Fin vs History - An MI6 Coup Against A Persian Power Bottom | The Iranian Revolution, 1979 (1/3)

Episode Date: April 14, 2025

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Visit RBC.com slash Ion Cards. Welcome back to Finn versus History. As ever, I'm here with Horatio Gould. And buckle up, fuckheads. Today is one for people with strong stomachs. Today we are doing the Islamic Revolution. Hello Akbar from the Finn versus history team. we're getting straight into it.

That's what that means, isn't it? Hello, Akbar. How are you doing? You're right. They say that five times a day. Yeah, there's an agreement with Ishan. That's how I treat him.

Hello, Akbar. It's, I doubt this one's going to be very haram. No, I'm sure it won't be. Islam Revolution is up there for me. Top 10 history. It's good stuff. It's good stuff. It's the 20th century.

It's an area of huge religious sensitivity. I am like a pig and shit. Yeah. A Iranian revolution. Islamic revolution, just... No, it's the... Because there's so many revolutions in Iran, it's called the Islamic Revolution. Oh, of course,

fine. So, I'm a pig in shit, or I mean a halal. A halal version of that. I'm a cow and shit. I'm a shitty cow, having a lovely type. I'm a big cow who's done a big pat, and then it's just dropped and rolled in it like a dog.

Don't you feel... This is like, this is kind of the key turning point in the Middle East, arguably, right? Or like, look, I'm more than understanding the Middle East, this is kind of like what sets it all off. This is, yeah, year zero for the current Middle East, basically. But don't you feel in the popular imagination, it's that people don't really seem to know much about it?

Like, because we all grow up with Iraq, Afghanistan, 9-11, Saddam Hussein. That's what everyone knows. Israel, Palestine, now everyone is really up to date with that. Yeah. But I feel the Iranian revolution is kind of confusing because we haven't gone and invaded around actively so it's hard you for people who are like you know people like Charlie who like kind of don't re-understand what's going on in the Middle East yes what do you think of Iran Charlie um I think that they're quite upset about something

yeah yeah yeah well I maybe you do know more than I'd say the Ayatollah is big grumpikins get a picture of the Ayatollah um iotola Khmerney he's I'd say he's I'd say you know in the spirit of renaming things for make it easy people to listen we call him Dr. Grumpikin Because he's one of the grumpiest people I've ever seen. Well, your girlfriend, you're going on a double date that your girlfriend's organised.

Yeah. Right, with a nut. And if the boyfriend's the Ayatollah, you're fucked. You're like, oh, God. If I're sitting across on the Ayatollah at double date,

the girls go off to the bathroom together and I'm stuck with the Ayatollah. Oh my God. What are we talking about? Do you watch football? That's her arm. Fucking out. You're going bowling with this guy.

He's like, I don't want to. I mean, I don't know what I would talk about. Like, I guess I asked him how he'd got there, like what trains he'd taken. But even that, I think he doesn't find interest in that. I told her Kameini, Dr. Grumpy Kins is... Looks kind of like Sean Connery. That's what I was thinking. Oh, my God.

I think there is a possible conspiracy theory that we could start that, you know how Sean Connery did Never Say Never Again, the Bond film that was not a licensed? I think maybe he used the money from that to fund the revolution in Iran and then become Dr. Grumpy Kins and take over Iran. Well, I mean, it's a great like Bondesque... Well, it's more mission than possible, that's a plot with him being a Scottish film star in the West and then flying over beard, hat, being an Ayatollah. Also, what I would say is that of all the bonds, Connery is the most Ayatollary in terms of vibe.

What is it in that he hits women? He hits women. Roger Moore's like the Shah of Iran. He's basically a gay, wet, wet guy. He's a good time guy, but he wants a big party. No, I guess, do you know what? I take our back. The Ayatollah is basically Dalton with.

Connery's beard. Right, right, right, right, right. This is like the rock Connery. We don't just go home and fuck the prom queen. But if you're talking Islamic despots as football pundits, this is Graham Sooners, right? This is Roy Keen. Roy Keen's got a charm to him that Graham Sooner's.

You know, Graham Sooner's, you know, Graham Sooner's, you know, Graham Sooner's his Roy King without the charm. Hunt for Red October. Oh, hello, what's that one? Has no one pointed out that Sean Connery looks like the Ayatollah. It's exactly like the Antollah comedian. Yeah, if the Ayatollah, do you know what it is like? You know those TikTok videos where a barber will get a homeless guy?

Yeah. I'll give him a haircut. If a barber got up Ayatollah Kamani, gave him a haircut, then he looked like Sean Connery. Yeah, this guy hates a laugh, doesn't he? Yeah, Dr. Grumpikins. Yeah, he absolutely hates a good time. And this is why this revolution is so funny is because essentially what happens is that a bunch of communists gets punked. Yeah.

And they go, great, we're going to overthrow. And then it's like, who have we got? oh we're having the worst time imaginable we've absolutely fucked it it's prime rinaldo doing stepovers they go one way he goes to the other this is this is david done step over you've seen david done stepover this is david

playing for blackburn in i want to say 2004-thousand-five right so explain who represents who in this meme so david done is a who does he represent he represents the the communists right the people of iran yeah who i think he brilliant we're going to overthrow the shah and by that i mean we're going to beat

this defender. Yeah. So he's beat one. He's got rid of the shot. Here we go. Oh, he's pulled over. He's completely fucked it. He's completely fucked.

There we go. It's like fundamentalism's got the ball. He's on the rage. Islamic fundamentalism. They're threw on goal. Oh my word. Women, no. Oh, well, I mean, they fucked it.

They just completely fucked. But that's, that's, that's so, they were so close. Yeah. So pulling off a sort of a brilliant revolution. And they've, they've just completely fucked it and ended up with a homeless Sean Connery, aka Dr. Grumpkins. So. So, to be fair, a lot.

