Fin vs History - Auto-Erotic Defenestration | The Reformation (Part 1/4)

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Meet The First Guy To Play Devil’s Advocate. The Reformation (Part One)   Suits by Beggars Run: www.beggarsrun.com The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.     Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh  00:00 - Normal Life Is A Zoo   05:50 - I Got The Job Done!  09:41 -  Deep Into The Arse  14:35 - We Need A Bigger Autist   19:23 - Mountain Warehouse Men   25:25 - Autism Bat Signal   30:11 - 32 Million Bums  33:34 - Show Me Your Pum System  37:12 - I Said Night Night  42:53 - Brilliant!  48:20 - A Win For The Patreons  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Zippo Circus! Oh, that! Forget about Zippo Circus. Read that. I've written 95 Theses attacking the church. Not bottomless primes. Oh, no, forget. This is actually quite a historic moment and if you read it, it's actually quite radical what I've written.

Greg Wallace, look-al-like, compare. Forget about Greg Wallace. No, no, no, no, no, stop. Shut up! I have written devastating theses attacking the church for treating us all like we're idiots. like we're idiots. Dragpig! We're going back to Finn versus history,

joining me Sir Ration Gould. Hi! And today is a huge one. Big one. It's the biggest, to be honest, it's year zero for me. Long time, we're talking about the Reformation. Yeah.

The Protestant Reformation. And listeners of this podcast will know that I really struggle with anything before this. Right. Because this is when history begins. This is when I start to recognize human beings.

Right. Well, this is the journey to some of the strange globally some of the strangest people in the world actually arguably. Protestants. It's the birth of autism. Yeah, it is. I don't deny that.

It's the birth of autism. What is it? It's the person who fuck the AIDS monkey. Martin Luther fucks the autism monkey. And it leaps into people. This is the autism crisis of the 16th century. Are you double-loaded Protestant? I'm an extremist.

Because I'm half and half, but I was raised by a Protestant mother with a Catholic father. Well, you've got a Catholic father? Yeah, my dad's Catholic. Of course, he's in Indonesia fucking broad. Of course. Yeah, he's a corrupt. He's selling locks of people's hair. Yeah, so I'm only half.

I'm only half a year. Well, my mother is Presbyterian, and my father is Anglican. Right. It sounds like one of those shit New York comic jokes. My mother is Presbyterian. I like to see you try and get a laugh. Comedy selling. You're trying to get a laugh.

So when I see an eight-year-old boy, I don't know whether to put him to work or shove him up my ass. Yeah, it's no, we are going to be getting into quite a lot of, Christian denominational theology this fortnight. But it's fascinating stuff and I mean that because I genuinely think 1517 onwards is there's some cunts with some ideas finally. Before that it's all just... It's something to actually get our teeth into

that's not saying and then they did this and then they did that. And this is the end of the medieval period ends with Luceau. But yeah, 1517 is the year that I... You know, I think everyone in... Everyone has a year in history where they wake up. Yeah. And they're like, oh, okay, this is interesting.

Well, it seems to me you doing this topic, it's like when people get set free by their autism diagnosis. You know, like Pierre Novelli got his autism diagnosis. Yes. And it felt like a lot of things made sense. Set me free. Now I understand Pierre. I thought he was an early AI.

But it's like, oh, I understand why these, I'm different to other people. Yes. And I think that's you doing this topic. I understand myself. I understand. I finally got a label. I'm Presbyterian.

But yeah, my mother's Presbyterian, Scottish. We will get into probably in part of three. Which is a single malt. It's distilled, highly distilled, concentrated Protestantism. She's an extremist. It's not a sweet bourbon. It is a harsh pete. It's fucking petrol water.

It's sewage water. It's Presbyterianism. That's my mother. My father is angry. And so is gay. Gay. Anglism is gay, but we'll get into that. Soft.

It's soft. It's soft. It's soft-bellied. My mother's hard bones. It's lily livid. Yeah, it is. My mother sort of whips my father, basically. It's how much their relationship works.

So it's the beginning of a four-part series, and we'll be getting into it. We are in the Holy Roman Empire, the First Reich. Yeah. To give it his proper name. So we're in what is now Germany. But it's a patchwork quilt of different states. Yes, it really is. You've got your Saxony, you've got your Bavaria,

all these counties, basically. It's like English counties, but if they were... They don't know what a country is yet, so they're all just fucking freestalling at the moment. And part of the great... Germany isn't a country until the 19th century, so they're very late developers because they have such strong provincial identities.

Yeah, and a lot of Nazism was trying to sort of make up a long history for a country that's very new, right? Yeah, again, why I like this topic. The Nazis are impossible without Luther. Arguably, Luther is the sort of proto-Hitler. But also Marx is impossible without Luther. That's true. So it's like Luther is arguably of the last 500 years,

the most important person. He's the first guy to have a thought that's not, where's my next bowl of porridge? Or like, got, or like, let's, you know, let's fucking charge. He's the first guy who's thinking about stuff. He's the first disruptor. He's very much a disruptor.

Yeah. That's how my dad would view him. Right. He'd view him as a sort of a tech disruptor. Your dad's a Catholic. No, but he respects disruption. Of course. In the markets.

Right. Yes. Yeah. He thinks you've got to shake things up and these are important. He's an outlier. Don't not get my dad's threads up, please. Your dad's on threads? Yeah, my dad's on.

Look at his golf swing. No, no, go on his replies. Go on his replies. Oh, the first one starts with the, listen. So he, when he's stuck in traffic on the way to golf,

he responds to sort of AI images with truth and logic. AI image destroyed by truth and logic. Yeah, there's a lot of anti-Brexit staff.

