Fin vs History - Pickles The Dog Didn’t Kill Himself (with The Upshot!) | The History of The World Cup (Part 2/4)

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.   Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠⁠⁠https://surfshark.com/fvh⁠⁠ This is the official review for the biggest bums in football. The World Cup (Part Two) The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠  Chapters: 00:00 - Banned From Fortnite 04:43 - You’ve Ruined it 09:40 - Everyone’s Furious 15:50 - Shagging Every Moving Thing 20:59 - Vin Laden 23:36 - Brazil’s Hiroshima 27:13 - Japan’s Arse 32:28 - IQ of 70  38:37 - Pickles Knew Too Much 43:07 - They’re Animals 49:21 - Meat And Potatoes  54:06 - Soccer Aid Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Toy Story 5 is only in theaters. Oh, that's Lily Pan. Where are you? Some sort of old man toy? She thinks you're old because you're bald, Woody. From Disney and Pixar. Toys are for play. Tech is for everything.

It's Toys versus Tech. The screen just took over. All the tapping. The tapping. On June 19th. I want to talk to you, device. A long, toy. Twitter off, hear that.

I responded. I have plastic fingers. Disney and Pixar's Toy Story 5. Only in Peter's June 19th. Welcome back to Finn versus History. We're joined by Zach and Jack from the Upshot podcast. Look at this. What an honor.

Boys. We finally returned the favor. Yes, we've all been on the Upshot podcast. The only podcast in the world to have all three of us on. Oh yeah, we've had Charlie as well. Yeah. Yeah, how was it having Charlie on? It was entertaining.

Charlie's an excellent guest. It was nice to get Charlie in front of the camera. We talked about a bloke who had a spike gap as us, which was very much home turf for Charlie. Home fixture for Charlie. This is part two of our World Cup series. You guys, it's terrific podcast, the Upshot. We were saying the last episode, it's similar to this,

in that you pay a researcher and then put it in the bin and call whoever you're talking about a paedophile. Yeah. Which is similar. It's a new genre of podcast. Yeah. The heavily researched

baseless paedophile accusation podcast. But you do sports. Now, we talked about the World Cup pre-war last time. We're going to kick off post-war now. Now, Germany and Japan had been banned from the 1950 World Cup. Why'd they've been banned?

Well, I don't think... Was it because of the Holocaust? Yes. I don't think it's a long enough ban personally. It was just one tournament. One tournament. Would it not have been better

to get forced them to come and then like destroy them? Because presumably they won. The problem is that they win in 54. And the problem is is that you look at what the generation of politicians were doing before that and their racial laws

and it's icky, isn't it? In the post that they win. What are you saying as an amateur eugenicist? I'm saying it's an icky result. for the post-war consensus. Not icky for you. No, I'm trying. It's driven everything you've said.

You know, it's a culmination of my theories. For the average Joe, it might be itchy. Yes, for the week, Lilly lived in average Joe, the fact that Germany won in 54, having pursued a 20-year policy of racial sterilisation. It was sort of the antidote to 1936 Olympics, right?

Because that was the one where they were basically trying to prove it. The eugenics was right. And then... They got proven wrong. And so, saying antidote, I like that. because it's like saying 1936 was an aberration. A blitz.

That was a blitz. And now we're back. On a track. 1936 was a tragedy. 1954, everything clicked up the place. So how long's the ban? Six matches? Genuinely, it seems that, so there's not a tournament for, so end of World War II, 45.

Then the next tournament is 1950 in Brazil, which we'll deal with shortly. But yeah, Germany and Japan are banned for one World Cup cycle. for committing the Holocaust. Yeah. It doesn't feel like enough. Well, I think they should play, but they should have some sort of disability.

Either they do it in blindfolds. Yes. They do it dead or like, I don't know, or they have it like it's a three-legged race thing. Like they have to be in potato sacks. Or they have to do it with less players. And they play against Israel,

Israel win 20-0. That could be like a nice bit of closure. Because even so right now Russia, Russia's band, right? Is it? I think Russia are, their band for the World Cup. Yeah.

Mark have a ban from the Euro. Well, that's a disgrace. Because this is, I think it's been like, now it's been a few tournaments that Russia's been out for. Can you just Google what, how many tournaments Russia have been banned for currently? Because they have not committed the Holocaust. They're just protecting their, there's a longer ban. Putin's just protecting his national security.

It's his Western border. It's a special operation. It's a special operation. It's a special operation. It's a special, it's a police managing situation on these Western border. So, uh, hang on, FIFA and UEFA have lifted their ban on Russian under 17 teams. guess it's not their fault. No.

The youth, you can't blame the youth. My problem is if you ban, if you ban a country for one world cup for committing the Holocaust, then what does a ban mean anymore? Also, because that's like the naughtiest thing you can do.

That's the naughtiest thing you can do. But how long a ban would you give them then? Well, I don't know, a generation. You and abandon them. I would make them hold of the tournament in the camps.

Right? Yeah. But also like, um, Mudrig, you know, Mikhailo Mudrig, the Chelsea player, who's, he just got a four-year ban for running his mouth. Potentially doping.

But, I mean, it's not even, it's not even entirely free-balled. That's a holocaust length ban. Exactly. What does it mean anymore? I don't actually know what Mudrik gets up to in a spare time, so maybe they know more than we did. But, yeah, if he's from Fortnite as well, isn't it?

Or Counter-Strike. You got a ban from Counter-Strike. Was he doping? Playing that? Quite possibly, yeah. Those finger muscles. Never looks stronger. So Germany and a Japan

a band from 1950. But in 1954, they're back into the fold. Yeah. But this is West Germany. West Germany. It's a different Germany. Yes, that is true.

It's Jeans Germany. Not cabbage Germany. Supposed to cabbage Germany. Yeah, sorry. It's jeans versus cabbage. Ultimately, it's a 40-year war and jeans win. Yeah. Just.

So, I suppose Berlin now is a melting pot of denim and cabbage. Yeah. I guess that's what gives it that. Distinct flavor. That smell. That smell. Yeah. so the miracle of the burn

Switzerland, 1954 now this is the era of the Hungarian team supposedly the greatest the mighty Magyars Is that pushcast then? This is pushcast

Right And again this is the 50s football So you know Total football means passing sideways Yeah So for us now it's still like shit Yeah It's two at the back isn't it though

Is it? Yeah it's like almost no defenders They're basically wearing ski boots Yeah Down the wing That's sort of the thing right 54 This was there was in the

in the semi-final, one of the, it was, I think Uruguay gets hungry, and one of the Uruguay players scored a goal and then had a heart attack when he was celebrating, and they, like, they resuscitated him, sent him back on, and he scored again.

I mean, that's the greatest celebration. That's a real man, man. I mean, that's an amazing celebration to die. We brought up to life and going to. Yeah, exactly. And you can do that on FIFA now. No, it's like the Italians diving at someone brushing pastures.

He had a heart attack. Christian Erickson looking quite. Exactly. Yeah. Get back out there. Get on with it, son. Maramba, lazy. I always said he's lazy.

He never got back. He never even came back. He never played again. Yeah, and he also. I'm sorry to slag off Mwamba, but he wasn't the best player. I think he probably was using that as an excuse to end his career.

