Financial Feminist - 204. 7 Ways to Rest After a Stressful Year

Episode Date: December 18, 2024

Have you ever felt like the holiday season leaves you more frazzled than fulfilled? I have, and in this episode, I’m diving deep into why the end of the year can feel so overwhelming—and how embracing rest in all its forms can be your secret weapon against burnout, stress, and the constant hustle that dominates our lives. From exploring seven distinct types of rest (yes, there are actually seven!) and their impact on our mental, emotional, and financial well-being, to discussing the subtle differences between simply having time off and truly recharging, this conversation is all about finding sustainable peace amidst the holiday chaos. Plus, I’ll share personal stories—from my family’s favorite holiday movies to my journey with an energy coach—and reveal how rest can help you show up as your best self in 2025 and beyond. Read transcripts, learn more about our guests and sponsors, and get more resources at https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/204-7-ways-to-rest-after-a-stressful-year/ Not sure where to start on your financial journey? Take our FREE money personality quiz! https://herfirst100k.com/quiz We’re dropping something special soon! Join our secret waitlist Special thanks to our sponsors: Squarespace Go to www.squarespace.com/FFPOD to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. Masterclass Get up to 50% off MasterClass this holiday at masterclass.com/FFPOD. Rocket Money Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/FFPOD. Quince Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to Quince.com/FFPOD for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Mint Mobile Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at Mintmobile.com/ffpod.

This episode of Financial Feminist is sponsored in part by Mint Mobile, Quince, Rocket Money, Masterclass, Gusto, and Squarespace. Mint Mobile gives you premium wireless at $15 a month with unlimited talk, text, and data on the largest 5G network. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash ffpod. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that tracks your spending, cancels unwanted subscriptions, and lowers your bills. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash FFPod. Learn from the best to become your best with Masterclass. Get 15% off any annual membership at Masterclass.com slash FFPod.

Build a beautiful website to get your message out into the world with Squarespace. Go to Squarespace.com slash FFPod to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. Gift luxury this holiday season without the luxury price tag with Quince. Go to quince.com slash ffpod for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. Take the headache out of payroll with Gusto. Get three months free when you run your first What is the best Christmas movie of all time? Did you say you're not going to like my answer? Kristin Just Said Love Actually is her favorite Christmas movie and that is my partner's favorite Christmas movie as well. Kristen said It's a Wonderful Life, which I agree.

I think that is the Christmas movie of all Christmas movies. And it is a movie that stands alone outside of Christmas. It is a classic movie that also happens to be a Christmas movie. And I don't think most Christmas movies can say that, that they're like capital C classics. And then you said White Christmas, which fun fact everybody, I have not seen. And I, it is on my list this year. I'm going to watch White Christmas this year because I have not seen it and I have to figure out where it's streaming or I'll buy it or figure something out. But yeah, my personal favorite Christmas movie, the one that at least the Dunlop family watches every year without fail. There are a couple that, you know, we try to watch every year, but usually don't make it.

Elf is one of those and I love Elf. I think it's such the most joyous, lovely movie. My dad loves A Christmas Story. I don't love A Christmas Story. I think it's fine. It's fine. And then we usually watch Christmas with the Cranks, which is kind of a deep cut, but everybody, if you have not seen Christmas with the Quanks, it is so good. Like, it is... It is so funny.

And now Oscar award-winning actor Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, and she has this cute little very short bob. She has, like, the most mom bob you've ever seen. And it's great. Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, it's very fun. And they basically, if you don't know the plot, they decide that they're not going to celebrate Christmas this year so that they can save money and go on a cruise instead. But they live in a very Christmassy neighborhood. They're not going to put Frosty up and they're not

going to have their big Christmas party and of course chaos ensues. But the movie that the Dunlap family watches without fail, never skip a year, we sit there and quote the whole thing, is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. That is the ultimate Christmas movie in my opinion. It's terrible and it's joy terrible and it's so good. We quote it all year round. My favorite quote is Cousin Eddie going, yeah, that right there, Clark, that's an RV. That's a recreational vehicle, but don't you go falling in love with it now because we're

