Fin vs History - We’re Going to Need A Bigger Urn (with The Grade Cricketer) | The History of The Ashes (Part 2/2)

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Aussie podcast giants The Grade Cricketer join us to unpack the history of sport’s greatest rivalry- the Ashes, or as it’s also known: England vs a Criminal England XI Tickets available for The Grade Cricketer live UK shows; https://www.gradecricketer.com/live-shows The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.  For weekly bonus episodes, ad-free listening and early access to series, become a Truther and sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/fintaylor?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to Finn versus History. I'm here with the race show called six. I went for it. I'm out of my debt. That's not commentary in cricket though, is it? Six! And we're here with one of my favourite podcasts, the great cricketer. Peas and Higgos.

It doesn't sound right in British. accent, does it? You really wrapped your mouth around there. It doesn't, it sounds such taste. Ian and Sam, Ian and Sam, Ian and Sam, much more comfortable, say, Ian and Pez, Higgos. Pes, Higgos. Pez Higgos and Horatius. It doesn't quite work out.

Bless you for sticking to the dress code. There's an element of an Australian in suit that is kind of imminent court appearance for domestic violence. That's good, it begins early, yeah. Domestic violence. I feel like convicts and criminals. I'm doing door-to-door computer sales

on the back of a cocaine bender. Yeah, in the 80s. In the 80s, yeah, and I feel incredible. It's like a compact prasario. It's the trainer socks that really get me. Go on, show the fans the... A bit of ankle. That costs money, that.

That's the new world right there. You're in Corpherding your wife. I'm guilty, and I do it again. Ten guards just completed themselves over that ankle shop from Higos, believe me. Yeah, we have a deeply conservative fan base who that will start. We're here to talk about the origins and the history of the ashes. One for the girls. One for the girls.

one for the mums you said we wanted less war so we're going to give you this is the only other type of war we know I mean the ashes for me it's like the only thing that matters in most areas of my life actually all other cricket

seems to just be infantilised now and the only this is the thing everything else is a friendly leading up to the ashes yeah in my head yeah exactly and it feels like

that it's sort of would you say defines the Australian story? Yes, I would, Finn. I would say that, yeah. I mean, like, basically like midway through the like midway through an Asher series, they're already

planning for the next Asher series, what this means for the next one. Because in all sport, the most important game is the next one. Yes. So semifinals, better than finals, etc. Yeah. And so like the denigration about the nation doesn't really concern us because as long as the Ashes is on, you know, then that's the main thing. Right.

There's basically royal commission in Australia at any stage if we lose to England, especially at home. Like, it is the own, like, Australia, a lot of people think Australia are, like, mad for cricket when not at all. Everybody watches footy, all the different codes. And cricket exists for three weeks a year on TV when people are, like, having, like, Christmas leftovers. And that's only when we're playing England as well.

Yeah. And I know, yeah, you're like, the Ashes is the only thing that matters. So, as we record now, Australia's in the World Test Championship final against South Africa. Yeah, and every English person is saying the only thing that matters. as is the ashes, which is convenient. It also, it feels like you know, the English, it feels like the psyche of England

and Australia is born out of. Definitely. We're apologetic, we're wet, soft, soft men, hard, hard bods. Hard bods. True. Hard bods. And we're apologising as we sort of shit ourselves at the crease. And there's comfort in that, isn't it? There's

pride in it. There's a weird sense of pride in it. Yeah. That's why I find it weird about England relationship with cricket is that we're not the best at cricket we kind of haven't been for ages but there's a pride in the fact that that's not how the game's meant to be played yeah there's all garrity to playing it well that's what you guys say yeah when you're not winning it's like it's not about winning there's something like yeah it's about morality well yeah if we could have we could have won if we play it like that that's not cricket yeah slogging it like that that's disgraceful yeah yeah it's unmanly it's about how to

deal with failure that's what they get how the game was invented that's true actually and the and failure in the Australian psyche isn't really a thing, is it? It's not tolerated. Exactly. It's about... Your criminals? Yes, that's right.

It's more about convicts and skin cancer. Yeah. Convicts of skin cancer. Raw-boned country guys who were fed on like nothing but steak against wet, limp-risted, you know, morally superior. Gay men. Yeah, who are gay. Did I guess it?

Yeah. Here we go. It's so early in the morning. It's so early in the morning. to be fleeing steaks v gays. That's what the Ashes is. It's the history of red meat against these wet, fishy

gatebox out in the middle just, oh, take my wicket, will you? Just take it. Take my wife, take my wicket. Someone fuck something, would you? The ashes is just, it's just one big cuck chair, isn't it? I mean, yeah, English cricket is a cut chair.

English cricket is a cucket. If you look at the Lord's membership, it's all just, it's 200 cucks in the chair. Watched in England back and come out and it's like Oh Yeah

Yeah Yeah And they go Well you go out and Oh I couldn't possibly I was like watching it Oh We were saying that the Lord's members

Because we were We met you at the cricket On Wednesday We were there The Lord's members Pavilion Is the final stand Of white privilege

It is Like when the blue hairs In the pitchforks They take every It's Jeffrey boycott It's boycott in the MCC No this isn't cricket One guy had a pillowcase

Over his head yeah that's cricket that's a couple of fireholes yeah so anyway the ashes uh begins in uh well was it 1877 is the first test

yes right I think he's gone rogue well I did listen to two podcasts okay fair enough then I thought we just sort of vibe it yeah um unusually for us so it starts in 1877 but the but I think basically

the ashes starts when Australia beat England because that again that's It's like, well, hang, well, we've got to make this. Well, if it's a competition, then we should make a competition. And I think this is when Australia are on a tour in England in the 1882. Now, sorry, guys, what we, our audience are very, very, very, very fat. And ugly. And ugly.

And smelly and thick. Yeah. What we need to do is we need to place this historically for the listeners. Because they sort of don't really understand when, you know, time. 1882. Do you want to have a go at this? Okay. So what, okay, so 1882.

I'd say that's after the invention of the steam engine. Yeah, let's just verify that, Charlie. Steam engine's around, surely. And it's before, yeah. Yeah, quite a while actually. Comfortably, yeah, yeah. Nice pocket you've got to work with there. Yeah, and is that before the invention of the healy shoe?

You know, the shoe with the wheels in it? It's got to be. It's got to be. It's got to be. It's not a prototype. 99, lovely. White birth. I know where we are now.

Yeah. Anything Jack the Ripper got away so quickly. It's a healy. So no one was on healy in the early tests. No one was, well, that's not cricket. That's really not cricket.

That will probably be cheap. It's like, it's like being on steroids because if you could bowl with the helis, if you had Mitchell start gliding in on heel shoes. No, we're talking. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe for fielding as well, if you wanted a bit of extra lift off. Rollerbladed disco. It's not cricket. What's it? No,

it's not, what's it's a, it's a shoeie, isn't it? It's not a shooy. Oh, drinking out of the shoe. Shooy. Yeah. Okay, you know, Australia

creatively. They do have culture. They do have a rich history. Yeah. Culturally rich. Yeah. We've exported that too, by the way. That's ours. Really?

