Financial Feminist - 200. How to Buy Happiness

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Celebrate our 200th episode with us! From launching in May 2021 to becoming the number one business podcast, this journey has been nothing short of incredible—and it's all thanks to your unwavering support. In this special episode, we're sharing community success stories, discussing why personal finance isn't just about the numbers, debunking money myths, and using money as a tool to build the life you deserve. I'm also thrilled to share a new way for you to experience the Her First $100K community. While I can't spill all the details just yet, we've been working on an exciting project that's launching in January. Trust me, you won't want to miss it! To be the first to know, join our secret waitlist. Thank you for being part of this incredible journey. Here's to 200 more episodes! Read transcripts, learn more about our guests and sponsors, and get more resources at https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/200-how-to-buy-happiness/ Not sure where to start on your financial journey? Take our FREE money personality quiz! https://herfirst100k.com/quiz Special thanks to our sponsors: Squarespace Go to www.squarespace.com/FFPOD to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. Masterclass Get up to 50% off MasterClass this holiday at masterclass.com/FFPOD. Rocket Money Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/FFPOD. Third Love Get up to 50% off sitewide! at their Black Friday Sale at ThirdLove.com. Netsuite Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/FFPOD. Quince Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to Quince.com/FFPOD for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Mint Mobile Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at Mintmobile.com/ffpod.

This episode of Financial Feminist is sponsored in part by Mint Mobile, Quince, NetSuite, Third Love, Rocket Money, Masterclass, and Squarespace. Mint Mobile gives you premium wireless at $15 a month with unlimited talk, text, and data on the largest 5G network. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash ffpod. Get luxury quality without the markup. Quince offers cashmere, leather, and more at 50 to 80 percent less than similar brands. Go to quince.com slash ffpod for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

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Go to squarespace.com slash ffpod to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. My eyebrows are finally growing back, by the way. This is my advice to anybody under the age of 20. Don't pluck your eyebrows, especially at the corners. Do not do it. I over plucked my eyebrows when I was 15. And then I didn't want to wait for them to grow back. So I kept plucking the same spot. And if you're on video, you can see it's like right here. And I plucked them all the way back to here. And then he just had to keep plucking them or else it looks ridiculous. And then probably three, four years ago, I was like,

I need to stop doing this and I need to let them grow back. And so I've been through this one little regrowth period where I'm starting to finally get little wispies here that if I drag them over and press them actually look like my advice to everybody, don't over pluck your eyebrows until you're 100% sure that that is the shape you want your eyebrows to look for pretty much the rest of your goddamn life. Hi, financial feminists. This is episode 200. We have done technically way over 200 episodes because we've done bonus episodes and we've done, like, exclusive episodes

that we haven't, like, considered to be, like, directly part of the canon. Today, we are recording our 200th episode, 200. This feels very exciting. We started the show in May of 2021. And at the time the show came out, we only did 12 episodes for our first season. And yet we were the number one business podcast when we debuted. We continue to be the only women hosted women We were the number one business podcast when we debuted. We continued to be the only women hosted women-focused show

in the top 30, maybe even the top 40, for like six months after the show first aired. And it's just been a really incredible journey. I think a lot of you have discovered our work because of the Financial Feminist podcast. It is the thing that I probably get most often when I'm either out in public or out in an event is I know you from the podcast or I listen to your podcast. So if you're an oldie but a goodie, we really, really appreciate all of your support. If you've been here months, years, we couldn't do the

show without you. And if you're new to the show, as of fairly recently, we're really excited to have you. I just want to thank, before we get into the rest of the episode, that I have a whole team behind me who does this. I get to sit on a mic and record and talk to really cool people because we have a whole team at her First 100K that helped make this show possible. So, a reminder that when you listen to this show

and when you listen to this show and when you support our work, you're not just supporting the ability for me to have these conversations and to educate millions and millions of women, you also give us the opportunity as a team to employ women, to produce this show. We are entirely woman produced and woman led. And you just supporting the show, subscribing, sharing it

has allowed us to do 200 plus episodes and hopefully 200 more. So we just are very, very thankful for you. So for our 100th episode, we celebrated our community. And for our 200th episode, we're going to celebrate our community. So we're building a new way to experience the Her First 100K community. I'm not going to celebrate our community. So we're building a new way to experience the

Her First 100k community. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but it's coming out in January and we're really excited about it. We've been working for literally like nine months on this very exciting project. You can make sure to know about it first at herfirst100k.com slash secret dash waitlist. We can't wait to see you and show you everything we've been working on. So again, herfirsthunderk.com slash secret dash waitlist, and you will be the first to know what we've been building that's launching in January. Okay, let's take some voicemails. I like to listen to these cold and get some reactions.

