Fin vs History - Anne Boleyn, Sexual Terrorist (with Jamie Hutchinson!) | Henry VIII (Part 2/4)

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

Um actually, the straightest thing you can do is be with a bloke. Henry VIII (Part Two) This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠⁠⁠  Chapters: 00:00 - It’s A Facade 03:38 - What’s Going On There? 07:06 - Bonnie Blue Balls 09:28 - Super Chin 13:41 - He’s New Money 19:17 - We Don’t Know His Side 21:16 - Please Touch It 24:26 - Biblical Sodomy 31:21 - Blinded By C*m 35:04 - Girls Are Cold 38:58 - Sexual Deviants 43:24 - This B*tch!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus History. We're joined by the modern day, Henry VIII. Many have said that. Jamie Hutchinson. Thank you very much. Thanks for coming on. Oh, thanks. I mean, where were you born?

I was born in St. Mary's Hospital. Right. Forceps. What's that? Squashed head. Right. Because my mom had a tight cunt back there. Where you got went?

Yeah. 22. She was 22. She was 22. So big head tight cunt. That's a devastating cock. Yeah. the name of my own

your middle names yeah I was a conception gone wrong I was a very accidental birth right when you say very I was a pull out and I was like the last sperm left

oh wow hat under the door what does that pull out me oh come on what oh you mean oh sorry sexually I thought it was a terrible yeah but

remember I had flaps like a Venus fire trap right right so I was like Magnetic perm. There's a sort of thing with curtains where I saw them a bit of versed of curtains. Do you think it's a Freudian thing? Yeah, because I think all my would-be brothers and sisters got smeared on a curtain.

So it reminds you of the genocide. And it reminds me of the mass genocide of 90-nighter. Are you implying that you're one of the slower sperm somehow? I was just the last one, so I like a fucking disabled race, so I was the last one left. All the laziest one, we don't know. The ones with Down syndrome, they were far ahead. sort of got lost to the egg.

I got lost to the egg. I just found me where you're here. So in many ways, heard of the eighth. I guess. No, I think, well, I think Jamie, if,

for people who don't know, Jamie's sort of like the UK podcast scene original Ronaldo. Yeah. Just out of nowhere. Yeah. Pulling out the most insane

gambling story you've ever heard. Yeah. His career will be ruined by injury. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And this is you at peak finish. I love, I love our Brazilian love life,

do what I mean? Yeah. You know what I'd be like the original Ronaldo just fucking looking after yourself and that. Yeah, yeah. You've got to be fucking living your life. Probably Brazilian way of podcasting. Yeah. A short, brilliant career. Yeah.

It's way early than it should because of your love for big benders. But Jamie, you probably live the closest to Henry the 8th of anyone I know. Oh, right. Certainly. Yeah. But I guess after the accident? Yes. Yeah. There was a devastating accident in Henry. It's life that completely changed his headspace.

I guess you had that out the gate. Yes. And also, but had none of the accident. wealth and power or royal lineage. I think that's what's interesting. That's what's related about Henry VIII is he had all the power, nobility, but he was just a fucking... If he wasn't that, he would just be you.

Yeah, he was. That's what I mean, do we see that's a blessing of a curse? It's hard to say, in it? It's a velvet glove. There's both. So we left off. Now, Jamie, I don't know how into history you are.

You strike me as someone who actually knows a bit more than you let on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a facade for financial gain. Yeah. I'm actually I'm an Oxford student Yeah

Oh in 10 years You will be every Oxford student The way it's going Yeah In the break He's actually Malala He's the dean It's in a Malala

So Presumably you're aware of Henry the 8th Yeah You've heard of them Yeah Six wives Faf ass Yeah

Wided a kid Yeah Yeah Hated the Pope Couldn't stand him Hated the Pope Yeah I imagine

So in our first part We dealt with Henry had been married to a Spanish woman Catherine of Aragon cunt's fucked not producing boys that's her fault in this day and age

it's not a tragedy it's not his fault it's not his fault and people don't say that enough Henry it's not your fault if you got told that you wouldn't have done all this sort of stuff well if there was a kind of mental health movement

then he would be saying Henry it's not your fault it's not your fault until he cried yes you know yeah it's her fault it's her fault.

So he had taken out his frustration by trying to invade France that hadn't worked which is not an option for men these days no it's better help which yeah

it's like an anxiety dog or something like that and before you could invade France which felt like a healthier way to get your... There's more dignity invading France

than sign up to bear help yes there is yes there is they surrendered their fucking sponsorship quicker than the French anyway with our podcast yes we only did one

yeah I said if you're too much of a pussy to do it join better help and they said have fun with the script yeah cowards their idea of fun is very different to yours

yeah their idea of fun is not killing yourself right no yeah fuck better help invade France yeah this podcast is sponsored by invade France

dot com now he'd met amblin who as we can see generational cocktees generational yeah the bluest balls anyone's ever had

oh mate that French poor self man tripped been for generations. She had been to France, actually. We haven't talked about it. That's part where she'd learn these sort of... These tricks.

These wisely ways. Yes. She'd been smoking rollies. She'd probably come back with a sharp fringe. Yes. She'd lost a sense of humor. That's very alluring in a woman, isn't it? A woman who you can't make laugh.

Yes. What's going on there? What's going on there? Are you too smart with me or are you a bit slow? I can't work it out. One of those ones. I want to find out. Yeah.

So by the mid... Who's that? Charlie? That's an AI. Is it? I think so, yeah. What do we think of that, Jamie? She's a bit of fitting.

