Fin vs History - The Ballad of Four Eyes, Never Full and Throwing Poo | The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part 2/4)

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Where there are strange names, there are Native Americans.     The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part Two)    This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.     Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  Chapters: 00:00 - It’s All India   07:05 - We Own The Wind   10:19 -  Long Road To Clarkson  16:48 - Icky Massage  22:11 - Fetty Man Scoop  27:23 - Rattling Blanket Woman  31:21 - Native American Haircut  33:25 - Big Fat Ugly  39:51 - Gorilla Fucking      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's part. Is that right? I don't know. Yes, it is. Is it? Definitely. Why? Because it's, it's, it is a cartoonish depiction of the Native Americans, right? Which they did do that, though.

Yeah, but Indian guys say, hey, bloody hell! That doesn't mean you could do that. That's very racist. These guys aren't Indians, for Christ's sake. No, but I'm saying, as an example. That's like calling them the P word. You couldn't meet an Indian girl, bloody, bloody hell. Even though an Indian man has said, bloody, bloody hell.

Yes. I'm only saying that for scientific reasons, you know, it's not. But do not what I mean? It's the same thing. Not just, or you do you do sound like, that. Well, they did do it and it was a war cry, wasn't it? Yeah. We're talking about Native American war. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So, yeah. Fair enough. I just don't know if like a de-accurate... Fucking braggard. Bunch of braggs, if you ask me. So, we're talking about Native Americans. This is Custer's last stand. In this part, part two of our series,

we will be talking who the Sioux and the Cheyenne actually were. Now Columbus officially discovered the Americas. Again, you put that in quotes, Phoebe. You put discovered in quotes. I can't fire you twice. How many times?

Columbus discovers the Merrickson discovered the Americans. Leif Erickson. Sven Gore and Erickson discovered the Americas in the middle ages. So the Native American population in 1492 is anywhere between two to 18 million. That's not a good sign. When you see those sort of numbers, it shows just how... I question those numbers. Who's just out?

18 million. That's so big. Anyway. But how diabolically they must have been wiped out in like 100 years if that's how rough the estimates are. Two to 18. You don't see that very often.

It is a very unsure estimate, isn't it? That's really like we don't have a fucking clue. Because I guess if by 1900, the population had dropped to around 600,000, then, I mean... I guess people only started counting when there was like none of them left. Yes, they counted too late, I guess, didn't they?

So by the 1700s, the British, It's expanded along the coast, killing Native Americans, and around 90% of Native Americans are killed through European illnesses. So, you know, I suppose, you could argue that the Brits, the Europeans, they don't want them to die because they're in a world where like slave labor is a thing. So they're not trying to kill them. Yeah. So how much, you know, stigma should be attached? should we say they killed them by disease? No, definitely not.

No. They said, they died. Yes. I mean, it's, I can understand being upset that people came and brought a disease that kills 90% of your people.

Yes. Like I could feel it's not like, I don't know if you could have like a really like, well, I guess it's just the way of things. Well, yeah, but the Mongolians brought the black death.

Yes. And it's not like, it's their fault. Right. It's the exact same thing. Exactly. Yeah. And also that was always going to happen at some point in history.

whether it was Columbus or if it happened 300 years later. Yeah. It was always going to happen. You know, a guy with a cold walks into a room. Yeah. You know, he's not racist. He just got a cold. But what if he is racist?

Well, he might be, but that's irrelevant. Okay, fine. Yeah. Yeah, I just don't know much about this guy. No. But neither did they. And was he racist? Well, yeah, it turned out he was.

But, you know, he didn't, he also had a cold. And to them, the main thing was that he had a cold. Sure. They didn't die by his racism. They'd rather he didn't have a cold and was racist than the other way around. Yes, exactly. The racism is by the party. They also don't have an immune system, it seems.

It seems. It rips through the middle order, does it not? Absolutely. A complete batten collapse for the Native Americans. They're skittled. So they're not a single group. They are hundreds of distinct nations with different languages, political systems, cultures. Now, on the Great Plains, which is the sort of bit in between.

the coasts, I suppose. Did you have the DK book about the Native Americans? Yeah, I think so. The different pictures of the different, like the Plains Indians. There's also the Pueblo, Indians, which are basically Mexican, like more Aztec-y sort of.

And then I don't know who's on the coast, but like the idea of the big headdress, which is the kind of, is you have to draw a Native American. Yes. That's only the Sioux. Yes, and the Lakota and the Sioux. That's only Plains Indians,

and that's only one very specific thing. So they have the most stereotypical in Native American. Yeah, ground zero. Grounds, what are the others wearing? Let's have a look. Let's have a look, Charlie. Helmets. There's no helmets, I don't think.

No helmets. Oh, you just keep guessing. Maybe don't look. And just keep guessing. Top hats. Now, I think the Mahican. Steampunk, those steampunk Indians. The Mahican, that's a, you know, the Mahicans, last the Mahicans.

Do they have Mexicans? Well, I imagine so. I hope so. I hope so. Where else would we get that word from? They're dreadlocks. What's going on there? Yeah.

Charlie, you sometimes have a Mohawk. Can we have it? Can we find out if the Mohawk are. Bacon, don't you? Dude, normally, yeah, I'm bald at the minute. You're all. You've got Lex Luthor. Any than bald?

