Financial Feminist - millionaire mindset: parenting yourself

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

If you’ve been doing everything "right" financially and still feel like you’re failing, this episode is for you. In this third installment of the millionaire mindset series, I'm talking about one of the most transformative (and underrated) wealth skills there is: parenting yourself. I'm breaking down why self-discipline without self-care is just self-abandonment, how your unmet basic needs are quietly costing you money and momentum, and the practical, tactical ways you can start treating yourself like someone worth taking care of––starting right now. Because you can't out-hustle a dysregulated nervous system, and the most successful people I know aren't bullying themselves into success. They're parenting themselves into it. Mentioned in this episode: millionaire mindset: taking risks - https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/millionaire-mindset-taking-risks/  millionaire mindset: time wealth - https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/millionaire-mindset-time-wealth/  Amanda Goetz episode - https://herfirst100k.com/financial-feminist-show-notes/earn-more-money-without-hustle/  Visit ⁠https://herfirst100k.com/ffpod⁠ to get your free daily reset worksheet & any other resources mentioned on or show! 00:00 Intro 00:23 What Millionaire Mindset series is about 02:08 Taking care of yourself like a child 03:35 Seeing future you as someone to take care of 06:16 Becoming someone you can rely on 07:37 Self-discipline without self-care is self abandonment 13:09 Create a bedtime routine 16:16 Building transitions into your day 17:58 Talking to yourself 19:21 Creating safety within your own brain and body 21:21 When feeling emotionally overwhelmed 23:19 Self-talk scripts to try 25:41 Finding joy and play again 28:42 Free daily reset sheet Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Everything you've been told that's woo-boo or crazy are actually the things that are going to make you wealthy. Millionaires don't rely on motivation or self-criticism. Instead, they rely on self-trust, structure, and basic self-care, aka parenting themselves. The most successful people I know do not bully themselves into success. Instead, they take care of themselves like someone they're responsible for. But first, a word from our sponsors. This newly independent podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace was the first investment we ever made in her first 100K, and it is the thing that I probably recommend most to business owners when they ask me what tools I should use. You need Squarespace because you need a beautiful website that works. You also need SEO tools so that you can get discovered and your business can get out there. And you can post anything on Squarespace from courses to coaching,

anything that you need to sell, you can do on Squarespace. Head on over to Squarespace.com slash FFPod for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch your brand new website, use offer code FF pod to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I miss school. That may be kind of controversial to say because so many kids are like, I hate school. But I was always the kid who loves school. And I have a feeling you might have been the kid who love school too, because you're here learning on this podcast. And master class is the best thing I've found since school. If you love learning, if you love thinking about things in a new way, if you love being the most interesting person in the room, masterclass is incredible. With plans starting at $10 a month, build annually, you get unlimited access to over 200 classes taught by the world's best business leaders, writers, chefs, actors, and more.

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five million women be better with money. And welcome back to millionaire mindset. It's our exclusive series we do here in Financial Feminist. And it's not just for millionaires. And it's not necessarily just for people who want to be millionaires. It's for anybody who wants to take themselves more seriously. Who wants to uplevel their life. Who wants to build better relationships. And yeah, who wants to build their wealth. And if you haven't listened to the first episodes in this series, we've done two so far, the first on taking risks and the second on time wealth. And today, we are talking about parenting yourself. Now, I'm not a therapist. I'm going to say that right off the bat, both because my lawyers want me to say it

and also because I think it's helpful to hear. I am not a therapist. However, this concept of parenting yourself seems to be everywhere right now. And for good reason, I think it's a really, really helpful tool. But I wanted to give you concrete ways that I think about parenting myself and why I think it is the most crucial thing you can do if you want to actually hit your goals. And if you want to like yourself more. First, we have to acknowledge where we're all at. Everyone is tired right now. Everybody is exhausted. They're behind. And they're also trying to optimize their lives. But at the end of the day, discipline often gets equated with punishment and self-care often gets equated with indulgence. So if you want to be disciplined, it means grinding it out at all costs,

