Fin vs History - K-Hole in a Cave Hole | The Thai Cave Rescue (Part 2)

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh A Stopped Clock Is Wrong Most Of The Time.     Thai Cave Rescue (Part Two)    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  Chapters: 00:00 - He Is A Cruiseship   08:25 - Do The Maybot  11:56 - She’s Topless!   17:32 - Red Flag  23:00 - Whole Cocktail Of Ket  30:16 - You Guys Are Pedos  35:01 - Pong?  38:36 - Rick Needs A Cross   43:27 - Should’ve fucked him!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus history. I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Hello. This is part two of our Thai Cave Rescue series. The greatest thing to happen this century. 100%. Well, 9-11. Since 9-11, I'd say this is one of the greatest things.

Yeah. This was sort of the Thai 9-11 in a way. Thai-11, yeah. Tie-11, but it was... 12. It was Thai 9-11 if an autistic British guy punched the plane out of the sky. Or like drove a plane into the plane that was going into the building to stop the building being hit.

So there's a plane in the air. He sees that the planes go in there and he's built his own small plane. And he decides to get to it. I will 9-11 that 9-11 plane. So he 9-11 to 9-11 planes. Wow. I think you've, you know, for me 9-11, as I've said, many times is unimprovable. Yeah.

As an event. Yeah. Yeah. I just think it's pure cinema. Aesthetically, it is pretty, it is beautiful. It is. In the horror, it's beautiful. It's genuinely beauty.

Me watching 9-11 for the first time is like American Beauty where he's watching the plastic bag. What's a young boy? I'm spellbound. Yeah, I'm 11-year-old. It's absolutely spelled-bound. Fat.

Yeah. Yeah, by the way, I'm not going out of a Thai cave. Yeah. If I'm 11. Well, actually, speaking about you as a young fat boy, when we did our always be comedy gig, at the Chelsea venue, Yes.

There was someone who went to school with you. Oh, really? And he chose to show me a photo that you might remember. Charlie, can we get that photo up. Do you notice who this man is? Yeah, I remember that show. Yeah, yeah. And then let's play the video, Charlie.

So, oh. Em Orson. I've always said I went to school with Emma Watson. Fucking hell. Is that not one of the greatest photos ever taken? That's incredible. Look at this. Who was it?

So it's Hawaiian shirt, Fat Taylor. sad dejected sort of is moving like a sort of cruise ship in the background

and in the foreground lit yeah cinematically is a young Emma Watson who has she been cast in Harry Potter

at this stage looks like it yeah so this sort of Hollywood superstar in the making in the shadows Guy Fierry is crowling

fuck who was it then I don't remember his name oh man You're sending the actual photo here to the studio. Fuck, that's so good. But I couldn't believe my luck.

You've kept that in your back pocket. I kept in my back pocket. I was trying to find the right moment to do it. I had like three episodes and I decided this one was the right one. Oh man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to have it in the studio. It's the perfect.

Saddest. Everything that you described yourself is the Hawaiian shirt, you know, he's just so dejected. What's amazing? I've been trying, there is a photo that I'm thinking of that I've, seen and I can't find of me at my biggest. And I've talked about this before, but the deep level of shame I feel when I look at it. But even like the famous fat one with you looking, there's a real sheepishness to you. Because you seem, you seem a shame.

Whenever there's the fat young tailor, he seems a shame. This is a middle-aged man. This is me walking away from a darts hockey. What's a darts hockey? Which way you stand. Oh, right. It's after, this is after a darts player. I'm fucking Lutlitz-Luh.

I've, after I've thrown, I'm turned away to get another swig of ale. But you know, Zoom app, it's just, it's so beautifully framed this, this. I've always said I went to school with Emma Watson. Yeah, I know. It's just, it's just like, you're both had, you're both going to have, you're both going to have, you're both going to have very storied careers, and it's going to be historic photo. I just look, I look, yeah, it looks like, it looks like Gavin Plumman, Holly

will be. Yeah. Did you ever speak? I couldn't believe it. I pulled her hair in year three and she didn't invite me to her birthday. All because she didn't invite me to her

but I can't remember. It's so good. It's very different. You can see that this is the difference between who becomes an actress and who becomes a comedian. Because when you grow up, it's like a lot of being an actress

you have to have just sort of genetic sort of you're a genetic freak with how everything lines on. Comedians, you have to. You think about genetic freaks. Convenians you have to overcome something. So that's, if you want to know the difference to why someone becomes an actress

and why someone becomes a comedian. It's also amazing to do like a question of sport thing where which one of these now in the public eye will go on to make a speech to the UN about feminism. It's exactly who you think. It might not be because you might have the options. I've still got that in my locker. Yeah, because you might go in the UN saying feminist is bollocks. Yeah, I'm not a shit. Everything everyone wants and talked about was all shit. Oh, so good. He is a cruise ship. You're right. He is a cruise ship. But I remember that shirt I had, where did I get? Would I get them in France? And now

What's fascinating is that now, I mean, Charlie, that's the kind of shirt you'd wear. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I don't know if it is. You're wearing a kind of a lesbian aunt's shirt right now. I don't know. No, I don't know if he's got...

I'm not wearing fucking Hawaii. It's quite an example. It does look like you might grow up to get some Thai boys out a cave, though. Yes, yes. But what I'm saying is that that shirt now, that kind of shirt now, you see people with moustaches in East London wearing that shirt. I don't know if it's that shirt. They're wearing it better than I did.

I'm not saying. No, no, I think there's a specific difference that they're... This is really depressing. No, it is. I'm not saying it's not depressing. This isn't cool at all. I'm not saying it's cool. I'm just saying that you could put that shirt on a guy that's not depressing and fat.

