Fin vs History - The Man Who Conquered Borat | Genghis Khan (Part 1)
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Well, welcome back to Finn vs. History.
As ever, I'm joined by Horatio Gould.
Today we're talking about Genghis Khan.
It's Mongolia, it's the Middle Ages,
it's who gives a shit squared from my point of view.
You're in the middle of nowhere.
You're, you found yourself with your pants around your ankles.
I'm completely lost.
I'm completely lost.
I don't know where we are.
I don't know what's going on.
You entered into more neurodivergent history now.
Alone on the step.
I'd say I'm meeting the Oracle of autism.
I deen
I
Dina
Oh my
That explains to people
That's Mongolian throat singing
To people who have lives
And mortgages and families
And jobs
What have you just been doing
Finn's been deeply uncomfortable
With my Mongolian throat singing
He does not feel like
He's been whisked away
To an exotic land
Instead he just feels
No I feel completely under threat
I feel very closed off
Body language wise
Why what's Mongolian throat singing
It's traditional Mongolian music
But they sing just from this weird
like, I mean, that's all it is, really.
Right, okay.
So it's, you can make two sounds at the same time.
Exactly.
It's kind of like a unique way of singing.
But I guess it's because we...
In the same way that screaming is quite unique way to me.
Exactly.
It's not far away.
Well, that singer's got a very unique way of doing it,
but she just screams for an hour.
So Finn's going to be quite uncomfortable for this little series here.
I guess because we also, we view history differently,
like a lot of the way that I've gone into history.
is I will just, I have just stared at the globe by my bed
and said what the fuck was going on there.
Yeah.
And that's just not how you've done it.
Well, my globe is, um, it doesn't turn.
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, my globe.
It's just Britain, America, Europe, and then Africa.
Exactly.
And I, that's the pocket I offered in.
Yeah.
And then all the, the, the British Empire, its greatest extent.
Yeah, I've got blinkers on, really.
But we're in, Genghis Khan.
Now, that's not how you pronounce it, Finn.
Chingis Khan.
Chengis Khan, which is close, isn't it?
Chengis Khan.
Turns out Chingis Clark.
I mean, that's what my dad's been calling him for years.
Yes.
So he was right, it turns out.
Anyone who's not white on the TV.
He was just pointing at random Chinese people saying Chingus Khan.
So I think it's slightly different.
Annoyingly, it feels like you can't get this name right because whatever way you say it, someone will correct you.
So I think the official, the top level autistic pronunciation is Chengus Han.
So we're going to be, Chengis Han.
Isn't it?
I thought it was Chingis.
Chingis.
But you're saying Chengis.
Chingis.
Chingis Khan.
Chengis Khan
Right, okay
But then I haven't heard anyone say
Apart from that one podcast
We both listen to
So now most people are going to think
And also calling it a podcast
Is giving it a lot of credit
It's a four hour monotone
Part one
Part one
Fuck, let me
Four hours part one
I had to stop it so many times
It felt like
researching this felt like
I had been
It feels now
This podcast feels like
I'm in a book group
and I've been given like a Terry Pratchett novel
and I gave up
and I now have to talk about it
the characters
The tables have hands
There's elephants holding up the globe
I don't know what the fuck's going on
I'll be honest
The other thing about this
Is that because there are people like you
Who really like Genghis Khan
Or Chingish Khan
Oh yeah yeah it's a bit of red flag
Yeah it's a major red flag
Because I'm sure a lot of school shooters as well
They have books about Jenkins Khan
Exactly but what is quite funny is that
It's about as true as the Bible.
Yeah.
In that everything...
The secret history is all based of one book.
Everything we think we know about this guy was a copy of a copy of a copy of a Chinese copy of something.
And the Soviets try to destroy that copy and so it's hidden by monks.
Because the Mongolia was run by the Soviet Union, which people don't really think...
Because you don't really think about Soviet Mongolians, right?
I've got to be honest.
I'm not 100% convinced Mongolia exists.
Sure.
I don't think it's a real place.
Yeah.
Can you name another Mongolian?
Not another one, but there's only...
That's what I mean.
That's what I mean.
So, Mongolia...
Do you know anyone who's been there?
Oh, no.
There's the Mongol Rally.
Do you know what the Mongol Rally is?
So I guess people, those people go there.
But you can't call it that anymore, can you?
What do you have to call it?
Down syndrome driving school.
Is that the politically correct term for it?
That's syndrome driving school.
Do you want to explain what Down syndrome driving school is to...
to this
it's well
I put it this way
when I see that sign
on the car in front of me
I slow right down
I'm not
I'm not pressurizing them at all
you can't say that
the Mongol rally is
it's like posh guys from Kent
driving to Mongolia right
yeah it's what a certain breed
of person I went to school
with doesn't their gap here
they get a collapsed out car
and the idea is you like
pimper up a bit
and you're only allowed to spend
like five grand on a car and it has to basically be shit and then you have to drive it
through some of the most dangerous places.
Yeah.
Which currently would include an active war zone.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Which is a very, that's how like Thatcher's son, you remember thatcher's son?
Mark Thatcher.
Yeah, when you go missing, it's just like, posh people, you just, there's the urge to drive
into war zones.
There's an entitlement that this will be fine.
I can't, I won't get, I'll drive through a war zone and won't get a shot.
I've never had any problems in my life.
I went to Marlborough.
my dad's got a box at lords i'll be fine so when you think mongolia what are you thinking of
i'm not i'm never thinking about it this is the first time i've thought about it well so mongolia is
the most sparsely populated country in the world it's where it's chinese whales right yeah i guess
so it's wales in china okay yeah to to china it's wales well i guess china has quite a few wales
that's kind of their problem because tibet could be their wales Taiwan could
be their whales you know no no Tibet's Cornwall because they're trying to break free yeah in terms of
like it's sparse it's desolate yeah um gangis Khan is gangis Khan is there Tom Jones right yeah he's the guy
he's like a 100 foot statue of Genghis Khan in Mongolia and he's he's considered the father of
the nation today and he's saying in Wales that's Tom Jones Tom Jones standing his great
imperial statue yeah yeah they both I mean because everyone in Wales has DNA shares
and A with Tom Jones.
And Tom Jones is responsible for the carbon footprint of Wales, dipping slightly.
So, yeah, right.
So the Mongol...
Sorry.
We must assume that people listening are like me and they have jobs and mortgages
and they look people in the eye when they speak.
Where is Mongolia?
Mongolia is on the border between Russia and China and now acts as a sort of buffer state.
It is huge, but it is genuinely the most sparsely populated country in the world.
Three and a half million people over there.
It's basically as far, parts of Mongolia is as far away from the sea as you can get in the world.
Like that centre of Asia is far from the coastline.
And Genghis Khan is like the one Mongolian that ever really, anyone ever gave a fuck about.
When does he exist?
About 1,100s to 1,100, 1,100, 1,200s.
