Fin vs History - Measuring Skulls When The Women Have Gone To Bed | Prehistoric Man (Part 1)

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠⁠⁠surfshark.com/fvh How did Prehistoric Homo Sapiens win out over Neanderthals, and was it simply because the Neanderthals were autistic?    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.    For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  CHAPTERS: 00:00 Ugo history   07:18 - lots of homos   13:44 - homo errectus   19:11 - Homo Hobbit   22:27 - Neanderthals and amateur phrenology   27:41 - the prodigal producer returns   30:03 - dinner party convo   33:26 - f*cking or fighting   38:22 - Homo sapiens   45:45 - Early page 3   48:43 - The end of an era  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'd like to start this episode with a trigger warning. We are going deep. Deep than we've ever gone before. Into autism's core. We are meeting the architect of autism. This is the Titanic submersible. This is. Today.

We're James Cameron. We're James Cameron going deep into the Yuga-Buggerlands. It's prehistoric man week. You're completely flailing about here. I'm in, I feel like, you've got nothing to hold on to. I'm in a disabled toilet, and the lights are off, and I'm on the floor, and I'm trying to find that big red cord. Help.

I've tried to wipe my ass and fall off the toilet. Help! Help. This is the Stone Age. yeah this is history for non-verbal people yeah um people who struggle to live independently we're we're we're going back to the beginning here history for ugly women would you say sorry the history ugly women i go i go i go i go i go i go do you know what i didn't didn't encounter any i go mingoes yeah right i didn't i didn't encounter any women in the but exactly

and it's also like you know women can't go in submarines because they lose the fertility it's like it's too really is that a thing yeah you know about this don't you come on this is good stuff Pete, you know about this, don't you, Pete? No. So, when you go super deep down, you lose all your sperm. Because we... Really? Because we produce sperm really easily.

Yeah. When we get up again, we've become cum laden again, right? But women, they have a set amount of eggs. So Osama cum laden, when he was buried at sea, lost all his sperm. Yeah. And if he comes back up... They'll start. It's the Osama cum laden we know and love.

But women have a set amount of eggs. Yes, I knew this. Women are born with all the eggs they're ever going to have. So when they go under, they'll lose them all. So that's why you can't, that's why the, you know. You can't conceive underwater. Well, it's just more like why it's, it's boy zone down there. Is it?

It's not for women. No, it's not for women. You shouldn't be nosing about down there. No. It's frankly, the deep is none of your fucking business. Because your inside will just be like a fucking omelet. Well, there's a great joke. I can't remember who does it about how women are born with all their eggs.

Yeah. And the reason that men aren't, the men aren't born with all the sperm that are ever going to is because by the age of 12, they'd have just lost everything. The race would not continue. Yeah. Yeah, speaking of the human race, we are, no women do not lose

the wrecks in deep water. So you're, you've completely just, even for this podcast, the amount of misinformation off the top. I mean, that's extraordinary. I mean, it was a legal ban until 2011 because people. I think it's just because you're trapped down there

and the last thing you want is any nagging. It's a funny thing for the government to make up to stop women. No, you can't, you'll be infertile, actually. You'll never have kids, so you can't go down there. No, I tried to impose a similar rule on the shed at the end of the garden. If you go there, you'll become infertile. Your insides will explode.

Your room will explode if you come in here. But then she walked in one day and I had to backtrack. Yeah. No, today we're talking about prehistoric man. It's, um, I'm lost, completely lost. Something about the Stone Age. This is before history. It's arguably not even history.

Well, no, history starts when people start talking. Yeah. And this is, they have, this is biology. This is the village origin story This is the prequel This is, I mean history Starts what This is the phantom menace

This is the phantom menace In every respect I mean I don't know It's a load of nonsense It's weird nonsense It's tedious It is tedious History starts in the bronze age

You might say Yeah Which is what Egypt And it ends when Blair comes to power Yes 97 the end of history This is before Egypt Yeah

Oh, way before. Way before, Egypt. So let's just get people up to speed. So 30.8 billion years ago. Fucking hell. Right, hang on. Hang on. Now, I must, again, in a disclaimer,

if you're listening to this and you're awaiting a meeting with your bank manager, stop now, you will default on any loan payments if we go any further. Yes, as you said, 13.8 billion years ago. Bang! Bang!

You know, bang and the dirt is gone. Yeah. Instead, it's bang and everything exists. Bang and the dirt's arrives. Yeah. Four and a half billion years ago. jump forward. Earth.

Do we not want to go every year? Let's do it year by year. 13.7999 billion years ago. The bangs happened. Yeah, what's happened between the Big Bang and Earth? But at this point,

anyone who says they know what's going on there is just talking about their whole dust particles we got. Dust. So it is banging the dust of rights. Bang on the dust is here. Bang and the dust is here.

Four and a half billion years ago, 3.8 billion years ago. It feels like Earth is pretty is older than you'd think right in the whole scheme of things if everything is 14 billion years and Earth is almost 5 billion that's we're older than I thought we'd be

right. No? No. Billion. Yeah. Billion's such a big number. Yeah. It's sillian, yeah. I don't, I don't know. It's just too big a number.

Yeah. I don't believe it. And in 3.8 billion years, emergence of orgasms, organisms. 2.8 billion years ago. They emerged from the depths. The big, ah. And then 245 million to 66 million years ago. Dinosaurs.

We will do a dinosaur episode. We will leave that for now. And then 2.5 million years ago, which I suppose is when our timeline starts. All man's. Humans evolve in Africa. Yeah. And this begins the Paleolithic era.

