Fin vs History - The Worst Prime Minister You’ve Never Heard Of: Alec Douglas-Home | Post War British Prime Ministers, 1945-1979

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Alec Douglas-Who? A Prime Minister who was so boring and ineffective he’s too obscure even for pub quizzes, that’s who The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor 00:00 Enter The GOAT  06:20 Chandeliers to Puppies  13:07 The Right to Fag 19:44 The Last Patrician  24:05 Entirely Encased In Plaster  28:28 Special Relationships  33:28 Terrible On Telly 36:33 At Least Truss Was Memorable Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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or go to explorevolvo.com. Welcome back to Finn versus history. It's the big one. The big one. It's Alec Douglas Hume time. The one you've been waiting for. You can rest easy. We're finally getting to the goat.

It's here. The big one. Finally. Don't worry. We've got to. We have listened to your comments. Yeah. Every week we have people begging us to do this topic.

Douglas Hume, when? Yeah. And we're like, look, we want to establish ourselves first. We want to, we want to practice what it means to do, a comedy history podcast. Douglas Hume, when, when, when, when? Cowards. Cowards. Release it.

You won't do it. Release it now. You won't do it. You won't do it. You're scared of being sentenced. You're scared. You're scared of touching the great man. Sir Alec Douglas Hume, the man, the myth, the legend.

Sir Alec Douglas, who? Yeah. Exactly. I'd not heard of him before we started doing this series. I think I'd heard of every Post World British Prime Minister, at least in a passing way. Yeah. But this is the only one I had literally no idea. Genuinely, we could have arguably skipped this one if we weren't doing the test cricket approach to the series. You can't skip a session of test cricket.

There's lulls. That's not test cricket. There will be lulls. That's what makes it exhilarating when there's no lulls is that it goes in and out. You don't know how exciting it is unless you've been bored for the previous hour. So this is a real, there's no, there's no wickets during this session. No, it's a rain delay. This is a, yeah, this is a very, what would you say this is?

This is basically boycotts opening on a good wicket, but he's not scoring. Because a lot of the stuff we said about McMillan being like the last vestiges of the old world, kind of one of the last Edwardians, kind of, it actually applies to Alec Douglas Hume, but he just doesn't really count. No, I mean, because he's an atonian old boy. Yeah, our criteria for the series. series as if your portrait is in Downing Street, then we're doing an episode, at least one episode on you.

And, uh, you know, the rest of history aren't doing this. No. Cowards. No one's touching this. Dan Snow is not touching this. Uh, which has meant, Joe Rogan is not touching this. It has meant this series has been quite hard to research this episode. Yeah.

Um, because I think we are the first history podcast to tackle Alec Douglas Hume. What is interesting is because we have so many thick, many listeners, uh, a lot of people will not ever think about Sir Alec Douglas Hume. apart from this podcast. So even though it's maybe not the most respected history, it is maybe one of the most popular histories of Sir Alec Douglas Hume. This will be the most complete history out there. This will actually add to the historiography.

We're changing his legacy because I think before this episode, a lot of people will never know who he is. But they'll listen to this. If someone brings him up, they will just remember this episode. Do you know what we're doing with this? People who listen to this, we are giving them absolute weapons-grade hum-actualies for a dinner party.

Yeah, yeah. Clear a dinner party. How many primers are allowed, if you, if you don't have a smelly fart in you, bring up Sir Alec Douglas Hume to clear a room. I think we went, uh, when a mill and then, uh, Wilson dinner. Oh, actually, Sir Alec Douglas Hume for eight months. Um, Alec Douglas Hume was prime minister for 363 days. Now, is that, Charlie, is that more or less than trust?

It's way less, way more. Is it? Truss was 42 days. Was trust only 42 days? Yeah. You're having to laugh? No. Four to two days.

Alex Keeley has that great bit about if she lives to like 90, she will have spent more days at the cenotaph or Remembrance Sunday than she was in power. Wow. Because she gets invited back every year. That's, I mean, God, she's Sean Bright though. Yeah. And she was the prime, was she the prime minister when the queen died at the Queen's funeral? Yeah, she killed the queen.

In 42 days, she was the fight. From Churchill to trust. Yeah. Elizabeth's story with the prime ministers. Yeah, and in many ways, Sir Alec Douglas Hume, the biggest thing that happens during his raid is that JFK gets assassinated. Oh, fuck.

So he's the guy. Right. So he's kind of the only thing that happens. Yeah. So you do some research on this, and the premiership is Sunday only served as PM for 363 days, didn't implement any major policies or change anything. Yeah.

So it's, um... Tough start. It's a tough start. You're starting to get a sense of why Sandbrook isn't touching this. nothing happens. Let's do average house prices. In keeping with the series, Douglas Hume comes to power in 63.

