Fin vs History - The Ancient World’s Jeremy Kyle | Cleopatra (Part 1)

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark. Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at ⁠surfshark.com/fvh The year is 69BC (nice), Cleopatra is born. She will grow up to become the most famous woman in the world by weaponising her pum.    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon   patreon.com/fintaylor Link to our merch here: ⁠fumblerooskiproductions.com/store⁠  Chapters: 00:00 - Long Road To Truss   04:28 - Decades of Inbreeding   09:40 - Keys In A Bowl Christmas   13:24 - Sixty Nine   19:45 - Horatio The Feminist   23:18 - Oh Come On Mate  27:11 - Post Coital Disgust  31:37 - The Taste of Royal Woman  34:56 - Puddle Of Cum  37:20 - Her Pum Is A Weapon  40:44 - DIY SOS  43:49 - I Live For The Week  48:53 - Ancient Jeremy Kyle   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus history. As ever, I'm joined by Horatio Gauls. Nearly. Nearly. It was close. Yeah, what are you doing there then? I think when a film opens up in Egypt. Yes.

So it'd be like, I don't know, you'll probably be in the UK or America and it goes, they'll find out on the map and it'd be like, it's down the Nile. no you are me or no but this is crucially setting over the pyramid but this is pre-Islamic warbling crucially it doesn't matter

in Hollywood it doesn't matter too much no but I'm just saying the same of our heads being attached to our net yes sure what you just did was not an Islamic warb

oh yes of course no this is pre-Arab we're in ancient Egypt pre-Mahmad or is there nothing pre-Mahmad I don't know it's a hey

I was saying it's pre-Mahmab. Easy. It's anything pre-Mahmad or is it all meant to be post-Mohamed. Well, are we in these days? Are we in the year... Are we in the year 1400? Yeah. Who knows?

Who knows? It's not for us to say. It's not for us to say, oh, but now we've said that it's not pre-Atalamic warbling. It is quite fun to just do Natalian Warb in your own head. And you go, well, I'm actually doing it. But we're in ancient Egypt. We're in ancient Egypt.

We're talking about Cleopatra this today. Probably the most famous woman maybe ever. Yes, probably. The femme fatale. Yeah, she's sort of goated and based compared to Joan of Arc in my opinion. Oh, Joan of Arc's complete dirge. We did an episode on her and it was bollets.

Boring woman who... Oh, I'm French and I'm wearing trousers. Donovan. Brilliant. She was kind of woke nonsense. Do you want a medal? She was very like holier than now. Yeah.

She thought she was better than people. But Cleopatra, she gets down and dirty. She's cunning. Yeah. And I respect that. Well, she uses sex as a political weapon. She's a sexual terrorist. Yes.

She is the sort of, you know, it's the long road to Liz Truss. Right. In that, you know, sex is inseparable from her political image. You know. It's the opening to her biography. You should do a biography. Of Liz Truss. Three volumes.

Yeah, yeah. But it's just be really, really horny on those political. The pin-up years. Yeah. Just a short review of the female comedian. Yeah. But also, you know, opening a film about Liz Truss. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Where's she from? Do you know where she's from? I think she's grew up in Greenwich, I think. No, yeah, yeah. MP for Norfolk. You know, you have the flat, the Norfolk sound, you know, the flats of Norfolk.

It'll be good. Whenever films do open with that sort of warbling, I do think there should be a pan towards the person doing it, because it never is. And it would take you out of it completely because you're there. You know, in Gladiator,

they do it all the time. Yeah, yeah. But you never have the pan down to just someone going, Haas hair and ha. God, she's only 50 truss. My God, she wears it well. She's born in Oxford.

So, yeah, it'd be the dreaming spies of Oxford. She's a milf. It'd be the dreaming spiders of Oxford. And then the soundtrack would be, ah! Ah! Ah! And it'd be the truss. Yeah.

Ancient trust epic. Anyway, we're not talking about little trust, although we sort of are. We're talking about the trust archetype. Yes. What do you get if you cross this trust with Mohammed Salah? You get a Cleopatra.

Cleopatra, the symbol of female sexual power. Yeah. And a part of, she's very contested, obviously. We'll get into all the race stuff. Because most of the sources are all from her enemies or Romans. So it's hard to know. Exactly. It's basically like only having Hello magazine to talk about.

Well, not even that. Because would you say they're enemies of like the beckos? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Well, that's a very political issue that I don't want to go into. Okay. Sorry. We should, we should draw a line somewhere.

We don't want to get into the broil, the bar fight. I want to keep my head on my neck. Yeah. We can't have, Victoria Beckham's people will cut your head off. Probably more than any radicalism. We've actually got Brooklyn Beckham

as a research for this episode. Yes. That's what, that's been doing this whole podcast. And I will say is when we get into Cleopatra's family, it's about as fruity as the Beckins. It's fucked. It's completely fucked.

It makes me think fucking, what kind of family do I have compared to this? This is crazy. Family's fine. Yeah. Now, do you want to explain, because we're in the ancient world, and something that always gets said about Cleopatra,

by very, very, very boring podcasts. Yeah. Is that she lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did the building of the pyramids. She lives closer to Liz Truss getting bummed by Quasi Quarteting. Than the invention of the pyramid. She lives closer to fucking Jimmy Saville donating to charity than the pyramids.

You can pick anything. Pick anything. She lived in sort of, this is actually, this is the kind of ancient history Galactico's era. in that I'd say from about 50 BC to 50 AD Well it's the Avengers, isn't it? Yeah, that's what I mean, it's the ancient Avengers.

They've set up all these characters and then they have this big crossover film and it's a big box office success. But what's funny about Cleopatra is that I assumed researching her there'd be loads of Egyptian nonsense that we had to learn about. But actually there's none of it

because they didn't know how to write. So really, it's all from the Roman... And it's a borderline, not Egyptian. No. It's sort of alien versus predator. It's just that it's crossing of two big franchises. Well, three almost, to be honest. But yeah, I think that fact, as boring as it is,

it does sort of, there's been 3,000 years of Egyptian history with sort of a continuity. So that vibe, basically the vibes are immaculate for Egyptian culture. And that's what's kept them through. Yes. It's just every time someone's come there, they're like, well, this is pretty sick. I'm not going to change it for 3,000 years.

And it basically goes all the way from around the pyramids to Cleopatra, which is about 2,500 years. Cleopatra is basically the end of this. We also have Julius Caesar at the same time. We also have Augustus, Mark Antony. Jesus. It's... Herod.

