Fin vs History - The Wright Brothers were Flap-Dodgers | The History of Flight (Part 1/2)

Episode Date: June 30, 2025

For centuries man thought that simply dressing up like a big owl would be enough to fly. But how come the people who finally cracked it were the most boring men who’ve ever lived? The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/fintaylor?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus History. As ever, I'm joined by Horatio Gould. Today, it's the history of Nali Furtado. It's the history of Nelly Fattado. Do you know the Kurdish version of that song? No. I'm like a Kurd. I only immigrate.

Very good. I don't know where my home. No, they don't have any home. They don't. Saddam. Free Kurdistan, I guess. I don't know enough about it. Saddam, Saddam was robust against the Kurds.

It was very robust. It's not, no, today's the history of flight. Which I guess, it's not the flight from Kurdistan to these shores. But Nellifetado does go on the timeline at some point, singing I'm like a bird, right? Yes, that is. That's where we're going to, I think. Yeah, I don't think we should start with it potentially. I don't think.

Unless we start with Nelifatio and work backwards. Or we do that dramatic thing that history potter. do where you start with a key moment you say how do we get here i've been thinking that i've been listened to a lot of history podcasts where they start with sound design yeah it's like some sort of audio like a ship crashing yeah yeah and then they start and then i was like well should we ever do that yeah yeah yeah we're doing that today with nellie fatada okay let's try it a puerto rican woman is on a bonnet of a car she's got big hoop earrings and you can see a bit of her tissy flesh honking chebs she's got honking chebs

and she's squirreling away I think she's does she wash a car in the video I'm getting very confused I don't remember I think she's under a tree maybe yeah I don't think I've seen the music video is she Puerto Rican I don't know you were very bold with that

I don't think she's a vaguely Hispanic woman woman an undocumented migrant is washing a car beneath the tree singing warbling warbling about how she'd like to fly one day how did we get here what went wrong what went wrong

Welcome to the history of flight That was an amazing What a great intro That's so dramatic Here she is Here she is Look I was right about the big gold hoop earrings Yeah

I'll sorry about the honking chibs She's browner than I remember That's fine That's fine That's fine Apparently Absolutely fine Apparently

I've got no issue With how brown she is There's no car though Oh my God she's in the air She's about flight I guess so I only fly away Did you do fun

I think it's came out Of 2003 I'd say Yeah, I think so, around there. It's very mid-noughties. So I'd say this is just after our timeline ends. Sure. Okay. This is the long road to 9-11.

We had many long roads to 9-11. All roads lead to 9-11. That's what we will ultimately prove with this historical podcast. I guess they never could have thought what would have happened when they were trying. It's not all roads, is it? It's all flight paths lead to 9-11. To the World Trade Center. How did we get here?

Yeah. That's the main starting point. point. This is the history of man's quest to fly. Which is an amazing thing, but then I did find it quite boring. No, it is quite boring. It's the history of man's attempt to fly, which

really should be man's attempt to land. Yes. They never really had a problem jumping, as we'll find out. The real critical invention came with not dying on impact. Yeah, the failed suicide attempt. Many, yes exactly. This is the history of

man's failed suicide attempts. So, I guess we should start this. I mean, do you like flying? No, I don't really like flying. I fly a lot. It's a necessary thing. I've got better at it. I'm definitely not done of a fear of flying.

No. I just think it's a big stinky fart box in the sky, so it's not... Well, yes, currently we have a big stinky fart box that we fly in. Yeah. But as we'll see, only at some point did they decide not to contain everyone's far. How are you at flying? Fine. Do you have a fear of flying or anything like that?

Not really. I've had some pretty dicky turbulence in my time. Yeah. On the plane, I mean. My wife's pretty scared. Yeah. She's pretty womanly

about the whole thing. Yeah. My sister has a fear of flying but it flies more than anyone because she loves going on holiday as well. Right. But I guess if you fly a lot, then you should be more scared of it

because statistically the more you fly, the more likely you are to die. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. But I think it's that irrational thing. And there's always like people always say, well, you have more chance dying in a car than you do a plane.

Yeah. But it doesn't feel the same. You've got more, you've got more chance statistically more like to die crossing the road. You go, well, yeah. Fuck off.

I don't think 9-11 would have been effective if two lines of people just walked into the world trade center. But also if you get run over across the road, it is your fault pretty much, most of the time.

That's what I say, yeah. It's kind of never your fault with the plane crashes unless you're Mohamed Atta. Yeah, unless you're flying it. So, man, as all, I suppose we should start this, story with

I guess what Icarus is that what Yeah so this is the kind of myth about flying too close to the sun Yeah and I suppose it's a metaphor for man's attempt to fly

Icarus son of the inventor Dadeless Diedless A lot of vowels there Tragically died after flying Too close to the sun On his wax wings Yeah he wanted to be like a bird

So he made wings Using wax and feathers And he was flying high and hard And he's like Look I can fly daddy I can fly I can flat. And then he got so close to the sun.

