Financial Feminist - 289. You're Networking Wrong (What to Do Instead) with Danielle Robay

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Today I'm sitting down for another chat with one of my favorite guests, Danielle Robay. Danielle’s a TV host, journalist, host of Question Everything, co-executive producer of Bookmarked alongside Reese Witherspoon, and also one of my IRL good friends (a friendship that started, fittingly, as a work relationship). We're getting into how to turn relationships into your next job, business, or opportunity, and what to stop doing immediately if you want to earn more. Danielle reframes "networking" as long-game relationship-building, hands you a follow-up template you can use tomorrow, and explains why the cold "can I pick your brain?" email is going straight to the trash. If you're in transition — graduating, switching careers, getting a business off the ground — this one's for you.  Danielle’s links: Website: https://www.daniellerobay.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellerobay/ Danielle's podcast: https://www.daniellerobay.com/prettysmart Question Everything card game: https://questioneverything.us/    Catch our other podcast episodes with Danielle: How to be the Most Interesting Person in the Room with Danielle Robay: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/ask-better-questions/ Owning Your Ambition with Danielle Robay: https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/owning-your-ambition-danielle-robay/  Visit ⁠https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod⁠ to grab our free Goal Setting Worksheet for a framework that will help you set actionable goals to take your dreams from ‘hope’ to ‘action.’   00:00 Intro  00:59 Why ambitious women network constantly but don't earn more 02:30 How Danielle's relationship to networking changed as her platform grew 04:30 The invented husband + two kids: a boundary hack 06:00 What makes a bad ask (and how to make a good one) 08:00 The "Quick question" subject-line hack 09:00 Why the "why" matters more than the "how" 11:00 Curiosity is a skill — and you already have it 13:00 The bamboo plant story 17:00 How to stay motivated when nobody's replying 19:00 What high earners do differently when they network 22:00 "What's your biggest pain point?" — the email that lands interviews 26:00 Mid-episode: free goal-setting worksheet 27:00 Where women network in ways that get them liked but not paid 33:00 The networking habit to stop immediately 35:00 Role play: how to follow up in 4 real scenarios 42:00 Getting into rooms where decisions and dollars are made 44:00 The #1 shift to make this year: throw the event Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know you. You're ambitious. You're trying to find the right person to talk to. You're trying to network while also hating the word network. You're going to events. You're sending DMs. You're buying coffees. And maybe it's not really working out for you. Today, we're talking about why. And before you hit send on that, can I prick your brain email? Please, for the love of God, listen to this episode. Danielle Robay is someone I absolutely love and is one of my good friends. And it's funny because our friendship started in a work relationship. She was a guest on our show. I had never met her before. And that's kind of the whole point at today's episode. She's a TV host, journalist, the host of Question Everything on IHeart Podcasts, co-executive producer of Bookmarked alongside Reese Witherspoon, and a glorious Dinam fellow. No big deal. She has spent over 8,000 hours in professional conversation and has turned curiosity and connection into an actual career. The first time Danielle was on the show, we talked about asking better questions and becoming the most interesting person than the room. And I highly recommend listening to that episode, because today we're talking about how to turn relationships. into your next career, your next business, or your next friendship opportunity, and what to stop

doing immediately if you actually want to earn more money. And also, I'm going to ask something of you today. I need you to send this episode to another woman in your life, especially someone who is in transition, who is graduating college, who is changing careers, who's trying to get that business off the ground, because this information is so good. And I have seen firsthand how it has the ability to absolutely change to the trajectory of someone's life and career. Do not gatekeep this episode because when one of us gets ahead, we all do. So let's get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors. We do quarterly leadership retreats at her first 100K where we lock in for full days of strategy. And listen, if you've ever been in an eight hour meeting about the future of your business,

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So I'm going to start by telling you what networking is not before I tell you what it is. Networking is not transactional. It should not feel forced. And networking is really three easy things. The first is asking more and better questions. The second is listening deeply. And the third is playing the long game. get into that more, but I think the long game is where people get tripped up. The more that you show up

as your consistent, authentic self, add value, share without asking for something in return and keeping score, the more you build trust, which then builds reputation, and then opportunities will quite literally show up at your doorstep without trying and friction and all the stuff that you just mentioned. So you have been on financial feminist many times now and are a good friend of mine. Love your pot. Thank you. Love yours. You were talking about how to ask better questions and build real relationships. Since then, you have scaled your platform. You've joined IHeart. You host the Reese's Book Club podcast. You have this whole new level of influence. Thank you. So how is your relationship to networking change now that you're not trying as much to break in or to establish a

reputation? You're like now deciding what's worth your time. What a great question. It's something I been considering a lot because I am a natural giver. It makes me really happy to give. It almost feels like I'm doing something for me, even though I know I'm doing something for the other person. And the larger sphere that I have, the more I realize that that sort of giving mentality can really be taken advantage of. Because people see that I'm a Midwest girl and I'm nice and I do want to help. I think sometimes they push on me a little bit, maybe not even meaning to. Sure. But they're more comfortable asking me than somebody else, which I want. I want people to be comfortable. But I've had to do something really unhinged, Tori. You're going to love this. I in my mind,

