Fin vs History - Gunned Down in Diamanté Panties | The Russian Revolution of 1917 (Part 5/5)

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

Lenin finally seizes power, and gets rid of the Romanovs with the most protracted execution in history The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon ⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. Welcome back, history hogs, to the final part of our Russian Revolution epic. If you've indulged yourself, you're probably feeling very sick. You might as well go through. This will be, if you're on the Patreon, you've gobbled this all up.

This is sort of sixth wank of the day feeling. Yeah, it must be. This is raw as hell. You've eaten five portions of borsh back to back. Yeah. And you're now like, Christ, the acidity in my blood has changed. I'm now 10% vinegar and I feel ill. It feels like a personal experience the way you're,

talking about it. I've not eaten borsh that much. Yeah. I don't, Russian food, I'm on record as saying this. Eastern European food is bad and I think the Eastern European immigrant experience would be improved if they had better food. Sure. I think you look at our relationship. I've done this, this is in my first special, uh, the relationship we have with the Indian community, the Chinese, um, West African, West Indian. It's all defined by our acceptance and love of their food. You've got to bring something. Eastern Europeans have not brought anything Yeah, that's why if there was a mass

Immigration for the British Would be fucked as well Apart from our corner shops Are unarguably better Because of the Polish Because of Polish beers Yep Yeah

Well that's your favourite beers A Polish beers I fucking love a Holocaust beer A Tisky Tisky or my favourite Is the green one with the bison on it And it's called A Zuber

Yeah So this is in the first lockdown I was nailing Zuba in my father-in-law. Was this when you were pretending to be a woman and email people? First lockdown, having a great time. I went to the corner shop every day

and I thought, you know what, I'm going to have a different one of these beers every day because nothing's happening, is it? Fuck it, I'm going to have a different beer every day. And I found this one, and I was like, that fucking slaps that. It's really, really bitter in a nice way. But it's lager.

It's really punchy. And then I had two, remember I had two, in the next day, I felt absolutely fucked. I went back and I bought another one, then I realized it was 8%. Right. It's like sort of weak wine in pint form

Yeah, brilliant stuff though Don't be messing with this That's the caseide is crazy This stuff's crazy Like I'm not Well that's homeless guy stuff right Well this is you're getting into homeless beers now Yeah that's where you're

There's the sweet spot isn't there Between sort of light ponzi beers and homeless beers Special brew you've gone too far I'm much more about On the spectrum of You know if homeless beers are the straightest beers And craft beers are gay I'm much more straight than I am gay

right right right like i'm in all my areas of life i'd probably i'd probably lean a little more gay how are you on your beers charlie gay or straight i like stella i'm actually surprised me really like i don't like i don't really like the blokey gassy farty dumb beers i think some of them are so bad foster sucks carling sucks stella artois sucks madri just because you got a fucking spanish bloke on there doesn't mean it's not fucking carly you're having white wine and christopher dinner you're a fucking little jailbait little fucking what's the gayest beer Is hobgoblin gay? Hobgoblin's not gay.

Hobgoblin's a nail. What are you scared? You might taste something, Lagerboy. Yeah. But it's a certain type of straight. That's a straight saying. It's, um, it's a world of Warcraft straight. It's Warhammer straight.

Yeah, it's kind of like, it's ham actually straight. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, if you're drinking hobgoblin, you're not, not, shagging. No, there's, no one's having 10 pines of hobgoblin. No one's drinking 10 finds of hobgoblin, then getting any pussy. That's not happening. You're drinking 10 pines of hobgoblin, then. then you're logging on to a forum to... Crabbies is pretty gay.

Yeah, Crabbies is gay. Yeah, I like my kind of European beer. Beaver Town, ironically, is gay as shit. Yeah, but it's a complete scam, I think. It's all. Craft beer is a scam. It's a gay scam. I quite like an American pale ale.

You know, I don't hate it. What I do think is interesting is the British relationship with the Spanish beer. And I think it's with such a easy marketed trick, you slap a label of an old Spanish guy from around the 20s enjoying a beer and we just go

or Italian or Italian Beer and Moretti Mediterranean yeah oh that must be brilliant and they always bring one out and they'll do it every five years you'll see a new

maybe even three years you'll see a new Mediterranean beer and just like a bill that will be like we'll see it and go that looks class that reminds me of being on holiday

the new ones so it started with beer Meretti then it went to Madri and now they got Cruz Campo that's a Ville one just watch out

and I've even in like offies where they have like off-duty beers you can see the vanguard Off duty? I don't know like you know they get random beers Are you on duty? No no no no But you know under the table beers

They've got a selection That's not in Tescos right Yeah You get to see the vanguard What's gonna be the new Spanish beer That's coming through We also get to see these boys Yeah straight-fuckers

What do you think you would do to sales If you had like just like a crying little boy Rather than like an old sort If it was a pale ale easy A paleo you could put fucking anything on there I'd buy that You could put Lenin on the top of the train Saying piece land bread

With cheese on his head like it's a fucking you could do whatever you want if it's a pale ale yeah but people are I mean the paylails are now like they're like fucking album covers

from the 70s it's like a pink Floyd record on a beer it's a disgrace I want to see a fucking mad animal like a Zuba look at that

yeah you can't handle a Zuba you don't think I can handle a Zuba can't handle it I'm having Zuba that I'm driving right with driving gloves

I'm straight I wear driving gloves I do actually have driving gloves I bet you want with driving gloves on. Yeah, you've got to be taken for a caution. Cold.

I can't get my hands pregnant. Yeah, I'll make him a driving gloves. Anyway, should we finish off? Let's stop talking about Zuba. We're in 1917. Zuba, sounds like a character

in this, potentially. Do you want to place this? Charlie, do you want to place this, Charlie, do you want to place this? 1917. So, 1917, that is before... Why have we done this before? I bet we're about to find out. Before I was born...

yeah and after they found the first crocodile yeah yeah who's they the men the men yeah wide berth but we did chuck it on you they found the crocodile it's such a funny sentence as in that's on the that's on the newspaper they found the crocodile so they're aware of the crocodile but they just didn't know where they were yeah 230 million years ago they found the first I didn't find who they are. No, no one's found anything in 230 million years ago.

