Fin vs History - Dev Vader | Mahatma Gandhi (Part 2/4)

Episode Date: April 30, 2026

Randy Gandhi is back, horny & professionally annoying.     Gandhi (Part Two)    This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.     Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  Chapters: 00:00 -  Train Scum  07:26 -   No Petitions   11:01 - Me Less Fat  14:11 - FleshLightSaber  20:20 - Randy gandhi   22:46 - Send Bobs  24:40 - Tax The Huts  28:25 - This Is Your Hero?  35:37 - Gandhi’s Wet Dreams  40:31 - Charlie’s Experiment   45:56 -  1p Pint   48:13 -  Professionally Annoying    Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus history, together with Horatio Gould. Hello. We're going through the life of Mahatma Gandhi. And this is part two. And it's Gandhi in South Africa. It's terrific stuff. 1893 to 1914. It's all the cricket countries, right?

This is. Gandhi's a tour of the cricket countries. Now, to recap, we started off where we're in the British Raj. And I had a lovely time. Halcyon days. It's the end of my recap. Yeah. Gandhi has got his degree, but he can't get a job in India, which is, I guess, the past another country, isn't it?

He's bad at public speaking, and he's gone to South Africa. He's got no Riz. Yeah, he hasn't had to get Riz. Arranged marriages mean you don't have to get Riz. You're not put into the fucking pressure cooker. You're not out in the clubs, working it out. No, not working the clubs. Not hammering the circuit.

What? He hasn't got Riz, but he might have a friend called Riz. Riz, like Riz Ahmed. Riz Ahmed. Yeah? You never know. You never know. Does Gandhi have a friend called Riz?

Google it. Come on, Google it. Come on, Charlie. Fingers crossed, come on. Wow. Google has said, fuck off.

Google's got nothing. Did you use play that game? Was it called Google Wack? Where you had to try and get nothing. You've just done that, Charlie. Wow. Those aren't many great matches for you. Google's gone, try using words that might appear.

Did Gandhi have a friend called Riz? No No He had a friend called Herman and a friend called Charlie And his personal secretary was called Paira L. But no one was Riz

How am I saying that? Pirela Didn't his dad die of Pairalal? No, I think my wife can't Pyrol L Park But anyway No one called Riz Right

But great effort Charlie Yeah, that's good one Playing a miss But I like the attitude Yeah So yeah Gandhi's dad died of

some kind of explosive piles. And Gandhi wasn't there to hold his hand because he was fucking his 13-year-old wife who was pregnant. But that was fine because he was also 13. He gone to London. Was he Jack the Ripper? We can't know.

And he's now gone to South Africa, having failed to start a law firm in India. And he arrives in South Africa in April 1893. Horatio Grohl, would you like to place April 1983 for us? 1893. So I guess this is after the first Sherlock Holmes novel.

just double check that please Charlie while he's doing that I can say that April 8th 93 is Hitler's fourth birthday Hitler's a four year old toddler at this point his four year old birth his fourth birthday party takes place in April 8th night right okay so when was the first one

1887 that's nice and I guess this is before Gemma Collins's first book has written a book Gemma Collins Gemma Collins has written a book well she's written two two first book Didn't Steinbeck write like four?

You're thinking of J.D. Salinger. Salinger? Sallinger wrote one, like two books? At least six. Christ. Collins is a third of the way through. Collins is closer to J.D. Salinger than I am. Yeah.

Fucking hell. This country. So April 8093, Gemma Collins's tomes have not yet been published. Arthur Conan Doyles have been. Hitler's blowing out the candles on his fourth birthday. Brod! And immediately, Gandhi arrives in South Africa and he takes part in legal practice and activism

to boost the rights of Indians in South Africa. Yeah. Let's just get into what South Africa is like in 18903. I think it's fair to say it's quite a racist society. That's, yeah, well, I think lead the politics at the door, I'd say. Yeah, okay, fine. It's quite a separate society. It's a colourful society.

And some people say that's a problem. Yes, there are colours in society. It's, I suppose, people are, people stick to their own, you might say. It's a rainbow coalition. Not really coalition. As in the colours are stacked on top of each other in a defined order. Yes, it's more of a du-colors on top. It's more of a du-lux colour chart than a rainbow, isn't it?

They're all separate in their own sections. Sure. And yeah, this is pre-apartheid. Right. And South Africa at this point... They didn't need apartheid because it went without saying. Exactly. Apartite was a word.

they came up with later for what's already been going on. And South Africa at this point is a very, very interesting period of history for us, dads. The latter half of the 19th century. Rorke Street happened 20 years ago. Black woman in church. A black woman in church. We're here, Rourke's church.

Praise Lord. Hallelujah. The Zulu kingdom is in an uneasy truce with the, there's the British Republic of South Africa and then there's the Boer Republic. the Transfal. The Boer War must be around this time, right? Yeah, we're going to get into the Boer War in this episode.

If you would like to hear our Rourke's Drift special, that's on the Patreon, where we did that one live. Anyway, so a very interesting time to Africa. Gandhi arrives, and he has these critical, formative moments. So together with the icon... Busting... Busting over my dad's their body. My day body.

He gets on a train in San Africa. and he had a first-class ticket and at this point he's throwing a suit, he's fucking he's, he's had tea with William Hanson. He says he sees himself as a Britain before he's an Indian at this point. He loves the empire at this point. And South Africa

will change that. Right. He goes, no, no, no, you're not British. Yeah. So he's on a train, he's forced to sit on the floor away from the white passengers even though he had a first-class ticket. I mean, that's quite embarrassing. Yeah. If you go on...