taking it with us when we leave here next month. Home Alone 2, Lost in New York. With our now current president in the cameo. I heard that apparently they cut the cameo on some places when they show it. I think Freeform cuts the cameo now. Controversy. I don't need to see, is it like a jump scare? And speaking of jump scares and the reason we might all be stressed this holiday,

we're going to do an episode about rest. Because one, in a normal year, this is the craziest time. It is such a rush to get through all of the things you got to get through with work, to go to the holiday parties and to buy all the presents and to travel and to just get everything together before the end of the year. But we also know that this is not a normal year. This has been a really difficult year. It's been a really difficult month with a lot of news that most of us did not want to get. And so I think it's really important right now, always, but especially right now, to prioritize our own rest. And it's really important to view rest as resistance, which is Trisha Hershey.

Like panic, hustle, these are tools of the patriarchy. We discussed this on our post-election episode, but this feeling of constant panic, of constant just like lack of control freaking you out, like that is not an accident. Because if you don't find rest, if you don't find places to take care of yourself, the patriarchy wins. So we're gonna talk today about seven different types of rest. And you might be thinking, how is there seven? Well, there is seven. We're going to talk about it. And we're going to talk about how I am finding those types of rest in my life

and some tips that you can find as well. I will shamelessly plug. We have something coming out in January that we have been working on for nearly a year. It is a brand new program. We are really excited about it. This year feels tough. When we're talking about rest today, an important part of taking care of ourselves beyond rest is also making sure that we are going into 2025 and beyond with a financial plan, with accountability, with a community that feels safe and feels encouraging. And all of those things are in the program we're launching in January.

So you can go to herfirsthundredk.com slash secret dash wait list to be the first one to find out what we're launching. And we're really excited about it. Okay, let's talk about the different kinds of rest. Before I go to the seven kinds of rest, I want to tell you about something that my energy coach has talked to me about. I went through a really difficult time in 2020 and 2021. I was grieving the loss of a relationship and it kind of, it was right in my mid-20s and it honestly just threw me for a loop that I was not doing well.

And I was trying to process a lot of things about my future, about the, just what I wanted out of life and just swamped with grief for what I thought my future would look like. And so I started working with an energy coach. And I am not someone who is super woo-woo. I've gotten more woo-woo though after this experience, because I think that if it doesn't hurt anybody else and it helps you,

then it's helpful. And we met over Zoom pretty much every week for about a year. And it was kind of, you know, a version of therapy for me, but also just helping me ground myself in my body. It was a lot of breath work. It was a lot of shadow work. And one of the things that she said to me that I have kept in the back of my mind always, and literally brought up on a call with our team yesterday, is that there's three types of time. There is work. So your active work, both at a company or at an organization,

but also, you know, housework, taking care of children, taking care of early family members, right? Anything we would define as work. So that's the first type of time. The second is time off. But the third is rest. And we often think two and three are the same things. We often think that, oh, I have time off of work, or oh, I have the weekend, or oh, I am going on a trip, right? Even if you might say to your coworkers, I'm going on vacation, I'm going to take a vacation, which would think I'm resting, I don't know about you. My family doesn't really do restful vacations.

We do pack every single activity into this week and then get home and be more exhausted than you were when you left the vacation, or left for the vacation. And those are great, right? Sightseeing, getting to experience new things, all of that is lovely and beautiful and necessary, but that is not restful. So first, before we even get to the seven different types of rest, I need you to think about in your own life, are you taking time off or are you resting? So if you are not working, are you taking time off, but there's still a lot of craziness and there's still things to do and there's still excursions to go on?

Or are you actually resting? And she told me that the easiest way to determine what is time off versus what is rest is time off is the stuff that increases your nervous system, even if it is positive. And rest is the stuff that decreases the heightened sense of your nervous system, right? That is the easiest way to determine, is it time off or is it rest? So, as you go into the rest of this year, and as you go into 2025 and beyond, I need you to ask yourself, is my time off restful? Right?

