Fin vs History - We’re All Cucks, But Some Of Us Never Found the Right Chair | The Napoleonic Wars (Part 4/10)

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

There’s a cuck inside us all.   The Napoleonic Wars (Part Four)    This episode of Fin vs History is brought to you by Surfshark.     Secure your privacy with Surfshark! Enter coupon code FVH for an extra 4 months at https://surfshark.com/fvh    The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.   For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon  ⁠patreon.com/fintaylor  Chapters: 00:00 - It’s Dad’s Night   03:24 - Intellectual Slaggery  10:23 -  A Proud Cuck  16:24 - The Devils Threesome  19:38 -  Rock And A Hard Place  23:21 - Drinking The River Nile  27:28 - The Signet Ring  31:50 - Stuck In A Portaloo  39:22 - Crayfish Picking   46:26 - Charlie’s Lizard  48:56 - Finleonic Code  52:33 - Gavin Plumb  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When West Jet first took flight in 1996, the vibes were a bit different. People thought denim on denim was peak fashion, inline skates were everywhere, and two out of three women rocked, the Rachel. While those things stayed in the 90s, one thing that hasn't is that fuzzy feeling you get when WestJet welcomes you on board. Here's to Westjetting since 96. Travel back in time with us and actually travel with us at westjet.com slash 30 years. Welcome back to Finn versus History. Joy to me is Ray Show Gould.

Hello. And I'm having a lovely time. I want to know it. I'm really enjoying this. Dad's out at sea. No, it's dad tonight. Yeah. We've had ladies night.

And now the dads are just bobbing on a fucking ring in the middle of the sea. Yeah. Fuck off. This is the 20 minutes on holiday that your dad will play with you before he gets bored. This is in the middle where it feels like it'll be okay. Christ, that was harrowing. I thought you were doing it from the perspective of a dad. No.

But you're doing it from the perspective of you 20 years ago. Yeah. There has? I've got a date with a ping pong actress or whatever they're called ping pong artist I guess they're artists I'm sorry artists

welcome back to our epic series on the Napoleonic Wars this is part four where we are discussing the aftermath of de battle of denial Nelson has destroyed Napoleon's navy in Egypt the French are fucked

just drink it in it's good stuff the French are stranded in the desert and what does Nelson do as soon as he's beaten the Navy he sails to Naples and gets into a polygamous relationship phenomenal

he becomes part of a polychial I mean this is just not at all what you expect when you're looking at that column you're not thinking that he's a polyamorous icon I mean polyamory in 18th century Britain

is not at all I guess they're still working out this is pre-Victorian so it's before they fucking slap that door When do they slap that door shut? And we've let it open a fraction again now. And it's just, they've just,

they've ripped that, it off the inches. And now no asshole is sacred. So what happens is that he sails to Naples, which he has been to before in 1793, and he's met this woman called Emma Hamilton, Lady Hamilton, who is the wife of Sir William Hamilton, who is the ambassador in Naples. Now, Naples is an Italian city state.

Yes. Yes, the kingdom of Naples. it's the centre of one of the Italian kingdoms. Because again, Italy does not yet exist. No. It is a series of disconnected groping men. Grooping men who are carb-loading. Basically what happens when Garibaldi links all together.

These Italian kingdoms are just groping around. In the dark. And then for each other. Eventually, in the 1800s, their hands all grope each other. Yeah. They're both going for the same tier. After you. No, after you.

And then they realize that they're stronger together. And, you know, it's a great day for Italian men. It's a terrible tame for Italian women. 1863 is it really, they look back on that and go, fuck me. We didn't know how many rapists that were in this peninsula. But it's important because Britain needs footholds in the Mediterranean. They're just trying to... Rather than handholds in the arts.

They need to have gropeholds in the Mediterranean. Naples is a very key gropehold for... A key gropehold. And that's what Nelson is doing. He's going there to establish a gropehold. When in Rome do is the Romans. Yeah, exactly. So he goes to Naples and he links up with this woman, Emma Hamilton, who he had met previously, the wife of the ambassador.

Now, she is a bit of a goer. Yes, to say the least. She is a, and at this point she's not quite as fulsome as the photo Charlie's just put up on the screen. She's a, she's famed for her quotes, attitudes, which is a sort of 18th century. slang for slaggery, is it? Yes. Dramatic performances in which he posed as figures from classical antiquity. Yeah, but it's intellectual slagery.

There's a... I apologise. It's an elevated slaggery. It's Dr. Kinger from Big Brother. Letters after her name, vodka bottle up a snatch. Well, it's a Don Perri-on bottle up a snatch. Of course. No, it's Don Julio, 1942.

That tequila bottle, super rich going about. It's classy. It's not just some old fucking... what bottle, what, we need to know what brand, we need to know. What brand does King a shove up a fanny? What brand of alcohol is it? Because this, I mean, the whole

cultural shockwaves of this incident rest on what brand of alcohol it is. I mean, without this, we might not have king at putting a bottle up of fanny. An un-generic house wine. Yeah. Yeah, okay, come on. Unlabeled.

Yeah. So, okay, so it's production wine, which they won't have been able to show. So it will have been like, Jacob's Creek or something. Get that first photo up. Let's just have a look at that. This is Lady Emma Hamilton in Naples. Oh, God.

I mean, that's an iconic moment. It really is. You know, I was watching this as a young boy. I know, and this is pre-female orgasm. Remember, I grew up in the times before. Okay, yeah. I imagine, I can't remember when I first, well, when we as a society first learned at the female orgasm.

Discovered it, I think it was. I discovered it. Shackleton found it. No, Shackleton thought he, found it and then he died pursuing it a brave man who laid down his life in search of this big foot but king her from big brother i think was the first time i discovered i had been kept from me yeah i believe it was done in john major's tenure i believe that's when that's when that's when that's when that's when well it's a fight sale of sodom is now legal that's sort of pandora's box

when major got him yeah yeah yeah what is it charlie do you think this is a more powerful act because it was done before phones like as for for kinga to do that then is that more powerful Now the Prime Minister is doing that. It doesn't really mean anything. But at the time, this was quite revolutionary. Who is on you first lady Prime Minister? Who's Burnham's wife? She's a little blonde lady.

All right. Okay. She likes art. What's her name? How do you know this? She's quite cool apparently. She's called Andy Berlum. She's called Andrea Burnham.