Do you mean the first crocodile existed? You mean the evolution of a crocodile? You said, found. Yeah. You know what? It's very hard to tell. Because that's one of the widest

births ever. That is the word of birth. If it's 230 million and my birthday, you got about 250 million years. He's placed this perfectly. The Russian Revolution is in between

the first crocodiles on the planet and when our producer Charlie was born which was what, 1990? Yeah, so 250 million years somewhere in there is the Russian Revolution ideal brings us perfectly up to date and we're in August

27th of 1917 if that wasn't already clear. So we left off with Kerensky is in power in the provisional government. Lenin is in hiding in Finland wearing a Rastowig. Yeah, man.

Furiously writing on forum and stuff. Hitler's painting somewhere in Germany. We must have to get. He's wounded. He's been wounded. Hitler bravely struck down

in World War I. Took a bullet for his country. Yeah. Who among us can say that? He's drawing quite good landscapes with terrible faces. He can't do faces, Hitler.

It'll be his great undoing. And anyway, so Hitler's knocking about. That's nice to know. If you're struggling to know, how old is Hitler? Charlie, he's born in 18. I can work at the site. He was born in 1889, 20th of April. So it's August, 1917. He's nearly 30. So is he feeling a lot of anxiety about turning 30? Yeah, he is. He's like, oh my God, I'm not married.

My friends are settling down. I'm just drawing. I've got a bullet in my leg, you know. Adolting. He's like, you know, well, I ever, I don't feel like an adult, you know. Where does the internet come from? Who pays for it? It's magic. He's still on his parents' phone contract on his 28. He's still living at home. Yeah, we're still living at home. Anyway, we are in pre-Soviet Russia. It's about to get very Soviets. Incredibly Soviet.

Could be more Soviets. Lenin's smoking dubs in Finland. And Kerensky is losing, starting to lose control of support. The offensive was terrible. He's a very offensive offensive. Everyone was blacked up, charging the Germans. Chaos is running. Because of the July days where the Bolsheviks tried an uprising,

Kerensky is now scared of the Bolsheviks. But then... So he now installs, at some point in July and August, he installs this guy called General Lavr, L-A-V-R. I don't know how the fuck you say that. Cornelov. Cornelov, head of the army. And Cornelov's, he doesn't take any shit this guy.

It's said that if he'd kind of got into power, he probably would have been the first fascist performer Salini. Wow. So he actually is a kind of proto-fascist military dictator. Sorry, Mr. Cornelov, can I just shake your hand? So, yeah, so he's... He's a... character who if the revolution had turned out differently he could have been the man everyone was

talking about because some yeah and he's sort of is he a bit Asian he looks Asian I guess yeah um we should say this there's also we haven't actually talked about the Russian far right but there's it's almost as many like little paramilitaries little um offshoots of the right yeah that are knocking about Petrograd's causing trouble as there are left so it's just a terrifying place to be terrifying. But Kornilov is head of the army installed by Karenski and he immediately reinstores capital punishment on the front because as you said last time, people are deserting and the Russian morale is through the floor and so he's like, right, oh no, sorry, not capital punishment,

he reinstals a death penalty. So he's like, if he desert, you're dead. So chaos, let's bring in a kind of. Hard man. A hard man. But there's a call between Kornilov and Karenski or there's some. communication right i don't know if it's via telegram or is it no it's a so i think what happens is that um they start karensky's losing uh support and i don't know how it starts but there's

one of them basically is like hey we should dissolve the provisional government and there should be a dictator and i think the misunderstanding is whether it's going to be Kornilov or Karenski, who's the dictator. Yes, there's basically this... There's a phone call between the two of them. What China Melville says is maybe the greatest incident of crosswires in history. Yeah, there's a call where Karenski's in the Winter Palace, PetroGarde. Which is the problem with innuendo.

Yes. This is probably the worst time for... You know what I mean? Maybe come and change things around here. Yeah. If you get what I say, and I hear you. Yeah, yeah. You do what you need to do.

Charlie's fucking his hands Yeah Conilov comes He's all lubed up Let's fuck But basically what happens Is that

Essentially Karenski Sort of manifests a coup Against himself Yes By By misunderstanding What Kornilov meant And so Kornilov starts

Marching towards Petrograd With troops Which I think he's like We're just going to Surrying and restore order But Kerenzky has somehow convinced himself There's a right-wing coup

happening Yeah It's chaos. And then he changes his mind drastically and basically is now like, oh my God, we're under attack. Yeah.

And also no historian actually knows what happens. This is called the corner of a fair. No one actually knows what happens. Yeah. But it's basically two people misunderstand each other. Maybe because one of not speaking Chinese. I don't know. Yeah.

And essentially the then starts a little war. Which the Bolsheviks have fucked it with the July days. Yeah. And it looked like they'd fucked the revolution. They'd lost a lot of members. They've gone down to a, about 80,000 members. It was a disaster.

Yeah. But this kind of almost freak accident is what saves them completely because Karenski now so scared of Kornilov and his army panics and he's like, he's a very moderate sort of guy and I think he's Blair. He's trying to keep everyone happy.

Um, and so what he does, which is a big mistake is because the Bolsheviks have a lot of support within the Petrograd sailors and some soldiers and stuff like that, within Petrograd he rearms the Bolsheviks

and he frees Trotsky and a couple of other people and he's almost like thank fuck that comes on to defend the city and then the coup kind of stops in its tracks Trotsky's walking around

talking about FGM yeah never mind I says you heard about Boko Haram yeah yeah yeah finally free and so the Bolshe's Bolsheviks are now armed. They've got loads of guns and the Bolsheviks a defeat

Kornilov, but without really a shot being fired. Not really. It kind of is a, it's a whimper of a coup. So when you, when you, like, when you zoom out of what Kerensky's done, it is one of the big boo-boos in history in that he's got power. He then basically manifests a coup on himself, then gives all the weapons to the communist extremists who he knows are revolutionaries and then they don't even use them or any ammunition in defeating the coup that he started. They use it to defeat him later on. Yeah. So it's one of the biggest fuck-ups ever actually. It's just a classic clown school fuck-up. You've slipped on a banana. You've hit your head on frying pans. It's like, it's kickoff and you're like, do you know what, let's

give back to the keeper and you score a goal from halfway line. You're like, guys, how have we, how are we won down? We've just conceded, but now two down. So the Bolsheviks now, I think, so They'd lost that many members at the start of July. They thought they'd fucked it in July days. Then when you get into September, their numbers are back up at like 200,000. Because this has ruined currency's representation. Anyone who side of a Cornelov,

which is a lot of the right wingers, people like the cadets and stuff, anyone who's been on his side, they're now out the running to be in power because they're viewed as people who are part of this coup. And then the Bolsheviks, who have a clear idea of what they want,

suddenly they seem like the people who understand where the country needs to go. So Lenin, he's hearing about this, but he's like on a delay because he's in Finland. And he's just fucking begged. Yeah, Corny Love. So in September 1917, the Bolsheviks game majorities in the Petrograd and Moscow Soviets. And then Lenin start, this is when he's starting to feel like. I think we're nearing.