A lot of the time, there are some like, there's some like mirth control gigs you do where it's a whole room of Ayatollah Kameleys. Do you know what I mean? I've had a few I atollahs on the front row. I'll tell you, definitely. You come out and there's,

it's about 200 iodoles just. But what is so funny, because this revolution is on, you know, it's completely televised. It's his face, there's big pictures of his face. Yeah. And it's like, you know,

the Che Guevara image, he's staring, he's kind of handsome, it's so iconic. This guy is just fucking livid and bored. People are holding up this one. People are living up. Yeah, he's our great hope. Just the angriest Dr. Grumpikins.

Yeah, as of face, though, it's good for like, don't litter. You know, if you're doing science, like, it's a good way of getting like public things. Yeah, yeah. Don't harass train staff. We should actually have, rather than see it, say it's sorted. We should just have his face on the, on the chew. Sexual harassment's a crime. he would get stuff done

yeah um actually you know like just just under speed signs yeah just have that have his face people wouldn't speed um so this is the start of an epic series

because we're as I said I'm a big old cow rolling in in my own shit in this uh this could be I don't know how many episodes it's gonna be um we're gonna I mean when we start this podcast we were talking about things we could do

and you went yeah we could do a 20 part series on the country of Iran um because the you're really into old Iran, Persia, Prince of Persia. I imagine you played that and that's where it all kicked off. I don't actually, I missed that.

No, I don't know what it is. Yeah. I'm more of a Medal of Honour guy. Yeah, I thought so. Golden Eye. God, don't get me on to Goldine. His God, your Golden Eye will be a patron special at some point. No, we're going to go through all N64 games.

I think they'll spill out onto the main. You know, look, on my stag do, my best mate, what we did on the, like, the challenge was that, I didn't know about this, was that everyone had brought secret N64. golden eye costumes they were dressed up as an n64 golden eye character i had to wear the um gold finger woman in a in a gold onesie with a wig and then it was winner stays on one shot kills in temple whoever loses us to do a shot of vodka right they were trying to get and i had to play everyone once

so they were trying to get me fucked but i beat everyone twice in one guy stayed on everyone else got drunk i remained completely sober i was just annihilating them all on your stag you were just i was getting more sober because i just could not stop dominating than golden eye you were just fighting off people just No, it's because like John Cairns was just in a corner like a stimming like couldn't find, because it doesn't know, you couldn't see working into his ball control and I went behind of them

and they're getting, yeah, getting drunker and drunker. They're getting drunker and drunker having a great time. And you're a cold assassin. I'm just miserably assassinating all of them. You're a little Ayatollon you're sag to yeah, I am, I'm doing. I want to drink. So how should we start this?

I mean, okay, we're not going to go through the entire history of Iran, but basically is Persia, it's a, 2,500-year-old consistent state, which is a very rare thing. Only really maybe China and Egypt can compare with sort of a consistent. Right, right. We've got to say the Islamic Revolution, which is what the main thrust of this series is, that's 1979.

Yeah. So to place this in context for the dummies listening, this is after the invention of the NHS. The NHS is around. It is before Harold Shipman's got going. Right. So there is... But Shipman is alive. Shipman's alive.

Very much so. He's quite old. You would say he's the NHS's Ayatollah. He's got a similar vibe. Yeah. He's actually Dr. Grumpikins. He's actually got a doctorate. He's got a doctorate.

The Ayatollah hasn't got a doctor, but he is... I'm calling him Dr. Grumpikins. He's an honorary doctor. He's an honorary doctor. He's going to a university. You know, he's been given a scroll. No, he's done it online.

He's done it online. In 1979... Is Shipman murder? I think he might be working his, finding his range. He's in the nets. Shipman's in the nets. I'm not sure he's playing. Yeah, he's finding his length.

He's not done his ball of the century yet. No, no, no, it's not prime shipment. No, he's not got his. I do think, you know. He's still working on his Googly, I think. He's trying to kill people. It's like, all right, so that didn't work. He's done back to the drawing board.

I think you might have really cushioned it pretty. Okay, well, then in that. Pretty fine to the line there. In that sense, that's, but that's still placing in. No, 975. Fuck. say fuck it's after I fucked it

I fucked it okay so it's before Shipman's brought to justice Yes yeah Shipman is working away Well it's comforting to know actually

What's going on in the UK Is that our own Our own Iotaller Our own Dr Grumpikins Is wreaking havoc With old people Yeah So that's the

That's where we are In the world Late 20th century My absolute perfect I'm a mucky old cowme. Carry on. Persia. The country of Iran also has Persia. And it's gone through so many different

kind of variations. It's been taken over by so many different empires. But basically in the 1800s at the period where the Brits are at their pomp, basically. Persia is a shadow of its former self. It's kind of,

it's in a key place geographically. You know, it's the Middle East way into India. But this kind of Central Asian place is being fought over by Russia and Britain for basically the whole of the 1800s. We will do an episode on The Great Game is actually very interesting. But Britain are trying to basically...

It's basically a game of risk. That's why it's called The Great Game. Which is the greatest board game ever invented. Which is the Russians are trying to expand their empire down into the Stans all the way. You know, Afghanistan, Persia, and the Brits from India are trying to also control that central area as well. Because they want to buffer between Russia and India basically. And it's just constantly shifting.

constant anxiety between Russia getting into India, which I think maybe is part of the reason the Crimean War kicks off in the 1850s. But I suppose where we should pick up this narrative, I guess, is the pomp of foreign interference in Iran, which is the early 20th century, late 19th century.

They're kind of being kicked around like a football by the European powers. It's tick-tacca between Russia and Britain. It's just passing drills. But it's more end-to-end. You know, it's two counter-attacking teams. It's just, there's no defence. It's just fine.