She's called Marie-France Van Heel. That's quite a posh name. But she is not... Doesn't sound northern? I think she might be... Dutch? Fine. I'm getting Clegg vibes. Clegg's miss is an absolute smoke show.

Yeah. Yeah, come on. Senorita. Cleggmania never died on that side of the family. I'm still absolutely wild about the other Clegg. Lady Clegg. She's American. The other Clegg girl. The other Clegg girl.

I'm watching that film. Right. Anyway, so Emma Hamilton is an absolute goer. She is a filth mistress. She, I believe she got knocked up. She's a master of filth, yeah. A master of filth, a sexual terrorist, she is, did she become pregnant, age of 15, I think? She's a Gish Hardy.

Excuse me? Like a G-Hardy. Right, yes, of course, a Giz Hardy. I thought you were quoting Nelson's last words. Jizzlemy Hardy, Jis on me. What? What? Yes, so she's a Gis-Hardy.

Is she a prostitute? It's not super clear. From the FAPABAN. Yeah. Is she a prostitute? I don't know. I mean, again, this is Victorian sort of... Al-Qaeda cream pie, sorry.

That's an al-Qa-cream pie, it's not there. That's not there. Emma Hardy, is Emma Hardy a prostitute. Now, there's also a British Labour MP. We're not talking about that one. No. Yes, she looks like a prostitute. Next.

She doesn't like a woman's footballer. She doesn't like a woman's footballer. What's she doing in the House of Commons? It's a disgrace. Right. Artists and diplomats described Emma Ham's as self-aware in the use of her body. Now, I don't think I'm very self-aware

in the use of my body. Right. And I'd say 80% of my movements are unintentional. Sure. Like, I'm clumsy. I fart when I don't mean to. Okay, I don't think she's doing that. No, I don't think she's more...

She's only farting when she means to. No, she means to fart. You know, I think she's farting with intent. Yeah. I think she's more of... I think she is. Well, she is. Nelson has huffed her farts in ajar from Egypt.

Yeah. And he sailed straight to Naples. Now... But, you... She was in the kind of, is it, this is Georgian era? We're in the reign of King George III. Yeah, so this is, and London is still in that sort of restoration glow. Just to place this, this is, we're in 1798 at this point.

This is after we have lost the colonies, America has gone down its path of mobility scooters and casino floors. So this is, and it's just before King George III, the same king, went fucking mad. Yes. Went absolutely Dulay. And we had a vegetable for a king for decades. But the vibe in London, this is still sort of that kind of post-restoration

London where it's quite frivolous. There's lots of frills. It's like everyone's shopping. Yeah, it's quite like that. And so Lady Hamilton, she would do, I guess she was sort of like an exotic dancer, but for Georgian London should do.

In my head, there's a lot of Mrs. Muffets and pie shops. Yes, but it's getting a bit randy. It's a very randy age. There's men are pulling, women's skirts over their head and they've got 15 skirts. They have to...

And they've got like... DeBoons. Constantly. They've got... Yeah, and they're so horny. They're trying to peel the onion. Can I get to them? Where's the country? Anyway. But they've got like... Is it called de bloons or pantaloons? Everyone's in pantaloons.

And I think Lady Hamilton started her career bit wearing dresses for rich women, I believe. Wearing dresses for rich women. You know, when they'd had that thing where you'd have an attractive woman wear a dress for you. So you could see what you look like in it. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So she's kind of a model, a dancer. A society girl. A waif. Yeah. And astray.

Now, she comes from a poor background. Yeah. Then she gets knocked up by an aristocrat. Yeah. Anyway, then the woman, the kid rather gets, she gets taken in by William Hamilton's nephew. And then she ends up fucking her new daddy's uncle. So she's fucking the nephew. And then his uncle.

I mean, the woman, the woman likes it upper. So I thought he'd have more disguise on that. No, no. Emma Hamilton's not putting any disguise on anything, right? It's almost charming one. History fans, my book is out now. We've hit publication date. The history of mankind in its entirety abridged by Finn Taylor historian,

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That's the only thing she has, really. The problem is the boring ones are loyal. Well, of course you're loyal. Well, of course you're loyal. I'm the spark in this relationship. You know? I'm the flame. You're the moth.

Of course, you're loyal. It's quite an insult being your first compliment being loyalty, right? Yes. Was he like, he's loyal. Yeah, he doesn't leave. It implies that they're sort of stupid. He hangs around. Like a dog.

Yes. Yeah. Loyalty is a bit of an insult sometimes, I feel. Yes, I think so. Unless it's like the 15th compliment. Yeah. But he can't be. your, it can't be your main thing.

But if it's a 15th compliment, then you're probably not that loyal. No. Yeah. What's the best first compliment? Uh, nice, kind. Kind, yeah. Yeah.

Or do you say, Charlie? Strong. Really. So you believe, you're a big, might is right sort of guy. I think so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, there's a kid in my daughter's class, right?

It's an absolute wet bag. And his dad's a bit of a wetter as well. But then we overheard the dad just, yeah, no, we're not, a Mexican. Sorry, a wet bag. Sorry. A wetter. Sorry.

And we overheard on the way to school His dad just like going, if any kid, any kid, noise, you just fucking hit them, you just fucking smack them, just fucking hit them. So what was the wet ones? Sorry, I should say,

his dad was like, Hey, you'll hit them, you'll hit them, you'll hit them, you'll hit them, right, right. So as a wet dad, so he's a wet child

and telling them to be dry. Yes. But you don't think that was, that message was getting conveyed. No, I'm sure it did get conveyed. Do you think the dad was maybe talking to himself a little bit? I think the dad needs to have a look in the mirror.

I think he's born a wetter and needs to try and stop. isn't it. It's generational trauma. You could bully a kid so much that their kids are going to get bullied just because it just doesn't leave you.

What is it? I was told to thank the bully. If they were being mean, you'd be like, thank you. And then you kind of, this is a mess. What are we doing? You're bullying me?

I'm just taking it. It's such a mess. How do we end up being? Where are we going? Right, so Fanny, Fanny Nisbert, Nelson is still married to her but he could not give less of a fuck about her. I don't think in history.

That's one Fanny. He really has not thought. about for a long while. No. It's a dry fanny, to be fair. Nelson, I don't think there's a wife in history who gets more of a hard time than Nelson's first wife, funny. I just don't think, I think, I mean, as we'll get to, how he treats her at the end,

but it's phenomenal. Yeah. It's, it's aspirational stuff. So she's punching, no funny. Of course she's punching. So like, you know. She looks like a fucking breadbasket. Right.

