Fin vs History - No Nut Falafelmaxxing | Mahatma Gandhi (Part 1/4)

Episode Date: April 27, 2026

Tuck in, we’ve ordered accents for the table.    Gandhi (Part One)  The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor    This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.     Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh    Chapters: 00:00 -  Does Your Mum Buy Your Pants?  06:56 - Accents For The Table  10:54 - Fin’s Stag Do  16:09 - You Are Sewage  20:08 - Classification FM  25:21 - My Wife!   29:52 - Lynx Africa In The Mouth  34:00 - `AWOOO!  38:02 - `Ask Me Where I Was  41:59 - Psycho Ramen  44:35 - Mum It’s Freshers  46:28 - Semen Abundance   50:21 - An Idiot Savant   52:35 - Semen Retention Revolution  57:26 - The Fruit Preserve  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's the family and friends event at Shoppers Drug Mart. Get 20% off almost all regular priced merchandise. Two days only. Tuesday, April 28th and Wednesday, April 29th. Open your PC Optimum app to get your coupon. Gandhi, I've walked hundreds of miles to see you. Your hunger strike calling for nonviolence is an inspiration to all of us. Where do you find such strength and courage?

child a man must look deep within himself of course are you eating no no no sorry of course you're yeah you're Gandhi where you wouldn't be as someone who wants to follow in your footsteps where should where should I look to find such strength over there I think you look over there what look at that tree or something is that cheeto dust in your beard

This is part of my beard. That's strange. It really feels like you're snacking every time I look away. How dare you on one hunger strike? Yes, sorry. You travel all this way. Please let me guide you in meditation. Of course, Mahatma. Close your eyes.

I want you to think that evil the British are doing. Hmm. Before we start a big... You were definitely eating then. You're definitely... Look at this! You're eating! You're not a hunger strike at all!

I'd be honest. You're stuffing your face. Shh. The fasting isn't the main thing, okay? It's not. No, it's actually about semen retention. Right. Only by controlling your own sexual urges

can you ever be master over your own destiny. Okay. Well, I guess maybe that's what I've been struggling with because of often weak moments I struggle not... Sorry, you're using some sort of vibrating flip? Leslight, Gandy! I'll give you a baby bell if you don't tell anyone. Welcome back to Finn versus History.

I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Matt Morandi. And it's a big one. Today is the start of a huge series on Mahatma Gandhi. I didn't know much about Gandhi. I thought that I thought he was a bit annoying. I know he's a big deal.

Yeah. I had no idea how horny he was. I had no idea. Yeah. One, I mean, joins a long tradition of horny holy men. Horny Indians.

Well, this is, this is the long road to show me your bobs now. And it makes so much sense when you realise the father of the nation

was a real fucked. Well, the same retention fucking perv. Oh my God. It's, this is great stuff. We're finally,

listeners in the British Raj. Finally, you've been wanting this since we started the series. Now, there's not a TikTok account that exists called Raj Kor.

But if there was, that I haven't followed, I thought you're going to say. No, no, no, I can't find one. Right. I want to, you know, you see those accounts where it's like the 80s financial core. Yes. And it's like finance guys in the 80s. You live in New York in the 1980s. And you're in New York and you're drinking whiskey. You want to have the way I wake up in the British Raj? Yes. And it's not because that's what wakes up now. That's Sadikistan now. That's Stikistan in 2030. Right. I want to wake up in the British Raj. I want to be, you know, in a plinth helmet. I want to be drinking.

a cool drink. Gin and tonic. Gin and tonic or an ice tea. Being fan. Big fan by a punkawala. I want to be carried on a sedan chair. I want to be telling people off, even though I'm wearing big shorts.

Funny. For the Indian subjects, were being told off, ordered around by a man wearing a safari suit with big shorts. Giant shorts. The biggest shorts has ever been. What are you doing?

Get over there. We're wearing shorts. Humiliating. Absolutely humiliating for them. I guess like the British Raj is a huge part of British history. It's the jewel of the crown of the British Empire,

but you never learn about it. It's such a, like a blind spot in a British history, right? Yeah. You know much more about Gandhi than you do about all the other stuff, all the fun stuff.

But the Raj is, but also the architecture, like, before the kill joy he came along on a road. Well, this is the biggest kill joy there's ever been. This is a guy walking into Dishoum going, all right, no, shut it down.

No, no, I don't like any of this. Everyone's eating too much. Dishu. Yeah. Deschum is styled off of the old. what they're called those fucking cafes Delhi cafe and it's style off that kind of Raj

style. You know, Rajkore I'm saying people should make more Rajor I've never been to India, have you? No. No, I'd love to go My wife's been, she went there for like seven weeks Imagine there's good bits and bad bits of India As there is anywhere Yeah, it's true. I mean, I've been to Birmingham No, I've not been to India

But my wife went, she had like seven weeks traveling there when she was like 21. And I said, well, I was doing this, doing Gandhi. And I said, you know, what's your main takeaway from India? You know, he spent seven weeks there. She traveled with large swathes of the country, this amazing culture with this huge, diverse history of different things. I said, what's the main takeaway? And she went, the guys are so horny.

Really? She went, every man is like more horny than the last. It's like a Russian doll of horny, horny guys. And what's a lot of videos of people just like masturbating out of winning. Yeah, yeah. And that's like polite. Yeah. Do you think it's partly, do you think the, because I saw someone say that basically the, the, the, uh, arranged marriage. Yes. Once they took that, started taking that away, you've never learned how to Riz anyone. Mm-hmm. Because it's all, your mom just sorts that out for you. Yes. So you never have to pick up.

It's like the first time you have to buy pants. When your mom has been buying you pants for Christmas until you're whatever. I mean, I mean, it's not stopped for me. No, sure. Because, uh, my mom doesn't know what to get me. Or you've transitioned it to. your wife. So you go from mum to wife. Yes. My wife doesn't bite my pants. Does you not? No. Mom buys my pants. That's mom's job. Does a mum still buy pants? Sometimes, yeah. I don't, I forget to buy my own pants. Yeah. I've got other things on. And you, you rattle through them at a quicker rate the most.

There are many a single use. Yeah. Um, no, I... Justin Beaver wears a new pair of Calvin Klein every day, opens a box every morning. Really? Is he selling the used ones? No. Is that why? I would use a single, if just, if just a single year, if just, Beber's used in months, I'd... I'd buy those. Yeah, I'd buy those.

Just won't be used once. But it's like a second-hand car. If you're inflating the price because Justin Bieber's worn them, then that's bullshit. Okay, it's like a gaming girl bathwater. A pair of pants. You know what they say?

When a pair of pants leaves the forecourt, it's lost 5,000 pounds already. Is that what they say? About cars, yeah. What circles are you hanging around? It says you drive a car off a forecourt, you lose five grand. Right, right.

So wearing pants. So you want a discount rate. Out of the toilet is already, you've already lost 10 grand of them. pants. So I'm not paying over the odds for Justin Bieber's pants. Well, Justin Bieber is just throwing these pants away. We need to set up a thing. We need to set up a deal.