You know in like school where your goalies can kick it the furthest and they just kick it to the other goalie. That's what's happening with Persia. Just, you know. And the Iranians are the teams and they're just watching their country just go back and forth. Well, we're quite like a play at one point. But I guess we could start at so many different points. We'll probably start it with Darcy. Right. So Darcy is a prospector. Yes. And is he British? This is actually arguably the beginning. Yeah, this could also be a point of the beginning of the Westbrook, modern relationship with the Middle East. Well, the concession was signed in 1901

between the then Shah of Persia, Mosafar al-Din, I want to say. And this oil concession, so Darcy's a prospector. But oils in its infancy at this point. Yeah, so currently the British Navy runs on coal, for example. But the age of coal is coming to an end. So I think basically just before the First World War, Britain's navy changes from coal to using oil

and therefore needs a fuck ton of oil quickly And I think there's whisperings amongst Persians That there's black There's some sort of Like black thick liquid Under the surface or something And he sniffs out He's basically Daniel Plainview from there will be blood

I drink your milkshake It's this psychotic capitalist prospector who is looking all over the country. And basically, because they're putting the money up, they're putting loads of money into this, it's really hard to find oil. He's a chubby, he's a chubby, um, chubby there. He's a great little truffle pig, but an oil pig.

They will be pudding. Yeah. I'm abandoned my donuts. That's what he says. But I think for years... I drink more milk, drink. For years, they're looking for oil. And it's a horrible, painful experience.

Money is just getting poured down the drain. He's starting to have a lot of, of self-doubt, it looks like it's disaster. And apparently, on pretty much the last day before they leave, they hit gold and they strike oil. And the relationship with the Middle East entirely changes. Because I believe this is the first time oil is found in the Middle East by the West. Yes.

And I guess this, well, by the West, I think. Because I think the Saudis are, the Saudis are also, well, at this point, I don't know, but I know that quite soon they become the two major oil powers, Saudi. in Iran. And this is what's then in light lieu of this, Darcy sets up the Anglo-Persian oil company, which is now BP. Which I love that, I just love the echoes of history. I love stopping at a service station and it's BP and I fill up and I go, oh, this is why you can't see a woman's tits in Iran. And that's why I always use shell, actually, as a protest. I'm a shell man because I won't, I can't buy that I can't see women's tips in Iran. I find that

I think that's a liberal So The deal that Darcy signs The deal That's my problem With the fossil field I mean me and Greta

Well you call them Fossil fumes Because you're so Because you're so misogynistic Yes exactly But me and Greta You're like You comment underneath

Onlyfant models pictures It's like I smell the fossil juice from it Your pump Pum's like a petrol pump There's Kane Brown's line He's in a clip

Of Kane Brown Right I mean that his podcast one of the funniest podcasts Shout out What's his podcast called?

Ray 18 18 I think There's a clip of him from I don't know When he's doing crowd work With a frog and bucket And he was like a smile You're bumping from here It sounds like a petrol pump

That's that And they're loving it And it's like It's a black comic You can just say stuff The white comics You just can't If I went to women

I think our whole career is carefully trying to construct jokes To try and be half as funny As a black comic As a black comic If you If you end up to a woman

In the front and went, I can smell your pussy from here. It smells like a petrol pump. You would be booed off stage immediately. Because I have this whole... Because you have a oil prospect of from the 20th century's vibe. I have this whole bit that I worked on for ages about... You didn't try and drill her pussy for oil.

Stephen Hawkins cheating on his wife. Yes. And I just wish someone like Kat Williams did it. Yeah. Because it would just be so... Like, it's so much easier. It doesn't have to be this kind of like, you know. He's reversing in that shit.

Yeah, yeah. Well, if you're doing it like that, I guess that is weird. Not me. That's why I wish, you know. Anyway, so BP is... And they do the classic move where they sign an outrageous deal because no one knows what oil is. He's found it.

And they're like, right, we're going to... What is this liquid carpet? We're going to take like 90%. You can have like 5%. He's like, okay. I don't really know what... What is this? So he's...

He probably baked himself a cake because he's found oil. He treats himself to 30. He's a big old fat guy. This is a guy. Anyway, so he... They find oil. They create the Anglo-Persian oil company, which is now BP, which me and Greta don't rarely align, but on things,

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Conditions apply, details in store and more offers at rona.com. We sell buckets too. Anyway, so at this point, it's the Anglo-Persian Oil Company, and there is a, it's called the Concession, which is a large part of the southwest of Iran, I believe, which is essentially run by BP. And there's this place called Abidivis. Dan, I think, which is this huge, almost like an entire city that's an oil refinery, all process and plant. And this very quickly becomes the fuel for the British army and empire. So this is pretty quickly becomes critical British infrastructure is the southwest of Iran.

You got to have it. You got to have a world war one, like oil fields become a huge part of kind of how that war turns out, making sure you got your resources on lock. And like you say, Britain are taking a large part of the revenues. The Iranians may be getting like a tip. Yeah, I think so. But also the Iranians don't know. Because at this point, the Iranian, it's a very backward country.

And they don't really have any kind of technological, like, system. They don't really have education. It's a very traditional country as well. Traditional country. Yeah, you could bring up the fucking purpose. So the World War I happens. The oil starts to, the oil industry starts to dominate. Right.

And we then need to bring in the character of Rezaash Bashar, Pahlavi. Right. Am I saying that right? I don't know. I don't know. I'm terrible names. You look like you beat Persian. No.

Reza Shah, Pathlevi. No, I speak elvish. Of course. Right. Elvish Persian. So he's a, he's a military officer in the Hajjar army. Now the Hajar dynasty is the last, or is a dynasty of the... Runs in the 1700s till 905.

There's a picture of a Hajar woman. And it's like, have you seen this meme that goes around? Some of the Instagrams founds. She's like the, she's like the ugliest woman of all time, right? But like the caption is, in Iran, this woman was so beautiful that many people killed themselves. Oh, really? Is that? Okay.