Wait, here we're going to go down one. Go down one. So, that's educating people who are anti-capitalist on Adam Smith. Read Adam Smith

on why capital accumulation is essential for societal growth, then read any book explaining why consumption without R&D leads to a doom cycle. He's got one like on that. And he's replying to a thread that had 10,000 likes. Anyway, much like Luther, he's a lone man shouting into the void.

Yes, exactly very much so. And also, the printing press is thread, isn't it? It is. Luther's the first guy to go viral, you know. And again, the history of going viral has got worse. Yes. When you think of the edgy, you know, the literacy and the artisans, of a complex idea goes viral 500 years ago.

Yeah. And now it's a Korean woman smushing bread into her face. Yes. But the West has fallen. I agree. But if we look at the things that Luth was pumping out, from the birth of virality was talking about some absolutely foul things, talking about shitting yourself.

Yeah. Like that comes from the birth. Yes. There was never a moment where it wasn't linked to absolute vulgar crap. Yes. No, that is true, actually. We'll get into that. so the holy roman empire is a patchwork quilt of different types of pork eating germans

and it is governed by you've got the the two swords theory right one of them is an emperor to two katana theories let's just make it sorry to put that into context for it's not two girls one cup charlie do not get out on the screen the holy roman empire is not governed by the two girls one cup theory well it's a two it's sort of it is it's got nothing to do with two girls one cup it's sort of two girls one cup Whereas, well, one girl represents the power of the emperor. Two denominations. Yeah, and the other one represents the power of Pope. And together they're on one cup, right?

Sorry, so you're saying there's two denominations, one Christ. Because the two-sores theory, correct me if I'm wrong, it's about the delineation between church and state. Yes, it is. And it's about the power of the Holy Roman Emperor and the power of the Pope. But they are joined together with one cup. Yep. That they're both.

They're both. They're both. He's a tapped off. Well, I suppose so. Yeah. Okay. So it's the two girls one cup. So the two girls one cup, Holy Roman Empire.

And this starts, you start, you have the great schism of 1054. We've covered the great schism. Many times. It comes up a lot more than I thought it would when I first heard of it. Yeah. You know how they say that men think about the Roman Empire once a day? You think about the great schism of 1054 multiple times. Which is the break, because remember, we're talking a lot about the Catholic Church,

but the Catholic Church doesn't exist. The Catholic Church only exists when they have to define them. against Protestantism or what are we? Oh, we're the Pido one. Okay, fine, fine, okay. So the great schism is actually just the Eastern Church and the Western Church, one led by the Latin-speaking Rome and the other led by the Patriots of Byzantium. Greek speakers.

And this is why, you know, Greece and Russia and the sort of Eastern Europe is so different from Central Europe is because culturally... Visit Bet-Mdmdm casino and check out the the newest exclusive, the price is right fortune pick. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor, free of charge. BetMGEMGEMGORES Pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Back in the 80s, one record label, conquered the charts and turned. turned outsiders into household names. In the 90s, that label turned rave culture into smash hits and owned the dance floor. Discover it all on the brand new podcast. Hit that perfect beat, The London Record Story.

Out now, wherever you get your podcasts. You know, Orthodox Christianity is much more communal. Yes. It's much less individual than Protestantism, certainly. but also they're much okay with mysticism, much more more of mysticism and suffering as well as we've discussed in the Russian Revolution series

they love suffering. It's the meaning of life. It is complete voodoo nonsense. And Catholic Church, from your point of view, the Catholic Church is voodian nonsense. It's black magic. But then Orthodox is even further. It's unknowable.

Right, yeah. I still never quite understood the link between Greek Orthodox and Russian Orthodox, how they're both part of similar churches, even though culturally they're so different. the Greek and the Russians. Yes.

They don't have any link to me. They're as far away as possible. Well, the Russians actively seek out pain. And the Greeks actively avoid anything. It doesn't really make sense to me that it's the same church. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I suppose so. There's the same psychology, I think.

Why? Well, it's not European. Right. Is it? Yeah, it's not Central European. Yeah. Distinguished. And we'll get into, listen, a big thing that I'm interested in is that

the sort of psychological architecture that is left in a culture after the theology has gone, which is why I, as you said, Germany, 1945. Yeah. Where you're saying, by the way, if 1517 is when I wake up, Germany 945 is when I go to sleep again. For me, that's history. Right. Luther to Hitler. History.

The great schism of 1054, yes, creates Latin Christendom and then the voodoo orthodox nonsense where the priests all dressed like soda streams. Now, the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages sort of operates on this spiritual economy. Yes, industrial complex. It is. Yeah. whereby the ordinary sort of shit-eating peasants

with their shit hair and their porridge, they have to actively pay the Catholic Church in order... It's a patron system. It is a patron system, but let's not follow that thread. Which of our patrons will be the... Luther.

Shit eating peasants. The shit eating which which patron will rise up and go, hang on,

hang on. Why are you playing indulgences? Why are you playing three pounds of indulgences to these corrupt these corrupt pidos?

It's a fair point actually. But so the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages operates on the spiritual economy where yeah, people have to basically it's a pyramid scheme

you don't have to pay in order to save themselves later. Yes. So this idea of purgatory right? The waiting room, right? The waiting room before heaven

or hell. Yeah. And you can, you can buy things in real life, uh, in order to, uh, minimize your time spent in the waiting room.

Yes. So, uh, they have these things called indulgences. Which is basically, and the people who choose indulgences are the clergy or the, the, the, the bishops or the priests,

right? So they get to choose, uh, what, uh, each indulgence, how much time it gets you off. Yeah.