Okay, so the, we're talking.
It's the Middle Ages.
Christ, here we are.
Back again.
Born in 1162.
Okay, so 1162.
So for context, that is, that's after Jerusalem.
has gone Muslim.
Right.
Gone woke.
They've gone woke.
Jerusalem's gone woke.
It's before Stuart Pierce's penalty in Euro 96.
Right.
Yeah, that place is it.
Before Psycho really came to it.
Stuart Pierce, in many ways, England's Genghis Khan.
Yeah, but I think if you spoke to Chengus about Stuart Pierce, he would, yeah, you
would absolutely have no idea what he'd do.
You'd probably kill him.
Probably.
Who, is that someone I haven't killed yet?
Yes, exactly.
What is your feelings around the character of Chengus Khan?
Is he the angriest guys ever lived?
right yeah maybe yeah i mean the the story that you listen to about his life is sort of i mean it's
not really we don't know no one knows if it's true sure it's like a sort of it the whole thing
is basically a fantasy piece sure really which is why i struggle with it yeah because it is
essentially mongolia is essentially westeros right and you every time a tribe is mentioned i'm
like who the fuck are they yeah yeah this is why i don't like reading fantasy novels because
the author assumes that you're in their head and you can understand what mad shit they're
inventing. Well, Pierre Navelli had that great bit about when he gave up reading fantasy books
is when he was so autistic comedian Pierre Navelli got so into fantasy worlds right. And it was
when he was working out the currency of the exchange between two made-up tribes and it was like
this needs to, because none of this ever happened. But I have a similar thing when I would play
football manager as a kid, I would be on the toilet
and I would be rehearsing
how I was going to tell my
goalkeeper that was benching him
for the league cup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's straight fantasies.
Yeah, it's neurotypical.
Autism in a weird way.
So, okay, so...
But it does give you a peek into what
life was like on the step, I guess.
There is, there's not all complete fantasy.
There is...
It's not completely pulled out their ass.
Like, this is still...
I guess the reason we know it's true
is because at some point some Europeans
were harassed by
some fucking terrifying fuckers
and so we can
I believe them
I believe them
Right so you believe the only
white people in the store
Yes
I believe their words
And then
because otherwise it's like
Was it a French person
Found it originally
A French, there's a French book
That's why it's gang
Everyone says Gengis
Yeah
Because a French person
It was Chingis
But this time this happened
The Mongols didn't have
I don't care about the name either
Because I just like
Yeah who cares
it's whatever.
Well, he didn't even know.
Even his name.
His name's Tamugin.
Timujin.
All right.
Wow.
Well, no, I don't know.
Temogen.
I've never.
Temogen.
Yeah.
So he's born in the Mongolian step.
So the Mongolian step is the, a step is, the, a step is, would you know what
a step is geographically, Charlie?
It's good to test our thickest viewer with Charlie.
It's like having, to see what people would know.
Charlie's just a fucking actual step.
Charlie's just Google the word step.
No.
Charlie.
This is Charles.
Charlie who didn't know the Titanic sang
and he didn't know that Jack the Ripper
was an unsolved murder.
What's the Mongolian step, Charlie?
Is it a ridge? Is it like a big hit?
A step is, no, I understand why you've thought that
because of the other word step.
It's actually the opposite.
Basically, step geographically is a long grassland and plain, right?
So it's just you've got steps in America,
that's where like the prairie is and all that sort of stuff.
Yeah.
But in Asia, this is it, the step goes from literally the Ukraine
all the way to Manchuria and North Korea, basically.
And it's all flat.
It's this huge flat grassland.
And in there, in this arid, far away from the sea,
is the Mongolian step,
which I think is one of the maddest places to live this period.
It just, I think why I like this story is because it feels so different
to how we live now.
And I find it so truly terrifying.
It's kind of like as well, because no one in this period,
when you know what, you know, you know, you know.
I've just seen Charlie's Google's.
Do they have a lot of cows in Mongolia?
Charlie's just doing his own podcast by himself.
They're more cows than people.
Yeah, definitely, because it's like a great herding region
because you've got loads of empty fields.
You know when you meet someone truly thick
and you're like, what?
He's right there, for price of sakes.
He's right there.
Charlie's brain is the Mongolian step.
That's what, yeah.
And I weirdly find hearing these stories about it,
I find there is a peacefulness about this,
even though it's terrifying and brutal,
The landscape I find quite like exhilarating in a way.
It's just these huge open planes.
There's nothing going on.
There's just nothing going on.
Maybe a couple of cows.
It's absolutely terrifying.
Yeah, because there's no shade at all.
No shade, yeah.
And also, if someone's coming, you've got a 360 panorama to defend.
There's no law that might is right.
And as we'll hear from the beginning of the Changs' story,
It's like just the social rules of the Mongolian step are truly,
they're quite funny, they're quite funny, but truly, truly, truly terrifying.
So should we get into it?
So the story starts with Chang's Khan's mother, right?
And I'm going to tell the story as it's true.
As if it's true.
As if it's true.
Yeah, as if it's true.
Suspend your disbelief.
We are entering into a parallel universe.
So basically, Chengx Khan's mother was, his father traveled to his mother's tribe because apparently
there's lots of fit women there, right, famously. So he'd gone there to pick up a wife. So he found
a wife, impregnated her and was taking her home. Now, it's quite dangerous, just traveling
in this period, right? She's going with his, uh, Jenghis Khan's pregnant in his wife. Sorry,
James Carter's not pregnant.
His dad's going with his pregnant wife.
And they're travelling.
And then a sort of in-cell Mongolian hunter, Mongolia,
sees a woman with a man and thinks, well, I could do with another wife.
Yes.
So he gets his brothers and they start going after this husband and wife and pregnant.
The husband and pregnant wife.
basically to save himself
the wife says
basically to the husband
you need to fuck off
because otherwise we're by all dead
so he immediately just fucks off
don't tell me twice
I don't need to be told twice
see you later on
scroll down
because there's a quote
from a book I was reading
two poor to afford presents
to make a marriage
with the wife such as Hoolan
Hohan that's Genghis Khan's mother
and perhaps unwilling
to perform bride service
for her parents
the hunter chose the second most common way
of obtaining a wife
on the step, kidnap.
Yeah.
So wife stealing is a concept is a thing.
Yeah, it's, you only have a right to defend.
You only have right to what you can defend, basically.
So if you can't hold on to your wife, it's completely fair game.
There's not, the idea of like police or anything like that, there's just, it's, it's, it is
completely, it's lawless.
People think the Wild West is lawless.
There's still sheriffs there.
This is just.
What's quite funny is that, so the man who's Nick who nicks the wife.
Yeah.
It's generally called you're so gay.
Now, if I would be named, you're so gay,
I would be stealing other people's wives
to try and prove the fact that I'm not gay.
Yeah.
I mean, this is another reason I think it's a fantasy book.
The names are fucking ridiculous.
