation. We might not forget, we're talking about Japan. It's an alien culture to men in the West. You're meant to eat your food loudly? You're meant to be bummed?
Starting point is 00:38:54 Farterly. Maybe. I don't know. We can't. We can't know. We can't know. anyway so the piece
Starting point is 00:39:01 that IASU has established means that Edo Japan flourishes and this is the real this is where arguably this is where brand Japan sort of really flourishes
Starting point is 00:39:11 Cool Japan yeah yeah yeah so now there are because the amount of Japanese influence on culture now is too much
Starting point is 00:39:21 you reckon I think it's too much yeah but it's extraordinary because you kind of it's so much that you forget you think about the American hegemony on all things.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Globally, it's probably Japan's second. Well, yeah, what? You've got Pokemon. You've got Pokemon. You've got Squid porn. Squid porn. Sony, yeah. Any sort of animated stuff. Spirits in a way, Studio Ghibli.
Starting point is 00:39:46 But then even fashion. Even taking something like whiskey or watchmaking they make the best and like mid-range stuff. The key features of Edda, Japan, include a strict social hierarchy, which we should go through because it's quite funny. The rigid social hierarchy,
Starting point is 00:40:01 now this is developed under the third shogun who's called I don't care. I'm it's Ian. Ian, he's called Ian. He's called Ian. Thank you, Charlie. Yeah. They've gone away with the pretentious names now, finally. The Shinokosho system. Sorry? Ian Ittsu. Ian Ittu. Ian Ittu. He founded Ittu.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Yeah. Yeah. The Shinikosho system, sort of minimal social mobility, just as I like. it. So the samurai is about 8% of the population, peasants about 80 Intermarriage between classes They don't really come to the story at all the peasants They're like nearly all the people
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah, intermarriage is restricted That they also ban peasants from eating rice And they saved that for the samurai Yeah, they weren't even allowed to eat rice So you've got emperor and nobility at the top Then the Shogun then the Daimyo and the samurai So Shogun's below nobility Yeah, but again the nobility is all like
Starting point is 00:40:54 You know, it's just people at the court but the Shogun feels way more powerful. But he's the prime minister. Okay. In the way that Prince Andrew still has some rank over Kirstama. You reckon? But I mean it's like a, it's like a cult.
Starting point is 00:41:10 Yeah, socially. Socially. Then you've got the peasants. This is interesting. Then you've got craftsmen, so builders. Right. So craftsmen are below peasants. Yes.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Right. So basically it's samurai farmers, craftsmen and artisans. Yeah. Then it goes actors, and then it's merchants. Merchants, below actors. So anyone who makes money is like deemed the bottom. It's like you're taking other people's work and you're selling it. You're not making your own thing.
Starting point is 00:41:38 So this is in respect. It's not necessarily power. Yeah. It's about just the respectfulness of it. Well, it's kind of a class system. Yeah. Because then you also have these people called Burakuman. And this is like an outcry.
Starting point is 00:41:51 I'd say you're Burakuman. No, Charlie's Burakuman. You're an outcast group. Yeah. And you're outside. the official class system and you're physically indistinguishable from other Japanese but you're considered
Starting point is 00:42:02 unclean and because your jobs associated with basically dirty things animal slaughter executioners right okay so these are kind of seen as defiling Buddhism because you're causing suffering. Yes okay by being sesame many yes
Starting point is 00:42:18 yeah people walk past you and go this is before the mention of Rolong to place this we haven't placed this before the mention of Rolam deodron so that's why this class exists and it's after I guess it's it's after Richard
Starting point is 00:42:36 the third fucked his horse yes so again horses are around people are fucking them but there's no role on deodorant I don't think there's even spray on deodorant it's a very smelly time exactly there's a lot of raw fish going about
Starting point is 00:42:49 so these occupations such as tanners, butchers undertakers, grave diggers slaughterhouse workers. There's a hereditary impression. So in like medieval... You're born into it. You're born into being a butcher.
Starting point is 00:43:03 Really? You're born an executioner. That's your class. Reverse. Like negative nepo baby. Yeah. And then people are abusing you in the street because you're a five-year-old executioner.
