Fin vs History - Like Falling Into the 9/11 Memorial | The Titanic (Part 3/3)

Episode Date: March 23, 2025

The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened. For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/fintaylor?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellus lenses for myopia control. Learn more at SLOR.com. And ask your family eye care professional for SLR Stellist lenses at your child's next visit. Wendy's most important deal with.

of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. Td Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs, no matter the stage of business you're in, visit TD.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD Small Business Banking Account Manager. Welcome back to Finn versus History. Once again, I'm joined by Horatio Gould.

the horniest man in history shit shit I would be drowning in the oh I thought you were being horny no no no no right oh fuck oh oh Christ that's what are you doing

what are you doing oh fuck yeah oh shit no it's cold oh too cold I see right okay and you join us

we are 600 miles off the coast of Newfoundland in the Atlantic Ocean It's fucking cold And the Titanic has sunk And this is the final part Of our epic series On the tragic ships

Made in Voyage Yeah The portable 9-11 The portable 9-11 The portable 9-11 The This is 1,500 people have died

Yeah To put that into context For the dumdums That's about A day and a half's work For Bonnie Blue Right 36 hours

She's got through all of them um she's trying to warm up bless her yeah they're freezing well if bonnie blues on the titanic surely she's first on the boat right if she's plowing 14 like a thousand dads like she deserves a spot on the boat do you reckon it's you can only get in the lifeboat after you fucks bonnie blue the unsinkable bonnie blue no matter how many dicks you throw at her she will not sing she can't sing she can't i sure you she can And she will. It's a mathematical certainty.

We're here to talk about the survivors. Yes. The wonderful humane stories of the people that hit the Fatberg and lived. Well, just on it being 9-11, interestingly, it's sort of like a reverse 9-11 because it's like if the plane hit the tower and collapsed, right? It's the tower's hitting the plane. Yeah. It's the flipped, isn't it?

Yeah. It's almost like. you're victim blaming the buildings for being there. But it's almost like in the kind of the grand meta narrative. 9-11 is kind of getting its own back. Well, it's a mirror image, isn't it?

Of 9-11. It's reflected. It's, yeah, it's a ship that really shouldn't have plowed into an iceberg. So, this is in 1912. This is the 18th of April.

Right. This is when the Survivors dock in New York. Six, five days. Two days before Hitler's birthday. Right, two days, yeah. Hitler is still 22 at this point. Carefree. It's carefree 22-year-old.

I think he has some cares. Yeah. I think the condition of the German. I think he's, I think he's not your average 22-year-old. No. He's not sinking pints. I think he's interrailing at this stage. Interrailing who?

so charman people are being interrailed yeah no yes he's on a sort of discovery he's got a one-way ticket around Europe and he's thinking you know one day all this will be mine but he hears about the Titanic shortly before his birthday

and he thinks because his celebrations are being overshadowed by well one of the first global news stories within hours of its thinking because of the radio distress signals it's all over Europe, it's all over the news the families of the paedophiles

from Southampton they're going to White Star's offices wanting news of who's died and who's made it Are they lodging complaints? Not yet, I don't think they're trying to see who's survived. People are obviously disbelieving when the news hits. But then a boat full of

700 people turns up in New York on the 18th. And immediately, yes, we're shouting and cowards at them they're not going down the ship immediately the American

start an inquiry which is weird that they claimed it even though it's pretty much an entirely British operation Well it's Anglo-American isn't it

Well I guess JP Morgan's And it's going to New York So I guess And all the survivors land in New York So I guess Finders keepers kind of thing

So that's why We know so much about it Is that there's a lot of testimony from the time Yeah Because then the Brits did an inquiry As soon as they came back to Britain as well

Inquiry off Yes That's the Anglo Spheres They had an inquiry into how the Americans got the inquiry first because we love an inquiry. We fucking love an inquiry here. And it should be stressed actually

before we get into the Survivor stories that Churchill comes out and immediately frames the sinking as the... A great win. A great moment for the Anglo-Saxon race. Yes. And he frames it that if this has happened

to the great empires of Rome or of Greece, it would have been college and no women or children will have come off. It would have been the richest man of. But we... our boys took one hell of a meeting.

Yeah, to, to mental illness being English. Yeah, we died like gentlemen. After you, no, you first, no you first. Reading about the Titanic and going, that's brilliant. Yeah. We really show ourselves there. I'm pretty proud to be British, actually. Building a giant shit that killed thousands of people.

Yeah. Well, that's bloody brilliant. Oh, well done. Well done. Well done, well done, our boys. But the whole, the whole British Empire is that, isn't it? It's spinning, it's gaining motivation. out of

hardship and loss it's like spinning that as a success but also being the richest most powerful country in the world for like 200 years

but also like only focusing on our underdog stories yes do you know what I mean all of the all of the victories that we hear about

is Dunkirk yeah it's Agincourt it's always cartoon you're never hearing about us in the Sudan just mowing down

people with Gatling yeah yeah we hear about um Rourkes Drift where they bought off thousands of Zulus

with guns and Zulus had spears but we mowed them down from below but yeah that's right but it's always the but it's central exactly because that's the only thing

that they that suddenly makes it okay but I just upset that's how we always see ourselves even when we were the most powerful country in the world had the best technology we always seen ourselves

and part of the issue with the Nazis is that they were never the underdog no they weren't telling themselves they were the underdog they were like yes

Yeah, Battle of Britain, that's all the underdog story. Because even America, they're great, apart from maybe the war independence. Yeah. They don't really have that plucky underdog thing is the same in the same way. No. Obsession.