Yeah. Yeah. Didn't, Daniel Ricardo used to do it if he won like a Formula One race. It's amazing. Just on the global stage. It's a cultural customer. It's lovely to see it's amazing.

Drink alcohol out of a sweaty shoe. Yeah. It's how you get into Parliament. Yeah. Yeah. You don't put your hand on the Bible. The opening of the Australian parliament. Yeah.

What happens to the shoe after a shoe? It's, it's, I mean, I mean, that's a very sort of gay thing to ask, I guess, but that's, yeah. But what's happening to the shoe? What happened to the craftsmanship? It's gone into the shoe. You slip it back on.

Yeah. Really? Slipped back on, you go about your day. Wet sock. In 2017, a Melbourne mother, Natasha Corrigan gave birth to a baby boy named Brian Jr. Who weighed 13.23 pounds. How's that going the rankings?

Now, how's that, we are ranking the biggest babies to be born in countries. This is Brian Jr. Fuck me. Is that the biggest, Russia's biggest baby? Is that bigger than the, I think that's the biggest one yet, isn't it? Charlie, you've got to be keeping tabs on this. What is the point of having a biggest baby Top Gear Leaderboard if you're not keeping track?

Russia's top 17 pounds or Brian is still Russia. Well, that'd be state funded. Yeah, it's Brian Jr. Steroids. It's unbelievable. Yeah. What are we doing? He bats three for Australia.

Now where's he basing for? Yeah. Slogfest. He's fucking walked out of the wound. That is, that's mental. It's also funny to call a kid Brian Jr. When they're the same size as Brian. Yeah, that's right.

yeah so 1882 yes there's no there's no heel shoes now Australia defeat England at the oval um by seven runs the British 9-11 this is the British 9-11 um and what happens here is that I think it's at some paper for like weeks there's articles about how this is this is a disgrace yeah we're not meant to lose I think before this we'd just been you know it'd been sort of almost a charity thing yeah for the Australians yeah anyone in the colonies yeah it's like, it's all a bit of fun. And then this happened

and then it was like, I kind of like this feeling. Yeah, the cucks and the cubs in the membership. It's that first time you watch your wife. And it's the surprise of liking it. Oh. She deserves so much better.

Yeah. This is amazing. Turns out, I'm not the, I'm not the best one at this. Oh. And that's how the first appeal started. Yeah.

Set that upstairs. Can you? I want to watch it again in slow motion. Oh, is there an edge? Yes, there's a big sound there. And in the sporting times, it's so called, it's published the death of English cricket. Of course.

They've lost once. Well, this is fucked. This whole thing's fucked. This isn't fun anymore. And the legend goes that, I think maybe in the article they say, what we'll do is we're going to burn the stumps, cremate the stumps, and then put them in an urn, and send the ashes back to Australia.

That's the first time the ashes is mentioned. Do we know who this journalist was or is it kind of still just myth? So this is not, we don't know for sure whether it was... No, it definitely wasn't an article. Right, right, right, right.

But, you know, who cares? All right. And then I think the term the ashes, a guy called Ivo Bly, who's obviously a good chap. Yeah, old boy. He leads a tour to Australia in 1882 to recover the ashes

to get them back. And there is an element of all this, which is why I like cricket. is that it's, it is all just kind of like a public school game. Yeah. And it has no, no real rooting in any kind of actual society at all. It's why, um, is this Ivo Bligh? That's Ivo Bligh, yeah.

Yeah, look at that. That's a cuck of ever I saw one. Um, so he goes back and they do, they do win the, the next tour in 1882, and they're presented with a small urn and, um, by a group of Melbourne women, including his future wife. Right. And this little trophy becomes a sort of symbolic representation. of the ashes.

And what's funny is that in the first sort of 40 years of the ashes, England has this selection policy where we have to have a certain amount of amateurs. Yeah. An amateur,

now, do you know the distinction of an amateur? It's basically a guy who's not paid to be, to play cricket. Yes. But he's just like,

he knows someone who knows someone. Yeah. But it's a weird thing where being an amateur is a positive thing. Yeah. Because being a professional is vulgar

and it's for people who can't afford to, not get paid for what they do. It's like... It's having sex with your own wife. Yeah, it's like this is absolutely... It's a disgrace. You're professional.

Yeah. Yeah. Why are you doing that for? Yeah. You need this. Why do you do this for a living? Why don't you pay someone to have sex with her for you? Yeah.

I can afford to have someone else fuck my wife for me. I've got a cleaner. I've got a chef. You need to fuck your own wife. That's the only person you can fuck. That's on Cuth. So do you not know about the amateur professional things? I think this other day, yeah.

It's a very... The amateurs would make more money in other areas of their life, right? So it was kind of classier to not need the money from cricket. They would have money. Yes, yeah, from money. No one here makes money. Yeah, sorry.

Just money's around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For some people. But isn't it in golf, it's the opposite. It was like, they were real, like, aristocratic people that were playing golf who were professionals. Maybe that happened earlier. But I think for most of these sports, it was like, it was just seen as very vulgar to do it professionally. Okay.

It was like the way that, like, actors or comedians were always viewed as very, like, at the bottom of society. Yeah, right, right. I think to be paid to be a sportsman. It's just, was humiliated. Hello, I'm Elizabeth Day, the creator and host of How to Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right. And what, if anything, we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better? Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate, thought-provoking, and funny conversations.

You'll hear from a diverse range of voices sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This is an Elizabeth Day in Sony Music Entertainment Original podcast. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, yeah. And so the amateurs would get expenses for their travel, which would amount to more money than the professionals were being paid as a fee. So there's a story of one guy who was like a bit short of change

and said, sorry, can you make me an amateur? Yeah. So that I can afford to feed my family. Because I'm currently professional and I'm barely scraping by. But this meant that England's best, it wasn't England's best cricket. team. And this is, I think, the origin of the sort of to the rivalry starts. This happens in an all-English sport, by the way.

Yeah. Because we invent all these major sports, and we end up becoming, you know, not the best. We end up getting out of the top five of all these sports pretty much because of, it's the same story in all of these sports. There's no point playing your best team. That's what this is about. It's meant to be funny, isn't it? But then Australia obviously starts trying, which is not cricket.

And it's vulgar. It's ugly. And it's classless. Yes, it is. It is tasteful. It is distasteful. And so you have pre-World War I. This is when it starts to go to five matches.

And the famous Golden Age series in 1902, Victor Trumper, is he Australian or is he? Australia. Is he? That's not a very Australian name. Well, no one was back then, basically. Australia was one year old at the time. Of course. My name's Ian Higgins.