For who, sorry. Well, I mean, this is, when we took Charlie on first class when we're doing the live pod tour and you nearly got sparked out I think you should have probably

been treated like Andy where you had to sit on the floor faced away from all the other passages It would have been simpler When we threw away the race laws We did throw out a baby

With that barthawton Which is that some passengers should have to send them Irrespective of race There should be A place where passengers who shouldn't be in first class Even though they have a ticket

Have to sit in the floor Because you could not behave I got caught scum You got caught Scumby guy wearing a fucking... You were halfway through a caramel wafer bar. So while you're being bollocked, you're still trying to spot... You're still trying to maintain your like...

But you're still like chewing on a chalky bar? And wasn't he like a train spotter in like a death metal t-shirt? Yeah, he looked like shit as well, but I would just covered in chocolate standing on trains, he just seemed to get on trains. He wasn't spotting them. He was just... He was a sad man. He was a sad little man.

He was obsessed with the first class experience seemingly. Well, yeah, but if you were obsessed with the fact, you would be annoyed. I think he's insecure about being there in the first. first place. And I'm there being like chocolate boy. And then he got all upset about it. I mean, what does first class even mean? He shouldn't have been there either. And by the way, it's the

best first class in the UK by far. He and I should have been fighting in the toilet rather than. Yes, yes, you should have been. So anyway, so Gandhi is kicked into a gutter because he walked near a white person's house. Right. Now there was a thing about Indians not

not being allowed to walk on pavements. Indians are all on Not in South Africa. We'll get into this, but South Africa is a stratified society obviously whites, black Africans and then other what they would say

coloured people. So that's everyone who didn't fit into either of those categories. Now he had this formative experience. There's not a lot of positive discrimination. No. I think it's just discrimination. Yeah, right, right. It's not Kevin Peterson complaining that he can't

get in the cricket team. because... Is Kevin Peters complaining why there's only black people walking near my house? No.

Kevin Peterson... I guess he does say that probably as well. Well, Kevin Peterson's origin story is that he kicked off at the quota system that was done to

you know, try and write some of these wrongs. And then he goes to England where... It's like you before you got in love with the Apollo. Excuse me? Yeah, and then he goes back

and plays at the Wanderers in Johannesburg and, absolutely knocks it. Apparently gets booed, but he knocks it all over the park. And then they're going, ah, shit,

okay, well, maybe, maybe that was a mistake. Maybe quota systems are bad. Yeah. Anyway, he has this formative moment where he's on a train in first class with his first class ticket

and then he gets kicked off because I think there's another passenger, I mean, classic, another white passengers, like, um, excuse me. A Karen. A Southern African Codham. He gets kicked off this train

and he has to sit in a waiting room in Peter Maritzburg station. And supposedly, while he's sitting in this station waiting room, he has a long night at the soul. You just did your fly up. Yeah. I'll just wait for the pause. Right.

Okay. I think it sets the help sets the scene. Go on. So what you were saying? We are talking about the horny, holy, man. And what else could he have done in that waiting room? My God. And this is where he's convinced that basically his, he was deluded.

That he, you know, he had always seen himself as a British. in first and then an Indian and that the British Empire you know meant that he would be treated as such in every part of it is it sort of like that scene in a sort of psychological thriller where near the end someone realizes that

his friend has been the bad guy all along and it's like they re-go over all those things it's hangk on the toilet in Breaking Bad but Walter White but then it's the most they might be

racist oh I think I think He only realizes he's Indian when he's on the toilet. I'm Indian. What? Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes.

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Concern about your gambling or that of someone close to you. Call 16-531-2600 or visit Connexonario.ca. So he then starts, now, there's in Natal, which is the, that's where. That's where Rock Strip happens. Ha. There is legislation coming out. That's Natal that happens there. Lovely stuff.

How are they going to get the Jamaican accent in? to this episode. Natal, that happens there. So the Natal is trying to introduce legislation to remove voting rights from Indians. And so he petitions unsuccessfully against the situation. 10,000 people sign a position,

but back then 10,000 six years of a petition it's a lot harder to get than now. Yes, there's not just a... Because now it's an online thing. Yeah. But this, you have to go... Sometimes I even go to sign... I go, oh, this is a good petition.

I go sign it. And they ask you one thing. And I go, fuck off. In the bin. In the bin. Yeah. Jeremy Clark's... Write your name.

Fuck off. No. Give us your email address. Fuck off. Oh, you're a robot. Fuck off. Don't. Name six motorcycles.

You've ruined it. You've lost me. I'm not signing your petition. I don't care what it's for. It has to just be easy. It has to be just bang. If it's any speed bumps at all, fuck off. No.

Done. No petitions. So he forms the Nuttall Indian Congress, which is not. Well, he's a very against Nuttall. He is. He does not like people. The Not All Men Conference that I run. The Nuttall Indian Congress in 1894.

And he starts to think about this non-violent stuff. This is what we'll see in this episode. So it becomes radicalized. Radically non-violence. This is where his terrorism begins. Yeah, his boring terrorism begins. In the war. In the war, lovely stuff.

Well, let's get into that. So in 1899, let's just dig into the Boer War because we will do a series on it. But again, Boer Corps. You know, Plit Helmets, Boer Corps. Why isn't that on my TikTok? Raj Corps, Boer Corps. So you know how your algorithm is listening to you?

I can imagine you just like having to go, Boer Corps. Me as a man in British Raj, 1899. Please now. Please. If you're listening, the Chinese person who's listening, I want to see myself Is this a...

Hello? Hello! Shijing pink, hello! Dad trying to speak to AI. He gets caught by his wife. Me as a British soldier in Rourke's trip. Hello? Hello! I'm sorry, no, hi.

No, no, come in, come in. The torches on. Glasses at the end of the nose. Me as a imperial soldier, me wearing a red tunic in hot country with coolies and punkawater. Hi, hi. Less fat.