No. So Churchill frames the Edwardian sinking as the fact that everyone went down with the ship and that people just sort of... It's a victory for the Stihopper Lipp. Yes, exactly. This is... In minus five degrees, didn't even quiver once. Nope, I'll die now.

So there's plenty of space in lifeboat. No, no. I couldn't possibly... I couldn't possibly. People are falling and hit the heads in the propeller. Sorry!

Sorry about that. Can I just squeeze past? I'll just squeeze through it. Dong! Is there any room of that life? No, no. Never mind. Never mind.

Sorry for everybody with you. Yeah. The band are playing I got a feeling as it goes down. I got a feeling. Yeah. Yeah. Famously,

famously the band played on. David Gwetta. But that's a moment. But the story that we actually forgot to talk about in the last episode the kind of big controversy it's controversial forgot to talk about something

I can't believe it I don't know how it slipped through the many checks of black how I managed to go over the bulkhead Charlie's bulkhead Charlie so yeah Bruce Ismay who's the big boss he owns the company

he decides snotty little rich kids to American trashy little upstart to Brits he's the big I guess because who's going to get blamed the I mean the captain gets some but the real

The captain dies for the ship No but I mean We also haven't talked about how Ismay who is the ship's designer Basically he gets on one of the last lifeboats Yes And he there's a He's on Murdoch side

Which is letting some men through Yeah and he says he's like Listen can I get on this ship And they go well It's women and children first And then he basically His defence is like It was the last lifeboat leaving

There were ten spaces There was no woman taking it What's the point? I mean I might as well to save my life. Yeah. It should also be stressed that Murdoch,

who is the guy who was steering the ship, he was in charge on the bridge at the time of the collision. He's the one who took the decision to go hard to starboard

and scrape the... Now, this conflicting thoughts about whether he shot himself or not. Apparently, the latest is that he did shoot himself, but they didn't want to say that for a bit so that his wife

didn't get upset. Right. So... Because it's sort of cowardly to shoot yourself. Yeah. I guess so. It's less you'd want to just freeze.

I think it's the most British, yeah, it's kind of an ungentley way out. Right. To fast forward suicide like that. Yeah, it's interesting because with British culture, suicide is not because in the Roman, suicide was seen as a very noble way out. In Japan, suicide is seen as a very like dignified.

But here it really isn't. It should be, you should die from other circumstances even if you should put yourself into a suicidal situation and then die from that. Yes, and then take it yeah. Rather than, yeah. So anyway, so Ismay gets in the last life

boat and he thinks brilliant um i'm alive but then literally everyone for the rest of his life thinks we should have died on the ship yeah and what do you think yeah he's a coward yeah i guess so because the thing is he there was spare seat so in that scenario he didn't push past people to go on but i guess if you it's your fuck up you should sort of treat it like the captain of the ship and go down with it i guess everyone yeah if the designer's gone down if the captain's if it's like oh we're doing this yeah then go on you know yeah because i guess because of his copability it's like when you're all doing shots and someone's like

oh no I don't want to work in the morning mate but we're doing shots we're all we've all this is all going to fuck us and he's like I don't want to die none of us want to die mate but we're all doing it yeah

and how did he end was he just kind of sad he was sad for ages and then he basically didn't really he was funny enough for an Edwardian who had been in a disaster he was quite emotionally unavailable throughout his life

and there's a story about his grandkids and his grandkids like at one point were like oh grandpa look there's been a there's been a planes crashed or something what a stupid pilot or someone that says something like that from the news because he was bragging about how he could read newspaper this like six year old and apparently he just snapped and went well if you weren't there

you don't know what happened and basically his entire apparently his entire life he was just thinking about the Titanic all this time fuck yeah Christ I mean that's what a lot of dads are like now but they weren't in the Titanic no they're thinking about World War II Daddy can I sign to him? you weren't there

nor are you dad it's nearly a hundred years ago now so he eventually resigned from his position as the director of White Star Line and his name became linked with the scandal of the sinking which I mean he built the fucking thing

so fair enough I think I don't think it's not not a massive jump to link the guy whose idea it was with the big boo-boo of the iceberg so we've talked about Fang Lang was that his name yeah we talked about Fang Lang

Chinese guy on the door. On a door. I mean, Chinese guys in my head are sort of drifting around on doors quite a lot. So like a stop clock, this one's interesting. Molly Brown,

who's, she's a big woman in the film. She's the big bullshit woman who's like when Cal, who's Billy Zane's character, is like, she'll have the lamb,

we'll both have the lamb. You like lamb, don't you? And she goes, you can't eat that for her too, Cal? Is she meant to be a suffragetti type? She's a sassy,

Suffragette. Right. And she's also the one who... A corsette. Yeah. She basically forces... She's in a lifeboat. And then she's like, hey, y'all, let's go pick up some of the floaty people.