Jesus is coming. So this is very much... The Jews are being expelled? Yes, I think so. I mean, that doesn't place it at all. It does place it. Okay. It does actually.

Why? Because the Jews started being expelled in this time. Okay. Before this, in the Great Pyramids time, I think Jews were being left to Jew. Right. Or do Jews start... Do Jews start here?

I don't know. No, Jews have been going longer than... As long as the Egyptians, pretty much. Jews are... The first man was a Jew in their life. Basically. Abraham is considered the first Jew. Don't slag him off.

It's funny, it does sound like a slur, doesn't it? 2100 BC. So the Jews and Egyptians are old... Yeah, it's old as fuck. Right. So I guess this is also when time just moves a bit slower. Yes. Like 3,000 years now.

It feels like AI's coming the last four years and things are all changing very quickly. But then it was like 200 years and maybe you invented a new belt in that time. So it doesn't mean as much. But I did go to Egypt about four months ago

to the Nile cruise down through all this stuff and it is you can literally go to a place where you see like cave paintings from 6,000 BC and see them slowly working it out to becoming Egyptian hieroglyphs. And throughout you can see your dad trying to make up for leaving the family?

Yeah, it's going there. You can see. But it's slowly coming into focus. The whole time your dad's going and look, look, we're in Egypt. We're in Egypt. Forget about what I used to do. And yeah, this is my new, it's my new Thai bride. But we're in Egypt as a new family.

Isn't that amazing? Yeah. Slowly. And it's slowly changing through that. So who's Cleopatra? Yeah. She's not Egyptian. No.

She's from the Ptolemaic dynasty. Where's it, Charlie? Wasn't she so inbred that she had two great grandparents? You meant to have eight? Well, there's a lot of imbreeding. going on but we'll get to that. You've got eight great grandparents. Yes.

She had two. Yes. Which means her moms and dad's mom and dad were their mom and dad. Yeah. Her mom and dad shagged and then so. Yeah. Family tree is the twin towers. Yeah.

Yeah, it is. It's just two lines. She's basically her great granny's sister. And she's ground zero? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Ground zero for a lot of things.

How inbreg could you get, like before they just die straight out of the Fanny, how long would it take you to, uh, like how inbreed Can you make someone before they just die immediately? Or they become out like a block. Charlie, Egyptian society nowadays, it's flourishing. Yeah. And as we'll see,

centuries, decades of inbreeding. Only in the Royal Line, though. I don't know if it was cultural. I think it was just seen as like a very classy thing to do. Right. Yeah.

It's tasteful. Old money. So only the best. Only the best. Selective inbreeding. Yeah. There's all ancient Egypt. And then Alexander the Great comes along in about 500 BC.

He takes over everywhere. And he's Greek. He's Macedonian. He takes over everywhere. Not the best. Similar, and then he dies when he's 30 because he's sick of adulting. He's scared of adulting, I think.

And similar to when Genghis Khan's empire fell apart and there was like four little chunks, all his generals try to grab what they could. And the cheeky Ptolemy, who's one of Alexander the Great's generals, Ptolemy the first, he goes to Egypt because he sees that's the richest core. But he also steals Alexander the Great's body from the funeral procession.

Sick. Takes it and sets up the city that Alexander set up Alexandria, right? Yes. And then establishes the Ptolemaic dynasty, which is basically a kind of Greek Egyptian line. So even though there's loads of like...

They are not getting out of bed. No. They are snoozing the alarm clock. Double whammy. Greek Egyptian? Yeah. My God. So I think if you go down the Nile, there's still like a lot of Egyptian culture. It still looks like Egypt. But Alexandria is a distinctly Greek city. Yes. It's white. It's like...

The Ptolemaic dynasty, to only call every man Ptolemy. Yeah, which is very confusing. Which makes it unbelievably confusing. It started with him being very sneaky, and it feels like it's quite a toxic family line. The one thing they do take from Egyptian culture is fucking your sister.

Which is quite funny. A bedrock of Egyptian culture. Because I think there's maybe arguably, there's never been more cultural IP to choose from than the ancient Egyptians. And it's funny arriving there and being like, yeah, they're boring, boring, boring, boring, boring. Can I fuck my sister?

Brilliant. Pyramids, my boy. Fuck that. How do they build them? How did you stop fucking your sister? She's so delicious. And it ends up making it a complete fucking nightmare because there's so much infighting.

Because you marry your sibling, but you're also fighting to who runs the... But imagine having the kind of just classic sibling dynamic. But on top of that, you're fucking... So you've got hormones all over the place. And you're also jockeying for political position. It's a nightmare. It's an nightmare.

It's an absolute nightmare. two sisters, you're all like, basically it's like Christmas, but you're putting keys in the bowl. You know what I mean? It's a keys in the bowl Christmas.

Christ, if I ever come back and I say, how's Christmas? Keys in the bowl, shoot me. I don't want to remember what I've done.

What's your Christmas like? Sorry? Is your Christmas at all like this? Well, because I imagine it's just sort of like a Berlin nightclub when you come home for Christmas. Yes,

there's no photos allowed at my Christmas. We go downstairs and there's, you know, what goes down there, stays down there. But quite often, you know, my aunt will just be trust like a chicken hanging from the rafters.

And one of us will be sort of, you know, pounding on the rubber fists because it's boxing day. Of course. It's what we do. It's tradition. Yeah, it's fisting day. In the Taylor household. In the Taylor household, you know. We blend our Christmas.

We don't actually call it Christmas. We call it winterville. Yeah, no, my Christmas is mainly just, uh, it wasn't relaxing, which is running after. I mean, you really appreciate childcare. Sure. As I've said a lot of times, work will set you free. That was like something else, wasn't it? Sorry?

That was about something else. Well, yes, it's just what I've got tattooed on my arm. You can be an Egyptologist. Yep. In the way that I might be a Naziologist. Right. But it's funny, there's no other area of history. It's not other country where you are an ologist,

because Egypt is such a vast... It's got so much there. So much history, and it's so old. Yeah. You know, you're not really, you're not a Grechologist or a Romanologist. You said in the classics. They mailed those together. Yeah.

You're an early modern. You know, that's the whole world. Egyptologist is unique. It's a uniquely massive, fucked society. You're definitely the opposite of a gynecologist, right? Yes, I think there's no crossover between anyone who's an Egyptologist. I think you just have it not in a rudimentary understanding

of how a female pussy works. No, of course not. You're an Egyptologist. I mean, you could probably dig in a vagina. But you would be, it would be like uncovering Tutankhamun's too. Unless there's one person who found, like, the head of Ramesses in a vagina. And he went, well, he's an Egypt gynaecologist.