He just, he's won the Battle of the Nile and Britain's heard, Britain's heard about this. Yeah. So he's a hero. But he just goes to Naples. And then I don't think he has any real mission there. Does he have some kind of, is he maybe evacuating the King of Naples because it's all kicking off the French are invading a bit there? But he's not really got an legitimate mission.

He just basically starts fucking Emma Hamilton whilst in the house of Sir William Hamilton. And then we need to get to Sir William Hamilton. See, this is the problem. Nelson on land, this is quite a different beast. Slipper eel on land. Slipper eel. This is an Achilles. This is the hero of the highest proportion of land.

He's a bit of... Shagga. Yeah. Yeah. He's all at sea on land. Well, but that's the thing with sailors, isn't it? As soon as they get on land, they just want to fuck everything. Because they're at sea the whole time.

All they've got is biscuits and each other. All they got is soggy biscuits. That's what they've got. Oh, he's in Naples to repair ships and to help suppress the local uprising and restore the King of Naples. Yeah. Right, okay. Basically, as soon as he arrives in Naples and shacks up with Emma Hamilton, he never speaks to

his wife again. Really? Yeah. Not once. I think he goes back in 1801, finally gives him an up. ultimatum choose between me and lady Hamilton and he's like Hamilton. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, 100%.

100%. Huh? 100%! Fuck off. I love you sincerely, but I cannot forget my obligations to Lady Hamilton or be ungrateful to her. Yeah, obligations. So, all three of them returned from the Mediterranean 1800

and it becomes kind of public knowledge. There's three of us in the marriage. Yes, there's three. So this guy, Sir William, I mean, get a picture of Sir William Hamilton up. this is an esteemed British regency cuck and there's a lot of cucks in this story but this is a man a proud

cuck who you know is that why he got his medals sorry no proud of cuck than that who farms out his wife to a war hero yeah you know and I think maybe maybe he is a diplomat well maybe well to put it mildly

but maybe every man you understand how to bring parties together maybe every man is a cuck you just haven't found the right what's the term? Person to fuck your wife. I mean, that's a very profound thought, actually. Isn't it?

There's a cuck inside all of us. I'm in floestite. I mean, I think... There's a cuck inside all of us waiting to get out. All you need to do is find the right man to fight your wife and the right chair. There's a lot of cucks. Just two things you need. There's a lot of cucks who haven't found the right chair.

I like you, but this isn't... It's a bit springy. I want to climb or... I think every cuck has a different... That's what's, you know, they're like snowflakes. They're completely unique every cup. with how they want to... You fucking snowflake watching your wife get railed.

We will be talking a history of the cuck old on the Patreon, as you be said. But what would be your prime cuck, like, spot? How would you like to be sat watching someone have it? I think kind of... Like on a stall facing... No back of the chair. Okay. Kind of football manager.

Oh, well, like, be Elsa on the bucket? Yeah. Be also on the bucket. Be else from the bucket's nice. I mean, football manager is a good sort of... Yeah, I think maybe... Maybe I could be like... Are you getting up and shouting and going, get up again?

I think I'd be like, Artetta, I'm always going out of my technical area. I'm just incredibly... Trying to get the crowd involved. You're kind of involved there. I'm trying to harness the power of the Emirates during it. You know, I'm really trying to get the crowd behind. I'm doing the Posnan. I'm making a political statement as to who's fucking my wife.

Right. Yeah. Okay. You're Paul Golding it. I'm poor golding it. Yeah. No. Not on my name.

So anyway, so William Hamilton, okay, whether he is... is a cuckholes or whether he just is, you know, it's a war hero. I mean, would I let Simon Weston have sex with my wife? Maybe. With the right chair? With the right chair. With the right chair. I mean, that man, not Trevor Nelson, not Trevor Nelson.

Trevin Nelson did not single-handedly. Okay, reclaim the Forklund. So Simon Weston did. Yeah? Okay. So if, I mean, I would let Simon Weston have sex with my wife if, as you say, I found the right chair or bucket. it.

Anyway, he also, so they all live together in a big house, right? He becomes Nelson's financial patron. I mean,

one can only hope that our patrons would get to the point where they're paying us to fuck their wives. I don't want that. Whatever you call a wife, I'm not going to put my dick

in your body pillow, all right? So it's an open menageretre lived at this place in Merton. They build this big house. But when they say menagerie T'in,

Nelson and William are having to go, but it feels a little No, no, do we? Can we find out? Was there any a moment where Emma was tired and Nelson and Sir William got down to biz? But they sort of fucking each other through Emma Hamilton. But also, you know, and Nelson only has one arm. So that limits the amount of threesome.

This is a two-man job sort of stuff. Oye, Sir William. Help me out here. No, Lord Nelson, Sir William Hamilton did not have a sexual relationship. Instead, they shared a famous and unconventional. Manageoixote, sent it around to William's wife. Sent shockwaves through George and London, surely. Hang on, is this a devil's threesome situation?

What's the devil's threesome? Two blokes and a girl. Or, because there's a threesome, and there's a devil's threesome. Yeah, sure. Is this... Yeah, there's one which is the greatest moment of your life and one which traumatizes you forever. Yeah, exactly.

One's like, oh, no. Greatest moment of your life, I lost my best friends. I don't want to ever talk. I lost my... It's the two options. they refer to themselves as the tria yuncto in uno three joined in one now now that implies there was some there was some you know i don't like how confident the records are that they didn't this is a war because i'm ridley scott directing this or were you there i'm making the because i open it with

the whole film is just there it's just a veteran spit roast it's a veteran spit roast I mean, yeah, we don't really know whether there was any action they were spit roasting Emma Hamilton Maybe they were just, she was just You know, there was shift work, you know Much like right, okay Go on, you're up

Well, have you seen like when those like Workers are hammering in a nail And they have that rhythm Yeah, so it's like Clocking in. Yeah Yeah Maybe it's like it's Maybe her fanny

It's like a never-ending stew In that there's always got a bit there's always going to be something in it. So they're just tapping out to like, yeah. Yeah, 20 years or perpetual. She's got a perpetual stew of a snatch as, um, 80s potential snatch. Anyway.