We're near. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Yeah. So we're into, we get into October. right right and what now how does lennon get back in the country i don't know how lennon actually returns but he puts his wig back on and it's very kind of dramatic she reckons it's a different wig no i feel i don't know if they've even worked out we jimmy hat yeah maybe uh could be like a carrot top some of ginger hair yeah he's ginger though lennin isn't he is he he is ginger i guess i

only ever seen him in black and white no he's ginger so i never knew that really yeah he's probably got very so many balls um um do you know think ginger people have got smelly of balls? No. Do you think? I think maybe their bull sticks their leg more than other people's. It's one of my prejudices that I'm only just examining now. When I see a ginger person, I think

your balls smell more than I'm mind do. Do you think if there's more ginger people, there would have been pogroms against them? I'd like to start some pogroms against ginger people. I think ginger own businesses are a disgrace. We should throw chairs in the windows. I think there's more hermaphrodites worldwide than ginger people. Really? Because it's only, there's only ginger people basically in this part of the world, right?

There's only ginger people in Ireland, Britain, and a tiny bit of Russia. The only place is where there's ginger people. If you go on the map of ginger people spread, they're only in a tiny bit. But Hamaphrodites is like, that's a sort of... Hamaphrodites is everywhere, though. Yeah, but that's a freak of...

Think about how many Waffrodites are in China alone. Just from that... I don't think about that ever. Well, you should. How many Chinese amaphrodites there are? Yeah. But Hamaphrodites... You're not using your brain.

Right. Amaphrodites are people who've got Dick and Fanny. Yeah. sorry there's more intersex people right which i think it's maybe a bigger term than hermaphrodites yeah we're all into sex brother such a mad thing so does that mean you can kind of like fuck yourself if you wanted to go fuck yourself well yeah yeah so you that means something different to amaphrodites

i guess it's about angle i mean in that photo there the dick's above the fanny so it's quite hard to get it in but if your dick's below your fanny you can you can erect yourself into yourself and just sort of sit up yeah and the october revolution is a hermaphrodite revolution that's very exciting and very boring At the same time. At the same time. Lenin returns and he doesn't even have time to take his wig off when he walks back into the Petrograd Soviet.

Yeah, man. It's like he burst through the doors, everyone's shocked, he's returned. And the thing about Lenin, on every time he's come back from exile, there's never any pleasantries. There's never any like, how are he doing, how is the thing?

He comes through the door, always telling off the Bolsheviks for not being prepared enough. Yeah. And then there's this famous meeting on the eve of the... the October Revolution where there's a room

of the 12 top most boring cunts ever Stalin is been in the mix because Stalin wasn't in jail with Trotsky Stalin wasn't in his exile so he's been on the ground Stalin's alive because he wasn't in a cell

with Trotsky hasn't killed himself but he's been doing a lot of the organisation and dirty work on the ground during this period where a lot of the top Bolsheviks have had to be into hiding there's a meeting

with 12 of the top Bolsheviks and basically only Lenin and Stalin want an armed revolution the next day. Everyone else wants to do like a Instagram post. Yes, everyone's like, let's just do a black square. Let's just do black square. Hashtag, hashtag. I've already got, this is what a feminist looks like, t-shirt on.

I feel that's doing enough. I'm against this, hashtag. Yeah. And then this is one of Lenin's great skills. After a 15-hour meeting. Yeah, he just won't stop talking. He eventually coerces a vote that agrees to have an armed revolution the next day. I mean, if you just don't stop talking and you're going,

this meeting will only end when you're going, agree with me. Yeah. It's 15 hours and they haven't eaten. They don't eat until the end. Yeah. So I reckon, I would just be like, well, yeah, I'm fucking starving. Yeah, we'll do whatever you want. Whatever you want. Yeah, let's do it. Just shut the fuck up. Can someone give you some fucking herring? Yeah.

Probably, I would have said, I reckon. TD Bank knows that running a small business is a journey from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs.

No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. And then it's quite like a bizarre revolution actually where it's a bit of an anti-climax. It's an anti-climax. Well, we should talk about the ship. So the sailors in Cronstadt. Did you listen to this bit? Yeah, so the sailors in Cronstadt is this weird little naval island. It's like a little island on the outskirts.

And they've already had a revolution over there, I think. Like a mutiny. Mutiny. They then joined the Bolsheviks and they sail warships over just to St. Petersburg, which is a port, Petrograd. And they basically say, they point the guns at the Winter Palace, which is where Kerensky's hold up. And they say, if you don't evacuate and abandon it in half an hour, we're going to bomb it. Yeah. Then they don't do that.

So they try to bomb it, but the guns don't work. and they've got the wrong ammo. Right. So there's like an anti-climax there. It just puffs up. They said, we're going to do it then, and then pf, pf. So it's all kind of strange,

and then hold up in the Winter Palace, there's Kerenzky, nervously biting his fingers. He's got the remnants of the provisional government. He's got a few cadets predicting him. But there's just this weird element where it's kind of like the reds are kind of seeping in and just walking through this house, and they kind of walk into the provisional government

and say basically like... They're having, they decided to, They sit down and have dinner. Yeah. They have like fish and chips or something. Yeah. Fish and fucking elderberries. Fish and fucking cabbage probably out of there.

Yeah. And then, yeah, that's basically it. And then all the while this is happening, the, the, so, the Bolsheviks are having a fucking massive meeting because they don't stop having. They're having a meeting. It's called the Soviet Union.