Higgas. Yeah. People on Higo here. They drop the S.C. Is that the pronouns? Higgs slash O. That's the Australian pronouns. Yeah, because Australia, Australia, well, I was going to say it starts in 1788.

That's quite a massive political statement to make, isn't it? Yeah, it's not true. It's not true. Well, come on. It's all about perspective, isn't it? We don't worry about truth on this podcast. Someone asked me yesterday when it was like Captain Cook discovered Australia. Yeah, that's nice.

Which I think was news for the population that already existed there. Oh, yeah. It's loose to us. Yeah, no, this is in 1788. And did you guys know? know that it starts with a massive orgy do you know that uh Australia yeah the Botany Bay supposedly they come out the first fleet they come out and they're so like they've been at sea for ever long for months yeah and obviously you know you go on a cruise the first thing

you want to do is get on the sand and just start pumping away yeah yeah that's the foundation thing of Australia is an orgy on the beach okay yeah it makes sense yeah it does make sense yeah yeah yeah I just thought I was curious as to whether that was in your with alcohol and disease and murder yeah We didn't get taught that at school guys are uncomfortable with that Don't make it Don't make it too real

Anyway Victor Trumpa scores a century At Old Trafford Before lunch Australia wins The series is drawn to all But the cricket is thrilling And this is

This is where the ashes Sort of starts to take off Now I think Why is this the golden age By the way Hey Why is this is the golden age Of everything

This is before World War I This is where everything Well for certain people Yeah for the right kind of people Right yeah Yeah, gold load of everything. There's a gold age of everything. Obviously, the World War I now, Australia is involved in that.

Glippley. Glippley, yeah. That's all I know. Yeah, that's where Australians go now before an Asher series over here. We go back to the side of Glipleply. We wear Maggie Greens. Just to connect. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah. It was a massive defeat in that as well. Yeah. Slaughter there was horrendous. Yeah. Collapse. Yeah.

It's always nice to see the Australians defeated. I think you dropped this off there, actually. It wasn't good. Whether it's Edge Bastion or Gallipoli. It just brings warmth to my heart to see the Australians. Something about the Australian personality doesn't handle defeat well. And then, I mean, we need to get to sort of,

still probably the goat. Yes. Don Bradman, who starts to dominate the, well, the cricketing. Oh, that's an Australian name. Now the Australian names are coming here we go. So at some point after World War I, yeah, real Bradman. Real Bradman

I got 23 centuries Yeah real Bradman Yeah real Bradman Now he now tell us about Don Bradman fellas Because he's sort of up there with He's like David Beckham For Australia

Yeah No one's ever made that comparison Between golden balls and Bradman Bradman Bradman is Australia's pride and joy Basically Yes He's a

He's a he's a He's a triumph of just complete domination of his sport his average of 99.94 is very annoying for autists which he was undoubtedly won

with respect and about 75% of the cricketing population are also on the spectrum I would say but yeah I mean he just he destroyed everybody he hated Catholics The more I learn about this guy The boy I like him

His average of 99.94 is on the citizenship test of Australia Yeah Yeah, genuinely Are you joking? No, no, no, no, seriously, yeah, yeah, yeah And it's also the PO box of the national broadcaster as well If you want to send like mail to them Yeah, like the postcode is like 9994

That's crazy Yeah Because like, you know, in like the Mount Rushmore The goats of all sports Like I think statistically Bradman is so far ahead of the second best player of any sport ever. He's 40% better than the next person. And that's a complete anomaly in any sport.

So Babe Ruth for baseball or Gretzky or whatever, ice hockey. It'll be 10, 20% max. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah, so he's just a young guy from Bowerl, which is a country town in New South Wales. He grew up with a golf ball and a stump and he used to bounce it against a water tank.

Yes, that's right. Symmetrical water tank and he used to hit it back and forth over and over again. But it had juts in it. So like it would come at different angles. and there's footage of him just standing there like golf ball, stump, and just hitting it back and forth. There's nothing else to do.

And girls are like, do you want to go on a date? No. Gay. Yeah, Catholic. He's got a GoPro like bourgeois. You know, it's amazing how autism has lost something, hasn't you? The things you achieved as an autistic

100 years ago are not comparable. No. It's just sort of like, it's going in one direction. You've got to aim them right. That's what you've got to. young artist you got to make sure he's not not trained get away from there let's do cricket you know how you have a toddler and you just you can basically just pick him up and put them there they'll just carry on walking you can do that at a young age you know they're they're on

anime for fuck sake what are you doing so so when does bradman when does bradman start playing is it he's 18 when he's picked i think and uh so yeah 20 so he's a 1908 or whatever that is so um he makes 18 and one in his first test and people think he's shit right And then after that, he destroys everybody. So because his average was going to be, apart from his last... He needed four runs in his last test in 1948, to average 100.

Yeah. And he goes out to bat at the Oval. He faces a bowler called Eric Holley's, who bowls him a wrongan. And it knocks his stumpes over. Rodman just turns around and just walks off. Australian 9-11, I guess. This is Gallipoli again.

It's wonderful. And the good thing about that story is that the captain of the English side, I was three cheers for Bradman because it was announced it was his last test match and Bradman said he he picked the googly he picked the wrong but he had tears in his eyes yeah because of what the England captain had done celebrating his career and stuff so he's like even though he was bold comprehensively he still said I picked that yeah I was just crying because I was manipulated I was manipulated I was emotionally manipulated he was he was yeah Googling is gouglies are gaslighting yeah it is oh you think it's going to

spin that way that's interesting yeah no it did spin that way oh right okay But I mean, that is cricket. That is cricket. That is being four balls away from 100. That's arguably the most cricket there's ever been. That is so cricket. It's like, it's such a hard game. It's such a cruel game.

That's what's great. Weird game. Such a weird game. Yeah. The fact that you are on the cusp of doing something like getting an average of 100. Yeah. Which for people who don't know cricket is, I mean, insane. Yeah.

That's your average. A good average nowadays is like, what, 50? 50 is good. He's like, you're a great. You're a great. You're a modern great if you're hitting above 50. Anyone in the game who's averaged above 50 over its whole history would be considered a grade of the game.

Yeah. And he was 99. So I guess Bradman, in the whole history of sport, has stakes a pretty strong claim to be the greatest sportsman of all time, if you think about it statistically. How do you think he would actually, it's a really hard question, I guess. I like this question. Yeah.

I guess often when you see the black and white pitches, I'm comparing it to other sports, you know, you hear like Stanley Matthews. Yeah. It's just he was the first person to do a step over. Yeah. And he said the whole cried flying out the stadium. Yeah.

They all thought he was going to go the other way. You know, they're wearing like, the whole team are like, well, how hell! Witch, burn him! You know, it's, the defenders are wearing scaffolding boots. Like, it's hard to compare.