Christ. So, now they, right, so the press, they obviously go wild on this. This is tabloid, tittle, tattel. They mock Emma, who gains weight and drinks heavily. But that only seems to, I mean, that's just more cushion for the pushing as far as Sir William. More cushion for the pushing. Is that a cartoon? Yeah, you're right.

This is a very bawdy age. You've got punched cartoons at this point. You can see where it's all come from, though. We have not moved far. No. At all. So, they all shack up in this house in Merton, then Surrey, which is now at the end of the northern line. I guess you can still go there on like a day out to the sort of Cucks Palace at the end of the northern line.

It's like going to Hage for Cucks. Are they all loving it? Or is anyone... Yes, I think they are. Well, yeah, they're openly saying this is us now. She's loving it. Well, clearly.

Yeah. Who loves it the most? Her, then Nelson, then Sir William, who I think is at best, mildly enjoying it and at worst, just stoic. Well, at best, I think the whole... He prefers having someone else,

fuck his wife. Yeah. She's obviously too much for him, actually. Yeah. But he's a diplomat. Yes. You know, let's get around the table.

Yeah. You guys get on the table. I'll sit here. so eventually rather unsurprisingly um Nelson and Emma have a daughter however this is a great scandal so they don't admit it's out of the wedlock

he's still married to Fannie at this point because divorce is very difficult so he's just separated he's just told a fuck off you're disgusting but uh they're not they're still actually married so and he's you know he's a he's a war hero but his uh his stock is falling rapidly amongst the admiralty because he's also betrayed orders, I think, to go to Naples in the first place? The Naples instant is sort of the low point

of his career. This is like Bond going rogue. Yeah. And they'll, you know, because of a sort of woman's, the Bond girls kind of side's quest. For sure. But so he, they have a daughter, which they deny. However, she looks just like

Nelson and they call her Horatia. Yep. I would call my daughter Horatia as well. You should call your daughter Horatia. And, but If you're going to have an illegitimate child and deny it, you can't just change one letter of your name. That's my advice. Yeah, hiding in plain sight, I guess.

Anyway, so he is kind of, it's a fall from grace of sorts for the hero of the Nile. However, in April 1801, his stock starts to rise again. Now, the geopolitical context... Because as soon as he's back on sea, it's electric, it's box office. It's just when he's on land, it's a problem. He pulls his trousers up,

but gets back in the boat and he's a hero again, right? Now, the geopolitical... Allow me to cook on the cheer political context for 1801. You don't want to be in Copenhagen's position or 801. I wouldn't want to be in Copenhagen, 1801. I'd tell you what, if you're in a manager, d'o'o'i, the last thing you want to be is Copenhagen. No, absolutely not.

Because Nelson's coming to fuck you up. Yeah. Well, you've got it. Basically, the 801, the problem with Copenhagen is they had to make a choice. Is Napoleon going to fuck me on land? Yeah. Or is Nelson going to fuck me from the sea? That was their entire choice.

Yeah, rocking a hard place. Really? Yeah. Basically, there is a, what's called, is it the coalition of neutrality or the alliance of neutrality between the Baltic states and I think Russia? Yeah. Because at this point, I think maybe we're into the war of the second or third coalition where everyone is going up on Napoleon. But the Baltic states, basically, they just want to trade. The Alliance of Neutrality.

The League of Arms neutrality, that's it. But Britain don't want this. They want them to gang up on the law. Napoleon because Britain are being squeezed out. So Nelson in 1801 lead 12 ships into shallow waters against anchored Danish floating batteries. His superior commander, Syhaid Parker, tells him to retreat. Nelson, sensing victory, lifts the telescope. So what was the reason they're attacking them on?

Because they want to basically force the neutrality is essentially means we're joining with Napoleon. They're saying we're neutral. Well, yeah, that's, yeah, but it was a fundamental choice that they, if they, if they decided with Britain, Napoleon would have. Exactly. So it was a pretty impossible choice. So Hyde Parker, Sig puts the flags up saying retreat. Yeah. And then Nelson's got a flag on his ship to his little other mate saying, engage the enemy more closely, right?

Nelson lifts the telescope to his blind eye. Yeah. And then goes, oh, well, I can't see anything. Fuck it. Let's just keep attacking. And this is where we get the saying turning a blind eye. Mm. Hmm.

Hmm. The Danes are overwhelmed, and Nelson forces them into a truce, and pretty quickly, what you would say is an anti-British alliance dissipates. But there's no bad feeling towards the Danes and the Brits. They said they fought well, and they kind of, they had no real choice. No, I mean, you know, Nelson is just... Chucking Lego at the ships. Yeah.

That's what Nelson is up to. His stock is rising again after a pretty crazy private life. Where is stinky old Napoleon? He's in denial. He is in denial. He's in denial, breeder. He has been stranded in Egypt. Now, he's kind of putting a brave face on it.

He starts a scientific institution in the institution of Cairo, the Cairo Institute, where many scholars and racists start measuring skulls. It sparks a revolt in Egypt. Now, the French claim, and this is all the first time that European power claimed this, is that we're here to liberate you from your own ignorance. Because you've got the revolutionary principles. that you can now start to do ideological. It's the first sort

of liberal interventionism in a way. If you've had a revolution based on no kings, it becomes harder to justify domination of others. So it has to be spreading revolution, basically. He's also... Charlie, what have you found? It would have taken Napoleon

about 79 million years to drink the river Nile by himself. Crucial. Crucial information for our listeners. Three leashes a day. Napoleon, he was, he had a couple of, it was a bit of a crossroads after he lost the battle at the Nile. What should I do next? Should I try and establish a colony?

Or should I drink the entire River Nile by myself? I have many men here, but I think I could take this myself. And thankfully he chose the right path. Yes, I think, after the 79 million years, I think he wouldn't have achieved a lot. This would have been a shorter series had Napoleon chosen that fork.

I'm going to drink the entire River Nile by myself. I do love AI. really gives it a go. Well, three litres a day, it thinks. Well, that's human daily water intake, but what if he was actually trying, you know? Yeah, if you try really hard. Anyway.

Wait, wait, let's find out. We should just find out this is crucial. 31.7 million years. Okay, well, we're shaving time off. I feel like we could get it down to an achieve ball. We've just lost 40 million years. I'm saying 31 million years. I'm like, okay, that's not too bad.

We're getting there. We're getting there. Okay, so if they had his mom hostage, it would take him 80 million years. What? That's longer. Even with the maximum motivation. He had a complicated relationship with his mother.