Yeah. Which apparently is 99% of human history is the Paleolithic. era, which is 2.5 million years ago to about 10,000 years ago, or 10,000 BC, and then everything since then is 1%. Isn't that crazy that everything we've done so far is only less than 1% of human history? But I think if you look at human history, it's just more is happening more regularly exponentially, right? Yes, yes. So 2025, you know, Bonnie Blue is a new phenomenon that we've been talking about. And that's all happened within

eight months. This podcast. This podcast has been eight months. Yeah. But then for two million years, you, you'll invent one thing every 500,000 years. One notable thing will happen in half a million years. Well, if you look, we just skipped millions, billions of years. Yeah. Because, yeah. Someone will come up with a shoe and now will be like, well, that was pretty quick for 200,000 years.

Let's take, let's take three million years off. We've invented one shoe. Yeah, so, but it's just fascinating, isn't it? It's a dizzying 1%, less than 1% if you, at this point, Hitler is, is a spec in a monkey man's eye. Yeah, I guess so. Crazy. Yeah.

Butter, but a spark, but a twinkle. Yeah. So his ancestors are around here though. It's comforting to know that somewhere,

somewhere in East Africa, there's a Hitler monkey. There's a hitler, Boogna, Bougna, Bougarna, Bougna, Bokinni,

Bokinni, Bokin a bloggerna! Yeah. So homo sapiens start to evolve in Africa. Yeah. We are homo sapiens. Sapiens. That's ours. Our listeners are

We don't know. They're more homo basement in this, maybe. Homo Smellians. Now, there's several different types of human at this point. Yeah. There's a homo. That bit would be interesting, wouldn't it? To have loads of different types of human. I do find this, yeah. But I mean, your view of racial science is you think there's those different types of you. Well, we'll get to racial science. This is where I started to actually find the way that's interesting.

It's when they discovered it all and went, oh yeah, this is the missing link between monkeys and colonial subjects. Yeah. So there's death from about what, uh, two million years ago. Yeah. The, the homogenus starts. Don't like them off. They're all homos for two million years.

Prehistory is gay. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then really it's a journey of getting straighter. Yeah. Um, so the homogenus. Yeah.

This is my problem with it. This is not history. It's biology. Yeah. Which I did not like. This is a history. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a fat trans woman with a pink hair in a wheelchair. That's what this history is.

Keep talking. Don't threaten me with a good time. A fat trans woman with pink hair in a wheelchair? Yeah. Well, that's what this is. This is where we're at. Right, okay. Because I think it evolves into more straighter as it goes along. And that's currently where we're out.

This is the apex. If we look at the evolution of the type of history, people who are into this history. So are you saying that you've got like apes that start walking. And then before apes, you've got a fat trans woman with pink hair in a wheelchair. They're getting skinnier and onto crutches. Yeah. And their hair gradually gets blue for a bit and then black. Until it's World War II and it's a straight man in a suit.

Straight man reading a book about Churchill. There's lots of different homos. Right. It's famously. Yeah, there's Homo Neanderthalus. Yeah. Homo erectus. Yeah.

Homo. They're all homers. Yeah. It's like the LGBT community. Right. It's a rainbow coalition. It's a rainbow coalition. Let's have a look at these.

So the first one is homo habilis, right? Which is Latin for Handyman. Okay. So he's like, yeah. So he's the, supposed. We think, again, we don't know any of this stuff. So this is the oldest one. This is the first non-monkey man.

Right. Right. We think. And this stuff changes. It's chicken and an egg, isn't it? It's monkey and human. Yeah, we're not chicken and egg. It's more like, because chicken and egg is a stupid thing because it was clearly the chicken.

But at some point... Well, hang on. What do you mean it was clearly the chicken? Where's the chicken come from? If you think about it, it's quite... At any point, you decide what a chicken is. Yeah. That's where it starts.

At one point, something that wasn't a chicken, laid an egg. that gave birth to a chicken to a chicken right so then it is the egg so it's the egg actually it has to be the egg sorry that's what I meant was anyone who says this the chicken is really stupid right I just said that it was a chicken no it's course it's the egg it's great to just the theatre of ideas here testing fellow historians this podcast is sponsored by surf shark yeah now listen if you using public Wi-Fi did you know you're at risk of what I don't know well it's much like public toilets you're at risk of getting

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yeah so the beginning of the paleolithic period the first species identified as part of the homo genus the LGBTQ community is homo habilis little fella little boy a little hairy fella

little hairy fella he looks like he does look cute he does look cute I like to have one of these guys around Yeah, yeah, long arms Very hairy, hairy shoulders and back He looks like a sort of A boss man, bring a kid to boss man Day, bring a kid to work day

A cabb shop owner's son Homo Abelis is a cabb shop owner's son Yes, yes please my friend Oh, you're learning Yeah Chili garlic Anybody next please please please It's work experience

Bossman work experience right Now he didn't look like modern humans I disagree as I said We've seen a couple of these people Yeah Those of you haven't seen Charlie, it's not far off this. It's not far off. Charlie, by the way, who hasn't turned up today.

Yeah, by the way, the reason why we've got Pete, do you and say hi, Pete? Hello. The reason we've got Pete behind them on the mics today is Charlie just didn't turn up for work. No, and he woke up, we don't know where. Also, he produces another podcast as I do. It's not out. No, his wallet, his keys and his jacket are all here. He was in the office yesterday.

No, he's not answering his phone. No, I mean, he'll probably arrive at some point. Yeah, and then we called him and he said, yeah, I've slept through 15 the last, because I've been up till 3. You know when someone answered the phone going, fuck, you are right, you are asleep. He'll be here at some point.

But it's quite inappropriate, isn't it? We're talking about K-Man. Anyway, speaking at notably smaller brains and more ape-like proportions. But enough about our producer. We're talking about homo habilis, and we think he was related to an earlier ape-like creature called Australopithecus Afrikanus.

Making shit off at this point. Who fucking knows. I mean, you could just tell us anything and we believe you. Do you know what I mean? Because no one's boring enough to go into this apart from like 15 people. Yeah. They could just be having a jolly.

