Fin vs History - The Swinging-from-a-Lamp-Post ‘60s | The Life of Chairman Mao (Part 3)

Episode Date: February 7, 2025

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at Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Bank more oncores when you switch to a Scotia Bank banking package. Learn more at scotiabank.com slash banking packages. Conditions apply. Scotia Bank. You're richer than you think. Welcome back to Finn versus history. The rest is shitstery, whatever you're calling it. Yeah, the rest is Pistory. Pist you up.

The racist history. Horrible histories for grottie and cells. I've read your comments. Too ugly guys on the sofa. Too ugly guys. How have you found a comment? I'm enjoying them. I've been enjoying them.

I've really enjoyed. But I mean, because especially the first episode got such a big boost because everyone was like, oh, this could be something I'm really into. Yeah. So it's fair enough that a lot of people aren't into it. Yeah. Because it's, yeah, we had to narrow it down.

A lot of people are, oh, great, I'm going to learn about history. Two comedians I like. Oh, I'm going to learn nothing. Okay, right. Yeah, right. Oh, it's this. All right. Okay, right.

It's just this. There was one that I sent you that was just, this is a really dumb video. No history. All about modern standards. Just really dumb. Well, because we were looking back at the past. We're just too stuck in the modern age. Yes, I guess so.

Right. We're not being accused of that. No. very often at all very often why do you think we're wearing suits in a fucking orange

sofa built a set to look like my nan's living room stuck in stuck in the present are we anyway

welcome back to um what's this Finn versus history this is part three of our epic series on the life of chairman Mao

yeah um tour de fuck it's a tour to fuck um that's what he was doing with his four pocket busies

and his tunic pockets if you've not listened to the start of the series I'd go back. I'm a lot of this won't make sense. Yeah. Don't start a part three

ever. Starts at part one. Yeah. Always start at part one. But Mao had four pocket pussies in his That's why he had four pockets.

Shame, justice, propriety and honesty is what he called them. He also loved Busting Nuts. Just generally. Just generally. And swimming, which is the more, which actually,

I think humanizes Mao a bit. He's a big swimmer. Yeah. Do you know there's just something a bit more like, oh, I didn't, it's like when you found out that he loved his dog. Oh.

Oh. He just likes going for a swim. he likes doing breaststroke. I guess it gives him clarity of thought to think about how he can... What's the worst policy that anyone's ever thought of? Yeah. I was having my morning swim today, and I thought, I wonder if I could starve 50 million people to death with one policy.

La la la la la la la. This is a photo of him swimming. I've got to say, I was a video, he looks like a river corpse, really, which is funny because this is the footage, this is the publicity stunt he does to kind of show how virile he still is and how he should still be the number one leader of China. Well, yeah, this is when he really comes back. This is after a bit...

He looks like he can't swim. Yeah. He looks like he's looking for a float. Arm band. So we should... We're rushing ahead. Basically, in this part... So in part one, we dealt with the Chinese Civil War,

Mao's birth. Yeah. His mother tried to Colin her down the stairs. Dang, dang, dunk. That's how she came off with the name, Chairman Mao. part two of course we've been mainly talking about sucking ourselves off

there was a power cut we came back and really just mopped up with the Great Leap Forward biggest famine in history The number one perfect best policy ever Yes please number one perfect Very good rug very good plus This part part three

We'll be dealing with the third era of Mao The third incarnation This is Ronaldo at Real Madrid this is Messi in Qatar So he's just won the Champions League with United and made the big money move to Ram Madrid Yeah, he's gone for it

Fine, fine And everyone's saying, have we seen the best of him already? Yeah. Have he's gone for a lot of money? Have Man United got a good deal out of this? Yeah. Yeah. We don't even know what's coming. So this is Mao and this is in the 1960s.

Renaud his numbers post the age of 30 are better than his numbers pre the age of 30. That's why he's in the goat conversation. And Mao's number. numbers from 66 onwards are somehow as good, maybe better. When you're talking at careers of footballers, it's kind of the age of 17 to 38, but dictators, it's kind of 308. Yeah, it's like snooker players or darts, really.

It's darts players, isn't it? Yeah, you're kind of, it's 38 to 80. That's kind of, that's your big range with your peak year. To be honest, peak years of dictators is like 60s. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, people say that, you know, life starts getting worse after, like, you know, 30 or 40, right? But not for a dictator. You're entering your prime at 60.

Your golden, you know, that's why they call it your twilight. What's the twilight years? Yeah. Well, what's interesting about darts players, if they're entering their prime in the kind of, I'd say they're sort of 40s and 50s, is Luke Littler going to have a kind of Michael Owen-esque journey where he wears out his, his throwing arm, age 25, because he's just doing that all the time. Yeah. Because Littler is so good now, it's like something's got to happen to him. He can't just win every single one for the next 50 years.