I'm going to go right to the straddle. And then the wax melted and all the feathers fall and he fell to his death. Yeah. And many people took this to mean different things. Right. You know, sort of us Protestants, we said, well, okay. Don't use wax. Don't use wax.

Let's still try and fly. The Greeks went, don't do anything. Don't just stay at home, I reckon. Knuckle down, have some yoghurt and let, wait till things blow over. Right. So Protestant saw that as like, well, that's trial and error. Yeah. That's the first attempt.

First attempt. Let's get back out there. Get some new ends on. Yeah. Stronger feathers. thicker wax Maybe avoid the sun Don't try to fly to the sun

The Greeks went Oh no no no it's too hot No don't go anywhere It is a metaphor for never get out of the chair Getting out of the chair Only bad things happen When you get out of a chair When you fly too close

To the Greeks Outside the house Greeks Flying just close to the sun Just means getting up from a chair Don't get up from chair Head rush Head rush

It's hot up there Bad things happen When you leave shit plastic chair So the Greeks kind of went well Let's sit this one out But one of the Well-produced podcasts I listened to Started this story

With a Chinese guy Whose name, I don't remember Give it a go Emperor Fucking, I don't know Number 78 Google a Chinese takeaway menu Charlie And see what 78 is

And we'll call him that Yeah I remember once listening to Five Live And you know Alan Green And Northern Irish commentator He once was doing the lineups and I think it was Manchester City

Sunji High number 33 that'll be chicken chai main and then he would immediately went oh don't ring in I didn't mean that just caught himself this is like 20 years ago obviously would BBC wouldn't be

he'd be fired now if that happened that's good gear man that's good stuff yeah it was so quick as well yeah come on obviously what's number 17 it's king prawns with fresh mushrooms right there's a Chinese emperor called king's prawn

with fresh mushrooms what I'm trying to take away This is a sunrise Chinese takeaway in Fulham. Five reviews. Four stars. So bad again. That's the other recent review.

So bad again. That's a really funny review. To give a takeaway. I keep trying, but it's so bad. Again. So Emperor King Prawns with Fresh Mushrooms is this is 500 BC. Right.

In, I don't know. but he decides that he wants to see people he looks at the birds man's always looked at the birds yeah this is how we should have this is how we should have this is how we should have yes forever since time memoriamour our man has looked at birds and wondered oh one of you can fuck that but man has gone wow if only we could fly he thinks this and he thinks well i've got loads of prisoners so i reckon uh rather than executing them i'm going to optimize my prisoners and see if i can crack flying So he puts them up to the top of a tower

And so he'd been listening to a self-help podcast About optimising your prisoners Was diary of emperor Yeah Yeah optimize your prisoners You know you've got to streamline your life You know What are you doing with you're just killing them

Think about what you could be trying To experiment with your prisoners And there'd be all these stats about You know 78% of emperors Waste their prisoners By just killing them Think of all that potential for discovery

You're leaving there So he gets them up to the top of the A tower and then I think maybe ties are sort of some wings to them maybe and just chucks them off and they all die

all of them yeah of course maybe some maybe one of them glides for a bit yeah I think early attempts at flying people glide for a bit

before dying yeah I guess it's easy with hindsight to think it's silly but if you have no idea how to do it well that's what's so amazing about this topic

is that it's so funny for so long because people are really trying for ages and they're And they're trying in such a mad way. You shouldn't be able to fly. No.

That is a bit too... You've gone too far there, I feel. Like, you're not... That shouldn't be within our wheelhouse. Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right. And what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better? Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate, thought-provoking and funny conversations.

You'll hear from a diverse range of voices, sharing what they're. have learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day in Sony Music Entertainment original podcast. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. In 1000 AD, Abbas Ibn Fiernaz from Andalusia, which is in Spain. So it's Muslim Spain. Either way, they're napping.

He attempted a glided flight with wings made of silk and eagle feathers. Why are you getting sexy with it, boy? You need to learn to fly. He's wearing a little silk negligee and some feathers. He's wearing a kimono and go, and he reportedly glides for a short distance before

crash landing. Do you know if he died or not? He didn't die. His initial attempt resulted in injuries in a crash landing differ in another 12 years. He's widely credited as the first person to attempt flight although his attempts were not successful in the modern sense of aviation.

As in... As in he didn't fly. Can we see... He did a second attempt. He constructed a hands. hand glider. That's pretty good. So it's a flight from a tower

in the mountains near Cordoba. He managed to glide for a short time before he crashed upon landing and was injured. So the long history of Muslims flying flying and crashing. Yes, Muslims famously love crashing. They love crashing cars.

They love crashing planes. This is the first, would you say this is the first 9-11? This is where we start, the story? I mean, we said a lot of things of the first 9-11. It's hard. I would say that maybe the 9-11 hijackers in the cave where they're planning it,

they could have had pictures of him up there. Yeah, totally. Abbas ibn Furnas. Yeah. He's sort of like the first one to ever do it. He's got a statue. He's got a statue. That's pretty, yeah, you've got to be pretty fucking nuts to be the first person to try that.