because I was not able to say no. Yeah. I really wanted to help and I want to help everyone. I don't care what industry they're in. If you are in pain or need something, I want to help you. And I started having to pretend that I have a husband and two children. I don't have any of those things. But I started making the calculus in my head. If I had a husband and two kids, could I say yes to this? Would I say yes to this? Like down to my schedule. Yeah. And it has helped me so much. It is really interesting. And we see it in data as well, especially when women negotiate. Yeah. That if women negotiate on behalf of someone else or they act like they're. on negotiating on behalf of somebody else, they're more effective because we're very bad at just deciding whether an opportunity is worth it for us or like advocating for our own work. And I love, and also it makes me sad, but I love that you've had to invent a husband and two kids to decide what's actually worth it for you. Yeah. In my mind, the second kid is like neurodivergent. They're plugging on my leg. Sure. Like there's a lot going on. Yes. Yeah.

So when you think about who you're now saying no to, what is a no and what's a yes? Like if somebody listening wants to chat with somebody like you, wants to network with somebody like you, what are they doing? That's you're like, nope, I don't have the bandwidth for that. I love the way you asked that question because it's actually not about my bandwidth and it's more about their ask. Tell me more. What's a bad ask?

A bad ask is an email that is too long. A bad ask is something that feels really self-serving. Can you give me an example? Which is bad networking in general. Yeah. I get a lot of messages saying, like, I'm a journalism student or a film student, and I'd love 15 minutes of your time. Okay, it took them about 10 seconds to write that message. It's going to take me 30 minutes to talk to them. And they haven't made any. connection point with me. Yeah. So I can't tell that they've taken the time to do two things. One is share how I've impacted their life, how they feel connected to me. And then two, how they can add value to my life. And I think that this differs with age. When you're older, you feel like you have a lot of value to add and you can help solve problems, which is like a big way to network. Yeah. But when you're younger, you don't realize the value you have. And I've actually never had a anybody do this. But if I had a student, email me and say, hey, Danielle, I listened to this episode of

your podcast with Tori Dunlap. I loved what you and she said about X, Y, and Z. And I've been thinking about how maybe in your social media, you could do X, Y, and Z. If you'd love to, if you want to chat about it, I'd love to talk with you and also ask you a few questions in a heartbeat, because I know you care. Yeah. I think the other thing. that makes it an immediate no that I know you also think about is let's say that example

I'm a journalism student would love 15 minutes of your time that is not really an ask you're not asking for something concrete the biggest issue I have when I get reached out to and it was funny

I was literally going to post about this before I walked in to do this interview with you is the can I pick your brain no nobody's picking anybody's brain or not picking brains There's no ask there. There's no specific thing.

Yes. Even, okay, 15 minutes of your time, that's more specific. Can I pick your brain? But it's not really that different. It is, could I ask you these three questions? Yes, because it stresses you out. Right. And also, those three questions, you might be able to answer in an email.

You might not be able to do time, right? But you can answer those in an email. Let me just add a quick addendum. If you title your email and the subject line, quick question, there's a way higher click-through rate. Absolutely. So that's just like a good little head. No, that's really smart. So you've said people get stuck on the how.

How to meet people? How to get the interview? How to ask even? Like, from your experience, what matters more than the how when it comes to actually building an authentic network? Oh, that's a great question. I mean, not to sound trite, but the why. Yeah. Because I think networking, even that word, I sort of despise because it feels...

It sounds transactional. Yeah. Like, I really think of it as relationship building. Yeah. And relationships are... not a one-to-one, you're not, like, you're not counting who helped who. You're just trying to add value where you can, like, think about it as a friend. And so I think, like, thinking about why you want to know this person is actually really helpful. A lot of people want to know people

just because, like, you want to know Michael Jordan because he's Michael Jordan. Right. But what is he actually going to do to add value to your life and vice versa? So I think the why is probably more important than the how. Yeah. Well, and again, the Michael Jordan example is perfect because, yeah, we'd be cool to meet Michael Jordan. But now I'm thinking, what are the concrete things if I wanted to meet Michael Jordan? What are the concrete things that, A, I could provide to him or B, that I would want to get out of that relationship? And how intuitive are you? Because let me tell you a hack I use for interviews. Before I plan any interview, I ask myself one question, which is, what can this person

teach me that nobody else can. And it helps me frame what I'm going to ask about. And I actually think that could really apply to networking because what you were just saying is what like, you don't want to just meet Michael Jordan. You're thinking like, how can I start a business with Michael Jordan? Right, right, right. Or for me, I'm not interested in, I don't know, learning how to shoot a three-pointer? Like, that would be cool, but not really. I would be interested in like, how do you pivot from basketball to baseball? Which I'm sure he would love talking about. Like, how do you actually make that pivot when you're so known for something? something. Like, that's valuable information. But I think you're hitting on something that you have a real,

you're great at asking questions. And I think a lot of people say, like, well, how did she come up with that question? Like, the pivot from basketball to baseball. Like, I don't have that natural curiosity. And I am here to tell you that every single person has that natural curiosity. Yeah. Children ask, like, 300 questions a day. Why is the sky blue? Yes. Why? Why? Literally, 300. questions a day. I think there's like 9.5 million Google searches a minute to this day and we still have chat DPP.P.T. So I know how many questions are happening. We have it inside of us. I think systems, when done wrong, education systems, corporate systems beat it out of us because it's taught to, like that questions and curiosity is a nuisance or it's entitled. And it is actually none of those

things. Curiosity is like the single thing that will drive your life forward. Yeah, absolutely. I love the story you shared on the first episode about your early networking days. Can you reshare a little bit of it for listeners who maybe haven't heard that episode? Oh, absolutely. And credit to my mom, because I moved to L.A. and I didn't know a single person, and I had $8,000 in my bank account. And that may sound like a decent amount of money, but when you live in L.A. It goes quick.