She's got a bit of a tash, though. Yeah. She's got a man's mouth. The women in this day and age were probably pretty hairy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind a hairy woman, but mainly on the, like the, like the, like, did you just make that?

I didn't make that. No. No. I wish I did. But his other ones were quite fair-haired, so I think he liked that little bit of, a bit of different. Bit of danger. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, again, he was not, you know, he was. not a million miles from yourself. Oh, we go to danger, yeah. Sorry? We go to danger. Yes. What is it? Is it all diet?

Is the reason everyone looks like this just completely because of diet? Looks like what? Just kind of everyone looks a bit. I guess you didn't have, you didn't have a moisturiser. Plus, had to stand still for so long for the portrait.

They didn't really smile. Like when photography first come out, that's why everyone looked like a miserable combat then. Yeah. Just can't smile for three hours. Yeah, exactly. And now photos are so easy that everyone's like,

Yeah. Yeah, you couldn't be like, yeah, in a painting, that's true. A comedian headshot. Or if you get a bollick out in a group photo, it's not as cool if you're like, he had to wait there for six hours. For four hours with his bollock out. Yeah. For four hours.

So by the 1520s, Henry's reign is completely consumed by just he's so fucking thirsty for this Anbelin girl. Give the man a drink. Give him, let him have a bit of pussy. He's in the desert. Lead a monarch to water. And he's obviously, he's desperate for a son because... Gay.

Interesting, this is a, he's a radical story. A new, a new talking head. Radical new retelling of the story. I think there's a Freudian thing about leaving everything to a son and he had a bit of an obsession with like male prowess and stuff. To a point of, I think he was. He was a bit of an athlete wanting way back when.

He was. So, wanting a son is gay. Wow. Yeah. It's great to get these other. Really repressed gay where he comes out as really hyper, heterosexual.

I mean, he's wearing these sort of gams. I don't know how repressed that is. Well, this is a very gay time. Yes. Aesthetically. Also, let's be honest, he didn't last long with the women. I wonder what?

No. He gets like, what's wrong with this one? What's wrong with this one? He couldn't come. What's wrong? It's not a bloke. This is a blow. This is a.

radical new theory. Next. Next. There's something wrong. I don't know. They just don't feel right. They're boring. There's all the fucking...

Small God. It's like one of those like, I'm so straight. I'm fucking bloke, man. Yeah. Well, it's sort of the straightest thing you can do in a way. Yeah.

To prove you're not gay. You have to. It's to fuck a bloke. Yeah. And not enjoy it. Get into a relationship with a man for 60 years. Yeah.

Deep undercover. Deep. Deep. Charlie, your balls have been on the screen for about 10 minutes. Can you get rid of them? The United States is the weirdest country in the world right now And it doesn't make any sense to anyone No, it doesn't, but I want to make it a bit less confusing

Oh, I do. Good. Well, our podcast can help. It's called American Friction, and it's out every Monday and Friday. We discuss all the big news from across the pond And explain it all with world-leading experts. That's American Friction. Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcast.

Right now. American Friction. So he's so horny for Ambulin that he basically, who is, as we said, just not putting out at all. And what's fascinating about history is that this one woman keeping her legs shut is the reason why we are all Anglican

and we have a Navy. and an empire. Isn't that phenomenal? Yeah, one woman with a bit of dignity. Yeah. If it's Bonnie Blue back then, which is the opposite,

but I guess that's... Bonnie Blue Bulls? Yeah, if Bonnie Blue had been in Berlin, Northern Ireland would be fine. Yeah. Isn't that mad?

So would Peter Filia. Yeah, we'd have different problems. I feel we'd have different... Yes, it would. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all sorted. He, yes, he fears instability

of the War of the Roses. Don't know how across the War of the Roses are. That's girl stuff. Yeah, yeah, Lancashire, Yorkshire. All that nonsense. So carries on in cricket, I think. Yeah, is there much, like, play of that in the north these days? Well, not where I'm from.

I mean, it might be like rural Lancashire. Yeah. But Manchester don't view themselves as Lancasterians. Is that not? No, I mean, our famous motto is, like, we do things differently, don't we? So it's a bit tedious. Like, we don't want to associate with anyone, sort of thing. Is that the whole motto that?

Yeah, yeah, we do things different. You don't really see it. I'm not saying it's better. It's different. But you're very Mank, aren't you? Like, that's a different breed, I'd say, to Lancasterian. Yeah, that's what I mean, yeah. Jamie Hutchinson, Comet, Lancasterian doesn't really say you are.

You're a Mank. Yeah, you know. A bit different. I think we're sort of, what I'm obviously, with Liverpool, rather than. Scouts versus Manks. Very distinctive, very different Scouts as Manks, to be fair. To be right next to each other. Yeah, like, sort of cousins that might peck at a wedding.

I like Mank's a lot more depressed than Scouts. I appreciate that. It makes them less annoying, I think. Yes, yeah. Manx don't have the superiority complex. No. Yeah. Because from where we're sitting,

ultimately it's all just wasted come on some big, big flappy piss flaps. Yeah, I accepted that. Yeah. I don't buy into the courts. I don't look, we're wasted corn. Yeah. As soon as you get to terms of that,

you accept you wasted cum, you can live a happy life. You can still live your life and wasted corn. Yeah. Well, if only... You're all after a cheats of, your goals.

If only Henry the 8th had this attitude because famously he didn't. Yeah. No.