And so...
You're so gay, Nick's, Genghis Khan's mum.
Chingus Khan's mum.
And also, so you might think of this whole region
is they're all Mongols.
Mongols are a tiny, quite irrelevant part.
Come on, please.
Of the step peoples.
Because they are hunter people who live further north
Kind of around Siberia
It's cold, you don't have good herding
So they're hunters basically
And the story of the step is that the horses
Yes
These people love a horse
Yeah
They're the best horse riders in the world
Now is that why the term
Arguably where the beginning of
The domestication of horses started
Was on the step
And is that why Mongoloid becomes an abusive term
Because they love horses as well
Yeah I think so
Do you actually know the history of Mongoloid
I was looking into it earlier today
That's one of the few things of this
I was interested
Like some early scientific racism thing.
They split the world into three types.
There's Caucasoid.
Yeah, Mongoloid.
I'm not going to say the other one.
But weirdly, Caucasoid covers all Middle East
of people who are put in with white people,
which I thought was quite aggressive.
Yeah.
So there's only three types that they're covering all people.
So they're saying like...
So there's white, there was Asian and black,
but then they basically said Asian was disabled.
Is that what they did?
I don't know when the Mongolia
I guess so
Because at some point
That's what that word means
Anyway we'll get into the history of racism
On a later episode
My friend genuinely
Quite a thick friend at school
Yeah thought Mongolians were called Mongoloids
He thought that was like
The people from Mongolia are Mongolians
Yeah exactly
But the Mongols are just one tribe
One small quite irrelevant tribe
Scavengers
There's the Tartars as well
There's the Tartars
Yeah
There's the Tartas sauce
Bigger, much bigger tribe
But they're like
they have rich herding culture
and that's where Genghis Khan's
biological father's from I think
and he's it got stolen by
his wife got stolen by a Mongolian hunter
right right and dragged to this
awful part of the step where the Mongols
live basically so
Holon, pregnant
just got married
but it's so commonplace that
that sounds like the most traumatic
traumatized thing ever maybe it was but
just culturally
All right, well, I've got a different husband now.
Oh, okay, yeah, see ya.
You're just bundled into the back of someone's horse,
and it's so commonplace that it's like, it's not like,
she's just like, yeah, this is my new husband.
How's your wedding? Why've got kidnapped?
Ah, well.
Right.
And she even said that, apparently, when he left.
It was like, you're going to find someone else.
It's fine.
So they're like, see her.
Because I guess that she didn't want to marry him in the first place,
because he just took her and.
And she was also 14.
Right.
And the kind of the key birthing age
him, the Mongolian step was like
from the age of 12 to 19.
Here we go.
This is some real hebeophile stuff.
Past 19.
For key birthing age of the Mongolian book.
Past 19, you're considered like an old woman, basically.
Yeah.
So, yeah, as soon as you're 12, that's like...
19, you're a raggedy old mill.
Yeah.
12 to 14 is peak.
Yeah. It's a peak.
On the Mongolian step, let's say you mature very fast.
Yeah.
Well, I guess...
I mean, the concept of consent isn't really a thing
at this point, is it?
But it's close.
You know, when you say,
see, I don't know, because even hearing about
Cheng's early life as well,
when you see a giraffe being
born and it's running straight out.
It's much closer to that
with these, because you just had to come out swinging.
Right, yeah. I mean, or like when you saw
you know that planet Earth where those lizards
are bought hatched and immediately
attacked by snakes as they're running.
Oh yeah, yeah, I see that one. Yeah. That's kind
of what it's like growing up on the step. So you come out
and then immediately just start. That's what a lot of the maddest stuff
he did was when he was 10 years old.
You're like, because it, because yeah, it's like,
dog years, 10 years is essentially
just 30. Yeah.
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And they're nomadic peoples who move with the seasons, the step people.
So there's no cities.
No, it's all tense.
They're all, you know.
They're all gypsies, basically.
It's all green man.
festival you know smelly very smelly moving around horses and tents basically that's what we're doing
with isn't it yeah it's a middle-class camping holiday yeah yurts yeah well they actually called
gurs and so she gets taken back and she's just one of the guy who kidnapped hers wives he's got
many wives which is commonplace yeah and is he kind of like lesooing her what's the kidnap look what's
you can lesu but i think uh because he just fucked off the she just accepted it yeah you know right
But also like when you're traveling and you just see you see a guy in the distance and you're like he's probably going to rape and kill me. Like if you see like it's a huge field. You won't see anyone for days and you see one person. You're like, well, he's definitely going to kill me. If there's a dot on the horizon, you're worried. You're dead. Yeah. Absolutely terrifying. So she's kidnapped by you're so gay. Yeah. Who's actually incredibly straight, it seems. And he then is essentially Jenghis Khan's stepfather.
Yeah, and he's called Temerchin, right?
Yeah, he's stepfather, but he doesn't know his actual father,
so he's just close to a father as he's going to have.
He calls Genghis Temagim, which is his actual name,
because he'd just kill the guy in battle called Temejin.
Right.
And he would to honor that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They grow up.
Tremagin is born.
I like this.
Temmigin's born holding a blood clad.
A blood clad.
Pussy clad.
He's got a blood clot in his fist and everyone thinks this guy is going to be a rapper.
Yeah.
This guy's going to grow up to lay down some sick lines, some sick verse.
Yeah, he's such a, Chengis is such an alpha that he came out holding, he like grabbed on.
He just sort of ripped his mum's in and that's out.
So growing up as the kind of bastard, because he's not this guy's actual son.
You're also gay's actual son.
So Yorso Gay's actual sons would make fun of Chenghis a lot.
Which is weird because their dad is literally called Yorso Gay.
Exactly.
That's what would be the first thing I would have.
have and to end this tension because obviously he's like right well these boys even though
they're eight years old they are going to grow up and kill each other yeah so you also gay
takes um his son to find a wife in a different tribe finds this woman called borta what a beautiful
name clearly clearly looker yeah this gorgeous woman borta and they're they're they're all like
eight years old right that sounds like a sort of um like sypriot yogurt yeah burrta yeah it sounds like in
your local turkish supermarket that's like one of those it sounds like that thing that
Yeah, they have these tubs where you're like...
Miss Mongolia's been brought up.
Charlie's got Miss Mongolia right,
just as an example of what Borta may have looked like.
Mm-hmm.
I cannot imagine she was anything other
than an absolute cube of a woman called Borter.
You think so?
I think they're quite attracted to the Mongolian women.
No, I'm not saying Mongolians are unattracted.
I'm saying the name Borter.
Yeah, if you're calling it, if you're raising a daughter,
you can't be calling her...
I mean, is it just because it rhymes a daughter?
Yeah.
Borto Dorda.
It's like people who call a dog rover.
You're like, you put a second of thought into this.
Yeah.
I think you've got to, when you're naming a woman,
you've got to like try for a pretty name.