It's going to ruin the sport. If he's the best art player for the next 50 years, the sport's dead. Yeah. He's just Luke Littler versus. You're kind of, for the legend of Littler to stop him just kind of ruining the whole sport, he needs to die in a drug-fueled binge at the age of 19.

Yes. He needs to what could have been. Yeah, exactly. He needs to Bill Hicks himself, basically. Or Hendricks, but with darts. So it'll be real ale. He'll overdose on real ale. You know, before the World Championship that you just won,

he was asked about PrEP. And I think he drank. Prep. He's taking PrEP, is he? Would he ate a bag of squashy. There's HIV positive. He's on PrEP. What's that?

What's that? Prep. What's that? What's that? What's that? What are you saying it like that? What's that? What are you got there?

What's that? What's that? Prep is what gay men take. I think it's if you know your HIV positive, it reduces the risk of getting HIV so yeah so it's

if you're going to have unprotected body sex I'm not saying why are you looking at me then I don't like that accused of truth

it's not accused me at all I'm saying this is now a public health message if you're having unprotected body sex regularly you should be on prep because prep basically I think it means

it's like a free hit every bot sex is free hit and you're never going to get AIDS it will stop it'll stop HIV turning into AIDS is my understanding It gets sort of A.C. Milan in the late 90s, naughty's defensive line in your asshole against...

Nesta, Costa Certa. Maldini. They're in... Dida. Bufon. Bufon. That's... Does Bufant? Bluio. Is he never... Oh, yeah, his whole career. Dida was the... Dida, yeah. Sorry.

And in front of that, you got Gertuso, just guarding the prostate. Nothing's getting through there. Right. Right. Anyway, point is, Chairman Mao. And people say you don't learn anything on this pod. I didn't know what that was. yeah I know

so much for you Finn thank you I tell everyone about prep if you're working with me

you should be on it because I've got AIDS I like to fuck my colleagues poor Pete didn't get prepped

did you Pete didn't get prep he's got AIDS now sadly that's why there's a power gut anyway Listen, part three of our Chairman Mao Odyssey.

Yeah. So Chairman Mao, they built... Sorry, we need to place this in context of the dumm's. So the Cultural Revolution, which is what we'll be working towards and doing today in the final part of Mao's life, 1966. Yeah. So it's the swinging 60s in most places. I'm from China where it's the fucking starving 60s. Everyone's fucking starving.

You guys had of a mini skirt? I'm hungry. I'm hungry, brother. Can you eat it? Right? So this is 96. The Beatles, I'll eat it, I'll put it in a stew. The Beatles, they're thinking, can we eat the Beatles?

The Beatles are around. The Beatles are playing. The Beatles are possibly on. So the Beatles have gone to Germany. Oh, yeah, this is after Hamburg. The Beatles are maybe on to Abbey Road. Charlie, get the Beatles out. What year are you seeing this?

66 is the start of the Culture Revolution. We're not doing the, okay, fine. We will do, but I'm just saying the Cultural Revolution starts in 66. So the Beatles have made, they don't, they've done, they've done 65, isn't it? 64 you're going to you're up against with the Beatles you're up against my dad is the king of beetles autism oh yeah nothing gets past him um he'll hate this conversation because he'll be screaming the day in his head of what they were doing well right so the Beatles are brought out revolver so that this is when they're getting really experimental they're starting to get trippy

yeah so the Beatles have brought out revolver but it's before um paul mccartney did that meet free mondes dot come you can do it right now please it's before that video i don't know that video. You've got to have seen that video. Charlie, get that video up. How did you not know what that's a huge, that's a huge video? You're on the internet a lot. I'm a big McCartney guy as well. This is the ultimate McCartney cringe video. Really? You've not seen Meet Free Mondays. So what's he doing it for? So he's doing it for Meet Free Mondays, which is a campaign and he breaks into a spontaneous song and it's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Okay, should we play it? Yeah. meet three mondays.com pledge dot you can do it right now please you can do it right now please

he's a melodic genius as well he's a melodic genius but also he start he just he starts speaking in an African accent at the end of it you can do it right now it's not African it's Jamaican he goes Jamaican meet free Mondos