What, so like when you... I want to attack... Fabrice Prys-Mahina has not had enough shit. No, he's got it coming for a while, actually. Fabrice Maramba, right? I'm sick of Fabrice for Wemba. He's watched a charity cooking sauce. Does this man have no shame?

okay you know when you got fouled at school or no rather you made a fuck up and you you know mispaced pass you went ah and you went down you're saying that's what fibrose ramber did i'm saying that when he came to he was like i might as well end it here because i don't actually have a lot left of my cramp was he was he was he was sort of went down the next couple years styles of change playing were changing you know pevgoid is

it's a lot of passing group i'm probably not going to be able to keep up so all right febris yeah right do me a favor get up mate come on yeah the ultimate dive Fabrice Muramba yeah so we just said

the Nazis didn't get enough for the Holocaust and they were like Fabrice that's the real villain Fabrice Muramber should have been banned for life after that that's two tournaments two tournament

so yeah now the Maggars there's what we'll realize as we go through is that there's every World Cup has a team

that's never won it that's like the greatest team that never won the World Cup. This is probably the first iteration is the Hungarians in the 50s. They're the first team to beat England in England. Right. 6-0 at Wembley.

But this is the big change because we don't, we think it's embarrassing that other people are playing football and you're like, you're taking it too seriously, it's a game for amateurs, they're taking it professionally.

And we think we're better than everyone, right, until they come and absolutely spank us. Yes. That was the 6-0, was it? Yeah. Humiliating. Infamous. Yeah.

It's basically that's sort of the way it goes with all of our sports. Cricket, football. The French will make a federation. And we're like, that's gay. We're not joining that. You ruined it. You ruined it.

Yeah. So. And they batter us. Then you have a guy called Fritz Walter, who is the captain of the German team, West German team. And he... Not Joseph Fritzel. No, Joseph Fritzel.

Thank you, Charlie, not Joseph Frizzles. It's an easy mistake to make. Well, he's cut from the same cloth. Yes. He had contracted malaria during World War II, which means that he is more comfortable playing in the rain. And also...

Why? Why? I don't know. Why are you asking me? I don't know. A decade later, he's still... This is what the research says. Is that cooling the fever?

Don't ask me to explain why malaria makes you better in the rain. Okay. Because actually doesn't make sense. I don't really know what malaria does. Because there's not a lot of Southeast Asians playing football in Scotland. Yes.

Yeah. You destroyed that with truth and logic. Charlie, malaria can make you thirsty. Thank you, Charlie. Where would we be without you? Oh, so you mean it's the hydration? Right. Anyway.

Cheryl Cole had malaria. That's one thing I know. Cheryl Cole had malaria. Yeah, do you not know about this? How do you not know that Cheryl? I'm a straight man with the mortgage. I'm not keeping up with Cheryl Cole's diseases. Not Cheryl Cole's favorite food, Charlie, it's incredible.

No, come on. Listen, it's also the first tournament. Sunday roast dinner. It's also the first dinner, first dinner. It's also the first tournament where, Adidas have made boots for the Germans. Now Adi... Nauty's the naughty one, I believe.

Can we just double-check that? Adolf is. So Adolf Dasler was a Nazi party member, card-carrying Nazi, fell out with his brother, Rudolf, who went to make puma because Rudolph was a traitor. And so they rightly cut contact with him.

He cut ties. Yeah, exactly. Straight to cold it. And then... Adi Das, you know, again, the West Germans are like, well, let's pick the Nazi one. He made longer, they made longer studs to the German team so they could play better in the rain. This is all called the Miracle of the Burn. Okay.

So they cheated. They're longer studs. Yeah, of course. This episode of Finn versus History is brought to you by our dear friends at Surf Shark. Now, I've been trying to protect myself online. I've been putting condoms over my laptop. I've been mashing up contraceptive pills and putting it in the HDMI boards. I've broken my laptop.

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I think Hungary had beaten West Germany 8, 3 earlier in the tournament. Then they beat them in the final. And this is the beginning of the Germans, just sort of being this ultimate killjoy, of the pure, of the kind of pure footballing countries, which will see... The way they organise and just steamroll countries. They're an organised nation. Why is that?

Well, let's look 10 years previously. Sure. You know, that energy has to go somewhere. The energy has to go somewhere. Longestuds doesn't seem like a particularly massive innovation. No one, no one have thought of that. Yeah, but someone who only invented passing sideways

like two years earlier. Like, this is like... They were wearing hiking shoes before this. Yeah. As close in suit, you know that record score, 36-0 in Scotland, and one of the teams signed up in suits, three-piece suits and just smart shoes. Amazing. 36-0.

Who's in there. What were playing in three? Who won? The team in football. Wasn't it in the, I don't know, maybe he talks about this in the last episode, but the 1930 World Cup where the Bolivians are something played in berets? Really? I didn't know that.

Yeah. And I think the refs had suits and ties as well. Yeah. Is this the one where India are invited to play? play, but they're not allowed to play barefoot, so they don't come. Yeah, but isn't, yeah. And also, also their chef wasn't allowed to cook meals with their feet either. So they were like, well, I'm not.

I can't come then. That's the 1950, is it? I don't think anyone even asked, India. They just said, oh, you'll probably want to be barefoot. Don't bother coming. Yeah. So anyway, so the, now this is also the first time, 1954, that the German national anthem is played publicly.

Cindy, was it new, the new one? Yeah, but I bet the old instincts kicked in. And then the press, when they win, the press go mental. like not even just the Daily Mail like in Denmark they all like oh well the only thing that was missing was Z Kyle's at the trophy being lifted everyone's furious

right yeah it's embarrassing it is embarrassing because it's a repudiation against the United Nations and the end of eugenics right and so no one knows what to make of it yeah so did they

so it's a brand new Aditha or do they just change the lyrics I think it's just they missed out a few words yeah because it's a pretty dodgy and also is this one they talk about the furor principle as well there's the coach talks about like when he's coaching them,

he talks about basically says, do it for the Fuhrer. Well, yeah, that's the leader prince. But does he mean furors in Hitler or the idea of the leader? Like the manager. Yeah. This is the defence that he makes. He goes, no, I just meant Fuhrer in a general sense. And we're like, guys, it's 1954.

The Royal Fuhrer. Yeah, the Royal Fuhrer. It's 1954. You know, Hitler still cast a long shadow. Yeah. But mainly. Hitler's still a young man in Argentina at this point. Of course, yeah.

He's nailing Kittina on the beach. But mainly, mainly when you talk about Brazil, that's what this sort of story is about. As we're going through it, I guess the thing that's becoming clear is every World Cup is controversial, every World Cup is corrupt.

And if we're trying, we're trying to find any World Cup that is not deeply political. Yeah. 954 failed. Failed. Deeply failed. It's the reappealitation of the Holocaust.

And they call that the Miracle of the Burley, which is an awful name. So let's talk about Pelle. Have you guys done Pelle on the upshot? We've done him in bits. Why have you got a naked phone? Fuck me. Look at his heart.

Yeah, he's a big shagher. That's him and Franz Becambauer apparently. Do they all just shower together the different teams after the game? That's nice. That's Pelle's cock. If you're listening, Charlie's just found a photo of Becumauer

and Pelle in the shower. And this is Bellini as well. Who's that? Who's that? Look at that rug. That's a 50s rock. That's Pelle and Balee. Okay.

who's Bellini? Do I know. Right, it's just a Lanky guy. You know about Balini. No. I do now.

What I will say, if you go back to the first photo, what I will say is that Pelle's got a nice hog. Beckenbauer is thick. Wait, wait. Where's his thing? That's his arm.