Where is it? Where are these pants going? Just put it down a shoot that we have a buck at the bottom. We'll just collect all these pants. Where, why has he got? These are perfectly good pants. Imagine the feeling of a new pair of pants every day. The hedonism. Yeah. That's too much. Every single day. Because a new pair of pants does feel amazing. But every single day. You got to have some. You get the fluff, you get the little fluff from like black pants.

Yes. So he must have constant. But these expensive Calvin clients are. I imagine that, you know, they're well designed. And are they briefs, or are they trunks? I actually don't know enough details, to be honest. Fart pants. Now, we did, we once bought my dad a pair of those for Christmas, flatulent pants.

As a joke. Yeah, but I think he did use them. He's particularly bad. Can you just go to hell for leather in those? He's particularly bad at Christmas. Yes, you have like a sort of, in the same way that we've talked about Brian Johnson having a sauna ice pack for your balls.

Yeah, you've got to have, yeah. Fart pants are when you have a kind of herb pack around your ass. So you're farting herbs out into the, Yes. You're farting through a prism of scent. Well, Charlie seems disgusted by that. What I will say is that the smell's not better.

It's just weird. I mean, I'll talk about this on the other pod, but yeah, sometimes it's very suspicious when a bathroom smells too much of a breeze. Yeah. What have you done in here?

What's your sick fuck? You know, it's not the crime people hate, it's the cover up. You know, it's watergate, isn't it? It's the fact he was caught at the neck and down.

It wasn't the fact they did a big poo. It was that you went in and went, this smells too much of air freshener. you're lying to me you're covering something up anyway I'm just thinking sorry flat shouldn't pants

because you can have flatchel pants in the back ice back in the pants so you can just honk in the sauna and you can be there being like I've been farting constantly and I'm gonna

and I'm gonna carry on my my arm still high so I'm not very good time I'm absolutely nailing this sauna we're talking about my hat Magandi we're talking about the British Raj Gandhi

is born Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi in 1869. Do you want to play this? I would love to place this. I just want to say that Gandhi's life spans 1869 to 1948, jealous. I'm so jealous of the history. The golden age.

The golden age of the earth. Yeah. I'm so jealous of the history that he, you know, it's my favorite time span. Yeah. 69, the real summer of 69, 1869. Yeah. To 1948. He takes in all the juice in there.

Eugenics. Phrenology. Rorke's Drift Social Darwinism Social Darwinism World War II Nuremberg The Titanic

Yeah Rise of Hitler Yeah What a type Freud Chris Tarrant is born 10th October 1946 Thank you Charlie

He's there for that Yeah Where were you Where were you when Chris Tarrant was born I've played cricket against his son So have you Charlie We play cricket against his son

And he got me out His son's a rapid bowler So you're where we're all linked to Chris Tarrant and Chris Tarrant's linked to Gandhi. Is that what we're saying? Yeah. Gandhi did not want to be a millionaire. So he wouldn't have gone on that show.

Who was doing a millionaire? Not me. Not to me. Not thank you. First one. Get the first one out. Four episodes. Got to get it out early. You've given an excuse for the whole table to have some now. I've ordered accents for the table. All right, we'll all be chipping in. Picky bits. Everyone's everyone having picky bits.

Okay. So 1869. This is before Chris Tarrant is born. Pre-Tarrent. We're living in a pre-Tarant world with Gandhi born. And it is after it is after Napoleon has died. So it's after Napoleon

and it's before Chris Tarrant. Right. Pre-Tarrant, post-Nopolian. That's when Gandhi is born. It's sandwiched between two great men. Two great men. Two men who could not ultimately invade Russia.

Yeah. One tried, one didn't. Anyway, that's irrelevant. He is not known as Mahatma until later on. but it's known to history as Mahatma, which means great soul. It should mean fucking horn dog. That's what,

really, it should be my horn dog, Gandhi, really. Mm-hmm, and ultimately, I mean, he goes on to,

he goes on to inspire, you know, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, the IRA, any kind of civil rights. IRA, what were the IRA taken from him?

I don't know if it's very Gandhi, if he's fucking blind up a pub. That's the opposite of it. No, it's not. but I mean I don't know that but they probably would have said oh yeah him as well

oh no we're just like Martin as a King and also you've got two minutes to get out that pub I don't think Martin Luther King was doing that anyway so let's just do a lovely let's you know let's let's have a soak in the warm bath of the British Raj who's pouring the water I believe they were called coolies

but that may be a slur again we're going to get into lots of ancient slurs it's a terrific topic punker waller is a really fun word that I've been trying to bring back and what is a punca waller? A punker waller is someone who fans you the white man

I think it is it doesn't necessarily need to be racialised it's an Indian man in a nappy and a hat chef's hat and they've got a big fan and their job is to cool down the man in the big shorts

who's in charge of it. British Raj is just reflecting on your youth right? It's reflecting on the guy golden age when you're when things seem so positive and good do you know what I mean now now we're an old man in a chair at care home yeah telling stories no one cares about yeah but we when our eyes closed are reminiscing about our well I'm I mean I'm a young man and I'm reminiscing about the Raj and I was never there but I'd love to be first first uh India before uh the Raj you know it is ruled by

various different Hindu and Muslim empowers the Mughals are a massive one they did the Taj Mahal Yeah, we talked about that in our piracy series. The Mughals, the biggest piracy highest ever was against the Mughals. Going on haj. They were going on hajj. And a majority of Hindu, the Hindu empires. Then the Dutch East India Company arrive and the British take that over or whatever. But they send basically like, it's a company, right?

It's a company. So they're sending like BT to go take over India, right? Yeah. Well, it's BP and. Iran basically. Yeah. So obviously they arrive there and they go, what the fuck? You guys are all Native Americans, right?

Called Indians. And then they're like, oh no, this is actually India. And then the British East India Company rules India for the McDonald's Empire sort of. Yeah. It is weird that it was ruled by a company. Yeah. A couple hundred years. But I don't think, do the British East India company own all of India?

They didn't own India, but they essentially. They had all the trading ports. Yeah. And then they managed to divide and conquer a bit. And it wasn't until. armies are there and the crucially the indian the army is mainly indians they were called sepoys which is the asian soldiers fighting for the british east india company uh to defending their interests their trade routes and is the ultimate way that they managed to do this with such a small

force just a company basically with because india was one of the richest countries in the world at this point had the biggest textile industry and it was taken over by mcdonalds basically yes is because of uh divide and conquer they said this about you, right? Well, actually they think this about you and just getting them all to fight. Brilliant. Yeah. Classic. Classic.

But also they were mainly using Indian soldiers. Right. And then the... So Indians against the Indians to take over India? Yeah. Brilliant. But the Indians got annoyed that their Enfield rifle, their standard issue of rifle, was the cartridges were greased with cow and pig fat, which is upsetting to both Hindus and Muslims.

Right. Of course. Double whammy. Which is a great way to maybe solve Indian Pakistani tensions now. It's rub stuff in cow and pig fat. Yeah. Go look, well, what did you wrote, goat fat? What's the goat time very fat?

Yeah. So, I mean, it's sort of insult to injury, isn't it? Because it's not, I mean, you could use, like, butter. Ghee. Ghee? They love that. Ghee. Yeah.