And it would work. Maybe. I quite, I found memories of that shirt because it was soft and I didn't sweat as much in it. In the shadows. In the shadows. Haunting. Haunting. Haunting ever what's.

But it feels like it's a shark. It looks like you're, does this the night you're, pulled her hair? Because it looks like you're snaking. This is way, this is way older. This must be when we're, uh,

I mean, it's two British icons, to be honest. This is a, fuck me. What, how is he, why does he have the photo of this guy?

I don't know why he showed me and not you. I don't know. Why has he got a photo of Emma Watson? I think because his mum took it. Right. And he was going through an old shoebox of photos. Unless is Emma Watson's, um,

brother who I think listens to the pod Oh right okay Well there you go Wow what an amazing piece of law That is Is she and Harry Potter at this point I think she might be There was a point at school where she was in Harry Potter

And like she had security guards and stuff And it was all bit intense You're like like lichie bollocks Charlie what was that Were you stuff in your face? I didn't speak like that Rooke fucking bologna But I had auditioned to

be um is it one of the dudley the fact that one of the dudley the fact one yeah yeah yeah i'm not totally there i've said that before i didn't get very far they're like nice that's too that's horrible you can't be in the film get a picture of dudley up is it dudley is that what's name dudley he's the horrible older brother yeah yeah yeah yeah wait did they come around your school yeah yeah so was everyone doing for different parts yeah i wasn't going for harry I was going for the... Is it Dudley or is it... Dudley, Dudley, Dursley.

Dudley, yeah, one of the Dursle's. Yeah, that was me. Evil. But Dudley's got like a... Dudley's got kind of a shine on him whereas this is like... Oil tanker. What, listen.

Charlie, what? Listen. The angle... He's only said he's an audition for Dudley. Don't go like, no, you're not as charming. But this is like... Dudley had to have a bit of... No, but this is after I've not got Dudley.

Okay? That's that way you're so sad. Yes. Because I was like, well, at least I may have... Maybe I'm Dudley. I'm just hulking around. Anyway, anyway. Anyway.

We've gone slightly off topic. Sorry, apologies. God. So, 13 members of a Thai football team are trapped in a cave. They have been found alive by a crack squad of English autistic men.

The A team. This episode of Finverse History is brought to you by Surf Shark. Guys, look, you've heard it from us before. Yeah. No homo. No homo. I love Surf Shark.

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Now, shall we place 2018? We did it pretty well last time. Is this, we're going to do it again in like, so you do 28 as a year? I would say, because the nearer to the time, we have to be tight as hell. Because we all remember things.

So this is pretrust. Yeah. It's pre-trust. It must be Theresa May at this point. Is this, is this Mays world? We're just living in it. She stands down in 2019, I believe. Yeah.

So this is Theresa May years. Yeah. Has the Maybought happened? Has the May bot happened? I think the Maybot is actually quite early on. I think Maybought maybe 2017. And it's before the tears outside Downing Street. Yes.

The country that I love. Fucking, come on, love. Yeah, I think we've all, now that makes she not in power, I think there's now fondness towards May. Do you know what I mean? There's like a nostalgia for May. Do you not think? The fittest...

The sound of a trust. Yeah. Yeah, you see her do the May bot and you think, ah, you know, that's sweet. I want to see the trust bot. Because you do. Trust comes out. You'd get, you'd get fucking singles

being putting there in her pants. Penis. Putting pennies and Trush's bra. Yeah, it doesn't really work. That's why stripping does never took off in the UK. Because we don't have small enough change. Paper, paper money. Yeah, we're too stingy.

Yeah, we've just, we've got thick two-pound coins. The women aren't fit enough and the notes aren't small enough. Yeah. You know, you'd have to, they'd have to be really fit to put a fibre in.

Yeah. Yep, it's, it's post-Maybot and it's his pre the country I love. Yeah. Now, the boys are on a little beach,

little sort of ledge in the cave system. Now, I didn't realize this. Coach Aki, who's the assistant coach, he had taught the boys meditation to conserve oxygen because he was a monk.

And we'll see when we do the Chilean minus. series on the patron the cultural differences about to be honest if you want anyone, if you want people stuck in a cave yeah you want ties

it's this era of the you want Buddhists yes they're built to do nothing and like yeah I think exist in the moment yes in the way that is I'm glad that Shanoble happened in Russia yes and Fukushima happened in

Japan Japan I'm glad that this happened to Thai boys because they seem like a peaceful yes we'll get into what Latino men fight over. Yeah. I mean, it's also a story of the difference

between the innocence of boys and the filth of men. Yes, minors as well. It's minors versus minors, isn't it? Yeah. So he's teaching the boys to just exist in the moment to conserve oxygen, but we must remember it's very,

very, very, very, very... I wouldn't want to be present, because my present is... Smelly. It's so smelly. I'd be thinking about the future the whole time. They've got a poo patch and then they've got the drinking patch and they've got a piss patch. Yeah.

And this is the thing. 13 of them. Yeah. I mean, the smell must be unthinkable. Yeah. Anyway,

what is it? Can't you go poo in the water? No, because that's their drinking water. Charlie, this is how you would, you would be so dead. Dead. Dead.

You contaminate your only drinking sword. They drink clean water from, that's dripping from stalactite. So they're like, ah, ah, there you go.

Was it? They're doing that to survive. Yeah. We've had the breakthrough on the 2nd July. They found the boys. They then have to go again. but John Valanthan, who's a scout leader,

he does like a sort of motivational, like, hip, hooray. Because he's got like a little bit of, he's got human empathy. He's a scout leader, so he knows how to corral a group of children. In the documentary, Rick's like, I've spent most of my life trying to avoid children.