Sorry? Any bold? They actually don't have any natural balding gene. We've talked about this. They don't have the balding gene that, uh, it just doesn't exist. That's why they all have heads of hair. The only ones who don't are people who have at some point interbred with white, with white, white.

But that's why they called white people when they came over, uh, Eagles, because they'd never seen those widows peaks. Now, are they bald or are you? just being tricked by their headdresses. No, they have feathers in their hair. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, the Mohawks are from upstate New York.

But it's a very different place. Do they have Mohicans? Can we find out they do have Mohicans? So we're looking at a photo here of the various... I'd say this is an ethnographic chart. Finn's penis. You called? This is an ethnographic chart of...

of the various Native American tribes. To me, some look Russian, some look Chinese. There's some like South American. There's like Bolivian looking. Some look Mexican. And listen, I don't, I guess, I guess calling them all Indians, I suppose, you know, makes some sense in that, you know, you've got people who look like they're from Mongolia,

people who look like from the sort of Siberia and Russia. It's all India. It's all India. Let's just call it India. Call it quits. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. So they're semi-nomadic, these plains tribes. Their economies are focused on the buffalo. Yeah. The bison.

Which is the bison? Yeah. Not the African buffalo. No. Well, we did check in the last one. They are different. They seemly use interchangely, but it's the bison. Yes.

But the Americans are talking about bison. Yeah. Right. I did think we fired our researcher before, so I don't know what she's still. I thought we had. I don't know what she's still doing here for putting discovered in quotes like that. Anyway, the settlers are scared. And again, you put scared in quotes.

Absolutely woke extremists. What's that supposed to mean? Was it saying that the settlers lied? These guys are fucking terrified. They're terrifying. With axes and headdresses. Terrifying. Native American atrocities are widely reported.

However, often omitted is the context of US total war. We don't need that context. It's still terrifying. Now, they would use guerrilla warfare, the invisible warrior, right? So settlers are obviously accustomed to European-style warfare, cricket, basically. We're both line up on two sides.

We'll have a go at each other. Shake hands. Win the toss. Who wins the toss? Native Americans are stealth, ambush, night raids. They feel like they're always being watched by an invisible enemy. And then here we get the war whoop, a high-pitched rhythmic yell used to coordinate movements. Yeah, it's terrifying.

Now, that's not racist. That's like, you know, Jackie Chan in his fight scenes. He, ha! You know, hey! Yeah, all of, well, that's racist. Well, if he says that? Well, then it's not. But you know.

all those little things, all those little that those are all instructions to the other people to say that he's throwing a punch or a whatever. Right. So I big fan of Rush Hour series. I watched the DVD extras of Rush Hour 3

where they went through a fight scene and it turns out all that that's all actual code for like I'm about to throw a punch this one are coming over here. Right. Whereas you can watch it as a white viewer and be like, well that it's just him. That's just what all Chinese people like.

That's just him pounding. Yeah. Anyway. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and Game Sense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600, to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an advisor. operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Morning war. This was a practice where if a tribe lost a member in battle,

they would immediately go on a raid to capture a replacement. And the captive would either be tortured or forcibly adopted to take the dead person's place. Yeah, I guess that's not very Western is the idea if someone dies and you immediately replace them. No. But just someone from that... Great replacement theory.

Now, obviously, the Native Americans have this sort of whack-a-do concept of land ownership. Yeah, it's mental. Mental. Modal jazz. It is free jazz. I don't know. I can't get a grip on their opinions here.

Most tribes, and I hope you're sitting down, listeners, they view land as a communal resource like the air. Bullocks. Complete bollocks. I think they're fron. They say you couldn't own a forest any more than you can own the wind. Well, you can own the wind. Of course you can own the wind. I think we should privatise air more.

Yeah, exactly. I would like my air to be cleaner than my neighbours. There's nothing we believe more in than private property. Yes. Exactly. There's not enough private property in the world, I don't think. Settlers view this lack of fences and deeds as a sign of chaos, which I agree with. Yeah, it's chaos.

It's got to fence things in. Obviously, there's this great divide in outlook between the settlers, the capitalism. It's a cultural war. It is a cultural war. It's also a war war. War war was one of the chiefs, saying. War war. And so was cultural war.

Yeah, they don't win. the culture war, Native Americans. Yeah, I think. Or the war war. Yeah. More importantly. More importantly. Now, by 1876, which is the Battle of Little Bighorn, which we are a fast

approaching, the situation of Native Americans is thus. By 1830, the Indian Removal Act calm down. I can just imagine. That's Rupert Loewan. That's what he wants is the Indian Removal Act. Some of my listeners went, who was? Is Nigel in? No, he's not in.

The 1830 Indian Removal Act means the US government can forcibly displace Native Americans. So 60,000 people are displaced, which becomes known as sad times. The trial of tears. The trial of tears. And this results in the deaths of thousands of Native Americans. So this is, as we said last time, rounding them up, trying to get them into reservations to clear the path for the railways and the gold rush trails. It feels like with the race issue of Native Americans, it's obviously not, it doesn't feel as, it's not as much of a hot topic in the same way. that black racism is

or even Indian racism because it feels like because they've been so decimated there's just not many of them around so it feels like it's not a live issue and there's just a genuine sense of sadness I feel about the whole thing no so there's so many different people in America

and AIDS America's sort of blended in but also the middle of Australia is uninhabitable so there wasn't this great like expansion through the country yeah so there's still a lot more Aboriginal, I imagine. Than there are Native Americans.