Can you butter up your cartridges? Can you butter a cartridge? It's just fat, isn't it? I mean, surely you can or olive oil. Yeah. So, on the May the 10th, 18th. The Indian soldiers, the sepoys, shot their offices. They really don't like the cows being used.

I mean, this is, I mean, it's chill out, guys. You know, we get it. Now, can we just, Charlie, because this will come up a lot, why are cows so holy in India? What's going on there? The cow is a holy animal. Yeah, because the cow can just wander free. They symbolise life and non-violence.

Well, that's bollocks, because I've been on a stagdo and was chased by a herd of cows. Cows are the most dangerous animal in the UK. They are, and they kill people every year. Yeah. And so Hindus, well, that's bollocks. I'm not a believer in Hinduism because I think cows symbolise violence.

Yeah. Fucking units. 20 deaths from cow per year in the UK. Generally, on my stag do, Phil Wang wrote about this in his book. We were, I must have talked about this on the pod. We were going through a field to a brewery, and we were so hung over, and the cows will turn as one with the hive mind

and they pick on the weakest member of the group which was me and Ivo and John Kerns John Coins was at the back completely like I mean he was John Coon's hung over as a sort of he's gone he's completely gone can't function and then he just sees the cows and he goes well I'm not going through that field and starts walking the other way

but then the cows follow him as one terrifying mob rule is cows anyway Hindu's violent criminals they're terrorists they are terrorists all cows are terrorists every time you eat a burger is a victory and yet the Hindus see the cows as being holy even cow dung

and urine are considered sacred okay it's all getting a little bit perverted now isn't it yeah I mean a bit piss play agree to disagree yeah India anyway so this this sparks the Indian mutiny as it was called until recently when they started to call it

some kind of rebellion tragedy the Indian mutiny is a tragedy they shoot British officers and the British react robustly executing many soldiers and consistently suppressing the revolt over the following 18 months. This is in 1857.

And this uprising ultimately leads to the abolition, the abolition of the East India Company. McDonald's shut down and shifts to the direct rule of the British crown. But the East India Company were pretty like brutal and there was no like restraint at all. I mean McDonald's workers aren't having a good time, are they? Yeah.

So that's partly why the British government had to come in. And it's not even a transferable skill. It's not like, oh yeah, I can cook. I work to McDonald's. You can operate a 3D printer for chips. It's Foxton's. It's the guys who work there being in charge of millions of people, basically.

Yeah. I'm not doing a great job. So by the time Gandhi is born, the British Crown was in direct control of India. I think Queen Victoria becomes Empress of India in 1876. At some point, we take the Coenor diamond. That's still a big thing. We'll do a whole episode of Coenor because the lifespan of the...

Well, that's quite a big. The whole episode on a stone. You'd be surprised. The lifespan of the Coenor is crazy. What do you mean? It's over like 800 years it's been taken away so many different empires

and whoever has the Coenor dies like normally in horrible ways Really? Yeah it's like it's an amazing story of the Coenor. What like that? Like Indiana Jones? Very much so.

Is it the philosopher stone? Because it's also the founding stone of Afghanistan and there's Iran have a claim to it or some shit like it's crazy where it's all going Well we're not giving that bad then No, God no

I think in fact when the Queen died There was a big They all were like right Give us the Coenorra Fuck off Fuck off That's going on Camilla's head that's clearly for Camilla.

It's a bit weird that Camilla's got the coming wall. If it's that sacred and it's on Camilla's head. Now, the British Raj is obviously aesthetically brilliant. But from the Indian perspective, one could argue that it's slightly exploitative. That one is not in the room with us right now. I don't know where he is. As in one person has made that argument ever. One uppity guy has made the point that the British.

were extracting cotton, salt, indigo and tea to support British industries and they exploited existing social divisions already existing in India, such as the caste system, which we should get into because it's very funny. It puts our class system to shame, I feel. Oh, we got nothing on the Indians, man.

We got nothing. But I don't, I quite like this. This is something that we could definitely take from the Indians, I think. Know where you are staying in your lane? We've got upper, middle, lower class, really. Yeah. Let's spread out even more.

No, no, like make subgenres. So if you're a sewage worker, you are born a sewage worker, and if you marry someone who's not a sewage, then you are outcast. And you are treated as sewage. Yes. You are sewage. You are sewage. I'm pooing on you because you're sewage. So the Hindu caste system is insane, even by British class standards.

Have you been to India, Charlie? No. You've got a vibe of someone who, you look like you've got beads in your house instead of doors. Big harrim pants. No, I've not managed to go yet. No. I'd like to, though. Yeah.

you've got priests who are the highest class warriors second merchants which is the sort of class that Gandhi is born into laborers manual labor and then we come to the untouchables or Dalits who are people who basically they butcher animals and they clean toilets

so they touch shit with their bare hands and so you're born into doing that so I mean it's like being born as an Indian the stakes could not be higher as a baby you're like am I, please

come on! Please not poo handling please not poo handling Oh fuck you're gonna handle poo just like your father handled poo and his father handled poo But could I just can I

um What if I didn't tell someone I'm untouchable? Well, supposedly I'm untouchable There's no ethnic They're called untouchables Because no one would touch them

Because they handled poos He's fucking untouchable No it's the opposite Don't touch him he touches poo it's not like yeah it's not it's not the goat conversation

um so but then you know when you realize that people are born into these jobs essentially it makes it easy like you're born into a racist podcaster I can't help it

and then you realize that people some people are born into these show me your bobs cast and that's why they're so the horny Indian that's just that's their they can't help it That's the cast. Yeah. You know,

that I have to comment on the Sydney's, but wait, no, Bob, Strobby up, but that's their lineage, it's their Iraqi and society would fall apart if they weren't doing it.

Exactly. Gandhi is born into the merchant class, his family, so it's family kind of middle class, and intermarriage is strictly forbidden, or rather, between the classes. What if I'm weird about the untouchable?

So it's butchers, poo workers, it feels like they have like a thing about hygiene and stuff. even though I've seen their street food videos. Well, I think they are untouched. That's the untouched. Well, from my perspective, yes.

Because what, it's like using, they'll grow like a long nail out. And then they'll, have you not seen these? Oh, no, I've seen a lot of them. And then you'll get raw chicken and you'll use the nail on your foot to chop it in half. Yeah. So, okay, right.

But I imagine there being like, I'm not shaking your hand, you touch poo. I've got me using my chicken toe nails. It's very funny to be looking down on someone as the guy with putting raw chicken in your toes. Congratulations, India. you've made diarrhea airborne and contagious. Yeah, easiest, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Firm stool, difficulty, hard mode. Yeah. Your cast determines your profession, your social circle, and crucially, who you can marry. Now, so elevate your circle is a big thing that manosphere people say, but that doesn't apply. Yeah, you can't do that.

Your circle is your circle. Your circle is poo touches. So deal with it. I think it's the Indian Manosphere. Deal with it. Yeah, we all touch poo. Deal with it. And if you were a poo toucher and you married someone who was a lawyer,

right. The lawyer, both you would be, you'd have to live at the end, like the outskirts of the village, you'd be shunned. Right. Both of you would be shunned. Right.