Yeah. And just making shit up. Because it's not like we're going to check it. No. I'll just be making loads of shit up. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking bisexualsaurus. Rectors.

So we think that homo habilis, the handyman, they're called handyman because they're the first human-like things to use tools. Is it the opposable thumb? Well, there's a thing about pinching, isn't it? Right. It's a thing about how humans can pinch like, this. Yeah, Italians are the...

Women in public. Yeah. Hey, hey. Chabela. So humans can pinch like this. We've got family friends who lived in, English who lived in Italy for 20 years. An Italian man once pinched Pippa's ass.

And she had to run into her house and he held it until he shut the door on him. He was literally running down the street. She was like, she had to shut the door on his hand. the most Italian man in the world Wow Fair play But yeah

That's what I mean Is that the Italians have evolved The grip The strength to their pinch That I don't have I'm less evolved The opposable thumb Is very opposable for the Italian

Italians are the height Of evolution Because they're able Yeah And you think about the You know The evolution Breeding stuff out

Yeah What's who's successful Italians are the most Successful at breeding Because they can hold on to women's ass For days, hours I can't do that

So eventually Italians will Win out in the evolutionary struggle over British people Yeah We'll after you And they're spreading their seed like nobody's chucking out a window Crop duster Tabella Please

Anyway Then we get to Homo Erectus Who These are the first I'd say He's good looking Yeah He's kind of hunky So we go from a like little monkey boy

to pretty lean. But in a way, I feel this is what women really actually want. They kind of pretend that they want other things. They kind of are still. They're still sort of pining after this.

This is kind of the female gaze. Is it not? I think it is actually, yeah. Deep set jaw. Hairy. And if you're listening, at this point, we have very small foreheads

because we have a small brain. Right. So we have big eyebrow, big brow. Here we go. This is what women want, apparently. Big,

big, overbite, like big kind of monkey face. I think what men want is... Flat nose. What men want is like Sydney Sweeney. Yeah. And what women want is this. Yes.

You're right. But they want this, but he writes poetry. Uga, bugger, uga, Ugo, bugger, Ugo, boogga, it's Ugo, boog, booghaikus. That's what they want.

So this is the first guy to stand up. Now what's going on in their brain, because when you're trying to think about what's going on in an animal's brain, do you know what you're thinking what does a dog think? It's sort of you can't really I sometimes go to text my dog

and then remember that I don't doesn't have a phone and cut and couldn't reply. What would you be texting? How much do you love him? Do you want to walk? Walk question mark? Yeah.

But at this point we could probably conceptualise a little bit what it was like in their brain. Oh go go go go go go go go. Because it would, what's the vision there? Is it just being like being in Charlie's brain? Is it just what we've seen

but just everything is just Yeah. is it just stupid no I don't know if they have is it stupid brainers they they're the first ones to the first ones to stand up first guy to stand up this guy

yeah they were always before that's before lenny Bruce before Lenny Bruce we should place this this is sort of 1.9 million years ago so have I got news for you have a news view is in development

it's in development it's not been picked up yet but his slop and Merton are they're going into Hattrick offices we've got an idea here about something very very wry. Could we make wry comments? So believe or not, this is

pre-Hav-I-Got News for you. I mean, it's terrifying. What is the world if I've got news for you isn't there? Yeah, the first guess for Homo erectus kind of... Angus Deaton wasn't born yet. Terrifying. Anyway, 1.9 million years ago, he's this guy stands up. A monkey stands up. Yeah. And he's got

cum gutters as well. Look, if you're watching. Absolutely fucking smoke show. Smoke show. I mean, it's like... It's like David Gandhi. He does look like Dave. David Gandy, if you just stop before the head. Yeah.

I mean, it's a hairy gandy. He's got hairy shoulders. David Gandy, if you've got PVA glue and pubs all over him. Yeah. Maybe it's just a phase you're going through. You'll get over it. I can't help you with that. The next appointment is in six months.

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But this is the first guy to control fire, we think. Right. We think, I don't fucking care. We, the royal way. But they are conscious. Well, I guess so. There's a level of conscious. When do you draw that line?

Well, is it... Because I guess when the people are talking about consciousness in the Enlightenment, they were drawing their line racially. Yes. So it is all about where you decide to draw the line, right? Well, in the book, Sapiens, which is very popular. Yeah. Good book.

You know, it opens to the whole chapter about Peugeot, which I think is a strange way of opening. Well, yeah. It's so he's really talking down to people. Right. But he has to do because he's a very clever bloke. Right, right.

He says that there are three main revolutions in the human story. Cognitive, agricultural, scientific. No, no, no. Come on, come on. That's, I think that's over, isn't it? I think it's gone back. There's a sexual counter revolution.

Yeah, it'd be also if you just put that in there. Sexual counter revolution. Yeah, it's just the horniest guy. Missionary the lights off now from now on. Women getting their tits out. I feel industrial is probably more. Cognitive revolution, agricultural, women getting their tits out.

That's the 90s, Las Mags. So he says there's the cognitive revolution which I guess at some point, I think he credits it 70,000 years ago, so we're still way after this. Because these fellas,

they're still kind of monkeys. Right. And he says that... Monkey! Monkey! They're northern. And he says the key to their success

or Sapien's success. No, us is that we can cooperate in groups larger than a hundred because we can imagine stuff. Okay. So he says fiction is the actual difference between us and apes. Because you can't convince

an ape to do something for a story like religion or nationhood or whatever. No, it's fucking or bananas. It's fucking or bananas. Which, you know, me on a bad day you won't convince me to do anything if it's not for a banana or a blowjob, right? Whereas for them it's like

you know the gruffalo exactly yeah something like that yeah yeah the people will die for the gruffalo

the gruffalo I think is after homo right yeah yeah rector's homo gruffalo I think homo rector controls they have more advanced

tools I guess because their thumbs are better yeah this survives for two million years right that's a long time long old fucking shift this guy's done

so we're standing up and I think we're running a bit yeah we were waiting for half an hour for charlie and that felt like

a long time yeah million years. Two million years. So then we get to, this isn't really a key species, but it's quite funny. Homo fluoresciensis.

