Fin vs History - Grampa Gandhi’s Night-Time Boner Test | Mahatma Gandhi (Part 4/4)

Episode Date: May 7, 2026

Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh  Happy steak and blowjob day. Gandhi (Part Four) The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠  Chapters: 00:00 -  Walking Chicks  08:44 - I’ve Cum More 14:08 - Steak and Blowjob Day 19:02 - The Organ Remained Aroused 24:05 - 8 arms of harrassment  25:55 - Besties!  30:26 - The Jew Doth Protest Too Much 33:32 - Holokorma  37:34 - Indian Chamberlain  40:34 - Mum’s Downsizing  45:46 - Shouting At Pigeons 50:40 - Scared of His Own Grenade  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At Desjardin Insurance, we know that when you're a building contractor, your company's foundation needs to be strong. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Dejardin.com slash business coverage. welcome back to the final part of our epic series on Mahatma Gandhi joining me is Horatio Goulds Hello dear

Gandhi is in his creepy uncle phase Yeah Randy Gandhi's come back Randy Mahatma Randy is here To recap Gandhi's a professional prick He's wearing a loincloth to protest the British Empire Having been a very very active proponent of it He's turned to the dark side He has, he's now Darth Vader

He's the brave empire, British Empire of Ewoks. Yeah. Trying to get the death star of Indian nationalism. But it's unavoidable. It's a violent coup. He has gone on a peaceful, he's gone on a long walk, Rory Stewart-esque walk.

He's trying to bore the British Empire to death. Yes, a long tradition of people boring us to death. He's gone to make some salt. Churchill rightly has called him a Hindu Mussolini. Once again, Churchill's rhetoric is exactly on point. Yeah, he sees things that other people don't. No. Let history decide who's right.

Exactly. And history decides that you're completely right. Churchill has been proved correct. Completely. If anything, I'd say Mussolini is an Italian Gandhi. Masalorini. Masalorini. Thank you, Charlie.

Straight off the bat. Lovely stuff. That's lovely. I'm feeling good about you today. Yeah. I think, yeah, masalaini. Mussolini is a Hindu Gandhi. Now, Gandhi in this part of his life is, it's probably the part of his life that I'm, I knew

the least about I'm the most excited to deal with. Because you, you know, he's known to history as an old man. Yes. Really. That's his, he's on the bank.

Like Charles Darwin, you know him as in his oldest form. Yes. He's a little bird like figure, bald, similar glasses to you. Yeah, he could be serving coffee

in a sort of like autism awareness cafe non-binary place. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. He's got that sort of look. Someone who's struggling with gender. Yes.

And he is struggling. We dealt with that. He should be wearing a lanyard with lots of an overwhelming amount of badges on it. We get it. You're disabled. Now, speaking of his disability, he, at this point in the 1940s,

when he's in his 70s, he has walking sticks. Yes. That's a normal thing for an old man to have. Although Gandhi does not use sticks. No. He uses two women. He's walking chicks, if you will.

There's two young female attendants. who he leans on their shoulders during his morning and evening walks. So it's almost Gaddafi-esque. Yes, there's definitely the air of the Gaddafi here. The air of the Gaddafi. He's just hiding it. He's a less honest Gaddafi. Yes, exactly.

You know, he's wrapping it all up in this holy, holier-than-now bullshit. Exactly. You still got an Amazonian guard. Yeah. But you're actually, Gaddafi never lent on them. No. He might have honked them occasionally. He wasn't a creep.

He was using their tits to deflect bullets that were coming out. It was a national security issue. Yeah. It's like, yes, I'm funding the IRA. Yes, I'm doing what could be. Fuck off. I'm not telling you not to eat, me. Yeah.

You know, I'm a good time guy. I'll do my stuff, you do yours. Yeah, everyone does their own thing. Gandy. Do you ever said you got, you guys remember your walking sticks, not talking sticks. If they ever stuff. Bit less of this, a bit more of that, yeah? Yeah.

So he's leaning on it. Can we get any photos of him of him leaning on, I mean. I think all the photos of him leaning on them, he's the biggest smile on the world. He can't believe. It's like, how have I got away with this? I'm holy, but remember. Yeah, so he's just leaning on a couple of young women.

Oh, that one's very young, smiling. It's creepy. It is, it is creepy. But again, he's the father of the Indian nation, okay? Women are there to show him their bobs or to support him on his walls. They accompany him to his prayer meetings. They assist him with his meals. They assist him with his enemones.

His enemas? Yeah. So sometimes when it's three-hour sessions on the toilet, he does test cricket sessions on the toilet, which obviously India is a big cricket nation. Do you use your walking sticks to help you on the toilet? Well, I think BB... Crutch there.

I guess so. I think he uses them as a sort of poo step as a sort of... An early poo step. An early poo step. A proto poo step. Although the India as a nation doesn't need the poo step because they're a nation of squatters. Yes.

And they also probably got some of the loosest stools in the world. Yes. It's a loose-store country. It's a Gatling gun out of there are every single time. Get a map of the world up, Charlie. Let's just go through a map of the world in stool firmness. Now, we've got a pretty firm stall, I'd say, in Britain. Yes.

It's beef, it's potatoes, it's Yorkshire puts. I think the United States, it changes, because there's probably East Coast firm store. But I think the closest you get to Mexico, it starts loosening up. And then it's basically just loose all the way down South America. Loose, loose, loose. Argentina, firm. Firm but fair. Firm of fair.

They're German, because they're German, basically. Africa. Africa, well, listen, you'd say North Africa, certainly quite loose. Yeah. Because it's Mediterranean. West Africa, very loose, very spicy. Yeah. I'd say East Africa is slightly more, actually, that's loose.

I've never had Ethiopia from food. They eat with their hands. Yeah. It's pretty sloppy stuff. Yeah. South Africa, firm. They eat meat like crisps. Yes.

They eat little bits of meat. Bit of meat. They eat meat. as snacks in between bigger pieces of meat. That's their diet. So that's as firm as it gets, I'd say. Yeah, and then the store, I don't know, Saudi Arabia around. Is it starting to harden a little bit as we head up through the Middle East?

It's a good point. I'm not sure. I suppose, yeah, I think it probably is. It hardens a little bit. Yeah. Through Turkey around. I think there's just a bit more diversity to the diet there. And then it fucking descends.

It pulls off a cliff. Ew! Air India, ironically. Stook a bomber. Just a dive bomber of shit. the sloppy reach, Sloppistan. Yeah, the diarrhea,

it's like the G8 of diarrhea. Yeah. The D8, India, Pakistan, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam. There's nothing firm in there at all. The diarrhea sort of spreads away, down Indonesia, you know, just fades away,

and then bang, Australia. Yeah, which is why it shouldn't be there. Skin cancer and hard shit. That's why it shouldn't be there. It's an anomaly. Yeah. This is when you realise colonialism maybe it was wrong,

when you've got hard stalls in this corner of the world. What is it, Charlie? What have you found? Based on available data regarding bowel movements, individuals in India have been measured to produce some of the largest average daily bowel movements in the world, with measurements for individuals ranging up to 1,505 grams, which is more than three pounds a day.

But then the amount of it is different than... Because I think... I imagine it's sort of... You know how every part of Earth gets the same out of... daylight hours. I imagine you're still putting out similar amounts of weight of shit. They're just doing it regularly

because it's loose. Another fact, Charlie? So that is the equivalent to the average baby weighs 7.5 pounds, which means what's 1,500 grams in... More than three pounds. So it's half a baby.