Firstly, I'd like to play 63, if you would. 1963, this is after Hungary's been invaded by the Soviets. And it's before Alex Hurricane Higgins takes snooker by storm. And I do think... Well, what was that? So when was the Golden Age of Snook? Is that 70s?

Late 70s into the 80s. I think Alex Hurricane Higgins wearing a purple fedora is how I imagine our listeners when they get invited to a funeral or christening you can find the picture of him wearing a purple fedora

but there was a period in the 70s that Snoke was more popular than football that is how our listeners dress for a funeral they go well if it's smart if it's smart if it's smart I'm wearing my multicol

I'm wearing my magic eye waistcoat my bowtied my purple fedora oh coin minderia yeah they're amateur magicians World War II Memorial coin behind your ear? Oh, lovely stuff. Tesco's 1998 World Cup, Memoirs of Coin behind the year. Alec Douglas Hume, 63 to 64.

This is the last great establishment steering of the of the country, really. House prices, the average house price is £2,840, just about 50 grand in today's money. Unemployment rate is 3.6%. It's going up a lot. It's going up. The house has been built to a certain extent

the jobs are getting less. There's less to do. And McMillan is when you start to see the tension in the planned economy in that the trade unions are making a lot of noise about paying more and we're starting to get into the issues that will define the rest of Britain's political life

until Mommy comes to wake us up. So, Mommy, Mommy's not around yet. Mummy's not come out. She might be having a, I've had her twins. Did you know, actually, apparently Dennis Thatcher, her husband. You know how he's portrayed as like the weakest husband ever. It's because she kept him out of the,

deliberately portrayed him like that because he was the most racist man that's ever lit. And he was, he was pro-Safcan-Afghan apartheid. She basically like, can you make it seem like you're a dithering idiot? Because if you're actually getting from the cameras,

you're going to ruin my life. Right, right, right. So in 63, she was MP. Finchley. Love an MP. Shadow Minister for Pensions. Mommy. Okay, she's a minister.

She's an MP. She's in the house. Right. It's comforting to know. mummies in the house. Mummy's at home. She's not yet nursing us back to health, but she's at home. So in 1963, let's deal with Britain.

The 60s are in, are starting to come on now. The Beatles have got their first number one. Is that the first number one? Or it's the Christmas number one. I want to hold your hand. So the music's getting recognizably good now. But also, this is when music starts to get like sexual. Yeah.

You're holding hands. This is where the girls are literally strumming. themselves silly at concerts. But it's funny that they're strumming themselves silly at the idea of a beetle holding their hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, it's not this, it's not waft. Four men with bowl cuts holding their hands. Yeah, and they're like, ah, ah, you know, they're like, Freddie getting themselves. Sane low, like.

Yeah, like, Stain low's there. Oh my gosh, how much it's, they're just banging it. They're just throwing mucky pants of the Beatles. And they're literally singing

about holding hands. Yeah. There's a really nice, this is where, I really like the innocence of pop with the depravity of fandom because now it all lines up in that now you know

wet ass pussy and you have guys wanking the crowd or I don't know it's all disgusting feels but in the old days hold your hand was code for finger you probably I don't know maybe maybe it wasn't

well that's what the teen but the teens are around now the teens are a an advertising but the romance holding your hand that's enough to get a woman off I guess yeah Now, was wet-ass pussy, was that a number one? Wet-ass pussy.

It was the number one here. Wet-ass pussy. Which of the Beatles, do you think, was most likely to release a song called Wet Ass Pussy? Probably Lenin. No, it's Ringo. It's 100%. It's Octopus's Garden. This is why we don't let you write the songs, Ringo.

It's a yellow submarine. It's all water base. The third one in that trilogy is Wet Ass Pussy. Soggy Tenton. I want to be. Down by the sea. with a wear towel pussy or muffay um the beach boys are around everybody was surfing surfing us wap the first episode doctor who starts from russia with love BBC two starts television is

expanding yeah we have BBC two explosion prawn cocktail strange experimental foods are coming in Arctic roll yeah spotted dick spotted dick spotted roll is 63 that's the local calf does both with Art de Ronspotter. Well, I figure Spotted Dick was much older because, I mean, I used to have that at school. Right.

As a renaissance. The fittest woman. Now, I don't know if we did this last. Oh, we did. Who's the fittest women? Gene Shrimpton. Absolute 60s, Mega babe.

Now, what are they calling jeans? People are getting fit now. People are starting to get fit. Yeah. They get it. Mary Quantz inventing the miniskirt. Yes, that's a British invention, right? It's a British invention.