So this is like a side species. Yeah, side quest. The Hobbit. So around 700,000 years ago on an island in today's Indonesia, a species is thought to evolve from a population of Homo erectus

that were all dwarfs. Tiny. Was island island shrinkism? Well, there's island gigantism, and I guess it's the opposite. Because you know island gigantism, right? The reason why the Komodo dragons are massive It's because on an island

You can dominate Small creatures can dominate to the point Where they become huge They get really big That's why you have giant tortoises Well it's mostly why Scandinavian Kids are taller than our kids Why?

Because they're eating better Fish Fish, I guess Stinky fish, I don't know Yeah Supposed by the time they're five They're about that much taller Okay, fair enough

Anyway, these fuckers were all dwarfs Yeah They're all the size of penguins Look we've got a picture up there That's kind of cute. Talk about, I mean, that's the beauty standards at this point. That's a thick, a thick homo-fluensius. Is that a woman?

Is that a woman? I think that's like their equivalent of Kim Kardashian. That's the picture. Big bum, tits out, big stick. Yeah. They weighed about 25 kilos, very small brain. Evidence suggests they hunted baby elephants. But they could hold sticks and stuff.

So that's still pretty like dwarf. So everything's just mini. It's like a model village. But this is essentially, so my theory is that the female evolution starts here. Right. Modern women take

their cue from these fellas. They're smaller, they have bigger hips. Small brains. Small brains. But what's interesting is on these islands, the rodents are huge and the people are tiny. Yeah. So it's like a nightmare. That's crazy. You're like the same size of the rat. Yeah. Yeah, here we go.

About 200,000 years ago, something like that, you've got these three distinct homos. Right. So this would be LGBT. Alan Carr. Alan Carr. Alan Carr, Stephen Frye and Claire Ballard. Yeah, it's all three people who've been on celebrity traitors. Off the top of my head, trying to think of any gay celebrity.

It was like the only people. They've all got big heads. Yeah. Very clear. So homo sapiens originates in Africa. East Africa. Yeah. Neanderthalus, Neanderthals, they're Europe.

Yeah. And then Dennis Over, his name's not Dennis. Not Dennis Irwin. Not Dennis Irwin. No, Homo Dennis Over. They only discovered him about 15 years ago. Oh, really? Yeah.

In a cave in Siberia. How's he doing? Hey? How's he done? He's done. Completely fucked. But that's why all of this stuff is completely up for grabs still. In that literally, they thought it was just,

home at Neanderthals and Sapiens and then 50 years ago like oh fuck Dennis was knocking about yeah yeah there were then then there's kind of I guess a struggle for supremacy sort of between Neanderthals and but we stayed in Africa for ages

Neanderthals were Europe right they got out there quick yeah but Neanderthals didn't come out of Africa but Sapiens starts moving about yes at some point Sapiens is like I don't like it but Neanderthal Europe Neanderthals actually should we get into

the Neanderthals so they develop kind of like a is it a similar time They're around at a similar time. Discovery in Nathan Hill Bonds was 1856. So this is a fruity time for science. Oh, I love this. It's my favourite.

So take Neanderthals, they're big-headed. They look like our idea of a caveman, right? Well, all the ideas of cavemen, our perception of cavemen comes from the 19th century discovery of Neanderthal bones in Germany, the Neander Valley. That's why Neanderthal was used as an insult. Yeah, exactly. Knuckle draggers.

So they found these skull cap and bones in a cave, and this is just before Darwin's book. They basically think, and this is, you know, this is a theory that I, a long bit of fan of, that the skull they find is the missing link between black people and white people. Right. Or they think that at this point, why. The other people's big head is the bridge. It's the bridge.

Yeah. Because at this point, it's empire, racism is a scholarly pursuit. Yeah. For gentlemen. It's not been degraded. Yeah. And so at this point, they think European civilization is the apex of evolution. Yeah. And so they think Neanderthal skulls are like a stepping stone on the journey to becoming white and enlightened.

Right, right. Well, are they saying blacks behind Neanderthal? I don't know. Right. But this is when you got the Caucasoid, Mongoloid and the other one. This is when they were like doing it. Yeah, it's three groups. Yeah.

Which has been discredited. The three genders. Phrenology is rife. Again, I'm trying to bring, I'm an amateur phonologist. So I love this stuff. But they find the skull. And then there's a French guy who finds a skeleton. in a cave in like the 1911 or something

and he's the first one to draw the caveman stooped over Ugo-Buga, so that's the first on our thought, our image of the Andeshors comes from that 20th century Ugo-Buga, but actually what they found is in

Spain, they found a Neanderthal skull with Down syndrome. Right. And so, and they he lives, the kid with Down syndrome live for a bit which implied like, you know implied that they were woke. No.

implied they were looking after him which means that Neanderthals were actually weren't necessarily savages they were like

caring yeah they were yeah they had blue hair basically he found a fragment of blue hair in a skull

but they found disabled Neanderthors that you have to sustain a a tribe to keep disabled

which again is like what do they sound like if uga bugger is like Stephen Fry then what does what does disabled ogabugugga

sound like like what's the speech impediment went, than we can. They're stronger, the faster, right? Maybe not faster.

Yeah, look, they're kind of squat and they've got high hips and big rib cages. It was quite a recent finding. I remember watching this on TV like 10 years ago it only just come out. They're basically Neanderthals

weren't stupid. They might even be cleverer than Sapiens. Really? They might have a higher brain capacity. Yeah. The number one reason why Sapiens could defeat Neanderthals is working as a group or community.

They don't have that sort of thing. So they're sort of like autistic guys. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. But had worse social skills. Yes. Yeah. So it's kind of like, Sapiens were like the high school bully.