He's got clamps on their shoes. Great for when it's black and white photos. What does that even mean? I guess his ability to be so much better in that age than anyone else, how would he compare it in the modern? gate. He wouldn't last two balls.

Do you really? No, come on. No, like, as you said, I mean, he can only play against what's in front of him. And he did very well against what's in front of him. And that's what everybody does. But yeah, like, we had a thing with, um, we interviewed Steve Smith like a year or two ago and we showed him footage, we didn't tell him who it was. We showed him footage of, um, Clary Grimmett, who played like in Bradman's era.

He got Bradman out like 10 times. And the footage of this guy, Clary Grimmitt, he's like a, he's a leg spinner. Like, he looks like he's bowling to like 12 year olds. Like, like he's walking in. It's like he's like got a catapult and he's going like that. And we showed to Smith, I'm like, how do you think you go against this bloke? He's like, oh, I'd smack him everywhere. You know, so he got Bradman out 10 times.

So, like, there is it. Like, I think a lot of modern players look at these guys and they're like, these are crap, you know. Wayne Rooney-style. Yeah, exactly. So, but yeah, well, I don't know what he's meant to do. When you look at, like, professional athletes now, which I do often, wearing an army jacket from the bushes.

And with the telescope. With the telescope, yeah. um like they have like obvious genetic advantages like they are freaks and they've been like finely tuned they're all um they're picked from young age they're going to academies and then they're groomed it's like cattle really yeah yeah yeah pretty bodies and thick jaws and the size of their hands beautiful beautiful jaws yeah it is beautiful hands beautiful jaws yeah it is what we're talking about yeah like you shake their hands and they're fucking tickling your elbows you know yeah they're enormous but like bradman doesn't have any i don't

I think he had any obvious physiological advantages. Well, he had the odd noggin there. He was solving Rubik's cubes. More than a lick of the tism. A big old hefty donkey slurp of it. Yeah, the cow's lickertism, this guy. Because now, I mean, now you do get those YouTube series of like village teams that have a GoPro.

The WikiKee has a GoPro. Yeah, yeah. That is sort of bourgeois adjacent. Ha ha ha! What? Yeah. So was he quite a dull man, Bradman? Like, do you have any charisma?

No, I think he was pretty fucking, as often these top sportsmen are. It's just completely cold. He was a stockbroker. Like, that was his thing. He loves numbers. Yeah, he loves numbers. Yeah, he's stockbroker. He love handling money.

Long division. You know, he marries his sweetheart, Jesse, Lady Bradman early. No one knows what happened on the boats he was on the way over the ashes. But he, like, he was, a lot of his teammates didn't really like him, you know, particularly the Catholics but uh so what's his catholic thing i didn't know just i don't know i think back then protest and catholic stuff was it was a real was a real thing he's a sledge his teammates on the way out to bat yeah that's right because he was a he was a protestant and some of his team he was yeah jack fingleton was one of his teammates who's a who was a journalist as well later on and

i think like he used to um pour like holy water on bradman's bat um and bradman refused to touch it after that so uh so there was a bit there's a bit going on yeah um hell of a player yeah hell of a player Yeah, but I think he became an administrator afterwards as well and was quite acquisitive with money and he was pushing back against World Series cricket starting which basically exploded the game, you know, financially for a lot of people. What, you didn't want that happening? No, he didn't.

No, he was pretty conservative. Right. Our main fascination with Bradman in that era because Australia and England, they used to get boats to play the Asher series, right? And they'd be on the boats for, what, months? Oh, of course, yeah. Because it would just take so long. So, like, what are, what's a team of professional athletes on a boat,

on a fucking Pino cruise doing, you know, for four months? Like, who's on that trip, where they stop over, what's happening on board? That's our man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They would have to have been. They would have to have been. You have to. Well, if you look at Flintoff on the pedalow.

Yeah. Imagine that for four months. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, the point is, is that Bradman quite quickly becomes a so much more dominant than anyone else in test cricket. Uh, and so I think, is it the is it in

Australia no it's in England where he first he scores the 3-3-4 right he scores nearly a thousand runs in five tests which I think is still the most amount anyone's ever scored in a series right like four double tonne something like that anyway that's crazy so then in 1932

33 the body line series now this is one of the most controversial things that's ever happened right it's ever happened yeah you're right now it should be said that 33 obviously I call this Hitler's ashes Hitler's around Hitler will have had news reports

I mean Hitler didn't care for cricket He likes ashes though The size of that urn Anyway We're going to need a bigger earn That's a Hitler quote That's good stuff That's a crisp cover drive

That's a crisp cover drive that So anyway In 30233 Hitler's coming to power He's listening to the radio What's happening is that Because Bradman is so unbeatable I mean Hitler's the Don Bradman

He is, he really is The numbers He's so much ahead of the second bet Yeah, that's right And it's also the golden age Of that period of genocides as well That's sort of the classic Yeah yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Bradman of genocide Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, nice Bradman's the Hitler of Australian cricket Yeah It all works but what England do is they have this tactic that I love the

I love the definitions is that it gets called body line by the Australians but the English captain calls it fast leg theory which sounds like a It's an academic

Yeah it's an academic What this is basically I think Is this short pitch bowling And basically trying to bounce it Into their head This is before helmets Right before helmets He always be at pre helmets

Yeah Yeah Well like the strange thing about it is it feels like a very Australian tactic you know what I mean this is one series where like Australia tried to moralise with England

and say this just this isn't cricket like we were taught that like in like in the curriculum at school like in the late 90s we have to write essays about body line seriously like learning what was going on with this is what I mean about wasn't cricket and we England was furious to be told something wasn't cricket

this is kind of the first time we've been told something wasn't cricket but then that's not cricket is English fascism isn't it? It's because we decide what is and isn't as it happens. Exactly. But it really, it was bad sportsmanship. No, this wasn't, this wasn't cricket.

It's exactly what Australia would have done. It's just, it's just, it's just, they just try to take his head off and it worked. It did work. It was actually, it was a very Australian tactic. So this is basically just trying to pound the, hurt the bowler and then stacking the leg side. But you could kill him. Yeah. It's like, you could kill it.

And it was all of it. Like, they did all them. Like, there's great footage of like, um, well, they're great, but like, um, like, Bill Woodville, like any, or Ponsford at which one, like any hit in the heart and stuff and recalling away like dropping his bat fielders all around the bat as well so basically like to be more specific for our non-cricotting friends yeah

it's bowlers like bowling directly at the batter's head and then they would have to fend away using their bat then they would set all these fielders around so the ball would just like pop up in the air then they'd be out right like that's and it's if you've ever faced like far short pitch bowling when it's at your head

it's actually really scary it's really scary without a helmet with just a flat cap on yeah and these were these were uncovered wicket So now these days, if it's going to rain, they put covers over the deck, right? So just to keep the quality of the pitch. So there's true bounce all the time. But these are uncovered wickets.

