Fin vs History - ‘Fatberg, Dead Ahead!’ | The Titanic (Part 1/3)

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

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Welcome back to Finn versus History. As ever, I'm here with Horatio Gould. Oh, I'm so chilly. I'm going to die. And today, the unsinkable podcast takes on the Titanic. Yeah. What could possibly go wrong? The Edwardian 9-11.

I feel a lot of sympathy with this story the hubris that we had setting up this podcast feels like because I watched a bit of the film earlier today and you know that bit where the guy goes but this ship can't sink and the designer goes

she's made of iron sir she can and she will I feel like with us what's the version of that for us like this podcast can't be cancelled you're doing accents Chinese accent you can and you will

it's a mathematical certainty yeah I'm definitely I'm very much the Bruce is mayor of this podcast I'm gonna I'm gonna abandon you on the shit I'm gonna go down

I'm fully dressing up as a woman and saying that he sexually harassed me and getting off on one of the light friends you're taking you're dressing Charlie up as a baby and just getting out of it and I am proudly

I'll be commended by Churchill Hitler saluting Nazi saluting from the bow as we go down as we've hit the iceberg of Twitter or whatever it is and I'll be commended

for my resilience in going down with the ship Yeah Well I think the Titanic's very similar To the Jack the Ripper story Is then it's called very Annoying loser fans Probably the worst fans

Yeah Ripper and Titanic are up there Is the two biggest like niche history special interest Because the World War II's too big Do you know what I mean Is anything else to compare To Titanic and Jack the Ripper?

I think because they're both mysteries and the whole internet sleuth culture grabs onto them and the whole idea of finding the Titanic and no one really knows what you know there's a lot

of people don't know about it so that into that void comes the nerds with like oh I brought some you know cavalry both I was put out of the Ripper and Titanic by that but studying both these topics

they are actually Titanic is actually a great topic it's a great story because it's through this you look at so many other things you know You wonder how what other time periods

would we have a great you just want another crash or something Well in the way Yeah I mean because You know Not to bring up 9-11

So quickly again What's that two minutes You already said it In the first 30 seconds But I'm like I'm like playing chess Where every time I mention it I click the clock

But to be fair This is actually kind of This is This is this is Yeah This basically is 9-11 For the audience Yeah

But there's been In the way That's been a great film A kind of like Apocal film which you'd say it's actually I watched a bit of it back

it's very bad for the first half the dialogue is really bad but it's an amazing feat but it's an amazing film yeah because I once again it was kind of like a girls film sort of it was well the first half

it's a trans film but it's a fucking because the first half is for girls and then when they hit the iceberg it's an action film for the boys right I watched it in it's a hamaphrodite film I watched it in the cinema

age seven And I was next to my cousin And when Rose does the hand My cousin No, male cousin who's a bit older than me Goes to having sex And I'm like, oh fuck's that What we do at Christmas?

What do you mean? What do you mean having sex? You told me that was a handshake Yeah, exactly And that's the beginning of the long trail of abuse That leads to this podcast But I'm thinking about

Why hasn't have been a 9-11 11 film where they hang it on a love story you know right of like people that were going into the towers that day or you could do a 9-11 film where there's a love story

and someone has an ex what they're like their wife's in the tower they're exes in it and they're like oh thank fuck she's going yeah a divorce story beautiful beautiful ending

well it's more how on earth are we going to tell your sister that we've been sleeping behind her back oh she just done that That's that done. It's more of a short film. Or you have a film where the ex, the current girlfriend,

the victim of the cheating is in the first tower. Yeah. And then the new one's in the second tower. And so he's like, thank God. Thank God for that. No! And he has to sprint to get his new love out of whatever the second tower was. Type in Charlie Sheed 9-11 film.

All right. So I need to actually watch this. What? There's a Charlie Shee 9-11 film. It's all takes place in an elevator. It looks like the cheapest film ever I mean there's not great 9-11 cinema And there should be

It's the most cinematic thing It's ever happens So the whole Where were you? I was in a lift It's kind of like How can you make the cheapest 9-11 film You just play the actual footage

And then have them in one studio It's like we could do a 9-11 film in this studio That's like us making a Titanic film in the bath With like a big With like a home We're just on an iPhone So the Titanic is, this will be, I imagine

this would be quite a two or three part series, and again from us, it's a big topic. Big ship. Big ship. Big ship. The fattest ship ever built. That's what my research has told me. It's a big ship. And built.

Back when a cruise was classy. This is the beginning of the crew. Yeah, I see what you mean. Do you know what I mean? Because now a cruise is the trashiest thing you could do. Yes. Right? Going on a holiday, but you just stay on a boat and it's just sort of like a moving

hotel prison. I'd say the classiest thing to do on a cruise is to sink and go down with the ship. That's what an esteemed gentleman does. Yeah, when you come into Doc, that's when... That's trashy. Yeah, because I was also thinking who I'd be in this story, and I realised I'd probably be on the other side. I'd be shouting coward at the people who survived.

Oh, totally. I'd be in there with the gun. I'd be pushing women and children off the... Fuck, get off! I would misinterpret women and children first, as throw them overboard and get the blokes and the boats. that was great Men first

women and children first right fucking the children last so the Titanic was the Titanic sunk not to not to ruin the ending I was genuinely worried

that Charlie didn't know Charlie's actually I've ruined the ending for Charlie there he had no idea the Titanic sunk in 1912 so this is Edwardian to place this for the dumb dumbs

this is after the birth of Hitler Hitler is alive he has been born for the first time in this podcast we are dealing with something where Hitler has been born. Yeah. Hitler's born in 1889.