He wouldn't even go in there, though. No, it would. It would be, as much as I want to go in there, it's too dangerous. Can you get the photo of Howard Carter and all his little lackeys discovering to and coming to him? Because the idea that this guy is... This is him going down on a woman with the first time, basically. He's just covered with little men in fezzes and like sticks.

Yeah. Yeah, there he is. There he is. And he's got like a candle. Yeah. He's uncovered treasures. He's pleasure in a woman. That's nice. So this stuff, I love the 19th century discovery of Egypt stuff.

and the birth of Egyptology. Yeah. The actual... Sort of imperial archaeology. Using basically ancient history as an imperial weapon to subjugate people. Yes.

That's what you like. Yes. I like it with the Nazis. You don't know your own history, so shut up. I like Indiana Jones. I like Nazis in Egypt looking for relics

in order to find a stone that makes them more powerful. Is a great theatre for history. Nelson and Napoleon fought a naval battle here. Hitler. It's still has this alert. where people, if they see themselves as a great figure in history,

they want to get involved in Egypt. Yeah. Because it's a very historic country. But as you say, Cleopatra is right at the end. It's like the long room. It's like Lord. It's like there's a... Egypt is the long room of the world.

The Egyptian hum. Yeah, yeah. This episode of Finverse History is brought to you by Searshark. Woo! Guys, look, you've heard it from us before. Yeah. No homo. No homo.

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So yeah, she's the end of the Ptolemaic dynasty. So what? How many? So it's literally every single one is called Ptolemy. So it's Tolley the first, Tony the second. Now we're all the way up till... What's Cleopatra's father? Tollamy the 8th or something?

Or 12th? Tolemy the 8th, nicknamed Fatti, married his sister, who had been previously married to their brother. This is nothing weird here so far. Married sister, it's my brother's ex. But it's your sister first. Well, which is stronger? Yeah.

But I mean, what was first? But maybe they cancelled each other out. Yes, she's... Hey, man. She's acquainted. I'm your sister. Oh. this is a good idea.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So, he's been pretty married to their brother. Then he married, the sister married a brother. Yes. And then his brother married her.

Yes. And then she had a kid with him. With the old brother. With the old brother. And then he starts fucking her. And that means he then, and to her, he married his niece,

daughter-in-law, stepdaughter, and his ex-wife's daughter. That's all one person. I would love to see that dynamic. play out because that's not i don't think that's like a archetypical relationship that you see represented in in media literature or art yeah i tell you how that that girl probably sounded because there's no way yeah she she managed to get through that without any kind of genetic issues

and then fatty when his first wife his sister his sister yeah complained yeah i don't know what she complained what she got to complain about move on love yes christmas will be difficult it's always difficult It doesn't matter with you related or not. It doesn't matter with you related or not. Just put your keys in the bow on. Shut up. Yeah. He chopped up their son and sent it to her as a birthday present.

Right. But it's his son as well. Yeah. It's pretty spicy stuff that. I mean, that's pretty rich. I think that's fucked. He's not a good guy. No.

This is like, this is probably not, this is worse than like Errol Musk. This is sort of. It's closely. It's just obvious, isn't it? It's obvious. She's a bloke. It's obvious. And then, which is kind of sick from her,

that she then shows the remains of her son to the the Alexandrians and they're like the French right, they're ready for a riot whenever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They go berserk as soon as you fucking set them off. As soon as you rattle their cage, they're going crazy. Right. But then I guess what he's like, oh, don't show them that.

Well, don't show them. Yeah, obviously without context, it looks mental though, chop my son up. But if you understand that... It's not just my son. That's my ex-wife, sister, D. Norton-law's brother. Yeah. So by 69 BC... Uh-oh. Is this... Are we in the 69 BC? No, brothers and sisters, 69.

Brother and sister 69 our hotmail.com. That will be one of our fans' email addresses. All our fans will have 69 in their email address or their password. They're probably watching Tollet May at Porn. Is that a thing? I don't know, maybe. If you're into incest stuff, there's nothing. Well, this is probably the original step-mom gets stuck in, what it would be?

Lake. What's a washing machine? Step-mom gets stuck in Lake machine. 69's. I think we know what it is, Charlie. Yeah, I know what 69. All right. Fair enough.

Sorry. Sorry, Charlie. I should have assumed. Speaking to the mic when you're adding to the... I was trying to find out when this first ever 69 was represented. When is the first ever 69? The earliest unequivocal representation of the 69 appears to be that on oil lamps preserved in the Munich Museum. Let's go year.

1921? No way. Nah, come on. No, Indian art. Indian. Of course, the Indians tried every single position. It's so horny. Yeah, the Intestroth.

So horny. The Kama Sutra. They are. That's what I mean. Hello, Princess. Send me your bobs? Wait, wait, is that two blokes? Yeah.

No, I wouldn't, I probably want to be the standing up one. You don't want to be in front of the arthole. Yeah, I just, yeah, I just think it'd be, I'd find it really uncomfortable to suck someone off with my legs over their shoulder that way. We've got quite a lot of history to get through. Yeah, we do. We barely touched Cleopatra's early life. What's something I don't understand from the Tollamy, so that they're a fucked family. Sorry, I just want to say, the first people who invented the 69,

can we just have a moment to see, their heads must have exploded. They must be like, this is fucking brilliant. Yeah, but it's deeply disappointing at 69. No, it's not. You guys big fans of the 69? Yes. I think famously it's like...

It's not necessarily, just like, I don't deserve this. That's why I think. This is the best thing. I'm having my knob-s and I got like that in my face. Yeah, eyes rising. You're taking the piss. What's wrong with you?

You are taking a piss. Are you saying that way? Oh, Charlie, don't take the piss. He's got on your boy. That's what you were saying. He's just, he's an Egyptologist. He's got muff in his face. Why don't you like it?

I think we should throw it out to the comments. No, we should throw out to you first. These guys probably haven't 69. Hey? These guys have probably haven't 69. They're not even though. They're nearly 69 themselves. I think it's pretty common law that it's a disappointing act.

Why? Because I think when you hear about the 69, when you're a teenager, it's like, that sounds amazing. That's just debauched it gets. But I think it actually ends up being rubbish. Why? But you haven't said why? I just, I don't actually think it's that erotic in the end.