Me, less fat, but British Raj. No, me younger. Younger, musley. Younger, musley. Surrounded by brown slaves. Did you get that sheet? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hello, hi, how you doing?

How'd you work this thing anyway? It's like calling you... God, AI's going to ruin the world. Me as a... Me on FaceTime's and my dad. It's just like that. Me as a... Hello, dad?

Me as a British Raj. Lieutenant in the Raj. Please. Please now. wearing big shorts, telling people off wearing big shorts. Wife respects me.

Anyway, so the Boer War kicks off because there is this tension between the British in the south of Africa. White and white violence. Please. Minute silence for all we lose in the tragic white and white violence

of the Boer War. You know, the Zulu stuff, that's all a bit of fun. But this is white on white violence. This is serious. If you're listening and you've got a drink in your hand, pour some of our for all the whites we lose.

Okay. So the boars are obviously originally Dutch. If you heat Dutch people up, they become hard as diamonds. It's true. Because the Dutch are quite a cold, frank.

Frank people. Yeah. Blunt. Roasted in the sun, something comes out of them. It becomes racist and rude. Yeah. Yeah. You're not you when you're hot.

Yes, sure. Dutch ovens. Yes. Yes. Interesting. Yes. These Dutch people. people had got to South Africa.

Yeah. And I was essentially like my wife putting a duvet over my head and farting. I say very racist things. Yeah. When my wife starts having me. Sure. And Frank is out the attic and she's racist at hell. You think I'm racist now?

Wait until my wife puts a duvet over me and farts. Anyway, that's essentially what happens with the bores. Right. So the bores are like, I guess it's like American West in that they're constantly trying to break fear of the restraints of the British. empire, which is abolished slavery, famously. And the Boers hate that. Their culture is slaves.

They're anti-ante-slavery. Yeah. So they're trying, they're constantly trying to run. They're like the Confederates, right? It's sort of the same vibe. There's like a Benny Hill thing where they're running, chasing after slaves rather than top as women. And the British are trying to chase them.

Yeah. To try and stop them from chasing after slaves. Yeah. That's the South of Africa politics. The only ate the fly to eat the, that whole thing. Yeah, the Dutch guy that made a slave. than the British chat to the Dutch way. So, what, Charlie?

Is there any notion of woke in South Africa now? Is it like what, you know how people say like you're woke? Well, I think what they deem woke. Well, look. Are they behind now? Let's look at our friend of the show, Errol Musk. Well, Michelle, she's obviously, Michelle Obama, she's obviously like. Yeah, it's the woken guy there is.

He's got a nine-inch slough. Yeah. Are they fuming about the whole woke thing? I think. I'm not sure it's really bleached. When you look at Elon Musk, yeah, he won't stop. Do this reason? When I was there, it was like,

I mean, they have got other things going on. Yeah, our idea, us talking about which bathroom, it's like, I'm trying not to get killed in the bathroom. Yeah. It's a different sort of. What's a bathroom? Yeah. That's why woke is a sort of, it's a privileged thing, isn't it?

Yeah. It's less, I think America, there's, the madness of America's, it's quite, it can be so surreal, that it's quite, it's funny. There's a, it's, Africa, it gets quite serious quite quickly. Yeah, it's less of a laugh. Yeah. I suppose you're woke if you're not killing women regularly, maybe.

I mean, that's, you know, that's the big thing. That's the woke, violent virus. I think a female violence against women and girls is the big South African thing currently. So, yeah, I don't know what woke looks like in Africa. Anyway, I tell you when it was not woke, was 1899. So, yeah, there's this constant tension between the Dutch settlers, the Boers and the British,

and Rourke's drift kicks off ultimately. because the British start managing the Boer Republics because they're too skin and the Zulus are nicking all their cattle and these fuckers love their farms. My God, the Clarkson's farm and the sun. It really is. There's Clarkson. They're all Clarks and farms.

Yeah. Anyway, so the Boer War kicks off ultimately because those tensions erupt. And Gandhi is on the scene. He's around on the ground in the Boer War. And he's passionately in favor supporting the British. Because he's an empire man at this point. At this point... He loves the empire.

It's the great sort of Darth Vader story. In that, you know, he's... You were the chosen one. He's a shit. He's a shit haircut, right, Anakin, meant to save the empire. And then he slowly turns... To the dark side.

To the dark side. Of Indian independence. That's what Star Wars is about. I think it's about Gandhi. And I'm Luke Skywalker. The empire in Star Wars represents the anti-colonialists. Yes.

The people who want to break up the empire. Yeah. And the rebels are the brave colonists. Yeah. Trying to hold it all together. Yeah. Yes, exactly. We're the Ewoks.

Well, the Brits. Yeah. Lord Mountbatten is the EWalk. No. And I'm aware that for our listeners who are, you know, they're Star Wars kid. Yeah. Have you seen the clips of people who,

um, who actually go to like lightsaber conventions and like learn lightsaber fighting? Yes. And there's different, like, styles. That sort of sort of like. Yeah. For me, I just hear like, that's a thousand more patrons. Yeah, exactly. Kachin.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm, um, I'm actually, I'm, I'm highly trained in, in type two. I'm a type two lightaber swordsman. I mean, we love, but this is the empire in which we built our back on. We build our back on the, we're on standing on the shoulders of mongs. Yeah. On the slippery, greasy socks shoulders.

Yeah. One dollar versus hundred thousand dollar lightsaber. Who is buying a lightsaber for a hundred thousand dollars? Fucking hell. This looks good though. That's just a flamethrower. That's a flamethrower

and a torch. Yeah. I bet that's a flashlight as well. Anyway, the fleshlight light saber. The fleshlight saber. So you have a pussy in the bottom of it.