right? Even though we know that discipline is actually a really helpful tool. And self-care, because it's largely been talked about by women and the black community gets branded as this indulgent thing, this thing that you only have time for if you've done all of the productive things first. The most successful people I know are not bullying themselves into success. They're not talking down about themselves. Mentally, they are not forcing themselves to grind harder. They are instead taking care of themselves like they're a child. And I mean that in the most pure, loving way. They take care of themselves like somebody they're

responsible for. But ultimately, people feel really good at taking care of their future selves at the expense of their current selves. I literally just did one of our 100K calls. So if you hit your 100K, your first 100K being part of our 100K club, part of the perks of that is that you get to hop on a call with me and my team. Like, it's a one-on-one call. I get to celebrate you for your 100K milestone, but also give you some tips and tricks and answer your questions about where you're heading next. And I literally just did one of those calls this week with a woman named Michelle. And we were talking about this exact concept. She's like, I hit my 100K debt paid off and she also hit her 100K invested. So she had not only paid off $100,000 of debt, but she had also invested over $100,000 towards future her, future Michelle. And the thing she

talked about is she's like, you know what, I have an easier time protecting and thinking about future me and I have a really bad time taking care of current me. And what I told her was, one, that's normal. And two, I would not be surprised if that's the case because you see future you as a different person. You see future you not as a part of you, but as someone to take care of in the abstract. So what I invited her to do is the same kind of framing that has worked for her of seeing this future person as someone to take care of that is slightly removed from her. What if she could apply that to current her? What if she could think about taking care of current Michelle as well as she takes care of future her? So the one thing that I have done,

that's completely transformed my life is I am in constant dialogue with current me, but I manifest current me as Tori at about nine years old. I can see her very clearly in my mind. Okay? She's wearing glasses, much like myself, but way nerdyer and different. She'd going through about a pair of glasses every six months because her eyes are changing so rapidly. Around this time, I went through a headband phase every day at school. I wore a headband so I can see her with a headband. We're starting to get some pimples on her face. It's not full-blown acne yet.

That comes later at about 11 or 12. But like, we're starting to get going. She is in her school uniform. I can see her a little squirt. I can see her a little sweater. Like, I have a very, very clear picture of what nine-year-old me looks like. Okay. And she is the one I am taking care of.

because she still lives inside of me. And when we talk about parenting yourself throughout this episode, I don't mean this in a way that is infantilizing you, right? Or is speaking to you like a child, parenthetical, derogatory. I mean speaking to you and your inner child, parenthetical, complimentary. Okay. I am trying to get you to tap into being somebody that you can relax. on and taking care of yourself like you would take care of a child.

So this is not inner child journaling. This is about energy, about time, about follow through, and becoming the person that you can rely on most. Because the truth is, most of us cannot rely on ourselves. We cannot rely on ourselves to do the things we say we're going to do. Most of us cannot rely on ourselves to speak kindly. We cannot rely on ourselves to think kind thoughts about ourselves. And if you are not someone that you can rely on for your own needs, for your own desires,

for your own self-regulating, then how are you supposed to achieve all of the goals that you want? If you cannot parent yourself and rely on yourself, How are you supposed to get better with money or build a career or build a family or do the things that you want so desperately out of life? Ultimately, parenting yourself is a wealth skill because you cannot out hustle a dysregulated nervous system. Burnout, brain fog, decision fatigue, they all cost money. Wealth building requires consistency, it requires energy, and it requires emotional regulation. And these do not come from shame. These do not come from guilt. And they also don't come from ignoring your needs. And not speaking to yourself in a way that's in tune with who you are and what you want.

Self-discipline without true self-care is just self-abandonment. So I want to give you some very tactical ways that you can start getting connected with the inner you. For me, that's nine-year-old me. It might be three-year-old you for you. It might be 13-year-old you. It might be you from a couple years ago. But you need to get in touch with the younger version of yourself because they are often the ones running the show.

When they have a temper tantrum, they're running the show. When they're on like a hyper-crazy-productive spree where they can't think about anything except this one obsession, they're in control. So here's how we actually start taking care of ourselves like we're children. And again, I mean this in the purest, most giving way. First thing you can do, pack snacks. Think about a mom.

Think about either your mom or the moms you see or maybe yourself as a mother. Okay. Moms always have snacks. a mom at Disney World has the goldfish and the water bottle and the carrot sticks. They've thought of everything, right? They have like a whole pharmacy in their bag. But the reason they're packing snacks specifically is because when their kid has a meltdown, the kid's probably hungry, right?