It's the meetings union. It's the country of the meetings. Yeah. And so, but they've already, I have a bit, I mean, the book that we both read, I listened to it. and it's tough because exciting thing

is happening you know in my head I'm thinking oh fuck there's a battleship with its guns pointed

and like Buckingham Palace that's exciting and then the author would just do a whole paragraph about the concurrent meeting that was happening where they were trying

to decide whether what should happen in the event of the gunfight and you're like can we just forget about the fucking meeting and talk about the bastion you want to be more

mission impossible yeah yeah I mean mission impossible you think it's long now if it was made by Soviets have gone for weeks like there'd be a fucking health and safety meeting before Tom Proof did anything

made by the Russians. Anyway, I think we can skip a lot of that bit but basically this gets rebranded as the storming of the Winter Palace when really just a few cunts like run in. It's like the storming of the capital. Yeah. And they're just run in and then... There's not really a defensive.

Oh, where's Nancy Pelosi? Oh, there's no one there. There's shit on a desk. Yeah. Did someone do a shit on there? I think so. Well, they were going to. They were going to. Well, they were trying to kill her and then they ended up doing a pool of this? Yeah, because in the film made by Sergei Eisenstein that revolutionary filmmaker who does all the films

recreating the myth of the revolution when they refilmed the storm in the winter palace there's more extras than there are people in the entire revolution basically anyway so the October revolution happens the council the meetings of people's commissars

has established Lenin is in control so Lenin decides he's like what should we call us we can't call ourselves ministers because that's too loaded so we'll call ourselves the bad boy not that we are the bad boy the union are the bad boys yeah bad boy bad boy what you gotta have a meeting probably yeah they call themselves commissars there's initially trotsky's like lenin trots is like who's gonna lead everyone and lenin's like you should even though you must know

he's just been polite and then trotsky's like I can't I'm Jewish and then did you know that you know that Jews are actually oppressed and then it's like, shut up, Leon, all right, I'll do it. Yeah, all power is declared to the Soviets, so the idea is all the Soviets around the country, they're going to be people running the country.

Imagine if the UK government was toppled by local councils. It would be the most boring, painfully torturous news story ever. Jackie Weaver's in charge. Jackie Weaver's taking control. So then we get in...

But this is just St. Petersburg, which is a key city, but it's such a huge Russian Empire what happens after this is the three to four

year brutal civil war where 15 million people die yeah then obviously the first thing

Lenin said he's going to do is peace and his focus on peace is what has kind of

guided this revolution through he said from the start he wants the war to end I'm actually against war

I'm actually against war yeah and he will do anything to end the war with Germany because he

realizes if he can end the war in Germany, he can win the civil war. As long as the war keeps going, he'll probably lose. Yeah. Because he needs to get all the troops on the Eastern Front. He can lose everything. Yeah. It's more important for him to stay onto power.

So what ends up happening is they sign this crazy peace treaty with Germany. Yeah. Because Germany know they've got Russia exactly where they want them. When they're going down, yeah, when they're going down to sign this treaty, because of one of the rules of the Soviets where they have to have a peasant there.

For legitimacy? Because they to have a representative from the peasantry right because they realize halfway down because they never met a peasant in their life any of these cunts they're halfway down and they go fuck we forgot a peasant so they just stop the train yeah just say oi out the window you come with us

get a random peasant uh huh yeah to sit in on the meeting that decides this treaty of the brestletomps which i didn't know about but it's it's crazy crazy yeah Lenin even says it's a coward's piece he knows it But what is, it's an amazing move from him because it's so counterintuitive to do this.

But it is fundamentally what saves the Bolshevik cause because he just needs to get this piece done. So basically, Lenin agrees to give Germany essentially so much, so much. I mean, all of Ukraine, all the Baltic states, Finland, Finland, Poland. Yeah. Now, none of this actually ends up happening because Germany lose the war. But there's a very interesting point, right? So it's a fuckload of land, by the way, just crazy. It's loads and loads of land.

It's all of Russia's arguably their best assets. Because even though Russia's a huge empire, all the key land is in the European side and it's basically giving all that shit back. Yeah. Yeah. So what's taken through the Brestletons is given to Germans includes Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania,

parts of Poland, and the whole, pretty much the whole of Ukraine. And Belarusia as well. Belarus. But it's a great move because it happens. The German war effort collapses and does Russia get it all back pretty much? Pretty much, yeah. But I mean, just in like the kind of strategy game,

the gamble and the payoff of this treaty is pretty amazing, I think. Well, yeah. Losing everything to gain everything. Yeah, he doesn't know he's going to gain everything, though. No, but he realizes that Bolsheviks would be fucked without it. And there's an interesting what if that if the Romanovs had held on for another 18 months, right? then they would be on the winning side of the war.

And Nicholas Romanov had actually signed originally Sykes Pico, right, with the British and the French, which was how they're going to divvy up the Ottoman Empire. And Sykes Pico is the thing that everyone goes on about and one of the foundation problems with the Middle East currently. So if Russia had signed that originally, it's only the Bolsheviks that takes signature off here, if Russia had hung on,

If Romanovs had held on to the end of the war and Germany was defeated, they would have got all this Ottoman land. Yeah, up for grabs. The Ottoman Empire is like a yard sale. Yeah. Because it was collapsed and it was like, who wants this? Who wants Constantinople?

It would have been Russian. Which has been the big dream. Yeah. I mean, it's a fun like what if. But also with this Brett Littofsk treaty, a young Hitler painting away, the vision of a German Leibings round stretching.

Yeah, he sees it. And then it collapses. And it's a huge part of his narrative as well is basically that this was ours and it was taken from us. So a civil war has kind of already begun by this point. Would you say that so this is where you have these forms? Basically anti-Bolsheviks. They're not necessarily, they're kind of czarist, but there may be some of them for a constitutional money. There's some constitutional one.

There's some like socialist Democrats there. And so the whites are now taking on the Leninists, the Reds. this starts a big civil war total war totally yeah it's crazy all over the country every town it's brutal

millions of people die pogroms the reds have awful atrocities but the whites probably even worse it's like there's not really heroes and villains

in this story they're all fucked no they're all fucked but it's like the whites do have opportunities to beat the reds

often but it's really badly managed they still have really like arrogant imperial mindsets which means they don't make the right alliance is it's really bloated as a force

because it's all the ex-Zaris officers. Some of the armies for the white one of them had 400 generals, right? And 25 infantry. What? How does that work? Because there's so many out-of-work czarist officers. Oh, wow. And it's just like the structural command

is so fucked on the whites. They were all general. There's just loads of generals. What, in the house, just in a room like that, shouting at the vineyard of these 25 guys. before we go properly into the Russian Civil War we should finish the story of the Roman Ops because this is, so in July 1918

they've been in exile in Siberia they've been playing chess, cards you know, halcyon days, croquet I'm getting to know my kids, it's nice You know what, I'm actually growing up with my kids I've got a relationship with my kids most dads don't have that, you know what I mean? It's a long paternity leave. It's like a Norwegian paternity leave

Yeah, it's what do they call that thing where there's a thing, there's a name for it or Swedes get. Yeah, it's like a two year. A bleeder bladder. Yeah. And it's like, oh, it's like a woke year when dad's do it. Oh, yeah.