But, um, now, is he saying that there's some kind of restraining order? We don't know. But John Valanth is like, you know, I've been in control of large groups of children before, and I know what gets spirits up. And what is he would he do?

So, he'll go, hip a parade. for the British and for the Australians and the tyres just like hungry hungry now hip hip hop boying and that footage goes around the world and it's a miracle

and the Buddhist monk from Myanmar coached what's he called Boon Chum Boon Chum Bungang sorry? Punti Tang whatever his name is he suddenly hailed as a hero

but remember his prophecy he'd said the boys are alive but it will take two lives to save them So, Navy SEALs begin going in to deliver the boys high-calorie gels and medical supplies. The kind of supplements you bother yourself. Yes, of course, yeah. And sort of like protein bars and powder. Sat doing this all day.

I'll be having these high-calorie gels. Yeah. So if you're trapped there, you're like, oh, brilliant. This is it perfect? But they're like, can I have, you know, can I have like a fibre powder place? Papaya salad or something. And you're like, a lovely, a grenade bar. Yeah.

The round trip to the boys, which we are still trying to work, Charlie's still trying to work out how many human bumholes. this is. Because he seems to have got the numbers way off. He can't even work that out. Let alone dwarf thumb holes. He said like it was the length of 3,000 dwarves or 36 million bums. Which means that a dwarf is about a million

bums. Which is not true. It can't be true. It can't be. So the round trip takes the boy that takes the diver's six hours. Three hours there, three hours back. Some of the route is only 38 centimetres wide. But this is the thing, what's so crazy is there's obviously, you see the caving videos. That's

mad, you're squeezing through these like gaps. When you've got the scuba gear, when you're passing your oxygen tank through and then putting yourself through and you're underwater and it's dark, it's just like... And there's a line. So at all points, they are putting a line, the rope, through the case system. So there's always something to hang on to, which is one of the core tenets of caving. It's that you always have a line that you never let go of. I've actually found the truth now.

Okay. It is the way to the boys and back is 196,850 normal human bums or regular human bums. And if you're doing dwarf bums, it would be 281,215 dwarf bums. Okay, good. To get them together. That seems a bit more. That sounds reasonable. I'm not sure where the million came from.

36 million bums. I can't even imagine that. Try imagining it. There's a difference between the Holocaust and the Holocaust denier, isn't it? Yeah. Six million plays 200,000. But were we Holocaust denying his bum number? We're Tarka bum deniers.

Anyway. Right. So they start this sort of system of delivering supplies to the boys, medicine, and there are these four seals, maybe four or two Navy SEALs, it should be said. They get to the boys and then they're like, oh, I don't actually want to go. Like the dive is very difficult. can't come back so they're like they realize fuck we're just going to have to stay with the boys until the end right whether they die or they don't like we can't get back out because they couldn't

get it was too much yeah they need help to get out and so if they if they can't get the boys out then they've added two more to the tally of of deaths right because at this point it's a monsoon season and they and I think there's been a pause in the rain but it's it's like coming but it's going be months. And it's still seeping through. Partly they're thinking, do we keep the boys alive for four months while the rain subsides and then like they can walk out? Yeah.

But that's not an option because at one point they take a oxygen reading off where the boys is and it's 15%. Yeah, they'll be dead. Anything underneath like two weeks, surely. I think anything under 18% is seen as uninhabitable. Yeah. Oh, here we go. So normal air is 21% oxygen.

So 12 to 16% causes the heart rate to increase. So think of this as meeting a woman that I'm not met. 10 to 14% affects coordination. So this means that she's maybe revealed her upper arm or something? Yeah. 6% to 10% can cause vomiting. This means she's taking a top off and revealed a bra. And less than 6% the body suffers convulsions and breathing so possible.

This is revealing her tits fully. Yeah, panties off. Breathings impossible. The heart stops. So this is what, so this is how. Rick Stanton sees it. Yeah. He goes, okay, there's 15%.

So at the moment, it's just a woman showing her upper arm. Yeah, but we cannot take a top off. Otherwise, these boys will die. Their hops will stop. Okay. They are trying to work out how on earth they're going to get these boys back. Some of the Thai guys, the government officials, like, let's just deliver food for them for months. But that would take like 2,000 meals, I think.

And it could cause long-term health problems. Also, they're like getting sick. They're sort of pooing. You know, it's Pooey. Get them out, I think. Pooey's not the name of one of the boys. There was also talk of like drilling into the top of the mountain to try and ease of events. Similar to the Chilean miners, rescue.

But that would take a month and they'd be dead by the time that happened. And basically the weather is the big factor. And obviously the Brits understand this. It's a test cricket playing country. Okay, you have to score runs quickly. We've got a lot of disappointing days after being rained off. Yes. And the danger is this test gets rained off.

You have to score quite. Quickly. Yeah. Right. Duckworth Lewis may come into play. Yeah. Now, on the 4th of July, so this is two days after the boys have been found. Which is actually, weirdly, when it was a live update, this is what I remember the most from the actual time is when Elon did this.

So Elon Musk gets involved, tweeting, I suspect the Thai government has us under control, but I'm happy to help if there is a way to do so. Okay, that's fine. That's quite nice from Elon. This is sort of, I'd say this is Elon's big PR turn, isn't it? This is the whole thing. This is his villain origin story. Yes, it is. Because I think before this, I don't remember having a...

Well, he's gone through a lot of things. Remember he was the green guy? Yeah, yeah. He was the electric vehicles. Leonardo DiCaprio is interviewing him for like climate change stuff. SpaceX. Has he done the reverse rocket yet? Or that's not yet at this point.

And then he flipped. Yeah. This is when he flipped. And now he's Zoom calling. the far right in the UK saying you're all hobbits they need to get rid of the orcs i.e. Muslims.