I can empathise with them I often I often feel the temptation is there to slip into it yeah you feel good you feel powerful so anyway so 66

cultural revolution so Mac is still in the Beatles meet free Mondays aren't the thing yet so that should place it contextually well England is one of those famous dates in English history yeah but it's very different

one of our cultural revolutions is when we actually won so just whenever yeah whenever you're thinking about those pictures of Bobby Moore lifting the trophy

in China students are killing their teachers but basically just to do the pre-cats of the culture revolution the great leap forward

is the worst policy of all time couldn't have gone worse absolute disaster everyone's starving 50 million dead but Mao is a master of branding

he's the face of everything he's too powerful so the pragmatists yeah the centrist dads who thinks people should eat food rather than their own children yeah those loose

Within the party have now sort of, I don't know, not to the public, but within the party are slowly ostracizing Mao. Yeah. So Mao is now not getting texts about the hookups or the hangouts. He's seeing them on Instagram stories. He's like, what I thought. They've started WhatsApp groups just to talk about Mao. This is, he's on the big WhatsApp group. Right.

This is it, actually. Pose great leap forward. They open the famous new WhatsApp group without Mao. Yeah. That's the big. That's the big. That's the big. They're still in the other one.

Yeah, yeah. But that one's gone quiet. Why has no one texting? Whatever Mao suggests ideas like, well, how about we kill all the, you know, let's kill all the insects now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. He's got anything like that.

It all goes quiet. And he's like, I bet they're talking about it because they're screenshotting it and saying, isn't this guy fucking, isn't this guy? So as a kind of clapback, Mao who, though he's losing power within the political establishment of Beijing, he's still kind of the only guy. anyone knows. Yeah. Right?

There's no celebrities, really. No. He's, all they have to talk about is Mao. Yeah. All the books are Mao, all the plays about Mao, all the paintings are now.

So he starts this idea of basically, the reason why we haven't reached the utopia is we haven't gone far enough. So, but Mao's not in power. No. Well, he is,

he's technically in power. No, he's been forced out by the, by Liu Shao, Lou, Liu Shao Chee. Then, Mao goes,

do you know what? I need to re-enter myself into the public. I'm going to fucking get my kit off and get in the Yanktzee, one of the dirtiest rivers in the world. So like Eddie Izzard swimming, did Eddie Azazzo swim the channel? David Walliam swimming the channel.

Yeah, so he lathers up in Goosephat, gets a stupid hat on, and he gets in the Yanktze. And we've just seen a video of that just before. He looks like he's drowning. And somehow everyone's like, what an amazing virile god this man is, what an Adonis.

And because Mao's a big, believer in exercise and physicality. But he's fat. He's a big fat fucker. Because he's ate all the food. Yeah, yeah. Because he's eating all the grain has gone into his belly. And everyone else has starved.

So he's swimming in the sea. And he's like, and everyone's like, wow, look how, look how, look how well this guy can swim. We should get him back. Yeah. He then starts to order. He him, right? Sorry, he him.

You're right. Mao he him starts to order a. purge of everyone who doesn't agree with him. Yes. And not just in the Communist Party of everyone in society. Yeah. There's not really been a political event quite like this as well.

No. It's sort of a vague thing. It's not like a dictum. It's more like if you can interpret it how you want almost in some ways. And it's basically like everything that's come before is wrong. We need to build a new future. But any traditional stuff, anything that's old China, that needs to go as well. Fortune cookies.

Gone. Fuck your parents. What? Sorry, I mean, you fuck off your parents. I thought, hang on, ten years ago, you were telling me to eat my parents. I've got to fuck him. What's going on? Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's Rewards points.

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Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Oh, hi, buddy. Who's the best? You are. I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us.

Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories. Be like goldfish. Any sort of traditional authority, he's basically, but he's aimed at the youth. So it is actually the swinging 60s, but just in a very Chinese way. Yes, because the youth of the capitalist West were wearing mini skirts and they were fornicating and they were listening to groovy music, whereas the youth of the Chinese East were... Hanging their math teacher from the fucking lampboats in the street.

He's undeniable. He's undeniable more rock and roll. It's more swinging because the math teacher is swinging. from a lamp post. So arguably the swinging 60s were in China. Because in the UK, the birth of the teenagers as a concept, they didn't really have the idea of the teenager.

Like a hot young slut team. Yeah, that had just come in. That was the late 50s, Elvis. Yeah. So the teenager had just come in. And in China, the teenager came in.

So basically, there are girls that are throwing their pants at Mao. That is what's quite funny. Is that they're in the, in the West, girls are throwing their knickers at Elvis and John Lennon.

And in the East, they're throwing their knickers And this old fat guy who can't swim. This guy who goes swimming and he looks like, he looks like Vim Hof drowned in his ice bath. That's what it looks like. Bloated corpse. Blooms of Vim Hof who finally got in a bath that was too cold from him.