And you have a lot of parking tickets like I did. It really goes quick. You're paying rent. And no one would reply to my emails. And why do you think that was? One, I had nothing to, like, I was a nuisance to them. And I probably wasn't writing the right email. I was doing the first part, right?

I was connecting with them and saying, like, I saw that. You were a political science major. And I'm also a political science major. But I wasn't taking the second step, which was solving a problem they had. Yeah. And that is actually, like, such a key part of the email, I think, or an interaction in any way. Yeah. And I thought, okay, how can I get someone to respond to me? I can show up at their office with like a box of donuts and coffee and hope I catch them, which I had tried several times. And it doesn't work great. People get scared. And you just might miss them. So I started sending people bamboo plants and cookies with little notes. It did not get me a job right away. But they would respond to my email and email me because I wrote it on the note. And I

And they would say, like, thanks, Danielle. We don't have any openings for a TV host, but, like, appreciate the cookies. Well, now we had an email exchange. They had replied to me. We had, like, it was something in their inbox. And it's also so hard sometimes to even get a person's email to figure else. What is their actual email address? Yes, right.

But you can get the company address online much easier, right? And just attention. Yeah, yeah. This was, like, preanthrax days, I think. So I don't know that cookies are the moves. But a bamboo plant's always good. It's great. It would work on me.

And I did bamboo because flowers die. Bamboo last. And so I wanted them to look at their desk and think about me every single day. It's so smart. And it worked. Eventually, a company called me out of the blue on a Tuesday at 2 p.m. and was like,

Danielle, our host is sick. Can you meet us at the Paley Center in Beverly Hills at six? And I said abs a freaking lute. And the rest is history. Yeah. The tenacity of connection is, I think, the hold up for so many people. Because once, I love what you said and everybody needs to go back 10 minutes and listen again to how to craft that email. What so many people don't understand is,

oh, I said that email, it's over. Like if you want something, yeah, you're sending the bamboo plants. You're emailing over and over and over again. You're figuring out the like four people you can talk to to get you to this other opportunity. Yes. So how do you stay motivated to continue networking when you've been laid off and you've been unemployed for a year or the emails are going unresponded to. How do you keep going emotionally? So to me, the statistic is actually really motivating to begin with. In 2025, 54% of Americans said that they worked at a company because they knew somebody else at the company. And 70% of Americans say that they knew someone at the company before they started working there, not because of that person.

Right. So it is very clear that emails and resumes just being sent cold really does not do the trick anymore. Yeah. In order to put yourself ahead of the pack, you have to know somebody. And you don't have to know someone initially, but you have to get to an actual person and pass the robot. Yeah. We are so lucky we have like amazing tools. Instagram, LinkedIn, the whole interweb. Find somebody either in HR or in the particular group that you are interested in. Hopefully it is an influential person in that group, but if you can only find an assistant, assistants don't get gifts a lot. Send them a gift. You know, they will reply and form a report and say like, hey, who should I be talking to? They might slide you the email. Right. Like, you've got to get to a person and I don't want to ignore the fact that it takes, it is exhausting sometimes. You feel like you're spinning your wheels. It's very vulnerable as well. It's very

vulnerable to put yourself out there over and over again. Beyond. Yeah. And, you know, I always say that questions are an invitation. And so that's why questions feel vulnerable is because you could be turned down. Someone could say no to your invite. And I think, honestly, applying for things is the same. Yeah. I throw a lot of events. I do, I'm Gloria Steinem's fellow. And so I throw events at her apartment. They're called Talking Circles. Yeah. And when I tell you, I've done them so many times, the New York Times has covered them. J.Q. Q has covered them. And to this day, when I send out invites before anyone says yes or even the first few people, I get so anxious. I'm like, why would anyone want, like, no, like, I know they want to meet her, but like, no one's

going to come and it's going to be, you know, I get, so to this day, I'm anxious about it. And so it's almost like, like, feel that and do it anyways. Yeah. I just have to say as your friend, I love that you just dropped. I'm Glorious Steinem's fellow. No apology, no like justification. It was just a fact. It's just a thing that happened.

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because we need it. We need that core functionality across our business. If your revenues are at least in the seven figures, get our free business guide, demystifying AI at netseweet.com slash ff pod. The guide is free to you at net suite.com slash ff pod. NetSuite.com slash ff pod. What do high-earning influential people do differently when they network? They don't act. like they need anything or want anything. Even if they do? Yes. They're not attached to the outcome in the same way.