And because they've, they've been imbued with the power of God. They can say like, yeah, well if you buy this toenel clipping that i believe is from christ's friends toenails yeah that's probably you maybe get five years off hell yeah like and they're just spitballing it basically oh it's complete bollocks and i actually i actually um this is some of the the maddest indulgences the catholic church were selling uh or relics rather i mean a relic is something that you buy or you'd pay to see

and that would give off um time in the holy foreskin right there were 14 different churches in europe they claimed to have jesus foreskin it was said to have maraicca you know how everyone says that the sex pistols gig even though there's that famous sex pistols gig that only 15 people were at yeah a hundred people said they're there but everyone's like yeah we've all got we've all got the Jesus's foreskin 14 yeah well you could have he's the son of god Jesus and the disciples and then some other kinds yeah the virgin

mary's milk numerous vials of petrified liquid breast milk. In reality, these were usually just white chalk or lime mixed with water. Hay from the manger, just bits of straw. Yeah, it is awesome, but it does also... It explains the Italian mindset as well. How do you mean? Expect the mafia, the corruption. Oh, I see. Right.

This is sort of like truth is sort of in the hands of whoever's in power. And you could sort of play with it how you will. Yeah. But also, the other people are just very, very thick. But that's the early version of the church you are dealing with a very thick. base and it's only when printing, reading starts growing that you can't keep treating them

like shit eating peasants. But to be fair they are shit eating peasants just to give the Catholic churches Jews. The people at this time, you know. Yeah. So you've also, we'll get into who Frederick the third is, or Frederick the Wise, but he's important

to this story, but he collects relics such as a lock of the Virgin's hair. Now many of our patrons will have a lock of Virgin's hair. A course. of a baby killed by Herod, parts of swaddling from Jesus, fragments of the cross, a thumb from St Anne.

He's got milk from the Virgin Mary as well, apparently. But that industry is still here today. If you go to the Vatican, there are like, you know, effigies of the Pope's face on sweets and stuff. Fridge magnets. There's fridge magnets. It's like...

It's a American candy store in central London. Yeah. You know, and all the London, like, tourist stuff. It's money laundering. Yeah. I mean, it is money longer. And it's still there today.

You know, indulgence is still a thing. Yeah. They don't take money for them. Yeah. But yeah. So, as we said before, essentially, the Catholic Church is selling Jesus as farts in a jar. Yeah. And people are buying them.

His bath water. Huffing them. And then they're getting into, well, supposedly they're getting into purgatory, or less time in purgatory. You also have, now, I don't understand a lot of the Catholic practices. Did you not take any bread and wine? no I'm always I'm doing the posth now when I go up to receive

I've been to a Catholic funeral you what is Paul Golding when I got up to the altar at a Catholic funeral I go no thank you yeah and I post now no I have gone to a Catholic funeral and I yeah I did For you it probably looks like a Ghanaian funeral

that's probably it was crazy yeah it's absolutely crazy it was mad the colour the noise so I went to a high school church, Anglican school, which is a branch of Anglicanism, which is basically Catholic, but they don't like the Pope. So they get away as much as they can possibly.

It's all in English, it's all that, but all the dressings. So we did bread and wine, but we just don't, we just view it as symbolic. And that's a huge deal. And this is, this is crazy how fucking pedantic this whole rupture is. Is the bread and wine figurative, or is it actually Jesus's body and blood? Figurative. Yeah, and that's the whole split. But what do you mean?

Like, yeah. Because I think when they consecrate it, it becomes his body. I spoil it. It's crazy, but even in their, surely even in what they're trying to say it's metaphorical, how could it possibly... But you are viewing it through a Protestant mindset. Yeah. You know, because you are, this is the first time a magician was called out for being an ounce.

Someone does magic in front of Lutheran and he goes, oh, would you fuck off? They cancel Dynamo, basically. It's street performers. It's Karnies and Luther goes, I've had enough of this, right? You're all just shysters. This is boring. You're all nonces. There's also mass, which the Protestants don't have, which is the,

no, which are the rituals that at times were literally like, um, psychedelic sort of you'd go on for hours and hours. It's doing kababuga stuff. It's drumming and, we go, we'll do, do it, do, do, do. But I went to a Catholic funeral and, um, yeah, they, they said, like, if you're not Catholic, then, um, just do this when you, like, like, Well, candor it at the altar to say that I don't want any bread and wine. So I did that.

Why didn't you want it? Hey? Why don't you not want it? Because it's voodoo nonsense. But you don't like bread? Yeah, but it's not like nice bread. You love bread? I love bread, but now it's a wafer because they're corrupt.

Yes, but it's not actual wine. It's shit wine. And it's a wafer because they're corrupt. They call it bread, but it's not bread. It's a cracker, if it's anything. Right. If it's a nice peanut noir and it's sourdough bread, are you still... If they had some oil that you could dip the bread in.

Yeah. And you could spend some... some time. You would throw your religious views out the... I don't have religious views. You have cultural views. I have cultural prejudices. The Eucharist will become a big rupture point.

So that's basically the lay of the land in that the Catholic Church dominates the Holy Roman Empire, which is basically Germany. That's what it is, isn't it? It goes maybe into Switzerland. But then there's a marriage alliance and it becomes Spain. at the Netherlands. So it's the dominant force apart from France.

Yes. And what I will say is that at the end of the Reformation, which you could probably say is 1648, we won't go that far in the series. That is the beginning

of the modern nation state, really. So it's just before all that gets came. So in the early 15th century, you have a guy called Jan Hus. Jay Huss.

Not Jay Huss. It's not Jay Huss. I don't know who Jay Huss is. He's a rapper. He's a rapper. Good. It's very good.