Starting point is 00:43:13 Isn't it crazy? Yeah. It's interesting because the medieval English feudal system, like Tanners, stuff like that, they wouldn't be viewed like this, right? No. Quite a lot. Not only merchants, but like so many of these roles
Starting point is 00:43:25 are so important to her society runs and they're being so disrespected. It's quite interesting. So they're kind of tolerated during the Sengoku period because they're like letters needed for armour and saddles and stuff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:36 But the piece during the eddo period means that there's a margin for leather drops so then they kind of just like outcast them into their own little towns and stuff. They're treated, they're like prostitutes basically. Well, prostitutes are Christian prostitutes. Yeah, but prostitutes are actually incredibly respected. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Yeah. But it's all, it's upside down. It's upside downland. It's upside downland. that's the class system so now let's go well should we go to gender gender and social customs
Starting point is 00:44:00 that's good so in terms of like the social customs of the age after marriage women shaved their eyebrows and blackened their teeth to mark that they were wasn't basically ruining themselves
Starting point is 00:44:11 so no one else wants to fuck them I guess so not even their husband yeah it's weird one isn't it yeah sort of tattooing a burke onto your face basically on your teeth
Starting point is 00:44:19 yeah and then obviously divorce is common because men are feeling slightly ripped off Yep, let's get married Christ Now I want to have sex with me Oh brilliant
Starting point is 00:44:30 Brilliant Yeah now I'm definitely not going to cheat on you Great A husband could issue a quote Migutarihan Which is a three and a half line divorce letter Yeah With little ceremony
Starting point is 00:44:42 So it's pretty like progressive Women can ask for divorce Like in Christian culture That's pretty That's a massive no-no Until like fucking 20 years ago yeah yeah basically so suicide in christian culture is a massive no-no as well yeah so is it yeah it's upside it's upside down it's um so edo osaka kioto is becoming these big uh urban centers yeah 1700
Starting point is 00:45:08 ed is the biggest city in the world as ever when there's peace there's boring theater the kubuki kabuki so sorry early kibuki is associated with prostitution um women are banned from the stage in 1629 because it's too horny right and this is a place to be boring yeah it's yeah it's yeah it's Yeah, Outcry of Moral Form. This is more speaking our language. This is very Oliver Cromwell. Similar time. It is a very similar time.
Starting point is 00:45:29 It's restoration. It's mid-1600s. That's racist. Yeah, I think that's a bit much. That's white face. Do you describe that for the listeners? Yeah, sorry, it's just traditional Japanese. It's just kind of the stuff that me and Finn do on the Patreon, really.
Starting point is 00:45:44 Especially this week. Yeah. And I think it's very inappropriate that they're doing that. Yeah. That's a bit on the nose, isn't it? That is a bit on the nose. We get it. You're Japanese.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Fuck me. Come on, man. Calm down It's like live action cartoons Yeah So They had to There was moral outrage
Starting point is 00:46:01 Because there was only fights breaking out Because men Had never seen Actresses with makeup on basically Right Like seemingly It's funny just seeing an actress On stage
Starting point is 00:46:14 It turning you on so much That you start a bar fight Especially in that makeup They just basically painted themselves white And people are like Oh fuck Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:46:22 So it's like going to the West End to see Wicked And someone turns you on And so you start punching the guy next to you I don't think I've ever been turned on at the theatre No God no We turned off
Starting point is 00:46:33 Yeah Switched off Yeah completely Just a reset button Yeah So although having said that Young male actors called Wackashoo They took female roles in their place
Starting point is 00:46:45 And the Wackashu actors Are admired for their beauty And often doubled as sexual companions For patrons Right so you'd see them in a play and then get to fuck them. That's quite interesting. I mean, I'd go to the theatre more
Starting point is 00:46:56 if that was sort of thing. I could go and see, like, Michael Sheen and then fuck him afterwards. This is soon banned, though. It's the same issues of the constitution. But it's like the beginning of a porn video where they're trying to build story. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:09 And you're like, skip, skip, skip. But imagine that's the live, that's live theatre. It's boring, boring, skip. It's Michael Sheen and King Lear. At the globe. And you're all just there going, skip, skip, skip, skip, can we get at the interval. I want to fuck Michael Sheen. so kabuki actors become cultural celebrities
Starting point is 00:47:26 prints the wooden the wooden block thing they carve wooden block some form of art thing a long history of that which is what feeds into the anime which is when the American Disney art of animation meets their long history of wood carving in prints that's what creates the they make a print that students now have everywhere on t-shirts some waves exactly and that's what they did it for
Starting point is 00:47:50 because they have a thing called oh yeah ukioi which means pictures of the floating world now the floating world is I think all the prostitution stuff it's seeing as
Starting point is 00:48:02 it's upside down the world it's the red light district but it's not seen as this seedy thing it's seen as a sort of like purgatory right so they would often sit as they'd have it
Starting point is 00:48:13 floating literally on like a yeah there'd be a barrier of water yeah and it was like to get into this sort of floating brothel not anyone was allowed in you had to pass tests it was like there was like a lot of respect for the
Starting point is 00:48:26 prostitutes in there that you'd often get rejected to see how much you really want to them respecting prostitutes it's upside down lads the past is another country you think about like Jack the Ripper where any unmarried woman is a prostitute and therefore awful yeah this is very far
Starting point is 00:48:40 from like having a floating palace for prostitution I can't relate I just can't relate to it at all and they had to come and bring gifts or like art pieces to try and you know help fund the brothel isn't that crazy like a national heritage site. But isn't that crazy? Isn't that the exact opposite of the prostitute? What?