So Hitler hears about the Titanic. Fascinating. Yeah. However, it is before Elvis did the comeback special. Right. Okay. That's a good way of placing it. No leather suit.

So how has Hitler reacted to him about the Titanic? Blotch! He's gone, he's, yeah, the Hitler, the Titanic sunk. What praise were the billionaire is? Nine! Nine! And I get on Blotch! Yeah.

Because, I mean, Part of the story of the building of the Titanic is that the Germans also had a big cruise industry. Yes. So I guess we should probably start by talking about the cruising. And as you say, it was... Well, is it cruising something else? Well, I don't know. Is it cruising like a gay thing?

Yes, so is everyone on board the Titanic is a gay guy? Is that what's happening? Charlie, do you know what cruising is? You know someone who cruises. Is that why they were letting the women and children off first so they could all just stay off and suck each other off? Cruising, gay, diving cruising, gay term. So the Titanic is the gayest. has ever been real.

Cruising as a slank to have a search for a sexual partner in public. It's a gay turn that originated in the 1960s. Okay, so, yes. So this is, the Titanic is before this becomes a thing. So the whole idea of going down

with your ship is something different now. It's going down. It's going down on a sailor. This is before that happened. So in the Edwardian period, these big liners, these big fat ships, they're like the,

they're the cutting edge of technology at the time. Well, they're like a AI company? companies now. It'd be like open AI, chat GPT, deep seek. If the Titanic happened now in today's context, it would be a massive Tesla full of billionaires crashing into a fatburg. Right. A fatberg? Yeah. What's a fatberg? You know what a fatberg is? No. It's the, it's the collection of grease and fat and suites. I have no idea. A fatberg is a solid mass of waste. So that it was a slur for an overweight Jewish person. yeah it's Jonah Hill

Seth Rogen is a fat burg Hey a fucking fat burg I'm walking here A fatberg is a solid mass of waste That forms in sewers from non-biodegradable items Fat oil and grease So it's like cooking oil I mean to be honest We don't 100% know for sure

That the Titanic hit an iceberg It could have hit a fatberg That drifted off the coast of America Jonah Hill Breaks off from America it slowly drifts. A huge fat Jewish man breaks off

from the North American continent and there's a whole field of them just floating so their bellies up and the Titanic sees one too late and 2,000 souls are condemned

so no the yeah cruises is like so the Titanic is built by well it's operated by the white star line yes which is a big symbol

of British industrial power I guess at this point it's the top and yeah it's like uh the country on top having a big tech company yes although it has been bought by an american conglomerate only just recently and it's that kind of shift from british power to american power because we're coming right to the end of the kind of i'd say this is the sinking of titanic is the kind of is the start of the end of the empire yes because world war one happens in two two years after this and that's when it properly ends but it's also the edwardwardian era it's the belly pelly

Poc in France. It's kind of like the golden age. What's looked back nostalgically as the golden age of Europe culturally, right? Because there was relative peace. It's arts flourishing. The Edwardians are quite different to the Victorians as well. Victorians are very stoic, moralising.

You know, they're putting dresses on chair legs because it was too much like a woman's leg. Do you know about that? No? Yeah, because it was too like hornet. Chairs have got burkers? Yeah. Because it's just, it's too like uncouthed to have a chair leg.

because it looks too much like a native woman. A man would see a shell egg and be like, oh, don't tempt me. I'm going to shove that up my ass if you don't cover it up. So that period's ended

and now it's the Edwardians which is a kind of, yeah, I guess it's a more leisurely period of the British Empire. It's kind of like... Yeah, but there's still a huge... There's still a huge element of that stiff upper lip

of the Victorian. Definitely, but they're having more fun with it. Right, I see. They're drinking more. I don't know. This is the era of Jeeves and Worcester Right

That's sort of A satire of Edwardian England Right Yeah it's like Benny Hill They're chasing big boobbed women around It's slightly more camp I guess It's camp Victorian

And the Edwardians And then America is now properly Starting to It's like China is now I guess But more so America's the coming power Yeah And Britain is sort of clinging on

To its imperial might And I guess the richest People in the world are still Americans, like the real titers of industry are still, because it's like Carnegie, the Vanderbilt, J.P. Morgan, who's the richest man in the world. Yes. So, like, a lot of the individuals are still American, well, are now American. Guggenheim. He's something to do with it. It's kind of, what's it, is it, is it Gilded Age America. Yeah, the Gilded Age of New York is going on. So this is where, this is after the gold rush and basically America's

becoming the capitalist power. And then J.P. Morgan buys the White Star Alliance. company. No, hang on, Star Alliance is an aircraft carrier. White Line. Yes. A bit white star. So J.P. Morgan buys White Star. Yeah.

And it's seen in Britain as a great failure because it's, you're selling, you know. It's like we sold Rolls Royce, I guess. Yeah, or like Jaguar. Yes, exactly. So they're saying, but then America are seeing it as a... Cadbury's now made by the Chinese or something. But they're seeing it as a big loss in America because of how much money, J.P. Morgan played so over the odds for it.

Yeah. Basically bought them out. Because he's trying to build a monopoly of big fat ships. And the Atlantic, the white starships were originally built to go to Australia, which was a big route that was happening, obviously. That's originally what was these massive ocean liners. For filthy criminals.

For filthy criminals to go to Australia. And then for some, I don't know how he hadn't thought of it, but someone just said, well, why don't you go to America? It's way shorter and it's going to make way more money. Yeah. And it's more of a relevant trade route now.