Crazy. That's effectively hang gliding. Yeah. Now what we're building up to, we should say, is that man officially takes off in a, in, there's a weird phrase, isn't it? It's like controlled, powered flight. Yeah, well, it's more heavier than air. Well, there's that stuff, yeah, there's controlled power.

So this is not my autism. I don't have any of these registers in my autism. What? Machines, flight, stuff like that. No, no. I'm not going around your house knocking, asking what word that's made of. No, you're not an engineering autism. No, I just don't have that.

No, I just don't have that. Your religion. Your potion autism, that's what you are. Do you have any sort of mechanical autism in you? No, I'm not an engineering man. No, I'm sure you could get into it, but it's not. I guess I have food autism. Right.

It's fat. Is that what food, fortism? Fartism. Fat autism. So, right, he's the first cunt to ever do it. Right. And he crashes, obviously. I mean, until 1903, really, this is the history of crashing. The history of crashing is still alive and well.

Yeah. But we need to get to the Renaissance. Now, the Renaissance is when people start to take this slightly more seriously. Right. Leonardo da Vinci at the end of the 15th century, starts designing various flying machines. He's obviously got parachute and gliders, but he developed something called an ornithopter. Yeah.

Which is a sort of flapping machine. This is the funny thing is that initially... But he didn't make this, right? He just drew it. Just drew it. Yeah. But initially... we all do that lad initially people genuinely think that in order to fly you have to look like a bird

that's what's quite funny yeah so initial attempts are people are covering themselves in feathers yeah and jumping as if just looking like an owl yeah but planes now they do sort of look like birds so they are partially right you just got to try and narrow what's the key part of the that's what i mean that's that's funny that they thought well is it the beak yeah you have to have a yellow beak is it the color put that song it goes right no it's not that it's not that so an ornithopter is a flapping wind machine then you've got the aerial screw which I guess is how

Proto helicopter Yeah so he basically In the way that water you can screw Like you can go down in water Like the plug He invents that of the air So he sort of invents the helicopter Basically is it inventing if it's a doodle

Because did he build these I don't know Maybe you built a little one Well so do you stand in the middle The middle section and then You're just running around You're running around and it like takes off like that, I think. I guess that would be good if you're trying to escape from somewhere.

You'd get very dizzy, though, wouldn't you? You're screwing into the air. Screwing, yeah. And then I think you'd probably have a bit of a fucking, you'd hook to the left probably. Another Italian, a Dominican friar called Giovanni Battista Dante, reportedly in terms of flight from a tower in Perugia with wings. If you flew briefly but crashed, survived with injuries. I mean, this is kind of the story is that people are jumping with different,

looking like a bird in a different way than they're crashing and dying. 1648, Esharfen Ahmed Steleby. Nice. Charlie, can you Google a Turkish menu? He allegedly... Number 11 on a Turkish menu. Lamb liver.

Right. So our friend Lamb Liver in Istanbul, he allegedly... Allegedly... So he's standing on trial, we don't want to... We don't want to... You know, it's still a live case. We don't want to...

ruin court proceedings. Allegedly lamb liver flies across the bosphorus using artificial wings. But that's possibly... Likely embellished. A lot of bollets going on there. Yeah. So that's kind of man's sort of vague attempts in the Renaissance. Yeah.

People are conceiving machines, but again, they're basically thinking if I look like a bird, I'll be able to fly. Then we need to get into these French cunts. Right. A lot of this happens in France. Right. Which is a shame, I think. It's a shame, yeah.

But again, it's quite a sort of flighty, poetic, fruity thing to do, isn't it? It's quite a gay thing. Come back here and stay on the fucking... Stay on land, please. No. It's quite a gay thing to do. It's very gay to believe that you could fly. I'm in the cloud.

Get back down here now. Now! Do you find, you honest, the sky is gay? The sky is gay. Land is straight. And underground straight is now. Underground straight as it gets. The sea's gay.

Seas gay. Famously. Seas gay. Sky is gay. But underground is straight. Yeah. It's a bunker. A bunker's straight as hell.

Yeah. Gays don't really have bunkers in the same way. Oh, they do. Oh, they do. Go on. Not a bunker I'd like to go in, but they have dungeons, don't they? Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess they've got sex dungeons. But I guess Fritzel was straight, wasn't he? The straightest man has ever lived. Can't get straight than Fritzel. Can't get straight than Fritzel. And he was like, Sky's too gay for me. I'm going down. Do you want to go meet some...

We'll do a Patreon episode of Joseph Fritzel, I reckon. We'll do a whole series of Joseph Fritzel. 10 episodes on Pritzel. Yeah, I mean, I guess it's as straight as ever is to go, do you want to go dating? No, I'd like to just, I don't want to meet any more people. Yep. I'm going to just stick to my own.

Well, it's like having an allotment, isn't it? I've got an allotment, what are you saying? Well, I'm just saying it's a, you prefer your rosemary homegrown. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It's farmed the table. Yeah, yeah, it is.

