Fin vs History - The Original 'Worst Guys At A House Party' | The Russian Revolution of 1917 (Part 3/5)

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

It’s Lenin, Trotsky and Stalin, the worst guys you met at uni, but just how do these f*ckboys corner Russia in a kitchen at 4am and tell it what to think? The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon ⁠⁠patreon.com/fintaylor⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Part three of Finn versus history on the Russian Revolution. I'm here with the ratio of goals. In today's episode, we're dealing with Lenin. The commies. We've finally got here. I know that you, I've forced you to do this topic. I lean right. I lean to the right.

I dress to the right. My balls lean to the right. And you don't seem to be given these guys the sympathy that you give Hitler in many ways. No. Listen, Lenin. Have you not found the, characters, just from a historical perspective, you've come round to

how thrilling these people are as all of them. Historical figures. All of them, to a man, wankers. Get a photo. As opposed to Hitler. Get a photo of Trotsky up. Yeah, I'm saying, at least with Hitler... I wear my red tie for the... At least with Hitler,

you know, you think, well, that's a fun guy. Really? That one. This one, these cunts. Fedora, Pasnei, thinks he knows everyone better than everyone. One absolute wanker. Right. As opposed to Nazi high command, what a bunch of lads. Oh, yeah, it's a beer haul.

Bihol Puts, wasn't it? It's a stag do. It's a bit of fun. It's some pints. Whoa, there. Okay. All right, that's a bit much. That's my, that's my, that's my, that's my, that's my on Hitler. Right. If it had to sum me up on Hitler, it's like, hey, where are we going for pints? Where are we going next? All right. Jacksavaki, yeah, fine. Hey, oh, well, all right. No, you've ruined, you've ruined it.

You've ruined it. You've ruined the fun. These cunts, right. This is the biggest This is the origin of Actually, that's these guys Is it? Yeah Political correctness starts with these fuckers

All of it All of it starts with these fuckers The Soviet Union Political correctness is a Soviet term This is what I disagree with I think Lenin, Trotsky and Stalin They were when the left had some fucking balls No no no no no

Stalin's got balls Do you don't think Lenin and Totsky have balls? No Trotsky's a fucking prick Yeah he is a prick He's got facets to his character It was also a top military commander in the Russian Civil War. These guys are fucking hard as nails.

Stalin's a boss, man. I like Stalin. You like Stalin. Come on, you must have come around to the thrill of Lenin. Studying Lenin, undeniably. What I found fascinating, there's a charisma there. What I found fascinating was that everything I listened to,

which is probably different to what you've listened to, every historian on Lenin could not help, but just speak of him with complete contempt. Like, he was middle class. He didn't know anyone real. He was a theorist. He was lost in books. He missed it all.

He was angry. I mean, we'll get into it. His character is fascinating. I'm not saying it's not fascinating. What I am saying, though, is that I don't want to go for a drink with him. Fine, yeah. And I would go for a drink with any of the Nazis. And I tell you, I tell you,

do you know the one thing that one day that ruined my life? The worst thing in all this? Finding out that Hitler killed himself. No, no. The Nazi Soviet pact. Why? I thought, Christ. Really?

you're signing a deal with these guys I don't know what to think now yeah that's the lowest it got for me with the Nazis I mean what do you mean you're friends with these cuffs we're going drinking and then going laughing about how much these are boring pricks that's what I thought

I feel like this form of leftism where they're so disciplined and violent they're not disciplined though they're not they really take over a whole country with a tiny minority

It wasn't just from fucking about No, but the country has collapsed like a pudding And they're the only people who are there to take it When there's a million other factions Yeah, but if there's a pudding on the floor You just need three spoons and you've got a pudding Yeah, but how many spoons are there In the country of Russia?

They're all fucking running around fucking each other like mad pigs Yeah We've just done an episode on some guy with a huge dick And they've pickled Because he was fucking the country's an absolute mess But I'm saying that this is so far from the kind of The kind of cuck liberal

Woke leftism of today These guys are fucking fucking insane. They are, but also what this starts is the whole left-wing people arguing about who's the most pure. That all starts with these guys. Because these guys are not like, tell me your pronouns. It's not like, you know, win his medals for all.

It's more like, I'm going to kill everyone who doesn't hoist a red flag, you know. Yeah, but they're everyone who doesn't have the right pronouns. They're kidding. Right. And the pronoun guys would be nothing without these cunts. Sure. So from my point... And that's what makes this such a historic event, right?

Is it the beginning of all this sort of stuff? There's the beginning of pronouns. Right. Pronoms don't exist before Levin comes in. So, listen, it's been a loose start, but I stand by everything I said. I'd rather go for a beer with any of the Nazis than these fuckers. But we are, we're in the middle of the Russian Revolution. In the last episode, we did Rasputin.

The Tsarist regime has crumbled. Now, we haven't touched on at all. We're going to go back again because there's the problem with this topic. Or what is kind of thrilling about it is that there is so much going on, but very little of it connects till the very end of the story. Right. And there's this kind of maelstrom of different characters

who are separated and they're kind of all hurtling towards this destiny, this horrible destiny of pronouns and blue hair. So Lenin, who is he? Why does he look like that? What's wrong with his head?