They've got fit, makeup. They're starting to wear makeup. And the miniscuit becomes a, symbol of the sexual revolution. Yes. People are walking past the mini skirt shop, shaking their heads. This is absolute disgrace. Now, what are we calling Gene Shrimpton's boobs

in this day and age? Puppies. There's a slang for boobs at this time. That's a bit gruevier? Chee-Chi. Look at the puppies on that. It's a little bit more... It's sexually aggressive. It's gross. Puppies is a bit more kind of like velvet carpet. It's a bit more smooth

because it's the 60s. I think puppies. I actually think puppies is the grossest one we've so far. I think if I was in the sexual arena, the sexual theatre. Yeah. The sexual theatre. Yeah. Fight to the death. It is a fight to the sexual theatre is a theatre theatre of death. Lunger games. I would, I think, I would more, I'd be more confident about a deploying chandelion. As in. Go, go, go, go, go, go. I'm thinking about what word, what were, you're having, I'd use norks. That's what I mean, is you're having sex with your girlfriend. And I don't talk during sex because I'm British. Yeah. But what are you deployed what word for boobs

are you more like to deploy and it not end the end the session right norks chandeliers bazookas or puppies I think puppies is disgusting yeah to call boobs melons I mean I think top bollocks is the worst

top bollock look at that top ballacks on that get your top bollocks out love get your top bollocks out baps I like baps I like yeah but using that in a sexual You do that from a building site. Oh, look at that I'm baps. You've got such lovely baps.

You've got such lovely puppies. Oh, I want to be sick in my mouth. Puppies. Oh, God. Isn't it horrible? Yeah. A pussy and some puppies. It's a fucking batsy dog's home in your bed.

What about the twins? Twins is quite a tape. Show us the twins. I prefer that to puppies. I think puppies is astonishingly gross. I think I coined twins. What do you mean you coined it? I think I've made up.

No, you haven't. No, you haven't. I've heard it before. Have you? Yeah, Charlie. Well, I made it up out of my own head then. Show us the twins. Do you want me to play with your twins?

Do you want me to blow on your twins? Do you want to look after your twins while you go to the bathroom? She wants some free childcare this weekend. Do you look after the twins? I'll take them around London. Do we take the twins to the, drop the twins off at the pool? What's that? I don't really know.

Drop the twins off at the pool. Shuff your boobs in the toilet. So puppies or melons. Melons is also coming into the parlance. So, I mean, just before we crack in. to the, you know, I know that people at home thinking, get on with it. People are thinking, why are you holding,

you're edging us? You've been waiting for six months to do that like Donald's team. Why aren't you dealing with him? Because I just want to put a flag in the sand that in the space of six years, we've gone from chandeliers, bazookas norks to puppies. And by a cheechee, I mean, the

slang for boobs, you can, you can trace. Spasms of change are happening. Shuddering change. Shuddering change. Men are quivering at the sight of norks, puppies, melons. You know, you can, the permissive society is what I'm trying to get to. This is what we're tracing. Yeah. You know, and it's nice to know that Churchill never called them puppies.

So when did the, the kind of prime of the, because the 60s transfers from swinging 60s, London, transfers to California, late 60s. The centre of culture for a couple of years is London. And it's not really like that kind of ever again in this century where it's like the, Certainly not nowadays in Londonistan. No, God, no. But it transfers to California late 60s. Right.

So it's actually a very small window where the newest fashions, the kind of the most trendy place in the world is London. I don't know when that is. When is the prime swinging 60s London? I think it's 64 to 67, but also what Andrew Maher said in his book

is that it's literally 20 people. Yeah. That are the London set. Like it's five rock stars, a couple of models of the photographer. It's 20 people. Most people are living 50s, If you live in Redding, you don't give a fuck about swinging London

because you're in boring Redding. Yeah. It's a couple of streets. It's a couple of streets in London. Anyway, let's stop dithering and get in to the big dog. Alec Douglas Hume becomes Prime Minister because Harold McMillan, his predecessor, his prostate, his prostate's gone up like a hot air balloon. He caved in.

It imploded like a submissible in the ocean of not having sex. He is a lord. So this is a real establishment stitch up, which paves the way in for Harold Wilson, of course, is that he has to reject his peerage, and then he contests a constituency of Kinross and West Perthshire. And so for two weeks, he is a prime minister who belonged to neither the lords nor the commons. Right. So it's a complete, you know, if you think about the optics of McMillan falling from, you know, losing the moral authority. Yeah.

And then the Tory party getting in someone who's not elected a. call for two weeks. True old boy. It's a real old boy stitch up. Jobs for the boys. Howard Wilson. Hand shandies for the lads. Oh, please.

Please. Howard Wilson takes issue with this and describes it as a counter-revolution. So, who is this mysterious man? Born in 1903, descendant of a long line of Scottish nobility. And we're about to Robert the Bruce. Went to Eaton, obviously. Now, he mentions in his autobiography,

a son of him's written that. I mean, who is reading? Not us. You get a picture of Hume's autobiography. What was it called? What's your time for the picture? What's you thinking it's called? My Life and Politics?

