Financial Feminist - 217. Recovering Financially After Divorce (What We WISH We Knew Before Getting Married) with Kristin Sweeting

Episode Date: March 3, 2025

Divorce can be one of the most emotionally and financially challenging experiences of a person’s life. And yet––so many of us walk into marriage without truly understanding the financial implications of merging (and potentially untangling) our lives. In this episode, I sit down with photographer, entrepreneur, and coach Kristin Sweeting, who openly shares her story of getting divorced at 29, the financial mistakes she made, and how she rebuilt her wealth from the ground up. We’re talking about everything from the hidden costs of divorce to why prenups should be a standard practice—and the crucial financial steps every person should take before (and during) marriage. Whether you're married, single, or somewhere in between, this episode is packed with financial lessons.  Kristin’s Links: Website: https://kristinsweeting.com/ Study Abroad Programs: https://dangerschool.com/study-abroad Read transcripts, learn more about our guests and sponsors, and get more resources at https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/217-recovering-financially-after-divorce-what-we-wish-we-knew-before-getting-married-with-kristin-sweeting/ Not sure where to start on your financial journey? Take our FREE money personality quiz! https://herfirst100k.com/quiz Looking for accountability, live coaching, and deeper financial education? Check out our exclusive community, The $100k Club: https://herfirst100k.com/100K-pod Special thanks to our sponsors: Squarespace Go to www.squarespace.com/FFPOD to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. Rocket Money Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/FFPOD. Quince Get cozy in Quince's high-quality wardrobe essentials. Go to Quince.com/FFPOD for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.  Netsuite Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/FFPOD. Gusto Run your first payroll with Gusto and get three months free at gusto.com/ffpod. Public Fund your account in five minutes or less at public.com/ffpod and get up to $10,000 when you transfer your old portfolio. (see disclosures: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/217-recovering-financially-after-divorce-what-we-wish-we-knew-before-getting-married-with-kristin-sweeting/) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

One of the most commonly requested topics, divorce. We are covering it today on Financial Feminist. We are honored to have our guest Kristin to talk about her experience ending her marriage, navigating the relationship pitfalls, everything she wished she knew before she went through her divorce, and most importantly, how to protect your money

and what to do if you're starting over. Let's get into it. Hi, financial feminists. Welcome to the show. We are talking about the Big D, and I do not mean Dallas. We are talking about divorce today. I never know what to say when someone tells me that they've been divorced. It's like, sorry, congratulations? And that's kind of the theme of this episode today.

There are some really, hopefully positive things about ending a marriage that you or your partner no longer want to be in, but also some, of course, very heartbreaking, very challenging things. And this has been our most commonly requested topic that we have yet to cover is, how do we navigate divorce? How do we navigate the financials of a divorce? How do we make sure that we are protecting our own money as well as what to do if we are truly starting over and we're realizing that, oh, there's a lot about money that my partner handles and I have no idea about.

So this episode is so powerful, so personal, and I'm really excited for you to hear it. Our guest today is Kristin Sweeting. She is an award-winning international photographer with over 14 years of experience. Her photography work has taken her to over 20 different countries as she dives in deep with her clients

to truly capture them with authenticity and show their connection with each other, their friends, and their family. She's had her work featured in top wedding magazines and blogs, and she gives back to photographers and creatives who want to grow their business through retreats, workshops, speaking, and coaching. She founded Dangerous Creatives, a community based around education, coaching, and experiences that can help creatives grow the business side of what they do

while still having fun and connecting with others. She also hosts the Dangerous Creatives podcast, and today is on this show that can help creatives grow the business side of what they do while still having fun and connecting with others. She also hosts the Dangerous Creatives podcast, and today is on this show to talk about her divorce at the age of 29. She shares her story of navigating a high control patriarchal religion and how it dictated the way she managed

or really didn't manage her finances in her first marriage, even as she was the breadwinner, the surprising costs associated with divorce, and also how she's navigating finances now and the way she brings that transparency and boundaries to her current relationship. So we're talking how to navigate this in a very personal way, but also what to do when you realize

that you don't have ownership over your own finances and how to take back control. So let's get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors. So let's get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors. Oh, I didn't know you knew each other. That's so fun. No one's going to be able to hear any of the Kristen podcast producer Kristen and guest Kristen know each other and work

together as wedding photographers. So there you go. Kristen and Kristen. It's the Kristen dream team though, which is kind of fun. It really is. They're like, do you only hire people named Kristin? And I'm like, yeah. Two Kristins and a wedding?