Oh, that's where all the grain went. Oh, there is. It's all spilling out of his belly. Is that a grain barge in the angsty? Oh no, it's Chairman Mao floating. That's what that is. So, but there are girls like, they're young, basically he's now reaching, he's been in power so long.

He's been a figure for so long that he's now reaching the younger generation, the students, because basically everyone in the generation before that are dead from starving. Somehow they've had kids, though, who survived. I don't really know how that works. Anyway, there's a lot of them, remember? I guess there's a lot of people, aren't there?

I mean, 55 billion, that's still just, barely makes a dent in like a billion people, right? Again, this might be why he's not thought of as the goat because proportionately he's not, you know, he's done more numbers, but it's doing it in the Saudi League. He's doing it in the Saudi League. You know, it's easier to get goals. Yeah, exactly.

The goalkeepers only learned how to play football three weeks ago. Yeah, exactly, yeah. So the good goalkeeper can't take those headdresses off either. Exactly, and they're all in sandals. They're all in sandals and pajamas. The team of playing against all has to wear burkas, then it's easier to get numbers. Women's football, don't even get me started on women's football in Saudi.

My word. So Mao is a bloated river corpse floating in the Yankt sea, and everyone goes, oh yeah, this guy again. And when did you bring out the little red book, Charlie? When does that happen? Is that? Because at some point, he basically starts to, to seize power again by weaponising the youth.

And this is where Mao Zedong thought comes in. He puts a Mentos in a Coke can, right? And it explodes everywhere, right? 1962, Mao prints the Little Red Book, which you still, I've been to China, it's still fucking everywhere. Really? It's like, you know how if you're walking down the Thames,

there'll be people selling their shit art, whatever? On those equivalents in China, it's just like people selling the Little Red Books. Can we get some quotes from it? from the Little Red Book. So this is where he basically, now he becomes a thought leader, really. This is where, in his kind of exile from politics,

he becomes an author and a thought leader. Right. Sort of like Russell Brand, I guess. Yeah, like his bookie work. Booky work. This is now's bookie work. Little Red bookie work. Yeah.

So this is Mao's, little red bookie work. The people and the people alone are the motive force in the making of world history. So it's all this sort of stuff. It's just this sort of stuff, really. It's like...

Fundamentally, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. Yeah, without killing millions of Chinese. people. That's his take on it. How'd you make a Chinese omelet? Kill everyone.

Yeah. And then whatever you're left with, put that in a pan. Yeah. And eat it because they're forced to because there's no fucking eggs. He's kind of famous for saying he would happily... He would happily kill half of China to get...

I don't know what the goal is. To make a perfect society. To fucking, what, to build... To industrial, to build Birmingham. That's what he's doing. He wants their cities to look like Birmingham. And like Chinese cities are beautiful. There's like all the architecture.

There's the great wall. You've been to the ball ring. It's not that good. Boring shit, man. I mean, Burmian. me it was like a fun city but it's ugly ugly as fuck yeah and but everyone it's a bestseller yeah it's it's huge it's like this is a vinci code right everyone's reading it it's um now what's it what's it what's the sex one called 50 shows it's this is it right everyone's reading on

phone women are frigging themselves off okay yeah um and uh so this is 64 the students start uh reading this little book uh everyone waves it around are you what do you think you'd be like if you were a student and you'd get caught up in it, wouldn't you? I remember Cleggmania. We were all into it. We were all rock half of Nick Clegg.

We thought the world was going to change. Yeah, the little yellow book. The little yellow book. Which is not what this is. That would be a racist comment. That would be a racist comment. That's what my uncle calls this. He also detonates China's first atomic bomb.

Oopsie. Whoopsie. No, I think it's deliberately, I think. which is a big status thing because his whole thing is he wants China to look like Birmingham he wants China to be an industrial power so he drops a nuclear bomb

on Shanghai and hopes that it looks like Birmingham and then it just does actually look quite similar to that bit of Birmingham where all the Chinese restaurants are yeah that'll do yeah brilliant so 65 this is when the culture revolution starts to...

Yeah this is the play is this is what I was trying to talk about the last episode but I can't I have half remember now begins to criticise cultural and artistic words setting the stage for the culture revolution The play Hairu dismissed from office by Wuhan is targeted as a veiled critique of Mao. So he's insecure. You know, it's like your girlfriend saying, so you're saying I'm fat?

Yeah. That's what he's doing, watching every play. You know, it's about something completely different. You're saying I'm fat? You're saying I ate all the grain? Is that what you're saying? Is that what this plays about? Siggling the beginning of the idol-school purge in the cultural sphere.