They do all look. Trotsky and Lenin do look kind of fucked. They're the worst people you met at uni. Trotsky in particular. I went to Bristol uni. Yeah, you met a lot of Trotsky's. I've been cornered by Trotsky in the kitchen

with his Pazne telling me that I'm wrong about something. I don't want anything to do with them. God Trotsky's a wanker There's so many people I went to uni with Who I would like to see Dead on a desk in Mexico Then I've picked up ahead

So in 1870 in Sobrinsk But sorry I will just say Before you get going I will just say That this is the story of these three commies Is fascinating And the different relationships How they kind of flow and change

And also the different skill sets Yes and how they all have different gifts and how what ends up coming up on top and they're all truly different personalities yeah trying to but it's also so like the February revolution was kind of an inevitable populist uprising

the pudding fell off the counter yeah but that was inevitably going to happen it was there was kind of no way that they could maintain the Tsarist autocratic regime October the communist revolution was no means inevitable no not sure it could have and what's amazing about 1917 as a year

is that there's so many different options that Russia could have been and it keeps flitting who's on top. Yes, that is true. And there's so many different people trying to make Russia something else. And it's just, I don't know if it's just pure coincidence

that three people with this much, I don't know, drive talent, charisma politically were all on the one side. Yeah. Like is it just the coincidence that this specific, like minority within socialism ends up being the dominant force

in Russia for the next 80 years. So before we get to 1917 though, we are going to start with the story of Leland. Now Lennel is born in 1870. His real name is Vladimir Illich Ullanov. Would you like to place this for the Dumbums, 1870? 1870, so 1870. We must remember everyone listening is very, very fat and thick.

Yeah, so it's before. We can't forget that our listeners are there. Yeah, right. So 1870 is before. Jack the Ripper hit Mary Jane Kelly for six. Okay. And it's after the cricket was invented and the first six was hit. So it's after six is a thing.

It's before Jack the Ripper starts smashing women over Cow Corner, reverse ramping Mary Jane Shelley. See you later. She didn't to the stands. That woman goes. So they'd understand the cricket analogy. Yeah. But they wouldn't understand this.

But Russia, cricket's not. really in Russia at this point. Not at all. It never really is. And one of the things I, one of the things I don't like about, in my head about Len Trotsky is that if you try and talk about cricket, they'd be like, I don't like cricket. Yeah, right. Because it's an imperial game. Yes. They do like to put a lot of water on fun fires. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. They're the fun place. Yeah. They're the original fun place. Yeah. But there's something quite Protestant about that, don't you think? Oh, well, but they're, but they're nihists. Right. They're not Lutherans at all, are they?

No, but you could make an argument that the ferocity of the Marxist ideology is treated very similar to quite like a Protestant reading of the Bible. I guess Protestants still at the end of the day have something to live for there, don't they? Right. Yeah, I guess so. So listen, right, he's born, as you say, Vladimir Ilyanov, April the 22nd. Two days after Hitler's birthday, if you're interested, but not in that year. Hitler was not yet born. Lenin was older than Hitler.

Hitler's more of a fun guy because he's younger I guess Sure, sure He's son of a liberal civil servant So quite like I mean Upper Middle Class For Russia I guess Which means his dad is a school inspector

Which I don't know if I'd consider that upper middle class But I think in the state things That's him, Ilya Ullianov And then his older brother Who he touched on Alexander Nicknamed Sasha He's executed for attempted to assassinate Sir Alexander the third

which I don't think he was meant to be the man of the house because his dad dies quite young I think I think it's quite you know they had quite a big garden

yeah they were like you know they're living better than most Russians yes and they love their books yes he's a bookish cunt yeah very much so

they're always at waterstones he loves his mum mama yeah um he loves his mummy and his dad dies suddenly and then his brother

gets banged up again who gets assassinated yeah it's killed executed that's the word I think he gets executed maybe in St. Petersburg or one of the major cities. And they, like, do you want to come watch?

They're like, do you want to come watch your brother being hanged? Yeah. And this is like the first they've heard of it. They're like, why? Why are you hanging him? Oh, could he tried to kill the Tsar? Yeah. Sasha, but this is a goody boy.

So they're, yeah, they're finding out that sex text's been leaked. Yeah. Of your, like, good son in a Berlin sex club. What? He doesn't, yeah, like, it's Charlie's mom. Yeah. Basically finding out where Charlie's been. Yeah.

Not Charlie? No. Well, no, Charlie's been sexually blackmailed and the punishment because he hasn't paid up. is they going to send links to all his family of him wanking his web cam. My Charlie, my Charlie wouldn't do that. And then you kick on the link. Oh my God.

My Charlie, who loves a cream bun? China loves a green bun. He looks a lot more than a cream bun. You don't know what a cream bun is, love. Here you go. What is a cream bun? You don't see if a fucking cream bun is. Is it when you come in your own ass?

What's going on? That's when you come in your own ass, yeah. Is it? Cream bun. So, basically, to go to... Sorry, Charlie, what noise you make and when you make a cream bun? Ah.