Like you just think,
I think less hard consonants.
Morta.
It's like,
throwing up scrambled eggs.
Yeah, it's Brezhnev throwing up scrambled eggs.
It's a middle age man who's got indigestion on boxing day.
Yeah, yeah.
It's that internal burp that my dad does.
Yeah, my dad does a lot.
It's acid reflux.
He keeps speaking, he'll be speaking.
and while he's speaking,
you'll,
oh,
God,
it does do that.
So Timurgin finds
this gorgeous girl
called
which, remember,
they're both eight.
Yep.
And even,
the interesting thing
is that they stay
married for life,
right?
Even though,
I mean,
obviously he has sex
with a million women.
Well, it's easy
to stay married for life
when you can have
20 wives
and you can fuck whoever you want.
Yeah, I guess so.
And you can kidnap someone.
Funny enough,
the male urge
to stay with,
like,
monogamy is quite easy
when it's,
when it's not monogamous.
yeah but she she stays in the picture you know he respects her a lot it doesn't for such a like
brutal man he has a lot of respect for his first wife yeah anyway so they find that uh he's he's staying
with borta being raised by that family i think on the way back the dad uh uh is sees this party
of tartars right tartar party you know yeah they're having a great time they're eating lamb right
he's hungry they're drinking it seems like a great you know vibe and what they drink
is they drink fermented horse milk.
Yeah, which I imagine...
Don't threaten me with a good time.
It's called, like, what's it called?
Yeah, I forgot it was called.
Cushion or something.
Yeah.
Stinky horse milk.
Stinky horse milk ferment is so stinky
that you can get drunk off it.
Yeah, and Borta sounds like
the kind of yogurt product
of fermented horse milk.
And he's on his way back
because I imagine, you know,
to go from place to place,
you'll travel like three days, right?
And he sees this lit pie.
Also, you say place, there's no places.
No, it's just all...
It's...
tense.
It's all on, um, when you're in like a loading lobby of a video game and you're just kind
of walking into a negative space.
It's literally a sandbox.
Yeah, yeah.
There is just endless sand.
Is it, is grassy?
It's all grassland.
Right, right.
And so basically the only thing that can grow there, because it's so far from the sea,
is like a couple of types of grass.
Yeah, that's why it's all just one thing.
So these people are eating grass and then horses and then they're drinking the, the stinky
horse milk to get drunk.
Yeah.
Now, Temergin is named.
after a tartar who was killed by his father yet you're so gay yeah yeah so he knows that he doesn't
want people to know that he's killed tartars but he still wants to have a good time yeah so he sneaks in
yeah starts partying with everyone and then a couple of them realize it's him now how how are they
realizing that i don't know right i mean i guess i mean i don't know how anyone knows anyone no
but i imagine it's because there's there's like 300 people where are you from well none of us are
from anywhere and he's pissed yeah and i'm pissed yeah where are you from what do you mean where
Where'd you grow up?
You know the bit where the sky doesn't end?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And so they poison him and kill Changs' his new stepdad.
You're so gay.
So Your So Y'O-Gay gets poisoned, which is quite a gay way of dying, I guess.
It is quite a gay way of dying.
So after the death of Yorso-Gay, basically then, everyone assumes that, right,
well, Holon and Jengis, I mean, not Jeng, or Timergin, and they have some brothers,
presumably, as well.
Everyone assumes that they're all dead because they haven't got Y'O-Sah to look after them.
Yeah.
And then Holo...
It's one of the least woke times...
Yes.
Ever.
On the Mongolian step.
And we did the Jack the Ripper episode
and we're talking about how like
any unmarried woman is a prostitute, right?
And that felt quite old-fashioned.
But because her husband had died,
this single mother with five kids,
the whole clan said,
look, no one else wants to shag you.
So we're just going to leave you by this river.
You're 19. You're over the hill.
Yeah.
You know, you're no longer a milf.
Disgusting, disgusting, feted 19-year-old.
She's got five, eight-year-old kids.
Yeah.
And the whole, the whole clan just go see you.
Yeah.
And they just all pick up their tents and fuck off, basically.
Because this is, because.
Leave them to die, basically.
Right.
But she then, uh, she forages, I heard wild garlic.
Yeah.
Onion leaves.
Yeah, sound quite French.
And onions, I think.
Yeah.
And that's what they live off as a family.
Yeah.
For like the winter.
Yeah.
garlic onions
so I mean
it's quite funny
that Jenghis Khan
fucked a lot of people
when he probably had the worst breath
of anyone that's ever lived
outside of France
they then get to the
what the spring
and well they survive
a couple of years basically
even though they should have basically died
in the winter
and he befriends a kid
from another tribe
because I mean they are still coming
into contact with other tribes
in the area
and there's a rule that if you hang out
with a new tribe
the tribe can't they're meant to like
welcome give you hospitality right there's a lot of these kind of step rules and like yeah uh but
he befriends this guy called yamaka it feels like they're older than they are but they're all like
eight years old but you know their hunters they're they're much more mature and you know they wouldn't
be doing edinburgh shows about struggling to adulting you know you know that that they're getting
on with it yeah you know that trend of like kind of millennial women in their 30s talking about
how they don't feel i don't feel like an adult paying the bills is adulting
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all that sort of stuff.
Like, I'm such a hot mess, you know, all that kind of things.
These guys aren't doing that.
They're 10, they've had three kids.
Yeah, and they're slaughtering a horse.
So he meets Jamulka, who he becomes blood brothers with.
Yeah.
Which is kind of a relationship that's even more important than your actual brother.
Yeah.
Which is when you become such busy mates of the guy, which is kind of gay.
Yes.
That you swap fluids.
Yeah, exactly.
That you slice your hand and you,
lock and it's sort of like you are now basically as good as brothers right now his older brother
begter you know the one that uh he's you also gay thought he was going to have some tensions
with yes it becomes clear that because begta's the oldest yeah eventually begter is going to start
shagging cheng's his mom as is the rules of the step so the rules are yeah and there's a lot of
fruity rules yes there's a lot of fruity rules weirdly we nowadays sort of have the opposite
The old skits to shagg mummy.
Yeah.
We sort of have the opposite rules now, really.
Where if your dad dies, you are allowed to, you have a claim to any of his wives that aren't your mum.
Yes.
And because Holon is not begged as mum, but it's Timmergen's mum.
Yeah.
Timmergen's like, ah, shit, you're going to find my mum.
But also, to be fair to them, you know, your mum is only like 12 years older than you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like when you have a fit teacher at school, when they're not fit, they're just not 60.
Do you know what I mean?
They're just like, they're 30.
You're thinking of mum as a mum someone's like 30 years older than you, but this is like,
you're basically the same generation.
But also everyone, everyone's wearing the same clothes.
Everyone looks pretty similar.
There's nine people that you're meeting.
Yeah.
I mean, it's kind of, there's a gender neutral paradise, really.
Yeah.