So he gets into reading the Bible, Leviticus. Now, there's this political deadlock where he goes,

he gets his Cardinal Walsy to try and get the Pope to an owl like a euphemism but he gets his mate,

Cardinal Walsy to try and annul the marriage in England, but he asked the Pope, but then the Pope gets,

is being held hostage by Charles the 5th who is Catherine of Aragon's uncle Most powerful man in the world Nephew, nephew Right

Get a photo of Charles the fifth up Charlie Because this is our friend Who probably looks the most clapped Of any Yeah Look at that Look at that Go down

That one there Oh he looks Yeah Look at that That's a good That's a devil gurner Dance player Davle Gurner

Is that a darts reference Yeah Double Gerner Yeah Wow. There you go. Wow. So this is the most powerful man in the world.

Stupid chin. Direct descendant from Charles Ophirth. So he's basically, he's Catherine's nephew. And then he is holding the Pope hostage, which means that the Pope can't, obviously Charles Fifth doesn't want the divorce to happen. So, and then Catherine, like, storms into a court and goes on his knees, gets on her knees and is like,

Henry. What now, love? It's over. Well, I know. That's what Henry's basically saying. That's not going to get me a boy. Bit late for that. Come on, where was this 10 years ago?

No, she gets on her knees and pleads with him and weeps. And she's like, was I not a good husband? And basically storms out. And he had a whole court set up to basically be like, you know, a jury of your peers decided your family's broken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're done. And then she basically, she's an uppity woman.

Yes. It's a series of uppity women. But one of the appeals of Henry is. he does use the privilege of being, he uses every privilege of being king. Yes. There is a level of respect you have to give. He's not,

he's not cunning or weasily. It's all out there. No. It's the same respect you give to Clarkson, right? Clarkson's not plotting. No. He's ploughing. Clarkson does not think.

He acts. He does not wipe. He shits. All right? He's all littered brain. I don't think he's ever farted. I think he's only ever shat. Every fart.

He follows through. No, no. He wouldn't acknowledge it as a fart. Yeah, yeah. Clarkson just walking shitting. Like a horse. Like a horse. He's a horse.

It's a horse just plowing the fields. Right? That's why he's out to pasture now. But yeah, Henry the 8th is just a lizard brain in a cloak, right? It's just, can I fuck it or eat it? I'm not interested. I'm not interested in.

Yeah. So, now Walsie is a very interesting character, actually, because Walsh is a proper snob. He was the guy who used to walk, when he walked through, like, a sort of poor area, he'd have an orange with cloves in it, soaked in vinegar. so he didn't smell poor people's breath.

Yeah. But he was a poor person himself. So I guess it's trying to... Oh, the new money, yeah. Yeah. He is new money. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. My auntie did that because she married a man who had his own barbecue. So she thought she was like, hi, Mike, because we were all tramps and that. Right. And when they had a barbecue and they invited friends around,

she sold me, Mom, not to speak in her accent around her new friends because she had friends from Derbyshire. Right. God, it is a different world. That's all... That new money. That's why Mickey Carroll, you respect more. Because when he won the lottery, he just like quad bikes in the garden.

I know Mickey Carroll. I know Michael... Sorry, Michael Carroll. Mickey Carroll, mate. He's a guy who lost it all again, right? Yeah. And he went back to his job being a fucking pushing trolleys and Sainsbury's car park.

Yeah, with a fleece that he wrote. Here's how I spent my tour money. I just went. I'm fucking going all out. I'm not going to try and be... Look at that. That is proper. Yeah.

That is how you spend your money when you new money. You don't start... Yeah, don't try and think you're better than other people. Yeah, you can't call Mickey Carroll pretentious. That's him now. Back to his job.

He really accepted it. He went, yeah, I'm what? Yeah. I live like a fucking king for a year. Was it just a year? 50 million a year. 50 million in a year. But his tax bill will be...

Or is it tax free? I think it's a lot of it. It's a tax on the poor. Of course purchase I can really start a lottery How's your gambling at the minute

Up and down Yeah Because you're just doing tour at the moment Yeah So the money hasn't come in for the tour Yeah Well I get paid as a call Yeah

You get paid as you go You can't be trusted with big chunks I could die anymore Yeah I don't want to wrench myself Right When there's horses to be backed Yeah

If you got a guarantee You wouldn't make the tour No No no If you got paid in advance No I get paid ads ago. That one's done.

It's carried, isn't it? You've got to be led to each year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They leave a trail of coins. I'm not doing all that fucking work to get paid at the end. What's the cash going? What's the big, where's most of your money going?

If there's an accountant looking through your records, what would he be said? Personal expenses. If Cardinal Wars is going through your expenses, what's he seeing? What's he saying? What's he highlighting saying? Do we need a lot of them?

A lot of transactions to Gibraltar-based businesses. Yeah, yeah. Do you have an account, do you have an account, actually? Here we go. A part of an ass. I was, uh, I obviously didn't what, I pissed my money away? In the Ferguson sense? Yeah.

Right, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bought a ass. And it's not been named yet. And it's, uh... Explain to me, what would you mean? So, how, how, in what sense you bought a horse? It's not in your garden. No, about 10% of a horse.

Sorry, on 10% of race. So, okay, it's already gone down. Yeah. So you haven't bought a horse. I bought 10% of a horse. He bought his ass. With nine other owners, she's a gorgeous filly,

out of Jack Hobbs. You get a photo? Did you get to ride it or is it? Jack Hobbs, the site. No, I get to like feed it carrots. Oh, nice. It sounds like you work at a stables more than you now.

Is this like adopting a well in a third world country? Is that what it is? And what returns can one get from the investment of 10% of a horse? I own 10% of it. An old family racing syndicate, I think it's called, or racing club. Right. So, yeah, basically you have a two-year contract. Right.