These are some wins from our community and we always like celebrating you all before we proceed to the rest of the episode. Okay, this first one's from Emily. Hey, Tori. My name is Emily and I'm from Austin, Texas. My recent financial win is that just the week after I picked up a copy of your book, The Financial Feminist, I went into a final round interview for basically my dream job, which was very quickly followed by a job offer. And thanks to your chapter on salary negotiation, I was able to confidently negotiate $10,000 above and beyond the original salary offer,

as well as secure some amazing benefits, including a 10% 401k match, unlimited PTO, and even a thousand dollar company contribution to an HSA. So thanks to you and your sage advice, I finally feel like for the first time in my life at 42 years old, I'm able to double down on my retirement savings and make a very comfortable life for myself. Thank you so much for what you do. Yay, Emily, congratulations. First of all, getting a brand new job that feels like the dream job,

and then $10,000 more and 10% 401k match and a bunch of other cool benefits. Yeah, it sounds like that total compensation package is pretty high, and we love that total compensation package is pretty high. And we love that. And I love that you took the negotiation chapter of the book and used those resources and made it happen. Congratulations.

That's fantastic. And like you said, the cool thing about making more money is that you get to do more things with the money, like pay off your debt or prioritize your retirement or make sure that you're taken care of. And I love that for you. Congratulations. It's a huge win. Okay, let's take our next voicemail. This one is from Quindalyn. This is a great opportunity for me to actually reflect on that I have had a lot of financial wins this past year, even though I still would like to see my progress. I was able to negotiate my wage at work.

I was able to get a promotion and then multiple raises, as well as paying off both of my personal credit cards. So that actually is a huge win when I sit down and actually reflect on it. So yeah, thank you for giving me this chance to celebrate that. We got another salary negotiation and paying off two credit cards.

Gwendolyn, that's huge. And I think this is also a good time. Let her be a reminder to you all as well. When we get in the thick of it, we like forget to celebrate ourselves. And we've talked about this on the show before with guests when we set goals and then we achieve them. It's kind of like, okay, cool, we're onto the next thing.

Please take an opportunity to reflect on what has went well for you financially over the past year and actually sit and celebrate that, both because you deserve to be celebrated, but also if you do want your progress to be most effective, you have to reflect on that progress. Psychologically, your brain needs a reason to keep going, needs a reason to feel motivated. And if you don't realize your own wins and you don't sit with them for a little bit, your brain doesn't think anything happened.

And it's very hard to keep going on your financial journey. So this is a great opportunity, take it like Gwendolyn to sit and actually go like, okay, what did I accomplish this year? What are my money wins for the year? And not only to celebrate yourself, but also use it as encouragement to keep going. So congrats to you, I love that.

Okay, our last voicemail, this is from Jess. Hey y'all, I just wanted to share a financial win. I'm in the process of switching jobs and because I use the strategies that Tori teaches, I was able to sign a contract today for 50,000 more than the next time I received. And in total, my salary is increasing by 100,000 per year compared to my last job. Wow. I'm also in the process of interviewing for a second position as a full-time professor, and if I'm able to secure that position, I'll be making even more. I'm so freaking thankful that I found her first 100K. I would not have had these strategies if I hadn't, and you're helping me move into a financially secure future,

and I'm so thankful. Daddy professor, okay. Everybody's negotiating more you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Look at everybody, you're making more money. We fucking love it. Let this be inspiration to you all. Negotiate your salary, earn more money, and then learn what to do with that money once you have more of it.

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you can go to squarespace.com slash FF pod to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I love fall. It's my favorite season. It truly is. Autumn is my favorite. The leaves are falling and football and Halloween, and it's sweater weather. Autumn is my favorite. The leaves are falling and football and Halloween and it's sweater weather, it's sweater weather. And I have sweaters from Quince

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That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash ffpod to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash ffpod. So for our 200th episode, we are going to talk about something that this entire show is basically here for and based on. I had a post recently that went viral on both TikTok and Instagram. And this episode is kind of inspired by that post, which is that if you're unhappy, I have the solution for you. Let's call it a solution.