And Edwardian's like, Madam, if we pick anyone up, there will be mobs and we'll turn it. And she's like, if you don't do this, I'm going to fucking chuck you overboard. Yeah. And anyway, so she does save. I think she saves... There's something like... 12, 30, 20 people who are alive

because she goes back and pick survivors up but they do wait to a lot of them have died she became a hero in the eyes of many and her story became a legend with a Broadway musical and film made about her life

but how interesting was her life before this yeah well she's American socialite and philanthropists so she could be doing some stuff she was in her cabin when the ship hit the iceberg yeah

yeah I mean uh that's to me that's just like the basic survival the story. Yep. You got on a boat.

Edith Russell was a first class passenger and a well-known suffragist. Oh, what a disgrace. If you want equal rights, you shouldn't have survived this. Who survived the sinking. She was traveling with her pet. You were more likely to survive a Titanic

if you're a woman by 75%. Yeah. 75% of women survived. Yeah. So if you are a suffragist and you're alive, you should be livid about that. You should be livid. Yeah.

You should be killing yourself as a protest at the inequality of surviving, frankly. She was travelling with her pet Pekingese dog and was rescued by life but before the disaster. And the dog survived as well, did she? Seamely. What was she, was she a fucking dog, dog for jet or whatever it is?

She became an advocate for women's rights. Well, I tell you what, the best way to do that is drown. Here's the Strausses, the Macy's department. Keep going. Oh, so those are the two that, um, so they're called Strausses. Yeah. And they,

oh that's it that's the two there's a Jewish couple and then much like Churchill did then rabbis in New York go see we're not we're not cowardly rats and vermin we die with honor as well

it's amazing how everyone basically judges the survivors on the Edwardian British mental health crisis in the Japanese guy Masamoto whatever it was a big success

in Japan he is ostracized the guy who was going around the world the other way which he really shouldn't have really shouldn't have done I mean Japan is so close to that end of Russia anyway around the world an 80 oh fuck I'm drowning yeah yeah he um

he came back and then people ostracized him and said he was disgusting and smelly whatever because he didn't die the way the Brits did yeah but then a lot of Japanese people did die and it was seen as a great victory for Japan he was the only Japanese person on the ship I don't think so

maybe he's the only Japanese people survivor. Right. But yeah, it's funny the Jewish thing of just like, I don't know, saying C makes it seem like you're the opposite is the case. Yeah, exactly. I don't think it helps your argument. Yeah. There's another stat. I don't remember his name, but it's done quite funny bit about Jewish people need to stop pointing at people who argue people with big nose and say, that's me. Yeah. You talk about me, are you? Yeah, whenever anyone draws a cartoon of a Jewish Oh, that's my dad. It's like, stop saying that. Yeah, yeah. It's just a, he just drew an ugly guy. You just threw an ugly guy with a big nose.

You're bringing this on to yourself at some point. Oh, right, and that's me, is it? Yeah, it's a bit like someone who's like, oh, all priests to paedophile. Oh, is it, are we? Well, yeah, you keep saying that. There's someone who, whenever he'd hear like a baseball ground near his house,

he'd get, like, PT at Stee. Yeah, he lived near Wrigley Field, I think, Chicago. And the sound of a home run sounded a lot like the screams of people dying. Which is weird, because I've been to a baseball, game. Woohoo! Yoo!

Homer! So that's what people were screaming in the ocean. Was that thing they do? That sound so people are in the ocean

dying go da da da da da da da da da da da da homer There's a kiss cam Yeah

there's a kiss cam someone's firing a t-shirt cannon from the sinking ship the fourth down sponsored by Rolex

yeah every part of the sinking was sponsored by a brand yeah it's like the IPL, where just every single inch of it is sponsored by a cement company or KFC. Six cam and it's fucking chicken company or whatever. The Benkees have got six cam. Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates

the things in life that haven't gone right. And what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better? Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate, thought-provoking and funny conversations. You'll hear from a diverse range of voices, sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day in Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. There's any other good ones?

I don't know if there is. There's babies. Let's have a look at her. Like, let's be honest. She doesn't remember it. She doesn't have a survivor story. Yeah. Because she was a baby.

Do you know what? I'm going to say this. It may seem controversial. I don't think she did anything to survive. I think she was handed around So I think the survivor stories I don't want to hear I think her opinion is as good as mine

On the Titanic Literally is Genuine is You've got more knowledge Of what happened The Titanic than she does Because you've watched You've watched the film

I think she died Before the film came out When she die That's a night After the film Do you want to talk about the film Yeah Go on Joddy

Is the guy that tries to sneak Into the boat In the film Is that based on his mate No There's a myth about someone who dressed up as a woman to get on the life yeah it's not been proved but that then got attached to is may so people then said he's a coward he's a cuck he he he wanted to see the ship

get sink and jack off in the lifeboat it is absolutely hilarious so he's oh yeah can i like out of i'm a woman yeah i've got a child um that's what billy zane does i have a child yeah that's the um yeah the film is um i mean like i said i've said this in the start of this series the second half that film's great it's great when everyone does I love that bit. I mean, I started watching it this morning, and it's like, it's fucking three hours long. Yeah.

The first 25 minutes is not... Yeah, you forget. Every time I come back to it, I forget that it's all in retrospect. I forgot that it's with this old woman in a submersible for a... There's an old woman in a submersible, and there's this guy with an earring who's like filming the Titanic from down there.