I think it's just sort of like, I don't think it works as well. It's like having, when you get really excited for a bath, and then it's just not quite what you thought it's going to be because the taps too, digging into your back. Tap's too small. Yeah, when a bath's too small, is what it feels like. Right, okay. And you're really excited for it, but it's like, why don't I never have a bath?

Maybe you need some of the, maybe there's a height difference. Yeah, maybe. So anyway, so Cleopatra, she's born in 69, Which is why we've been talking about 69. But one thing I want to say is, because how fuck the Ptolemies are. Yes. It is interesting that they build Alexandria, which is the greatest city in the world at this point. And they build the library of Alexandria, which has apparently every single Greek book ever written.

And it goes missing. Oh, no. We lost hundreds of years of civilization when it burned that. Yeah, all right. What? You think it's a load of, you can go a lot of bollocks in there. Oh, no, there's loads of books in there. We did loads.

I promise. Nutter. Yeah, all right, mate. Yeah, sure. I just don't understand how these guys fucking their brothers and sisters killing their sons, they seem like absolute scumbags. How are they presiding over this kind of golden age? This is probably how the pyramids were built, isn't it?

It's just a lot of guys who couldn't think, but they were strong. Right, right. Yeah, probably. Cleopatra is born in 69 in Alexandria, and she is a princess in the Ptolemaic house. Her father is Ptolemy the 12th. And by this point, the dynasty is kind of crumbling a bit. This is just the end of the Roman Republic. Rome is the major power in the Mediterranean.

Caesar's about. Caesar's knocking about. Basically, the Roman form of having a Senate decide everything, that's crumbling because Rome's getting too big. The kings are only really surviving in Egypt because they're paying Roman politicians bribes. this means that they're then taxing the population a lot. They're getting vassalized, basically.

Borrowing from Roman bankers to keep up with their own debts to Rome. They're in kind of Rome's grip. Yeah. But they're such a rich... Because Rome's the emergent power of the age. But they're such a rich country that Rome's kind of just letting them kind of carry on, I think. Yeah. So her father is probably the 12th.

She's got loads of brothers and sisters who end up, she marries all of them. When she's around 10 or 11, and should we talk about her beauty? Because that's kind of the thing... Sorry, I know that sounded very pedophilic what I just did there. Sorry. She's 10 or 11. Let's just talk about how fit she would. Go on.

But what I mean is before we set up... Before she gets too old. Yeah. Look, I've dug myself a big hole there. Okay. I apologize. My point was before we get into the narrative of Cleopatra, let's talk about what she's known for,

which is being supposedly incredibly beautiful. Yeah. She's a very famous historical symbol, right? Elizabeth Taylor in the film. Well, she's been painted as such because she's the kind of trust of the ancient world. Because no one's chucked her. her fanny about with more effect, basically, and that's probably why people assume

that she was an absolute dime piece. But we think this might be run in propaganda and then Victorian propaganda because when you look at her actual appearance on coins, she looks fucking clapped. She's got big nose. Big nose, sharp chin, bald. Yeah.

She wore a bald. She was bald. She was bald and wore a wig, I think. I think that's what they did. Right. Yeah, there's a photo of Cleopatra up. She looks nice.

Yeah, that's not her, is it? That's an AI representation of a fit woman dressed as Cleopatra. Yeah, it says she's got like big hooked nose. Oh, look at there. There. She wasn't hideous. She was just mid, basically.

Right. But I do have a lot of respect for women in general who... All right, mate. We get it. Yeah, look at this guy. I've got a lot of respect for women in general. This is what feminist looks like. Christ.

Benedict Come a batch. When will you get off your soapbox? I hate 69. I hate 69. Is that a feminist? It degrades them. It degrades them, yeah. Yeah.

Because I just want to be of service. And I hate that I'm getting... I only want to go down. on them. Yeah, because I'm a gynaecologist. I wear the t-shirt. Wear the t-shirt while I go down to them. No, I have a bib that says this is what this looks like.

So a man called Blaze Pascal said, quote, had Cleopatra's nose been shorter, the whole face of the world would have changed. What's that supposed to mean? Supposed to be that she is such a symbol of beauty and as trust, using sex as power. You know, the whole... But is it saying because people wanted a fucker

because she had a fucking massive honker? Maybe. But what, normally, your nose is too big? Why would her nose be, why if her nose was shorter, would she not get any dick? Because beauty standards

love to enjoy the big nose at this point. I guess because you could sit on it. Yeah, exactly. You want to put on it. Fuck me. I can't wait to sit on that. Can't wait to sit on that. It's a bloke.

I don't think it works out. I don't think, I don't think, that is a difference. That is a difference between male and female sexuality is that women don't want men to sit on their face.

No, no, they don't. I really don't think I'm in a big, heavy fat bloke sit on your face. There's no worse part than a hairy goose is there, where the fanny would be is the worst part of this. If you're a man sitting in a woman's face,

I think when you're up there, and you're now alone because she's immersed, I think there's never more lonely place. She's got your balls in her eyes? And you're just sitting there like, oh, this is lonely. This isn't nice. Is she enjoying this?

I'm not. I'm trying to kill her. I don't really know. It feels I'm quite uncomfortable. I've got a nose in my gouged. So anyway, Cleopatra's meant to be stunningly beautiful. Yeah. But at this point, again, she's 10 and maybe I've skipped a head in the story.

But I respect women who identify as hot. Do you know what I mean? And this is a thing throughout history and I do, I respect the sort of a meritocracy of it, you know, to pull yourselves up by your fucking nose job or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Women who just like, and you see this a lot, imagine it's going, there's just people who have decided, no, I am going to be hot. and they've just kind of made it work

where if they hadn't they could have easily been mid but they've just like they've confidence they've confidence and they've sold it and that's what I respect about her has his charisma

and confidence so she's about 10 or 11 the dynasty the dynasty hits a crisis Rome threatens to annex Egypt so Ptolemy pays bribes to Pompey and Caesar who are the two

is it currently civil war at this point in Rome Caesar and Pompey are two generals roughly Caesar's been off conquering gul he's become very powerful as a Roman general expanding the front of So much so that he's basically making a grab for power to overtake the old system of the Senate.

And then Pompey is also going to do that. He's also a big general. And there's a civil war going on between the two of them. So Rome annexes Cyprus in 58 BC. Ptolemy doesn't really... Cypriot? What are you got there? What accent you got for Cypriot?