So this kind of transatlantic. voyage had only just started to properly explode with like big ocean liners. And basically the white star line, the British company, has a rival, well, there's the whole German

cruising industry. Yeah. Hello! Hi. Which is a very big deal still to this day, German cruises. Yeah, in Berlin, there's a lot of Germans cruising. You go down Hamburg and the port there. Mucky, mucky place.

There's a whole German, I think it's called the America, Nord America, something like that. All their ships are called the SS, which I feel is a slightly

on the nose. Well, they didn't know it was on the nose then, right? I think they knew. I don't give him some credit. Hitler's around.

Remember, to places, Hitler is around. He's alive. He's taking all this stuff in. He's germinating on it. Yeah, he's,

yeah. So, but also the Kuhnard line is the sort of main rival ocean liner. Basically, this is,

kind of the Titanic's being built is a result of this rivalry that White Star and Coonard have to build the biggest, fatest fastest ship. And Coonard have been set in speed records for ships. And they can go at like 25 knots. Now, whenever I hear

knots, I'm like, I don't actually know how fast that is. I mean, Charlie, how fast is that in like land? Is it like a jet ski? Or is it like a... I literally have no idea. I've got no idea. Are you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you? Of course not. I went to private school. Wouldn't be seen dead on a cruise.

Or I would, which is the only classy way to take a cruise, is to die. 30 knots is about 55 kilometres. What's that in miles per hour? This is a British podcast, Charlie. Miles per hour. Okay, so it's basically a little bit more than, it's a little bit less than miles. Fine. Right.

So the Titanic's top speed is 22 knots, which basically means it could sail past a school between the hours of four and five. Five. So it's not actually, it's not that fast at all right, right, right. It's really quite slow. Children could be playing in the water and the Titanic could just plan through them. But I guess if it's a hotel moving at that pace,

that's quite fast. It's fast for a hotel. I'll give you that. It's fast for a hotel. A 10-story resort hotel, that's quick. To be fair, there are no road regulations on how fast hotels can drive past schools. So actually, it's not going that fast as all.

Charlie, you are, did the Titanic hit and you finished? well we don't know we don't know there's so much about this we don't know how many fish did the titanic kill on his maiden voyage the real are they counted amongst the dead you know those people who like talk about the animals that are killed in world war two and there's like a separate memorial day the fish who died at the time where's the memorial fish the titanic hit on its way um anyway so where are we at The Titanic is slow as fuck. Yeah.

It's big. But the whole point is that the Kuhnard is like we're going really fast. You get on our ships and we go to New York in, I don't know, three, four days. Yeah. Titanic's going, well, we're slower, but we're bigger and we are, we're going for luxury. Yes. So the results. It's like a White Lotus boat sort of.

Yeah, exactly. Well, I mean, the White Lotus should do a series on the Titanic. Yeah. That would be great. Jennifer Coolidge is on the Titanic. So this comes out of a meeting in 1907 between J.P. Morgan and then Ismae. Now is it Bruce Ismay or is it his son? Probably is. Yeah, he's dad. So I think Bruce Ismay's dad starts white star. Yes, he starts it. And he, yeah, he comes from nothing. And he is sort of viewed within kind of British social circles as kind of trashy new money. Right. And then he sends his kid, Bruce Ismay, to top. the big thing that he wants is to have his son be a gentleman right um and what's interesting is that americans view bruce ismay has this kind of posh english guy who inherited everything and didn't deserve

anything and the brits see bruce ismay as this kind of you know balshy upstart trash yeah yeah yeah and it's kind of like the two different ideals at this point and kind of like it really sounds like the difference but both absolutely detest him for surviving yeah yeah yeah hello i'm elizabeth day the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right. And what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better? Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate, thought-provoking and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day in

Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. Right. So Bruce is May, sits down for dinner with J.P. Morgan and somewhere like I can and they basically come up with this idea of a new fleet of transatlantic cruises there'll be the biggest ships ever

there'll be basically this is the first time that someone's really gone let's make a really nice hotel and put it on the sea and so they out of this meeting they decide to build three ships

the Olympic now the Titanic which obviously after it crashes get to rename the Paralympic. Yep. And the Britannic. And they're all fucking massive. Yeah.

They're all really big. And but I think the Titanic is maybe like three inches bigger than the next one. Yeah, they keep adding just a little bit more so it breaks the record. But fundamentally, no one's going to talk about the Olympic, but it's probably almost exactly the same, right? I think it's yeah. But I do think maybe the Titanic was the only one that had like a swimming pool and like a Turkish spa. Yeah, it was next level.

Yeah. So they really go after this whole luxury thing and they sign a deal with, well, they have a deal with the, is it, Harland and Wolf? Holland Wolf Shipyard in Belfast, which I think is the biggest shipyard in the world. Is it? Yeah. At this point. And yeah, and Belfast at this point is like in one of the true industrial centres of the entire world. I'll build your fucking shepherd. Give it here. I'll build it. Protestant, as we talked about in the Troubles episode, some of the most hard-nosed. One can only imagine what would have happened had the Catholic

that's built this ship. It wouldn't even have made it out of Southampton. It would have sunk because it would have been filled with, like, party boys. They would have built it out of fucking spaghetti or something. The Protestants have, like, the whole image of it as unsinkable comes from this hard-nosed Belfast fuckers. But it's also, when you go to Belfast, it does feel distinctly different to Irish cities because it was such a, like, industrial British.