Starting point is 00:48:55 You don't have to buy them presents. Isn't that literally? But you think about it all feeds into modern Japanese culture because they do things like they have those like companions, the boyfriends, you know, the rent a boyfriend. Well, they're not just that. You can rent people to grieve at funerals. In Japan? Yeah. If you don't have enough friends
Starting point is 00:49:14 to go to your funeral, you can pay basically like emotional actors to come and cry at your dad's funeral to make it seem like he's missed. than he is. That's nice. There's a lovely touch. But it's the same, yeah, it's the same thing. It's just amazing.
Starting point is 00:49:27 I'm in the West. We view prostitution as like a dirty, low life form where, and yet in Japan, you'd have to go and, you know, you'd have to engage them in conversation. Yeah. And these women wouldn't just be sex symbols. They'd be intellectually very beautiful. But weirdly, you have to woo them. That's what I mean.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Like normal women. And you've got to pay them as well. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, it comes from the history because in the 10th century in their other golden age, It's very funny, the courting stuff, where basically you wouldn't see, because the early Japan, it was so delicate and elegant and everyone was writing poetry, really advanced, sophisticated, social, strange norms. But it would be like you wouldn't ever see the woman, right? So maybe they'd ride in like a carriage and just have like a gown hanging out.
Starting point is 00:50:11 That would be here. And so the idea of that, if you're a nobleman, you'd start writing her endless poetry, right? And you'd just be write poems, poems, poems, have no idea what she looks like. and her house would be like a burker like she'd be hidden within all these rooms and then when she finally gives you the go-ed you sneak in when the lights are off and you have sex with her
Starting point is 00:50:30 and you don't find out what she looks like until your wedding day I mean that's basically marriage now sneaking in with the lights off living outside now the courtesans we will be doing on the Patreon we'll be doing a day in the life of a Japanese courtesan
Starting point is 00:50:44 as our bonus episode this week so this is kind of the gone edge of the gay show is coming into this period? Yeah, geishers and course sounds are slightly different but we'll get into that but peasant families
Starting point is 00:50:56 would sell their daughters to pleasure houses to pay off the debts and they're expected to begin work as soon as they hit puberty yeah, Bonnie Blue's parents yep that's starting to read more
Starting point is 00:51:06 yeah exactly yeah yeah prostitutes would amputate their fingers to give us presents to their favourite clients or show devotion and rather than waste their digit right
Starting point is 00:51:17 well that doesn't quite so prostitutes chop of a finger to their as a present to their clients right not to call a prostitute easy in any way these ones are some of the most difficult prostitutes in the world in many ways you're going one and then she's got no fingers yeah there's the girl for an experience
Starting point is 00:51:34 I don't know if I'm special if you've only got thumbs left yeah and also I might want a thumb up my ass not a fist so I would like to have some dexterity yeah it seems like a big show of devotion but here we go rather than waist digits high-level prostitutes would buy them off beggars or cut them from corpses. That's just absolutely what you do.