Like there's a sitcom in there somewhere, you know? There has to be. There definitely has to be. Well, thank you for coming on the show, Kristin with an I. Hi, thanks. Tell me what you do and why it matters so much to you. Yeah. Well, I am a wedding photographer. I've been a wedding photographer for close to 18 years now, which is crazy. Through

the story that we'll talk about today, I started coaching creative women on how to grow their business because I found that it was just such a life-changing thing for me when I really dug into building my own business, learning more about money, all of that kind of stuff. So now I kind of do equal parts photography and coaching creatives on how to grow their business. Well, and for background on you,

we're just going to dive right in. You grew up, you grew up and were part of a very high control religious system when you got married. Can you talk about what that experience was like and that part of your story a little bit? Yeah, totally. Yeah, so when I was growing up, we started going to this church that I think at first seemed totally lovely and totally fine. And looking back on it as an adult, I was able to see all the ways that they were very patriarchal, high control. They had really strict rules about dating and women,

all the purity culture stuff that I think like really impacted the children of the 90s. And so a lot of the way I was taught to think about being a woman, being a wife, being a mother was informed by this group. When I did get married the first time, I was 20, 21, I was still in college. I was so young. I was following a lot of those rules still, those purity rules and thinking that this was it. I'd done all the right things. I had found the partner. Everything was going to go swimmingly for me from now on.

And it ended up kind of creating this dynamic in our relationship where I didn't feel like I was allowed to be, I don't know, strong, dominant, powerful. I was an entrepreneur, but there was always kind of this fear of overpowering my partner or fear of outshining. So with all of that, there came a lot of anxiety and I ended up really outsourcing all of our finances to my partner because I was like, I don't know that I can handle this. I'm anxious and always stressed and so maybe it's just better if you deal with it. And ironically, that caused more anxiety as you can imagine. Well, I think this is something that you hear about and maybe if it wasn't your lived experience, it feels, with all respect to your story, very 1950s.

But there is so, I encounter so often in my work, versions of this. It might not be as extreme as your story, but this like, my husband or my brother or my dad are better with money than I am, and I don't trust myself, so they're going to handle it. But then what happens, right, is that you have not only, you know, no or little say, even in a, like, pretty equitable relationship, someone is in control of your finances and your freedom and your flexibility, but it also leaves you completely in the dark

about how to do any of this. So that if you are ever on your own or if your partner ends up passing away or something happens, there's no autonomy there. So I just want anybody who's listening who is like, okay, but that might not be my experience. It's actually a lot of women's experience. Yeah, and I saw it played out with my parents too, and a lot of the families that I grew

up in. There was so much secrecy or just question marks around money. Like I asked my mom now, how much did you guys make when I was growing up? She doesn't even know. She doesn't know. And money was used to control people, especially to control women in the environment that I grew up in. And so even though I thought I was really changing as I was going into college and young adulthood, I was still letting some of those beliefs

from earlier in my life really impact how I was showing up in my relationships or in money and had this expectation that I shouldn't have to worry about it or if I do, I'll upset someone and just like feeling like there was a lot of question marks around it. Were you the breadwinner even if you weren't managing the money that was coming in? I was, yeah. Yeah. How did that feel?

I really did have a lot of resentment in that relationship. I was really confused by what my goals were. It was like I would make the money and it would get kind of tucked into these different places. And I think he really did try to bring me into it, but I was resistant too. And so it created so much anxiety for me. And I was 29 years old when I got divorced.

And I remember sitting in my kitchen and being like, you know, I had a small child and I had a business that had done okay. But I didn't really know because I never really looked at my numbers and tell my accountant at the end of the year was like, hey, this is how much you made. done okay but I didn't really know because I never really looked at my numbers until my accountant at the end of the year was like hey this is how much you made and I was like oh okay cool and so I sat down at my kitchen table and just decided that I was gonna learn how to manage it learn what I was making what I was even bringing in I didn't even really know that, like what was coming in each month, anything like that, and started doing some basic budgeting just to understand it. I remember just feeling

like, Oh my gosh, I am, I'm like doing okay, I'm doing great. And it, it alleviated so much anxiety that I think, you know, I was trying to solve that by avoiding it, by sticking my head in the sand and be like, someone else can do this. And now working with creative women, I even if you don't have a similar dynamic in your relationship, I find so many people who think that they'll be less anxious if they stick their head in the sand and don't learn about investing, don't learn about money management. And it ends up kind of creating the opposite effect and creating more anxiety for you down the road.

I liken it to a horror movie where the horror movies that are the scariest are the ones where you never see the monster. Like, you know, like you end up making it out to be even more terrifying than if you just knew what the monster looked like, or what you think the monster is. 100%. I think it's so interesting. One of the things that I find so interesting about your story, and that I find so relatable is I'm bringing in money, but I have no idea exactly how much or where it's going or what's happening. And again, whether you are married or not,

whether you're in a partnership or not, this is I think most people's experience with money is I bring in money question mark every month or every two weeks and I don't know what's happening with it. Can you talk to me psychologically about what was going on at that time? And then the feeling or the experience in your brain and body when you were like, okay, I'm gonna actually do this. I'm gonna actually start understanding what's going on. Yeah, yeah, totally. I think that for a long time, I just focused on making money

and I was like, if I can do this, then we'll be okay. And it definitely created this addiction to working too, cause I was just like, always have to work more, always have to hustle. Before I built my business, we had seasons of being really tight with money and I did psychological studies at the local university to make extra money and started learning how to upholster headboards. I learned everything so that I could hustle and make a little extra money. And I think I didn't understand

how much we needed per month to make life happen, but then also these longer term goals and even understanding that this amount per month, if it's invested, adds up to this, then allows you to live this lifestyle in retirement. That took me until recently to learn those numbers. And I feel like the freedom there was really life-changing. So it was like, okay, there's a plan. There's something to work for. It feels very clear of where we're going. And when I got divorced and just hunkered down and decided to look at it. I felt so much empowerment around my finances.