And I don't know if that's because Hajjar princess. Because Iranians are famously very beautiful women. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'd say the, I'd say they're a country of extremes. I'd say the fittest Iranian woman is fitter than most other women. Yeah.

The ugliest Surveigning woman is pushing it. New levels. Yeah. This is a lot of hair. A lot of body hair. Either way, they should be covered up either. This is the picture I've seen. So this is the great princess, the great beauty.

This is Helen of Troy. Well, that looks like the fat kid from one family. Yeah. This is Helen of Tehran. The face that lords a thousand ships to sink. To go home. To go home. Turn around and go home.

Yeah, I see this on my Instagram a lot. I see this woman. and there's a caption of like the Hajjar the most beautiful princess in all there's a thing there's a bit of emperous new clothes going on

I think that's clearly a bloke I think that's a walrus anyway so this is the Hajar dynasty there's so much leg on show you can see where the Ayatollah's coming from in some regard to say like we've got a car

we've got to stop this this is ridiculous I'm getting too horny so that's the end at the end of the Hajjah dynasty which is they're still part of the Persian Kings, right, the Haddo University. And then in the early 1920s,

I think there's well, there's a constitutional revolution. In 19056, or something like that. Yeah. I mean, at end of 1911, there's a constitutional revolution where basically it's kind of a modernising revolution for this quite backward country to

kind of actually very much based on the British constitutional model of I think you have a monarch, but there's a prime minister and there's a parliament So all loads of just like Kind of quite Western Well this is demanded

But it's not really implemented that much I don't think Because in the 20s You have a guy called Reza Khan Right It sounds like he makes great music Reza Khan sounds like it's in an Uber Yeah

And you're hungover and it's the last thing you want There's nothing worse Than being in the front seat of an Uber To an airport Where I mean can you tell that I just come back from a big weekend in Hamburg And the worst bit of it was the journey, the Uber

back. God, they're playing their own music. But they're playing their own music. You know, the thought of a curry is making you sick. And then you've got, you've got a restaurant,

Indian restaurant music. Persian restaurant music. Anyway, so... You know how like, when you hear like a waterfall, you need to piss? Yeah, yeah. When you hear Indian music,

you need to shit. I need to shit. Yeah, so there's a, the Hajjars, they're quite autocratic, and then there's all this foreign influence. People are getting a bit annoyed. So they demand this revolution.

there's the supposed revolution of giving the people some rights. Prime Minister of Parliament. Prime Minister of Parliament, blah, blah, blah. But it doesn't really, it doesn't really happen. Yeah. Then you've got this big guy, Reza Khan. Right.

Strong man. Military officer in the car. Military. Big, big fucker. Yeah. Big guy. Broadchested. Yeah. If he's a dad of your new girlfriend, you open the door, you think, fuck. If, you know...

Your new girlfriend's the casual. your new girlfriend is the most beautiful slash ugly you've been told the most beautiful woman and yeah yeah and I mean I mean and now you you can't leave her because her dad's her dad's her car you're completely cornered yeah yeah look at him

gorgeous man yeah somehow he's given birth to the ugliest woman in the world so he is kind of a military man he's a military officer in the Hajjar army and in 1921 he starts a coup against the Hajjahs And look, you can see it's very, it's all very kind of French, British-inspired, art military dress.

So basically, in the mid-1920s, Rez-Arcan becomes the Shah. He starts a new dynasty. Yeah. And he starts the Patovi dynasty. Right. Pavlovnaissance. But he's done that by, yeah, a military coup, basically. Yeah, he's a military coup.

He's a military man. Broad-chested, beautiful, beautiful mustache. Ugly hot daughters, the best you could say. probably and he starts this this is the beginning of rapid rapid modernisation which is sort of the theme of the next 50 years

of a reign in history it's true and this is at the time in Turkey after Turks doing something similar where there's a big modernising secular movements as Turk is going we're not going to be an Islamic state we're going to be secular the young Turks all that sort of stuff

yeah who are the young Turks I don't know too much but I imagine they're around this time I can assume that they're a great modernising young people who are trying to modernise in a secular way. So this is where basically infrastructure starts.

Industrialisation starts to take some power away from the tribal and clerical authorities because most of Iran is not Tehran. Most of Iran is quite a religious conservative. It's a bit like London and the rest of the UK.

Yes. Londonistan. I mean, yeah, I mean, for an American Republican podcast. It's literally the same. Yeah. You get arrested for being white in London. It's crazy.

Londonistan. Because it's like, I went there and they've lynched Paddington Bear. It's crazy. Yep. His head was on fire. This is not a, it's not a, on Jordan Peterson-esque suit, actually. We're in the last remaining, this is the last reigning white room in London, according to Tarkals.

Yeah, according to Ska-Carset. Paddington Bear is on fire and Buckingham Palace. Hordes of women lynching. Paddington Bear. I used to love London. I used to love it. And now it really smells. It smells.

Mr. Brown's now working in a curry house. Mr. Bean is a slave. Mr. Bean's a slave. In the Ayatollah's basement, the Ayatollah of London, Sadiq Khan. And Mr. Bean, Mr. Bean can carry food famously. He turns up to give the Ayatala food. He's got a turkey on his head. And the whole thing collapses.

It's travesty. Anyway, so Rez Arshar in the 20s He really starts rapid modernisation He also, now this is interesting He forces it top down On the sort of backwards He's a top He's a power top

I mean you're always a power top, aren't you? Yeah, I guess you can be a power bottom You could probably be a submissive top Now how's that work? Well, if you've got a power bottom We should just say for people for people who aren't quite as on top of gay

who finally found a podcast they like Yes, we're talking about gay sexual logistics A power bottom I believe in I would have no idea Yeah, of course Is someone who takes it In a very powerful way Corners the top

Yeah Because I guess shuffles back onto it And then there's sort of thrusting Yeah I guess as a position Being a bottom is Where, here we go What does it between a power bottom

And the top? A dominant bottom or power bottom As they're more commonly referred to is someone who takes over sex, who rides instructs or otherwise steers the action. A submissive top is someone who does as they are told

even though they are the penetrating partner. So yeah, it's, you better fuck me in the ass right now. You! Cock! In my ass now! Right. Yes, Mr. Yes.