And then, do you know what? I always think the scariest, the most terrifying bit of that film is, is right at the end in the present-day timeline where you see the old woman's feet. It is fucking grim how gnarly her feet are. Why are you saying her feet? Why does she got her feet out? Because she walks out and her nighty

and chucks the heart of the ocean into the sea as some kind of like closure. Well, that's the great horror of the Titanic. That's the worst bit of the film is when you see her feet. Her feet are fucked. Old people's feet are the worst. It should never be seen.

This should never be seen. Old people's feet. What I thought. Oh, no, don't get it up. I can't do it. I can't deal with old Rose's feet. Is that the feet? Disgusting.

No, that's not the old. That's a foot. Yeah. 84 years apart. I can't deal with it. This is disgusting. There's a whole, there's a really lingering shot.

It's almost as if Tarantino's done it on her old Varico's vein feet. Yeah. And it's a disgrace. I think the film should be banned. It's a disgrace. On moral grounds. I think the film should be banned on moral grounds. I think for Christ's sex,

kids are watching this yeah it's disgusting I had a similar opinion on Mary Barry's neck being on show I think I think when she was on Bakeoff and she wasn't wearing a turtle neck I thought for God's sake Barry think of the children

you've essentially got a wattle is what you've got there I think white people age horrifically badly and I think if you're white and you're elderly you basically need to be wearing a full burker it's my opinion it's my opinion

whereas Iranian women And, you know, they grow age gracefully. They should get the burkers off. I think the burqers should be age dependent. I think, oh my God, I can't deal with old people's feet, Charlie. That is, oh, bunions. Oh, God. She should have gone down with that shit.

If she'd known what the feet were going to look like. Because she also makes this noise. She goes, ah. It's just a whole thing. It's just grim. It's disgusting. It's just deeply erotic. I hate how erotic I feel.

I think she's a witch. She should be burned. as a witch, I think. What I, watch the film. Oh, old people's legs. Even worse. Oh my God. Old people's cold legs.

Is there anything worse? I think the big drama. Pay for the winter fuel. I can't have any more. I can't handle old people's legs. Chilly legs. It's disgusting. I thought the funniest thing they could have done with the Titanic

because I didn't realize it was all her recounting the story, right, to all those guys. When it comes back and you've forgotten that it's hurt to all. and then what would be amazing is like she's finished talking the reverse shot of all the guy they all just

like you could easily just edit it but in actual what actually happens is she so she into so when she gets drawn by Leo all naked it goes back to them

and they're all like so did you do it did you with they're all like frat boys like yeah do you fuck him and it's like she's a 90 year old woman

did you fuck him oh fuck yeah so fucking these horny guys have been a submersible you fucking, oh yeah what happened next did you come in his child

what a slut yeah it's weird that bit of the film um yeah it's very long but watch I watched it with my girlfriend it yeah

it's just it's a his and hers it's quite nice but it means that you can both she's nudging you at the hour and half mark when he rings the bell fat burger head

huh but it's like when I watch football and then I watch Love Island with BB it's like but you're getting that in all in one product so it's quite a nice balance I think that's why the film

had so well is that it's um yeah yeah mechanics and death for the boys yeah the love story for the girls yeah um oh there was a story about a guy a pit a pit man um or a stoker who he managed to get off the titanic he one of the few engine room guys to survive and he also he also worked as a stoker on the britannic and the other one the olympic and they both had incidents that he survived. Now you could say there's a pattern emerging game. This guy's very bad at his job. But then he was also on a World War Oh no, he was on the Britannic and this is in World War I. Yeah. He was off the coast of Greece, got hit by a landmine, a sea mine that the Germans had planted. And he survived

that as well. And he basically just survived pretty much every naval disaster. Yeah. That happens for like five years. Known as the unsinkable Stoker. Well, if you're unsinkable twice now. Arthur John Priest. Is everyone who survived unsinkable, right? And then how did he die? Oh, he just, fuck, I don't know, I had a stroke. So he did, yeah, so he managed to...

He lived, he did it, he got to the end. Amazing. He got to the end. Arthur John Priest, that was his name. So after the Carpathia has arrived, they then go, send boats to go and look for survivors. And they uncover, like, there's a day where one boat uncovers, like, 300 bodies.

Right. And bear in mind, these are bodies. that froze so they're all you know oh oh like that you know and they're all in the middle of a baseball game they're all frozen right and um in order to get them into like coffins they're basically have to like fucking snap like limbs off and like break their limbs off to like break one guy's doing an Egyptian dance for yeah they're all like frozen like swastikas like that and they're for fuck sake they have to break their arms off and stuff But all the first-class passengers that drown,

somehow they've differentiated because they can all identify because they're frozen, they get embalmed. Really? Yeah. On there and then. They're embalmed. There and then?

Yeah. There's a photo of them being embalmed. So they brought the embalming kit with them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I never go anywhere without my embalming kit. Well, as we said it, is the way that we both want to go. First and second class were embalmed, and then the third class, they just kind of smush them into boxes.

Snap them. Snaps, yeah. What is the embalming, what's the point of, are they going to be put on display? Like, what's the point of embalming someone if they're not on display? Well, these guys are heroes? They went down on the ship. Right. Okay.