And when we're adults, we forget just how important it is to like feed ourselves properly. How many adults are walking around underfed, underrested, underrested, and overstimulated? How many more fights are you getting into with your partner because you're hungry? How less productive are you at work because you forgot to pack your snacks? Hunger plus exhaustion just equals worse decisions. Worst financial decisions, right? Worst career decisions, interpersonal relationship decisions. So we have to treat food, water, and rest as non-negotiables. And the easiest way that I think you can immediately start doing this is packing snacks. So I'm going to tell you a story that changed everything

for me. Last October, or two octobers ago, I was going with my friend to the pumpkin patch. We were going to get our pumpkins. We're going to take some cute photos. And most importantly, we were going to get the apple cider donuts that exist at this pumpkin patch. It is the thing I look forward to every year. These apple cider donuts, they're little mini donuts. They come in like packs of six. Oh my God. They like drizzle apple cider syrup on them. They're short. fucking good. So you know what I did is I said, okay, I'm not going to have breakfast this morning because I'm going to save myself for the apple cider donuts. Okay. I usually eat breakfast at like seven or eight, but I was not meeting my friend until 11. So I get in the car, we go to the pumpkin

patch. I have not eaten since really like six or seven p.m. the previous night. So we get our pumpkins. It's 11, 12, 12.30. We stand in a line to get the pumpkins. It's 1230 before I have donuts. Okay. Now before I go any further in the story, this is. is not a donuts are bad. This is not a, I shouldn't have donuts. This is, there's no demonization of donuts, okay, in this story. But I decided to house six donuts at 1230 after I hadn't eaten in over 12 hours. And you know what happened? I felt like shit. And I don't mean like, I don't know, I felt bloated or I felt bad about myself for eating donuts. I literally mean like, I started getting dizzy. Like, I started getting dizzy. I didn't feel well. And I realized, oh,

I ate one of the most sugary things, which again is fine, but I ate a very sugary thing on an empty stomach, completely empty stomach. And what I should have done is rather than waiting to eat and being ravenous and eating really without thinking and then also having no protein, no fiber, no anything else with that, I could have packed myself a mozzarella string cheese. Like, even just so simple, I could have packed a string cheese. I could have packed a protein bar. I could have just, like, taken a set sumer or something in my car with me. Okay? That would have been so much more helpful. And that was the day I literally realized that if I am not packing snacks for myself, if I am not parenting myself in this way, I will feel worse. I will feel dizzy. I will

feel gross. I will feel dehydrated because I don't have my water. So before you go to work, before you go and run a bunch of errands, before you think, oh my gosh, I got to do all these things today, you need to pack your snacks. Okay? You need to think about what your mom bag would have, except you're both the mom and the kid. Planning low effort food for busy days is the best thing you can do to feel prepared. This is going to allow you to make better decisions because you're not ravenous, you're not cranky, your blood sugar's not low, right? This isn't being high maintenance. This is being prepared. Being a business owner is very overwhelming. There are a lot of things to think about all of the time between payroll and your competitors and just making enough revenue to

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They maybe get a bath, they curl up into bed, they get a bedtime, they get a bedtime story, right? especially younger kids. Why do we do this for kids? Well, because routines are important. Routines mean safety. Routines are predictable. And the entire first part of the day may have been very unpredictable, right? They may have had an incident to daycare. They may have taken a test at school. The reason we provide them a safe morning and nighttime routine is so that they have structure to their day, that it's easier to wind down before bed or wind up before your day. This is very intentional. We do these routines on purpose, right?

Talk to any parent who has a normal nighttime routine with their kids and then doesn't do it one night. It's chaos, right? I have friends who have kids and they talk to me about, like, traveling with their kids and even just going to like a time zone that's two hours ahead screws up their entire kid's schedule, especially younger kids. Like, it screws up everything. So why do we think we're any different?