Yes. Yeah, sure, of course. Yeah. But he's a power top. a submissive top. I told him he's a power. He's a power pot. Cover up.

Fuck me in the ass. Reza Shah is a, he's a power top. Yeah. So he's top down. He bans the veil. Right. So it's like it's, you know, France in the 2000s,

ban the burkini, all that stuff. He doesn't give women a choice, which is famously what feminism's meant to be about. Right. He says, you can cover up, you can get your teeth. tits out. I don't mind. I have a preference. It's up to you, though. That's feminism. In my understanding of feminism. But he's like tits out now. He's like tits out now. I'm a power top.

But what is a theme throughout all of these is that you do smirch your opponent by implying they're gay all the time. We'll get to that later in the story, but there's a, there's a very funny moment where basically the revolution starts because someone calls the eyes all the gay. Anyway, we'll get to that. That's fast forwarding a bit. So, um, Rezas Shah, power top, uh, you, Fuck me in the arse now. No, that's power bosom. Anyway, I'm getting confused in more ways than one. Let's go.

So he bans the veil, which is a huge, it's actually a huge move, given that people, it's all people have known. And he doesn't give people the choice. It's like when they ban the grid girls Formula One. It's like, well, hang on. They like their job. If we're not going to at least ask the people at the darts, what they think about this?

You know, you come to the grid girls, the darts will be next. you know what I mean um so are you cared about female unemployment was the main concern you have why are we

why are we taking away women's jobs it's like if you shut down only fans you're going with these women are too thick to earn a job without getting their tits out

like give them a chance this is the safety net for people who failed their GCSEs I just like seeing women in full time employment be the nude or not be they only fans

or grid girls I just like to see a woman working. Yeah. By watching a woman work, I mean, watching her work as an on Onlyfans as a Cam Girl. Those are the three jobs. Cam Girl, Only fans, grid girl. Anyway, so Reza Shah bans the veil and basically starts this sort of rapid attempt at westernization in Iran, which, you know, the majority of people aren't maybe ready for.

The people have been starting to feel quite resentful of the amount of money that was being taken out of. of Iran. At this point, they may be cottoning on that black stuff under the ground is quite valuable. Yeah, but it's also like, you know, when you do like a, when you've been gigging in London too long and then you gig out in the sticks. And you got a oyster car. Yeah. Sort of. But it's just like your references about like, you know, so my friend's in a polycule and you got this kind of like. Yeah. And it's literally like, huh? He can't even comprehend what you're talking about. Yeah. What? All of these applied assumptions that you have in London. Yes. They don't. It hasn't even hit. No. No. You're, you're, you're,

You're agreeing in Yarmouth. You're going, well, the fuck's a polykele? Policule. Policule. Is that a Pokemon? That's a polykill? In 1935, Resachar officially changes the country's name from Persia to Iran, which kind of, I guess, maybe some people don't like that.

Well, it says, change the country name for Persia to Iran, signaling a new national identity and emphasizing Persian heritage. Yeah, we did a great job with that by changing the name from Persia to Iran. Yeah, I would have said there's probably a better way to do that. I just keep a very bad way to do it. And basically, I think in the West, the view of it is, you know, Persia was this exoticised kind of amazing kind of place

of the, you know, Arabian nights almost kind of and Iran is the Ayatollah, Mr. Grumpy Kings, you know, fire and AKs. Dr. Dr. Dr. Grumpy Kings to you. Give them his fault. Fire an Akes and there's up.

But actually, amongst Iranians, Iran and Persia have always been interchangeable. So Iran is also, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also an ancient name. So they both kind of work. They use both. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like one where it's like the fund's over now. Get rid of those rugs, put a veil.

on Iran. Derry, London Derry. Yeah. In fact, it's almost definitely not that. England dairy, I think. England. Sorry, it's Englandary. So then in the 30s, Shah, the Reza Shah aligns of the Western powers.

This is my favorite bit. Yeah. Especially Nazi Germany. Oh, oh. So now, now this is debated, basically. Right. But what is for sure is that the Nazi Germans, the Germans, to call, given their proper name. The naughty Germans, actually.

The naughty Germans, actually. It's very similar Nazi, Nazi. Well, Nazi is German for naughty. We're the naughty party, both for us. We're doing some very naughty things. So the naughty Germans, they build prisons that Reza Shah starts to use to... Okay, just as like building infrastructure as a way of building relationships. The Germans are, at this point, German infrastructure has never been so efficient.

Right. The 30s. Okay. Famously. Yeah. I mean, I've just been to Hamburg. You know, what they are very good at is processing people. and they you know in this period of their history they take it too far right they just yeah

what you think it's their love of processing an admin that leads to yes i do so i do i do i do think it's impossible to have the holocaust without people that love processing cues british people next name yeah name religion that cue yeah it's part for control Passport control EU non-EU Jew Now you've got the passport things

where you just put it in and it just does it automatically they would have absolutely loved it Christ I mean they would have on a field day nowadays With the phonology as well

It just maps With passport technology They'll just how maps How big your nose and skull is How big your nose right No Go and talk to someone Do not pass go

Go straight to Auschwitz German monopoly Oh, I don't want to play as the Jew. Can I play as the little Scotty Dog? No, you're playing as the Jew. It's a very different board for you. So what? It builds prisons that Reza Shah uses.

Well, actually, he built prisons that, to skip ahead, Mohammed Reza Shah, when he starts to secret police, they keep people in Nazi built prisons. And when you're in Hamburg, were you in a Nazi built? We did go into a Nazi anti-aircraft tower that's now a town. that's now a techno club. That's modern Germany, isn't it? That is my just favorite thing to do.