Yeah, jocks. Jocs. Jocs. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was an American football team, basically. Neanderthals are Millhouse and we're, um, whatever the other guy. What's the other guy called him, The Simpsons, the bully?

Nelson. Nelson. Nelson. We're Nelson. We're Nelson and, uh, Nianthaulsons. Because of Millhouse, yeah. But we have 5% roughly Neanderthal DNA in us. Europeans do.

Right. So that means that we're... Which means... Well, this is where we get to the... We don't know why Sapiens won out of Neanderthals, but there's two theories. Yeah. One is that we fucked them and then...

Out of existence. And into our... Yeah. So we interbred. Right. And then we've got a bit of their DNA in us. Yeah. And Neanderthors, it should be said, we're all in Europe.

And they were... They devolved to adjust to the harsher conditions. than Sapiens had. Because Sapiens are in East Africa, cradle of life. Yeah. And then Neanderthals are humans that are like, is chilly.

Yeah. So they were better at living in caves. Could you do it on a cold, wet night? In Stoke. Yeah, basically. We're in the Britannia. But again, that's the thing. Like Stoke are a good,

you know, you might be able to get into the fifth round of the FA Cup. But eventually, you'll be found out. You'll be found out. Because Man City are better at teamwork. yeah so neanderthals were doing long throwings so analysises in the anathol's Sean die

and you might you'll get a couple of points your knick-a-cola point here it is here it is here it is here is our producer what time we on what time we on Pete we've got a stopwatch going 30 minutes 30 minutes in

30 minutes in go on go on just go on get behind the wheel come on cheers Pete we're talking about cavemen appropriately enough you would have love this episode yeah this is you all this is you all

It's a shame. It's all the worst one to miss. I know. Where you been? Asleep. Go on then, Charlie. What happened? Oh.

I set about 15 alarms. Right. And none of them worked. What did you mean? What did you mean? What did the alarm just fade into your dream? I don't know what happened. I was up to like, I didn't sleep the night before and I was up to like three work.

It's fucked. Yeah. I mean, we just did our live show in Bristol, which was great. Thanks everyone coming out. We all went for drinks afterwards. Charlie, this is like like 11 o'clock. Yes. Yeah, about, yeah, 11 p.m.

Ocottero, Charlie gets espresso martinis because he's going back to work. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. He works very hard, Charlie. He just doesn't work smart. No, I mean.

He doesn't work smart. No, no. You can't say he doesn't work hard, but he really doesn't work smart. Work hard, not smart. It doesn't like it's a long-term strategy. Yeah, yeah. It's like he's biting down on the bit between his teeth

and just putting his snout in the mouth. Crazy. So to... What have I missed then? Right, to get you up to speed, Charlie, we've... Unfortunately for you, we've missed the dinosaurs. We've ploughed through that. We are...

Oh, Christ, where are we? We're in Neanderthor. We're about what? We're between 100,000 and 40,000 years ago. Yeah. Right. So what... Do they have names?

What do you mean? Like Derek. It'll probably... I mean, Ag is the popular imagination of what a stone at age man before. We were just talking about how... The reason that sapiens win out over Neanderthals is that Neanderth, Sapiens

can communicate with large groups. They're like, they're hanging out, they're going to like... They're hipsters. They're hipsters. They're hipsters. It's just kind of like they're neurotypicals, you know?

Yeah, they are. That is basically it. Yeah. It's that Neanderthals are autistic. Very good at surviving. They're having house parties. Surviving on their own. Yeah.

Whereas Neanderthals are Sigma males, aren't they? They're low wolves. They're our listeners. Yeah. Do you think we've made a difference if you're autistic as a caveman? Well, I think people,

People think that there's a, some people have made, I mean, this is where fun science is coming in. People have made a link between autism and the Neanderthal DNA. Is that right? I mean, I've said a lot of bollocks, but I don't mind saying some more. You're not a swing at that one.

Yeah, I think people say like Neanderthal, if you have more Neanderthal DNA, you're more predestined to have autism. Well, maybe not even thick, just more, you know. More like to have autism? Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. In certain settings.

Yeah. In certain settings, you really thrive. So, but we need to get to the, let's, can we get to the, that's true, is it? But if there's Neanderthal DNA in homo sapiens, it means they must have been fucking, so that's guaranteed, right? That shouldn't be really up for debate. Well, they were definitely fucking. Yeah, but the reason this is, this is quite contested stuff, is how genetically different

are the three groups. Right. Because if they are, what the racial scientists, the scholars and races in the 19th century would have said is that the different races that we see today all evolved out of different species of human that's quite that's quite politically incorrect it's quite fruity you might say to put it mildly and would fit a lot of um racial theories that's not dinner party stuff now not some of my dinner party but it used to be yeah very polite conversation at dinner party oh the women the women would go to bed and the men would talk about racial science

I'd love to take that bring that back right women you go to bed it's 10 p.m. me and the boys are going to get the brandy out and talk about skull sizes. Flyer Transat. Seven time winners. Champions out again. By the seven time world's best leisure airline champions, Air Transat. Your business doesn't move in a straight line. Some days bring growth.

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Join the movement and donate now at Movember.com. Yeah, so Asians have Denisovan DNA. Right. So in the way that Europeans, or at least people, I think Africans don't have any Neanderthal DNA, which is, I guess, ironic, given that in the 19th century when they found the Neanderthal skull, they were like, yeah, yeah, that's an African, 100%. So that's actually not true. But actually Neanderthals are the true Europeans. Which, does that, does that mean that more Europeans have autism than Africans? Maybe.