My income grew because I was finally tracking and watching something. I know you say this to your listeners too. But it's like if you're not tracking what you're doing, if you're not learning to understand it, it's really hard to make it grow because it's like pouring water into a pot with holes in it. You know, when I got divorced at 29, you have to mortgage out your house, give your partner half of everything. Every retirement account was liquidated. Everything was split. It felt like going back to square one. And within

three years with a lot of these things that I changed and adopted, I was a millionaire in three years. And it's the business side of it, but it also was that skill of learning how to track, manage, feel empowered, be like, oh, this hustle that I could do would apply to this goal that I have. And then it all just flowed so much nicer instead of waiting till the end of the year when my accountant was like, oh, hey, you spent more than you thought you did

or you made this amount. Did you ever do anything like that with your business early on where you weren't tracking it? Especially when it was a side hustle, it was a lot easier to just be like, oh, okay, that's kind of cool. I brought in this amount of money. And especially, I remember still the first year I ever did my business, which was, I

was also, that was my first job out of college. And I remember bringing in, I brought in $30,000 as a side hustle. And I was like, holy shit, this is so much money. This is more money than I've ever seen in my entire life. And then I went to my accountant and he's like, OK, so you're going to pay 30 percent in taxes. And I was like, what? It's not 30K. Now, it was still an incredible amount of money, but I was just like, oh, OK. And he's like, oh, so you have your expenses and also you have, you know, the state and the federal tax.

And you have all that. I was like, oh, God. OK. So like that was the fun awakening at 23 where I was like, oh, this money that I'm making is not a hundred percent mine. Yeah. Yeah. Fun stuff. We've never really done an episode focused on divorce. So if you're willing, I would love to just really dive into what this looked like because it's one of the most requested things

that we hear from people. So, okay, as much as you're comfortable sharing, when do you realize and what are the things that are happening where you're like, I don't wanna be in this partnership anymore? Yeah, I'm happy to talk about it. I mean, so many people go through it in life, and then people are afraid to open up about it. And you know, it was because of my business,

was because of different things that I had created that gave me the option to do that. So even acknowledging that is like creating those options for yourself is so empowering. Well before you go on, Krista, I just want to that was so impactful what you just said. And this is what we talk about all the time on the show, which is like, when you have money, you have options. And you might be a woman listening, and you definitely know one that cannot escape a situation, whether that is a marriage or a job, because they cannot financially leave. And so I think that's, first of all, so incredible of like, always have your own money because you want to be in a relationship you want to be in, not in a relationship you're forced to be in.

I don't mean to cut you off, but I think that's so important. No, I think it's so important too. And having the skills and the ability to make money, to manage money, to have something that you're passionate about. I do think it's so important for everyone to have because, you know, I lived it once, growing up, and seeing the women around me, you know, for religious reasons, but also financial ones, being convinced to stay in really horrible relationships, abusive relationships, you know, kind of this guilt of stay and pray for them, but also like, what would you do if you left, you know, kind of this guilt of stay and pray for them, but also like what would you do if you left, you know? And so that was a big part of my thought process when I was going through this in my twenties was like, I'm not going to stay and blame someone else my whole life.

I'm going to create the option for myself that I need and that I want and no matter what your situation is in life, whether you're single, whether you're married, whether you're happily married or not happily married, I always like to think of what are my options because anything could happen. You know, I've gone through lots of loss and grief and things like that too and. And so you really just don't know what life is going to throw your way and going through it is still so painful. But when you have the resources to bring

the support around you that you need to hire the therapist that you need to still take care of your children, the right lawyers, I think that what you do is so powerful for women because it does kind of put that empowerment back. So yeah, I found that to be true all through my 20s and 30s so far, that having that financial power is really, really life-changing. What does the future hold for business? Well, if you ask nine experts, you're going to get 10 answers. See what I did there? And until somebody invents a crystal ball and they really need to hurry up and figure that one out, you got to figure it out for yourself. You got to interpret

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Investing Inc. member FINRA and SIPC. Complete disclosures available at public.com slash disclosures. Do you think you being a business owner slash money in general was something that contributed to your divorce or your relationship ending? It's hard to totally say. So when I got married, I was still really religious. I followed all the rules and we were really young. And I changed a lot in my 20s. But also there was this tension when I had my son, which was in 2015.

We hit a lot of financial stress personally. And that was when I really started ramping up my business. I hired my first business coach. I leaned into like, hey, life is hard, but it's harder when we don't have money. So let's like learn how to do this. So you know, not to share too much hard information at the same time, but I went through a miscarriage, a high risk pregnancy, the birth of my son and the death of my father all within nine months.