So. And that's still very much at play today. Yeah. And I guess there's a... Because Daniel Sloss was telling that story about when he was performing in India and afterwards, whenever I left, just these loads of guys came out of a van to take all the chairs.

And he was like, trying to shake their hand and they're like don't touch them they're literally just like chairs no they came out to pack up all the chairs the theater in theater people who work wow but he hadn't seen them there they only arrived after the gig in a van in a van they came out got rid of all the chairs and sauce was trying to like shake the hand to say thanks to that and they're like do not touch them to be fair having done a lot of work in regional theaters i don't hate that swindon art center do i do yeah i do think the tech here swindon art center is untouchable Yeah, 100%.

And I'm about to go to many other regional theatres, and I will be keeping that in mind. Don't shake their hand. You know, these guys, otherwise I will be getting, you know, they're not poo touchers, but they're fucking cheetah eaters and slushy drinkers. And God knows what's under their fingernails. So now there's a debate among scholars,

it must be said as to how much the British make the system worse, or whether it's pretty entrenched before they get there. But it's certainly a method of control because the Brits arrive in the Raj and at Eberio, this is the late 19th century, they immediately start to classify things. Census. It's the age of classification.

And so they're using caste to... I mean, that's what classic of M should be. What classification of them? Reading out phrenology types. I'd listen to that, Alexander Arvstrom. Anyway, no, so they arrive there and they go, okay, so this is your caste system. So let's get the callipers out

and see how big... their forehead is and if that means that they're a sewage worker by design because of the shape of their nose, you know, it's all, it's science. Do they, do they actually have the, is it phrenology in the car system or is it just, because you have your surname, but I don't know if there was like a skull shape of the poo touch it. The Brits arrive and think, ah, okay. East meets West. Yeah, fusion. Fusion cuisine. Phonology in the car system, right? Do the people who touch poo have big hands? Is that why they're poo touches? Because they're sort of shitting into baskets or something. Charlie, if it wasn't already clear, you're an untouchable.

Yeah. You're the untouchable of this podcast. You're the untouchable of this podcast. What is that? This is the guy with the biggest test he's in the world. Wow. I've seen this. He can sit on the fuck.

He's got elephant. He's got elephants. He's got elephanizers. He's got unbelievably skinny legs, which really. Oh. Exercise ball. Oh. Where's he from?

He's in Delhi. So he's got. Too fair, he does look quite tired. He feels a bit, he looks a bit sick of life. he sleep? He doesn't need a chair apparently because he can just sit on sit on his balls.

Well, yeah. When there's something to that? That's quite nice. It's like a beanbag. It's like a, it's like a airzook. I don't think it would be a beanbag. I don't think it is comfy. You know when you sit down

and you catch your ball? Yeah. Yeah, that must suck. Imagine him busting. He must be like a fucking boxing day tsunami coming out of there. I think I'd kill myself. Hey?

I think I'd kill myself. Really? If you had balls that big? Yeah, I couldn't. do that. No, that's a lot, isn't it? Because also, it would just proportionally, you'd be like, no, my dick's not small.

I've just got the biggest balls ever seen. It's actually, it's actually above average. Come and sit in my balls. I mean, sex must be difficult. Is that why the Kama Sutra exists? I think so. Christ. So, let's get into Gandhi's early life. He is born in Pobandar,

He's in Gujarat and his father as a political official. He's the youngest of six. But the favourite child of his parents, supposedly. And he grows up

living an ascetic vegetarian lifestyle because his mother and dad are Jainist. Jainist. Jainer. Jainism. Now,

I confuse it with Jarrism, which is the... What's Jarsim? That's... Where you put a glass jar up your ass. No. No, so the Jamaica one. Jarre.

Prius Jainism is the thing where you... You do not kill a living thing. Right. So it means, and it's like that's a huge part of the philosophy. So much so that you're always watching where you walk so you don't step on bugs. You have a mouth covering so you don't swallow a fly accidentally. So it just means it's like this obsession with like not causing any death or damage or violence whatsoever.

Right. Which I imagine played a part. Yeah. Potentially. God, it's a mental health condition though, watching where you walk to that extent. Yeah. Well, you were if you accidentally step on a snail Then you're so upset

What happens if a Janist steps on a bug? Because their whole thing is trying to stop stepping on a bug But what if you do it? Because if you're looking on the floor Do they send themselves to prison? Hitting a lamp post, you know? If a Janist steps in a bug, the reaction caused it depends on whether the app was intentional

Although the ultimate goal is to minimize violence at all times It's karma, so Right Bad karma Glenn Hoddle stuff Right, so they're just, but they're trying to accumulate value still It's still like investing in Bitcoin But just with karma

Hold on a giantist? In a way, yes he is. Well, yeah, he's saying that anyone in a, he's basically saying Stephen Hawking's stepped on loads of bugs.

Stephen Hawking's fucking through a beehive in a river. That's why he's like that. Anyway, look, so Gandhi's parents are Jainist and they, these principles,

these three principles, Ahamsa, Aham, Ahem, A hemseh. Amsa. Amsa. A hemsechler, which is non-violence.

Absolute non-violence. And then Anacan Tabada, which is non-absolutism. Now, for this one, I think you need to give it the Indian accent. Because I think you're struggling with the pronunciation if you don't need. Anacanavada. Yeah, that's better. It's better. I mean, it's like, I've told you, it's like when I went to Hungary and I took the,

I did a borer accent when I was trying. And the other guy was like, yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah, my wife. And I was like, okay, I'm speaking Hungarian then. Anacadavada is not. Un-absolutism, which is crazy because, well, actually, we'll get into Gandhi's. He is very against partition because he thinks everyone can live together, but I wouldn't say he has multiple viewpoints.

No, he's quite... One time, sure. Want to know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it? How friends turned us on to coffee culture and super-layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, train spotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress, and what it was really like to be a spice girl? Plunge back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, Bumster jeans and Lemon Hooch with Talk 90s to Me. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too.

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It's called American Friction, and it's out every Monday and Friday. We discuss all the big news from across the pond and explain it all with world-leading experts. That's American Friction. Listen, right now, wherever you get your podcasts, right now. American Friction! Anyway, and then... It's quite one note. Aparigaja.

Aparigaha with non-attachment. Right. So this ultimately... teaches that the path to liberation involves purifying the soul from karma through strict self-control, i.e. being veggie. That is self-control, though.

Yes, it's worse than how I eat. Just trying to avoid eating steak, that is a lot of self-control. Whereas you eat steak and then you drink fibre powder in the evenings. Well, I mean, there's a bit of the gandy about me sometimes. We'll get to the obsession with bowel movements and fibre. But he's also a fivermackser. A fibromaxer?

Yeah. Is he? Okay. Is that what you are? Are you saying you're a fibromaxer? I aspire to be a fibromaxer, but I often fall short on my own. Are you fiber-mogging me? Is that what you're saying?

I don't know. I don't know how much fibre you have. I'm beef-mogging you right now. I'm beef-mogging Phoebe. Yeah. Phoebe's getting beef-monged every day. Can't help with me beef-monged. Drive-by beef-mogged?