Like, yeah, we're more resilient than young children, absolutely, and we have better, in theory, regulation tools than young kids do, especially with our emotions. But these routines exist for a reason. And you don't need a perfect routine, but you just need a minimum viable day, okay? Or a minimum viable process. When I am treating myself like

someone to take care of, I make sure that I am eating well. I eat a good meal before bed. I wind down before bed. I'm not on a screen right, right, right before bed, right? I talk myself in and I read my book and I have my little water bottle by my bed and I drift off into deeper sleep than I normally do. Like, that is the power of this. So you can't say, I want to sleep better, I want to be better at my relationships, or I want to enjoy my own time more, and then not think about winding down and making that a consistent part of your life. Motivation is unreliable. Expecting yourself to just feel motivated, to feel like, oh, I can do this today. That's unreliable.

That comes and goes. Structure, routine, that is scalable. One of my favorite things we've ever heard in this show was our previous guest, Amanda Gets. She has this great part of the episode, and we will link it in the show notes. Please go listen to it about building transitions into your day. So she was discussing how if she's in CEO mode, it's very hard for her to then go into parenting. Because, of course, it is two kind of different parts of yourself. It's two very different parts of your day.

Very similar to, okay, I'm done at work, and now I'm going to. go work out. Like, it's hard to make that transition into the day. It's hard to make that transition into another moment in your day. And she has this beautiful practice of routine. So I believe one of the things she does is that before she becomes a mom, and I'm putting that in clothes, she shuts her laptop, she goes and takes a half hour bath. That is her resettling time to show up as a parent, to transition out of like corporate CEO power mode and into parenting. And I loved that. Find these transitions in your day.

Find these ways that as children felt grounding that we can emulate for ourselves now. The third thing. Oh, I've been wanting to talk about this for a really long time. I have this theory that a lot of the things that we get told are crazy or woo-woo are actually, A, feminine things that a lot of women feel to be true, but like patriarchy doesn't, so then they say it's not real. And two, a lot of the things we consider to be like crazy are things like insane people do. One, an example of the first is like astrology, right? Or like taro.

And if you're a cerebral person, you can believe these don't work. That's fine. There are so many people, and especially women, who use these as well. really great tools in their life. They don't use it to predict the future. They don't use it to make like the biggest life decisions, but it is a tool. And I think a perfect example for the second is talking to yourself. And I both literally mean in your head, but also out loud, like out loud talking to yourself. Right? That gets labeled crazy. If you do that in front of anybody, they're going to look at you like, who is this fucking person? I love it. I think it's such a useful tool,

especially for regulation. Okay? And there is this myth that harsh self-talk equals accountability, right? That when we speak to ourselves, it must be intense and it must be hypervigilant and it must be disciplined, right? And again, I don't mean like a good definition of discipline. I mean the like patriarchal version of discipline, right? If shame works, it would have worked by now. You've heard me say that many times on the show, but I'm going to keep saying it.

If shame worked, it would have worked by now. If shame works, it would have worked by now. And when we think about talking to ourselves, which we all do, we might not do it out loud, but we all do it internally, if the only message you are sharing with yourself is messages of cruelty, you are not somebody that you can. can rely on, you are not somebody who is going to feel safe in their own brain and their own body. How tragic is it that most women do not feel safe in their own brains and their own bodies? Like really, that's what all of this episode today is about, is how do we create safety within your own brain and your own body? Like, how do we lovingly treat the loudest, most joyful parts of ourselves, which often manifest as children, how do we treat those with the utmost respect

and kindness? A couple months ago, I woke up and I didn't want to make myself breakfast. I just, I didn't want to. Like, the voice in my head was, like, a four-year-old kid going, I don't want to do this. Like, I just didn't have the energy and I think I was on my period. And I was just like, I didn't want to. I didn't want to make myself breakfast. But the adult version of me knew that I needed breakfast. I knew that I needed to eat and I knew that I was probably cranky because I was hungry and I knew that even though I had to put in this effort, which again was like minimal effort, but I just didn't feel like it. I knew if I put in this effort, like I needed protein, I needed nutrition, I needed to take care of myself. So out loud what I did, and again, this might