At home with Hume. Douglas HOME. Well, that's just how his name's felt. Alec Douglas Home alone and it's up. Yeah. The way the wind blows. An autobiography. I'd like to read the blurb of that, if you wouldn't mind.

The book offers a glimpse into his life and political career, particularly his experiences in foreign affairs and diplomacy. While some readers, you're gone. While some readers find it as a pleasant and easy, read, others note a lack of depth and personal insight

into his motivations. Right. I guess his career had no depth. Yeah. So. Apparently, a key aspect

to the book, he was a decent and genuine man with limited personal reflection. Right. So, Eaton,

he talks about fagging. Yes. Which we touched on the last episode, but I feel like given the sparsity of other things

to talk about, we should deal with fagging. So fagging is a thing at your school? It was not. Was it a thing at your school? I don't think,

I mean, I didn't board, so I don't, I think it was, it was maybe a boarding thing. Fag. Thank you, Charlie. That's when the homophobic robots take over. If you're listening, we've got, we've got a homophobic Stephen Hawking in the corner. Detective Hawking, How to Catch a Homo. Stephen Hawking meeting Elton John. Get a photo of that up.

Yeah. Get a photo of Stephen Hawking meeting out on John. Can you just play the, play the sound again? Fack. Yeah, that's what. that's Hawking meeting that's Hawking in June in central London.

Yeah. So basically in very old school elite boarding schools there's not even all private schools this is like top end really traditional boarding schools to kind of make it

as traumatic and gruelling as possible which is what elite boarding schools are about. Yes. It's about getting really wealthy privileged people to have also have really miserable lives as well but just by their own volition.

So fagging is when you make a younger people act as your sort of personal slave? Yes. Fag comes from apparently comes from weary. Which is interesting. It is interesting. Because they're not weary. The right to fagg carries with it certain

well-defined duties. The fagmaster. When did the right to fag come in? I view myself as a bit of a fagmaster. That's under Wilson, I think. The right to fag. Right to fag act. I think that's like to repeal it. Yeah, the right to fag. Would you say you fag me?

I feel like I'm maybe. You're the fag of this podcast. I think you're the fag of this podcast. The fagmaster. is the protector of his fags and responsible for their happiness and good contact. So what is it just like your mother hen? I'd see myself as a fagmaster. Fags had to black boots.

Polish boots. Polish boots. Brush clothes, clean rooms, cook breakfast. Also, so I read this in Roald Dars' autobiography. He went to a very fancy school as well. Yeah. He was a fag. Yeah. And, um, but that's unrelated.

Yeah. Anyway. Enough about his sex one. He, one of the main things that fangs would do during the winter. is they had to go sit on the toilets in the morning to warm them up. So that, because obviously it's freezing cold. Oh, I'd love a fag at home to warm my toilet seat.

Because the problem at the moment is that my wife does that, but then I have to sit in her funk. I have to sit in her wife funk, which I don't want to. So you'd like a fag who's not shitting in the loot. Yes. Don't speak up on my wife at those toes. She emits a funk. But she does warm the toilet seat.

Yeah. I'd say the perfect temperature because I think too hot makes my poo tree does she is it a service no it's just her metabolism is faster than mine

right okay I'm just wondering if she does have the toilets oh I'm sure I'm sure I could I mean you could pimper out yeah I can rent a wife and it's not it's not pimping because it's purely

warming toilet seats which if you've just had a child it's also probably the most action you're getting what warm toilet is the feeling of the warmth from your wife's buttock after she's had a poo. That's the most...

That's what you need. In the six months, I got first child, that was all I got, really. That had to sustain me three months of a newborn life. Just that buzz, you know. Yeah, that's all you need.

That's all you need. No, I'd be well up for having. I think that's a very good service, actually. He just mentions it. So, he graduates with a third from Oxford. Fucking hell. So he's not remarkable really at all. Jobs for the boys.

It is totally jobs for the boys. He plays county cricket, a Middlesex County Cricket Club, which the MCC. He plays international matches against Argentina on an MCC tour in 26, 27. He then takes a two-year sabbatical, of course, at his family's estates. So blah, blah, blah. As he's, now this is the last type of this sort of politics, which you get a bit with Reese Mogg, actually, I say. It's coming back a bit. Right.

But there's a type of person who thinks, well, it's my duty as a proper bloke as a gentleman to enter politics. Yeah. It's the ultimate patrician, isn't it? Right. And this is where this ends. This is why he's significant actually. McMillan, you know, if it wasn't for this, you'd say it was McMillan, but this is the last

patrician. All the stuff we said about McMillan, this is actually... This is actually the last one. Yeah. So 31, he's elected as a unionist MP. He married his headmaster's daughter. See, all of these, like, people who end up in power, they're always marrying the bosses.