And his dad is saying that Michelle Obama's just obviously got the night of shlong. Well that is common knowledge. That's common knowledge and it is obvious. Yeah. So to be fair to him, I don't want to... His dad is just pointing out the obvious.

That Michelle Obama's got a nine-inch slon. It's common knowledge. So no, we can't judge, we can't judge his dad by his son. It's obvious. Okay, because his dad just sees things clearly. His dad just sees through the shit. Yeah.

It's obvious. It's just common knowledge. His dad has searing clarity that his son doesn't, I think. It's true. If only Elon had the same searing clarity as Errol. Yeah. If only we all had the same searing clarity as Errol Musk, the world would be a lot safer place.

So, Musk's team of engineers from SpaceX and the boring company, is that what they're called? The boring company. Yeah, because they bore holes in the ground. Yeah, I know. But anyway. They must have some fun Well, they know and work

They begin work And it's evil autism Versus good autism This is Yeah You can go either way Autism has no morals to it It's just which way do you point

The wind-up artist And which way do they walk? Bourgeois Eichmann Yes, Charlie There's also There's horny autism as well Like Bonnie Blue Does have autism

I think Well that's female autism Which is its own Harder It's a very horned It's own beast There is a horny version of autism. Because I don't know what female autists, they're not going into caves.

It's a whole other thing. They are the caves. They're just sucking in poor British men. So poor British autistic men are getting sucked up there. And the great tragedy is there's not even 12 tieball stuck in Bonnie Blues pussy. Yeah. Autistic individuals can experience heightened sexuality or hypersexuality, which can present as intense sexual desires.

Whatever you hyperfocus on it, it's not really your choice. But I suppose is the... And she hibocused on having a million cock to her family. problem is, or maybe what's tough to understand is, is it sexual when it's an autism hyperfixation? Because it... It takes a level of sexuality out of it.

Yes, because it's not as kind of intense passion. It doesn't seem... You know, Bonnie's not passionately fucking these men. She's methodically... She's working her way through it. She's collecting pinnini stickers. She's Eichmann going like, yes, no, yeah, yeah, stamp over there.

But instead it's like, yeah, next. There's a joylessness to it which makes people think it's not really sex It's more just kind of stamp collecting Musk thinks that you could set up a network of tubes To the cave to inflate the air Like a bouncy castle Right

He's a big... For their leisure So in case they get bored Let's get them out first Elon maybe On the 6th of July Tragedy strikes So everyone's been very happy

They found the boys You know it's all very mystical Well, they're happy they found the boys, that's one thing, and then it's the dawns them, how do we get them out? Because finding the boys and them all dying is arguably worse in some ways. Well, the Brits know this, but the Thai, the public think brilliant. We found them, they're alive. They think they're just going to get them out.

The Brits, the four guys are actually like, oh, fuck, this is where the real work begins. So a Navy seal, Saman Kunan, he dies on the 6th of July while delivering a central oxygen tank. because the Navy SEALs, even though they're doing their best, they don't have the equipment or, frankly, the immunity to Pum that Rick Stanton and John Flanton. Tom I was getting too much pussy. He should never been allowed in that case.

That was a complete oversight. It was. It's a tragedy by the Thai government, let him in there. Because in the documentary, they interview his girlfriend or wife. And it's like... Red flag. Red flag. He should not have been allowed him.

We should have had a fucking phrenologist there. Look at him. Yeah. Chiseled. Chisled. Yeah. I would have taken one. one look at that jawline and said you need to leave immediately.

Get that up here. Your life is an immense danger. You cannot go in this cave. This is for men whose balls have shrivel up like pouring salt on an oyster. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, one of the heroes of the story, the tragedy, Saman Kunan dies. And it's becoming very, very apparent that drilling or waiting for the dry season is impossible.

At this point, after Saman's death, the Navy SEALs basically are like, we're not going in there anymore. Right, we're not going down. Now, just to reiterate the map of the mystical princesses fallopian system, there is a place called Platform 3, is it Platform 3? 934s.

Not Platform 9 and 3 quarters. It's run through the wall. So Chamber 3 is kind of the star of the actual diving. Now, they realize, Now, Rick Stanton, okay, he has a plan. Okay, and it's, I want to stress, this is how autistic he is.

Yeah. Only a man who has never even considered the possibility of having children or a relationship would come up with this plan. Yeah. He's like, well, it's obvious. You just have to drug the children. You sedate them.

You put them to sleep. And then we drag them out through the cave system. What we do is, and this is, that was the second draft, because the first draft is we should shoot them all in the head and then they're easier to drag through.

No, we need to get them out a lot. Oh, right. Because if you remember, the bloke should fall asleep just past Chamber three. They had struggled. They were stressed out. They were panicking and panic his death in this instance. So Rick Stanton says, you have to drug them.

Now, he has a friend called Richard Harris, who's an Australian guy. I mean, the chances of this are extraordinary because also the kind of enclave of British autism that's been spread out. It's less severe. It's less close to the elephant foot

that is Rick Stanton but it's still from the same sort of placentum, not placenta of kombucha mother is Australia. So two of the men on this team are Australians

because it's sort of like you're sort of getting away from the Commonwealth. It's all we have left is this fractured patchwork you know coalition of autism.

Richard Harris. Richard Harris. And so not only... Harry to his close friends of which there are zero because it's really autistic. But Harry... He is an underwater caver like the rest of them,

but he also happens to be a world-leading anithist. I can't say it. Aneathist. Yeah. And so Rick Stanton, you know, Batman, calls for Robin and says, I need you to come here and drug these boys. And Richard Harris is going...