Charlie, can you find out how many Native Americans are versus Aboriginal Australians? But there's not like any sort of call for reparations anymore or anything like that. Like it's still a live issue reparations to African Americans.

Yeah, and to white slave owners. I mean... Reparations go both ways, as we've said. Private property is the most important thing. That's my property. You've taken my property away. Native Americans, I guess identify, isn't it?

Because in Australia, if you have any Aboriginal blood at all, you are indigenous, whereas I don't know if it's as strict in America. Oh, you were just out there, wouldn't you? Yeah, I didn't see any. I was in like Melbourne. Yeah. There's a lot, I think up north or in like the middle, there's a lot more. Did you feel, was there, racially, did they feel like there was a weird?

Well, in the sense that like there's not, none of them are about, yeah, but not like in Cape Town where it's kind of. You can't fucking have a burger without them saying you've got to bless the burger. They did a lot of that, yeah. I got a tour of the MCG and they were kind of blessing the land and like paying respect. Yeah. Yeah, it just feels a bit hollow though. Yeah.

They're all dead. Then just tuck in, take the win, brother. But also, the ones that are alive are not getting any help. Yeah, they just, so it's just completely performative. Yeah. And now, Native Americans, they all run casinos now, right? Yes. Now what's going on there?

I don't know. Because it's the only, only seeming like, footholds, Nate Americans are got in capitalist America seems to be the running of casinos. I know both indigenous and Native Americans can't stomach alcohol well. Their bodies are not built for it. Which is funny because Native Americans can

stomach all kinds of, you know, mad, Iovaska type things. In my head, at least. Northern Europeans have been drinking beer and milk and stuff for thousands of years. You've evolved. We're the first straight guy. Like, I've guts in.

I've guts in ruins. Nah, fuck it. Come on. The long road to Clarkson, it's a To build the clocks and it took thousands and thousands of you. A stroke guy just hasn't had a solid poo for 10 years. Just gets up now, fuck it, glass of milk, pint. Who cares? Shitting like a horse while at the bar.

Yeah, it's just standing there. Just shit for you out of him. No, fuck it. I'm probably fine. I'm probably fine. Why do Native Americans all run casinos? What's the... And they were by the 1988.

Not all Native Americans run casino. All right. Hey, I hope you're being woke. Fuck off. Yeah, they do. To generate essential revenue for governments. The Indian gaming. Regulatory Act of 1998,

casinos, funds, schools, healthcare and infrastructure. Oh, I see, so they're considered sovereign nations, the Native American reservations, which allow them to bypass state gambling laws. Oh, interesting. So it's not that they all run casinos, it's that they can run casinos in areas where casinos aren't allowed.

So in the state of wherever, where casinos are allowed, in the reservation. The only one allowed is a Native American one. That makes a lot of sense. All that's answered. Brilliant. So we get to, now, just as the Americans have Custer,

this dashing cavalry-charged guy, soldier. The Native American characters in this story are called Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse. Now, Sitting Bull, he's born in around 1831, and he's a hunk papa. Yes, so Hunk Papper is the spiritual... He's a fit dad. He's a DILF.

He's a DILF. He's a spiritual leader of the Lakota, the Hunk Papa Lakota. The Hunk Papa... He's the Archbishop of Canterbury, right? Yes. Yes. And he's more like the Dalai Lama.

Right. But of a very small tribe because there's loads of them. There's loads of hard backwards, aren't there? Yes. It's quite a few. Now, he was born at the Yellowstone River in Montana, supposedly. Firstly, his name is Jumping Badger. That's his first name.

Yeah, that's like a nickname at school. Jumping Badger. And then he gets a nickname slow because he's calm. But that's not a bad. That's not an index. insult in Native American. No, I guess Theeer here would imply you're thick.

Yeah, that's not, that's not him. That's what they mean. And then age 14, he displays bravery by riding into a crow warrior camp naked. Now, the crows are a rival tribe to the Sioux. This is what Charlie was doing while you were at the poster museum.

Yes. To the postal museum, my kids. And you were naked around Burmesee poking people with a stick. What you'd have to do is you'd have to, there's a thing called counting coup. Well, you have a big stick. And this is how you become a man in Native American society.

It's like the bar mitzvah. Sort of. In that you'd have to go up to an enemy in a battle and just poke them. Not kill them. Just like, ha ha. Oh, right. And then that's more honorable than killing them. So it's all like getting PlayStation awards for like really specific things.

Like five head shots. You get like a, you know, a trophy or something. Yeah. I don't know. But this was, I guess it's like, it's quite intense, isn't it? to... in a battle. I mean,

chopping someone's head off would probably be more intense. Well, that's what I'd say. But again, this is all, you know, Western centric. Western centric.

It's considered the highest form of bravery. They have a special coup stick. So, they're playing coup sticks. So following this, his father, who was called returns again,

transfers. There he is. Back again, are we? Maybe that was his name. Back in I. Oh, yeah. Here comes trouble.

Are you staying put? Yeah, I'm back here. Oh, right. Come on back again. No, I'm staying put. Staying put was his brother. So it returns again, transfers his own name,

Buffalo Bull, who sits down, to his son, who's now known as sitting ball. But I guess Buffalo Bill, who sits down isn't quite as catchy. Yeah, it's too long. What is it, Charlie? We'll be your Native American names.