So, uh, Chengis and Yamukkah, because it's like I, and I would, I would not like my brother to fuck my mom as well.
do, I do empathize with Chenghis here.
Yeah.
That would, you know, that would piss me off.
They, uh, they kill Begta, right?
And it's kind of like, that was, if they didn't,
Jengis would be, uh, under servitude to a, his older brother, who's also fucking his
mom.
So it was kind of like the only way, the options he had.
So him and, is it Jamika?
Yeah.
So they go, so they're all, they're all by the river.
Yeah.
They do him without bows and arrows.
Yeah.
Is that right?
I think so something like that's more like, like, either more honorable or less
honorable. And they, no, they leave him to die. Yeah, because there's a big fear of like spirits and
touching blood. Yeah, touching blood. There's kind of like a moral panic around AIDS in Mongolia. They don't want to
touch. Infected, the infected blood scandal. Yeah. There's a couple of bug chasers who, you know,
they, they will touch the blood for the thrill of it. Yeah, disgusting. Yeah, like we used to have AIDS
parties. Yes. You used to, when one has used to, when we used to have AIDS parties. Before this
podcast, me and Finn, used to have AIDS parties. You don't want to get mixed up with that and a kid's
party.
Yeah.
And it's easy to do
because they sound
so similar.
Well, my weekend
diary is very,
you got a
You wouldn't believe
well I took the kids
to an AIDS party
by mistake.
You got a colour code.
Yeah.
The two different things, right?
I was meant to go
to Ruth's third birthday party.
I ended up taking it
to a jigolo house
in Soho
and we've all got AIDS now.
So now he's on the run
though because you can't be
you can't be killing
lads like this, right?
Which I know,
it feels like the Wild West
but yeah.
Go on.
So, okay,
I don't really understand
why he has to run because surely now he's why is he not big dog he's big dog within his own
family yeah but his family are nothing compared to the other families in the surrounding area
or the other clans or tribes yeah and if they find that you've killed the head of your family
it's clearly going to be you is oh because begged us the head of the family he's the head of the family
yeah he's the oldest boy even though he's 10 years old yes fine right and wants to fuck his mom
yeah so it's all and his dad's called you also go somehow he's the main guy so he's the main guy so
goes on the run and gets captured by another clan who's subordinate to the clans who
who's after him right yeah he gets put into stocks like a big like wooden board around his head
basically put into servitude right i know i couldn't visualize this bit like because they said
wooden board but then someone else said like it was like a yoke what's a yoke well the way you'd
like you'd operate like a cow would wear a yoke to run a plow probably yeah but then i'm also thinking
is he just got a massive like i imagine it
it like this where you've got three holes in the plank two for your hands one for your head
because part of me thought he had like a sandwich board like free golf sale or whatever
you know oh or like a shakutri board no like there's guys that stand in lester square
with a sandwich board saying uh you know comedy like this way yeah yeah yeah so you had to
like fly a full he's flying for top secret as a punishment for killing his older brother
he was captured by the 99 club yeah yeah and um what are they making
him do um i mean i'll probably either having him as a slave uh although i i don't actually know if
they like put him to work or he was just uh kept there as a prisoner right right and then on one
of the big uh parties these guys were having they're like well we're all going to have a good time
no one wants to watch this guy let's leave him with the down syndrome kid right right so he gets um
now in this context who's the down syndrome kid you'd struggle yeah yeah yeah what what
So someone who actually has Down syndrome.
Sorry, right, okay.
They're like, we'll leave him with him, you know.
And this is when Chenghis sees his time to escape.
He uses his wooden board and smacks the Down syndrome and him on the head.
Oh, that's not fair.
It's not fair.
That's not fair. That's not fair.
This is when I realized that maybe Changs is not the progressive I thought he was.
No.
He jumps in the river and sort of uses the board to sort of float down the river.
Right.
And then finds a family who, you know, took pity on him and they take the board off him.
he basically escapes right and like a lot of this is all of the original rules of
Mongolian kind of culture and stuff seem to have sort of failed him and that's why he's
so revolutionary with the ideas that he brings in and so devastating when
uniting the Mongol tribes because the caste system and kingship bonds all this sort of
stuff have completely failed him like the people who are meant to be his family have
turned on him abandoned him right and then strangers have taken pity on him
And that's really shaped the way that he's used it.
So he now thinks, well, why don't we get the strangers on board?
Well, it's more like, why don't we do things on meritocracy?
Why don't we base it on, you know, people on these really archaic rules of first born, second
one and stuff like that.
He does away with that later in life.
Right.
And that's what makes his kind of tribes and forces so much more devastating.
I see.
Because it's based, like anyone, you can code from being a slave to being a top commander if you're.
So he is quite progressive.
A lot of things he's very progressive.
Genuinely for the time.
his empire is about religious freedom
he does know
it's basically one of the earliest
kind of empires to have
kind of complete religious freedom
partly because
the Mongolians they're not really
there's not much of a culture
that they're spreading
so I guess it's kind of easy
to be like that you know
because they are brutes in a
in a tent
yeah they like horses
yeah so it's like
hey this religion
can we still have a horse
yeah fine I don't care
I just want to be left
I was going to be left in peace to fuck my horse probably
and then drink its spicy titty milk
and get off on it.
So he floats down river
and then he gets freed by some random family
and then somehow he makes it back to his home tribe.
Now this bit, I'm like, how the fuck's he done that?
Yeah.
Where is he?
Where does he know where he is?
How can he find anything?
Well, I guess if you grow up on there,
it's like animals knowing how to go home, you know?
Like elephant migration patterns.
You can look at the big sky
and can tell where you are.
That's, yeah, crazy.
Yeah.
Because there's no landmark at all.
Yeah, there's no,
there's no, there's not, there's not,
like, oh, you see where the shard is.
Yeah.
It is just a big, great expanse.
And it feels like you probably sees people
really far away as well.
Right.
You probably be like, well,
I can see him over there.
Yeah, some dots over there.
So then he marries, uh, the great beauty,
Borta.
He marries Borta.
Yeah.
Finally he's reunited with his love.
And I think at this point,
He must be like 12 years old now.
All of this has happened.
And he finally gets to marry his beloved pot of sour yogurt.
But she gets kidnapped.
And this seems to be quite like a basically.
Some people have eaten some spicy dinner and they're quite like something to cool their mouth down.
But like how it seems to happen is that you're, so that they'd got drunk and they were all sleeping in their tents.
And then they hear galloping hooves.
Yeah.
And immediately all the men just run away and leave all the women.
Because they know that if they stay, they're going to die.
So it's just like, you're hung over and immediately it's like,
it's not even considered cowardly as like the smart thing to do.
It's just to leg it.
So you just leave everything for them to take and hope that you can live to fight another day.
Yeah, I mean, some of these rules would be quite good to bring back, I think.
If there's a knock, a postman arrives at the door, right, got to go.