Well, my daughter's born premature, so it's a premature baby's worth of poo. So shit and your daughter out every day? Yeah. And then, on average. On average. Well, it's more than... It's a bag and a half a flower, isn't it?

Right. It's one and a half kilo. of shit every day on average and that's just the average. Can we get a ranking then please? So India No, can we get ranking worldwide? Sure. Who has the most regular boundaries? He's what I pool today!

Gutted? Obviously, Russia, I'd say, very firm as it gets. Tonga? Tonga's got the highest amount of fecal output. But that's because they're big boys. They're big boys. But I don't know where they get any stats from. I don't know who's measuring this. Is there a stat man hiding in my toilet.

I think that's a breach and trust. And he's ultimately in the toilet. The score keeping the scorecard. How's that? Right. So let's just go back to the map, please, Charlie. So yeah, India is very much in the D8, Slopistan. That's the union of sloppy states.

And then you, it's India. It raises up and then, oh, sharp. I mean, if anything, the, the Pacific archipelago there, the Indonesian islands, that is equivalent to the splatter on the bowl of in those countries. Yeah. Australia, big firm poo. Yeah. Right, just floating out there.

Then we go, we just complete it. We go, if you're going... Wait, let's go up. Let's go up. Go up. So Japan, I think it's a... I think that's probably the closest to a medium. A medium.

Maybe the closest to the sort of perfect stool, probably was Japan. It's all fish, rice. It's quite clean living. Baby bear porridge. Yeah. North Korea, it's hardening. It's not house Korea.

It's hardening up. A lot of fried food. A lot of drinking. Yeah. And then China, I guess... China. You know, I probably, I defer. What do you think?

Sloppy. Do you think? Yes. Well, they do shit. I think type in highest proportion of people who shit outside, I'm pretty sure it's China. So culturally, mainland China, it's quite like a, it's a normal culture to just shit in the street. Cessuan. Surely it's the Cessuan region is about.

Yeah, Cessuan, it's just fucking. There should really be a breakaway Cessuan state. Join the D8. The countries have loose, the country of loose cooperation. Yes, these women, his walking sticks, are helping him with his bowel movements, of his meals. Now, we get into Gandhi's... They're more of a zimmer frame, of anything. Fucking rimmer frame.

Yeah, they are. He's basically made a zimmer frame out of babes. Harvey Weinstein probably would have not helped his case if he did. Or double down, Harvey. Go for it. I'm injured. I need hot chicks to beat my zimaphrone. So, now, Gandhi is a proponent of women's emancipation.

says the guy who uses them as fucking sticks. Bet you are. This is a fucking the ultimate performative male, is it? I'm giving women a job, actually. I'm hiring women, yeah? Hire women. Action, speak down to them words. Come here, don't talk.

Walk with me. His views on sex are very conservative. Now, we have traced his psychosexuality from when he was a young boy, railing a 15-year-old who's... But this isn't us reading too much into it. He keeps telling everyone all the spark notes. Wasn't the mud-darse view of all,

because I was fucking... I feel so fucking guilty about how much else. So he's against, 15 year, I'll fucking yeah. So he's against contraception of any sort. Yeah.

He believes... He's a fuck boy. He doesn't like condoms. Yeah. But he's a fuck man. I mean, it's not... A fuck boy is one thing. Fuck grandad. But a fuck grandad. A fuck old man.

It's not a good look on an old man. You know, I think you can be a fuck boy until your mid-30s latest. Does it not come around though I think you can be a fuck boy And then a fuck man is bad And then if you're a fuck grandpa Then it's like

Fuck it What you're tearing up in the Al Pacino Yeah I think you can kind of get away It sort of goes full circle It's true There's sort of a horse shit But there's a big middle age point

Where it's not a fuck boy anymore It's a midlife crisis Because you should have it on lockdown I think 75 You're good again Yeah I don't know Gandhi should have sort

A lot of this stuff out He shouldn't be Still having all this one This episode is brought to you you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check at a corporate launch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence and accessing one

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Discover it all on the brand new podcast. Hit that perfect beat, The London Record Story. Out now, wherever you get your podcasts. Weird stuff going on. He's got a lot of other things going on. To still be this traumatised by sex in your 70s. But then he's not busts. But then he's not busts. thing. It's still in there. But then he's the father of the nation. Do you know the theory about Premier League goals that Jonathan Wilson espouses that every strike has only got so many Premier League games in them? Okay.

In that like Michael Owen had all his time. He played so many games and there's a short space of time. And then his career went on a bit longer, but he'd already done all his games. Right. Same with like Rooney. Rooney started young, didn't finish. Exactly. moderate sort of came in a bit later

had a lot of career Jonathan Wilson says that it's basically it's essentially every player certainly every striker has a limited amount of time at their peak This is what Donald Trump thinks Right Okay we'll get to that

Yeah But my point is is Does every man have an amount of cum They need to get out And so that when you get into your 70s You're calmer because you've got all your come out Gandhi hasn't got any of it out He's cummer

Sorry He's got bad comer He's got bad comer what comes around goes around so my point is is that if he'd been getting rid of it he wouldn't be a fuck boy in his 70s he had a full head of hair

he had a full head of hair no dreadlocks yeah but meaning Mahatma Gandhi my point is that I think you know it's an argument against semen retention is how creepy he is in his old age

yeah I don't think you can make a good argument for he got a lot done but it's not I don't think he's like a personal world did he get a lot done he went on some walks and he was an ally to the millstron He's maybe the definition of stock clock.

I've done more than candy. Yeah. In what sense? Well, it's just all my life. Yeah. I've come more. Yeah, definitely. Definitely.

Say that for sure. How many times you reckon you've come? Phoebe's just written Eat and more on the script. Yeah? Yeah, you're not wrong. I'm half as age. I probably have eaten more than candy. How many times you reckon you've come?

And in my life, I don't, I couldn't tell you. You can't. No. You don't want to do or you can't. No, I can't. I don't count. I think it's weird to count. You don't want to.

Do you want to? It's a bit like how many beers. If you, if you, you know that, um, that old TV show in the 2000s where they lay your weekly diet in front of you. Super size. Yeah. If they laid out all the beers you ever had in your life, you'd be like, fuck it out. You gotta stop. Anyway, now he believes sex is purely for procreation.

Yeah. And when asked of his refusal to advocate for contraceptives, which obviously this part of the world could do with. For sure. He says, do you think that the freedom of the body is obtained by resorting to contraceptives? Women should learn to resist their husbands. If contraceptors are resorted to, as in the West, frightful results will follow. Men and women will be living for sex alone. They will become soft-brained, unhinged, in fact, mental and moral wrecks.

A mental and moral wreck. He's saying basically the West has fallen. He's quite weirdly kind of a little bit, a manosphere. Yeah, it is. A little bit. It's like women should maintain their dignity. but also fuck me. But as soon as they fuck me,

I'm going to disrespect them. I mean, men and women will be living for sex alone. I'd say someone who makes a point of semen retention is more obsessed with sex than someone who just has it. 100%.

It's like he's obsessed with it. But he also, he overate sex. Yeah. He thinks it's way more important than it is. Well, yeah.