Is this a safe line? I'm not going to do that. Can we do this on a Discord or something? You're in Thailand asked me to come and drug some children. Rick, how are things... at home, mate, okay? This feels like a bit of a honey trap. But he says, well, I'll come out there

and I'll do the cave diving. And then Rick says, if you come and you see these boys, you will, and you don't drug them, then you are seeing these boys knowing they're going to die. Sorry, if you come and you see these boys and you don't drug them, then you're seeing and the boys are going to die. And Harry goes, well, okay, I can't.

Yeah. I can't deny that, right? Get a couple of bags of cat in. He gets the cat. And this is something by the way. This is like maybe Charlie could maybe, help with actually. Yeah.

This, yes, yeah. But again, you have to be a, so you have to be Charlie who can cave dive. Yeah, yeah.

That's the problem is that this guy. It's the combination of skills. Yeah. Which is, I mean, one in a million. He's the one guy in the world who could do this.

Yeah. This combination. Extraordinary that this guy exists. So he comes out and also his, by the way, he says goodbye to his dad who's on the care home. Right. So he,

and his dad's always like, can you stop cave diving? And he's all joking like, oh yeah. know, this has been my last dive, but I think they can't have, you know. One last job. One last job. So the rescue plan on the 7th of July is announced of the press, except it's not.

They say that the kids will be given a minor tranquilizer in order to calm their nerves. Now, what they don't say is, yeah, we're going to pump them full of Ket. And then knock them out with Ket. Every hour we're giving them Ket. Yeah. Because the key thing about Ket as a tranquilizer, there's many different types, is that you stay sort of breathing normally even when you're passed out. Yes. it keeps you still, basically.

But there's a whole cocktail that Richard Harris concocts, right? He says that they are given. He says that you need to... The risks of doing this are if any water gets into the mask, they'll drown. If they panic, they'll drown.

Sliver gets produced. They'll drying their own saliva. And bear in mind, they basically need to be lifeless corpses that you can, Rick Stanton can drag through a tiny hole. right so he gives them

ketamine to knock them out out prozolam to calm them and then atropine to reduce saliva production it must be said the boys are having a fucking night of their lives they're fucking buzzed they're like fuck

they're in a K-hole being pulled through a K-hole at this point Elon Musk is how it comes up with his plan right yeah so at this point on the 7th oh it's on the 7th yeah so he says

that he built a tiny kid-sized submarine that could go through the cave system. And he suggested this. And then I think he keeps, I think he even rocks up to the cave and says, let me do this. Does he, does he rock up to the cave? Does he fuck out?

And then I think, was it, who's told him to fuck out? Is it John or one of the others? Vern tells him to fuck off. Yeah. You're in over your head. And then he goes on Twitter and calls him a paed far. Right. Anyway.

So we'll get to that later of the story. But, so Harris goes in the cave and he sees, them and he goes yeah you're right you have to drug them and there's a big meeting with all the with the government officials and they go okay we'll tell the person like roofie in them in it for the for good it's a rare it's the best roofie there's ever been the most the noble roofie yes the noble roofie yeah um uh yeah they would because they don't really know what's going to happen to me that's they are sort of roofie in them yeah i guess the kids they would work out no richard harris in the documentary is one of the most emotional bits because he's going

I don't want to do this This is essentially euthanising them And then Stanson says to the gut ties You're basically killing them anyway He says either you drug them and we try this Or they're dead So it's pick a bad option They say that they'll get granted immunity

Although the Australian foreign minister Goes to Richard Harrison says you are aware That if this goes badly We may not be able to stop you being put in jail For Rufi and kids Yeah Which is a tricky one. It's fair enough.

What do you mean? Well, you're roofing kids. And they died. In the law and they died. Okay. You know, I suppose roofing, when does roofing become roofing? Yeah. Surely this is.

Is it when you then sexually assault them or they're asleep? Or if you just roofy them and then leave, I mean, it's not, it's not, it's not, you know, it's not. Just because it's a laugh. Yeah. Or you're trying to help them. Right. If they're stuck in the toilet and you roofie them and then open the toilet, I mean, I don't, you know what I mean? I do know what you mean?

At what point is roofing really bad? Is it a good question? Yeah. I don't think we have the brain power to work out. Anyway, so... Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly.

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How friends turned us on to coffee culture and super-layered hair? The secrets of Nirvana, train spotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress, and what it was really like to be a spice girl? Plunge back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, bumster jeans and lemon hooch, with talk-nive. 90s to me. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.

And if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk 90s to me. Out every Monday. At some point, they realize they're going to have to start this. And on the 8th of July, they all swim up, right?

They get there, three hours, and they also call for these other British men to come, by the way. They say that we need more British autistic men. It's like the second circle out from the autism sun that is Stanton, there's other sort of solar system of men.

come in. They need some more bodies in there. And fuck me these men. I mean, they're really, they're really bad at these guys. They're really, really boring cunts. Anyway, they, uh, they come and they, so the children are bound

and harnessed like packages. Hogtide. Hogtide trust like a chicken. Uh, they decide to put... Lemot up the ass was a, was not necessary in retrospect. But Harris is going, we don't know. It's an experimental cocktail of drugs. Ketamine, Atropine, Lemon at the arse.

Rosebreed thy ass. apple in the mouth. So they say that they're going to have to put the tank on their front so that they can, I don't know, it's easy to push them through. Push them through. So they're going to have to swim them out one by one, but they've only got four like masks that fit them or something. So they have to do this in, well, there's not enough divers.

Anyway, they have to do this one by one. So on the 8th of July, the rescue begins. Richard Harris has trained the cavers how to give injections because they're going to have to give multiple injections. This is what's so mental about this is it's not only the craziest idea anyway.