Turn it off. No, I think it's dual use at the same time. Darth more. You can fuck one side and then it's... Because it means that if you get horny during a fight,

you can do both. Whoa. One. One gong. What a deleted scene from the phantom menace Obie Wankernery.

They're walking on... I think you'd lose a lot of aura if you're walking on Darth's morning just... Oh, oh, oh, oh, ooi, ooi, ooi, ooi, o'i oi oi. Still in the mall. Yeah, I think we should cut that.

Yeah, I don't think that adds to the story. Let's cut that out. We'll save that for deleted scenes. Phantom menace, I reckon. Phantom menace. Makes more sense. Obi-Wank, Canobi. That's what Phoebe's written.

You know? And she's a vegetarian. Yeah. So her brain's only working at 30%. if you ate pork, Phoebe Yeah, there's a strong breeze God knows But you're a falafel moga

So Yes, I can't remember how we go on to that But essentially, yeah, Gandy's Darth Vader And but at this point he's Anakin Okay, it's the Boer War And Gandhi immediately offers to help the British army He gathers Indian volunteers No, he's a great guy at this point

I'm a big fan of Gandhi Yeah This is handy Gandhi This is handy, Gandhi's very handy It's Handy Andy from like Ground Force. But it's handy Gandhi. Yeah.

So there's different phases of his life. There was Randy Gandhi when he's busting in, well, he's always Randy Gandhi. Randy is, yeah. But there's openly Randy Gandhi. Yeah.

And now we're getting to Handy Gandhi. Yeah. So each, but when we're moving. And then was antsy Gandhi? Was there a handstandy Gandhi moment? I don't think. Handstandy Gandhi.

What he's doing handstands? I don't know if that part comes in. So he got, he forms the Indian ambulance corps. which is obviously he's non-violent or he's you know he's he's Zionist teachings mean he's non-violest but he goes well I can stretch a I can form a stretcher service basically so a thousand one hundred people join the Indian Ambulance Corps and they all receive war medals after the war because he's genuinely thinks that helping the Brits would prove

that they were worthy of equality which is a mistake that a lot of people in the colonies must make. Yeah. If I'm really brave when I help the Brits when they really need us, they will then respect us when the war's over.

You don't understand what colonialism is, guys. You help us because you have to. Yeah. And when we need you, we'll be like, you guys are brilliant, but the second we don't,

get on the floor. Back on the floor. Make me a gin. Yeah. Gandhi said of the Brits, quote, the average Englishman believed that the Indian

was a coward, incapable of taking risks or looking beyond his immediate self-interest. So he's trying to prove them wrong, I suppose. So I guess the stereotype now of the Send Bob Indian, that's a man who's looking for his immediate self-interest, sure. But is he a coward incapable of taking risk?

I don't know. He's taking risks. I think that's a risk. Commenting on your own account without a burner on Sidney's Sweeney's pick saying Send Bob's pretty princess. Yeah. Your whole workplace can see that. Your wife can see that.

That's not a coward. No. That's not a man incapable of taking a risk. It is a man who can't look beyond his immediate self-interest. But is it a risk, I suppose. Are they taking it? Yeah, play this, Charlie. Get this playing.

Get this banger. Absolute banger. Shout out. Hoey Benjamin. So I think this is, this was the Indian National Anthem. Zen, Babs. Yeah, that's the Indian National Anthem there.

That's what they play at Pakistan. You're all very big, I'm kiss your bobs. I'm kiss your bobs. Send me a sexy bob pick. What's your pussy's doing? Let's have sexy sex. Cloth off. This is the world.

Gandhi came into. It makes sense why he has to... This is the world Gandhi bestows. Exactly. This is Gandhi's legacy. Okay, thank you. Put my ass in your asshole. Well, look, these are men, you know,

there... But you also, you know, you cannot deny that Gandhi didn't achieve a lot in his life. Whether he's a poor or not, he got a lot done. And you realize this is why he had to be so disciplined. Because as soon as you open the lid, it's put my ass in your asshole.

Hello, bitch lasagna. The untapped power of India as a nation. He's the only man to do it. And look how much he got done. If even five... He brought an empire to its knees. If even 5% of them could stop sending requests for bobs, they would... This is what we talk about.

We talk about the brick economies. Brazil. They're being more than China. Too horny. Brazil, right? China, they got that shit on lock. They're disciplined. Stop wiggling your bottom in the street and fucking start a business.

Okay, Brazil India, my God, it is terrifying to think of the potential of India have a billion people. So he was probably right. Seam retention is the... Again, it's about context, isn't it? Seam retention in this country seems perverted.

But in India, where the air is perverted. You can unlock the potential of a nation. Lock in. In 1903, Gandhi starts a newspaper called Indian Opinion. It establishes a unified voice. It's sort of like LBC, but for... Yeah.

For Indians in Africa. Yeah. Nick Ferrari Massala. James O'Bardry. James O'Bardry. Oh, Christ. So he writes in the newspaper, Ian Dahl.

Ian Dahl, that's good. Ian Dahl's the best one. Come on. Ian Dahl. Fucking hell. It is the duty of every thoughtful Indian not to marry. In case. he is helpless in regard to marriage.