Nose tail. My nose, my tail. So, there's these two French cunts, the Mont-Golfier brothers. Yeah. Joseph Michelle and Jacques Etienne Listen, if you've got double-barreled first names You're cunts Right, we've got some fruity names

We're posh blokes, whatever But if you're caught, if you've got double-barreled first names Out the gate Get in the bin They're being bullied relentlessly at school They're French inventors And they are the first people, I guess, to launch successful manned flight

Right It's manned, of course, because the sky's gay and so you've got they're born in the 1740s Joseph Michel Mongolier and they're working they run paper mills right they're fabric paper merchants

and they got a bit of a double act similar to the Wright brothers actually they both complement each other in different ways well I guess the story of flight is these two gay brothers these two sets of gay brothers and the reason they want to get in the air is that they want to suck each other off but it's a crime on land but there's no laws in the sky

They haven't worked that out. It's a medieval loophole. It's a medieval loophole. In the way that you can like graze your sheep on your front garden. Yes, the sky is gay. So these two gay brothers want to suck each other off in the sky. So they go, how do we get off land and get up there? So because they work in paper mills at some point.

It seems like Dundam Mifflin. Yeah. Yeah, Vernon Hogg. The story goes that Joseph, Michelle, noticed some clothes right. above a fire when drying and he becomes convinced that smoke can lift objects right now obviously we now know that it's hot air not smoke yeah but they call it montgolfier gas right and what they do is in 1783 well they call smoke montgolvier gas yeah i guess so right um and they build this balloon from sackcloth and paper and they tie it together with buttons and string and in french fashion actually

they thought the stinkier the better so they thought the stinkier the smoke the more pungent it was they were trying to make the smokers because they thought it was all about the smoke so they're trying to make the smoke as thick and pungent as possible so they're chucking hair on there

they're chucking wall it's like well it's definitely it must be how stinky it is yeah I think we have to make this stinky more stinky please so the balloon rises 6,000 feet and flies two kilometres and it astonishes the villagers

that's amazing yeah that's crazy But then the funny thing is that then, so King Louis the 16th, the King of France, he hears about these gay boys who have been sending balloons into the air. And he says, come over here and do that in front of me. Yeah. He says, I'm the king of France. I am the gay warlord of the world.

I will decide this is gay or not. I need to start taxing any gayness that happens in my land. Yes. Sometimes it's sort of Gaddaf with oil. If something's going on, I need a big chunk of this. If you guys are sucking each other off, I need a piece of that. I need a piece of that. So at the Palace of Versailles, in front of the Royal Court, September, such a crucial

month for flight. Yep. September the 19th, 1783, this is the first ever, what would you say, living thing flight. Okay. Because even though, I mean, I would say you could... Oh, so they were not in, when they sent the balloon up, they weren't in it. That's just a balloon. They weren't in it.

No, no, no, no, we're getting there. Fine, fine, fine. At Versailles, the balloon carries. a duck, a rooster, and a sheep. Sounds like a riddle? Yeah, it's like an Aesop's fable. Now, the funny thing is, I heard that the reason they put a duck in there is that they wanted to put something that knows how to fly in, to see what happened.

Because you've got to bear in mind is that they don't want to put a person in it, even though to my head, I'd rather put a French person in than a sheep. Sure, sure. Because I think they're more expendable. Right, right, right. Because if it comes to the crunch, like, you know, a sheep will follow what you're doing. A French person will surrender. So at least you've got more chance of having a flock of sheep.

So they wanted to put a rooster in to see what the fuck happened to something that couldn't fly. And they wanted to put a sheep in to most mimic a human's response. Right. Because they genuinely didn't know, like, if you went in the sky, would your head explode? Fair enough. And to be fair. Sometimes it does. so they put a duck a rooster and a sheep in

the flight lasts for eight minutes and lands safely everyone survives and then although apparently the rooster was kicked by the sheep and then they all they all get the sheep kicked off he was going to Magaloof he'd had a few and I think they all then get like put into the... Are they traumatised? I wonder what they'd be like

do they have any idea what's going on they have no idea of the first animals to fly bear in mind they live in France these animals So they're like, you know, they're going to get bummed or gutted for food. So they, I think they get accepted into like the Louie's, Louie has like a menagerie or a zoo. Into the cabinet. What's the, he's in the cabinet? Yeah.

What's the difference between a menagerie and a zoo, Charlie. Can you find out? A menagerie is a collection of captive animals kept for display by Arish Cat or Royals. It's the precursor to a zoo. Oh, there you go. Right. Okay. It's more of a collection than like an enclosure, I guess.

So then, because the duck and the chicken and the sheep arrived safely, then a coup months later, the boys decide they're going to get in there. And the first ever manned flight occurs November the 21st, 1783, where they fly over Paris for 25 minutes reaching 3,000 feet. Jean-François-Pilatre de Rosier, a physics teacher, Francois-Laurent. But the brothers aren't getting in there. No, no, no, they're sucking each other off.

while the balloons in the air. This is the first recorded free flight by humans, and it's the French. Yeah, shame. Devastating. And it's essentially, it's a big... Have you ever been in a hot air balloon? Sorry?