Lati popas. Lattie Puppers, because they all drink latoes. So he's a latte papa. Yeah, Nicholas II is a Lattipapa. And he's hanging out with his kids and his wife. And he's carrying the kid in the front facing rucks out of things. Yeah, I mean, his youngest kid is 17, but still, he's carrying his heapophile child in a carrier in a papoose. And Pierce Morgan's like, that's a czar!

Anyway, so they have this kind of fairly idyllic sort of few months. in the summer in Siberia. Under the watch by the Red Guard, right? Well, yeah, they're under the watch of a commissar, but now you've got to remember, these are four teen girls, right? Woo!

It's kind of spring break. The guards all basically want to fuck the girls. And one of the, there's an inspection, because the commies love an inspection, from Moscow, and they go, we've got to move this, because the guards don't give a shit, because the guards are fraternizing, because basically there's one of them

is particularly fair. one of the Reminov girls and the guards all want to fuck her so they're just like flirting and the girls like flicking her hair and so they decided to move them to Yatterenburg and they get put in a house

with no like blacked out windows but still like the one of the girls is very cheeky and she's flirting with the guards and basically Lenin gives an order and he doesn't write this down he doesn't want to be a paper trail back to him

but he gives this order that he's actually they need to murder them all because the white forces are approaching and they don't want any trace of the Romanov line that could be used as a banner to reinstate them.

So now in the meantime, the Romanovs, they've got a five kilogram pile of diamonds, like big fucking diamonds. They've sewn them into their underwear and their bras and their petticoats and whatever fucking...

Like strippers. But real diamonds. Like real diamonds. diamonds, yeah, like classes. Why are you stripping if you've got that kind of jewelry on you? Not Diamante like panties. No, actual like co-in-aw shit. Way down.

Yeah, yeah. They weigh like two kilos, these pants. And so what they call, they co-named this, they're their medicine. So when they're moving house, they're like, oh, take the medicine, which means put on these heavy pants. And they're, because ultimately they think we want to buy our freedom and move abroad with these diamond panties. So what happens is that the order comes to murder them. And because the white forces are approaching.

And so they get this psychopath in charge of the murder. This is a guy who had, during the Civil War, had, like, cut off someone's head with a saw. Right. I say cut off. He'd sawn someone's head off. So I guess he'd laid them down on a vice. Got someone to hold his other end and just screwed his nose in.

I don't know. Anyway, he's like a sort of Charles Manson figure. Fine. He organizes a death squad, but he can't find enough professional soldiers. They don't really have... They speak for days about ways to kill them. as well. Yeah.

There's a lot of, there's a big meeting about how we're going to kill these. There are so many ways you could have killed them. You could have poisoned them. You could have like strangled them in their sleep.

You could have got Trotsky to come and talk about fucking Gaza or something. Right. So what they end up doing is they, there are 11 people in all that get killed. There's the six or seven Romanovs and then there's this butler and a doctor and a maid or whatever. So it's like Cludeau? It's like Cludeau. Who did it?

Colonel Must. It's probably the assassin. Yeah. It's probably the hired psychotic assassin with the gun. Yeah. in the death basement yeah so they walk them down to the basement of this house

and they they've all the gar all the assassins they're drunk they're pissed they've got all they've got is revolvers and pistols and bayonets and as the romanovs walked down the basement

Alexi the little boy he's had a hebafeelic attack so he's really really horny for the 13 year old so his dad carries him down And the last thing they see is this graffiti on the wall which is Rasputin railing his wife while Nicholas II is there in the chair

like jacking it as a cuck. Just because that was what everyone was graffiti That's because everyone's like you're a cuck mate And so whoever was living there It's like Will Smith Everyone knows his wife's fucking someone else And okay fine Yeah

So that's just coincidence That's just a nice little deep bit of detail For the double house So they walk down And then they've been told And then he starts jacking it To him jacking it to watching his wife getting fucked by Russ Pooze.

Because he's a cuck within a cuck. He's a Russian dog cuck. You take a different one out and they're just wanking at the last one. Yeah, there's nothing more virulent than a Russian cuck. Because you're wanking at the guy watching. Someone else wants you. Yeah, yeah. It's like a smaller cuck chair next to a cuck stool, next to a cuck guy.

At some point, who ever's getting fucked this guy? The last guy is just a guy just fucking his own face. Because the chairs get smaller. Russian cuck dolls. um anyway uh what happens next is crazy right so all the all the assassins are pissed they've all been told so they line up the 11 romanov's extended family whatever and they've all been told right pick a target pick a target you shoot the target we're done right nice clean job lads fair enough all the guys none of them want to kill any women so when the guy shouts fire

Everyone shoots Nicholas the second at the same time. He gets shot simultaneously by 10 bullets in his chest. His chest explodes. Blood everywhere. Then obviously they, so the Roman officers have been told they were being moved because the whites were approaching. They don't really know even until the guards come in with their pistols that there's something fruity going on.

Even when their dad's chest explodes. They go, well, hang on. What's happened there? He did have a big dinner. They then shoot Alexander. Ander in the head, bang. Stop your squabbling. Like, no one wants to kill the girls, but that is Lenin's orders.

So they shoot Alexi, and then he just fucking won't stop bleeding. My God, he won't get him. Famously. Famously. You cut me, I'm going to bleed to death. So he just keeps bleeding and keep, keep bleeding. That's what that song's about. That is about Alexa.