When we talk about money, when we talk about becoming financially educated, when we talk about personal finance in general, it is very easy to believe that this is a niche topic. It's very easy to look at personal finance as like a genre, right? As a collection of books, a collection of podcasts, a collection of Instagram accounts, a collection of radio shows. And yes, I'm looking at one particular person in that and think, okay, this is great and this is good information and it's this very niche topic. We know because you listen to this show and because

we have these conversations a lot and because we just listen to all of these wins from our community that personal finance is not niche. It is not for a particular group of people. It is not the thing that feels like this exclusive club that no one else is allowed in, and that also is not broadly applicable to everyone. As you and I know, when we talk about money, we talk about all of the options that money can provide us. When we talk about personal finance, we talk about not just Excel spreadsheets and a number on a bank account and your stock gains.

We talk about how money can be used as a tool to build a life that you love and a life that you want. Yet society has tried to convince us that personal finance, becoming financially educated, is not a broader conversation. It is not part of overall wellness. And it is definitely not for women. It is definitely not for people of color, for queer folks, for disabled people, for anybody who isn't a cisgender straight white man. We know better.

We know that personal finance, becoming financially educated, is our best form of protest. We know that becoming financially educated means, again, not just a number in a bank account, but options and choices. I think people wanna label personal finance as this niche thing because, well, many reasons. One, we weren't taught it in school, so it doesn't feel super applicable or important. Two, it's been gate-kept from us for years by the system, the patriarchy,

that wants to keep us from having this information. And finally, it feels niche because not many people are making the connection between money and options or money and choices. And only when you start to experience in your own life the choices and the options that you get when you're financially stable does the connection become really clear. So when I talk about getting rich, when I talk about having money, when I'm talking about pursuing wealth unabashedly, what I mean by that is having the options and the choices to live a stable, whole, thriving life. I don't just want a number on a bank account.

I don't want money just to have money. I want what money can buy me. I want the money can buy me. I want the choices and the flexibility and the options that money can buy me. And the lie that money can't buy you happiness is utter bullshit. That's just not true. Yes, the idea is true that if you buy a Ferrari and you're depressed, it's not going to make

you happy, right? But the whole money can't buy you happiness myth. When you believe it, you are believing a lie from the patriarchy to keep you playing small. Because if you don't pursue money because you think it's wrong, if you don't pursue money because you don't think it can make you happy, if you don't pursue money because you think it's wrong, if you don't pursue money because you don't think it can make you happy, if you don't pursue money because you're worried that you're going to be labeled greedy or gauche

or impolite, or you think that rich people are gross generally, what only happens is that it affects and hurts you. It doesn't hurt anybody else, it just hurts you. it affects and hurts you. It doesn't hurt anybody else, it just hurts you. So when I talk about pursuing wealth, pursuing money, again, I'm not just doing it for a stack of government issue paper,

that doesn't get me anything. I want what money can buy me. When we're talking about these options, we have so many examples. I can give you examples from my own life first. When I had money, I was able to leave a toxic job with a boss that made me feel every day like I was worthless, made me feel every day like I was scraping by by the skin of my teeth. Having money allowed me to escape the deep anxiety that I felt walking into a job

where I spent 40 plus hours a week. Having money meant being able to start a business and to grow a business, to be able to employ other people, to be able to help impact millions of you, to be able to grow and sustain a movement of advocacy, of focus on something that I could see made real change. Having money meant that I am able to go to therapy and go to a good therapist who does not take my insurance

and I have to pay out of pocket, but I'm getting the care that I need. Having money means being able to move out of a 600 square foot apartment where I lived for four years, especially during COVID, and ran an entire business from, and be able to have a bedroom that is just my dedicated office. Having money means that I'm able to get potentially life-saving healthcare that I might need in the future, including but not limited to an abortion, birth control, access to the best doctors.