Yeah, he did. Napoleon is, yeah, he basically goes up to the Egyptians like, hey, I'm a friend of, I'm a friend of the prophet. I'm one of you guys. And he, did he give the name, he gives himself the name,

Ali Bonaparte. Hey. Try to get through customs. Waguamalakum, you know. Asam al-Aqan brother I'm Ali Bonaparte Yeah And Egyptians are like

Really? Yeah And no this leads to the Cairo uprising later in 1798 Because he's taxing them And he basically does what he did in 1795 Where he just fires artillery at them For point blank range

They all go and hide in a mosque And then he just fucking gets them out And start shooting him Yeah But the whole time What did he say? He said God is too late You've begun now I will finish

And then he just starts blasting at a mosque Yeah Is this his biggest boo-boo No, the next boo-boo is when he invades Syria Yeah, right? And this is because he's trying to, Syria at this point is run by the Ottomans

and the Ottomans are also, are they fighting him as well at this point? But the Ottoman Empire's creaking at this point, right? It's not what it was. Is it? This is not, it's pomp, I don't think. I don't know. So he gets to Jaffa

in what would now be Israel? Yes. And he gets two, 3,000 Ottoman prisoners and they are executed entirely by bayonet or drowning in order to save gunpowder.

Because they're all in the river, the corpses are in the river and the heat. This triggers an outbreak of bubonic plague, which runs through the French army. Thousands of soldiers have this desert blindness, which we said. So they're trying to retreat,

but they can't see where they're going. Napoleon, they also tried to drink the entire Nile by themselves, which is not a good, that's not, that's not going to help. And so Napoleon asks his physician to give the soldiers fatal doses of opium to euthanize them, and the physician refuses saying, my profession is to cure men, not to kill them. Interesting. And so Napoleon, you know, there's also,

there's also a big siege at Aker. Yeah. He tries to take that. It's the old crusader state. It is. Napoleon just fucks off. Yeah. He just flees.

He just like, alright then well see ya stag doing the stags disappeared and then you're stuck speaking to the mutual friend you'd have nothing in common with I buy

you know that have you been on a stag where the stag maybe drunk too much and has collapsed early and then you're like well we don't really know it the whole thing we're all doing it to make sure he has we were chucking dicks at the stag but now it's like

who are we I got cornered in a stag with two people having a debate about what you can and can't say in comedy And I was like, I don't want to be here. Do you, you'd have this? Wait, the stag back up again. Yeah.

Have you told you a story about the signet ring in Benadorm? A guy on a stag do, the groom fell asleep. And then one of his mates thought it would be funny to put his signet ring on his knob. When the guy woke up, he had morning wood. His knob had to be removed. And then removed? Removed. Removed?

Yeah, his knob removed on his day. You've skirted over that. Had to be removed. Had to be removed. And then, yeah, his wife decided not to marry him because he had no knob. Well, which is probably the worst. Sorry?

Yeah, probably not. But she's probably, I think the fallout and then also the person who put the signet ring on his knob, he lost his wife as well because of the shame. Oh, that's very sad. So it's kind of like, it's one of the least successful stagdos ever. If you go on a stag do and you come back with no wife or knob,

it's pretty much as bad as it gets. Yeah, I guess that's the worst case scenario. I suppose, just to play devil's advocate, is there any chance that the bride maybe thought how small was his knob that he could get a signet ring on it? Okay. Or how big were his hands? Is this what the devil's advocating for?

This is what I would just, these questions I'm asking to this story. So you think it was more, it's similar, well, it's more just, well, if you can't fucking put a signet ring on without your knob falling off, then they are. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, you said you saw a photo of what?

I did see a photo. I saw a photo of the knob. And it is what you imagine. What, black? Black, with a signal ring at the bottom. But like Cole. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Can I see this photo?

I haven't got it. I was shown on someone else's phone. She goes to a different school. Right, brilliant. Yeah, all right. So Finn doesn't get to see the big black knob. So I'm going to see the black knob with a signal ring on it. Literally my two favorite things in the world.

I don't get to see. So Napoleon just basically abandons his army in Egypt. Is it 30,000 men are just left behind? He secretly just fucks off. Yeah, right? This remaining force surrenders to the British and the Ottomans in 1801. Thankfully, the British regain control of the Rosetta Stone.

That goes in the museum. Safekeeping. Don't worry. It's fine. So it's a complete disaster for Napoleon. It's awful. But he sells it as a big victory. The painting of him by the pyramids.

We feel the hand of history on the shoulder. He's aware. He's a myth of paedophile. He's making his own legacy as he goes. And as the book we're reading, he's a tactical genius, but not a strategic genius. No, no. If you're doing it on a match, brilliant. You're doing it over a season.

Over a season, there's a lot of errors, you know? So, scores and adores. His Egyptian campaign ends with the entire fleet being destroyed. His army is riddled with plague. The Syria campaigns a disaster. 30,000 soldiers are abandoned. However, he sends letters to France and gets paintings of him with the people. pyramid. He says he's annihilated the Ottoman threat. He emphasizes the battle of the

pyramid, it's historic battle, and sort of just kind of minimizes the Nile on the Acre Siege. And then he famously remarks, which is a, it's a huge quote for us as a podcast, history is a set of lies agreed upon. I couldn't agree more. Yeah. We can agree on that lie. I actually, do you know what? I actually tweak that to say to history is calling people pedophiles that aren't here to defend themselves. That's what that's what I would say. That's what I would say. It's a small tweak on Napoleon's famous quote. History is actually calling everyone a paedophile, who's not alive to justify themselves,

and throwing at doubt over agreed paedophiles. That's what history is from my point of view. But that's where me and Napoleon differ on many things. Anyway, so he goes back to France. Now, he's obviously humiliated because while he's been in Egypt, he's found out that his sexy, co-mouthed minks of a wife has been gnoshing off a dandy called Hippoliti.

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I'm going to divorce you, Josephine. Throws out all her stuff, locks himself in his bedroom. All right, which is not, this all of the most sort of alpha move. He's striking all those... Slavs his door and then goes, cries on his dead. Fuck you, wife.