What is he saying? Big Batigiel, good evening. I can see a chicken in seasoning. Right. Posted on the block like a low life. I like my phantom with no ice. She said my lifestyle is no nice. But my Woody's so good it make her blow twice.

So Jan Husse is the Anglican, the Anglicized version of his name is John Goose. Yeah. It has a different vibe to it. Yeah, it's not as impressive. My name, hello, I'm John Goose. Yeah. Now, John Goose is essentially Luther 100 years before.

Yeah. And he's operating in Bohemia, what's now the Czech Republic, where the conditions are not as favourable to someone saying this stuff. Right. Why? Well, the Holy Roman Empire has loads of devolved power. Yes. And part of the thing Luther weaponises is that all the princes in the provinces

want less overreach from Rome. Yeah. So they're actually very happy. I mean, it is very EU similarities. EUSSR. Yeah. Yeah, it is. It's bloody Brussels.

Yeah. Except it's not Brussels. It's the Vaskan. But in my head, those are both paedophiles. Belgium. Yeah. Vaskan, you know. Anyway, so,

Hus, he basically, I think he pretty much says exactly what Luther goes on to say. It's like the Bible's the main thing. all you're doing is you're you're basically exploiting thick people by saying that you understand the Bible and they can't read it and then you're all running you're becoming corrupt and also where all the big batty gal where all the big batty gal and this chicken needs seasoning and he also I think he calls out the the blood and the wine the bread and the wine he says what the fuck is this he says that's not no I think he says can I have some because I don't think I think just the priest see to yeah and then the clergy just like what What are you doing over there? Yeah. Can I have some of that? And then you go, no.

And again, it's, anyway. So Huss preaches against it. And he gets followers that are called Hussites or Gooses, I guess. And he gets excommunicated because there's another schism, the Western schism, which is the Council of Constance. It's ended by the Council of Constance. So they say, they call Huss to this council, and they say you're going to have safe passage. Right.

because he's been mouthing off and so he thinks he's going to get killed but the Catholic the Catholic say oh you can have safe passage there and he goes okay fine and then they're like yeah you're a heretic we're going to burn you gets cancelled yeah the ultimate

cancel culture John Goose gets burned and he goes well I thought I had safe passage and they're like yeah you have safe passage here but now you're here we're going to burn you is the sort of idiomene talk about freedom of speech I'm sorry that you took offence yeah you can have freedom of speech I just

Can't promise freedom of speech. Beast. Absolutely incredible. So Husk gets burned in 1417, which ends the sort of schism. He's still got followers in Czech Republic and Prague. Yes. And now what happens is,

so because he, again, whenever there's a Protestant or early Protestant thinker, it kind of folds into like local power dynamics and like revolutions. Yeah. So you get to the... Council politics.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. So you get to the first defenestration of Prague. Now, we did a very early patron episode on the history of defenestration. Yeah. Deferestration is a weird that they have to have a word for this. It's a brilliant word. Is one of my favorite words is one of the act of throwing someone out of a window.

A window. Yeah. I don't know if we got to the point, can you refenestrate someone, we're just throwing someone into a window. I'll tell you what you can do is, so to place this, okay, to place the, Reformation, which is, let's say it's 1517. Sure. That is after the first defenestration of Prague. 1419.

And it is before Liam Payne self-defenestrated. Can one self-defenestrate? I think the abys... Or is built within the defenestration. Sorry, the first... To give it its proper historical name... Yes, you can. The first defenestration of Buenos Aires.

Yes, you can. This act is... Autof deferes... Now, can you auto-erotic defenestrate? Jump out of the window. The act of throwing oneself from a window. Auto-defenestration.

Can you auto-erotic defenestrate? I guess you can, yeah. Because what you do is you have a really, really long tie on a balcony and then you jump off wanking. Bunchy jumping. Yeah, bungee jump wanking. It's auto-erotic defenestration.

Yeah. But we did the history deforenestration, and there would seem to be a strange history of multiple deforelostrations happening in Prague. There are maybe three or four. It's arguably a cultural thing. Yes, it is.

But it's all linked to early Protestantism, really. I think the 30 years war, which is the biggest war in Europe until World War II, that we don't know anything about. Begins the third defenestration of Prague. I think maybe the Czechs need to stop building stairs. Yeah. I think they've got an issue there.

But there's something, is a great story because it is something quite satisfying if you don't like council no, fuck off. There is something thrilling about chucking a local council leader. It's very Protestant. Fuck off.

Oh, fuck out of the window, fuck off. It's a very Protestant move. Oh, fuck off. No, I don't agree with you. Fuck off. It's a very Protestant thing, okay? And actually, you know, there'll be a lot of, in this whole story, this whole series,

there are a lot of things going out of windows. Which is, you know, it's the long road to chucking a TV out of window. You know? Protestants don't hold much sacred. They try and keep what they hold sacred as small as possible. No, nothing's sacred. So no one's sacred.

You're all going out of the window. Right, in the bin. Fuck off. You're going to, I don't agree with you. Get out. Yeah. You know? Protestant footballing, you know, it's very similar.

Sam Allen does. Yeah. There's no beauty in it. There's no beauty to it. Get up top. Fuck off. Out of the window. Piss off.

Done. You know, we get things done. Yeah. Okay. So this sparks the Hussite wars, okay, which I didn't realize they basically defeat the whole, they invent asymmetric warfare. They're the first Taliban. What's a so, oh, right, right, guerrilla warfare, right. They're the first Hamas, whatever you want to call it.

They are between 1419 and 1434, Hossmass. Hussmas. Yeah. They're Czech Taliban fighters. Right. And they invent, they invent the howitzer. The word howitzer comes from cannons. What does howitzer mean?