Hey? Where are you seeing his... No, I'm saying like his bum and his waist. It's like a thick. Like, he's like a lady. His juicy. He's got a juicy life. I'm attracted to Beck and Bowenbauer's ass.

that's the Kaiser he's like a renaissance news he's got he's got similar size thighs to me people always criticise me for my Amazonian thighs melon crushes there are lots of gay men

in the comments asking me asking to be suffocated by my thighs there are no women we've said this before but now you can understand this is what I say

now I'm seeing back in about the five I think this is something that's changed from football then to now I can't imagine Cole Palmer stripping off

in the shower. He's going to be quite prudish. This knob has like a mouth breather. Yeah. I think it's the wrong way around. I think he's a mouth breather, but his knob is from the most articulate philosophers of this generation.

Right. So he's all got it the other way around. All the brain's gone to his car. Right. No. Well, can we get Pelley's, let's see what Pelley did with that knob. Can we get his quote about sex?

What did you guys find out when you did? On your podcast, you do deep dives on sporting figures. Yeah. So Pelle, Nance, obviously. Nons? Well, borderline nonce.

41 with a 17-year-old girlfriend. We don't talk about that sort of stuff on this podcast. That's not a nonce. No, that's not fair. It's cricket. That's 14. 14. 17.

41, 17. That's Jerry Seinfeld stuff. Devastating bowling figures. 17 to 41. Yeah, decent. And face of Viagra. Yes, we know that. Yeah.

And he's got the Boris Johnson thing. He won't, I mean, he's dead now, but he wouldn't say how many kids he has. Yes. Yeah, but it's important to keep your cards close to your chest. It gives you a lot of power. Yes, it does. If you know, no one knows how many kids you have,

I think that gives you a very strong hand because no one knows when one of your kids might come out of the woodwork. There was one a few years ago, this woman. It was after Pele died, she popped up and was like, yeah, my mum Shag Pelle back in the 70s or something. She was trying to get him dug up.

Oh my God. Dug up? It was an amazing headline. No, no, no, no. It was an amazing headline. Go Exume Pele. Exume Pele. Daily Mirror headline.

It's a tabloid. It's one of the funniest headlines where they were basically started a petition to exude to prove that do you have it up? He's been alive. He lived till like 86 or something like that

and it's like he could have approached him earlier Say dig up Pele. There's something about his Dig Up Pele headline. A woman claiming to be Pele's secret daughter wants the football legend dug up. Woman claimed to be Pelele's secret daughter wants football legend dug up for paternity test. Don't think it got many signatures to the old petition. Yeah it's just the way they phrased

this headline but it's just something so funny about like a riot to it. Let's Exume belly. Hashtag exhumpelle. Dig him up. Is there a picture of her? There is a resemblance, you've got to say. But I mean, he was the face of Viagra.

So, you know, get in mind. There's going to be a lot of love to. The thing is, though, if you're the face of Viagra, you are going to be, you are going to be tarred with non-saccusations. You're just, especially if you've got a 17-year-old girlfriend. Well, look, that's by the bite.

That's irrelevant. Age is just a number. Yeah, it'd be hard to be the face of Niagara without people throwing that sort of stuff for you. You're not seeing like a purist. Does this work? Fucking right. I've got a 17 year old girlfriend.

If you're going to say in that. If you're an ambassador for the brand, you know, then you have to live your life by the brand's values. And the value of by Agra is, it doesn't matter that I'm fucking 50. I've got a 15 year old girlfriend.

Fuck stuff. Is his numbers, does that water down his noncery? For example, if you'd only, if he was 50... Does the scale of Saville's crimes water each one day? No.

No. Saville was sort of exclusively going for 10. Give it a best love. there's fucking hundreds of you. Is this is sort of like one death as a tragedy? Yeah it is. A million deaths is.

A million kids is just a... If you're shagging... If you're putting those numbers up, a 17 year old's down to get fucked. Do you know what I mean? Bound. Not down. And it's...

I'm saying that he's shagging left, right and center. He's probably shagging grannies as well. So it just... Does that... That means... If you'd only ever shagged... If you're a 50-year-old

who'd only ever shagged a 17-year-old, that's it. that's a knot. You shagged every moving thing and one of them happens to be 17 that must take away

Well, it's collateral damage Yeah, exactly. Right. So Pellet is born in 1940 He's named after Thomas Edison Which makes no sense. Bizarre. It's like Lionel Messi

named after Lionel Richie. Yeah. Is he actually? Yeah. And Ronaldo is Ronaldo Reagan. Yeah. Genuinely. Yeah, Cristiano.

You know this thing of Brazilian names There's basically two categories. There's the sexy Brazilian Roberto Carlos is. And then there's like Kevin. Fred.

Fred. Ian Graham. Yeah. What's going on now? Why? Why is Fred called Craig? I think it's just, it's just nickname, isn't it?

Yeah. But like, it's a lot of them, they're also, there's like a, there's a Brazilian player called Mahatma Gandhi as well. And there's, there's Osama bin Laden.

There's a Peruvian player who plays now, he's like 20 or is called Osama Vin Laden. Sparitan. Spanish V. Spanish V. His brother's called Saddam Hussein,

no? Are you joking? No, I'm serious. His dad. Can we get these shirts? I need a Vin Laden shirt. Yeah. He plays for a team of brewed.

Has he ever scored two goals? Because I want to hear the commentary on the second one. Oh, that's another! That's what you knew he meant it. That's what you knew. Osama Vin Laden. You fucking joking. I need to see the back of his shirt because I need that for Christmas.

And his brother Saddam Hussein. His brother's Saddam Hussein. They had a... He had a... This is like when we do like fucking terrorist... These are genuinely my... these are my suggestions when my wife was pregnant

for a while of her name of my kids Asim of Vin Laden As I'm a Finn Lardin The dad The dad said he wanted to call their next kid George Bush

But there was a girl So Why not Georgia? Georgia, Georgia Bush What's George Bush's What's George Bush's What's George Bush? Barbara

Barbara Bush That's his mom And then so caca means poo In shit Yeah Does it? Yeah

Actually In a lot of languages It does I don't know if he In his I'm cacking it Yeah Yeah

But there's Hulk, the footballer, his son is just called Ian. It's sort of like getting your stag do name on the back. Yeah, it is. Yeah, that's how Brazilians do it. But it's a very sexual country. Smallcock. Yeah, it's like, it's crazy just having,

at the airport, that's your name for life now. Fanny magnet. Yeah, that's your name. Phil Lardin. Yeah, it's naming a Brazilian is basically an airport t-shirt. Yeah. So Pelle is born, Tom, his name's, what's his actual full name?

name, it's too many names, it doesn't matter. Anyway, Pelle is because his nickname was Belae, and then he couldn't, he was like, a bit deaf and he was younger or whatever. That's Borat's brother, isn't it? Bela. Is that Bilo? So it's kind of really dull and strange story.

It's kind of a boring story of why he's called Pelle. It doesn't really make me said. Yeah, who cares? Someone called him Belae and they said it wrong. They're all a bit like that, those positions. But he grew up very poor, and he basically started playing football with the grapefruit in an alleyway. if you know what I mean

if you know what I mean he was barefoot you know blah blah blah and then he so in 1950 the first World Cup which Germany and Japan are banned for it's in Brazil and so Brazil haven't come on to the global stage

yet Uruguay's shown up Argentina's become a bit of force but Brazil untouched by war I guess are starting to show that but they haven't won anything and there's the idea of Brazil as this great nation is not at all for there's also there's a historian of Brazil

who says that, you know, it's the fifth largest country in the world, but there's no real, and I disagree with this, I think Bosanova's a vibe, but he says there's no real, like, intellectual, philosophical, cultural sort of export until football. Yeah. That is their kind of gift. But when did Bosanova start?