So it's like $6,000 up front of then $3.50 a month. Right. But in two years, it gets valued again. So it's like Bitcoin. So you can sell your 10%. Do horses increase their value? Oh yeah, yeah, if she's good, yeah. What is if she just dies?

Is that just... Yeah, I didn't get insurance because I back her. Wow. Okay. So, yeah, do you, the worst case scenario, you just get, you wake up when morning there's a load of glue on your doorstep. I know. I get 10% of the glue contract.

Yeah, we got a lot of pristakes to the door. Right. So is she racing yet? No, she'll be racing in November time, I think. She's out for summer. She's having a summer break. Right. And she'll be back in November.

You're going to bet on. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm going to back your own horse. You've got a back your own horse. Unless the jockey, she's going to bet on November. says it's shite and then I'll do some jiggery, some jiggery poker, yeah. McAvelian sort of. Or inside the horse trading?

Well, hopefully, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See, I put some money into whiskey. Right. Yeah. Because it will age and then you just sell it on. Yeah.

Right. Yeah. But it's not a money pit. No, but you see in a horse run, it's more tangible, isn't it, than see a whiskey mature? Yes. Yeah, but I guess that's a different attention span, isn't it? Different ashes to money, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I need a... You need to feel like... I need the dopamine hit. Yeah. It's so Protestant that entertainment for him is watching his whiskey mature in the barrel.

Yeah. You'll just watch that. Watch it. And just seeing the money add up in my head. That's absolutely brilliant, that. Absolutely brilliant. So in 1531, Catherine of Aragon refuses to accept the annulment.

Sorry, love. Not sure this is up to you, love. Stobborn, bitch. Now, this backs Henry into a course. corner. He's back to the corner. He has to act. Yeah. And so because Cardinal Walsy had tried to deal with this reasonably, domestically, didn't want to get the Pope involved. Yes. But he fails. He's trying to do a soft Brexit basically. The shitbag. He is a shit bag. Yeah. So you don't like Walsey. Too much thinking. I think he's a shit. I was too much thinking. Too much trying to be

little finger from game of folds. Yeah. Yeah. But he's not got the source for it. Yeah. Yeah. What's the kids say? So Walsy, his downfall occurs in 1529. He is charged with treason, I think. Or what's it called? Preymenure, which means placing the Pope above the king. So he is executed in 1529. No, he's not.

He dies on the way. He does not. Oh, fuck, of course. He does all the way to trial, right? Yeah, dies on the way. Yeah. So he just has a arse time. He probably would have got executed.

I fucking thinger. What's his face? Oswald Pops before trial Oswald Mosley No Oli Harvey Oswald Yeah yeah yeah

Before he was Saville died before trial Well He died before everything He wasn't he wasn't He was never charged What was Saville's funeral like Did he have a national

Yeah It was a state funeral Quite right He was lying in state He was for years Did we dig him up? We should He got exhumed

And Where's he He got spread, I think, like Che Guevara. Yeah, because he needs... He should have been lauded him into the war. No, no, no. No, he needs to be all over the country.

Every country... Every country needs a part of it. He was never charged with anything. I think every county had a bowl. Innocent or proven guilty? Yes, and he dies. Don't speak ill of the dead. True.

I'm sorry. He was never proved. It was never proved. Okay. Yeah. Anyway. We haven't heard his side of the story. We don't know.

We don't know his side of the story. They might have been... We don't have been... We don't know what they're wearing either. So Walsy dies of dysentery, we think. So he shits himself on the way to trial. Fair enough. It's a very English way to go out like that.

Yeah. Claxon's going to go out like that. Oh, 100%. Yeah. I mean, it's devastating. It's scary to think what he'll look like as an 80-year-old man in that he's currently in his, I think, his late 50s. Yeah.

And he looks like a cliff face. Oh, it's old than that. 64, Clarkson. Do you think? Yeah. And he's maybe early 16. So I think he's about the same age as Simon Cowell. Who looks better?

I think Clarkson looks better than Simon Cowell. I'm picking. You know, it's two ends of the spectrum. I'm keen. Simon Carls looks more like finger. That Falklands Radiator guy. Simon Weston? Yeah.

His final words, Walsey, had I but served God as diligently as I have done the king, he would not have given me over in my grey hairs. So as he makes way, Thomas Cromwell, friend of the show, comes into the picture.

I have a soft spot for Cromwell. I like Cromwell. Now this is Oliver Cromwell's great, great, great uncle. Yeah. Thomas Cromwell is a blacksmith, he's from a blacksmith background.

And he worked for Woolsey and they were close friends. He was a man. Yeah. And he's like the man in black. He's like his sort of FBI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got data on everyone. He's got spies everywhere.

Well, he was a man of the people back in the day, on it? So he's got word of the street where Walsley was more, you know, having his orange full of garlic and that. He was actually a street urchin. Yeah, Walsie was a hedonist.

Yes, he was. He had the air of the people, I think. And so he... But there's also a different, sorry, Walsy was a big Catholic who supported the Pope and lived like one. And Cromwell was kind of the architect

of the Reformation, who was Protestant, he'd spoken to a lot of people who had come from Swiss, Calvin, that lot. Cromwell didn't really give a fuck. He just wanted, he just wanted to use the law to make the king. He just wanted to be close to the king.