So if it rained, it would be deviating all over the place. So it's even more perilous, I suppose. I think also our audience can't imagine a world pre-helmet in general. Yeah, they're all over. They can't imagine what life would be like without a helmet on all the time. Yeah, big headphones. I didn't know that even happened, you know, outside of cricket. So the tactics work, though, right?

England win the series, is it 4-1? I mean, Bradman only averages... Brabman averages 56, which is insane. Basically, Bramman was so good we tried to kill him. Yeah, and in the series where... In the series where he tried to kill him, he still averaged better than the best batsman nowadays. Yes.

That's how good it. Yeah. Yes. So England wins 4-1, but it genuinely causes a diplomatic incident, I've heard. Do you know any more about this, about what the... Like, I think it's on the news. It causes, like, government officials. have to have, like, backroom meetings.

I mean, not really. Like, other than Australia just moralised the shit out of it and said this wasn't fair. And, as I said, we were just taught it in school like 50 years later, how bad it was. But so Harold Larwood, it was the architect of it as well. So Jardine's the architect, Harold Larwood is the guy who does it. He's an English bowler.

Yeah. But he's a professional, I think, because the amateur behind it gets away with it. The captain is an amateur stil. He gets, it's fine, but because he's a professional, it all gets put on him as a day. upstart, basically. And Lawwood's, like, exiled, right?

And he exiles himself to Australia. And, like, he lived the rest of his life. That's where you go. Just like us. Australia is sort of the, yeah, the original Brexit, I guess. But yeah, it's funny that he got more, he got more flack than anyone who went on the rebel apartheid tour. Yeah.

No, that is funny. And so the Bodyline series is Hitler's, Go on, Charlie. Read that quote. You know where I got Bradman? There would be a well-rehearsed port before we'd lean forward and deliver his punchline.

On the arse. So Lard was sending rockets up, Bradman's arse. And Bratman goes, no, that's Catholic stuff. That's Catholic. That's the Catholic hole. Don't we get away with that. That's Catholic child protection.

Get away from me. So after the Bodyline series, we move into the post-war the post-war series which I guess is this when Australia start to dominate properly it feels like as an English fan basically from the from the 50s onwards it's because the actual scores on the doors are relatively equal yeah that's another thing we're not really taught padded yeah crazy early doors before anyone else knew the rules fully yeah when we were saying no we're right

in the rules the rules means we get more runs for this yeah you know we're at that stage still it was only now that you guys properly cited In like in the Australian psyche We win all the time Even though the statistics don't really bear that out We just don't pay attention when we lose But you are kind of right though That isn't just all the important ones

You are winning But even you're saying that like I didn't really know that Australia like won a lot From the 50s onwards I just presume from like from day die Oh right Right So government propaganda

It's all like a North Korean state Yeah Rewriting history It's like when North Korea Lost to Portugal In the World Cup And then they got told that they won 5-0

and Kim Jong-un scored a hat-trick yeah incredible so the 70s is when now this is when the first one day international is played which is obviously the death of the game yeah making cricket more accessible for women and families

is not what the game's about it's not cricket sport is for all this one's not yes that's why I like it and then this is where you have this Charlie what have you got up here is what are both

Cricket? Would you say? No, that's not cricket. That's not cricket. Not cricket. No. Sorry, we're playing a long-running feature where we It's called that That's not cricket. We're just trying to work out if something is cricket. We're just trying to work out what's cricket and what's not.

No, right, right. It's nice. Bit by bit. No, that's a form of delivering a baby. Yeah, yeah. That's not delivering a fastball, delivering a baby. Is there anything, I mean, could you train for cricket in a pool? I don't think you could.

No, you probably could. It's not like a geriatric sport. Shadow batting underwater would probably help that. No, it's in the way that you do like a marathon in mud and then you... Yes. Well, in Australia, like if some people have backyard pools, like you do classic catches diving into the pool. Right.

So that is a bit of practice. That's crick. That's crick. That's crick. Well, I guess if you're an incredibly low attention span husband while your wife's giving a water birth, you're like, well, this is a great excuse. We've got the water. You're trying to get catches.

If the woman is diving in as the baby comes out and then the husband catch-catch, that's cricket. That is cricket, yeah. That's... Pegging is cricket. Pegging is not cricket. Pegging's not cricket. That's Catholic. No, that was what happened in the Body Lion series. Pegging's Catholic, absolutely.

That's how Lawe got Bradman. Yeah. So, blah, blah, blah, 70s, you know, Dennis Lilly, whatever. The main, this is where we start to get to the real red meat. This is what puts hairs on my chest. Go on. 81. This is Ian Botham.

The biggest hog ever to play for England. Is he absolutely hung like a horse? Have you not seen the photo? No, can I get us got a photo? You guys have seen the photo? You've not seen Botham's hog? No, no. Charlie, get both of them hog up.

It's a piece, is it? It's one of the all-time thick hogs. Really? Is he erect or is it? Yeah. Well, I hope so. Yeah, terrifying if he's not. It was so funny.

When we, after we, after we went for a curry, and Horaceo was pretty hammered. And he went on a half hour to raid about how you have. he didn't have the smallest cock at the table. No. Which is the most small cock thing you could do. No, no.

Finn, that's complete revisionism. Go on. Go on. Nonsense. That's not what I said. I said, I don't have that big a knob. It's not a small knob. Yeah.

For my height, it's like, it'd be disappointed. He's doing it again. No, but I'm saying, when you get into the third or fourth subheading, it sounds very small. No, because I was pointing at someone saying, you're smaller than me. Do you have a big knob? He's like, fine. Mine's probably bigger than yours. It's just not that big.

I don't have a tiny It's not like a It wouldn't be like that's such a small knob It's just like if you saw it It's like It's nothing to write home about Yeah It's not like a yeah

It's just for some of my height You'd be like oh it could be bigger Yeah But it's not Stop talking Yeah But it's not I don't have a tiny knob

It's like It's small but with caveats Well I'm tall So I think it's be above national average But for my height it's small Yeah For a six foot two guy I've got a small knob

Yeah But for any normal guy It's like fine It's all scale I understand. Yeah. And then we were comparing because we got that talk

with the Upshot boys which you've just been on their podcast shout out of the Upshot and we had all our teams there we had Charlie, we had the whole teams there and then we decided who has the biggest hogs. Oh yeah.

Charlie's quite, oh my God. That's both of them's hog. So that's just a thick old boy. I don't know if that's fully a rep. Who would he send that to? Does that, do you send that into TMS? No, he wrote into TMS.