Okay. It hurts at the start and then it's good. Right. Basically, when they're going to Sasha's funeral, or even to see him being hanged in the major city, his mum wants to go, but she can't be... Do you reckon you go see the son get hanged? Or you've made the trips, you probably...

Yeah, should we go to the funeral, the hanging? What do you reckon? We can only afford to go once. but listen back to lenin so yeah his middle class comfortable upbringing is shattered by the the execution of his brother and his mom wanted to go to the funeral and i think um lenin couldn't be in the country for it for something or was you know potentially on the run so he was trying to find another he wasn't in the run yeah he wasn't on the run yeah well for some reason he gets radicalized by this for some reason he couldn't accompany his mother to the funeral so he had to find one of his neighbors to take care of his his poor mom to travel across the country because a woman can't travel through Russia on her own.

Listen, they've got some things right. I don't think women should travel alone. And of all the bourgeoisie middle class neighbours, all of them turn their backs in them. And that led to his kind of real part of his real hatred of the bourgeoisie and viewed them as like immoral and selfish and, you know. Yeah, but to be fair to them, his brother has just tried to kill us off. I think if he could get a bit of a perspective on this, he'd be like, yeah, well, fair enough. I mean, my brother was a bit of a, did a bit of a boo-boo. But he finds out what Alexander was into.

So Alexander, by the way, he got into Marx. Yeah. Well, it's sort of like, you know, your older brother showing you music. Andrew Tate videos. Yeah, it's the same. So he was into Tate. That's what kind of forced, he fell in with a bad crowd, tried to kill the Tsar, got caught, hanged. And then Lennon can't believe this.

But this is the OG, like, there's so many uni students, you know, I've had my experience with that you go to uni, there's the left-wing vibe at uni. But this is the originals, right? This is why they're so annoying. This is the first to ever do it. Yeah. So it must have felt truly exciting at that time. I guess so.

Because this is the first time that anyone's even doing this stuff. They have nothing to compare it to. So Marx's literature has come in when the senses were relaxed. And he went to uni and Kazan and then starts getting radicalized. But yeah, he goes through all the stuff that his brother was into. He was like, because he thinks, well, his brother must have really thought this, believed in it, to try and kill the Tsar. So what's he on about? So then he reads Marx.

He starts forming an under. underground socialist cells among industrial workers is arrested in 1895 in prison, then exile to Siberia for three years. Now, this is a big, important part of like your, I don't know, credentials. This is your stripes, right? Going to Siberia. Yeah, if you, it's kind of like doing jail time in a way. If you get sent to Siberia, it shows that you've like, that you're, you've got some legitimacy. Yeah. But also, all of these guys want to get sent to Siberia for a little bit. But Siberia is not actually that bad. I mean not. Because like, this is just exile. It's not gulag.

Yeah, you just go to a place where there's loads of space and you can, like, read. I think he does lots of writing and reading and shit. He's always writing and reading. Now, I must say, when he was born, by the way,

this is a fun fact. When he was born, his head was so much bigger than it should have been. Really? Yeah, the midwife. He's a mega mind. Yeah, he's one of yours.

Yeah, Megamind. This is, this is Lenin when he's born. Yeah. So the midwife said that he will either be very intelligent or very stupid. Which is quite an astute point. Which, in a way, he's both, isn't he? Right.

Do you know what I think? I guess so. Well, how's he stupid? Well, he's like overeducated and doesn't know what he... Yeah, well, it's so much so. He doesn't know that anyone wants or needs. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. He thinks that, yeah, I'll just abolish money.

That's what everyone needs. So he's in Siberia, which isn't that bad. No. And then he launches a paper called Iskra. Right. Which is like a sort of Marxist newspaper. He loves, right? And this is the kind of peak of the pen is minded and the sword, right?

This is where, like, yeah, Reddit forums. This is when they're doing the most damage, right? Yeah, yeah. So while it's in Siberia, in 1898 in Minsk, the Russian socialist, democratic laborers parties, are like? There's so many factions, by the way, in this story. Yeah. It's an unbelievable.

It's why I kind of tune out. Yeah. The amount of committees. This is the peak of committees. It's like, I didn't know Russia's loved committees as much as this. Well, you're like suffering, didn't they? Yeah. It's unbelievable.

They just want the most to be so bought. It gets ludicrous, especially in 1917, the amount of committees, inquiries and stuff. But they last like 15 hours. Well, it's not an inquiry. We love an inquiry. Yeah. It's not a committee.

Right. It's different, isn't it? British love an inquiry into what happened, and the committee's like, what should we do? Right. And it's all committee. It's all committees. No inquiry.

No. They should do a lot more inquiries. Yeah, they'd learn from the mistakes that they did inquiries. Yeah, the communists never did inquiries, did they? No, and I actually think part of the reason that communists, like, you know, why is Hitler, scene is so much worse than the communists, it's because we had a Nuremberg

where the Nazis were like publicly shamed and tried. There was never, there's never been a like a Nuremberg for communism, has there? Yeah. No other crimes of communism have sort of been But also, you know, killing 5 million people was more of a well, we kind of fucked that up. Whereas when Hitler kills 5 million people,

it was like, well, brilliant, we nailed that. Yes. Yep. It was kind of where the communists is incompetence and bad planning and management ends up. I do think they hide behind that a lot. Well, they love it. They sort of love it. They have the same attitude to human life, really.