He was like a revolutionary, actually. Yeah, he's like Blair and Bush. He's like, I'll just make it work. I've got to be, I've got to stay close to George. Right, yeah. Cromwell's like, whatever the king wants, I'll make it happen. Yeah. So, um, uh, he basically starts the Reformation Parliament in 1529, which is, I didn't realize,

because obviously you learn all this stuff of school. I didn't realize that this whole fucking thing got on for like six years. Yeah. It's six years of him being like, please just fucking touch it. Yeah. And Anne's like, yeah. Yeah. You get in there.

Talk to it. So the Reformation Parliament, I mean, is this like the most powerful Parliament has been at this point? Well, we're getting to that point because the whole break from Rome is bringing you back to the sanctity of Parliament

being the way you can decide things. It's the birth of Brexit. Yeah, Red Tate. Let's decide it in West Windsor not Brussels. Exactly. Not in Rome. Not in the EU, birth of that. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I'm listening. Yeah. E-U-S-S-R. So there are several acts the Reformation Parliament passes. One of the funniest is the 1533 Buggery Act. Yes.

What is the... Let's get the actual law. Cromwell decrees. This is one of the first British Parliament's sovereign decisions is to outlaw buggery, which is an unnatural sexual act against the will of God and man.

Anal sex and beastiality. This has been handled by the Catholic Church previously. The bestial guys are like enjoying themselves. This is just about gay people. And the outlaw and that, it's like, well, fucking hell. Christ. I know they're fucking sinning, but can a man not shag his own pig?

Female pig? And then the first person executed under the buggery act, Walter Hungerford, say his name. Say his name. For raping his daughter. I didn't know that. The Tudor Fritzel, 1533.

Now the first person charged for violating the act of alone was the headmaster of Eaton in 1541. Which is not that different. Exactly. And he was just given a year in prison and then becomes headmaster of Westminster. So it gets almost a promotion. Yes, he does get in the question. Yeah, delayed promotion.

And this is not repealed, the Buggery Act, until 2004. Really? In Blair's fire sale of liberal policies, the buggery act is repealed. Yeah. What do you mean? So what is the, so it means you can't, you can fuck pigs now? Yeah. Blair said fuck your pigs.

Blair has let us fuck pigs. Yeah. What does it actually mean? We know that John Major legalized sodomy. Yes. That was in the 90s. But I don't know what the difference is sodomy and buggery. Buggery is, is anal sex.

Yeah. I thought Sodom is putting a remote up him or something. I think anything up there is like an object. I imagine that buggery, that beastiality became its own law. I don't think they illegalized beastiality. It wasn't fully abolished Did he hide that amongst all the Shaw's start and everything? I'd miss that if

Beastiality is... It removed the distinction between genders and simplified sexual offences. What's the difference between Boggery and Sodomah? Yeah, let's get that up. That's good. Buggery is a specific narrower legal term primarily used in English.

Aal intercourse and beastality. Right. Sodomy is a broader term. It's like a blanket term. Which you conclude oral sex. Yeah, going down the woman is Sodomy. Yeah. Right.

Especially at certain times of the moment, that's... Yes. biblical Sodom whereas buggery is anal and

and beastiality great word bogery as well yeah so sodomy's in the Bible buggery is like a old big

Middle English it's a British thing yeah to get bugged at board in school getting bogged on the cricket

green yeah that is British this is more our world than British it can be yeah

yeah scons tea getting fucked up up the ass by a cricket ump Lawn balls after all that

Scoring shed Yes Yeah In the scoring shed I swear We're not banging the scores Going up I'm being hit for six

In the pavilion So then The actress supremacy is the big one 1534 That's the final break with Rome Fuck the Pope We should place this Shouldn't we

We should place Jamie I don't know If you've listened To the pub before We like to place years Yeah So just name us something That happened before

1534 and something happened afterwards could be anything uh battle of Hastings yeah that's before after uh jfk assassination terrific yeah a lovely thousand years week there bang in the middle between the battle hastings similar yeah similar length difference though yeah well very nice from each other i don't which one is that closer to i don't tern 66 and then 963 so it's slightly close to jfk the battle of hastings it really does it really does our listeners are very very thick they will suddenly have a lot right there lovely Although we say that a lot, but I imagine, you know,

your podcasts, I imagine your listeners are pretty depraved. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'd imagine so, yeah. Yeah, collective IQ of audiences. We were saying that, you know, you got your own things, but maybe Sandro's, you look down on Sandra's audience a little bit. Well, not look down, I think mine might be more discerning. But what does that, I don't know what that means, more discerning. What would your, what a discerning, more,

that's their classier, technically. appreciate more craft me, but that's... They appreciate the higher things in life. Yeah, we've got a lot of crossover. But having kicked in South Wales, that's like a, that's a tasty place. Sure. Yeah.

That's a tasty old place there. Yeah. I guess it's, you know, it's the anecdotes, the crafted anecdote of the pissette. Yeah. Yeah. Versus versus the just filming yourself being a pissette.

Yeah. That's kind of the different. Yeah, my, I think mine's for... You're the poet's piss head. Yeah. Yeah. Weatherspoon, SunTrust Thompson was called. Yes.

Yeah. That's nice. What have you found, Charlie? That's quite interesting. If you had a thousand men with IQ of one each, they could not manage to go to the shop. So in, yeah. AIC is pretty definitive on that. Well, an IQ of one signifies an almost total absence of cerebral cortex function, meaning that it's kind of

vegetative state stuff. But they might be able to smile at each other. I think they'll just be set out. What was the minimum IQ you need to smile? Yeah. But I mean, there's a thousand of these guys. But I guess in your head, Charlie, you think you could add up that's a thousand IQ technically.