Oh, come on, mate. Yeah. Oh, come on, mate. My neighbours are Cypriot. Yeah. Does it sound like that? Oh, come on, mate. Fucking hell.

fucking hell man in it ain't it it's very close to Chinese yeah it's surprisingly it's close yeah

um fuck me man it's kind of Vietnamese it is fuck me man yeah it's the most probably the most percussive

man man man say man say man with a M-A-N-G is how you say man it's the closest Europeans get to throwing a column

the downstairs anyway so Ptolemy because he's in the pocket of Rome to stay silent on Cyprus's annexation. Your silence is deafening.

Yeah, basically. Yeah, basically. Be like, where are you, speak out. Celebrities. Silence is complicity. They're changing all their Facebook brothers to Cypriot flag. Yeah, exactly.

Ptolemy's not. But then he's driven out of Alexandria by force, by the population. They're annoyed at him. They're very shirty, these guys. Anything they don't like. Uppity. Yeah.

So he flees to Rome and then Egypt gets put in charge, Egypt gets put in the care of Cleopatra's older sister, Beronis. Beronis. Baranese. My name's Baranise. Ptolemy begs Rome to reinstate him. So he goes in this tour

of trying to win favour, which Cleopatra goes with him. And this is where she first... They're all called Tollamy. So this is Ptolemy 12th. Tony's 12th. Clio Patrick's dad. Scott McTolomey.

Scott McTolome. We call this one Scott McTolome. Let's call this one, Scott McTolome. Yeah, brilliant. So he obviously goes to Naples. Scott McTolomey. and does very well, does very well

convincing the moment. It shows that maybe it was the rotic Man United that was blighting his career. It turns out he was being held back at Man United.

Clearly more cultural issues at the club. He would go on to surpass Darren Fletcher in spades. Anyway, Scott McTolomey remains determined

to restore him. Basically, the Romans invade Egypt and restore him. Because they like the stability of having a guy they know on the threat.

Well, Scott McTolome, no one's more stable than him. You need him in your team. Anyway, Rome restores Ptolemy to power in 55. Led by General Gabonis, and there's a young cavalry commander called Mark Anthony, who will come back into the story. I do like Mark Antony because I don't know why everyone's got ancient names, but he just sounds like someone's uncle. He does sound like a footballer as well. I think a Dutch footballer. Mark Anthony?

Yeah. Is that a Roman? You're right, Mark? Scott McTolomey and Mark Anthony. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Julius Caesar. Pompey Augustus

Mark Antony Mark Hello I'm Mark My name's Mark My name is Mark My name is Nigel Clive Yeah I like I like going gym

And on the weekends Maybe sometimes I might have a pint At Mark Anthony 1992 Yeah Might have a pint sometimes Yeah

Anyway Tolemy His first act After being restored To the throne To execute his daughter Beronis You got her

You got to get that done So Ptolemy names Cleopatra And her Younger Brother heirs just before he dies in 51. Yeah.

Which at the same time, this is when the Roman Empire really starts to fragment on the Caesar and Pompey. So Cleopatra comes to the throne around 17, 18. Now she's starting to, now we can say she's attractive.

Yeah, there was a countdown in the sun to Charlotte Church turning to 18. And the sun was also counted down to when Cleopatra would be 18. So the time she comes to the throne, there's famine, there's lawlessness.

she owes 17 and a half million drachmus Cheshire in the throne though right with her younger brother Yeah but the brother is like 10 or something And then he marries They marry each other Yeah

Yeah You got her So imagine But I don't I ask Chatch EBT if they fucked And apparently Probably not But the thing is

Is that because the Greeks view what the Egyptians are doing with fucking each other Is they view that It's very tasteless Yes But It's phoroic

Phoronic Phoronic behaviour Yeah But this I was thinking like incest is a social construct. Yes. Sure.

I disagree. Yeah. Never agree with it. Hard agree. Yeah. Because you can, like we saw in that Amsterdam story, you can fuck someone and then find out you're related. Which means the disgust is not actually, it's post, isn't it?

It's post-coital. Because surely if it was inherent, you would know from the, you would not be a attracted to them. This sounds like French philosophers in the 1980s. This is what they were talking about. Yeah. Is it inherent the disgust? So if you didn't know you were sucking your dad off and you're bloody loving it up until you do.

If you're sitting in your dad's face. She's also very smart. She speaks like nine different languages and she would often go to the library of Alexandria and study a lot. So she's clearly, she's got like a lot of, she's a lot smarter than the rest of her family seemingly. She's supposedly the only of the Greek pharaohs to, bother to have learned to speak Egyptian.

Yeah. She learned to speak everything else, Aramaic, Syrian. Latin, I guess. Yeah, so she was fucking dueling going all the time. So then there starts to be tensions between her and her younger brother

and because there is a precedent of Siblicide. That's a terrible precedent. Sitting on face aside. I guess if you're the Patriot of the family, we cannot set this precedent of Siperside. You've got to stop that. Do not kill each other.

We have to stop this. Nip it in the bud. That can't be. a precedent. So there's then the trigger, so then a civil war in Egypt kicks off and she then gets exiled. Yeah. Right. By her brother. By her brother who's also her

husband. Yeah. Now, meanwhile, as we were saying, this is the Avengers, and all this history intertwined, because we only have Roman sources. Meanwhile, in the summer of 49 BC, Rome is in the midst of his own civil war,

Caesar versus Pompey. At some point, Caesar crosses the Rubicon. Yeah. That's where we get that. That's where we get that phrase from. He goes over a river. Brilliant. Then Pompey is defeated and he flees to Egypt to supposedly get some more forces and money.

Retreat and try again. And then, but what the Egyptians do is that they are like... This is the brother. This is what Ptolemy does. It's not Scott McTolomey. This is Cleopatra's brother. Scott McTolomey's son. Who is Cleopatra's...

What should be called? call this guy. What Scott Type in if Scott McTolomey's got a kid, Charlie and what it's called. No, he doesn't have any kids. He's in a long time with Cam. All right, let's call him Cam. Upon finding out that Pompey's arrived on the beaches, he's thinking, right, I want to make, I want to

please Caesar, who's clearly won this civil war. Yes. So immediately kills Pompey on the beach, chops his head off, it bombs it, and then every delivery is straight back to Caesar. Yeah, Caesar arrives in Alexandria. Yeah. And he's like, look what I look, look what I did for you, and he's like, fucking hell, man. That's fucking man. It's just a joke.

Chill. Jesus, man. Because Caesar was a big trait of his is that he loved pardoning his enemies. That was like he loved being sanctimonious, right? And also the idea of an Egyptian or a Ptolemaic ruler killing a Roman was a no-go. Roman noble, yeah. So he was very upset about this. Pissed off. So then we get into Cleopatra's infamous relationships.