Well, that just sounds like a real lesbian slur. You fucking beef-moger. She is a veggie woman. Sorry, she's vegetarian. Yeah. um as yeah beef moga vegetarians they're both dykes come on

she's getting falafel max every weekend she gets flaffle maxed Phoebe doesn't have a mic so she can't respond it anyway chick pea mogger over there um right so he's a

he's a shy child gandy he's a reserved child can we get a photo of young gandy up because he's so he's so famous he's so famous for how he is an old man and he suits being an old man, a little bald little bird man. But as a child, what did he?

Yeah, he's got a sort of slick hair. No, he sort of looks like, looks like him there, I suppose. Now, he's a high achieving student, supposedly, although he does go on to be a very, very bad lawyer, which we'll get to. But he doesn't like playing sports because he's shy. So he doesn't like cricket or football.

And instead, he prefers long walks as a child. It's a bit weird, isn't it? Yeah, he's a very, like, he's that kid at school. He's this conservative 15-year-old activist. where he was on TikTok and a jile. He won the debate competition. Yeah, how the fuck do you think this at 50? So he's going on long walks,

which gives him, quote, a hardy constitution. So he has his political awakening as a boy when he tries to give his friend Uca some sweets. So Uca is an untouchable. And Gandhi is middle class merchant cast. Gandhi's like, well, fuck it, I'm going to give you some sweets. And then Gander's, Gandhi's mum tells him off for disrespecting the social order.

Yeah. Touching the untouchable. Yeah. And Gandhi says, well, fuck you, mum. So this is emo Gandhi. This is emo Gandhi. Fuck you, mom. I don't like the social order.

I want to give my mate some sweets. Right. And then Gandhi later takes up smoking. This is rock and roll. Eating meat. And on one occasion, theft. This is the fuck you, mom era of Gandhi.

Yeah. Steels a piece of gold. And then he writes a confession to his dad who tears up the note and doesn't respond. But he's smoking his e, meat. I mean this is not the Gandhi. This is not the Gandhi we know and love. Yeah. What? When I first tried smoking, I would hide

in my head from my parents and I'd spray Link's Africa into my own. Into your mouth? Because I didn't want them to know. And how does it taste? It tastes horrible. Yeah. Links Africa into your mouth. Yeah. So if you kissed a girl and your breath tasted of Links Africa, you're already

you know, everywhere. Links maxing. Yeah. Were you Lynx Africa maxing? Yes. You got her? I was, I was, do you get the shower gel for Christmas? I had, like, head to toe, link the box set.

Of course. Every Christmas, I would get pants and I get Lynx Africa shower gel, deodorant, box set. Yeah. Who came up with the Links Africa smell? Because it's such, is there been a more definitive smell of an era? Yeah, no, I mean, I was a teen during the Africa years. Sure. Yeah.

I mean, I, I douse myself in that. But, but. Do you know who came up with the Nitz Africa's smell? Like, I wonder, what was the team like when they got that final moment? It must have been like the celebration when they found that. And also... It's a smell that took the country by a storm. Yes.

And where, I mean, it doesn't, also it doesn't smell like Africa. Not at all. Not to my, not when I went at least. And Gottlieb. 1995. Often referred to... Let's see the mother of links Africa. Go back.

Dispearer, is it? Go back. The mother of Lynx. God, I wonder what she smells, right? Christ. Let's go, Ann Gottlieb. It was designed to offer a more subtle exotic scent compared to previous harsher, utilitarian men's deodians.

So it was a revolution in men's deosron. Yeah, because it was the first one that you were like, hey. Fucking out, it was getting closer to perfume. It was sexy. It was, exactly. It made me feel, you know, it made me feel confident in myself. It made me feel like I was an Arab man walking through Harrods, doused in...

Douse. All the perfumes of Arabia. There she is. In reality, I was in... Look, she's got a black and white photo. Like, she's a... Yeah, no, she's a genius. In reality,

in reality, Charlie was busting fags in his head and spraying it into his mouth because we're teenage boys. But she had a genius idea to make... Can I make a teenage boy feel like a rich Arab man? Yeah. And she nailed it. Yeah. Now, what on earth is...

Shout out. Friend of the show, and not least. Links Arabia... I want to smell that. That's what I want to... Is Anne still alive? Is there a... Is there a... Arabia. Is Link still around?

Maybe she's your kid now, Anne and locker in a... Links Arabia is a construction company. Okay, we ignore that. Links India is... Link to the bin Laden's. Uh, links India is not the smell you want. To be fair. To be fair.

Links India, yeah, it doesn't have the same branding, I feel. It's harder to get that off the shelves. Links India. Toilet paper. Right. Now, Gandhi is betrothed three times before the age of seven. So he's playing the field. Is it a fuck boy?

Well, no. This is his parents are going, you're going to marry them. Right, right. No, he's not married them yet. He's just like, it's arranged. He's a heartbreaker. Yeah. But his first two betrothals, they both die.

It's a bit suspicious. Yeah. But this is the age of, I mean, it's the late 19th century in India. Kids are dying young. It's most likely the suspect when a woman died. It is, isn't it? The husband. Yeah.

The six-year-old husband. Where were you in the night of the murder? He didn't have a murder. Ugandy eventually marries Castoruba Gokul Daskapadia in 1883 They are both 13 Oh Yeah man

Cool 13 year old bride 13 year old groom Awu The only way it's howling At the moon The only way you can say awu It's if you're also 13

Yeah I know I know But you're not 13 So I understand that if you're a bit playing candy but that wasn't clear. No, no, that's me. You see two 13 years get married and you're going

oh, oh, oh! No, it's because I'm imagining being 13, marrying a 13 year old. That didn't come across. Right, sorry. It seemed like you now seeing two 13 year olds.

No, but that's fine. Because if I was Charlie, I'd be like, two 13 years married. Oh, what? Both off the market. If you were Charlie, yeah. Don't try and shift this.

Yeah, you're the pedo. Today I'm the Peter Is that the game? Yeah, who's got the Pino hat? Who has to hold the Pino Bear today? Today I'm a peanut bear. You got the conch. You got the kid.

Right, okay. So now, it's a triple wedding with his two brothers. Indian weddings are big. Yeah. And he's 13. Fuck me. His wife could not read or write. To be fair, she is only 13.

Yeah. And Gandhi tries to teach her, but attempts are fruitless. And it starts a lifelong hatred of this woman. Yeah, well, you know more than me. Well, yeah, because Gandhi, obviously, his big thing is peace, love, togetherness and unity. Yeah. But it's funny, the background is that he absolutely hates his misses. Right.

Can't stand her. Yeah. So that's, imagine from that, imagine being 14 and being, oh, fucking ball and chain. Fucking hell. The wife. Fucking up. Sprang yourself, like Africa. Fucking email, would you?

Yeah. No, that is crazy. And I guess, Stephen retention's easier if you hate your wife. Well, we'll get to that as well. There's a lot of good stuff coming out. Gandhi's father, and this is crucial, Sigmund Freud, who's about at this time, would have had a field day with this, right?