You're fucking drugging kids, you're taking them underwater caving for a three-hour journey back. And then you're not even bumming them. That's what's crazy about it. It's like all this. You're not even bumming them. I mean, it's monk-like discipline.

It's incredible. And they're British. These British autists aren't even paedophiles. I mean, that's our great export. The rarest, the lunar eclipse that you get a British artist who can cave dive and he's not a paedophile. It's amazing. Christ. During this three hours, about the hour and a half mark, the Ket will wear off.

Yeah. They'll feel them start to like shake and they have to underwater in the dark, get a syringe and readminister Ket. Yeah. Consistently. And they're not doctors. These are cave divers. Yeah. It's astonishing.

Anyway. So they start on the 8th of July and they get, on the first day, they get four kids out. They get to Chamber 3 and the kids come out and then they get like, it's like when in the old days there was a fire. You have like a whole village passing a bucket of water. There's 200 people going up the stairs to the mouth of the cave that passed the kid. That passed the kid up into an ambulance. so then they get four out in the first day and they think great the second day

they get another four out and then they they realise that the water the currents are the weather's coming in because all of the water diversions or pumps there was like 15 pumps and I think basically 13 of them have broken so only two are even working so they start to realise that the 10th of July

is going to be the only time the last time for a long time that they could get everyone out so they go, we're going to have to get five guys out on the 10th, right? Now, on the 9th of July, is this when Elon Musk turns up

with his submarine? So he's like guys... You guys are all fucking pedos. You guys are pedos. No, no, no, no. Crucially, they're not. Yeah. That is a very, very...

But it's understandable misconception from Elon. Listen. You know, British men in Thailand looking for boys in UK. It's common knowledge. He's obvious. He's obvious.

You know, this is, you know, a stop clock is... No. It's wrong. Yes. No, a stop clock is wrong most of the time. But also,

a correct clock is wrong as well. Is it? Yeah. When? I don't know, actually. It doesn't make sense. But the local governor,

Nong Zagong Zong Zong. It says it was not practical. And Elon's like, can you stop throwing stainless steel pounds out me? I must reply to the governor's not an expert and I've got a little kid sub. I think it's more of a pedo thing to build a kid submarine.

Well, this is Musk stepping into the kind of the dark Musk is doing, because he's been successful in. Darth Musk. Darth Musk, because he's been successful in certain fields, it gives him the confidence that he understands other things. Yeah. So he gets involved in politics, social media, stuff like that. When it's like you don't want a guy who has no emotional intelligence or empathy running a social media. It's a terrible idea. It's the worst thing to do.

He should build a rocket and stay in his late. But this is the beginning of him basically trying to do stuff he doesn't have any expertise on. Yes, totally. totally. I basically think he's right about everything. Yeah. So by this point, they've already got the majority of the team out.

But he's like, oh, I'm here with the sub. On the 10th of July, there is, it's all going very well. The guys, the British guys are like,

I told you it all work. And Richard Harris is thinking, with every kid that survives, he's thinking, thank fuck, I'm not going to a Thailand jail. Because on the documentary, he's like,

what you do is you drug them and then you fucking, push their face underwater and tie their hands behind the back. Yeah. I mean, it's a bad look. My godfather got, he was taking heroin through Thailand and he got put in a Thai jail for 12 years. Yeah, he's your godfather.

Yeah, my godfather. I mean, he wasn't my godfather when he did this. Oh, that's all right. I thought, it was got... Before he did this. So he was my godfather, and then almost immediately got put in a Thai prison. It would be quite funny for your dad who lives in Southeast Asia

to be like, well, that guy in a Thai prison should be my son's godfather. This is the kind of guy. guy I want. Apparently the beds in a Thai prison, obviously it's quite tough in a Thai prison. Yeah, but the beds are this, this wide,

so you have to side sleep or else you'll fall off the bed. It's like literally just a... Oh, but I sleep like I'm a dead Victorian child. What, just like that? Well, you wouldn't be able to do that because your arms would be... Right, yeah.

Knuckle dragging it like an ape. Well, I have to do this. Yeah. I'd have to sleep like that. But you'd be doing the sort of luge because you'd be balancing on the sort of... Oh, God, awful. Yeah.

I'm sure there's worse things in Thai prisons in that, but anyway. So they encounter an issue on the last day. The youngest boy, the smallest one, Pong, I don't know what he's called. Anyway, he... His name's Mark. Mark. Yeah.

Okay. Well, listen, one of them is called... One of them is called Pong. Okay, before anyone gets stuck in. So he's only 29 kilos. One of them is called Pong. Yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. He's named after what his mom does for a living.

His brother's called Ping. Anyway. He's 29 kilos, and he is too small for all these masks. And it's very important because if a hint of water gets in and you get it up, you're drowning, right? So they'd also had, again, I don't know why. They've got this sort of little plastic pink toy mask. So they put this mask on and the seal keeps collapsing. But basically, if it sits on straight, then it works.

And so the diver who has to do this is thinking, if I so much as like, if he so much as it brushes the side of a cave, that mask knocked off and he's dead. He's dead, yeah. So now it's like a speed run on hard mode. He's got to go through and not touch any of the sides. Yeah. And the pumps are failing and water levels are rising. It takes longer than ever. There's also a moment where one of them doesn't come through with the other ones

because he loses the line. And he turns around and he goes the wrong direction. Yeah. Luckily. And luckily the doctor finds him and he goes, Oh yeah. Have a sniff on this, brother. Oh, yeah, you have a bit of this, mate.