She's sort of known as, this is kind of her, it's all she's known for, really. What do you mean? Shagging? Yeah. Is this like Rihanna and Aesat Rokie? Yeah, Rihanna is Cleopatra. And there's Drake and Aesat Rokie. And Julius Caesar's Drake and Mark Anthony's Aesat Rocky.

Yeah, so the Shakespeare play would be Rihanna and Aesop Rocky. Anyway, so Cleopatra is in exile and Caesar's annoyed with her brother, who's also her husband. Cam McTolomey. Cam McTomone. Now, Cam McTominee is Scott McTominee's wife, but in this instance, Cam McTolomey is Scott McTolome's son. It's very simple. It's very simple. So Cleopatra, Cleopatra hears that Caesar is in, likes the taste of royal woman.

Yeah. Christ, I said that weird. I said that so weird. I like the taste of royal women. So stuff's not quite coming clean out my mouth today. It is a bit of the minefield. be honest. It is a mark.

You can't compliment anyone on anything they did romantically in this day in this period of history. Otherwise you sound like an incestial paed before. Anyway, so she goes to Alexandria to see him personally, but she is forbidden from going into the city or the palace because it's run by her brother's husband, sister, man. Yeah. Whatever. So.

By Cam McTolome. By Cam McTominee. McTolomey. I want you. The Hyundai Elantra Highlands. inspires a special type of love, the type that makes you slow down and enjoy the ride. With best-in-class fuel efficiency

and a best-in-class new car warranty, it's made for the long run, wherever the road takes you next. Because some relationships are built to go the distance. It's that Hyundai Alantra type of love. Are you tired of starting your day with pointless political arguments, superficial summaries and lukewarm hot takes on the radio?

Then switch to the best. bunker where we look at the news without the nonsense. Every weekday morning, the bunker brings you a brand new, in-depth look at just one story. From the chaos in Washington to the seismic political shifts in the UK to business, economics, history and pop culture. Or start your week, our essential Monday morning roundup of the week's upcoming stories. We cut through the noise to bring you what matters. That's the bunker, news without the nonsense every weekday with May Andrew Harrison,

Ross Taylor, Jacob Jarvis, Gavin Esler, sing and me Seth Jebel find us wherever you get your podcasts so Plutarch who's a doesn't matter who he is

he's like erodotus he's a lot of stuff based on it but the main account of all this is Plutarch but he writes about this whole period so he so the famous story is that Cleopatra gets off this boat

and she's got two man servants who are holding a long like carpet Like a magic carpet, adibaba to stuff, I imagine. And then they smuggle her through the palace, and they say to the security guards, oh, this is a present for Caesar from whoever. It's a big carpet.

And they're like, why the fuck's it sagging in the middle? He's like, oh, it doesn't matter about that. It's a saggy carpet. Anyway, then they roll out the carpet and she flops out. Yeah. And then Caesar's like, down. Oy, oy. Yeah.

There's a, there's a broad in this carpet. Look at that fucking hot piece of ass. I felt out that carpet. And she then charms You know what, you've charmed me You charm me. You charm me. And he then declares... He's also pissed off at Cam McTolomey.

For cutting off Pompey's heads. She can make play with that as well. Yeah. But this is where she starts... She makes an entrance. Yeah. She makes an entrance. I watched a video.

It said Cleopatra when she would make an entrance. The reason she was so alluring is that she would use lights, intense perfume and shiny gold things and apparently if you hit three senses out of the five the human brain can't handle it

and has to look at what you're doing. That's interesting. Yeah, it's like sensory overload. So apparently that's what she was doing. She would be wearing like big, like, you know, oud or perfume. Yeah, it's a flashbang. It is a flashbang.

It's a female flashbang. Yeah, if you... Trust outside Downing Street. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's just paralyzed. She identifies as hot. that's what you've got to do. If you're ambitious, if you are me.

Druss has done her hair, she's wearing a great suit, and she's talking. You can do it. You can pull yourselves up by your... This Britain imports 80% of it's cheese. I'm in pieces. I'm in bits.

I'm in a puddle of car. I can't do anything. She's speaking out loud. She looks like that. What am I meant to do, Liz? Of course you've got my vote. Of course. I feel like I'm in a mechanics green room.

pin-ups everywhere. That's what Cleopatra does. So Caesar is charmed by her. She probably smells very nice, better than anyone around in ancient Egypt. Then they firk. Dendah fork. Yeah.

They be fuck him. And he's 50 and she's 20. Which I think is deeply problematic. Oh, come on. Fucking take your feminist, take your pussy eating. It's what a feminist was like bib off for a second. I think that's really fucked up of Julius Caesar

to be doing that. Cancel, cancel Julius Caesar. Hashtag me too. Forget about the genocide of the ghouls. This is an absolute disgrace. But Caesar is a big fuck boy. Yes. Caesar loves getting his dick wet.

Well, do you think they're sexy talk? Is it like genocide the genocide? You genocide of the ghouls. No, I'm going to genocide your bulls. That's not bad. That's not bad at all. Charlie is an amateur poet. I bet.

I forgot you. We've got our in-house poet. Yeah. We could do a soundscape. We could do a soundscape of their seduction. Of what? Ancient East Egyptian and Latin. Yeah?

So, I am. My caucus. Slam us my caucus. Let me goblest your bulls this. Oh, fuckers, I'm gonna boss us.

Oh, fuckus I'm gonna boss us. What's that sound too disheezer, mate? Oh, fuck us I'm gonna boss us. Yeah. Et de Boste.

Et de Boste. Oh, fuck I'm going to bustas. Right. So, um, so Caesar and Cleopatra start this love affair, which everyone says is politically expedient rather than actually romantic.

Because she, like trust, realises, her pum is a weapon. She's a survivor. And I respect her for it. Yeah. Um, Tom, Tom,

Tom, McTolomey. If you don't react to me saying her puma's a weapon, and just let me say that, sincerely. a lot worse been said basically Cam McTolome her brother then siege is Alexandria

yeah because he's found out the Cleopatra's there and Caesar only has 4,000 troops with him Cam McTolomey has 20,000 troops and it begins like a kind of five-month siege of Alexandria

Alexandria Alexandria Caesar nearly dies in this as well he nearly drowns because basically he sets fire to all the Ptolemaic ships so they can't use that against him. And in that fire the library of Alexandra burnt. Oh no, all the amazing Greek civilization

oh no, we've lost it all. But they had the invented the iPhone, it turns out. That's why Cleopatra lived close to the iPhone. Because they invented it. They were like one day away from inventing it. They'd got everything all set up. In place. They just needed that chip from Taiwan. Everyone was all burned.