That's why it feels like, I don't know, Sheffield or like one of the British, because it was Also, the Titanic is still... It blew up in the Industrial Revolution and it was built on an industry where it was world leading, but... It's quite funny how, like, fucked the history of Belfast is that their main thing now is like, come and look at where

that horrible ship that Sank's built. Well, if you get bored of that, get a taxi cab to see... See where people used to get stabbed. She's getting gunned down. But I've stayed in the Titanic Hotel, which is where the White Star offices used to be. Right. So, and it's like they have all the drawing rooms.

Oh, nice. Is it good? stuff lovely hotel yeah yeah shout out to the titanic hotel in belfast um be unsinkable hotel that hotel will not sink it's built on land that's crucial crucial to why it won't yeah but it's just it's just by the um by the shipyard i love to an unsinkable shit in the titanic hotel and call the reception i assure you this shit can't sink she's made of shit sir she can and she will and he just flushes it and it goes They must have had some unsinkable shits in that hotel.

Well, there's also someone who couldn't flush the toilet. It must have been relieved that the whole shit was sinking. They must have a fat burg problem. Because they get a lot of big tourists down there. A lot of big fat Americans waddling around, looking at the shipyard. They have these two cranes, Charlie, can you find out what they're called? They're these two, a taxi driver told me. But this is before Fat America, is this?

America hasn't started getting fat yet. Because they're eating tall of fat. Not seed oils. No, Americans, Americans are fat. If there are more Americans on the ship, it wouldn't have sunk. Americans are pretty big at this point, I think. I think so. Like we say, that we don't know if the Titanic hit a fat burg that drifted them off from the New York sewers.

We don't know. There are these two massive cranes in the Belfast, oh, Samson and Goliath, that's what they're called. Wow. They're at the Holland and Wolf Shipyard, and they are the most famous gantry cranes in the world. I mean, you've got to do your tourism. What you've got, don't you? Yeah, and they really do. They know what works, because as we say, the rest of the tourism is,

you don't want to know about where all these people were gunned down. But they're completed in 1969, so they're actually completely irrelevant to the story. So they bring a lot of crane tourists go to Belfast. Yeah, yeah. So it's a great tourist industry is really... It's actually a real crossroads for autistic and neurotypical people to go and learn about history. What's the neurotypical attract? They're learning about the troubles.

Yeah. Well, Dan Rath, that great comedian, has a joke where he realized that he realized that he, he might be autistic because when he heard about the Titanic he was more upset about the ship being destroyed same with the Berlin Wall he just he just hates

good infrastructure being destroyed we need to get him on actually this podcast but well there are people who marry walls aren't there those women that marry walls and like ships yeah I wonder but someone might have married the Titanic's wife you know

there's so many victims we don't know the fish the uncinkable shit in the sinkable shits in the white staff Toilets. But with the Harland War Some of the shits

may have actually survives When the shit went down There might have been People doing On a door On a door

There's a car I may I may not live But this shit Will The shit that I'm taking on this door In the Atlantic

I see Harland of Wolf Apparently Every Workday Was like an army Going to war It was 40,000

People were Descend into the dockyards And they said You wouldn't have To set your alarm And they're all The sounds of Marching

Yeah I mean I heard on a podcast, but I'm like, but if you hear everyone go to work, you're already late. So the whole point was, you do it need to sound alarm. You wouldn't, they said you wouldn't have to say alone because you'd hear everyone go to work. Well, if you hear them, then you're late. Yeah, you need an alarm, mate.

Oh, fuck. So they, they, I think they, in 1908, they signed the money and off on building it. And I think it costs in equivalent, I can think it costs three million pounds, which in today's money is about 180 million pounds. So it's a lot of Dosh. I guess sort of like billionaires going to space is maybe a better... Yeah, I guess so. Bezos and Musk sending rockets up.

That's kind of a bit more... I guess it's equivalent to the first commercial space flight done by Musk and him and like some of the other billionaires are in it. SpaceX, Blue Orbit. And then there's like a bottom rung where there's loads of Irish... Immigrants. Immigrants. Yeah, because as the rest of history said,

what people don't realize about the Titanic is it was fundamentally an immigrant ship. that you, you know, it was carrying a lot of people. It's like the baseline of it is people looking for a new life. And then it's... Yeah, lots of Irish third class immigrants locked in the bottom of a space safe.

It'd be like Indian... It'd be like a lot of Indian guys in the bottom of the rocket. Yeah. Please let us out. We're not rats. And they'd lock the door. Well, I don't know.

I don't know how a spacecraft would sink in the way that the Titanic did. Yeah, well, I mean, just it's kind of like being at sea. There's a lot of parallels to being at space. being at sea is a ship in a way now we know that the titanic was moving so slowly that it could drive past the school yeah between three and five the idea of crashing into an iceberg doesn't really seem that dramatic now yeah well we'll get to that because it was actually just it was such bad luck how everything went wrong yeah that could have gone wrong yeah yeah it should

have really been unthinkable um well so this is so we should talk about the construction but sorry just on the spaceships yeah because remember there was a lot of discourse when Bezos was launching his rocket and Elon that there was this sort of like phallic thing Oh yeah it was kind of like a masculine thing where it's the shape of the rockets like her cock and how like it's so masculine the phallic shape and it did kind of annoy me a little bit when it's like you need to shape they're like shape that way for a reason it's like a engineering thing and it's sometimes like an implication that they make it look like a cock to make them seem like they've got a big cock yeah and it's like if you build it like skyscraper is a phallic it's like well I don't want to build a vagina a skyscraper. Yeah, it's like if you had a pair of tits flying into space, it wouldn't get up there. But that's like, that's why phallus is a design that way. Yeah, exactly.