He should abstain from sexual intercourse with his wife. So this is where we start to get to the celibacy. He starts a sort of like an ashram, is that what it's called? Like a kind of cult house in, it's called the Phoenix Settlement in 1904, a cooperative space for his followers to practice not busting on each other. And this is, he marks his first experiment with communal living. So he's starting to be a bit of a bit of a hippie-dippy. this point. Now, in 1906, we have the Zulu rebellion, okay, which is again, the fragile

peace after the Anglo-Zulu War of 879 erupts again, and the Zulus kick off once more, and Gandhi immediately reforms the Indian Ambulance Corps because he is in support of the British Empire. He's still Anakin at this point. This is where we also start to get a sense of one of Gandhi's big shall we say blind spots or boo-boos which is that although he is an anti-imperialist He's a scholar and a racist

He's a scholar and a racist Yeah again He really embraces the 1890s Yeah he's a man of his time And what a time it is to be a man So he says Quote What is our juicy in these calamitous times

In the colony It is not for me to say Whether the revolt of the Kaffirs Now that's a racial term for the black Africans. It's not a fermented yogh that's good for your gut. No, that's kaffir. Right. This is kaffir. Right. Again, this is Gandhi's words I'm using. Sure. Which is funny to use Gandhi's words and need to distance myself. This is not me. This is Gandhi, all right? Don't judge me by these words. I'm not racist. This is just what Gandhi says.

It's what Gandhi said, right? We are in Natal by value of British power. Our very existence depends on it. It is therefore our duty to render help. Now, he loves the word kaffir. He uses it a lot. So the rebellion turns out to be a Zulu chief, Bambatha, who's refusing to pay a new tax. So the tax is an additional poll tax on top of the pre-existent

hut tax. You've got to tax people. You've got to tax the huts. Tax the huts. Is that a hudden there? And it disproportionately targets Zulus. So Gandhi, in his retrospective autobiography, changes tune and says, no, actually, my heart was with the Zulus,

and we had to nurse the wounded Zulus because the white soldiers used to dissuade us from attending to the wounds, but we would do it anyway because they were being abused. J.K. Rowling saying Dumbledore's gay, sort of. Totally. Actually, in a book, 30 years later, oh no, I was on there. He was gay the whole time. No. But,

so in the end, about 4,000 Zulus are killed for resisting taxation. The British tragically lose 36, man. I mean, yeah. Awful. What's the greater crime? I mean, you cannot resist taxation. No. How does the state run with that? Death and taxes. Those are the two things. Yeah. Right.

So let's get into Gandhi's chocolate box of racism. Despite his autobiographical revisionism to the Zulus, Gandhi has a pretty tough history of anti-black racism in South Africa. Now, you know, when in Rome, etc. But this is one of, I mean, he's a very controversial figure, we should say, in India today. He's been disowned, really. Very much so.

Which we'll get into more in the next part. But it's why he's, you know, in our, In our kind of stereotypical view of him as like this holy man, this ascetic monk. It's never stereotypical. It's normally, it's rich and full-bodied, I'd say. Well, our view of... Yeah, we don't have any stereotypical views on this show.

This is it. Sorry, yeah. I mean, us in the West. Right, right, right, sorry. We're scholars, we're, you know, we're scholars and racists, but I mean for the, for the average, for the average listener, when they've stopped fucking their lightsaber,

you know, when they're thinking about Gandhi, a man who never fucked a lightsaber in his life. right they think of Gandhi as a holy man an ascetic man a monk-like figure who could do no wrong a mother Teresa if you will in South Africa where he starts his whole activism really his basic opinion is guys we're not black

yeah that's his whole point is we're Indian we're not fucking them we're better than them Want to know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it? How friends turned us on to coffee culture and super-layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, train spotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress, and what it was really like to be a spice girl? Flung back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia,

Bumster jeans and Lemon Hooch with Talk 90s to Me. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk 90s to. me out every Monday. The United States is the weirdest country in the world right now, and it doesn't make any sense

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experts. That's American Friction. Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcasts, right now. American Friction So he's using the hierarchy Like judo He's using his opponent's weight of argument Is it not the genius

The British Empire though Is that you get to the point Where you got them saying Well, we're not them That's what everyone's saying And then the Brits are going Fucking don't say that That's a bit racist

That's a bit racist Gandhi, please Now get in there with them You're fucking racist No No you can't stand with the whites But you can stand on your own How about that?

So this is what he writes in 1893. General belief seems to prevail in the colony that the Indians are a little better, if at all, than savages or the natives of Africa. Again, not my words. Even the children are towards believe in that manner with the result that the Indian is being dragged down to the position of a kaffir.

Again, that's the slow of black Africans. We could understand not being classed with whites, but to be placed on the same level as the natives seems too much to put up with. They are troublesome, very dirty and live like animals. His words. Live like animals. Gandy.

That's your hero, is it? Gandhi on black people. They live like animals. That's your guy. Yeah? That's your hero? Martin Luther King's hero. Yeah.

Well, generally. Martin, did you read everything? Did you read his 1890 stuff? His early stuff's a bit fruity for you, Martin. And now he's on the fucking... I've heard the earlier stuff. I prefer, I'm an early, oh yeah, I prefer Gandhi's early stuff. Like I, yeah, before he went mainstream.

I think the 1920s, when he goes back to India, that's like kid A. I'm like, guys, get back to the bends. So he also demands that Indians be allowed to use the white entrance at post offices so that they're not classed with black Africans. So he is, you know, if you'll be... More so than wanting Indians to be respected by whites, he's wanting Indians not to be treated as badly as black. He wants the blacks to stay where they are.

Right. And he wants to try and do. distance. Yeah. He's fighting for a third category. Yeah. That's better than the bottom. He's fighting for an Indian middle class.

Yeah. Right. In a racialized society. Which happens in Uganda. Yes. Yes. Very much so. So in 1904 during an epidemic, he demands the segregation.

He demands segregation. This is your hero? Really? A pro segregationist. He's demanding it as well. Demanding. I mean, you know, you can't do that now. No.

Apparently. Apparently these days. You can suggest. But you can't demand. You can infer, but you cannot demand. That's crazy. He said that health officers in Johannesburg must withdraw kaffirs. In 1905, he says Indian men have no war dances, nor does he drink kaffir beer.