So I think, I think, where are the embalmed bodies now? Are they just in their tombs under the ground? I don't know. I don't know what they were. What's the point in embalming someone if I can't have a, of a peak? One of the people that survived was then buried at sea, which feels a bit like a, that feels a bit on the nose, doesn't it? Why don't we go back to that thing you hated being part of and lay you to the rest there? Yeah, it's pretty nilely when you, yeah, in the daylight.

hours. It's like an afters when the sun's coming through. And you're just like there's a thousand hundred dead frozen people. It's like you come back from a and your flatmates had a house party

and you come back and it's like 10 a.m. and everyone's just strewn over us over and like that was beer cans and you're like fucking hell lads. Christ. It's 10 a.m. So the actual wreck

obviously is at the bottom of the Atlantic and it no one knows where it is for ages. Right. 1985, a guy called... Why was it so hard to find the wreck? Did they know where it went down? No, they didn't because it's literally a needle in a haystack

because, as I've said before, the sea is fucking massive. But where all the dead people were? Or they all floated? Yeah, but so at the time, they have no technology to get down there or any kind of like sonar or anything like that. So, 1985, there's a guy called Robert Ballard. Ballard? Now, interestingly, the CIA are paying him to find, is it, like lost some lost American military vessels or some submarines?

Okay. And he says, can I take the money from that? And they say that you've got two weeks. And he goes, yeah, if I find him in like a week and I spend the next week looking for the Titanic. And they're like, yeah, sure. Right. So get your work done early and then. And then that's exactly what he does.

He does it really quick. And then uses the money. in the technology that they've been given to find the Titanic. And the way he does it... Yeah. The way he does it is that everyone had been looking

for the actual ship which is like that's gonna take fucking ages. Yeah. On the shoreline squinting. Remember it sunk. Oh yeah. They get their goggles on

and just sort of... Come up for a rat. The first guy to try has a snorkel. And he's got flippers. He's like, right? I'm going there. I can't get out far down.

I can't see it actually I can't see it it's really dark down there No the way he does it is rather than look for the wreck He looks for the debris field So when he's combing the ocean floor He's like there'll be a debris field

Of like cutlery and plates and shit And that's what he's looking for And he finds that because that's a much wider surface area down the ship So you can narrow it down And then he finds that And then he finds the ship And the whole

The bow is basically completely intact and it's being eaten by an iron loving parasite bacteria that was only discovered because it was discovered when they discovered the Titanic so it's called like it's like bacteria Titanicum or something oh really yeah well just slowly it's disintegrate it's slowly eating the iron it's feeding off the iron but so in about a hundred years it won't be there right but so there's there is a mad plan to try and get it to Belfast and preserve it would be sick which would be sick yeah I'd love that um because to be fair to belfast they have just got an empty space with the titanic was which is

their tourist attraction and it'd be pretty cool to actually get it back um so he goes down there in a little fucking um submersible thing finds it but there's a whole community and industry building now around the titanic after it's found right totally yeah yeah um well james cameron gets obsessed with it yeah so uh apparently when they first find the titanic this is fun they they got obviously they got spotlights because it's completely dark down there because it's the bottom of the ocean you're right yeah um I learned so much from you yeah they shine a light

and then they see um like a flashing light on the Titanic they're like oh fuck was there someone down there I know it was a mirror oh right but for a minute they're like huh someone's like someone's been holding their breath

someone's been holding their breath for for 70 years someone's still playing squash yeah Someone went to the Russian the Turkish spa I didn't realize Yeah the door was close

So it was fine Um No but apparently Because there's no current Or like Exposures of bacteria Inside the ship It's pretty well preserved

They think so Yeah And so Have they not been in there They have been in there With little boys Little robots and drones and shit And it's not been ruled out

That there's still bodies And the deepest parts Of the ship Such as the engine room And what they need to do But that's not a big thing Is it? Bodies

Yeah Yeah we know there's loads of bodies. No, but they'd be pretty well preserved because there's no bacteria. Oh, right. So they might be like, just, you know, like that.

That's good. Which would be pretty sick. And... Embalm them. Get them embalmed. Get them embalmed. Um, I'm very trigger happy with embalming.

Embalming. Embalming people are still alive. Yeah, and they do like a... Get like a terracotta army of embalmed people. That's what I'd like... Imagine you, like, and your stag do is embalmed for life. Yeah. And you've got your nicknames on the back, like shagger.

and that's how you're buried Yeah penis warrior So The Rex found in 85 Then There is There then begins this industry

Of essentially Rich white guys Rich white guys And their autistic sons Going to see the Titanic So there's a company called Ocean Gate Right

Which already sounds like a scandal Yes Yeah It sounds like any email you'd get Don't put gate in there Yeah Ocean Gate So this is Ocean Gate

This is Ocean Gate gate Yeah Um They begin the development Now again to call To say the development Of the titan submersible When it's essentially a baked bean can

powered by an Xbox controller Seems like there wasn't much development You know it seems like Now how did that end up Was did they leave it too late And then rushed it at the end Were they trying to cut corners Like what?