The 60s, well, the 50s. So it's about the same time. I suppose it's about the same time. It's ball and bunder. And a bit of barbecue, actually. Food. Ballbunder and barbecue. Brazil.

Yeah, that's Brazil. Do we know how football came to Brazil? Was it? England? Britain. I don't know. It's Britain. Is it British?

Yeah. Is it Britain? Yeah. Brazil and Argentina are all their soft empire in the 19th century. Yeah. That's why Argentina have got, they're really into rugby and polo. They have like country clubs and, you know, all the trains. I think Brazil's first international match is against Exeter City.

Yes. And it's all English players. Did they not re-play it or something? They re-played it like on a hundred-year anniversary or something. So anyway, so Brazil are playing in white at this point in 1950. And they're eager to show their football culture. This is, I guess this is before. maybe the sort of samba caricature.

Sure. Maybe. Pelle's a young boy. And he remembers how, he remembers this tragedy of the final where Brazil, who are the favorites, they lose to, is it Uruguay again? They lose to Uruguay at the Marrakanar, which is the big stadium. And they describe this loss as Brazil's Hiroshima. And bear in mind, this is five, so recent.

This is four and a half years after. I mean, we do say everything's 9-11, but. This literally is so recent. Yeah, I don't think you can call it. I mean, I mean, it's a country that clearly hasn't been touched by World War II. Yeah, if you're calling that Hiroshima.

And this was, they allowed Japan back for this World Cup and then called it Hiroshima. Wait, which is the one after? There's the one after. But there were 200,000 people watching, which,

what's the death toll at Hiroshima? Does that mean when Brazil lost 200,000 tears? 7-1 to Germany, that was Nagasaki. Yeah, yeah, yeah. An estimated 140,000 people died. Similar.

To be fair, yeah, there's a similar scale. He's got a good understanding of scale. Yes. Yes, it's a comment on scale, really, rather than anything else. Pele said it was the first time he saw his father cry, and he comforted his father by promising that he would win the World Cup himself. Now, obviously, at this point, Pele's what?

Fucking 12. So his dad's like, just fuck off, would you? That's bollocks. But he turns professional at age 16 or something like that, and he gets recruited into the national team. The psychological trauma from Hiroshima, from the Brazilian Hiroshima, is known as the Maricanazzo. And there's a thing called

the Mongrel Complex, which is the second volume of my book coming out. This is apparently about, because Brazilians are, their psychology is quite, it's a strange one because it's such a melting pot. Yeah, it's the most diverse country in the world probably.

Yes. The most like truly blended. I think the Bundes is the greatest range in bunder size. Yes. What? Because you got, You've got this sort of Portuguese white sort of straight down.

Oscar. Let's get Oscar's ass. Oscar's ass. Let's go have a look at Oscar's ass. And then you've got, you know, you've got Ronaldino's Bunda. Yeah, you got... And then you've got Amazon. The Hintz. Yeah. And you've got the greatest bundas in the world. It's the most famous bundas in the world. The most bonge-bong-a-ball bundles in the world. If you're going to bonger a bunder...

You're samboring a bunder. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's where it came from. Exactly. Yeah. You go to Venice to watch See the Art. you go to South East Did you get Oscar's ass up, Charlie? No, I've got Renardinia with loads of arse. Yeah, famous pick.

But when I actually ask for an ass, he won't give it to me. No, no, you know. But he will be constantly showing me other people's ass. Yeah, it's a European ass. Yeah, there's absolutely nothing going on there. Straight down.

Straight down. Yeah. Yeah, so you've got a real blend. And I imagine culturally, it's like, who are we? We've got some of those bonobble bunders in the world. And some of the least. But then that's how you play the vibraphoners. You need a different, you know,

that bongos have different... Oh, you're saying that... Well, that's maybe a call for, like, a rainbow society, right? Yes, the rainbow nation. You know, if it's, you know, Japan, that's just one note. If you're hitting Japan's ass, it's pretty much an ethno state in a way. Yes. You're hitting just...

They're not making beautiful music. There's no timbre to a Japanese ass. Brazil? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Mm. You know, hold on the end.

There was a farty one at the end. That was Franz Becker bar. There's a big, there's a big party bomb. How do you get in here, France? Friends. You're not, you're not, President.

Get out. But the mongrel complex is coined by Nelson Rodriguez, who refers to the 1950 loss and the sort of psychological issue they have with it. But basically, because they're mixed race heritage. And at this point, you know, it's just our,

it's still, we're still in the kind of. They haven't been united as a country. No. It's still so early. It does not really clear what the country is. Exactly. And there's so many different,

I think it's the biggest African population outside of Africa. Is that right? in Brazil and they sort of still believe this kind of psychological shadow of lack of

discipline and all those kind of stereotypes that by here we go by Mongol complex I mean the inferiority in which

Brazilians place themselves voluntarily when they compare themselves to the rest of the world Brazilians are the backward narcissus

who spits in his own image is this you or that sorry that's not my words not my words but do you think this is also

because they've had all the Nazis come over from Europe after the war Did Brazil get a lot of them? Argentina welcomed them. And I think someone went to Brazil

Peruvial war. Mengelai went to Brazil in the end. To experiment in bunderxes. Yeah, of course. Now, Mengele will come into the story the next part. Surprisingly. The one who got away. The one who...

The love of my life. Joseph Mengele. Want to know the real story of how Oasis made Britain mad for it? How friends turned us on to coffee culture and super-layered hair. The secrets of Nirvana, train spotting, gay hookups, Diana's revenge dress,

and what it was really like to be a spice girl? Flunged back into the decade when the world fell for cool Britannia, Bumster jeans and Lemon Hooch with Talk 90s to Me. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. And if you use Spotify, you can watch the whole show too. That's Talk 90s to me out every Monday. Anyway, so basically let's get to 1958. This is Sweden and this is Pelle's First World Cup.

he's 17. We did, when we did the Grinchre episode, right? Yeah. We did Gorinja with you, Hirayshow, who famously lost his virginity to a goat. Catholic country, Catholic country. Which apparently, in the book about Gorinch of the guys says, So is my uncle. Sorry.

That doesn't happen in Germany. Apparently 99% of rural teenagers in Brazil lost their virginity to a goat. How many? 30s and 40s. 99, according to the book by. Who's collecting that poll? Ruy Castro, the author, I think. It's in the census, I think.

Did he has you lose a duty. Yeah. Yeah. Grinch, Grinchra is hilarious. I mean, he's got, like, he's on the borderline between actual mental retardation, right? Yeah. And he's got rickets. Yeah.

To add insult to injury. It's got weird legs. But he put it away. Huge cock as well. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, you, it's, all the blood's gone to his cock. Yes.

Bad news if you're a goat as well. Well, good news. I was on that a bad day to be a goat. I was, uh, I was really this. I was reading this article about, about like, goat shagging. And in Columbia, apparently, it's more donkeys. And this thing was, it was from a farmer who was saying that he, he used to basically, he basically pimped out. Sorry, he basically pimped out.