Leonel Lewis wrote a song about the hebefile Russian prince. Anyway, what should have taken. 20 seconds takes 20 minutes of just shooting stabbing some of the bayonets they're like

big World War I by bayonets they go in so hard that the girls get stuck to the floor and then they're like trying to pull it out they're like shooting what are the sources for all this information

do you know is it the guards talking about Simon Seabag Montefiore on Empire has a really you've got a whole book about the Romanovs right there's an hour long episode where he talks about the murder

it's fucking but is the guards telling this story I guess so Yeah Obviously it's old guns So the smoke Filling everywhere And Leona Lewis is playing

There's blood everywhere Brains everywhere It takes 20 minutes Crazy Mad They then eventually get all the bodies The other problem is They start shooting the kids

But they're fucking They're wearing the diamonds So they literally They're wearing chain mail So the bullets They just can't kill them It's like It's like police squad

or airplane it's a farce right they then eventually they kill them all and they drag them outside and then they this again it's fast upon fast they've dug a mine shaft i mean it's a pretty brutal farce if i yes it's not the most lighthearted no it's not the play that goes wrong it's sort of is the assassination that goes wrong um they've dug a mine shaft or a well they then put the bodies in it they then realize it's not that shallow it's not that deep it's like a shallow hole there's loads of them fuck there's loads of it yeah literally this is above ground this is a nightmare so then one of them has to go back into town to get more petrol or acid to get rid of them anyway they've dissolved them they burn them

whatever in 1998 right they find a couple of bones and they they think it's the roman of bones prince philip uh who is would be their cousin may he rest in power may he rest in power um prince philip our duke of edinburgh is obviously a cousin of one of these he gives blood and they do a DNA test and they confirm that the bones is a positive match

from Prince Philip in 1998 So I just told the Romanovs the whole set Yeah The whole set No they couldn't find They could

No the teaspoons were missing The children Because this is also Where the Anastasia Disney film comes from Yes Yes can you get Anastasia up One of my favourite Disney films growing up actually

It's an underrated bang at Anastasia It is a point banger, but I've just realized that the sort of prequel to Anastasia is fucking brutal. Brutal. Is that Rasputin? That's Rasputin there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just need to re-watch this now. Yeah. It's crazy to set a Disney film in the Russian Revolution.

Fucking Patreon. Oh, yeah, we should do a Patreon. Film Club, let's do it. Yeah, let's do it. Oh, I'd love that. Let's do that. I watch it with my fit girlfriend. Ooh. Yeah, how about? I watch it with my three-year-old. You watch it with your thick girlfriend, and we'll see who has a better understanding of the film.

Anyway, so the Romanovs are killed in eventually, in July, and then the Civil War carries on. We need to type the story of the Civil War. Yeah, I've listened to an audiobook on the Civil War. It's pretty fucking brutal, just fights on every front. There's some mad stuff where Trotsky basically pisses off the checks. Obviously, he starts talking. Yeah, he pisses them off.

He opens his mouth, and they're like, fucking hell, mate. Take a day off. Do you want a beer or so? Yeah. And it completely fucks up the Siberian front because the Czech's basically there. Do you know that avocado's actually one of the highest water footprints of any food? And they go right

to fuck you off. So even being vegans actually you're committing quite a big crime against the planet if you have avocados. Do you know that? Alan Titchmarsh says they should be treated like caviar. And then 50,000 checks to punish Troxy for being so dull. Yeah. Go up and down the Trans-Liberian Railway Express causing havoc. Now a trans-Siberian, that's a pretty pretty minority.

Oh my God. Yeah. There's not many of them. scene. Like an Eskimo trance. Fucking else. As powerful as it gets. That is as, yeah, that's peak minority, isn't it?

Yeah. And there's a lot of discourse about them getting into the gender to ice fishing. And Trotsky's like, where are they in the adverts? There's no representation for trans Siberians.

Asipanik, in their culture, Asipanik is a trans Inuit. Wow. Interesting. So there's a few of them maybe. Inuit and an Aaltyate. Um, I guess that's her,

Hamaphrodite Eskimos is in and out to you, in O-O-O-O-T-U-W-T-U-T. If you live in an igloo, where do you poo? Down the ice hole. I think you're up between two of the bricks, maybe. No. What do you mean? What do you mean to do the bridge? No.

You have the, you cut to fishing. Yeah, like ice fishing, but you lay a log in there. Right, ice-pooing. And they're like, I've caught one out for fuck, say it's my uncle's shit. I've caught a floater. My uncle's frozen hard shit. Sorry, let's get off Tranny Eskimos. Well, I guess.

With the Civil War, we're not going to go through the narrative of it. There's just a little bits here and there. The Reds are pretty brutal. So is everyone, to be fair. Including the invention of the Gulag by Lenin, even though it's often seen as a Stalin invention. I didn't know Lenin invented the Gulag. Obviously, they've always exiled people to Siberia,

but the Gulag sort of takes it to that next step. Because it's basically a class genocide. Anyone who's counter-revolutionary can be sent to these sort of re-education camps slash death camps. So middle-class genocide? Yeah. Disgusting. Yeah.

Disgrace. Minute silence, please, for all the middle close-downs. Because they're trying to kill so many people, they get a lot of the bourgeoisie or whites forces, tie them up with barbed wire, float them out on a barge into the middle of the Baltic, and then they blow out the barge. Why do that seems unnecessary?

Just let them drown. Why are blowing it up? Well, I guess you want to save bullets. Because it's on a ship. And you want to get them out far. Do you just sink the ship? You just sink the ship. It's one bullet, right?

It's actually a more cost-effective way of doing it. You get a massive barge filled with people with their hands tied and they just blow up the ship and they're all in the middle their hands tied. You could just blow them up on land and save the ship though,

shouldn't you? Yeah, but will that kill all of them? You'd have to probably shoot them in the head. If they're tied up, that's still one bullet, right? Well, they'll drown. Because they'll just drown

there's no way out. They love sharing everything these fuckers. They do. And Britain and France and America they're all, they're joining in. That's why I didn't realize.

I didn't realize that. Yeah, like Churchill's fucking hates the Bolshe's. It can't stand the balshies. The Japanese get involved because they're trying to do some Land grabs in Manchua. Yeah.

One more interesting thing is the defense of Saritzin. Stalin mounts this mythologized defense of the city of Saritzin, right? Because that's one of the things he's controlling. He wasn't actually a great military leader. Trotsky, weirdly, is better, isn't he? Yeah. Trotsky does a lot of great military leadership at times. Sometimes he's overconfident and that fucks him.