Yeah, he sent that to Agus. And he's awesome keeping up a massive log of how big everyone's dick is. You can tell by the look of him that he's got a massive knob, though. He walks like a guy with the big knob. So do you, Charlie, you've got the swag. No, no, Charlie, you got,

you said it wasn't like, we were overblowing how big your hog was. No, I'm just not. I'm just not insecure about it whatsoever. I've got massive balls. I'm not into. Oh, yeah, you're one of those guys. No, but you've got, you've got, like,

low IQ big dick. Yeah, which I'll take. Neanderthal. Yeah, Neanderthals have got the biggest dick. Brutish cock. Yeah. You wouldn't know what to do with it. No, I don't know what's...

And we're having this conversation, there's this guy at the end of the table, six-foot five, completely silent the whole time. We were just shuddering, thinking about how big his knob was. He had that sort of silence of a man who's just hung like a horse.

Like, if you're truly hung like a horse and it's a big knob conversation, you stay deathly quiet. Yeah, that's right. It's like if you're a professional athlete and you hear other people talking about the sport that you're a professional athlete and you just don't say anything.

You're above it. You're above it. You know, we're all squabbling in the Small Dick Olympics. The Paralympics. The Paralympics. The Paralympic should be It's just 100 meters for the guys The micropinus 100 meters

But you're not hung like a horse either You never said you were You're not hung like a horse either No but I don't need to go on about it I don't do a fucking monologue for five minutes I don't have the smallest cock that's been It's not big I haven't seen he goes his cock

But at work he has a very thick stream of urine That you can hear Horse boy You know when they're urine splashes in it fucking reverberates deeply

Does that mean he's got a big cock or he could just have a lot of like a little fucking desert eagle if the

if the like the stream is thick it's coming out of something there's a lot of mechanics it's like a hose

it's got a big cock hole maybe he's got a stretchy cock hole yes what's worse

as we don't have a toilet at the office it's right it's a metal wall yeah go on Charlie

I think Johnny Burstow has a tiny knob no no I think it's like painfully that's not cricket you said that's your feeling or that's what you know it's my feeling but i feel it deep i feel it from deep within i think you have a big cup i think he's got an absolute

cable down there you're not batting six of the tiny dick you're not batting six i'm not jack leach but i'm not batting 10 i'm got batting you know eight right you're an all rounder yeah with a tiny yeah no not tiny it's just not particularly big but your balls are quite big aren't they are big i got big balls you can you envelop your um but that makes my cock look smaller as well right right right it's very important to get nude in cricket Like in cricket culture Bradman And I wouldn't be ashamed

To get nude either Yeah Just so you But this is a bit This feels like more Of an Australian Ritcher than an English one To get

Well Australia's number six At the moment It's literally called Slug Right Yeah And he's got an absolute After his piece After his piece

Ever ever Like he came into the team Last year Bo Webster And everyone's like He's from a place In Tasmania called Snug So they all call him

Slug from Snug That's why they think His nickname is Slug But it's just because He has an enormous Cock But Slug's not even that big yes i mean slugs a weird name nickname for a big dick because slugs are small

when you see it yeah a slug slug i now think he's got a very wet cock and it leaves a trail yeah and he goes slowly up walls yeah oh is that slug is it oh yeah slugs let's call him slut they call me mosquito yeah um so anyway this is uh charlie's got uh ian bothum stick up um well i've taken it down for the last five minutes this dick's in the house of lords Yeah, it's in the long room So he's lying back And it's actually

Is that up to his belly button? I think it's shooting up Yeah To be honest that's great That's a state agent camera work It is yeah Wide lens Fish eye lens

I just don't know if you can play For Australia without a like a decent cock No I'm serious I just don't think Yeah I don't think I let you Yeah Because if all like it's

So you're not allowed in the The long room Unless you've got a tiny Yeah I just don't know how you make It's like you can't have too big The pavilion is the smaller There's cocks in the land.

Yeah, you have to, yeah. Yeah. Jason Crazier for Australia, he, like, he was a cock-based selection, like, about 15 years ago. When he, when they started playing T20 cricket, his nickname on his shirt was Subway. What does that mean? Fort Long. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, I love Australia.

Jared from Subway. Australian nicknames are incredible because they're always, like, three things removed. It's like pot me rhyming slang. It's great. Is Australian rhyming slang's mad? Like, I'm a big fan of your pod, but sometimes you have to pause it. and go, what's the sentence they've just said actually mean? So you only open one corner of our mouth while we're talking as well.

So to not let flies in. So both them in 81. This is Botham's ashes. This is, now I don't really, I know what he does it headingly, but are England down in the series when he does this? Yeah, Australia's on top. And is this, this isn't the ashes when Australia's shit. But I don't know.

No, no, this is, this is, I know, I know the one, yeah, yeah. But you wouldn't know that much about the both of things because that's not part of your, like, we all, that's one of the things that we all learn is both of them. Yeah, they're both of them's ashes. It is incredible. It was, because there were no ashes at you, which is weird. They avoided it, I think.

But, but this is where I think the real, like, myth of, or the sense of England comes in. I think it ties into empire is the same way that Stokes did later on. It's like the heroic last stand, right? It's the redoubt, Rorke's Drift Asking, it's all these things Azincourt, anything like that

All British wins It has to be us overcoming odds Even if they're not really there Yeah, yes Because I think we can't deal with the fact That we're like If we've ever been on top Oppressing people

With far worse situations It has to be we've overcome Extraordinary difficulties And everything That's why all the victories We choose to focus on Is our overcoming huge odds Yeah there were thousands of Zulus

In a viciously unarmed Unprovote attack On a sovereign British territory Defensive War, we've said this many times. In the tall colony, South Africa. And it was hot. It was so hot. And we were wearing three-piece suits.

It was roasting. It was fucking roasting. These guys... They're in their underpants. They didn't even dress up. That's not cricket. That's not cricket. That's not cricket.

So that series, they called Botham's Ashes. I mean... Well, you said overcoming the odds. They really did because two days into that game when Australia was ahead by a lot. I think the team manager comes into the Australian rooms and says, There's England, what, like... They're 500 to 1. They're 500...

No, 50 to 1. 50 to 1. 50 to 1. To win the game. And Dennis Lilly and Rod Marsh go, well, let's put $100 on that. Yeah. They put 100 pounds on it.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Interestingly, yeah. All of a sudden, both of a scene. And no one never really talks about it. It's like, oh, okay. So they bet against their own team. And yeah, neck minute, both them,

149 red. Bob Willis 8 for 43 in England win. And Lily and Marsher Rich. Sort of come from nowhere. Yeah, and then Lily's been asked about it a few times post-cure and he's quoted as saying, I've never thought about it once. So for those who don't like cricket,

this is one of the seminal innings where England had collapsed and they need something stupid in the fourth innings to win and then maybe entire the series, keep the series alive. And one man with a huge cock just pumps it around the ground, scores 149 not out and England win from a seemingly impossible position

and then go on to win the series But both of them ceased to hit the ball and it's a bit more an 80s thing like he's got a fag in his mouth That sort of, you know Not like the modern cricketer It does real feel like Like he's...