I'm just thinking maybe they could just encourage each other. No, it's not a thousand really thick people. So it's actually a burden. I just thought maybe if they work together, minimum IQ to be able to smile sincerely. Because you can be like, smug. Yeah. All right, they could smile.

They might, they'll be smiling, but they wouldn't be able to go to the shop. They wouldn't be smiling. Yeah. Interesting. There's no minimum IQ required to smile. But yeah, a thousand people with one IQ though, that's just a thousand more patrons. Yep, you only need one IQ to subscribe to this patron.

I don't know where you've got three pounds a month from, but give it to us. Takes 10 to cancel. So once they're in, they're not going out. Yeah. That's why we've got so many. We've got the sweet spot where they're thick enough to join. but not clever enough to leave it's a mouse trap

similar to DeZone I don't know how to leave DeZone Oh the boxing Yeah I paid it for a fight Six months ago Yeah I'm sorry 25 going to work I don't know how to leave

So I'm staring I'm snaring but I can't leave DeZone Yeah That's how they get you Let me leave Eddie Anyway join the Patreon It is a bear trap

Um... Hey y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair. With Wayfair, there's no what if. Just style you love and quality you can trust.

Visit Wayfair.ca. Wayfair, every style, every home. The United States is the weirdest country in the world right now, and it doesn't make any sense to anyone. No, it doesn't, but want to make it a bit less confusing. Oh, I do. Good. Well, our podcast can help.

It's called American Friction, and it's out every Monday and Friday. We discuss all the big news from across the pond and explain it all with world-leading experts. That's American Friction. Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcasts, right now. American Friction! So, Thomas Cranler becomes Archbishop McCampere in 5033, but by 1533, but by 1534, Henry has become head of the Church of England. Yeah.

Rome has fallen. Thank God for that. Yeah. The country takes a different path and he's finally free to start raw dogging and Berlin. Yeah. The pressure on that. She's getting a sackful. Yeah.

The problem is, though, is that as we were saying in the first episode, too much pressure. The horny you are, it just cannot live up. No. She can't be that good. There's a sweet spot for performance, I think. She can't. He will.

Go on. Pressure makes diamonds. He will go through a, like a steam train. But that's my point is. It would be like a two seconds. I think it's two seconds. It's a great two seconds, so. And I think that premature ejaculation thing is overplayed.

When we're talking about Henry's... In historical scholarly articles, you say it's overplayed. That's an overplayed part of... Yeah, I think it's not seen as like a weak thing. You're right. I'm so masked and a crumb straight away I see it's interesting

because in ancient Greece obviously smaller cocks were classier and they still are and we think so society's yet to come round to our way of thinking yeah

we think it's vulgar to have a big cock well that's what they thought in ancient Greece it's a scoffish unwheeledly hog new money trash

maybe there's also an idea the premature ejaculation the efficient the speedy there's a grace to what you sort of like in a estory

is it like got a low centre of gravity, you're quick along the ground, you know, technically skilled small-not. It's more just that it's like it's, you know, you're coming in a woman for a purpose. Yeah. And get it done.

And the female arc had someone really been invented yet. It's still contested to the stage. Yeah, it's not, it weren't a thing back then. No. Also, is it not fitting, I think the Protestant approach to sex is quick? Here we go. It's as short as possible. Catholic is indulgent. It's seven hours long. Candles.

You break to eat. In Christens. Yeah, it's just, it takes, well, they're not working. So you're building these, these long things. Edging, pleasure, running yourself a bath every time you masturbate. Piss play. Yeah, but then this is, funny enough, this comes shot turned this country Protestant, and it's a very Protestant length of time probably.

It is. Four seconds back to it. And then immediately he was back to work. Well, he came and then he thought, oh, God. What have I fucking done? I don't like her anymore. Yeah, Paul sort of. I don't like her.

Yeah. She's actually really fucking annoying. And it's a very male story, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of just being completely blinded by cum. For six years, the mist. And for her to take advantage of a horny man like that. No, it's a devastating.

It's an absolute disgrace. Especially foreign pussy. Yeah. Foreign pussy gets you twisted up. I don't think she was foreign. I think she spent time there and she'd learn. She was foreign. She was foreign.

Yeah, I don't you mean. She spent time in France. She had too much French influence. Yeah. No, we don't, I don't think she actually has had enough personally. Yeah, enough shit. I mean, how did it get chopped off? No, but we're skipping ahead.

She needed to have more while she was alive as to how much she had really terrorized this poor man. And taking advantage of a vulnerable man. A vulnerable man who'd been blueballed for six years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is awful. Yeah. He was disabled by it. He is disabled by the...

You're seeing Hawkins until he busted and then he was like, what the fuck? Oh my God. You just took advantage. I can't believe I've been taken advantage. I've been groomed for six years. So he has sex with her in November 1532. They get married in January 1533.

She is already pregnant because it was never his fault. He wasn't the problem. No. He had swimmers. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. People said he didn't have swimmers. I had a lot of female historians trying to rewrite it. He clearly had swimmers.

Oh, bollocks. Oh, bollocks. Female historian. That's an oxymor on. so Henry's marriage to Catherine is officially annulled on May the 23rd 1533 this is after it's just before he's taken the church into his own hands and then Anbelin gives birth in September 1533 however devastatingly it is a ginger girl

Fah! Birds fly it's heard everyone can hear it It's like the fucking church bells ringing, him screaming, fuck, as he finds out he's got another girl. He's been led down the garden path. Yeah. And it's a ginger girl who would go on to be Elizabeth the first. But he does not know that.