Yeah. So Mao starts to grow more distrustful of anyone that is on his side. moderates who don't want people to eat their own kids He's got no mates He's got no mates But then as we say

He's never had any mates Because he walks around With four flesh lights It's cheating Start the Cultural Revolution Really kicks off 66 England's won the World Cup

Bobby Moore's kissing the queen Dogs running on the pitch Chairman Mao gets all the students to start hanging their mass teachers Yeah I mean that's what would be The crazy thing is it's I mean you'd all get caught

in the frenzy, isn't you Because the amount of times you've been bored in class imagine if imagine if the leader said about you kill your teachers. So when I'm at school Gordon Brown

says right the ideas that you're learning at school aren't right I want you to all to kill your teachers and they used to do like they're just take them

into like sheds torture humiliate them they'd get all the teachers to stand up and hold their arms like this like in a pack like a like a team

and if they to put them down they'd hit them with sticks so it's like torture methods but then I feel a bit like Aren't teachers just like, fuck off?

What, when, uh, 500 kids? It's a five, but how big are the school, it's class sizes? It's China. Yeah, but it's not 500 kids in a class. I mean, it's pretty big. I mean, 30 kids is too much for a class. I'm looking around primary schools at the moment, my daughter.

If it's 500 kids in a class. If it's one teacher against 46 Chinese kids. Yeah, but it's like that, have you not seen that footage of a professional footballer taking on 30 kids? 50 to 70 students per class That's a big class I still think you could take them Right but these aren't

These are teenage these are 15 year olds Yeah How many 15 year olds are you taking As a math teacher in communist China Are I got a gun? No, you're a teacher You barely have a pen Right okay

So I've got a pen That's what I've got a pen I've got a pen and I've got 50 You've got a fountain pen How many 15 year olds do you can take? I reckon I could stab three and then I'd probably be consumed by that. Yeah.

So that's what's happening. That's what's happening. So it's a bit like, it's almost like when Greta Thunberg said she wasn't going to school and then all the protests were full of like kids. Yeah. Except the kids are lynching politicians and oil CEOs. Yeah. That's what's happening.

So the Red Guards, this is what male terms, the radical youth groups. So it's sort of like the Hitler youth kind of. Yeah, so it's like the brownies or whatever. It's imagine that woman who's coming around, that little girl who's like, hello, do you want to buy any cookies? No, right, well, I'm hanging you. Yeah. If you don't buy brownies, I'm going to tie you up. Old ideas are you not buying a brownie.

You need to be harmed. But they're also fighting against the army because it's so hard to interpret what he means. Don't the army come in later? I think the army coming later to just cool it down. But the Red Guards fight the army and they start bombing. They get their hands on like tanks. Yeah, I heard this. Yeah.

Apparently they tried to make their own nuclear weapons. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's amazing. So a group of students, let's face it, the nerdy ones, they're all lynching mass teachers, then some nerds like, should we go and try and try and make a nuclear bomb? And they go and try and make a nuclear bomb

in like an alleyway or something. I feel like you need more stuff to make a nuclear. I don't think it's as easy as that, I reckon. I don't know how far they got. It's not like, yeah, you can't just. So hey, chemistry set you get for when you're growing up. It's not blue Peter, is it? Yeah, you're putting magnesium in sodium or whatever and it's fizzing up.

I reckon if you put... Here's one I made earlier. If you've got some plutonium. A hydrogen bomb. you got some plutonium and then put a load of mentos and then Coke bottles have you seen the video of the biggest

ever Mentos? There's a guy I think so I mean I've seen a lot of videos called the biggest ever It's amazing how Mentos There are old people, boomers who are still falling for the trap They still think they know better than the science of Mentos and Coke bottles

Yeah And there are still videos Where there's another woman Who's going Oh this is a bit oh like that's still happening now isn't that mad yeah i sort of think you deserve it so the the premise is that mao whips up a frenzy and he this is what i was talking my last episode he's amazing at manipulating his people into doing things which i guess he's the influencer

i guess he's the ultimate he's the first influencer but i guess hitler did that except it was also like people just doing their jobs sitting behind desks bureaucrats whereas this is actually people going out and like tearing people limb from limb. So there's a ferocity to it that Mal was able to And it's just against his own people still Yeah, he's still just keep punching his own head. What we're going to do in the 60s, keep punching

yourself in the head, I reckon. So red guards, local militias, industrial and agricultural production is severely disrupted I mean, you know, change the fucking record trying to... What's new? Yeah, so Mal permits the military to intervene, which then gives rise to the politicisation of the People's