Have you been in a hot air balloon? No, no, no, no. I've done it once. Really? Terrifying. I don't know why it's terrifying. Yeah. I was like, I'm not that scared of heights or anything.

I was like, you know, it's a good experience. It felt a bit weird going off the ground, and it never stopped feeling weird. The whole time I felt I'm in a fucking... balloon in the sky It's the wicker thing for me Yeah It's just

I mean a basket I bet when you're up there It won't feel like You're in a balloon in the sky Like in a basket in the sky It always feels like you're in a basket And also is that just really hot Next to your head?

It's quite a big one Yeah I think that that bit was fine It was more I was just holding On pretending I was all right with it And there's loads of people in there There was like 30 people in there 30 people in a basket

No no no no no Absolutely not I guess the one benefit of hot air Balloon which is quite unique Is that you could be still in the air Because wherever you're flying There's always moving movement stuff.

Yeah. This kind of, you've got like a small swing to it. You could also just climb to the top of the building. I guess so. And be still in the air. You can have a shit

at the top of the shard. That's true. Oh, this does start a massive, like, it's like a viral sensation. Right. Suddenly everyone's obsessed with...

Yeah. Everyone's obsessed with balloons. Yeah. So they're doing like writing poems about it. They've got balloon themed fucking crockery, right.

Furniture. It's like the height of aristocratic. Yeah, yeah, indulgence. It's sort of a symbol of the Enlightenment. Man has conquered the sky

although has he really? Hot stinky gas and a balloon. It's hot stinky gas and a balloon flying. Obviously the French came up with it. Now we're getting to the fun bit. The Wright brothers, at the end of the 19th century,

they start knocking about. It's this bit just before where things get really quite funny. Right. Because now people know that it's possible to fly. Your head's not going to explode. Your head's not going to explode.

Then people start doing some fun. fucking mad stuff. And although this is just after the Wright brothers, we need to deal with this. We should do it now. This is one of the greatest things that's ever happened. This is Franz Reichel's Eiffel Tower Leap

in 1912. I think for me, whatever my sense of humor is or whatever I find funny, I think this is kind of crystallizes what I think is the funniest thing in the world. Yeah.

I think it's the attempt often by men to achieve great things and failing. so much worse than you could ever imagine. Also, quicker than you could ever imagine. It's like, it's perfect comedy for me. You could not have higher aspirations to be a human flying

and you could not fuck it more. So Franz Reichel is Austrian that makes it better for me. Because Austria's a pretty funny player in that, like if you're great exports are Hitler, Fritzel, Schwarzenegger and this come. Schnitzel. Hitler, Fritzel,

Schnitzel, Schnitzel, and Schwarzenegger. Fritzel, Schnitzel, Schnitzel, Schwarzenegger and Hitler. It's like Tinker Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but Austrian. Fritzel, Schittsul, Hitler and Schwarzenegger. So Franz Reichel's an Austrian tailor who lives in Paris. And, you know, I guess at this point, this is also this 1912, which is when the Titanic goes down.

So this is in February, he does this, but a couple months, as a year, this is really when the Edwardian age. Well, the Wright brothers have already done their first flight. Yeah, but ships are already around. I mean, this is where everything gets taken too far in this year, isn't it? This is like 1912 must be like 2016 for us. Do you remember when we just, at the time, you're like, bloody hell, this year's crazy, isn't it? Bowie's dead, Brexit, Prince, wow.

This is like the Titanic, that cuntlet, that comes off the Eiffel Tower. You know, it's crazy. So, he's a tailor. And that's what makes you laugh as well, is if he's a, the other people were like physics teachers or engineers. A bicycle. All he knows about is fabric. yeah and like suits tailoring yeah basically his his his hypothesis is if I get a really baggy suit jump off the Eiffel Tower I will fly what makes even funnier is normally this would

just be a anecdotal story that you'd think you wouldn't quite believe you know there was some myth going into it but there's such excellent footage yeah it's also yeah cinema's just been invented like only 10 years earlier he he invents this wearable parachute suit that sort of looks like it looks like if you're listening he looks like

a woman in a burger who's lost a lot of weight quickly he's sort of wearing a big like tent almost and it's like a bat wings yeah he's got

and then it's got two bits above his head like as he's got like a frame that's obviously as we'll probably find out is too heavy and he claims that it would let men float

gently to the ground right so he is the bottom bit of the iPhone Tower, the first platform, which is about 60 metres tall. And he, I must stress, he has been begging, petitioning Parisian police to let him jump from the Eiffel Tower for months. So he has claimed that he's done some successful test flights off his like four-story apartment block. And he has been relentlessly, he's like a nuisance to the council. He's like, please let me jump up the Eiffel Tower. It's going to be sick. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no,

please, please, please, please. So then on the morning of February the 4th, 1912, Franz Reichel scales the Eiffel Tower. I mean, we should just get the video up. If you're listening, switch to video. Yeah, so the time is about 30 years old. And he just, he just fucking goes for it. He goes for it. He goes for it.