It's a good question. Eats pies? Eat's pies. Oh, Eat's Pyes is back again. always full always full no never fall never fall never fall never

never fall I would be trying hard you'd be chucked trying hard no you'd be chucked to poo you'd be chucked

chucking poo throwing poo what would my one be Charlie um small small lump small lump

no it'd be gangly four eyes yeah gangly four eyes never fall and chucking poo are on their way. You're in a tpee. Can you find out... Can you pick your own one?

Well, I don't... Yeah, find out. I think it to earn it. There's a level you have to earn it. And is it like being called like Norman? Is it or is it... No, it's not like fruity. What's like a fruity?

Because I don't think people earn Norman. What's like chase or like blue? Well, that's a good point. Maybe type in some of the managed American... Yeah, is there, would someone have been called like throwing... Sky. And then someone else would be like, fuck and all you named your kid throwing poo? That's crazy.

Give the kid a charm. It's like a cold player named the Kid Apple. And he's called like, I don't know, he's called like Fat Wind. He's like, fucking give throwing per chance. We can't call together that. Yeah. The name's evolved with, uh, with milestones. But today would it be like Burger House?

Burger House? Like, does it evolve in the kind of, you know, screen time? Yeah. Screen time. Screen time. Yeah. Well, I guess my kids... Screen time here now.

Yeah, I mean, on weekends my kids are screen time. That's what I call them. Screen time. Pound and pick. Come here. Yeah, I guess it's so much about, the name actually means way more in many ways because it's like it's the things you've done in your life as opposed to just being Brian forever no matter what.

Brian forever is another one. But you know, when they call Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, they didn't call them that because of what he was going to end up being. He would have been an island paedophile in Native American tones, right? Icky massage. Yeah. Yeah. Charlie's thinking hard.

Very hard. Get the best thing. American names. Yeah, let's find out some of the weirdest American names. Weirdest Native American. Like what's, you know, if Sitting Bull is John, what's

Blaze, you know? Wild Rose, Partridge Bird. Buck Moon. Strawberry Moon. These all sound like vape flavors. Double apple. Triple mango.

Mango. Ball play. I do think they've probably got the best naming system, though. Definitely. Strange child. Crippled cricket. Peepoo milk smogs.

Lame white man. That's you. Lame white man. Crippled cricket. Crippled cricket. These often reflect personal characteristics. Well, it's kind of, I guess it's that, well, crippled cricket, right,

means someone who's got specific physical defects. Right. So I suppose their attitude to disability is quite blunt. Whereas in Britain, a fairy like, oh, you know. But they're like, yeah, fucked. No legs. Legs fucks. Oh, legs fucked is here.

Yeah. Boy Hawkinsby, like fucking... Neck pillow. Fully fucked. Fully fucked. Full body fucked, yeah. Full body fucked, yeah. Anyway, Buffalo Bill who sits down, sitting bull, becomes a Lakota warrior.

And he aids Red Cloud in his war against the US in the mid-1860s. We haven't placed this. Should we place 18... Where do you want to place it from? Well, the battle a little bit on 176. Let's start 1876. Okay, so that's... This is after Waterloo, right?

This is after the, the Polyonic Wars. And it is, it's before... Waterloo Station, surely. I don't know, I don't know. Waterloo Station was surely named after Waterloo. Yes. They did not. What's the date?

1860. 1876. No, no, no. Let's go type in water. That's tight. 1848. Fuck. Look at that.

Wow. It's after the song, Waterloo Sunset by the Kings. So 1960. Before the... Yeah, before that. Yes, you're right. Fuck, Waterloo Station, wow. It was renamed Waterloo Station in 1886.

1886? Yeah, that's when it was renamed. Ah, there you go. So I guess it does work. Yeah. So Red Cloud's War had been sparked by the US military building forts along what they called the Bozeman Trail. Yeah, which was one of the Boston Trail.

Yes, please. My friend, Tilly Garlic. This was the trail going from east through Montana and, or was that the Oregon? I don't know. I want to, that's the place I want to go most at the moment.

I'd love to do Amtrak across the, across the north. But you want to get a car and do like a road trip. That's what I'd love to do. Yeah, love to do that.

Love to do that. Amazing. is the first major engagement that establishes our second big red Indian character Crazy Horse Now he is so sitting bull He's sort of the custer of Native American He is, he's Native American custer

If Sitting Bull is the kind of spiritual leader Crazy Horse is the military guy A supreme tactician supposedly What's that? Fuck me, is that That's crazy horse. George Washington but for Native Americans. That's Mount Rushmore but it's Crazy Horse's face but that's terrifying Yeah

But no one knows what he looks like Because he refused to be photographed Now is that because he thinks the camera will capture his spirit or is that a myth? No, that's what you thought. That's what he thought. But then sitting ball was

fucking getting loads of picks. It was like getting on it. Oh yeah, sitting ball was like, oh. Yeah. Now the festman... Let me see that. Delete that.

Delete that. I look fat. Now, the Festman fight establishes crazy horse as a supreme military tactician. He leads a group of warriors to act as decoys outside a US fort.