Yeah, they are. Boss's kid. It seems to be a way to climb up the greasyy pole. And then the middle is watching them fuck. Yeah. Oh, my word. Okay, so his wife's not a looker. Hang on, hang on, go up.

The lady home of the Herschel. My God. So she's the first lady at one point. Yeah, proper Scottish fair that. Now, yes, that is a Scottish fair. Should we, should we, is it tasteless to rank Prime Minister's wives? Yeah, I think it is tasteless. Is it?

Let's do it. Let's do it. Right. Can you get Churchill's wife up? Get Atley's wife up. Get McMillan's, I mean, is we're going to have three. Should we discount McMillan because he never. It wasn't really his wife.

He was a really his wife. A bit of a beauty contest. This is Churchill's wife. Okay, not bad. Right. Clementine. This is Violet. Okay, I like Violet.

Yeah. She looks like, she's got a very kind face. I like Clementine. Yeah, she looks like Churchill. Eden had two wives, so let's get them both up. So this is Clarissa. She's a bit older there. Oh, yeah.

Oh, but you can see she was a real smoke show in the early. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eden's going to be. Who's Beatrice Beckett? No, her eyes are too far apart. he made the right decision in divorcing her I'll tell you that now I think Clementine's beautiful

Churchill's wife Eden's first wife no Eden's second In second Eden's first wife We will do a series on the wives of prime ministers We will rank them

That's Lisa Anne Charlie That's Gordon Brown's wife That's Jane Brown That's why his eyes are like that That's Too much Yeah too much motorboating The tits is so big that he needs his eyes to be able to...

What are we calling her puppies? Those are puppies. They're fucking Rottweiler. Caesar Anz got. My Gordon Brown's eyes are like that. Okay. Christ. Anyway, Neville Chamberl makes Douglas Hume

his parliamentary private secretary, his fagg, if you will. Right. And so he goes to the Munich Agreement. He's at the Munich Conference. Oh, he's there. He's there. He recounted that he saw Hitler walking with his arms hung low to his knees and he swung in unison, giving him a curiously animal appearance.

Loads like a sort of monkey. Hitler monkey. Aye! Aye! Nazi monkey. Nazi monkey. And blood! Nazi monkey.

Lovely stuff. He also said that Mussolini kept walking around with his chin up to conceal an unsightly carbuncle on the top of his head. What's a carbuncle? It's like a big wart is it? Let's go a bit clod. It's a cluster of bull. oils. Let's have a look. Right.

Oh, is that why bussy things like this? Yeah. It's because he's got a massive spot on his head. Oh, God, that's disgusting. So, war record, none. Because, and this, I have to say, is the funniest thing about him. Yeah. So in 1940, he signs up to go and fight in World War II. Yeah.

But his doctor tells him, firstly, to wait three months to settle his nerves. Because, I mean, he's the right type of bloke that they go, are you sure you want to do this? Yeah. Then he comes back. He has a medical check. It discovers he's got TB in his spine. So, if he had not been caught, then he could have been paralyzed. Are we sure that's true? Well, if it's not, then what happens next is insane.

Okay. So he has a six-hour operation to remove a bit of his spine, and they replace it with a bit of his shin. Is that? For the next two years, he is... Do you do that? How that when you get pubs for your hair transplant or something, or whatever it is? Is that what they do?

In Turkey? I don't know. Take your pubs and put them on your... head. I don't think they do that. I don't think they do that. You come back and you just got a stinky. You've got a bush on you. You've got like a 70s deep throat bush on your head. You've been turkey? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it did feel weird that they were doing that. Yeah, my head fucking stinks now. But

my balls never smell better. I got head hair down there. I got dick hair up there. Perfect. What would it look like? Because what you want is long, luscious, shampoo and conditioned hair for your pubs. So like Iggy Pop, kind of like long blonde hair. You want the dick to be behind a curtain. And then you want a sort of a pub fro. Yeah.

Oh my God. That's someone who glued pubs to their skin. Someone did it. Oh, they deleted it. So on Reddit, the thread is, I gave up slash I glued pubes to my head. It wouldn't look good. It's more like, it's just eyebrows, really, as opposed to hair. You've just got big eyebrows as opposed to more hair.

Right. you know um anyway what happens is they take a bit of his shin put it in his spine to recover he is entirely encased in plaster for two years we're just during the war yeah yeah lying on his back for two years like this so mcmillan was playing dead at the song yeah and douglas like you was just going it's literally in plaster lying his back like this waiting for his spine deal on the front was it a shell was it a fucking trapnel no no it's just a surgery gone wrong

I don't even left my house didn't even go wrong it's just that's they took a bit of a spine out and they to wait for it to fuse whatever two years so he he is lying in plaster like a mummy for two years yeah and apparently he gains four stone going from 11 stone to 15 stone then he has to lose the weight when he loves to walk again he genuinely just read

communist books while he and then became virulally anti-communist That's quite funny reading it and going, I want a load of bollocks. Yeah, just as why you're there. Oh, what a load of shit. I don't need anyone. I'm self-sufficient.