I think sometimes it's like seen as this kind of like patriarchal thing. It's like, no, it just moves. Yeah, that's how it flies. A cock is meant to go through the air. Yeah. Yeah. A cock is built that way to go into things at speed. Yeah.

Fastest is the best. We never say like, whenever you see like a cave or a bit. oh what a what a what a feminist statement why a bin shaped like fannies what a feminist statement why can't you just throw something in a bin without it being a why can we make some cockshake yeah why is it fucking throwing something away it's something a metaphor for how you treat a woman to be fair interestingly you probably could hit a fatberg in space you could hit you wouldn't have an iceberg but you could In space, fatburgs can hear your screen.

If you sent a fatberg either Joda Hill or a combination of oil, grease and butter, that would exist. Which are interchangeable. Have you seen there's a new film now? Who's the lead actor? It's a combination of oil, grease and butter. Jonah, it's good to see he's got back off

after the cancellation. Oh, is it a comedy, is it? Is it, does he get, is there a love interest? Right. So we should talk about the actual construction of the ship. So, I think, I think It's like, I believe it's like nearly 900 feet long. Yep.

They would have been more precise. Although what's funny about it, I was reading about this. They had, so they had the designer who's called Thomas Anderson, who's the guy who says in the film, I assure you, she's made of iron. She can, she will. But they have a guy who before him who sketches out a concept. And then there's a guy who actually designs it. So I like the idea of being like, well, it's a fucking massive boat. There you go.

Big boat. It floats somehow. I don't know how. You designed it. Sort of our relationship with our camera guy, Pete, really. Yes, exactly. He's very much.

And that's what we've now got us that's quite a fun position where we just go, yes, I want a massive cock on his head and then people have to go do it. Yeah, exactly. Because we're not actually making these things. I don't know how this works.

I mean, I'm just getting crayons. Yeah. Well, so this guy just goes right. So we're going to build a big ship. Right. I'll do the concept, big boat, just a little thing. And he's getting paid more as well. So we're doing sales.

No sales. All right. Somehow it's like. I mean, when it gets said that it's like oh it's unsinkable I'm like I don't fucking buy that for a second you've seen how big it is it's fucking massive I don't understand how it floats

yeah I mean I don't know how any how the fuck is it float how the fuck it's a fucking miracle it got to Newfoundland or whatever it did yeah giving in mind that it's however many tons of fucking anyway can we go back on the specs that you had Charlie let's just run through some juice for the nerds

so it's 882.5 feet long it's 92 and a half feet wide it could carry 735 first class passengers 675 first class passengers and a thousand and 26 third class passages Now is that because they all weigh different amounts Because the fat ones are the fat ones in the first class Well second class actually is probably

Yeah so they can't The ship cannot stand more than 674 second class Of low middle class kind of suburban people The Titanic had a crew of 885 The Titanic had 16 watertight compartments That could be sealed from the bridge It was at a double hall made of one inch thick steel plates you enjoying this lads boys this is a thing all women have now turned off

the podcast somehow they stayed for that thing where we called all their fanny's bins but they're turning off now us reading out the specs of the Titanic this is something that always right in all the research i've done for this yeah there's something that comes up a lot is this thing about watertight compartments and bulkheads yes bulkheads right so basically if you get Charlie can you get like a cross section of the Titanic up I've met a lot of bulkheads in my life Well, you're a bulkhead. I'm a bulkhead. You know, I was lucky because if I was there,

they would have, they would have press ganged me onto the Titanic to stop the wall. You would have been standing in between, standing in between compartments. They go into Portsmouth at night and agree with the go look for the biggest heads they can find.

Yeah, so it goes East Island head, bulkheads, dwarves, and then me, who've got tiny heads. So the whole point, why it's supposedly unsinkable is that you have, yeah, you have all these compartments in the bottom.

Yes. And they have these things. called bulkheads, which are basically like walls with sealable doors. Yeah, so it delays the water. It goes all the way to, I think, is Edeck. You're right. And so the idea is, is that some water can get in. And if the first four compartments are flooded, it will still be able to float and drift indefinitely because the water will go over the top of the bulkheads and it'll be like an ice cube tray. And it will like spread the way evenly. My point is this. Now, what actually happens at the fifth

compartment is filled and that's why it was doomed ultimately my point is if four compartments are full and you're a ship in the sea right what surely your compartments would have to be have as much space in them as the sea has sea because sea's coming in to the compartments right so if one is full and there's more sea than there is compartments then the sea is just going to come into all them so why do they say like oh we can have four compartments i i read it when i because also with both as thick as each other on this but how i interpreted it was that it was expected that when you're gonna crash into something you go head on yeah right so the bulk heads it's sort of a delay and you can see a lot so you can have one bit filled with water but doesn't go into that because if you

if i puncture right the front of the boat you can seal that all off the reason why the titanic got fucked, it was so unlucky, is they turned at the last minute to avoid the iceberg. And it scrapes. It was cut open like a can opener. This went across one long thing across the entire side, so the bulkheads didn't really do anything because it's going in through

the side. Right, I see. Okay. Because yeah, I heard that apparently, if they had hit the iceberg head on, it would have carried on going. It would have crushed the bow, which would have killed about 80 firemen. But, you know, fucking who cares?

that point. And it would have just carried on and no one really would have budged to none of the people who meant anything on this ship would have noticed. Tragedy. Tragedy. So the ship's design is

it's like the most it's the best thing that's ever been built by a human by this point. And there's never been a boat like it since no one, I guess because of what happened but also because ships don't mean much anymore because of flight. Yes.