Well, he's great for the other team because he gives a speech to his own troops and then they kill themselves. Huge amounts. They just get a loud speaker And he starts lecturing them And en masse Thousands of whites Kill themselves

Yeah Did you know that Prawns are actually Do you know how prawns are farmed It's really barbaric And they're just tied themselves With barge wire And jumping off

Rocks in their pockets Into the Baltic Is that barge left yet Can I get on it This can start talking about prawn eggs But Stalin's tactics He'll just meet grind anyone so he doesn't has no care for human life past him so even though he does defend this

city he actually was just he threw enough bodies in front of it right yeah uh saritzen is then called starlingrad in um honor of him oh and you know you know you got fin when you know you know you got you know you got a fact that fin didn't know when he turns japanese for a second it's like if you tell him something about hitler that he didn't already know he might know um so that hang on so starlingrad has just always been a absolute blood bust yes What is it now? Is it still called Stalingrad? It's called Volgagrad.

Right. I'd love to actually go. Stalingrad is probably my favorite part of World War II. Yeah, it's sick. Is this big as it gets? That's my first Bivo book. Is it? Yeah.

Bivos, guys, if you not read Bivo Stalingrad. Is it good? Brilliant. How many pages is it? Hey? How many pages? He eats the whole thing in one go and then says you know the rules. He swallowed it.

If you like, I mean, it's male history. If you like battles, it's the biggest battle of all time. What more could you want? Yeah. A million people die in a battle. There's Beaver Stalingrad and there's Beaver's Berlin. Love it. Shout out, Anthony.

There's Bevo's Bonnie Blue. Yeah, that's a very different work, actually. That's a very different work. That's his later period. Bonnie Blue sucks off Anthony Beaver and says, you know the rules. Come on. We've got to tie up the Civil War for us so that we can then get to how Lenin's life ends. Basically, even though the Bolsheviks have pissed off the peasants a lot because they're stealing

grain. Seizing their land as well. Seizing their land because they're so focused on the workers. Yeah. They basically like reintroduced serfdom in a way. The whites, though there have a lot of opportunities, this is kind of where they lose the war to take advantage of all the people the Reds are pissing off. They're still, they hate pay it peasants so much, they're still just raping and pillaging

all their villages. And there's so many pogroms at this point. So only pogroms. This is like Jews. The whites are so terribly organized in that way that they just kind of fuck it and eventually it kind of crumbles. Yeah. Even though they've had like, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've,

they had, like, launched an assault on Moscow. They very nearly got there. It kind of, they're just too overzealous, basically, the whites. And then... And the capital moved to Moscow during this period because St. Petersburg is too close to Finland and the Germans.

Yeah. So they move it to Moscow, and that's why it's... Ideally, we'd move the capital from London because it's too close to Germany. Where do you move it to? Falkland? No, Falkland.

Fucker. Yeah, yeah. I would. I would. Shetland Islands. What's the capital of the Falklands is called? It's called something stupid. It's like Jeffrey.

or something. Stanley, is it? Port Stanley. Stanley. It's some fucking... Stan, that's a stupid name for it.

You can't just call it a city, a bloke. Just Nigel. Yeah. I mean, it's more... It shows that we really shouldn't be there in a way. Yeah.

That it's an island off the coast of South America called Stanley. Should be called Juan? Yeah. Should we get to Lenin's death? Yeah, we should. So Lenin, while this is all going on, let's...

No, the war has slowly, eventually ground to a halt. The red is now in control. right this is what 1922 23 23 yeah

24 I think Lenin survived an assassination attempt yes he's also had a couple of strokes

I think yeah he looks very frail let's get old Lennon up would you he's in a chair he's got his

blankie around his knees he's just in front of the TV watching Inspector Morse he's just waiting for it to end

yeah look at this look at that he looks like Jimmy Carter yeah on his 99th birthday yeah

big chair though he looks fucked yeah look at his eyes he looks completely fucked he's terrified he's still coming

from the revolution to be fair I mean he's managed to do it well look he's that's it he's completely drained of cum

and now he's just the revolution has been one Lenin's dream has been realized and now he can finally evaporate from coming

harder than anyone's ever come before if you can come hard than anyone what are you left with exactly you're just skin and bones he's come so hard

he's embalmed himself with cum that's why he's frozen in a state he's lying in state like oh he's been incumed

yeah he's been coming right come on how does how does lenin finally slip away so he's old um and he calls up his old friend trotsky and he says can you just tell me one of your fucking boring stories go on tell me about salmon

farming would you shuffle me off this mortal coil will you what's wrong with yeah what's wrong with what's wrong with pork why is pork bad go on mate finish me off would you why shouldn't we drink coconut milk what's wrong with that did you know oat milk actually got

more sugar in it. Explain how much palm oil's in Nutella. Yeah, come on. Come on. Come on. You brought out a new line of peanut butter, have you? Got woke peanut butter now. Trotsky, the biggest murderer of all time. Mass murderer. Yeah, so what happens? Lenin shuffled off.

It's about the... So Stalin's been there the whole time and basically Trotsky has been kind of... He's often on tour doing stuff. He's... I don't know. He's like a... doing speeches still. He's wanging on about something. He's wanging on about something. But Stalin is positioning

himself slowly kind of for power. He's grown in influence as the war's gone on. He also is the guy who changes all of Lenin's he speaks to Lenin and says what Lenin is saying to the rest of the communists, which is very powerful position. Lenin's in a chair

and he can't even. And Stalin says well he says that I'm brilliant. Yeah. He said that last week. Yeah. That's all he's saying. But also Lenin doesn't want Stalin to take over. And this is kind of interesting. There is a letter, which is kind of very dramatic. This is very Russian will.

Almost, right? Yeah. One of the last things he says. One of the last things he says is Stalin is a thug who lacks compassionate kindness. Do not let him become the lead of this country. And predicts all of the bloodshed and horror that's going to come during Stalin's reign. Even though

he doesn't name a successor, which is a big flaw from Lenin, I feel. He should have named who he wanted it to be. But this obviously is suppressed. Also what I found out was quite interesting is the communists said that Stalin was taking too much power before Lenin was dying

so much so that they all said this is too much you've got to leave and he says I will leave if you want me to and because of that humbleness they said okay maybe you are all right actually or Stalin? Yeah so Stalin says if you want me to I will yeah he plays one of those tricks

and also reverse psychology the two people who are prying to take over from Lenin are Trotsky and Stalin. Trotsky has annoyed everyone. Yeah. Because what Trotsky does is he makes them all feel like idiots. He thinks that he's smarter than everyone. Yeah. He's pissing them all off. And so even though he has probably a better resume than Stalin, Stalin, because he's got a thick Georgian accent, people underestimate him, he's built a better network. He doesn't make people feel like idiots. One of the great, one of the great, one of the great mustaches. One of the great mustaches of, we are living in a pre-Saddam era. This is the greatest

mustache anyone's ever seen. Mm-hmm. And then Lenin dies, Stalin, and his kind of final great masterpiece chess move, tells Trotsky the wrong date of Lenin's funeral. This is so good. And if you are trying to take over from a communist leader, what you need to do is organize their funeral. That is the move. That's what happens with Stalin. Yeah. When he dies, Khrushchev helps organize the funeral.