Sorry, can someone help me piss? Does someone bring me some food? Pull yourselves up by your bootstruck. Could you wipe my ass please? Yeah, I can't wipe my ass for. I've just done a big poo in the plaster. How's he pooing? People need to learn to stand on their own two feet.

Yeah. I can't walk. Yeah. It's like a free market hawking. Yeah. Who's just sort of in the, just lying there. free market hawking

free market hawkine without the clever stuff yeah it's hawkins without the brain it's just a virulately anti-communist hawkings so back to politics in 43 he returns to parliament

following his two years of being in plaster so he's out of the paper mashay now yeah yeah he's been encased in paper mashay I mean the smell of his balls when they cut that off oh

because you know when you cut like your arms in plaster you cut it off the stink is like evil It's like an evil watchstrap smell Yeah But imagine that but it's your Like there's an ancient evil to it

Yeah It's like a darkness you cannot comprehend And your curse comes out Yeah So he loses his seat In 45 Which is quite funny given he's just He's just been able to sit up

Loses that So he gets out of a seat For the first time in five years Yeah And then they go right You've lost your seat So 1950 he wins a seat back After distributing a letter

From the rival MP The letter Oh the letter is So he snitched he's a snitcher because his rival for the seat was a communist blah blah blah in 1951 his father dies

so he becomes so he then steps down the commons to take up his hereditary period so he gets a promotion gets promotion he's done nothing and he's got promotion all he's done is lie down for two years during the war

basically every every other prime minister at this point has done something to contribute towards the war effort he's lying down for two years yeah well someone's got to I lay down my life. I lay down. I lay down for a bit.

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See golden nuggettcasino.com for details. Please play responsibly. 1960 becomes McMillan's Foreign Secretary, which is obviously controversial because he's unelected. Does he have anything that he did which was good, like even politically? Let alone the war. Did he have some success as a minister? Or is he just from good stock?

He goes back, he becomes Heath's Foreign Secretary. And I think he does something then. Fine. But even that, I'm not sure of it. So basically the entirety of his year-long premiership is dominated by the fact there's an election coming up. Right. He left ministers to get on with the job because he didn't know what the fuck was going on. Don't assume didn't have any landmark policies.

So like the independence of Malawi, Zambia, Zanzibar, Malta. But we're all developed under McMillan. Yeah. So he literally did absolutely nothing. He may as well have been in plaster. Yeah. his entire premiership his entire premiership

just lying there like that come on stop being pick yourself out by your bootstraps he accepts the reports findings on higher education he accepts them yep so someone brings it I accept that

brilliant he's set in train a massive expansion in higher education okay and then really the big thing is that JFK has assassinated

a month into his tenure he had a good relation with JFK during his time as foreign secretary, but didn't continue with the successor. Oh, Lyndon B. Johnson. All right. Because the special relationship sours a bit under B. Johnson. Does it? Yeah, like they

he like... Enormous hog he had. Yeah, a massive hog. You've seen those pictures of him leaning over people as well. I mean, he used his height to devastate. When we do the equivalent series for the US, American presidents, Lyndon B. Johnson's arguably the greatest

president, I think. Yeah, I love Lindenby Johnson. He's amazing. He's fascinating. Real bully. A bully, massive hog. thing he'd just intimidate people where he'd stand right up close but it's like there's something to it if you are the most powerful man in the world yeah fucking throw it around a little bit and also he'd he'd have meetings where he'd just go for a shit halfway through leave the door open and just carry on talking like secretaries while he's pooing he's like a power pooher and he would always talk about how uncomfortable his suit was because his hog's so big bbby once got

bollocked by a director and then halfway through the bollicking he went for a shit and It took ages. Was he still bollicking it while he was having poo? No, no. But it was like 25 minutes. Wow. And he came back. It stank.

They were all in the room. And then he kind of forgot, anyway, you guys can go. Yeah. So I think he was like, I'm just going to go to the loo. I'll be right back.

I'm angry with you guys. And then just, just, just, ah! He got so. He got so. He got so angry he pooed?

Yeah, I guess so. Wow. 25 minutes, just, they're just sat there. Two women. But do you think, I think the average time of a shit, has gone up since

since smartphones. Yeah. Because I think now people, I notice this myself a lot. I'm having a poo and then I'm on my phone and then I finish the poo ages ago but I'm just on the phone. Yeah.

In the 90s you're having a poo you're getting on with it. You're back out there. Yeah, you have like red marks and your legs from where you've been, yeah. I've got poo grooves. I'm watching entire TV series on the toilet.