You can imagine the medical bills when you're self-employed, when you're going through a high risk pregnancy, my pregnancy cost 30 grand. The year before that, I made 30 grand, you know? Like, how do people do this when they're self-employed? And so I really started getting the fire then. The person that I had been earlier in my 20s, which thought money was bad and I had worked in nonprofits and I thought that if you made money you just give it back to people and you know kind of this a little bit of a martyr complex I think like I was a good person for not making money a lot of that started changing as I got older and as I started realizing that I

actually couldn't take care of myself and my family without learning how to make more money and learning how to manage it. I really went through a big shift and I think sometimes when you make big shifts in a relationship sometimes the person comes with you and sometimes they don't. I also did a lot of shifts around boundaries and what I expected from a partner and so yeah it did it did partially come down to that and like expecting more of an equal partnership and then that not being a thing that was reciprocated necessarily. So yeah, then I end up being a 29 year old single lady with a two year old running a business and figuring out life and really being able to rebuild a whole

new foundation for my life through some of the things that I started learning and feeling empowered around especially when it came to money and making money. I think a lot of people go into divorce with someone that they love or used to love maybe thinking you know what we used to be married and we love each other. So we're going to figure this out together. Your divorce was friendly to start and then flipped, which I think is a lot of people's experience. Can you talk about that a little bit more?

Yeah, I'm trying to think what I can say without it being too much. Sure, sure. But even just that experience or like what it felt like, because I think most people do walk in feeling optimistic of like, wow, we're two adults, we respect each other, we share children or a child, we can do this in a respectful manner.

And then sometimes it just turns nasty. That was my experience. We went in kind of both to deciding that was what we wanted. We're going to figure this out. We'll still stay friends. We'll co-parent. I think there was a rude awakening on his side potentially of just how much I was doing

for our family. I think there was a moment of like, oh, I actually don't like this. And setting boundaries and things like that sometimes are not taken well when someone's not used to you having boundaries or asking for something. So, you know, all in all, through the whole thing, we still came to an agreement. We still co parent my son, but having to having to readjust constantly constantly, like I hope if you're listening to this and you're going through something, you have a great team of people around you and you have a great therapist and lawyers, lawyers, lawyers, get a good lawyer.

Get a good lawyer. You know, I really did try to put my son as the main thing to protect through all of it. So I did not really fight about specific money things. I did not really fight about custody. We tried to mediate as much as possible and I ended up giving more money because of that. But to me, I was like, I still have to co-parent with this person for 15 years or 17 years. And so as much as I can, you know, try to mediate or find a reasonable conclusion, what does end up happening in most cases is every single thing you have is split down the middle and...

Right. So let's talk about your house because you bought a house outright and then had to split your house. Yeah, that fucking sucks. I know. I know. We bought a paid off house. We paid off a house. Actually, one of the things that that I'm still really proud of is a weird decision. We moved an hour outside of town and bought a really affordable house after we had lived more in the city and our property had gone up. Sometimes I think you have to make weird decisions to have a little jump ahead financially. And so we moved out.

We bought a house with cash and it was beautiful. And then yeah, when I got divorced, had to take out a mortgage and hand a big fricking check to someone else, which is a super odd experience too. I'm so proud of being able to stay in the same house, being able to take on the mortgage myself, and be able to raise my son there for several years after that. And so I think that that is another reason why I think this financial empowerment is important too, because it does kind of give you those options. And the house ended up being a really great asset for us too that continued to grow.

One of the things that I think is unique to your situation, but is interesting to talk about, is you're a wedding photographer. And you especially were at that time. So you are getting divorced and you're surrounded by people in love getting married. Does that just suck? Like, how does that feel? It's a little, it's a little disheartening at first. Do you want to like go up to all of them and be like, love is a lie. This is not real.

Like a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Or you're just like over over analyzing like I hope this person's good to you, you know? Right. Totally. I hope you've talked about money. I hope you know what each person has and what they want. Yeah. I hope you've managed money well. It really has given me a different perspective on like prenuptial agreements and everything like that. Yeah. Is there some of those things that you wish you would have done? Like that's a great question for folks listening. Do you wish you would have done certain things financially to set yourself up? No, if you knew the divorce was coming. So, you know, when I got married, I was so young and so we didn't have anything.

And so it didn't feel like a thing to have a prenup for. The thing that I have learned as someone who tends to not have enough boundaries, that tends to be a people pleaser, is that the more clear you can be at the top of any kind of relationship, the more the like better things will work out for you in the end. And I got remarried in 2020. And I mean, we we have like, even if they're not official agreements, sometimes we have written out agreements about different things, I was very clear about expectations and a partnership and what happens if we have a kid and we split up. We've talked through all of that. I know a little bit is just my own past trauma, but I found that in business too. No, it's smart. Well, yeah. It's

smart. Because you really don't know. And when things go south, you're not coming to the table with the best version of that person. Right. You not coming to the table with the best version of that person. Right. You're coming to the table with the version of someone who's scared, who is stressed, who's grieving. Who's in self-preservation mode. Yep.