Starting point is 00:51:53 That's brilliant. And so an underground economy for human body parts develops. It's quite fun. Nice. Now, Gaysha become sort of distinct from courtesans because they're more like entertainers. And I guess they're more like cabaret to the strippers. I guess that's the difference. And Japanese sense of humor.
Starting point is 00:52:09 So there seems to be like an entertainment culture growing in Japan. But they don't have like the Japanese sense of humor is quite a strange one, right? Yes. I don't think they're the naturally the funniest people apart from on maybe their game shows that's where the real humour comes out where they have all like
Starting point is 00:52:25 there's an amazing Japanese game show or just a clip from it where it'd be like they just filmed down this big alleyway in Tokyo and they wait until there's one person walking alone and they have about 200 people waiting around the corner
Starting point is 00:52:40 and 200 people run down at full speed and you just see screaming yeah and you just see someone what would you do if you're already on alleyway And everyone just And everyone just runs. And that's good stuff. That is good stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:56 So the... And when is Takeshi's Castle? When does that... This is before Takeshi's Castle. Pre-Takesh's Castle. I think Dekechish's Castle, that's maybe at the end of this period of history.
Starting point is 00:53:05 Keshe's Castle, I watch that a lot as a kid. I absolutely love to Keshe's Castle. But very culturally significant because I do think that's the pre-Cutters Squid game, a lot of these things. Yes. Mr. Beast games. All of these things come off the back of...
Starting point is 00:53:16 Totally. Takeshi's Castle So the Uki-O-E woodblock They are pictures of the floating world Of the kind of Prostute houses And they're affordable prints
Starting point is 00:53:27 That are erotic scenes Charlie could you find some shunga Some woodblock shunga This is early hentai I guess Carved into wood Just imagine the horniness of someone carving an erotic wood
Starting point is 00:53:40 Man They've got wood They're carving woods They're trying not to buff And can you find, Charlie, I want you to see if you can find any squid chunga. Where does the octopus as a sex object come into Japanese culture? Is it as early as the 17th century? What's that?
Starting point is 00:53:57 Is that squid porn? You're joking? Fuck me. We found it. Right. Is that ancient squid porn? We found ancient squid porn. This is from 1991.
Starting point is 00:54:08 Okay. Right. Never mind. Are you sure? I mean, there's all sorts. 1903. 1903, that's pretty early. This is,
Starting point is 00:54:16 I don't know when that's from. So they've always had the horn for an octopus or a square. 1870. Damn. Is this still the Edo period, 1870? That's the restoration, just. But look, a Japanese woodblock print, octopus chunga. So octopus porn has been going since the mid-19th century.
Starting point is 00:54:35 They have a venerable history of octopus porn. Charlie, could you ask chat GPT for a kind of cultural explanation of octopus port? Why is Japan unique, why specifically Japan so? you know so enraptured with squid porn octopus but why is it a sexual thing the octopus their view of sex as well
Starting point is 00:54:56 is much more casual than British people's views right because this is well British people are much more conservative in the sense that it's a much less big deal yeah okay that first one is actually the most famous root of octopus porn and it's 1814 1814 the dream
Starting point is 00:55:14 of the fisherman's wife that first one that's 1814 The dream of the fisherman's wife. And that's, it's called Taka Taka Tama. Wow. It depicts a female pearl diver in a section embrace with two octopuses, octopi. The sea was mysterious fertile, sometimes dangers, make it a potent metaphor for desire and fear. Pearl divers were already sexualized figures in Japanese art, young women diving nude, pairing them with marine creatures, was both erotic and otherworldly,
Starting point is 00:55:43 and the tentacles were a kind of loophole for obscenity laws. Oh, that's it. Interesting. Obscenity laws come in after the restoration. Western style. Yeah, which we'll get to it. We'll get to in our next episode. That makes so much sense.
Starting point is 00:55:55 So the tentacle becomes a loophole for penises because of obscenity laws. Right. Right. We cracked it. That's what I wanted to get out of this series. I wanted to understand Squidbourne and now I can. Yeah. So now that I can't show Cox.