So no one. really... But no one tried to build a plane like this. No. Like a plane that can have 3,000 people on it. I guess you have like private... Yeah, you wouldn't have... You have private jets and stuff

is kind of the... Close to get to, like, luxury air travel. So let's go through some of the facilities it's got on board. It's got a swimming pool. It's got Turkish baths. Yes, please, my friend. My friend.

Please, very good place. Very good ship. Squash courts. One sink, one sink. One sink. One sink. One sink. The Turks do build it, I think.

That's part of the issue. It's got squash court. And James Cameron's a huge Titanic head. The guy director of the... Titanic, and he's part of the Titanic community, which is loads of rich white guys who are fascinated by it. Supposedly, he only does films to make

money so he can spend that money on deep sea diving. He's obsessed by deep sea diving. He's one of the nosiest guys around. If there's something on the seabed, he's going to find it, and have a look at it. With James, it's like, you've got to just stop looking down there.

Just don't leave it. Some rocks left unturned. He hates a rock left unturned. He's turning over every rock he's we should go talk about the lifeboats so the Titanic had 16 lifeboats which would carry 1,178 people now the interesting thing about Titanic is it actually had 20 lifeboats

but it had 16 that were like on the side but it had like four that were like collapsible right flat pack flat pack lifeboats yeah Titanic was probably the safest ship in the world is what people before it set off yes

before it's yeah I'd agree that was what the interesting thing is that because of the regulate people often blame the Titanic as this kind of great hubristic thing or but it was more because there'd never been a sinking like this

it was the regulations at the time they could have even had less less lifeboats and been able to set off I think they should have had less lifeboats and it was well no because what the idea of the lifeboats was that it was meant to ferry

people from the stricken ship to ships that were nearby because the Atlantic sea lanes it's not like it's in the middle of fucking nowhere there's ships like on a schedule it's like how there are always planes going the same route to like three minutes after each other so obviously it's all very slow because they're all massive

and they're all driving past schools or whatever so there are the idea is that you just they're like relay racing passengers to a new ship again we'll get to part of the unluckiness but there's you know I guess because all the ships see the fat books and I don't want to go near there. But it was also because

it was at like five in the morning. And people had turned off their communication machines. The nearest ship had turned off the... Yeah, literally 30 minutes before. It was the perfect... It was the imperfect storm, I guess.

In terms of what else the Titanic has got, it's got a lovely promenade. People are moving art collections on it. It's got fine art. It's got an original fucking book from the 16th century. I think one of, like, a Shakespeare first folio is lost on there. Something like that.

Yeah. There's cars in the bottom deck. Yeah. People are fucking in the cars. There's Henry Astor, who's one of the richest men in the world. Yeah. And like, first class is sick. Yeah.

First class is fucking great. Unreal. And it costs the equivalent of like 140 grand in today's money. For a one-way ticket, bear in mind. Yeah. So this is the quality of people in first class. Yeah. second class is like

second classes don't appear in the Titanic film maybe it's because it doesn't it's not a cinematically interesting what you want is the upstairs downstairs what you want is the really rich or the kind of like the poor you know

the second class it's kind of boring because these guys are like civil service everything looks like your local kind of like a train station cafe is sort of what I imagine second class looks like an old school railway cafe everyone's got tea and biscuits that's kind of it And also apparently second class were the percentage-wise the people who died the most.

Because they were the most like, well, I don't want to make a fuss. Yeah, exactly. There was the most English kind of, yeah. But first class was sort of billionaires and plutocrats in equivalent. Second class was like, as you say, civil servants. Third class was mainly immigrants. But even third class, the luxury in third class is still great. Well, that's, yeah, one of the misconceptions as well is that it was kind of like this.

obviously it was rigidly class structure but this was the best time of their lives apparently like they were having an absolute ball they died doing what they loved just having a big Irish jig and apparently that in the film is actually quite accurate they were

just down there having an absolute blast gambling just one massive Jewish wedding down there with the chairs and like so this is an example of the food first class breakfast or Quaker Oates I mean, this is not...

Quaker oats. No, hang on. Baked apples, Quaker oats, Haddock, grilled mutton, fresh herrings, boiled hominy. What's hominy? Kidneys and bacon, smoke salmon. But this is also, now you can imagine that

on ships because of refrigeration, but this is right at the cutting edge of that stuff. Refrigerations only just come in. Right. So the idea of eating fresh fish in the Atlantic. Well, we don't know if the Titanic was killing fish by climbing through them. And then just sucking them up and feeding people, feeding people kind of like chum.

Here we go. Second class breakfast, rolled oats, fruit, fresh fish. What's a Yarmouth bloater? I've met a couple of Yarmouth bloaters. My wife's family. She's descended from a Yarmouth bloter. It's a type of smoked herring associated with Great Yarmouth. Right.

So this is the third class breakfast. Just porridge. Haman eggs. Fresh bread, butter. But marmalade. You're getting marmalade. Now, marmalade is a big thing. Marmalade for these Argos is, they've blown their heads.

I think they define, I think second class was the fit ones and third class was the Argos. Right. Okay. In terms of like, yeah, because obviously for comedians, getting booked to do a cruise is a sort of sign that you've essentially given up. Yeah. In any artistic endeavor at all.

Mm-hmm. They pay quite well, but you have to. Are you ever been asked to do a cruise? No. No. Funny that. You have to work clean. You can't say anything too provocative.

Yeah. So I imagine, like, what's the entertainment? have they got like an absolute hack doing stand-up? Well, there was obviously all the violinist game music. They had a band of course. Shuffleboard, chess, backgammon.