Gandhi's father, Karam Chand, dies in 1885 from an anal fistula. Now, what's a fistula? I don't know what that is. What's a fistula? Charlie's head shot, shut up, shot up. That's what we need. Annal fistula. You're actually needed now.

Is that piles? Is that death by piles? That's very sad. And I'm invested. What is tea? Fistula anal, what is tea? It's a small infected tunnel developed between the end of the bowel and the skin near the anus. usually following an anal abcess.

That's horrifying. Foul smelling discharge. So this is, for so many reasons, this is the defying moment of Gandhi's life seemingly. Yeah, I think it is. I think it's fair to be this way this. All of these, you don't have to be a psychologist

to work this shit out. No. This is like on a platter why he ends up being so obsessed with both bowel movements and semen retention and his weird thing with sex. So his dad genuinely dies with a broken bum,

right? And then, now, there's a big thing in Hindu culture where you're meant to be at your father's bedside. You're meant to be there when your parents die. Maybe just your dad, but you're meant to be there, right? And he's caring for him when he's gone.

It's like when you go to your granny in Scotland and be like, it would be ideal if this was right now. Yeah. And, you know, the pillow's just there. No, so you're meant to be there. And so he's been caring for him, I think, for a few months. And then at the moment that his dad dies, Gandy is busting

at the same moment ramming it home is railing his wife who's very pregnant 14 year old wife He's 14 year old pregnant His 15 year old pregnant wife Bloody hell

And his dad dies There's a lot going on that house It's a busy house It's a busy house You always want Nick Knowles to come in and be like all right What's going on here guys What's going on

He's dying She's pregnant You're pregnant You're fucking her Can everyone chill out? Right. So Gandhi's dad dies and he's like, you know, he's fucking busted.

It does seem like that just same moment. Maybe this is how you make a Gandhi is if your dad dies at the same moment you come. There's like, there's like, in the house, there's, yeah, at the same time. Something just happened. Charlie, little soundscape, okay, you beat Gandhi's dad dying from an anal fistula

and I'll be Gandhi. you be the 15-year-old bride Oh, God. No, I can't. Fuck. Ow. Ow. Ouch.

Oh. Oh. Oh. What do you mean he's dead? Hell of a, hell of a post-coital. That is. Hell of a post-knut clarity. I mean, this is maybe the ultimate post-nut clarity.

It doesn't, it never ends. His, it's a lifelong post-nut clarity. Genuinely. Post-but-clarity. Post-butt. No, not his dad. No. No.

No. Andy had post not clarity. Yeah, but his dad has both post-buck clarity. His dad died painfully of an anal fistule. No, fistula, right. Fitzgillor, right. No, it's not post-buck clarity. No.

But yeah, this really, really fucked cut clarity. He felt so much guilt and shame around this. Yeah, the shame, because, and then days later, his first child dies. It was like, it's like having a wank you shouldn't and then having to speak to normal people. There's like, there's a guilt and shame that's just there. Yeah, exactly.

And he's carrying that with him his whole life. Well, it's like you have a wank, the postman comes around, you're like, oh, no, I'm being, he knows, he's judging me. He can tell. Which be fair, I should, I should have put my trousers off. Yeah. He describes how his mind was at the same moment in the grip of lust while his dad passes away. Yeah.

But like, obviously that is quite like a, but to dwell on it this much is a bit weird. Like, I get it that how this could fuck you up a bit, but also get over it. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You don't have to make it. That's a weird thing to make part. your personality. You're 15 and you're getting late.

I mean... High five. You know what I mean? It's like... Oh, what? Dad's dead. Okay, that's shit. But also, secretly,

I've got laid. You know, you're 15. I guess what's weird about this is if you were doing a fraudulent analysis, this is something you discover about him that he might not know truly about himself. Like his maybe family members say, I think it was this.

But he's telling everyone. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this will fuck me up. That's when I'm starting to be suspicious. Yeah, I'm like this. doing it for attention a bit. Yeah, I'm doing this because I wasn't by my dad's bed. I feel so guilty and shame.

But you, I was actually having sex. That's how he's doing it. He's 15. Me and my dad died, but you know why? I wasn't there. I was fucking,

I was having fucking sex. And she's pregnant, which I've had it before. You know? He's such a little, such a little horny off. I'm so, I'm so guilty.

I got so much, shame about that. There's something about how much fucking pussy I was getting at 15. Yeah. God, I'm such a fucking. Yeah, I'm such a dog. Yeah. It's so fucking disgusting.

How much sex I was having at 15? No, I couldn't say goodbye to my dog because I was fucking... I was pretty preoccupied, fucking bulls deep. You know, his friend's dad dies. At least you got to say goodbye to him. I didn't get to say goodbye to him. I wasn't there.

I wasn't there. I was too busy. I was doing. I was fucking shagging. I was too busy getting fucking late. What are you doing? What? What?

See him by his deathbed, fucking pussy. Yeah. I was in pussy, mate. I was fucking ramming it home. Yeah. Didn't get to say goodbye to him. It's pretty sad, actually. Anyway.

So Gandhi goes on to have four sons over the next 10 years. He's a father of four, age 25. Come on. God. I mean, that's a reason to retain your seaman, isn't it? Then, Gandhi goes to London. He is encouraged to study professionally. This is like in the franchise.

This is like the third film, which is a bit... Gandhi goes to London is not the best of the trilogy. But he arrives in London in 1888. Months before, friend of the pod, Jack the Ripper starts hitting women for six. Could Gandhi be both sickos and weirdos? He's come from a cricket culture. Is he stepping off the boat and immediately...

Verac collieing. Reverse sweeping Marianne Chile into the stance. We don't know. There must be a theory. Charlie, is there a theory that Gandhi's Jack the Ripper? Because it seems... The Tendorker of East London. The idea that Gandhi was Jack the Ripper is a modern internet conspiracy theory

originating from short-form content. It is based on the weak premise. Well, don't judge us. Don't look out of bed yet. Weak premise, Gandhi was a law student in London in 888. I go and siding with the murders. Well, look, you've got to be in London to be acute. At that time, why is he there?

He was an immigrant. Why is he there? Why is he there? Was he in Brick Lane? Where was he living? Had the Indians had the Indian restaurant business conquered Brick Lane at this point? Well, maybe he was trying to kill everyone to clear the way for what it is. Now, there's very much Gandhi's break lane now. Let's make the premise stronger for the conspiracy theory.

The Indian equivalent to Jack the Ripper is... No, where was Gandhi living in London? There was a guy active in 1985-86 called Ripper Chandran. And he'd kill people with a hammer. Right. 14 people. Do we know who he is, though? Are you saying that could be Gandhi before he came to...

No, this is in the 1980s. Muthkutti Chandran. And then you've got Ramaph, Ramaph, who's going to have Psycho Ram. That was like one of those really spicy innocent ramen. Yeah, I had a, I had a, I had a psycho ramen in Melbourne, actually. It was called Godfire ramen. Right. And I'd had it like maybe an hour before my show.

Yeah. Show was in the bin. Really? So I just sweating. I was just sweating. I'd chat my guts out. I was like a raisin up there. Yeah.