Josephine returns, pounding on the door. She then deploys her teenage children to weep hysterically with her for hours. And then... So it's all like when you can, like as an African wedding, African funeral. Yes.

you can sort of pay people. You can pay people to work. It's Japan. In Japan, they do it. In Japan, you can hire a mourner. Apparently, Nigerian weddings, you give money,

the bride will stand there with a straight face, and then you give money until she smiles. So the longer, as long as she can hold down the... That's awesome. But as soon as she smiles,

you have to stop giving money. That's a great game. So is she smiling because she's happy? No, that's like, that's, I mean, if you can hold a straight face, your future could be secure. Yeah. I don't think I'd like.

last long. No. Well, you get a fibre and you're like brilliant. You should ask for gift because you're not getting you're not getting the equivalent value

of like a John Lewis dinner set or something. I reckon I could make quite a good bank there. It's hard. But then I guess when you're giving you money it's hard not this one.

Are they giving you money in a funny way? Well, that's probably the way when once, if they've got a hard defence you might have to bring out a lot of the gags. Exactly.

Um, So Napoleon takes Josephine back because ultimately he just can't resist. He's a complete simp. Explain simp. Simp means that you're just like you're a complete bitch to your girl basically. Right. You'll do anything for her. He's pussywipped.

Yeah, he's pussywipped. He just can't resist the allure of her black mouth. Yeah. So. She'd be gobbling up all the cocks that have fallen off as dags. Yes, she's got pinky ring cocks for teeth. so in November 1799 this is where Napoleon

so he comes back and he's a war hero and he is probably the most famous man in France and at this point the French there's been a decade of revolution the economy it's like Weimar Germany just nothing work there's no money for like 200 years until it gets to like Bel-Epoch

it's pretty much hell for 200 years I mean I think there's a I think the bell of block is a blip in a pretty consistent story of we are a toilet. You know, the best time to live in a toilet, we're still living in a toilet. Yeah. You know? Oh, there was a day where they cleaned it.

Yeah, pretty. Charlie, can you get a man found in Portaloo toilet? Sorry, this is what you're saying is being born in France. Oh, his heads might be appearing. I want to call fire. There he is. That's the top of his head. Full screen it.

It's the top of his head. So that's been born in France. Do we see what he looks like when he gets out? I think you get to see him being hosed down. Yeah, there is being hosed down. And he was trying to get a can of Mountain Jew? I don't know. Friend of the pod, a patron, obviously.

Our patrons are often getting stuck in Portaloo. It's stupid getting stuck in a Portaloo. That's a sim. But getting stuck in a Portaloo for eight hours is also like, it feels like it's surely there's ways of being found in the port loo

is no one using it is he directly under the toilet I don't quite understand the mechanics of it or can you hide well there's no there's famously where was this mountain dew

there's no there's no drainage so it ends where you see it right so he is just in the tank so he's sitting like this in a portalo and there's heads there and there's nowhere else

to go in a portaloo it's a portaloo maybe the mountain gee wasn't in there it's just about eight hours looking at it's Are you saying that does Wellington defeat Napoleon at Portalou?

He traps him in a portable zoil up for eight hours. Right, come on. So, Napoleon seizes power in the coup of 18th of Brumaire. Now, I'm not going to get into the fucking noncery that the French do where they change all that. They pull potter.

They make it year zero. They change the calendar. There are 10 days in a week. Everyone hates chaos. It's bollocks, right? Anyway, it's in November. So a group of politicians, They think, right, this is chaos.

So we need a strong leader that essentially we've had 10 years of supposedly left-wing revolution, but we need an enlightened dictator, is the thought. Which kind of understandable. Yes. And so they concoct this fake Jacobin plot. The Jacobins are the most extreme. They're the original woke karate. Corbinites.

The Corbinites are the Jacobins. So they then force the then like council to relocate to this kind of manor house. side Paris, then the armies surround the assembly. Yeah. And then this is the big moment, right? So Napoleon is meant to like walk in gloriously and say, I've arrived. I'm going to seize power. You know, you think of EDMEA and seizing power and he's finding the cannon himself

at the palace. Yes. Yeah. Napoleon walks into the palace, has a full panic attack, gets shouted at, and then scratched himself so hard he bleeds. Right. Right. You know, the aura doesn't quite live up.

No. To the paintings of it. He gives a very confused speed. but he nearly faints and then everyone shouts and says he's an outlaw and a criminal. So then he like runs out and his brother Lucian basically saves the coup because he pulls out a sword, points at Napoleon in front of the troops and says if he betrays you, I'll kill him. And then all the troops go to go in and just, just a painting of the coup there. Let's get that up.

So he sees his power, you know, basically just about by the skin of his teeth. Yeah, which does not chime with him becoming the ultimate emperor. of France. Not at all, but again, it's myth-making, and it's the era of the romantic propaganda. So he makes himself first consul. He's talking back to the Roman Empire. Now, once he's established his absolute power,

he needs a military victory to just cement it. So here we go, folks. Here is another one of our buzzwords that will make prostates implode. We get to the crossing of the Alps. and the Battle of Marengo. Ah! This is in May 1800s. Now, Napoleon had been cooking

in Northern Italy. Yes. It's not the Battle of Garth Marengi, Charlie, the Battle of Marengo. A lovely place to cook. And he doesn't invent a dish called chicken Marengo. He does, yeah.

Is that? Yes, he does. It is his favourite. It is his favourite dish. It's made during this campaign. Of course, Charlie knows. The only thing he knows. It's his favourite.

It is his favourite dish, his chicken wringo. Now, what's been happening while he's been in Egypt is that the Austrians have been ding-donging it back

across Italy and basically all of his gains he made in 1797 have been lost. Right. So he's like, right, fuck it, I'm going back.

Yeah. So he crosses the Alps. Which must be invoking Hannibal. Oh, totally. Yeah. Right. So the great St.

Bernard pass. And this is probably, maybe the most famous painting. Yeah, get the painting up. The painting, he gets a painting done of him crossing the Alps and it's him on a white horse

and it's him in his flowing cloak and his robes and the horse is rearing but he looks calm and there's a bit of a Hitler salute going on which I don't hate. But in reality he was dressed basically in like a full wool burker

big Russian hat and he was on a donkey and he was being... This is the most like AI face apt. I mean he basically can you AI this to make it look better and so he

crosses the Alps on a mule he survives the pass this is all very icy it's horrible horses are you know slipping and blah blah blah anyway now he actually completely fucks up the attack he splits his forces

to try and encircle the Austrian forces at Marengo but what happens is that the Austrians see what he's doing so they just all attack him at once and so he has basically lost the he's lost the battle because the Austrian surprised him with an ambush right

and so they're retreating they're pushback they're in total disarray and the Austrian general basically a sort of like four o'clock in the afternoon thinks we won this right so he goes to his tent to have a nap and meanwhile the other force that had left to pince of the Austrians, finally arrives back.