Yeah. Now, let's just get into how they predicted gender in this time. Because Anne Berlin, liar, charlatan that she was, had been saying, well, I know it's a boy. I'm confident it's a boy. You'd have to say that, though. You would say that. So this is how physicians predicted gender

If the mother had a rosy red complexion The baby was to be a boy Because masculinity was associated with heat If the mother's complexion was pale Salo Because girls were cold If the abdomen Was swollen on the right side

It was a boy On the left it was a girl If the right tit was bigger Boy if the left tit was bigger Who's checking that Sorry? Is there a court Is the guy checking those tit?

There's a man with this hat saying he's checking it. Because they wouldn't trust another woman to do it. No, she wouldn't know. They'd be like, I'll do it, I'll have to do it. I'll have to do that. If salt was... Inclusive. I have to do another test in the road.

If salt was placed in the nipples and it did not liquefy, then the child was a boy. Okay. Look, this is just, sorry, this is just science. It's early science. I'm sorry, are we going to have to do this? It's going to have to just sort of salt. I'll have sales, though, because my mom didn't get the gender revealed to her. for me and my cousin was born a few days earlier

and she thought because my auntie was fully rounded and she was like still quite flat I'd be the opposite gender so it's all these old wives out. Did she not find out until you Jack Nicholson and the Shining out of her pussy? Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Are you a I gave birth on the toilet baby? I was meant to be a girl yeah no that's not what I meant I meant like you know those magazines that poor people read oh no no she knew she was pregnant yeah but she she hid the gender away

because my aunt said it was conceived on the same day my cousin was conceived on the same day in the same room which is interesting yeah you're sort of skipping over that yeah it was conceived on

my nana had this sort of mattress on the floor in a room and my mum and her sister went out and brought two lads back took it and turned shagging on said mattress both got impregnated

on the same day so bingo were in the same room or were they way outside and it was way outside I remember second, yeah, being the youngest. Yeah, so because my auntie was full, and then she gave birth to my cousin who was a boy,

my mum assumed, well, I must be a girl then. So she assumed I was a girl. Do you feel a lot of connection with your cousin because of this? Yeah, well, it's a, well, it sort of went down different paths because he had like a millionaire lifestyle. What was his budget? His parents went on to live in a millionaire, so he ended up in prison and,

heroin addict. Whereas I was sound. Yeah. Ghost to show. Go second. Yeah. Go second. Always.

Go second on the mattress on the floor. There was a theory that the right testicle produced males and the left testicle produced women. A theory goes a long way in this day and age. But they've got nothing else to go up. Men wanting a boy would sometimes tie a ribbon around their left testicle during intercourse in order to block the girl bollock

from the spout now that does make sense yes yes with the logic there's a logic there for sure because it's also sometimes apparently

if you put a wooden stick up your ass that would mean a healthy baby right yeah yeah if you if you turn the type of thing around your neck put an apple in your mouth yeah yeah yeah doesn't mean you have a good time

it means you have a good time so after now in the aftermath of Elizabeth's birth pre-prepared letters announcing the birth for Prince had an S hastily added there was a jousting tournament that had been set up and prepared that was cancelled

and then obviously after this Anne begins to grate on Henry which is fair enough she has a miscarriage at Christmas which is a disgrace hold it hold it in love can you not wait to laugh at the Christmas as well could you please just do it in January

can you wait to the 6th of January and then take the decoration kept your legs close to six years you don't just fucking waddle for a bit so she's really starting to grate now she has to be dealt with meanwhile the monasteries I mean this is why it's another such an English story this is like that's right asset stripping

yes definitely like it's the first thing just completely he starts sending his troops into all these abbeys monasteries which by the way were like essentially the only social security the country had they were like I don't know hospitals they were these huge cathedral built like incredible

post office yeah they were everything and he just they just go they serve a notice and then if monks refuse to comply they just all get executed they get heads on spikes like hung in chains

off carouss and cromwell organizing all this shit this is all Thomas Cromwell right and they take all the lead from the roofs and they nick it

which is why all the abbees now they don't have any don't have any roofs like travellers yes yeah yeah yeah it's state-sponsored gypsery

so the compendium compatorium is a document that it's like evidence gathering on the monasteries and accused lots of nuns and monks of being sexual deviance. I mean, that's something that's very much in our own. Yeah.

I mean, this was right in a way. It's not showing a nun, there's a certain kind of satisfaction there. So I'm like setting up pedo hunter things, I guess. Yes. You were to be a little clergy boy. Yeah. In a Norfolk priory,

three priests were accused of come, coniugata, fucking married women. Okay. And then the other three were accused of voluntary pollutions which meant masturbation.

Voluntary pollution. Oh, that's a nice point in it. Polluting, voluntary pollution. So it's sort of like littering almost. Well, it's why in Zedique's London you can't masturbate inside the South Circular.

Yes. Because the Ula's cameras will get you. But that's also why everyone's just on the edge of the South Circular. Wanking. That's why you see that. That's why you see that now

on the South Circular. So between 1536 and 41, Henry dissolves over 800 Catholic Monaster takes all the money to the state. Thousands of, I mean, monks, refugees, that's quite funny, just running around with their little heads. It was like the flight to Turkey, basically.

Can't have to talk about the problems. No. Because there's no one to listen to. And then Anne Berlin, Anne Boleyn's quite Protestant. Yes. But he doesn't, Henry doesn't want any of that. No, he's not really a Protestant.