Not the time. I don't want to go in a K-Hull. Take off now, see how you get on. Yeah. Then the doctor takes the kid and goes, I'll take him to the rest. Anyway, eventually, by the end of the 10th of July, all the boys and their coach are rescued. They're all taken to hospital, and immediately the divers start drinking Jack Daniels out of plastic cups. the autists

I mean they're like bloody hell this stuff's strong I don't know about this they're putting a monster in the mixing it with the Jack Daniels they're making a little cocktail they're getting their fedora's out

the pumps pretty much immediately start to fail and then all the Navy SEALs who'd been in Chamber 3 they have to come out and evacuate is Indiana Jones sort of pulled out

and everything collapses around and the cave is not accessible again for eight months really yeah fuck so it's literally the last day for eight months where they could have got them out.

If they had to wait eight months, could they have just eaten each other? Could it have been a round two for the snow plane? Well, no, because the oxygen was going down so much. But if they ate each other. No, they wouldn't. They would die. Once again, not to compare it to the Chilean things too many times,

but as we'll talk about, the Chilean ones, the big Latino guys, horny guys in there are like, day two, they're like, who are we going to eat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm hungry. Who are eating then? Yeah, yeah. So that was definitely.

Thai guys are just, Ham, me, and you? Yeah. It's, again, it's such a perfect coincidence. You've got Thai, Thai boys.

British guys do what they do best, just get kids out of caves underwater. Without fucking them though, because that's also what we do best. That's what's extraordinary about this. They aren't paedophiles. And we don't know yet. And the Thai doing what they do best is just do nothing in a cave.

Exactly. Just sit there with their legs crossed, waiting for something to happen. But we don't, this is such a young, history, such a nubile history, that we don't have the weight of time. We don't. No, but also we don't yet know if the cave divers actually aren't torpedoes.

Yes. It is suspicious that they're not. Sir James Saville, it only came out properly after he died. And I still question that. Sir James Saville. Is a night of the realm? Night of the realm. But you did get it for services to paedophilia, which I thought was suspicious.

Well, fair enough. Fair enough. It's what this country does best. But the extraordinary... He's an industry titan. She's captain of industry. The extraordinary coincidence that there are four British cave divers

who aren't paedophiles and drug 13 boys to get them out of the cave and then don't even want to touch them. I mean, it's just... And alongside that, Elon Musk has these... All of that, they get in the cave and Elon Musk is like, who are you here to meet? Yeah, understandably, he's saying that.

I mean, young boys. Yes, yeah. But in a heroic way... Yes, I'm drugging them, but it's not what you think. I'm a single autistic British dad who's going to meet young boys but I'm a hero. Yes.

It's upside down world. It is. It is. So the mission in total involved 10,000 people, 100 expert divers. Pumps removed 1 billion litres of water from all the surrounding women's pussies.

There was not a wet pussy in the area. Rick was around. 700 diving cylinders, 10 police helicopters. And now the boys then spend 10 days in hospital quarantine to recover. 11 members are ordained as monks to honour Saman. Yeah, that must be some sort of title because I don't really understand what that is. To honour the guy who died, I guess it's someone died trying to save you to become a priest. But I guess it's a monk's different.

I don't understand it. The British divers receive George medals. Now, is that the highest civilian honour? George medal. might not be, which I think is kind of a bit of a snub. There's great footage of Rick Stanton being honored by the Queen. The highest UK's video is led by the George

Cross. What do they get? The George... What do they have to do? Is it possible that it's because it's abroad? Hang on. So hang on. The George Cross is supreme civilian honour for acts of the greatest heroism in danger. The George Medal is the second level award for

gallantry of an extremely high order, often for bravery, not in the face of the enemy. Who's got a George Cross? Do you have an enemy? rather than just a... Does the cross have to be civilians in a war zone? In danger.

That is in danger. Rick needs a cross. What else do you have to do? He didn't fuck them. Come on. He should get a cross just for that. Maybe that's why he's not got a cross. I mean, he's no Sir James Avell.

They went on this morning. Come on. They've got Pride of Britain. And who are they sat across from? Fucking Eam and Holmes. Oh, it wasn't Philip, was it? Or was it's Schofield? I think it was Schofield

Just to show you that Oh my God The range My fucking God Scofield's across Of course he's like Oh go yeah I want to come in for that one

Yeah You got any of these boys' numbers Wait Rick Every here Every here So these boys What are they like? You got contact these little pong

Yeah And then Holly Winobie's like Yeah Sorry I'm a bit on edge I just saw a photo of uh of Gavin plumber in a Hawaiian shirt behind me. Um, so, uh, the year old pride of Britain. I mean, this is where I just, I don't think we've since we've had anything like a level

of pride in Britain. But when did you properly find out about the story? As it was happening. And then it was only so, what I didn't say, it was a slow drip and obviously these guys aren't. Well, it's a documentary that came out. Yeah. as I said in the last episode there was this media

bidding war for the rights to the story and all of it came out at the same time and we watched it all back to back but what didn't come out until like maybe nine months afterwards was the scale of the drugging yeah so it's an inquiry into

no it was one of the medical team did a paper saying this is how this is the cocktail of because it was a new cocktail of drugs this is the cocktail drugs that worked for this thing. And then everyone was like, sorry, mate, you did what? You fucking, you drugged fucking 13 kids. But as I said, when they told the press, they were like, oh yeah, we're just going to give them a small tranquilizer for the nerves. It was not told that they were completely roofing them. Anyway, it was above our autism grade. Yeah, exactly. It's not for us to know. Yeah.