Well, in the way that you have, I mean, you know, this is a history podcast, of course, a lot of what we love is the contrast between, you know, the current day and the past. You know, you have a Greek man asleep in a chair underneath the statue of David or whatever, you know. And the German version of that

is you have a Pearson-laden and techno-german in leather yeah dwarfed by an industrial structure built by Hitler yeah yeah with a rubber fist in his ass I mean it's just the irony of history the beauty of it Hitler's building this think if he knew what's going on in there a thousand year right try try to fight five years

barely 10 mate and if you if you knew what's going on in here in 80 years time you'd be shooting your brains out all over again that's why he found out he goes you know they were going to turn this in a techno club when the Russians come here goes fucking blow.

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Anyway, where are we? So, it's starting to get juicy now because Iran plays this huge role in World War II strategically because at the start of World War II, it's, I mean, no one ever really thinks about this because we're taught about the Battle of Britain and the Blitzkrieg,

but we're not talking about how basically the Italians are going for Egypt, Mussolini wants to conquer, you know, Africa, take all the ancient ruins, Hitler's getting involved as well. You know, there's the whole Indiana Jones stuff that dig at Nazi, naughty archaeologists. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Every area of science is getting quite naughty at this point. So it's a whole sprint to like, to the Middle East, Turkey, Cyprus, Greece. These are the real flashpoints at the start of the Second World War. And when the Russians are allied, when the German invades the Russians, basically Iran becomes this fuck.

We cannot let the Germans get to Iran and they have a history of building some naughty prisons there. Yeah. So what the, the, the, the, the, the, the allies do is they kind of propaganda, they say, Reza Shah, this great modernizer, he's in bed with Hitler. Yeah. He's a top, he's a power bottom.

He's power bottom in Hitler. So they basically just fucking invade. There's the allies and Churchill and the Soviets just fucking invade Iran. Yeah. In 1941. And it's so funny because what happens is they, these tanks just come out of the desert. and the Iranian is like, oh, hello, we're mates, aren't we? And they're like, nope.

And they just, they just see, they basically seize Abidane, which is the big, we don't really learn about this. No, it's great, it's not taught at all. And we seize Abidam because at this point, the Anglo-Oranian BP is making Britain so much money. And then during the war, during the war that Britain is making more off the taxes of the profits than Iran is getting at all from their own order. Right, right, right. So at this point,

Abidane is powering the British Navy. Yes. And so they're basically, their whole war effort is southwest Iran. Yeah. So the Anglo-Sovits, they seize it, they force big boss man to go on holiday.

They say, take a break, mate, you're done. And they install his little twink son, Mohammed Azashar, who is, he is a submissive bottom. Well, what is it? What is it? What's the Rogan thing?

What is it? times create soft men soft you know what's it what is it oh i know always think of this times create soft men soft men create soft times soft times create hard big hard cocks yeah well this is the the example of that right you got a hard uh grizzled military officer who's clawed his way to power yeah and then he rages a twink son yeah he sends off to a rich swiss boarding school yes little chocolate yeah yeah we should talk about mohammed Reza Shah. So Mohammed Reza Shah, which is quite confusing because his dad's called Rezarsha. It's like, imagine if that's how your name is, you just give them another name.

Yeah. Yeah, hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times, create weak men. Weak men create hard times. I mean, that is the history of Iran. Yeah. And all the time, the women are covered up.

Yeah. So ugly women create bad times. Bad times make fit women. Fit women. I don't know what the end of those. Fit women create hard corks. I can move and create softog Anyway

So the allies With the Soviets They basically just fucking Bin off boss man And we should talk about his son Doesn't narrow it down When you say boss man No

To you everyone's boss man There's boss man then there's boss man's son Right right right And then there's the eye Then there's Dr. Rob begins There's the three The three people in the story Bossman

Bossman son Dr Grumpikins Yes please my friend Yes please my friend No thank you That's the script for the Iranian Revolution. Muhammad Reza Shah, yes.

Now Reza Shah, the great westernizer, he has sent his son to, yeah, as you say, Swiss boarding school. And so Muhammad Reza Shah is fluent in three languages. He's, you know, he's being used to eating like the Hoteest of Hote cuisine, mission and food. Charlie, can you get the footage of Mohamed Rezarshaar when he's first, like when he first comes into power?

He looks so fucking terrified because he's maybe 20. if that or maybe 18. Yeah. And he's basically just overnight, it's just brought back and like, right, start shaking hands.

Yeah. You're the fucking, you're in charge now. You know, if your dad is a huge, broad-chested power top, you are going to be a submissive bottom. Wait,

when does his dad die? Oh, no, his dad's been deposed. His dad's forced on holiday. Right, right, right. And he's, you know, this very feminine face.

Yeah. It's kind of androgynous, this kind of nervous smile. Yeah. He's tired. as well compared to his dad big broad chest

I'm gonna fuck me up the ass now and he's like oh no I don't want to be fucked I'm gonna fuck you anyway that's

that's Mohamed so he comes to power in in in 1941 seemingly yeah and then blah blah the allies win

Hitler shoots himself in the bunker everyone's having a good time and now obviously the the Soviets are becoming

the enemies of the West and as you hinted at Iran's always been the main stress fracture of British, American and Russian interests. It's a corridor. It's India, the Middle East, Russia. It's just outside off stunt.

Yeah, exactly. It's a real danger. We're having to swim. Yeah, so that picture there, that's him as a young, you know, beautiful kind of. He looks a bit like if one of the Muppets was a drag queen. Yeah. And there also is someone in the story called Kermit as well, actually. So, you know, the coincidences of history

just never failed to surprise. Iran is basically that corollore of uncertainty where the Russia are just sending these balls down and Britain just don't know whether to play on it. It's just hammering that. It's Jimmy Anderson, hammering that line outside off. You're never quite sure. Britain, you know, the worst of Britain, Rory Burns,

is just, oh, I'll have a go with that. First of all, the ashes, you've fucked it. You've absolutely fucked it, Rory Burns. The first ashes on Australian soil where we've had, maybe had a chart, you've completely fucked it. But that's what... First ball of the series

against Mitchell Stark. We're dead. And that's why a lot of Western powers, they end up embarrass themselves in Iran because it's the corridor of danger. You don't know whether to play or not? And you go for it. You go for it.