Yeah, he thinks that if you start having sex that you cannot think of anything else. You can't, like, most people do. It's a hungry man obsessed with Pringles. Of course. It's like there's better foods.

If you have sex, that's all you'll ever think or do. No, that's just what you'd do, Gandy. You actually, do you know what? Once you've had sex is the main time you can think about something else.

You just don't have any post-knock clarity. Yeah, because... This is a man who's never, who's not had post-not clarity for 50 years. So, I mean, we shouldn't take anything he says seriously. Yeah. Why are you walking to make some salts? Just fucking bust one out

and think for a second about how stupid this is. Idiot. He's on the bank notes. Have a stake. Have a stake. And if I can bust one out. Yeah, and you...

Stake and blowjob day, he probably... Oh, my God. Gandhi would be a different man if he celebrated Stake and Blowjob Day. Because the Enlightenment, he would realize that enlightenment is available to us here on Earth. Yeah.

And it's called Staken Blojop Day. When is it, March 14th? Fuck, I missed it again. It's like Shrove, fucking Ash Wednesday every year. So, yeah, is that on Amazon? What was that? 14th of March of Stake and Blod Job Day.

There's something you can buy on Amazon. Was that... When's lobster and cunalingas day? Every day in my house. I guess you don't want to take the bib off? No. Well, yeah. You got the same kit,

don't you? Got the crab claw. Got the little scoopy thing. Got the bib. Got the bucket for the shells. Sort of orange dip. Yeah. Steak and blowjob days of 14th of mark.

We missed it again. Always miss it every year. I need to put it in my calendar. It's like pancake day. I know. It is last Wednesday every fucking year. Fuck, missed it again Fuck

It's not the same I mean No, I don't want a blow job now You know It's taking a blowjob's day Not what it is anymore It's become so fucking commercial Yeah, that's not what it was originally

It was a pagan It used to mean something You know And that was just about fucking You know It's just about fucking, you know, It's just an excuse to buy tat Yeah

I choose I was taking a blowjob day Every day as opposed Yeah I'm not gonna do it No It's meant to be meaningful. Anyway. So he believes the rise of religious violence across India in the 1940s

is connected to his own failure to become a perfect celibate. What have you found, Charlie? Cake and Cunnelingus Day. 14th of April. 14th of April, for the girls. But once again, no one really... No one talks about this. Cake and Cunny Day.

So on the 14th of April, you meant to make... your wife a cake and then get out of sitting your face when she eats the cake. Probably so I don't think many women want that. It's too close to Easter as well, I feel. Well, Easter's late this year, so. Is cake can't linger's day late this year? Or is it early? That's all just shifting.

I feel all these holidays, you want to space them out. It's too much. It's too much. Where's Bread and Butstaff Day? I'm trying to get off there. That is a pagan festival. That's not for me. anyway

so yeah he's starting to he's so self-centered that he and narcissistic that he thinks religious violence is the fact that he's his own urges he's got an insane ego insane insane he's like I'm so horny and if I could just stop being horny

then everyone would calm down yeah it's my fault it's my fault he's taking blame again again but then it's even more the whole celibacy is even more arrogant but imagine the wet dreams he's having if people are dying people are dying and you're not not wanking when you think that would help, then that's even worse. If it's your fault, then you've got the answer. If I can rub one out in the toilet.

Please, we're dying out here again. Just do it. Someone holding him down and wank him off. We need this. Never has a man. Wank has such fucking impact. So he also chronicles his guilt surrounding his nocturnal emissions. Crete.

Stop talking about this stuff. Well, you need to keep a dream diary. 1984, 1936, 1938. These are the three big wet dreams in his life. He's so horny. He's the horniest man ever. And as an old man as well. He's the father of the Indian nation.

Okay. These wet dreams are said to give him bouts of extreme self-disgust. But listen, this is clearly a fucking gas pipeline exploding once every 10 years. You need to let some steam out the valve, Mahatma. Yeah? Otherwise you go to bed and you will just fucking explode. So as he enters his 70s, Gandhi, and this is probably the peak of his this chapter of his life.

Cherry is supposedly the right word. He begins to test his strength in abstinence. Oh, no, we believe you. Don't worry. No, no, no, no. I need to show you how strong I am. I completely trust you. You know, no one's doubting that for a second. I'm going to have naked, nightly cuddles with my 14-year-old granddaughter

and other young women. It's completely unnecessary, Gary. I'm going to show you that I'm not tempted at all. I believe you. I think maybe you should leave a granddaughter. Nothing is more tempting than my own granddaughter. She's at school. I feel like...

Get her out of school. Take a day off. Take the fine. You're encouraged to take the fine. The airlines are putting the prices up. Truancy is a smaller crime than this. No, get her into bed with me. I'm naked.

Let's see what happens. It's an experiment. Okay. Now, many of his entourage disagreed with this experiment. They said... Even his, like, harim of yes, men were like, this is a little odd gaboo. Really?

I mean, I walk with you 300 kilometers to do the salt thing, but this is a bit funny. This is fucking weird. They said, quote, it was puzzling. And he sacked them. He told one of the women. This is Weinstein shit. It is Weinstein shit. Sacking them for fucking trying to whistleblow his horniness.

So he told one of the women. So he conducted the experiment multiple times. I guess he's a scientist as well. So he is a polymath. Yes, he's a scientist. But you've got to have. grandpa's experiments in the shed, except it's in the bed.

He has his many times to prove his celibacy, rid himself of his guilt for missing his father's death because he's reigning 15-0. And he tells one of the women, despite my best efforts, the organ remained aroused.

So I guess, right, well, the experiments, okay, I failed. I failed my own exam. I got a big boner next to my 14-year-old granddaughter. It remained aroused. I knew a granddad, tell you that.

It's, I was hard. Okay, I've got the results. results of the experiment in. I had a bone of the whole time. So, why can't you pick like a normal woman rather than his 14-year-old granddaughter? His wife. His wife's

long-suffering wife. But just like a normal... His wife's like, why are you not picking me? You're being married. You're meant to want to fuck me. Yeah. Must be your granddaughter. It's got to be man, no. It's also funny, he's sort of going,

see, I am not a paedophile. Yeah. It's like, no, you're meant to be chip-picking. No one thought you were until this. You're also, you're trying to pick the thing that you desire most to resist temptation. Yeah. It's a funny way to be caught out.

I hate this. But also, he were having an erection. He failed his own test. And to openly say, yeah, I failed. I failed, guys. I had a bone of the whole time. And as punishment, I shall sleep every night with even younger women.

It's the only way to punish myself. I mean, what's the fucking, what's Christmas like the next year? Oh, we're going to Grandad's house? Oh, no, please don't. He's going to make him do his experiments again. They even said they all felt uncomfortable with it. Like, people had come out.

It's not, it's not even like he had that, that hero complex aura going, that they were like... This is not a... Like an occult. They were all like, this is fucking weird. I don't like this. Yeah, Matt, me, you've got to stop now.

Hey? Grandpa's got a rock on. Grandpa's got a rock on. And he's on the money. Yeah. He's on the money. Of course they're asking women to send them their bobs. Like, this is the air they breathe.