He doesn't make it even far enough out. It's how little, it's such a funny job. It's, it's perfect. And he's off. It's gone. And, uh, oh, Just immediately Go again

I can't not So play it again Let's watch it again So he is perfect He's here looking like Right here we go A very fat member The Ku Klux Klan

It's the fact that he doesn't even get far out It goes straight down At what point do you think he realizes He fucked it Immediately Because he barely clears the railing Yeah He seems to jump off the railing

Straight down Yeah no he slips He just even really Because he didn't get He was definitely going to die But there are different ways He could have There could have been more grace

As he jumps he goes I could have got a rope actually I could have I could want to just touch a rope to myself Just to make sure I didn't die So he just kind of Immediately falls And then

So I think his head Like He lands on his head Doesn't he? I think he lands on his head The impact left a hole On the cement Yeah

Yeah Because it's cement his right leg He fell on the cement He's just jumping on to cement His right leg and arm were crushed His skull and spine were broken And who's bleeding from his mouth, nose and ears

And there's a whole crowd of spectators And it's all on film Which we're playing now Yeah I mean it's one of the great attempts It really is Fair player, he's a hero of mine Your local Benjamin Moore retailer Is more than a paint expert

There's someone with paint in their soul A six cents Honed over decades And if you have a question about paint, it's almost as if they can read your mind. I sense you need a two-inch angle brush for the trim in your family room. Regal selected an eggshell finish and directions to the post office. Benjamin Moore Paint is only sold at locally owned stores. Benjamin Moore, see the love.

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Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, Biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. The difference between dreams and reality, I love. Yeah. There's a lot of comedy there. Don't follow your dreams.

That's why I'm going on. Don't follow your dreams. Don't reach for the sky. Don't reach for the sun. That's it. That's a photo there. Look at that. Incredible photo.

I mean, the falling man. It's sort of the first falling man image. I guess so, but it's slightly different. I don't know if it's this moving the falling man. Yeah. Because he had absolutely, he had every option was available to. The reason the falling man from 9-11 is such a moving image is that you go, this man had no choice but to make this mad thing.

You're dying either way. Do I want to burn to death or do I want to die instantly? I'm going to die instantly. It could be seen as an allegory for so many things. I've got a loving family. I've got kids. I've got a successful tailing business. Look what I can do.

Oh, fuck. Ah, fuck it. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I mean, it must have been one of the last. loudest sacro blues ever heard. What are the crowd doing as well? At what point are they waiting for like an uplift?

Is there a slight laugh? I think it's so quick. It must be. It's like two seconds. Right, well that's that dumb. Because I think you're gathered around, you're seeing him like that, and you think if he's petitioned for it,

you must know something that we don't. You are expecting him to fly a bit. Yeah. Or to glide down or at least go down slowly. I think just how quickly it happened, there will be three seconds of silence. right right well that doesn't work is it do you find what happened to his tailoring business the people did he sell many suits after this is what i want to know it's essentially the modern

day equivalent is like freddie flintov yeah uh has got a big jacamo deal yeah and he's like this suit so big i can fly yeah cease to operate right because it was sort of because he's dead um so yeah franz reichel diapel tower leap is sort of probably the best aviation it's the first aviation disaster caught on film so in the 1800s uh various inventors thought they were trying to combine boats with wings. So some put wings under canoes. One plan includes 800 geese tied to a flying machine. Sort of like a husky sledge, but with geese.

I mean, there's a logic there. Yeah? I can see that. 800 of them as well. Although that was in 1912, really, the stars of the story, if we can call them that, they're very boring. I mean, I tried to listen to a lot of podcasts about them and I kept losing interest. It's amazing to event flying and be this dull.

This dot. It's like, you know how the Croif turn? Yeah. Imagine if that was the James Milner turn. And you were like, what an amazing skill that the most boring man ever has invented. And he never does it on the field. So they're very boring, these two brothers. Again, they're, you know, they're Protestant.

So they're not thinking, they think, can we please fly in a way that's not horrendously gay in a balloon wafting across Paris? What's the least gay way to fly? Yeah. Go on. But do you want your playing guys to be fun? Like, isn't it good that they're boring? That's a very good point. Would you rather...

I don't want. Maybe the mistake in the history of flying is we've got these fruity French tailors jumping off the artificial tower. Yeah. Arbit bar. Yeah. They're trying to fly with arms. This is your captain speaking.

Bo! I guess you're, yeah, aviation needs to be dull. It's like astronauts. Whenever they talk about the extraordinary things they're done. Tim Peek. Incredibly dull. They have to be. Yeah, of course.