First ball of a series. Yeah. Anyway, the Soviets, then there's something about the Soviets starting to take control of the north of Iran's resources. They found more oil. So anyway, so Iran is kind of split

into these two spheres of influence. And then in 49, there's the rise of Mohamed Moseek, a prominent nationalist leader. He is, becomes the prime minister of Iran. Yeah, and this is a guy who's born in 1882. So he's an old guy. He looks a bit like Uncle Fester. Like he's quite tall, quite austere,

but he's got a big kind of toothy smile. Mohamed Mossadegh. He looks like Nosphoratu. Yeah, but then he's smiling a lot. He's quite a, I think he's quite a fun guy, actually. And he's almost. I've always seen, I think, amongst a lot of Iranian and expats as a sort of the, you know, what if.

Yeah. This is the great what if moment. But he's on a nationalist thing of like carving out a new national identity and kind of Iran taking control of their own destiny. Because the young Shah, Mohammed Reza Shah, is a young, Twinkie, insecure, Swiss trained. Yeah. Basically, he's like, he's only having soup.

He's drinking soup. He's not eating meat. He's not got a strong stomach. Yeah. Right. So at this point. He's fucking gluten intolerant, the young Shah. Oh, I couldn't have that bread.

Whereas his dad's fucking, Mama, no, I don't want this bread, Mama. Yeah. Whereas his dad's like, sort of, you know, he's chowning down a whole loaves of fucking brown sourdough in one. So, but because he's got a weak Shah, Mossadec, who's this, who's much older than him, he's kind of from an aristocratic family in Iran.

He's quite a patrician vibe, right? He's like, we're going to, he's basically the sort of the great white hope of actually liberalizing Iran. Well, a great brown hope. Sorry, the great brown hope. Brown men can jump. He's the great, he's the great brown hope of, because what Reza Shah had done

as he had modernized Iran's infrastructure and economy without actually trying to give people any political human rights. And so there's this idea of the benevolent dictator that the young Shah will sort of take to its extremes. But Mossadegh is like, no, we're going to, you know, you've voted me in. and he essentially

The big thing The big thing is in 51 He goes Fuck this I've had enough For you taking our Liquid black stuff Yeah

First of all what is it Why are all the cars Going faster with it I'm still burning I'm still trying to put Like wood in my car I'm still trying to shove wood in my car I want this black stuff

You keep taking it away Do I drink it What do I do with it He essentially tries To nationalise BP Yeah And it's a theme of post-World War II

America and foreign policy where you have leaders like this. Yeah. They're having a Burkina Fausau. They try and take back their resources and stop them being taken by the West. Absolutely not. And it's just an absolute.

It's, yeah. I'm an anti, the, I'm an anti, having control of your own resources. This podcast is anti. The West should control everyone's resource. And then it's, yeah, orchestrating coups. This is just a classic move. Yeah.

As soon as you're like, can I own mine research? sources, or you'll be dead to me. You can't be trusted with your snacks. The snacks go in the hotel cupboard. I'm handing the snacks to you because they are a reward system for good behavior. The Iranians are toddlers and America as their parent, essentially. So, 1951, Mossadegh tries to nationalize British oil.

And the Brits are like, British and American. Well, there's a new, the Brits and Americans have tried to, they've got a new, they're trying to work a new system. Yeah. I think at this point, the Brits are still mainly in control of the oil. oil. But obviously Britain's fading. It's bankrupt after the war. And then the idea that this guy is going to take the oil away from them, they're like, we absolutely can't have this. The sweets have to stay in the top cupboard. You will go crazy if you eat all those sweets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

MI6, and it is MI6 led, by the way, and actually it's foreign office led. The foreign office, Churchill's prime minister again, the foreign office say, we need to fucking get rid of this guy. And this is the first proper covert operation of CIA as well? Because CIA has only been founded in 47. Yeah, but this is like a co-pro production. First co-production. Yeah. This is absolutely, this is James Bond stuff.

But this is the transition from MI6 to CIA. This is right. MI6, the hallmark of a spy agency. Yeah. CIA, the burgeoning new one. This is the kind of watermark where MI6 on its way down, TA on its way up, meat for this. After this, MI6 essentially just becomes James Bond.

Yeah. It becomes fiction. It becomes a film. franchise. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a tribute act to what it used to be. It's like, it's fan fiction. Yeah, yeah. So, um, because CIA is actually the thing. And MI6 is like, well, we, I mean, we'll just write some books about this, will we? So, um, the MI6 and the foreign office, they go, we cannot let the Iranians have all the sweets. So we're going to take control. Now, on the, on the, on the table is genuinely, to we sanction them, do we just

fucking invade? That's, that that is one of the decisions. I mean, it's kind of surprising that of all the countries have been evaded in the Middle East Iran has never got a... It's amazing they haven't been invaded by the West at any point. The Brits in America, you know,

the siren call of just going in that's always there, isn't it? You just fucking go in there? If you just go and knock the statue over and put an American flag over it, see what happens. So, but Churchill goes... Churchill goes, can I have a drink? And they go, sorry, you need to make a decision here, Winston.