Starting point is 00:56:09 I can tell my wife. This is actually, there's a reason for this. There's a stuff you found. There's a reason why I've got this on the TV. I'm a Japanophile. anyway shunga are wildly popular across classes
Starting point is 00:56:22 depicting both heterosexual gay and octopus encounters and we'll get to we'll get to the sort of shockingness later so we know we need to talk about the dog shogun and we should talk about sumo as well yeah so sumo coming in at this point sumo becomes codified
Starting point is 00:56:39 is in sumo's been happening for a while it's been like a kickabout you know when you're just like kicking a ball around yeah on your road it's just a couple of fat guys fighting for a couple hundred years. It's a funny idea of what is non-codified sumo is just a pub fight from two
Starting point is 00:56:54 a couple of fat guys fighting and then some guy some genius goes I reckon people have paid money for that yeah sticking nappy on him stick a napy on that fat bloke
Starting point is 00:57:04 and see you did you go to see sumo when you're out there no I didn't actually I didn't see any I think we tried to it it's a seasonal thing I think yeah
Starting point is 00:57:10 the noise they make it's like warrous mating it's gorgeous I watched a bit of sumo because my old flatmate's a big Japanophile and he went out and watched him and then you can still watch them live
Starting point is 00:57:21 they don't get paid very much they're nearly always from like Mongolia or the Starns or something like that and it's more of a folk thing it's all like Morris dancing it's not like yeah the Morris dancing that's what we've got yeah it's so not this
Starting point is 00:57:32 you know when I grew up there was Morris dancers yeah and it's fucking old blokes who drink cider with red nose is skipping with bells on it's twee it's annoying this is proper this is proper Blocke, nappy
Starting point is 00:57:46 flower It idolized the big fat fuck Yeah Assumo are they sex symbols I would say there's a sexiness to sumos What's sort of charging into women Yeah yeah I think there's something to it Sure
Starting point is 00:57:58 Sorry is there a female Female subdivision is there a female There is yeah there's female sumo Please get that up Let's see these units If there's anything I want to I never want to see anything more actually Than two female sumo wrestlers
Starting point is 00:58:08 Oh these are Western These aren't big enough These are you call yourself a sumo That's like a fucking anti-natal class. Anorexic sumo wrestlers.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Come on. I want to see some... Here we go. Yeah. That's AI, isn't it? Is that AI? Yeah, it's definitely AI. Come on.
Starting point is 00:58:24 Come on. I want to see some big women. I want to see some big women smash into each other. World women sumo. Thank you. Okay. Still not as big as you'd want. There we go.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Russia. Russia. Go on the Russia. Mother Russia. I want to see two big units smash into each other. I think I've just found my my new fetish.
Starting point is 00:58:44 She sat on your face No, I wanted to charge at me Oh gosh, gosh Well, I mean that was a mismatch from the offer I mean, what do you expect? What do you expect? Absolutely unit So the goal is to push the other one out the circle Yeah, right, so it's just the biggest one wins
Starting point is 00:58:59 That's it, yeah, isn't it? There's not much skill, is it really No, I don't think so Just seems to charge Anyway, back to Octopus Porn So we need to get to the 47 Ronin Which is a big thing that happens in this period So this is the start of the 18th century
Starting point is 00:59:13 so Lord Asano Naginori who is dying out of a small region he's tasked with hosting some envoys from the Imperial Court and he's taught to learn etiquette etiquette very important but tensions escalates over some bribes and insults
Starting point is 00:59:30 and then inside Eddo Castle Asano loses his temper and attacks Kira who's the other person with a sword and this is you can't draw your sword in the castle that's treason right so he's ordered to commit
Starting point is 00:59:43 Spuku that same day and they conflagos his lands and there's hundreds of people now masterless samurai and so a year later 47 of the Ronin or his former samurai they plot revenge
Starting point is 00:59:56 and they take menial jobs and like disguise themselves for over a year They're going to deep cover deep deep cover Right maybe they marry they have families And then suddenly
Starting point is 01:00:09 on the snowy night of the 30th January 703 they storm Kira's mansion in Eddo. They kill Kira, presents his head at the temple where Asano is buried, and then after the Ronan had avenged their lord by killing Kira,
Starting point is 01:00:22 all the public opinions on their side, because they're like the events they're death. Yeah, because they love loyalty. Loyalty is like, they never get fucking turned on my loyalty. And they turn themselves in immediately, and the shogunate faces this dilemma because obviously the public loved them