It's like a type of cannon. Right. But they basically invent pistols. They basically make a little hand pistol. And they also invent wagon defences, which is how Americans... Oh, yeah. So you know when we did Rorke's Drift, they have a thing called a lager, a wagon lager. That comes from this.

Right. Because those are German words. Yeah, the idea of making your wagons and making a circle and using that as a defense. So the Holy Roman Empire, they go on five crusades. Yeah, you sort of make a buccarchy as a defensive position, right? You all get around in a circle. Yes, but you're facing out. Right, okay. So it would be pointless. It'd be an outward facing bucaccaque. Yeah, is that a bucarchy, I suppose. If there's a woman kneeling and then you will turn your back, it's like, poor casting, just elsewhere. Yes, I'll tell you what it is. Sorry, it's a Britain first

bucarchy where there's a Muslim on the knees and you go, no, no. And you'll turn around and you whack away from them. Yeah, I guess if a woman think she's entering a Bukaki and then you do a reverse Bukaki as an act of protest, yeah. I think that's a very powerful political... What are you saying, though? It is powerful.

What's the statement? She's expecting 15 loads in her face, but actually 50 people all agreed that this is going to be a mass strike. Yeah. You know, it's the power of the union. It's the power of the strike. Yeah. You're all collectivising.

You're turning your backs and you're coming. And then she's left unbukakid. It is a powerful image. I'm not sure of what it says, I suppose. Anyway, so the Hussite Wars are actually, they're quite interesting because, yeah, they defeat. There are five crusades that the Pope sends, and they all get defeated.

Five crusades? Five crusades. They can't defeat them because they also make, they have all these, because they're basically peasants. They have these farming, I guess, plows, and they make them like into sort of tank traps but for horses. Anyway, they develop basic military warfare

and they can't. They're like the boars basically. Yeah, certainly they are. So they, I think by 1434, there's a kind of fragile piece where Bohemia, nowadays Czech Republic, they're allowed to be goosey Protestants. Right.

Hussite or whatever. That's the only area. So a bohemiums, being a bohemian, is that a tool linked to being Czech? Yes. being fruity. Bohemian, I think that's the 60s.

Oh, it sort of means like gypsy, right. Oh, I love that. So if I call someone a bohemian, I'm calling them a gypsy. Yeah, that's perfect.

But then Tyson Fury doesn't seem very bohemian. No. I'd fight you. Oh, the hell. Cookey guy. It's like a New Laan Rouge. Fucking hell.

Into India, have we? Anyway. So the Hussite Wars ends with this fragile piece where basically bohemia and mirabia. Go on. There we go. Oh, fuck, I'm going to busite.

I'm going to bus site. So they end with a kind of uneasy sort of piece where the Holy Roman Empire just sort of says, okay, well, they can stay doing their mad, goosey stuff. But as when Huss is burned at the steak, he says, now I'm paraphrasing, but he says something like, you may have cooked this goose, but in a hundred years' time, there'll be a swan who you can't burn. Damn. Now that, to me, is quite Catholic and poetic.

So you don't like that? I don't like that. Because you don't like subtext? No. Text If you mean it Write it In a hundred years

It's going to be a guy Who's going to do it And you won't be able to burn him All right Great, I look out for it Thank you Thanks John I understand what you

I understand what you said You're not a goose Because you're like A swan But what's a swan gonna do How's a swan Got the grip of theology that you What's the actual quote

You are now going to burn a goose But in the century You will have a swan which you can neither roast nor boil. Yeah. So Huss basically has a prophecy that Luther's going to arrive. And it is almost,

fuck, it is exactly 100 years? Because he's burned in 1417, and Luther, nails a thesis of 1517. But we don't know how much this is bollocks, let's be real. Well, it's prostitisms,

we've got to give it. It's a fact base. It's not voodoo nonsense. Right. So we should also, before we get to Luther, talk about the printing press. Right.

Because that's central to this story. Yep. Completely. Ford's Gutenberg. It's not Steve Gutenberg. He invents a... Does he invent the printing press? I think printing presses are around a bit beforehand. Well, there's some in China, I think. Bullocks.

Bullocks. Yeah, China and Korea. Yeah. Want to know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it? How Friends turned us on to coffee culture and super-layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, train spotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress, and what it was really like to be a spice... girl.

Plunge back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, bumster jeans and lemon hooch with Talk 90s to Me. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk 90s to me.

Out every Monday. The United States is the weirdest country in the world right now, and it doesn't make any sense to anyone. No, it doesn't, but I want to make it a bit less confusing. Oh, I do. Good. Well, our podcast can help

It's called American Friction and it's out every Monday and Friday. We discuss all the big news from across the pond and explain it all with world leading experts. That's American Friction. Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcasts, right now. American Friction! But Johannes Gutenberg invents the first. But they're printing octopus porn over there. Like they're not using it for...

Yeah, you're right. Yeah. But then it's, what is it about porn breeds invention? Yeah, so yeah, it's always. Yeah. At the forefront of new technology is always pornography. Porn and takeaway. Yeah.

Because there's bloke's running it. I want that guy to send me food while I watch porn without getting up for my chair. Well, watch porn about a delivery guy. Getting fucked. Getting fucked. By the him getting fucked. So the Gutenberg press is invented in the 1450s. The Gunnenberg press.

Gugly stuff. That's nice. Middle that. Yeah. 1450s by Johannes Gutenberg in Mainz in Germany and he's the one who first prints a German translation of the Bible in the in the blood beginning I thought Luther would did the first translation

oh no he did it from the original Greek yeah right right right so the Bible remember the Bible's in Latin and all the clergy can only read Latin because everyone's thick they pay walled it they based here they patroned it yeah so I suppose the equivalent would be Luther one of our sort of horrible smelly patrons, he stands up and says, well, hang on, all these episodes that are archived should be for everyone.