Yes, that's true. There's Hitler's got, you know, it's like, do you want your meat packaged and chopped and sanitized or do you want to go and laugh in the abattoir? It's still ultimately a dead pig, isn't it? Yeah. Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia.

So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own. own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at slur.com and ask your family eye care professional for SLR Stellist lenses at your child's next visit. So he comes back, when he comes, he adopts the name Lenin in Siberia in exile, starts to paper. They all adopt names, they're kind of secret names. When he comes out of exile where he's developed a lot of his ideas, because it's not safe to be a socialist in Russia, because the Tsarist police, the Okrana. In 1903, all of the socialists meet in London

because that's kind of a relatively kind of uncensored city. Well, much like now, what's it called? London, London, Istanbul. Not Londonistan. What do they call Russian? Because you know how they're sort of a safe haven for oligarchs? Yes. London grad.

London grad, that's it. Yeah. Also, they're all in Chelsea. It's always been London grad. Because we let Lenin come over We let the boys come over And they have their conference And then there was a pub

I think in Islington Which makes sense Makes sense In the top room of a pub In Islington Oh Jeremy Cobb Yeah That one

Yeah That pub yeah Where all the barbers With all the Jeremy Corbin Pictures Yeah exactly Yeah They go past a Turkish

That's got A picture of Jeremy Corbin Demit O'Leary These are all the celebrities They've coming Lenin And weirdly weirdly I think

Over quite a small debate about basically how personally involved each member has to be of the Communist Party leads to one of the key splits and there's basically two halves of the Socialist Party split up into the Bolsheviks which means the majority, it's Russian for majority and the Mensheviks which means the minority even though the names don't really make sense and it's very Lenin chooses the men is which is to be fair to him genius in that no one like going to the country with a party called for the minority, it's mad. Yeah.

Whereas Bolsheviks were for the minority much more than the military. Oh yeah. Yeah. Because basically, if you're a Bolshevik, which Lennon was going to lead and believes in, he basically believes there should be a small professional band of revolutionary carders who are going to lead the revolution. So it's going to be just a committed, the A team, who are going to overtake, throw power overpower without any democratic process.

and that was the only way of achieving revolution because he wasn't really interested in popular movement no he was interested in people who knew what they're talking about running you don't know what's good for you let me do exactly yeah and the mensheviks which were run by martov who's a bit more of a bohemian I think he was born in constantinople uh he's a little bit more of a weed smoking kind of like chilled out leftist yeah right he was uh head of the mensheviks who believes that yeah cross-eyed yeah exactly oh yeah because he's

fucking hit. He's done some bong ricks. He looks like he's hit a lot of rigs quickly. And the Mentheviks wanted it to be a slow democratic movement and when the country was prepared. And it basically ended up being Bolsheviks hard left Mensheviks more

moderate. The Mensheviks sort of wanted to let the revolution happen and then after a period of democracy transition into a supposedly socialist utopia as Marx had said. Yeah. Lenin was like fuck that democratic bit. Let's just fast forward to the bit where I'm in charge. One thing about Lennon is he was very,

he seems like a very awake man. Yes. I feel a lot of leftists these days. There's a lot of long COVID. There's a lot of chronic fatigue. There's a lot of like smoking weed. Yeah. Then Lennon is, is sat upright, his intensity and his focus.

He's got a right-wing work ethic. This is what I mean. This is what's interesting about the leftists of this period. They're so different to what leftism is now in many ways. Or even people who spout Lenist, Leninist, Maoist ideas are very different to those revolutionaries. I know those revolutionaries now. Yes.

And it's part of the Corbinista movement. It's kind of like, it's very linked to sort of Berlin nightclubs, tattoos, blue hair. Yeah, nose rings. A lot of very overweight people saying that it's your fault they're overweight. Yeah. That is so different to the most. Lenin, who's balding at 21. Yeah.

Do you know? Loves exercise. loves exercise and is just maybe politically the most focused politician of all time yeah he's so focused that he misses everything that happens which is quite funny like isn't he's so well he misses it up until 1970 that's what I mean but when he arrives his focus is so laser focus during a period of complete chaos yes that he manages to pull off still it's extraordinarily managed to pull this off like the it was was not written in the stars.

No, it definitely wasn't. It's down to the kind of force of nature of people like Lennon Trotsky, a little bit style of, but mainly Lennon Trotsky, that this was pulled off. Because it just shouldn't, it didn't have popular support, it was just down to the kind of,

because even like, you look at the, I don't know how the spread of talent ended up all being the Bolsheviks, because even Martov, the head of the Mensheviks, happened to just be not a very good speaker, a bit more chilled out.

But it's just, it's funny how, like, the way, the way people can talk about how brilliant Lenin is taking power. Yeah. You compare that to, if I was to say the same thing about the Holocaust. Right.

Like, isn't it just amazing, but, like, of all the things... You do say that. Yeah, but that's what I mean, is that... You say that regularly. But one is worse, one is seen as worse than the other, isn't it? And it's like, this, this ultimately is misery for hundreds of millions of people for years. But you also marvel, and people do marvel at the way that Hitler took power? Yes.