Starting point is 01:00:34 because of their loyalty, but if you pardon them, it undermines everything. So, as a compromise, Sapuku. And everyone's like, that's a brilliant. fair's fair they've had to commit supuku that's only fair yeah and we should just to end this episode deal with what supuku happens now because what happens to supu now is it become as much
Starting point is 01:00:55 more formalized like sumo wrestling supuco is codified in this period there is a ritual aspect to it so it's not so much just killing yourself to avoid capture it's killing yourself as a way of atoning for stuff and it's like it's witnessed and it's seen by yeah it's like witnessing a document yes exactly yeah it's a legal thing yeah okay um i need my housemate to witness the signature and then there's the goodness world records there for the most supuos you've got to get the guy you got the guy's got to witness that synchronized spooker yeah um so you cut the abdomen open which is believed to house the person's spirit sure um it's not always private now the most recent sapu so there's a there's a guy well there's an olympian who did it in the um in 2001 uh because he um his company went under
Starting point is 01:01:42 and he just did it right this guy Kimitaki Hiroaka right he's like an author who won who nominated for Nobel Prize in literature five times yeah he's also an ultra nationalist yeah yeah far right ideology and it's very controversial so he's basically like uh
Starting point is 01:01:58 when Japan fully cut over to America and he was uh he was a part of the Japanese against that of like going back to Japan's stance during World War II ultra nationalistic Yeah, he's basically alive in there, he, he, he, and he wants to go back to the Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:16 So in in 1945, after the night, night, to bed, after that, Japan, the Americans write a constitution for Japan, and they say you can't have an army, and he is trying to overhaul that and says that we should revoke that article of the constitution. So in 1970, he goes to a military place in Tokyo with four others, barricades the door to an office, gives his prepared speech on a balcony to the soldiers about how he's trying to inspire a coup to restore direct rule to the emperor
Starting point is 01:02:46 over all the constitution um helicopters drowned out to the parts of the speech yeah he irritates the soldiers who heckle him um he shouts where is the spirit of the samurai gone retreats to the office apologised to the commandant
Starting point is 01:02:59 and there's a commit to book I mean that is the spirit of the samurai his chosen second was unable to cut off his head after three failed attempts someone had to step in and complete the task you don't want that but what's amazing is you not reckon they just will have shot him or is it's
Starting point is 01:03:12 ritual it's ritual that's what I mean is that once someone starts does someone else have to cut his head off I mean this is your big moment you want it to be dramatic theatrical yeah it's not the same if you just get blasted in the head it's not the same as being part of this long line of Japanese people
Starting point is 01:03:28 cut themselves open with a katana someone has to step in and be khaki him oh sorry supu oh sorry oh sorry right come on guys he needs help here he's out he's like no
Starting point is 01:03:41 please no cut my head off oh sorry anyway so urban culture flourishes in the eddo period what hip hop and stuff hip hop
Starting point is 01:03:51 graffiti graffiti skate parks are flourishing everywhere the Japanese doing some sick parkour yeah yeah and you know
Starting point is 01:04:01 trainers quarters and squid porn we found it woodblock prints all that stuff but in our next episode our final part of this
Starting point is 01:04:09 Fuel Japan series, we will see how Japan's policy of isolation ultimately, although it may make their culture very strong, ultimately forces them to open up and restore the emperor. Now that episode's already on our Patreon where for £3 a month you can become
Starting point is 01:04:25 a truther and get early access to episodes, add free listening, and also you make some friends who also 3D print katana swords. On to the inner rectum. The inorectum of this podcast. And it smells just as bad as some on Zina rectum. Anyway, thanks for listening.
Starting point is 01:04:43 See you next time from our last part of Feudal Japan. Will I? Are you tired of starting your day with pointless political arguments superficial summaries and lukewarm hot takes on the radio. Then switch to the bunker, where we look at the news without the nonsense.
Starting point is 01:05:15 Every weekday morning, the bunker brings you a brand new, in-depth look at just one story. From the chaos in Washington to the seismic political shifts in the UK to business, economics, history and pop culture. Or start your week, our essential Monday morning roundup of the week's upcoming stories. We cut through the noise to bring you what matters. That's the bunker, news without the nonsense. Weekday with me, Andrew Harrison, Ross Taylor, Jacob Jarvis, Gavin Esler, Zing, Sing, and me, Seth Treble.
Starting point is 01:05:44 Find us, wherever you get your podcasts.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.