Yeah, it's sort of like getting cancelled for what you've said behind the paywall. That's what, he's gone in there and saying, what the fuck are you guys have been doing in there? Yeah, it's a fair point.

It's a fair point, actually. Yeah. As we will, eventually, someone would be like, one of the wrong, it'll fall with the wrong hands and they'll look through the patron episodes. Oh, we're cooked.

How have you got away with it? I'm absolutely cooked. Yeah. It's all there. If you're looking for it, guys, it's all there. It's all there. We're all finished. So, yeah, the Gutenberg press, he's the first one that makes it into German.

So people start reading. Yeah. Which... Everyone's doing their own research. And doing your own research, even the modern conspiracy theorists, which is kind of mainly in America, but we have a lot in Britain, David Ike. It's more of an Anglosphere thing. You're saying this is the long road to Holocaust denial?

The act of being a conspiracy theorist has Protestant. sort of... Question everything. Do your own research. Your own research. Your view of the world is truth. Yeah. It's not what you're being told. No. That's my America, which is a Protestant philosophical

country. You're so sceptical of any sort of state. Anybody telling them it's no, it's me or my ranch what I believe on my forum. My relationship with the Holocaust. I don't care what you say happened. I have my own relationship to it. And through my relationship, I

will achieve salvation. Or jail time. Basically, there's also... Gutenberg. There's a theory that as people read, their IQ goes up because there's a book coming out by a guy called James Marriot, who I really like, writer, who says that he's, there's data now that IQ is starting to go down. Because reading is going down, because everyone's just gooning.

Yeah. So let's get to Luther, who is the... Yeah, Tom Holland says he's the most important guy ever. Well, of the last 600 years. And what was interesting about what would Tom Holland do, this? his sort of expertise. I think he was implying that what makes him so special as a figure is the revolution wouldn't necessarily have happened without him, which I don't know if I agree with.

No, because John Goose had done it. Yeah, Goosey had done it. But basically that it was, it wasn't just the natural thing that was going to happen. It was Martin Luther who really, as a historic figure, made it happen. Yeah, so he's, well, I guess because he's charismatic and he forces it through. Yeah. So Luther is born into a sort of an upwardly mobile family. His dad is,

what's his dad, a farmer or something, some shit? Anyway, as a merchant maybe. Copper miner. Copper miner and smelter. All right,

so neither of those things. But he owns the mine. And so he basically raises the family up to become middle class. All of these people, these great historic figures are, their dad is like pity bourgeois or owns something. Yeah. It's Mao.

It's Lenin. My son's going to, grow up to be a terrible, terrible man. A terrible man. We can't know what depth he will plummet to. We started potty training him and this weekend he said, I need a pee. And I went, all right. And I turned the head around and he peed everywhere around the potty. Then he went, oh,

slip! And he just started rolling around in this piss. And so do you think that's going to be a symbolic of how he treats? I think he will make a severe rupture with the Anglican church at some point. You know, he's clearly got a lot of theology. Right. Yeah. So his dad's called Luzzi. but he modified it to Luther Martin did

to try and make him sound Luder Luder His dad was called Hello Luder And so he He's like training to become a lawyer I think

But then he And his dad really wants him to become a lawyer But he At some point has these like He goes to Erfurt To study law But he calls the place A Beer House and a Haw house

but that's a bad thing. Okay. Yeah, that's not a positive thing. It's fucking great. Yeah. But in 1507, he abandons law and gets ordained as a priest. Now, there are three stories as to why he does this. So, his friend, Hieronymus Bunce.

This is amazing. Hieronymus is an awesome name. Hieronymus Bunce, yeah. We need to bring Hieronymus back. I think it would be very funny for you to call your son, Hieronymus. Just to kind of... I'll flank yourself. I might go back to John's

because my whole family's been John John John John Horatio John Yeah but that's narcissistic to do that I think it's funny to actually Keep going Hieronymous So what's Hieronymus is something

He's called So he dies And then so he gets really sad And then starts to commit his life to the church Then he also has an accident with a sword And severs an artery in his leg And while he's bleeding out he's going oh mary help and then he reaches a doctor

but it bursts open again and so he calls on the virgin mary to save him and then he does survive I guess this is the time where you know very superstitious time yeah so if you say something out loud and it happens then you're like oh right yeah but then the famous one is that he gets caught in a storm in 505 and he's scared because I mean this is something that a lot of people have done I think we're all you know if you're scared you briefly will

become religious. Is that great, is that great Patrice and Neil bit about how he's only religious on a plane? Yeah. Yeah. I promise I'll become a devout thing.

If you just let him in. He's getting on the plane. He's like, oh, let me help you with your bag. Yeah. He's like, no, fuck off. So there's a storm happening. And this is all in,

is it Saxony, I think, which is sort of a big part of South. North, Germany. Is it North Germany? I thought so. Where is Saxony? Let me just get my bearings. It's below Denmark, I believe.

It's east. No, no, it's not in south. No, it's kind of, it's above Bavaria, Saxony. Yeah, East Germany, really. Right. On the border with, I guess it's on the border with Pratt with Czech Republic. So it's near the goose and stuff. So he gets caught in a storm and he shouts, help, St. Anna, I will become a monk.

And eventually the storm stops and he becomes a monk. So he actually follows it through. Yeah. He sort of becomes like an internet sensation professor. Right. similar as Jordan Peterson. Yes. In that, like, that's kind of...

Very much so. He's a sort of academic, but he's... Firebrand. Into the mainstream. Right, yeah. So we need to talk about a guy called Frederick the Wise, who's the Prince of Saxony. And he builds a university in Wittenberg in Saxony.