Okay. And I can tell you this from personal experience that when I was younger and I had absolutely nothing, obviously I was in need. Right. They could smell it on you. You can't deny it when you're 22

or when you're 18. Yeah. Right? But no matter where you are at in your life, by the time you are 35, that eagerness, that need for something turns people off. Yeah. So you have to find a way to psychologically turn that off before you enter the conversation

and enter the room. And a really good way to do that is think about what can I give them? Yeah. What can I share with them? Yeah. Okay. So there's two things that somebody's thinking right now. Okay.

Let's talk about the first one. Somebody hears that and goes, oh, but that's inauthentic because I do want something. Yeah. How do you manage that inauthent? with also knowing, like, yeah, networking's important. Yeah. Well, okay, be in dialogue with me about this because I actually haven't thought about this. My first instinct is, is it actually transactional?

Do you actually just need something from this person? Then it's not really networking. It's an ask. Right. You're not looking to build a relationship at that point. Yeah. I think that's the right answer. That and that from like the beginning we talked about the long-term game.

Yeah. That is a short-term gain. Yeah. And that's okay. You're allowed to throw those out. But don't expect anything past that ask. Because that's a one and done. That's like you've shot, you shot.

Yeah. Like it's very hard to form a long-term relationship after that. I would agree with that. There's a story I love. I saw a general, a former general from the U.S. Army. Army government. I don't know. One of them.

He was, he's worked with five presidents. Okay. Okay, so he's not, he's apolitical. So somebody at the end of the talk raised their hand and said, you tell me what each president taught you. And I was like, damn it, I wish I, what a good question. Like, great question. And so he goes down the line and he was like, you know, Trump, X, Y, and Z.

And he was like, nothing. Keep going to repeat it. Obama, he was like, he was professorial. Like, and I never knew where I stood with him. Like, I didn't know if he liked me or not, and I know that doesn't matter. But, like, I never quite knew where I stood with him. And he always, like, really was taking in information and regurgitating it. Like, he was a lecturer.

He was a professor in a good way. Yeah. Bush Jr., I forgot what he said about him. And it was Bush Sr. that stood out to me. He said, Bush, Sr. would spend the last 15 minutes of his day calling a different world leader every single night. Okay? And he had no, he didn't need anything. He would call the president of Tanzania one night and just kind of shoot the shit.

Hey, how are you? How's it going? Whatever. Because as soon as he did need something, they had a shorthand. It was so easy to pick up the phone and be like, hey, I know you're busy. I know it's the middle of the night for you. But can you do me X, Y, and Z favor? Yep.

Smart. And so it's kind of like us, right? Like we met because of work. And now we are friends. And now we have a shorthand. You could call me at 2 a.m. And be like, my podcast guest dropped out. Can you hop in?

And vice versa. Right. You know? So I think that networking is playing the long game and thinking ahead. So what relationships are you forming right now that will help you in two, three, four years? Yeah. I think the other thing that high earners and like successful people do when they network. Yeah. And let's take if I'm presumptuous enough to say, let's take you and I as an example.

You and I's relationship. I don't know that I'm there yet, but you are. You and I, Gloria Steinem's fellow, bullshit. Okay, don't give me that. You and I, I think, have an understanding that there are times we're in friend mode and there are times we're in work mode. Yes. And if I ask you for a work favor or vice versa, that does not impact the friendship. Just like we can, you know, have very vulnerable conversations about our relationships or about our families or whatever's going on over here. And they're not going to mess with what's going on over here. Yes. And I think that is something people don't understand is it's like once you have a relationship with somebody, and again, you don't have to be the closest friends, but you understand, oh, this is a work ask,

and it's not going to affect the way I feel about this person as a friend, and vice versa. What do you mean? How would it affect a friend? I think people who have not networked before or are trying to get better at it, think like, again, the authenticity question, well, how can I build an authentic relationship with this person. Yeah. If I know that I need something or if I know they need something from me, there will come a time where I need something from you or vice versa. Yeah.

And also, we have a good enough rapport where we want to help each other. Yes. It does not feel transactional because it is like, no, I want Danielle to succeed. Yeah. Okay. I get what you're saying now. Danielle wants me to succeed. Yeah.

And that only makes our relationship stronger, but also doesn't damage that part because it is kind of a separation of. church and state. It's like there's going to be times where we're just having a friendship conversation and then there's going to be times where it is like very work. Both of those things can coexist at the same time. But we have built up the conversational capital. Absolutely. To do that. Absolutely. And that's, I think what I'm saying is most people, again, view networking as yeah, this, this tit for tap one for one. And so of course it's going to feel inauthentic when you do that. Because it is. Then it's just transactional. And I

love Bush Sr.'s example of like, again, that world leader knows he's going to need something from me at some point. I might need something from him at some point. But also, we are going to have a separate relationship that is like, how's the wife, how's the kids? What's going on? Yeah. And that can coexist at the same time. I would argue it makes the work relationship stronger. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't feel like so much of an ask because you've already built that relationship over here. Yeah. Exactly. And that is, that is, that is, is the way that you teach women to invest money today so that it 10 X's in 10 years.