Who's angry. Like you see, you can see sides of people that you didn't even know existed. And like any partnership or anything, you anything, business partnerships too, the more you can clarify something early on or in a good spot in your relationship, it's like you're taking care of each other when you're in a good place, instead of waiting until you're in the worst possible place when you don't wanna take care of each other.

And I think that gives people peace of mind, but it also holds an expectation of how you act in that relationship, right? Now I do it in a whole lot of different business partnerships and relationships and things too. And in my romantic relationship, which might not seem very romantic, but there's expectations of behavior. And I think it's expectations of behavior and I think it's good to voice them instead of like not voice them and then get upset about something not being upheld. What I wish more people understood about those kind of conversations too is that they almost are a form of insurance. Like you having the conversation or you

getting the prenup means that you probably are not gonna have to use it because you are open and honest with each other about money and about hard things. And it probably means you're gonna be able to move through difficult situations without needing to get divorced. Not all the time, of course, but I think that, again, those conversations, honestly, you said they're not very romantic.

I think they're sexy as hell, but I get it. It is like, it is just like, no, we can come together and we can be honest with each other and we can also figure this out. And I think that's so powerful. And again, it's like a type of insurance where you have the prenup, you're probably not going to need to use it because you've already talked about what those expectations are. Or you've set aside, yes, this is how if we separate, this is what's going to happen. And we both agree to it. And I think that's so smart. And I recommend it for everybody listening to well, something that I've done recently, too, is I still run a business. And I

brought some assets into my marriage. And we didn't do a pre nap, we're probably going to go back and do a post nap. But at different times when our life has really changed, like we bought a house together or we like I took some money from my brokerage account and put it into our house to pay down our mortgage. And when we made some of those bigger decisions, I was like, let's, let's agree what this is. Like does this come back to me? Does it get split between the two of us? And so

I think as life changes to or as incomes change, or one of you decides to be a stay at home parent, you know, and all of those different seasons are good. I just think it's good to kind of make some bullet points of what does this mean for us for the future. And that's like brought a lot of peace in my current relationship too, because he wants to take care of me and I want to take care of him. And we're making those decisions now for whatever comes down the road. In my first marriage, in my first relationship, I didn't have any of my own retirement accounts, because we assumed we would be together forever. And so everything that was his was going to be mine. And so we put everything into his retirement accounts.

And it's still a marital asset. We split it when we split up. But I would, at the very least, going back if I was doing it all again, both have our own accounts and both make it clear that those stay with that person if anything happens because it's something that you can contribute to, to your future safety. And I think it's just like a really nice clean, like you keep what you did, I keep what I

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That's gusto.com slash FF pod. I think we see this a lot, especially in heteronormative relationships is like women contributing to the finances or contributing to the household, but then not getting compensated for it. So that's a perfect example of just, man in the relationship having the retirement accounts. A version of this I also see is women not having their own credit card, but instead being an authorized user on their husband's credit card. That doesn't build your own credit score.

Your smart financial decisions using a credit card responsibly, that just builds his credit score. So anything else that you're thinking about of, oh, I wish I would have done that differently, or even like red flags that now you would be like, oh, that wasn't great. Yeah, the being on the same page about about money and having a similar, like having a similar vision. I think there were several different times where I thought we were on the same page, but maybe a random, there was a random purchase made without talking about it when I thought we were moving towards a certain goal or something that was like done that was a little bit sneaky,

you know? So I think some of those things were earlier red flags and things that I think you can watch out for and have conversations around. It's so interesting now, you know, being married again and kind of resetting different things is just coming to the table with shared goals is so, yeah, it's so sexy. It's so fun. And our money dates, our money conversations feel fun. You're on the same team. We're on the same team. And we've even passed back and forth the the primary breadwinner

position a couple of times, like I got really burned out after 2020. And I said I need a little bit of a break. So I was still working but way less than I was previously and he picked up the slack. And so I think there's so many cool creative things you can do too when you get on the same page and get excited about where you're going together. What are your non-negotiables now? where you're going together. Yeah. What are your non-negotiables now? My non-negotiables now are both making an income. I spent a long time being the solo breadwinner

throughout my life. And I think it just put a lot of pressure on me. I was excited to do it, but also I homeschool my son and do a lot of other things. So for me, a non-negotiable is we're both working in a job that we love, making an income. We contribute an amount that we agree on to our shared bank account to take care of different issues or to take care of all our bills and things like that. Each having our own retirement accounts and brokerage accounts. We do a money date where we check in on money

pretty regularly. And I think just the respect of if there's a purchase above a certain amount, which that number has changed for us over the years, but like you check if it's over 200 or 100 or whatever your amount is, you check with each other. I'll always have my own bank account too. You know, with your business, everything comes into a business account and then kind of gets folded off through expenses and what I pay myself and a bonus. I'll always do a bonus. I think those are amazing if you're trying to freelance

or run a business. But then from my own personal paycheck in this other account, I pay our family. And so there's kind of this agreement and this switch back and forth instead of having it all messy, lumped together, what's what, that kind of thing. So I'll always have my own credit card and bank account and things like that too. You had mentioned that you were co-parenting your son with your previous husband. How does this work? How do you do it in a way that feels sustainable for you? And how do you make sure that it's also in line with how you're managing your business and managing

your finances? Yeah, co-parenting is really tricky and is hard, especially at the beginning. I think if it's something that you're going through, it gets better and eventually you kind of find an equilibrium. For a while at the beginning, when we first split up, my son was with me almost every day except for one day and he was little. So it was a lot and I was working from home and So I think at the time I was mostly working at night or you know, I had weddings on the weekends