Yeah. Entirety of the West Wing. Yeah, I watch that entirety of Seinfeld. I'm not doing that, Charlie. All right. So he didn't get on with Lindenby, John. and it was becoming clear that the special relationship

was more special for Britain. Do you have any special relationships? Well, yeah, you? Special relationship. Your special needs and we have a relationship. But you know, you have a relationship with an old woman. Yeah, Teresa.

Yeah. But you have a real fascination with old women. I get on with them. Like, yeah, I find that they're spent a lot of time with them. They're more straightforward and kinder than most people. Yeah.

It's odd. But yeah, that's a special relationship. It's very special, yeah. Yeah, Theresa Rahman. Shout out. Yeah, Theresa Raman. When was the last time you saw her, Teresa? Last week, I took her over a snow globe from Spain.

How's Raman doing? She's all right, she's smoking a lot, but it's kind of her last. But you both smoked together, don't you? Yeah, there's nothing like that. Having a cigarette with an old lady in a windowless room is the best feeling in the world. Is it? Yeah. She smokes straights or roll-ups?

She feels like you're alive, but dying as well. She smokes roll-ups? She smokes roll-ups, yeah. How's her rolling technique? Pretty awful, but like... She's fascinating. When someone's like been smoking roll-ups to their whole life. from their technique is still bad.

Yeah, I think she had a stroke so her technique is kind of waning. All right, don't make it. Keep it like Charlie. Come on. But yeah, I see her once a week. We won't flog it and have a tea together. And nail straights.

Guys, we've got the most interesting man in Britain. Sorry, I can't believe we have veered off course when we're dealing with Alec Douglas Hume. So, let's talk about him on television because obviously the television age has come in. It's been Black Friday for seven years. Everyone's got a big telly. Yeah.

Get out my way. I want a fucking Nutri Bullet. Theresa Rahman's been fucking drop-kick down the stairs so someone can get a theory. Teresa Rahman's probably watched Alex Dogger's team on television. Yeah, probably has. Probably. So he's so bad on TV because... Can we get any footage up?

Well, it's quite funny is that I don't think he understands what it is. No. Because he's Edwardian. Let's just have a little taste. His first performances on television seem to confirm the fears around him because his first TV broadcast quote conveys a sincerity but fails to excite. He appeared wooden and nothing would make him telegenic.

Apparently, his nervous tendency was to shoot his tongue out like a lizard and lick his lips. Because he had very dry lips. Right. Because being on TV was so... So was he the first TV... Prime Minister then? First Prime Minister you have to deal with TV. My Millen did TV.

My Millen did addresses. I watched one this morning. Right. It was not... Yeah. Oh, you know. You watch him? Yeah.

This is him when he's in the cabinet. Fever is already at high point. Are you beginning to miss the scent of battle? Well, I shall be in it, I think, or not on my own account, because everybody writes to me now and says, now you've got nothing to do. Will you come and speak for me?

So I shall be occupied during the election campaign in the marginal seats in Scotland and some in England too. He's got that real old. He's got genuinely, he's got genuinely, No lips. He's so bad that he had them here.

You know, this sort of accent is sort of gone, but it really is quite extraordinary how these people speak. He never, yeah, I mean, he apparently. Well, that was the 74. That wasn't during his publishing. So he, apparently, he was getting done up by makeup artists. and he quote had this awful he had the cadaverous image of a skull

i.e. just looks like a fucking dead person and before a BBC interview he asked a makeup assistant if she could make him look better he was told there's nothing to be done he had a head like a skull hasn't everyone he asked no they replied so basically he looks fucked

he's got nothing going on he spent his formative years in plaster lying down yeah in interviews he seemed poorly briefed and in 1964 you insisted that the British economy had seldom been stronger, only to be contradicted to the following day by the publication of the worst ever trade. He made four major speeches to the House of Commons.

Wow. He made no pretense to economic expertise. That's hilarious. He commented that his problems... I don't claim to be an expert. Yeah, you're prime minister, mate. Listen, the smarter people than me out there, they'll know what to do. I've got no idea.

I can't stress how I spent most of my life encased in plastic. It's almost like this is a social experiment. I'm not really into politics. You're literally the Prime Minister. He said, when I have to read economic documents, I have to have a box of matches and start moving them into position

to simplify and illustrate the points to myself. When he speaks to his Chancellor, he's one of the people who counsel his fingers like this. One, two. How much do we have? One trillion, two trillion. Let's get to this.

The only thing that really actually happens. Is this during his time in office? Yeah, he's Prime Minister. So, April 64, at a Scottish Unionist Conference. Christ, that must be fun. don't threaten me with a good time. A group of left-wing students

ask him to sign a forfeit to charity in return for not kidnapping him. He signs and gives them one pound as a joke because he's fucking hilarious. The students follow him home, knock on his door and say they're going to kidnap him.