This is like Queen Elizabeth II. Yeah. Doing what? I don't know. with George yeah it's like Quinnners for the second sleeping naked

in the bed with George and being like yeah I was wet at the end sorry failed failed I was wet all night sopping I couldn't

I just couldn't resist was this Christmas speech yeah this Christmas address I'm ashamed to say I'm sorry

it's been a very difficult year I was absolutely I was trying to test my abstinence by sleeping in bed with my grandchild George

and I am a very ashamed to say I was absolutely sopping wet. I don't know why I did it so close to cake and canalingas Day. Yeah, George is a great grandson. Yeah, sorry. Well, sorry, yeah, that would be a bit much. This is William.

Well, William would be like, oh, we're being passed over? Yeah. William's like, well, hang on. And Charles is like, what about me? I look at my big fucking sausage dildo fingers. Well, you don't want these next year? She's on the money.

This is why India is so horny. I didn't tell you, right? When I was... And also why India's shitting themselves all the time. He's obsessed with shit and holliness. It's the two things that define the Indian names. The two genders. Darius.

Diarrhea San Bob's. So when my wife went traveling in India, she said that she got an overnight bus, right? Like 10 hours. And she said that her and her friend, both white, couldn't sleep. because there were just every, every 30 seconds, there was just these hands just coming around the bus like this.

And they were just literally just like slapping them away. That's crazy. Just whack-a-mole. Just back-pach-fug. They're literally just talking. Yeah, it's just like fucking Vishnu's eight arms or whatever. Just, and he ate arms of harassment. He's got eight arms so he can feel all your boobs at once.

He's like, fuck, fuck off, fuck off. She said it was crazy. He said he was driving on the cliff side, like with a massive mountain. The driver just lights up a fucking dube. And she was just like, it was the most terrified. My mum when she was travelling, when she was like 21 in India, big bus on a mountain side, he's watching the cricket. Yeah.

Someone hits a six. He celebrates, the bus rolls down the mountain. They've run in, like two people died. It's fucking crazy. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's crazy. That's harrowing.

Yeah. Pretty harrowing. Does your mum not like cricket anymore then? Yeah, she never like cricket, be fair. So only... That's every third. Very sad that. Yeah.

Very sad. So, Yeah, Gandhi's Senbob's Diary, the two genders of India and Gandhi, he's on the money. Okay, so it's clear that his issues are sort of...

India's issues. They're India's issues. Yeah. Now, as we get into the late 1930s, Gandhi begins writing... You know, late 1930s, we're so European-focused with this or the theaters of war.

India, what's going on there? Yeah. It's often looked over. I feel in 1939 India. Exactly. We'll deal with the, you know, the sort of swell of Muslim and Hindu nationalism

that's going to lead to partition in a minute. Should we place this? We should place 1939. So I think this is after Hitler's best man speech at... Don't support space.

Look lovely today! Yeah, it's after that. At Himmler's wedding. A Gerring's wedding. Goering's wedding. Yeah. And this is before... Is this before...

It's not before he got blondet, is it? Because blondie. Yeah, blonde, I think he had blondeie before, I think. I think it's before. I can't read that. That's Pramila. She's Miss India, 1947. It's before Miss India in 1947.

Okay. Pramilla. Before Pramilla won Miss India. Oh, the first Miss India. She's the first Miss India. Okay. So before the first Miss India. Fair enough.

So actually, but that's because... What year did he die at 48? Yes. Right. Suspicious. What does that mean? Well, I'm just saying that, like, Like, the first Miss India and his fucking, his head explodes, right?

What, he sees her than a year later. Yeah. He's going to pop at some point. I was going to say it's before Shil Poshetti went on, Selepti Big Brother. Who's that? Oh, that's the whole J. Goody Racism store. Right, of course.

It's all kicked off. Not Steve Bouchemi. Not Shil Pachetti, not Steve Bouchievi. Fucking idiot. Anyway, Gandhi, right, in 1939, He fears the prospect of another war. Now, bear in mind, this is a man who in the Boer War has immediately helped British soldiers get off the battlefield and stretches.

The same in World War I, he tries to recruit for the British. As World War II happens, he's now Darth Vader. And he goes, do you know what? We don't want any war, actually. Because he's nonviolent. Sure, right? Fine. To be expected.

Yeah. So he writes to, friend of the pod, Adolf Hitler, to try to dissuade him from his rhetoric. Yes, I'll read the letter out. Dear friend, so far so good. Friend of Hitler. Friends have been urging me to write to you for the sake of humanity, but I have resisted their request because of the feeling that any letter from me would be an impertinence.

It is quite clear that you are today the one person in the world who can prevent a war which may reduce humanity to the savage state. Mayor, must you pay that price for an object however worthy it may appear for you to be? Will you listen to the appeal of one who has deliberately shunned the method of war, not without considerable success. Anyway, I anticipate your forgiveness if I've heard in writing to you. I remain your sincere friend, M.K. Gandhi.

Wow. What a letter. You can see his ego there, though, can't you? I mean, it's the writing. You're mad, man. Yeah, yeah. Look, were you listed to the appeal of one who's deliberately shun the method,

not without some considerable success. Check this out. Also, I wasn't there when my dad died because I was fucking railing a 15-year-old. Whoops, whoopsie. Sorry. Really, fuck me up. Yeah, really so why I'm so successful.

And then a year later, Angry Gandhi, Mahatma Angry, writes to Hitler and says, we have been trying for the past half a century to throw off the British rule. We know what the British feel means for us in the non-European races of the world, but we would never wish to end the British rule with German aid. Is it too much to ask you to make an effort for peace? Is Hitler just leaving him on red? Yeah. Hitler's not responding.

Did not respond. Mate, Gandhi, Hitler's got a lot going on. It's 1939. He's like, fuck it. Oh, Adolf, there's a letter. Fuck off, Gandhi. A few people have had more going on than Hitler in 1939. Yeah, leave him alone.

He's busy. Let him cook. Let him cook. You know, the ovens are on, man. Let him cook. You're like, get that J.C. meme. JZ listening to a song meme. Charlie, get JZ listening to song meme.

This is Hitler. This is Finn listening to, seeing what Hitler's doing in 1939. You're liking what you're hearing. No, Zane Lowe, Hitler's Fred are getting

and Zain Lowe's like, no, no, no, don't stop, don't stop. So, Hitler does not respond to Gandhi's letters because he's busy and he has just be like, fuck, this cunt's fucking annoying. Now, Gandy, now, let's bear in mind

Gandhi has been, you'd have to say, Certainly not anti-San African apartheid, proto-aparthe situation. Yes. He was basically being like, well, I know we're not white, but we're not fucking black.

Give us something. But his views on the Holocaust are for a holy man who's revered as a peace activist. A man who cannot stop thinking about holes. Yeah. Is, yes, I suppose it's not his holocaust. It's pretty controversial.

He said, Hitler killed five million Jews. Okay. Suspicious. Slightly. Slightly undercooked that one, but that's fine. I mean, overcook those numbers. Yeah. It is the greatest crime of our time.

But the Jews should have offered themselves to the butcher's knife. They should have thrown themselves into the sea from cliffs. It would have aroused the world. Aroused the world. Why the horny language? And the people of Germany. As it is, they succumbed anyway in their millions. It would have aroused the world.

He can't stop. It's too blended. brimming with cum. He can't just like, he's constipated, bringing him with cum. It's like, it's all going into this writing.