Right. And then suddenly they are fresh and they have, I think there's only 500 cavalry. Right. But they just charge in. And the Austrians have basically been thinking, this is like a victorious, a victory lap.

And suddenly Napoleon's cavalry, who he'd abandoned, come back in. Okay. And just start fucking shit up. And there's the horses. So I didn't know, so this is one of those closest proper battles.

He basically has lost this until the last hour. It's a man united against biome. Munich. Right, right. They're 1-0 down for the whole game and then suddenly, Solshah! Right. So the cavalry come in and there's maybe 400 cavalry, but they, I mean, again, this is why I love the Napoleonic Wars. You know, you've got muskets and artillery, but you get fucked up by guys on horses with swords. Yeah. You know, it's awesome. The guns aren't good enough that you could still not get funded by a horse. No, because you fire it and then you're like, oh, fuck, you know. Every time they fire, they've got to bust one out, you know. Basically. So they can only fire like around every four minutes. Essentially, Austria had won it, but then this lethal cavalry charge.

And then he gets the artillery in. And so Marengo, within an hour and a half, is completely flipped. And it's a famous French victory from the jaws of defeat. And so Napoleon says, Fortune smiled upon me. Again, he adds this word. So this is probably the luckiest he ever is on the field of battle. Yeah, probably. time it's yeah and so again he adds merengo to that list of famous battles you know he says battle

the pyramids loady morengo um so uh he basically gets the austrians to sign a peace treaty and chicken merengo is the big thing to come from this can you type in chicken macko so it's images up of chicken macko um uh his chef had basically went out and couldn't find anything so he just came because they lost this as a supply wagon so they came back with eggs, tomatoes, garlic, crayfish and a skinny chicken. Feels like they got quite a lot of stuff there. And he fried them in cognac

and this is, and then Napoleon basically ate this after every victory had for the rest of this career. You ever had chicken meringue? No, but I won it. Sounds good. It's delicious. You had it?

Yeah, I've had it, yeah. Where'd you have it? My house. You made it? My friend makes it. He loves meat. Your friend makes chicken morengo. He cooks it, yeah.

He loves. But do you feel like you... He's a meat guy. I don't, so... It feels like morengo you have. have to have done something in your day. I don't believe you. You should believe me.

I'll send you a photo next time he does it. Yes, please do. He does that. He does loads of lamb and he sometimes does fish. Yeah, I'm not saying your friend doesn't cook chicken. What I'm throwing doubts over is that your friend on the regular cooks Napoleon's favorite dish chicken macko. He has cooked it.

Do you feel like chicken macko you have to have done something with your day? Because it's a victory dish in many ways. It's not a wake and bake situation. Yeah, you can't be like, you can't have done nothing and then, yeah. Or get morengo on love? It feels there has to be some feel of achievement of your day to celebrate. Just with pasta.

And that's look fucking awesome to be that. Yeah, it looks delicious. Chicken and crayfish is an odd combination. And eggs. You know, but be your crayfish in our rivers. Loads of them. Yeah, no, I'm aware.

Have I ever been? Picking. Have I ever been to a river? Yeah. No view? Yes. Minster love or ruin. Right.

Come on. Come on. Do you eat them? You play with them. Oh my God. The erections are flanking. There's a pinky ring over these men's knobs, right? you know we've got them hard

and then you're talking about fucking hunting for crayfish come on this is a month where the women aren't here Charlie middle level ruin it's got loads of crayfish so Napoleon

has not only another famous battle to add to his list he has also made a dish that Charlie's flatmate supposedly still makes to this day Henry Henry say his name

Henry makes chicken marengo and they feed it to their fucked up lizard. Roger's better now. Rejoice. Charlie's lizard has kicked whatever skin condition it had. Full recovery.

It's actually like she's running out. Well, let's stop the podcast and knock each other off, should we? Well, I don't know where you got that. Should you do that? No, no. All right. So having got back to France,

Napoleon has consolidated power. But he goes further. He basically, there's a lot of of revolutionary newspapers and he just goes now they're all in the bin he maybe just leaves two this is dictator 101

this is but this is what I mean you've got to take control of the press it's what the European dictators do if Belisconi you know run your own news channel he starts a secret police

under a guy called Joseph Foucher now he was so brutal what had he done during Egypt oh let's get a picture of Fushe up as well the butcher of Leon

so during the revolution during the terror he'd just been chopping people's heads off in any of these moments of like historical sort of terror and spasm you will just have a sick fuck who's taking advantage oh yeah like these sort of like geoffrey dama types where just history's fallen where it's sort of socially acceptable to do with look at that oh he looks like an evil car

face as i've ever seen in my life look at that he looks like the Voldemort in kai potter one yeah he does look he looks just like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh but he becomes he's like a he makes a secret police, right? So there's even a moment where having reconciled with Josephine, he then, Josephine starts getting people to spy on Napoleon and his mistresses. So then Napoleon gets Fouchet to spy on her spies. It's not a happy marriage. But he also forms the Napoleonic code, right, which is his, this I guess is his Nuremberg laws, would you say? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is probably... Would you get that to me?

Yeah, I would give that to you. I mean, this is where he sorts... Would you get that to me and shove it on my ass, please? He starts to sort of differ maybe from some of the other historical figures is how, alongside all these battles, doing a pretty revolutionary domestic political code. Yeah. That is exported and still used. I mean, this is still...

Fin Leonic code. It's still... It's good to have a code, ain't after you, isn't? Yeah, you want a code. You want a code. So this is his code. I mean, this is still in the kind of basis of a constitution in France? Is it?

it? In some ways. You tell me whether this is still France today. Freedom of religion. Protected individual property rights. Ended the idea of noble birth privileges. Or equal for the law. That's pretty radical. Wives legally owed obedience to their husbands.

Women are classified alongside minors. Yes, that was the interesting thing. So the Napoleonic Code was incredibly radical from a liberal perspective. I'm a paedophile, I guess. Apart from women. I guess I'm a paedophile. It was kind of also the because it was basically one of the most radical political documents

making everyone equal apart from women. And children. Women are children. It's kind of amazing. Some of the stuff in here is basically the birth and modernity. The only thing is it goes backwards for women. Yeah, women have a terrible time. But it's even worse than before the revolution now.