I mean, it kind of makes sense. Because, I suppose, Africans not a very autistic culture. No, it's not. it should be more autistic although why are you gay it's quite an autistic the trains would run better

if they had some autists and they weren't fucking I think we've solved African time yeah yeah go on Charlie do you think you'd clock if you saw a Neanderthal

in the street in like I don't know so the documentary I watched they were like if you put Neanderthal on a suit and like you know

put them on London Bridge at 8am he'd get a couple of looks but no one people like oh I look that looks a bit weird but

we put you in a suit But think about it, but there's, you've seen people with crazy face with deformities in London, right? He's just, he's here. It's just behind the death. But you know, it's polite society. What other option is there? Who are you? It's like, when I've got toddlers, so they're like, oh!

Yeah, obviously. I mean, yeah, a toddler thing in Neanderthal in a lift. Do you ever do that? Yeah, I remember being in a lift seeing my first disabled person. This is me. Furious. Yeah. I remember doing that with a dwarf in a hotel.

you're kind of shocked and livid what's going on here so I've been lied to well I could end up looking like that I could end up just my head gets bigger that's it what's that mummy pointing yeah pointing

it's that meme of Leonardo decapio right so there's two theories as to why the sapiens went out one is that they fuck all the Neanderthals and they kind of absorbed into them which yeah But Neanderthal, found in the Yandah Valley, Germany,

German are very autistic culture. Here it does, it does sort of read. And in fact, do you know what? Let's bring this up now. Go on. They found a bit of art from 30,000 years ago in Germany. Right. So this is Stone Age art from Germany.

It's a woman, and she is doing a Nazi salute. Caveman art in Germany. Blub! Right. Oka-blogabana! right this is venus of glangenberg that's dated 36,000 years in austria wow that is extraordinary austria yeah that's amazing was predetermined look at that how fucking amazing is that the germans have been nazi austrian has been nazis for

40,000 years a 40,000 year rike a 40,000 year old rite crazy who know well maybe that maybe you know not to get all graham hancock maybe there was an advanced civilization that we don't know about in the human story If you say you know, you can't be trusted. We have found a Austrian Nazi salute figurine that's 40,000 years old. We make so many discoveries on this pod. We do break some new ground. Yeah.

Who's talking about this? No one. No one. The Austrians aren't. No. That's bad vibes for them. The rest of the history aren't touching this. Either they fucked them all or they...

The Great Replacement theory. Yeah, basically. The Andethals are being replaced. Yeah. So they're sort of Tucker-Cubes. and Neanderthals going on their Foxy News saying that. They didn't stop the small boats of sapiens coming over. And yeah.

So they basically, because the sapiens come out of Africa and they go to the Middle East, but at that time, they're Neanderthals in Europe, but no sapiens. And there's no Neanderthals. So people think that the sapiens didn't get to Europe because they were like, uh, we, you know, we're getting fought off by the Andathors. But then at some, weirdly, Sapiens gets to Australia before Europe.

Is that true? Yeah, it is. There's a land bridge then. But no, there's not a land bridge, which is why Hancock. This is why Hancock thinks as aliens or something. It's because somehow Sapiens,

this is 60,000 years ago, get to Australia and there's no hint of Sapiens in Western Europe. But Hancock says that they were doing cruise holidays before they... Yeah, but he's mad.

Yeah, he's mad. But there are little gaps in our knowledge that let him in to say something crazy. Yeah, you think it's Jet 2 holidays. was around. Darling, hold my hand. Ocoboggo,

go, go, go, go, go, yeah. Um, so there's another theory

that basically there's a sapien genocide of Neanderthals, which is what kind of out, they outcompete them. Apparently that the last town was in Gibraltar that they think. I love that. Yeah. Rorks drift in Gibraltar. Yeah.

So where are we up to? Let's get, so say, Sapiens, well, I know you don't know, you just woke it up. Sapiens, the reason they win out is that they have slender bodies. Get the photo, look at that. Look at this, fucking little twink. Fucking hunk there.

Woof. Skinny. So sapiens, they're less hairy. Soft boy. So in gay terms, we've gone from like bears. Is this a twink or an otter? I don't know. I think this is twink.

Twink is the end of the line. And erectus is like an otter and fucking Neanderthal's a bear. I guess so. Yeah, right. But erectus is before Neanderthal. Yeah, but it's just, Neanderthal seems more like a bear.

They're less hairy. The story of evolution is that we get less hairy, which is why parts of the Middle East are less evolved. If you are tuned to the racial science theories that I like to read sometimes. If. If.

No judgment. this is a forum for ideas it's a safe space it's a discussion you know we've solved the women have gone to bed

women have gone to bed women have gone to bed the brandies and cigars are out you're waiting just waiting for the door to click right let's get into it let's speak freely

can we just speak freely now the women have gone what's going on with the Middle East have you seen the size of some of those heads down there they're big heads Their shoulders are hairy.

Anyone else think something's going on? I'm just getting a glass of water. Oh, shit, sorry. Yeah, sorry. Terrible is going right of those. Anyway. There's surely something's going on there. They've got hairy shoulders.

They're back hair. Anyway, so humans have evolved to be able to outrun any animal long distance. That's crazy, isn't it? So, Mo Farrah. Basically. Yeah.

The reason we're successful, in the savannah is that we're Mo Harrah Oh, we sweat. So we sweat more than any animal pretty much, don't it? Yeah, because before this we were like dogs and Prince Andrew.

Big tongue. Prince Andrew, maybe he's got more Neanderthal DNA than us. So do Neanderthal's not sweat? Charlie, can you Google that? Do Neanderthal sweat? No other animals sweat, maybe. No other animals sweat.