Well do you know what it reminds me of right at the beginning of this story when we're talking about the building of the Titanic there was a guy who was a concept he had to draw the concept of a boat and now he had to build

the guy who drew the concept if he had to build the actual boat that's what the title was suburban exactly that's the guy who went oh yeah we'll just draw a really big ship

and it will float somehow and there'll be a swing pool in it can we not force on to make it no you've got to make it oh right in that case right Hein's been beat can

let's make that much bigger yeah and twice the size twice size it's actually bigger than that and I'll power it with an Xbox controller because I like I like I like playing Haley

So that'll be that. And so they begin the development of this bait bean can with the goal of enabling manned deep sea exploration to extreme depths. Was this the first voyage of this submersible? No, I think it'd be running for a while. Okay, fine. But it's similar to the space thing and that like, because obviously it's the pressure down there is pretty, pretty unforgiving. Sure. There's an unforgiving air quality.

No matter how good you are under pressure. You think you're good under pressure? try two and a half miles down turns out pressure's got something on you so it's the whole point is that basically the like the manned subs

can fit two people basically right because they're so small in Titanic in the film in that boring beginning of it the windows are nine inch thick right that's because and then he has a line

the fucking guy with the camera is like these windows are nine inches thick one, like if there's one scrape on the hole, we're all saying Sianara. Right. Whereas these guys, it was just they didn't even have a windows. They didn't have any windows.

Which is weird thing is it was a fucking trip to see the Titanic. Yeah, they'd left the windows open when they went under. Can you shut that? Oh, fuck. Yeah. So they designed, basically this starts this Titanic wreck tourism. Yeah. Well, it's rich guys Ripper tours.

I went a Ripper tour for Jack the Ripper. because it's quite affordable but this is the same ship but just on a much high level. It's the echoes of history that you have the Titanic which is seen as this pleasure dome for billionaires.

Yes. And then you have those same billionaires in our time going to go and see the Titanic and getting killed by it's just... Yeah, poetically it's unbelievable. It's the perfect cherry on the top of this big pooey cake.

Well yeah, it's also funny that a tragedy that claims Sony lives a hundred years later still claiming lives that's what was incredible it's like someone falling into the 9-11 memorial

it's going oh look at that they get added to the list of them they're technically a casualty they aren't technically a casualty Al Qaeda you think they're not strong

and there's still people dying still people dying it's like Shinobo it's got this like a very long tail yeah so 2021 they start testing this fucking baked bean can to ensure its ability well it's brilliant holding baked beans you know that's for sure beans are famously incredibly active substance um

ensuring its ability to handle the beans out the can before we get in that takes about a year because they're American they don't know how to open a fucking can um 2020 um do americans not know how to open Cants. Is that a thing? Well, they have weird, they have weird cans. They're called, like, you know, they drink beer out of, like, quartz. Right. You know, it's called a quart.

But they're not using a can opener. No, they have, like, they stab them. Which is, I don't like can openers. Really? Yeah. The way you look at me. How are you opening? Who is this man sitting across from me?

How are you opening cans then? I don't, I try and avoid it where possible. I much prefer the peel ones and roll. Yeah, but if you, what happens when they break? We have to use a can opener. Yeah, there you go. Charlie's now poked his head around He's fascinated by this

He wants to know what I'm going to say next Do you like a can opener Charlie? I have the exact same stance It feels like boomer nonsense to me Canna opening cans Yeah it's just like There must be better technology in this Because it's so hard to do

And it hurts And it's these jagged sharp People will always get cut Do you know what it always dies Do you know what it is? What? Both of you need to buy better can openers Probably

You've got shit 99p can openers invest how much are you spending on your can open 30 quid wow and I'll tell you what he can open anything

it's proper gonna open you up emotionally no no no it's not a fucking ass opener it's a can opener that's where my soul lips by the way is my ass which is something

I'm still disagreeing my therapist about you don't open up enough no not that way Finn pull your trousers up yeah I've been through several therapists one session every time

how are you feeling get their ass cheeks out so I need a better can opener I spent yeah I won't lie I spent quite a lot of money on kitchen equipment after my last tour

because I had the funds and I thought fuck it can we run through some highlights of things I bought yeah so a stainless steel pan because I followed that pan guy on Instagram

and is the stainless steel one what's the benefit the steel one I'm actually interested right well if you thought this couldn't get any more boring the thermodynamics of steel

is much better than iron and also supposedly the Teflon-Tefl substance is bad for you if you get cut. Stainless steel has the best distribution of heat of any cooking. Because you think this is boring

but this is exactly what I already this is going to get people most and right. People are going to have more opinions on this than the Titanic. Do you think? Definitely. Right.

When you said how long it takes to get drive to Bristol, the comments went mad. Oh, they did go mad. But I was right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. And I've never seen you dive into the comments

more than defending yourself. This was on the Patreon where I said that it could take up to six hours to get to Devon from East London. And I've seen, you know, you'll never get involved in the comments, but that, you saw that. I saw that as the front. You really didn't. It's like, if you leave at the wrong time and Devon's a big area, you're going far down, it couldn't take six hours. So I got a stainless steel pan, but I feel when I cook like a pan-fry sea bass on there, it's so hard to get off. It all gets stuck on there. Go on. So what you need to do is you need to

leave it to heat up for a while. How long? How long do you think I got? Four minutes. Five minutes. Set a timer. Leave it on a high medium heat. What you're looking for is something called the Leidenfrost effect. He sounds like someone who did a war crime in Nazi Germany. Well, he may well have been. He's like a Nazi sign.

Leidenfrosten. You let the pan heat up and then all the Jews disappear. And then you can start cooking. No. The Leidenfrost effect is where you add, well, the way you find it is if you pour a tiny bit of water on the pan. And it's... Yeah. That's what you're looking for.