Sorry, I'm trying to do. Sorry, Tom of my research. Sorry, what's higher stakes a goat or donkey? Donkey, because it's all, donkey, donkey, but they, because it was, he basically, he basically pimped out to local teenagers. Sometimes, if they're, if they're charging. Yeah. At the early teams, they have to bring a, um, little box to donkeys a bit taller.

Yeah. But there was one rule that you weren't allowed to use a condom because they don't need to Catholic country. Catholic country

and the Catholic country The Lord does not true. They're also concerned that the latex might irritate the donkey. God forbid the donkey would have an right isn't it?

Personally I think the donkey's got bigger issues than the latex but Charlie's just found what do you found

a horse sex case? What do you found Charlie? A guy died after being bummed by a stallion. Oh there's a video of that being bummed

or trying to bum a stallion. erupted coal. Yeah. Okay. That's a different kettle of fish. Goats are fine. I guess it's like

the revenge for Gorincha. What? In the Grand National running is Grinchas revenge? It's the horse that killed a man by putting him.

Anyway, so Grincha has knock knees or rickets or something and it basically means when he's a winger, no one actually knows which way he's running.

He doesn't know which way. It's like a car too. It's like a car too. It's got two left feet. So is he a left or right winger. He's on the wing. Anyway, so he's part of this sort of early amazing Brazil team. But yeah, so what they say about Grinchia?

They say that, and there's actually this footage of this team, which is the first time of the sort of footage. And Pelle is scoring amazing goals, even for the fifth. Like, this is the first time you recognize these goals and you go, oh, that's a goal. That's a goal. And so when they go to Sweden, and

Gorincha can't believe the women there, right? Yeah, and he father's a child there. Yeah. And is there a new speech? He thought he was a kid or a child. Yeah, well that's my goat. Right. Because they had this doctor, Hilton Gosley, was at the Brazil team doctor,

and he was really worried that he basically knew that all the Brazil players were massive shaggers. Yeah. And he, before he, like, went ahead to their hotel in Sweden and got all of the female staff removed. So as only man. And then realized that's what I do on tour. Yeah.

At the separation, yeah, so they're fine with it. Yeah. Only sexy guys. They got there and then realized that the hotel overlooked a nudist colony. I thought you were going donkey sanctuary there for a second. Probably have had the same result. In Brazil they have those adverts for donkey charities, but it's not,

I'm so hot. I'm so horny. I keep getting fucked by national football. Oh, is it to try and stop? Don't fuck your donkey. Don't fuck don't fuck donkeys. Can you like adopt a donkey in Brazil as a different charity?

Different charity. But Sweden's the happy World Cup then, isn't it? I guess so. Politics there? Let's see if that's a political world cup. So Gorincha is, Isn't he, what do they say about Grinchia? They say that he's basically borderline.

IQ of 70. Wow. And after the final doesn't Gorinchia says, who are we playing next? He just thinks it's school. That's what you need. You need someone who can't think. Brazil in 58 was the first time that a team and had like a psychologist and then like specialist like Bacchram staff.

Charlie is typed in cleverest dog IQ. The report they make says Gorincha was not mentally capable of full. following complex tactics. Then the coach, Fyola, dismisses the expert saying, you might be right,

but you know fuck all about football. Which, to be fair. Yeah. Well, he'll probably play better in like an Ancelotti system. He's like a Rome-Madrid player,

Grinch. He's not the tactical. It's more self-expression a vibe space player, you know. So, now Pelle is dropped for the first couple of games,

but then he comes into the team starts scoring hat tricks and then in the final against Sweden, this is when the first time they play in blue. So after Hirolii, They got rid of their white shirts and put yellow shirts on

So I just decided not to say a comment about Japan and then Master in self-control yeah yeah leave and then so Brazil now Sweden turn up in yellow this is still the time where both teams would turn up in the same shirt And be like I'm not fucking changing you church Yeah So Brazil go and buy blue shirts And they then beat them five two in Pelleys calls a hat tricks Yeah and he's 17.

He's 17 and he does the first, I think the first time someone ever knocked a ball over someone's head and bullied it. Yes. So everyone just loses their mind. Yeah. The sombrero flick.

This is the first time European commentators are going, cha, cha, yeah. Yeah. So Pelle burst into tears at the final whistle,

having fulfilled the promise he made to his father after Hiroshima. And he enters the 62 World Cup as the world's best player. Not after Hiroshima, after Brazil's Horat. Yeah, America didn't

drop a bomb on Japan and Pele said, I will win the World Cup. There was a story from the celebration. Yeah, they could have taken a leaf out of Pele's book. Because the only thing Japan have ever done in football from my point of view is when they're that footage of 100 Japanese toddlers playing one professional football.

They tidy up after games. Sorry, what were you going to say? At that, what was it, 58, the one in Sweden, at the trophy celebration, apparently, one of the Brazilian squad players like just on the bench. convinced these journalists to call him Pelle in front of these like hot Swedish girls and disappeared off with a six foot foot two

blind apparently. Six foot two blonde. Who probably fathered a child with him and realized he was actually Fred. Yeah, is the 58 World Cup? Is it a political? I mean, Sweden. Yeah, I think it's a happy one.

Is it maybe one we can enjoy? Although the Swedes were still doing eugenics then, weren't they? They were. Famously. So it's another, so it's two eugenics wins back to back. West Germany, Sweden. Fantastic.

Yeah. Sweden did not drop sterilization laws until the fucking 70s. And also look at Sweden's football team now. Look at the results. Like this is the golden age of Swedish football. Yes, you're true.

You're right. So Pelle enters 62. Now 62 is in... Where's 62? Where's that World Cup? Chile? Is it chilly? Yeah.

It isn't chilly. Day for it. So Brazil then go on to win in... Oh, this is the one where Brazil have an official team brothel in Santiago. The team doctor has a complete 180

and thinks, alright, didn't work, getting rid of the female staff, so he goes and sets up a deal with a local brothel. If you're going to be doing it, I'd like to know it. Yeah,

it's like, you know how England picked their team hotel now and take it over, change the bedding. So the opposite of Capello. Yeah. Yeah.

But we'll stare at, we'll like, it will make yourself to the brass. It does make you wonder what happened to that that doctor in the intervening years. They'd gone from

all the female staff out of the hotel. It's a, it's like they're basically want it to be like a nunnery and then now they're literally busing in maybe he just had some of the best

busts of his life it's Brazil in the 60s yeah it's true post-goat yeah I think maybe he saw a bunder that changed his whole view of life yeah we haven't placed any of this should we should we get to the 1966 World Cup which is

probably the most apolitical purest world cup has ever been yeah is the only real world world up that sort of counts, I think. I think so. Because everything else before is corrupt, everything else afterwards,

even more corrupt. There's eugenicists, there's Hiroshima, there's Nazis. And standing alone. Is the England 66th world now? Once again, we stood alone in defiance.

So, England get the World Cup of 66. The context for this is that everyone, England are kind of falling on their ass. It's all sold as like the English summer and the high watermark

of our kind of cult um zeitgeist swing 60s but actually the economy was in the toilet wilson's in power get it's not getting pegged by mars year yeah um and the the world cup trophy is stolen from like a stamp collecting fair when like a few weeks before and it's found in suspicious circumstances by a dog called pickles i think just around the corner from where we record in southeast london yes um pickles finds the trophy, gives it back to the FAA or the FIFA or whoever. Because Pickles

is the dog? The Pickles gives it back to the FAA? Yeah. And then... I've got your coffee. Yeah. Pickles, right? Pickles, then, only a year later strangles, dies, his lead gets caught in a branch and he hangs himself.