They're about to put the SIM card in. They went, not to die. Honestly, and then the whole thing burns up. Yeah, whatever. So. And basically, they hold out long enough that Caesar's reinforcements arrive. Cam McTolomey retreats to the Nile and they have the Battle of the Nile.

There's lots of battles of the Nile, so I don't know how they think they can be called the Battle of the Nile. But Caesar won this through just normal Roman shit. Normal Roman shit, mate. So Cam McTolomey tries to flee by boat, but it capsizes and he drowns, weighed down by his gold armour.

Is that symbolic of greed, capitalism? Yeah. Eat the rich. It's like a banksy. as a weapon. Sorry? A pumice. His truss is a weapon.

Yeah. You can put out my gravestone. And that's how I died. Liz Truss killed me with a... Cundstruck. Dead. Cuntruck. Yeah.

80% of its cheese. So Cleopatra and Caesar, at this point, they've survived the siege of Alexandria. Caesar's reinforcements have defeated Cam. Mctolomey. During the siege, they'd be fucking a lot. I imagine, to the point where she becomes pregnant with Caesar's child. Yeah.

And she calls the son, Caesarean, which I don't know. Ptolemy Cesarian. Ptolemy Cesarian. Yeah. But that's not... He didn't invent the Cesarian. No, but Caesar did. Did he? That's why it's called a Cesarian. He was born by Cesarian, which is why we get the word Cesarian.

Really? Yes. It's called because of the popular... Though likely false belief that Judas was born this way, linking the name to Latin root... Yeah. Meaning to cut. And we already established in the previous episode, that you can't be born out of the bum, can you? That's impossible.

Yes. It's impossible. It is impossible. Not even if we created like a canal. If you diverted the baby through the ass... It could be a child-ary. Mission, right. It'd be a charlerian.

A charlerian, it would be. The first child to be born out of the bum. I would have been happy to be that title. I would be happy to be the only person. The thing is, though, right, is that if a woman's giving birth, if a woman's giving birth vaginally, there is a, there's a whole scale of vaginal tearing, not to make our listeners too horny.

Yeah, just to put my pussy eating, this is what a feminist eats pussy like bib on for a second. When women are giving birth, there's different degrees of vaginal tearing. I think a third degree tear is all the way across to the arse. So basically, in that instance, you are giving birth through the bum because you've knocked a wall through and it's just...

But arguably, the bum doesn't really mean as much it's DIY SOS down there. Nick Knowles is down there going, bloody out, I love what you're done with the place. Yeah, but also you are... Titch Marshes around the back going, hang on, the guards of the kitchen now, what am I to do? Are you born out of the bum if she's entirely a bum?

Because she's just become a bum. She is a bum. You know, the bum doesn't really mean much anymore. So I'm very sorry to say, you have a healthy baby, but your wife is male bum. So why don't more women get Caesarean to protect their pym? That is, you can get an elective, Czarin, which is where you book it in.

Oh, so it's just hard to book and you have to like do it with the council. Yeah, like it only holds 50 minutes online and then you're like, fuck. It's like lastramary tickets, you know. Well, I guess Caesareans a bit more, you'll get, it's basically drawn a scar on my gooch or my tum-tum.

Yeah, I mean, but also there's a... Tum-Tum or bum-bun. I'd choose tum-tum. Yeah, the sunroof. Yeah, exactly. But there's a lot of medical reasons where you go out of the sunroof. Yeah.

Safe. It's some ways it's safer, although it's serious surgery. I mean, you then, you know, my wife couldn't drive for the next six weeks. Can't she ever. But, you know, so when I heard that, I was like, well, let's just show Zeran. Because we're not losing anything. You know, will it help her parking if it's a vaginal birth? Anyway, Caesar was supposedly the first one, which is why I was called a Caesarian.

But anyway, just to add confusion on confusion, Cleopatra's son that he, she has with Caesar is called Ptolemy Cesarian. Not Cisarian. Right. Anyway, he's born sometime in 47 through her cunt. Now, Caesar remains public... T.HC. Sorry?

T.H.C. Ther H.C. Born THC. Was it born THC? Was it born TACC? Right, she was a cunt. Right, fine. Cunts fucked. Good stuff.

Like watching... It's been an absolute filth this episode. Like watching your favorite pub burn down. One of my favorite jokes. Is that Bob Mills joke? Yeah, who's that? Someone said, wife gave birth

and he said, never look at the, never look at the other end because it's like watching your favorite pub burn down. I think that's Bob knows. One of anyone's got excited that we're finally doing

another female history. It's just fucking absolute feel. So Cleopatra's brother husband's favorite pub is now burnt down because she's given birth to Caesarian. Now, Cleopatra goes and visits Rome with the kid in late 46 BC.

Caesar awards them legal status of like an official ally so she's an ally so she's wearing a badge she's tweeting a lot whatever now they do

don't they parade isn't there triumphs there's a big thing about Roman triumphs where they'd like they defeat a people abroad and they bring some people back and kind of parade them

and then kill them and I think they do this to her younger sister Arsino the fourth Arsino that's how Charlie

was born Arsano. Arsenal. T.H.T. or Arsena. So she's forcefully paraded. But then the crowd, sympathetic to her, I think they think that's a bit much. It was custom to strangle the prisoners

and triumphs after the festivities had concluded, but Caesar doesn't do this. So anyway, Cleopatra's not at the parade, probably because she's pregs with the child. But anyway, so Cleopatra goes back to Rome. She's having a lovely time with Caesar. I guess this is where all the history about her is sort of written

because of, um, Maybe this is why people think she's fit. Yeah. Whatever. She's in the glow of motherhood. Blah, blah, blah. We get to 44, BC, the Ithes of March.

Yeah. Caesar is assassinated. Which is part of a calendar that Julius Caesar invented, the Julian calendar. Which is what we're still... With Cleopatra's Court. Oh, really?

So one of the members of Cleopatra's court helped him work out. So to place this, this is the first time anything's ever been placed in the way we'd understand it. In a way we understand it.

Lovely stuff. But what did the calendar used to be before? Did he add two months? Is sunny or it's dark? So July is after Julius Caesar? Yeah. And did he add those months in?

So before that, it was 10 months rather than 12 because they added January in February. What would it mean to sort of add and load more months of the year? I feel like it's working all right. Yeah, I really like the routine. Not to sound all fucking autistic, but I think I prang out.