So he says that if the Jews can summon to their aid, the sole power that comes only from nonviolence, her, Herr Hitler will bow before the courage, which he has never yet experienced in any large measure in his dealings with men. His point is, he's like,

if the Jews had willingly sort of not protested, which I suppose. The Jew doth protested. too much. Yeah, then the Holocaust would be even more powerful. The Holy Coast. It'd be the Holy Course because their stance would be morally pure. I mean, too fair, as much, there's loads of mad shit he's saying, and it is all

stock clocks. He's the same answer sort of for everything. Yeah. And occasionally it works. A lot of time it doesn't. Yeah. And he... Want to know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it?

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Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcasts, right now. American Friction! Just got lucky that in this one moment it worked, right? Yeah. He should be just a... a madman rambling saying, I haven't wanked in years, who the fuck are you?

Yeah, yeah. But instead it just worked, you know, he was born in the right age. Are you saying, you're saying he's correct about this? If you think about it, um,

there was no real strong Jewish resistance because they couldn't be because it was so overpowering. Six million them died anyway. Yes. If they had done this. Done what though? Done candy.

Just all killed themselves. Okay. Is he saying kill? saying like go off the cliff by lemmitt like lemmings yeah maybe that is a bad idea actually i thought if it was if they make a big non-violence it would be like a but they i think i think i suppose the claim is is that they uh they didn't really know they couldn't know they were being told they were going to like a work camp and then they should have been i should have jumped off a cliff yeah ghanly saying silly jews you should have just jumped off cliffs like lemmings rather than going

into the gas chambers that you were told were showers yeah i don't know what the Nazis would have just gone like, that's brilliant. Yeah, all right, well then we could save money on infrastructure. Yeah. Holocoma. How long were you cooking that one? I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say, I'd say it's a, it's a, you know, it's a Vindaloo, isn't it? If it's everything. It's not like a, I think that's quite a racist thing for you to say.

Holocoma. You'd say, yeah, that's, think about something that's mild and boring. Because you know when you do, when you make, like, holl? That's just incredibly. What's a really buttery sort of entry-level curry? Yeah, the holocaust. Just really vanilla. Also, the vanilla thing I could think of.

You know how we have hot sauces and they're called like Tears of Hiroshima? Because that's a very big event and spicy, right? Oh, holocaust. Yeah, yeah. Well, obviously, like, butter is the Holocaust, right? That's the base. Yeah. That's the creamy base level.

Yeah. Inoffensive. Yeah. Zatzaki, just yogh. It's something to take the heat off. It's the holocauma. It would be a fucking foul or a Vindaloo. That doesn't work.

Why doesn't it work? Because it's not a punt. You've got to stop seeing everything through the lens of your poetry, Charlie. I can't. I know you can't. You're a prisoner of your own poetic. The holocauma.

It should be the Hololoo. Or the Vindaloo, of course. Hallelujah. No, no. Rejective. We just start rejecting some of these. Yeah. Rejected.

Yeah. A lot of these you're getting bold. No, rejected. A lot of these are swings and misses and you're bold. You're bald through the gate. I think a lot of your pulse. as someone commented, have been thick edges

that have run down to four through the slip cordon and you're lucky. Your numbers looking like you're getting able quite a good score but really you've not connected

at all you've not middleed any of these. What was the one in the middle at the start of this episode? Masalini. Yeah. You've hit one ball properly.

Right? Holocoma. No, it's not a holocauma. This is basketball when it doesn't work. Yeah. You're just swinging at everything. Everything. And it doesn't work

away in India, you know, we got lost in it. We're lost in India because of the track's so dusty. Anyway, now Churchill, robust opinions about Gandhi. Sure. Because Gandhi urges Britain during the war to lay down the arms as they're useless. During the Battle of Britain,

Gandhi calls upon the British people to abandon wartime violence. This is when you realise he's just saying the same shit for every situation. Just go and have a wank and just chill out. And in favour of non-violent resistance against the Nazis. Does non-violence work against the Nazis. Horatio gold.

I would argue that they're the one people who would be like... Brilliant. You're brilliant. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're really violent. So it's rock paper scissors, really, isn't it? You know what? You've got the higher moral ground, so we're going to surrender. Yeah. But also the idea of approaching the Nazi

death machine with like a snide self-satisfaction. Yes, you can take me where you want. Yeah. I'm not resisting. Yeah, you'd just be at end up in a mass grave. All right, great. bang, dead. Yeah. He suggests that they should allow a German occupation

while refusing to owe allegiance to the occupiers. Nice. Yeah. So you're right. The real victory. Yeah. I mean, it is Basbo, isn't it? No, we did.

I know it was a draw, but we won actually. Yeah. Yeah, because it rained a bit. We would have won. Yeah. So he wants just a moral victory. Yeah. But I guess we wanted both, which was the moral victory and their victory victory.

So that's my point about him during the Holocaust. It's like you could have made it a moral victory. Jeez. But you didn't. It kind of was a moral victory, wasn't it? Was it? Isn't it the loss of all morals? Isn't it the worst humanity's done?

Yeah. But yeah. The Holocaust is a moral victory. No, I mean, the Jewish people, morally, they won, right? Or is it just... I think it's all bad, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, maybe you could say that the state of Israel,

or rather the government of Israel are using... I still kind of dining out on the... Because it's clear good and evil, I thought. Yeah. It was a moral victory. Well, no, yes. The Allies have a victory and a moral victory. Right, right, right.

I'm not sure you could call the Holocaust to moral victory. Because that implies that it was a moral victory because you got a lot of it done. But it wasn't a complete victory because you didn't get the whole thing done. That's what that implies. Sure.

So Churchill despises Gandhi. Okay. He dubs Gandhi a seditious Middle Temple lawyer. He opposes negotiations with Gandhi. characterising his civil disobedience campaigns as, quote, nauseating. I agree. It's boring. Stop.

They're both voracious writers as well. They're both firing off letters. This is quite a Twitter few going on. And Churchill's just letting, he's letting come out. There's come coming out of Churchill. Yeah. What? Is this before Churchill went and fucked up in India?

I don't know what he did. That's true. Ooh, that's 42 is the Bengal famine. But again, Churchill's got a lot on. He's got a lot on. So, do you know what, stop making it all about you? Yeah, stop putting stuff on Churchill's platter. Like, he's fucking, you know,

that's the height of the North African campaign. Yeah. You know, he's got a lot on. The Bengal famine is a complicated one. Do you think that his hatred for Gandhi affected the Bengal famine? I mean, fucking... I think his deep racism towards the Indian people

probably play the part. Yeah, sure. But the Bengal famine was misappropriate in food from India to help the war effort. But there wasn't a still, there still was going to be a famine. It wasn't like... And church was probably thinking,

well, you've got loads of cows, you can have beef burgers. I want you're killing them? And he doesn't understand that they don't like beef. So, blah, blah, blah. Now, Gandhi is... He's trying at this point

to get the British to leave India and what he would like there to be is one Indian nation for Muslims and Hindus. But he has a counterpart, a sort of an Indian Muslim nationalist called, is it Muhammad? Jinnah?

Jinnah. Muhammad Ali Jinnah. He's the leader of the Muslim League. And he wants a two-state solution, essentially. So they're both London trade lawyers. Jinnah's more secular. And he wore, like, tailored Savile Roos suits. He spoke.