What's that? Is that yogurt beer? That sounds disgusting. That sounds horrible. A fucking IPA, is it? Is that all that nonsense, brew dog shit? He demands, again, that black people and Indians be separated in hospitals during a play. He referred to the Zulu rebellion

as the Café rebellion This is all stuff he says Before he writes his own autobiography He goes, oh no, I know I love them actually An academic argues That Gandhi's blanking of Africans I wouldn't say he blanks them

I'd say he goes in quite hard on them Is the black hole at the heart Of his saintly mythology Sure In all his time in South Africa Gandhi is described As not as one of apartheid's first opponents But as one of its first proponents

Wow Lovely stuff That's brilliant I love that I think he had, there's a statue of him in South Africa that's recently been torn down. Really? Yeah, I believe.

I mean, if South Africans are tearing your statue down, what the fuck did you do? You know, you know, I mean, you could just be a fucking farmer and the Bristolians will tell your statue down. Just have leathery skin. You definitely were an unbelievable racist back in the day. But like, you don't have to do anything

for a Bristolian to tell your statue down, but you're South African. God. So he lived in the Trantzfall. Transvaal. She's got an onion slung. She's Transvaal. She's Transvaal.

She's carbonology, isn't it? She's carbonology. And so we get to the Asiatic Registration Act of 1906. So this is where the colony's population in Transvaal is 74% black, less than 1% Asian, and 23% white. And Transvaal passed the Act, which requires all Asian residents of eight years or older to put their names on a register, as if they're sex offenders. Go door to door and say, I'm... I'm Indian. I'm Asian.

Sorry. I've just moved into your neighbourhood. I have to let you know that I'm an Indian. Give fingerprints and they have to, they could also, they could be stopped at any point by a policeman and say, show me your ID. Yeah.

Which tells me you're Indian. So I guess a policeman goes, I think, are you Indian? Yeah, just confirm that for me. The police would also have rights to go into your house and like turn it over and look for stuff.

Hang out in there sometimes if they want. I don't think it's chilling out. I think it's basically robbing you. They can eat anything in your fridge. Yeah. And I think this is very, To kind of socially conservative Hindus, this is deeply problematic because their home is like sacred and the wife, women shouldn't be touched. Right, right, right.

So in 1906, Gandhi is part of an association that seeks to gain a British veto to the register. So anyone who's, what, a British Indian should be exempt. Again, he's not, he's not saying all Indians. He's saying, well, I'm British. Let me. I mean, he's a fucking, you know, he's a snake on a. ship, isn't he? Yeah.

He's kicking a woman out of that boat on the Titanic. Yeah. He's also, I'm, I'm wearing the same thing. Yeah, he is. He dresses like he's trying to escape the Titanic world to pretend to be a woman. Look, I'm a big baby. Look, I'm a big baby. Get me on the boat.

That's what he's doing. He's a rat. What he actually is as a nationalist. He's fucking, he's, he's Rupert Lowe, basically, for Indians. Well, you stop going on about Rupert Lowe. You're sending me all his reels. You're posting them all the time on your Instagram. Restore Britain.

Yeah. This school kicks. picks off because of this register, and he demands freedom for the Indian population, and they do succeed in stopping the law from being passed. Now, what also happens in 1906 is that Gandhi takes a vow of Brahmacharaara. It's hard to say. Sounds like one of Gaddafi's books.

And it's about as useful as one of Gaddafi's books. Why do you say that? This is the vow of celibacy. And semen retention. I don't think you can cast dispersions on his semen retention because you haven't seen him without semen retention. I think it's easy to say, well, that didn't help. But you don't know what he was like

if he wasn't semen retention. But I think we do know what he was like. He was ignoring his dad because he was fucking a 15. Exactly. So I think it was very effective. But see, this first means that he renounces sex with his wife. Did he announce him renouncing sex with his wife? Come here.

Come here, love. Come here, love. Got something to tell you. No, no more. None of it. You're done of it. You're done of it. You know that thing.

you keep trying to make me do. I'm not doing it anymore. Yeah. He couldn't wait to start to sex with his wife, though. Yeah. It is amazing just how he clearly just despised this one. Absolutely despised.

But I think if anyone, if anyone, you know, it's part of the manosphere now, isn't it? Seam retention. If anyone undergoes this, takes a celibacy of semen retention, if you're their wife, you can't help but take that personally. Is it about me? Yeah. Is it something I'm doing?

We'll get to him testing his temptation. It's similar to the, Jo series in this in that every part it gets more and more messed up. I'm fucking chomping at the bit to get some of these bits. Can you get close? Can you? Sorry, can you edge yourself? Can you, yeah, can you just before... Well, I'll defer to

my scholarly, a scholar on Seam Retention, Horatio, who has read, is read a lot. I read a lot of literature. I imagine you're playing a dangerous game if you're doing that. And I imagine... Is that not the ultimate test of Seamen Retention? I imagine

the rules of the rules. So if you're not coming. What about pre-semen retention? Pre-cum retention. Well, I don't think you can control that. You can't. Well, I guess with enough meditation and holiness,

and you probably can get to a state of nirvana where you can stop having wet dreams. Yes. But that's hard. Gandhi had had wet dreams. Yeah. As well as... And he's livid at himself.

He hates it as well as... Are you saying that his cloak wasn't originally white? There's a brown cloak. It was a brown cloak. It was a brown cloak. every night you wake up and he's like

fucking ill like a garden hose like garden hose yeah turn that hose off yeah uh immediate hose pipe band

yeah uh yeah I think I could control pre-com pre-com retention do you I think if I if I communed

you're an incredibly arrogant man wow wow I'm a holy man I'm a holy man I'm a holy holy man.