Now, I dispute that. What, you say? Pickles didn't kill himself. No, I do. He knew too much. Pickles didn't not kill himself. He knew too much. Okay. How do you suspiciously find that trophy? Pickles did not kill them.

It's quite Epstein. It is. They all die. The bloke who nicks it dies as well. It all stinks. It all stinks. It all stinks. It all stinks.

Miers, Bletchley and Pickles. They all die. Say their names. Say their names. Pickles was a collie. Leave pickles. The trophy was found in Ballou a Hill, which is just around the corner from here.

Wrapped in newspaper, tied with a string, lying under a bush. I don't buy that for a second. I think it stinks. I wasn't born yesterday, mate. No. So hung himself on his lead.

Was that how he was devastating to sad? And the CCTV was turned off at the exact time. So obviously 66 in Britain is, it's a fire sale for the colonies. They're all just going to take them all. Music's good though. Yeah, the music is good. It's starting to kick off now. But this is, so this is the great African boycott

because the FIFA, the FIFA is run by a guy called Sir Stanley somewhere. He's like head of FIFA at this point. And he basically says, right, all of Africa and Asia and whoever else can compete for one spot to play at the World Cup. And they all go, well, that's racist. We're going to boycott. All right. Just one more team. One more Europeans.

Idiots. South Africa is the qualifier. Yeah. We're a roadie shot. So this means that North Korea. Oh. Even better. Even better.

They qualify. So this is the Purious World Cup there's been. This is the least corrupt. Yes. North Korea qualified for the finals. Even though a peace treaty

had never been signed following the Korean war and the UK didn't even recognise North Korea. North Korea has a right to defend itself. It does. I've always said that. I've always said North Korea has a right to defend itself.

And so the Foreign Office identified these three main areas of tension. Firstly, the use of the national anthem, the flying of the flag and the official name of the country. because diplomatically we don't recognize North Korea. So eventually it was called, they were referred to as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea

and the anthems would only be played at the opening match of the tournament and the final. So you're basically banking on North Korea and not making it to the final. Now the big shock is that North Koreans beat Italy 1-0. Huge shock. Crazy. Yeah.

What's the guy called? The guy who scored the goal. I want to say it's pack. I want to say it's pack. I was just wanted to get it on the screen before I ran into it. I'm going to say chung. I think it is Pat Chun. Is it Pac-Thern?

Is it Pac-Thoi? Is Pac-Choy? Yeah. What's Pac-C-Chin? And there could be a Lee in there. Is it Lee Pac-Choy? Charlie, help us the fuck out. There was...

Pack-Doo-Ik. Oh, of course. Dong, Dong-Wun. Lee Dong-Wun, Pac-Du-Ik. Paxung-Zing, Yang Sung-Sung-Cook. And some prawn crackers at the table. Thank you. Anyway, that's the North Korean team.

Now, Pact, do Iq, so the North Korean team are based in Middlesbrough. Which I think means live laugh, laughing North Korea. Yeah. Yeah, they have teetails with Pact duik on it.

Middlesbrough, the locals like fall in love with the North Korea. Got a lot in common. They do. Yeah. Same, similar architecture. Middlesbrough is the highest stab rate in Europe, I think.

In Europe? Yeah. Charlie is from Nersborough. Not that Charlie. Not that Charlie. Clever Charlie. Right, clever Charles.

Yes. Even half a century later, cultural exchanges continue between Middlesbrot and North Korea. Wow. So, well, the people of Middlesbrough go over there and take a look at the modern appliances. Yeah, they do.

Carriotsy. Wow, God, what's that? What's that? Is that a banana? I've only ever heard of those. They've got my quote over there. Fucking up. And then so, but the main story, of course,

is England, the wingless wonders. Have you done, have you done 66 on the upshot? Have you done the... Again, we've done various fragments of the chaos. Yeah. So how much was Alph Ramsey actually an innovator in style? He said he was going to win it, which no one ever has the guts to do, apart from Ange at Tottenham.

And he was right. Yeah. So I think he's considered quite good. But Jeff Hurst is the big turnout for the books because he wasn't meant to be playing. Yeah. Jimmy Greaves got injured. And Jimmy Greaves is one of our best players. He's an unbelievable goal scoring stats. He was injured.

And Jeff Hurst obviously does the business. Have you ever seen Jeff Hurst's advert, his interview on Sky Sports? No. This is too much of a diversion. No, no, not very good. You could never have too much fraud diversion. It was, it was just before,

I think it was the last year I was final. He did like an interview on Sky Sports the day before the final and he can't ask him about it and he, I think he might have had a sponsorship. It's great to have you to hear to watch your own pod. Here's what he had to say. I just finished off an advert for Babweiser

which has been very interesting. And I think one, the great thing about supporting England is you can support England from all over the country, not just at the games, but in pubs and bars, just enjoying a nice glass of

bubwisers. Yeah. From a nice sports. Great advertising to be fair to him. You can support England wherever you are just by having a glass of American beer.

America's favourite beer. Wherever you are, not watching football. No. That supports England. He's the only one left, though, from 66. Is he?

Give him his... Everyone else got, like, brain damage from heading the fucking wet balls all of the winter, you know? These sod and... It's the first walk up

has a mascot, Willie, World Cup Willie, the line with Union Jack on it. And then probably the best, I think the best, so Pele gets basically kicked off the pitch, right? Pele gets kicked off. The South Americans see England 66 as like the worst World Cup has ever been. The most correct one.

All of them. We get some very dodgy calls. Yes. So the main one is the, so this is before the invention. I'm not your personally getting dodgy in a lot of it. I can't have to know I'm not the other one at the cap

Who is this? Hang up This is before Yellow and Red Cards are invented So we should place 1966 Right Okay Do you guys like to

You're aware of every year The placement system Yeah so let's We'll start by saying It's before yellow and red cards And it was after Last Woman to be hanged Oh that's lovely

Let's just see When was the last one It's gonna be around there Isn't it? Hing I think is the North Criam Play, actually. Lovely,

1955. Wow, that is beautiful. Absolutely glorious. Yeah. I mean, someone understand. And now also off the bat, just.

Ruth Ellis. Say her name. Ruth Ellis. Queen of a heart. I don't think she killed herself. This stinks. Her and pickles have been taken out by someone up top.

No, I think she did kill herself. Sorry, you're right, you're right. Pickles did not kill himself. Ruth Ellis was a suicide. She had been,

it was mental health. Yeah. No, she was trying to change a light bulb. Anyway. Why was she hanged? Why was she hanged? She shot a lover outside a pub in Hampstead.

You can't be doing that. Woman shooting a man, though, is kind of baller. Yeah. It feels different. What do you mean? Well, it's just, if a woman kills her husband, you're like, what has he done? I think he was. He was a dirty dog.

You know what I mean? Like, if a husband kills his wife, it's like an evil man. He didn't need a reason. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I get it. It's tough. It's tough.

But if a woman... Never stop talking. If a woman gets past her instinct to not kill people and pushes past that, what has he done to get her to that point? Yeah.

You always look at him worse than her, I feel. Yes, yes. She's just building that train set. Exactly. It's just like, let's take you over the whole house now. Yeah, exactly.

So the best thing about this workup is the match between England and Argentina and is it the quarters. And this is the beginning of our footballing rivalry with Argentina? Yes, it is.