Liberation Army. I don't know what that is. no um who cares it's like the people's front of judea yeah they're all the who cares the liberation's people's front of china again this is another great branding thing 68 down to the countryside movement no boo

so Mao encourages urban youth including the red guards to move to rural areas to learn oh no it's actually good yeah I was thinking that would be a weird move from Mao down to the countryside no so he sends basically this is like he's sending remainers to go and hang out in

in Brexit voting areas. Yeah, he's basically saying anyone in the city's too soft. Yeah. They don't know what it's like starving. Go and live in fucking Boston in Lincolnshire. See what they do. Yeah. But there was that spate of awful television programs in the wake of Brexit

where they would, it was like, you know, if you heard the theory that Brexit is wife swap. No. So the entire, like, Brexit gave labels to people in the country that never really had those labels before. Right. you can like remain and leave like we're in our head

have a remain and leave stereotype in our head yeah yeah fruits versus veg fruits versus veg we said this before on the internet

it's gays versus disabled so but before if you haven't seen that episode I don't know what you're thinking I don't know how you I don't know how you're yeah but anyway

so before Brexit gave us the language yeah it was wife swap it was taking people who live in rural areas,

stupid, uneducated, manual jobs and putting them with a poshunt of red trousers. Tell us what you really think. Sorry, yeah.

So, you tap danced around that. Yeah, sorry. You're stupid, ugly. Stupid, ugly. They work with their hands. They like drinking

real ale and lager against posh cunts with red trousers drink wine who work in the city. No, there are people who work in the city who drink real ale

and people work in the countryside who drink petrol ale. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The undrinkable stuff. The unbated in your garage.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ethanol. So that, but that was what Weisswhat was. It's just that we didn't understand what was going on until Brexit when we had the language to realize, oh, you just get someone from Boston and you swap them with someone from Surrey,

and that's funny because they're both polar opposites. Right. And Mao is a big fan of Y Swap, and that's where you got the idea, right? To fit down into the countryside. Mao was fucking everyone. Have we talked about how Mao's a massive horn dog? Yeah.

He would just, he would stop, he would see, he saw this one young girl on a train ride and stop the train and said, well, she's going to live with me now. Now, just imagine being so horny that you can stop a train. Yeah. Like you have the power to, you're on like Virgin East Coast and you stop a, I've boxed myself in now, there's not very many attractive, Doncaster, this would never happen. No. You're looking at a Doncaster.

Oh, yeah. driver stop And then you He's the horniest man alive It doesn't matter Of course You'd see a lamp post And you'd say stop

Stop Let me find that lamp post On the rest of history Which is our sister podcast Except they don't know about us Our child podcast It's like if you had a sister That you denied existed

And like We're them We're like the rest of history Sisters podcast Except it's like when the Queen's cousins That were mentally disabled They kept them in a basement or whatever What it actually is

We're Fritzel's sister No no The rest of history is Dwight York and we're Harvey Price. Yeah, yeah, exactly. We probably wouldn't exist without the rest of history, but the rest of the history doesn't want anything to do with us.

Doesn't want anything to do with us. And also, compared to Dwight York, we are basically, hello, you cunts. That's all we're doing, really. Dwight York, smashing in 30 goals a season. Dwight York is an absolute artist up front with Andy Cole, beautiful goals.

And then you look at us, hello, you cunts. That's all we're doing. That's exactly what it is. The rest of history is Dwight Cole and welcome you're watching Harvey Price Related but it's technically related

Related but denied They will never We ever took them in the charts And yeah they won't Harvey Price is more popular than Dwight York I reckon at this point I reckon Harvey Price has got more TikToks about him Yeah exactly

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Array! Array! Array! Array! Array! Conjuring last rites. Only on the theater September 5th. Anyway, so welcome back to history with Harvey Price.

We're talking about the cultural revolution. So the Red Guards would ransack historical sites. What was I going to say about the rest of history? Oh, yeah. Sambrook says this is the most tragic period of any history that he's ever, because they are attacking history itself. Yes. Well, if you're a historian,

which is one of the nerdiest things you can say. Yeah, I think the famine that killed 50 million people was a bit sadder, I reckon. No, the idea of history is under attack. That's the, that's the, it's Admiral, it's the fish guy from Star Wars. It's a trap! It's that. We're under attack.

They're destroying a monument. That's what he sounds like. It is sad they losing all this stuff. The Confucian temple in Kufu Shandong was looted and vandalized. There are stories of... Sam Brooke reads that and he's heartbroken. A tear. A tear goes down.