Yeah. It's the exact same thing with relationship building. Like relationships take time to grow. You continue to invest in them. Like it's honestly no different. Yeah. So the first thing somebody's thinking is like, how do I do this without being inauthentic?

I think we've answered that. The second thing somebody's thinking is, I don't have anything to offer though. Yeah. I'm reaching out to somebody who's really successful. I don't know. I'm trying to email Mark Cuban. What am I going to offer Mark Cuban? So what do you say to that person who's trying to figure out, how do I network in a way that is giving when I'm 19 or I am in between jobs? Like, how do I actually provide value? Okay. I love this question. And I'm going to give you a two-part answer. The first is when I started a podcast, I had an acquaintance that I was at dinner with. And she was like, I'm dying to start a podcast. I'm going to email Joe Rogan and I want his tips. And I looked at her. And I looked at her.

and I said, what? And she was like, yeah, I mean, he's like, he's great at it. I go, yeah, you need to email somebody who is way closer to your point, like your vantage point. I'm not against an outrageous ask. Like, I'm not saying don't go for the big, don't go for the gold. But emailing Mark Cuban out of the blue when you have nothing to offer, like, that's not going to change your life.

probably the thing that will happen is you might, you might get lucky and catch him on an off moment. Which, by the way, I've heard he responds to like every email. I told email him and he did respond. Crazy. But I had something to offer him at the moment. What did you offer him at the moment? I invited him to a talking circle like Gloria Steinmet.

I love it. On masculinity. That's so great. But I waited to email him until I had something that I thought was at least somewhat valuable to him to offer. So the most you'll get is an email back being like, like, sorry, can't help, have a great day. That's not going to do anything for you. Wait for that big ask until you do have something to offer. I just have to pause you there. Yeah. That is such good

advice. And I will say to the listener, I still do this. I think it's very easy to watch me and be like, oh, she can, no, like, there are certain people that I wait where I'm like, I can't phone this ask in too early. Because one, we have not built the relationship capital and it's going to feel way too needy and gross and also too I know I'm going to need this thing later. So it's too early to ask for that right now. Yes. Yeah. There is

a great story. I forgot the guy's name and he had just moved to New York. He didn't know a single person and within a year he had interviews at every top tech company Google at the time Twitter, Microsoft which those are notoriously

difficult to get. Yeah. And what he did was so smart and so simple. He emailed one person in the group he was looking for, said real quickly, what's the biggest pain point for you right now? And then emailed them back with a solution. He got an interview at every single one of those companies. Like, you really do have something to offer. Yeah. You just don't know what it is. Like, can you imagine what if somebody, I don't know, a 30 year old looking for a job emailed you and was like, hey, Tori, I know you're busy. Quick question. what is your biggest pain point right now?

I'm asking because I think I have a solution to offer. You might take a few minutes to offer it. And then whether that solution either you fit your business or not, you're like, this is a person who freaking cares. And you're probably willing to have a conversation. Yes. Yeah. The second point is you often actually have something to offer you don't realize.

So by asking what is the pain point or by taking 20 minutes to read about the person and think about their life and what makes them tick. And I mean, everyone has Instagrams now, right? Yes. Like, take a look. You can probably get something that you have, whether it's social media advice or you know somebody who does marketing for X, Y, and Z. Like, I think just the offer actually matters.

A lot of times people won't even take you up on it. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's so smart. And again, it's all about building relationships. It's not just the one and done. It's not just the transaction. Yes. And then it's the follow-up, which we can talk about at some point. Yeah, let's talk about the follow-up. So what does that look like? The follow-up's really important because I actually think a lot of times people go out of their way to network, to relationship build, they'll go to an event, or they'll meet somebody, and then that's where the buck stops. And the follow-up is actually the complete follow-through. That is what matters. And so that is when I say you get very specific. Okay.

this is the moment to quote them, quote a moment from the conversation, say, when you said X, Y, and Z, I'm still thinking about it. That made me laugh or that lit me up or really gave me something to think about. I'm going to be thinking about that all week. And I know you mentioned wanting to learn how to water ski. Take a look at this video I found or this article. This coach might be interesting for you. The relationship, you're there. You just did it. it's why are you laughing. It's the follow-throat. I'm laughing because you're so good at this. And everything, no, everything you're saying, I'm like, I've seen her do this. Really? Yes. I've seen, you've done this with me, especially in the early days. You do this with other people. Yeah, but it works. Okay, if you can't already tell, I'm completely obsessed with Robe and everything she does. I'm literally like sending her a voice note after this. She's one of my favorite people and is so kind and curious. And she is the epitome of somebody who sets goals and actually does the work to get there. And even better, she then turns around and shares it with other women.

And to be more like Danielle, you really have to get crystal clear about what you actually want and how you plan to get there. Because, take a shot if you've heard this before. A goal without a plan is just a wish. So I have a free download that helps you take your dream from hope to action. This goal setting worksheet is going to take you through our favorite goal setting method that will help you set actionable goals for the year ahead. And it's something you can use multiple times.