Wouldn't it be funny to make an argument that it turns out that all a man's... You're not God, Finn. You're a mere mortal, you should know that. No, I'm a deity. Wouldn't it be funny to argue that all a man's strength comes from his pre-cum? Right. And that pre-cums actually... I want to hear you explain why you, if you hadn't masturbated for 15 years,

how you would also be able to control pre-cum, do you then just think you'd have the mental toughness? It's all in there. It's test cricket. Right. I'm playing test cricket. Precum's the openers. Sure.

I've got good openers. Right? Some men there have sex. He probably... They've got Rory Burns down there. It's just fucking first ball. Mitchell's start. Precum everywhere.

Do you know, I think Gandhi's strength is whenever he felt he thought he was going to bust, he just thought of his awful wife he hates. Yeah. That's just he uses that. No, if you marry that, if you marry a woman you hate, then he gets.

He's always got something there. Can we have a look at the rabbit, please, Charlie? Can we see Gandhi's wife? Let the dogs see the rabbit works. I think can we have a look at the rabbit? Can we have a look at the rabbit? We're not dogs though, are we?

Let's get a young cat Sturber. Cat Sturbergandy. Not older than when he marries her, please, because they do marry at 13. So they had four kids before 20. Yeah, she's always about, but he's fucking, you can just tell me, look at that photo. Yeah, he's just like, fuck me,

she's telling her story again. She looks quite nice. She was for him. Not for him. Well, it is suspicious that as soon as she turned like 19, he's like, I will never have sex with you again. Yeah. You're cut off. That's crazy.

Literally as soon as she stopped being a teenager, he was like, I'm not interested. Yeah. Get out of my sight. I'm not having sex ever again. If you're 19 now, that's disgusting. Disgusting. I've gone off all women. So he thinks that one who conserves his vital fluid,

acquires unfailing power I mean this is pre-sema return this is what all these Manosphere guys are talking about it's the exact same stuff isn't it

but is he the innovator of this is it a long history of semen retention I don't know what's he building on is he building on a Hindu thing is there a I'm sure there's something about

there's a lot about like sexual I guess like Catholics you're not meant to masturbate and stuff like that before marriage right yeah but they're fucking slipping it in goats fucking banish and doing anal

you know it's not exactly retention yeah when is an italian ever retained anything yeah it's true you know semen retention conserves vitality is essential for physical mental and spiritual health i mean i disagree hard on this mental health retaining semen what do you think charlie do you think do you find yourself sharper if you have resisted the urge for a while because i mean i do um you know i have a lot of friends who

who are... So many friends. Well, they're comedians who I'm deciding not to name. Yeah, fine. Who find they... I've got a friend who's on a diet of senior retention. He says it's changed his life. A diet?

Yeah. Right, okay. A strict diet. He's still in sex, but he says masturbating. He said he's masturbating every day of his life since he was 14. And now he stopped. And he says it's like, it's changed his life. The energy he's got, like, he's got a new lust for life.

Maybe that's not watching porn. No. But it's not, is the lack of porn actually the benefit rather than... Porn obviously is bad. I think porn is the reason why it's harder now. It's definitely not good for you. But the interesting question is if you can withhold, does that give you an extra bit of bite in your day?

That's why I'm not going to think about. No. You don't think so. No, I think it's just something that's looming over you. Like, I'm going to have to do that at some point, so I may as well do it right now. Yeah. But you're someone who's never resisted the urge.

You've masturbated in these offices before. So you've never resists. resisted the urge. Not in the office. You've never resisted the urge for anything. Yeah. Eating, drinking, having a cigarette. So you're like maybe the least even retentive man ever. No. And I don't know how much. I don't mean that's fair. Oh, sorry, Charlie. I think you really hurt your feelings. I mean, you wanted to poo. You just put in your hand through in the toilet. The urge, the urge to sit in the toilet like a human rather than just sort of hurling it around. If the end is taking too long, just pop off to the toilet. But that's how I get

it done. He's like, go and go and do that. But you think if you took, would you be able to to maybe do a experiment for us would you be able to take a week off would you be able to see me an attempt for a week? I don't really want to be across that experiment if I'm honest I'm happy to do that I want to see if there's any changes he could he can come he's in a

suit he's got a wife and kids what next week I'm going to record yeah I'm happy to try father of three he's got driving a fucking Volvo right I'd like you to be an experiment to go in if you wouldn't sure yeah yeah I don't actually be fascinated I don't think there's any benefit other than not watching porn.

I don't think, unless you're one of those guys that wank's like every, I don't wank every day. You'd be surprised to it. When I do it, I really do it. Yeah. You're a binge wanker. I'm a bitch wanker. Wake up four days later. Where the fuck am I?

Shit in your pants. Right. So, following the Zulu Rebellion and the Asiatic Registration Act, Gandhi starts to articulate his key philosophies and its founding pillar, Satyagaraja. A combination of the Sanskrit word. words satia and agatha so truth and force the force of truth uh this is his conceptualization of non-violent resistance so he believes that if you confront evil with non-violent refusal you it's an act of moral truth and you're always going to have the upper hand i want to put a pin in this argument

for when we get to the 40s it's very very very very very very funny anyway so the teaching uh is jaina's jana the as we said last time ah ah um hamsah umah umah umah umac Actually, sir. A harm, sir, no. Is the nonviolence towards anyone. And Bramchariah is the commitment to spiritual growth through sexual abstinence and other self-discipline. So let's go through the nine pillars of Satya-Graha.

So this is Gandhi's nine pillars. Non-violence, truth, not stealing, non-possession, body labour or bread labour, which is the moral obligation to perform physical work to earn a daily meal. Okay. control of desires, fearlessness,

equal respect for all religions, and economic strategy such as boycotts of imported goods. Well, that's a, it feels like everything was pretty spiritual to that last one.

I feel like he needed seven. Yeah. If he needed nine. That's right. He had a deadline and he, that sort of, he's trying to get to ten. Yeah.