I think my Google calendar, I'm just like, I'm actually getting to a bit of a rhythm with it now. Yeah. There was another day in the week. As long as it wasn't a weekend, I'd like that. You'd like that? Because you're terrified.

Work will set you free. The weekend is terrifying. I have to parent my children. That does make a lot of sense. Although actually this weekend, I was... What's Finn like? He's a man terrified at the weekend? Yeah.

Is a man trying to delay the weekend? I die for the weekend. I live for the week. I live for the week and then I will die at the weekend. This weekend... Monday's your favorite day. Monday's your favorite day. This weekend...

My wife took the kids to her dads because I'm writing a book, as you know, a thesis, a tome. Yeah. And I got a lot of work done, but then my daughter, my father and was a massive tele, slash had a massive tele. Because my daughter-in-law climbed up it and it smashed. And she was like, did you get a lot of work? I was like, yeah, I did. I don't know if it was worth my father-in-law's telly. So what?

It just collapsed fell. Yeah. All the money from the book is now being just paid to reimburse me. I'm looking for his telly. Anyway. Yeah, I can see now why you like the week. I live for the week. Monday,

Matt's Friday. I've always thought, like, you've really got your nose to the grindstone. And like, I can't really keep up you're doing this, but you're doing,

and you stay late. But yeah, it's just because you don't want to parent your children. I don't go home. I don't go home. Home is not a sanctuary. It's a prison.

I'm on day release from my life when I come, when I'm here. I can't talk about Liz Truss having a weapon of a Pum at home. No, God, no. What my four-year-old repeats that? It goes into school?

Yeah. What's your dad do for work? He says publicly and Liz Truss got a weapon for a... The state will come after you. Yeah. Anyway, so Cleopatra is in Rome. Caesar's just been assassinated.

Yeah. Because he said the Republic's dead. I'm now a dictator. He's the first dictator. That's where we get the word dictator from. In many ways, Caesar begins so much stuff that we know now. It's a turning point of his... Even though, because obviously, Jesus is in the years...

Here we goes again. But it was a round. this period. I'm a feminist. Let Jesus into your life. Christ, mate. Honestly. Christian feminist.

Yeah. Like fucking sexy Charlie Kirk. Yeah. Got your eye, love Jesus, bib, while you're eating Pum. Is he ugly Charlie Kirk then?

Hey? Is he the ugly Charlie Kirk then? Well, he is now, I guess. But so she went to Rome to try and get her son recognized. So she's very much, it's very much like Jeremy Kyle. Yes, it is.

This is, this is ancient Jeremy. She say, it's his son. Yeah. That's not my son. And then Graham, do you remember Graham? I bet you love Graham. Do you remember Graham?

The fat security guard. No, no, no, no. He was the actual trained psychiatrist. Right. Jeremy Kyle would make them so unhappy. Yeah. They would be like in bits. And then they go, right, go and have a chat with Graham.

And he was actually trained and would actually then make them feel better about it. So Graham actually did, had some responsibility. It was like good cop, bad cop, except one of them was not a cop and just has but has a gun. I think Graham actually knows Graham knows how to place. Right. Caesar is assassinated by Brutus.

We'll do a series on Caesar. Now he names Caesar's grand nephew Octavian as his heir. So Cleopatra flees Rome and goes back to Egypt with Caesarean. Octavian will turn into Augustus, the first Roman emperor

of the line that then spawns Nero and Caligula who we've done episodes on. The rest of history they say is like the greatest political mind of all time. He's the goat. He's Blair.

Yeah. He's Blair to Cleopatra's trust. Right. Anyway, Ptolemy the ninth is Cleopatra's new brother husband. Right. Two birds, one stone. Yeah. He dies.

So now we think Cleopatra poisons him with something called Wolf Bain, also known as the devil's helmet. Well, I think those are two YouTube handles of people in our comments right now. And devil's helmet. Yeah. I think Wolfbane and Devil's helmet are both commenting right now. Devil's helmet is what I call 69ing. to ask my wife to put on the devil's helmet.

You're right, Nigel, my name's Wolfbane. Cleopatra replaces him with her three-year-old son, Caesareon, so she's now ruling Egypt with Caesar's little toddler. Caesar is dead. And we should say that Cleopatra, as a young child, supposedly loved experimenting

with poison. She was like, she became a master, a mistress. She was a sick fuck. She was a sick fuck. She became like, you know, all these old plants. She was nosing about. She had a big nose, I guess. Yeah, couldn't help but nose about it.

She was sticking it where it shouldn't be. Well, she was telling her head and it would end up in a plant. Yeah. Yeah, so she's supposedly a master of poison, which comes into the story later. There is a, apparently there's a story that she had a hollow gourd filled with live bees and the buzzing vibration was used as a DIY sex toy. So she's also supposedly that the inventor of the vibrator. A lot of stuff we know today.

this is kind of, in many ways, the beginning of, this is the end of ancient history, right? This is the beginning of modern women as sex crazed maniacs. Cleopatra is the first just sort of mad, horny woman. She gets a gourd, fills it with bees,

and shoves it up herself. And she's one of those powerful women who's ever lived. And I think this is partly why, now the Egyptians, they say that the West has over-sexualized her because, They find it like romantic. Yes, it's hot.

And it is hot. And I guess we no longer live in a world where like Angela Merkel, it's like fucking Macron to strengthen the EU. Yeah, who we, who, I forget about trust for a second, if you will, because I think you're a bit of a minority when it comes to trust. Who else is an absolute babe who's been in office? The Italian one, Georgia Maloney. Christ.

Maloney, fuck me. Do you know what? Trust is in the bin. Maloney is astonishing. Yeah, yeah. You're done with trust that quick? I'd leave my wife and kids today for George Maloney. Come on.

What Italian fascist with blonde hair? Excuse me, an actual fascist. Christ. And she's also the first Italian Prime Minister to basically last a year for longer than a year for, you know, decades. It's kind of a beast. George Murray is great. It's Anthony and Cleopatra in the next episode. That episode's already on our Patreon

where for £3 a month, you can comment with the handle at Wolf Bainat Devils helmet. You get instant access to EP series. You get it all ad free. There's exclusive merch on there at the moment. There is exclusive merch on there. Because we got the We Can't Know hats

sold to the public, but we've got BeBantho hats sold exclusively to the patrons. And we'll see you next time for the continuing. of the Cleopatra story. Goodbye for now. But until then, goodbye.