I don't know. Really? Other than people. Neanderthals did sweat. There you go. Horses and monkeys sweat. Elephants can only sweat from their toes. I may have some elephant in me. I get very sweaty feet. Right. Okay, yeah. And they would

explain a lot of my eating habits in my preteen years. But listen, the skull, the human skull has a high forehead, a rounded brain case. A rounded brain case? Charlie, is your brain case broken? Do you have a flat brain case? It's unrounded. Yeah, unrounded brain case. Prominent chin. And the brain size is 1,250cc. I don't know why we've got it in motorbikes. We've got it in Mario Carre. Mario Car difficulty. Yeah. So, so. They're highly adaptable hunter-gatherers They use complex stone, bone and later metal, obviously And the key thing, which is what the Sapiens bloat would say

Is that they can employ groups of up to, you know, 1,000 more than more plus So what they would do that they Basically, no one else could organise a flash mob better than Sapiens Sapiens are the only, we are the flash mob's leashes We're Sapiens. We're sapiens. Well, we're on the fence about you.

Horatio and I are Sapiens, right? You're, we don't know. In many ways, I think you're the missing link, personally, that's my own theory. I think you were defrosted from an ice cube. Yeah. Is there going to be another one? Hey, what?

Do you think there's going to be more? I think there's going to be loads more. Yeah, but we're talking about tens of thousands of years. These are the ones we found, but I think they're going to keep. Yeah. Oh. We're stepping stones onto something else. Oh, right.

Do you think? Well, yeah, obviously, it doesn't stop. We're not the end of it. Are we? If you think about the phones, I mean, this is, this is in a world where we don't blow ourselves to shit, which we probably will at some point. Yeah. But it's in, not that.

This isn't a world where we don't discover how to remove ribs and blow ourselves to shit. Well, that will be the height of. All productivity goes down because men have found out ways to suck themselves off. There will be a genetic mutation where a guy is born with no ribs and can suck himself off. And then he will win. He will be the most successful human. So ribs will be bred out. Yeah, because there's nothing you can hold against it.

It's like money, I don't need it. Because this is it, right? Sex, I don't need it. No, we're bent over. then we get upright and then we go down again because we're going it's like

what do you have as collateral against that man in a deal yeah exactly he can leave any deal he's like I'm fine I'm fine

see you later you didn't turn up to school today well yeah well what would I yeah so human evolution we're like the height in but then

we're evolving down because yeah we're getting less ribs Anyway, but if you think about opposable thumbs But sorry, do you actually think there's going to be Another homo past homo sapiens? No, I think sapiens will evolve And at some point you'd start classifying

You'd say that's not sapiens anymore, that's something else Yeah Because I guess if you go 5,000 years ago At the beginning of civilization They were much shorter And there's an evolution upwards Is that evolution? Because we're eating better

Yeah Yeah, but also And this takes case over millions of years But if the more important phones come There's a chance that our thumbs would evolve again to be even more opposable more better for phones you wouldn't get tired

better for WhatsApp yeah basically get WhatsApp thumbs but also if you're if you're using less brain power because you've outsourced it to Google Maps

then your brains will get smaller again so small heads may come back in interesting to fashion small heads big thumbs yeah that's my that's my predict theory

so sapiens start in Africa they spread to Middle East Europe Asia Australia now let's get to yeah sapiens are the first

guy oh this is what I was going to say sorry Sapiens hunt in massive groups which is possibly why they out-compete Neanderthals because there's evidence that what they do is they'd have hundreds of them and they would chase herds of horses into like a ravine

into a choke point where they could kill them all yeah and then like they've got food and you sort of see that in cave paintings yeah if you think about that it looks like oh they're all in like a ravine they're just chucking in spears so military strategy yeah starts to develop because we can communicate on a grander scale

than chimps and the and the boss men that come before. But blokes being into military history is starting now. Starts now. Exactly. You know, cavemen bookcases have Anthony Beaver, Churchill biographies and then there's something also about how we this would be humans before

Sapiens but it's interesting. The big our big thing we were into was bone marrow. We're bone marrow boys. I've said this. I've said it's another podcast. I'm into bone marrow. I went to St. John's. I had the bone marrow starter and it's seen as this delicacy. If you think about it,

that's the thing we, it's the most important food to humans have ever eaten. Because it's the only reason that we've stayed alive. Yeah, it's the most nutrient rich and it's good for brain development. But also...

We're scavengers. We were scavengers. So what we do? The be a carcass and the bee... So, what, a lion had killed it, taking a lot of this stuff off. Yeah. We'd see that and we'd wait.

Then the vultures would come, pick the flesh off. And then we'd wait. And then we'd go and with our tools, we'd prize the... We'd the only people who could crack open the bones. Exactly.

and just suck the bone marrow. So we thought all the different like trends and food there was truffle was big for a bit Enduya yeah

you know there's all these little trends but there was not really any trends for it it was just bone marrow for about a million years there was the paleo diet yeah

was bone marrow but they didn't have any there was no one doing like top jaw no well they all had top jaw yeah overbite

over bite I would like to there was one trend in food for a minute years is what I'm trying to say everyone was on paleo yeah um I would like to propose that we call paleo uga uga I'm doing uga yeah yeah on the uga diet I'm on the uga diet um he's a lovely bone marrow though but they wouldn't have been roasting it were they well they control fire yeah so yeah they would have done because cooking meat means a little bit of parsley on sourdough bread

yeah gorgeous um they also they bury their dead which suggests a belief suggests a religion or it could have been hygiene couldn't it It couldn't smell. You're right, Charlie. So the great, yeah, it could have been smell. So the great jump we've made is that we started making shit art, basically. Yeah, it's fiction. That's like the big.

That's what the Sapiens author, I forgot on his name, Her Hari. Yo, Yuval Hari. Yeah. His thing is that fiction is the difference between us and the other homos. Yeah. We started letting women tell stories. Yeah. Yeah, women's stories.

Which means we conquered. That's the big jump is that we've allowed women to start telling stories. Yeah. and turning off their dreams. Uga-pug-pug-pug-pug-pug-pug-a-pug-a-cug-cug-a-cug-cug-cug-cah. And cave-man are like, fucking hell. Christ. They bury their deads, which it could suggest afterlife,

or it could just be that they're really stinky. Or Rickic Javet Show? Hey? Rick-Javation show after-lif. No, this is before afterlife. So, Sapin's the first people to do, the first homos to do art. Right.