Fetteman, Captain Fettiman, ignores orders and pursues the decoy I mean, this is classic native, like this is... This is Rourke's Drift type. This is Zulu, Horns the Buffalo. Yeah. An innovator comes in the indigenous community

and completely blind tides. Yeah. And they then get surrounded by 2000 Lakota who are hiding in the bush. Lakota is another Red Indian tribe. And the entire US attachment is wiped out in less than 30 minutes. The fallen soldiers are heavily mutilated after death

because this is... They believe the Native Americans that how your body enters the afterlife is what your body will be like in the afterlife. So they mutilate corpses. Nobless. They're always chopping knobs off and stuff.

Yeah, they are chopping knobs off, yeah. So no pussy for you, basically. Basically no pussy in the afterlife. But also like eye gouging, scalping. Who's no pussy for you, the native American? That's, that, yeah, no pussy for you. He's the guy scalping.

And then they also, they chopped testicles off and just leave them on like a rock for birds. You got her? Yeah. You got her. So they're sort of jibleting the, yeah. The American.

The thing is, There's the peaceful side and there's definitely a noble majesty to the Native Americans. Yeah, so sorry. So when Phoebe were like, why are they scared in brackets? Because they're chopping balls and knobs off.

It is easy to forget just how terrifying it must be. Yeah. These guys because of how fucking, yeah. I mean, terrifying, charging out of the forest. To chop your knob off. They're chopping your knob off.

They're on a horse. They've got arrows and axes. Everything is like, gone, club to death. Yeah. Brutal. They've also got guns, arrows, war cries.

Yeah. Terrifying. Yeah. So the Feterman massacre horrifies the US and proves that the Lakota are some of the most powerful Indians on the plains, which directly leads to the US government closing the Bossman Trail

and signing the Fort Laramie Treaty of 68, which we talked about last episode. That's the one where they say, okay, you can have the Black Hills, the sacred Honk Papa site. No white man is allowed into the Black Hills. Yeah. But sitting there.

Bull and crazy horse refused to sign the treaty. They say, I wish all to know that I do not I don't know how they sound is. Ian McKellen. Sorry? Sounds like Ian McKellen. Does sound like Ian McKellon.

It sounds like Patrick Stewart. Yeah. I could see your belly. And I was sitting all the way over there. I wish all to know that I do not propose to sell any part of my country. Yeah. So he sees the Northern Pacific Railroad as a threat to the Sioux Way of Life, the Bison, etc.

So he's right. isn't he? Yes, he's bang on. He's sharp as attack, this guy. So in the 1870s, he leads the hunk Papa warriors to sabotage lots of new white settlements. So crazy horse's proper name. I don't know how I was saying that,

but in English, it's his horse is crazy. His horse is fucking mental. His horse be crazy. His girlfriend be crazy. Bitches be crazy. Yeah. He's Oglala. Oglaglagla.

Oglaglagglo. Big crazy horse cock. Oglogog. His father was an oglog, og, og, man called worm. His mother was called rattling blanket woman. Oh, you bloody rattling blanket woman.

Now, rattling blanket woman had a sister who was called good looking woman. So, yeah. So the blokes were picking the names. So worm comes home, rattling blanket woman thinks she's being cast out, hangs herself.

Well, I know myself if I was next to good looking woman and she's rattling. She's rattling a blanket all the time. And then good looking woman marries, rattling blanket woman's ex-husband, worm,

when raised his crazy horse. So worm is given three sisters as brides by a village when he defeats a crow attack and the brides

are called iron between horns, kills enemy and red leggings. Red leggings? Yeah. Nice. So rattling blanket woman

is crazy horse's mom but he's raised by good-looking woman his step-mom. Right. Fit mom. A bit of a person. Step-mom gets caught

in washing machine. that is a redid of name so crazy cock crazy cock crazy horse falls in love with black buffalo

woman some of these names are fairy you couldn't name people these days you couldn't do that I would oh fuck I just

I would love it's a nursery similar to your way of seeing the world this is the most age of American thing about you I see yeah

good looking woman rattling blanking woman black buffalo woman like I care your name Sarah you're a fucking rattling blanket woman thick man disabled woman

yeah it's like a six year old just mummy who's that rattling blanket who's rattling blanket woman so black buffalo woman is married to a man called no water

right so one vision says he sees a warrior who says that if he dresses modestly doesn't take scalps and or touch tribes men, he'd be unharmed in battle. So he fights with a painted lighting bolt on his cheek,

sort of little Harry Potter badge as a sign of protection. That's another similarity with Custer, right? Because they both have this kind of invincibility feel about them. That's why they're so much about the charge. Yeah. They both kind of seem to have an ego where they think they're sort of destined to survive any danger, right? Yes, totally.

And so he often has his aura around him in battle. Yeah, there's aura. He's aura farming. Yeah. So he takes enemy scalps in, battle and shot with an arrow. So sitting bull and crazy horse and black buffalo woman and no legs

and throwing poo. All these people. And old fucking trolley woman. Old trolley woman. Mad woman at a bus stop. Beard a bag lady. All this stuff. They are a confederation of peoples called the Sioux. Right. And the Sioux are a group of tribes in the American Midwest

comprising the Lakota, the Dakota, the Nukota. Yeah. And their lives are, you know, buffalo. They're buffalo bother us. Yeah. As we said, they guide people's eyes out and remove limbs. after they killed them and they had the scalping now scalping is

pretty it's wincey for me it's um because they do something a bit icky about it's just a bit especially when the guy's alive I think in the battle of Little Big Horn there's someone

I know this is going to make Charlie there's someone who's alive It's like the reverse going to Turkey right yeah it is it's the opposite of Turkish hairlines yeah yeah so you go to Turkey to get a hair transplant and you go to

Dakota to get a scalp. This means you hold onto the hair and then you cut the scalp off. So just the skin right? You peel it off. So he's still got the skull? Yeah. You know, this is

collecting trophies and they think there's capturing an enemy spirit. But if you just peel the skin and hair off and it's just your skull, can you just chill like that? There is someone who survived a scalping. Get a photo up of someone. Someone who survived the scalping. If you've just got your bare skull out

can you be like, all right, mate, what's going on? What's going on? What's going up there? Yeah, probably. Yeah, what is it? It's just skin and hair. Like, what's that actually?