I would coach people at night after my son went to bed I started my podcast at night on the porch after my son went to bed It really was just doing whatever Worked at the time because we didn have, I didn't have family to help. I didn't have extra childcare. And there was really only that one day where he was with his dad. And so really the good thing that came out of that,

which is one of my core values of freedom, is you find the ways to design your time so that you're making the most impact in your business. And so for the past seven years, I've worked part time running a multi six figure business. And it's just because I learned that you fill the time you have. And so if you give yourself less time, you will use it. You'll get it done, you know? And if you give yourself more time, a lot of times the work expands into that time.

I never saw that more than when I had a young child who I was single parenting, because I could get all of my work done in like these crazy small windows at times. A couple hours, yeah, totally. Oh my gosh, I don't even know how I did it, but I did, you know? And so that also kind of helped me prioritize

the 80-20 rule, which is, you know, essentially a lot of this happens in life. 80% of our effort is only providing 20% of our results and 20% of our effort is yielding 80% of our results. And when you figure out what the 80 and the 20 is, you can cut out a lot of the stuff that you're doing that's not making the biggest impact. And so that's a rule that I use over and over again to allow myself still to have a lot of time with my family, a lot of time

parenting, homeschooling, single parenting, whatever it was, and then really like maximizing that time while working. So that was the first season of co-parenting. Later on, we kind of changed to a different system. And I think it's just so personal for each couple and personal for like what people are able to do and you don't always know until you're going through it. I was surprised by a couple of different things and surprised kind of how it shook out. But now we've had the same system for a while

and it's mostly good, you know? It's mostly good and it gets better over time. And obviously like communication and kind of sticking to those boundaries has been really key for that too. How do you coach women moving into entrepreneurship to manage money with their partners? Yeah, I mean, I think first having things really together

for yourself, having your business in a good place. Have you read the Profit First book? I know of it, it's one of those that's like, I'll read it eventually, but yes, yeah. What I've taken from that is kind of the folder system. And so, you know, having a business account and moving things into an operations account and a taxes account and a bonus account and a paycheck account. And I think just having like being able to go through and track your finances with your partner

once a month, set really clear goals of, you know, setting the savings goals first and what that saving towards or what you're investing for in the future. And then letting yourself have fun with this stuff that's left over. I love to do a values exercise with people too, where you're figuring out kind of what your top core values are. We spent the last two years, I was mostly working part-time, my husband wasn't working, and we traveled the world world-schooling my son. So we spent like a month in Columbia and South America, spent a month in Paris, I spent a month in Europe. We used our shared value of experience and connection and

adventure and channeled our money into that. And it was so fun because then when you take on an extra freelance project or you work a little extra one night, you're so clear on why you're doing it. And it's for this thing that you're moving towards. We've also set some coast fire goals where we'll, you know, coast fires where you have an amount saved at a certain point in your life so that you don't have to contribute much more to it at all. And then by the time your retirement age, it's the number you need it to be. We recently hit our post fire goal.

And so we've just found like, it's so fun now to talk about me together, because it means something really concrete for our life. And so I think that that's why I love coaching women around it too, because I'm like, this is not just a number. This is not just a compound interest calculator. Like, this is freedom. This is creativity. This is connection.

This is peace. And it's so much more fun that way. That's what I tell everybody. That's the whole mission of my work, as it's not again about numbers. It's not really about money. It's about using money as a tool. And that's exactly what you've done, is the ability to, you know, have enough money where you always feel like you can leave a situation you don't want to be in. But in addition, while the situation is, you know, so beautiful and thriving, and hopefully continues to be, you get to travel the world,

you get to have that flexibility and those options, and you get to make sure that your retirement is going to be okay. I think all of that, I plus one all of that. You mentioned, of course, that a huge chunk of your business now is in coaching other entrepreneurs, especially women. Can you talk about what you teach, why,

and maybe some of the most impactful things that you've seen your entrepreneurs be able to do? Yeah, yeah. One of our main frameworks is a four pillar framework that is kind of four different pillars of your creative business. And it's your main stars, which is the main thing that you're offering. So photography or you can, if you're a musician or if you are a painter, maybe it's your artwork. So your main star, the retainer project, I call it meat and potatoes. So it's kind of like you have a retainer. There's something that is maybe not the sexiest work that you do, not the stuff that you put on the front page of your website, but it's really good work and it keeps that really

steady stream of revenue coming for you. So the meat and potatoes, the enhancers, so things that you can sell to your current clients, the people that are doing the main stars and the retainers, so things that are going to enhance what you're already doing. And then PJ profits, which I think I know you agree with me here too. Like everyone should have a digital asset, something that they're selling, something that's that they're able to create some more passive income with or something that is operating without you getting up and working. And those four pillars really have, have protected me through a lot and have allowed me to go through a divorce