be a little uncomfortable to hear. This is very vulnerable, but this is what I, this is what I did. I know you're really tired. I know. I know you're really tired and you're really sleepy and you don't want to do this, but this is going to make us feel better. We're going to do this. Okay, we're going to pull out the spinach. We're going to get spinach in our hand. We're going to put it in the jar. Nice job. Yes, there we go. Okay, we're going to need half a banana because we got to make our smoothie that we make every morning, okay? Half a banana. We're going to break open half the banana. We're going to put that in there. Great. We did it. Okay. We have three more steps to go. And then I just kept talking to myself like that. I acknowledged when I did something good, even if it was so minor, and I just kept going. I talked out loud to

myself. I find that this self-talk, especially the external, the out-loud self-talk, is the most helpful tool I have when I am feeling emotionally overwhelmed. When I feel emotionally overwhelmed, I just want somebody to come and hold me, right? I just want somebody to hold me and somebody to tell me it's going to be okay. Often that is not available to me. Or I cannot rely on other people. to provide that for me because they're dealing with their own lives or they're not even like physically there or they're not going to give me exactly what I need in that moment. So instead, I give myself exactly what I need in that moment. I put my hand on my chest and I put my other hand on my belly and I tell myself, this is really hard. This is really scary. This is really hard. No wonder you're

overwhelmed or no wonder you're upset or no wonder you're mad. No wonder you're really angry. But I am here. I'm not going anywhere. You cannot lose me. I love you and we're going to figure this out together. You're okay. You're safe. And we're going to figure this out together. And I know what you're thinking. If you've never done this, even me saying this sounds insane, right? This sounds nuts. Sounds like, why would I do this? Why do I need this? I don't need this. right? That was the thing that I felt a lot of like, I'm, I'm a badass woman. I don't need this. I don't need this like, hand on my heart, hand in my money. Like, it's okay. Like, I don't need that. I can just, I can just get through it, right? That is your cerebral brain talking. Okay? Get into your

body instead. Your inner child's freaking out about something. She doesn't feel safe. She feels scared. She feels overwhelmed. She feels like somebody's coming to get her. She feels angry. the best person to acknowledge those emotions is you. Because you know exactly what you're feeling. The best person to say, we're going to get through this and everything's going to be okay and you're safe. The best person to do that is you. You've heard me talk about Built as a loyalty program that helps you earn points on rent wherever you live, and they just leveled up even more.

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Quince.com slash F-F-Pod. Some other scripts, okay, some other things that you can think about. What would a good parent say here? Or what do I need to hear that I cannot rely on somebody else to give me in this moment? We're tired. Let's rest and try again. That's a great script for you, either in your brain or out loud. Like, ugh, yep, we're exhausted.

Let's go and rest and we're going to try this again. When you're getting frustrated, right? When you're doing something over and over and it's not working, we're tired, we're frustrated. Let's take a break. Let's go walk around the block and we'll try this again. Another one is, this didn't go perfectly. That's okay.

That's normal. We're going to try it again. You notice that I'm not like gaslighting myself. I'm not telling myself like, I don't know. I'm not lying to myself, right? I'm not like, you did everything, everything perfectly. Everything was great. Like, I am acknowledging what's true.

Because if I lie to myself, that's also not helpful because my inner child knows when I'm lying. So, you know what? That didn't go perfectly. Let's try this again. On the flip side of this, if you find yourself speaking in a cruel way, in a rude way, in a mean way, this is where you need to stop and go, hey, we're not going to talk to ourselves like that. And if you can listen closely, you can hear that even my voice is changing, right? The voice that I use with you on this podcast sounds like this.

The voice that I use with my inner child that I will say out loud is more like this. She's calmer, right? It's down a little bit. It is soothing. It is focused. And it is not, oh, what are the fuck are you doing talking to yourself like that? Stop. Stop yelling at yourself. That's ridiculous. Like, you deserve better than that. It's not that. It is, you know what, that wasn't very nice. Let's try that again. Or we're not going to talk to ourselves that way. That's not helpful. That's not kind. You can see and hear the difference. Please try this this week. In a moment where you're overwhelmed, in a moment where you're nervous or scared or frustrated, in a moment where you're about to give a big presentation or you just had a fight with your partner, right? All of these are moments where you can tap. into yourself again. For me, it's hand of my heart, hand of my stomach, and I'm just saying

everything that my inner child needs to hear. The final thing we need to do is we need to find joy again, and we need to find play again. Creativity and long-term thinking require space. And they also require daydreaming. I think about this almost daily. When I was going to make me sound so old, I was like back in my day. No, but like when I was in school, I didn't have a phone. I didn't have a laptop. And so I was focused, of course, because, you know, I cared about school very much. But also there were times where I would daydream or there was times when I would think about other things.