And it's the exact framework I use to achieve. achieve my goals like my first 100K, getting a book deal, even launching this podcast. Head over to Her First100K.com slash FFPod to get it for free. And when you're done, send us a voicemail and let us know what goals you accomplished. We might even play it on the show. Herfirst00K.com slash FF Pod. Okay, back to Danielle. So here's the thing.

I actually, the only reason I'm here talking you about this is because I have a friend named Tehran, who's a comedian. And we met in the funniest of ways we were on a trip. in Ethiopia together. Okay. And it's like not often that you meet new friends at an older age, right? So they see you differently. Yeah.

And he looked at me and he said, just because you're good at connecting with people doesn't mean it's not a skill. And I was like, whoa. Yep. And I started thinking about some of the things that I do instinctually and trying to break them down backwards. So what you're hearing from me is not like a really calculated strategic scheme.

It's more like, here's really what's worked for me, and I'm trying to break it down in a practical way. Totally. No, it works, and it's so smart. Where do you see women networking in ways that make them liked, but not paid? I mean, women oftentimes offer up free labor and their time more often than men. something I'm thinking about a lot because one of our gifts is that we gather and it's how we share information. It's how we get a leg up. And we gather differently than men oftentimes. So like they'll, and not to say each can't do the other, but like men will be on the golf course and women will be at lunch or something. And then are shoulder to shoulder. Women are face to face. Exactly. But I think, you know, that masculinity circle I threw, I invited a lot of men and mostly

women said yes. And I thought to myself, I wonder if it's because men don't want to take two hours out of their workday, whereas women are willing. I don't know. But I think... It's also an uncomfortable conversation to have, I think a lot of men are not comfortable talking about their masculinity, unfortunately. But yeah, I think offering up too much time. I used to try and add too much value. There was a founder that I interviewed and I really liked her and I was like wanting to pick her brain, so to speak, so I knew I had to offer something. And I basically did like an audit of her business and sent through like a three-page document of all the things. And it's a lot. It's like it was too much. You don't need to do all that. Yeah. Kind of like dating where it's like that's too much. Like she was probably like, okay.

Send me some flowers. Fine. Send me like a room full of fly. Oh, after a first date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do you shift from being perceived as helpful or interesting to being seen as valuable? I think that depends on having a real expertise. And so that may only come with time. Yeah. And that's okay. I think that's part of life's journey and your career journey. Yeah.

But once people see you having plugged into something and it's working, they want a piece of it. And I think it's also the transition from more, I don't know, I was going to say like willy-nilly networking or just like not very intentional. of just like, oh, that person was interesting, that person was helpful versus like, oh, this person's valuable. So, okay, question for you about this. Yeah.

Because you have gone on book tour. Yeah. And I've heard authors say, be of two minds. The first says, I think of this as a political campaign. It's a numbers game. I'll do any podcast. And the other says, I'm only going to do the most impactful podcast

or what I perceive to be the most impactful. And I'm asking you this question because I actually think it's a networking question. Is it a numbers game for you? or is it an impact? Book tour is such a different beast. And I think I actually have a different answer for that than I'd give to the general public.

Okay. When the first book came out, I was much more in the, like, do whatever podcast camp. Now I think that, one, I'm better known, but also two, I've realized how valuable my time is during that period. Yeah.

I have to be more strategic because time is the only finite resource, right? And especially during like a book launch campaign, you have a finite amount of time. Yeah. And I also think strategically about like podcasts versus other media. Podcasts or like a written interview or even a video interview that's going to go out later. Yeah. All of those things can happen before the book comes out.

But like a Good Morning America or whatever, those are all happening the week of your book launch. And that's a very finite amount of time. So you want to like do as much as you can before the book comes out and hope it releases during that week. So like that's, it's like a very specific thing. Interesting. You have to like Tetris your way into. But I do think if you are, I don't know, it's kind of like a combo because you shouldn't, this is what I see with people in like applying for jobs. And this is not going to be advice that somebody has never heard before. If you're just applying for whatever job and doing like the quick apply on LinkedIn, like it's not going to work. If you're just

applying for a bunch of jobs, like one, they can see through that. They can see that you don't really care. And two, I think it burns you out quicker because you're not pursuing something that actually feels worthwhile. And you're not seeing any return. So you're not inspired to continue. So that intentionality does have to be there. But also, you do have to get your numbers up at the same time. Like just sending one email a week or even one email a month and expecting your entire life to change, it's not going to work that way. Well, I have friends who go to parties and say, like, I'm network. Like they're going to a day party and they're like, I'm networking. And I don't consider that networking.

I think there's a real fine line. I'm like, you're socializing, and that's okay if that's what you want to do. But I think networking is a lot more intentional. I don't think most of us are running a political campaign. Like, we don't need to be in every room. We don't need to be in everybody's inbox. I would say be really strategic and intentional with your time. Yeah, I would agree with that.

you have spent thousands of hours in conversation. Yeah. Some turned into jobs, some turned into long-term collaboration, some into nothing. Yes. What separates a conversation that leads to money or leads to progressing in your career or in your business or in your goals? Yeah. Versus one that just feels good. That's the intangible.