And, you know, we're not autistic. It doesn't, it doesn't sound good. Yeah, but it's just above. It's not needed to happen though. Yeah. Well, we need to petition that Rick Stanton and John Vanpton get G.C. Get a GC because the medals is a disgrace. Now Elon Musk this is where, so diver Verne Unsworth, who's the sex tourist diver

who formed the autism team. He labelled Elon Musk's sub a PR stunt which, and then Musk then said well it's better than just some pedo guy or it's called Unsworth's a pedo guy. Kind of fair enough if you think about the, you know, you'd assume so. Yeah. And then so

Unsworth's like, I'm not a Pido, I'm a sex tourist. You know what? Don't bother showing the video. We will make one of the mini subpod going all the way to K5. No problem. I'm sorry, Pido guy. You really did ask for it. Pido guy.

Pido guy. Now, he then has a defamation suit from Verde Unsworth, but he doesn't, Verne doesn't win because Musk says, I'm South African and that's just what we call people. A kind of pedo guy. Which I don't think it is. And also like Vern asking for 145 million pounds of damage.

I always wonder that when it's there's so much. It's like, is, cool, someone I know, is that 140 million pounds worth of damage done to you? Elon has made some pretty derogatory terms about you. Have you got anything to say in response to that? It's not finished. I believe, I believe he's called me a paedophile. Well, by definition, you know, rescuing 12 young boys. By definition, that puts everybody else in the same.

context. That's not the argument, lad. Don't say, no, no, you should say I'm not a pedo. Don't say, well, then we're all pedos. I think people realize what sort of guy is. Yeah, he could have to play that better. I should have said like, I'm not a pedophile. I'm trying to save kids.

It's not like, well, if you say that, then he means all. Well, if I'm a paed, then we're all pedophiles. Well, then the guy in the cave with the boys right now is a pitiful. We need to get him. Fuck, he's a paed for him. Yeah. To be fair to him, he did not handle that

well, well, if I'm a paedophile, then everyone involves a paedophile. So, take that. Yeah.

Yeah, just say you're not and say that, but this is Musk's big, this is the, yeah, as you say,

the villain origin story. After all that, a second Navy seal dies from an infection he got in the cave. Yes. And therefore, Kruba boon chop,

what's he called? Kruber boon chop. he will prove right because I imagine he's proved right yeah and part of him when he found out

must have been like Beethoven's brother oh a tragedy a navy seal was done because he was brick in it because only one night

fuck I fuck this he's weird though well very mystical isn't it the blend of the spiritual and the pragmatic is amazing and then

the team captain Dom from the one of the boys he dies in in 2023 in Leicestershire In Leicestershire. What is it about Ties in Leicester?

What's going, yeah. Right? Tax and Shinawatra. Yeah. This guy. This guy killed himself. Are you saying he didn't kill himself? Is this an Epstein thing?

No, I'm saying, look, don't, look, don't do that. Was it any, it wasn't anything. Don't do that. We're fucking, do you know what I mean? Obviously, all life is precious. But when you've been saved by, Don't do that. Struggle through it.

Like, yeah. How do you think that makes Rick Stanton feel? You know? Should have fucked him. Charlie. That's what Rick is saying. Oh. You're just going to kill yourself anyway.

You're making... You're making... That's a laugh I've never heard from you. It's been a big episode for me. You surprised me with my... One of my best... white shirts when I was 10. It's been a big episode for me.

You got real, you're welling up. Oh, fuck me. Yeah. And also, can we just find out, was it worth it? What did the wild boars do? Are they got relegated? How good are they at football, I suppose, is the question I'm asking. What was their first game after the rescue?

That's what I want to know. the first team game back you know obviously there would have been a lot of support for them from the neutral but there's a lot of pressure as well they had a celebratory low stakes exhibition match sort of just after they left hospital and what was the result please

scores on the doors okay so after the football team have a celebratory match in October in Argentina against a river plate under 13 side and they ended in a three three draw So their defense really hasn't sharpened up. You'd think that maybe they'd be able to, you know, lock it down. They've spent fucking two weeks in the caves together.

It sounds quite end to end, though, actually, the three all. And then one of the diver, Josh Bratchley, he required his own cave rescue in 2019. Yeah. I mean, this is the part with, I guess because this story is so heroic, you view it as like, it's so validating for people who've dedicated their lives to going into underwater caves. But as soon as you have the people with hobby, because whenever a hobbyist dies, you're always like, what the fuck are you doing in there? Yes.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens. It's hard to be sad for Josh. Get out of the kitchen if you can't. And a little post script on Vern or on Rick Stanton. I think now does, does he get together with, um, Amber Dongwood with the fucking, he does.

So he's still with, he's working as a public speaker, happily enjoying his retirement. Yeah, I saw that his, his agents is there. He's got an agent. Yeah, he's got a speaker agent. He's got to get a George Cross. We could have him do the Christmas party. Oh, yeah. Umbruski Christmas party.

Rick Stanton? Rick Stanton's. Yeah, probably a bit of dry. So after this, obviously, the autists go back to their sheds. They go back to exploring Wookie Hole, yeah. Somerset, and they just carry on their peaceful retirement. And to sum it up, I mean, it's a story that I don't think we'll see again for another 40 years,

where another generation of autistic Brits have their logistical... Heretics. Dunkirk, Four Clunes, and then this. I suppose the next one's going to be even smaller, isn't it?

It should be one bloke. It's going to be Francis Bourgeois. Yeah. Just him. Trying to get a fleshlight off someone that's been welded.

Felded shut. Yeah. It's an incredible story and if there's any anything to say at the end of it, it's just hashtag give those guys to George Cross. Yeah.

That's the end of our Thai Cave Rescue series. we'll be discussing the Chilean miners rescue on the Patreon which is... Different characters. There's a different tone. Different tone.

But I didn't remember when it was in the news. It's a bit grotty. That's the next one. Join the Patreon for that. And if not, we'll see you next week for a brand new topic. This has been Finn versus History. From all of us here, goodbye.

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