He's not done this for theology. No, no, no. He's been Blue Ball. He's done it for Pussy. He's done it for Puss. And then, I mean, the realisation he must have when he realizes he's torn the entire country apart.

Yeah. For a woman that's now boring him. Yeah. I mean, it's just... It is tough to take. She's played a blinder, though. She knew what she had. She knew she had a clapped out post.

So she went, I'm going to use my mystique. I've learned from France. Yeah. I'll use all my mystique to get ahead in life. And then, yeah, sure, I've got to let him eat the pie eventually. And I know it's rotten pie. But I've got so far with that six years of teasing.

So you've got to, You've got to doth the cat to really. She scammed him, like a Nigerian prince. Yeah, no, she is. Really played to a Shremso. Yeah, she has. Yeah. She really adapted.

So, mobs begin to attack monastic buildings. There's then a big rebellion in not 1536, the Pilgrimage of Grace, which is like a pro-Catholic, anti-land tax revolt. And it's the classic English thing with the revolts. We're sorry, you forgive you.

Just put your weapons down. They put the weapons down. You're all executed. Yeah, it's classic. Absolutely brilliant. When will they ever learn? Just don't put your way. You're going to, obviously, we promise,

we'll forgive you, just put that down. Done, done. Idiots. So then Protestants start being like, well, we're going to become a Protestant country. And Henry's like, nah, nah, nah, nah. Guys, stop. He set this train in motion. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. I don't want to give her the satisfaction. Yeah. Amblin. So divisions are starting to form. Cromwell is just like, well, we just need. need the money from the monasteries so it doesn't really matter um what like fucking religious i mean

henry's still saying mass sneaking into mass and stuff so he's still catholic yeah and cromwell basically just retroactively makes invents a new thing but at this point they don't really know what not catholic is at this point it hasn't been defined it's not clear what the division it's still just we're about 20 years on from luther yeah so there's things like the mass yeah it's in the ether um so elizabeth has been born now uh uh In January 1536, Anne Boleyn is pregnant again. In January 1536, Henry gets thrown from his horse. An armoured horse falls on top of him.

Now, he's 44 at the time, and he's still quite athletic. But this is the big turning point. This is like that woman who woke up speaking Chinese, right? This is that woman's broke up. Yeah, the pido bit of the brain's been pushed. She had a stroke. She's from Devon. And she wakes up.

Oh, here are. From Primuth, this is, he's unconscious for two hours. People think he's dead. Like a whole horse falling on him. So having been athletic and a great jouster, his career ends because the horse fall basically opens this wound on his leg that had sort of just scarred over and then was just constantly infected for the rest of his life. Supposedly also he suffers an undetected brain injury, which is what historians have said recently.

This may be why he becomes the tyrant. is that, like Caligula, like everyone, they have a brain injury and suddenly they've become a fucking... Papa doc? Yeah. So... But to be fair, it wasn't... People do probably overstate the brain injury.

Written male, I believe. You saw, all right? Yeah. Yeah. He didn't turn into a tyrant. This is what I mean is people say this, but before, it wasn't like he was the most progressive guy before the injury. He had done a lot to try and get a peaceful divorce. actually.

I think six years of wrangling before he realizes he can just... You're just more in a hurry after the fall. You know, he felt mortal. Right. You know, he had a near-death experience. I need to make, you know, get my affairs in order. I'm not going to be on earth for that long.

Everyone talks about his execution count, but they're all sort of understandable in the moment. Yeah, you get them all. It's not just like... They're all logical. Yes, to be fair. Yeah. The king,

has fallen, his horse on top of him, and the stress of this means that Anne Boleyn has another miscarriage. So she's just blaming him? Yeah. This bitch. Yeah. It's just a car, it's a multitude of sins from Ambelin. Cartoonishly evil for men.

Can you take a day off, Anne? Two miscarriages and a ginger girl. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to start your head out before knock it off? So the king lies unconscious and has another miscarriage. What will happen next?

Against this backdrop of instability Anne Boleyn needs to be dealt with and soon she will feel the force of Henry's wrath. But what I like is it feels like we're the sort of council that got to judge Anne Boleyn where she should go down or not. I mean that's a great place to be. Yes, that is.

Just all the boys. Yeah. That's like that. great pistol after that. Yeah. That is nice. Haw. That's some mead.

Are you qualified? Can you point and say whore? Yes. Have you got the job? Yeah, one of most powerful people in the country. I've got two IQ. Yeah, I can't go to the shops. We shall have one IQ between us all.

Yeah. Well, yeah, whore with the left hand, rich with the right. You got the job, mate. You're head of the council. We'll be dealing with ambulance. You're the smartest man in Britain.

We'll be dealing with ambulance. come up on the next episode. Jamie's going to stick around on the patron to talk about Lady Jane Gray. Yep. And we need to plug your tour. Yes, Jamie H-commedian.com. One IQ for entry.

You're going everywhere, right? Yeah, all over. I'm in a break at the minute and then going back out in August, so being a city near you, I assume. What you've been up to in your break? Going on some holidays and gambling heavily on the World Cup.

World Cup gambling. The World Cup has been in the green so far? I'm just looking at like referees from less developed countries because they're going to want some time on camera and they'll thus give you your own way of care. Oh interesting. So you're always trying to play

the small things that Buckees are going to miss. That's what a real game. African refs. Incompetent and selfish. Thanks very much guys. That's all we've got time for this week. For more of Jamie's betting tips, join the Patreon. It's a trap.

For a searing clarity. You're too thick to cancel, so it is a trap. You're right. Anyway, from all of us here, we'll see you next time. Goodbye. It's all right.