Do you know what I mean? Incredible. So it's the same thing. Yeah, I know. But I... But I... But what's different is I do think Hitler was going on a wave of, he would capitalise on a wave of anti-Semitism and nationalism.

And Lenin just came out of the blue. And Lenin, through his writings, his focus and his organization, managed to shift this insane country, this massive country, which I think is far harder to kind of like turn in many ways. Yeah, no, that is true. That is the force of, I mean, there was nothing popular about him at all. until he's very unpopular. A massive loser.

I guess partly as well, it's because you speak, I think at every moment of this story, we've got to keep cutting to an old Babushka surf woman in Siberia. There's never been a time of more political changes than 1917 in Russia

and a peasant in their farm in Siberia, nothing changed. Nothing changed. They're still just there. Yeah. Huh? You know, so this whole, I think partly why

he has this mentality of having to do it without popular support is because it's uneducated peasants most of the country. Yeah, right, yeah. So he's in London, and in 1902, he gets a knock on the door, and they're staying in a flat near Kingscross.

Him and, now he's, we should say, he's met his... So he loves going out to Coldrops Yard and stuff. He loves playing table football. He's always at the British Museum, actually. British Library, that's true. You know the reading room in the British Library? You've been in there? No.

You can go in the British Museum, and they've... I think it's the, yeah, so the British Museum now, if you go into that thing in the middle it's that there's still the same reading room that Lennon would go into. So Lennon, the reason he goes to London is that he realizes that if he's going to

study a revolution and think, he's a big, big thinker, wants to think about the revolution, he realizes that if he goes to a library, the best libraries in the world are not in St. Petersburg or Russia and he's also going to get banged up by the Akrona. So he goes to London and he goes with this woman he's met in exile, which we should say,

I don't know what was her name again his long-suffering wife Nadevsky Krobieskaya Nadejda So she They fall All the podcasts I listen to They said well Lenin

She was the second love of Lenin's life Because the first was revolution Right Because you also had a mistress So maybe that was the third Yeah maybe it was She had a bit hot pyramid But she was a sort of revolutionary as well

And then she was quite ill But never really took care of herself Because she was just like washing Lenin's pants because Lenin just didn't give a fuck he just was all in on revolution so focused all he cared about laser focus like books revolution

something would happen like the 1905 revolution happens and Lenin rather than act on it Lenin goes okay let me interpret this through Marxist theory and goes back to starts reading Engels so that he can reframe it in his head

for what it means he's always trying to reframe current events in stuff that's happened like writings that happened before but also what I find interesting about reading about Lenin is the way that he bite his time and is so focused on the eventual goal. He's not like, let's do it

he misses it for the first 20 years and then it's only in 17 when he seizes the opportunity. Because that's the only time the opportunity arises. Maybe. Anyway, 1902, get knocking the door and who should be there but... The most annoying guy at uni. The most annoying guy at uni, Leon

Trotsky, with his wanky glasses and his stupid hair, he knocks on the door, they've not met yet and he, but I think he just maybe knows, Lenin's there, I don't how they're both the socialist revolutionaries I'm trying to find this one picture in particular where it just looks like so like that's

the one with the book title that one no that one Christ Ugh The ultimate looks like me at uni The ultimate fuck boy Yeah this guy is this guy's ghosting the fuck out of you He's shopping at Coz he hosts a podcast about women's football He's got a dorm books tote bag

He's vegan He supports Dullochamlet FC Disgusting get him away from me I don't want to see him at the weekend He knocks on Lenin's door and then they have a lovely day together wanging on about Revolution

series. Yeah, so let's get Trotsky's biography up. Lev Davidovich Bronstein. Yeah, and he was basically kind of a prodigy. I think his parents were rich farmers, right? Right.

And he was so clear, he's just one of those prodigies who immediately excelled in school and basically has always been very intelligent and talented and that's kind of why he is the way he is.

Right. Cochly arrogant, incredibly cocky. It makes people feel very stupid. Yes. But he is a brilliant writer and a very even better speaker than Lenin. One of Lenin's skills is when he's a speaker, he's so laser focus and he speaks very clearly and simply. But Trotsky is just a much more romantic, colourful speaker. But originally, Trotsky does sign, in the Menshevik-Bolshevik split, Trotsky does sign with the Mensheviks.

So there is a rift that appears between Lenin. Trotsky. Now Trotsky calls himself Trotsky because he goes to, it's either Siberia or it's a jail and he escapes and he forges some papers with the name of his, the security guard at the jail, which is... Yeah, he just calls himself after the guy who jailed him. Say his name. Blah, blah, blah, ends up in London, having been arrested a bit for sort of revolutionary activity. Gets exiled in Siberia for four years, gets his stripes. He gets his badge, gets his Siberia badge, Yeah, it's like your coaching badge. Yeah, it's the Cub Scouts for Communists.

Yeah. You get your Siberia badge. What's interesting about the difference between the left and the right is you don't have to have right-wing credentials. No. And there's still very much a form of left-wing politics today. And one of the big flaws, I think, in the leftist movement is that you constantly have to prove yourself. Yeah. And everyone is doubting everyone of not being a leftist.