Just wear a hat. Yeah, look, that's a guy who survived a scalping. This is Robert McGee, and he was scalped by a Sioux warrior, age 13, chief little turtle. And we're looking at him now. And yeah, I mean, he just looks like he's had sort of brain surgery.

Yeah. Anyway, it's pretty nasty. stuff. Yeah, I'd hate that. There's, I think, in Little Bighorn, there's a guy who is alive and is getting scalped, and he grits his teeth and goes, ah, like, while it's happening. Fuck off. Like that.

What is that, is that it? Yeah. What do you think the mate? Is the only way to kind of fight it, just be like, ah. Yeah, what do you mean? What do you mean he grits his teeth, though? I'm just trying to paint a picture. Right, right, right.

He says, oh, fuck, as opposed to what being, like, or being smuggler, whatever. Yeah. Oh, wow. No, I need to be like, I needed a haircut anyway. Yeah, just the top, please. A little off the top. Yeah. Let me up where it's done.

Yeah, nothing off the size, just a bit off the top. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. That's great. Yeah. And they hold a mirror up behind you. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, brilliant.

I can see what's skull. Thanks, mate. Yeah. How much was that then? Yes. It's, yeah, it's Native American haircuts, I guess. Yeah. way. So the Sioux hate people

But is it weird, sorry, it's weird that they genetically do not have balding, but are the most in scalping. Do you think there's something going on there? That's a good point actually. So maybe it's because... They're projecting. They're projecting. I want to be bald. It's the man's desire to be bald.

Or they've never had to have any kind of haircut in their life. It's true. They've never had to sort it out. They never had to go, do you know what? I'm losing my hair. I'm just going to shave it off. No Native American had ever thought that. Yeah, Native Americans don't have any other insecurity

that most men have about going bald. So they don't understand how humiliating is to get scout. But I think if they knew what was like going bald, they probably wouldn't scout people. Yes, you're right. It's only a people who had never gone bald. That would scout people. I think that's very true.

Very true. Because if they knew, they'd be like, well, no, no, no, no, no, come on. You wouldn't do that to another man. You've already killed him. You've already cut his balls and his dick off. Don't cut, you know.

So, the student. don't like the crow the crow lands in the powder river basin who's that or is that a place no that's a place anyway they both rely on buffalo and the shoe and the shoe would kind of like push the crow out of their hunting grounds

and by the 1860s the crow felt pressed between the shoe and the white settlers and so the crow cybered the US and they become scouts for the US Army so let's get to the black hills this is the hills of colour a sacred mountain range in South Dakota,

the Plains tribes believe that the Black Hills are the spiritual center of the universe. Let's have a look, Charlie, get Black Hills up. And they pray there and they can connect

to the Great Spirit Wakantanka directly. It's sort of, yeah, I mean, it looks like someone's just done that, Stonehenge, just kind of squished in. That's about Rushmore

is in the Black Hills. Yeah. But around Mushmore was originally meant to be for Native American chiefs and then the whites were like, oh, that's a good idea, let's do that.

Right. That's probably why crazy horse. that's got his own words so the Fort Laramory Treaty 68 we talked about that guarantees the Black Hills to the Lakota which means there's no white assessments to be had there but pretty much straight away

when is it they then find gold in the Black Hills there's gold in them hills so they're like ah right about that treaty soz that's now bollocks so Kuster finds along with geologist Horatio Nelson

Ross finds gold deposits in the Black Hills. Now, this is also around the time of a massive depression in the US economy that was known as the Great Depression until the 20s

when they were like, oh no, this is really bad. Right, right, right. So basically there's a massive rush for gold and this sparks the Great Sioux War where the US had tried to, which this must be on the Ulysses S. Grant now,

they tried to buy the Black Hills back from the Lakota Which they don't really understand the idea of buying a hill. What's this money? What do you mean? Yeah. And then we're like, well, you can buy stuff. Yeah.

You know, private property. Gone Timu. Yeah. You can get that horse. And they're like, this not horse. Yeah. This big dog or whatever. This is fat wife.

Yeah. No, I'm not talking about your wife. Call my wife crazy. Ugly horse. Ugly horse. This is my wife. My name's Amanda. I do think, yeah.

I do think it would be funny to come into school or nursery and just, you know, you've had two kids you've named normally. And then one kid you've named Native American, Big Fat, Ugly or something. Jeff, Gregory, and Big Fat, Ugly. Yeah. Anyway, the Sioux Wars breakout in the, this is, but the Sue has been going on for a while. But this is basically, again, it's trying to get them into reservations. And there's ongoing skirmishes between the Sioux and the US. but Custer discovers gold in the Black Hills.