But just like, it's like you've spent all night drinking fermented milk, you're pissed.
You wake up with white Russians, basically.
I imagine the hangovers are.
particularly throbbing
from the fermenting...
It's a Glastonbury day four hangover.
Yeah, it's literally, you're in a tent.
Yeah.
And you hear hooves,
and obviously because
there's so few people on the step,
you know, all right,
well, these guys are coming to rape and kill us.
Yeah.
And then immediately you roll out of bed
and you just get on your horse and leg it.
Fuck off then.
But also, you've got to ride
the thing that made you drunk.
Right.
Because you're milking the horse
to get drunk,
and then you've got to ride that horse.
You've got to ride that horse.
You've got to ride the...
home,
right?
Which is the last thing.
Imagine you get really pissed
and then you've got to
go back to the pub to get home.
Right.
Or yeah,
you're riding a Guinness barrel.
Yeah,
you're riding a Guinness barrel
back home.
It's the last thing you want to do.
Yeah,
it's like skateboarding
on a,
like a bottle of wine.
Yeah, horrible.
But he gets back
after his wife's been kidnapped.
He begs another clan
to help him.
They all unite
and then they steal back
his wife.
So all the time
him and Jamika
are best mates.
They're best mates
and they're becoming
the kind of big stars
of the Mongol Empire
right?
But no there's no
empire at this point.
Yes.
Sorry,
the big stars of the Mongol
The Mongol
Confederation.
Yeah.
That kind of small part
of modern,
it's not even modern
Mongolia,
it's a very small
little circle within there.
But because Temerjin
and Jamika
are both great leaders
and are kind of rising up
in the ranks
of the Mongols
as they get older and older.
then there starts to become a tension
of the power dynamic between
Temerjin and Jamika
right and they have this huge battle
and Jamika completely
bodies Changas
right to the point where he's like obliterates
his forces Changas has to escape
and disappears
for 10 years
yeah it's not clear what he's done
no one really knows what he did for these 10 years
right yeah there's a complete blind spot
it's a complete blind spot and then
he eventually comes back after
to probably serving some local warlords
and doing stuff for them,
he manages to build enough kind of clout
to get another army to face off against Jamoka.
And now what's interesting about
the second time they fight,
Temergen and Jamika, right?
Is the use of shamans.
Now, what's your,
what's your feeling when it comes to shamans?
Absolute autistic film.
Yeah, yeah.
So this is like age of empires,
you get a little shaman or shaman.
I don't know.
How would you pronounce it?
I'd say shaman.
How would you pronounce it, Charlie?
I mean, he's the wrong guy to ask.
Shaman.
Shaman.
Christ, I'm on Charlie's team.
Yeah.
Shaman then.
It'll be shaman.
I think it's shaman.
I pronounce everything wrong.
I mean, once again, this is very Glastonbury.
I mean, there's a lot of, there's a lot of shaman's.
I mean, I do empathise with the desire to kill everyone at Glastonbury.
Yeah.
And I famously, I've joked about that before, and that blew up in my face.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Was that on how I got news for you?
I went on, have I got news for you in 2020.
Which they would have no idea about, by the way,
this is before, five news for you.
This is before.
Ian Hislop did not make a witty comment about Jenghis Khan.
But not as long before how I got news for you as most people think.
Like, it's been going so long that it wasn't long after.
Jenghis Khan died and about a couple of years later, Paul Merton was born.
I went on Avogne News for you and Corbyn was in the news that week.
And I said, oh, it was something about Stama trying to get rid of Corbyn.
And I was like, yeah, the Labour Party is being held hostage
by, like, it's actually a small number of people
who have like an unwieldy influence
and all you'd have to do is bomb glastonbury
and it wouldn't be a thing anymore.
Yeah, which is considering the stuff you say
on this podcast or have done since you
started speaking into a microphone.
Pretty lemon and hurt statement.
Yeah. But then a journalist
on Twitter took that clip
and this is a journalist that was like
two left wing for the Guardian.
Right. And then she said that
because I went to private school, I meant it
and it was a genuine
I actually wanted to bomb Gastonbury
and then everyone
I was sort of like
Because he went to private school
Right okay
Well that's what she said
This guy went to private school
So he's not joking
Which I feel like she's done
Quite a lot of legwork there
Yeah but the private school
He's joking
He's not joking
Goes in your favour sometimes
And goes against you sometimes
It didn't go off over this time
This time it didn't
So I was then kind of
They went mad on Twitter
For a couple of days
And it was lockdowns
You couldn't really like escape
your phone.
So I went to the Ballam Waitrose
and just spent about four hours there
because I thought I'm not going to run into anyone.
You hid in Waitrose?
Well, I just thought, where am I not going to bump into Corbyn's supporters?
Right, right, right, right.
So were you cowering in the salad aisle?
Like, no, I was standing proud in the meat aisle.
Proud in the Meadile.
You rarely see Palestinian flags in the Waitrose.
Right, okay.
Anyway, it did kind of die down.
And then that journalist, I got rebrand.
book for Vargonauties for you and that
journalist died
out of shock
out of
I think it's an unrelated disease right
okay fine but I guess I guess I won
I think so so you killed the journalist
I didn't kill a journalist she died
of natural causes
this is something very
Chengers Khan it is quite yeah it is a bit
it is the
someone yeah someone
gave you some criticism and you killed them
no no
it's more like a Russian oligarch where
exclusive mysteriously
Kills journalists.
Mysteriously, you try and cancel me
and then you'll fall out of window
three years later.
Weird how these Russian oligarchs
keep falling out of windows.
Yeah.
Can someone please do something
about the window fittings?
Yeah.
Where Russian oligarchs...
Yeah, that's the main thing.
There's a huge problem.
There's a huge problem.
There's a huge problem.
The windows have not been installed properly.
They're loose windows.
You can't, in this country...
You can't drink vodka in the cold
and have loose windows.
You're going to fall out.
In this country, you stay in an ibis.
They don't let you open the fucking
window more than a foot because they think if there's an oligarch he's going to fall out now do you think
maybe starma has been trying a lot of political assassinations but because of the suicide locks on
windows it's what's stopping it the budget hotels like you know we're less corrupt than russia but
it's just because of the window he keeps sending angela rana to premier ins in the midlands
and he's like why should keep coming back i'm booking her a suite in the top floor
well i guess what you do is you'd say it's like it's woke having these windows so as a
a kind of anti-woke move
we're going to mean that you can open windows fully
in Premier Inns and it was like, yeah, fuck those windows
and then it's like all of Starma's opponents
that get chucked out of windows.
Now, do they have suicide locks
on budget hotel windows because the hotels
are so depressing that if
people would kill themselves
if they had the chance?
I guess so. I mean, I guess it's more like
why wouldn't you put suicide locks on the windows?
Because I mean, it feels like a pretty sorry
state of affairs when you have a hotel where you're like,
well, we have to do that or else every other day.
we'd be scraping someone off the sidewalk.