Ironically, it's very, very uninclusive. It's very uninclusive. Well, you just have to prove that you really are a leftist. Not anyone can just say. But with the right, if you're a fascist, people believe you. All right. If you're like, send them all back, you're like, well, do you really want to send them all back? Yeah.

Let's prove it. Prove that you're racist. No racist asks you to prove that you're racist. No, just go, all right, do you want to point? I bet you're not racist. I bet you're only pretending. I bet you're not as racist as I am. I'm really racist.

That never happened. He's not a real racist. No, no, he's not. No, he's a fake racist. Yeah, he's not really racist like we are. with a pure racist. It is much more inclusive fascism. Yeah, ironically.

Yeah. Well, only a few. Well, to the right kind of person. Anyway, he's in London and he meets Lenin in London, 1902. They have a lovely day out. They go see London Eye, Big Ben. They do the aquarium. Well, they are like Lennon and McCartney, aren't they?

Yeah, they are. Trotsky is definitely Lennon. Lennon. Lennon. Do you think? Yeah. The much more flamboyant, pretentious

yes yeah yeah yeah superior cocky you're right in that like you watch that you watch get back yeah

and McCartney is pulling stuff out with the fucking air and if he's not if he's not getting the band together if he's not happening he's the motor

McCartney I'm a big McCartney guy I'm saying love Macca yeah because he doesn't he's not as you know

it's not as flowery the language but he's the motor he's what really drives it he's fascist I reckon McCartney's fascist

yeah no wings is fascist I love wings The band the Beatles could have been So yeah Like most of the revolutionaries They're sort of in exile around Europe A lot of them end up in Switzerland

Because they're like going for life along walks They're like the chocolate And then they're just kind of They're getting news in from Russia And they're sort of waiting for the Sparker Revolution So when 1905 happens When the bloody Sunday happens Lenin immediately gets on the train

goes straight to Russia, hopes and keeps writing pamphlets trying to urge a violent uprising and then the revolution fizzles out and he once again flees back to Switzerland. Yeah, because the Karana cracked down and he goes back to Switzerland, goes back to the Alps. Keeps writing.

During this quiet period, Lenin writes some of his most important works, materialism and empire criticism. So he's really, he loves writing. Yeah, he loves writing pamphlets. I mean, I wish, I find, like, I procrastinate so much and I find stand-up writing so hard to sit down.

I do wish I had some of this focus Lenin. Just being able to... He seems like he just sits down and he just write for five, six, seven. He's never looking at his phone. Like, he just doesn't seem to procrastinate ever. Who's the Lenin of stand-up?

Exactly. I don't know. It's not very... It's not very leninous mindset. No, it's not. Who's that focus? Maybe like... A-Caster?

Yeah, I guess so. Just cranking out, intricately constructed hours. Yeah. Anyway, the point is, London conference, there's a big split between Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. And who should side with the Bolsheviks,

but another young man one of the great men of Russian history The maddest cunt of the lot Yeah Joseph Stalin Now Joseph Stalin is a Georgian Very different

Very different to a lot of other Bolsheviks It's maybe why I like him more In that he's not the wanker Corning you in the kitchen telling you what to do because he's killed you already He's an alpha Yeah he's a terrifying alpha

He's also the fit one of the three yes definitely the best looking yeah and Stalin is born a peasant it looks like Zane Malik yeah from one direction born a born a born a peasant and uh born a Georgian peasant so right on the fringes of the Russian Empire in the Caucasus region and like similar to Rasputin in many ways if you're out on the fringes there's not much to do apart from join the church so he becomes like a priest then he hates the religion goes to like he goes to religious university but finds like Marx's texts right

and becomes radicalised through that and then starts joining a lot of socialist movements like Georgian socialist movements and what he's very good at is organising underground work because a lot of what the socialists have to do because they're trying to avoid the secret police

is they have to be quite effective in the shadows and because he's basically a Georgian crook he is built to move in the shadows right so he's like a he's a sort of pesty criminal who gets attracted to Marxism Charlie's just found out that he had a drawing, he had a hobby of drawing nudes. Is that right?

Yeah, this is a special exhibition of his sign-like-to-doodle and apparently defaced male nudes. Oh, he defaced them? He'd like to deface male nudes. Well, he liked to draw like a, like, draw a big willy over on his face. Draw a willy on a willy, make the willy's bigger? He wrote humorous comments on them. They're 19 in total.

Where? What, he'd write comments on nude photos. Yeah, people would bring him nudes and then he'd... Well, scroll that up, that first one's funny. Fuck your mum's ass. A man should work, not masturbation. time to reforge this, Jay Stalin. Well, now we're going to see someone's private stuff,

which we shouldn't be saying. That's not for, this is public fare. Come on. It's not for public consumption. This is a man's private collection. There's a picture of a naked man standing over a naked collapsed woman. And what's the quote again? Read that.