I know a long history of homo's doing art. Yeah, a long history. This is the long road to homo's doing art. And this is very funny. There are sort of Paleolithic female figurines. They're like body positivity influences. Well, yeah, because they basically were like, let's not do heads or arms or feet and just do massive tits. Sort of early page three.

Yeah, yeah. Early page three. Lucy Pinderus. Yeah. Lucius Pindarus. This is Lucius Pindoros. Exaturated hips, breasts, thighs and vulva. It's beauty standards.

Yeah. So she's got big lips. She got an exaggerated vulva? Can you zoom in on that? Is that an exaggerated hip, vulva? I guess that's an exaggerating. That's a vulgar vulva that. Yeah, it is. Is that a vulva?

That little crevice. It's quite a big crevice. Huge. Ravine. Raveen. Big boobs. Yeah. So this, where was this found? That was found. It implies obesity could have existed.

But again, if we look at the penguin, the penguin women, then I mean, yeah. Yeah. Do you think obesity could have existed? I mean, I guess if they're really good hunters. Well, it's mainly protein. Well, no, because a high protein diet. So a lot of the.

reason that we have the anxiety nowadays or some people do right is allegedly the reason that some catholics have are anxious about things is that they um because we skip the food chain way quicker than you should okay we escaped the food chain we biohacked we biohacked sort of yeah in the biohacking is going back to stone yeah so sapiens are the first people to you normally you move up slowly the eco, through the food chain. But we were in the middle of it for millions of years. So our brains are food chain brains. Yeah.

So when we see sweet things, we want to gorge on them because we were hunter-gatherers in the food chain. We found some food. If you found a fig tree three million years ago, you just fucking eat all the figs. Yeah. That's why I eat 24 minutes pies. Like a dog. You don't know where your next meal is.

Exactly. Yeah. So you binge because your systems are wired to see sugar and know that it's rare so you should eat all of it now which is why I ate 24 minutes price but now you go like American candy shops fronts for drug trafficking in central London

yeah the fig trees weren't fronts for drugs but this is why we have the brains we still have the systems neurological systems that we did here but we basically evolved out the we like shortcutted Rainbow Road shortcut the food chain

it's not fair it's not cricket well you got Tesco's Explore's Now. Exactly. Yeah. For your local supermarket. Yeah. So I don't know what the point I was trying to make in.

But anyway, that's one. So that's why we're obese. It's because we can't stop eating and we don't have to, we don't have to gather or hunt food. It's just there. So we eat it all. So you're not exercising to do it either. Deliveroo. Exactly.

It's deliberate. Yeah. The Paleolithic era ends at around 10,000 BC. And now this is when the ice. I imagine, sorry, when you're hunting as well, if you, you had to hunt hungry like I find shopping hungry sometimes hard

oh you should never shop when you're hungry but I should never shop when I'm hungry but if you fail two hunts you're starving yeah then the next hunt

it's getting more and more important and you're getting hungry and hungry yeah like hunting when you're hungry I guess is maybe good

because it means you're more committed yeah yeah tummy's rumbling but that's it would give you away wouldn't it because you're creeping

and you're having to they found with Neanderthors and human early humans they found like a lot of trauma impact on their skulls from, they think,

animals defending themselves during a hunt. Right. So it was all fucking hand-to-hand combat. Was it with the relationship with their parents growing up with trauma? No, not that kind of. No, not diving, go-bougu-gubug. Paleolithic era ends around 10,000 BC because the Ice Age ends. Right.

And so there's a lot of climate change, and this changes the whole ecosystem. Right. The Ice Age... Do they regret a Thunberg at that time? He's talking about climate change? Yeah. Yeah. He's talking about how the Ice Age...

Oh, go, go, go, go, go, booger. You have all good my future. You've all good my booger. She's had a rebrand, though. She's got, she's got a fringe. Yeah, it's the new album, right? She's looking tidy. She is looking tidy.

It's confusing. Really? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. She's not really my type. Oh, no, it wouldn't work.

Me and regret, it would not work. Yeah, but maybe that's why it would work. That's why it's, yeah. It'd be a whirlwind. Exactly. Opposites of tracks. It's not the woman you marry, but it's, you know, it's your crazy ex. I can't imagine having to fling with breath.

It doesn't really work, would it? She doesn't seem like a laugh. She doesn't seem like a laugh. No. She doesn't seem like a goer. No. She's the opposite. More a slower.

Slower. So Humo sapiens are the only human species left. Now, the Ice Age ends or starts because of a cataclysm. This is all Graham Hancock. We'll get into Graham Hancock in the next episode, where we will be joined by a caveman. We've defrosted a caveman. defrosted a early sapiens and we'll be joined by him in our next episode we will deal with

what happens next in the human story we go it starts quickening up a bit it starts to speed up yeah um we go from uger to booger um part two from uga to bugger the caveman story part two of us who is on prehistoric man is already on our patreon yeah uh where for three pounds a month uh you can also devolve yeah you can uh go down the term many Many of them are, many of them are homo erectus. Did you skip the food chain? How about go backwards? Yeah, go back down the food chain.

Many of our patrons will die by being eaten by someone else. That episode is already on a patron. And we also do Friday bonus episodes. This one, Stonehenge. What really happened? Why is it there? And how has it meant that the AA303 is now absolutely log jammed? Fascinating stuff.

Thanks for checking in. We'll see you next time for more Uga-Bugger. Oog! Ughabuga, ogga, ogga, ogga, ogga, buga. Are you tired of starting your day with pointless political arguments, superficial summaries and lukewarm hot takes on the radio? Then switch to the bunker, where we look at the news. News without the nonsense. Every weekday morning, the bunker brings you a brand new, in-depth look at just one story.

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