So there's no red or yellow cars. Now, the Argentinian captain Antonio Ratin He gets... He gets sent off by the German referee. Ratin refuses to leave the pitch, claiming he didn't understand the order and demands an interpreter, which then...

He then goes and sits on the Queen's red carpet at Wembley, which is a disgrace. I mean, that's disgraceful. Absolute disgrace. They're animals. They are animals. Which is what Alph Ramsey says in the postcard He's a fucking animals.

In a press conference. Yeah. He says, well, I think they're just animals. This is called like the battle of wherever it. This is one of the, this is one of,

I think it's the most amount of cards or fouls in a game to this point. It's one of the, it's one of the shittest games ever, basically. I said this is him trying to send off Rattin and they don't understand. You need a card. It's not that thing. Complicated.

Exactly. Yeah. Fuck off. So Lopside and foul. 33. Three committed by England to Argentina's 19. So we're going through as well. I dispute those numbers.

I think that's too high. Ref looks so generic. So was it a corrupt? Do we get a lot of calls our way, basically? Well, I don't know. You believe, obviously. But yeah, it was a favourable. Well, I guess this is when an Englishman was the head of FIFA.

Yeah. And hence the exclusion of anyone from the developing world. Sir Stanley somewhat. It's before all the sort of French corruption. It's English corruption. It's before the woke madness of trying to give the World Cup to South. Africa or something like that. So,

the fine, England gets to the final, obviously, the wingless wonders. Yeah. And then they're playing Germany in 66, in the final. And again,

the World War II is still casting a shadow over it. Still? Still. Come on. You know. Go over it. In that, in that every,

so Helmut Schern, who's the German coach, he had survived the 1945 bas-balling of Dresden. Yeah. And, So West Germany had beaten the USSR in the semifinal. So I guess this is also Which is the World Cup where East Germany play West Germany?

That's not until later, is it? Yeah, yeah, anyway. Obviously England win. They think it's all over. It is now. Two World Wars, one World Cup. Exactly. And we got a favourable rubber, rubber the green there

with the ball not crossed the line. Yeah. That sort of stuff before. I mean, definitely. When we insult Saudi Arabia, I quite often see comments being like, well, Jeff Huss-gold didn't cross the line. from Saudi lads.

From Saudis. Yeah. Very nice. But we got off. Yeah. The Lampad one. Yeah. Oh, this is the Lampod, yeah.

So we're even. Yeah. So Pelle's kicked out of the game. And, you know, England, this is probably the last time that we had any sort of thing to shout about, really, until the Falklands. Yeah. This is also the birth of Can he do it on a rainy Tuesday in Stoke?

Because it's like, Pele, you came. You could do it in Sweden. Oh, of course. You got to get here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because a foul at this point is, I mean, assault is allowed. Yeah. It's not considered a foul. Yeah. It's meat and potatoes football. It's nobly Englishman called knobby versus. Yeah. Yeah.

It's the higher point of the name knobby, actually, isn't it? Yeah. Nobby style. And like knobly knees and combovers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're all 20 and they're all bald as fuck. Horrendous haircuts.

Yeah. Heroes, all of them. Yeah. The, for this World Cup, the Brazilian team were stayed. They stayed in this, like, village in Chesh in Cheshet. Yeah. I think it was called. And they,

apparently, someone, someone told that the limb was like the most dangerous place at the UK. And apparently they just wouldn't leave the hotel for the entire way.

They were just like, you know, they'd step out and there'd be some like Cheshire a farmer. Just, alright, lads,

you want to, you want to fucking, some potatoes, and they're just cowering in their, in their room. Well, they accused them of serving them horse meat. Yeah,

they thought there was a horse. That's my girlfriend. How dare you? You just, but then we get to 1970. So Pelle has had, it's been kicked to shit in the last two World Cups.

And in 1970, this is in Mexico, this World Cup. And this is the first time where it's becoming a real commercial operation. Because they make all the players play at midday in the height of the Mexican sun for TV audiences in Europe. Right. So it's also the first World Cup of colour. So it's the first World Cup in colour. And so this is where like the Brazil are kind of at their pomp. Yes, this is the one where that colour TV goal, that famous whole team,

the 1970s. The 1970 final, yeah, the right back. Carlos Alberto scores an amazing team goal. But also, so this is where like the, it's also filmed in Technicolor. So it's the yellow shirts, the kind of brightness of the sun. This is where it, I suppose, certainly when I was a kid, I had this box set of the history of the World Cup. And this was the one that felt like the sort of, if there ever was a peak.

It's this and the next one for me. It's the cover, isn't it? Yeah. This one feels like the most. But also is this where Bobby Moore's tackle was? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which my dad would talk, and then you see it. And it's like, it's a nice tackle.

But the way he taught, my dad explained this to me for about 45 minutes. Was it Gordon Bank to save in the same game? And this is the one where Bobby Moore gets accused of, go Bobby Moore tackle. Stealing jewelry. Really? This is the big scandal. On the eve of the tournament, Bobby Moore's accused of stealing a necklace.

Yeah, apparently Bobby Charlton It's the greatest tackle of all time Yeah It's just a slight tackle Well, slide tackle is new then Yeah But Bobby Moore right before the tournament They accuse him of stealing

A bracelet or a necklace And apparently Bobby Charlton Flirted with the shop assistant To distract her Is that, Bobby Charlton Back the old eyelashes Flip the camera over

Over But Harold Wilson had to intervene I think Yeah It was in Columbia or something They were over there for a friendly and they went to a jewelry shop and knicked a bracelet or something.

Yeah, I mean, it's not fucking goats, is it? Yeah. It's a bit of harmless fun. Catholic country. Anyway, so 1970 is the kind of high point of Brazil, this is what they win the World Cup for the fourth time in 1970, is it?

This is when they keep the trophy, isn't it? Oh, it's the third time. 58, 62, yeah, 70. This is what popularizes the phrase Hogger Benito. And now, at this point, Brazil is under a repressive military dictatorship.

And so this is kind of sports washing, which had been happening in... How long... When did the Brazilian dictators get into... They've been since the 60s. 64. So, yeah, the famous goal in the final, they beat Italy 4-1,

Pelle then retires after this. He was best-mates with Henry Kissinger. Yeah, it's crazy. You know that? Kissinger is a massive football fan. which is also suss if you're an American massive football fan

He's German He's German Yeah That's why the whole Bombing Cambodia thing What He's German isn't he Right

He loves it Let's drop napal Yeah So they were pals Pele and Henry Kissinger Were best mates And Kissinger Basically is the missing link

We know when Pele goes to America The New York Cosmos Yeah Kissing just getting a motorback Yeah He broke his idea Do you know how they met

Kissinger just came to the I think just isn't the talk of Kissinger in Chile I think Yeah he had some business in the region at the time Yeah he did right-wing junters to me Yeah exactly They met in 974 in a hotel in Sao Paulo And he sought out Pellet to persuade him to come out of retirement

Isn't he sat in like with all the families When they win it or something Kisses something like that Anyway Pellet's high point as 1970 Then this is when the game becomes really commercial and he goes on to be the face of Coke and Viagra and he's in

what's the game to victory which I've never seen I've seen clips of it it's got loads of it's got a lot of it's kind of crap Bobby Moore in it and Gordon Burns it's a PEOD they're playing against Nazis yeah yeah it just seems to I can't really wrap my head around the premise to be honest Sylvester Stallone Michael Kane

Pelley playing against Nazis I mean I'm watching that So Pelle retires in 19 whatever. And then, yeah, 977. With the mad goal record that's a bit. Yeah, so what's going on there? Well, 500 of his 1,300 goals were scored in exhibition matches, which is like, Soccerade. Yeah.