I just had more space to think, right? Even when I was home and not at school, especially during like summer breaks, right? Like, yeah, there was TV, but I didn't have my phone. I didn't have this constant thing. literally right there at my backing call. So I was just more focused on being able to get outside or to play, make believe, or to think differently about something. And yeah, our phones are not a helpful tool for this, but just everyday life is not a helpful tool for this. It's not a helpful tool for incorporating play and creativity. And adults ultimately don't lose that sense of play because

they grow up, they lose it because they're overwhelmed. They lose it because there's always more to do. So what if you were just okay today with not doing more? And instead, thinking about what you loved as a kid. I love playing computer games. I played as a kid. Like something about that is so fun for me. And yeah, it's with the screen, but it's play. I also love playing board games. Just did it with a couple friends of ours this weekend. We have a board game party. It's so fun. I look forward to it every time.

It gets us off our phones. It's so nice. Even doing voices or like goofy things around the house, dancing to your favorite song for four minutes a day. Like all of these things are ways that we can fit joy into our lives without earning it. And ultimately, fitting more joy into our lives means better ideas. It means better problem solving.

It means less burnout. out, but it also means we get to like ourselves more and like our lives more. So as you're thinking about this episode and about your takeaways, I want you to start realizing how important it is for you to feel safe and secure within your own brain and body, for you to parent yourself and your inner child in a way that is sustainable in a way that is focused on calm, and that is is just a kind version of you. And if you're listening to this and you're thinking, okay, this sounds great, but how do I actually do this day to day? I have made something for you. It is a free daily reset sheet. This is a great way for you to do a quick check-in every day.

It covers food, energy, structure, self-talk, and joy. All of the things we just talked about, are you incorporating these inside your day? And it is designed to help you reset without guilt. If you would find this helpful, it's free. It's at her first hundredk.com slash ffpod. But what I will also say is do not make this a chore. All of the things we just talked about, right? These in-moment coping mechanisms, these ways we incorporate joy and routine in our life, if these start to feel like chores or something you're checking off a to-do list, we've lost the plot. Like we've lost the plot, chat, okay?

We can't do that. So if this is something that you use as a tool when you're first getting started to sort of notice these things and incorporate them, great. It's free. We built it for you. It's on the site. But the moment this starts to feel like another to-do is the moment that you have allowed your adult brain to take over rather than doing what your inner child needs.

As we wrap up, this is not about doing everything perfectly. This is about making sure you're not neglecting yourself, your needs, and your inner child while trying to build the life that you want. And if you are not someone that you yourself can rely on for safety, for positive, for positive, self-reinforcement, and just for feeling at home within yourself, that's what we have to change first. Thank you for being here, financial feminists. Thank you for listening to Millionaire Mindset, and we'll see you back here soon. Thank you for listening to Financial Feminist, produced by her 100K. If you love this show and want to keep supporting feminist media, please subscribe or follow us on your preferred podcasting platform or on YouTube. Your support helps us continue to bring this content to

for free. If you're looking for resources, tools, and education, including all of the resources mentioned in this episode, head to herfirst00k.com slash sfod. If you love financial feminist and you're listening, so I hope you do, we've got something to take your learning even deeper from the podcast, especially if you've ever felt like personal finance is a confusing maze. My book, Financial Feminist, Overcome the Patriarchy's bullshit to Master your Money and Build a Life you love, is out now. It is a New York Times bestseller that has sold nearly 300,000 copies, and it is not just another financial guide. It's everything you need to get better with money step by step, but through the signature feminist lens that you know and love here at Her First 100K. There is so much in the book that

we've never discussed on the podcast. There are homework assignments. There are deep dive lessons, and there's even more information that you've never heard it here on the show. You can get a copy of Financial Feminist wherever you get your books. And if you are listening on Spotify right now and are a premium member, you can get the audiobook read by me for free. You can get signed copies and learn where it's sold at Her First 100K.com slash FFPod.