And he goes, fuck off, I want to drink. Anyway, they decided to do COVID operation. But the Brits, they need a copro, they don't have the money for this. So they go to the CIA and there's a man in Tehran who's generally called Kermit Roosevelt who I think is a cousin of one of the,

I don't really understand the Roosevelt's are. And Kermit Roosevelt is fucking wasted all the time. Right. He's just drinking gin and lime. He's battered. And he's undercover in Tehran. This is before spy agents became like woke and boring and like this is where,

when they were out there in suits getting pissed. Yeah, this is the best. Yeah, this is the best time to be a spy agent. Now you're just a dweeb in a basement in fucking coding. Yeah. These were men. Yeah. You know, there's none of this like,

or should we get Idris Elber out there? No. No. Kermit Roosevelt. So he's playing tennis in a compound in Tehran. And when he hits the net, he goes, for fuck's sake Roosevelt. Like, but he's undercover as John someone.

And they're like, who's that? And he's like, oh, no, I just like the president. I'm blaming that on the president He's awful He's pissed He's got a cover But he's so pissed He keeps dropping

He's calling himself Not now Kermit And he's like who's that I go fuck it I'm talking about the mum I'm sorry I mean the frog I mean the frog

Sorry So the CIA are on the ground But it's all the British Networks British have got What's it called But it's American money

It's American money It's just like It's like film production now Yeah It'll be like a British book Written And you know It'll be like Lord of the Rings

It's like who's We film in Britain Because we give tax bonuses But it's all going to be It all leads back to American money So they try and instigate boots on the ground. The British, the Brits call it Operation Boot. Yeah.

The Americans call it Operation Iax, Iax, Iax. Iax is the football team. Total football. Yeah. Yeah. Basically, the agreement is that the Shah, and this is technically legal, Mohammed Reza Shah, will write a decree saying Mossadegh's got a fuck off. Yeah.

And he's going to install a strong man from the military. So Mossadek, meanwhile, has nationalized the oil company, but the Iranians don't know what to fucking do with it because they don't know how to work it. They're like, what is this stuff? I'm still putting wood in my, I'm filling up my car with wood. I don't know what's going on. So Kermit agrees with the Shah that they're going to,

he's going to sign a decree. Now one thing you need to know about Mohammed Reza Shah, this cunt loves going on holiday. He loves it. I think he mainly just wants to be on holiday. Yeah. So, so, so Kermit goes right. We're going to sign this decree.

decree and then the Shah's like yeah can I go on can I sign this then I can I go on holiday I quite want to go Rome see the sides and they're like okay yeah fine but sign it first it's it's the weekend and he still hasn't signed it goes I've got to go on holiday I'm too bored I really need a break I need a break from all this so he goes to Rome and then Kermit's like come Monday right turn on the radio a coup should have happened and he turns it on and he hears Mossadeck and he goes why the fuck's this guy and Mossadek's got wind and he goes well uh yes char tried to get rid of me both foreign influence and Kermit's like fucking hell where's he gone and Shah's like

sorry I had to just it was cheap chatting shit on Facebook live it was cheaper flights on Sunday there's snakes on my profile I know you've been talking shit about me yeah yeah so the Shah's in Rome and Mossadec basically somehow the CIA they they get the Shah to sign

the thing they pay off a military man as well I feel they get there's some corruption that they take advantage of as well and they start paying people to go out and chant against him. Yeah, and they take over the press and they start just spreading lies about Mosadegh, basically. Yeah, they start saying he's a nonce.

I don't know. I don't know what they do. Anyway, but interestingly, the clerics, the grumpikins, they start... They're still a very powerful faction in around. Yeah, they, of their own accord, I think, turn against Mossadegh, because there is this kind of contested idea like historians are sort of arguing about

whether this coup is genuinely foreign coup or like it couldn't have been done without a certain amount of Iranian proactivity on their on agents on their part yeah so this is a theme throughout which is like well I don't like one thing about them let's get rid of them and my ideas will come through then they do it and then it's complete it's chaos yeah it's completely chaos so they get rid of Mossadec eventually and what they do is the CIA and the Brits is they install Reza Shah Mohammed Reza Shah they get him back from Rome And he goes, that was a lovely city break.

I can't wait to go on holiday again. And they go, you're a king now. Can you just fucking do some work first? Yeah, definitely. And he goes, I've just seen. I'd love to go hiking in the Pyrenees. I've just seen there's a deal on actually in the, in, uh, in, I've always wanted to go

Copenhagen. I've been about no one. Sounds great. They're closing down. I really want to get a ticket. And they go, for fuck set, you're king now. Can you actually do something? And so they will then, over the course of the next 20, 30 years, they will pay him essentially,

I think it's a billion dollars. Right. to build infrastructure, funders army, to keep him in power. They get a puppet. He's a Western puppet in. And this is like the thing, this is still a massive deal in Iran.

Yeah. This is why they call Great Britain Little Satan and America Great Satan. Do you know that? Yes. And a theme as well, from all the podcasts I listen to about this, still in Iran,

they still, anywhere else in the world, they around more than anywhere else overrates British standing in the world they think that this is all Britain they don't really realize how we become a regional

power yeah yeah they still think that we're these masterminds behind it all they think we're evil but they also think we're powerful as fuck we've got nothing going on we got fuck all we're like we were maybe powerful until King of Big Brother shoved that bottle up and then we're completely that's the end of it we're completely done

like that was that was the that was front page news yeah fat woman shows bottle up fanny right we're done we're completely this country's gone to the dogs we're fucked and they're still saying we've got we're still saying we're powerful oh they haven't seen that episode of big brother no they don't know jay goody died britain's queen england's rose yes evil jade guddy um right so we should probably uh we should probably call that for episode one um but essentially we we are leaving Iran in a state of foreign influence. They have removed a democratically elected leader and put in

a young Twinkie submissive bottom and we're going to leave the story there. Now the next episode and I'm going to say an episode after that, the next two episodes are already on the Patreon if you can't wait until Thursday and later on in the week. So for $3 a month you can become a truther and you will get access to every episode of a series first thing on a Monday morning. But either way, thank you so much for watching and listening, and we will see you

to carry on the story next time.