When it achieves that, you know that it's non-stick and you can put a tiny bit of oil on and then it won't. And then you put C-Bass down, right? And then you don't touch it, leave it, and then see if it moves and if it unsticks naturally, it's ready to be flipped. What I reckon you're doing? Oh, so you just keep going into it. Leave it.

Leave it. I reckon you're bothering your fish. You're bothering your fish like the Titanic did. Come on, what? Come on. Come on. I reckon you're putting a cold pan And you're shoving a wet fish in there

Slapping it about I'll tell you what Me in the kitchen Have you seen stomp Yes You know that's me Just back back Yeah

I'm fucking hammering on the bins Yeah Well you've got some You've got like kitchen dysfaxia Haven't you? Yeah Yeah You're putting stuff in the fridge

You think it's the oven You know So what about I see these adverts You're turning on the microwave thinking it's a tap I mean you've got no idea What's going on

I was taking my head in the oven. You've got a kitchen fraxia or whatever. I was like, let me just drink out the tap, head in the oven, gassing myself. Exactly, you know. It's a million. What about hex clad? Have you seen those? I've got hex clad stained and steel pan.

Right. Five, yeah. So that's the big one. Yeah, because of the... Gordon Ramsey seems to love them. Because it's the way it's bound. If the Titanic was hex clad, it may have stood more chunks. Right.

So you'd recommend. Yeah. Yeah. Hex clad. five sheets Stainless steel pan You can't put them in the dishwasher You probably can

I don't I don't but you can Because it just may scratch it It's just cosmetic But Aesthetic you mean Yeah Yeah

It's cosmetic damage that it would do It might scratch it But yeah Brilliant Yeah so what we're talking about Talking about Talking about the Submersible

That went to find the Titanic so I mean yeah you had a joke about this we had one on the internet as well that would be your favourite way to go yeah it is you're probably right it is probably the quickest death

it's the best death yeah because if you compare it to the death of the people on the Titanic right and Charlie I know what you're going to say and I think that's wrong if you compare it to the death Titanic people on Titanic

froze to death in eight minutes broadly right eight minutes as we've done stand up a lot where you're dying in your ass eight minutes is a long time to be metaphorically dying

to be actually dying you're going to feel that now in the submersable so we need to get we need to carry on the timeline now what stupid thing were you going to ask Charlie no what he was going to say

right is that he thinks that they were aware that they were going to die for 48 to 71 seconds now I know for a fact that's not true what how do you know For a fact.

Yes. I saw it on TikTok. Because if there's a leak, if the, if, whenever the fucking thing, they knew they were lost, right? They knew they were lost down there. We should, I haven't really explained what this is yet, have we? What? The submersible going down to the, every, is the biggest news story? Five rich cunts in a bait being canned.

Go down to the Titanic. Dads and sons. It's dads and sons. It's what happens when you try and do father-son bonding. This is why you shouldn't speak to your sons. You shouldn't speak to them because it just leads to death, right? They're in a bay bean can, there's controlled by an export controller, there's unregulated, blah, blah, blah, they get down there. And what happens is they go so low down and they haven't, it's not actually built properly.

And the thing implodes. Now, what happens is, is that the thing imploded quicker than the people's nervous system takes to respond to information. So they wouldn't have felt any pain. they wouldn't even have acknowledged that it would happen they would have just been one minute do you feel a breeze

the next minute that's it didn't even feel the breeze yeah is there any chance that they would have known that the breeze was going to happen

so they might have died immediately yeah that's just I guess that was Charlie's point is like they knew that they they might have known it was fucked for a bit

and then they knew they were missing I'm sure they were like but they didn't know that was any pressure potentially going to come in no I think they're like oh shit we can't

the controller run out of battery that's probably the last thing right let's get the animation of it happening it's a satisfying one it's fucking great yeah it makes me feel like their bodies turn to liquid quicker than their nervous system could react to it yeah so it is it is without question the most exquisite death you can have it's like being robinio on the wing in his prime to the grim reaper like you're doing the stepovers drop the shoulder and he has no time to

do you know what i mean and but to be honest even if they knew it was going to happen then it's like Rion and Robin, where you know what he's going to do, but you can't stop him. Can't stop him. Cut in. Kind of cut in, left foot, top corner, goal. It's a perfect death. And also, what would have happened, it wouldn't have looked,

because the actual tin can, they brought it up and it was like, do you remember? Whereas, but the people were just mush. They were in the sea. Because the pressure. They can't handle pressure these people. These guys are terrible under pressure.

Do you not remember that? The whole point was this was a team building exercise. to try and get them more resilient. And then the thing with this, as we've seen with the billionaire assassination by Luigi Mangione, there is going to be absolutely no sympathy for billionaires. There is just not an ounce.

It's completely fair game. Yes. If a billionaire dies in an accident, it's fair game to say whatever you like about him but not an ounce of sympathy. No. Mangione wasn't even an accident. He just got point blank assassinated.

He was like, well, he earned too much money. But then there was sympathy. sympathy for the billionaires and the Titanic, weren't there? Well, they... Well, yeah, at the time, though, they didn't have this view that billionaires were...