Full, completely forgot what to do, Jay Stalin. So he's like, he hasn't fucked the sleep woman. Now, look, if you go through some of my, you know, private, if you go on my Google Doc, some of the stuff I've written. this one he's written you need to work not wank time for re-education now show the image what's the image explain the image charlie it's a guy it's a guy wanking I don't know this light aside to Stalin so so Stalin's a sort of petty crook and he gets attracted to the Marxists and then the the reason that this is kind

of the final piece of the puzzle in if it is the Beatles he's he's actually Ringo he's Ringo is he he's Ringo because he's unsung he's in the background and he's a thick one of the three he's the thick one of the three no one to take him seriously, but he is keeping the whole thing together. He's the rhythm section. Yeah, he's the rhythm section. It doesn't work without Ringo. Stalin's doing like yellow submarine, Octopus is garden.

It's like counterfactual if Ringo ended up having the most successful solo career. Basically, that's what it is. But as a band at the current state, McCartney is Lennon. Lenin is Trotsky and Ringo is Stalin, for sure. So Stalin's doing like Yellow Submarine, is doing Octopus's Garden. Whenever he gets the opportunity to write a song

himself, it's quite like simple. It's for kids. My kids love Octopus's Garden. They won't stop singing it. I love it. But he... You know, when I was a kid, I loved Stalin. So it's for kids. So Stalin, the key with him is that he actually does things. Lenin in this point is all writing, it's thinking,

it's theorising. He's a doer. Stalin fucking gets on with it. He's like, what do you need? You need money. He's also truly, and more than the other two, even though there's a lot of blood on their hands, he's like psychologically truly. a sociopath. Yeah, he loves, he loves

killing people. He actually is. He fucking loves it. I mean, I think a lot of people in power can end up killing lots of people but Stalin could do that with his bare hands as well. Yeah, yeah. Like, for example, to impress a girl once he said, check this out. There was a calf

on like this little island in a river. A baby cow. Baby cow. Yeah. And he swam out there and said, check this out, broke all the calf's legs. To impress her. Did it work? I don't know no no but he thought that would be like oh wow so like a

so like his version of the game it's like just fucking like cattle he was in peacocking you want to see something cool just punching a cow yeah do you want to fuck no how's that snapping a help with baby car is kind of similar to like you know in taxi driver when he takes her to the porn theater oh yeah that's kind of what he was like with women right yeah but he he ran the state like a mafia boss and at this time he ran his Georgian sect like a mafia boss you know he was getting he was doing protection racket also the way that the Bolsheviks were funded you know the whole theory of the Bolsheviks is that it's a professional group of revolutionaries but that means you got to have money coming in yeah was via the dirty work of people like Stalin and there's an amazing bank robbery in 1907 yeah it's in Tbilisi capital of Georgia and a stagecoach is going through a crowded city square to deposit funds in a bank and Stalin and his band of his gang, they use hand grenades and revolvers to basically just kill about 40 people, including piestanders, and they steal 341,000 ruples, which is the equivalent of millions

nowadays. Some of the notes were like traceable, so they couldn't really launder it. But this led to a major crackdown on revolutionary groups. Yeah. And it says that Lenin and other Bolsheviks publicly condemn such actions, though they secretly use the funds. So there you go. But this is basically, this is the kind of thing stuff Stalin would do to fund... But then the uni educated Trotsky and Lennon

they don't want to know about this stuff as long as the money's coming through so they've got someone he can rise up around it's like they've all got trust funds but they would never say that

because that would then delegititimized their but then this guy's really actually doing it this guy he's got no trust funds just fucking robbing banks and he of course is exiled Siberia

between 1902 and 1913 Stalin was arrested and exiled multiple times and he also escaped from Siberia many times he had some crazy stories like have you seen the beginning of there'll be blood yes you know when he falls down the well

yeah he breaks his leg yeah and then you had that big panning shot showing that it's this endless desert and then the next shot is him he's clearly crawled through the desert to get his leg fixed right and it kind of sets him up as a character who will do anything yeah to survive

and Stalin has like walked through uh he walked through a frozen wasteland desert out of Siberian exile right for like you know 20 miles and then realize there's no way there to he was going to die so he walked all the way back so he's like constantly he's like the hardest geeseer if he got lost yeah yeah um so at what point does Stalin start to become like lenin's little lap dog i don't think he's exiled from russia he manages to stay on the ground yeah so lennon and trotsky are out in europe trotsky goes to

new york yeah um and lenin is so lennon is in the alps in switzerland yeah because he He loves fresh air and exercise Because he's not a well man No He's got headaches Yeah He doesn't eat very well Smokes a lot

Smokes a lot His wife's cleaning his pants Yeah I think he's got shitty pants Quite a lot of the time He's the first dirty bottom So is yeah Well the first dirty bottom of all time

Yes because the communists Have dirty bottoms Yeah Yeah yeah Hitler's got clean breaches Lenin's got Skid marks on them Sure

But he loves He loves doing press ups He loves doing exercise swimming, part of the reason... Which is not very... Again, not very left wing. You're right. The left has got flabby.

Very flabby. I just would wonder what Lennon would think of the non-binary, blue-haired, fat tattooed... Yeah, he'd be livid. He'd be fucking livid. He's like, this is not... It's not about this.