You want to be the one who's seen to be the most sad at the last guy's funeral. like catching the bouquet at the wedding. 100% He's organising the funeral. You want to organise the funeral. We want to show that you are the saddest one, that you're the most heartbroken. So I don't know how he got away with this,

but he says Trotsky is going to be two weeks later. Trotsky, there's an orangutan over there. This home has been burned down by peanut butter farm. And Drotsky's like, what? And he runs off. Trotsky is having a, is in like a rehab because he's got an illness. So it looks like Trotsky is a missing. Boringitis.

He's got boringitis. Yeah. It looks like he's missing Lenin's funeral because he's on holiday. Anoint, Annoying cuntitis. Yeah. And then he comes back and the, the sounds have already shifted.

Yeah. Stalin's in pole position. And this is where the, as Anthony Bivo calls it, the death cult of Lenin begins because they embalm him. But I think they, there's something about... But I'm pro embalming.

I think people view it as like, we are... We're a pro-embourg. People view it as this kind of like really a body horror, bizarre thing. No, no, no, no. I mean, you can go see the fucker. My point is,

I think it's Lenin where they even... either they get the amounts wrong or something and he's really, really small. I think it's Lenin where they accidentally shrink him and he's like basically... Well, they shrink him in the wash? I think he sort of gets... I think they put a pink sock when they're embalming at Susan. No, that's, that's Gorbachev. That's why that's there.

You've got to put a pink sock in the wash and he's like, oh... Yeah, I think maybe it's been on display for so long that it's just shrunk, but... There's a lot of debate at the moment, can you? Yeah, but it's nearly always close. I've been to Moscow but it was closed when I saw it I'd have loved

to start a peak because you know what I mean we've just spent ages talking about this prehistoric moment if you can actually see their fucking you know waxed

I'd love to lay respectfully a slice of American cheese on his embalmed head I never got to do this while you're alive well you know when you put your footprint in cement

and it's forever when they're about to embalm and you just chuck a piece of cheese and now forever this cheese is embalmed onto his and every person paying their respect another element on the big Mac on

just like a gurkin or like some slightest onion he'd love that he'd love that oh here we go what you are after 95 years in public display

his body will be laid to rest in Lilliannyovskok in defense of communism is the site get this filth off my laptop Charlie get this commie filth off you've been buried this year

go back I mean it's a big um shit September 3rd 2025 he's going to be buried fair enough wow heartbreaking

I want to see this fucker yeah Because his moustache will still be intact Can we somehow Can we pay someone who's near there Can we buy them in a slice of American cheese And just chuck it in the grave As he's being lowered down

Well as he's being lowered Yeah You get it just Indiana Jones under the door Oh you know how Jews leave rocks on gravestones We should just leave bits of American cheese On Lenin's grave So To finish off

So Stalin's in power And then Stalin's slowly but surely We're not starting Stalin now are we We've done fucking six hours. We're not. He purges everyone. But this, at the end of this coming of age film, if the Russian Revolution was a coming of age film, no, it wouldn't be.

Is it? No, no, if it was like, um. It doesn't feel like a Richard Curtis film. What are the films where in the credits, the historical film? There's like boyhood. You know in the credits where there's guitar music playing and it shows the character and explains what happens to them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, after, it's not Argo, it's like, it's like a rom-com.

Like a rom-com. No, but, okay, what happens to the person? Yeah, like a rom-com. Yeah. if Russian Revolution was a rom-com Stalin will have a smiling picture of him this will be

manufactured of famine in Ukraine that kills 15 million people over the course of his life he potentially kills 40 million defeats the Russia defeats the Nazis though yeah so this is all in his little thing purges everyone so all the people that he's hanging out with

you can show who he purges he purges all of them Trotsky gets exiled moves to Mexico gets into a love affair with Frieda Carla the monobrow artist Fucking, can you imagine those two

wanging on about Jesus Christ I'm best thinking about Keeps writing books about Stalin He writes a biography about Stalin Doesn't finish it Because while he's writing it In 1939

He's finishing the chapters Of his biography About how Stalin fucked everything One of Stalin's assassins Goes into the room Where he's writing it Gets a ice pick And fucking chucks it through the Bible

Shut up The best moment of this whole story. The justice, finally, that whiny cump it's got an ice pick in his face.

But it's so cinematic. He's in Frida Carlos' house right in the final chapter of his biography of Stalin who took the job that he wanted. And then a pickax goes in and he literally falls on his book

with the blood dribbling over. It's him saying Stalin was actually a bit of a nasty guy. It's a shame that the pickax guy didn't then go for Frida because he could probably go to sort of out her old Turkish brow got going on.

And with that, it brings us probably, I'd say, is the end, have we missed, I don't think we missed anything. No, I mean, I mean, it's perfectly poised for our epic Stalin series. Yeah, I can't wait for that either. We'll be, we'll give it, give it a minute. Give it a rest. Give it a minute.

Christ, let's get out. This is the most research I've had to do for any of these. And I've been stuck in Russia for a long time. It's been too long. Let's get out of Russia, please. We need some sillier stuff because this is fucking bleak. Russia's cold. It's really cold and they just eat cabbage.

Thank you so much for bearing with. us on our epic voyage that was a lot of uh that was a lot of quite stodgy food for these yeah we will be back with some red meat we'll be back with some lovely little carpaccio i reckon lovely little wafer thin bit of red meat throw out of gullets if you'd like more more if you'd like more join the patron we have three pounds a month and by the way it's not four pounds 50 if you do it through the app it's four pounds if you don't the website it's three pounds that's because apple have added a one pound 50 surcharge trying to stop people from joining patron But it's been, I think it's been decided as illegal in the courts.

Anyway, don't be a mug. Sign up via the website to just pay three pounds for all our hot only fans bonus content. Bye. Sometimes I'm trying to get his ass out. Okay, bye. See you next time. Thank you.