It does seem sick. I would actually love to be on the Titanic. First class passengers could play squash. Yes. The Argos and third couldn't. Yeah. But there was also, they were... Turkish baths, electric baths.

Steam room. Lovely. Sort of like a floating spa. Yeah. The Hink third class were locked in not because they were our goes, but because of... American immigration were like,

we can't have the ugliness spreading to the other people. Because of disease and all that sort of stuff. We're trying to build a nation of, you know, they were fighting a losing battle with how fat they were. We've got fatbergs drifting off into the North American Sea. But we can't have... Because there was literally like jail bars, locking people into the hole.

But that was spread of disease. But does that mean they never came up on deck? No, it was at night. Right, but what about during the day? Wouldn't the disease spread? Well, you're outside, I think. It's like COVID. What?

it doesn't spread during the day. No, it's in interior spreading germs inside. Right, so you're locked in, yeah. So they'd have their own decks maybe, probably. According to most accounts, the worst job on the Titanic was likely that of a trimmer in the engine room as they worked in the coal bunkers located on top of the boilers,

dealing with extremely hot conditions. Yeah, it's like hell on earth. Yeah, we should talk about the actual powering because the people, the crew, yeah. They actually, they're mostly from Southampton. Yeah. So, of course, the sinking of the ship

is that has a huge impact on Southampton, the city. Because I think about 600 people of the crew were all lived in Southampton. Disreportionately, Sanhampton's affected by the sinking. However, if there is a silver line to this, it's that Southampton also has the highest proportion of paedophiles in the country. Does it?

So statistically, quite a lot of pedos went down with the ship. So it's sort of like, it's like an Operation New Tree. Yes, it's a massive sting operation. Can we sink that float? So the big cities involved in the Titanic were Belfast, Southampton for the crew Liverpool. And Liverpool because

It was registered at Liverpool. Right. And that was the only thing that the Liverpool did for it because that's the last thing you see as the boat went down in the film. It's the name. It says Liverpool. They'll attach their name to any tragedy, won't they? Best city in the world. Yeah. That's our ship, mate. That's our. No, it's not our. Actually, it's not ours. Go our lad. That's our ship. That's my ma there. That's my ma' there. That's my ma on ship.

Yeah. They'll say, I mean, if the Scalas were designing it, it would look like, like an air max trainer. I mean. Yeah, be a sick whip.

Look at how new whip, lad. So, the first class passengers are plutocrats. Second class of civil servants, you know, honest, god-fearing men. Yeah.

Just trying to go back their lives. The third class are basically smelly, ugly immigrants from countries like Ireland. Scandinavia Central Eastern European Europe The Levant So Syria

China China There are Chinese In the Titanic There's one black guy On the Titanic Can you talk about The one black guy

On the Titanic? I think he's called Token I think He's from There's a guy that's going Joseph La Roche Right So he was Haitian

And he was I think he was related To the How did he sound like this Oh really Haitian I couldn't possibly comment

so I think he probably sounded like this Yeah man Right My name Joseph LaRash He's got an oozy in one hand You're not even looking It's the unsinkable podcast It's firing out a window

This podcast cannot sink Hey man my name Joseph LaRash Be going on big batty's ship Right. Quite a moving story, actually, about Chais of La Roche. It's quite a historic figure if you think about it, La Roche. He gets, he smashes a bottle of tonic wine on the front of the front of it. Logadem Probellers.

Crazy. Just fucking crazy. I don't even know where HG is. It's vaguely Caribbean, isn't it? Just close your eyes and point on a map. Um, so, um, I mean, Haiti's probably the most fucked country in the world right now. Yeah, man. Don't be spitting untruth about Haiti.

Do you know what's going on in Haiti at the moment? I know there's a guy called Papa Doc, who we need to do at some point, Haitian dictator. Yes. Anyway, sorry. Earthquakes, is it? No, well, it's basically just like the most failed state at the moment. No, Somalia, surely. No, I think Hachie's worse.

Because it's like, it's all gang. warfare at the moment. Surely Somalia's more failed. Somalia's like the goat of failed states. I don't think. I think Haiti might actually be, if we're going to rank him. We should do Black Hawk Down at some point. Yeah. Yeah. Love that. But Joseph Marosh, basically he was the nephew of the

president of Haiti and he'd come to, he'd been like very well educated and I think he was going to America because he was trying to avoid racism in France. He put his pregnant French wife and their two daughters

onto a lifeboat they survived he did not what do you reckon he said as he went down he said good night darling blood clad pussy clad

pussy clad or he said pussy clart to his wife right what like that you think he said like that pussy clart pussy clart my love

as he puts through the lifeboat pussy clart meant something else I should never introduce you to these words really fun to say but there's also there's a guy who was Japanese who survived

well he's got the most amazing story this is crazy story he Massabumi Hosono he is traveling I guess we should probably keep our powder drive for what happens with these stories but so he is the reason he's on the Titanic is he has been in Russia

scouting their railways so this is a period Japan's just kind of open up. It's been a thousand years where it's been completely isolationist. Japan's hard to get quite juicy. It's got to get very juicy. They're about to make up for a lot of lost time, Japan. And basically, for about

50 years, Japan has this policy where they're sending out guys just to look at all the world leaders in any industry. So they're looking at railways, they're looking at civil service engineering. So they just have loads of people just basically taking notes, how the education system and trying to basically

catch up with industrialisation. And this is when they copy the whiskey industry also. from Scotland. They're copying that, loads of stuff. But they're copying it. They build it precisely, like, to an autistic level of matching the detail. Yeah. We've got to do a story on Japan.