Yeah.
Either we spend money on a big net
outside the hotel
which is going to look bad
or we lock all the windows
because the more money you spend in a hotel
the less suicide protections there are.
Yes, that's interesting, isn't it?
Yeah.
You stay at a five-star hotel
you can jump out of the window if you want.
You just write rock stars, you know,
that's why that all happens
and they chuck TVs out the windows.
You can't do that in the premiere in.
Yeah, you could maybe chuck a couple of CDs.
Yeah.
You could chuck your laptop out maybe.
You'd slide out.
It was not the same sliding an iPad out of the window.
If you were just chucking like all of you two CDs, just like one by one out of a window.
Frisbeeing them out of window.
But yeah, it's not very rock and roll, just like.
No.
No.
But anyway, this is not Finn versus Premier Inns.
This is Finn versus Chang's calm.
This is long before Premier Ins were established.
Lenny Henry is not.
I don't think they know what a window is.
No.
They have no idea what a window is.
Well, they hate cities, don't they?
Absolutely hate.
They think people.
living city is a scum.
Yeah.
They like the great outdoors.
You know, they're outdoors of people.
They wear Patagonia fleeces, you know.
They're kind of people who are permanently hiking, right?
Yes.
I would absolutely, yeah.
Lesbians.
Lesbians.
The lesbian hordes.
Yeah.
With a D.
Yeah.
Well, this is the fight between Jamika and Temergen, the second one after 10 years, right?
So, so Jamika.
They once again meet in a field, which is everything.
Jengis, but he runs away.
He hides, they think in Northern.
in China but no one knows
I mean it's built
the story is built
similarly to like an anime
right
the kind of the way
it's structured right
yeah
and I guess you
you probably hate anime
I don't
I've never engaged with it
I've never engaged you like anime
I don't mean know anything about it
oh yeah
he's neurotypical
yeah
well I don't think
he's just thick
he's not he's not good autism
he's just medically fit
you can just you can
you can Shrek
he's in Shrek
yeah
I've seen Shrek
yeah
yeah Shrek's a great film
Morning, we're making waffles.
I rewatch check, it holds up.
Brilliant.
Unbelievable well.
Absolutely brilliant film.
Also, it's just one of those ones.
I don't know what they were doing
in the animation in that period
because it was, like, Ratt's Two wasn't that long afterwards,
but like the ideas that they were coming out with.
I mean, what were they smoking when they're,
it was like free-form jazz,
a rat who can control someone's hair?
I mean, who comes up with the idea of Shrek?
Like the premise is so fucking mad.
Yeah.
I guess what, Ogre?
What is the premise?
I guess it's Beauty in the Beast, though, isn't it?
I guess so.
I mean,
yeah,
the premise is
that an ugly
over who knows to fuck
someone sees the beauty
in him.
Yeah.
And then he,
the premise,
I guess the moral of the story
is if you're really ugly
and you marry a fit person
then she'll become ugly as well
by association.
It's you always drag people down
to your level of ugly.
Yeah.
In that you could see someone
who's really punching
and you'd think,
well,
I think less of your wife now.
Yeah,
she's clearly ugly on the inside.
Because there's never,
yeah,
because there's never a thing where...
There's clearly an ugliness
that I'm not seeing here.
Yeah.
Yeah, because you know that whole phrase punching?
Yeah.
That's always a, it's a, it's never done the other way around.
You never see someone and go, well, she could do a lot fucking better.
She must be, what's wrong with her?
You do sometimes, but like at a gig, when you meet a couple, if you say you're punching to the bloke, they'll both smile because it's a compliment to both of them.
Yeah.
For him, it's like, look how well I've done.
For her, she seems to be happy that she wants to be hotter than her boyfriend, I guess.
is saying that she's attractive.
Yeah.
But if you looked at the woman
and said, well, you're punching love,
both of them would be offended.
This is quite funny, isn't it?
It's funny how that's a double standard, isn't it?
Suddenly he's like, fuck.
Hey.
This is so embarrassing.
I'm ugly, not my wife.
Yeah, exactly.
You need to call the husband.
The husbands want to be ugly
with a hot wife.
That's the dream.
Yeah, because I guess it's the implication
and they've got a massive hog.
Yeah, something like that, yeah.
But yeah, you never say you're punching
and you're punching yourself in the face.
Yeah.
Given how fit you are.
Yeah.
Going out with that.
that I'll go.
You're punching yourself in the face.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I imagine Jenghis Khan was,
was punching himself on the face.
I imagine Borda was punching.
I think Borda probably got punched quite a lot.
That's where this expression came from.
You're punching, mate.
Can you stop punching your wife?
You're punching your wife.
Seriously.
Please stop punching your wife.
Yeah.
So, anyway, Jengis and Jammika meet for round two.
Yeah, it's Fury versus Usik, round two.
Yeah.
and because they're so superstitious at the time
clearly obviously as you would be
but they don't really have a codified religion as such
it's sort of just like mainly folk suspicions
like their idea of God is the great blue
which is just the sky
yeah like that's all of God to them
everything that's not the floor yes
and most things are the floor
it's floor and sky
floor God I've got 10 wives
I can punch all of them
and they're named after increasingly niche brands
or Mediterranean Y
Yeah, like Ganesh, the god with many hands,
so he could punch many wives.
It's the god of wife piecing, Ganesh, yeah.
I like Hindus, listen to this, and at least I'm not going to,
oh, fuck, I caught straight out of nowhere.
I guess we're not that, we're not close to Mongolia, I guess,
from these guys' perspective.
From our perspective, yeah.
I still don't really, I still don't know.
We're an hour in, I don't know where the fuck Mongolia is.
Yeah.
In my head, it goes like Ukraine.
Yeah, because you're struggling to get your stereotypes.
That's why you feel so.
Here we go.
So this is a map of,
This is the Mongol Empire as it
This is the largest it ever gets to
Which will probably deal with in the next episode
But you've got
I don't know where the Mongolian flag is in that
Do you not know? Could you not tell where Mongolia is from here?
So I think you've got Kazakhstan
My wife, you've got that there
So the thing is you would happily do an episode on Kazakhstan
Because of Borat
But because there hasn't been a boreup
This is actually what I'm saying is
So the Mongol Empire
Everyone says how he's a great warrior
Because he unites the step
And the step is Kazakhstan
Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan.
Sort of, yeah.
So they're all Borat.
So he's not exactly a military genius, is it?
Yeah.
If he conquers them, they're just
Dillah de, da, de, da, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, de, of course they're
like, I guess this is, like, this is, like, right?
And this is, but Borat is based on what those people are like.
Now, so they're like, now.
Isn't that?
Natt, isn't that?
Yeah.
So he, yeah, I mean, is he a fearsome warlord, or did he just, did he just conquer
Gaborat, basically, it's my opinion.
So, right, China, big red, with the stars.