Like I don't, you know, when a. pilot speaking i don't want there's a very narrow band of like the type of man and it is a man i want him to be do you know what i mean i want him to be british middle class yeah with a public school confidence right ideally privately educated yeah uh i don't want any sass i don't want any hint of an accent yeah i don't want any of this blair right r p like regional bollocks that you get on the news now right I want cut glass Victorian privately educated man called Sebastian

And you know what's interesting is I think even the wokest people Agreed secretly agree I think they don't fuck around with With flight Fair enough Who's in the new Channel 4 sitcom You can write an article about that

But they will keep their mouth shut with the pilot Imagine you sit down, right You buckle in And ladies gentlemen announcement from the flight deck Ding ding Why are your gear? You think fuck

Fuck Fuck Fuck we've got a West Africa pilot. It's the same thing with goalkeepers. Right. Goalkeepers, if they're African and they're wearing trousers, you think, what's going on here? They don't command the same level of confidence. You want pilots and goalkeepers to be from a very specific corner of society.

Northern Europe. Because, yes, you want northern European pilots. Tall milk fed. Yep. Breast fed Germans. Yeah, German, Dutch. Get a map up, Charlie. Let's go through where I feel confidence in a pilot from. But it's pretty much northern Europe. Saxon. I want a Saxon pilot.

I don't want to work in class, Saxon. Yeah. You don't want to hear in, all right, it's your captain speaking. Let's fucking go for it. Let's have a crack at this, shall we?

It's interesting. I just don't think there's going to be a huge push for much diversity in it because everyone's so fucking terrified of flying. You don't want to fuck around with it. I want to feel safe. Yeah.

I want to feel like the man is privileged. I want to feel like he's lucky. Because I want luck on a plane. Yeah, he hasn't gone through lots of stuff. No, I don't want him to have gone through anything. Because I want him, I want him, I want this to be another part of his charmed life. Who was the person who just, uh, nose dived the plane into a mountain? He was German, to be fair.

He was German, but he was depressed. That's like the ultimate, that's like the most, do you know how some people say suicide is selfish? Yeah. That's surely the winner of, that's one of my selfish too. That's pretty selfish. Yeah, because it's like, a lot of people like, don't jump in front of a train, you're going to ruin someone's commute. Yeah. And maybe he assumed he took a look at them and he assumed they all wanted to die as well.

Because at least the hijackers, they've given us 9-11. Yes. They've given us that. Yeah, but I wouldn't say, are the hijackers, I guess they're not selfish. Are the hijackers selfish? It's not really the same thing. Not from my perspective. I think they're wonderfully selfless generous beings who've given us one of the greatest

things that has ever happened. It is quite funny saying, I'm going to kill myself. And you're coming with me. Yeah, that is funny. It is also funny. We don't know what the afterlife is like. Because the equipment is funny that they're all in purgatory together. They all die.

There's like a weight. room before you get to heaven or hell and they have to sit there for a couple hours and he's just sat there and they're all like what have you done this he's like yeah i just rush a blood to the head but the equivalent is being on a tube platform and just like sweeping everyone under the train with you yeah yeah yeah yeah i guess so yeah yeah yeah we're just running and pushing everyone and then you jump as well but then the amount of bodies would stop the train before it gets to you and you're like oh fuck yeah yeah yeah it stops and you survive yeah that's nightmare Because then it's just mass murder

which isn't cool It's not cool Anyway the Wright brothers are very boring But crucially as Charlie said Actually very good suggestion from you Charlie You want your pirates to be pirates You want you You don't want that to go on the tally

You don't want pirates to be flying No pilots you want them to be boring So they're in Ohio Blah blah blah blah They like flying They've got a very boring Family life Now they build

In 1903 three in Kitty Hawk. Yes, that keeps coming up. Ohio. Ohio, which is like a sandy... No, it's in... Is it North Carolina? North Carolina.

I don't fucking care. It's somewhere on the West Coast, I mean the East Coast. So how the flight podcast I listened to are opened up with the flight from Kitty Hawk and then work back. Just like we've opened up with Nellifurtado, the undocumented migrant with her big hoop earrings.

Desperty trying to record a song to escape a life of prostitution, I imagine. Yes. Or... Maybe being a domestic maid. Mm-hmm. Anyway, is she made in Manhattan, Annie Fittado? No, that is Jennifer Hudson.

No, Jennifer Lopez. I think they're both in it. I think you might have just seen Jennifer Lopez in two different shots, potentially. I would highly recommend Jennifer Lopez's self-funded Amazon film, which is like a visual... I think she was trying to make, like, her lemonade.

It's completely ridiculous. It's one of the self-indulgent things. This is me. It is hilarious. she is a factory worker at the heart factory right so like an emotional thing the heart yeah like a like they love heart

so it's like so they're all dancing in a factory and then the hearts break down so it's like I think the factory stops producing love and so she has to go on like some sort of strike right um and there's also yeah there she is in the factory uh it's all her money

no one wanted to fund it yes for a hundred million into it wow hundred million something crazy like that and then she also which is great made a documentary about the making of it

as it feels going to be really well received and it's just Ben Affleck the whole time just looking absolutely fucking miserable it's also very funny in this film

even though she's 50 with her scenes talking to her friends because it's in between the songs her friends are all in their early 20s and all perfectly racially diverse yeah like a university perspective yeah literally it's really fun

just hanging out with these 23 year old famously that's what all universities are like my first week at Bristol I met a Chinese guy I'm a disabled woman I met a black guy and we all hung out on a hill for the first three weeks just chatting about our shared experiences

and what bonded us that's what we did all holding a folder and smile yeah just smiling just me and Abdu and Sandra in a wheelchair I've got no idea what it was called but he looked like her Abdul Sandra in a wheelchair and then we all just ran down a hill we didn't all run