He's just read through 50 million people eating their own kids, right? Yeah, right. Oh my God. A temple was looted. A temple. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Children's announce their parents to authorities. Yeah, they're like telling on their, their mum's, that there's no, that whole relationship is completely destroyed during this period. Yes, the familial, yeah. So what would have,

what the equivalent would be my daughter telling Kirst armor that I use racially dubious accents for bedtime. Yeah. And then Kirst armor, I'm executed. Yeah, you've raised your two kids. They grow up and immediately this happens, they're 15,

they immediately go, yeah, he's the problem. And then you get ex-you're like, what the... I mean, that could happen. When they become aware of YouTube, I am, I mean, that's going to be a difficult conversation. Oh, hang on, workers and students were required to perform dances to demonstrate their loyalty to Mao.

Public squares often echoed with the chance of Maoist slogans. So it is quite TikToky, isn't it, than doing dances to... Well, because TikTok, yeah, bike dance was the original TikTok it was invented in China. And what we said in the first episode, which bear in mind we recorded

a week ago in this fucking series that never ends, is that the century of humiliation for the UK is TikTok families dancing. And so theirs was the opium wars caused the century of humiliation. They've got their own back by importing TikTok and making

Bivo the most safest man in the UK. Exactly. Bivo being famous is humiliating and out of this we will have a Maoist government Yeah, people are like, when are the people going to... When are Britain going to pay for their colonial crimes? Bivo's a celebrity.

Bivo is... We're in the black. We're getting punished. We're in the black. Bivo is worse than the Bengal famine. He's worse than the fucking Balfour Declaration. The fact that Bivo is a millionaire from views, from, you know, the rules.

Yeah. I don't know what the rules are, Bivo. To be honest. Can I have a clarification of what the rules are? Could you please tell me what the rules are? Could you please tell me what the rules are? Which I actually think is similar to what's happening in the culture revolution. Mao's going, you know the rules.

And everyone's going, I really don't. What are the rules? Can I just lynch? My math teacher. Do I just, do I kill him? Is that what the rule is? Is he bad? Yeah.

So it's essentially, it's fucking chaos, right? It's basically what's going on. It's chaos. And it's like intense chaos for two years. And I think it sort of dies down. I don't think there's like a, I don't think there's a clear end until Mao dies. This is what happens, is the red guard are basically two, too chaotic

so that's why now sends them to the countryside to chill out and start farming radishes or whatever to learn from the real peasants

right it is very similar to Brexit it's very similar to when everyone was like no we need to get box pops from Burnley Market

truck stall to see what real people think because we're incorrect we are in London and we're too clever for everyone

and we need to actually see what real people are like and then they go to Bernie and go Oh, okay. I'm done. I'm going back to that. These guys are fucking bridge trolls. Some rocks are better left unturned. Don't turn that rock over. Sixty-nine at the ninth party Congress. Congress formally proclaims the cultural revolution of success. Brilliant. That's good. What a surprise. Who'd have thought it? Well, reading that, I thought it hadn't gone that well, but it seems like it did. It's a success now. Oh. Well, we'll take back what we said about it then. And Lynn Biao, Mao's close alley and designated success who is elevated in the party hierarchy. Then there's some shit with the Soviets, right? He's always hated the Soviets.

Yes, because they've looked down on him. Yeah. Because they've always just never given the respect he deserves. And then... They become openly hostile. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blaw, blah, boring, boring.

Yeah, well, now let's go for his final years, I guess. So he's getting sucked off. He's got... He found a hot tea lady. You should talk about his wife? Because his wife is his fourth wife, who's called... What's his fourth wife called? Who's an actress.

She was an actress. Right. And what else is to say about his wife? I don't know something. She's important. Is she? Suicide by hanging, death. Right.

That seems to be a bit of... She died in 1991. She hung herself in 1991. That's weird. Berlin Wall came down? What happened in 1991, Charlie? Let's work this out. I'm going to crack this cold case wide open.

What films came out in 1991? Stalin's wife killed herself. There is a bit of... Really? Hitler's wife killed herself? Or did he kill her? I think he killed her

What films came out in 1991 Scroll down Scroll down Point Break That's what happened What She saw point break And thought

No one's ever gonna make a film Better than that And she hung herself God I love point break Interesting All Stalin, Hitler and Mao Are all film buffs Yeah

They love cinema What was Mao's favorite film I think Mao I think you liked I think they all like comedies Oh, I reckon Mal would...

Like chaplain comedies. They all love that sort of stuff. Mao would have fucking loved Mr. Bean. Dying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because Mr. Bean's in China. Yeah.

Because it's, you know, it's silent, basically. Yeah. So... Slapstick. Slapstick. Mow's favorite film was the red detachment of women, a revolutionary ballet.

Horny. Fucking hell. No, but this is what he says his favorite films are. No way he actually likes it. Oh, yeah. He probably just like Conair. Yeah.