Am I taking time off and also resting? Because we need that third type of time. It's not enough to just take time off. It's not enough to go on a trip where you're seeing and doing a bunch of things. That can happen. That's great. But you also need to build rest into your life. Things that soothe your nervous system. Think you can't find a bra that is sexy and comfortable? Think again. Thanks to Third Love,

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Okay, side note. Okay. This is what I should have started the show with. If you're the person who's been leaving mean comments like, I don't want to hear her talk about her life. I just want to hear her talk about money. You're going to skip forward about 90 seconds. Okay. I know I'm behind. I just watched the season of Great British Bake Off. I think it was 2018 is when it aired. So if you're caught up, this is not a spoiler to you. But if you are going to watch the seasons, this is, I believe, the second season with Prue. First of all, I just, I did not watch Great British Bake Off out of spite and out of bitterness and out of protest because when you got rid of Mel and Sue,

Great British Bake Off, and when you got rid of Mary Berry, I was not happy. When you moved Networks, I was not happy. And so I did not watch any new seasons. I protested for so long and then Trump. So I was like, okay, I need British comfort. I'm in it, I'm in it now. First season was fine.

This season, Paul Hollywood, you motherfucker, you went through the entire season shaking hands like you wanted to pass a disease. Like you were shaking everybody's hand about every challenge. Great! Love that. Give the people what they give the people their kudos. And then the last like three episodes, the quarterfinals, the semi-finals, the finals. You were so mean. You and Prue were so mean. And then in the final challenge,

Kristen, have you seen this season? Do you know what I'm talking about? The final challenge, they have them make for their technical challenge pita bread, pita bread, pita bread on outside, on a fire, on a slab. They take them out of the tent and they give them a campfire. And they're like, hi, not only is the challenge to bake bread on this thing, which by the way,

is not really a baking challenge. You also have to make sauces and also you have to tend to the fire. I'm sorry. Is this Great British Bake Off or is this Survivor? I love Survivor. I love Great British Bake Off. Those two are not the same show. So now I'm repissed again and Off. Those two are not the same show. So now I'm repissed again and I'm not gonna watch the show anymore.

I'm like so mad. Anyway, rest, lounging on the couch and watching Taskmaster, better British show that I love a lot more. Let's do that. So rest, physical rest. Thank you for indulging me. I just, I literally watched it last night

and my partner came over and I was screaming at the TV. I was like, I don't even care, who wins? What the fuck is this? I was so mad. Oh, also they're setting challenges that are completely unrealistic. They're like, here's five hours, which sounds like a lot, it's not, to do three complete total

like French patissiere things and it's not enough time. Physical rest. So sleep, rotting, but this can also be active physical rest like yoga, like stretching, like somatic work. And if you need some help with somatic work, we have a great episode that we did with Liz from the Workout Witch a couple episodes ago. This helps promote circulation, flexibility, but also helps process trauma in your body. Physical rest is about giving our bodies a break, allowing our muscles to recover and reducing physical stress and fatigue. You notice that we did not say, it's running five miles, or it's lifting really heavy things. We know exercise is important,

but that's not restful. So, for me, how I'm incorporating physical rest is, yes, I am rotting all the time. I also don't drink coffee. I drink maybe a coffee or two a month. And so sleep has always been the most crucial thing for me and my success. And I am lucky to be a pretty good sleeper,

but I also am the person that needs at least eight hours, bare minimum, like seven hours, 30 minutes, and I really do well at nine hours. And I've realized as I've gotten older and become more of an adult that sometimes you have to not do the things that feel or sound fun in order for you to not be suffering for three days. So sleep is something I've really prioritized and continue to prioritize. This is not an ad, but I will shamelessly plug them. My aura ring has been really helpful for that. I will also tell you that as someone with chronic pain, my physical rest is one of the most important things I have to do

because my body is in constant pain. I'm literally sitting here right now and I was having shoulder stuff like two days ago and that's still reverbing. So physical rest for me looks like a really good heating pad. It looks like a foot massager from Costco that I fucking love. It looks like icing my back often.