That's the magic. Tell me more. I don't go into a conversation expecting. any ROI. I go in wanting presence. I go in hoping to hear a great story. I think everyone can teach me something. If it turns into something else, it was meant to. And if it doesn't, we leave it right there and we had a great moment. And I'm grateful for that. I don't think you can solve for that. I would agree with that. I love what you said before of like if you, like I think having systems is important. But if you're systematizing this, it takes the humanity out of it. Then you're

just a robot. Well, and people can, that's the thing. They can feel you. Right? Totally. Like, you're better off. Yeah. I also, I think you're hitting on something, though, like, you can kind of avoid the professional when you're networking. You don't have to ask all, I mean, corporate is different. Yeah, but you're not in a pencil skirt in a briefcase. Like, yeah. Yeah. How, like, how old are your kids? And I always ask people when it, when it feels right. I'm like, if you were to give a TED talk in 10 minutes, what would you give it on? Because, like, you learn something about them,

what their expertise is. Totally. It turns into a larger conversation. They remember the question. Like, you can have fun with it. And it can also be super simple. If there's drinks coming around on a tray, you can be like, oh, do you like sugary or salty?

Yeah. Are you a sweet or salty person? Yeah. Or what was the first time you had a martini? Hilarious. I had one of these on my 18th birthday. What'd you do for your 18th birthday? How'd you celebrate?

Yeah. By the way, Timothy Shalameh red carpet looks. That is my answer to you. My TED Talk, I could give without any prep. What is a common networking habit, women have to stop immediately if they want to earn more money? Ooh, wait, say that again. I love this question. What's a common networking habit?

Women have to stop immediately if they want to earn more money. Stop being transactional. Yeah. Yeah. And that goes for every human being. Yeah. It is the death. Being transactional is the death of networking.

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We do quarterly leadership retreats at her first 100K, where we lock. in for full days of strategy. And listen, if you've ever been in an eight-hour meeting about the future of your business, you already know you're not remembering everything. Like, you think you are, you're not. And the frustrating part is the best, most important decisions, they happen in those rooms. I used to walk out feeling good, and then two days later be like, wait, what did we actually decide? So I stopped relying on my brain alone. Now I use the plod note pin S. It clips on and with one press captures everything, of course, with everyone's consent. And And afterward, I don't have to piece things together.

I get a clean breakdown of what actually mattered, what we decided, and what happens next. And if I need to find something later, I don't have to scroll through anything. I just ask a question and it pulls the exact answer in seconds. Or I can send the full summary to my team, so we're all working from the same page. No more 10 p.m. Slack messages. Like, wait, are we aligned on this? Because now we actually are. And honestly, it's the difference between sitting in and a conversation and actually being present in it.

It's got 98% transcription accuracy and works in person over the first. phone and on Zoom, go to plod.a.ai and use code ff pod for 10% off. That's p-l-a-u-d.a-u-d-a-i-slash f-fpodd. Can we do some role play? Yeah. I don't mean the kinky kind. Okay. We always end up going there on your podcast. Always. Always. Okay. So we're going to walk you through different networking situations. Yes. And we're going to talk about how you follow up. Ooh, I love this. Okay. So you met somebody at a networking. events. How am I following up? Okay, what kind of conversation did we have? Let's say we both work in marketing and let's say they work at a company that I've always been interested in working out.

Okay, that's helpful. So I do want something, right? I want to learn more about the company. This is when you use the template, which is share, ask, offer, connect, invite. Okay. So share something yesterday when we met, like I've been laughing about what you said, about Timothy Shalamee since I got home. Okay, share. Then we asked. I felt so connected to you. I was wondering if you want to do coffee sometime. I can imagine your schedules tight, so happy to, you know, make myself available at your convenience. And if you feel like that's too eager, you can say, like, I'm free Mondays and Wednesdays. Feel free to pick a day. Yeah. Then you have an offer. So you follow up with what you can do. Depending on what that is, you can say, I work at X, Y, and Z company right now,

and I actually think there may be a way for you guys to plug into this activation we're doing. Yep. And then invite. Okay. That's, I think those are sort of interchangeable. You don't have to do both. If you have something to invite them to, if it's like a bespoke experience or something exclusive, I think that's always fun.

It's always a good way to get someone, like, because like this person may not want to meet you, but they may want to go to a Bon Jovi concert. And so you're like, I have tickets. Like, you know, and then we end up. Prayer, baby, let's do it. You end up winning them over. Yeah. No, that's great. Yeah. Okay. After somebody else makes a connection. Oh. So, somebody wants to meet Danielle. Yes. I know Danielle. I have put the three of us. Yes.

On a thread together. And I go, I don't know, Angela, take it from here. What does Angela say to you? Okay. So this actually depends on how you met. Like who, I think this really matters who connected you and how they connected you. First of all, if you connected me and Angela, did you ask me ahead of time and say, like, did you make it like a sweet landing for Angela? If you cold email us, then I'm going to probably not be as warm to Angela, right? So it's a different email. And are you connecting us because Angela needs something from me or because you feel like this might be a mutually beneficial thing? Either way, I think the right way to go about it is to be overly kind. Yeah. And get really. specific. So if I'm Angela, I have taken 20, maybe 10 minutes to look over your Instagram, to look over my Instagram, to look over my work and say, hi, Danielle, moving Tori to BCC to not crowd her inbox. Moving Tori to BCC to not crowd her inbox. Yes. Show that you know email etiquette and you don't want to annoy Tori. Then you say something specific about me. Address me and butter me up. Yep. Right? Yep. Say you watched a specific podcast episode or you just saw something I posted.

and then specifically state why you want to speak. Do not leave it open-ended. This is actually the time where if you're going to be, quote-unquote, transactional, so to speak, by stating it, you're actually going, you're getting yourself a lot further. People want to know what conversation they're getting into. Totally.