The US tries to buy the Black Hills. Sitting Bull, Bull who sits down, says no. But miners keep entering the region. No, that's not people under the age of 16. It's not Jeffrey Epstein's miners. Right, okay. This is diggers. Sure.

They form settlements, which violates the Fort Laramiemy treaties. But again, the US is such a hands-off. People just arrive and they're like, well, yeah. Well, they're not hands off to the Native Americans. They're very much hands on with the Native Americans. I mean, they signed this treaty saying whites won't settle there, but then they're not going to stop anyone from doing it. They're not enforcing it.

And then, they then issue an ultimatum to Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse, and they say, you've got to move to Centre Parks. You have to go. A sitting ball and Crazy Horse are like, I just think it's going to be really stressful. It's so expensive. It's so expensive. I could go skiing for that.

Yeah, it's so expensive. And also it's like being in a shot. shopping centre for three days. Yeah. And it's kind of like a play, it's like a sort of fairground forest, not real nature.

And that was a good point by, Crazy Horse. Yes, it is. It is very, very expensive. And, I mean, the kids were entertained,

but at what costs, you know? Yeah, it's amazing Crazy Horse had this sort of... Yeah. Well, you could see into the future.

So the issue in ultimatum in 875 saying, move to Central Parks and the Sioux and the Shue and the Shire and the Arapo,

who are three different type of Native Americans, they all unite in defiance of this at ultimatum and they are brought together under the leadership of sitting bull.

Now, I'm sat. Do you know that when people say, I'm sat? No. When someone's telling you like going on,

when the king's going off. Go off king. Cook a cook king. You will say, I'm sat, meaning like I'm listening. Yeah. God.

People don't read anymore, did they? No, God, no. West in the toilet. Yeah. Go off, King. I'm sat. I'm sat.

Is that what we're being said? I'm sating ball. Is that what you're being said at your party? I don't. I didn't hear that. You were cooking on the mic. People were like, I'm sat. I'm sat.

Sat. Sat. I'm sat down, listening. Well, standing up, but it doesn't matter. No. Spiritually sat. I'm sat. So sitting bull.

he's now he's united the Native American peoples which is very important for Little Big Horn yeah because it doesn't happen very often this is the biggest gathering of it ends up being the biggest gathering of yes and this is the great problem is that the Americans were able to until this point pick them off yeah because they're nomadic bands

you know there were Shita Masca but Citywall has united lots of them now there's a thing called a Sundance Festival which is not the film festival it's probably the opposite of that this is a sacred ritual that Plains Indians do it's a ceremony where they basically torture themselves as a way of kind of spiritual renewal

Right So pleasure through plane Pleasure through pleasure through pain Yeah Sort of summer solstice stuff Hippie bullshit Were you were you at Stonehenry recently I was at the wind?

Solstice yeah Yeah Yeah It's sort of like that but a bit more stretched out Yeah stretched out being the Being the appropriate term Physically stretched out yeah They put a skewer through their chest

two skewers and then tie the end of the skewers to a pole and then it's sort of like Morris dancing if it was directed by but also Iron Man like tough mother

such as endurance as well and the pole is adorned with symbolic items like a buffalo penis What does that symbolise? Virility Yeah and the life sustaining power

of the buffalo Yeah I mean yeah fair enough Yeah it's probably up there with the worst animals to be fucked by a buffalo Yeah Civil Back Gorilla

Yeah Yeah Yeah He'd leave me in pieces So they do They do this piercing Where the skewers are inserted To the muscles of a dancer's chest

And connected by leather thongs To this pole Yes please my friend What They become kebabs Yes Yeah It's skewers

Yeah It's native American sheesh Would you rather be fucked By a gorilla That really hated it But was like being nice to you Or a Chinat

What? What? like felt pressured into her and was doing it or like or a chinchilla or like a kind of small animal

that like what's the room at Richard Gere that he shoved chinchillas of his ass gerbils that was a fake rumor

that was a that wasn't true was it Richard Gere doesn't shove hamps up his ass oh well I'd just like to

apologize to Richard Gere because you often do these two you get bored halfway through it and it's like

you don't even finish or like a chinchilla you just want to say fuck by a gorilla. Yeah. Would you rather be fucked by a gently by a gorilla or really, like, made love to by a gorilla.

You made love to by a gorilla or really horribly by a tiny animal. I think the tiny animal couldn't do, fuck me too horribly. A bit of it made you feel worthless. No, I would, I'd take the emotional pull of a chichella just fucking like, go out.

Really. It's loving it, but it hates you. It's like, it's like repressed. Does the chinchilla think it's really? raping me. Yeah, they hate you for it.

Right. And the gorilla is making love to me, but it might feel like, I guess the problem is, the part of your question that I suppose is the central part is,

does a gorilla tenderly making love feel like rape to me? No. Whereas does a chinchilla raping me feel like it's making love? I guess that's the question, isn't it? Because I think that the

gorilla still is going to do so much damage to me. And also, I'm not attracted to gorillas, so I probably won't have a time, no matter how much he loves it. No, but it can allow you to look away from it. It just is inside you.

I would struggle. You know, if a chinchella's fucking me, I might be able to take my mind somewhere else. Probably beyond my commute. But if a gorilla's like trying to stare at me in the eyes and stroking my heart, I think that was very hot. In my head, it's the gorilla from the Cabri's advert with Phil Collins. I think it would really creep me out, actually, a gorilla just being like, like, shh.