So I just think that often when we're going and going and going and going, we are not thinking about how do we take care of our physical bodies in order to keep going. And physical rest, especially for someone like you and I who are just going and doing things constantly, really, really important to take care of our bodies in that way and to not push when it does not make sense to push. Okay, number two, mental rest. If you feel absolutely mentally exhausted,

even after a good night's sleep, we've all been there. You get to the end of your work day and you've been in like back to back meetings or you've been doing the like big brain work, you know, like you've had to like deep dive into a project or for me it's like, you know, building out a new workshop or a new product. I'm literally doing this right now

to prepare for our launch in January. And like, you just get to the end of the day and you're just like, oh my God, I haven't done anything, right? Physical, like I didn't run and I didn't jump, I didn't lift something heavy, and yet I'm still so tired. This is why mental rest is so important. So we want to do activities that calm our mind. So this can look like meditation. This can look like deep breathing exercises. This can look like that superhuman app from the founder Mimi that we had on a couple months ago. Or maybe it's just sitting quietly for a few minutes. It's so important to have this kind of

rest when our brains are in overdrive all the time. And I think for many, many of these, when we get tired and we need some rest, whatever that kind of rest looks like, we think to ourselves, oh, I'm gonna scroll on my phone. And I feel this way too, like, oh, I'm gonna scroll on my phone and that is like the rest I need. And sometimes that's true, yeah, great, scroll on your phone, but that is more entertainment, that is like the rest I need. And sometimes that's true. Yeah, great, scroll on your phone. But that is more entertainment.

That is more stimulation. So if you need mental rest, the worst thing you can do, and I'm talking to myself here too, let's be clear. The worst thing you can do is start scrolling TikTok. The worst thing you can do is going on Instagram. The worst thing you can do is going on Instagram. The worst thing you can do is going and checking the news. So mental rest just allows your brain to not have to think about anything,

allows it to be very present in this moment, and allows it even just a few minutes of some space for you to breathe really deep, feel really present, and just to let your brain take a break. Our third type of rest is emotional rest. This is processing our feelings and seeking support. It involves being really honest about how we feel, about what emotions are coming up for us, and seeking support through conversations with friends or family, processing by journaling, or by talk therapy. We know that emotional rest and processing any feelings that we have

leads to this deeper understanding of ourselves, but also an improved emotional intelligence to have better relationships with other people. And often we don't give ourselves enough space to process our emotions. It's very easy, again, when we're just busy to be like, that feeling is inconvenient right now and I'm not going to deal with it. And if you don't give yourself time or space to, quote unquote, deal with it, to process it, to feel it, it will come out in a way that is not something that you control.

It will come out at probably the most inopportune time and in the most inopportune way. And you will show up as the worst version of yourself. So people do this all the time. It's fine. It's fine to table your emotions. We know that from therapy. You're allowed to table your emotions, but you have to feel them at some point and some point soon. Because if you don't, the emotions will find you and they will find you in a way that probably is not very kind to others,

not very kind to yourself, or is at an even worse possible time. So sometimes this will happen with me. I am a big, big feeler, as anybody who knows me knows, I am a cancer, I think I cry every day about something. Sometimes those are happy tears, sometimes those are sad tears, but I cry. If I have not cried, it is probably not a normal day. Like I cry at anything. And sometimes, especially if it's a big cry or if it's something that I really need to process,

I have the time and space to do that in the moment. Oftentimes I do not. I have another meeting to go on. I have to show up for a company. I have to record a podcast episode. I have to go speak on a stage. So I have to back burner that emotion, but it cannot sit on the back burner forever. It has to be felt. It has to be processed. So in the craziness of life, yes, you got to sometimes table your emotions in order to be a productive human. That's capitalism, baby.

But also, I need you to come back to it and I need you to process it, whether that is with journaling, with crying in the closet, truly been there. I literally locked myself in a closet last year and just had to cry for a while. Processing with friends or therapy. All of these are really, really, really important. Just make sure that the environment you're processing these emotions in is safe. And that feels supported. We all have people we love in our lives, but who are not good people to process our emotions with. That actually make us feel worse when we try to process those emotions.

Those are not the people you go to. Trying to process your emotions when you know that you don't have enough time to fully do it, right? If you're trying to talk to your partner about how something they said affected you and they are halfway out the door to work, not a good time to bring up that conversation. You want to make sure that you have a physical space that can hold you, but also that you have people or your journal that can hold metaphorical space for you too. Number four, social rest. This is about having the right people around you, again, for the right kind of situations.