Yeah. My last one. After a job interview. Oh. How bad do you want the job? Bad. If you want the job bad, you need to do something that is far beyond an email.

Okay. Tell me. send the email, just so that it's in writing, send the email, send the thank you. Then I would go out of your way to send either the hiring manager or the person you spoke to something that you feel like plays to something they spoke about. If their kid loves baseball, if they mention that they love cookies. And if you don't know what to send, send a bamboo plant. It is universally likable.

It lasts. but send something with a handwritten note, whether that's you or the flower company writing it. But you need to do something to stand out. And I think this could go, like, honestly, you can take this as far as you want to take it. You could do an entire project, make it look like a magazine. Like, pretend you're in college again and, like, get creative.

Yep. My thing that I think is always helpful is asking the interview, what are your pain points? Or, like, what is your biggest, what is the biggest struggle you're having that someone in this role would help solve? Yes. And then give them the 30-day roadmap of the 30-day thing, like your roadmap that you do in the first 30 days to solve that problem. I mean, you just won up to me, yes. Because if you can show me that you are going to free at my time, make me money and make my life easier, done.

Yeah. That's even even better one. How can women start getting invited into rooms where decisions and dollars are actually being made? I think part of it is having, like, other women in those rooms helps, right? That is going to be my answer. Like, because we pull each other up. Yep. You got to make friends with other people that you want to be around. And I think the biggest thing, unfortunately, that we are nervous about as women is being the tall poppy in our friend group.

Like, we're worried about sometimes being the person that either outgrows relationships, if you want to go that far. Or is just like, yeah. like asking for too much. And it's, I think about this all the time. I'm like, who do I want to know where I can help them get to the next level and they can help me to get to the next level? Well, also, people in that position are also wanting to get to the next level. And so they're usually wanting to build with you. And then it doesn't feel transactional because you both know what you're wanting. I think that's kind of what I meant when I was trying to talk about like you and I is it's like we are both ambitious and we both know and acknowledge that in each other. And

neither of us is going to feel ashamed or judged for asking that of each other. I feel like we're in a sorority, right? Yeah, yeah. Me, you, a few other podcasters, like we're all trying to help each other. Totally. Yeah, I think find your sorority. And I would say, think about who you want to be at a dinner table with. Yeah.

And reach out to those people. Because who you want to eat dinner with and spend time with is like a really good indication of the field you want to be in. So for the woman listening, who, wants to earn more, not by grinding harder, but by feeling more connected. Yes. What is the most important networking shift she could make this year to build real wealth? So this is actually, I think, it might surprise you. I think she should throw an event. And it can be as small as she wants. It can be a six-person

dinner. I have learned in life that if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. Yeah, you want the village. You've got to be a villager. I would actually say what's the what instead of the villager like who's the cheat who's the head of the village the mayor sure like you think you want to be invited to something yeah be the inviter yeah and truly your network will grow around you those people will talk about how they went to dinner the you know and then somebody else would be like I want to be at that dinner next time maybe it'll be a monthly thing maybe you guys start doing business together and then this person knows somebody I think that is really how it grows. like you are the person in the room, make the decisions, like you be the one to invite. I love that. And I think asking an offering as well. Like, yeah. I am in a relationship with a lot of women where you end a conversation being like, what can I do for you or what do you need for me? Yes. Like, or and then, hopefully they asked me the question back. It's like the asking offer is like so powerful. Well, and actually you hit on something to be the initial person to say,

how can I help you? Yeah. What do you need? People almost feel like they're even if they don't want to, they have to ask you in return. Totally. No, it's great. That's a great hack. You're so good at this. Daniel, somehow we got through this interview without me cry laughing, which honestly feels like a momentous occasion. And I'm also kind of bummed because I was looking forward to crying all my makeup off. I was going to say it feels like a fail for us. No, it's perfect. It's great. Plug away my friends. Where can people learn about the card game, more about you, everything you got going on? Thank you. Everything is at Danielle Robeye.com. But truly, what would make me the most happy

is if you do one thing in your life this week to expand your reach. So send an email, text a friend. I love sending people books. I'll be like, this book made me think about you. Like, do one thing to expand your reach. I love that.

Thank you for being here. Thanks. You're the best. Yay! For the wrap. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, produced by her first 100K. If you love the show and want to keep supporting feminist media, please subscribe or follow us on your preferred podcasting platform or on

YouTube. Your support helps us continue to bring this content to you for free. If you're looking for resources, tools, and education, including all of the resources mentioned in this episode, head to herfirst00k.com slash sfod.