Fuck off! This was like the... Like Stokes is an amazing thing in 2019 Right? Where he came from nowhere to it. This was like the original... I've already got goosebumps. Yeah.

Oh my God. Stokes probably isn't going to talk to some Scottish kids for the BBC. Yeah. If you've ever seen that punch. One of, I think my favorite episode of your podcast I've listened to is when Stokes nearly did it again in 23. Oh, yeah. And even though we lost that test, you were both so traumatized about the idea of it happening again.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That you realized the huge dent on the Australian psyche that day had. That Stokes. That Stokes, like, it's genuinely traumatized a generation of Australian men who are not equipped to deal with psychological trauma. Yes. We're built for it. Yeah, it's probably the greatest thing that an Englishman's ever done.

Yeah. It's absolutely extraordinary. Because, I mean, we'll get to it. But basically, both of them's sort of heroics in the 80s are kind of the last time, for a long time, wearing them there any good. And this is the sort of era that I'm born into as a cricket fan. 89 to 2005, this is just all Aussie.

This is a real slurry for the... Yeah, because we have these choice moments. Flynn's off, we have both, and we have Stokes, that we pick a part and we focus on. But because you're always winning, what are the big moments in the ashes for you or is it just a consistent thing? Is it enjoyable for an Australian

when the kind of the par is steamrollering when the par is 5-0 at home? Yeah but it gets odd like the yeah the great entitlement you get as an Australian is when you get like upset if they haven't won like by enough so like when you yeah there aren't really moments during this period it's like it's all just one picture of Steve War

with like squinty eyes and he's like and just talking at the side of his mouth with his arms folded and uh and like in australia at the time like like john howard was prime minister there was a lot of mining money coming through there was um there was strange patriotism and nationalism and like steve war was like um was like deifying the baggy green and yosies are wearing a fucking baggy green at wimbledon when right pat rafter's playing uh like like one was doing photos shoots with jordan because they had the nike type so we were real proud like because i mean we grew up in this watching the same era so like the our introduction to the

Ashes was just, we were fucking amazing. Yeah. Because England weren't just bad in the Ashes. They were, they were. This was the worst England's team. They were comical. Yeah, yeah. For 15 years.

Yeah, yeah. And what ended this was Flint off, right? The Flint off. Well, yeah, the 2005. Go on Charlie. As an Australian cricketer, if you're going about your life, having retired, is it like a rock star element to it at all? I don't think we have that culture in Australia.

Yeah, Australia's not. It's very tall. You don't have culture in Australia. We don't have a culture in Australia. I mean, because we had a Australian. What should do the weekend? let's drink a pine and have a show it's not exactly

it's not the opera is it? That was the Prime Minister there The nation's spoken The great innovation of British people Matthew Hayden likes curry's Chat Masala and Pickles Okay yeah good we got that down So that's the opening

If we could just get up what every Australian opening pair like to eat Because I think what was interesting Listen to like podcast about cricket There's a lot of racism There's a lot of real like conservative racist stuff but what is the kind of

innovation of the British stuff is that we're kind of racist within white people it's quite amazing that we've taken racism and we even filtered it within refined it purified it yeah even we've sent British people you didn't go to a good private school we've sent British people over to another country

and in order to be racist about British people it's pretty amazing yeah that like that when we think about like the best team in our lifetimes it was about the sort of late 90s 2000. Steve or Steve or was sorry to interrupt

we've got breaking news Ricky Ponting has been has been quoted he's on record as saying his favorite food is roast pork and gravy

he should go one of his one of his lovely wines no no no we had to break that up so you know like that era there was like

keep going through that team Charlie like Stuart McGill sort of leg spin underneath Shane Warren was just done for an enormous drug deal

you know Shane Warren had his own thing going on Michael Slater's had some troubles in his life Like Stephen Warren Markwell They don't talk to each other But they slept in a bed Until they're like 25 together

Right So like there were really strange characters Of a certain time But they were fucking good at cricket Damian Martin has burner accounts on Twitter as well And goes after people which is awesome At one time So Damien Martin

Is that your best team? Yeah I reckon so yeah At one time Trump followed like 45 people on Twitter And Damien Martin was one of them Yeah That's crazy Yeah

McGraws shoots animals Sorry, McGarer enjoys eating dairy milk, frozen and rock hard. That's absolutely insane. That's absolutely insane. It likes chicken and pizza as well. I mean, chocolate out of the fridge, I think, is too much. Frozen chocolate. Do you not like chocolate out of the fridge?

Dairy milk? No, no, no. Because it melts and it gets... We've had this conversation before. It's wrong. We'll have it again. And how big is your cock, by the way? Well, it's not big.

What about if it's been in the fridge? It doesn't get bigger. Well, it gets much smaller, actually, than it. It's a nitty in the fridge. But you've got a tiny flaccid cock. You were saying that you're... I'm a big grower. Yes.

Yeah. But I don't know... Yeah. Yeah. So it's really small when it's... It's not... How's yours flaccid? Still fine.

I don't think it's... Not a grower, not a shower. That's sorry. It's not like... It's not... Yeah. It's definitely not like a trouser snake, but it's not...

Yeah. It wouldn't be like... Trousers sluck. You wouldn't take a picture of it because it's so small to show other people like, can you believe us? Yeah, right.

It's actually, you're actually, it's just very, compared to everyone, it's quite boring. It's like a boring, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's below average, just. No one's running songs about it. Just, yeah. But it's still doing a job. It's doing the job. Does it work?

It works. No, it works. Does it work. Yeah, yeah, it works. So, Australia is dominant. And then 2005, this is like, this really hits me in the spine. Yeah. This is the greatest series ever.

That's how we spin it. Is that the same thing in Australia? I mean, it's certainly, I think it was so good that even though we, like, Australia lost it is considered that. considered that yeah yeah yeah it's because it's the end of this era as well that's what it came off the back of being fucked for so many it's like yeah it's the it's the cuck's revenge there's nothing like having someone watching watching someone else fuck your wife for 20 years and then you go do you know what you know what it's done it's my go oh god yeah I've

forgotten what this is like um um England England fucks their own wife for one for what once in 20 years that everyone gets OBEs. They all get to meet the Prime Minister. I fuck my wife. I'm at number 10 there. Downing Street. The next day their eyes are fucked. I'm not doing that again.

Fucking hell. And then we know you guys have to, we have to go to the actual cricket. We just need to, I think the footnote to this story is we talked about Stokes at Heddingley. We could do a 10-part series on that. Easily.