This is less about solitude, which we know is also really helpful, but more about spending time with people who uplift you and energize you. We literally, again, had a reflection as a team yesterday. We tried to come together twice a year, and we all do our own individual journaling to reflect on the year, and then the next year to set goals.

So we did this yesterday. And one of the things I brought up with our team is I've realized in the past year, I've done almost like a person audit, as like corporate as that sounds, but I've sat down and actually said, okay, who, when I hang out with them and then I leave, who has a lasting impact on me? Like, do I leave interactions with this person feeling excited, feeling like the best version of myself, feeling held and supported, feeling joyful? And who do I leave interactions with feeling not that way? And what changes can I make to make that equation better?

So it is about balance. It is about engaging in these positive social interactions that uplift us, that energize us, that make us feel like the best, most seen versions of ourselves. But also how do we set some boundaries to avoid social exhaustion? And as someone with a sometimes complicated family dynamic, I am not at the point where I'm cutting my family off.

Maybe that's what needs to happen for you. Maybe it's ending a friendship or at least letting that friendship kind of just float away, right? Or not engaging in the same way. But for me, my family's my family. It's just having strategic times with them and knowing that I need to be really filling my own cup before,

filling my own cup after, and seeing people before and after who see me for the person that I want to be seen as. Alright, five. We kind of talked about this already, but sensory rest. This is how we reduce this feeling of overstimulation. Our senses are constantly bombarded. Think about a day in your life. How many screens you see. How much background noise there is. How many bright lights there are.

How many advertisements there are. So sensory rest could mean stepping away from electronics, seeking quiet, not fucking using the overhead light. Quiet, soft light, not those really harsh overhead lights that every straight white man is a big fan of. Oh, my God, the amount of times I come home and my partner has turned on every godforsaken light in this house and it is all the overhead lights and I yell at him every time. I'm like, no big lights,

please. I cannot do it. So get rid of the overhead lights or at least don't turn them on. Or maybe it's just like focusing on one single task at a time so you can reduce this sense of over-stimulation. This is absolutely crucial for our nervous systems, for our rest in a very high stimulus world. For me, this looks like doing even more reading with paper books. I do not like a Kindle for this reason because I don't want another screen. I want a physical book. This is just me. But I want a physical book that I can like see and touch. And it feels like this beautiful sensory experience that is something I've really prioritized this year and that I want to prioritize even more next year is doing activities that don't

involve a screen. I've started coloring. I got a lovely coloring book. Oh, I'll plug it. Hold on. I'll find it. It's somebody, one of our followers sent it to us. It is like different like house plants. And they It is like different house plants and they heard my episode about house plants and they sent it to me. I'll send it to Kristin and you can find it down in the description. It's lovely. So I've been coloring my little monstera's and my little fiddle leaf figs with my little colored pencils that I bought at Target and it's lovely. It's lovely. So sensory rest, finding things to do that do not involve bright lights and a screen and a lot of stimulation.

I will also give you a tip that I have started doing and have done for, oh my gosh, probably three years at this point. I will often want something on in the background when I'm reading or doing my coloring activities. So I just put on ambient YouTube. And even better if you can find an ambient YouTube video that like relates to what you're doing or relates to the season. So when I read Akitar, there is like YouTube ambient Akitar that makes you feel like you're in Volaris

and it's like 12 hours long. Great. Lovely. Perfect. There's coffee shop ambience. that makes you feel like you're in Volaris and it's like 12 hours long, great. Lovely, perfect. There's coffee shop ambience. There's like, my favorite is like dark cabin fireplace, rain outside. That is my favorite video. I've seen every single one, all 12 hours of it. So that's something that I try to do

in a way that's really, really lovely for the activities I'm already completing. Okay. Creative rest. This is number six. We want to revive our inspiration. This allows us to rejuvenate our creative powers. And no, this is not just for artists. I'm looking at you. I know because I feel the same way. I'm like, I'm not a creative person. I do marketing and I do financial education. That's not creative. No, no, no. If you are solving problems, you're a creative person and we all solve problems every single day. So you and I are creatives and creative rest can come from appreciating nature, going to an art museum, going to the symphony.