No. I'd do it again though. God, food. Melbourne's good. Anyway. Right. So he studies English literature for a year at UCL. but then he enrols

in law school. Same university as Charlie. Charlie went also. You probably were walking through the same halls. You and Gandhi. Yeah. You don't have to be sexually

and anally fucked up to go to here, but it helps. He lived in West Kensington. Okay. So, you know, it's pre-Elizabeth line. So it is tough

to link him to the murders, I think. Anyway, so his mother makes him vow not to eat meat, drink alcohol or have sex outside of his marriage. And he's like...

At uni, but it's freshest, mom. Yeah. Mom, it's freshest. And he's obviously, he's introduced like, yeah, I, uh, sad story actually. My dad died and I wasn't, I was getting fucking laid. Dad died, fucking sad as shit. Ask me where I was.

Yeah, ask me where I was, yeah. It's your dad's their life, mine's not. Do you know where I was? It's a fresh this week. And interesting fact, I'm so caught up about it. Interesting fact, on Fresh this week, they had a Roman Toga night, and he just wore that for the rest of his life. You know that?

Now, he was, a new class of Indians was emerging by 1888, called the Brown Sahibs, which is a post-colonial term, or is it a colonial term, given that we're in 1888, to describe someone who behaves like a British master, which is what Sahib means,

despite not being white. Cultural appropriation. So these are people who are educated in British law and expected to help run the colonial administration. Now, in the colonial context, an Indian degree

was seen as inferior to a British one. So anyway, so Gandhi feels he wants to become a barrister, so he's got to study in London, but this means that he's ex-execkel communicated from his cast because his cast are merchants. And he's going above his station?

I think so. Yeah. So he says, and as he arrives in London, he says, everything was strange, the people, their ways,

even their dwellings. I was a complete novice in the matter of English etiquette and continually had to be on my guard. Right. His landlady tries to give him vegetarian food, but he describes it as third rate.

I bet it was. That's fucking arrogant to say that. She's trying her best. Right? You're a fucking falafelmaxer. Yeah. vegetarian food in London in the 1880s though probably was fucking...

Charlie, what is vegetarian food in the late 19th century, please? It's surely it's like it's beans, isn't it? Porridge. A lot of porridge. Porridge, yeah. Porridge, savory pastries,

vegetable cutlets. Centred on no fish, no flesh, no fowl. No fish, no flesh, no fowl. Is that like the vegetarian, no blacks, no Jews, no Irish? No dogs or whatever. Lental soup.

Vegetable pie. Maze mash. Maze mash. Vegetable goose. Phoebe is salivating I can't believe Mays mash you're on

you're a maze maxing for lunch am I yeah so Gandhi joins the London Vegetarian Society which is not a slur

for gay people he's an LVS card carrying member are you remember the London Vegetarian Society a friend he had

made took him out for dinner in Hoban one night and after ordering a starter of soup Gandhi asked the waiter if the food vegetarian

and the friend said come on mate this is fucking You're embarrassing me. You're embarrassing me. He said, quote, you are too clumsy for decent society. If you can't behave yourself,

go wait outside. And this encounter influences Gandhi's desire to become an English gentleman. So he starts to buy suits and watches, haircuts, takes up ballroom dancing, learns French and Latin, and starts to become active in radical politics in London. Obviously, the 1890s in London, very, very fruity time. Edwardian society.

Very fruity. There's a lot of, like, similar to the Russian, Russian Revolution that, you know, before that in the late 90th century, there's all the kind of mystics. There's an Edwardian mystic scene in these big cities. A cult sort of stuff. Sort of. I mean, not as bad as Russia, but like, I listen to someone. Is it like, like, let's get a peasant with a big dick and say he's a witch sort of stuff?

Not quite to that extent. It's like, let's have a vegetarian meal for once. I don't know. So he joins the executive committee of the vegetarian society. Again, not a slur. And he finds public speaking very difficult and is described as a, quote, drone. I mean, that doesn't change. No.

He's a drone for the rest of his life. He doesn't fire you up. No. No. Very much the Theresa May of the Indian political scene. So he resigns from the committee after repeatedly failing to speak in any meetings. Gandhi goes to Paris as well in 1890 for the great exhibition and he sees the unveiling of the Eiffel Tower. You and Gandhi are quite similar with your views on Paris, I believe.

We have similar opinions on Paris. yes. He says he's impressed with the churches in Paris. He did not take well to the culture. Yep, I agree. Or the tower. He said the frivolities of Parisian life is being in evidence in every street.

I agree. This is where you're in, this is the way you're most in line with Gandhi. Me and Gandhi, you know, where it's stopped clocks. And we only overlap on our opinions on Paris. I'm not a fan of semen retention. If anything, what's the opposite?

Seaman... Seamen... What is it? Abundance. Abundance. It's like, you know, the prostate, you need You know, Yes, it's like a Guinness pump.

If you don't run a car for too long, it's bad for it, it's a Guinness pump, you've got to keep the line fresh, you've got to keep them moving through the line, that's why Guinness is good or bad. That's what the Devonshire, that's why,

I've got the Devonshire down, down there. Yes. Top drawer over my thigh interviewing fucking posh bricks about why the best party. What have I got the best fight? Why I've got the West Party in London?

Yeah, I've got an Irish man with the Red Face. Yeah, go and say, the important thing is keep the pipes in use constantly. And you want to be in the back room the back one of the denture, Christ. That's for celebs. Yeah.

But now, Gandhi's in Paris and he is called to the bar in 1891, but he leaves for India just afterwards. And he tries to establish a law firm in Bombay, but he is so bad at public speaking that he can't even cross-examine witnesses. Right. He also had no knowledge of Indian law because he's been in London. What is it? Is he nervous or boring?

Hey? Is he nervous or is he just very boring? I think you can be both. But is that the impression that we get? Is he like bricking it? He's a shy, meekish small man. You know, fish out of water sort of stuff. Well, he is, but then he's fucking railing his 15-year-old pregnant wife while his dad dies.

Yeah, behind its closed doors though. I mean, it's always the quiet ones, isn't it? Yeah, it's always the... You know, oh, I couldn't possibly speak in public. I could have a fucking, oh! You know, my first-year-old wife. Yeah! Oh, no, I'm very shy.

I couldn't possibly speak. Couldn't possibly speak. I guess he's like, what's the word? Ponderous or pensive, I suppose. Yeah. Or he could be just very, very thick. But this is something I also want to come to. Smart enough to know that if you're silent,

people assume that you're more clever or you're wise. Charlie, you know, the more you speak, the more thick you appear. He's an idiot, savant. Yes. This is what gandians. Yeah, I've always thought this. is that just you maintain aura by not saying anything.

Every time you open your mouth, you risk, you know, you're taking away from a mystique. Yeah, exactly. Hey, yeah, I pooed in my hands for three years and threw it in the toilet. You didn't have to say that, child. But it's interesting, he's a short man, and I feel it's harder for short men to have silent mystique. Yes.