Yeah, and between China and Russia, you see that little gap.
Oh, so the Russian flag's actually been cut in half, has it?
Because they, right, so that's Mongolia.
So that blue bit, bread, bread and blue, that's Mongolia.
Yeah.
Then you've got Russia.
Then there's Yed Zemesh.
Yeah.
And then, so, right, okay.
Well, it feels like, yeah, Mongolia, it's, modern Mongolia being caught between Russia and China.
It feels like, I don't know.
I don't know it feels quite third-wheely.
How modern is Mongolia?
To be honest, there's not that many people there to even tell us their opinion.
Because all I know about it is that they've got Jenghis Khan Airport, Jenghis Khan Vodka.
Yeah.
The capital's called Ulan Bataur.
It feels a bit like Jenghis Khan is like the most clear-cut case of big fish, small pond has ever been.
Yeah.
But that's part of what the story I find it kind of interesting is that it's gone from this guy who at one point was
had a fucking plank around his neck
in the middle of nowhere
to be in the most powerful person in the world.
I reckon Mongolia's got to be
one of the last countries
to ever get nuclear weapons.
Yes, yeah.
I think they're probably even below
some of the Pacific Islands.
Type in Mongolia's population.
So Mongolia's like...
It's between a half million.
It's about seven times the size of...
Yeah, seven times.
The UK.
Yeah.
But there was...
It's the population of Wales.
It's the population of Surbitant, essentially.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You talking about getting to Cornwall
from East London on the Patreon
when you said,
when you went full dad mode
and you're talking
probably take you about six hours
if you leave it
at the wrong time
it could take you six hours
yeah
I wonder if the Mongolian dad
to like that
in on the step
right
right you're getting from
I don't know
that big mountain
you're going from
bullock to
oh blah blah
yeah I'll probably take you about
you go to rush hour
if you leave it the wrong time
you can get
you can get raped and killed
actually
if you leave the wrong time
there's marauding hordes
yeah are you going to get ambushed
on the way
that will probably add
another couple of years
because you'll probably be kidnapped
and put into servitude
so you want to follow the sky
for about three miles
and then turn left
at the big sandy rock
but if you hit traffic there
my God you'll be stuck for a while
because I wonder with you because you're
you know you're quite a British dad
you're a British bloat and it's because
you've grown up here obviously
yes it does that mean that you
soulfully would be
you're like a water
is the shape of any container it goes into
like I wonder if you were growing up in
on the Mongol step, would you be of
incredibly Mongolian guy?
I'd be wearing this suit.
Yeah.
You're saying it'd be this the whole time.
You're saying it's nature nurture.
I'm just saying that the kind of people,
because Andrew's quite similar,
where I just feel like,
wherever he would end up,
he would be the most from that place.
Oh, I see what you mean?
Yeah.
Oh, so you think I'd be like a Mongolian nationalist.
Yes, definitely.
You'd be the most Mongolian dad.
I'd be Genghis Khan.
I'm saying.
Wherever you end up,
you'd be the most stereotypical of that place,
I reckon.
see you, right, yeah, unlike the flag of whatever country I'm born in.
If you were born in Mexico, you'd be wearing a sombrero.
There's no two ways about it.
Gabran, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so we'll end this episode with the final fight between Jamika and Tamergin.
They once again meet again after 10 years.
And basically, each side have shamans who will just be a bloke who's made it past 40, probably.
Right, so he can see into the future, he's not dead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just feel like the idea of being like a tribal elder and a shaman, it feels like back in the day,
you could grow old with age.
And I do think the Protestant modern countries,
it is kind of globally weird
how bad do we treat our old people
because we don't give them any chance
to be like respected elders.
No, we lock them away.
It's like immediately you're getting in the care home.
I never want to see you again.
If you like stumble over a sentence
a couple of times in your 60.
Did you just call my daughter
after the name of our cat?
Put her in a home.
Put her in a home.
She's lost it.
She's gone.
Whereas I think old people,
to thrive the most,
you want to be able to put loads
of mad tattoos on, have loads of piercings, your eyes roll into the back of your head
and just start making predictions about scaring young people. That is kind of the most fun
you can have as an old person. Right, yeah. But anyway, you have those kind of four old people
on each side who are shamans. Yeah. And on Jamika's side, they tried to summon the storm
gods to attack Temerchin, right? And a storm brood, they're like brilliant, but then the storm
came back and reigned on them. And because everyone's so superstitious, that literally ended the fight,
because they're like
the gods pissed off
with us
the storm magic
has backfired
So the most fearsome
The fearsome guy ever
Yeah
The fight was called off
Because it rained
Yeah
It was rained off
It was rained off
It's cricket
And that's how
Temergin actually won that
And then
Well generally that's it
He didn't
Oh what
And then
And then they capture Yamaka
Yamaka's commanders
In a way
To realize
that the powers
Moving to Temogen
Yeah
They capture their own
Commander
Bring them to
Cengis
Because it started raining.
Yeah, and they're like, brilliant.
Well, look, I brought you this guy.
Can I have a promotion in your army?
Yeah.
And Changas, whose whole thing, as you'll see, is about loyalty and, like, you know, being behind your leader, not based on kinship or anything like that.
Yeah.
He's like, well, you're clearly unloyal, rats, and he boils them alive in a big vat.
Right.
Obviously, now they brought him Jamika, and he does kill Jamika, but in like a more honorable way.
I know what this is.
they yamika goes you can i'm not going to fight you can kill me but do it in a way do it like
no no one which means no blood spill so they break his back essentially right which i'd say is
still quite bad yeah what what would you yeah i guess they don't have sleep loads of sleeping pills
you can't do that no how would you want to go if because it feels like every if you've just got
horses and tense how are you how are you dying that's not awful yeah well i guess right my back i feel like
I'm not dying immediately.
No, because I've just got broken back.
I mean, Christopher Reeve broke his back.
Yeah.
All that did was rule him out of the next Superman film.
Right, yeah.
Nowadays, it'd probably rule him in.
Yeah.
It's a curse and a superbearer.
He was born out of time.
He was.
If he'd been, if he'd just survived a little longer,
that role would have come around back for, back for him.
Yeah, or he could have been on the actual tilt.
So you're going to happen.
He's like, well, we're looking for a disabled one anyway.
Literally, he could have been non-disabled and disabled.
Yeah, in the Avengers, basically.
Anyway, that's been the early life of Chengx Khan.
Thank you so much for listening, guys.
We'll be back with another episode on the Thursdays.
But that episode is already on the Patreon.
If you'd like to know how the story continues,
how Jenghis Khan absolutely dominates my wife.
Yeah.
Um, that episode is already on the Patreon.
Also, everything on Patreon is ad free as well.
So you can listen to all of these ones immediately without any ads.
And there's bonus episodes every Friday.
Yeah.
But either way, thank you so much for stopping by.
And we shall see you next time.
My wife.
Thank you.