It's beyond medieval. So he's like, we're all create equal, not you. You're basically just children. Women could be imprisoned for infidelity. right, whereas a husband would only face legal consequences if he brings the mistress into the family home. I mean, yeah, that's... Fair enough.

Also, if a man walked in on a woman having sex with someone else, he could shoot the woman. If a woman walked in on a man having sex with a woman, she could just sue him. She could kill herself. She could kill herself. I'd be glad of it.

Women are classified as minors. Yeah. So we're all, the poliolyonic pedos. Yeah. This is real in-cell stuff here, though. Yeah. He's really getting his own back

for all the women who've rejected him. A wife who killed her cheating husband faced premeditated murder charges. Yeah. A man could just blast. Yeah. So this is a quote from Napoleon. It's a quote.

Women, when they are bad, are worse than men. And more ready to commit crimes. The soft sex, when degraded, falls lower than the other. Yeah, this is real fucking... Sorry, that was Napoleon speaking. That wasn't...

This is a real fucking stormfront manifesto sort of stuff. Yeah. Well, he's a school shooter. He is a school shooter. This is the school shooter's code. Normally, they don't live long enough to establish, you know, this is my school now. I'm going to tell you how things are going to run around here.

You know, normally they get blasted by the FBI. He has established a code in 1804. He has a secret police run by the butcher of Leon. He's got, he's the only, yeah, 60 newspapers down to four. And they're only allowed to publish government-approved praise. Now, in 1802, they're finally, after 10 years of what had been called the French

Revolutionary Wars there is finally peace when a war pauses between France and Britain with the signature of the peace of Amiens and so Napoleon Yes Napoleon then presents this to his people as I'm you know I'm not just a

warmonger I'm made peace He says Peace is the first need of France It's not It's pastry and oral sex Yep Well that comes in later actually now, which then Haportez

to the Paris Orgy of 1802, where, because the borders were now open between Britain and France. It's quite a bizarre, weird period in history where they,

because they've been fighting for so long, they all just exchange fluids. They just, the British elites. The fluid exchange. They just came over and were like, well, let's, what's going on over here?

And then we just, they just started fucking everyone. All the British elites went over and were like, this is a mess. This is such a mess. This is such a mess. So they, yeah, so all the British elites

went over to France and started fucking. have one and then but but no french people came over to britain it's quite funny isn't it the they're like no we don't really want to go there yeah now during the piece napoleon doesn't really stand still he annexes piedermont which is uh just a bordering tuscany yeah near tuscany he uh it says reorganizes switzerland it's already pretty organized i thought yeah i don't really know what it means reorganizing and famously uh crushes the haitian revolution but the same result was successful in haiti Yes. Was it a different slave revolt? Maybe he then...

Then he went back and crushed it. He went back and crushed it, not sure. Maybe he fights. Because it was the only successful slavery revolt was the actual. Also, this must be the time of the Louisiana Purchase. 1803, I think. Oh, yes, he desperately his money for the war. This is the worst deal in history.

So he's actually spending this piece, this short-lived piece, re-arming. Very Hitlerian. Very Hitlerian. Very Jackassian. No, sorry, he's not Jackarsian. He's Hilarian. So he spends the peace rearm. mis-rearming in order to fund

re-arming. He also sorry, I don't know when he introduces conscription, but this is one of the big things about the Napoleonic Wars. This is the first mass conscription. Yes. So before this, there's just been standing armies that are quite small. Napoleon is the first guy to be like, we're going to mobilize the

entire state. But also Britain becomes, it fully mobilises its economy to become a war economy. It's not the first time it's ever been done. It's about to, yeah. But this is where I don't know when he introduces conscription, but But the point is that he's starting to get a lot, the numbers of troops that are starting to get involved

in the Napoleonic Wars really take, is like an exponential growth because he of his conscription. So as part of the piece, Britain was meant to evacuate Malta, but they don't. And so quite quickly, the peace is starting to look like a sham. And then you have this insane thing

I didn't know about where there's a guy, There's a, there's a, Sa Paul the first of Russia. Get a photo of it up because he looks mad. He is assassinated in a coup. Charlie, can you get Saar Paul the first? Yeah. That's fucking awful.

He used to go to the Ottoman Empire and go to fucking heteroslav. He needs to go to Turkey, this guy. He is assassinated by conspirators at the behest of the British Foreign Secretary right so this is kind of like a reverse soulsbury right i mean britain you know the way he's assassinated is pretty mad as well he gets they storm the kremlin they poison him and then he gets strangled

with like a curtain tie and trampled to death so they just stomp on him but why did he's found hiding my curtain struck with a gold snuffbox strangled with a sash and trampled to death um and this is because he's still on him to death but this is this is when this is at the same time just around the time of Nelson and Copenhagen

because this is all about the League of Neutrality. So Britain is financing subterfuge in Russia. So Alexander I ascends the Russian throne and he immediately restores friendly ties with Britain and dissolves the Baltic League which had formed with the Danish lot. So in this context, the fragile piece of Amion is looking like a sham.

And so in 1803, Once again, Britain declares war on France, and this, listeners, is the official start of the Napoleonic War. Yes. Because we haven't even started the Napoleonic Wars. This has all been the French Revolutionary War. Ah! In our next episode, Napoleon will immediately order the arrest of all British tourists in France,

and he starts gathering troops at the channel for his invasion of Britain. unless one man can stop him. The man, the myth, the legend. If one man can stop sticking his dick in a diplomat's wife, one man will be hunting him down to meet him at the...

It's not Gavin Plum. It's Horatio, Nelson. Okay, and our next episode... But if it was happening today, I think the man who would stand up for Britain would... Be Gavin Plum.

In 2026's Battle of Trafalgar. So it'd be Plum's column. It'd be Gavin's column in Trafalham. Falga Square, would it? He'll be at the bottom of it, though. I'm not getting up that. Fuck, I know. Holly Willoughby's at the top and he's at the bottom.

She's so beautiful. Can you go and raping her for me? I'm too bored. I'm too tired. Anyway, the next episode, we'll do the Battle of Trafalgar. That's already on the Patreon. And sign up, you know, you know what to do. Why aren't you join up already?

Come on. We'll see you next time for Trafalgar. Goodbye. God bless. Thank you.