Fuck. That really, that took me out of the sort of more holiness of it. Yeah. Talking about imported goods. Boycotting imported goods.

So this is where, like he, now he's meant to be as Africa for a year and he ends up being there for 20. Fucking out. This is very most safest place ever. I love it. I'll stay, I think.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So he establishes the Tolstoy farm in 1910, which is where he begins to practice Satya Garaha and politically organized. And above all, it's a sort of safe space for Indians in South Africa, a safe space away from all the black Africans that Gandhi hates. So inmates at the farm, inmates is a big word, are vegetarians, uh, are vegetarians.

aesthetics and they embrace egalitarian politics. So Gandhi's movement is supported by Sonia Schleschlein, who Gandhi labels as having led the movement single-handed in its absence. Blah, blah, boring, boring. Right. Now let's get to Gandhi and the miners. Wait. Gandhi, the miners is coming later.

Not those miners. That's coming in part four. Gandhi's notable political action in South Africa is the 1913 minor's strike. I mean, he does do a minor strike. He also does a minor strike, but again, we'll get to that later. This is the first time that his actual philosophy

gets applied on an industrial scale. Someone else's philosophy gets applied in industrial scale quite near to here, right? That's another link he has with Hitler. This is an age where philosophies could be done on an industrial scale

for the first time. Yes. Oh, to be alive at a time where your philosophies could be implemented on scale. So this is Gandhi's Holocaust gone. You were saying, Finterna. Sorry, I'm a, I'm a Gandhi Holocaust denier.

Yeah. The strike is triggered by two specific insulting laws. An annual £3 tax on former Indian labourers who chose to stay after their contracts had expired, which is about six months, three pounds is six month salary. Got how hard to fucking clean up there? Yeah. I don't know what pints cost there. God, I mean, I do think we, you know, the 1P pint.

In many ways, when you're talking about my generation, having lived through, like, you know, financial crash, Brexit, COVID, or as you can become an adult, I did miss out on the fucking housing days of exchange rates. What do you mean? Well, I could just fucking go to like, go somewhere else and then just fucking buy the place. Yeah. You know. You can still that a little bit, I guess. Where, though? Yeah.

Where am I hoovering up? That's not a complete hole. I guess it's Vietnam quite cheap. I guess it's got all touristy. You know? Do I have to go to fucking Burundi? Yeah, probably. To clean up.

But then I was like, well, what is there to clean up? A lot. Well, yeah, there's a lot of work to do. I don't want it to be like a charity thing. I want to, I want fucking 10 p. Pints or whatever. Anyway, so the Cape Supreme Court ruling of 1913 had invalidated all non-Christian marriages, which made Indian wives concubines and children illegitimate in the eyes of the law.

So a minor strike begins in Natal. in Newcastle, so it's about 100 years before the, no, about 80 years before the minor strikes in Britain. And I guess Gandhi's like Arthur Scargill. Yeah. At this point. Yeah. Gandhi organizes the Great March where 2,000 people cross the border into the Trancephal,

which is an illegal act of civil disobedience. The rules the rules. And the goal is to get, if you get arrested on mass, then you will paralyze the colonial administration who have to deal with you. So he gets arrested three times. during the march. He's released unexpectedly after the strike gains international attention and the British government

in India is horrified and the UK government pressures the South African leader Jan Smut's friend of the board to final resolution. So the strike is a total victory which leads to the Indian Relief Act of 1914 which abolishes the tax, validates the marriages

and ends the system of indentured labour and so it's a major achievement that Gandhi has proved that civil disobedience i.e. being professionally annoying, being a wanker. 2000 asboes. Yeah, basically. It's the first time

and this, you know, he's actually also, it should be said, he's quite inspired about what the suffragettes are doing. He's inspired, and he thinks the suffragettes are very good up until they start getting violent. Well, it's interesting with Gandhi because in modern India, a lot of

the turn away from Gandhi by the current Modi government is because they're bit more manosphere, the world's getting more masculine. And Gandhi is sort of like, he looks kind of non-binary, he's quite like effeminate. It's like a baby. And it's like, as effective as he was, this is chick shit. Yes, it is. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, it is. It's suffragette shit. Yeah, I'm not eating. Yeah. Eat, drink out, drink water. I'm not eating until you. I know you like horses, but you can't just go into, oh, fucking else. Until you agree with me, I won't eat.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's chick shit. It is. And Modi's a bro. Yeah, it is. So it's just like we're not all

pussies like Gandhi. Yeah, exactly. Everyone's trying to say now. No. So it proves that Satyagraha can successfully defeat rigid colonial government laws. And as we end this part

and go into part three, Gandhi will return to India. And he will really start to make his name as the Gandhi, the Mahatma, that we now know him for. And he will become Darth Vader. Yeah. He turns to the dark side.

That's him trying to hold that's him trying to hold in this car There's him edging But Gandy's toes were like this all the time Just He sat down like this Next time We'll be dealing with Gany's return to India

Where it becomes Darth Vader Though the next two episodes Where he starts writing letters To a friend of the pod The GAN job takes new levels Yeah That was already on the Patreon web for three pounds a month, you too

can join an army of people who fuck their lightsabers. We are also doing patron specials on the history of Hinduism, but we're reviewing the Karmusutra, which I know our listeners will be fascinated to learn. But if not, we will see you on Monday as we get, as Mahatma returns to India, full of cum,

brimming with Kahn. And what's going to happen? We'll see you next time. Goodbye. We've all been there. The watch party finally makes it out of the group chat and uh-oh, you volunteered to host. Suddenly you need snacks, drinks, dips, cups, and all the other party essentials. With Instacart, you can get all those groceries delivered in as fast as 60 minutes. No extra errands for you.

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