They're quite similar paths in many ways. Yes, they are. They hated each other. It looks like Indian Chamberlain. Yeah, he does, actually. They're both Gujarati Indians, I believe. But Jinnah thinks Gandhi's infusion of religion into politics. is dangerous

even though he's ahead of the Muslim League that doesn't really make sense anyway he thinks there should be a separate state for Muslims Gandhi's like we can all compromise

and live together as one because no one should be violent but it's like you live in a world where there is violence Mahatma I guess he's now entering his sort of uni 5am kitchen sort of

yeah but he's 75 like Mandy sorry Mahmahmah Mandy, yeah, let's all love each other guys. Yeah. Forget about religion, forget about nations. So in 1944, there's a standoff when Gandhi and Jinnah meet at Jinnah's house. They talk for hours, but they can't agree on what they're even arguing about. Yeah, because he turns in the argument, Gandhi, he's in a completely different realm to you.

Yeah. So he's like, well, you need to stop jizzing before you talk to me. And Jinnah seems like someone who's quite grounded and earthly is, like, he's quite down to earth. Yeah, he's a realist. Yeah, he's got his head on the ground. Gandhi's got his head up a woman's ass calling her a walking stick

yeah he says Jinn has said Mr. Gandhi is a very difficult man to deal with he's a master of the art of double talk I can imagine yeah it's Russell Brown isn't it is Russell Brown

it's like use a fucking proper word stop speaking like a the sororos has been dropped down the stairs so we get to partition now essentially what happens here is that in August 1947 the British Empire

are preparing to leave the Indian subcontinent World War II's obviously left them fucked we dealt with this in the start of the Prime Minister's series there's a naval mutiny in 46 where 20,000 Indian sailors leave and all these factions Britain is being overwhelmed

with people being like two states one for the Muslims one for Hindus Gandhi's like no there's too much going on so basically it's mum downsizing after the kids leave home we can't I've got to live in a smaller place I can't be living this five bed

No. It's just me in here. So they basically, they realize that the British don't, they don't have any troops or kind of willpower to stop any kind of revolution. So they get a bloke who had never been to India to draw a line. Wizard of Oz moment, isn't it? When you realise it was just like a small guy, a lot of the British Empire, I think they're realizing it was just,

there was like a little fella behind with the big scary, you know, that's sort of what they're realizing now. Yeah. There's only five people running this whole thing. Yeah. We can have it back. Yeah. Yes, the masterful. What we did was just the pomp and aura, the suit, the axe and everything was to try and make you think.

The big shorts. The big shorts. Yeah. There's like 15 of these guys. There's a billion of us. There's a billion of us and we're all really horny. We can tell you. But they get a guy called Ratcliffe to draw a line, right, that's going to be the India versus Pakistan.

He's never been there. He is the hero of the story. Really, this is the Radcliffe series. Ratcliffe is Luke Skywalker. Gandhi is Darth Vader. now Ratcliffe draws a line having never been to India before and he's given five weeks to complete the task

in the heart of every human right you can draw a Radcliffe line between good and evil and that line goes through the heart of every human yes don't you think yes I've got a Muslim half and a Hindu half I've got a really poorly drawn unconstitutionalised line between in my heart

now on the 14th of August 47 Pakistan becomes an independent nation India becomes independent of 50 I know I mean I know. Well, it's a very racist name now. What a crazy thing to call a country. Anyway. Fucking what?

Elected another Muslim fucking Pakistan. Pakistanistan. These days. These days. Now Gandhi tried to block partition, but then many in his party fear that denying the Islamic territory would lead to a full-scale war. I mean, I think basically partition was going to result in deaths, whatever. I mean, sectarian violence was about to erupt, whatever happened.

Whether they stayed together, it was going to erupt, whatever happened. Whether they stayed together, it was going to arrive. It's the troubles with so many more people, right? Yeah, and also it's just you scale it, exponential trouble. Yeah. Or it's quadruple speed. Because the numbers are just crazy. Crazy numbers, but also it's the troubles within the space for about a year.

Potentially two million people died due to sectarian violence. Yeah, those are fucking... 20 million people are displaced. People try and run to the... Yeah. They keep the border secret for a couple of days and then they go, right, this is the border. So is it sort of musical chairs? Sort of. The music stops, go and they have to run.

And on the day of partition, Gandhi does not celebrate. Instead, he fucking just weave, spins wool and appeals for peace. And he starts fasting. And it's like, mate, get your head in the fucking game, Gandhi. Like, you're not seeing what's happening. He has an insanely naive view of human nature. He doesn't understand humanity at all because he thinks that everyone should be as not a paedophile as he is.

Yes, but I think his oddness and his like commitment to being a fucking weirdo sort of like Hardest Giza type thing does still capture the imagination of people. But I don't think it should. I really don't think he should. He did affect a lot of change,

he did, but he shouldn't have. No, I think people, I think the cartoonish 2D idea idea people have of him is not worried, like it's, it's... I think he... He's a pedo.

I think he was a mad pedo. He's famously not a pedo, isn't he? He's got a boney with his granddaughter. Yeah, he didn't do it in. He didn't have sex with her. I think if you get a bona... If you have a boner with your granddaughter, you are a pido. Yeah, but are you testing it?

Well, what's the line between bad grandpa and peter? But boner in bed with your granddaughter. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. I think he's a true historic figure who's completely mad and has just happened to be right place, right time. His madness has somehow worked to build a nation and do you know what I mean?

Like he should be shouting at pigeons. Yes. And it just, it's happened. It is literally like the plot of that, you know, the seller's film being there, you know.

It's basically, I mean, he's idiot savant. Yeah, the whole civil disobedience thing is, like, that is the only thing that kind of worked and caught the imagination of people

made it a mass movement. I get that. Yeah. But everything else he believed that, the way, like the tree word, Are the situation apart from Indian independence? Nonsense.

No, complete. Looney at a bus stop. Now, his wife, his long-suffering wife, having dealt with the fact that he was using his granddaughter as a boner test. As opposed to his wife. His soulmate. Casterba, who, again, I imagine he hated because he'd been fucking her when his dad died. Yeah, probably.

She dies in 1944 of bronchitis and pneumonia. Now, British doctors were recommending administering the newly available penicillin. Gandhi refused. He believed the drug went against his principles of non-violence because penicillin is violence. That's awesome. Yeah. Wife dying cancer, no. No.

She must die. And he said to his son who was like, can you give her the penicillin? He was like, why don't you trust God? She died. Shortly afterwards, Gandhi said, I've got malaria. I love some of that pinnesty. Turned out, that's brilliant. Which is kind of...

I'm coming back around to Gandhi. That is kind of awesome. That is awesome. That is absolutely awesome. I mean, that's amazing, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, has anyone's wife ever been as much of a bin as Gandis? Like, I need to do a sexual urge test.

Granddaughter. No, you're right. You're right. I don't think we should try that drug out on you. No, no. Oh, yeah, I'll have it. Yeah, dead. I mean, the level of disrespect.

He's astonishing. It's quite amazing, yeah. For a man who, a proponent of women's freedom. Yeah. The freedom from life-send drugs. Freedom from, yeah. Freedom from Pennocelyn. Ugly bitch wives.

Crazy. Absolutely crazy. So, you know, he loves fasting as well. We haven't really talked about. But he loves attention is what he loves. He loves. That's what keeps in sustained. Yeah, he's fasting for attention.

Yeah. So his final fast is in January, January, January 1948. Oh, I'm so hungry. Oh, yeah. It's kind of like Ariana Grande sort of on the wicked press tour, you know. It's just like, I'm way, I'm fucking... What kind of fucking references that to a straight man with the mortgage? Areena Grande on a wicked press tour?