So I think that's where to do the bathrobe, you know, that whole thing shave your head. A tall guy, it's a tall privilege, a six or four guy who doesn't speak. You do assume that he's just like, you don't add a lot of boringness to him you just kind of assume that he's holding him

he doesn't have to no short guys are yippy they have to be well like small dogs yeah you have to be you can't just be you can't just be aloof and silent if you're five foot four you gotta be like constantly

look at my car yeah you gotta be doing that but a tall guy often can get away with incredibly boring because he just stands there and he's tall well he's got he's got being tall

isn't he something for girls like well he's great yeah he's boring as fuck but he's tall so I feel I feel small when I'm next to him So he gets rejected for a part-time job as a teacher because he didn't have a degree from an Indian university.

I think he even, there was a case where he stands up to cross-examine a witness in India and then he genuinely gets stage fright and just sits down and then he gives the defendant back his money. It's like, sorry, I can't do this. He's the opposite. If you're a lawyer did that. He's the opposite of Alan Dershowitz.

he's the opposite. Yes, it's possible to ejaculate when nervous. Charlie, what are you trying to say? Maybe he's just in court coming all the time. I think, no, I think famously he, famously he didn't come much after a certain point. No. Try to hold it in.

But in a very horny way. Yeah. I think there's a point, you know, on the scale of like, you can be, you can be coming a lot and it's horny. And then also you've been coming not enough and it's still horny. If you're writing, type in books about scene retention. Like there's a whole like

There's a world of literature about seeing retention The powers to be Your fucking library hall isn't it You've got a legal Label Look at these books Like you're suspicious

aren't you You don't see Oh these guys aren't horny This is If you're writing this No If there's a book Yeah

The Stephen retention revolution What is it Charlie It doesn't imply That you're using it for something else I don't think so Like you're retaining it Well actually know You're not

One great long edge Supposedly I mean we'll get into this and later on in the series. Supposedly it changes your characteristic or it helps you in some way. As I say, I've got the Guinness pumps down there, so I'm regularly flushing the line.

Paddy was telling him about this guy he met who, he thinks that like masturbating is terrible for you, but he saves it up and we'll have one a month, but he'll like, sort of flirt with himself. So he'll light candles. It'll be like a three-hour session. Like sting?

Like tantric masturbates. Yeah, yeah. So, you know, he thinks that, like, you do have a lot more power if you retain your seat, but you still need to get it out at some point. Yes. But just make that really special. You know, play nice music. I think that's fucking weird.

Of course it's weird. It's really weird. Imagine being walked, it's bad enough being walked in on, just sort of trying to get one done as quickly as possible. If you fucking change the bed sheets and lighten candles and got potpourri all over yourself, like a fucking American beauty and then you're... Put cologne on to masturbate. Rubbing one out. Got his spades.

I'm excited. God. How did marriage affect how much you masturbate? It's definitely gone down. Really? Yeah. Because you're with her or just you got too much on? I have a wife.

Has your libido gone? Has your the ferocious? Oh yeah, yeah. As you age, definitely. Definitely libido goes down. Really? And it's a relief to be. You want that.

It's a relief. Yeah. You can't be in your 40s. Why are you shaking your head, Charlie? I don't think it's, I don't think it has to be a relief. Depends what you're doing. Well, I'm not, you know, I'm not, depends what you're doing.

I'm not lighting candles to rub one out. Tadrically blank. It's really if you're doing weird stuff, but if you're just having like a lovely time with yourself or your partner, then I guess when there's so... I guess you don't have kids, Charlie, so... No, you also don't have domestic work.

Yeah. What do you mean? You know, is in running... Yeah, exactly. I've never heard of it. You have flatmates. You have a lizard. If you have a lizard.

And does anyone clean that tank out? No. No. No, it did poo on the carpet the other day, though. It was? It pooed on the carpet. Right, so who's clean that up? Us.

And who's us? No, not me. No, of course. Yeah, you're too busy. You're too busy doing five-hour wank sessions. Yeah, exactly. So imagine it's just you and someone else. You're doing the solo karmusitra.

And then the lizard have put on the carpet. They're like, Charlie, I'm going out. I've got to go out. I'm having a three-hour wank. And you're like, I can't come out because I'm locked in. I want a date tonight. Three hours. With myself in my bedroom.

Yeah. Yeah. You're listening to fucking whale. music and you're greasing your pole in cow fat right but what's wrong with that what's wrong with that yeah what's in what so you're saying that you don't have any responsibility to anyone other than the lizard no yeah so there's nothing wrong with that now my point is i have domestic duties i'm a his life is a prison so he doesn't want to be looking out you want to be like me no no no no that's why i said it's a relief i'm not you yeah he's one of those pidos who turns himself in well hang on

who's like, I need to be off the streets, right? You're like, it's better for society if I'm in prison. I don't think, I think the analogy is ending. But that's what you were saying to me. It's like, I'm not the pedo today. You're like, look, to be honest, I'm a danger to the, to myself and others. Anyway, in 1893, Gandhi is contacted by a distant cousin in South Africa. 1893, South Africa.

again, where's that TikTok core page, right? They need a lawyer. So, Rourke's Drift. When was that? 1879. Okay, right. So Gandhi makes a voyage in April that year. And in our next episode, we will deal with Gandhi's South African chapter.

We don't hear about Ghani's Africa. And I'll tell you now, it's a whole fucking fruit preserve this next episode. You think Gandhi's going to be, you think he's going to take certain opinions? Yeah. He does not. It's a rather bitter marmalade. Yes. if you're a fan of Gandhi

if you're a Fandy next episode will be challenging for your opinion of it He's... This is naughty Gandhi Is when Gandhi really embraces the 1890s

Wouldn't you say Spirit of the age Yes Which is something I've been accused of But I don't live then So I guess it's... You're like God what's everything better

In the 90s They're like yeah Fucking Owee Friends I'm sorry 1890s Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah London in the 90s It would be great if you got, you know those endless documentaries about how great London was in the 90s? Oh, Stuart McCona is a talking head. Or like those weathered faces of people who've like clearly smoked every cigarette in London

just like, oh, it was different about that. It'd be funny if you get called on thinking it was about the 1890s. Oh, it was amazing. I've got my calipers out, man. It's just a brilliant different time. It's amazing. The energy in the city was so different.

It's not like that now, you know? You can just measure someone's head and go, you're thick, go home. Anyway, that episode, along with every episode in this four-part series on the horniest holy man has ever been is already out on our patron where we recently passed 30,000 members.

He's a holy man because he's obsessed with sticking in a hole. Exactly. That's why he signed up, basically. Exactly. And, listen, if you want to talk about semen retention, there is an army of semen retented men who, I mean, that's involuntary seam retention.

Right. Well, there are any. Insem. I don't know, it's in there somewhere. We'll work it out on the break. Uh, that's on the Patreon and on our Patreon exclusives. This fortnight we'll be talking about Hinduism and I think we will be reviewing the Karmusitra. Yeah, and maybe the solo Karmusitra as we talked about.

Which is Charlie's Soto Klamasutra. Um, anyway, that's all on the Patreon. Uh, if not, we'll see you on Thursday for the next chapter in our Gandhi epic. Goodbye for now. Goodbye. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play-Ojo, the online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games. What you win is yours to keep with no wagering requirements, instant payouts, and no minimum withdraws.

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