Is that the university that Hamlet went to? Is it? Well, so when Shakespeare's writing, which is not long after this. Wittenberg, it's near where the printing press was. It was that university. Yeah, he went to... With French Horatio Rosencrancer.

Rosencrantz is what she'd call. Rosencrantz and Guilnest have twins. Hieronymus Rosencrantz school would be good. So, yeah, he found his university, and then Luther becomes his sort of star academic. Right. Now, Frederick the Wise, he is an elector. And again, the Holy Roman Emperor has these...

electors that they choose the Pope. So they have quite a lot of power in the system. And he loves relics, as we said earlier. So he's got 19,000 relics. So you can pay him to go and see twigs from Moses' burning bush, thorns from the crown of thorns, virgin's hair, dead babies, you name it, right? He's a comic book collector, sort of.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a comic book guy. Yeah. And so if the Wittenberg is a major pilgrimage site. Okay, so between 1512 and 1518, Martin Luther is a professor of the Bible. So he does lectures and he's always reading the scriptures. And he starts to get increasingly pissed off by indulgences.

Because the Catholic Church at this point has gone mad. Like it is so corrupt. But also so much of the Catholic Church rituals, and this is the kind of philosophical understanding of Catholicism, is that over hundreds and hundreds of the years, the church can develop rituals that become in themselves godly and divine because the Pope is speaking himself to God. So if the Pope says something, that can become scripture,

that can become holy. Yeah. And he's basically reading the original text, and all of this stuff, none of it's in there. Yeah. So he's just, I don't know why he's, doing any of this. It's the first hum actually.

Yeah. Hum actually. Yeah, it's one of the biggest hum actuallys. It's one of the loudest hum actuallys. The whole of Europe heard him say hum actually. Yeah. Hum actually. The hum actually that traveled around the world.

Martin Luther. So in 1517, right, the church had, the Catholic church had tasked a guy called Johann Tetzel, who is the Grand Commissioner for Indulgences in Germany. That's his title. He was told to collect money because. St. Peter's Basilica needed a new roof. And Tetzel was a fucking, like he was a con man, essentially.

But is the pros of cons of the Catholic Church? It's corrupt how they're getting at the extorting, but they're building a bit of them. But they're building something. We don't know about any of the shittesing peasants, but we do have still have St. Peter's Basilica. Do you know what I mean? That's true.

That's true. But there's also, there's no corruption and there's shit roofs here, but. you know it's fine yeah isn't it yeah yeah yeah I guess so but you know be nice to have some nicer well would you rather do like ultimately would you rather would you rather go to the weather spoons in an old art deco cinema yeah or um a flat roof pub which was cheaper or get with your dad okay or get with your dad well that's not what why is that relevant i've just throw some kind of um I'll probably go to the old art deco cinema right yeah

Wouldn't you? I get with my dad. I sort of saying it's, you know, you don't give a father. Whatever's nearest. Right. So Tetzel claims that his indulgences are so effective that even if someone had raped the Virgin Mary, he would be assured complete remission from purgatory.

Right. So that, I mean, that is pretty, this is the thing about Catholicism. Yeah. Is that it does, it does sort of encourage Sim. Yeah. Because you can get out of it. Because you can get out of it. Yeah.

Right. And it's like, it gives you unattainable. moral standards, don't wank, no sexual marriage, stuff like that. And so then it's just kind of really encouraging you to be on edge. Yeah. And guilty and shameful. But also like if you go, oh, brilliant. Well, that's almost, you know, you say, oh, if you rate the Virgin Mary, you can get out of it.

Then that will encourage you to go, well, well, then I'm going to rate the Virgin Mary. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sorry did that. Yeah. Can I buy that now? Ten how Marys. It's basically a rate the Virgin Mary pass.

Right. I mean, the Catholic funeral I went to was my ex-girlfriend's father, who I never met because they had a restraining order out against him because he was Catholic, right? Catholic Irish. And he would basically, he would treat his family awfully, but then he would just, stories of like on the way to school, he just opened the car door and just pick up a homeless guy

and say, let's give him a lift. And then make my ex-girlfriend just sit in the back with her sisters and be like, oh, you know, doing a good deed. Oh, right. Because it's like... Calmer. Yeah.

And then, you know, he's been awful at home, but he's given the homeless guy a lift. The homeless guy, by the way, didn't want the lift. Whereas... He actually wanted to stay... He had quite a good spot

outside the front of BHAs. My point is this guy... But he's forcing him in to try and get his own... Oh, come on. Get into car now, would you? Come on. You know, because he's... He is seeing, you know,

his life through a series of, like, spiritual transactions. And then, like, the ultimate counteraction is when we'll come to Calvin, who basically says you're either a sinner or not you have no choice you're fucked or not Calvin's my goat

but doesn't Calvin basically say it's predestination hashtag my president from when you're born all of your sin is already counted up so you're already going to hell no no no no

there's nothing you can do no no no you can prove you can prove there's nothing you can do but there are signs that you are predestined yeah so

uh yeah Johann Tetzel is basically giving you know, rape passes out and Luther goes, I don't know about this. And Tetzel maybe comes to Saxony, I think and

start selling it. And it's like a fucking traveling circus. So what's the thing? He has a thing about, he has a saying, like, oh, if there's coffers in the coin, I don't know, it rhymes. Again, I'm Protestant, so I don't really have any

poetry. Rhyming. What do you mean? why are you rhyming? Just say what you mean. In 1517, Tetzel's knocking about and Luther is going, do you know what?

I think this is all bollocks. I can't remember what bit of the Bible is reading where he has this revelation but he's like, oh, this is actually what this is about. It's not about the Catholic Church. Yeah. About the church, rather.