Sandra push Sandra down Anyway, listen, the Wright brothers are very boring Can you tell? We're bored by them. They blah, blah, blah. They get off the ground. They file the patent. No, fuck that. In 1903, these two brothers,

they flip a coin to see who's going to go in the plane that they've built. They're bicycle nonces. They're cycling twats. Which is what's interesting is the bicycle's pretty new invention. It's quite weird to think about the fact that the bicycle

was quite swiftly followed by the plane. That's how boring they are, is that they're into cycling. So that guy, you know, He was into cycling. The beginning of being around for like 20 years. So this is before all the fucking like Jeremy Vine with his GoPro. Are you crazy that guy?

Have you seen cycling Mikey? No. What's he? He's like this African guy. He goes around with a GoPro on his head trying to catch him. It's not in a funny way. It's done with a social justice way. Trying to catch people who are on their phones during traffic.

Right? Wow. He's in full light. He stops them. And he got Guy Richie, he got Guy Richie like a 50 grand fine. And then people know who he is, and they try and run him over and stuff. He is one of the biggest, most colossal cunts. So I don't really know what's going on his head when he does this sort of stuff, though.

What do you think is going on, Charlie? It'd be funny for him to catch you and you're watching his videos while you're driving. I think his dad died in a car crash. That's his justification or something like that. He's got some... He's a true villain. Anyway, so this guy invented flying. So the Wright brothers, they get off the ground in 1903.

they fly over a beach the first right flyer travels 120 feet in 12 seconds though monumental the wider world barely noticed yeah because you've flown about what's that half a mile I don't even 120 feet are the right brothers get off the ground in 1903 and the reason they do this is that they've

the first cunt to not think oh we need to look like a bird they actually go we need to think like a bird right we need to they notice how the bird controls their movements in the Yeah, by pointing their wings down. So they invent, I think, flaps, is it? I don't know, or care. Anyway, they patent this.

They're certainly not nowhere near pussy flaps, these guys. Yeah. For a set of brothers who have never been near a set of pussy flaps, they invent actual flying flaps. Which, yeah, they go against each other. They go, what the fuck are they? Yeah. Yeah, people who are too lost in pussy flaps would never have invented flying flaps.

That's why we never have invented a plane. Yes. that's why I didn't invent flight. Because I was too busy smashing. Face full of muff. Face full of flaps, man. Anyway,

these flap dodgers, they, that's quite a good name for a good slur for a virgin, if I can flap dodger. These flap dodgers, they build a plane and whatever.

It's very exciting. They got off the ground. And then they start doing traveling like circus shows. So for the next 10 years, the Wright brothers are they go to France they go to Le Mans and they

they're like oh look at this amazing flying machine and they wow the world because they can do tricks he does like loop to loops and stuff yeah so like the Harlem Grove Trotters yeah they're doing these madfights and then immediately they sign contracts with the British, the French and the American military

I think what's interesting about these guys is though they invent flight they lack any vision about what it means as an invention. Yeah. That's what's kind of interested about these guys. They cannot see they've got, they can have enough vision to get a fucking plane in the sky.

Yeah. But they do not have enough vision to think that anyone would want to use it past fucking doing loop-de-loops. Yeah. Wee! They cannot, for the life of them, envision what it could be possibly used for. So what is quite funny about this is that the plane has been invented, the

biplane, the right flyer, two, three. It's based off bicycles. That's why they've kind of got the So is the biplane a right invention? I think so but at the same time there's a whole other thing a whole other aviation technology being developed. The airship

the Zeppelin. Right. And the big competing technology to the plane is the airship. And people don't realize people looking back you could see the plane as the obvious choice but at this time people don't know if it's good people like hot air balloons might be better you know. This point the airship

in the plane on neck and neck it's like BlackBrian iPhone who's going to win out what I will say is that in the story of the airship

we meet our old friend the Fuhrer and in our next episode we will discuss the Fuhrer's involvement in the history of flight and brilliant and a link

between Hitler and 9-11 I found one I found a direct link between the two that's in our next episode and that's already on our Patreon where for three pounds a month

you can become a truther get all the episodes to add free immediately and you get a bonus episode every Friday. And if you subscribe via the website rather than the app, it is £3 and you can dodge the Apple £1.50 surcharge, which we don't see. So don't pay that.

Pussy flap dodgers. Fucking flap dodgers, a lot of them. Either way, we'll see you next time for our continuation of Man's story in the skies. The Hindenberg. Man's story in the skies. The Hindenberg, both World Wars.

Amelia Earhart. That's quite funny. Two World Wars. Two world wars. Two girls, one cup. We'll see you next time for more history of flights. Bye. To the skies.