It's about... I'm a Leninist. What? It's about murdering anyone who's on a middle-class salary. Yeah. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

All yourself together. These guys will just build. I run a feminist meme account. I can kill yourself. Don't call yourself a Leninist when you come back to me and you've killed seven people. But part of the reason he's, the Bolshevik causes such an urgent like, you know, straight to revolution. No democracy. You know, no foreplay, straight in the ass.

That's Lenin's theory. No loop. No loop. Loops for capitalists. Mensheviks are like, we need a bit of loob. Bolsheviks are like, wrong. No lube. Mensheviks are still a bit of foreplay. Mensheviks are hitting second and third base.

Yeah. Matov is like, come on, baby. Come on, baby. Yeah. And then it's like, right. Yeah. There's no time to get your clothes off. Martov's going down. Just pull your trousers down.

Martov, sit on my face. Let's let's let it let's a little hang out. Lenin bend over in the arst and I'm back to reading. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's reading on her back while he's. Yes, he's got his writing pamphlets on her back. Yeah.

So part of the reason the Bolsheviks are like that is because Lenin, thinks he hasn't got much time left. He thinks he'd die soon. And he's constantly got the melancholy. He genuinely doesn't think he's going to see a revolution in his lifetime. What? Lenin Colley. Very good. Yeah. Very good. For him. Yeah, Vladimir Lenin Colley.

For him, that's very good. Can we have a minute, please? A minute, no, just a minute that was so quick. It was nothing to do with poo or lube. Look at that. He's growing. Look at him. He's proud of punch, Charlie is. Lennon collie. Anyway. anyway, Lenin knows he knows he's going to die in his 50s

basically. He feels unhealthy and so he feels his panic to get something done before he does. But he has a lot of Lenin Colley about thinking he'll never see the revolution. Yes. Because he just, every time, especially when 1905 collapses, he really thinks like this is that was our big chance. I fucked it. Yeah. And then, so the big thing we need

to get to is the war breaks out. I mean between 1905 and the war breaking out, you know, there's a lot of... They're going around cafes, they're building ideas, they're Trotsky is publishing for the newspaper Pravda, which becomes kind of the main... Is that a beer now, isn't it?

Yeah, well, Praha, is it? Oh, right. But basically, everything changes kind of when World War I breaks out, which comes as a big shock to Lenin. All of Lenin's writings are incredibly anti-war, and he's the most consistently anti-war, maybe of anyone in Russia. It splits a lot of the socialists,

because there's a million different factions. A lot of the socialists have very different ideas about the war. Some people are viewing it as like being patriotic and still supporting Russia. Some people want to have another crack at the Germans. But Lenin basically sees World War as an imperialist war. So he

doesn't even, he's so extreme, he doesn't really care of Russia wins or doesn't. He just wants it over and for the Bolshevich to be in power. He starts talking about a defeatist peace. Yes. Which is where it would be good, and this is a very Russian thing, ultimately be good for Russia to get fucking

annihilated because out of the ruins. I don't even think they want to rebuild anything. They just love being ruined. Yeah. They just want suffering. Yeah. Can you imagine how fucked we're going to be? Oh, can you imagine being fucked up the ass that hard by the Germans?

I'd love that. But his war stance is kind of one of the key things how the Bolsheviks managed to be perfectly placed for power. Totally. Yeah. And his maneuvering to end the war is some of his... It's crazy. Biggest gambles. Yes.

Yeah. Because also what's impressed about Lenin as a historical figure is he will be going to a meeting with 12 other socialists, 11 disagree with him, and he will spend 15 hours until everyone agrees with him, and he will whip a room around. And he doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Yeah, because after 15 hours, if Gary Stevenson still hasn't changed their mind, you go,

do you know what, fuck this, I'm going, I don't care. Shut up, Gary. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to change your mind. So, this is pointless. I'm leaving. So, Lenin, the leader of the Bolsheviks, is exiled, and he's just writing and reading, and when he has to, he does

some anal without lube. Yeah. But he doesn't but he's annoyed about that. Trotsky is a sort of journalist. Is he in New York in 1960? Yeah, in 2016 he's in New York. And he's not as tied down by the party politics as Lenin. Lenin is the head of the Bolshevik party. But Trotsky's kind of like, I'm a maverick, I'm out on my own.

He's respected, but he's not tied down. He's free form. And Stalin is an obscure party operative in Siberian exile with limited influence outside the Bolshevik apparatus. In the shadows. But everything will change. Everything is coming together. The war is going badly for Russia.

Terribly. Rasputin, that stinky old goat guy with the big hog. The goat hog. The goat hog is, and by that, we don't mean greatest all the time. I mean the smelliest all time, the soat. The soot, the soot, the smelliest hog of all time, the chote. He is plowing the Tsarina. He's been killed.

Russia is a tinderbox and events are about to move incredibly quickly. In St. Petersburg, quicker. maybe they've moved anywhere. We've spent three hours edging you all and we're now getting into the fucking gristle. The eve of revolution. Revolution's in the air.

What will happen? Those episodes are on the Patreon already. The entire series is on the Patreon if you want to join to get access early and a bonus episode every week. But if not, thank you very much for stopping by. Maybe. And we will see you for 1917 next time.

Thank you.