He asked if he could pack a bag. He's got composure. While he's packing a bag, he offers them a beer, allows them to take pictures in the house. He chats with them and then he said if they kidnapped him, the Tories would win the upcoming election by two to 300 seats. And so after drinking with him for a while, the students gave up the kidnap plot and left.

Douglas Holm didn't report it because he didn't want his security guard to lose his job. Right. Yeah, it's simpler time, I guess. I mean, it's... How serious were these students about kidnapping? I guess it's... I mean, it's the beginning of the kind of student left-wing 60s.

It's probably the most boring kidnapping story has ever been. And he didn't even make a big deal of it. No. Had to drink with him. But he becomes president of the MCC. Right. 66.

Because his real love and seemingly the only thing he has any passion for is cricket. Yeah. Apparently he made very classist decisions.

You surprised me. He supported the controversial rebel tours which we did a Patreon episode on. To apartheids Africa. At the height of apartheid where everyone's like well obviously boycotting this

as a private enterprise a lot of English players went out to play tours in Africa and he was behind it. So let's get to his legacy let's sum him up let's we don't need to be a long one on this he might be the most boring man we've ever covered we've listen your prayers have been answered and we did joan of arc

we did do joan of arc but we've done douglas hume yeah uh blah blah blah yeah blah yeah yeah given that i didn't know about him yeah until four days before we started doing this yeah until 40 45 minutes ago yeah and i also sort of still don't know about him yeah um i think he's got to be the worst promise that we've ever had because at least trust had looks Eden had looked looks obviously yeah

yeah he could be at the bottom at the moment fully fully the bottom but I mean you could argue because he didn't fuck anything up

he could he could just kind of like be above some of the ones who clustered fucked it do you know what I mean or do you need to have

more about you I just think at least trust was memorable yeah you know yeah definitely the most boring

um so his pros is distinguished foreign secretary respect for his adeptness in foreign affairs notably he negotiated the partial nuclear test ban treaty

and displayed strongly shipped during the Cuban missile crisis. Boring. Cons, unelected PM, detached aristocratic image. He is the end point of... All right, you're taking the piss now, sounding this guy, basically. It's like, it's the absolute... It's a very last of the steam locomotives, supposedly. He is the most boring, most establishment it ever gets.

and after this, the British people draw a line under-electing these kinds of people. They don't want patricians, they don't want old boys, they want an exciting northern, woke, lefty, libtard. Nasal. Nasal. Yeah. Who smokes a pipe.

Yeah. And that's what they're going to get. Next time, we get into, definitely the most interesting. Probably we've done. Probably this next administration is arguably the biggest in terms of social change. For sure. it is like you know

this is the real 60s sacred cows are slaughtered on the altar of progress abortion gay rights theatre censorship a lot of great experiments have started and have they worked

we still don't know yeah too early to tell Harold Wilson is our next episode Prime Minister who actually does stuff if you've got to the end of this one Fairfax Fairfax do you Fairfax you're a fan

Go outside get outside do something else If you'd like to have early access to the entirety of the rest of the series join the Patreon and we're for three pounds a month

you too can get hot gossip on history's greatest figures like Alec Douglas Hume This has been Alec Douglas Hume It's been a blood bath We've done it, we've done it now We've done it

So you can stop asking us When are you going to do ugly, We've done it now Are you happy? Well, I'm not happy No, I'm not happy That was fucking boring might as well have done a fucking episode on my neighbour

what's your neighbour called well yeah so join us next week we'll be doing scaffolders who ingeniously hides tins of beer in his in his bins oh so that he can hide him for his wife that's already more interesting than Dave we might have to bleep his name

yeah go see I think he's an alcoholic that's bleep his name in the edit well that's a lot more to him than Alec Doug's got a lot going on. He's got a lot going on. Anyway, the British Prime Minister Post-war series rattles on and it's gathering pace.

Don't worry, as we said, a test cricket match is only exciting after it's been boring for a bit. So next time, it's Wilson and then finally, we get to the 70s. Don't yawn. We get to the 70s.

The 70s is the funniest politics has ever been. Join us next time. Howard Wilson. This has been Anna God of your tune. We'll see you next time on Finn versus History. Good night. Hello, it's Andrew Harrison here. Hello, it's Andrew Harrison here. Every child deserves the best start in life,

but not every child gets it. From health to happiness, education to opportunity, the early years shape everything, where you're born and your family's resources can set the stage for success or struggle. And by the age of five, some kids arrive at school, curious and ready, while others are already behind. So how can we make sure all children get the start they deserve? The educationalists and psychologists at the University of Leeds are hard at work on this, and they talk about what they've discovered in the latest edition of How to Fix,

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