Yeah. The fuck are you on about? They cried. They did a lot of interviews and did all cry. And they're kind of like, they're kind of... They want people to think that they're wasting away. I've got two kids and a mortgage. Do you think I'm watching the wicked press tour?

Sorry, apologies. Thank you. Accepted. Apology accepted. I don't know what reference would more... or be your speed. I don't know. Make it about

top gear or football. It's like Clarkson, right? He's on a promotional tour for the new series of Clarkson's farm. Yes. And then him and Caleb

both are kind of incompatitive eating disorders so who can lose the most weight and there's this weird kind of bond they have. Okay. Yeah. Thank you.

Christ. Yeah. I'm to translate. Sorry. And co-host. Ariana Grande on the Wicked Press tour. His voice became so faint, people had to put their ears

to his lips to hear him. Attention seeking. Yeah, it's people who, is that thing Pam, I was speaking quietly. I'm a little ickle girl. Yeah. I can't possibly he's doing, I can't possibly come. He's doing chick shit. He is doing chick shit. This is so like, he had to be carried in a cot. Carried in a cot, like a baby.

Girls who don't eat anything before a night out and get absolutely blackout drunk. Yeah. Have to get put to the head looked after, you know. Yeah. It's that whole thing. It's the whole process. Gandy shit. Don't try that gandy shit with me. Eat some fucking dinner. Skinny legend, yeah.

So he's fasting for Hindu Muslim unity. He had three demands. Hindus and Sikhs had occupied all these mosques in Delhi. He demands they're going to be vacated. He demands a reunion of hearts where Muslims could walk the streets of Delhi without fear of being killed. And India had agreed to pay Pakistan 550 million rupees as part of the asset split. but the Indian government was withholding it because the two nations were at war over Kashmir.

Gandhi views this as a breach of honour, demands India to pay the money immediately. He's 78 years old. His kidneys are failing by the third day of his hunger strike. Citizens begin to sign peace pledges the fast last five days and then it ends after 130 representatives signed a peace pledge,

promising to protect Muslims and return their property. So it does work? Yeah, it does work. But I guess, you know, you know, but by this point, partitions already happened. But I guess he's trying to stop the violence

post-partition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still think he's a wanker. So, now we get to, what?

Bobby Sanzi, I guess. Yeah, very much so. Bob. It's not a huge, was that, was that a pun,

hunger strikes for a political cause. Yeah. Oh, like, like, Bobby Sandy. Sandy. Sandy Bobby. Sandy Bob's.

Sandy Bob's. Sandy Bob's. Sandy Bob's. Sandy Bob's, Sandy Bob's. Bob's, Bob Sandy. That should be that.

Bob Sand. Send Bobby Sands. Send Bobby Sands. That's it. Yeah. Fucking Wicked Maiden, I reckon. Send Bobby Sams. Yeah.

Is that when you like send your... Go on. No, it's Indian Bobby Sands. Send Bobby Sands. Yeah. Yeah. It's there. It's as good as we're going to get it.

Send Bobbistan. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So let's get to his... death. Okay. Now,

let's kill him. Let's kill this cump. Please, I can't deal. He's so annoying. He's so annoying. Now, Nathuram Godzi, who is a Hindu nationalist, who they're putting statues of up now because of Maudy and the BJP. Interesting.

He had twice tried to stab Gandhi in 1944. This is what I don't understand. But there's so many assassination attempts. I don't know how they haven't caught him. Yeah. They're quite back to bat. This is, how's this guy. still around. But imagine there's a massive mob

all these things and he's just running and you know. So on the 20th of January 1948 Godseek makes his third assassination attempt. He follows Gandhi to a park where he was giving a speech. But look, sorry, look, the first time, he tries to stab Gandhi twice, both times stopped

and apprehended. Yeah. Don't do that again. All right, I promise. Okay, okay, okay. And he comes back. Because a lot of assassins you feel like in the moment they might try and do something, but then they get a clear head afterwards. but he's like,

he's not going to stop until he kills it. No. So he throws a grenade near the crowd to cause chaos and evacuate the area with Gandhi isolated. The plan was to throw a second grenade at him directly.

However, he loses courage and joins the crowd that's running away. So he gets scared of his own grenade. Yeah. Ah! What the fuck is that? Right. He might just be a really, really bad assassin.

Someone's trying to kill Gandhi. Yeah. Fuck. So then on the 30th of January, having given a speech, he shoots, now he goes right up. He's seen a fish called Wanda?

Yeah. Do you know when he's trying to kill the woman and he keeps killing the dogs? This is basically this guy up until this point. So he goes, it looks like he's about to bow at his feet. And instead he shoots him three times in the stomach in front of his family. Allegedly he tries to shoot himself, but his arm gets pulled away. He gets beaten by sticks. Now he is strongly opposed to the partition of India and blames Gandhi's methods in failing to keep India as one nation.

So, interesting. Which is interesting. But Gandhi agrees with him, right? Well, yeah. They're on the same team. But he thinks that Gandhi is, yeah. Gandhi hasn't, I don't know,

the fact that he wasn't using violence. I guess does he think that Hindus should be using violence to corral the Muslim as a minority? Yes, within a big Indian super state. But also it's like, fucking, India's so fucking big. Do you need Pakistan as well? Do you know what I mean?

I know. It's like it's already It's already massive Yeah So you know You would be a bit sad If they just cut off Half the country though

I guess so I'd be sad if they just like got rid of Which bit though There's a small country I guess like Dorset And if we lost like Dorset That would be a bit Yeah

But which But you know There's some bits that we could What where would you lose? Swindon Yeah No No

I would lose So of Lincoln Up towards The cathedral is pretty big Yeah But you know is it is it worth the rest of the county and then like up towards that sort of like the north the northeast is great but there's definitely a point before it becomes norfolk that bit bin right just as it's own state boring stan just just fucking sink it i don't know right whatever that bit is i like to pretend when i go to like a town or like a village next to a town i'll stand right on the sign where it says welcome to kind of tibank Tilbury

Yeah And then I'll just stand right on the border And then you're kind of in the mid You're like If you're in between Bedbrook and Tilbury Then you're in Bedbury Or Tilbury Yeah another very violent border

Yes of course Famously the partition caused millions of deaths But if you're like Tilbury and Bedbury If you're in the If you're on the border of like Pakistan and India You're in Pak India Pack India

Dangerous In Dan In Distan In Afghanistan Indianistan Indiana. All these days. India's sand.

Yeah. Do you ever do that? Sorry? Do you ever like stand on the border of little towns and villages and pretend you're in both? I'd do that with counties sometimes. I've got things to do. I'm not doing that. I've got a lot on.

Fucking just aimlessly standing at points on a map. Yeah. So Godsey is imprisoned and then it's eventually executed in 1949. But he's now being kind of rehabilitated under Modi as a Hindu nationalist. And as we were saying, Modi is trying to make India, certainly the politics, more masculine. And so he wants to encourage a more macho, violent politics, which he thinks Gandhi was a sort of little feminine, annoying.

Did Gandhi help define, because I guess because Gandhi happened post-World War II, Gandhi's death, was he kind of quite a definitive figure in the sort of post-war consensus, right? in the kind of like global peace, UN sort of. Right, yeah. We were living in a little bit of like a Gandhi,

quite feminine age where it was like... Yes. It would... That was quite a celebrated view. Yeah. We're all human. We're all the internationalism. And that is now come crashing to an end.