Having money means that I know that not just 30-year-old me will be protected, but also 40-year-old me, 50-year year old me, 65 year old me, and if I choose to have children, that my family will be protected as well. Having money means that when I was super, super stressed about the election and about the state of the world, I could literally just pull out my credit card

and donate to the campaigns and the kind of policies I wanted to see more of and donate to the campaigns and the kind of policies I wanted to see more of and donate to causes and organizations in my community. Having money means having options. Having money means that you have a safe dependable car to get to work every day. Having money means having options so that you can take care of ailing family members and how to afford it is the last thing on your mind. Having money means having options, and that means the ability to leave an abusive relationship that you don't feel safe in anymore.

All of these examples are straight from our community, from women that I know, whose names I know, whose lives have gotten not only better, but absolutely transformed and changed because they have money. When you have money, everything in your life changes. You never have to stay in a situation that doesn't respect you. You can say yes to the things you want to say yes to, and you can say no to the things

you want to say no to. You don't ever have to give an answer that feels inauthentic or that you don't want to do just because you need the money or just because you don't want to miss this opportunity. When we talk about having money, it means having choices. Every option opens up to you when you have money. And not only does your life start looking really different, it starts to completely change. Because if you want anything in life,

a different job, a business, children, buying a house, again, going to therapy, being able to donate to causes you believe in, being able to move at a whim, being able to feel safe and secure and whole and joyful. You need money. That's why I don't understand why it's considered this niche topic. And I think that's changing due to my work, due to other people's work in this space. Because financial wellness is wellness.

You can't have the rest of it. You can't go to the gym if you don't have money. You can't eat good food if you don't have money. You can't go to a good therapist if you don't have money. And if you're a member of a marginalized group, this is your best form of protest, is having money, having a financial education. Because I need you to be uncontrollable. An uncontrollable woman is the patriarchy's worst nightmare.

And yes, I am quoting myself from my own goddamn book. But an uncontrollable woman is the patriarchy's worst nightmare. The patriarchy wants to keep you controllable. It wants you to conform. It wants you to hate your life. It wants you to feel broke and depressed and sad and anxious and like you have no agency. And the best thing you can do to fight the patriarchy is to be uncontrollable. And the best way to get uncontrollable.

And the best way to get uncontrollable, have your own goddamn money. So how do we actually do this? We have to become obsessed with personal finance. We have to be obsessed in a healthy way with learning everything we possibly can about money. And we're recording this after the election. We're recording this knowing that we're about to embark on four plus years of more Donald Trump. I need you to become obsessed with learning everything you possibly can

about how to save more money, about how to pay off more debt, about how to invest, about how to negotiate more money like we just heard from our three community members. Because I need you whole, stable, joyful, content so that we can work to fight a system together. Because you can't fight the system when you are broke, when you are depressed, when you are scared, when you are sad, when you are overworked

and tired and burned out. You can't, you also can't show up as we talked about on the election, post-election episode. You can't show up as love in the room if you are not doing well, if you are not whole. And I think this is one of the myths that is so pervasive is that we're taught as women to be constantly selfless.

We are taught to be constantly putting other people before ourselves, which is a beautiful, lovely trait, right? And also, it's the thing that burns us out and that leads us feeling like any decision we make for ourselves, even if it is to better our own lives so that other people can also be okay, that feels selfish and wrong. If you are still holding on to the belief

that pursuing wealth is wrong or is selfish, I need you to let that go. I need you to let that go as we head into next year. Because you, again, stable and content and well-fed, and I mean literally and metaphorically, is the best fucking middle finger to a society and a system that wants to keep you feeling powerless, that wants to keep you feeling controllable. What does the future hold for business? Well, if you ask nine experts, you'll get 10 answers.

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The sale is too good to miss. So visit thirdlove.com now and get your bra plumb solved. So in the spirit of bra plumb, com now and get your problem solved. So in the spirit of a financial education being our best form of protest, you need to think about the diet you feed yourself. And I'm not just meaning physical here. I'm talking about what sort of information you are feeding yourself. As I mentioned on the post-election episode, I am not listening to the news all that often.

I personally have unsubscribed even from podcasts that I think are well produced and well informed because I was doing too much. I was listening to too much election and news content, and it was stressing me out. And it's not effective. It's not helpful. It's the MAGA riptide. So I'm thinking now about what sort of media can I consume that fills me up, that doesn't deplete me,

that doesn't make me feel scared or make me feel powerless or make me feel worried, but instead reminds me and teaches me things. I like to think this show is one of those things for you. I sometimes go back and listen to my own show because I need to hear it again, either from past me or from a guest. What podcasts are you listening to? What books are you reading? I don't read a lot of self-development books.