I also think the view of billionaires completely changed. Because Gilded Age billionaires for all of their excesses, there was still like a social responsibility in a way of like... Like the Carnegie and all of those Vanderbilt and all those sort of

that age of America, they were building theatres, railroads. They were like great public works. The money was coming back in in a way. Musk is building... Twitter. Building Twitter or Rockets. Rockets, yeah.

It just doesn't feel like the billionaires now are doing the same. They're wearing T-shirts, so it doesn't look like they're billionaires. I'm one of you. And they're arguably contributing to societal collapse with the Facebook disinformation thing. Exactly. I just think the billionaires should also dress richer. Yes, I agree. I think celebrities should stop acting like they're not better than us.

Do you know what I mean? I just think it's better. I think what in the one-year era. Us is quite a... What? I've got half a million Instagram followers. better than me I should be dressing

I should be in I should be in a tux really yeah I just because I felt like during the kind of like Jamila Jamil kind of woke era of celebrities where it's like I'm just like you guys it's like you're hot

you're talented you're rich act like it yeah stop pretending that you're enjoy the privilege enjoy the privilege and I like that's why

I just rate people who are just unapologetically elite and better yeah I agree as opposed like I wear a t-shirt And I'm like, grow up. Yeah, fuck off.

Fucking invest in some class. Yeah. So, blah, blah, blah. Titans a baked bean can. Everyone dies there too. The Titanic strikes again. I don't know the one. I know.

A goal! It's a late second for the Titanic. I guess a 9-11 with a very, there's a Greek level lag between. Oh, it's test cricket. 11 again well is it test cricket

or is it it's just the Greek guy oh fuck we were meant to do another one not today

not today is the what um no do you know what it is like a test it's a game of test cricket where day one is insane yeah

and it's like 20 wickets for on day one yes and then day two they're like right let's actually play test cricket

yeah and they just nothing happens rained off third day rained off third day fourth day nothing happens and then the fifth day

is insane where they just fastball whatever thing. That's what it's like. Well, if you're still listening to us, which is questionable given that we're three hours in... I think there's something we might be passed out on the floor who can't turn it off. Yeah, yeah. And it's just sort of on the YouTube up next is sort of playing it. And as they're sort of crawling towards the phone begging for help because they've injured themselves on a can opener. Maybe this is still playing. Yeah. As they slowly

fade away. Yeah. Um, uh, I think that pretty much wraps up the, Are there any more closing thoughts you'd like to say on the Titanic? Not one. So just to make sure that we're all still, I know it's been a bit more of a fluid episode, this one, in terms of timeline. The Titan Submerscible was about 70 years after Hitler's last birthday. Right.

Hitler has been dead for some time. Yeah. Which is, how when he died? Was he like 57? 45. He died. How old was he when he died? It's done like 45.

No, I think. It's quite funny. When you Google Hitler, which I obviously do every day, that's what I wake up to do. His 50th birthday was just before the World War II started. He says he was born. Born in wherever he was born, and he died in the Fura Bunker. Fureabunker.

That's what it's called. De Fuhrer bunker. Can we go to the Furo bunker? So I've tried to go in. They've obviously, they've obviously, they've obviously got rid of it all, but there's a plaque. There's like on the walking tour around Berlin that you do, they show you, so have you done it? I did, yeah, I've done a walking tour in Berlin. So there's the bit where all the books are burned

and they've got this memorial where you look down through a glass plaque and it's like a fake library underneath kind of showing all the listening books and then there's they walk you to the spot where the Russians got into the bunker but there's just no memorial there's nothing. The Russians get there

first? Yeah well the Russians have made in Berlin Yeah but the Allies were there as well No, well they're not in the battle I think it's take Berlin that's why it's so bad Oh right Of course it's the eastern side Eastern side yeah um bloody hell she's got big cans who's that

is that even brawn fucking hell you dirty dog she'd have been alright on the Titanic she would have floated I'll tell you that much Christ a couple of life jacket puppies she's got on her bloody hell I didn't think hit her had it in him the sly dog

I could be a vegetarian with it I can't like that no no worries I could live off milk if that's if that's the jocks they're being served in I can live off that the level of self-restraint for us to not do an episode on the Nazis on mania is extraordinary the amount we've skirted around doing the Nazis yeah i hope you appreciate that because soon no soon soon it's uh like the iceberg the storm clouds of war like the iceberg we are dead ahead admittedly going at 20 knots so we'll take some time but when we get

there. It's going to be fucking chaos. In bloat. It's going to sink this ship. Blute. In blood. Gats of Europe. Anyway, so that concludes our series on Hitler's birthday week of Hitler's 23rd birthday.

The Titanic sank while he turned 323, but that's kind of by the pie. If you'd like a bonus episode this week. Yes, please. Then there's one on the Patreon, depending on when this episode comes down. We don't know which one it's going to be. No, we don't. It might have been the Costa Concordia. which is the Italian Titanic.

The Italian Titanic. We're going to do that on the page. Is it Italian? No, it's Italian. I think you know, definitely is Italian. It's fucking hilarious. That's on the Patreon.

You get a bonus episode every Friday and you get all the episodes for the week in one go on Monday morning. And there's also some bonus stuff including our four-part series on the rise of the Nazis, which we will be continuing at some point. Anyway, if you're still listening,

my God, you've stuck us out. Fair play to you. And we will see you. for a different topic next time.