So, right. Should we do a reflection on Mao then? Well, let's get to the end. And he, because we haven't, we haven't fucking finished the story that we set up at the end of the last episode, which is what he does to his number two, which is horrific. Yes. So in the, at the end of the culture revolution, 1968, Liu Shao Chi, Navy, Lou Shaoji, who was, who sort of was the beginning of the end of the Great Leap Forward and it was the response to that caused the culture revolution. He calls out, he calls out Mao and Mao then what he does is he throws him in prison and by this point, Lu Shao Chi is he is, diabetic and Mao denies him medicine right so he basically just dies from a diabetic hypo

over 10 days he films him yeah and he orders it to be filmed and Mao's just sitting there watching yeah on TikTok live stream he's doing all the heart reacts yeah he's sending gifts he's putting like those dog filters you could put on people he's like starving foaming at them out then he accidentally flicks down and you know what's up you know the rules B-vode I No, fuck that. It goes back to the guy just dying. What's his name, Lu Shao She? Lushal She.

While he's dying, he's going like, thanks for the Zab. So, um, that's, I mean, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I mean, this guy's a, this guy's a cunt. Yeah, I'd say so. I'd say, he's one of the top cunts of all time. But this is the thing that you don't, there's a sadism to Mao that is baked in when you talk about Hitler. But Mao fucking loved killing people and seeing people die.

Whereas Hitler, very efficient like it's almost like factory farming death I don't want to see it I don't want to see the food pyramid I want it to just arrive

and it's done Mao gets off on seeing people die and squirm and he's a sadist right so who so I guess Mao Stalin Hitler we're going to have

to rank him right yeah and Mao obviously is at the bottom for most people because they don't really know as much about him yeah

who would you most like to hang out to begin with who'd be the best on a night out Hitler? Yeah, probably. Come on.

Yeah, probably, yeah. The uniforms, the boys, the, tag and flagon, flag and flagon. You know, he's got, Hitler's got stories. Well, I think also, yeah, Stalin and Mao are a little bit introverted. Stalin's just grumpy, right? Yeah, you don't really know much about Stalin. He keeps his clads close to his chest. But yeah, I guess Mao, I guess the reason why people don't view him as evil is because

he didn't mean to kill the people in the same way that Hitler did. Stalin knew he was starving out Ukraine but also like Stalin had gulags Hitler had obviously the death

camps Mao just had your house just had your house he just turned your house into the death camp it's an interesting about modern China

because they can't dispel the myth but there's still some people who not only support Mao but there's also there's people who support Stalin there's always going to if you're like

there's people who do that for Hitler so I guess that kind of makes sense hello There's people who even say that they want a cultural revolution now I've said that twice in this series

and I stand by it I think play all plays gone Eric Dyer get rid of him TikTok dancers I think we could benefit him a culture revolution yeah I mean

but that's how people feel so modern China obviously much richer they've come out of poverty and salvation but you see the when you're in good times you see the bevo's come out

right Yeah, you're right. You start seeing people live these sort of bourgeois lives where, you know, the T. Katie Price, all that sort of stuff. Have you ever seen, have you ever listened to Chinese music? Yeah, it's terrible. It's bad. It's because they fucking, in the 60s when British and American music really laid the foundations for all popular music moving forward, China just fucked it all off. They went, no, fuck that.

No, music. It's true. Like, Asian food, I think it's a lot better than white people food. Because they had a famine instead of. making music. Vietnam, beautiful country, great people, maybe the worst music of all time. Yeah?

Vietnamese especially. Why do you think that? They've got such terrible singing voices. Yeah. If you listen to any of it, it's like, oh, ding, but sorry. It is like throwing a cal. We got three hours in before you just fucking let rip.

It is like throwing a colander down the stairs. Well, this is my point. Because this is why I don't think it's racist, because I think it's so fair to say that Vietnamese, they don't make good music. Yeah. They really don't. They make great food, great country.

Yeah. Great place to visit. But you're not going there on music tours. No. Yeah. Beautiful people. We've got ugly people. Great music, though.

Yeah. Yeah. We've got ugly fuckers who can sing. Yeah. Should we leave it there? I think we'll leave it there. Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow, Mow. That's been Chairman Mow.

I would argue that maybe he should be reconsidered as the goat of all despotic dictators. I think he's the worst of all time. Yeah. The worst guy of all time. Yeah. certainly the worst leader of all time. The wot. He's the wot. He's the bloat. Mow's the bloat.

Biggest loser of all time. Thanks for watching. If you want to sign up to the Patreon, then it's only three quids. Either way, thank you so much for watching, and we'll see you next time on the rest of shit story.

Long live, Mal. Stairs. Thank you.