and a lot of things in the world while kind of like navigating a lot of different stuff. So the other pillars really kicked in during COVID when all the weddings were canceled and we had stuff that was supporting our business. And just, I love to encourage women to think entrepreneurially about what they're doing. No matter what your passion is, there's so many ways that you can create revenue streams from that thing. For a while I was coaching at a university and was talking with nursing students, and I'm like,

you can build so much around This career too in a way that supports your future goals pricing is definitely a big thing. We talked about our last call. I was like Really going for the investing because you know the kind of going back to what I said before I had two or three Really good years in business, but because I was able to invest the extra, you had something to show for it. I mean, for life, right? Like, for life. And so I think it's really that whole approach of knowing how to build a bunch of different revenue streams into your business, but also knowing what to do with the money when it

comes in, which is why your show is so important and the work that you do with women so important because it really can take some of that burden of having to work forever and ever off of you. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. If you are someone who wants to get started with a business, you're going to need a website and you're going to need a website that actually works for you rather than making you work for it. We've all been there. We've all tried to design a website without knowing how to code, but Squarespace makes it

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I love it. It's one of my favorite shows. And if you like me are always trying to make sure you don't miss out on the show everybody's talking about, but then you sign up for the subscription services that you forgot to cancel, Rocket Money is the place to go. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save.

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so you save more money. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to rocketmoney.com slash FF pod today. That's rocketmoney.com slash FF pod, rocketmoney.com slash FF pod. One of the things that our producer, Kristen, told me about that you do, which is so cool, are the study abroad experiences. Tell me what that is, because this sounds so fun. Oh my gosh. Did you ever study abroad and like college? Yeah, where did you go? I did. I went to Ireland and it is still one of my favorite places in the entire world, in Galway

on the West Coast. And I love it there. Oh my gosh. I did a Maymester in Greece when I was in college. My only regret from college is not living somewhere for a year or like going longer. I did a semester. So good, right? I mean, travel opens up your eyes

to different perspectives, different ways of living. And so study abroad workshops were really based off that was like study abroad for adults. And so people who are doing something creative, we go and we, we learn in nature, we do tourist activities, we, we have workshops around business very kind of mastermind style. So you're getting to talk with other women, other creatives who are doing cool things.

And we're having these business conversations while we're having a picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower or learning about something in Norway. It's cool to get to see people push themselves outside their comfort zone because travel is that alone for a lot of people if you haven't traveled by yourself before or haven't been to a different country. We did like a big zip line down a mountain on our last trip and seeing people push past that fear of zip lining down this whole thing and then it really does translate into your life and your business in cool ways, because empowerment in one area of your life impacts all the other areas of life.

Like when I stood up in my relationship all those years ago, it impacted everything else I've been able to do since then, because it showed me that I have a voice, I'm powerful, I can trust myself, things are going to work out even if they're not exactly how I thought they were going to work out. And so we see that with these trips too, is that when people kind of push themselves out of their comfort zone, their life really is impacted in all these different ways. I opened a new tab.

They're going to Paris and Greece this year, in case you are interested. So it looks pretty fucking fun. This looks so cool. Oh my gosh. They're so fun. Well, you know the other thing I was remembering recently is when you are running a business

or you're designing your life in some cool ways, like I've pulled a lot of inspiration from places I've traveled. Totally. Like France and Europe, a lot of them take a whole month off in the summer to travel. And so we started building in a month long summer sabbatical to our business.

And we take a summer sabbatical, we shut down our programs, they don't book weddings, and it's been fun because a lot of our community has started to do the same thing. Or a four day work week, or, you know, there's just different things that I've been able to borrow from different cultures. And I think that's one of the really amazing things

about getting to travel and see the world. You get to be inspired by different ways of living outside of what we're used to. Yeah, we do a version of that here where we do a week off a quarter. So it ends up being a month. I love that. And then some before you've ever taken PTO or anything else happens. So yeah, I mean, same thing went to Europe and was like, every single European country has their version of a siesta.

Yeah. The French take a long lunch, the Spanish go a nap. It's like, oh man, okay. Yeah, it's really you work to live, not the other way around. Is there anything else you've picked up from traveling that you have built into your business or your routine? Oh, that's a good question. Let me think.

I mean, a lot of my own life, most definitely. Yeah, I think I am always so in awe of how kind people are and how generous the world is when you travel. Because I think, especially right now in the United States, it's very easy to be like, everything sucks and everyone's terrible. And then, you know, you get stranded somewhere and someone is really kind to you or someone asks where you're from because they can tell you're a Doris or just, it's just really nice. And people, I think, are very, mostly very, very kind and very, very generous. And I think travel is the perfect

reminder of that. And also just, I think that the best thing anybody can do to understand, you know, just understand others and kind of open up your own mind is to get in a culture that isn't yours and to be tested and challenged and positive ways. So no, there's, I mean, travel is my fucking favorite. It's the thing I love to do. Yeah. Yeah. It's also just like a new environment. And there's been tons of studies, of course, that have showed that like, your brain and a new environment shows up differently. So even if okay,

you can't travel to another country, it's going to a new coffee shop 20 minutes away that you've never been to before. It's going on a road trip to the next state over. Yeah, I lived in New York for about two months and then LA for a month. I did like a year of digital nomad and then two months in Europe. And it was very much like it was just new environment, new routine in a really, really healthy way. So yeah, it's my favorite. Did you, did you feel like different parts of your brain lit up in different places or different parts of your brain lit up in different places or different parts of your personality?