I just saw Leslie Odom Jr. a couple nights ago with the Seattle Symphony and God, it filled every part of my soul up so lovely because it was jazz and I forget how much I love live jazz until I'm seeing it and his voice is fucking butter and it's just so lovely. And it was a two and a half hour reprieve for me. Both, I didn't have to think about

all the rest of my life and the stress, but also just seeing someone who's so good at what they do, seeing a group of musicians who's so good at what they do, it's just so inspiring and it's so lovely. And it makes you feel like you wanna go out and do other inspiring things too. So think about how you can incorporate creative rest into your life. Maybe it is going out in nature more, especially nature that is not at a city or is like at a park

where you can't really see the city much. I think that's always helpful for me is like, I go to the mountains, I can take a walk in Seattle and that's great, but that serves a different purpose for me than actually like going into the woods, going to an art museum, seeing the symphony, going to a concert, or anything that just inspires you and excites your creative juices, your imagination. Finally, our seventh type of rest is spiritual rest. This is connecting with something greater than yourself. Now, when I say spiritual, this does not have to mean God. If you are someone who is religious, if you're someone who is maybe not religious but believes in a God,

or if you're someone who doesn't fuck with any of that, spiritual rest is activities that connect us to something greater than ourselves. That can be a higher power, that can be religion, but can also be nature, meditation, but also altruistic activities. Activities that bring this sense of bigger than you, for me, I think every single time when I see a magnificent sunset, that for me feels like spiritual rest. When I am doing something nice for somebody else or when I feel a sense of community, that is spiritual rest. When I feel like I am part of something bigger, but also a reminder that there are bigger things out there than me and my problems, that is something that has been really, really helpful.

It provides the sense of belonging, of purpose, of perspective. So maybe that is doing the very classic holiday thing of donating some of your time or money around the holidays, but also beyond. Maybe it is, again, going out in nature and connecting with that. Maybe it is becoming involved or more involved with your religious community or with your spiritual community. But there's so many ways that you can think about spiritual rest, whether you are traditionally religious or not. So let's challenge this notion, everybody, that rest is just about like sleep or rotting. It is not. We have to think about embracing and pursuing these different types of rest so that we can take care

of ourselves, so that we can show up as the best versions of ourselves, but also that we can find more joy through the rest of this year into 2025, into the next four years of a little bit of chaos. And so spiritual rest, sensory rest, creative rest, emotional rest, finding pockets of these types of rest or finding little moments that you can show up for yourself is going to be incredibly crucial for you to be living the best life you can, but also to make sure that you're just liking your life, and you're liking living in your own body and your own mind. And I'm just really excited to continue setting

and continue on the habits that I've really tried to create in 2024, which is walks in the morning, prioritizing the things that give me joy like reading, and finding those people in my life that really celebrate me and make me feel seen, and continuing to build those kind of relationships. We appreciate you being here as always. We appreciate your support of this show. You can subscribe wherever you're listening right now. You can share this episode with someone who really, really needs it. And we hope you have a kick-ass day and a happy, happy holiday. And we have so many exciting things coming in 2025.

So please make sure you're listening to the show because we are going to be giving you even more helpful step-by-step content on how you can not only show up for your finances in the best way possible and use money as a tool of protests and of giving yourself the most kick-ass life possible, but also thinking about all of the other aspects of our lives and our confidence and our self-worth in order to continue being the best people we can.

Okay, have a happy holiday. Bye-bye. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100K podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristin Fields and Tamesha Grant, researched by Sarah Shortino, audio and video engineering by Alyssa Medcalf,

marketing and operations by Karina Patel and Amanda LeFeu. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100k. Kaylyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmakiyeva, Taylor Cho, Sasha Bonar, Ray Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Karonen, Darrell Ann Ingman, and Megan Walker. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100k community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100k, our guests, and episode show notes,

visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you're confused about your personal finances and you're wondering where to start, go to herfirst100k.com slash quiz for a free personalized money plan.