So he then writes these 95 theses and I'd... White guy with the manifesto, basically. It's the first manifesto. Oh, that's what it is. As soon as the coin in the coffer rings, the soul from purgatory springs. Right. Nantes.

Okay. So he writes, on 31st October 1517, he writes to Bishop Albrecht to protest this. And the letter is actually called the disputation on the power and efficacy of indulgences, but that becomes a 95 thesis. And he's basically saying... So the 95th thesis is a letter. About indulgences. Yes. That's all it is actually initially.

That's all it is. That's interesting. And supposedly, there's the... this is great tale that he nails it to the door of a church in Wittenberg, but apparently hum actually didn't. Why does the Pope whose wealth today is greater than the wealth of the richest cost? It's not Martin Luther King. Have you just found that out?

I have a dream. That we will not pay indulgences to get in the heaven. This church will look way more boring. Yeah. So it's not Martin Luther King. But so Martin Luther, Does he nail it to a church door? We don't actually know.

Some people say it doesn't. Martin Luther Monk. Martin Luther. Hashtag Mike. Yeah. Hashtag Martin Luther Slay King. Cooking. Cooking.

Martin Luther cooking. Yeah. But anyway, so I think what he does actually is he just writes some letters to some bishops to try and spark debate. He's encouraging. He's playing devil's advocate. He's encouraging. The first guy to play devil's advocate.

Yeah. This is your dad. Debate me. It's debate me guy. Yeah. It's going to uni campus. Charlie Cook. Yeah.

It's the first Charlie Cook. It is. The first Charlie Cook. Yeah. He's using truth of logic. He is to destroy. To destroy liberals. Yes.

The Catholic Church are a bunch of libtards. Yeah. And Luther is destroying. With this whole story, on both sides, the right and the left, like the modern way that discourse happens, so much of it does start here. Canceling S communication, morality, you know, all of this stuff. Claiming someone's a heretic, that all kind of, you can see that today, basically. So on the 15th of June 1520,

Pope Leo the 10th sends Luther a papal bull, which is like a just a... I don't know why it's called that, but is it like a... Does it look like a ball? Or is it just like a letter? It's like an order, isn't it? It means blob in Italian.

So my wife's on the bull. I quite like that, actually. My wife on de fucking bull. She's being really angry because she's riding a bull. Right. It's also red, isn't there? Oh, red rag to a blob.

Yeah, is that what that means? Yeah. Tamp onto a blob, red rag to a ball? We can't know. Anyway, so Pope Leo sends a blob to Luther saying, saying, recant your ideas in 60 days, or you will be excommunicated, which means cut out from the church.

And Luther, we haven't really talked about Luther's personality. But maybe we'll do that in the next episode. We'll do that properly in the next episode. But it's interesting Martin Luther, he's such an important figure, but I don't think he's known that much with people like people. I didn't realize how poo he is. He's like Gandhi.

He's so obsessed with shit. Another revolution's done from the toilet. Yeah, it is. The stuff he writes is absolutely insane. It's crackers. But we don't, no one, for such an important figure, it is weird that no one has any, the average person wouldn't have like an understanding

what he, what's in the stereotype. They know nailing to the door maybe. Yeah. But there's nothing about his personality that has traveled through. Everyone, certainly where we are, is a descendant of his actions psychologically. Yeah. More Calvin than Luther, but we'll get into that.

But, yeah. So Luther gets the papal bull and he sets fire to it publicly. Right. He's a showman. Tampon. Yeah, he sets fire to a burning tampon in December 1520. And then in 21, in January, probably the 10th excommunicates him proper. and his work is banned.

And so he gets ordered to attend the diet of verms. And a diet means a meeting. Yes. And worms is a place. The diet of worms. Yeah. It's not Charlie's breakfast. Got fucking dog food.

Right. So this will find, this will be a big crunch point because it should be said that Luther has gone viral. Yeah. Right. His 95 thesis, he means it just to be a discussion amongst academics,

but it goes properly viral because of the printing press, and it's in German. So he is the first viral video. Why are you pre? So he's got a lot of followers, and he's getting quite cocky, he's Jordan Peterson, he's destroying people in public with truth and logic.

And so the Pope excommunicates him and then orders a showdown, like a big debate. Charlie Kirk versus Hassan Pikes. We're going to thrash this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the diet of verms will cement Luther's reputation. Yeah.

And we're going to get to that in the next episode, which is already on our Patreon, where for three pounds a month, you get into an access. If you pay some indulgences, you will be allowed safe passage to heaven. Yeah, my farts and a jar are there. If you've sinned, pay three pounds a month.

And you've sinned. Your sins will be washed clean for simply three pounds a month. No one's really washing of the patron. But yeah, your sin is sin. will be absolved when you told your mum to fuck off just basically

three pounds a month is basically atoning for you telling your mum to fuck off so that's on the Patreon along with the entirety of this four part series and our and our bonus episodes

this fortnight will be releasing our live show on the JFK assassination recorded the Hackney Empire that'll be on this fortnight at some point and there's a whole host

of bonus episodes so that's on the Patreon but if not we'll see you on Thursday for the continuation of the greatest event in world history, the Reformation, and the Holy Man that is Martin Luther. Until then, goodbye. Are you breaking into podcasting and audio?

Or are you ready to level up? AudioTrain.com.com.ukes is AudioUK's training platform. Built for every stage of your career. From your first ideas to bigger, better productions, you'll learn creative, business and technical skills. that move you forward. And you'll hear directly from the people shaping the industry today.

Real insight, real experience, real progress. From Audio UK and the BBC, go to audio train.com.