100% Kristin. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, New York, I love New York. I'm literally flying out tomorrow to go again. And I usually go a couple of times a year. And New York, me, I love her. She also could not be 24-7, 365 me because I would burn out. Like the dream is to probably live in New York for half the year and then, you know,

Seattle for half the year or some sort of split or like Europe for like threes, you know, split into into thirds. But I love going there because I mean, it is the energy is infectious. It's like, it feels very, very different. So ambitious mebitious Me hangs out in New York, and Chill Quiet Me hangs out back home in Seattle. I love it. I love it. I feel that way too. I have a European Kristen, and she's great. Oh, yeah. Back when I was single, too, European Me was...

was very fun. It was very fun. Because you're just like, who is this hot Frenchman? Sure, I'll flirt with this guy. Nothing matters. It's fine. I'm not going to see him again. Sure. Great. Yeah, totally. OK, my last question for you. If you could go back before the divorce happened, how did you prepare yourself differently?

And what are you glad you did during the divorce? Yes. Let's see. You know what? One thing I'm glad we did before we got divorced was really worked hard to pay off debt. And that definitely made things easier. One thing I wish I had done just in life in general was build an adult team. You know, it's like you don't get a lawyer until you're in legal trouble and you don't get a medical team until you're sick and all these things. It's not preventive, right? It's reactive. Yeah. And then I mean, I think some of the biggest stress of, of things I've gone through

that like a divorce or legal things or medical things, a big part of the stress is having to build your team while you're, you know, kind of Who's the right person to talk to? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Are they more expensive than someone else that I could? Yeah, totally. So I think like having a team of advisors earlier in my life is something that I regret not doing for the divorce, but also just for life. And then something I'm glad I did, I'm glad I held really strong boundaries. I'm glad I did build a team when I did. And I'm glad that I really did change my whole, I changed my whole life to support the kind of parent I wanted to be through that experience.

I'm so proud of the ways I changed my business to be the best parent I could in a really difficult situation. Sometimes I'm like, what would I have done if I had more time or what would my business be? And I think so much of my inspiration and so much of what happened came from this deep love for my son. And I don't know that I would be in a better place now if it hadn't been for that. I'm really proud of being able to adapt and really create the life that I'm so in love

with through that really hard experience. I think if you're listening to this and either wondering about divorce or you're going through it, I hope you just feel so empowered to design a life that is going to serve you really well going forward. There's so many options in our world right now, which is kind of nice. And I think the black and white thinking of you can either be a good mom or have a job, or you can either be this or be that, I think there's so much proof that we can shatter those black and white thinking and like create something new. Kristen, thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for coming on the show.

Plug away my friend, where can people find out more about you and your work? Yeah, yeah. Well, I would love to meet anybody. I am mostly on Instagram at Kristen Sweeting and at KristenSweeting.com for all of my photography stuff, and DangerSchool.com is all of our coaching and trips. And so if you want to travel with us, we would love to see you in Paris or Greece or wherever we go next. Study Abroad sounds so fun.

Oh my gosh. Thank you. Thanks for being here. Thanks. Thank you so much to Kristen for joining us. You can find her work at dangerschool.com, including her incredible adult study abroad programs. Doesn't that sound fun? dangerschool.com slash study dash abroad. And you can find her work at Kristin K R I S T I N Sweden.com.

Thank you as always for being here. We really appreciate you sharing this episode with maybe someone navigating divorce right now, or just in the thick of it, because they really need the support from you and from some education to know how to get through it, how to navigate it, what to do, what to avoid. We really appreciate you sharing the episode with someone in your life who could use it. Thank you for being here as always, Financial Feminist. We appreciate the shit out of you and we'll talk to you very soon. Bye. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, a Her First 100k podcast. Financial Feminist is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristin Fields and Tamisha Grant,

research by Sarah Shortino, audio and video engineering by Alyssa Medcalf, marketing and operations by Karina Patel and Amanda LeFeu. Special thanks to our team at Her First 100K. Kaylyn Sprinkle, Masha Bakhmakiyeva, Taylor Chou, Sasha Bonar, Ray Wong, Elizabeth McCumber, Claire Karonin, Darrell Ann Ingman, and Megan Walker. Promotional graphics by Mary Stratton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jonah Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K community for supporting the show. For more information about Financial Feminist, Her First 100k, our guests, and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.com. If you're confused about your personal finances and you're wondering where to start, go to

herfirst100k.com slash quiz for a free personalized money plan.