It's like Lee Mack and Steve Bartlett in England's top scorers. Chunks. That does also make me doubt Pelle's shagging numbers. well then because if you're going to post it posting a thousand is that his number does it know yeah he said he said yeah we're counting goals and friendly are we counting goats yeah yeah because i think i think goats go is that exhibition sex yeah he's up for charity as well exactly yeah donkey sanctuary he said good for only scores they have sex the day before oh good they all say that don't they or they're two camps yeah there was one i think it's a later

Chris Sutton's not saying that. Who was it? Someone, someone, someone, someone scored, I think it was 94 World Cup final, Brazilian, who scored in, scored like a goal in the World Cup final. And they asked him, like, in the interview afterwards, like, what's your secret? And he said, oh, good night, good night shagging the night before. And his wife was watching back at home in Brazil. And his World Cup was in, like, America to me, America, yeah.

Mario. Was it? Brilliant. Divorced him the next day. So Pelle, just wrap up his story. He gets an honorary knighthood by the Queen in 1997, because he's honorary because he's announced, but he's Brazilian. Right.

Or just an honorary knighthood. You know, you can't be Sir James Saville because you weren't born here. We like what you're doing abroad. He's named Athletes of the Century by the IOC. Quote, I was born to play football just like Beethoven was born to write music and Michelangelo was born to paint. I think fair enough I mean 1970s

when you see that thing he does where he runs past the ball and I mean I love this era of football because it's the first time these things are happening or they're being captured in well no but the first time

it's like the first of the first cry of turn you see the people's reaction they're like it's like a cartoon it's like the first time people heard synth music they were like

yeah or like when you know in deaf people you can, they hear again. Yeah, it is. Yeah,

you like cry. Exactly. That's the first Croft turn. Yeah. Nobby, Nauby, Stiles wasn't doing that.

No. No. So, let's just get to 1974, which is, was in West Germany. And this is held

as an intense time globally. The post, this is like the oil OPEC crisis. Yeah. The postal. 74,

yeah. We're on our knees. We are on our knees. Yeah. Heath's in, three-day working week. Arabs turned the light off. Cravedickers on strike. Yeah, exactly.

Not quite yet. Is that not yet? 79, 78. So, I don't think Britain, England don't qualify for this. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty bleak. Yeah. You don't even have that.

Because the thing is, as we've learned from all of these, if your country can get a sporting success, you can, like, wash all of your failures. We had nothing to wash away our failures. We couldn't even sports wash. We had nothing. No. Because we were shit of cricket as well.

Yeah, yeah, awful. And we fucked up the 70 World Cup. We were 2-0 up against Germany and got knocked out. The English Hiroshima. Yeah, of course. So then the low begins. The England have quite a lot of... Only snooker.

The snook is the only thing that's interesting. Yeah. And it does cheapen the analogy. Yes, it's true. It's Hiroshima after... It's just a Rochema after another. Hiroshima. Yeah.

So East Germany make their debut in 74. The only World Cup they qualify for. And they beat West Germany, hosts 1-0, huge victory of communism. But mainly this is about the Dutch team. This is my favourite team to watch, is early total football.

Where they just basically tear up all the rules, switch positions and no one can handle it because everyone's been playing systems. And Croief is the person who inspired Pep the most. It's their lineage that's still seen today fully. Croif says a perfect game

ends nil-0. What do you mean by that? Because he means that if you're playing football properly, you don't concede a goal. Really? Yeah. I thought it was the other way. I thought it was all based on not conceding. And keeping the ball.

If you keep the ball, the other team can't score. It's possession football. Possession football. But there's a great quote by, I can't remember, it was David Winner, who wrote a book called Brilliant Orange, which I read years ago. There was a great quote that the total football of the Dutch team was, it was like the beach boys, the hippie movement, swinging 60s. and the death of John Lennon all in one tournament.

The Dutch play this amazing round of football, get to the final, score in the first minute, and then West Germany win. And they don't, you know, it's like the Dutch still go on about this. This is the Dutch Hiroshima.

Well, there was, there was like a sabotage thing the week before the final because they, the Dutch players had this like pool party at their hotel a few days before the final. And these girls like joined them in the pool,

like took their tops. But I had a great night, like slipped off with the Dutch players. And it then turned out that they had been hired by build, you know, the German tabloid paper. And the day, like the night, the day of the World Cup final, the day before the World Cup final, they did this front page spread. Like, with their head loads like, Croy for champagne, naked goals, swimming pool. And this, it caused like a massive stir. And apparently the night before the final, all the Dutch players were just on, in their, hotel on their phone to the wives back home.

Coreyf was up till like three or four in the morning. He's playing the World Cup final. He's playing the World Cup final the next day. Cueing for the paint. So they actually just like put them in the doghouse. They put the whole team in the dog house. They'll stitch them up. That is good.

That is pretty good. We do it to our own team. Shit house really. Exactly. That is true. That's what we do. Every England tournament. Was a bang's man behind bin.

You ordered me to go and fucking. that grandma behind the bin. You can't be putting sexy grannies out like that and expect me not like that. What do you think is going to happen? Bad day to be a grandma. That's a,

he's not the most discerning shagger. That's why like there's a purity to it. Peebbycy grannies. Ableistical. Sort of. It's just more like he doesn't... Keep those exact a granny bashing,

would you? Yeah, but it's just more like he doesn't seem like he's not he's not very vapid with how the women look or anything like that. It's just, it's purely shagging.

Just shagging. It doesn't matter who it is. It doesn't matter how old they are. He's the opposite of a nonce. He's only shagging like 90-year-olds. Yeah. If you're chasing Pelle's numbers, then... You've got to be...

You've got to be... You've got to really be... Yeah, you've got to really be getting loads of numbers in those kind of mid... Yeah. Meat... Pick up. Pick up.

FAC Cup. Yeah. You've got to be doing that pre-season tour of the care homes in America. Yes. So... So, Netherlands are the best team to not win the World Cup, right? They've been in three World Cup finals.

I suppose that's the best country this is the best team in that this is like revolutionary style of football some of the best players that ever play the game Who else was in that

apart from Kroif? Anyone else? I'd never heard of any of them I think they were great in that right but also this is the base of the IACs team which dominate the European Cup but this is at this point the World Cup is still the pinnacle of the game

I suppose in the 90s thousands it becomes the Champions League really but you wouldn't say the Champions League is the pinnacle of the game compared to the World Cup now. Yeah, in terms of the quality of the competition, a club team is better now than the national team. Yeah, you're probably right.

But I still think the prestige of the World Cup means more. Anyway, we're going to leave this episode here. In our next episode, the Upshot Boys will still be there and we'll be talking about Maradona, South American dictators. The Hand of God, the Falklands, the whole thing to disgrace. This is one of my favorite episode is going to be next one. It's an absolute South American disgrace. the next episode.

It should be ashamed of themselves. That's already on our Patreon where you can pay three pounds a month and get instant access to series. We'll also be doing a bonus episode with Zach and Jack about hooliganism and the hazel disaster which is the Liverpool one

that we can make jokes about. I'm on tour in Liverpool. Anyway, that's on the Patreon and if not, we'll see you next time for the continuation of the World Cup story from everyone here. Goodbye.