You're really, like, bashful and like, quackettish. You're gorgeous. What would you rather? Guerrilla. No, you wouldn't. I think I would. If it was actually like, well, because you've fucked an animal either way and it might actually just be quite nice.

It might unlock, like, it might just feel. And that's the reason for doing it to unlock the fact that you like it. That's a reason not to do it. You have to live the fact that you like, because then you'll be going back to the jungle and going like, oh no. That's why I don't hug men. I hope there's no guerrillas here that are super dangerous. at least then you know what you are

I think I already know what you are I don't know if I know I am I'm sorry put in the toilet we'll let history decide our producer this episode was throwing poo who is still looking for purpose in life

anyway the Sundance Festival is um they'd lean back and pull against the thongs until the skewers tear through their skin you know it's not it's um Yeah, so I guess the endurance is to show discipline, right? And also I think they would hallucinate maybe at the end of it.

I think that's the point. What from the paint? I think so. I think, is it sitting bull cuts a bunch of bits of, like tiny bits of flesh out of his arms? Yeah, like 200 little pieces. And I said the big, the spring 1876, this is the Sundance Festival. It is at the Little Big Horn River. Right.

So this is in modern day Montana, I think. So it's around 10,000 people. huge this is the biggest Native American village has ever been so Sitting Bull performs this extreme act of sacrifice and he sits while an assistant uses an all what's an all

to cut out finger-sized pieces of flesh so like little cubes of ham Yeah he's like an Americano ham Yeah a small blade Supposedly 100 pieces of flesh from each arm Christ And following this ordeal

Sitting Ball dances for two hours until he falls into a truce And it was then that he receives his famous prophecy. He sees US soldiers falling upside down into the Lakota camp like grasshoppers from the sky. And this vision is interpreted as a guarantee of impending military victory, which I think he's made a bit of a leap there. Well, I mean, maybe he has, maybe he hasn't. But I'm just saying that people falling upside down, he's like,

oh, right, I reckon we'll win then. But, you know, history proved that he probably, he probably did see it right. Yeah. So I suppose, yeah, it's, I guess Native American, it's an Native American tough mother,

but it is more romantic than a, yeah, than a sort of, you know, middle management. They do all work together a lot of them,

so it's sort of like doing, you're doing it with your colleagues. Yes, the Sundance Festival. So why is the American, why is the film festival called Sundance? I mean,

the place is called Sundance. Oh, is in the Sundance Kid? Is that really what is, butchcasting the Sundance Kid? I think the place is called Sundance. It's got nothing to do with a

oh right okay fine well there you go what's the name for that what what when that happens

like false equivalency is that right no he wasn't at he wasn't at coincidences is a tortology is a tortology

no it's coincidence false equivalency is another chief yeah false equivalency is another character in the story he comes in the next episode he's a bit

he's a bit of a fucking pretentious nov actually yeah he is false equivalency is a bit much I think you know he's not a laugh like throwing poo oh yeah

that's a false a christmas I did so anyway sitting bull the bull who sits down and the bull who sat bull and cook king and throwing poo and crazy horse cork and stepmom get stuck in washing machine

they're all in this big village by the mouth of the little big horn river and in our next episode we will see if sitting bull prophecy comes true. Will, you know, what happens when Custer, who by the way is, has been trying to make his millions in New York,

haven't we talked about that. He basically, he'd been an influencer. He has. Custer, all the while. Instagram baddie. He's been trying to, it's Guild of Age America. He's been trying to, like,

he's been playing the stock market. He's been playing the stock market. He's losing all the money. He's got fuck all. And it's 1876. It is 100 years since the Declaration of independence and there is a big ceremony

going to happen on the 4th of July 8776 as like the American Centennial and Custer's thinking I want to be so I want to have defeated

the Plains Indians to get to that ceremony and walk in as a hero because he wants a political career as well Custer It's got with eyes on a bigger office So all roads

are pointing to a big showdown at the Battle of Little Big Horn on. That episode, where we will deal with that battle and its aftermath, those episodes are already on our Patreon where for three pounds a month, you too can be known as fat, ugly thick. That's what all our patrons are called. Fedora patron, fat ugly patron, smelly patron, disabled thick. Yeah, yellow armpits.

Basement, yellow armpits, hairy back basement. you know, all these Native Americans that we subscribe. Ham out the packet. Ham out the... Crusty cum sock. You know.

They are all, you know, you can join the army. It is the biggest Native American village has ever been our patient. We're nearly at 30,000. We need to have a gathering

in the planes. Terrifying. In the planes, we do. Yeah. The smell. Christ. They'll, yeah, join the patron.

We're nearly at 30,000. nearly the biggest in the UK. That's pretty good. Insane, isn't it? It's not bad. You can't say that's bad. That's bad. We might be bad for culture, but it's not bad.

It's definitely indicative of something very bad. But as an achievement, nonetheless, it's impressive. It is an achievement. So sign up to the Patreon to get access to those two episodes and our bonus series on the history of Mormonism, which is all happening around this all time in the 19th century America. Anyway, if not, we'll see you on Monday when we finally get to the Battle of Little Big Horn.

Little Bob's Hornie. Little Bob's Horny. Custer Takey on the Indians. See you then. Goodbye. Yeah.