I read Ferry Smut because that helps me recharge. That helps me feel joyful and present so that I can go do this work elsewhere. And when we're talking specifically about financial education, if you're not following us on Instagram already, at her first 100k, go follow us. If you're not following other people in this space who are talking about money as a form of protest, that's a great place to start. If you're not reading

books and not taking this seriously, please let this be an opportunity for you to take it seriously. I need you to become obsessed with this thing because every other aspect of your life unlocks. When you learn how to save money, when you learn how to pay off your credit cards or your student loans, when you learn the strategies to invest and build your wealth, when you learn how to start a business or to negotiate your salary or how to find a job that compensates you fairly. If we get our financial shit together,

all of the other shit togethers fall in place. So when we title this episode, or when I go on Instagram and talk about buying happiness, what we really mean is being able to buy those options for yourself. We don't mean consuming more. We don't mean buying this one thing that, you know, TikTok has promised will make you look hotter or be happier or get a man or whatever. We're not talking about that. We are talking about using a financial education to have agency in our lives, to have freedom in our lives, to feel like you can take on any

situation that arises because you have the money, you have the flexibility. because you have the money, you have the flexibility. And in a system on a good day that makes us feel small and powerless, and especially in a system that I think is about to get a whole lot worse, this is your best form of protest against that system, is to learn everything you possibly can about personal finance. To learn everything you possibly can about bettering your money

and then using that information to not only better your life, but to better communities around you. Talk about money with your friends. That is an act of protest. Negotiating your salary, act of protest. Saving an emergency fund, act of protest. Listening to our podcast or someone else's podcast that talks about money, act of protest. Because we also know

that all of this information has largely been gate kept from us. And like I said before, there's a reason for that. There's a reason why personal finance education has felt niche. There's a reason why personal finance education has largely just been for cisgendered straight white men. And it's so they can continue having options and choices

in a society that they built. So if I encourage you to do one thing as we round out this year and as we head into next year, I want you to think about the diet you're consuming, what information you're getting, and who it's coming from, and how it's being delivered and think about what you can do in a sustainable way to learn everything you can about bettering your money. Because truly, if you want to be happy, if you want to feel content, if you want to feel safe. Having money is the best solution for that. It is the best solution.

It doesn't fix everything, but it is the best solution. I am way happier now that I have money. I am way more content now that I have money. I am way more content now that I have money. I am in relationships because I want to be there, not because I'm forced to be there. I am dating my partner knowing that I will never have to be financially dependent on him. I show up in our business knowing that we can make strategic decisions that are sometimes difficult because we have money and we have flexibility.

I can buy myself nice things. And like, I've avoided saying that until now because I want to get my point across, but also like, having money means that you get to stay in nicer hotels and get to like, buy yourself nice things every once in a while. And that is also joyful and lovely in a society that wants to, again, make you believe that you're not worth that. And again, I get to throw money at causes I believe in. I literally did this the other day. I just sat down with my credit card and was like, okay, this place, okay, this money, this place, this money,

this place, this money, this women's charity, this money. Like, it was so freeing. charity, this money, like it was so freeing. So as we move into 2025 and beyond, as we move into this very unpredictable landscape, I need you getting money. I need you educating yourself about money, educating your community about money, coming together to talk about money

because it is your best form of protest. As we round out our 200th episode, thank you financial feminists for being here. Thank you for the support of our work. I think more than ever, shameless plug, we're really going to need female voices. We're really going to need women voices in the business and finance space, talking about systemic oppression, talking about money as a form of protest, and you listening to the show, sharing it, discussing it with your friends is the best way you can support our work. And we really appreciate it. We're really excited for 200 plus more episodes. Thank you for being here. Go get money, babes. Go get money. Thank you. Bye.

Go get money, babes. Go get money. Thank you. Bye. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristin Fields and Tamesha Grant, researched by Sarah Shortino, audio and video engineering by Alyssa Medcalf, marketing and operations by Karina Patel and Amanda Lefeu. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K. Kaylyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmakeva, Taylor Chou, Sasha Bonar,

Rae Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Karonen, Darrell Ann Ingman, and Megan Walker. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100k, our guests, and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you're confused about your personal finances and you're wondering where to start, go to herfirst100k.com slash quiz for a free personalized money plan.