We've got to do one about Japan. Japanese whiskey. We should do the story of Japanese whiskey. So the Titanic is built in Belfast. It's signed off in, like, I don't know, 1911. And then there's some tests, crucially. And they test how fast it can go. 24 knots.

So that's, what's that in, that's like, still 20 miles now? but yeah you're still if you hit if you if it hits a kid the kid's probably going to live yeah if you hit me at 20 yeah yeah that's what the iceberg says if you hit me at but it's that it's that marginal gain to yeah so uh goes down to southampton and then takes on a load of crew a high proportion of which would have been paedophiles there's also quite a lot of cornish crew and cornish identity is very strong so they would have their own canteen really like cornish people would segregate themselves. All right.

All right. Fucking big shit. But also what's interesting is that the crew, like, they're kind of not all necessarily trained in their roles. Like a lot of them

are just sort of bunged on like from Southampton. They're like, they vaguely worked in shipping. But they all, you know, there's hundreds of, there's 800 crew.

So obviously there's an officer class. But beyond that, they're just like shotgun not boiler man. Oh, really? Yeah. shotgun not fit by man. The history of all these coastal cities in Britain for the last 150 years, 200

is their naval cities, Portsmouth, Hampton, Belfast, which is that the industry is to do with getting on shit. It's something that I really want to talk about during the Napoleonic Wars, it's press gangging, which is mad. Do you know about press ganging? No. So press ganging is how they'd get a lot of crews, especially during the Napoleonic Wars,

like Nelson's era, where they need to crew more than anything. And this would affect mainly, only really coastal cities, what happened is ships would come into port at portsmouthampton then they'd go out as a gang and they would kidnap just able-bodied men on the street and then they'd press gang them onto the ship and then they'd be on that ship for 15 years that's oh right so that's it was a real thing I thought it's like a paparazzi thing no no no you would um just bundle someone into a sack and then they would come up from the deck

three days later in the middle of Atlantic and it's like well I guess I work here now fuck would you know what you're getting press gang into your job like press ganged into marketing You're just bundled into a sack It's like in front of a computer I guess I'm a graphic designer now Well that's what Swedish stagdos are Do you know that Swedish stagdo The tradition is that the groom to be

Doesn't know the date of the stag do And he's kidnapped That's the tradition Right So he when he when you If you get engaged in Sweden Yeah You are setting off a countdown

To being kidnapped before your wedding So I have a friend who's Swedish And he because he lives over here He was going back to Sweden So he was like I know when it's going to happen Yeah But I know that as soon as I get off the plane at any point I could be bundled into a van right well I feel that leads a lot of

like confusion because some things might not have been kidnapping them I've just been a Swedish stagged you that's why there's no crime in Sweden yeah like I was I was watching a recent film called September 7th about the doesn't sound right what was the Munich one the you know the 972 Munich Olympics where the Jewish guys were held hostage yeah could have been a Swedish stagdie yes do you know if they'd communicate properly Madeline McCann could just be the Swedish tag. We don't know. Anyway, so at Southampton, loads of people go on. There are stories of like firemen, which are the people that stoke the coals that run the whole ship. They go out and get battered the night before. A couple of them come back, like wake up late because there's no

alarms. And then they are like, oh, fuck. And then they sprint to, there's something about crossing a train track and a bunch of them cross the tracks. Even though there's a train coming and a couple of them wait and the ones that wait don't get on the Titanic because they miss the they closed the gate to say it's too late but that's what happens in the film right at the beginning they pick up some reservists yeah and if they all cue and yeah the attitude to work at this point seems mad it's like if you if you turn up we'll get you on somehow I guess because it's not actually also a huge sign of Edwardian upper class kind of etiquette a real sign of status is booking a ticket and not turning up

yes so a lot of first class passengers just didn't turn up that was just like seen as a big state a big flex is to buy a ticket which is now it's funny because you do that for an airline it's an absolute fucking nightmare yeah if i should just buy a ticket for like yeah london's new york and then not go blow it was a fucking waste of buddy isn't it yeah i don't think anyone's like what a class of gent the amount of emails i'm getting from british airways going where are where are you and would passenger

Taylor please report to check in what a sophisticated man that is that's one of an absolute gent the ship set sail

uh South Hampton April 10th Charlie when's Hitler's birthday April 10th 1912

come on 20th of April April 20th so five days after she sinks Hitler turns 23 okay

1889 right so he's just left uni and he doesn't know he wants to do he's kind of he's looking at his first jobs. I think he may well have been

rejected from art school at this point this is getting exciting isn't it? Yeah he's getting rejected from art school yeah um so yes Hitler but this is before the Hitler we know and love this is before he becomes the goat um so

Hitler what did Hitler think of the Titanic disaster that's another episode of himself there's no record of Hitler specific thoughts there's no record of his thoughts I'm sure he had thoughts it's quite a lot of recorded thoughts recorded thoughts That's

Europe So the Titanic set to sail about 10 days before Hitler's 23rd birthday Right And it goes to

Sherborg to pick up some very smelly passengers probably from France and then it goes to Queenstown which is now called like Cobb or Cobb

C-O-B-H Cove So it stops at cove no, Queenstown and then it sets sail into the North Atlantic Ocean

on, I don't know, fucking 12th, 13th or not that. A week before Hitler turns 23. What could possibly go wrong? There are fields of fatburgs drifting and the Titanic

is on a course. All the guys that John Appetal brought up a collision course with destiny. Now, we're going to leave it there for this, today's episode. The next episode and quite possibly a third episode are all on the patron already. For £3 a month, you can become a truther.

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