Yeah, it has. That's true. It's kind of like in that new world, being like Gandhi feels like you're very vulnerable to get fucked by Putin or... Yeah, totally. or Trump or But like, you know,

in India, like every city has Gandhi Street or Gandhi Square. He's on all the money. He's called Bapu, isn't it? It's his father of the nation. Bad poo.

Bad poo. He probably did have bad poo. If you only ate nuts. Yeah. Over one million Indians go to Gandhi's funeral, I guess, proportionally, that's quite a lot of staff padding.

It's about 300 equivalent in the UK. Lo-turned out. Fucking hell. Yeah. A lot of people didn't turn up. Yeah. That's like an average Indian wedding, though.

Yeah. So there are people tearing statues down of Gandhi in San Africa, very funny, hashtag Gandhi must fall. In 2019, a Hindu right-wing group had organised an event to celebrate the 71st anniversary of Gandhi's assassination. Interesting. Poojapandi. Who's Poojipandi? Why's that in the script? A few poojipandis?

Charlie, when was the last on you, Poojipandis? Puja Pondi. She's an actress. She's gorgeous. She was born in Jebelpur. You don't need to tell us the story, but how long ago did you last Poojipandis? Just time. Pooja Pandi.

Don't need a story. I think that's the most Indian name of all time. Pujia Pandi? Pujia. Oh my God, she's Pouda Pandis. Mahatma Gandhi's Pujia Pandas. I can't remember. I think within the last couple of years.

Right. There's last new Poojahdi. Just doesn't even remember. Just I know it in a couple of years, probably. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's etched into me.

Every time. When I last shout myself. And it was, it was maybe 20. Oh, no, it was when. Who's Prime Minister?

So, sorry, the one I'm thinking of in Edinburgh Festival was, who was Prime Minister? It would have been David Cameron. So it's the Cameron years.

Cameron years. But I, I think it would have been, oh, it was a different time, though. It was a different time. I could have shacked myself under trust.

I mean, We were all, down there, we were all very loose down there. No, I'm thinking of a moment where I was taking my... So just before the queen died? Or after? Look, down there was very unstable when trust was in government. I've been very clear about that. My lower half was at risk from all angles.

And then you find out the queen's dead. No, I'm more mean that there was a moment where it could have been Boris Johnson actually, but I was walking my daughter to nursery. She'd had a shitting bug. She'd recovered, and I was guessing it. And it's a five minute walk. And as I was on the way there, basically just did a fart but shout myself.

Turned around. No. I was like, would they have to be there by a certain time to get breakfast? So I just got there and had some small talk with parents. They didn't know that there was just sort of shit in my ass. But the nursery drop off, there's always such a sort of fecal smell

because there's just kids pooing in nappies and there's nappy bin there that no one thought it was me. You know, I was hiding and playing sight. Would you say the perfect crime? I guess. Turning up to a place that's supposed. I was like, shit,

I mean, all the places I had to go that day, it happened at the perfect time. But it's more the realization of like shitting myself going, oh no, I'm going to have to keep going. Get that hot dog meme up?

You know, the guy in the hot dog costume? Yeah, saying, we need to find who did this. Yeah, that's me. So, oh, God. Yeah, that's me. So I do think I do think I shat myself

under Boris Johnson. Your Pooja Pandis. Sorry, Pooja Pandis. I met Pooja Pondi when I'm Boris Johnson was prime. but Pooja Pandy shot an effigy with an air pistol after garlanding a picture of Godsy who was the guy who shot Gandhi

so people are shooting effigies of Gandhi because he's been seen as too moderate by some right-wing Hindus Yeah, I wonder if there's any... The equivalent would be left-wing people who hate Blair, I guess. Yeah, centrist, sort of. For like selling out.

Yeah. But it's the opposite way round, I suppose. Very strange, confusing But then I do have sympathy I do think that the more you understand who he was I mean he's a fucking fruit He's a frown The more you understand the man who shot him in the head

Yes Yes I do No the more the more you understand the figure The more you as you've said You think in any other set of circumstances This guy would just be a crank But that's why I like him as a historic figure Oh no he's definitely historic figure

I'm not saying that's why I find him interesting He is very interesting he just, the time he came in, his very specific mode of madness did change the world. But in the way that like Rasputin has this reputation, Gandhi should have a similar reputation. As a mad cunt who changed the world. Yeah, Rasputin.

Right. So you should have been on that, Charlie. Yeah, I know. Finn should not have to be doing those. So that's a warning. I'm taking your shot for you at this point. This is not Finn's job. Right.

We've got a lot to think about here. That's your job. I'm trying to farm the strike here. Right. But like, Gandhi should have Rasputin's reputation. Yeah. Right. This mad mystic with a big hog, right?

Yeah. Who influenced events. Yeah. Instead, people see him as this like monk-like, uh, ascetic ideal almost as to like an ideal, the ideal of non-violence. The ideal of Godin. Yeah. Or what a non-violent, what a brilliant non-violent ideal for the people of the world to look up to. He used his granddaughter as a bono test.

You know? Like, I don't see... I guess the full picture of the man I wish more people knew about. Yeah, it used two young women as a Zimbabhrone. Yeah, it's crazy. Crazy about today's Tammats. But a fascinating figure.

Closing thoughts, Charlie, what are your thoughts on Gandhi? I used to think that Gandhi was the Dalai Lama. Right. Sorry, we've been podcasting for four hours and you've just told us that you've... Have you thought this whole time we're talking about Dalai Lama? No, I used to think... Before this, I used to think that...

I thought it was kind of like the Pope. Was he one of the Dalai Lama's, or did he think the Dalai Lama's one guy? I thought it was a big succession of Gandis. Oh, they're all called Gandis. Like the Pope. Right. Right.

So it was just one of many Gandis. And they're all pedos. The Pope and the Ganderas are all pedos. What? Well, the Dalai Lama and the Pope. And the Dalai Lama's a pedos, right? Is it? The time thing.

Yeah. I just think if you're too religious, you get a bit high on your own supply and you do some crumbad stuff. If you're not allowed to regularly for a woman's type, Yeah. Or just rub one out. Yeah. If you're not allowing yourself that.

It gets a bit fruity. I guess what we've learned, listeners, is that life's about simple pleasures. Yeah? A well-cooked steak. I quit wanking in the shower. Cunneling us and cake. Conellinger's and cake. Yeah.

That's what life's about, really. And all this fucking, you know, wearing a loin coffee, eating nuts, three hours in the toilets. You know, it's not healthy at the end of the day. I appreciate the small things in life. That's my lesson. That's what we've learned from the Gandhi series. Thank you very much for sticking with us. If you've enjoyed this and we'd like more,

we have bonus episodes on the, and Hinduism. We're talking about the Kama Sutha. We're talking about Hindus and the Nazis. That's on the Patreon where you get instant access. This is India Week. It's India Fortnite. It's India Fortnite.

So all our toilets are going to be absolutely pollocked because of it. Yeah. Thanks very much, patrons and listeners. We'll see you on the Patreon for more. And if not, we'll see you next week. For a brand new topic on Finland versus history, goodbye. Namaste. Let's talk groceries, specifically your groceries.

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