But we need to get to, I think the thing that reignited the ashes because as cricket became more commercialised more Catholic more Catholic You know as all these players start playing For the same teams in India In the short form of the game

The sort of loose seems to lose a bit of bite And then What is it, 20203 the Birsto? Yes Yeah, 20203 Get the meat, get the still image of Birsto All the memes, I absolutely love this this is in the Lord's test

I think England have won down at this point maybe yeah yeah one down and Johnny Beresto who I think's got a huge a huge huge

huge cock probably I think so I think so he finishes an over the over ends and he starts walking to the other end

to chat to his mate and what happens next the only way to describe it is it's a war crime yeah it's the only way it should be tried

at the Hague this is absolutely Carey should be tried at the hague. Alex Carey throws the balls at the stumps. Bear Sto

thinks the game is dead. Right. Carey thinks it's live and the Australians pressure the umpire who gives in

and signals Bear Stowe out. Besto is very confused, walks back to the oh, oh God. I mean,

it's fucking hilarious actually to be seeing it again. It's so quick as well. It's so quick. Bearstow then walks back and the the whole of law and lords doesn't really get angry lord's is you know it's full of cucks yeah yeah but this is when they're like now that hang on don't spit in her mouth you know

there's a there's a sort of oh that's still my wife that's my mother my child and this is i mean were you guys out this game uh we were yeah yeah so what he's talked to us about the atmosphere of what happens next it was already a little bit charged for what of a reason. It was a bit feral. Before this happens, but, because, yeah, you're right.

Like, Lords typically is, it's a very different atmosphere to even the Oval. Yeah, yeah. Like, Edgebastons, like the party grounds. Leeds is fantastic. Um,

Old Trafford as well. Um, but Lords is very, it's all, it's the most civil place, basically. Like, when the first ball of each day,

it's dead silent, basically is a bowl of runs in. So what happened next is so, unlike Lords. It was so electric. It was so charged. There was like, there was this anti-Australian sentiment

definitely in the already it was a it was a hot series because england haven't held the ashes i guess for 12 years by this point so it was a chance for england to get them back and basboard had started basboard started there was a bit of a cultish element to it anyway yeah and so this was a big moment in the game this is the fourth innings of the game and so when this um you know apparent um injustice happens it's it sort of sets a sorry gil chris sorry i don't gilchrist's favorite lunches a butter chicken no i say they're all indian yeah i guess you're on tour a lot yeah yeah yeah There is a baby, by the way.

There's a baby screaming because they've just been played footage of the Berto. And even a baby can recognize injustice when it sees it. I thought that was Birsto for a seat. That was Piz Morgan. In 2005, so now,

is this kind of the golden age of the ashes as a spectator? It's getting better and better. I think since 2019 it's come. It's really, when they're in England, it's like the handicap of Australia playing in England makes it a fair. Makes it fair.

Yeah. It's quite rubbish when we go down under. Well, it's just as you get steamrollers. Yeah, it's just not fair. Whatever you're doing, temperatures out there's just not fair seriously cricket is better here yeah there's a much more even between bat and ball in Australia it's less less like that so well because the the wetter wickets is more slug dicks yeah yeah it's probably just like the the humidity

seems to affect the ball um that we use a different ball in Australia than to hear so it's just because sometimes you watch like Indian tests and the it's just like the pitch is cracked and kind of playerball and stuff yeah well like yeah we get upset at Indian pitches where there's like 14 wickets lost in a day. Yeah. But that happens here as well. But because it's fast bowling, it's actually not unfair. Right.

Yeah. We'll adjudge. I think this moment is the most like, you know, brutish, thuggish, you know, Australians from the colonies that you guys had sent us down there just acting up again. It's Australian criminality. Yeah. It's sharp practice. This is what I mean.

I mean, to bring this back to the history of it is that whenever something like this happens, it's like it cleaves open the wound that still exists that we think of sort of all fine between Australia and England and everything pours out it's the it's like the reason I like the ashes is that it is a cipher for all of history of the two countries it's like the umbilical cord that still attaches Australia to England yeah when anything like this happens it's like the Australians are to yeah it's funny because the two countries are so close like this I'm sure we all have friends that have either lived in Australia or us you know we ourselves have lived here and so you have this real kinship and our cultures are so similar

yet well but yeah yeah yeah we go to the theatre that we West End, you drink Liga out of a shoe. That's right, out of a shoe. Potato, potato. We eat steak, you're gay. But then like, but then there's these touch points and like, oh, we actually fucking hate you, you know? And so this is just to finish up, this is the long room, which is kind of the inner crypt

of cricket. Yeah, this is the altar of cricket. This is the bunker, the cuck bunker. This is Hittler's bunker. The man of erections here. And, um, look at these cucks. These cucks are angry with the first time in their life. screaming at the man

fucking their wife and then two people got banned for life I think so yes yes in Australia it was like like you guys invented the laws and then we just played

to the laws and now you're telling us that the laws that we were wrong to do that well you have a complicated relationship with laws famously so

you guys start talking about spirit it's like I know we wrote these laws but this isn't in the spirit of those laws and we'll be there is what the spirit is it's English fascism I mean that's not cricket

that's not that's not cricket I think it comes back to the Crusades, though, because didn't like the English, like, they didn't want to use the bow and arrow because there was no skill in the kill, for instance. Like, that was against morality. It's not in the spirit of war to use a crossbow, because it was too simple to murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You've got to have a long bow that takes fucking 10 years to pull bow. It's the skill of the archer. It was taken away by the cross-go. We need to let you guys go. You guys are on tour in England in July. When and where are your shows? Yeah, we're in Birmingham, July 3, at Birmingham Town Hall with Sir Jimmy Anderson.

Wow, amazing. King of swing And then He's he hung as well then Oh he's got to be king of the swinging day He'd have to yeah He'd have a massive swordman Yeah

He'd be sorting And then July 13 Hammersmith Apollo Amazing With Stuart Broad With Stuart Broad I'm gonna come to that I'll be at that one

Absolutely You can get tickets At grey cricketer dot com If you want to come Yeah And if you don't want to come And if you don't Honestly these guys

If you like cricket Are you not into these guys podcasts I love it so much If you don't like Cricket, maybe give it a miss? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty cricket heavy. But if something big, if something, it's fair. It's fair. It's fair enough. Yeah. If something big happens in the cricket, then just come here, but otherwise don't. Yeah.

I wouldn't worry. And don't tell other people you're coming to the show as well. Say you're going to like LCD system or something like, you know, people come and, like, the lights are off, like, so people can't see that you're there as well at the show, so you're safe. It's safe. It's safe. Guys, thanks so much for coming in. Oh, it's your pleasure.

Now, we're going to do a page. this week on the Rebel Cricket tours to South Africa, which is cricket and it's not cricket. Apartight is not cricket. But cricket. It's non-binary cricket. It's non-binary cricket.

Is cricket fluid? Ironically, it's a grey area, even though it's incredibly black and white as shit. Thanks so much for watching, listening, and we will see you next week for a new topic. Bye! Thank you.